{"id":303503,"date":"2015-05-21T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2015-05-21T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/help-for-the-troubled-teen\/"},"modified":"2015-05-21T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2015-05-21T15:00:00","slug":"help-for-the-troubled-teen","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/help-for-the-troubled-teen\/","title":{"rendered":"Help for the Troubled Teen"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Do you have a child that&#8217;s out of control? We want you to know there&#8217;s hope. Jim Subers, President of Shelterwood explains why it&#8217;s getting more and more difficult to raise children today.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2015-05-21.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"23.8M","filesize_raw":"24956874","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2841,2839],"tags":[5658,5660,5659,5514,4358,4719,5661,5657],"podcast_series":[8079],"cwp_profile":[9384],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-303503","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-anger-and-rebellion","category-attitude-problems","tag-bootcamp","tag-faith-in-god","tag-substance-abuse","tag-teen-pregnancy","tag-teenage-problems","tag-teenagers","tag-the-word-of-god","tag-troubled-teen-programs","podcast_series-shelterwood","cwp_profile-jim-subers","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/303503\/help-for-the-troubled-teen","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/303503\/help-for-the-troubled-teen","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"HozHK1zH39\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/help-for-the-troubled-teen\/\">Help for the Troubled Teen<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/help-for-the-troubled-teen\/embed\/#?secret=HozHK1zH39\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Help for the Troubled Teen&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"HozHK1zH39\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2015-05-21.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2015-05-21.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Have you wondered if a teenager you know\u2014maybe your own son or daughter\u2014is just going through a difficult time or if there is something really wrong? How can you tell if the issue is critical \/ if it\u2019s serious? Here\u2019s Jim Subers.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> You know, there are all kinds of warning signs\u2014defiance, cutting, suicide ideation\u2014where they\u2019re talking about hating themselves \/ wanting to kill themselves. There are lots of warning signs, but you can\u2019t underestimate the gut of a parent. If they find themselves, more than once a month, wondering, \u201cIs my child really in serious trouble?\u201d they need to get him some help. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>for Thursday, May 21st. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. What can a mom or a dad do if a son or daughter needs serious help? We\u2019ll explore that today. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. There are times, when a mom or a dad can do all they can do in raising a son or a daughter, and they just look at each other and say, \u201cWe\u2019re over our heads.\u201d They never anticipated they\u2019d get there. They are kind of blind-sided\u2014they feel defeated. It\u2019s a hard place for parents to be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It is. It\u2019s interesting, Bob, within the Christian community, how many parents can be hurting, privately, and not kind of come out and share their drama\u2014and find help, and healing, and hope\u2014in the Christian community, who can kind of wrap their arms around them, and say: \u201cYou know, you aren\u2019t alone. Here are some other parents you need to be getting together with where you can kind of gain some courage, perspective, and not beat yourself up with shame.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes, don\u2019t you think a lot of parents don\u2019t open up about this because they do feel: \u201cIt must be me. I must have been a bad parent.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Absolutely\u2014in fact, let\u2019s ask our guest, who heads up a ministry in Kansas City called Shelterwood. Jim Subers joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Jim, welcome to the broadcast.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Thank you. It\u2019s great to be here; and you\u2019re describing most of our parents, Bob. Most of\u2014used to be, I guess\u201420 years ago,\u00a0 if a kid had significant behavioral\/emotional problems, you could kind of assume that the family was dysfunctional\u2014that there was a father that had left or there was some kind of abuse. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I\u2019ve got to tell you\u2014most of the families at Shelterwood \/ most of the kids that we have here come from stable two-parent homes and loving parents, who are trying their best to do a good job and take their kids to church on Sunday. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut they are finding some real struggles with their teenagers.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yours is a residential facility where parents can bring a troubled child, aged 13 to 18; is that right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Yes, 13 to 18.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It\u2019s a pretty good-sized facility. You\u2019ve got room for 64 teenagers; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Yes, we currently can take 64 kids. We\u2019re building a new residential lodge so we will be able to expand in the next couple of months as well. The demand\u2014we\u2019ve got 5,000 phone calls we take a year\u2014parents looking for help for their teens\u2014and about 80,000 come to our website looking for help. It\u2019s a significant issue, right now, for faith families that are looking for help for their teenagers that are being assaulted by the challenges of this culture.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes, let\u2019s talk about that for a moment. Before we talk about a true prodigal or a troubled teen, you\u2019ve been a student of what\u2019s taking place in teenagers for a number of years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou help launch and lead Kids Across America, which was a very successful endeavor. What do you think parents need to know today that\u2014maybe it\u2019s not unique just to kids today\u2014but what do you see happening with teenagers today?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> In my view, perhaps this is the most\u2014at least in the modern era\u2014the most difficult time to raise a child. I think you guys probably remember there was a movie, a number of years ago called, <em>The Perfect Storm<\/em>, when it was a convergence of several major weather patterns at the same time that created this monster storm. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, I think that\u2019s what we\u2019re dealing with, with our kids right now. It\u2019s the perfect storm in our culture. You think: \u201cWhat are the storms? What are the things that converged?