{"id":303453,"date":"2015-04-07T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2015-04-07T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/enrolling-in-gods-school-of-love\/"},"modified":"2015-04-07T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2015-04-07T15:00:00","slug":"enrolling-in-gods-school-of-love","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/enrolling-in-gods-school-of-love\/","title":{"rendered":"Enrolling in God&#8217;s School of Love"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Gary Thomas explains that he got married to be loved and have his needs met. However, after 20-plus years of marriage, Gary realizes that his greatest need isn&#8217;t to be loved, but to learn how to love.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2015-04-07.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"23.36M","filesize_raw":"24495060","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2809],"tags":[2877],"podcast_series":[8072],"cwp_profile":[3158],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-303453","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-commitment","tag-marriage","podcast_series-discovering-a-lifelong-love","cwp_profile-gary-thomas","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/303453\/enrolling-in-gods-school-of-love","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/303453\/enrolling-in-gods-school-of-love","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"4DuBmZ1pat\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/enrolling-in-gods-school-of-love\/\">Enrolling in God&#8217;s School of Love<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/enrolling-in-gods-school-of-love\/embed\/#?secret=4DuBmZ1pat\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Enrolling in God&#8217;s School of Love&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"4DuBmZ1pat\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2015-04-07.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2015-04-07.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Do you want to be a godly husband or a godly wife?\u00a0 Author and speaker, Gary Thomas, says, \u201cYou can\u2019t\u2014at least, not on your own.\u201d\u00a0 <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary: <\/strong>God sets the bar so high in marriage. Marriage teaches me, \u201cBe more dependent on God.\u201d\u00a0 We <em>can\u2019t<\/em> do it on our own!\u00a0 We might be tempted to love if it was just: \u201cMaster these five skills \/ use these ten principles.\u201d We could do that on our own\u2014but the love that the Bible describes\u2014that takes the Holy Spirit. That takes somebody carrying us. We can\u2019t do it on our own. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, April 7<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. There is a connection between how you love God, and how you walk in the Spirit, and how you\u2019re doing in your marriage. We\u2019ll explore that connection today. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I\u2019m thinking back to when I first got married, and I remember people talking about having the long perspective in mind when it comes to marriage. I was thinking about, \u201cYou\u2019re talking about like the whole year; right? Long perspective is like the whole year,\u201d\u2014that shifted over time. I began to see what they had in mind when they were telling me about the long term. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes; and a lot of that has to do with why we get married in the first place. I want to ask our guest on today\u2019s broadcast\u2014because I don\u2019t think I\u2019ve ever asked Gary Thomas, who is back with us\u2014welcome back, Gary. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary: <\/strong>Thank you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Gary is a pastor at Second Baptist Church in Houston, is a writer of a number of books, and has written a book called <em>A Lifelong Love<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf we could go back to your wedding\u2014and catch you, right before you and the pastor walked out up front in the church, and said, \u201cGary\u2014Gary, why are you getting married?\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat\u2019s the purpose of your marriage?\u201d\u00a0 What would you have said?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I want our audience to know this is the author of <em>A Sacred Marriage<\/em> and has written a number of books around really the deep theological meaning of marriage and why God created it in the first place. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And you want to see how much he had\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I want to know, at the beginning, what did you have in place, Gary?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary: <\/strong>What I would have said, then, would appall me now\u2014I\u2019ll be honest. I was 22. What I would have said is this: \u201cI want to be loved. I want to find someone who will always have my back, somebody who will support me, somebody who will always be there for me.\u201d\u00a0 I would have been filled with very selfish thoughts of all that I was getting. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And what would say now?\u00a0 <br><br><strong>Gary: <\/strong>My greatest need isn\u2019t to be loved. My greatest need is to learn how to love. When I look at the weight of Scripture\u2014the dozens of passages that say: \u201cLove extravagantly,\u201d\u2014the love that everyone should have for each other should be increasing\u2014\u201clove without ceasing\u201d\u2014\u201clove,\u201d \u201clove,\u201d \u201clove.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s not a single passage that says, \u201cFor a successful life, I need to find another human to love me.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, the weight of Scripture is directly contradictory to what I thought. I thought my greatest need was to be loved; but Scripture says: \u201cNo, Gary, I\u2019ve loved you so well you couldn\u2019t possibly be loved better than you already have. So, now, your greatest need is to learn how to love.\u201d\u00a0 That would have changed every day of my marriage if I would have embraced that truth. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I can\u2019t agree more, Gary. I feel like I enrolled in the first grade of God\u2019s school of love when Barbara and I got married. It has been one grade after another, now for 42 years. Hopefully, I\u2019ve passed a few of those grades and haven\u2019t had to repeat the class, but I really do think you are right. I think we are in the process of learning what it means to love as God loves us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But here is the thing that folks\u2014they hear you say that and they go: \u201cI know that\u2019s the right Sunday school answer\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014but to love somebody else feels draining and <em>to be loved<\/em> feels like it is fulfilling. So, when you say, \u2018Your greatest <em>need<\/em> is to love somebody else,\u2019 you\u2019re saying, \u2018My greatest need is to <em>drain myself<\/em>\u2019\u2019?\u00a0 I mean, I\u2019m already feeling drained. I just need\u2014I want somebody to fill <em>my tank<\/em> rather than my whole job filling somebody else\u2019s tank!\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary: <\/strong>I used to think that too\u2014but what I found is that what Jesus is quoted as saying in the Book of Acts is true\u2014\u201cIt is better to give than to receive.\u201d\u00a0 I can\u2019t explain it; but here is what I found\u2014when I think my greatest need is to be loved\u2014it\u2019s a lust, Bob, that can\u2019t be satisfied. If money is your lust, you can never get enough money. If pleasure is your lust, you can never get enough pleasure. If being noticed and appreciated is your lust, you\u2019ll never get enough of it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut there\u2019s this fulfillment when I realize I\u2019m doing what God created me to do. The reason this is so important is this\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014if I think my greatest need is to be loved, and I\u2019m not loved like I think I should be that day, what does it lead to?\u2014bitterness, frustration, and resentment. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And further self-absorption. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary: <\/strong>Absolutely. If I think my greatest need is to learn how to love, show me one day of marriage when you don\u2019t have an opportunity to grow in your need to love. I\u2019d like to use the example of going to the gym. You see guys going to the gym \/ you see women going to the gym. They don\u2019t complain when lifting weights makes their arms hurt\u2014that\u2019s why they are going!\u00a0 They expect it to hurt because they think, \u201cMy greatest need today is to become stronger.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf I begin the day saying, \u201cMy greatest need is to learn how to love,\u201d then, I don\u2019t resent the hurt of dying to my pride, dying to my selfishness, dying to my sense of entitlement\u2014learning how to be kind \/ learning how to be gentle\u2014but if I don\u2019t have that bigger vision that that\u2019s really my greatest need, then, I resent all the hurts. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s like lifting weights and wanting to get stronger, saying, \u201cWhy am I hurting?!\u201d\u00a0 You\u2019ve lost the purpose behind what\u2019s going on. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Are you saying, in marriage, \u201cNo pain \/ no gain\u201d?\u00a0 Is that what you are saying?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary: <\/strong>Exactly; [Laughter] exactly!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And you are also saying that, in order to do this, you have to lean into Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You have to lean into who God has provided to you to help you be a great lover. That really leads us to a little bit of a discussion, I think, about what Francis Chan called \u201cThe Forgotten God\u201d\u2014the Holy Spirit. Explain the Holy Spirit\u2019s role in taking us through this grade school experience of learning how to love and really being able to love as God has commanded us to. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Gary: <\/strong>A couple of years ago, my family went on an extended family cruise\u2014my mom wanted to do it\u2014it was one of the last vacations with all of the kids and grandkids together. I\u2019d been on one before\u2014so, the first day, I wanted to do a little bit of calorie deficit before I added to the weeklong buffets. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI got up early before everybody. Now, running\u2014one of my favorite possessions is a GPS watch. They\u2019re amazing to me! They tell me how fast I go \/ how far I go\u2014they\u2019re just wonderful!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI set my watch, going; and it beeped rather suddenly. I looked down, and it said I\u2019d run the first mile in 2 minutes and 38 seconds. I thought running in Houston\u2019s heat and humidity made me fast, but I just set a world record!\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t\u2014I thought, \u201cWell, maybe, I\u2019m not picking up the satellite.\u201d\u00a0 I didn\u2019t know what was going wrong. So, I kept running around, pretty consistently\u2014I\u2019m doing about 2:35 a mile. So, \u201cLet\u2019s see how long it takes me to run a marathon.\u201d\u00a0 I pushed it, but I thought I\u2019d break an hour in a marathon. Actually, it took 1:03:48; but that\u2019s still a world record for the marathon. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>I went to breakfast, and I was talking to my son\u2014Notre Dame grad \/ far more intelligent than I am. I said: \u201cTomorrow, I\u2019m going to have a power breakfast. I\u2019m going to try to break one hour in a marathon.\u201d He looked at me with a distain that young men often have for their dads. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said, \u201cDad, if you want to break an hour in the marathon, you\u2019ve got to talk to the Captain.\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cWhat are you talking about?