{"id":303539,"date":"2015-06-19T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2015-06-19T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/cohabitations-impact-on-the-family\/"},"modified":"2015-06-19T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2015-06-19T15:00:00","slug":"cohabitations-impact-on-the-family","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/cohabitations-impact-on-the-family\/","title":{"rendered":"Cohabitation&#8217;s Impact on the Family"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Cohabitation doesn&#8217;t hurt anybody. Or does it? Researcher Glenn Stanton, author of the book &#8220;The Ring Makes all the Difference,&#8221; talks about the cons of living together with the opposite sex without the benefit of marriage, and\u00a0the impact cohabitation has on women and children.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Cohabitation doesn&#8217;t hurt anybody. Or does it? Researcher Glenn Stanton, talks about the cons of living together with the opposite sex without the benefit of marriage.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2015-06-19.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"23.12M","filesize_raw":"24242097","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2817,2848],"tags":[5696,5698,5201,5695,5697,4086,5700,5701,5699],"podcast_series":[7865],"cwp_profile":[3162],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-303539","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-choosing-a-spouse","category-cultural-issues","tag-cohabit","tag-cohabitate","tag-cohabitation","tag-cohabitation-agreement","tag-cohabitation-before-marriage","tag-commitment","tag-divorce-statistics","tag-getting-engaged","tag-living-together-before-marriage","podcast_series-the-ring-makes-all-the-difference","cwp_profile-glenn-stanton","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/303539\/cohabitations-impact-on-the-family","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/303539\/cohabitations-impact-on-the-family","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"ON7W9Y3Ohb\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/cohabitations-impact-on-the-family\/\">Cohabitation&#8217;s Impact on the Family<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/cohabitations-impact-on-the-family\/embed\/#?secret=ON7W9Y3Ohb\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Cohabitation&#8217;s Impact on the Family&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"ON7W9Y3Ohb\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2015-06-19.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2015-06-19.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Dave and Sandy are married. They both have good jobs. They\u2019re making okay money. Money is tight at home, but they\u2019re getting by. Roger and Elaine are living together. They both have good jobs, making okay money; but they\u2019re broke. Glenn Stanton says the difference is the ring.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn: <\/strong>What\u2019s interesting, as well, is\u2014in cohabiting relationships, the woman is dramatically more likely to be working outside the home. Even though there\u2019s going to be two-income earners in that home, they are still more likely to live in poverty. That is because cohabiters don\u2019t share their money like married couples do. Married couples more likely pool their money. Pooling the money and sharing the money makes it more productive. That ring does make a difference.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[<em>Everything I Have Is Yours <\/em>by Billie Holiday]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, June 19<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. That\u2019s Billy Holiday singing. The normal path to marriage today involves living together before you get married. It\u2019s really a bad idea, as we\u2019ll see today. Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to talk about Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell today; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>What?!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell. They are the poster couple for cohabitation. I mean, you stop and think about it\u2014in Hollywood, marriages are disposable. They just don\u2019t go very long.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>How many times was Liz Taylor married?\u00a0 Or was it Zsa Zsa Gabor?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, I think both of them. I think if you put them together\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Nine or ten?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I think\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Together, 140?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But if you take Goldie and Kurt, they\u2019ve been cohabiting for years now. They don\u2019t need marriage \/ they\u2019re not big on marriage\u2014they\u2019re happy the way they are. They have kids together. They are the poster kids. They\u2019re the ones who hold up the standard and say: \u201cLook. You don\u2019t have to be married to be happy. You can do this whole cohabiting thing and it works out great.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I want our guest today\u2014I want Mr. Smarty-pants, the guy who\u2019s sitting here\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You\u2019ve found fresh ways\u2014\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGlenn, I have to tell you. [Laughter] Over the years Bob and I have been doing radio\u2014we\u2019re coming up on 20 years\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I don\u2019t think I\u2019ve ever\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014we have found such a spectrum of ways to offend our guests. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn: <\/strong>Well, no. He noticed that my pants were, indeed, quite smart.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Smarty-pants.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Ohhh!\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn: <\/strong>I don\u2019t take that as an offense at all!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>That is the voice of Glenn Stanton. Glenn works at <em>Focus on the Family<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> and will probably stay there now and not join us, like he was planning to. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe is the author of the book, <em>The Ring Makes All the Difference. <\/em>We welcome you back to <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And hold on! If Jim Daly\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>So, Mr. Smarty-pants, go ahead and answer\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Wait, wait. If Jim Daly is listening\u2014he was <em>not<\/em> planning to join us. Dennis made that part up. I just want to clear that up; okay?\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>We\u2019ll just start a little rumor among friends, here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Oh, come on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Okay. Glenn, I\u2019m going to have a little dignity here. I\u2019ve even forgotten what your question was!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Goldie and Kurt\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>What about it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>They\u2019re the model; right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn: <\/strong>Yes, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Couples can have a happy non-married relationship, and they\u2019re the proof of it. So what do you say to that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn: <\/strong>So, it\u2019s the POSSLQ\u2014yes\u2014from the first day\u2014but that\u2019s the point. You kind of laugh and you want to go: \u201cOkay, yes, we need to tell the researchers about them because they\u2019ve created this whole paradigm shift. Okay, just throw out four decades of research showing this.