{"id":303457,"date":"2015-04-09T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2015-04-09T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/living-under-the-curse-of-divorce\/"},"modified":"2015-04-09T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2015-04-09T15:00:00","slug":"living-under-the-curse-of-divorce","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/living-under-the-curse-of-divorce\/","title":{"rendered":"Living Under the Curse of Divorce"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Christian counselor John Trent revisits his past to understand the generational curse that often falls on children of divorce.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2015-04-09.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"23.48M","filesize_raw":"24624515","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2830],"tags":[4033],"podcast_series":[7492],"cwp_profile":[3435],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-303457","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-children-of-divorce","tag-divorce","podcast_series-how-to-break-the-cycle-of-divorce","cwp_profile-john-trent","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/303457\/living-under-the-curse-of-divorce","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/303457\/living-under-the-curse-of-divorce","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"aZC52NPq61\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/living-under-the-curse-of-divorce\/\">Living Under the Curse of Divorce<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/living-under-the-curse-of-divorce\/embed\/#?secret=aZC52NPq61\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Living Under the Curse of Divorce&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"aZC52NPq61\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2015-04-09.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2015-04-09.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>If you look back on the history of your family, do you see intact families and marriages; or do you see a history of divorce? Here\u2019s John Trent.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> I can remember\u2014I was in my doctoral program. We were doing these genograms, which were you sit there and you look at \u201cWho\u2019s in the past?\u201d and \u201cWhat were their relationships like?\u201d and things like this. If I go back three generations, there were nine divorces\u2014my professor, looking at me and saying, \u201cYou\u2019re married?\u201d I go, \u201cYes.\u201d He said, \u201cWell, when are you getting your divorce?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>for Thursday, April 9<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll talk with John Trent today about what married couples can do to break the cycle of divorce in a family. Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Thursday edition. You have seen the statistics that show that, if you grow up in a home where Mom and Dad got a divorce, it\u2019s more likely that, if you get married, you will go through a divorce yourself; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Have you ever stopped and asked yourself the question, \u201cWhy is that?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, apart from the obvious\u2014of the model that has been put before them\u2014even though they may vow that they will never participate in divorce because of its impact on them, I\u2019ve seen it happen all too often in some of my friends\u2019 lives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. You might think it could have that reverse effect because, if you grow up in a family where divorce happens, and you experience the pain of that, you think, \u201cI never want to do that.\u201d And yet, it seems almost like a pull here that is\u2014it is hard to understand.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, there may actually be a curse that\u2019s associated with divorce\u2014a generational curse. You know, it does speak, in Scripture, of sin being passed down, generation after generation, if we don\u2019t repent of it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have a guest, here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>,who has written a book\u2014<em>Breaking the Cycle of Divorce<\/em>\u2014Dr. John Trent. John\u2014welcome back to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Well, thanks. It\u2019s an honor to be with you men again.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I want to ask you about that curse in just a minute; but for those listeners, who don\u2019t know John, he is the President of the Center for Strong Families. He has written a number of books with Gary Smalley and had a great ministry for a number of years. He and I are both graduates of Dallas Seminary. This book is really all about your life and trying to break the cycle of divorce that you experienced when you were a child.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Well, in large part, it is. You know, it was interesting\u2014back, when I was a kid in a single-parent home, I was the anomaly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> In fact, in our grade school\u2014this is no kidding\u2014we were the <em>only <\/em>single-parent kids in our entire grade school. Well, my wife Cindy is a kindergarten teacher. She had 24 kids in her class last year\u201418 out of 24 were either blended, reconstituted, or single-parent families. Think about that! I mean, you get to hang around some of the younger generation. I wrote a book, a long time ago, called <em>The Blessing<\/em>\u2014in fact, we talked about that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> And when you ask a young kid today\u2014very often\u2014\u201cDid you get your dad\u2019s blessing?\u201d\u2014what\u2019s the first thing they\u2019ll say? They\u2019ll go, \u201cWhich dad?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> I mean to tell you\u2014it is just <em>rampant<\/em> today\u2014just growing up in a home that hasn\u2019t provided that model. So, we\u2019ll get to talk about that today <em>and<\/em> how to, perhaps, break that curse.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We have talked on past programs about some of the pain you experienced, growing up in a home where your dad had left\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014where the marriage dissolved. Did you grow up thinking, like a lot of kids: \u201cBoy! This will never happen with me!\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Well, no. I do think there are some people\u2014and maybe it\u2019s by temperament\u2014where it is like, \u201cWell, okay, maybe that happened; but I\u2019m going to go the other way!\u201d You know? The problem that I had was just more fear. What I was afraid of was\u2014number one\u2014commitment. People from homes, where there\u2019s been divorce\u2014we\u2019re <em>great<\/em> at courtship; okay? But the problem comes in with commitment. As soon as it got serious, I\u2019d break up because there was that fear factor there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe other thing that was just really hugely significant to me was\u2014not just the fear of \u201cCould I maintain a marriage?\u201d\u2014but also, as a parent, because my mom never remarried. There were three of us under two when my dad bailed out. The way you get three under two is having twins. So, if anybody\u2019s counting, you have to get a multiple in there. There were three of us under two, dad bails out, my mom never remarries\u2014so you don\u2019t have a model. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019re thinking\u2014not only, \u201cCan I maintain a marriage?\u201d\u2014but also \u201cAm I going to be able to actually have a family that\u2019s intact?\u201d For me, it was more fear than it was a motivating factor.