{"id":303493,"date":"2015-05-14T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2015-05-14T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/blending-a-family\/"},"modified":"2015-05-14T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2015-05-14T15:00:00","slug":"blending-a-family","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/blending-a-family\/","title":{"rendered":"Blending a Family"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Sabrina and Robbie McDonald married quickly but didn&#8217;t take into account the grief her young son was still experiencing since his father&#8217;s death. Ron Deal explains how children grieve.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2015-05-14.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"29.98M","filesize_raw":"31437311","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2859,2882],"tags":[5062,4737,2560,5652,4033,2877,5276,4282],"podcast_series":[8077],"cwp_profile":[8839,3300],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-303493","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-dating-and-preparing-for-marriage","category-developing-a-relationship-with-stepchildren","tag-adultery","tag-being-single","tag-blended-families","tag-blended-family-problems","tag-divorce","tag-marriage","tag-stepfamilies","tag-widow","podcast_series-a-second-love-story","cwp_profile-robbie-and-sabrina-mcdonald","cwp_profile-ron-deal","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/303493\/blending-a-family","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/303493\/blending-a-family","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"kfzeBXCkmG\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/blending-a-family\/\">Blending a Family<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/blending-a-family\/embed\/#?secret=kfzeBXCkmG\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Blending a Family&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"kfzeBXCkmG\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2015-05-14.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2015-05-14.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>As a young widow, Sabrina Beasley was open to the possibility of remarriage. In fact, her husband, David, had made her promise, before he died, that if anything ever happened to him, she would, indeed, remarry so her children could have a father. Sabrina says that when she met and fell in love with her husband, Robbie, she realized that to marry and to have a man in the home was going to be an adjustment for her children\u2014especially, her oldest son. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>There was just <em>so much<\/em> going on. Then, all of a sudden, I bring a man into his life. As much as my intentions were good\u2014to get Robbie into our home\u2014I think I rushed it too much because it went from \u201cWho is this stranger?\u201d to \u201cNow, this is a person you call Daddy.\u201d\u00a0 And he really had a lot of behavioral problems. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, May 14<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBlending a family \/ starting a stepfamily is an adjustment for everyone, even those couples with the best intentions and with a committed walk with Christ. We\u2019ll hear about that today. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Thursday edition. Our listeners are getting to listen in on a checkup of sorts that\u2019s going on this week. <br><br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes, they\u2019re getting to hear about a true kind of a Camelot experience. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Camelot?!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Oh, yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Oh, yes, we\u2019ve got a soldier who went <em>after <\/em>his woman. [Laughter]\u00a0 I mean, our listeners want to hear the rest of the story\u2014like the juicy details of how this guy proposed. And I want Ron Deal to kind of lead us in this because Ron heads up FamilyLife\u2019s Blended Initiative. Ron\u2014welcome back to the broadcast. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Thank you. It\u2019s good to be here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You\u2019ve just finished a rewrite of a book you wrote about four years ago. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019re calling it <em>The Smart Stepfamily Marriage<\/em>. We\u2019re excited about that getting rereleased. It comes out of a lot of research\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>It does. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014you did with Dr. David Olson. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>It communicates the strengths of healthy step-couple relationships and blended families. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And we\u2019ve got one, right here, in front of us; don\u2019t we?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>We do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Introduce them, please. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Robbie and Sabrina McDonald are here with us today. Sabrina is actually back with us. Listeners of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> will know that Sabrina writes for FamilyLife.com; but she was on this broadcast a couple years ago, talking about a book I\u2019d written then called <em>Dating and the Single Parent<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we\u2019ve got her back to get some perspective on: \u201cOkay, you were a single parent then. Now, you\u2019re a married person in a blended family. What have you learned, and how is that process going?\u201d\u00a0 And she\u2019s brought her new husband with her\u2014Robbie. We\u2019re certainly glad to have him. He\u2019s a Sergeant First Class in the Army National Guard. Welcome, both of you, to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>Thank you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robbie: <\/strong>Thank you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>The two of them have two children each. So, there are four in their blended family experience. Robbie, you have a 25-year-old son and a 15-year-old son. Sabrina has a 6-year-old son and a 4-year-old daughter. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Now, wait, that\u2019s a pretty good spread right there\u201425 to 4\u2014is that right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robbie: <\/strong>That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That sounds tiring, just to start\u2014because, honestly, you parent in kind of stages\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014and when you\u2019re parenting a married adult son and a toddler at the same time\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>It\u2019s a bit schizophrenic; don\u2019t you think?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>Absolutely!\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I want our listeners to know that Sabrina\u2019s husband died in a car wreck after about seven years of marriage. Robbie\u2019s wife died of cancer after they\u2019d been married for twenty-two years. And we heard, earlier, about\u2014well\u2014how Robbie didn\u2019t take \u201cNo,\u201d as an answer in his pursuit of Sabrina. So, Sabrina said, \u201cNo,\u201d and six weeks later, said, \u201cMaybe\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014and then, a few months later, said, \u201cYes.\u201d\u00a0 So, Robbie, how did you propose to Sabrina?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robbie: <\/strong>First of all, it was a journey to get her to accept me as being a possible husband. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>To give you a chance. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robbie: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Part of the reason for that is a ten-year age difference. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robbie: <\/strong>Yes, ten-year age difference and the age of our children\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Robbie: <\/strong>\u2014and the difference of age there\u2014but I had already been through that once. I had a ten-year-old, and then, I had a newborn. I said: \u201cWell, I\u2019ve done this before. I can do this again,\u201d and \u201cIt\u2019s just another ten year difference in children.\u201d I saw it as a plus because I\u2019d been through it before. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I didn\u2019t fully realize what it would be like. There is just a difference in children, too, and how my children acted as children and how her children act as children. There are things you don\u2019t realize that you need to think about. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Like?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robbie: <\/strong>Like how a single parent lets their children take control of things because it\u2019s easier to do than to govern. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Okay, and so, when did that become reality for you?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robbie: <\/strong>After the marriage, really. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Okay. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Robbie: <\/strong>And I had the same thing at my house\u2014my 15-year-old\u2014it was just me and him at home. I let him pick what\u2019s for dinner \/ I let him pick what we watched on TV because it\u2019s easier that way, and it makes everybody happy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, Sabrina, do you remember when it hit you that \u201cOh, yes, this is not as\u2014this is a little more lax than I thought it was going to be\u201d?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>You know, it wasn\u2019t that he was lax with Seth. It was just that Seth\u2019s opinion mattered so much, and I was the new person. They had the relationship\u2014they had the history \/ they knew all the jokes. It was like being the third wheel on a relationship that had already had history there; and you\u2019re trying to jump in, as the new person\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014that <em>never ever<\/em> occurred to me. The friendship that you have with your teenager\u2014that is already established\u2014that you kind of have to work your way into to be a part of the family!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>You know, one of the things in this book, <em>The Smart Stepfamily Marriage<\/em>, that David and I talk about is that there is a natural transition that takes place in blended families. Your expectations are one thing before the wedding. Oftentimes, couples are so centered on <em>their<\/em> relationship that they don\u2019t realize how much these other family factors are going to influence the home; but soon after the marriage, that reality becomes evident. So, then, they begin to transition of: \u201cHow are we going to deal with this?\u201d and \u201cHow do we adjust?\u201d\u00a0 So, let\u2019s ask this of the two of you: \u201cHow have things changed regarding parenting and those things that existed before the wedding?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robbie: <\/strong>Oh, in the beginning, myself and the six-year-old, now\u2014we kind of butted heads with him. He didn\u2019t like the fact that I had a say-so over his mom and him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt the time, that was difficult because I didn\u2019t see what I was doing; and he\u2019s a six-year-old. She is trying to be the good wife\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Go-between. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robbie: <\/strong>\u2014go-between\u2014you know, the husband\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robbie: <\/strong>\u2014have him as the leader of the household. She wanted that to be known. So, she was allowing me to do what I wanted to do there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Sabrina, how did you handle that feeling stuck in the middle?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>It was hard. One of the things I didn\u2019t realize would happen is the grieving process that takes place. For several months, you realize things are not going to be the way they were before. It\u2019s going to be a totally different way of doing things. So, it takes some grieving there\u2014some loss and some acceptance\u2014to say: \u201cOkay, this is not the way it was before. That doesn\u2019t mean that it\u2019s bad. It\u2019s just different.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s like\u2014when I was married to David, it was as if we were speaking Spanish and we were in Spain. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, I married Robbie and moved to Germany. So, everything that I knew about Spain, I had to relearn in Germany. The traditions were different, the discipline\u2014the way of discipline was different\u2014the way he interacted with the kids was different. I had to come to a place and say: \u201cThat\u2019s okay. I can trust him. If he really loves the Lord \/ if he really loves God, I\u2019m going to put my trust\u2014not in my husband\u2014but in God who has brought us together and who has created this relationship.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes, it occurs to me, Sabrina\u2014that you went to Spain, brand-new with another person, and learned the culture of Spain and created a life with a person. Now, you\u2019re going to Germany with somebody who created Germany and is inviting you into his world. Actually, it\u2019s almost like you two went to a third country\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>That\u2019s exactly right, yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014to establish something totally new. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>Yes, it was\u2014another thing that surprised me about a second marriage\u2014is how much the first spouse influences the home. You\u2019re sort of living in someone else\u2019s\u2014the home that they\u2019ve created. Fortunately, the person in front of me was a godly woman, but still you\u2014it\u2019s almost like you have to get to know that person in order to understand why things are done the way that they\u2019re done. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>The one element I would add to our conversation about moving to a new country is that, not only is a piece of you kind of back in the old country, but a piece of the children is back in the old country. They have to learn new rituals, and customs, and language, and norms. There is a part of them that\u2019s grieving. So, there are some challenges there. Typically, what happens with children is\u2014they, then, let us know that through behavior. They kind of let us know they are not necessarily happy. Did you all experience some of that with the kids?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>Most definitely with Benjamin. I think he seriously had a post-traumatic stress disorder experience\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Wow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>\u2014with the whole transition because, you think\u2014within four years, he lost a father that revolved the world around him, and had a baby sister, and then the father died, and then he had a <em>crazy<\/em> single mother. I mean, when you are grieving, you just aren\u2019t yourself. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>A very peaceful household went to a very chaotic household; and then, we moved to a new house. There was just <em>so much<\/em> going on. Then, all of a sudden, I bring a man into his life. As much as my intentions were good\u2014to get Robbie into our home\u2014I think I rushed it too much because it went from \u201cWho is this stranger?\u201d to \u201cNow, this is a person you call Daddy.\u201d\u00a0 And he really had a lot of behavioral problems. It showed up at school and home\u2014major fits and things like that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe was very, very disturbed. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>How did you move forward and help Benjamin?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>A lot of it\u2014you have to take time with your kids. And even though Benjamin was very, very young, I still took the time to talk to him. I spend time with the children, before bed every night, and pray with them. I said to Ben, \u201cWhat is it that you want me to pray for?\u201d\u00a0 And he said, \u201cWell, I want you to pray that my old Daddy would come back.\u201d\u00a0 And he said that to me several times. I would say: \u201cWhy do you say that to me?\u00a0 It hurts my feelings that you say that.\u201d\u00a0 He\u2019d say, \u201cWell, I miss him,\u201d or whatever. And I\u2019d say: \u201cWell, he\u2019s in heaven. He can\u2019t come back.\u201d\u00a0 And he really couldn\u2019t express to me <em>why <\/em>he was saying this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, just a few months ago, he said it again: \u201cI wish my old Daddy would come back.\u201d I was thinking: \u201cWow!\u00a0 I really thought we had finally gotten to a place where he was happy.\u201d\u00a0 And I said, \u201cBen, are you not happy with your Daddy?\u201d\u00a0 \u201cNo, I like Daddy.\u201d\u00a0 And I said, \u201cWell, why do you say this?\u201d\u00a0 He said: \u201cWell, because sometimes I will ask you if I can do something.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019ll say, \u2018Yes,\u2019 and Daddy will turn around and say, \u2018No,.\u2019\u2014then, you say, \u2018Well, you can\u2019t do it because Daddy said.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, what happened, in my mind, was\u2014I was doing the same thing my mother did\u2014which, when we were kids, she was establishing my father as the authority of the household. So, we would ask her, \u201cCan we do such and such?\u201d\u00a0 And she would say, \u201cWell, let me ask your father.\u201d\u00a0 If he said, \u201cYes,\u201d or \u201cNo,\u201d we knew that that was black and white\u2014you know, whatever Dad said\u2014he was the authority. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I was trying to do the same thing with my kids\u2014teaching them about Robbie\u2019s authority. Well, the problem is that a blended family is not the same as a first-time family. I was trying to parent my son the way that you do with his biological father and not with his stepfather. So, he was translating that in a different way\u2014taking it to mean: \u201cWell, it used to be that you were the boss; and now you\u2019re not anymore. Now, he\u2019s the boss.\u201d\u00a0 He just had this first-grade\/kindergarten mindset of how he was trying to logically figure that out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut the point is that he knew Robbie wasn\u2019t his dad\u2014and that David was he\u2019s real dad\u2014and he was trying to figure out how that authority figure worked. If I hadn\u2019t taken the time with him to explain this is why it is the way it is, he wouldn\u2019t have understood. He was just using his little mind to figure it out. And I was just taking it for granted that he understood: \u201cDad is the authority figure in the home.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, that is how I think you have to do it\u2014I think you have to take time with the kids. Even if they are little, and you don\u2019t really think they know what\u2019s going on, they really, really do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>There are so many takeaways from that. One, simply, is that children experience the blended family, oftentimes, differently than the adults do. The adults have an agenda always\u2014and that is bringing people together and letting everyone feel like it is family\u2014but, sometimes, kids\u2014because they are holding on to previous relationships\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014and those are appropriate for them to hold on to those relationships\u2014don\u2019t have the same motivation to be happy with the way things go. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYour Benjamin is now six. The beautiful thing in what you just shared with us, I think, is that you engaged him in a conversation. You opened the door\u2014you asked \/ you listened. It created an opportunity for you to, then, help explain some things to him. I think the big thing there is just comforting him in his sadness and knowing that he feels differently about it and he misses his dad. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And that she\u2019s a woman who can be trusted because she walks with Jesus Christ. I don\u2019t think you can downplay that in that story at all. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt occurs to me, we never left Camelot and didn\u2019t finish tying the knot here. [Laughter] We\u2019re dealing with all the challenges you two have faced. I just want to hear it, Robbie\u2014how did you lay it on her?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robbie: <\/strong>Okay, she\u2019s a dancer\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>\u2014a ballroom dancer. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robbie: <\/strong>During our dating\u2014ballroom\u2014yes, ballroom dancer\u2014and during our dating time, I got to learn how to dance with her. One of the places she liked to go dancing is down to Hot Springs. They have\u2014every Friday night, at the Arlington Hotel, they have a live band and dancing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>Gorgeous 1930\u2019s remodeled hotel\u2014beautiful atmosphere\u2014you know, a romantic atmosphere. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>There you go. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robbie: <\/strong>I pretty sure I didn\u2019t let her know what was happening. You didn\u2019t know what I was going to do there?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>No, surely not\u2014of course, not. [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robbie: <\/strong>Anyway, so, we went to dinner at a very nice restaurant, down there in Hot Springs; and then, we went down to the Arlington to dance. Then, we left there to go back home\u2014just make sure everybody knows that!\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Sabrina, you couldn\u2019t tell he was nervous?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>No, as a matter of fact, he says I didn\u2019t know. I suspected, of course\u2014as all women do\u2014but he wasn\u2019t nervous!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I thought: \u201cHuh?!\u00a0 So, I guess it\u2019s not tonight because he\u2019s not acting odd at all!\u201d\u00a0 He was so calm, cool, and collected. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Okay, so, did you pull the ring out on the dance floor?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robbie: <\/strong>No, I tried to get the guy to play this song that has a lot to do with starting over, but they didn\u2019t know the song. So, we danced and danced. I had the ring in my pocket. I kind of took her hand and I stuck it down in my pocket. She\u2019s like, \u201cWhat is this?\u201d\u00a0 She pulls it out. I look at her and say, \u201cWill you marry me?\u201d\u00a0 And she says\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>\u201cYes.\u201d\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robbie: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cYes.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>So, Sabrina, a couple years ago, you were on this broadcast. You were talking about dating, as a single parent. You were talking about holding out for the right guy. I had made a statement, saying that I think single parents can stay single and that they don\u2019t <em>have<\/em> to get married. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis asked you how you felt about that. Here is what you said\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous Interview]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>Well, it gives me hope; and it also scares me a little bit. You know, I want to get remarried. I do want my children to have a father figure in their lives\u2014I do want someone with them who will love them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut, you know, when I first was widowed, and I was praying and I said, \u201cLord, I really want someone to be here,\u201d\u2014I mean, I really had a wonderful relationship with my husband; and I loved him <em>so deeply<\/em>\u2014we were best friends\u2014and I was praying: \u201cGod, I want that again. I want that for my kids. I want it for <em>myself<\/em>.\u201d\u00a0 And I heard the Lord say, \u201cWait for Me.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd later on, I was thinking about Abraham and Sarah, when he told Sarah that she was going to have a baby. She waited, and she waited, and she waited. Eventually, she thought, \u201cMaybe, God meant that he would have a baby and not me.\u201d\u00a0 So, she went into her servant, Hagar, and said, \u201cHere I want you to sleep with my husband so we can have this promised child.\u201d\u00a0 And she ended up with Ishmael. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, I said, \u201cI don\u2019t want an Ishmael marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cI want an Isaac marriage. I want the marriage that God wants me to have. I want the man that God brings to me to be a godly man\u2014the man that God wants\u2014His will\u2014and not just a panic or some way of saying: \u2018Well, how can I fulfill this?\u00a0 How can I make this happen?\u2019\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Current Interview]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Talk to the listener, right now, who is also waiting for an Isaac marriage\u2014who is not going to settle\u2014like you didn\u2019t want to settle. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>I would say: \u201cWaiting is worth it. Don\u2019t make decisions out of panic. Look for the person that you know has the right heart.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd with Robbie\u2014a lot of what I was looking at and saying \u201cNo,\u201d to had to do with circumstances of where we were\u2014but I never ever had to say, \u201cNo,\u201d to his heart. I knew where his heart was. I knew that he loved the Lord. I knew where he stood in his relationship with Christ, and that was what was most important to me. I knew that he had kept his vows to his wife. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere was a lot I could know about him, just by looking at the life that he had and by talking to people who knew him. There was a lot to be said by his character, and that\u2019s the kind of person you want to wait for. You definitely don\u2019t want to just find anybody and try to make it work. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Sabrina, you just said it\u2014it\u2019s a quote by Martyn Lloyd-Jones, who was a great English preacher. Somebody needs to hear this, right now: \u201cFaith is the refusal to panic.\u201d\u00a0 God is able\u2014trust Him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes, trust and obey. I mean, trust and lean into the wisdom of others, who can offer you good, solid, godly counsel. I know, Robbie and Sabrina, you guys leaned into Ron Deal, all the way through this process\u2014not only having the opportunity to talk with him\u2014but his resources. His books, I know, have been helpful for you as you\u2019ve charted this course for your stepfamily. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just want to mention\u2014Ron has a new book out, called <em>The Smart Stepfamily Marriage<\/em> that provides you with a checkup. Whether you are thinking about blending your family\u2014you have just done it, or you\u2019ve been in it for a number of years\u2014this is a book that will help you understand the strengths and weaknesses in a blended marriage relationship and will help you build on your strengths and shore up those weaknesses. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got copies of <em>The Smart Stepfamily Marriage<\/em> in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. I\u2019d encourage our listeners: \u201cIf you are in a blended marriage \/ you\u2019re considering blending a family\u2014or if you know someone who is and you\u2019d like to give them a great gift\u2014get a copy of <em>The Smart Stepfamily Marriage: Keys to Success in the Blended Family<\/em> by Ron Deal and David Olson.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can order, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. When you get to our website, click the link in the upper left-hand corner of the screen that says, \u201cGO DEEPER.\u201d\u00a0 Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to ask about <em>The Smart Stepfamily<\/em> <em>Marriage<\/em> by Ron Deal and David Olson\u20141-800-FL-TODAY\u2014or online at FamilyLifeToday.com. When you get to the website, click the link that says, \u201cGO DEEPER,\u201d in the upper left-hand corner of the page. You\u2019ll find information about Ron\u2019s book there \/ information about the DVD series he\u2019s done for stepfamilies called <em>The Smart Stepfamily<\/em> DVD series. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s also information about the upcoming 2015 Blended and Blessed<sup>\u2122<\/sup> Summit on stepfamily ministry, taking place in November\u2014November 13 and 14\u2014at Mariners Church in Irvine, California. This is a gathering of people, who are currently engaged in blended family or stepfamily ministry, or for those who are interested in starting a stepfamily ministry in your church or in your community\u2014this a great event to come to. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere is going to be a special focus, this year, on how youth pastors can be more alert to and more involved with the young people in their youth ministry who are struggling with blended family dynamics. Again, find out more when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the link that says, \u201cGO DEEPER\u201d; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY for more information. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the way, I should really mention here that all that we do, here at FamilyLife, including the work we\u2019re doing with blended families and stepfamilies\u2014Ron Deal\u2019s work, here at FamilyLife, and heading up the FamilyLife Blended area of this ministry\u2014all of that is possible because folks, just like you, have said, \u201cThis is important.\u201d\u00a0 And the way you\u2019ve said it is important is by donating to make this ministry possible. We\u2019re listener-supported. We depend on your donations for every bit of what happens, here at <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>; and we\u2019re grateful for those of you who partner with us. <br><br>During the month of May, there is a special opportunity for you to engage with us and to see the impact of your donation doubled. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve had some friends of the ministry, who have agreed to match any donation we receive here, during the month of May, on a dollar-for-dollar basis, up to a total of $300,000. That\u2019s particularly significant, here at the beginning of summer, because as you head into the summer months, oftentimes, you see a decline in donations to a ministry like <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. So, to be able to go in with a little bit of a surplus will really help us out\u2014help us make it through the summer\u2014pay it forward a little bit. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWould you consider going to FamilyLifeToday.com, click the link in the upper right-hand corner of the screen that says, \u201cI CARE,\u201d and make an online donation?\u00a0 Again, know that your donation\u2014the impact of it\u2014will be doubled as your donation is matched, dollar for dollar. Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY\u2014you can make your donation over the phone; or you can mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR. And our zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we are going to talk about the issue of grief and how everybody has to process grief when a blended family comes together. There is great joy in the blending of a family, but there is also a sense of loss that is involved\u2014not just for the people who are marrying\u2014but for everyone close to them. We\u2019ll explore that tomorrow. Hope you can tune in for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2015 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["29.98M"],"filesize_raw":["31437311"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-303493.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-303493.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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and Robbie McDonald married quickly but didn't take into account the grief her young son was still experiencing since his father's death. Ron Deal explains how children grieve.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2015-05-14.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>As a young widow, Sabrina Beasley was open to the possibility of remarriage. In fact, her husband, David, had made her promise, before he died, that if anything ever happened to him, she would, indeed, remarry so her children could have a father. Sabrina says that when she met and fell in love with her husband, Robbie, she realized that to marry and to have a man in the home was going to be an adjustment for her children\u2014especially, her oldest son. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>There was just <em>so much<\/em> going on. Then, all of a sudden, I bring a man into his life. As much as my intentions were good\u2014to get Robbie into our home\u2014I think I rushed it too much because it went from \u201cWho is this stranger?\u201d to \u201cNow, this is a person you call Daddy.\u201d\u00a0 And he really had a lot of behavioral problems. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, May 14<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBlending a family \/ starting a stepfamily is an adjustment for everyone, even those couples with the best intentions and with a committed walk with Christ. We\u2019ll hear about that today. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Thursday edition. Our listeners are getting to listen in on a checkup of sorts that\u2019s going on this week. <br><br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes, they\u2019re getting to hear about a true kind of a Camelot experience. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Camelot?!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Oh, yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Oh, yes, we\u2019ve got a soldier who went <em>after <\/em>his woman. [Laughter]\u00a0 I mean, our listeners want to hear the rest of the story\u2014like the juicy details of how this guy proposed. And I want Ron Deal to kind of lead us in this because Ron heads up FamilyLife\u2019s Blended Initiative. Ron\u2014welcome back to the broadcast. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Thank you. It\u2019s good to be here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You\u2019ve just finished a rewrite of a book you wrote about four years ago. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019re calling it <em>The Smart Stepfamily Marriage<\/em>. We\u2019re excited about that getting rereleased. It comes out of a lot of research\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>It does. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014you did with Dr. David Olson. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>It communicates the strengths of healthy step-couple relationships and blended families. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And we\u2019ve got one, right here, in front of us; don\u2019t we?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>We do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Introduce them, please. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Robbie and Sabrina McDonald are here with us today. Sabrina is actually back with us. Listeners of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> will know that Sabrina writes for FamilyLife.com; but she was on this broadcast a couple years ago, talking about a book I\u2019d written then called <em>Dating and the Single Parent<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we\u2019ve got her back to get some perspective on: \u201cOkay, you were a single parent then. Now, you\u2019re a married person in a blended family. What have you learned, and how is that process going?\u201d\u00a0 And she\u2019s brought her new husband with her\u2014Robbie. We\u2019re certainly glad to have him. He\u2019s a Sergeant First Class in the Army National Guard. Welcome, both of you, to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>Thank you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robbie: <\/strong>Thank you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>The two of them have two children each. So, there are four in their blended family experience. Robbie, you have a 25-year-old son and a 15-year-old son. Sabrina has a 6-year-old son and a 4-year-old daughter. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Now, wait, that\u2019s a pretty good spread right there\u201425 to 4\u2014is that right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robbie: <\/strong>That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That sounds tiring, just to start\u2014because, honestly, you parent in kind of stages\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014and when you\u2019re parenting a married adult son and a toddler at the same time\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>It\u2019s a bit schizophrenic; don\u2019t you think?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>Absolutely!\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I want our listeners to know that Sabrina\u2019s husband died in a car wreck after about seven years of marriage. Robbie\u2019s wife died of cancer after they\u2019d been married for twenty-two years. And we heard, earlier, about\u2014well\u2014how Robbie didn\u2019t take \u201cNo,\u201d as an answer in his pursuit of Sabrina. So, Sabrina said, \u201cNo,\u201d and six weeks later, said, \u201cMaybe\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014and then, a few months later, said, \u201cYes.\u201d\u00a0 So, Robbie, how did you propose to Sabrina?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robbie: <\/strong>First of all, it was a journey to get her to accept me as being a possible husband. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>To give you a chance. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robbie: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Part of the reason for that is a ten-year age difference. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robbie: <\/strong>Yes, ten-year age difference and the age of our children\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Robbie: <\/strong>\u2014and the difference of age there\u2014but I had already been through that once. I had a ten-year-old, and then, I had a newborn. I said: \u201cWell, I\u2019ve done this before. I can do this again,\u201d and \u201cIt\u2019s just another ten year difference in children.\u201d I saw it as a plus because I\u2019d been through it before. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I didn\u2019t fully realize what it would be like. There is just a difference in children, too, and how my children acted as children and how her children act as children. There are things you don\u2019t realize that you need to think about. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Like?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robbie: <\/strong>Like how a single parent lets their children take control of things because it\u2019s easier to do than to govern. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Okay, and so, when did that become reality for you?