{"id":303674,"date":"2015-09-24T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2015-09-24T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/from-infatuation-to-brokenness\/"},"modified":"2015-09-24T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2015-09-24T15:00:00","slug":"from-infatuation-to-brokenness","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/from-infatuation-to-brokenness\/","title":{"rendered":"From Infatuation to Brokenness"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Sparks flew the night they met. Hans and Star Molegraaf reminisce about their whirlwind courtship and their partying lifestyle that lead them away from the Lord and into each other&#8217;s arms.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2015-09-24.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"28.64M","filesize_raw":"30029492","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2903,2863],"tags":[4693],"podcast_series":[7745],"cwp_profile":[9208],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-303674","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-infidelity","category-saving-a-marriage","tag-save-my-marriage","podcast_series-love-renewed-hans-and-star-molegraaf","cwp_profile-hans-and-star-molegraaf","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/303674\/from-infatuation-to-brokenness","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/303674\/from-infatuation-to-brokenness","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"tJCJAMsh0h\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/from-infatuation-to-brokenness\/\">From Infatuation to Brokenness<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/from-infatuation-to-brokenness\/embed\/#?secret=tJCJAMsh0h\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;From Infatuation to Brokenness&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"tJCJAMsh0h\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Sparks flew the night they met. Hans and Star Molegraaf reminisce about their whirlwind courtship and their partying lifestyle that lead them away from the Lord and into each other's arms.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2015-09-24.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>A marriage can be a challenge for even the healthiest of couples; but couples, who start off their marriage with some significant sinful patterns already in place, can face some major challenges as they move forward. That was the case for Hans and Star Molegraaf.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Star: <\/strong>We had huge dysfunction in our dating relationship. In fact, when we told some of our friends that we were getting married, I mean, it was almost comical to them that we were going to do this. They could clearly see that we were starting out at a negative\u2014the alcohol, the yelling, the screaming, the fighting. There was already physical abuse in our relationship and, quite honestly, I was afraid.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, September 24<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We\u2019re going to spend time today with a couple that was almost a statistic\u2014almost. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Thursday edition. This is Day 24 of FamilyLife\u2019s month-long Oneness Prayer Challenge. A lot of you have spent the last 24 days with us, praying every day, together, as a couple. Some of you have already let us know that you missed a couple of days\u2014that\u2019s okay. It\u2019s encouraging to hear back from you about how God is using this experiment in your marriage. Today, we\u2019re encouraging you to pray about the fact that love is, ultimately, a choice. Pray with one another that you can choose to love one another every day, regardless of the circumstances, and to pray that you will choose what is best for you, as a couple, rather than fighting for your own personal agenda in marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I know some of you are just now hearing about the 30-day prayer challenge. If you\u2019d like to join us for the rest of September or if you\u2019d like to start the challenge fresh, with you and your spouse, you can sign up to receive prayer prompts each day. Just go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the link in the upper left-hand corner of the screen that says, \u201cGO DEEPER.\u201d Look for information about the 30-Day Oneness Prayer Challenge. We will send you these prayer prompts each day via text message or via email; or you can get them through the My FamilyLife app. Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the \u201cGO DEEPER\u201d button in order to sign up to take part in the 30-Day Oneness Prayer Challenge for husbands and wives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re going to be talking to a couple today that\u2014back when they got started in their marriage\u2014prayer was not a foundation of their relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, if you think about this, Dennis, every couple has got a story. You can work, side by side, with someone\u2014you can work for years\u2014and not know that there\u2019s a story hidden in that person.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And we did. [Laughter] We worked with this couple for over three-and-a-half years. Here\u2019s the quote that I love from our guest\u2014let me just introduce them\u2014Hans and Star Molegraaf join us on <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>Hans\/ Star, welcome to the broadcast, formally, after working here for three-and-a-half years. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s what Hans admitted\u2014he said, \u201cStar and I didn\u2019t know <em>anything<\/em> about marriage when we got started 17 years ago.