\u201d Well, I don\u2019t think you can underestimate, first, the influence of modern media\u2014whether it be the iPhone<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> and the computer and the iPad<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> and the internet. Even if you restrict stuff at your own home, your children\u2019s friends still have it on their iPhone or at their home. It\u2019s a challenge. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then there are other issues related to that\u2014influence of media too. We know about the content issues and how that\u2019s influencing our kids. But what effect does constant screen time have on the adolescent brain, and the development of the adolescent brain, and the way to think and the way to process information? What influence does the texting and the sound-bite communication that kids are doing have on their ability to develop deep relationships and to communicate? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe find kids that come to Shelterwood\u2014they\u2019ve got friends, a mile wide, but an inch deep. They haven\u2019t really learned to communicate\u2014they\u2019ve worn their mask. We disconnect them from the matrix, so to speak, when they get to Shelterwood. They get off of their phones, they get off their iPads, and they get off their computers. They have to learn to relate to one another and to communicate.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Do you think we\u2019re trusting young people at too early an age with these devices? If you were a parent again, what would you do? What would you and your wife do?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Well, I am a parent\u2014still. [Laughing] I\u2019ve got a 19-year-old and a 22-year-old, and then, I\u2019ve got the two older ones that are married and off. But my 22-year-old has autism. For his sake, we have not given him a phone that enables him to access the internet because he doesn\u2019t have the\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014the filter\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> \u2014the filter \/ the wherewithal to say, \u201cNo,\u201d when the desire comes to go to sites that would be inappropriate. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI don\u2019t know how you stop this train because it\u2019s running pretty fast. But I know that is a major, major barrier to parenting today\u2014is the influence of culture. So, you\u2019ve got media. Then you\u2019ve got the general challenge of a culture that no longer believes in moral absolutes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen you\u2019ve got the issues of the teenage years\u2014and kids feeling like they don\u2019t have purpose \/ they don\u2019t have a <em>reason<\/em> to exist. There\u2019s a lot of depression that\u2019s coming because there is a sense of not really having a goal and a meaningful purpose for their teen years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tUsed to be\u2014kids had jobs\u2014they were working the family business. They were involved in some type of activity that was supporting the family. The last 40 years\u2014that hasn\u2019t happened, and kids have been given a lot. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know for us, at Shelterwood, one of the ways we battle that is we get the kids engaged in service projects. Our missions to Haiti have been instrumental in helping give kids the opportunity to <em>serve<\/em> and to see the benefit of living for something more than themselves. We\u2019ve seen tremendous growth in lots of their lives with that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, what you guys would be very familiar with is the psychobabble of the last 40 years and the ways the ideas of parenting have shifted because of Freudian thought\u2014time-outs and explaining things to your kids\u2014and not recognizing that your children need to shift, from the time they are two or three, to understanding parental authority and responding to that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you haven\u2019t gotten a handle on that, by the time they\u2019re a teenager, you\u2019re going to have a tough row to hoe. At Shelterwood, a lot of the kids we\u2019re dealing with have not really addressed those issues\u2014have not come to a place of responding to parental authority. So, we have to come alongside moms and dads and help them in that process.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It seems to set children up\u2014young people who are not yet adults\u2014they are not mature \/ they don\u2019t have the character in place to be a shock-absorber and provide the rails to run on in life to keep them out of the ditch. They make mistakes repeatedly\u2014over, and over, and over again\u2014and sometimes it becomes damaging to the child and then to the family\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014and then they [knocking sound] they come knocking on the door of Shelterwood. Describe the typical parent who comes to see you and what they\u2019re looking for when they bring a troubled teen to Shelterwood.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Well, oftentimes, moms and dads have tried everything\u2014like Bob said at the beginning of the broadcast\u2014to try to help their child; but they\u2019ve gotten to a place where they are\u2014either they\u2019re afraid of the decisions the child is making are going to cause some permanent problems for them, and they are trying to nip that in the bud. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI quite honestly think the parents that send their kids to Shelterwood are some of the most courageous folks that I\u2019ve ever met. It is <em>not easy<\/em> to say, \u201cI need help,\u201d and \u201cI need to basically give my child away to some strangers to help me for a while.\u201d I have parents that tell me, consistently, that when they drive off our property, after they\u2019ve dropped their child off, they are a basket case. They are crying because there\u2019s a sense of shame \/ there\u2019s a sense of failure. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s a sense of having to trust God in a way that maybe they\u2019ve never had to do with their child. It\u2019s not an easy deal. They are pretty courageous folks. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd like I said, most of them are pretty dynamic families, with multiple kids, but they\u2019ve got one child, for whatever reason, that has really struggled and needs to get extra help. Oftentimes, they\u2019ve already tried therapy\u2014so they\u2019ll have a counselor that\u2019s worked with the child. Many times, after a while, the therapist will say, \u201cYou know, I think your son or your daughter needs residential care.\u201d And then they start looking\u2014they start reaching, around the country, to try to find where they can send their child.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> How does a mom or dad know whether the issues they\u2019re dealing with the teenager are at that level of needing residential care versus \u201cThis is just the teenage way, and we\u2019ve got to ride it though and get to the other side\u201d? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBecause teenagers are going to express their independence in a variety of ways\u2014some of those are going to be healthy \/ some of those are going to be unhealthy, but not life-altering. And then sometimes, you\u2019re dealing with a child who may be violent to himself or to others. How do you know, as a mom or a dad, this is one of those situations where it\u2019s beyond us and we need help?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Well, that\u2019s a great question, Bob. There\u2019s no one-size-fits-all answer to that, but let me just say this\u2014you can\u2019t underestimate the gut of a parent. If they find themselves, more than once a month, wondering, \u201cIs my child really in serious trouble?\u201d they need to get him some help. And you need to, first, have a discussion with your child. If, in that discussion\u2014where you\u2019re not accusing but you\u2019re just saying: \u201cI\u2019m concerned about what I\u2019m seeing. Let\u2019s talk about it,\u201d\u2014the more defensive they are\u2014the more of a warning sign that is to you that you need to get him some help.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The typical young person, who is coming to Shelterwood\u2014what\u2019s the profile of that child? What kinds of things have they been doing?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Talk about guys first, and then let\u2019s talk about the girls. Because they deal with different issues; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> They do. They do. We\u2019re not a lock-down facility. We\u2019re also not a medical-care facility. So, if a child is persistently running away, then we\u2019re not going to be the place for them. But the typical child that comes in to us is dealing with\u2014I\u2019ll tell a story of George, for example. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGeorge was in a high school in Chicago\u2014began taking marijuana \/ smoking marijuana\u2014and then, to keep up with his buddies and their spending habits, started selling drugs too. Got caught \/ got expelled from school. He was given the opportunity, by the court system, to go into an alternative program, there in Chicago; but his mom and dad said, \u201cHe needs more.\u201d They were really concerned about the spiritual component of his life as well. So, they made the decision to send him to Shelterwood. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt Shelterwood, he spent the first few months doing everything he could to convince his parents that it wasn\u2019t the right place for him\u2014they needed to bring him home\u2014that he was changed \/ he would do better. Finally, when he realized Mom and Dad were serious that he was going to have to make it through graduation at Shelterwood, he made a decision that he\u2019d start working the program. Over the course of that time, his heart began to open up. He had a spiritual experience, where he came to faith in Jesus, and everything turned around for him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe went on two mission trips to Haiti. Both those mission trips kind of opened his eyes to a life of service. He got involved with the National Prayer Breakfast with the Youth Leadership Counsel. I kind of think this kid may be President someday\u2014he is <em>absolutely<\/em> phenomenal. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe went back to his high school that he\u2019d been expelled from\u2014talked to the principal, apologized for his behavior, talked about his story of what had happened in his life. Principal kind of changed the rules\u2014let him come back, and now he\u2019s in college.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe\u2019s an example of the kind of kids we get. We pray: \u201cGod, send us the kids and the families that we can invest in that we can help.\u201d You know, my view is that, as followers of Jesus, we ought to be every bit as good, clinically, as the secular programs out there\u2014but we ought to be better because we\u2019ve got Jesus the Healer. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe even have neurological therapy. I think we\u2019re the only program\u2014at least, that I\u2019ve heard of\u2014in the country \/ residential program that actually has neurological treatment on the premises. We\u2019ve got about half the kids doing neurological therapy now. We test every one of them that come in, and then the parents have the right to choose if they think their child needs it or not. I\u2019ve been so impressed with the results that I\u2019ve had my autistic son, now for two years, doing the therapy. Most kids, it is three to six months; but the progress that he\u2019s made has been absolutely stunning.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> There\u2019s probably some listeners, listening right now, thinking, \u201cNeurological therapy?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut there\u2019s some research coming out about what pornography does to the brain\u2014that you\u2019ve got to address the wiring issue\u2014especially, when it starts at an early age. It\u2019s a little bit like\u2014if a child had a physical handicap, you would take them to a physical rehab facility to do some exercises. I think we have a lot to learn about how God made us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne thing I want you to comment on\u2014you didn\u2019t go to girls. Talk for a moment\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> I\u2019ve only talked about one guy so far. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes, one guy. Are there certain issues you\u2019re seeing today perhaps that are more prevalent than ever before among teenage girls?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Oh sure. Depression\u2014which may have been constant\u2014but the media culture has created such dissatisfaction in the hearts of our girls with what they look like\u00a0 and with their identity that the depression is a <em>huge<\/em> deal for teenage girls. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe see some of them acting out through self-harm issues\u2014like cutting or anorexia\/bulimia\u2014you know, eating disorder issues. We have a <em>significant<\/em> number of our girls are dealing with the whole identity issues. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ll tell you about one little girl\u2014I\u2019ll call her \u201cLisa.\u201d Lisa came to us\u2014actually, she chose, herself, to come to Shelterwood. She knew she was in trouble. She went online and started looking, \u201cWhere can I go to get help?\u201d She went to her mom and dad and said: \u201cMom and Dad, you need to send me someplace. I need some help. Can we go visit this place?\u201d She actually chose us because we\u2019ve got a pool. [Laughing]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe was dealing with a lot of depression. That depression had led to prescription drug abuse, which led to drug and alcohol abuse, which led to self-harm, which led to not wanting to live\u2014it kind of spiraled down. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOver the time that she was with us, we saw\u2014it\u2019s kind of like watching a closed rose begin to open up. I\u2019m mean, she\u2019s a beautiful young woman, who was dark when she came, and has blossomed into a brilliant artist\/athlete and really has a deep and abiding faith in Jesus. Now, she wants to give back\u2014she wants to help others, and she\u2019s been doing that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the stories which has impacted me the most is a little girl out from the west coast\u2014that she had been sexually abused by her biological dad for, like, four years. I remember, to this day, the very first moment I met her\u2014head down \/ very untrusting\u2014but it happened to be an Easter weekend. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was sharing with the guys, and my wife was sharing with the girls. We had three crosses at the front of the property. Janice, my wife, took the girls in after the discussion about what Jesus had done for them. Each girl was given the opportunity to write down something they were struggling with\u2014a sin, or some un-forgiveness, or something they were dealing with that they wanted to take to the cross. They\u2019d write it down and took it to the cross\u2014threw it in the fire. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis little girl had actually\u2014things had gotten so bad she had cuts all over her arms\u2014she was a cutter. She had a bracelet\u2014she had renamed herself the name \u201cVermillion,\u201d which means \u201cred blood\u201d\u2014that\u2019s what she was calling herself. She took the bracelet off and said, \u201cThis\u2019ll be the last day I ever use that name.\u201d Put the name and the bracelet in the fire and gave her heart to Jesus. Her life was transformed. So, whenever she holds her arms out, it\u2019s a testimony of what God\u2019s done for her\u2014set her free \/ healed her. She\u2019s actually came back on a parent weekend to share her story with families and kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019d say I love my job because of this\u2014I get to see lives change\u2014like this little girl. You couldn\u2019t pay me enough not to do this job.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>: Yes, rescued from the pit\u2014I mean, rescued from self-destruction and perhaps never coming to faith in Christ \/ never coming to know Him as their Lord and Master. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think there\u2019s something parents need to hear, as a result of our broadcast today: \u201cNo matter what\u2019s going on with your child, you are the parents. You need to take charge\u2014and not let your child manipulate you and just keep on taking you into the same alley and mugging you over, and over, and over again.\u201d I\u2019ve said many times, here on this broadcast, Jim\u2014that a parent\u2019s heart is a set-up to be taken advantage of, multiple times, because his or her heart wants to believe the best about their child. So, they see the pain in their face\u2014they [children] say, \u201cAww Mommy, I\u2019m sorry I did this.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMoms and dads had to invent the second chance\u2014you know what I mean? \u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and the third, and the fourth, and the fifth. But they need to realize there is a point where the boundaries have to be drawn\u2014and protection for your marriage \/ the marriage of the couple needs to be protected\u2014but also the family\u2014the other members of the family have to be protected. In some situations, a program like Shelterwood, I think, can be incredibly valuable and hope-filled, not merely for the child, but also to give life back to the parents.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We have probably got some parents who are curious about Shelterwood, right now, and would like to find out more. If you go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the link in the upper left-hand corner of this screen that says, \u201cGO DEEPER,\u201d you\u2019ll find the information about Shelterwood. You can click through\u2014there\u2019s a link to their site. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, our website is FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link that says, \u201cGO DEEPER,\u201d to find out more about Shelterwood and the program that they have for teens who are in crisis. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI should also mention\u2014we have copies of a book you [Dennis] and Barbara wrote for parents of teenagers called <em>Parenting Today\u2019s Adolescent<\/em>. This helps moms and dads deal with the normal kinds of things that most parents of teens are going to face, at some point or another. It\u2019s a good reference book \/ a good guide book to have so you\u2019re on the same page, as parents, when it comes to things like: part-time jobs, or whether kids should be involved in sports, having a bad attitude, media, dating, substance abuse, busyness, pornography\u2014the issues that you call \u2018the traps\u201d that are laid for teenagers. Moms and dads are there to help guide sons and daughters through those traps. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got copies of Dennis and Barbara Rainey\u2019s book, <em>Parenting Today\u2019s Adolescent<\/em>. You\u2019re welcome to request a copy when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the link that says, \u201cGO DEEPER,\u201d in the upper left-hand corner of the screen; or if you would prefer, you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to order your copy of the book: 1-800-358-6329, that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life and then, the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, you think about parents of teenagers\u2014and whether it is parents who are facing the kind of really tough situations we\u2019ve talked about today or the normal everyday challenges that go into raising a teenager\u2014one of the things we\u2019re committed to, here at FamilyLife, is to seek to effectively develop godly families because we believe that godly families will change the world, one home at a time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are joined in that effort by listeners, like you. We are grateful for that partnership. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe wanted to let you know that the month of May is a particularly good time to consider making one of those donations in support of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. That\u2019s because we\u2019ve had some friends of the ministry who have agreed that, this month, they will match every donation we receive, dollar for dollar, up to a total of $300,000. So we have a great opportunity, in May, to see the value of your donation go even farther. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWould you consider going to FamilyLifeToday.com, clicking the button in the upper right-hand corner that says, \u201cI CARE,\u201d and making an online donation today? Or call us at 1-800-FL-TODAY. Make your donation over the phone. Or you can mail your donation to us at <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Our mailing address is PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tKeep in mind\u2014any donation you make today is going to be matched, dollar for dollar. So, the impact of any donation you make today will be multiplied. And again, thanks, in advance, for whatever you\u2019re able to do in support of the ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can join us back tomorrow. We\u2019re going to continue our conversation with Jim Subers about parents and troubled teens and how you reach the heart of a troubled teenager. Hope you can tune in for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2015 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["23.8M"],"filesize_raw":["24956874"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-303503.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-303503.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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you have a child that's out of control? We want you to know there's hope. Jim Subers, President of Shelterwood explains why it's getting more and more difficult to raise children today.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2015-05-21.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Have you wondered if a teenager you know\u2014maybe your own son or daughter\u2014is just going through a difficult time or if there is something really wrong? How can you tell if the issue is critical \/ if it\u2019s serious? Here\u2019s Jim Subers.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> You know, there are all kinds of warning signs\u2014defiance, cutting, suicide ideation\u2014where they\u2019re talking about hating themselves \/ wanting to kill themselves. There are lots of warning signs, but you can\u2019t underestimate the gut of a parent. If they find themselves, more than once a month, wondering, \u201cIs my child really in serious trouble?\u201d they need to get him some help. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>for Thursday, May 21st. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. What can a mom or a dad do if a son or daughter needs serious help? We\u2019ll explore that today. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. There are times, when a mom or a dad can do all they can do in raising a son or a daughter, and they just look at each other and say, \u201cWe\u2019re over our heads.\u201d They never anticipated they\u2019d get there. They are kind of blind-sided\u2014they feel defeated. It\u2019s a hard place for parents to be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It is. It\u2019s interesting, Bob, within the Christian community, how many parents can be hurting, privately, and not kind of come out and share their drama\u2014and find help, and healing, and hope\u2014in the Christian community, who can kind of wrap their arms around them, and say: \u201cYou know, you aren\u2019t alone. Here are some other parents you need to be getting together with where you can kind of gain some courage, perspective, and not beat yourself up with shame.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes, don\u2019t you think a lot of parents don\u2019t open up about this because they do feel: \u201cIt must be me. I must have been a bad parent.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Absolutely\u2014in fact, let\u2019s ask our guest, who heads up a ministry in Kansas City called Shelterwood. Jim Subers joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Jim, welcome to the broadcast.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Thank you. It\u2019s great to be here; and you\u2019re describing most of our parents, Bob. Most of\u2014used to be, I guess\u201420 years ago,\u00a0 if a kid had significant behavioral\/emotional problems, you could kind of assume that the family was dysfunctional\u2014that there was a father that had left or there was some kind of abuse. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I\u2019ve got to tell you\u2014most of the families at Shelterwood \/ most of the kids that we have here come from stable two-parent homes and loving parents, who are trying their best to do a good job and take their kids to church on Sunday. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut they are finding some real struggles with their teenagers.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yours is a residential facility where parents can bring a troubled child, aged 13 to 18; is that right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Yes, 13 to 18.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It\u2019s a pretty good-sized facility. You\u2019ve got room for 64 teenagers; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Yes, we currently can take 64 kids. We\u2019re building a new residential lodge so we will be able to expand in the next couple of months as well. The demand\u2014we\u2019ve got 5,000 phone calls we take a year\u2014parents looking for help for their teens\u2014and about 80,000 come to our website looking for help. It\u2019s a significant issue, right now, for faith families that are looking for help for their teenagers that are being assaulted by the challenges of this culture.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes, let\u2019s talk about that for a moment. Before we talk about a true prodigal or a troubled teen, you\u2019ve been a student of what\u2019s taking place in teenagers for a number of years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou help launch and lead Kids Across America, which was a very successful endeavor. What do you think parents need to know today that\u2014maybe it\u2019s not unique just to kids today\u2014but what do you see happening with teenagers today?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> In my view, perhaps this is the most\u2014at least in the modern era\u2014the most difficult time to raise a child. I think you guys probably remember there was a movie, a number of years ago called, <em>The Perfect Storm<\/em>, when it was a convergence of several major weather patterns at the same time that created this monster storm. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, I think that\u2019s what we\u2019re dealing with, with our kids right now. It\u2019s the perfect storm in our culture. You think: \u201cWhat are the storms? What are the things that converged?\u201d Well, I don\u2019t think you can underestimate, first, the influence of modern media\u2014whether it be the iPhone<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> and the computer and the iPad<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> and the internet. Even if you restrict stuff at your own home, your children\u2019s friends still have it on their iPhone or at their home. It\u2019s a challenge. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then there are other issues related to that\u2014influence of media too. We know about the content issues and how that\u2019s influencing our kids. But what effect does constant screen time have on the adolescent brain, and the development of the adolescent brain, and the way to think and the way to process information? What influence does the texting and the sound-bite communication that kids are doing have on their ability to develop deep relationships and to communicate? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe find kids that come to Shelterwood\u2014they\u2019ve got friends, a mile wide, but an inch deep. They haven\u2019t really learned to communicate\u2014they\u2019ve worn their mask. We disconnect them from the matrix, so to speak, when they get to Shelterwood. They get off of their phones, they get off their iPads, and they get off their computers. They have to learn to relate to one another and to communicate.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Do you think we\u2019re trusting young people at too early an age with these devices? If you were a parent again, what would you do? What would you and your wife do?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Well, I am a parent\u2014still. [Laughing] I\u2019ve got a 19-year-old and a 22-year-old, and then, I\u2019ve got the two older ones that are married and off. But my 22-year-old has autism. For his sake, we have not given him a phone that enables him to access the internet because he doesn\u2019t have the\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014the filter\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> \u2014the filter \/ the wherewithal to say, \u201cNo,\u201d when the desire comes to go to sites that would be inappropriate. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI don\u2019t know how you stop this train because it\u2019s running pretty fast. But I know that is a major, major barrier to parenting today\u2014is the influence of culture. So, you\u2019ve got media. Then you\u2019ve got the general challenge of a culture that no longer believes in moral absolutes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen you\u2019ve got the issues of the teenage years\u2014and kids feeling like they don\u2019t have purpose \/ they don\u2019t have a <em>reason<\/em> to exist. There\u2019s a lot of depression that\u2019s coming because there is a sense of not really having a goal and a meaningful purpose for their teen years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tUsed to be\u2014kids had jobs\u2014they were working the family business. They were involved in some type of activity that was supporting the family. The last 40 years\u2014that hasn\u2019t happened, and kids have been given a lot. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know for us, at Shelterwood, one of the ways we battle that is we get the kids engaged in service projects. Our missions to Haiti have been instrumental in helping give kids the opportunity to <em>serve<\/em> and to see the benefit of living for something more than themselves. We\u2019ve seen tremendous growth in lots of their lives with that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, what you guys would be very familiar with is the psychobabble of the last 40 years and the ways the ideas of parenting have shifted because of Freudian thought\u2014time-outs and explaining things to your kids\u2014and not recognizing that your children need to shift, from the time they are two or three, to understanding parental authority and responding to that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you haven\u2019t gotten a handle on that, by the time they\u2019re a teenager, you\u2019re going to have a tough row to hoe. At Shelterwood, a lot of the kids we\u2019re dealing with have not really addressed those issues\u2014have not come to a place of responding to parental authority. So, we have to come alongside moms and dads and help them in that process.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It seems to set children up\u2014young people who are not yet adults\u2014they are not mature \/ they don\u2019t have the character in place to be a shock-absorber and provide the rails to run on in life to keep them out of the ditch. They make mistakes repeatedly\u2014over, and over, and over again\u2014and sometimes it becomes damaging to the child and then to the family\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014and then they [knocking sound] they come knocking on the door of Shelterwood. Describe the typical parent who comes to see you and what they\u2019re looking for when they bring a troubled teen to Shelterwood.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Well, oftentimes, moms and dads have tried everything\u2014like Bob said at the beginning of the broadcast\u2014to try to help their child; but they\u2019ve gotten to a place where they are\u2014either they\u2019re afraid of the decisions the child is making are going to cause some permanent problems for them, and they are trying to nip that in the bud. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI quite honestly think the parents that send their kids to Shelterwood are some of the most courageous folks that I\u2019ve ever met. It is <em>not easy<\/em> to say, \u201cI need help,\u201d and \u201cI need to basically give my child away to some strangers to help me for a while.\u201d I have parents that tell me, consistently, that when they drive off our property, after they\u2019ve dropped their child off, they are a basket case. They are crying because there\u2019s a sense of shame \/ there\u2019s a sense of failure. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s a sense of having to trust God in a way that maybe they\u2019ve never had to do with their child. It\u2019s not an easy deal. They are pretty courageous folks. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd like I said, most of them are pretty dynamic families, with multiple kids, but they\u2019ve got one child, for whatever reason, that has really struggled and needs to get extra help. Oftentimes, they\u2019ve already tried therapy\u2014so they\u2019ll have a counselor that\u2019s worked with the child. Many times, after a while, the therapist will say, \u201cYou know, I think your son or your daughter needs residential care.\u201d And then they start looking\u2014they start reaching, around the country, to try to find where they can send their child.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> How does a mom or dad know whether the issues they\u2019re dealing with the teenager are at that level of needing residential care versus \u201cThis is just the teenage way, and we\u2019ve got to ride it though and get to the other side\u201d? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBecause teenagers are going to express their independence in a variety of ways\u2014some of those are going to be healthy \/ some of those are going to be unhealthy, but not life-altering. And then sometimes, you\u2019re dealing with a child who may be violent to himself or to others. How do you know, as a mom or a dad, this is one of those situations where it\u2019s beyond us and we need help?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Well, that\u2019s a great question, Bob. There\u2019s no one-size-fits-all answer to that, but let me just say this\u2014you can\u2019t underestimate the gut of a parent. If they find themselves, more than once a month, wondering, \u201cIs my child really in serious trouble?\u201d they need to get him some help. And you need to, first, have a discussion with your child. If, in that discussion\u2014where you\u2019re not accusing but you\u2019re just saying: \u201cI\u2019m concerned about what I\u2019m seeing. Let\u2019s talk about it,\u201d\u2014the more defensive they are\u2014the more of a warning sign that is to you that you need to get him some help.