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robbie: <\/strong>After the marriage, really. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Okay. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Robbie: <\/strong>And I had the same thing at my house\u2014my 15-year-old\u2014it was just me and him at home. I let him pick what\u2019s for dinner \/ I let him pick what we watched on TV because it\u2019s easier that way, and it makes everybody happy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, Sabrina, do you remember when it hit you that \u201cOh, yes, this is not as\u2014this is a little more lax than I thought it was going to be\u201d?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>You know, it wasn\u2019t that he was lax with Seth. It was just that Seth\u2019s opinion mattered so much, and I was the new person. They had the relationship\u2014they had the history \/ they knew all the jokes. It was like being the third wheel on a relationship that had already had history there; and you\u2019re trying to jump in, as the new person\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014that <em>never ever<\/em> occurred to me. The friendship that you have with your teenager\u2014that is already established\u2014that you kind of have to work your way into to be a part of the family!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>You know, one of the things in this book, <em>The Smart Stepfamily Marriage<\/em>, that David and I talk about is that there is a natural transition that takes place in blended families. Your expectations are one thing before the wedding. Oftentimes, couples are so centered on <em>their<\/em> relationship that they don\u2019t realize how much these other family factors are going to influence the home; but soon after the marriage, that reality becomes evident. So, then, they begin to transition of: \u201cHow are we going to deal with this?\u201d and \u201cHow do we adjust?\u201d\u00a0 So, let\u2019s ask this of the two of you: \u201cHow have things changed regarding parenting and those things that existed before the wedding?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robbie: <\/strong>Oh, in the beginning, myself and the six-year-old, now\u2014we kind of butted heads with him. He didn\u2019t like the fact that I had a say-so over his mom and him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt the time, that was difficult because I didn\u2019t see what I was doing; and he\u2019s a six-year-old. She is trying to be the good wife\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Go-between. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robbie: <\/strong>\u2014go-between\u2014you know, the husband\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robbie: <\/strong>\u2014have him as the leader of the household. She wanted that to be known. So, she was allowing me to do what I wanted to do there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Sabrina, how did you handle that feeling stuck in the middle?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>It was hard. One of the things I didn\u2019t realize would happen is the grieving process that takes place. For several months, you realize things are not going to be the way they were before. It\u2019s going to be a totally different way of doing things. So, it takes some grieving there\u2014some loss and some acceptance\u2014to say: \u201cOkay, this is not the way it was before. That doesn\u2019t mean that it\u2019s bad. It\u2019s just different.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s like\u2014when I was married to David, it was as if we were speaking Spanish and we were in Spain. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, I married Robbie and moved to Germany. So, everything that I knew about Spain, I had to relearn in Germany. The traditions were different, the discipline\u2014the way of discipline was different\u2014the way he interacted with the kids was different. I had to come to a place and say: \u201cThat\u2019s okay. I can trust him. If he really loves the Lord \/ if he really loves God, I\u2019m going to put my trust\u2014not in my husband\u2014but in God who has brought us together and who has created this relationship.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes, it occurs to me, Sabrina\u2014that you went to Spain, brand-new with another person, and learned the culture of Spain and created a life with a person. Now, you\u2019re going to Germany with somebody who created Germany and is inviting you into his world. Actually, it\u2019s almost like you two went to a third country\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>That\u2019s exactly right, yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014to establish something totally new. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>Yes, it was\u2014another thing that surprised me about a second marriage\u2014is how much the first spouse influences the home. You\u2019re sort of living in someone else\u2019s\u2014the home that they\u2019ve created. Fortunately, the person in front of me was a godly woman, but still you\u2014it\u2019s almost like you have to get to know that person in order to understand why things are done the way that they\u2019re done. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>The one element I would add to our conversation about moving to a new country is that, not only is a piece of you kind of back in the old country, but a piece of the children is back in the old country. They have to learn new rituals, and customs, and language, and norms. There is a part of them that\u2019s grieving. So, there are some challenges there. Typically, what happens with children is\u2014they, then, let us know that through behavior. They kind of let us know they are not necessarily happy. Did you all experience some of that with the kids?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>Most definitely with Benjamin. I think he seriously had a post-traumatic stress disorder experience\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Wow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>\u2014with the whole transition because, you think\u2014within four years, he lost a father that revolved the world around him, and had a baby sister, and then the father died, and then he had a <em>crazy<\/em> single mother. I mean, when you are grieving, you just aren\u2019t yourself. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>A very peaceful household went to a very chaotic household; and then, we moved to a new house. There was just <em>so much<\/em> going on. Then, all of a sudden, I bring a man into his life. As much as my intentions were good\u2014to get Robbie into our home\u2014I think I rushed it too much because it went from \u201cWho is this stranger?\u201d to \u201cNow, this is a person you call Daddy.\u201d\u00a0 And he really had a lot of behavioral problems. It showed up at school and home\u2014major fits and things like that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe was very, very disturbed. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>How did you move forward and help Benjamin?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>A lot of it\u2014you have to take time with your kids. And even though Benjamin was very, very young, I still took the time to talk to him. I spend time with the children, before bed every night, and pray with them. I said to Ben, \u201cWhat is it that you want me to pray for?\u201d\u00a0 And he said, \u201cWell, I want you to pray that my old Daddy would come back.\u201d\u00a0 And he said that to me several times. I would say: \u201cWhy do you say that to me?\u00a0 It hurts my feelings that you say that.\u201d\u00a0 He\u2019d say, \u201cWell, I miss him,\u201d or whatever. And I\u2019d say: \u201cWell, he\u2019s in heaven. He can\u2019t come back.\u201d\u00a0 And he really couldn\u2019t express to me <em>why <\/em>he was saying this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, just a few months ago, he said it again: \u201cI wish my old Daddy would come back.\u201d I was thinking: \u201cWow!