{"id":303463,"date":"2015-04-14T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2015-04-14T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/encouragement-for-moms\/"},"modified":"2015-04-14T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2015-04-14T15:00:00","slug":"encouragement-for-moms","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/encouragement-for-moms\/","title":{"rendered":"Encouragement for Moms"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>A group of young moms gets to ask Barbara Rainey their tough questions on parenting.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2015-04-14.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"26.98M","filesize_raw":"28290409","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2838],"tags":[2987],"podcast_series":[8073],"cwp_profile":[3052,9108],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-303463","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mothers","tag-disciplining-your-children","podcast_series-as-mom-q-a-with-barbara-rainey","cwp_profile-barbara-rainey","cwp_profile-various","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/303463\/encouragement-for-moms","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/303463\/encouragement-for-moms","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"PJsSyCm22s\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/encouragement-for-moms\/\">Encouragement for Moms<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/encouragement-for-moms\/embed\/#?secret=PJsSyCm22s\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Encouragement for Moms&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"PJsSyCm22s\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2015-04-14.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2015-04-14.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You\u2019ve heard of the good cop\/bad cop routine?\u00a0 Barbara Rainey remembers, early in her marriage, when it was good parent\/bad parent. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>I remember Dennis would come home. It was like Jesus had walked in the door because the kids thought he hung the moon and he could do no wrong. He was there to play, and he was happy, and the fun one. I was the policeman\/the drillmaster: \u201cYou\u2019ve got to do your chores, and you\u2019ve got to help,\u201d\u2014I just felt like I was a grump!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, April 14<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey\u2014and is also, apparently, Jesus, according to his wife. I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will hear from Dennis Rainey about the parenting challenges. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Tuesday edition. Did you know the kids thought you were Jesus?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>This is news to me. I\u2019m glad we recorded this!\u00a0 We made\u2014I need for you to get a clip of this and tape it back on my phone and play it for Barbara tonight! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But you were aware, even in those early years\u2014that, when you came home at the end of the day\u2014your wife was tired; right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Oh my goodness. I\u2019ve got three points, here, at the beginning of the broadcast. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You\u2019ve got points\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Oh, baby. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We haven\u2019t heard anything yet, and you\u2019ve got points! [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I know, but they need to hear this\u2014moms need to hear this\u2014and dads and husbands need to hear this too. Number one\u2014exhaustion is hereditary; okay?\u00a0 You get it from your mom, and you get it from your kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Alright?\u00a0 Number two\u2014you need encouragement. You\u2019re about to get it from my wife Barbara, who you just heard some of what she experienced. Number three\u2014I want to remind you that the assignment you\u2019ve been given, as a mom, is one of <em>the <\/em>most important jobs God ever gives any human being on the planet\u2014is being called, \u201cMommy.\u201d\u00a0 I know it\u2019s tough \/ I know it\u2019s hard\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014you just listen to Barbara relive some of those moments. You\u2019re going to hear more about that in a minute. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I just want you to take heart in doing well because you really have been given one of the most noble jobs that God ever gives any human being on the planet. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Can I add a fourth point to your list\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You may. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014of three?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You may. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob: <\/strong>The one I would add is\u2014that your success, as a mom\u2014or as a dad, for that matter\u2014is tied to how well you\u2019re doing, as a husband and a wife, in your marriage relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob: <\/strong>The strength of your marriage is a key factor in the lives of your children, as you raise them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And I\u2019d add a fifth one off of that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Oh, here we go. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes, here we go. Number five\u2014your relationship with Jesus Christ will fuel your marriage and your job and your role, as a parent. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay, you trumped me\u2014I went to the marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>No. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You went to Jesus. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>No, it wasn\u2019t a matter of that. [Laughter]\u00a0 You really pointed out something very important. How can we have <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> without pointing people back to, frankly, the Bible and the God of the Bible?\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014because He is the One who made you to be a mom\/to be a dad\u2014husband\/wife\u2014in the first place. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, here\u2019s what got me thinking about the priority of marriage. Our team, this month, has really been praying about seeing tens of thousands of couples, this spring and this summer, go through our <em>Art of Marriage<\/em><em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em> video event that we\u2019ve designed as a Friday night\/Saturday event for couples to go through. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, they are so committed to wanting to see couples go through this material that they have decided to make the kit available\u2014with the DVDs, and a pair of workbooks, and instructions on how to host this event\u2014they are making that kit available for free to anyone who will agree to take ten couples through the material. You\u2019ll get all the details when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link at the top of the page that says, \u201cGO DEEPER.\u201d The information about <em>The Art of Marriage<\/em> is available right there\u2014there is a link you can click\u2014or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ll answer any questions you have. The offer for the free kit is good now through the end of April. So, take advantage of it by calling or going, online, to FamilyLifeToday.com. Plan to host one of these events in your community. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, what we are going to listen to today is a get-together that took place, a while back, as Barbara Rainey got together with some young moms. It was just a great time of Q&amp;A as these moms just shared the challenges they were facing, and Barbara offered some counsel. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>This is the best of Barbara Rainey in a Q&amp;A. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded Q&amp;A Time with Barbara Rainey]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lady: <\/strong>I have a son\u2014and then the three girls\u2014and he is not a passive person. He is very\u2014says exactly what is on his mind. It\u2019s wonderful because you always know where he stands, but how do you train the things that he says because they can be quite disrespectful and hurtful? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI don\u2019t want to squelch his ability\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>\u2014expressiveness. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lady: <\/strong>Right. I want to encourage that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lady: <\/strong>But some of the things that he says are not appropriate. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Well, that\u2019s a real training issue. You can make a list\u2014whatever you think communicates with him\u2014but you\u2019ve got to let him know what\u2019s acceptable and what\u2019s not. It may be that he\u2019s getting to the stage where\u2014if he\u2019s really crossing some significant lines\u2014and I don\u2019t know how significant the lines are that he is crossing\u2014but that\u2019s for you and your husband to decide, anyway, what your boundaries are. It may be that it is time for him to start getting Tabasco sauce, or washing his mouth out with soap, or something\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Audience member: <\/strong>Soap works really well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>You\u2019ve done that; yes\u2014because, when they start crossing those lines, at seven\u2014you\u2019ve got to nip it in the bud and make a big issue of it, or it really can get bad. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lady: <\/strong>Well, we\u2019re doing that. Then, I tend to let my husband do it\u2014then, when it\u2019s done, he does it\u2014but maybe, I don\u2019t feel like it was maybe as effective as\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014or maybe, I\u2019m not seeing enough resolve. So, then, you have the whole marriage issue to deal with. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Well, it\u2019s one of the difficulties of parenting because our personalities factor into it \/ our backgrounds\u2014the way we were parented factor into it. Then, our individual goals of what we are trying to accomplish factor into it. I mean, it\u2019s a very complicated process\u2014it\u2019s not simple. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the best things that we did is\u2014we had our Sunday night date \/ our weekly date\u2014and it was not a romantic date either. We would go to this one restaurant, and we would sit there. There were many times when we would spend the whole three hours\u2014and we would never get up from the table\u2014and we would talk about one kid for three hours because there were so many issues we were trying to deal with. We were trying so hard to get on top of issues with different kids, and some required so much more of us than others. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut it was really a life-saver for us to have that, even though we never really solved it, once and for all\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014because there was always another issue next Sunday night to deal with\u2014but it gave us a time when we could really have uninterrupted time to talk about the kids, and to talk about what we needed to do, and try to figure out a plan. It gave us a time to hash out how we both felt about things when we didn\u2019t agree\u2014when we weren\u2019t trying to do it in the middle of the incident with one of the kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt allowed us to get away and do it a little bit more objectively because you just can\u2019t do it in the middle of things with your kids\u2014you just can\u2019t. They just pick up so easily if there is any division between the two of you\u2014and boy, they are going\u2014they are going to get in there and milk it. So, it was absolutely invaluable to get away on a regular basis. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we didn\u2019t make every Sunday night, but we made most of them because it was life or death, a lot of times, for me. I mean, I had to get out of the house; and I had to have his undivided attention. I usually had my list that I showed up with because I\u2019d been keeping track of stuff all week: \u201cWe\u2019ve got to talk about this. I\u2019ve got to have help with this. I don\u2019t know what I\u2019m going to do. I\u2019m about ready to go crazy.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, yes, I would highly recommend something on a regular basis that gets you away from the kids, where you can pull back and have some semblance of objectivity and make some kind of a plan\u2014even if it\u2019s not a great plan \/ even if it\u2019s not a perfect plan\u2014but make some kind of a plan to tackle whatever it is you are facing, whether it\u2019s your son and his language or your four-year-old\u2014I mean, whatever it is. Otherwise, you really will sink in the process because you just\u2014there is too much to deal with. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGet away. Get it on the calendar. It doesn\u2019t have to be Sunday night, but it can be Friday night. It can be Wednesday night. It doesn\u2019t matter\u2014just\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lady: <\/strong>I\u2019m thinking of how valuable that is\u2014not just: \u201cWhat should I being doing differently?\u201d but \u201cHow are you going to step in and help me?\u201d\u00a0 Sometimes, you need your husband to step in and give you a night off. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Well, and one of the things that I realized too\u2014very, very slowly in our marriage\u2014is I always wanted Dennis to know what I needed, and to just be able to read me, and\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014well, I mean\u2014duh!\u00a0 I mean, he\u2019s a man; and\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Audience member: <\/strong>Write it on the wall. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>\u2014he thinks like a man. I think like a woman, and we are <em>never <\/em>going to think like each other. It finally dawned on me\u2014after many, many years of being frustrated\u2014that he couldn\u2019t read me the way I wanted him to read me. He wasn\u2019t intuitive like I wanted him to be intuitive\u2014that it was okay for me to tell him, and I needed to tell him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, if for no other reason, our Sunday night dates\u2014getting out every Sunday night\u2014if for no other reason, it let him hear what I was dealing with because it was pretty much a monologue. [Laughter]\u00a0 Yes. And I just would start in and just go through the list and just start\u2014and he\u2019d try to pull it together, and he\u2019d try to help us come up with some direction which I needed. But a lot of it was that it was really good for him just to hear my struggle\u2014and to hear the agony, and the pain, and the chaos that I was dealing with. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s a lot of benefit in getting away with your husband just so that he can hear you and so he can begin to enter into your world a little bit because he doesn\u2019t know. He can\u2019t be at the same level that you do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lady (2): <\/strong>Yes. Something that Ronnie did is\u2014that he took over bedtime routine. He brushed their teeth, he did the jammies, and he read them books. That was such a blessing to me because that gave me time to retreat\u2014I knew that was my time. I could go read \/ I could go take a bath. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lady (2): <\/strong>And that got me through my days sometimes when they were so little. It was like, \u201cIf I can just\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lady (2): <\/strong>\u2014\u201chold out until then,\u201d or \u201c\u2026have a plan.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes, exactly. You know, it doesn\u2019t\u2014it\u2019s not going to be the same for every couple. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lady (2): <\/strong>Right. That was something he was willing to do and that he enjoyed. Reading\u2014that\u2019s when he read the Bible to them or whatever. He still reads to them, and they love it\u2014and he does too. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes, we really need our husband\u2019s help, but they need to know what they can do. Sometimes, we have to help them know what they can do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lady (3): <\/strong>I was just wondering if you had to address the issue of dealing with your own emotions, especially when you have young kids. I am amazed sometimes at how angry I can feel because of all the things happening at once\u2014I forgot to eat breakfast, I didn\u2019t get sleep, and the dog wants out. There is just a myriad of emotions that you are feeling. How do you deal with\u2014I mean, it\u2019s so on-the-spot\u2014suddenly, you\u2019re demanded to be on and to know what to do, in the midst of the chaos. I would love to hear\u2014and I guess you are a bit more of a Golden Retriever, and you\u2019re a bit more naturally steady. So, maybe, you have natural advice. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Well, yes, I\u2019m not so sure you\u2019re reading me right!\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 I do\u2014I guess maybe I am in some ways; but, you know, raising kids really brought out the worst in me on many occasions. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Audience member: <\/strong>All of us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>A lot of it was because of a lack of sleep. A lot of it was because I really didn\u2019t know what I was doing. One of the things I realized, in those early years, is that I really didn\u2019t know, half the time, what I was feeling. Dennis would say, \u201cWhat are you feeling?\u201d\u00a0 I would go: \u201cI have no idea!\u00a0 I\u2019m just stressed, and I\u2019m frustrated. I couldn\u2019t tell you the name of it if I tried.\u201d It was such a combination of things, and I was overwhelmed. A lot of it really was fatigue\u2014that I just didn\u2019t have the physical\/emotional capacity to be able to think it through. That\u2019s really where you need your husband\u2014just to be available to listen and maybe help you think it through\u2014if you want to come to a place where you can name it. I mean, I knew when I was angry\u2014I could name that one \/ it was all the other ones that I couldn\u2019t name\u2014because that one was pretty obvious. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was part of my growing up too. I learned a lot by raising my kids, personally, myself. One of the things that I didn\u2019t mention\u2014let\u2019s see, it was in the early \u201890\u2019s. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI decided that I needed to get some counseling for my own benefit, just to grow personally and sort through some things. I really wish I had done it sooner, and it was one of the best things I ever did. A lot of all of those years, I was just processing who I was, as a person. I was trying to figure out: \u201cWho am I? What do I really believe? What do I really want to do with my family? What do I want my kids to become when they grow up? What do we want to produce in their lives?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, dealing with my emotions was a challenge because I didn\u2019t know what I was feeling half the time; but I had to learn to do it because I wanted my kids to be able to name theirs. So, we were teaching our kids to say, \u201cI\u2019m angry,\u201d when they were angry and to name \u201cI\u2019m sad,\u201d when they were sad\u2014you know, to name those things because I wanted them to grow up to be healthier than I was. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor them to do that, I had to be healthy; and I had to learn how to process my own emotions. So, it was a real journey\u2014the parenting years\u2014I learned a lot. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI learned a lot about myself. I learned a lot about my own depravity\u2014which was good for me\u2014because I was one of those kids that grew up not thinking that I had a whole lot of sin in my life. I knew it was true because the Bible said so. I did pretty well, on the outside\u2014looked pretty good \/ kept the rules pretty well. So, I entered marriage and parenting not knowing, firsthand, about my sin. I knew it in my head, but I didn\u2019t experience it. I experienced it, as a parent. You realize your depravity, which is a really healthy place to be\u2014it\u2019s a really good place to be because it can drive you to the Savior like nothing else. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you recognize the depravity, and you move to Christ\u2014and ask Him to do the healing, and the teaching, and the restoration in your life\u2014then, you are in a much better place\u2014but it\u2019s hard \/ it\u2019s a lot of hard work. So, you\u2019ve got the hard work of parenting toddlers, and keeping up with all the physical demands and, then, you\u2019ve got the things that God\u2019s trying to work in your own life in the midst of it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s a tall order\u2014parenting is not an easy journey. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I don\u2019t know that I really was able to answer your question clearly because I don\u2019t know that there really is an answer as much as to say there is hope and that God is up to a lot of things in your life, and in your husband\u2019s life, beyond what you\u2019re trying to teach your kids. God\u2019s trying to work in us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lady (3): <\/strong>That\u2019s so helpful because I think some of the battle is Satan can tell you you\u2019re the only person angry\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes, exactly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lady (3): <\/strong>\u2014all the other moms are in their houses, talking sweetly and lovingly\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Exactly! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lady (3): <\/strong>\u2014and serving up cookies, and loving every minute, and holy, and spiritual. No, see\u2014and it\u2019s like I don\u2019t want people to think that because I want to be able to tell them\u2014like you\u2019re telling us\u2014\u201cI was angry.\u201d\u00a0 Then, I think it\u2019s great to be able to name\u2014figure out what your emotion is because\u2014and sitting down with your husband, once a week, to say: \u201cWell, I don\u2019t know. I spent a lot of the week angry, but I think I\u2019m mostly just overwhelmed and sad because I just feel like a failure\u201d; you know?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lady (3): <\/strong>It\u2019s like\u2014yes: \u201cAnd I feel like you\u2019re not helping me enough,\u201d or \u201cI feel\u2026\u201d\u2014whatever these things are\u2014\u201cJust process this with me.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Exactly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lady (3): <\/strong>I think a lot of the anger ends up in the lap of your husband\u2014\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Lady (3): <\/strong>\u2014 or \u201cI\u2019m in this situation because of you. Every day, you go off and <em>enjoy<\/em> what you\u2019re doing, and I\u2019m miserable.\u201d\u00a0 That isn\u2019t true. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Right, but it can <em>feel<\/em> that way. That\u2019s why you\u2019ve got to have him as a sounding board because\u2014I remember Dennis would come home\u2014and it was like Jesus had walked in the door because the kids thought he hung the moon and he could do no wrong. He was there to play, and he was happy and the fun one. I was the policeman\/the drillmaster: \u201cYou\u2019ve got to do your chores, and you\u2019ve got to help,\u201d\u2014and I just felt like I was a grump, all the time! I loved it when he walked in the door because I was depleted\/\u2014\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Audience: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>\u2014empty. The tank was banging \u201cE.\u201d\u00a0 So, I needed it when he walked in the door, but\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lady (3): <\/strong>I do too. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Barbara: <\/strong>\u2014I always felt a conflict of identity because the kids did see us so differently. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI hated that. I didn\u2019t like being the bad guy, but I was a lot. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lady: <\/strong>I can see the value of having an older woman to mentor you\u2014who is a part of your life \/ can really minister to your soul\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>I agree. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lady:<\/strong> \u2014in a way that just really can encourage you, just to know that it\u2019s okay if you get angry, and it is okay if you\u2019re feeling depressed, or whatever. That can really allow you to get through. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>I agree; yes. If you can find someone who can be that in your life, then, go for it. Ask somebody or find somebody; and just say, \u201cCan I call you when I need to?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s my goal\u2014is that I was thinking about it this afternoon\u2014was what I\u2019d like to do is just walk up, put my arm around each one of you and say: \u201cIt\u2019s going to be okay. It\u2019s going to be okay. You can make it. You can do it. It will be alright,\u201d because there is something about a mom\u2014that we are on duty 24\/7. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEven, when we go to sleep at night, who wakes up if somebody cries?\u00a0 It\u2019s the mom\u2014it\u2019s the wiring. It\u2019s the way God\u2019s made us, and it\u2019s just the way it is. We\u2019re that way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, even though he will listen and be sympathetic, he is not\u2014he does not have that intuitive, sensitive connection to the kids that\u2019s a 24\/7-thing like we do. Another mom does\u2014and so, that is the benefit of having someone that\u2019s a friend or an older woman, like Elizabeth said\u2014that you can call because your husband can understand, to a point, but only to a point. So, I\u2014yes, I totally agree. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, we\u2019ve been listening to Barbara Rainey interacting with some young moms in a recent Q&amp;A session. I\u2019ll tell you what it reminded me of, Dennis\u2014I thought about the times when Mary Ann and I would get together with other couples. We would talk about some of the challenges we were facing, as parents\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014and just how we drove home from those times together, feeling like some of the weight had been removed from our shoulders. There is something about just being able to sit down and say, \u201cHere is what we are going through,\u201d and somebody else says: \u201cI\u2019ve been through it too, and you\u2019ll get through it. It\u2019s okay.\u201d\u00a0 It lightens the burden. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And all of us, I think, need older moms and dads in our lives, just to remind us of the truth that there are struggles and nobody does it perfectly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m reminded of Proverbs 31, as I was listening to Barbara answer those questions and make comments: \u201cStrength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her, \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201c\u2019Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.\u2019\u00a0 Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but the woman who fears the Lord, she is to be praised.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>I think moms just need to hear that occasionally. I think they just need someone to say: \u201cYou know what?\u00a0 You\u2019re doing a good job. You\u2019re hanging in there. Don\u2019t quit. You\u2019re raising the next generation\u2014morally, emotionally, spiritually. You\u2019re building for a time you will not see\u2014but a very important building\u2014because, really, the future generation rests upon how you do, as a mom.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I want you to be honest here. We are encouraging listeners, this month, to consider hosting one of our <em>Art of Marriage<\/em> video events\u2014in their community, in their home, in their church\u2014and doing it this spring or this summer. If you had come home, back when you had six kids at home, and said to Barbara: \u201cHey, I\u2019ve got this great idea for this ministry opportunity we can do. We can get a free kit. We can host one of these <em>Art of Marriage<\/em> events. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cIt\u2019ll really help strengthen marriages in our community.\u201d Would Barbara have said: \u201cGreat!\u2014let\u2019s do it\u201d?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Let me tell you something, Bob\u2014we didn\u2019t have the kit\u2014we had the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. I would come home and say, \u201cHey, Sweetheart, we get to go speak at one of these events!\u201d\u00a0 I\u2019m telling you\u2014there were times when she said, \u201cYou have got to be kidding me!\u00a0 We\u2019ve got our hands full, here, raising this brood of six children, for goodness sake!\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think\u2014if we knew all the couples who had hosted <em>The Art of Marriage<\/em>\u2014I think we\u2019d find that a huge percentage of them were in the busiest season of a marriage and a family. It\u2019s a time of raising your children, but it\u2019s a time of demonstrating to your children\u2014that you care about other marriages, that you care about the destiny of other families, and that you want to make a deposit in future generations. What better way to do it? I mean, yes, it\u2019ll produce some stress; but it\u2019ll also produce some eternal life- change. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, and as we said, we are giving away the kit to anyone who cares about marriage and wants to build into the lives and the marriages of people you know in your family, in your community, in your church. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link in the upper left-hand corner of the screen that says, \u201cGO DEEPER.\u201d\u00a0 You\u2019ll see an icon there for <em>The Art of Marriage<\/em>. When you click that, you\u2019ll see all the details about how you can get the DVDs, a couple of workbooks, and the starter guide for <em>The Art of Marriage <\/em>video event\u2014all for free as long as you agree to take ten couples through the material. Again, it\u2019s a free kit for anyone who will take ten couples through the material. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the link that says, \u201cGO DEEPER\u201d; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY if you have any questions\u20141-800-358-6329. That\u2019s 1-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, our goal, here at FamilyLife, is to equip marriages and families. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe want to effectively develop godly marriages and families because we believe godly marriages and families can change the world, one home at a time. We appreciate those of you who agree with that mission\u2014those of you who support the work we\u2019re doing with your contributions. We could not do all that we do without your financial support. We want to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d to those of you who have, in months past, made a donation to help support this ministry\u2014a special \u201cThank you,\u201d by the way, to our Legacy Partners\u2014those of you who give faithfully each month. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you would like to make a donation today, you can go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link in the upper right-hand corner of the screen that says, \u201cI CARE,\u201d and make an online donation. Or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Make your donation over the phone. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you make a donation today, we\u2019d like to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d by sending you your choice of either Ron Deal\u2019s revised and updated book, <em>The Smart Stepfamily<\/em>, or Scott Stanley\u2019s helpful book, which is called <em>A Lasting Promise<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can select your choice of either of those books as a thank-you gift when you make a donation today. And we want you to know how much we appreciate you for standing with us in this ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can join us back tomorrow when we are going to revisit an event that took place 20 years ago this week. It was a dark moment in our history. We\u2019ll talk about the bombing of the Oklahoma City Federal Building, and introduce you to Chuck and Melissa Douglas tomorrow. Hope you can tune in for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2015 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["26.98M"],"filesize_raw":["28290409"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-303463.