\u201d\u00a0 He goes, \u201cIf you are running, even laps around a ship that\u2019s moving faster than you are, the GPS is picking up the ship, not you.\u201d\u00a0 I was like\u2014my natural response, \u201cDream stealer!\u201d\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 But he was right\u2014I never did break an hour in the marathon. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I thought, \u201cIsn\u2019t that the Christian life, as the Bible presents it?\u201d\u00a0 I think of all those marathons\u2014when I have labored, trying to qualify for Boston\u2014leaving everything out there, trying to get a certain time so that I could get there. How fun it would be to go on land and get credit for this movement of this ship. Now, I\u2019m still running\u2014I\u2019m still sweating \/ I\u2019m still breathing hard\u2014but I\u2019m being carried by the ship that goes faster than I am. For me, that\u2019s the picture of Ephesians 5:18, when Paul says, \u201cBe filled with the Spirit.\u201d\u00a0 To be more true to the Greek, \u201cBe <em>continually<\/em> filled with the Spirit.\u201d We work, we labor, and we offer ourselves to God\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014but the Spirit take us farther and faster than we could ever go on our own. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHow I love the way that this relates to marriage\u2014is this\u2014it is so difficult for me to love because of my selfishness \/ because of my own issues, and weakness, and self-centeredness. So, every day of marriage casts me on a new dependence on God. Marriage teaches me: \u201cBe more dependent on God.\u201d\u00a0 God sets the bar so high in marriage we can\u2019t do it on our own. We might be tempted to love if it was: \u201cJust master these five skills \/ use these ten principles,\u201d\u2014we could do that on our own. But the love that the Bible describes\u2014to really live the way, like Bob said\u2014that seems so absurd \/ that takes the Holy Spirit. That takes somebody carrying us\u2014we can\u2019t do it on our own. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And so, when your wife is late <em>again<\/em> to go to an appointment \/ maybe it is church\u2014so, you\u2019re <em>publicly<\/em> walking in late. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019re saying that you lean into the Holy Spirit to help you keep your mouth shut and not point out to her on\u2014maybe it\u2019s not your GPS watch\u2014but it\u2019s your regular watch: \u201cHey, Sweetie, here we are again. We\u2019re late again.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Wait. Where did this illustration come from, Dennis?\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>From\u2014oh, from someone I know. Yes, it sure did come from someone I know. You could almost set your clock at church by when the Rainey\u2019s arrived at church, with our six kids. I mean, it wasn\u2019t like it was a <em>small<\/em> happening for us to arrive at church; but this is the practical stuff, Gary, of where we all live. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary: <\/strong>Absolutely. I need to learn to love my wife more than I love being on time. But I\u2019m with you\u2014when I got married, it was such a revelation because my dad drove it into me that you\u2019re there ten minutes early. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You know\u2014there are certain things you are going to carry to your grave\u2014weaknesses\u2014husband and wife \/ it works both ways. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s why you have to learn what you\u2019re talking about here\u2014to lean into the Holy Spirit and say, \u201cWould You help me know how to love in this situation?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary: <\/strong>What is so amazing\u2014John 13, in many ways, is such a sad chapter for Christians. You could just see Jesus\u2019s sense of hurt over the impending betrayal of Judas. You\u2019ve got Peter promising that he\u2019s going to be faithful and Jesus telling him, \u201cNo, you\u2019re not.\u201d\u00a0 If you love Jesus, you read that chapter and you just\u2014you feel kind of sad\u2014but, in the midst of that sadness, He drops the most amazing three sentences, I think, ever uttered or said on this earth: \u201cA new commandment I give to you that you love one another as I have loved you. By this will all men know that you are my disciples.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJesus basically said to them, \u201cIt\u2019s all about love.\u201d It\u2019s not about being on time, it\u2019s not about having your makeup done, or driving a certain car. He says, \u201cIn the end, what people will know, about whether or not you\u2019re My disciples, is if you have love, one for another.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat has to <em>begin<\/em> in our marriages. They should be able to <em>look <\/em>at our marriages and say: \u201cThey must be Christians. The way he speaks of her \/ the way she speaks of him\u2014they must be Christians!\u201d\u00a0 <br><br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I had a young lady tell me, not too long ago: \u201cI\u2019m in college. I\u2019ve got a bunch of friends. We were talking the other night how many of us knew anybody we\u2019d like to have a marriage like they have.\u201d\u00a0 And she said, \u201cMr. Rainey\u201d\u2014she said: \u201cI was the only one who came from an intact family. I was the only one who could name two couples that I wanted to be like.\u201d She looked at me, and she said, \u201cYou and Barbara are one of those couples.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere was a moment, where there was kind of a smile and feeling good that: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWow!\u2014that you\u2019ve been up-close and personal and seen enough of our marriage you\u2019d want to have it.\u201d\u00a0 But then, there was another moment, where there was sadness that there are really so few couples today\u2014and I didn\u2019t use the illustration to put our marriage on a pedestal\u2014that\u2019s not the point of it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s that\u2014in this culture today, marriage has fallen out of favor. I mean, we do have a generation of young people today who desperately need to see somebody who is married as God designed it\u2014and in their brokenness, in their imperfection, in their failures with each other\u2014they\u2019re still hanging in there, and they are enjoying the journey. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I think there are a lot of couples who are trying to go the distance and love one another with empty cisterns. The illustration there\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014is they are trying to love one another out of the reservoir of whatever love they can manufacture on their own. If a couple says to me, \u201cWe\u2019re just struggling to love one another,\u201d I will often say: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cThe cistern of love in your life gets filled up by the Holy Spirit \/ by the Creator God. If you are having a hard time loving somebody else, it\u2019s because you have not been tapped into the supply.\u201d\u00a0 If you\u2019re receiving the love of God in your life, it overflows in your marriage; doesn\u2019t it?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary: <\/strong>Absolutely. What I say in here is: \u201cAsk less of your spouse and more of your God.\u201d\u00a0 So often, we say to our spouse: \u201cLove me more. Appreciate me more. Notice me more,\u201d and it never works!\u2014but what if we were to say: \u201cGod, help me to love more. God, help me to <em>notice<\/em> more. God, help me to care more.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSome of us even, at times, need God to give us the motivation. Some people out there may say: \u201cI\u2019m done with this marriage!\u00a0 I can\u2019t care about this marriage anymore,\u201d or \u201cWe\u2019ve talked this issue to death\u2014how can I care about it another day?\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s where we have to recognize that God is real. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe Holy Spirit is a powerful presence in our life. When Ephesians 5:18 says, \u201cLet your self be continually filled with the Holy Spirit,\u201d Paul is essentially saying: \u201cGod isn\u2019t Costco\u2014that you go to once a month to get the major things. It\u2019s like the farmer\u2019s market\u2014you go every day and buy the vegetables for that day.\u201d\u00a0 We need God on that kind of a basis to live the kind of marriages that people are inspired by. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And yet, I think, Gary\u2014a lot of people, who follow Christ, forget who they have\u2014forget who indwells them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>The same power that raised Christ from the dead\u2014the Holy Spirit\u2014lives in you. He can give you the ability to love somebody when they are ornery and even when they are evil. Now, what that might look like in both those situations might be totally different. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes, there might be some boundaries\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Exactly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014of love in somebody\u2019s life\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014with an evil person; right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Exactly, but the point is to intentionally <em>lean<\/em> upon the God who lives within you. The very word, \u201cChristian,\u201d means \u201cChrist in one.\u201d\u00a0 You\u2019re not alone\u2014He did not leave you as an orphan\u2014He has taken up residence in your life. He has given you the Holy Spirit, as well, to teach you how to love if you\u2019ll be teachable, and learn, and allow Him to love your imperfect spouse through you, as an imperfect spouse, as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, if somebody is listening to us, with this conversation, and they say: \u201cYou know, I\u2019ve not been loving well. It feels like my cistern is empty. I just don\u2019t have it in me to love my spouse, and I know I should; but it\u2019s not there. Can you tell me anything I can do today that will help me get there?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary: <\/strong>1 John 4:19 says, \u201cWe love because He first loved us.\u201d\u00a0 We have got to be overwhelmed by the kindness, the mercy, and the grace of God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTo be short on worship\u2014to be short on time, where God feeds us with His Word\u2014is like holding your breath. You can do it for a little bit, but you\u2019re not going to go the distance. You\u2019re not going to go, lifelong, without regularly breathing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSecond, I think we let God be the engineer of our marriage in the sense of dealing with those issues that we can\u2019t deal with. Here\u2019s how it worked out practically with one woman\u2014she kept going to her pastor, saying, \u201cLook, my husband does this \/ my husband does that.\u201d\u00a0 Finally, after a while, he said: \u201cI want you to stop. You\u2019ve been complaining about your husband. I want you to go back in prayer, and I want you to listen to the Lord why your husband is the way he is.\u201d\u00a0 She thought: \u201cWell, pastor is a man. He\u2019s taking my husband\u2019s position. That\u2019s what pastors do; right?\u00a0 They\u2019re all alike.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, she went and she spent the first part of her prayer time, laying out all of her problems with her husband: \u201cHow come he does this?\u00a0 How come\u2026\u201d but she ran out of them, finally. Decided to do what the pastor said, \u201cLord, why is he acting this way?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod just brought to her mind all the disappointments and challenges that he had faced \/ her husband had faced after they\u2019d gotten married. She became disabled a couple years later. So, all of the revenue for their family was now on his shoulders. His mom had died. He\u2019d been cheated in his business by some partners; so they had to sell the business, at a loss. He was literally penniless\u2014had to move in with his dad, which was a <em>huge<\/em> blow to his sense of who he was\u2014he felt like an utter failure. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd just as God said, \u201cThis is what happened \/ this is what\u2026\u201d she started weeping for her husband and said: \u201cI\u2019d forgotten!\u00a0 I mean, I lived that with him\u2014I was blind to it. I just didn\u2019t see.\u201d\u00a0 By going to God and saying, \u201cLord, why is my husband the way he is?\u201d her eyes were opened up to: \u201cThere\u2019s a reason.\u201d\u00a0 Now, she wanted to help him and encourage him instead of resenting that. That was\u2014she felt an act of revelation, just sitting before the Lord. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would say to those out there that feel very frustrated in your marriage: \u201cYou\u2019re very good at saying what you are frustrated about but, if you want to get to the solution, spend some time, saying, \u2018God, why is my husband the way he is?\u2019 \/ ask God: \u2018Why does my wife respond that way?\u2019 and just listen and think. Let the Holy Spirit work and, then, you can really get at the root of some of your marital issues.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>In other words, ask God: \u201cGod, why did You make my husband in the first place?\u00a0 What\u2019s he about?\u00a0 What do you want me to add to his life \/ to build into his life to help him to become all that You made him to be?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tInstead of praying a prayer list of things that need to change\u2014instead, you become obsessed more with: \u201cHow can I be the right helpmate?\u00a0 How can I be the right spouse for the one I\u2019m married to?\u201d and get your eyes off of them, critically, and more on the God who can instruct you and will show you how you can do that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI promise you\u2014if you pray that, He will show you some practical ways that you can build into your spouse\u2019s life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary: <\/strong>That\u2019s the whole point of this. I know talking about worship and all of these things sound so hopelessly religiously idealistic\u2014that it doesn\u2019t really come down to real life\u2014but when this is applied, it really is practical. When I go to God in the morning\u2014and I let God love me, and I\u2019m reminded of the gospel\u2014that He loved me when I was in the midst of my rebellion, that He saved me, that Christ died for me, that Christ even now intercedes for me, and I know that I am completely cared for by God\u2014I just come out of that devotional time, eager to meet the needs of the world, <em>beginning<\/em> with my wife\/<em>beginning<\/em> with my kids\u2014it\u2019s just practical. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI realize, \u201cI need to get my own spiritual needs met.\u201d\u00a0 Then, it\u2019s just like being launched: \u201cOkay, I\u2019ve been loved. I\u2019m reminded: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2018My greatest need is to be loved,\u2019\u2014that\u2019s been met this morning. Now, how do I spend the rest of the day learning how to love?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes, but before you can apply that, you\u2019ve got to understand it. That\u2019s where I think listeners need to get a copy of your book because you do a great job of laying out for us how we need to see marriage in a transcended context. Gary Thomas\u2019s new book is called <em>A Lifelong Love<\/em>. It\u2019s a book that we\u2019ve got in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. It really does elevate the whole issue of marriage. If we\u2019re going to have a lifelong love, it\u2019s probably going to require that our understanding of marriage gets elevated a little bit. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>Go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link in the upper left-hand corner of the screen that says, \u201cGO DEEPER.\u201d You\u2019ll find information about Gary Thomas\u2019s book, <em>A Lifelong Love<\/em>, and his other book, <em>Sacred Marriage<\/em>. We\u2019ve got both books in our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Resource Center. You can order from us, online, if you\u2019d like. Again, the website\u2014FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014or call if you\u2019d like to place an order at 1-800-358-6329. That\u2019s 1-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, I often wish that our listeners could just spend a day, here at our headquarters at FamilyLife, and get a chance to sit where we sit\u2014and read some of the emails that come in, take some of the phone calls we get each day, read the evaluations that come from folks who have been through a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em> marriage getaway, talk to the folks who are using our resources like <em>Passport2Purity<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> or <em>The Art of Marriage<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> or the <em>Stepping Up<\/em><em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em> video series. I think if folks could have a day, doing that, they would be as fired up as we often are, working here. I mean, it\u2019s really exciting to see how God is using this ministry in significant ways in people\u2019s lives. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd some of our listeners are a part of that because they make this ministry possible. More than 65 percent of the funds we need to operate the ministry come from listeners, like you, who say: \u201cWe think what you are doing is important. It\u2019s important for our family, for our marriage, and we think it\u2019s important in our community. We think it\u2019s important, in our nation, for this issue to be addressed.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur goal, here at FamilyLife, is provide practical biblical help for marriages and families. We want to see every home become a godly home. And we\u2019re grateful for those of you who share that vision with us and who help support it through your donations. You can donate to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. Just click the link in the upper right-hand corner that says, \u201cI CARE,\u201d to make an online donation. Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Make a donation over the phone. If you\u2019re interested in becoming a Legacy Partner and making donations on a monthly basis\u2014that\u2019s the team that really provides the core financial support for this ministry\u2014\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014contact us and let us know that you\u2019d like to be a part of the Legacy Partner team. Of course, you can always mail a donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR. Our zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to talk with Gary Thomas about what it means to have a missional marriage. We\u2019ll explain that term tomorrow and talk about how it applies to a marriage relationship. Hope you can tune in for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2015 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["23.36M"],"filesize_raw":["24495060"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-303453.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-303453.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Thomas explains that he got married to be loved and have his needs met. However, after 20-plus years of marriage, Gary realizes that his greatest need isn't to be loved, but to learn how to love.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2015-04-07.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Do you want to be a godly husband or a godly wife?\u00a0 Author and speaker, Gary Thomas, says, \u201cYou can\u2019t\u2014at least, not on your own.\u201d\u00a0 <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary: <\/strong>God sets the bar so high in marriage. Marriage teaches me, \u201cBe more dependent on God.\u201d\u00a0 We <em>can\u2019t<\/em> do it on our own!\u00a0 We might be tempted to love if it was just: \u201cMaster these five skills \/ use these ten principles.\u201d We could do that on our own\u2014but the love that the Bible describes\u2014that takes the Holy Spirit. That takes somebody carrying us. We can\u2019t do it on our own. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, April 7<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. There is a connection between how you love God, and how you walk in the Spirit, and how you\u2019re doing in your marriage. We\u2019ll explore that connection today. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I\u2019m thinking back to when I first got married, and I remember people talking about having the long perspective in mind when it comes to marriage. I was thinking about, \u201cYou\u2019re talking about like the whole year; right? Long perspective is like the whole year,\u201d\u2014that shifted over time. I began to see what they had in mind when they were telling me about the long term. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes; and a lot of that has to do with why we get married in the first place. I want to ask our guest on today\u2019s broadcast\u2014because I don\u2019t think I\u2019ve ever asked Gary Thomas, who is back with us\u2014welcome back, Gary. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary: <\/strong>Thank you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Gary is a pastor at Second Baptist Church in Houston, is a writer of a number of books, and has written a book called <em>A Lifelong Love<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf we could go back to your wedding\u2014and catch you, right before you and the pastor walked out up front in the church, and said, \u201cGary\u2014Gary, why are you getting married?\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat\u2019s the purpose of your marriage?\u201d\u00a0 What would you have said?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I want our audience to know this is the author of <em>A Sacred Marriage<\/em> and has written a number of books around really the deep theological meaning of marriage and why God created it in the first place. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And you want to see how much he had\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I want to know, at the beginning, what did you have in place, Gary?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary: <\/strong>What I would have said, then, would appall me now\u2014I\u2019ll be honest. I was 22. What I would have said is this: \u201cI want to be loved. I want to find someone who will always have my back, somebody who will support me, somebody who will always be there for me.\u201d\u00a0 I would have been filled with very selfish thoughts of all that I was getting. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And what would say now?\u00a0 <br><br><strong>Gary: <\/strong>My greatest need isn\u2019t to be loved. My greatest need is to learn how to love. When I look at the weight of Scripture\u2014the dozens of passages that say: \u201cLove extravagantly,\u201d\u2014the love that everyone should have for each other should be increasing\u2014\u201clove without ceasing\u201d\u2014\u201clove,\u201d \u201clove,\u201d \u201clove.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s not a single passage that says, \u201cFor a successful life, I need to find another human to love me.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, the weight of Scripture is directly contradictory to what I thought. I thought my greatest need was to be loved; but Scripture says: \u201cNo, Gary, I\u2019ve loved you so well you couldn\u2019t possibly be loved better than you already have. So, now, your greatest need is to learn how to love.\u201d\u00a0 That would have changed every day of my marriage if I would have embraced that truth. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I can\u2019t agree more, Gary. I feel like I enrolled in the first grade of God\u2019s school of love when Barbara and I got married. It has been one grade after another, now for 42 years. Hopefully, I\u2019ve passed a few of those grades and haven\u2019t had to repeat the class, but I really do think you are right. I think we are in the process of learning what it means to love as God loves us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But here is the thing that folks\u2014they hear you say that and they go: \u201cI know that\u2019s the right Sunday school answer\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014but to love somebody else feels draining and <em>to be loved<\/em> feels like it is fulfilling. So, when you say, \u2018Your greatest <em>need<\/em> is to love somebody else,\u2019 you\u2019re saying, \u2018My greatest need is to <em>drain myself<\/em>\u2019\u2019?