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> What is it about the fact that your dad bailed out that causes you to think, \u201cI wonder if I can sustain a commitment\u201d? Why would those two intersect; do you think?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Well, what I\u2019m going to say\u2014I know will be controversial; you know? Dr. Rainey has hinted at it; okay. I think\u2014I really and truly believe\u2014that, at work in these homes that are broken homes, like I grew up in, is a curse. Here\u2019s what I mean by that. Can I define that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Sure.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019d better define it!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Well, I know, as soon as you say that\u2014that\u2019s controversial. People are going: \u201cWait a minute! My mom did the best she could!\u201d or \u201cMy dad did the best,\u201d or \u201cThat was never their choice.\u201d I\u2019m not saying that\u2014but what people need to understand is, I think, some biblical terms. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe word, \u201ccurse,\u201d in the Bible is not what you think. It doesn\u2019t mean bloody chicken leg in the middle of the graveyard at midnight, like a Stephen King novel; [Laughter] right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> What it literally means to curse someone\u2014it literally means to dam up the stream. So, with my dad, what I got was\u2014not a blessing and not this life-giving water \/ a model that provided this kind of life-giving water\u2014I got a muddy stream or a trickle. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think what happens, for a lot of us from divorce backgrounds, is that we just don\u2019t have\u2014not only the modeling\u2014but we also grow up with this sense of deprivation that really digs down deep into our lives. That\u2019s what we\u2019ll get to talk about today\u2014is: \u201cHow do you reverse that, and how do you break the cycle?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Let\u2019s talk about what\u2019s dammed up\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014because a family, I believe, begins with a marriage covenant\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and it begins the stream. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe stream is a life-giving stream, as it flows downward, and it gets broader when it gives forth life. There are children that come into the relationship. You\u2019re saying that when divorce occurs, if there is a curse that does fall upon those children moving forward, it keeps the benefits of the marriage and the family relationship from flowing into their lives?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Well, I would say that\u2019s exactly right because, now, think about your family. I\u2019ve had the great privilege of meeting your bride and meeting several of your kids over the years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you think about what happens with these intact families\u2014like, for example, I used to go over to this one friend of mine\u2019s house. Now, I wasn\u2019t a Christian when I would go over to his house; okay? But they were like these third-generation Christians. The whole extended family would show up. We would get the opportunity, when we\u2019d go over to this person\u2019s house, to see this unique stream of life that was, actually, <em>generational<\/em> in a <em>positive <\/em>way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, again, just picture a stream that gets dammed up. Instead of getting to see all of this great modeling and\u2014not in just one generation but, sometimes, two and three generations\u2014when you\u2019re in a home, like I grew up in, it\u2019s all just <em>today<\/em>. What that does for a lot of us is\u2014it just focuses us right on the <em>immediate<\/em>\u2014not on the long-term. Then, when things get tough: \u201cHey! If the going gets tough, let\u2019s just go get another relationship.\u201d We end up in serial relationships and things like that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think you\u2019re exactly right. What gets interrupted or dammed up is this life-giving modeling stream. There is a way to reverse that; but boy, if we don\u2019t address it, head-on, it can be hugely significant.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> John, you talk about a number of effects that occur when this dam is in place\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014isolation, unhealthy family secrets, false guilt, fear-based procrastination, breaking commitments\u2014you\u2019ve mentioned that one\u2014blaming others.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Unpack a couple of the most important of those. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Well, there\u2019s a book that came out, a few years ago, that actually made it to the <em>New York Times <\/em>Bestseller List, unfortunately. It was called <em>The Starter Marriage.<\/em> Now, isn\u2019t that sad? You know, you almost think, \u201cWell, this first marriage isn\u2019t going to work for sure\u2014it\u2019s just a starter marriage.\u201d That\u2019s how we begin to define things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tUnfortunately, when we come from a home where, again, you don\u2019t have that life-giving stream of water\u2014where it was broken\u2014then there\u2019s this sense that: \u201cWell, you know what? I\u2019m not going to be able to sustain anything, long-term. So, maybe, the idea\u2014maybe what really brings about closeness is that I just picked the wrong person,\u201d rather than staying with the person and work through issues. That\u2019s one issue, I think, that\u2019s big.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnother one\u2014and you mentioned it\u2014procrastination. Now, I read a really good book on procrastination. I didn\u2019t actually finish it\u2014[Laughter]\u2014but the part that I read\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But you\u2019re going to someday; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> I\u2019m going to\u2014yes! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> \u2014it\u2019s on clinical studies about why people procrastinate. I mentioned this earlier, but guess what is right at the heart of procrastination?\u2014is fear\u2014fear of failure, fear of success, you know, fear of intimacy, or fear of being controlled. There are just <em>so many<\/em> damaging things. We could go through all of the statistics and everything, but the bottom line is that the curse will remain unless we do something about it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You know, I don\u2019t want to get too mystical on this whole deal, but I do think there is something that is beyond maybe our understanding about the power of a covenant and the ending of that covenant.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When we\u2019re a part of a family, and a covenant is broken, I think there are things that are going on that we can\u2019t put our fingers on. We can dig around, psychologically, and say, \u201cThere\u2019s some of this or some of that,\u201d but I think that there\u2019s something like a piece of fabric has been torn. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTo try to understand all of the implications of that\u2014there are scars, left on the soul, that we really can\u2019t put our finger on; don\u2019t you think?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> I would agree. I think and I hope people, who are listening, aren\u2019t discouraged and sitting there, thinking, \u201cWell, I\u2019m just damaged goods.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> \u201cSo I need to just turn off the radio and just\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cwallow.