{"id":303495,"date":"2015-05-15T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2015-05-15T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/life-in-a-blended-family\/"},"modified":"2015-05-15T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2015-05-15T15:00:00","slug":"life-in-a-blended-family","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/life-in-a-blended-family\/","title":{"rendered":"Life in a Blended Family"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Robbie and Sabrina McDonald join Ron Deal and talk about the good and bad surprises they experienced as they were establishing their blended family.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2015-05-15.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"25.96M","filesize_raw":"27225026","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2859,2882],"tags":[5062,4737,2560,5652,4033,2877,5276,4282],"podcast_series":[8077],"cwp_profile":[8839,3300],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-303495","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-dating-and-preparing-for-marriage","category-developing-a-relationship-with-stepchildren","tag-adultery","tag-being-single","tag-blended-families","tag-blended-family-problems","tag-divorce","tag-marriage","tag-stepfamilies","tag-widow","podcast_series-a-second-love-story","cwp_profile-robbie-and-sabrina-mcdonald","cwp_profile-ron-deal","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/303495\/life-in-a-blended-family","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/303495\/life-in-a-blended-family","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"qj6RcHFyOi\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/life-in-a-blended-family\/\">Life in a Blended Family<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/life-in-a-blended-family\/embed\/#?secret=qj6RcHFyOi\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Life in a Blended Family&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"qj6RcHFyOi\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2015-05-15.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2015-05-15.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Robbie McDonald and Sabrina Beasley had both lost their spouses. When they met and fell in love with each other, Sabrina not only said \u201cYes,\u201d to Robbie\u2019s proposal\u2014she said, \u201cLet\u2019s marry quickly.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>I thought I was doing the right thing by speeding up our marriage for the children\u2019s sake because they were so young. I thought: \u201cHow am I going to get them from going to calling my friend, Robbie, to Daddy?\u00a0 How is that going to work in two years, if we wait that long?\u201d\u00a0 So, time-wise\/circumstantially, it seemed to be the best time; but it wasn\u2019t enough time for everyone else to really get used to the idea. It was too fast for them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, May 15<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. Anytime two families merge and form a stepfamily\/a blended family, there are a lot of people\u2019s emotions that need to be taken into consideration. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ll explore that today. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. You know, our friend, Ron Deal, who is joining us in the studio this week, has often talked about blended family relationships as kind of this interconnected web of all kinds of extended relationships. We\u2019ve seen him diagram this\u2014well, in fact, if our listeners are interested in kind of getting a visual image of this\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014they can go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click where it says, \u201cGO DEEPER.\u201d\u00a0 There is about a three-minute video you can watch that illustrates what all these tangled web of relationships looks like. I think we\u2019re getting a little clearer understanding, this week, of just exactly how that plays out in a marriage and in a blended family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>No question about it. I\u2019d like to add my voice to yours, Bob, in saying to our listeners, \u201cGo watch that video clip.\u201d\u00a0 Ron has masterfully put together a visual illustration of how complex blended families are. You\u2019ve been giving leadership to this area, Ron, for coming up on three decades. You\u2019ve been speaking into the lives of blended folks, and you\u2019ve recently rereleased a book. It\u2019s called <em>The Smart Stepfamily Marriage<\/em>. I\u2019m excited about this book, and I\u2019m also excited about our guests today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>I\u2019m excited too. You know, that video does portray well the complexity of stepfamilies; but one of the messages we\u2019re giving today is that it\u2019s manageable and, the more you know, the better you do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>There is hope. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Ron: <\/strong>There is hope\u2014absolutely. That\u2019s why we are talking about it. And to help us understand that hope and how that works, we\u2019re joined again by Robbie and Sabrina McDonald. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome back to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>Thank you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robbie: <\/strong>Thank you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Robbie and Sabrina have been married just over a year. They have four kids between them\u2014so, they are a stepfamily couple. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob: <\/strong>It\u2019s a two plus two; right?\u00a0 You have a 25-year-old and a 15-year-old son, Robbie. And Sabrina, you have a\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>A four-year-old and a six-year-old. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014four- and a six-year-old. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>We\u2019ve got more than two decades between the oldest and the youngest in terms of their age frames, which creates some challenges, in and of itself. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And I want to pick up on something, if I can, Ron\u2014I hate to just interrupt. Sabrina said something already this week that just resonated with me. Sabrina, you were talking about the fact that one of the challenges you\u2019ve experienced in this first year of a blended marriage is recognizing that Robbie\u2019s first wife, Carrie, who died of cancer a few years ago, is a <em>significant <\/em>part of your blended family and that your husband, David, who died in a car crash is a <em>significant<\/em> part of your blended family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn your case\u2014for both of you\u2014we\u2019re talking about strong marriages \/ godly spouses. There was not conflict that led to the dissolution of your marriage. There was tragedy that led to the dissolution of your marriage. When you get married and the first marriage was really good for both of you\u2014that can create its own set of issues; can\u2019t it?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes, it can because every marriage is going to be different. What was good in a first marriage might create a set of expectations about how things are going to be in your next marriage. You\u2019re both shaking your heads. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>Yes, definitely. That was one of the challenges, for me, when I was looking for a spouse\u2014is that I\u2014Robbie refers to it as having a David-sized hole in my heart. I wanted to find someone that would fit into what I had lost. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt almost felt like nothing that anybody else could do would measure up to that because it wasn\u2019t David. On the other hand, you don\u2019t want to marry someone because they remind you of someone else. I don\u2019t want to be married\u2014I don\u2019t want Robbie to marry me because I remind him of Carrie. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You don\u2019t want to be the imitation Carrie. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>I want him to love me for me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>In the same way, he wants to be loved for who he is; but it took some time to get there and to realize that they don\u2019t have to be like that person. They can be who they are, in and of themselves. My first husband, David, had a quote that he said one time: \u201cA soul mate isn\u2019t someone you find. It\u2019s someone you intentionally and prayerfully become.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, when you are in a relationship with a Christian\u2014and that person is loving God with all their heart and you\u2019re loving God with all your heart\u2014then, you know that you\u2019re going to come together. Even though you have to learn to live a completely different way, you have to have that time to hang on.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt first, that is <em>not <\/em>going to fit together because you are too busy remembering the way things were; but when you put your faith and your cornerstone in Christ, that\u2019s the key. You know that it\u2019s going to work out when you\u2019re both doing that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I just have to ask both of you\u2014you\u2019ve been married a little over a year: \u201cWould both of you just share with our listeners the biggest surprise or the biggest adjustment that you\u2019ve experienced as you\u2019ve forged this new family?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>I think what surprised me the most about our relationship is how well it has gone. I think that\u2019s attributed to the grace of God. I think that in our family\u2014both sides of our extended family\u2014truly want the best possible situation for us. They really want to have a good, happy family. Everyone is seeking the best for all of us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen I say, \u201call of us,\u201d I mean his in-laws \/ my in-laws. Everyone has just accepted me with open arms. My family has accepted Robbie, and we get along really well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I want to ask you here\u2014I hear you saying\u2014going into marriage, you thought, \u201cOkay, I know this is going to be hard at some level.\u201d I hear you saying, \u201cIt\u2019s not been as hard as I thought it was going to be.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>That\u2019s right. And I think it\u2019s because we did come into it with information, and we came into it with open hearts, and we came into it with a heart that was seeking God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>To me, this situation was very strange. I had some expectations of it really going sour in a lot of ways. But just the prayer that\u2019s been put into it, and seeking after the will of God, and both of us being gracious to one another\u2014that grace is key in a blended family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Robbie, has this been easier than you thought it was going to be?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robbie: <\/strong>As far as the extended family relationships, most definitely easier. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI cannot say how great it\u2019s been\u2014the way I\u2019ve been accepted by her family, and how they tell me they love me, and they are so happy that I\u2019m here, and they want me to be here for the children and for Sabrina. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But how about with the five of you at home?\u00a0 Has that been easier than you thought it was going to be?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robbie: <\/strong>For the most part, yes. We have been through our little difficulties with certain relationships in the family, like I said earlier, with me and Benjamin; but that has gone so much better because now we want that relationship to grow, and we want to extend grace to the other person, and we want to love each other. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay, Ron Deal, I\u2019m thinking this is the opposite of what we would hear from most blended couples. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>There are a lot of things that have gone right for this couple\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u2014and, therefore, the family blend has gone more smoothly than it does with most. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd one of the beautiful things here is the extended family has been so welcoming \/ so open to receiving each of you, as new son and daughter-in-laws, when they\u2019ve lost a son or a daughter\u2014just the attitudes of being open towards one another. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob, here is my observation about that. Notice\u2014Robbie and Sabrina don\u2019t get to control that. For a lot of stepfamily couples, they walk into a situation, where they love each other deeply, but the people around them are challenging their relationship or not quite as open and not quite as welcoming. What a difference it makes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m thinking of the step-grandparent, who is listening to us right now. I want to say to you: \u201cYou have the ability to heavily influence, in a positive direction, this new couple and family just by being filled with grace\u2014by being open, and welcoming, and adjusting how you can to their new family scenario.\u201d\u00a0 That makes a <em>huge<\/em> difference. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And we all acknowledge, around the table here, that there is a lot of different ways blended families get formed. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And sometimes, it\u2019s not out of tragedy\u2014it\u2019s out of some tough choices\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014that some families \/ some extended family members may not agree with, necessarily. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to ask you, Robbie\u2014back to the question: \u201cWhat was the biggest surprise \/ biggest adjustment that has occurred in this new blended family?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robbie: <\/strong>I guess the biggest adjustment that I\u2019ve seen is having to\u2014me having to deal with the children\u2014and the way they act and the way it\u2019s different from the way my children acted, when they were younger. I had expectations of the children acting like my children acted. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Now wait. You\u2019re in the Army. So, did you run\u2014did you run a pretty, you know\u2014\u201cOkay, this battalion is going to be in step. We\u2019re going to do it\u2026\u201d Sabrina is smiling! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou don\u2019t even have to answer, Robbie. [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robbie: <\/strong>Oh, definitely! I have\u2014\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You don\u2019t have a whistle to call the kids when\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robbie: <\/strong>I do not have a whistle\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Robbie: <\/strong>\u2014but when I do call the kids, I expect them to come. [Laughter]\u00a0 But yes, and I expected things to be a little more orderly, and people to do what they\u2019re told when they are told. I say: \u201cObedience is doing what you\u2019re told, when you\u2019re told, with a good attitude.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>So, this parenting thing\u2014it\u2019s an ongoing process; isn\u2019t it?\u2014for the two of you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robbie: <\/strong>It\u2019s a learning experience. The things that you have to do to make adjustments to each child, and not take it for granted that all children are the same, and treat each child as the individual they are. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>I want to point out another strength in this couple\u2014that\u2019s helped their adjustment go better than most\u2014and that is flexibility. Listen to what he just said\u2014\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRobbie just said: \u201cI\u2019m willing to learn how to treat her children differently and how to have different expectations. I\u2019m willing to do that.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSometimes, people get stuck. They say: \u201cNope, it should be this way. Like it or not, your kids better shape up or ship out.\u201d That sort of rigidity creates even more conflict in stepfamilies. So, there is another strength that\u2019s helped the process of adjusting over time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>It\u2019s also going back to the web picture. In a blended family, you have to realize that it\u2019s individual relationships. It\u2019s taking time for that individual relationship and understanding the relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPart of the deal that we learned with Robbie and Benjamin was that they have real similar personalities. So, we had to figure that out; and \u201cHow do you deal with a child that has the type of personality that Ben has?\u201d Ben\u2019s personality is a little more rigid and high strung than Seth and Katherine. So, we have to deal with him differently. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know\u2014the getting in his face and harsh discipline doesn\u2019t work as well with him as positive rewards. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Are you saying that Ben may be an officer in the Army\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>Yes. [Laughter]\u00a0 I tell\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014and has butted heads with another officer?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>That\u2019s what he thinks!\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Okay, I want to go around the horn a little bit. Let\u2019s ask about other people in your expanded stepfamily system; alright?\u00a0 Then, we\u2019re going to start with somebody who doesn\u2019t live in your home. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEach of you has former mother-in-law and father-in-laws. Your first spouse passed away. What have you seen in them?\u00a0 What have they done that\u2019s been helpful? What would you share, with our listeners, about how to adjust together, even in including those people as a part of your new family?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>First of all, Robbie\u2019s in-laws\u2014Carrie\u2019s mother and father\u2014have been the most wonderful people to me. They have really loved me and embraced me\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014I mean, we go to church together. We have lunch every Sunday. They treat my children like they are their own grandchildren. To hear Carrie\u2019s father put his arm around me and tell me that he loves me and that he truly appreciates me\u2014that\u2019s the grace of God in them coming out toward me\u2014priceless!\u00a0 I mean, that makes me feel accepted into this family. The way they have treated me has been absolutely key in making me feel a part of who they are. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Listen to what she is saying about her in-laws\u2014grace connects \/ possessiveness divides. They are not being possessive; and they are not holding on, even in spite of their pain. And I, as somebody who has lost a child, know how challenging that is. In spite of that, they have a grace to welcome you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s absolutely\u2014as you said\u2014it is the grace of God. It makes all the difference for the family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Robbie, tell us about the first time you met David\u2019s parents\u2014Sabrina\u2019s former husband\u2014when you met his parents. Was it before you got married?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robbie: <\/strong>It was before we got married. And the first time\u2014I think it was Benjamin\u2019s birthday party, and David\u2019s mom was there. And the first thing, she put her arm around me. That\u2019s welcoming and very loving\u2014she\u2019s just happy that we\u2019re together. I think that goes back to her not ever remarrying and knowing that those kids need a father. That, right there, just helped me become part of the family. It\u2019s the love of God and God\u2019s grace\u2014and a tiny amount of grace goes a long way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Amen. Amen. So, let\u2019s keep going around the horn. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTell us about your relationship with your new in-laws and what kinds of adjustments have taken place there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>Again, they are godly people. What\u2019s interesting about Robbie\u2019s father is that Robbie\u2019s mother died, and he remarried. He remarried an absolutely wonderful Christian woman, and they just love me. I mean, they know the pain of losing someone; and they just accept it for what it is. So, they\u2019re easy to get along with. And my parents love Robbie. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robbie: <\/strong>Yes, they accepted from the beginning\u2014just happy that I\u2019m part of the family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>I just can\u2019t overstate how that openness just makes a difference for couples\u2014in blended families, in particular. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHow about friends and your social network?\u00a0 How have they adjusted to your new relationship \/ your new family, and what role have they played in helping you move forward?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>I will say that one of the things that I regret\u2014if we want to talk about on the negative end\u2014is that I don\u2019t think we waited long enough for everyone to grieve their losses. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn our situation, I think everyone wanted us to be happy, and they had a desire to see a happy ending to the story. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut it took some grieving for me\u2014the first few months of our marriage\u2014to realize that marriage is over \/ that one is gone. I wish that I had taken more time in our engagement so that people could get to know Robbie for who he is, and get over comparing him to David, and learn to love him the way he is and the way we are together. I didn\u2019t\u2014I don\u2019t think I gave them enough time to do that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI thought I was doing the right thing by speeding up our marriage for the children\u2019s sake because they were so young. I thought: \u201cHow am I going to get them from going to calling my friend, Robbie, to Daddy?