\u201d\u00a0 The reason people bring up them is that they\u2019re the exception to the norm, and they know that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s like me saying: \u201cWell, you know, I just don\u2019t believe the whole smoking thing because my grandfather smoked until he was 98!\u00a0 That\u2019s just a bunch of rubbish.\u201d\u00a0 People do bend the rule, but that doesn\u2019t change the rule itself.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes, good point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, you speak all around the country \/ you debate. Undoubtedly, you\u2019ve had a young couple who have raised their hand and said: \u201cLook; look\u2014we\u2019re a Christian couple. We decided to move in with each other, but we\u2019re just not going to have sex.\u201d\u00a0 So, all is on the up-and-up; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn: <\/strong>Yes. I often want to say, \u201cSay that again with a straight face.\u201d\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>What I want to do is\u2014I want to ask a clarifying question: \u201cHow do you define sex?\u201d because this generation\u2014there\u2019s a lot of ways to get around the issue\u2014and in reality, they\u2019re still having sex.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn: <\/strong>That\u2019s exactly right, but here\u2019s the other big thing that we really do need to understand. It\u2019s the issue of\u2014sex is a huge thing\u2014but it\u2019s the issue of intimacy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s kind of what you\u2019re getting at\u2014is there are a lot of different ways to have physical intimacy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe point that I make is: \u201cWhen you wake up in the morning\u2014come from separate bedrooms even\u2014into the kitchen, in your pajamas, and fix your breakfast together, and drink your coffee together\u2014that is <em>an incredibly<\/em> intimate thing. Brushing your teeth together at the same sink is an <em>incredibly intimate<\/em> kind of thing. Those are intimacies that kind of break down and really shouldn\u2019t be happening, from a moral perspective; but just from a human perspective, they bind the couple together. Sex is not just the only intimacy that marriage brings together\u2014it\u2019s that sharing the life together.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You\u2019re saying that the foundation of a promise\u2014a pledge, a commitment, a guarantee\u2014before those kinds of intimacies are shared, whether it\u2019s the toothbrush or whatever else\u2014forget sex\u2014the foundation of that commitment is what keeps that intimacy\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn: <\/strong>Exactly. Those are intimacies that are happening, <em>without<\/em> the commitment of the relationship itself. C.S. Lewis\u2014and I love this quote\u2014he says, \u201cThe monstrosity of pre-marital sex is it separates one part of the relationship from all the other parts of the relationship that are supposed to go with it.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe commitment of the person\u2014what we talked about yesterday in Genesis 2\u2014the burning of the bridge, if you will \/ burning my bridge to my parents, to my friends, to all my other relationships, and, \u201cHoney, I am all about <em>you<\/em>.\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s having those particular intimacies, not just sexual, but all the other domestic intimacies before the final commitment has been made. That\u2019s why the researchers are telling us that cohabiting relationships are, qualitatively, different and less healthy kinds of relationships because it\u2019s separating those intimacies out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Glenn, I\u2019ve been listening to you, now, as you\u2019ve talked about this. I\u2019m thinking about the Christian community, as a whole\u2014I\u2019m thinking: \u201cWe have really not done a good job of addressing the people who are cohabiting, nor have we done a good job of addressing cohabitation.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn: <\/strong>Absolutely; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>What would you say ought to be our proactive game plan on a go-forward basis?\u00a0 The church \/ the Christian community\u2014we\u2019re the protector of the marriage covenant. Our God created marriage. He made them male and female; and then He set about the conditions for a man to leave and cleave and become one, and then to be naked and unashamed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn: <\/strong>Yes. Barbara Dafoe Whitehead, who wrote the famous \u201cDan Quayle Was Right\u201d article many, many years ago\u2014she has a great phrase. She talked about us being the custodians of marriage \/ the caretakers of marriage. I would say, \u201cI think you\u2019re absolutely right.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe irony is for me, as just an unrepentant, unapologetic believer in Jesus Christ\u2014we take His <em>wonderful<\/em> picture of what marriage is and boil it down to very simplistic things: \u201cDon\u2019t have sex outside of marriage. That\u2019s basically all God has to say about that.\u201d\u00a0 No!\u00a0 He says, \u201cDon\u2019t have sex outside of marriage,\u201d because of what marriage is\u2014because of what sexuality is. We have not been very good about teaching, first of all, who the human person is\u2014what God made us for \/ why He made us the way He made us. It\u2019s fascinating for me to read the first four chapters of Genesis, alongside the science, and see that science is supporting what God said, way back when, because of how He made us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe church needs to be able to understand that\u2014to tell the big, glorious, beautiful, wonderful story of what relationships are about, why sex is a valuable thing, why marriage is a good thing, and why cohabitation is really a cheapening of that, and why it doesn\u2019t tend to work out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay, so what does a mom do or a dad do\u2014what do a couple do when they either find out or they get the call from a son or a daughter, who says, \u201cHey, we\u2019ve decided to move in together.\u201d\u00a0 Or maybe they don\u2019t get the call; and they\u2019re just over at their son\u2019s apartment and they go, \u201cHer clothes are in his\u2026\u201d Do they wring their hands?\u00a0 Do they sit down and say, \u201cIt\u2019s time for a family meeting\u201d?\u00a0 Do they smile and say, \u201cWell, it looks like you guys have chosen a different way.\u201d\u00a0 How would you counsel somebody?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn: <\/strong>Or say, \u201cIt\u2019s none of our business.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn: <\/strong>You know what?\u00a0 It <em>absolutely<\/em> is your business. We will tend to think, as Christians, \u201cWe need to go into the preaching mode\u2014tell them it\u2019s just wrong!\u201d\u00a0 You know what?\u00a0 We need to <em>understand<\/em>. I love the second great commandment that Christ gives us. The first is, \u201cLove the Lord your God with all your heart, mind and soul, and love your neighbor as yourself.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLove of others is a very, very important criterion to us, as Christians. The way I approach it\u2014I mean, my kids are not old enough to kind of go into this; but when I look at couples facing this, I just simply want to ask the question: \u201cDo you think this is best for you?\u00a0 Do you think this is the thing that is going to get you what you\u2019re really looking for?\u201d\u00a0 To do it from a wellbeing point of view, and to talk about, \u201cOkay, how do you think this is going to set you up for relational success?\u201d and just have them explain it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s why I wrote this book. It\u2019s not a preaching book. It\u2019s a practical book to say: \u201cYou know what? If you think cohabitation is going to deliver you into the realm of good, happy, healthy, long-lasting relationships, there is more evidence, quite honestly, for Big Foot than there is this idea that cohabitation leads us to healthy relationships.