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cwallow in that kind of a thing,\u201d because the whole point of this book, <em>Breaking the Cycle of Divorce<\/em>, and what we\u2019re talking about is: \u201cAre the challenges real?\u201d They absolutely are! And are they multiplying? They are like crazy! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis, you and I have spoken at Promise Keepers conferences. I remember\u2014I was in Indianapolis. There was just me and 53,000 of my closest friends. I asked all of the men there\u2014I shared my story and I said, \u201cAll of you, who grew up in a single-parent home, I want you to stand to your feet.\u201d Half the stadium stands up! Well, that\u2019s our churches today!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> I mean, half of the churches today\u2014the people who are in there are either on a second marriage or they\u2019re from a divorce background. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEven though there\u2019s this commonality of hurt, I think you\u2019re right\u2014there are some vestiges. It\u2019s kind of like you need to deal with that hurt because just to leave it embedded in there can really, really cause some real problems. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> John, I grew up in an intact home. My wife grew up in a home where her parents divorced. Is it harder for her to honor her commitment to me than it is for me to honor my commitment to her; do you think?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Well, you know, again, people are unique. I\u2019m not trying to say, \u201cJust because you grew up in a divorce background, you now, instead of a 100-yard playing field, you\u2019ve got a 140-yard playing field,\u201d but that\u2019s the truth\u2014I mean, that\u2019s just the way it is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Now, is she probably really good at saying, \u201cI\u2019m going to be committed, no matter what\u201d?\u2014absolutely. So, we all still have 100 yards. I mean, even if you came from an intact family, your kids\u2014you know, my kids\u2014they\u2019re still going to have to make very real choices.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> However, you\u2019re adding a degree of difficulty.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There may be some ankle weights on her ankles.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Did you feel\u2014have you felt that, as a husband?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Oh, yes! And, again, where I struggle <em>so often<\/em> is, not even just with my relationship with Cindy\u2014I mean, because I have certainly, at times\u2014and I\u2019ve tried really hard to build a relationship with my wife that\u2019s honoring to her and everything else like that\u2014but even, too, with the kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI get these people that, you know, \u201cWell, my dad didn\u2019t do things right.\u201d Well, at least, they <em>had <\/em>a model. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> I think that\u2019s what a lot of us struggle with\u2014is that, even if you had a bad model, at least, you could say, \u201cMaybe I\u2019m going to do something different.\u201d When you have <em>no<\/em> model, then what you\u2019re left with is TV or whatever the culture says is how you dictate this. You find yourself watching TV shows, and seeing TV families and how they deal with things, and that\u2019s how you think you deal with things because that\u2019s the only model that you see. <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You know, all of us come from imperfect homes; but we\u2019re to run the race well. It just occurred to me, John, as you were talking\u2014a man or a woman today, growing up out of this culture\u2014where six out of ten, who get married today, will spend part of their first 18 years of life, before they get married, in a single-parent home\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Six out of ten!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014it\u2019s a new ball game.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, as they enter in to the marriage relationship, there are all of these effects, like we talked about\u2014fear-based procrastination, breaking commitments, blaming others. I understand why it would be more difficult for someone, who grew up in a broken home. I don\u2019t understand becoming a victim.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Blaming someone else can\u2019t get me out of my peril today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Only I can make a choice, before God, for Him to empower me to step out of where I am today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> No, that\u2019s absolutely right. When we sat down\u2014it was interesting\u2014when we sat down to write this book, <em>Breaking the Cycle of Divorce<\/em>, and I looked at my life\u2014we\u2019ve been married 27 years now\u2014all of the fear, going into marriage, and then all of the challenges\u2014because my wife, Cindy\u2014her folks stayed together\u2014but her dad was an alcoholic. She had lots of struggles growing up, bless her heart. The two of us had a clear plan on how to have a crummy home, frankly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut the one thing\u2014if you\u2019re ready to reverse the curse \/ if you\u2019re ready to break that cycle\u2014I think you\u2019re exactly right\u2014it begins with realizing that \u201cWe don\u2019t have to stay a victim\u201d; okay? Now, maybe we were victimized or maybe we just grew up\u2014again, there are a lot of people of divorce\u2014and they\u2019ll take on false guilt\u2014you know, that \u201cMaybe they could have kept their parents together,\u201d or \u201cMaybe they could have kept their relationship together,\u201d\u2014there are all kinds of things like this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut the issue is: \u201cWhere are you at today?\u201d and \u201cCan you do something about it?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> As I was thinking about talking to you today, I thought about a very hard question for you. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Alright?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Because, you know, it\u2019s not wrong to have the thought of divorce in your marriage. What\u2019s wrong is when we take that thought and we begin to entertain the thought.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We begin to give it credence, and we speak the thought, and turn it into words and say, \u201cMaybe divorce is the solution.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I wanted to ask you\u2014and this is anecdotal, first of all, from your life. You grew up in a home where divorce entered the stream; okay?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Yes, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Have you ever found yourself thinking about divorce, and do you think it was because your parents introduced it into your stream of your family\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014in part\u2014not to blame it on them\u2014but just to say: \u201cIt\u2019s a part of your family tree. It\u2019s a part of your stream now.\u201d Do you find yourself thinking about it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Well, I can remember\u2014I was in my doctoral program. We were doing these genograms, which were you sit there and you look at: \u201cWho\u2019s in the past?\u201d and \u201cWhat were their relationships like?\u201d and things like this. If I go back three generations, the best I can tell, because my dad\u2019s family I didn\u2019t know very well, so we had to kind of\u2014it could be more than this\u2014but there were nine divorces, just going back three\u2014because my dad was divorced three times. My mom was divorced twice. I can remember, you know, having all of this charted out\u2014my professor, looking at me and saying, \u201cYou\u2019re married?