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hans: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Did you really say that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hans: <\/strong>I really said it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Proverbs 24:3-4: \u201cBy wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established, and by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, that\u2019s true\u2014that wisdom does build a house and it can be filled with pleasant things\u2014but you can flip those words around: \u201cFoolishness can create a lot of chaos\u201d; can\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hans: <\/strong>Right; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Let\u2019s go back all the way to when your marriage started.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hans: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>In fact, when you dated. Do you remember, Star, the first time you saw him?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Star: <\/strong>I do. We were at a high school party. I was 19 and had just graduated high school. It was the summer after I graduated. Hans had been off away at his first year at college and come home. I had actually dated a boy all through high school and had met Hans earlier than this party but was very involved in this other relationship. My girlfriends had said, \u201cOh, if you ever break up, Hans is very interested.\u201d [Laughter] So I knew that he was going to be at this party because I was single at the time and had heard that he was going to be there and that he was interested. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Had you slipped some notes to her friends, Hans?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hans: <\/strong>No real notes to her friends but it was kind of a deal where, when I first saw her that night at that party, my eyes got about this big. I knew, right then, that I wanted to get with Star that night.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And so you asked her out on the spot?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hans: <\/strong>Well, not on the spot; but as the night went on, I meandered my way over to talk to her and gain my confidence throughout the night. We ended up talking, and we ended up spending a lot of time together that night.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, if you turned on the charm\u2014how did he turn on the charm? What was the Hans charm like, Star?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Star: <\/strong>Unfortunately, our charm was alcohol. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Oh, really?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Star: <\/strong>We were\u2014yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hans: <\/strong>My charm was alcohol.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Star: <\/strong>Yes. We were drinkers and partiers. It was your typical high school\/college party\u2014I\u2019m sure there were kegs that were there, and there was drinking that was going on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Underage, I guess?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Star: <\/strong>Underage, absolutely\u2014this was just our way of life. This was what we did on the weekends.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, the cute boy, who comes over, and you\u2019ve had a few things to drink\u2014he\u2019s a little cuter because you\u2019ve had a few things to drink; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Star: <\/strong>[Laughing] Right, right!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And you guys wind up talking and liking each other. Then, from there, did you say: \u201cWell, what about next week or tomorrow night?\u201d or \u201cYou want to get together?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hans: <\/strong>Well, you know what? I said my confidence increased throughout the night and, as I drank more, that\u2019s where I got my confidence. So, actually, when I woke up the next morning, I was <em>scared<\/em> because I knew that I really liked Star; but I knew that I didn\u2019t have the courage myself to go talk to her and sustain this relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was really scared, but I decided\u2014I had done this over and over again. I said to myself, \u201cThis time, I\u2019m not going to let this one get away.\u201d So I did ask her out on a date, and we ended up going out on a date\u2014I think it was two or three days after we had first gotten together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Where did you go, Star?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Star: <\/strong>We went to\u2014what was the name of that place?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hans: <\/strong>Malibu Grand Prix or something\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Oh, yes! I\u2019ve been there!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hans: <\/strong>\u2014or something Celebration Station.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes, did you play video games?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Star: <\/strong>Yes, we rode go-karts.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hans: <\/strong>We rode go-karts. That was our activity of choice.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Star: <\/strong>I thought, \u201cThis guy does not like me at all!