\u00a0 I mean, I\u2019m already feeling drained. I just need\u2014I want somebody to fill <em>my tank<\/em> rather than my whole job filling somebody else\u2019s tank!\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary: <\/strong>I used to think that too\u2014but what I found is that what Jesus is quoted as saying in the Book of Acts is true\u2014\u201cIt is better to give than to receive.\u201d\u00a0 I can\u2019t explain it; but here is what I found\u2014when I think my greatest need is to be loved\u2014it\u2019s a lust, Bob, that can\u2019t be satisfied. If money is your lust, you can never get enough money. If pleasure is your lust, you can never get enough pleasure. If being noticed and appreciated is your lust, you\u2019ll never get enough of it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut there\u2019s this fulfillment when I realize I\u2019m doing what God created me to do. The reason this is so important is this\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014if I think my greatest need is to be loved, and I\u2019m not loved like I think I should be that day, what does it lead to?\u2014bitterness, frustration, and resentment. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And further self-absorption. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary: <\/strong>Absolutely. If I think my greatest need is to learn how to love, show me one day of marriage when you don\u2019t have an opportunity to grow in your need to love. I\u2019d like to use the example of going to the gym. You see guys going to the gym \/ you see women going to the gym. They don\u2019t complain when lifting weights makes their arms hurt\u2014that\u2019s why they are going!\u00a0 They expect it to hurt because they think, \u201cMy greatest need today is to become stronger.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf I begin the day saying, \u201cMy greatest need is to learn how to love,\u201d then, I don\u2019t resent the hurt of dying to my pride, dying to my selfishness, dying to my sense of entitlement\u2014learning how to be kind \/ learning how to be gentle\u2014but if I don\u2019t have that bigger vision that that\u2019s really my greatest need, then, I resent all the hurts. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s like lifting weights and wanting to get stronger, saying, \u201cWhy am I hurting?!\u201d\u00a0 You\u2019ve lost the purpose behind what\u2019s going on. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Are you saying, in marriage, \u201cNo pain \/ no gain\u201d?\u00a0 Is that what you are saying?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary: <\/strong>Exactly; [Laughter] exactly!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And you are also saying that, in order to do this, you have to lean into Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You have to lean into who God has provided to you to help you be a great lover. That really leads us to a little bit of a discussion, I think, about what Francis Chan called \u201cThe Forgotten God\u201d\u2014the Holy Spirit. Explain the Holy Spirit\u2019s role in taking us through this grade school experience of learning how to love and really being able to love as God has commanded us to. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Gary: <\/strong>A couple of years ago, my family went on an extended family cruise\u2014my mom wanted to do it\u2014it was one of the last vacations with all of the kids and grandkids together. I\u2019d been on one before\u2014so, the first day, I wanted to do a little bit of calorie deficit before I added to the weeklong buffets. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI got up early before everybody. Now, running\u2014one of my favorite possessions is a GPS watch. They\u2019re amazing to me! They tell me how fast I go \/ how far I go\u2014they\u2019re just wonderful!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI set my watch, going; and it beeped rather suddenly. I looked down, and it said I\u2019d run the first mile in 2 minutes and 38 seconds. I thought running in Houston\u2019s heat and humidity made me fast, but I just set a world record!\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t\u2014I thought, \u201cWell, maybe, I\u2019m not picking up the satellite.\u201d\u00a0 I didn\u2019t know what was going wrong. So, I kept running around, pretty consistently\u2014I\u2019m doing about 2:35 a mile. So, \u201cLet\u2019s see how long it takes me to run a marathon.\u201d\u00a0 I pushed it, but I thought I\u2019d break an hour in a marathon. Actually, it took 1:03:48; but that\u2019s still a world record for the marathon. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>I went to breakfast, and I was talking to my son\u2014Notre Dame grad \/ far more intelligent than I am. I said: \u201cTomorrow, I\u2019m going to have a power breakfast. I\u2019m going to try to break one hour in a marathon.\u201d He looked at me with a distain that young men often have for their dads. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said, \u201cDad, if you want to break an hour in the marathon, you\u2019ve got to talk to the Captain.\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cWhat are you talking about?\u201d\u00a0 He goes, \u201cIf you are running, even laps around a ship that\u2019s moving faster than you are, the GPS is picking up the ship, not you.\u201d\u00a0 I was like\u2014my natural response, \u201cDream stealer!\u201d\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 But he was right\u2014I never did break an hour in the marathon. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I thought, \u201cIsn\u2019t that the Christian life, as the Bible presents it?