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The typical young person, who is coming to Shelterwood\u2014what\u2019s the profile of that child? What kinds of things have they been doing?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Talk about guys first, and then let\u2019s talk about the girls. Because they deal with different issues; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> They do. They do. We\u2019re not a lock-down facility. We\u2019re also not a medical-care facility. So, if a child is persistently running away, then we\u2019re not going to be the place for them. But the typical child that comes in to us is dealing with\u2014I\u2019ll tell a story of George, for example. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGeorge was in a high school in Chicago\u2014began taking marijuana \/ smoking marijuana\u2014and then, to keep up with his buddies and their spending habits, started selling drugs too. Got caught \/ got expelled from school. He was given the opportunity, by the court system, to go into an alternative program, there in Chicago; but his mom and dad said, \u201cHe needs more.\u201d They were really concerned about the spiritual component of his life as well. So, they made the decision to send him to Shelterwood. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt Shelterwood, he spent the first few months doing everything he could to convince his parents that it wasn\u2019t the right place for him\u2014they needed to bring him home\u2014that he was changed \/ he would do better. Finally, when he realized Mom and Dad were serious that he was going to have to make it through graduation at Shelterwood, he made a decision that he\u2019d start working the program. Over the course of that time, his heart began to open up. He had a spiritual experience, where he came to faith in Jesus, and everything turned around for him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe went on two mission trips to Haiti. Both those mission trips kind of opened his eyes to a life of service. He got involved with the National Prayer Breakfast with the Youth Leadership Counsel. I kind of think this kid may be President someday\u2014he is <em>absolutely<\/em> phenomenal. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe went back to his high school that he\u2019d been expelled from\u2014talked to the principal, apologized for his behavior, talked about his story of what had happened in his life. Principal kind of changed the rules\u2014let him come back, and now he\u2019s in college.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe\u2019s an example of the kind of kids we get. We pray: \u201cGod, send us the kids and the families that we can invest in that we can help.\u201d You know, my view is that, as followers of Jesus, we ought to be every bit as good, clinically, as the secular programs out there\u2014but we ought to be better because we\u2019ve got Jesus the Healer. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe even have neurological therapy. I think we\u2019re the only program\u2014at least, that I\u2019ve heard of\u2014in the country \/ residential program that actually has neurological treatment on the premises. We\u2019ve got about half the kids doing neurological therapy now. We test every one of them that come in, and then the parents have the right to choose if they think their child needs it or not. I\u2019ve been so impressed with the results that I\u2019ve had my autistic son, now for two years, doing the therapy. Most kids, it is three to six months; but the progress that he\u2019s made has been absolutely stunning.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> There\u2019s probably some listeners, listening right now, thinking, \u201cNeurological therapy?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut there\u2019s some research coming out about what pornography does to the brain\u2014that you\u2019ve got to address the wiring issue\u2014especially, when it starts at an early age. It\u2019s a little bit like\u2014if a child had a physical handicap, you would take them to a physical rehab facility to do some exercises. I think we have a lot to learn about how God made us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne thing I want you to comment on\u2014you didn\u2019t go to girls. Talk for a moment\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> I\u2019ve only talked about one guy so far. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes, one guy. Are there certain issues you\u2019re seeing today perhaps that are more prevalent than ever before among teenage girls?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Oh sure. Depression\u2014which may have been constant\u2014but the media culture has created such dissatisfaction in the hearts of our girls with what they look like\u00a0 and with their identity that the depression is a <em>huge<\/em> deal for teenage girls. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe see some of them acting out through self-harm issues\u2014like cutting or anorexia\/bulimia\u2014you know, eating disorder issues. We have a <em>significant<\/em> number of our girls are dealing with the whole identity issues. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ll tell you about one little girl\u2014I\u2019ll call her \u201cLisa.\u201d Lisa came to us\u2014actually, she chose, herself, to come to Shelterwood. She knew she was in trouble. She went online and started looking, \u201cWhere can I go to get help?\u201d She went to her mom and dad and said: \u201cMom and Dad, you need to send me someplace. I need some help. Can we go visit this place?\u201d She actually chose us because we\u2019ve got a pool. [Laughing]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe was dealing with a lot of depression. That depression had led to prescription drug abuse, which led to drug and alcohol abuse, which led to self-harm, which led to not wanting to live\u2014it kind of spiraled down. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOver the time that she was with us, we saw\u2014it\u2019s kind of like watching a closed rose begin to open up. I\u2019m mean, she\u2019s a beautiful young woman, who was dark when she came, and has blossomed into a brilliant artist\/athlete and really has a deep and abiding faith in Jesus. Now, she wants to give back\u2014she wants to help others, and she\u2019s been doing that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the stories which has impacted me the most is a little girl out from the west coast\u2014that she had been sexually abused by her biological dad for, like, four years. I remember, to this day, the very first moment I met her\u2014head down \/ very untrusting\u2014but it happened to be an Easter weekend. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was sharing with the guys, and my wife was sharing with the girls. We had three crosses at the front of the property. Janice, my wife, took the girls in after the discussion about what Jesus had done for them. Each girl was given the opportunity to write down something they were struggling with\u2014a sin, or some un-forgiveness, or something they were dealing with that they wanted to take to the cross. They\u2019d write it down and took it to the cross\u2014threw it in the fire. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis little girl had actually\u2014things had gotten so bad she had cuts all over her arms\u2014she was a cutter. She had a bracelet\u2014she had renamed herself the name \u201cVermillion,\u201d which means \u201cred blood\u201d\u2014that\u2019s what she was calling herself. She took the bracelet off and said, \u201cThis\u2019ll be the last day I ever use that name.\u201d Put the name and the bracelet in the fire and gave her heart to Jesus. Her life was transformed. So, whenever she holds her arms out, it\u2019s a testimony of what God\u2019s done for her\u2014set her free \/ healed her. She\u2019s actually came back on a parent weekend to share her story with families and kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019d say I love my job because of this\u2014I get to see lives change\u2014like this little girl. You couldn\u2019t pay me enough not to do this job.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>: Yes, rescued from the pit\u2014I mean, rescued from self-destruction and perhaps never coming to faith in Christ \/ never coming to know Him as their Lord and Master. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think there\u2019s something parents need to hear, as a result of our broadcast today: \u201cNo matter what\u2019s going on with your child, you are the parents. You need to take charge\u2014and not let your child manipulate you and just keep on taking you into the same alley and mugging you over, and over, and over again.\u201d I\u2019ve said many times, here on this broadcast, Jim\u2014that a parent\u2019s heart is a set-up to be taken advantage of, multiple times, because his or her heart wants to believe the best about their child. So, they see the pain in their face\u2014they [children] say, \u201cAww Mommy, I\u2019m sorry I did this.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMoms and dads had to invent the second chance\u2014you know what I mean? \u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and the third, and the fourth, and the fifth. But they need to realize there is a point where the boundaries have to be drawn\u2014and protection for your marriage \/ the marriage of the couple needs to be protected\u2014but also the family\u2014the other members of the family have to be protected. In some situations, a program like Shelterwood, I think, can be incredibly valuable and hope-filled, not merely for the child, but also to give life back to the parents.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We have probably got some parents who are curious about Shelterwood, right now, and would like to find out more. If you go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the link in the upper left-hand corner of this screen that says, \u201cGO DEEPER,\u201d you\u2019ll find the information about Shelterwood. You can click through\u2014there\u2019s a link to their site. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, our website is FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link that says, \u201cGO DEEPER,\u201d to find out more about Shelterwood and the program that they have for teens who are in crisis. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI should also mention\u2014we have copies of a book you [Dennis] and Barbara wrote for parents of teenagers called <em>Parenting Today\u2019s Adolescent<\/em>. This helps moms and dads deal with the normal kinds of things that most parents of teens are going to face, at some point or another. It\u2019s a good reference book \/ a good guide book to have so you\u2019re on the same page, as parents, when it comes to things like: part-time jobs, or whether kids should be involved in sports, having a bad attitude, media, dating, substance abuse, busyness, pornography\u2014the issues that you call \u2018the traps\u201d that are laid for teenagers. Moms and dads are there to help guide sons and daughters through those traps. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got copies of Dennis and Barbara Rainey\u2019s book, <em>Parenting Today\u2019s Adolescent<\/em>. You\u2019re welcome to request a copy when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the link that says, \u201cGO DEEPER,\u201d in the upper left-hand corner of the screen; or if you would prefer, you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to order your copy of the book: 1-800-358-6329, that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life and then, the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, you think about parents of teenagers\u2014and whether it is parents who are facing the kind of really tough situations we\u2019ve talked about today or the normal everyday challenges that go into raising a teenager\u2014one of the things we\u2019re committed to, here at FamilyLife, is to seek to effectively develop godly families because we believe that godly families will change the world, one home at a time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are joined in that effort by listeners, like you. We are grateful for that partnership. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe wanted to let you know that the month of May is a particularly good time to consider making one of those donations in support of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. That\u2019s because we\u2019ve had some friends of the ministry who have agreed that, this month, they will match every donation we receive, dollar for dollar, up to a total of $300,000. So we have a great opportunity, in May, to see the value of your donation go even farther. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWould you consider going to FamilyLifeToday.com, clicking the button in the upper right-hand corner that says, \u201cI CARE,\u201d and making an online donation today? Or call us at 1-800-FL-TODAY. Make your donation over the phone. Or you can mail your donation to us at <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Our mailing address is PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tKeep in mind\u2014any donation you make today is going to be matched, dollar for dollar. So, the impact of any donation you make today will be multiplied. And again, thanks, in advance, for whatever you\u2019re able to do in support of the ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can join us back tomorrow. We\u2019re going to continue our conversation with Jim Subers about parents and troubled teens and how you reach the heart of a troubled teenager. Hope you can tune in for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2015 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/303503","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=303503"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=303503"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=303503"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=303503"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=303503"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=303503"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=303503"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}