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-303463.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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group of young moms gets to ask Barbara Rainey their tough questions on parenting.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2015-04-14.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You\u2019ve heard of the good cop\/bad cop routine?\u00a0 Barbara Rainey remembers, early in her marriage, when it was good parent\/bad parent. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>I remember Dennis would come home. It was like Jesus had walked in the door because the kids thought he hung the moon and he could do no wrong. He was there to play, and he was happy, and the fun one. I was the policeman\/the drillmaster: \u201cYou\u2019ve got to do your chores, and you\u2019ve got to help,\u201d\u2014I just felt like I was a grump!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, April 14<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey\u2014and is also, apparently, Jesus, according to his wife. I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will hear from Dennis Rainey about the parenting challenges. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Tuesday edition. Did you know the kids thought you were Jesus?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>This is news to me. I\u2019m glad we recorded this!\u00a0 We made\u2014I need for you to get a clip of this and tape it back on my phone and play it for Barbara tonight! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But you were aware, even in those early years\u2014that, when you came home at the end of the day\u2014your wife was tired; right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Oh my goodness. I\u2019ve got three points, here, at the beginning of the broadcast. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You\u2019ve got points\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Oh, baby. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We haven\u2019t heard anything yet, and you\u2019ve got points! [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I know, but they need to hear this\u2014moms need to hear this\u2014and dads and husbands need to hear this too. Number one\u2014exhaustion is hereditary; okay?\u00a0 You get it from your mom, and you get it from your kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Alright?\u00a0 Number two\u2014you need encouragement. You\u2019re about to get it from my wife Barbara, who you just heard some of what she experienced. Number three\u2014I want to remind you that the assignment you\u2019ve been given, as a mom, is one of <em>the <\/em>most important jobs God ever gives any human being on the planet\u2014is being called, \u201cMommy.\u201d\u00a0 I know it\u2019s tough \/ I know it\u2019s hard\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014you just listen to Barbara relive some of those moments. You\u2019re going to hear more about that in a minute. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I just want you to take heart in doing well because you really have been given one of the most noble jobs that God ever gives any human being on the planet. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Can I add a fourth point to your list\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You may. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014of three?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You may. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob: <\/strong>The one I would add is\u2014that your success, as a mom\u2014or as a dad, for that matter\u2014is tied to how well you\u2019re doing, as a husband and a wife, in your marriage relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob: <\/strong>The strength of your marriage is a key factor in the lives of your children, as you raise them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And I\u2019d add a fifth one off of that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Oh, here we go. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes, here we go. Number five\u2014your relationship with Jesus Christ will fuel your marriage and your job and your role, as a parent. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay, you trumped me\u2014I went to the marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>No. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You went to Jesus. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>No, it wasn\u2019t a matter of that. [Laughter]\u00a0 You really pointed out something very important. How can we have <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> without pointing people back to, frankly, the Bible and the God of the Bible?\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014because He is the One who made you to be a mom\/to be a dad\u2014husband\/wife\u2014in the first place. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, here\u2019s what got me thinking about the priority of marriage. Our team, this month, has really been praying about seeing tens of thousands of couples, this spring and this summer, go through our <em>Art of Marriage<\/em><em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em> video event that we\u2019ve designed as a Friday night\/Saturday event for couples to go through. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, they are so committed to wanting to see couples go through this material that they have decided to make the kit available\u2014with the DVDs, and a pair of workbooks, and instructions on how to host this event\u2014they are making that kit available for free to anyone who will agree to take ten couples through the material. You\u2019ll get all the details when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link at the top of the page that says, \u201cGO DEEPER.\u201d The information about <em>The Art of Marriage<\/em> is available right there\u2014there is a link you can click\u2014or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ll answer any questions you have. The offer for the free kit is good now through the end of April. So, take advantage of it by calling or going, online, to FamilyLifeToday.com. Plan to host one of these events in your community. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, what we are going to listen to today is a get-together that took place, a while back, as Barbara Rainey got together with some young moms. It was just a great time of Q&amp;A as these moms just shared the challenges they were facing, and Barbara offered some counsel. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>This is the best of Barbara Rainey in a Q&amp;A. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded Q&amp;A Time with Barbara Rainey]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lady: <\/strong>I have a son\u2014and then the three girls\u2014and he is not a passive person. He is very\u2014says exactly what is on his mind. It\u2019s wonderful because you always know where he stands, but how do you train the things that he says because they can be quite disrespectful and hurtful? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI don\u2019t want to squelch his ability\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>\u2014expressiveness. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lady: <\/strong>Right. I want to encourage that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lady: <\/strong>But some of the things that he says are not appropriate. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Well, that\u2019s a real training issue. You can make a list\u2014whatever you think communicates with him\u2014but you\u2019ve got to let him know what\u2019s acceptable and what\u2019s not. It may be that he\u2019s getting to the stage where\u2014if he\u2019s really crossing some significant lines\u2014and I don\u2019t know how significant the lines are that he is crossing\u2014but that\u2019s for you and your husband to decide, anyway, what your boundaries are. It may be that it is time for him to start getting Tabasco sauce, or washing his mouth out with soap, or something\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Audience member: <\/strong>Soap works really well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>You\u2019ve done that; yes\u2014because, when they start crossing those lines, at seven\u2014you\u2019ve got to nip it in the bud and make a big issue of it, or it really can get bad. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lady: <\/strong>Well, we\u2019re doing that. Then, I tend to let my husband do it\u2014then, when it\u2019s done, he does it\u2014but maybe, I don\u2019t feel like it was maybe as effective as\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014or maybe, I\u2019m not seeing enough resolve. So, then, you have the whole marriage issue to deal with. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Well, it\u2019s one of the difficulties of parenting because our personalities factor into it \/ our backgrounds\u2014the way we were parented factor into it. Then, our individual goals of what we are trying to accomplish factor into it. I mean, it\u2019s a very complicated process\u2014it\u2019s not simple. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the best things that we did is\u2014we had our Sunday night date \/ our weekly date\u2014and it was not a romantic date either. We would go to this one restaurant, and we would sit there. There were many times when we would spend the whole three hours\u2014and we would never get up from the table\u2014and we would talk about one kid for three hours because there were so many issues we were trying to deal with. We were trying so hard to get on top of issues with different kids, and some required so much more of us than others. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut it was really a life-saver for us to have that, even though we never really solved it, once and for all\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014because there was always another issue next Sunday night to deal with\u2014but it gave us a time when we could really have uninterrupted time to talk about the kids, and to talk about what we needed to do, and try to figure out a plan. It gave us a time to hash out how we both felt about things when we didn\u2019t agree\u2014when we weren\u2019t trying to do it in the middle of the incident with one of the kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt allowed us to get away and do it a little bit more objectively because you just can\u2019t do it in the middle of things with your kids\u2014you just can\u2019t. They just pick up so easily if there is any division between the two of you\u2014and boy, they are going\u2014they are going to get in there and milk it. So, it was absolutely invaluable to get away on a regular basis. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we didn\u2019t make every Sunday night, but we made most of them because it was life or death, a lot of times, for me. I mean, I had to get out of the house; and I had to have his undivided attention. I usually had my list that I showed up with because I\u2019d been keeping track of stuff all week: \u201cWe\u2019ve got to talk about this. I\u2019ve got to have help with this. I don\u2019t know what I\u2019m going to do. I\u2019m about ready to go crazy.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, yes, I would highly recommend something on a regular basis that gets you away from the kids, where you can pull back and have some semblance of objectivity and make some kind of a plan\u2014even if it\u2019s not a great plan \/ even if it\u2019s not a perfect plan\u2014but make some kind of a plan to tackle whatever it is you are facing, whether it\u2019s your son and his language or your four-year-old\u2014I mean, whatever it is. Otherwise, you really will sink in the process because you just\u2014there is too much to deal with. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGet away. Get it on the calendar. It doesn\u2019t have to be Sunday night, but it can be Friday night. It can be Wednesday night. It doesn\u2019t matter\u2014just\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lady: <\/strong>I\u2019m thinking of how valuable that is\u2014not just: \u201cWhat should I being doing differently?\u201d but \u201cHow are you going to step in and help me?\u201d\u00a0 Sometimes, you need your husband to step in and give you a night off. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Well, and one of the things that I realized too\u2014very, very slowly in our marriage\u2014is I always wanted Dennis to know what I needed, and to just be able to read me, and\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014well, I mean\u2014duh!\u00a0 I mean, he\u2019s a man; and\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Audience member: <\/strong>Write it on the wall. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>\u2014he thinks like a man. I think like a woman, and we are <em>never <\/em>going to think like each other. It finally dawned on me\u2014after many, many years of being frustrated\u2014that he couldn\u2019t read me the way I wanted him to read me. He wasn\u2019t intuitive like I wanted him to be intuitive\u2014that it was okay for me to tell him, and I needed to tell him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, if for no other reason, our Sunday night dates\u2014getting out every Sunday night\u2014if for no other reason, it let him hear what I was dealing with because it was pretty much a monologue. [Laughter]\u00a0 Yes. And I just would start in and just go through the list and just start\u2014and he\u2019d try to pull it together, and he\u2019d try to help us come up with some direction which I needed. But a lot of it was that it was really good for him just to hear my struggle\u2014and to hear the agony, and the pain, and the chaos that I was dealing with. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s a lot of benefit in getting away with your husband just so that he can hear you and so he can begin to enter into your world a little bit because he doesn\u2019t know. He can\u2019t be at the same level that you do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lady (2): <\/strong>Yes. Something that Ronnie did is\u2014that he took over bedtime routine. He brushed their teeth, he did the jammies, and he read them books. That was such a blessing to me because that gave me time to retreat\u2014I knew that was my time. I could go read \/ I could go take a bath. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lady (2): <\/strong>And that got me through my days sometimes when they were so little. It was like, \u201cIf I can just\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lady (2): <\/strong>\u2014\u201chold out until then,\u201d or \u201c\u2026have a plan.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes, exactly. You know, it doesn\u2019t\u2014it\u2019s not going to be the same for every couple. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lady (2): <\/strong>Right. That was something he was willing to do and that he enjoyed. Reading\u2014that\u2019s when he read the Bible to them or whatever. He still reads to them, and they love it\u2014and he does too. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes, we really need our husband\u2019s help, but they need to know what they can do. Sometimes, we have to help them know what they can do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lady (3): <\/strong>I was just wondering if you had to address the issue of dealing with your own emotions, especially when you have young kids. I am amazed sometimes at how angry I can feel because of all the things happening at once\u2014I forgot to eat breakfast, I didn\u2019t get sleep, and the dog wants out. There is just a myriad of emotions that you are feeling. How do you deal with\u2014I mean, it\u2019s so on-the-spot\u2014suddenly, you\u2019re demanded to be on and to know what to do, in the midst of the chaos. I would love to hear\u2014and I guess you are a bit more of a Golden Retriever, and you\u2019re a bit more naturally steady. So, maybe, you have natural advice. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Well, yes, I\u2019m not so sure you\u2019re reading me right!\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 I do\u2014I guess maybe I am in some ways; but, you know, raising kids really brought out the worst in me on many occasions. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Audience member: <\/strong>All of us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>A lot of it was because of a lack of sleep. A lot of it was because I really didn\u2019t know what I was doing. One of the things I realized, in those early years, is that I really didn\u2019t know, half the time, what I was feeling. Dennis would say, \u201cWhat are you feeling?\u201d\u00a0 I would go: \u201cI have no idea!\u00a0 I\u2019m just stressed, and I\u2019m frustrated. I couldn\u2019t tell you the name of it if I tried.\u201d It was such a combination of things, and I was overwhelmed. A lot of it really was fatigue\u2014that I just didn\u2019t have the physical\/emotional capacity to be able to think it through. That\u2019s really where you need your husband\u2014just to be available to listen and maybe help you think it through\u2014if you want to come to a place where you can name it. I mean, I knew when I was angry\u2014I could name that one \/ it was all the other ones that I couldn\u2019t name\u2014because that one was pretty obvious. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was part of my growing up too. I learned a lot by raising my kids, personally, myself. One of the things that I didn\u2019t mention\u2014let\u2019s see, it was in the early \u201890\u2019s. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI decided that I needed to get some counseling for my own benefit, just to grow personally and sort through some things. I really wish I had done it sooner, and it was one of the best things I ever did. A lot of all of those years, I was just processing who I was, as a person. I was trying to figure out: \u201cWho am I? What do I really believe? What do I really want to do with my family? What do I want my kids to become when they grow up? What do we want to produce in their lives?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, dealing with my emotions was a challenge because I didn\u2019t know what I was feeling half the time; but I had to learn to do it because I wanted my kids to be able to name theirs. So, we were teaching our kids to say, \u201cI\u2019m angry,\u201d when they were angry and to name \u201cI\u2019m sad,\u201d when they were sad\u2014you know, to name those things because I wanted them to grow up to be healthier than I was. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor them to do that, I had to be healthy; and I had to learn how to process my own emotions. So, it was a real journey\u2014the parenting years\u2014I learned a lot. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI learned a lot about myself. I learned a lot about my own depravity\u2014which was good for me\u2014because I was one of those kids that grew up not thinking that I had a whole lot of sin in my life. I knew it was true because the Bible said so. I did pretty well, on the outside\u2014looked pretty good \/ kept the rules pretty well. So, I entered marriage and parenting not knowing, firsthand, about my sin. I knew it in my head, but I didn\u2019t experience it. I experienced it, as a parent. You realize your depravity, which is a really healthy place to be\u2014it\u2019s a really good place to be because it can drive you to the Savior like nothing else. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you recognize the depravity, and you move to Christ\u2014and ask Him to do the healing, and the teaching, and the restoration in your life\u2014then, you are in a much better place\u2014but it\u2019s hard \/ it\u2019s a lot of hard work. So, you\u2019ve got the hard work of parenting toddlers, and keeping up with all the physical demands and, then, you\u2019ve got the things that God\u2019s trying to work in your own life in the midst of it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s a tall order\u2014parenting is not an easy journey. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I don\u2019t know that I really was able to answer your question clearly because I don\u2019t know that there really is an answer as much as to say there is hope and that God is up to a lot of things in your life, and in your husband\u2019s life, beyond what you\u2019re trying to teach your kids. God\u2019s trying to work in us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lady (3): <\/strong>That\u2019s so helpful because I think some of the battle is Satan can tell you you\u2019re the only person angry\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes, exactly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lady (3): <\/strong>\u2014all the other moms are in their houses, talking sweetly and lovingly\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Exactly! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lady (3): <\/strong>\u2014and serving up cookies, and loving every minute, and holy, and spiritual. No, see\u2014and it\u2019s like I don\u2019t want people to think that because I want to be able to tell them\u2014like you\u2019re telling us\u2014\u201cI was angry.\u201d\u00a0 Then, I think it\u2019s great to be able to name\u2014figure out what your emotion is because\u2014and sitting down with your husband, once a week, to say: \u201cWell, I don\u2019t know. I spent a lot of the week angry, but I think I\u2019m mostly just overwhelmed and sad because I just feel like a failure\u201d; you know?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lady (3): <\/strong>It\u2019s like\u2014yes: \u201cAnd I feel like you\u2019re not helping me enough,\u201d or \u201cI feel\u2026\u201d\u2014whatever these things are\u2014\u201cJust process this with me.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Exactly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lady (3): <\/strong>I think a lot of the anger ends up in the lap of your husband\u2014\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Lady (3): <\/strong>\u2014 or \u201cI\u2019m in this situation because of you. Every day, you go off and <em>enjoy<\/em> what you\u2019re doing, and I\u2019m miserable.\u201d\u00a0 That isn\u2019t true. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Right, but it can <em>feel<\/em> that way. That\u2019s why you\u2019ve got to have him as a sounding board because\u2014I remember Dennis would come home\u2014and it was like Jesus had walked in the door because the kids thought he hung the moon and he could do no wrong. He was there to play, and he was happy and the fun one. I was the policeman\/the drillmaster: \u201cYou\u2019ve got to do your chores, and you\u2019ve got to help,\u201d\u2014and I just felt like I was a grump, all the time! I loved it when he walked in the door because I was depleted\/\u2014\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Audience: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>\u2014empty. The tank was banging \u201cE.\u201d\u00a0 So, I needed it when he walked in the door, but\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lady (3): <\/strong>I do too. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Barbara: <\/strong>\u2014I always felt a conflict of identity because the kids did see us so differently. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI hated that. I didn\u2019t like being the bad guy, but I was a lot. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lady: <\/strong>I can see the value of having an older woman to mentor you\u2014who is a part of your life \/ can really minister to your soul\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>I agree. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lady:<\/strong> \u2014in a way that just really can encourage you, just to know that it\u2019s okay if you get angry, and it is okay if you\u2019re feeling depressed, or whatever. That can really allow you to get through. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>I agree; yes. If you can find someone who can be that in your life, then, go for it. Ask somebody or find somebody; and just say, \u201cCan I call you when I need to?