{"id":303577,"date":"2015-07-16T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2015-07-16T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/candid-conversations-about-intimacy\/"},"modified":"2015-07-16T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2015-07-16T15:00:00","slug":"candid-conversations-about-intimacy","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/candid-conversations-about-intimacy\/","title":{"rendered":"Candid Conversations About Intimacy"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Want to improve the intimacy in your marriage? Ron Deal explains that while sex isn&#8217;t everything in a marriage, it&#8217;s also not nothing. Hear Ron explain a biblical perspective on sexual intimacy.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2015-07-16.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"32.68M","filesize_raw":"34262304","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2088],"tags":[2976,4524,5752,5754,5753,2877,5750,5751,5008,4519,5755,2991,5211],"podcast_series":[8093],"cwp_profile":[3300],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-303577","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-romance-and-sex","tag-christian-marriage","tag-counseling","tag-fear-of-intimacy","tag-healthy-relationships","tag-intimacy-issues","tag-marriage","tag-marriage-counseling","tag-marriage-problems","tag-relationship","tag-relationship-advice","tag-relationship-tips","tag-sex","tag-sex-education","podcast_series-gods-plan-for-marital-intimacy","cwp_profile-ron-deal","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/303577\/candid-conversations-about-intimacy","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/303577\/candid-conversations-about-intimacy","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"EcawLCdrfK\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/candid-conversations-about-intimacy\/\">Candid Conversations About Intimacy<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/candid-conversations-about-intimacy\/embed\/#?secret=EcawLCdrfK\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Candid Conversations About Intimacy&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"EcawLCdrfK\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Want to improve the intimacy in your marriage? Ron Deal explains that while sex isn't everything in a marriage, it's also not nothing. Hear Ron explain a biblical perspective on sexual intimacy.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2015-07-16.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Intimacy in a marriage relationship between a husband and a wife is important. In fact, Ron Deal says, \u201cIt\u2019s not everything, but it\u2019s sure not nothing either.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>If you have great sex but nothing else, you\u2019re going to be a miserable couple. You\u2019ve got to have a whole lot more in the bank with each other than just sex. Now, here is the really curious thing: If sex is not going well, it drains your relationship. It\u2019s not just a little hole in the bottom of the tub that drains it all out\u2014it\u2019s a big hole. It contributes about 40 to 50 percent of the negativity in a relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, July 16<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We\u2019re going to hear a very frank, candid message today about the importance of intimacy in a marriage relationship. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Thursday edition. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Bob, have you checked just the quality of guests that we have?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s astounding!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes, we\u2019ve got some good folks coming up here in the next couple of weeks. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>We have Tedd Tripp on parenting. We have Southern Gospel legend, Guy Penrod, and his wife Angie. We\u2019ve\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Oh, I sing with them, too, on that particular program. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Oh, I know. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You remember?\u00a0 Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>That\u2019s\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014a highlight. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It is a highlight for July, no doubt about it. Rosaria Butterfield, Michael Jr.\u2014and I just want to give a shout-out for all of our Legacy Partners who support <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, making an impact on marriages and families as God designed them. Thank you for giving on a monthly basis so we could be here on a daily basis. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, and I have to tell you about today\u2019s program because the message we\u2019re going to hear from our friend, Ron Deal\u2014we were with a group of folks onboard the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em><em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em> marriage cruise, back in February. We said, \u201cWe\u2019re going to have an optional session\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Wasn\u2019t this a standing-room only session?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s the deal\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014\u201can optional session that Ron Deal\u2019s going to do on intimacy in marriage\u2014on sex.\u201d\u00a0 We told folks, \u201cIt\u2019s going to be\u2014he\u2019s going to be pretty candid; okay?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cbut it\u2019s about marriage.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It\u2019s all married couples. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It\u2019s all married. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It\u2019s\u2014but he said, \u201cI\u2019m going to be pretty honest about this issue.\u201d And I think he was concerned that by being honest about it there might be some folks who decided to skip it. Instead, more people showed up. It was\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes, they packed it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It was standing-room only, and it was a great optional seminar. We thought, \u201cThis is something we ought to share with our listeners.