\u201d I go, \u201cYes.\u201d He said, \u201cWell, when are you getting your divorce?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> I remember driving home from Denton, thinking: \u201cYou know what? That is such a lineage,\u201d\u2014unfortunately; you know? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think there have been times\u2014I think, for me, where I realized: \u201cBoy! I am\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Surrounded!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> \u2014\u201csurrounded by that.\u201d That\u2019s exactly right!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It\u2019s part of your heritage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Yes. You go to family gatherings\u2014and it\u2019s trying to figure out which sibling goes with which family, and who\u2019s now remarried to whomever, and this kind of thing. And now, you\u2019re trying to reverse that curse\u2014but it\u2019s not self-help \/ it\u2019s not self-hope. It\u2019s in a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> So that\u2019s what we get to talk about here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> But back to the question.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You have had a thought\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Oh.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014about divorce?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> You know\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I just want to take some of the pressure off of you, John\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014because, in the heat of the moment, with my wife\u2014when we\u2019ve had some spirited disagreements\u2014because of, I think, where we live in this nation, it is a culture of divorce\u2014the <em>thought<\/em>\u2014the thought has crossed my mind.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Now, the word has never crossed my lips.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And I can consciously say I have never spent 60 seconds\/30 seconds\u2014I mean, I have not pondered on the thought \/ I\u2019ve not given it credence\u2014but I believe all of us are tempted.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Oh, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I just wondered if an adult child of divorce has a few defense mechanisms that are broken down, where divorce creeps in and that thought lodges there?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Well, and particularly, from the standpoint that, even though you see the trauma of divorce and the aftermath of it\u2014you know, there are survivors that are still on their feet. So, you realize, \u201cWell, you know, we could divorce and maybe it would be okay.\u201d But I\u2019m kind of like you\u2014it\u2019s like Luther said, \u201cYou can\u2019t keep birds from flying over your head, but you can keep them from building a nest in your hair.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> So, the thought can come up but, boy, you don\u2019t let it\u2014you don\u2019t dwell on it. I think that\u2019s hugely important. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You know, Bob, as we\u2019re talking with John, I just think of this generation that has grown up in this culture. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s where I think FamilyLife has a great offering, to this generation, of a different set of blueprints.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> The <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> will put them around a lot of survivors of marriage and many, many thrivers in marriage today. I think what is desperately needed, in this generation, is hope. We know that faith comes from hearing and hearing from the Word of God. What happens in the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> is that we give the Scriptures that, I think, cause faith to grow and hope to blossom.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And, as you know, we\u2019ve got a lot of folks, who are coming to the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway, who are in a blended marriage or they\u2019re considering marrying for a second time in a blended marriage. They\u2019re looking for a plan for marriage that works because they\u2019ve lived through what you talk about, John\u2014the pain of a broken marriage relationship. They want this marriage to be different\u2014the one they\u2019re in today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would just encourage our listeners\u2014if you have not been to a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway, this is great preventive maintenance for a good marriage; but it also gives you the blueprints Dennis is talking about so that the two of you are building your home off the same set of blueprints\u2014you can be doing it together, with one mind and one heart. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can go to FamilyLifeToday.com. When you click the link at the top left-hand corner of the page that says, \u201cGO DEEPER,\u201d you\u2019ll find a link for the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaways. We still have many getaway weekends scheduled for this spring, and we\u2019d love to have you join us at one of these events. Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the link that says, \u201cGO DEEPER\u201d to find out more about the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe also have copies of John Trent\u2019s book, <em>Breaking the Cycle of Divorce: How Your Marriage Can Succeed Even if Your Parents\u2019 Didn\u2019t. <\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can get copies of that book from our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Resource Center. Order, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to order.1-800-FL-TODAY is our toll-free number\u20141-800-358-6329. That is 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me also mention a couple of books that we\u2019re making available this month to those of you who can help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>with a donation. We are listener-supported\u2014so it\u2019s those donations that help cover the cost of producing and syndicating this daily radio program. If you\u2019re able to help with a donation this month, we\u2019d like to give you the option of either getting a copy of Scott Stanley\u2019s book, <em>A Lasting Promise<\/em>. I was talking to somebody recently who said this book was the turn-around for their marriage. It talks about how to deal with conflict, how to solve problems together, improving your communication, and dealing with the core issues that couples deal with in a marriage relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can select that book as a thank-you gift when you make a donation this month. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr you can request a copy of Ron Deal\u2019s newly-revised and updated book, <em>The Smart Stepfamily. <\/em>If you\u2019re in a blended family\u2014or if you know someone who is, and you\u2019d like to give this book to someone as a gift\u2014all you have to do to receive either book is go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link in the upper right-hand corner of the screen that says, \u201cI CARE.\u201d When you make an online donation, you can select which of the two books you\u2019d like to receive as a thank-you gift. Again, we do appreciate your support of this ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can also request your copy of either book when you make a donation by calling 1-800-FL-TODAY\u20141-800-358-6329. And, of course, you can always mail a donation to us. Our address is <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR. The zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBe sure to let us know whether you\u2019d like the book, <em>A Lasting Promise, <\/em>or the book, <em>The Smart Stepfamily, <\/em>when you make a donation by mail.