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hans: <\/strong>We didn\u2019t interact that much, and then we went back to her house or somebody else\u2019s house. I remember us watching a movie, which is always the safe date\u2014not a whole lot of interaction had to take place. I remember watching the movie. It was\u2014do you remember the name of the movie?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Star: <\/strong>I don\u2019t.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hans: <\/strong>Yes, we watched the movie. At the end of the night, I went home. But here\u2019s what happened\u2014a couple of days after that date, she went out of town for about a week. I got to spend a week without her. I knew the time that I had spent with her\u2014I really liked the person that she was. I obviously liked the way that she looked; but when she was gone during that week, I really had to wrestle through because this was a pattern in my life. I had gone through girl after girl\u2014really short relationships. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI had to make the decision, \u201cDo I want to pursue this or do I want to give up?\u201d I made a decision that I wasn\u2019t going to give up. So shortly after she got back from her little vacation\u2014I\u2019ll never forget sitting in the driveway, in my little blue truck. I looked at her, right in the eyes, and I told her I was serious about her. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSomething about that moment just gave me the confidence. I should say this\u2014something about her <em>response<\/em> gave me the confidence to continue on and gave me more confidence to be myself around her. That\u2019s when really our relationship started.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Star: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I mean, here we are on the third date?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hans: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And we\u2019re having a DTR? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Star: <\/strong>We are.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Define the relationship?\u00a0 What\u2019d you think about that, Star?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Star: <\/strong>Well, I was interested! I just thought we were going to date, and we were going to have fun, and I was excited. I really liked him. I was very attracted to him and very drawn to him\u2014I was excited!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Okay, so we all know, now, you got married on the fourth date. [Laughter] I mean, how long before you got engaged?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hans: <\/strong>Well, it took about 18 months. Our whole dating relationship was a little crazy. We were having sex before we got married. Alcohol and sex were really a foundational part of our relationship. I wouldn\u2019t even say we were really in love. I just think we were having fun together\u2014we were more infatuated with each other.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, how did you decide to finally pop the question and say, \u201cWe ought to get married\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hans: <\/strong>[Laughing]\u00a0 Well, my popping the question was a little interesting. Unfortunately, it was over a little white stick with a plus and a minus sign.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It showed up she was pregnant?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hans: <\/strong>It showed up that she was pregnant.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Star: <\/strong>I was very panicked. I was totally oblivious to the fact that this could happen to me\u2014and completely unaware \/ completely irresponsible. I can remember a friend saying to me, \u201cWhat if you\u2019re pregnant?\u201d because I was so tired and experiencing just some other symptoms. I thought, \u201cOh my goodness, could I be pregnant?!\u201d I knew, immediately, after she said that, I was, in fact, pregnant. Hans and I were living together\u2014I mean, I was in his apartment. I had a dorm room that I think I spent three nights in the whole time we were away at school. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was at his apartment when he came home from work. I can remember being in a panic and saying: \u201cWe have to go now! I have to get a pregnancy test now!\u201d We went to get this test, and we came home. I can remember going into the bathroom. He was like, \u201cOkay, you go to the bathroom on it, and then, you get out and let me look at it.\u201d Don\u2019t ask me why we did this, but this is what we did. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo I did. I got out, and he\u2019s in the bathroom; and he\u2019s in there for a long time. I\u2019m going: \u201cThat thing said it\u2019s only going to take like two minutes. What does it say?!\u201d\u00a0 And he\u2019s got the door locked.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hans: <\/strong>I was already starting to control. [Laughter] What I was thinking, when I was in the bathroom\u2014it came up, immediately, that she was pregnant. So, in my mind, when I saw the positive sign on that pregnancy test, I knew that I needed to go get a job\u2014I knew that I needed to get a job with benefits. I knew that I needed to get ready to start my family, and I knew the time was now. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And you were how old, at the time?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hans: <\/strong>Twenty\u2014I was twenty, at the time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And you were nineteen?