\u00a0 I really thought we had finally gotten to a place where he was happy.\u201d\u00a0 And I said, \u201cBen, are you not happy with your Daddy?\u201d\u00a0 \u201cNo, I like Daddy.\u201d\u00a0 And I said, \u201cWell, why do you say this?\u201d\u00a0 He said: \u201cWell, because sometimes I will ask you if I can do something.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019ll say, \u2018Yes,\u2019 and Daddy will turn around and say, \u2018No,.\u2019\u2014then, you say, \u2018Well, you can\u2019t do it because Daddy said.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, what happened, in my mind, was\u2014I was doing the same thing my mother did\u2014which, when we were kids, she was establishing my father as the authority of the household. So, we would ask her, \u201cCan we do such and such?\u201d\u00a0 And she would say, \u201cWell, let me ask your father.\u201d\u00a0 If he said, \u201cYes,\u201d or \u201cNo,\u201d we knew that that was black and white\u2014you know, whatever Dad said\u2014he was the authority. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I was trying to do the same thing with my kids\u2014teaching them about Robbie\u2019s authority. Well, the problem is that a blended family is not the same as a first-time family. I was trying to parent my son the way that you do with his biological father and not with his stepfather. So, he was translating that in a different way\u2014taking it to mean: \u201cWell, it used to be that you were the boss; and now you\u2019re not anymore. Now, he\u2019s the boss.\u201d\u00a0 He just had this first-grade\/kindergarten mindset of how he was trying to logically figure that out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut the point is that he knew Robbie wasn\u2019t his dad\u2014and that David was he\u2019s real dad\u2014and he was trying to figure out how that authority figure worked. If I hadn\u2019t taken the time with him to explain this is why it is the way it is, he wouldn\u2019t have understood. He was just using his little mind to figure it out. And I was just taking it for granted that he understood: \u201cDad is the authority figure in the home.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, that is how I think you have to do it\u2014I think you have to take time with the kids. Even if they are little, and you don\u2019t really think they know what\u2019s going on, they really, really do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>There are so many takeaways from that. One, simply, is that children experience the blended family, oftentimes, differently than the adults do. The adults have an agenda always\u2014and that is bringing people together and letting everyone feel like it is family\u2014but, sometimes, kids\u2014because they are holding on to previous relationships\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014and those are appropriate for them to hold on to those relationships\u2014don\u2019t have the same motivation to be happy with the way things go. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYour Benjamin is now six. The beautiful thing in what you just shared with us, I think, is that you engaged him in a conversation. You opened the door\u2014you asked \/ you listened. It created an opportunity for you to, then, help explain some things to him. I think the big thing there is just comforting him in his sadness and knowing that he feels differently about it and he misses his dad. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And that she\u2019s a woman who can be trusted because she walks with Jesus Christ. I don\u2019t think you can downplay that in that story at all. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt occurs to me, we never left Camelot and didn\u2019t finish tying the knot here. [Laughter] We\u2019re dealing with all the challenges you two have faced. I just want to hear it, Robbie\u2014how did you lay it on her?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robbie: <\/strong>Okay, she\u2019s a dancer\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>\u2014a ballroom dancer. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robbie: <\/strong>During our dating\u2014ballroom\u2014yes, ballroom dancer\u2014and during our dating time, I got to learn how to dance with her. One of the places she liked to go dancing is down to Hot Springs. They have\u2014every Friday night, at the Arlington Hotel, they have a live band and dancing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>Gorgeous 1930\u2019s remodeled hotel\u2014beautiful atmosphere\u2014you know, a romantic atmosphere. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>There you go. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robbie: <\/strong>I pretty sure I didn\u2019t let her know what was happening. You didn\u2019t know what I was going to do there?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>No, surely not\u2014of course, not. [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robbie: <\/strong>Anyway, so, we went to dinner at a very nice restaurant, down there in Hot Springs; and then, we went down to the Arlington to dance. Then, we left there to go back home\u2014just make sure everybody knows that!\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Sabrina, you couldn\u2019t tell he was nervous?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>No, as a matter of fact, he says I didn\u2019t know. I suspected, of course\u2014as all women do\u2014but he wasn\u2019t nervous!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I thought: \u201cHuh?!\u00a0 So, I guess it\u2019s not tonight because he\u2019s not acting odd at all!\u201d\u00a0 He was so calm, cool, and collected. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Okay, so, did you pull the ring out on the dance floor?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robbie: <\/strong>No, I tried to get the guy to play this song that has a lot to do with starting over, but they didn\u2019t know the song. So, we danced and danced. I had the ring in my pocket. I kind of took her hand and I stuck it down in my pocket. She\u2019s like, \u201cWhat is this?\u201d\u00a0 She pulls it out. I look at her and say, \u201cWill you marry me?\u201d\u00a0 And she says\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>\u201cYes.\u201d\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robbie: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cYes.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>So, Sabrina, a couple years ago, you were on this broadcast. You were talking about dating, as a single parent. You were talking about holding out for the right guy. I had made a statement, saying that I think single parents can stay single and that they don\u2019t <em>have<\/em> to get married. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis asked you how you felt about that. Here is what you said\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous Interview]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>Well, it gives me hope; and it also scares me a little bit. You know, I want to get remarried. I do want my children to have a father figure in their lives\u2014I do want someone with them who will love them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut, you know, when I first was widowed, and I was praying and I said, \u201cLord, I really want someone to be here,\u201d\u2014I mean, I really had a wonderful relationship with my husband; and I loved him <em>so deeply<\/em>\u2014we were best friends\u2014and I was praying: \u201cGod, I want that again. I want that for my kids. I want it for <em>myself<\/em>.\u201d\u00a0 And I heard the Lord say, \u201cWait for Me.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd later on, I was thinking about Abraham and Sarah, when he told Sarah that she was going to have a baby. She waited, and she waited, and she waited. Eventually, she thought, \u201cMaybe, God meant that he would have a baby and not me.\u201d\u00a0 So, she went into her servant, Hagar, and said, \u201cHere I want you to sleep with my husband so we can have this promised child.