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I hope you can join us back again tomorrow when we\u2019ll continue our conversation with John Trent about how you can break the cycle of divorce that is often a part of a family\u2019s heritage. We\u2019ll talk more about that tomorrow. I hope you can tune in. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2015 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["23.48M"],"filesize_raw":["24624515"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-303457.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-303457.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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counselor John Trent revisits his past to understand the generational curse that often falls on children of divorce.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2015-04-09.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>If you look back on the history of your family, do you see intact families and marriages; or do you see a history of divorce? Here\u2019s John Trent.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> I can remember\u2014I was in my doctoral program. We were doing these genograms, which were you sit there and you look at \u201cWho\u2019s in the past?\u201d and \u201cWhat were their relationships like?\u201d and things like this. If I go back three generations, there were nine divorces\u2014my professor, looking at me and saying, \u201cYou\u2019re married?\u201d I go, \u201cYes.\u201d He said, \u201cWell, when are you getting your divorce?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>for Thursday, April 9<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll talk with John Trent today about what married couples can do to break the cycle of divorce in a family. Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Thursday edition. You have seen the statistics that show that, if you grow up in a home where Mom and Dad got a divorce, it\u2019s more likely that, if you get married, you will go through a divorce yourself; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Have you ever stopped and asked yourself the question, \u201cWhy is that?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, apart from the obvious\u2014of the model that has been put before them\u2014even though they may vow that they will never participate in divorce because of its impact on them, I\u2019ve seen it happen all too often in some of my friends\u2019 lives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. You might think it could have that reverse effect because, if you grow up in a family where divorce happens, and you experience the pain of that, you think, \u201cI never want to do that.\u201d And yet, it seems almost like a pull here that is\u2014it is hard to understand.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, there may actually be a curse that\u2019s associated with divorce\u2014a generational curse. You know, it does speak, in Scripture, of sin being passed down, generation after generation, if we don\u2019t repent of it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have a guest, here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>,who has written a book\u2014<em>Breaking the Cycle of Divorce<\/em>\u2014Dr. John Trent. John\u2014welcome back to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Well, thanks. It\u2019s an honor to be with you men again.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I want to ask you about that curse in just a minute; but for those listeners, who don\u2019t know John, he is the President of the Center for Strong Families. He has written a number of books with Gary Smalley and had a great ministry for a number of years. He and I are both graduates of Dallas Seminary. This book is really all about your life and trying to break the cycle of divorce that you experienced when you were a child.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Well, in large part, it is. You know, it was interesting\u2014back, when I was a kid in a single-parent home, I was the anomaly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> In fact, in our grade school\u2014this is no kidding\u2014we were the <em>only <\/em>single-parent kids in our entire grade school. Well, my wife Cindy is a kindergarten teacher. She had 24 kids in her class last year\u201418 out of 24 were either blended, reconstituted, or single-parent families. Think about that! I mean, you get to hang around some of the younger generation. I wrote a book, a long time ago, called <em>The Blessing<\/em>\u2014in fact, we talked about that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> And when you ask a young kid today\u2014very often\u2014\u201cDid you get your dad\u2019s blessing?\u201d\u2014what\u2019s the first thing they\u2019ll say? They\u2019ll go, \u201cWhich dad?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> I mean to tell you\u2014it is just <em>rampant<\/em> today\u2014just growing up in a home that hasn\u2019t provided that model. So, we\u2019ll get to talk about that today <em>and<\/em> how to, perhaps, break that curse.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We have talked on past programs about some of the pain you experienced, growing up in a home where your dad had left\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014where the marriage dissolved. Did you grow up thinking, like a lot of kids: \u201cBoy! This will never happen with me!\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Well, no. I do think there are some people\u2014and maybe it\u2019s by temperament\u2014where it is like, \u201cWell, okay, maybe that happened; but I\u2019m going to go the other way!\u201d You know? The problem that I had was just more fear. What I was afraid of was\u2014number one\u2014commitment. People from homes, where there\u2019s been divorce\u2014we\u2019re <em>great<\/em> at courtship; okay? But the problem comes in with commitment. As soon as it got serious, I\u2019d break up because there was that fear factor there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe other thing that was just really hugely significant to me was\u2014not just the fear of \u201cCould I maintain a marriage?\u201d\u2014but also, as a parent, because my mom never remarried. There were three of us under two when my dad bailed out. The way you get three under two is having twins. So, if anybody\u2019s counting, you have to get a multiple in there. There were three of us under two, dad bails out, my mom never remarries\u2014so you don\u2019t have a model. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019re thinking\u2014not only, \u201cCan I maintain a marriage?\u201d\u2014but also \u201cAm I going to be able to actually have a family that\u2019s intact?\u201d For me, it was more fear than it was a motivating factor.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> What is it about the fact that your dad bailed out that causes you to think, \u201cI wonder if I can sustain a commitment\u201d? Why would those two intersect; do you think?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Well, what I\u2019m going to say\u2014I know will be controversial; you know? Dr. Rainey has hinted at it; okay. I think\u2014I really and truly believe\u2014that, at work in these homes that are broken homes, like I grew up in, is a curse. Here\u2019s what I mean by that. Can I define that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Sure.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019d better define it!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Well, I know, as soon as you say that\u2014that\u2019s controversial. People are going: \u201cWait a minute! My mom did the best she could!\u201d or \u201cMy dad did the best,\u201d or \u201cThat was never their choice.\u201d I\u2019m not saying that\u2014but what people need to understand is, I think, some biblical terms. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe word, \u201ccurse,\u201d in the Bible is not what you think. It doesn\u2019t mean bloody chicken leg in the middle of the graveyard at midnight, like a Stephen King novel; [Laughter] right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> What it literally means to curse someone\u2014it literally means to dam up the stream. So, with my dad, what I got was\u2014not a blessing and not this life-giving water \/ a model that provided this kind of life-giving water\u2014I got a muddy stream or a trickle. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think what happens, for a lot of us from divorce backgrounds, is that we just don\u2019t have\u2014not only the modeling\u2014but we also grow up with this sense of deprivation that really digs down deep into our lives. That\u2019s what we\u2019ll get to talk about today\u2014is: \u201cHow do you reverse that, and how do you break the cycle?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Let\u2019s talk about what\u2019s dammed up\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014because a family, I believe, begins with a marriage covenant\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and it begins the stream. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe stream is a life-giving stream, as it flows downward, and it gets broader when it gives forth life. There are children that come into the relationship. You\u2019re saying that when divorce occurs, if there is a curse that does fall upon those children moving forward, it keeps the benefits of the marriage and the family relationship from flowing into their lives?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Well, I would say that\u2019s exactly right because, now, think about your family. I\u2019ve had the great privilege of meeting your bride and meeting several of your kids over the years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you think about what happens with these intact families\u2014like, for example, I used to go over to this one friend of mine\u2019s house. Now, I wasn\u2019t a Christian when I would go over to his house; okay? But they were like these third-generation Christians. The whole extended family would show up. We would get the opportunity, when we\u2019d go over to this person\u2019s house, to see this unique stream of life that was, actually, <em>generational<\/em> in a <em>positive <\/em>way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, again, just picture a stream that gets dammed up. Instead of getting to see all of this great modeling and\u2014not in just one generation but, sometimes, two and three generations\u2014when you\u2019re in a home, like I grew up in, it\u2019s all just <em>today<\/em>. What that does for a lot of us is\u2014it just focuses us right on the <em>immediate<\/em>\u2014not on the long-term. Then, when things get tough: \u201cHey! If the going gets tough, let\u2019s just go get another relationship.\u201d We end up in serial relationships and things like that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think you\u2019re exactly right. What gets interrupted or dammed up is this life-giving modeling stream. There is a way to reverse that; but boy, if we don\u2019t address it, head-on, it can be hugely significant.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> John, you talk about a number of effects that occur when this dam is in place\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014isolation, unhealthy family secrets, false guilt, fear-based procrastination, breaking commitments\u2014you\u2019ve mentioned that one\u2014blaming others.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Unpack a couple of the most important of those. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Well, there\u2019s a book that came out, a few years ago, that actually made it to the <em>New York Times <\/em>Bestseller List, unfortunately. It was called <em>The Starter Marriage.<\/em> Now, isn\u2019t that sad? You know, you almost think, \u201cWell, this first marriage isn\u2019t going to work for sure\u2014it\u2019s just a starter marriage.\u201d That\u2019s how we begin to define things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tUnfortunately, when we come from a home where, again, you don\u2019t have that life-giving stream of water\u2014where it was broken\u2014then there\u2019s this sense that: \u201cWell, you know what? I\u2019m not going to be able to sustain anything, long-term. So, maybe, the idea\u2014maybe what really brings about closeness is that I just picked the wrong person,\u201d rather than staying with the person and work through issues. That\u2019s one issue, I think, that\u2019s big.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnother one\u2014and you mentioned it\u2014procrastination. Now, I read a really good book on procrastination. I didn\u2019t actually finish it\u2014[Laughter]\u2014but the part that I read\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But you\u2019re going to someday; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> I\u2019m going to\u2014yes! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> \u2014it\u2019s on clinical studies about why people procrastinate. I mentioned this earlier, but guess what is right at the heart of procrastination?\u2014is fear\u2014fear of failure, fear of success, you know, fear of intimacy, or fear of being controlled. There are just <em>so many<\/em> damaging things. We could go through all of the statistics and everything, but the bottom line is that the curse will remain unless we do something about it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You know, I don\u2019t want to get too mystical on this whole deal, but I do think there is something that is beyond maybe our understanding about the power of a covenant and the ending of that covenant.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When we\u2019re a part of a family, and a covenant is broken, I think there are things that are going on that we can\u2019t put our fingers on. We can dig around, psychologically, and say, \u201cThere\u2019s some of this or some of that,\u201d but I think that there\u2019s something like a piece of fabric has been torn. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTo try to understand all of the implications of that\u2014there are scars, left on the soul, that we really can\u2019t put our finger on; don\u2019t you think?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> I would agree. I think and I hope people, who are listening, aren\u2019t discouraged and sitting there, thinking, \u201cWell, I\u2019m just damaged goods.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> \u201cSo I need to just turn off the radio and just\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cwallow.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cwallow in that kind of a thing,\u201d because the whole point of this book, <em>Breaking the Cycle of Divorce<\/em>, and what we\u2019re talking about is: \u201cAre the challenges real?\u201d They absolutely are! And are they multiplying? They are like crazy! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis, you and I have spoken at Promise Keepers conferences. I remember\u2014I was in Indianapolis. There was just me and 53,000 of my closest friends. I asked all of the men there\u2014I shared my story and I said, \u201cAll of you, who grew up in a single-parent home, I want you to stand to your feet.\u201d Half the stadium stands up! Well, that\u2019s our churches today!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> I mean, half of the churches today\u2014the people who are in there are either on a second marriage or they\u2019re from a divorce background. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEven though there\u2019s this commonality of hurt, I think you\u2019re right\u2014there are some vestiges. It\u2019s kind of like you need to deal with that hurt because just to leave it embedded in there can really, really cause some real problems. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> John, I grew up in an intact home. My wife grew up in a home where her parents divorced. Is it harder for her to honor her commitment to me than it is for me to honor my commitment to her; do you think?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Well, you know, again, people are unique. I\u2019m not trying to say, \u201cJust because you grew up in a divorce background, you now, instead of a 100-yard playing field, you\u2019ve got a 140-yard playing field,\u201d but that\u2019s the truth\u2014I mean, that\u2019s just the way it is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Now, is she probably really good at saying, \u201cI\u2019m going to be committed, no matter what\u201d?\u2014absolutely. So, we all still have 100 yards. I mean, even if you came from an intact family, your kids\u2014you know, my kids\u2014they\u2019re still going to have to make very real choices.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> However, you\u2019re adding a degree of difficulty.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There may be some ankle weights on her ankles.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Did you feel\u2014have you felt that, as a husband?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Oh, yes! And, again, where I struggle <em>so often<\/em> is, not even just with my relationship with Cindy\u2014I mean, because I have certainly, at times\u2014and I\u2019ve tried really hard to build a relationship with my wife that\u2019s honoring to her and everything else like that\u2014but even, too, with the kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI get these people that, you know, \u201cWell, my dad didn\u2019t do things right.\u201d Well, at least, they <em>had <\/em>a model. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> I think that\u2019s what a lot of us struggle with\u2014is that, even if you had a bad model, at least, you could say, \u201cMaybe I\u2019m going to do something different.\u201d When you have <em>no<\/em> model, then what you\u2019re left with is TV or whatever the culture says is how you dictate this. You find yourself watching TV shows, and seeing TV families and how they deal with things, and that\u2019s how you think you deal with things because that\u2019s the only model that you see. <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You know, all of us come from imperfect homes; but we\u2019re to run the race well. It just occurred to me, John, as you were talking\u2014a man or a woman today, growing up out of this culture\u2014where six out of ten, who get married today, will spend part of their first 18 years of life, before they get married, in a single-parent home\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Six out of ten!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014it\u2019s a new ball game.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, as they enter in to the marriage relationship, there are all of these effects, like we talked about\u2014fear-based procrastination, breaking commitments, blaming others. I understand why it would be more difficult for someone, who grew up in a broken home. I don\u2019t understand becoming a victim.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Blaming someone else can\u2019t get me out of my peril today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Only I can make a choice, before God, for Him to empower me to step out of where I am today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> No, that\u2019s absolutely right. When we sat down\u2014it was interesting\u2014when we sat down to write this book, <em>Breaking the Cycle of Divorce<\/em>, and I looked at my life\u2014we\u2019ve been married 27 years now\u2014all of the fear, going into marriage, and then all of the challenges\u2014because my wife, Cindy\u2014her folks stayed together\u2014but her dad was an alcoholic. She had lots of struggles growing up, bless her heart. The two of us had a clear plan on how to have a crummy home, frankly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut the one thing\u2014if you\u2019re ready to reverse the curse \/ if you\u2019re ready to break that cycle\u2014I think you\u2019re exactly right\u2014it begins with realizing that \u201cWe don\u2019t have to stay a victim\u201d; okay? Now, maybe we were victimized or maybe we just grew up\u2014again, there are a lot of people of divorce\u2014and they\u2019ll take on false guilt\u2014you know, that \u201cMaybe they could have kept their parents together,\u201d or \u201cMaybe they could have kept their relationship together,\u201d\u2014there are all kinds of things like this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut the issue is: \u201cWhere are you at today?\u201d and \u201cCan you do something about it?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> As I was thinking about talking to you today, I thought about a very hard question for you. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Alright?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Because, you know, it\u2019s not wrong to have the thought of divorce in your marriage. What\u2019s wrong is when we take that thought and we begin to entertain the thought.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We begin to give it credence, and we speak the thought, and turn it into words and say, \u201cMaybe divorce is the solution.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I wanted to ask you\u2014and this is anecdotal, first of all, from your life. You grew up in a home where divorce entered the stream; okay?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Yes, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Have you ever found yourself thinking about divorce, and do you think it was because your parents introduced it into your stream of your family\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014in part\u2014not to blame it on them\u2014but just to say: \u201cIt\u2019s a part of your family tree. It\u2019s a part of your stream now.\u201d Do you find yourself thinking about it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Well, I can remember\u2014I was in my doctoral program. We were doing these genograms, which were you sit there and you look at: \u201cWho\u2019s in the past?\u201d and \u201cWhat were their relationships like?\u201d and things like this. If I go back three generations, the best I can tell, because my dad\u2019s family I didn\u2019t know very well, so we had to kind of\u2014it could be more than this\u2014but there were nine divorces, just going back three\u2014because my dad was divorced three times. My mom was divorced twice. I can remember, you know, having all of this charted out\u2014my professor, looking at me and saying, \u201cYou\u2019re married?\u201d I go, \u201cYes.\u201d He said, \u201cWell, when are you getting your divorce?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> I remember driving home from Denton, thinking: \u201cYou know what? That is such a lineage,\u201d\u2014unfortunately; you know? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think there have been times\u2014I think, for me, where I realized: \u201cBoy! I am\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Surrounded!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> \u2014\u201csurrounded by that.\u201d That\u2019s exactly right!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It\u2019s part of your heritage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Yes. You go to family gatherings\u2014and it\u2019s trying to figure out which sibling goes with which family, and who\u2019s now remarried to whomever, and this kind of thing. And now, you\u2019re trying to reverse that curse\u2014but it\u2019s not self-help \/ it\u2019s not self-hope. It\u2019s in a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> So that\u2019s what we get to talk about here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> But back to the question.