\u00a0 How was that going to work in two years if we wait that long?\u201d\u00a0 And then, Seth was going into high school, and we were going to move him to a new high school\u2014he was in ninth grade. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I wanted to get married before he went into the ninth grade to transition into the high school. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, time-wise\/circumstantially, it seemed to be the best time; but it wasn\u2019t enough time for everyone else in our extended family and our friends to really get used to the idea. It was too fast for them. And I wish that I had waited a little bit longer on that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robbie: <\/strong>My best friend\u2014his wife was my wife\u2019s best friend\u2014so, it\u2019s kind of been difficult for her. It takes time for people to heal from the loss and move on to another relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>At the same time, you guys, I know, have made some new relationships in a blended family class at your church; is that right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robbie: <\/strong>Yes, sir. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Tell us about how that\u2019s been supportive to you and how that\u2019s served you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robbie: <\/strong>Seeing people go through their problems and seeing people try to\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tmake their marriages work\u2014in a class where there are multiple families and multiple scenarios that you get to listen to\u2014and sometimes, you realize how good you actually have it. And then, you sometimes see they are having the same problems that we are having. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Ron: <\/strong>And we\u2019re not alone. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Robbie: <\/strong>And we\u2019re not alone. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Ron, give a challenge to those who have listened to this story this week\u2014just about maybe doing something like what Robbie\u2019s talking about here\u2014maybe, leading a blended family class in their church. That\u2019s really the place where couples\u2014well, it ought to be the safe place where couples could get real honest and maybe see the grace of God in their own lives. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>I\u2019m absolutely convinced, Dennis, that being in a community of believers\u2014who are going to love you and support you, and you can love and support them, and together you can share some good information about stepfamily living\u2014\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014some of the resources we produce, here at FamilyLife Blended, including <em>The Smart Stepfamily<\/em> small group DVD \/ this new study: <em>The Smart Stepfamily Marriage<\/em> has material that goes along with that to support that in a group environment. All of that brings people together, who are likeminded \/ who are living similar types of experiences\u2014supporting each other\u2014that\u2019s what the church is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou may not have that at your church\u2014we want to help you create that at your church. If you are already doing something, we want to help encourage and bless your ministry. We have a map, online, where churches can post information about their local ministry so that couples in your area can find you. We\u2019re doing a lot, here at FamilyLife Blended, to try to support the local church really being an encouragement to families. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, in fact, our listeners can go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the link in the upper left-hand corner of the screen that says, \u201cGO DEEPER.\u201d They\u2019ll find out a lot of what we\u2019re doing, here at FamilyLife. Again, the website: FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things they\u2019ll find there is your new book, <em>The Smart Stepfamily Marriage<\/em>, where you and David Olson have looked at the critical success factors in blending a marriage and in blending a family. This is a book that really explores what is necessary for a family to blend successfully. I really like the way you help couples do a personal inventory and say: \u201cHow are we doing in this area?\u00a0 What are the strengths we can build on, and what are the weaknesses that we can shore up?\u201d\u00a0 In fact, I think this is a good book for couples who are thinking about getting married\u2014starting a blended family. I think it\u2019s a good book for those who are already in one. We\u2019ve got copies of it in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center\u2014the new book from Ron Deal and David Olson, <em>The Smart Stepfamily Marriage<\/em>. You can order, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to order. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me also mention that Ron is giving leadership to an event that\u2019s going to be taking place in Southern California in November. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s the 2015 Blended and Blessed<sup>\u2122<\/sup> Summit on stepfamily ministry. This is a two-day event that\u2019s designed for those who are already engaged in ministering to stepfamilies in a community or in a local church. Or if you have an interest in starting a blended or stepfamily ministry in your local church, we want you to encourage you to come to the two-day Blended and Blessed Summit at the Mariners Church in Irvine, California, November 13 through the 14<sup>th<\/sup>. If you\u2019d like more information or you\u2019d like to register, go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link that says, \u201cGO DEEPER,\u201d and look for information on the Blended and Blessed Summit. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I have not had the opportunity to check in recent days; but I know we have been hearing from some of our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners this month who have called, or gone online, or have mailed a donation to us. They heard about the matching-gift opportunity that some friends put together for us, here at Family Life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThese friends have agreed that they will match every donation we receive, during the month of May, on a dollar-for-dollar basis, up to a total of $300,000. Already, some of you have gone online, or called, or mailed in a check and said, \u201cI want to see the value of my donation be doubled as a result of the matching-gift funds that will be made available when I make a donation.\u201d\u00a0 And we\u2019re grateful for those of you we\u2019ve heard from. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe still have a ways to go if we\u2019re going to meet the $300,000 matching-gift maximum. So, would you consider making a donation today?\u00a0 Go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link in the upper right-hand corner of the screen that says, \u201cI CARE,\u201d and make an online donation. Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Make your donation over the phone. Or you can mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd with that, we hope you have a great weekend. Hope you and your family are able to worship together this weekend. I hope you can tune back in on Monday when we\u2019re going to find out about a group of guys who decided to step up\u2014it was a pretty interesting group. These are guys who are living in a shelter for homeless folks. They went through the <em>Stepping Up<\/em><em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em> video series recently, and we\u2019ll hear the story on Monday\u2019s program. Hope you can tune in for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back Monday for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2015 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["25.96M"],"filesize_raw":["27225026"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-303495.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-303495.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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and Sabrina McDonald join Ron Deal and talk about the good and bad surprises they experienced as they were establishing their blended family.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2015-05-15.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Robbie McDonald and Sabrina Beasley had both lost their spouses. When they met and fell in love with each other, Sabrina not only said \u201cYes,\u201d to Robbie\u2019s proposal\u2014she said, \u201cLet\u2019s marry quickly.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>I thought I was doing the right thing by speeding up our marriage for the children\u2019s sake because they were so young. I thought: \u201cHow am I going to get them from going to calling my friend, Robbie, to Daddy?\u00a0 How is that going to work in two years, if we wait that long?\u201d\u00a0 So, time-wise\/circumstantially, it seemed to be the best time; but it wasn\u2019t enough time for everyone else to really get used to the idea. It was too fast for them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, May 15<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. Anytime two families merge and form a stepfamily\/a blended family, there are a lot of people\u2019s emotions that need to be taken into consideration. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ll explore that today. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. You know, our friend, Ron Deal, who is joining us in the studio this week, has often talked about blended family relationships as kind of this interconnected web of all kinds of extended relationships. We\u2019ve seen him diagram this\u2014well, in fact, if our listeners are interested in kind of getting a visual image of this\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014they can go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click where it says, \u201cGO DEEPER.\u201d\u00a0 There is about a three-minute video you can watch that illustrates what all these tangled web of relationships looks like. I think we\u2019re getting a little clearer understanding, this week, of just exactly how that plays out in a marriage and in a blended family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>No question about it. I\u2019d like to add my voice to yours, Bob, in saying to our listeners, \u201cGo watch that video clip.\u201d\u00a0 Ron has masterfully put together a visual illustration of how complex blended families are. You\u2019ve been giving leadership to this area, Ron, for coming up on three decades. You\u2019ve been speaking into the lives of blended folks, and you\u2019ve recently rereleased a book. It\u2019s called <em>The Smart Stepfamily Marriage<\/em>. I\u2019m excited about this book, and I\u2019m also excited about our guests today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>I\u2019m excited too. You know, that video does portray well the complexity of stepfamilies; but one of the messages we\u2019re giving today is that it\u2019s manageable and, the more you know, the better you do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>There is hope. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Ron: <\/strong>There is hope\u2014absolutely. That\u2019s why we are talking about it. And to help us understand that hope and how that works, we\u2019re joined again by Robbie and Sabrina McDonald. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome back to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>Thank you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robbie: <\/strong>Thank you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Robbie and Sabrina have been married just over a year. They have four kids between them\u2014so, they are a stepfamily couple. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob: <\/strong>It\u2019s a two plus two; right?\u00a0 You have a 25-year-old and a 15-year-old son, Robbie. And Sabrina, you have a\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>A four-year-old and a six-year-old. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014four- and a six-year-old. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>We\u2019ve got more than two decades between the oldest and the youngest in terms of their age frames, which creates some challenges, in and of itself. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And I want to pick up on something, if I can, Ron\u2014I hate to just interrupt. Sabrina said something already this week that just resonated with me. Sabrina, you were talking about the fact that one of the challenges you\u2019ve experienced in this first year of a blended marriage is recognizing that Robbie\u2019s first wife, Carrie, who died of cancer a few years ago, is a <em>significant <\/em>part of your blended family and that your husband, David, who died in a car crash is a <em>significant<\/em> part of your blended family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn your case\u2014for both of you\u2014we\u2019re talking about strong marriages \/ godly spouses. There was not conflict that led to the dissolution of your marriage. There was tragedy that led to the dissolution of your marriage. When you get married and the first marriage was really good for both of you\u2014that can create its own set of issues; can\u2019t it?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes, it can because every marriage is going to be different. What was good in a first marriage might create a set of expectations about how things are going to be in your next marriage. You\u2019re both shaking your heads. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>Yes, definitely. That was one of the challenges, for me, when I was looking for a spouse\u2014is that I\u2014Robbie refers to it as having a David-sized hole in my heart. I wanted to find someone that would fit into what I had lost. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt almost felt like nothing that anybody else could do would measure up to that because it wasn\u2019t David. On the other hand, you don\u2019t want to marry someone because they remind you of someone else. I don\u2019t want to be married\u2014I don\u2019t want Robbie to marry me because I remind him of Carrie. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You don\u2019t want to be the imitation Carrie. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>I want him to love me for me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>In the same way, he wants to be loved for who he is; but it took some time to get there and to realize that they don\u2019t have to be like that person. They can be who they are, in and of themselves. My first husband, David, had a quote that he said one time: \u201cA soul mate isn\u2019t someone you find. It\u2019s someone you intentionally and prayerfully become.