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAsk the young couple, \u201cIf you\u2019ve got research to show me that your relationship, cohabiting, is going to lead you in a good place, show it to me.\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s interesting because these young people are like: \u201cDon\u2019t tell me your religious beliefs. Don\u2019t tell me your pie-in-the-sky beliefs. We want hard evidence \/ hard data.\u201d\u00a0 Well, here we\u2019ve got hard data; and we want to ask them for it\u2014to say, \u201cIf you think this is going to deliver you in a particular direction, show us what evidence is there.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And when they say, \u201cWell, we know what the statistics are; but we\u2019re different!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn: <\/strong>Absolutely; they\u2019re going to say that. Say, \u201cOkay, how are you different?\u201d\u00a0 One of the things I point out in the book: \u201cMillions of couples have gone before you, down this road. Scholars have had the opportunity to study them and to look at them carefully. These are not Christian scholars \/ they\u2019re not conservative scholars. The point is\u2014you may think\u2014that\u2019s human nature is: \u2018I can drink and drive, and I won\u2019t be the one that gets in an accident.\u2019 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2018I can smoke, and I\u2019m not going to be the one to get lung disease.\u2019\u00a0 \u2018I can take drugs, and I\u2019m not going to be the one that gets addicted.\u2019\u00a0 Everybody who finds themselves in that situation will say: \u2018You know what? I was the one that didn\u2019t think I was going to get there.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur young people need to be smarter about that\u2014that it\u2019s not just wishful thinking that\u2019s going to get them there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>One of the things that does occur, if you cohabit long enough, is you\u2019re going to slip up\u2014even with the best of precautions\u2014you\u2019re going to get pregnant \/ going to have kids. Talk about the impact of cohabitation on children\u2014because let\u2019s say you\u2019re having this conversation with a couple, who have moved in with each other\u2014and, again, continuing on in that spirit: \u201cHow healthy is this for kids being raised in a home of cohabiting couples?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I read these stories about couples who got married\u2014their son and daughter were the ring bearer and the flower girl at the wedding. You smile at that\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0\u2014it seems kind of commonplace. In fact, when you talk to couples today and you say, \u201cHow long have you been married?\u201d the answer you get is: \u201cWe\u2019ve been married five years. We\u2019ve been together eight.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn: <\/strong>Exactly, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s more common. More and more you hear that. So, again, it\u2019s almost the default: \u201cYes, we\u2019ve got a couple of kids. When we get married, they\u2019re going to be in the wedding.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn: <\/strong>Yes. In the mid-80s, about 20 percent of cohabiting couples had kids in the home. Today, it\u2019s about 40 percent. It\u2019s doubled in a relatively short period of time, but we do need to understand that cohabitation impacts kids negatively. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLook at just poverty. Poverty drives so many other things\u2014education \/ well being\u2014things like that. Kids living with cohabiting parents\u2014a mom and a dad who just simply aren\u2019t married\u2014are three times more likely to be living in poverty than a child living with the same mother and father who are simply married. That ring does make a difference.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat\u2019s interesting, as well, is\u2014in cohabiting relationships, the woman is dramatically more likely to be working outside the home. Even though there\u2019s going to be two-income earners in that home, they are still more likely to live in poverty. That is because cohabiters don\u2019t share their money like married couples do. Married couples more likely pool their money. Pooling the money and sharing the money makes it more productive in that way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>They have shared values \/ core convictions that drive the spending of the money. I can see how a cohabiting couple might not ever come to the conclusion of building a checking account\u2014where it\u2019s all in one and, therefore, you have to hammer through: \u201cWhat do we believe, Honey?\u00a0 What are our values, as a couple?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt could be two individual people doing their thing\u2014connecting, at points, around sex and maybe some entertainment, living together, physically, and raising children. I just wonder: \u201cHow would that work if you didn\u2019t have core values being hammered out for yourselves? How could you have a core value about what you were going to build into the lives of your kids?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn: <\/strong>Yes; and this idea that, \u201cWhatever is mine is yours,\u201d\u2014you can say that, but it really does work itself out in a different way in marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe other thing is domestic violence. Kids living with cohabiting parents are <em>significantly<\/em> more likely to suffer from domestic violence, but that\u2019s true of the woman also. A woman living with a guy is ten times more likely to be a victim of domestic violence. In fact, one data point shows that she is nine times more likely to die at the hands of her live-in partner than a woman who is married to a man. The ring on a man\u2019s finger makes him a safer, more respectful individual than a live-in boyfriend. That\u2019s true for children as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Speak to the issue of sexual abuse of children. Any data that indicates they\u2019re in a riskier place there as well?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn: <\/strong>Absolutely. Here\u2019s the biggest thing that people need to understand\u2014biological fathers are not as likely to abuse their own children. Live-in boyfriends\u2014I mean, absolutely off the chart. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, social scientists will tell us that: \u201cIf a child is living in a home with mom and live-in boyfriend, that child is nearly guaranteed to be sexually or physically abused in some way.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, if somebody\u2019s been listening to us this week\u2014hearing us talk about cohabitation\u2014and they\u2019re in one of these relationships\u2014guy or a girl\u2014and they are going: \u201cYou know, I\u2019ve always had this kind of thing in the back of my mind, saying: \u2018Is this really right?\u00a0 Is this really a good thing to do?\u2019\u00a0 I hear you guys, but we\u2019ve been together for two years. You\u2019re saying, \u2018I go home, and just break it off, and take my stuff and move out?\u2019\u00a0 I\u2019m not sure where I\u2019m going to move to, and I can\u2019t afford to move out. What\u2019s the way out of this deal?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn: <\/strong>It\u2019s interesting\u2014what you just said is what the social scientists call the relational vortex. They\u2019ll say it\u2019s easier for a woman to leave an unhealthy dating relationship than it is to leave an unhealthy cohabiting relationship because of the entanglement: \u201cYou know what?\u00a0 We\u2019ve got our stuff together, and I\u2019m emotionally tied to this guy.