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You have had a thought\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Oh.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014about divorce?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> You know\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I just want to take some of the pressure off of you, John\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014because, in the heat of the moment, with my wife\u2014when we\u2019ve had some spirited disagreements\u2014because of, I think, where we live in this nation, it is a culture of divorce\u2014the <em>thought<\/em>\u2014the thought has crossed my mind.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Now, the word has never crossed my lips.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And I can consciously say I have never spent 60 seconds\/30 seconds\u2014I mean, I have not pondered on the thought \/ I\u2019ve not given it credence\u2014but I believe all of us are tempted.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Oh, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I just wondered if an adult child of divorce has a few defense mechanisms that are broken down, where divorce creeps in and that thought lodges there?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Well, and particularly, from the standpoint that, even though you see the trauma of divorce and the aftermath of it\u2014you know, there are survivors that are still on their feet. So, you realize, \u201cWell, you know, we could divorce and maybe it would be okay.\u201d But I\u2019m kind of like you\u2014it\u2019s like Luther said, \u201cYou can\u2019t keep birds from flying over your head, but you can keep them from building a nest in your hair.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> So, the thought can come up but, boy, you don\u2019t let it\u2014you don\u2019t dwell on it. I think that\u2019s hugely important. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You know, Bob, as we\u2019re talking with John, I just think of this generation that has grown up in this culture. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s where I think FamilyLife has a great offering, to this generation, of a different set of blueprints.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> The <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> will put them around a lot of survivors of marriage and many, many thrivers in marriage today. I think what is desperately needed, in this generation, is hope. We know that faith comes from hearing and hearing from the Word of God. What happens in the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> is that we give the Scriptures that, I think, cause faith to grow and hope to blossom.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And, as you know, we\u2019ve got a lot of folks, who are coming to the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway, who are in a blended marriage or they\u2019re considering marrying for a second time in a blended marriage. They\u2019re looking for a plan for marriage that works because they\u2019ve lived through what you talk about, John\u2014the pain of a broken marriage relationship. They want this marriage to be different\u2014the one they\u2019re in today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would just encourage our listeners\u2014if you have not been to a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway, this is great preventive maintenance for a good marriage; but it also gives you the blueprints Dennis is talking about so that the two of you are building your home off the same set of blueprints\u2014you can be doing it together, with one mind and one heart. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can go to FamilyLifeToday.com. When you click the link at the top left-hand corner of the page that says, \u201cGO DEEPER,\u201d you\u2019ll find a link for the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaways. We still have many getaway weekends scheduled for this spring, and we\u2019d love to have you join us at one of these events. Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the link that says, \u201cGO DEEPER\u201d to find out more about the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe also have copies of John Trent\u2019s book, <em>Breaking the Cycle of Divorce: How Your Marriage Can Succeed Even if Your Parents\u2019 Didn\u2019t. <\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can get copies of that book from our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Resource Center. Order, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to order.1-800-FL-TODAY is our toll-free number\u20141-800-358-6329. That is 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me also mention a couple of books that we\u2019re making available this month to those of you who can help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>with a donation. We are listener-supported\u2014so it\u2019s those donations that help cover the cost of producing and syndicating this daily radio program. If you\u2019re able to help with a donation this month, we\u2019d like to give you the option of either getting a copy of Scott Stanley\u2019s book, <em>A Lasting Promise<\/em>. I was talking to somebody recently who said this book was the turn-around for their marriage. It talks about how to deal with conflict, how to solve problems together, improving your communication, and dealing with the core issues that couples deal with in a marriage relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can select that book as a thank-you gift when you make a donation this month. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr you can request a copy of Ron Deal\u2019s newly-revised and updated book, <em>The Smart Stepfamily. <\/em>If you\u2019re in a blended family\u2014or if you know someone who is, and you\u2019d like to give this book to someone as a gift\u2014all you have to do to receive either book is go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link in the upper right-hand corner of the screen that says, \u201cI CARE.\u201d When you make an online donation, you can select which of the two books you\u2019d like to receive as a thank-you gift. Again, we do appreciate your support of this ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can also request your copy of either book when you make a donation by calling 1-800-FL-TODAY\u20141-800-358-6329. And, of course, you can always mail a donation to us. Our address is <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR. The zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBe sure to let us know whether you\u2019d like the book, <em>A Lasting Promise, <\/em>or the book, <em>The Smart Stepfamily, <\/em>when you make a donation by mail.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I hope you can join us back again tomorrow when we\u2019ll continue our conversation with John Trent about how you can break the cycle of divorce that is often a part of a family\u2019s heritage. We\u2019ll talk more about that tomorrow. I hope you can tune in. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2015 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/303457","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=303457"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=303457"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=303457"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=303457"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=303457"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=303457"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=303457"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}