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Star: <\/strong>I was nineteen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hans:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And so, here you are, pregnant. You knew you needed to get a job. Did you also know, \u201cI need to get married\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hans: <\/strong>Yes. We immediately started talking about our wedding. I was immediately starting to think about who was going to be my best man. We found out in November of \u201993, and we got married in January of \u201994.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Now, this is a big step for a couple to take\u2014to get married. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hans: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Star, was there anything in the back of your mind, going, \u201cI wonder if I really ought to marry this guy?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Star: <\/strong>Yes, there were a lot of flags for me. We had <em>huge<\/em> dysfunction in our dating relationship. In fact, when we told some of our friends that we were getting married\u2014I mean, they literally chuckled: \u201cReally? I mean, you guys are going to get married?\u201d because they could see that we were starting out at a negative. Quite honestly, I was afraid\u2014I mean, I thought there were no choices.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, sure there were!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Star: <\/strong>Not in my mind. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Not in your mind?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Star: <\/strong>Not in my mind. In my mind, I could not do this alone. I was not going to give this baby away, and abortion was not an issue. So we were going to have this baby.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And I have to ask you, \u201cWhy was abortion not a true option for you?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Star: <\/strong>Even though I did not come from a Christian home, my mom\u2014we had morals. My mom was very moral with a lot of stuff that was just wrong. That was something I grew up being told was wrong. From the time that\u2014as long as I can remember\u2014that was not something that was okay\u2014it was a life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was recognized as a life in my heart. There was no way that I was going to have an abortion. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was very, very fearful; but I guess somewhere inside of me\u2014I hoped that we would be different. I watched my mom go through divorce\u2014I watched brokenness. I can remember my whole childhood, thinking: \u201cI will never live this way. My life will <em>never<\/em> look like this.\u201d With the route that we were on, there\u2019s no reason that my life shouldn\u2019t have been just as bad, if not worse.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes, that\u2019s what I\u2019m wondering. Despite your fear, despite your background, and everything that was going on in you\u2014your friends telling you \/ laughing at you, talking about getting married\u2014you still headed straight into the storm. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Star: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Why? Did you love him?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Star: <\/strong>As much as I knew how to love, at that point, I loved him. I don\u2019t know that we really, at that time, had experienced true love. I did not know the Lord, but I just <em>hoped<\/em> that we could make it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>So did marriage make any difference in your relationship?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, the natural question that Bob and I ask, at some point in our conversations with couples, is: \u201cWhen did you know your relationship was in crisis or in trouble?\u201d It sounds to me like you started your relationship in crisis.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hans: <\/strong>We did start our relationship in crisis\u2014but, you know, when I found out that she was pregnant\u2014I went into performance mode. I had watched a family do the right things, growing up, so I <em>knew<\/em> what we needed to do. I did end up getting a job. I did end up going to church every single Sunday. We did get an apartment. I provided for the family. I did all the right things.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Did you drop out of college?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hans: <\/strong>I did. I had to work, full-time. We both had to get jobs.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I\u2019m just sitting here, imagining your wedding day\u2014what you had dreamed of since you were a little girl, Star\u2014the day you would get married and you would become someone\u2019s wife. Now, here you are, getting married because you\u2019re pregnant to somebody you\u2019re scared of, at some point, wondering, \u201cIs this going to work?\u201d Were you standing at the altar, going, \u201cWhat am I doing?\u201d or were you there, going, \u201cOkay, this will work\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Star: <\/strong>I was there saying, \u201cOkay, this is going to work.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, how long after you were married when you started to go, \u201cI don\u2019t know if this going to work\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Star: <\/strong>Probably within a year. You can kind of coast through the first year with your jobs and your busyness; and we had a new baby. I had no idea that I would fall in love with Kylie like I did. I was very selfish, and I didn\u2019t really know what I was going to do with a baby. But I <em>just<\/em> <em>loved<\/em>\u2014we loved\u2014being a mom and dad to her. That euphoria kind of coasted us through for a little bit. We still had a lot of dysfunction going on, but we just kept pressing through. Then, after about a year, it started to click to me that things were not getting better\u2014they were getting worse.