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor the woman, if she is in an unhealthy relationship\u2014as a wife, she has more <em>power<\/em> to change the guy in her life. When they\u2019re living together, she just kind of has to stay tangled in this; and it is too difficult to leave. She would do well to really think about leaving\u2014and the church to come alongside her and say: \u201cWe want to help you do the right thing. We can provide a place for you to live.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>In your book, you use an illustration. You contrast two couples: Todd and Leslie and Steve and Terry, who both live in Dallas. Just real quickly, just tick off how those two relationships\u2014one couple who are married and the other couple who are living together\u2014right?\u00a0 Explain how they\u2019re different\u2014not just in the cohabitation\u2014but in the benefits and in the relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn: <\/strong>Well, first of all, how they\u2019re similar: They both have good jobs, both relatively well-educated. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey\u2019re good\u2014good folks; but by the nature of their relationship, their relationships are very different\u2014we talked about it earlier. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe guy, in the married relationship, is more likely to help out with household chores. He is less likely to be domestically violent against his wife. The married couple is more likely to earn and save more money, even though they are less likely to have both of them working. They\u2019re more likely to be college-educated and to have gone on to college and get their college education. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAlthough, in this case, both of them were college-educated\u2014the cohabiting couple is up to three times more likely to suffer from depression. The depression stems from the nature of the relationship itself. The married couple is significantly more likely to be more sexually-satisfied. This couple over here\u2014the cohabiting couple\u2014is significantly more likely \/ anywhere from three to five times more likely to be unfaithful to one another and to be less sexually-satisfied, across the board. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, you could say if somebody asks\u2014and people ask me all the time, \u201cGlenn, is there any positive thing that cohabitation produces?\u201d\u00a0 You know what?\u00a0 There is really not. The research doesn\u2019t indicate any\u2014even small measurable way\u2014that cohabitation tends to do better than marriage does. Marriage outstrips everything that cohabitation can do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I can think of one. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn: <\/strong>What\u2019s that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Nighttime TV.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn: <\/strong>You know what?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Nighttime TV. It is the driving force of most of the programs that you can watch that aren\u2019t news talk in the evening. It\u2019s the theme of what\u2019s driving it all\u2014couples moving in \/ shacking up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I have said\u2014as I\u2019ve spoken at our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaways to engaged couples or to couples who are thinking about engagement\u2014I\u2019ve said over and over again: \u201cIf you are currently having sex with your boyfriend or your girlfriend\u2014living together or not living together\u2014one thing you know is true about the person you\u2019re thinking about marrying is, \u2018That person is willing to have sex with somebody they\u2019re not married to.\u2019 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cNow, what makes you think, once they\u2019re married, that goes away?\u2014because today they\u2019re willing to have sex with somebody they\u2019re not married to. Why would you think that would change?\u00a0 Of course, that applies, not just to the person you\u2019re thinking about marrying, but you as well. You\u2019re sowing seeds that are not healthy seeds\u2014that will bear bitter fruit.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Glenn, I just want you to know that we really appreciate you and <em>Focus on the Family<\/em>. You guys are in the fight for marriage and family\u2014and not just the benefits of both\u2014but going back to the Master\u2019s design. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThank you for writing \/ doing the research and really giving us good, healthy material, here in a book\u2014that doesn\u2019t just give us the ability to place a better argument on the table but be so well-informed that we\u2019re not intimated and back down from the biblical design.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn: <\/strong>And to make the case for, really, what\u2019s good for people and to be able to argue for what\u2019s good for them. We want to say, at <em>Focus<\/em>\u2014we are greatly encouraged by the work that you guys are doing and have somebody standing, side by side, with us to do this kind of work and to do it so well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, I appreciate you. Jim, I\u2019m sorry he is no longer an employee of <em>Focus on the Family<\/em>. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Oh my! We\u2019re in trouble. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>This is how you found out, Jim\u2014don\u2019t forget it!\u00a0 I\u2019ll likely find a horse head in my bed. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Jim, if you\u2019d like a copy of Glenn\u2019s book, go to FamilyLifeToday.com. You can order it from us, online. Click the link in the upper left-hand corner of the screen that says, \u201cGO DEEPER.\u201d Glenn\u2019s book is available to you right there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s called <em>The Ring Makes All the Difference<\/em>. Again, our website is: FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link that says, \u201cGO DEEPER,\u201d and you\u2019ll find information about Glenn Stanton\u2019s book, <em>The Ring Makes All the Difference<\/em>. Or if you prefer to order a copy of Glenn\u2019s book by phone, the toll-free number is 1-800-358-6329. That\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, a quick word of thanks before we wrap things up to the folks who made today\u2019s program possible\u2014it\u2019s those of you who partner with us, here in the ministry at <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, by joining with us financially. <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a listener-supported ministry. The only way that we\u2019re able to be here each day, doing what we do, is because folks, like you, help cover the cost of producing and syndicating this daily radio program with your contributions. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhether you\u2019re a Legacy Partner, making a regular monthly contribution to this ministry, or you\u2019re someone who makes a donation, from time to time\u2014either way, we just want to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d and let you know how grateful we are for your partnership with us, here in the ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you can help with a donation today of, at least, $50, we\u2019d like to say, \u201cThank you for your support,\u201d by sending you Dennis Rainey\u2019s book, <em>Stepping Up: A Call To Courageous Manhood, <\/em>and sending you a copy of a book for women from Nancy Leigh DeMoss and Mary Kassian\u2014it\u2019s the brand-new <em>True Woman 201: Interior Design<\/em> book. We\u2019ll send you both books when you make a donation of, at least, $50 by going to FamilyLifeToday.com and clicking the link in the upper right-hand corner of the screen that says, \u201cI CARE.