\u201d\u00a0 And she ended up with Ishmael. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, I said, \u201cI don\u2019t want an Ishmael marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cI want an Isaac marriage. I want the marriage that God wants me to have. I want the man that God brings to me to be a godly man\u2014the man that God wants\u2014His will\u2014and not just a panic or some way of saying: \u2018Well, how can I fulfill this?\u00a0 How can I make this happen?\u2019\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Current Interview]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Talk to the listener, right now, who is also waiting for an Isaac marriage\u2014who is not going to settle\u2014like you didn\u2019t want to settle. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina: <\/strong>I would say: \u201cWaiting is worth it. Don\u2019t make decisions out of panic. Look for the person that you know has the right heart.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd with Robbie\u2014a lot of what I was looking at and saying \u201cNo,\u201d to had to do with circumstances of where we were\u2014but I never ever had to say, \u201cNo,\u201d to his heart. I knew where his heart was. I knew that he loved the Lord. I knew where he stood in his relationship with Christ, and that was what was most important to me. I knew that he had kept his vows to his wife. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere was a lot I could know about him, just by looking at the life that he had and by talking to people who knew him. There was a lot to be said by his character, and that\u2019s the kind of person you want to wait for. You definitely don\u2019t want to just find anybody and try to make it work. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Sabrina, you just said it\u2014it\u2019s a quote by Martyn Lloyd-Jones, who was a great English preacher. Somebody needs to hear this, right now: \u201cFaith is the refusal to panic.\u201d\u00a0 God is able\u2014trust Him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes, trust and obey. I mean, trust and lean into the wisdom of others, who can offer you good, solid, godly counsel. I know, Robbie and Sabrina, you guys leaned into Ron Deal, all the way through this process\u2014not only having the opportunity to talk with him\u2014but his resources. His books, I know, have been helpful for you as you\u2019ve charted this course for your stepfamily. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just want to mention\u2014Ron has a new book out, called <em>The Smart Stepfamily Marriage<\/em> that provides you with a checkup. Whether you are thinking about blending your family\u2014you have just done it, or you\u2019ve been in it for a number of years\u2014this is a book that will help you understand the strengths and weaknesses in a blended marriage relationship and will help you build on your strengths and shore up those weaknesses. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got copies of <em>The Smart Stepfamily Marriage<\/em> in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. I\u2019d encourage our listeners: \u201cIf you are in a blended marriage \/ you\u2019re considering blending a family\u2014or if you know someone who is and you\u2019d like to give them a great gift\u2014get a copy of <em>The Smart Stepfamily Marriage: Keys to Success in the Blended Family<\/em> by Ron Deal and David Olson.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can order, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. When you get to our website, click the link in the upper left-hand corner of the screen that says, \u201cGO DEEPER.\u201d\u00a0 Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to ask about <em>The Smart Stepfamily<\/em> <em>Marriage<\/em> by Ron Deal and David Olson\u20141-800-FL-TODAY\u2014or online at FamilyLifeToday.com. When you get to the website, click the link that says, \u201cGO DEEPER,\u201d in the upper left-hand corner of the page. You\u2019ll find information about Ron\u2019s book there \/ information about the DVD series he\u2019s done for stepfamilies called <em>The Smart Stepfamily<\/em> DVD series. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s also information about the upcoming 2015 Blended and Blessed<sup>\u2122<\/sup> Summit on stepfamily ministry, taking place in November\u2014November 13 and 14\u2014at Mariners Church in Irvine, California. This is a gathering of people, who are currently engaged in blended family or stepfamily ministry, or for those who are interested in starting a stepfamily ministry in your church or in your community\u2014this a great event to come to. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere is going to be a special focus, this year, on how youth pastors can be more alert to and more involved with the young people in their youth ministry who are struggling with blended family dynamics. Again, find out more when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the link that says, \u201cGO DEEPER\u201d; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY for more information. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the way, I should really mention here that all that we do, here at FamilyLife, including the work we\u2019re doing with blended families and stepfamilies\u2014Ron Deal\u2019s work, here at FamilyLife, and heading up the FamilyLife Blended area of this ministry\u2014all of that is possible because folks, just like you, have said, \u201cThis is important.\u201d\u00a0 And the way you\u2019ve said it is important is by donating to make this ministry possible. We\u2019re listener-supported. We depend on your donations for every bit of what happens, here at <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>; and we\u2019re grateful for those of you who partner with us. <br><br>During the month of May, there is a special opportunity for you to engage with us and to see the impact of your donation doubled. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve had some friends of the ministry, who have agreed to match any donation we receive here, during the month of May, on a dollar-for-dollar basis, up to a total of $300,000. That\u2019s particularly significant, here at the beginning of summer, because as you head into the summer months, oftentimes, you see a decline in donations to a ministry like <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. So, to be able to go in with a little bit of a surplus will really help us out\u2014help us make it through the summer\u2014pay it forward a little bit. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWould you consider going to FamilyLifeToday.com, click the link in the upper right-hand corner of the screen that says, \u201cI CARE,\u201d and make an online donation?\u00a0 Again, know that your donation\u2014the impact of it\u2014will be doubled as your donation is matched, dollar for dollar. Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY\u2014you can make your donation over the phone; or you can mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR. And our zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we are going to talk about the issue of grief and how everybody has to process grief when a blended family comes together. There is great joy in the blending of a family, but there is also a sense of loss that is involved\u2014not just for the people who are marrying\u2014but for everyone close to them. We\u2019ll explore that tomorrow. Hope you can tune in for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2015 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/303493","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=303493"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=303493"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=303493"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=303493"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=303493"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=303493"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=303493"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}