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hans:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Star:<\/strong> I began to beg Hans to go to counseling. I knew that, if we didn\u2019t get outside help, we weren\u2019t going to make it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And when you say things were getting worse, how was that manifesting itself?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hans: <\/strong>I would have anger fits. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI didn\u2019t know how to deal with a lot of the emotion I was experiencing. We had good days, and we fought about the normal things\u2014about finances, about how to raise Kylie, and just different things\u2014but what was unique about our arguments is that I couldn\u2019t win the arguments. Star\u2019s a really good talker. I could not work my way, conversationally, around her. I just remember my head spinning and not knowing how to work through these arguments. The only thing that I knew how to do was to yell and scream.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Did you hit her?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hans: <\/strong>I would grab Star out of frustration and shake her. I remember one of the times, when it got to the worst, when we were in Houston in our first house. We had gotten into an argument\u2014I don\u2019t know what it was about. I grabbed her, and I threw her down on the bed. I remember thinking to myself\u2014I kind of got a picture of what that looked like from a third party\u2014and I was disgusted. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd this happened\u2014this happened all the time. After it would happen, I\u2019d be broken. I\u2019d be on my knees, asking her \/ begging her to forgive me. I\u2019d swear to myself \/ I\u2019d swear to her: \u201cI\u2019m going to get better. I\u2019m going to do the right things.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Did you ever call the police, Star?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Star: <\/strong>I don\u2019t think so. I don\u2019t think I ever called the police\u2014I just used to leave. I would leave.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>What did that do to you, emotionally, to have him so forcefully grab your shoulders, and shake you, and throw you down?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Star: <\/strong>Well, I grew up in a home where I watched my stepdad do this to my mom\u2014and it was far worse. So my fears that I was going to become her\u2014that my marriage was going to look like hers did\u2014it was happening. My worst fear was coming true. It was happening right before my eyes. I felt like it was moving so <em>fast<\/em> that there was really nothing I could do to stop it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You finally decided: \u201cI\u2019m going to take some action. I\u2019m taking the baby and I\u2019m going.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Star: <\/strong>I did. After I realized that we weren\u2019t going to get help\u2014that we weren\u2019t going to go to counseling and that it wasn\u2019t going to change\u2014I had a spirit and an attitude of being done. I went out, one night, with a bunch of my girlfriends\u2014Hans was out of town\/ was gone for a week. We went out all the time. We were in church on Sundays. We had joined a church, and they had really wrapped their arms around us. They were really caring for us\u2014they gave us a baby shower \/ they gave us a wedding shower\u2014and really loved on us. There were no young couples in the church. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAll of our friends were our same friends from high school and college. We would go out together on the weekends. Then, we would go out separate\u2014where he would go out with just guys and I would go with just girls. I was confronted, one night, when I was out\u2014actually, I think this was a night when we were together\u2014by another man, who was very persistent and very attractive, in my mind.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt wasn\u2019t long after that that I became involved in an affair. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo much so, that I was willing to leave my marriage for this man. If it wasn\u2019t going to be him, it was going to be someone like him, in my mind. In my mind, we were so miserable\u2014everything had died. We were hardly friends, and I couldn\u2019t ever imagine us being intimate again. I couldn\u2019t ever imagine us having a relationship where I could spend the rest of my life with him. So I became very involved in this relationship. Hans was gone for the week. When he returned home, he returned home to me, with my bags packed, leaving\u2014taking our baby to go live with my mom.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>When you walked in the house, saw those bags, and saw the look on your wife\u2019s face, what did you think?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Hans: <\/strong>I knew she was <em>serious<\/em>. She had told me\u2014she had been asking me, for several months \/ begging us to go to counseling. I didn\u2019t want to have anything to do with it. I just wanted to do everything on my own\u2014I didn\u2019t want and wasn\u2019t willing to let anybody else in to help me with some of the issues that we were having. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd it really got my attention\u2014it really got my attention.