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s my goal\u2014is that I was thinking about it this afternoon\u2014was what I\u2019d like to do is just walk up, put my arm around each one of you and say: \u201cIt\u2019s going to be okay. It\u2019s going to be okay. You can make it. You can do it. It will be alright,\u201d because there is something about a mom\u2014that we are on duty 24\/7. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEven, when we go to sleep at night, who wakes up if somebody cries?\u00a0 It\u2019s the mom\u2014it\u2019s the wiring. It\u2019s the way God\u2019s made us, and it\u2019s just the way it is. We\u2019re that way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, even though he will listen and be sympathetic, he is not\u2014he does not have that intuitive, sensitive connection to the kids that\u2019s a 24\/7-thing like we do. Another mom does\u2014and so, that is the benefit of having someone that\u2019s a friend or an older woman, like Elizabeth said\u2014that you can call because your husband can understand, to a point, but only to a point. So, I\u2014yes, I totally agree. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, we\u2019ve been listening to Barbara Rainey interacting with some young moms in a recent Q&amp;A session. I\u2019ll tell you what it reminded me of, Dennis\u2014I thought about the times when Mary Ann and I would get together with other couples. We would talk about some of the challenges we were facing, as parents\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014and just how we drove home from those times together, feeling like some of the weight had been removed from our shoulders. There is something about just being able to sit down and say, \u201cHere is what we are going through,\u201d and somebody else says: \u201cI\u2019ve been through it too, and you\u2019ll get through it. It\u2019s okay.\u201d\u00a0 It lightens the burden. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And all of us, I think, need older moms and dads in our lives, just to remind us of the truth that there are struggles and nobody does it perfectly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m reminded of Proverbs 31, as I was listening to Barbara answer those questions and make comments: \u201cStrength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her, \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201c\u2019Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.\u2019\u00a0 Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but the woman who fears the Lord, she is to be praised.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>I think moms just need to hear that occasionally. I think they just need someone to say: \u201cYou know what?\u00a0 You\u2019re doing a good job. You\u2019re hanging in there. Don\u2019t quit. You\u2019re raising the next generation\u2014morally, emotionally, spiritually. You\u2019re building for a time you will not see\u2014but a very important building\u2014because, really, the future generation rests upon how you do, as a mom.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I want you to be honest here. We are encouraging listeners, this month, to consider hosting one of our <em>Art of Marriage<\/em> video events\u2014in their community, in their home, in their church\u2014and doing it this spring or this summer. If you had come home, back when you had six kids at home, and said to Barbara: \u201cHey, I\u2019ve got this great idea for this ministry opportunity we can do. We can get a free kit. We can host one of these <em>Art of Marriage<\/em> events. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cIt\u2019ll really help strengthen marriages in our community.\u201d Would Barbara have said: \u201cGreat!\u2014let\u2019s do it\u201d?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Let me tell you something, Bob\u2014we didn\u2019t have the kit\u2014we had the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. I would come home and say, \u201cHey, Sweetheart, we get to go speak at one of these events!\u201d\u00a0 I\u2019m telling you\u2014there were times when she said, \u201cYou have got to be kidding me!\u00a0 We\u2019ve got our hands full, here, raising this brood of six children, for goodness sake!\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think\u2014if we knew all the couples who had hosted <em>The Art of Marriage<\/em>\u2014I think we\u2019d find that a huge percentage of them were in the busiest season of a marriage and a family. It\u2019s a time of raising your children, but it\u2019s a time of demonstrating to your children\u2014that you care about other marriages, that you care about the destiny of other families, and that you want to make a deposit in future generations. What better way to do it? I mean, yes, it\u2019ll produce some stress; but it\u2019ll also produce some eternal life- change. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, and as we said, we are giving away the kit to anyone who cares about marriage and wants to build into the lives and the marriages of people you know in your family, in your community, in your church. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link in the upper left-hand corner of the screen that says, \u201cGO DEEPER.\u201d\u00a0 You\u2019ll see an icon there for <em>The Art of Marriage<\/em>. When you click that, you\u2019ll see all the details about how you can get the DVDs, a couple of workbooks, and the starter guide for <em>The Art of Marriage <\/em>video event\u2014all for free as long as you agree to take ten couples through the material. Again, it\u2019s a free kit for anyone who will take ten couples through the material. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the link that says, \u201cGO DEEPER\u201d; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY if you have any questions\u20141-800-358-6329. That\u2019s 1-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, our goal, here at FamilyLife, is to equip marriages and families. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe want to effectively develop godly marriages and families because we believe godly marriages and families can change the world, one home at a time. We appreciate those of you who agree with that mission\u2014those of you who support the work we\u2019re doing with your contributions. We could not do all that we do without your financial support. We want to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d to those of you who have, in months past, made a donation to help support this ministry\u2014a special \u201cThank you,\u201d by the way, to our Legacy Partners\u2014those of you who give faithfully each month. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you would like to make a donation today, you can go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link in the upper right-hand corner of the screen that says, \u201cI CARE,\u201d and make an online donation. Or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Make your donation over the phone. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you make a donation today, we\u2019d like to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d by sending you your choice of either Ron Deal\u2019s revised and updated book, <em>The Smart Stepfamily<\/em>, or Scott Stanley\u2019s helpful book, which is called <em>A Lasting Promise<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can select your choice of either of those books as a thank-you gift when you make a donation today. And we want you to know how much we appreciate you for standing with us in this ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can join us back tomorrow when we are going to revisit an event that took place 20 years ago this week. It was a dark moment in our history. We\u2019ll talk about the bombing of the Oklahoma City Federal Building, and introduce you to Chuck and Melissa Douglas tomorrow. Hope you can tune in for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2015 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/303463","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=303463"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=303463"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=303463"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=303463"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=303463"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=303463"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=303463"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}