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, when you are in a relationship with a Christian\u2014and that person is loving God with all their heart and you\u2019re loving God with all your heart\u2014then, you know that you\u2019re going to come together. Even though you have to learn to live a completely different way, you have to have that time to hang on.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt first, that is <em>not <\/em>going to fit together because you are too busy remembering the way things were; but when you put your faith and your cornerstone in Christ, that\u2019s the key. You know that it\u2019s going to work out when you\u2019re both doing that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I just have to ask both of you\u2014you\u2019ve been married a little over a year: \u201cWould both of you just share with our listeners the biggest surprise or the biggest adjustment that you\u2019ve experienced as you\u2019ve forged this new family?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>I think what surprised me the most about our relationship is how well it has gone. I think that\u2019s attributed to the grace of God. I think that in our family\u2014both sides of our extended family\u2014truly want the best possible situation for us. They really want to have a good, happy family. Everyone is seeking the best for all of us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen I say, \u201call of us,\u201d I mean his in-laws \/ my in-laws. Everyone has just accepted me with open arms. My family has accepted Robbie, and we get along really well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I want to ask you here\u2014I hear you saying\u2014going into marriage, you thought, \u201cOkay, I know this is going to be hard at some level.\u201d I hear you saying, \u201cIt\u2019s not been as hard as I thought it was going to be.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>That\u2019s right. And I think it\u2019s because we did come into it with information, and we came into it with open hearts, and we came into it with a heart that was seeking God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>To me, this situation was very strange. I had some expectations of it really going sour in a lot of ways. But just the prayer that\u2019s been put into it, and seeking after the will of God, and both of us being gracious to one another\u2014that grace is key in a blended family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Robbie, has this been easier than you thought it was going to be?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robbie: <\/strong>As far as the extended family relationships, most definitely easier. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI cannot say how great it\u2019s been\u2014the way I\u2019ve been accepted by her family, and how they tell me they love me, and they are so happy that I\u2019m here, and they want me to be here for the children and for Sabrina. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But how about with the five of you at home?\u00a0 Has that been easier than you thought it was going to be?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robbie: <\/strong>For the most part, yes. We have been through our little difficulties with certain relationships in the family, like I said earlier, with me and Benjamin; but that has gone so much better because now we want that relationship to grow, and we want to extend grace to the other person, and we want to love each other. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay, Ron Deal, I\u2019m thinking this is the opposite of what we would hear from most blended couples. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>There are a lot of things that have gone right for this couple\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u2014and, therefore, the family blend has gone more smoothly than it does with most. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd one of the beautiful things here is the extended family has been so welcoming \/ so open to receiving each of you, as new son and daughter-in-laws, when they\u2019ve lost a son or a daughter\u2014just the attitudes of being open towards one another. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob, here is my observation about that. Notice\u2014Robbie and Sabrina don\u2019t get to control that. For a lot of stepfamily couples, they walk into a situation, where they love each other deeply, but the people around them are challenging their relationship or not quite as open and not quite as welcoming. What a difference it makes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m thinking of the step-grandparent, who is listening to us right now. I want to say to you: \u201cYou have the ability to heavily influence, in a positive direction, this new couple and family just by being filled with grace\u2014by being open, and welcoming, and adjusting how you can to their new family scenario.\u201d\u00a0 That makes a <em>huge<\/em> difference. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And we all acknowledge, around the table here, that there is a lot of different ways blended families get formed. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And sometimes, it\u2019s not out of tragedy\u2014it\u2019s out of some tough choices\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014that some families \/ some extended family members may not agree with, necessarily. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to ask you, Robbie\u2014back to the question: \u201cWhat was the biggest surprise \/ biggest adjustment that has occurred in this new blended family?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robbie: <\/strong>I guess the biggest adjustment that I\u2019ve seen is having to\u2014me having to deal with the children\u2014and the way they act and the way it\u2019s different from the way my children acted, when they were younger. I had expectations of the children acting like my children acted. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Now wait. You\u2019re in the Army. So, did you run\u2014did you run a pretty, you know\u2014\u201cOkay, this battalion is going to be in step. We\u2019re going to do it\u2026\u201d Sabrina is smiling! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou don\u2019t even have to answer, Robbie. [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robbie: <\/strong>Oh, definitely! I have\u2014\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You don\u2019t have a whistle to call the kids when\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robbie: <\/strong>I do not have a whistle\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Robbie: <\/strong>\u2014but when I do call the kids, I expect them to come. [Laughter]\u00a0 But yes, and I expected things to be a little more orderly, and people to do what they\u2019re told when they are told. I say: \u201cObedience is doing what you\u2019re told, when you\u2019re told, with a good attitude.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>So, this parenting thing\u2014it\u2019s an ongoing process; isn\u2019t it?\u2014for the two of you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robbie: <\/strong>It\u2019s a learning experience. The things that you have to do to make adjustments to each child, and not take it for granted that all children are the same, and treat each child as the individual they are. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>I want to point out another strength in this couple\u2014that\u2019s helped their adjustment go better than most\u2014and that is flexibility. Listen to what he just said\u2014\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRobbie just said: \u201cI\u2019m willing to learn how to treat her children differently and how to have different expectations. I\u2019m willing to do that.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSometimes, people get stuck. They say: \u201cNope, it should be this way. Like it or not, your kids better shape up or ship out.\u201d That sort of rigidity creates even more conflict in stepfamilies. So, there is another strength that\u2019s helped the process of adjusting over time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>It\u2019s also going back to the web picture. In a blended family, you have to realize that it\u2019s individual relationships. It\u2019s taking time for that individual relationship and understanding the relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPart of the deal that we learned with Robbie and Benjamin was that they have real similar personalities. So, we had to figure that out; and \u201cHow do you deal with a child that has the type of personality that Ben has?\u201d Ben\u2019s personality is a little more rigid and high strung than Seth and Katherine. So, we have to deal with him differently. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know\u2014the getting in his face and harsh discipline doesn\u2019t work as well with him as positive rewards. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Are you saying that Ben may be an officer in the Army\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>Yes. [Laughter]\u00a0 I tell\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014and has butted heads with another officer?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>That\u2019s what he thinks!\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Okay, I want to go around the horn a little bit. Let\u2019s ask about other people in your expanded stepfamily system; alright?\u00a0 Then, we\u2019re going to start with somebody who doesn\u2019t live in your home. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEach of you has former mother-in-law and father-in-laws. Your first spouse passed away. What have you seen in them?\u00a0 What have they done that\u2019s been helpful? What would you share, with our listeners, about how to adjust together, even in including those people as a part of your new family?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>First of all, Robbie\u2019s in-laws\u2014Carrie\u2019s mother and father\u2014have been the most wonderful people to me. They have really loved me and embraced me\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014I mean, we go to church together. We have lunch every Sunday. They treat my children like they are their own grandchildren. To hear Carrie\u2019s father put his arm around me and tell me that he loves me and that he truly appreciates me\u2014that\u2019s the grace of God in them coming out toward me\u2014priceless!\u00a0 I mean, that makes me feel accepted into this family. The way they have treated me has been absolutely key in making me feel a part of who they are. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Listen to what she is saying about her in-laws\u2014grace connects \/ possessiveness divides. They are not being possessive; and they are not holding on, even in spite of their pain. And I, as somebody who has lost a child, know how challenging that is. In spite of that, they have a grace to welcome you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s absolutely\u2014as you said\u2014it is the grace of God. It makes all the difference for the family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Robbie, tell us about the first time you met David\u2019s parents\u2014Sabrina\u2019s former husband\u2014when you met his parents. Was it before you got married?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robbie: <\/strong>It was before we got married. And the first time\u2014I think it was Benjamin\u2019s birthday party, and David\u2019s mom was there. And the first thing, she put her arm around me. That\u2019s welcoming and very loving\u2014she\u2019s just happy that we\u2019re together. I think that goes back to her not ever remarrying and knowing that those kids need a father. That, right there, just helped me become part of the family. It\u2019s the love of God and God\u2019s grace\u2014and a tiny amount of grace goes a long way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Amen. Amen. So, let\u2019s keep going around the horn. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTell us about your relationship with your new in-laws and what kinds of adjustments have taken place there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>Again, they are godly people. What\u2019s interesting about Robbie\u2019s father is that Robbie\u2019s mother died, and he remarried. He remarried an absolutely wonderful Christian woman, and they just love me. I mean, they know the pain of losing someone; and they just accept it for what it is. So, they\u2019re easy to get along with. And my parents love Robbie. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robbie: <\/strong>Yes, they accepted from the beginning\u2014just happy that I\u2019m part of the family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>I just can\u2019t overstate how that openness just makes a difference for couples\u2014in blended families, in particular. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHow about friends and your social network?\u00a0 How have they adjusted to your new relationship \/ your new family, and what role have they played in helping you move forward?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>I will say that one of the things that I regret\u2014if we want to talk about on the negative end\u2014is that I don\u2019t think we waited long enough for everyone to grieve their losses. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn our situation, I think everyone wanted us to be happy, and they had a desire to see a happy ending to the story. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut it took some grieving for me\u2014the first few months of our marriage\u2014to realize that marriage is over \/ that one is gone. I wish that I had taken more time in our engagement so that people could get to know Robbie for who he is, and get over comparing him to David, and learn to love him the way he is and the way we are together. I didn\u2019t\u2014I don\u2019t think I gave them enough time to do that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI thought I was doing the right thing by speeding up our marriage for the children\u2019s sake because they were so young. I thought: \u201cHow am I going to get them from going to calling my friend, Robbie, to Daddy?\u00a0 How was that going to work in two years if we wait that long?\u201d\u00a0 And then, Seth was going into high school, and we were going to move him to a new high school\u2014he was in ninth grade. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I wanted to get married before he went into the ninth grade to transition into the high school. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, time-wise\/circumstantially, it seemed to be the best time; but it wasn\u2019t enough time for everyone else in our extended family and our friends to really get used to the idea. It was too fast for them. And I wish that I had waited a little bit longer on that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robbie: <\/strong>My best friend\u2014his wife was my wife\u2019s best friend\u2014so, it\u2019s kind of been difficult for her. It takes time for people to heal from the loss and move on to another relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>At the same time, you guys, I know, have made some new relationships in a blended family class at your church; is that right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robbie: <\/strong>Yes, sir. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Tell us about how that\u2019s been supportive to you and how that\u2019s served you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robbie: <\/strong>Seeing people go through their problems and seeing people try to\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tmake their marriages work\u2014in a class where there are multiple families and multiple scenarios that you get to listen to\u2014and sometimes, you realize how good you actually have it. And then, you sometimes see they are having the same problems that we are having. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Ron: <\/strong>And we\u2019re not alone. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Robbie: <\/strong>And we\u2019re not alone. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Ron, give a challenge to those who have listened to this story this week\u2014just about maybe doing something like what Robbie\u2019s talking about here\u2014maybe, leading a blended family class in their church. That\u2019s really the place where couples\u2014well, it ought to be the safe place where couples could get real honest and maybe see the grace of God in their own lives. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>I\u2019m absolutely convinced, Dennis, that being in a community of believers\u2014who are going to love you and support you, and you can love and support them, and together you can share some good information about stepfamily living\u2014\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014some of the resources we produce, here at FamilyLife Blended, including <em>The Smart Stepfamily<\/em> small group DVD \/ this new study: <em>The Smart Stepfamily Marriage<\/em> has material that goes along with that to support that in a group environment. All of that brings people together, who are likeminded \/ who are living similar types of experiences\u2014supporting each other\u2014that\u2019s what the church is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou may not have that at your church\u2014we want to help you create that at your church. If you are already doing something, we want to help encourage and bless your ministry. We have a map, online, where churches can post information about their local ministry so that couples in your area can find you. We\u2019re doing a lot, here at FamilyLife Blended, to try to support the local church really being an encouragement to families. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, in fact, our listeners can go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the link in the upper left-hand corner of the screen that says, \u201cGO DEEPER.\u201d They\u2019ll find out a lot of what we\u2019re doing, here at FamilyLife. Again, the website: FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things they\u2019ll find there is your new book, <em>The Smart Stepfamily Marriage<\/em>, where you and David Olson have looked at the critical success factors in blending a marriage and in blending a family. This is a book that really explores what is necessary for a family to blend successfully. I really like the way you help couples do a personal inventory and say: \u201cHow are we doing in this area?\u00a0 What are the strengths we can build on, and what are the weaknesses that we can shore up?\u201d\u00a0 In fact, I think this is a good book for couples who are thinking about getting married\u2014starting a blended family. I think it\u2019s a good book for those who are already in one. We\u2019ve got copies of it in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center\u2014the new book from Ron Deal and David Olson, <em>The Smart Stepfamily Marriage<\/em>. You can order, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to order. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me also mention that Ron is giving leadership to an event that\u2019s going to be taking place in Southern California in November. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s the 2015 Blended and Blessed<sup>\u2122<\/sup> Summit on stepfamily ministry. This is a two-day event that\u2019s designed for those who are already engaged in ministering to stepfamilies in a community or in a local church. Or if you have an interest in starting a blended or stepfamily ministry in your local church, we want you to encourage you to come to the two-day Blended and Blessed Summit at the Mariners Church in Irvine, California, November 13 through the 14<sup>th<\/sup>. If you\u2019d like more information or you\u2019d like to register, go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link that says, \u201cGO DEEPER,\u201d and look for information on the Blended and Blessed Summit. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I have not had the opportunity to check in recent days; but I know we have been hearing from some of our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners this month who have called, or gone online, or have mailed a donation to us. They heard about the matching-gift opportunity that some friends put together for us, here at Family Life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThese friends have agreed that they will match every donation we receive, during the month of May, on a dollar-for-dollar basis, up to a total of $300,000. Already, some of you have gone online, or called, or mailed in a check and said, \u201cI want to see the value of my donation be doubled as a result of the matching-gift funds that will be made available when I make a donation.\u201d\u00a0 And we\u2019re grateful for those of you we\u2019ve heard from. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe still have a ways to go if we\u2019re going to meet the $300,000 matching-gift maximum. So, would you consider making a donation today?\u00a0 Go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link in the upper right-hand corner of the screen that says, \u201cI CARE,\u201d and make an online donation. Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Make your donation over the phone. Or you can mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd with that, we hope you have a great weekend. Hope you and your family are able to worship together this weekend. I hope you can tune back in on Monday when we\u2019re going to find out about a group of guys who decided to step up\u2014it was a pretty interesting group. These are guys who are living in a shelter for homeless folks. They went through the <em>Stepping Up<\/em><em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em> video series recently, and we\u2019ll hear the story on Monday\u2019s program. Hope you can tune in for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back Monday for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2015 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/303495","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=303495"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=303495"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=303495"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=303495"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=303495"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=303495"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=303495"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}