\u201d Or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY\u2014make your donation over the phone. Or you can mail your donation to us at <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWith that, we hope you have a great weekend. We hope you and your family can worship together in church this Sunday. I hope you can join us back on Monday when we\u2019re going to hear from a friend of ours, Dave Wilson, who\u2019s a pastor in Michigan. He\u2019s got a message for guys. In fact, this is a message that we heard him share, back a few months ago, on the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage cruise. We thought it was a great message\u2014so we\u2019re going to share it with you Monday. Hope you can tune in for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back Monday for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<sup>\u00a9<\/sup>Song: <em>Everything I Have Is Yours<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tArtist:\u00a0\u00a0 Billie Holiday\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAlbum: <em>The Complete Billy Holiday on Verve<\/em> (p) 1945-1949 UMG Recordings, Inc.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 2012 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["23.12M"],"filesize_raw":["24242097"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-303539.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-303539.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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doesn't hurt anybody. Or does it? Researcher Glenn Stanton, talks about the cons of living together with the opposite sex without the benefit of marriage.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2015-06-19.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Dave and Sandy are married. They both have good jobs. They\u2019re making okay money. Money is tight at home, but they\u2019re getting by. Roger and Elaine are living together. They both have good jobs, making okay money; but they\u2019re broke. Glenn Stanton says the difference is the ring.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn: <\/strong>What\u2019s interesting, as well, is\u2014in cohabiting relationships, the woman is dramatically more likely to be working outside the home. Even though there\u2019s going to be two-income earners in that home, they are still more likely to live in poverty. That is because cohabiters don\u2019t share their money like married couples do. Married couples more likely pool their money. Pooling the money and sharing the money makes it more productive. That ring does make a difference.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[<em>Everything I Have Is Yours <\/em>by Billie Holiday]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, June 19<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. That\u2019s Billy Holiday singing. The normal path to marriage today involves living together before you get married. It\u2019s really a bad idea, as we\u2019ll see today. Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to talk about Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell today; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>What?!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell. They are the poster couple for cohabitation. I mean, you stop and think about it\u2014in Hollywood, marriages are disposable. They just don\u2019t go very long.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>How many times was Liz Taylor married?\u00a0 Or was it Zsa Zsa Gabor?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, I think both of them. I think if you put them together\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Nine or ten?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I think\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Together, 140?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But if you take Goldie and Kurt, they\u2019ve been cohabiting for years now. They don\u2019t need marriage \/ they\u2019re not big on marriage\u2014they\u2019re happy the way they are. They have kids together. They are the poster kids. They\u2019re the ones who hold up the standard and say: \u201cLook. You don\u2019t have to be married to be happy. You can do this whole cohabiting thing and it works out great.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I want our guest today\u2014I want Mr. Smarty-pants, the guy who\u2019s sitting here\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You\u2019ve found fresh ways\u2014\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGlenn, I have to tell you. [Laughter] Over the years Bob and I have been doing radio\u2014we\u2019re coming up on 20 years\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I don\u2019t think I\u2019ve ever\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014we have found such a spectrum of ways to offend our guests. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn: <\/strong>Well, no. He noticed that my pants were, indeed, quite smart.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Smarty-pants.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Ohhh!\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn: <\/strong>I don\u2019t take that as an offense at all!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>That is the voice of Glenn Stanton. Glenn works at <em>Focus on the Family<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> and will probably stay there now and not join us, like he was planning to. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe is the author of the book, <em>The Ring Makes All the Difference. <\/em>We welcome you back to <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And hold on! If Jim Daly\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>So, Mr. Smarty-pants, go ahead and answer\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Wait, wait. If Jim Daly is listening\u2014he was <em>not<\/em> planning to join us. Dennis made that part up. I just want to clear that up; okay?\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>We\u2019ll just start a little rumor among friends, here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Oh, come on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Okay. Glenn, I\u2019m going to have a little dignity here. I\u2019ve even forgotten what your question was!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Goldie and Kurt\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>What about it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>They\u2019re the model; right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn: <\/strong>Yes, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Couples can have a happy non-married relationship, and they\u2019re the proof of it. So what do you say to that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn: <\/strong>So, it\u2019s the POSSLQ\u2014yes\u2014from the first day\u2014but that\u2019s the point. You kind of laugh and you want to go: \u201cOkay, yes, we need to tell the researchers about them because they\u2019ve created this whole paradigm shift. Okay, just throw out four decades of research showing this.\u201d\u00a0 The reason people bring up them is that they\u2019re the exception to the norm, and they know that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s like me saying: \u201cWell, you know, I just don\u2019t believe the whole smoking thing because my grandfather smoked until he was 98!\u00a0 That\u2019s just a bunch of rubbish.\u201d\u00a0 People do bend the rule, but that doesn\u2019t change the rule itself.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes, good point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, you speak all around the country \/ you debate. Undoubtedly, you\u2019ve had a young couple who have raised their hand and said: \u201cLook; look\u2014we\u2019re a Christian couple. We decided to move in with each other, but we\u2019re just not going to have sex.\u201d\u00a0 So, all is on the up-and-up; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn: <\/strong>Yes. I often want to say, \u201cSay that again with a straight face.\u201d\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>What I want to do is\u2014I want to ask a clarifying question: \u201cHow do you define sex?\u201d because this generation\u2014there\u2019s a lot of ways to get around the issue\u2014and in reality, they\u2019re still having sex.