\u201d\u00a0 Again, we\u2019ll let you know that Ron is going to be candid\u2014I think in an appropriate way. He\u2019s not going to say anything here that most grownups haven\u2019t heard somewhere else\u2014and certainly going to present it in an appropriate way\u2014but you might just want to keep that in mind as we listen to Part One of Ron Deal\u2019s message on marital intimacy from the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise, back in February. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And in case our listeners don\u2019t know who Ron is\u2014Ron works here, at FamilyLife, and heads up our Blended Family Initiative. This is a fast-growing area of FamilyLife. In fact, we\u2019ve got a Blended Family Summit at Mariners Church in Southern California later on in November. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It\u2019s coming up November 13<sup>th<\/sup> and 14<sup>th<\/sup>. There is more information about the upcoming Blended and Blessed<sup>\u2122<\/sup> Summit for folks who are involved in blended family ministries. You can go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the link in the upper left-hand corner of the page that says, \u201cGO DEEPER.\u201d Look for the information about the Blended and Blessed Summit with today\u2019s guest, Ron Deal. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previously Recorded Message]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>The song you\u2019re singing in your sex life is going to dictate how you receive this workshop\u2014and I take this very seriously. Sexuality is a fun topic for us to kind of get into and explore; and at the same time, it can illicit all kinds of emotion inside of us. And I realize that you come in here today with some experiences, thoughts, feelings\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014some of them good \/ some of them not so good\u2014some of them horrible. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhatever song you are singing in your sex life right now is really going to dictate how you hear what I\u2019m about to say. Some things will come off, perhaps, challenging to you. Some things may make you really mad, and some things will be relieving for you. So, I don\u2019t really know what song you\u2019re singing\u2014and just realize that I want you to kind of ponder what you hear through your own song. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>Did you know about 40 to 50 percent of the time sex is very good for both partners?\u00a0 Twenty to 25 percent of the time, it\u2019s very good for one partner, and the other partner would say, \u201cIt was fine.\u201d\u00a0 Another 20 to 25 percent of the time, it\u2019s acceptable but not remarkable, and you\u2019re not writing home to Mom about it\u2014of course, you wouldn\u2019t do that anyway; would you?\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 And 5 to 15 percent of the time, sex is really a wipeout for both people. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s normal, average, everyday, American marital sexuality. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSometimes, our expectations of sexuality\u2014because of media \/ because of our ideas about and what we think it should be\u2014are so high. We just can\u2019t even embrace normal, acceptable sex. I think it\u2019s really good to have some perspective about that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis topic\u2014sexuality\u2014it\u2019s an important one. It\u2019s something that we really need to pay attention to. I do this marriage conference called the Couple Checkup Conference and do it in churches around the country. And one of the things we do is\u2014we take an online profile before couples come to the event. So, I know something about who is showing up. It\u2019s really, really fun for me because then I get to tailor what I say to the people in the audience. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things we assess is sexuality. This is the last church that I went to\u2014but I want to tell you\u2014this is very, very exemplary of Christian couples who come to a marriage enrichment seminar in a church. Sixty-one percent of the couples were struggling as it related to their sexual relationship. Less than a third were in a healthy place\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014this is not them saying it\u2019s healthy. This is an assessment that is used to kind of determine that, based on his answers and her answers and whether they are positive, based on hundreds of thousands of other people who have taken the same profile. <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy point is\u2014this is God\u2019s territory; and yet, we struggle. So, let\u2019s jump in\u2014shall we?\u00a0 What is this thing we call sex?\u00a0 I think it\u2019s really hard to describe because it involves so much of us. It\u2019s hard to get our heads around it. It\u2019s a very complex subject. Our thoughts are involved, our feelings are involved, our emotions are involved, our bodies are involved, our relationship is involved, and the spiritual and the divine are involved. It\u2019s in us, it\u2019s around us, and it is above us. It is such an intimate part of every single human being; and yet, it\u2019s a mystery. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to talk about this, and I want us to get real about it. I want us to look at it from God\u2019s point of view. I want to look at it from the emotional, the thought life, the physical, and the relational. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want us to dive into that spiritual stuff. It\u2019s hard to kind of cover all of that; but yet, we really have to because it involves so much of who we are. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I know this conversation is going to illicit different things from within you. For some of you, it\u2019s going to illicit some curiosity about some things. For others of you, embarrassment, or shame, or anger; but I want to ask you to pay attention to what you are feeling as we go through this\u2014and here is why\u2014because what you feel is teaching you something about what\u2019s going on with you. It\u2019s teaching you something about you and that deepest part of you. So, pay attention to that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet\u2019s start by talking about what sex is, and then, let\u2019s talk about how we can, perhaps, enhance healthy sexuality. We like to talk about sex as a gift in the Christian community, and I really think it is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to remind us of that today\u2014sex is a gift. I think it also an icon\u2014an icon\u2014that little thing on your computer desktop that, when you click it, it shows you something bigger. It\u2019s an icon that\u2019s going to reveal something much more important and significant, and I think it\u2019s about a vow renewal ceremony. Let\u2019s just take a look at those, one by one. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber one: It\u2019s a gift, created by God, and declared very good. From the moment of creation, the sexual side of man and woman was evident. We read in Genesis 2: \u201cFor this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.\u201d\u00a0 The one flesh reference is, of course, a reference to sexuality\u2014two becoming one. And it\u2019s an opportunity for each of the two to give completely of themselves to the other. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod is always invested and interested\u2014have you noticed, across all kinds of situations and circumstances with His people, He\u2019s always invested in us\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014figuring out how to lose ourselves and be completed in relationship with others. In a sense, we do that in the church\u2014losing ourselves, and showing deference to one another, and showing humility about ourselves so that we can put others before us and loving others\u2014our neighbor as ourselves. It\u2019s all about losing yourself. Here is this thing that is another one of those pieces of us\u2014another opportunity to surrender who you are in the giving of yourself to somebody else. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod made us to be sexual\u2014this has to be His territory \/ this has to be a very, very good thing. From day one, Adam and Eve could be together, naked in front of each other and in front of God. They were aware of that, and there was no shame to it whatsoever. In front of God, they are unashamed of their bodies, they\u2019re unashamed of their pleasure, they are unashamed of their sexual thoughts, and they are unashamed of their hunger for sex\u2014all in front of God. They could be vulnerable. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey could be unashamed with each other because they were unashamed before God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that naked and unashamed thing is not just physically naked, but I think that is really profound. I think it speaks to depths that we just need to try to explore. I think it\u2019s suggesting that we can be exposed to our spouse but not embarrassed\u2014physically, yes\u2014but also, emotionally-exposed. I think we can be comfortable being seen physically, emotionally, psychologically, without being self-conscious about whom we are. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think the real challenge in being naked and unashamed is being vulnerable to, perhaps, criticism. And this is a person you live with who likes some things about you and doesn\u2019t like some things about you\u2014right?\u2014to be honest. Some days, they are critical and negative of you, and you are very vulnerable to that because this person matters to you more than anybody in the world. So, how can you be naked and unashamed in light of a relationship that sometimes has criticism?\u00a0 You have to learn how to [takes deep breath] take a deep breath and calm yourself and find a way around that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOtherwise, you\u2019ll just keep hiding. But Adam and Eve didn\u2019t do that\u2014they were naked and unashamed. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, here is the litmus test to see if you can translate this theological concept into your marital bedroom. I\u2019d like to ask you to, sometime in the next couple of weeks, invite God openly into your lovemaking. Okay, some of you just went: \u201cThat\u2019s weird. I\u2019m so not doing that.\u201d\u00a0 Why not?\u00a0 What\u2019s that shame thing?\u00a0 What\u2019s the hiding thing?\u2014because whatever that is\u2014it is a distortion of what God has created for us in this gift. Now, I don\u2019t mean get weird. I just mean kind of, in your own silent way, perhaps\u2014even just in your own mind, between you and God, or maybe outwardly before your spouse\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014just kind of whisper, or talk, or say something that acknowledges, \u201cThis is a good thing.\u201d\u00a0 <br><br>Sex is an icon of spiritual oneness. You know, some people talk about the Trinity as the communion of love\u2014right?\u2014the Three that are One. There is such community in union between the Trinity. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tChrist and the church\u2014Ephesians 5 tells us that the relationship between husband, and wife, and sexuality somehow is a mystery. It is a little window into what the relationship between Christ and the church is and will ultimately be someday. I\u2019m not sure I really get that one, but it\u2019s there because there is more to it than just the sex. It is somehow symbolic of something far more important\u2014far more eternal. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt teaches us surrender. Christ gave His body\u2014is the implication in Ephesians 5. We are to give our bodies in loving service of one another. Again, 1 Corinthians, Chapter 7, talks about the husband\u2014his body is not his own, but it belongs to his wife\u2014and the wife is not her own \/ it belongs to her husband. This is a mystery, folks; but here is what it means. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSomehow, sexuality is tied to spirituality on an eternal level. It should leave us standing in awe of it. It should really kind of take us to\u2014I don\u2019t know\u2014places of worship. <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, it\u2019s not just a gift, and it\u2019s not just an icon of something bigger. It really is a vow renewal. When you stop and think about the function of sex, one of the things that it is doing is\u2014it is reminding us of our vows in our covenant for one another. When you have a marriage covenant and you put sexuality within the covenant, you have a safe environment for vulnerability. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>I\u2019ve got to just say\u2014there is such a trend in our culture, today, toward stay-over relationships and cohabitation. I have to say\u2014you don\u2019t get that in cohabiting environments. What you get is\u2014that more fear thing, where \u201cI\u2019m not so sure how you feel about me,\u201d and \u201cI\u2019m kind of with you, but I\u2019m not really with you.