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>As you guys are talking, my mind is reflecting on a woman that I talked to, who had lost all hope in her marriage. And quite honestly, apart from an act of God, reaching down and healing her marriage and healing your marriage\u2014you guys were on a trail destined for a continuation of an affair; divorce; maybe remarriage; you know, going your own separate ways. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs I talked with the young woman about her marriage and prayed with her, this is where the gospel, that the Scriptures present, is either the truth or it isn\u2019t the truth. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod is either the Redeemer or He\u2019s not \/ He isn\u2019t able to redeem. I know that He doesn\u2019t redeem every situation because He didn\u2019t make us to be robots. We\u2019re going to hear, a bit later, your story of how He got your attention, Hans, and yours, Star, and how He ultimately brought healing, grace, forgiveness, and redemption\u2014it really is a great story. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I want to just speak to the person, who\u2019s out there, listening to you. They\u2019re raising their hands, saying: \u201cThat\u2019s us. I\u2019ve lost hope. I\u2019m bitter. I\u2019m hurt and I want out.\u201d I would just say: \u201cGet on your knees and ask God to heal, redeem, and restore. He is able, but it\u2019s going to come at a cost. That cost is your surrender to Jesus Christ and the Bible.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have not mentioned this yet; but you guys are going to be joining us next month in Lynchburg, Virginia, where we are hosting our <em>I Still Do<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> one-day event for marriages. It\u2019s going to be live at the Thomas Road Baptist Church on Saturday, October 17<sup>th<\/sup>. Along with Hans and Star, Alistair Begg is going to be with us; Crawford and Karen Loritts; Alex Kendrick will be joining us. Of course, Dennis and Barbara Rainey are going to be there as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got a big day planned. If you live in the Lynchburg area, you ought to plan to join us, live, at Thomas Road Baptist Church for this event. If you don\u2019t live in the area, you can still join us because this event is being simulcast in hundreds of churches all around the country. If you\u2019re not yet signed up for the live <em>I Still Do<\/em> simulcast on Saturday, October 17<sup>th<\/sup>, you can still sign up. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the link in the upper left-hand corner of the screen that says, \u201cGO DEEPER.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLook for information about <em>I Still Do<\/em>, the one-day event that we\u2019re going to be hosting on October 17<sup>th<\/sup>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI should also mention that we feature Hans and Star\u2019s story in our <em>Art of Marriage<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> video event. There have been thousands of churches that have hosted one of these Friday night\/Saturday events for couples. It\u2019s a marriage retreat that you can host in your local church. It\u2019s easy to do. There are powerful stories, great Bible teachers, and it will have a dramatic impact on the couples in your community and the couples in your church. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you have any questions about <em>I Still Do<\/em> or about <em>The Art of Marriage<\/em>, and you\u2019d like to get in touch with us by phone, our number is 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d\u20141-800-FL-TODAY.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, our goal, here at FamilyLife, is to provide help so that your marriage and your family can be aligned with God\u2019s purposes for marriage and family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re grateful for those of you who support the work that we\u2019re doing, here at FamilyLife, with your donations. We\u2019re grateful for our Legacy Partners, who make monthly donations, and for those of you who will, from time to time, get in touch and say, \u201cKeep going,\u201d with your financial support. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRight now, if you\u2019re able to make a donation to help support this ministry, we\u2019d love to send you, as a thank-you gift, a 2016 calendar. It\u2019s the FamilyLife calendar for next year. It actually starts with October of 2015. So you can put it up right away when you receive your calendar. Again, it\u2019s our thank-you gift when you make a donation today. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the link in the upper right-hand corner of the screen that says, \u201cI Care,\u201d\u2014you can make an online donation. Or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY\u2014make your donation over the phone. Or you can mail your donation and request the calendar when you write to <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>atPO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR. Our zip code is 72223.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to hear about a conversation that Star Molegraaf had with a marriage counselor\u2014and the question that he asked her that\u2014for the first time, caused her to think that maybe there was hope for her marriage. We\u2019ll hear that story tomorrow as we continue our conversation with Hans and Star Molegraaf. I hope you be back for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2015 FamilyLife. 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