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn: <\/strong>That\u2019s exactly right, but here\u2019s the other big thing that we really do need to understand. It\u2019s the issue of\u2014sex is a huge thing\u2014but it\u2019s the issue of intimacy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s kind of what you\u2019re getting at\u2014is there are a lot of different ways to have physical intimacy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe point that I make is: \u201cWhen you wake up in the morning\u2014come from separate bedrooms even\u2014into the kitchen, in your pajamas, and fix your breakfast together, and drink your coffee together\u2014that is <em>an incredibly<\/em> intimate thing. Brushing your teeth together at the same sink is an <em>incredibly intimate<\/em> kind of thing. Those are intimacies that kind of break down and really shouldn\u2019t be happening, from a moral perspective; but just from a human perspective, they bind the couple together. Sex is not just the only intimacy that marriage brings together\u2014it\u2019s that sharing the life together.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You\u2019re saying that the foundation of a promise\u2014a pledge, a commitment, a guarantee\u2014before those kinds of intimacies are shared, whether it\u2019s the toothbrush or whatever else\u2014forget sex\u2014the foundation of that commitment is what keeps that intimacy\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn: <\/strong>Exactly. Those are intimacies that are happening, <em>without<\/em> the commitment of the relationship itself. C.S. Lewis\u2014and I love this quote\u2014he says, \u201cThe monstrosity of pre-marital sex is it separates one part of the relationship from all the other parts of the relationship that are supposed to go with it.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe commitment of the person\u2014what we talked about yesterday in Genesis 2\u2014the burning of the bridge, if you will \/ burning my bridge to my parents, to my friends, to all my other relationships, and, \u201cHoney, I am all about <em>you<\/em>.\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s having those particular intimacies, not just sexual, but all the other domestic intimacies before the final commitment has been made. That\u2019s why the researchers are telling us that cohabiting relationships are, qualitatively, different and less healthy kinds of relationships because it\u2019s separating those intimacies out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Glenn, I\u2019ve been listening to you, now, as you\u2019ve talked about this. I\u2019m thinking about the Christian community, as a whole\u2014I\u2019m thinking: \u201cWe have really not done a good job of addressing the people who are cohabiting, nor have we done a good job of addressing cohabitation.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn: <\/strong>Absolutely; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>What would you say ought to be our proactive game plan on a go-forward basis?\u00a0 The church \/ the Christian community\u2014we\u2019re the protector of the marriage covenant. Our God created marriage. He made them male and female; and then He set about the conditions for a man to leave and cleave and become one, and then to be naked and unashamed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn: <\/strong>Yes. Barbara Dafoe Whitehead, who wrote the famous \u201cDan Quayle Was Right\u201d article many, many years ago\u2014she has a great phrase. She talked about us being the custodians of marriage \/ the caretakers of marriage. I would say, \u201cI think you\u2019re absolutely right.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe irony is for me, as just an unrepentant, unapologetic believer in Jesus Christ\u2014we take His <em>wonderful<\/em> picture of what marriage is and boil it down to very simplistic things: \u201cDon\u2019t have sex outside of marriage. That\u2019s basically all God has to say about that.\u201d\u00a0 No!\u00a0 He says, \u201cDon\u2019t have sex outside of marriage,\u201d because of what marriage is\u2014because of what sexuality is. We have not been very good about teaching, first of all, who the human person is\u2014what God made us for \/ why He made us the way He made us. It\u2019s fascinating for me to read the first four chapters of Genesis, alongside the science, and see that science is supporting what God said, way back when, because of how He made us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe church needs to be able to understand that\u2014to tell the big, glorious, beautiful, wonderful story of what relationships are about, why sex is a valuable thing, why marriage is a good thing, and why cohabitation is really a cheapening of that, and why it doesn\u2019t tend to work out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay, so what does a mom do or a dad do\u2014what do a couple do when they either find out or they get the call from a son or a daughter, who says, \u201cHey, we\u2019ve decided to move in together.\u201d\u00a0 Or maybe they don\u2019t get the call; and they\u2019re just over at their son\u2019s apartment and they go, \u201cHer clothes are in his\u2026\u201d Do they wring their hands?\u00a0 Do they sit down and say, \u201cIt\u2019s time for a family meeting\u201d?\u00a0 Do they smile and say, \u201cWell, it looks like you guys have chosen a different way.\u201d\u00a0 How would you counsel somebody?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn: <\/strong>Or say, \u201cIt\u2019s none of our business.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn: <\/strong>You know what?\u00a0 It <em>absolutely<\/em> is your business. We will tend to think, as Christians, \u201cWe need to go into the preaching mode\u2014tell them it\u2019s just wrong!\u201d\u00a0 You know what?\u00a0 We need to <em>understand<\/em>. I love the second great commandment that Christ gives us. The first is, \u201cLove the Lord your God with all your heart, mind and soul, and love your neighbor as yourself.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLove of others is a very, very important criterion to us, as Christians. The way I approach it\u2014I mean, my kids are not old enough to kind of go into this; but when I look at couples facing this, I just simply want to ask the question: \u201cDo you think this is best for you?\u00a0 Do you think this is the thing that is going to get you what you\u2019re really looking for?\u201d\u00a0 To do it from a wellbeing point of view, and to talk about, \u201cOkay, how do you think this is going to set you up for relational success?\u201d and just have them explain it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s why I wrote this book. It\u2019s not a preaching book. It\u2019s a practical book to say: \u201cYou know what? If you think cohabitation is going to deliver you into the realm of good, happy, healthy, long-lasting relationships, there is more evidence, quite honestly, for Big Foot than there is this idea that cohabitation leads us to healthy relationships.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAsk the young couple, \u201cIf you\u2019ve got research to show me that your relationship, cohabiting, is going to lead you in a good place, show it to me.\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s interesting because these young people are like: \u201cDon\u2019t tell me your religious beliefs. Don\u2019t tell me your pie-in-the-sky beliefs. We want hard evidence \/ hard data.\u201d\u00a0 Well, here we\u2019ve got hard data; and we want to ask them for it\u2014to say, \u201cIf you think this is going to deliver you in a particular direction, show us what evidence is there.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And when they say, \u201cWell, we know what the statistics are; but we\u2019re different!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn: <\/strong>Absolutely; they\u2019re going to say that. Say, \u201cOkay, how are you different?\u201d\u00a0 One of the things I point out in the book: \u201cMillions of couples have gone before you, down this road. Scholars have had the opportunity to study them and to look at them carefully. These are not Christian scholars \/ they\u2019re not conservative scholars. The point is\u2014you may think\u2014that\u2019s human nature is: \u2018I can drink and drive, and I won\u2019t be the one that gets in an accident.