\u201d\u00a0 So, how can you be <em>completely <\/em>vulnerable with somebody you\u2019re not sure is going to be around tomorrow?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can\u2019t!\u00a0 It limits your vulnerability\u2014your willingness to risk. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAny of us, who are truly going to be naked and unashamed about it\u2014not just physically\u2014but emotionally, and psychologically, and spiritually\u2014anybody who is really going to take the risk to go there needs to have a sense of permanence like: \u201cYou are here. We\u2019re here, and our usness is good for all time. For me to go that deep, I\u2019ve got to know that I know that I know.\u201d\u00a0 God knew that about us. So, that\u2019s one of the reasons He confined sexuality to the marriage covenant relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, you get this safe environment with permanence, but then, you have this symbolic nature to sexuality, where it expresses that covenant. It actually kind of recreates that decision that you made to be in covenant relationship with one another. It takes selflessness\u2014\u201cI will, until death do us part,\u201d\u2014and it puts it into bodily form. You give yourself away again like you did on your wedding day. It\u2019s symbolic of all of that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt serves the other person\u2014it shares who you are. It\u2019s an intimate form of communication with them. Then, it bonds you through the pleasure that comes as a result of that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSexuality, in a way, functions as God\u2019s little marital ecosystem to help sustain your marriage covenant. I\u2019m never going to quite understand that, but I do know that it drives me to a sense of awe and wonder in the God who made it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>The word, <em>yada<\/em>, in Hebrew means to know\u2014to be made known \/ to be revealed. It is also the word that is used over and over in the Scriptures to refer to being made one flesh, but it is used in other ways as well. So, the word, <em>yada<\/em>\u2014for example, in Exodus 6, God uses it when He\u2019s talking to Moses about redeeming the Israelites. He says: \u201cI\u2019m going to redeem you, and I will redeem with an outstretched arm with great judgments. Then, I will take you for my people, and I will be your God and you will know that I am the Lord your God.\u201d\u00a0 So, it\u2019s used in this spiritual sense\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014of the people coming to know who God is. <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s used in Genesis, Chapter 3, regarding gaining knowledge when Satan comes to Eve and he tempts her. The serpent says to the woman: \u201cYou\u2019re not going to die. For God, knows\u201d\u2014<em>yada<\/em>\u2014\u201cthat in the day that you eat from it, your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God knowing good and evil\u201d\u2014<em>yada<\/em>\u2014good and evil. Then, he goes on and he says, \u201cAfter she gave to the husband and he ate, the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked,\u201d\u2014<em>yada<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn Chapter 4, in Genesis, verse 1, it\u2019s used specifically in connection to sexual relationships. Now, the man had relations with his wife\u2014he knew his wife. You\u2019ve heard the term\u2014\u201cHe knew her,\u201d\u2014 in the biblical sense; right?\u00a0 That comes from this word, <em>yada<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tInteresting\u2014to be known \/ to become known\u2014your sexual relationship should help you know something about your spouse that you don\u2019t know about them any other way\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014hear one another, see one another, learn about each other in your sexual relationship. It should be a revealing of you\u2014not just a learning about them. It\u2019s a two-way street. Think about that\u2014it is an intimate form of communication. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>Now, if you stop and you think about this for a minute, there is verbal intercourse; and there is sexual intercourse. They both have the same purpose in marriage\u2014that ultimately is about finding connection and safety with one another. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWomen tend toward verbal intercourse as their opportunity to find connection and safety with their husband. It\u2019s kind of like, guys\u2014when we listen to our wives, and we really tune in, and we\u2019re really kind of getting what\u2019s going on with them and their thoughts, and not just what they are saying but the words and the meaning that\u2019s underneath that\u2014when we are really tuning into that, what she hears from you is\u2014you\u2019re telling her what she means to you\u2014that she is important, and cherished, and loved, and that you are there for her. She is not alone. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLadies, sexual intercourse tends to be where men lean toward to find connection. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got to kind of keep that in mind because of the gender differences between us. If you\u2019ll just think of those two phrases as two ends of the same continuum\u2014they are two strategies to get to connection. We just tend to emphasize one of them more than we emphasize the other one. It might help you in some ways. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOkay, a little perspective as we move forward with this. My mom said to me, before my wife and I got married, \u201cSex is the biggest little part of your marriage.\u201d\u00a0 Years go by, and all of a sudden, some research comes out. We discover that, in healthy marital relationships, sex makes up 10 percent of what adds to and contributes to the vitality of that marriage. In other words, if you have great sex but nothing else, you\u2019re going to be a miserable couple. You\u2019ve got to have a whole lot more in the bank with each other than just sex. Now, here is the really curious thing\u2014if sex is not going well, it drains your relationship. It\u2019s not just a little hole in the bottom of the tub that drains it all out\u2014\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014it\u2019s a big hole. It contributes about 40 to 50 percent of the negativity in a relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, if sex is going really well, it\u2019s important\u2014it matters. It has eternal perspective. It\u2019s symbolic. It recreates and re-bonds your covenant relationship. It reminds you of why you got together in the first place. It does all of that, but you\u2019ve got to have a whole lot more to your marriage than just good sex. But if sex is not going well, it can really pull you down fast\u2014and if it\u2019s one factor of some other things that are not going well in your relationship, it\u2019s definitely something that you really need to be thinking about. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, we\u2019ve been listening to our friend, Ron Deal, talking about intimacy in marriage. You know, Dennis, this is something that I think sometimes we have tended to shy away from candid conversations on this subject because it is deeply personal; and we don\u2019t want to be cavalier about something that is so powerful and so personal. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt the same time, there are a lot of couples that need godly guidance in this area because it\u2019s an area of marriage that has been a challenge for them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You know, at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaway, we spend a good hour with the engaged couples, talking about preparing for this dimension of their relationship, which they should be waiting for\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014until marriage. Then, we spend another hour with all the married folks and just walk through a biblical perspective\u2014which is what Ron\u2019s talked about here today. He has talked about how it is good for a couple to re-bond by coming together in this mutually-satisfying relationship that God designed for married couples to experience. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd Bob, we have to pay attention to this dimension of our marriage relationship. If you are not really finding a time to come together, as a couple, I think it leaves you vulnerable to temptations \/ it leaves your spouse vulnerable. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think it\u2019s just wholesome and good\u2014I\u2019m not speaking as a man and how women can hear men speak about this\u2014I think it\u2019s a divine command and very important part of marriage that couples need to pay attention to, all the way through all the seasons of their marriage relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I remember, years ago, hearing a guest on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> say the same thing that Ron said in this presentation. Every time a couple comes together in marital intimacy, you are renewing your vows with one another. And I think it is an essential part of marital intimacy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, for years, at our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaways, we have made available a copy of a book by Dr. William Cutrer and Dr. Sandra Glahn\u2014a book called <em>Sexual Intimacy in Marriage<\/em> that is a very realistic, very Christ-honoring book about this subject. We\u2019ve had a lot of couples say: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cThank you for the help we have needed in this area because we just had questions,\u201d or \u201cWe didn\u2019t know this about one another, and we didn\u2019t know who to talk to.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got copies of the book, <em>Sexual Intimacy in Marriage<\/em>, available in our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Resource Center. You can go, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com to request your copy. When you go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, click the link in the upper left-hand corner of the screen that says, \u201cGO DEEPER,\u201d and you\u2019ll see a copy of the book, <em>Sexual Intimacy in Marriage<\/em>, available there. Or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to order. Once again, 1-800-FL-TODAY is our toll-free number. Or you can go online at FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, the ability to have these kinds of conversations, even in this setting\u2014I think it is important for married couples to be able to dialogue on this \/ to be able to be instructed on issues of marital sexuality in a way that is appropriate \/ a way that\u2019s candid. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI hope none of our listeners, today, have been offended by what you\u2019ve heard. We try to make sure, again, that this is always appropriate; and yet, we feel like this is an important part of what God\u2019s called us to, here at FamilyLife. Our goal is to provide practical biblical help for every area of your marriage and your family. And this is certainly an important area. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I want to say a word of thanks to those of you who believe in this ministry enough to support us financially. We are listener-supported. More than 65 percent of the revenue we need to operate comes from folks, like you, who\u2014either as Legacy Partners each month or on occasion\u2014will pitch in to help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. We\u2019re grateful for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can make an online donation, right now, by going to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link in the upper right-hand corner of the screen that says, \u201cI CARE,\u201d to make an online donation. Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMake your donation over the phone. Or you can mail your donation to us at <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Our mailing address is Post Office Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to hear more from Ron Deal on the issue of intimacy in marriage. So, I hope you can tune in and hear tomorrow\u2019s program. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2015 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/303577","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=303577"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=303577"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=303577"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=303577"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=303577"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=303577"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=303577"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}