\u2019 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2018I can smoke, and I\u2019m not going to be the one to get lung disease.\u2019\u00a0 \u2018I can take drugs, and I\u2019m not going to be the one that gets addicted.\u2019\u00a0 Everybody who finds themselves in that situation will say: \u2018You know what? I was the one that didn\u2019t think I was going to get there.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur young people need to be smarter about that\u2014that it\u2019s not just wishful thinking that\u2019s going to get them there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>One of the things that does occur, if you cohabit long enough, is you\u2019re going to slip up\u2014even with the best of precautions\u2014you\u2019re going to get pregnant \/ going to have kids. Talk about the impact of cohabitation on children\u2014because let\u2019s say you\u2019re having this conversation with a couple, who have moved in with each other\u2014and, again, continuing on in that spirit: \u201cHow healthy is this for kids being raised in a home of cohabiting couples?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I read these stories about couples who got married\u2014their son and daughter were the ring bearer and the flower girl at the wedding. You smile at that\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0\u2014it seems kind of commonplace. In fact, when you talk to couples today and you say, \u201cHow long have you been married?\u201d the answer you get is: \u201cWe\u2019ve been married five years. We\u2019ve been together eight.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn: <\/strong>Exactly, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s more common. More and more you hear that. So, again, it\u2019s almost the default: \u201cYes, we\u2019ve got a couple of kids. When we get married, they\u2019re going to be in the wedding.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn: <\/strong>Yes. In the mid-80s, about 20 percent of cohabiting couples had kids in the home. Today, it\u2019s about 40 percent. It\u2019s doubled in a relatively short period of time, but we do need to understand that cohabitation impacts kids negatively. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLook at just poverty. Poverty drives so many other things\u2014education \/ well being\u2014things like that. Kids living with cohabiting parents\u2014a mom and a dad who just simply aren\u2019t married\u2014are three times more likely to be living in poverty than a child living with the same mother and father who are simply married. That ring does make a difference.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat\u2019s interesting, as well, is\u2014in cohabiting relationships, the woman is dramatically more likely to be working outside the home. Even though there\u2019s going to be two-income earners in that home, they are still more likely to live in poverty. That is because cohabiters don\u2019t share their money like married couples do. Married couples more likely pool their money. Pooling the money and sharing the money makes it more productive in that way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>They have shared values \/ core convictions that drive the spending of the money. I can see how a cohabiting couple might not ever come to the conclusion of building a checking account\u2014where it\u2019s all in one and, therefore, you have to hammer through: \u201cWhat do we believe, Honey?\u00a0 What are our values, as a couple?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt could be two individual people doing their thing\u2014connecting, at points, around sex and maybe some entertainment, living together, physically, and raising children. I just wonder: \u201cHow would that work if you didn\u2019t have core values being hammered out for yourselves? How could you have a core value about what you were going to build into the lives of your kids?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn: <\/strong>Yes; and this idea that, \u201cWhatever is mine is yours,\u201d\u2014you can say that, but it really does work itself out in a different way in marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe other thing is domestic violence. Kids living with cohabiting parents are <em>significantly<\/em> more likely to suffer from domestic violence, but that\u2019s true of the woman also. A woman living with a guy is ten times more likely to be a victim of domestic violence. In fact, one data point shows that she is nine times more likely to die at the hands of her live-in partner than a woman who is married to a man. The ring on a man\u2019s finger makes him a safer, more respectful individual than a live-in boyfriend. That\u2019s true for children as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Speak to the issue of sexual abuse of children. Any data that indicates they\u2019re in a riskier place there as well?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn: <\/strong>Absolutely. Here\u2019s the biggest thing that people need to understand\u2014biological fathers are not as likely to abuse their own children. Live-in boyfriends\u2014I mean, absolutely off the chart. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, social scientists will tell us that: \u201cIf a child is living in a home with mom and live-in boyfriend, that child is nearly guaranteed to be sexually or physically abused in some way.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, if somebody\u2019s been listening to us this week\u2014hearing us talk about cohabitation\u2014and they\u2019re in one of these relationships\u2014guy or a girl\u2014and they are going: \u201cYou know, I\u2019ve always had this kind of thing in the back of my mind, saying: \u2018Is this really right?\u00a0 Is this really a good thing to do?\u2019\u00a0 I hear you guys, but we\u2019ve been together for two years. You\u2019re saying, \u2018I go home, and just break it off, and take my stuff and move out?\u2019\u00a0 I\u2019m not sure where I\u2019m going to move to, and I can\u2019t afford to move out. What\u2019s the way out of this deal?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn: <\/strong>It\u2019s interesting\u2014what you just said is what the social scientists call the relational vortex. They\u2019ll say it\u2019s easier for a woman to leave an unhealthy dating relationship than it is to leave an unhealthy cohabiting relationship because of the entanglement: \u201cYou know what?\u00a0 We\u2019ve got our stuff together, and I\u2019m emotionally tied to this guy.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor the woman, if she is in an unhealthy relationship\u2014as a wife, she has more <em>power<\/em> to change the guy in her life. When they\u2019re living together, she just kind of has to stay tangled in this; and it is too difficult to leave. She would do well to really think about leaving\u2014and the church to come alongside her and say: \u201cWe want to help you do the right thing. We can provide a place for you to live.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>In your book, you use an illustration. You contrast two couples: Todd and Leslie and Steve and Terry, who both live in Dallas. Just real quickly, just tick off how those two relationships\u2014one couple who are married and the other couple who are living together\u2014right?\u00a0 Explain how they\u2019re different\u2014not just in the cohabitation\u2014but in the benefits and in the relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn: <\/strong>Well, first of all, how they\u2019re similar: They both have good jobs, both relatively well-educated. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey\u2019re good\u2014good folks; but by the nature of their relationship, their relationships are very different\u2014we talked about it earlier. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe guy, in the married relationship, is more likely to help out with household chores. He is less likely to be domestically violent against his wife. The married couple is more likely to earn and save more money, even though they are less likely to have both of them working. They\u2019re more likely to be college-educated and to have gone on to college and get their college education. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAlthough, in this case, both of them were college-educated\u2014the cohabiting couple is up to three times more likely to suffer from depression. The depression stems from the nature of the relationship itself. The married couple is significantly more likely to be more sexually-satisfied. This couple over here\u2014the cohabiting couple\u2014is significantly more likely \/ anywhere from three to five times more likely to be unfaithful to one another and to be less sexually-satisfied, across the board. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, you could say if somebody asks\u2014and people ask me all the time, \u201cGlenn, is there any positive thing that cohabitation produces?\u201d\u00a0 You know what?\u00a0 There is really not. The research doesn\u2019t indicate any\u2014even small measurable way\u2014that cohabitation tends to do better than marriage does. Marriage outstrips everything that cohabitation can do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I can think of one. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn: <\/strong>What\u2019s that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Nighttime TV.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn: <\/strong>You know what?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Nighttime TV. It is the driving force of most of the programs that you can watch that aren\u2019t news talk in the evening. It\u2019s the theme of what\u2019s driving it all\u2014couples moving in \/ shacking up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I have said\u2014as I\u2019ve spoken at our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaways to engaged couples or to couples who are thinking about engagement\u2014I\u2019ve said over and over again: \u201cIf you are currently having sex with your boyfriend or your girlfriend\u2014living together or not living together\u2014one thing you know is true about the person you\u2019re thinking about marrying is, \u2018That person is willing to have sex with somebody they\u2019re not married to.\u2019 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cNow, what makes you think, once they\u2019re married, that goes away?\u2014because today they\u2019re willing to have sex with somebody they\u2019re not married to. Why would you think that would change?\u00a0 Of course, that applies, not just to the person you\u2019re thinking about marrying, but you as well. You\u2019re sowing seeds that are not healthy seeds\u2014that will bear bitter fruit.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Glenn, I just want you to know that we really appreciate you and <em>Focus on the Family<\/em>. You guys are in the fight for marriage and family\u2014and not just the benefits of both\u2014but going back to the Master\u2019s design. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThank you for writing \/ doing the research and really giving us good, healthy material, here in a book\u2014that doesn\u2019t just give us the ability to place a better argument on the table but be so well-informed that we\u2019re not intimated and back down from the biblical design.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn: <\/strong>And to make the case for, really, what\u2019s good for people and to be able to argue for what\u2019s good for them. We want to say, at <em>Focus<\/em>\u2014we are greatly encouraged by the work that you guys are doing and have somebody standing, side by side, with us to do this kind of work and to do it so well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, I appreciate you. Jim, I\u2019m sorry he is no longer an employee of <em>Focus on the Family<\/em>. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Oh my! We\u2019re in trouble. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>This is how you found out, Jim\u2014don\u2019t forget it!\u00a0 I\u2019ll likely find a horse head in my bed. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Jim, if you\u2019d like a copy of Glenn\u2019s book, go to FamilyLifeToday.com. You can order it from us, online. Click the link in the upper left-hand corner of the screen that says, \u201cGO DEEPER.\u201d Glenn\u2019s book is available to you right there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s called <em>The Ring Makes All the Difference<\/em>. Again, our website is: FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link that says, \u201cGO DEEPER,\u201d and you\u2019ll find information about Glenn Stanton\u2019s book, <em>The Ring Makes All the Difference<\/em>. Or if you prefer to order a copy of Glenn\u2019s book by phone, the toll-free number is 1-800-358-6329. That\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, a quick word of thanks before we wrap things up to the folks who made today\u2019s program possible\u2014it\u2019s those of you who partner with us, here in the ministry at <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, by joining with us financially. <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a listener-supported ministry. The only way that we\u2019re able to be here each day, doing what we do, is because folks, like you, help cover the cost of producing and syndicating this daily radio program with your contributions. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhether you\u2019re a Legacy Partner, making a regular monthly contribution to this ministry, or you\u2019re someone who makes a donation, from time to time\u2014either way, we just want to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d and let you know how grateful we are for your partnership with us, here in the ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you can help with a donation today of, at least, $50, we\u2019d like to say, \u201cThank you for your support,\u201d by sending you Dennis Rainey\u2019s book, <em>Stepping Up: A Call To Courageous Manhood, <\/em>and sending you a copy of a book for women from Nancy Leigh DeMoss and Mary Kassian\u2014it\u2019s the brand-new <em>True Woman 201: Interior Design<\/em> book. We\u2019ll send you both books when you make a donation of, at least, $50 by going to FamilyLifeToday.com and clicking the link in the upper right-hand corner of the screen that says, \u201cI CARE.\u201d Or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY\u2014make your donation over the phone. Or you can mail your donation to us at <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWith that, we hope you have a great weekend. We hope you and your family can worship together in church this Sunday. I hope you can join us back on Monday when we\u2019re going to hear from a friend of ours, Dave Wilson, who\u2019s a pastor in Michigan. He\u2019s got a message for guys. In fact, this is a message that we heard him share, back a few months ago, on the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage cruise. We thought it was a great message\u2014so we\u2019re going to share it with you Monday. Hope you can tune in for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back Monday for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<sup>\u00a9<\/sup>Song: <em>Everything I Have Is Yours<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tArtist:\u00a0\u00a0 Billie Holiday\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAlbum: <em>The Complete Billy Holiday on Verve<\/em> (p) 1945-1949 UMG Recordings, Inc.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 2012 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/303539","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=303539"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=303539"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=303539"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=303539"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=303539"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=303539"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=303539"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}