\u201d\u00a0 I think of all those marathons\u2014when I have labored, trying to qualify for Boston\u2014leaving everything out there, trying to get a certain time so that I could get there. How fun it would be to go on land and get credit for this movement of this ship. Now, I\u2019m still running\u2014I\u2019m still sweating \/ I\u2019m still breathing hard\u2014but I\u2019m being carried by the ship that goes faster than I am. For me, that\u2019s the picture of Ephesians 5:18, when Paul says, \u201cBe filled with the Spirit.\u201d\u00a0 To be more true to the Greek, \u201cBe <em>continually<\/em> filled with the Spirit.\u201d We work, we labor, and we offer ourselves to God\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014but the Spirit take us farther and faster than we could ever go on our own. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHow I love the way that this relates to marriage\u2014is this\u2014it is so difficult for me to love because of my selfishness \/ because of my own issues, and weakness, and self-centeredness. So, every day of marriage casts me on a new dependence on God. Marriage teaches me: \u201cBe more dependent on God.\u201d\u00a0 God sets the bar so high in marriage we can\u2019t do it on our own. We might be tempted to love if it was: \u201cJust master these five skills \/ use these ten principles,\u201d\u2014we could do that on our own. But the love that the Bible describes\u2014to really live the way, like Bob said\u2014that seems so absurd \/ that takes the Holy Spirit. That takes somebody carrying us\u2014we can\u2019t do it on our own. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And so, when your wife is late <em>again<\/em> to go to an appointment \/ maybe it is church\u2014so, you\u2019re <em>publicly<\/em> walking in late. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019re saying that you lean into the Holy Spirit to help you keep your mouth shut and not point out to her on\u2014maybe it\u2019s not your GPS watch\u2014but it\u2019s your regular watch: \u201cHey, Sweetie, here we are again. We\u2019re late again.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Wait. Where did this illustration come from, Dennis?\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>From\u2014oh, from someone I know. Yes, it sure did come from someone I know. You could almost set your clock at church by when the Rainey\u2019s arrived at church, with our six kids. I mean, it wasn\u2019t like it was a <em>small<\/em> happening for us to arrive at church; but this is the practical stuff, Gary, of where we all live. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary: <\/strong>Absolutely. I need to learn to love my wife more than I love being on time. But I\u2019m with you\u2014when I got married, it was such a revelation because my dad drove it into me that you\u2019re there ten minutes early. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You know\u2014there are certain things you are going to carry to your grave\u2014weaknesses\u2014husband and wife \/ it works both ways. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s why you have to learn what you\u2019re talking about here\u2014to lean into the Holy Spirit and say, \u201cWould You help me know how to love in this situation?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary: <\/strong>What is so amazing\u2014John 13, in many ways, is such a sad chapter for Christians. You could just see Jesus\u2019s sense of hurt over the impending betrayal of Judas. You\u2019ve got Peter promising that he\u2019s going to be faithful and Jesus telling him, \u201cNo, you\u2019re not.\u201d\u00a0 If you love Jesus, you read that chapter and you just\u2014you feel kind of sad\u2014but, in the midst of that sadness, He drops the most amazing three sentences, I think, ever uttered or said on this earth: \u201cA new commandment I give to you that you love one another as I have loved you. By this will all men know that you are my disciples.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJesus basically said to them, \u201cIt\u2019s all about love.\u201d It\u2019s not about being on time, it\u2019s not about having your makeup done, or driving a certain car. He says, \u201cIn the end, what people will know, about whether or not you\u2019re My disciples, is if you have love, one for another.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat has to <em>begin<\/em> in our marriages. They should be able to <em>look <\/em>at our marriages and say: \u201cThey must be Christians. The way he speaks of her \/ the way she speaks of him\u2014they must be Christians!\u201d\u00a0 <br><br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I had a young lady tell me, not too long ago: \u201cI\u2019m in college. I\u2019ve got a bunch of friends. We were talking the other night how many of us knew anybody we\u2019d like to have a marriage like they have.\u201d\u00a0 And she said, \u201cMr. Rainey\u201d\u2014she said: \u201cI was the only one who came from an intact family. I was the only one who could name two couples that I wanted to be like.\u201d She looked at me, and she said, \u201cYou and Barbara are one of those couples.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere was a moment, where there was kind of a smile and feeling good that: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWow!\u2014that you\u2019ve been up-close and personal and seen enough of our marriage you\u2019d want to have it.\u201d\u00a0 But then, there was another moment, where there was sadness that there are really so few couples today\u2014and I didn\u2019t use the illustration to put our marriage on a pedestal\u2014that\u2019s not the point of it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s that\u2014in this culture today, marriage has fallen out of favor. I mean, we do have a generation of young people today who desperately need to see somebody who is married as God designed it\u2014and in their brokenness, in their imperfection, in their failures with each other\u2014they\u2019re still hanging in there, and they are enjoying the journey. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I think there are a lot of couples who are trying to go the distance and love one another with empty cisterns. The illustration there\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014is they are trying to love one another out of the reservoir of whatever love they can manufacture on their own. If a couple says to me, \u201cWe\u2019re just struggling to love one another,\u201d I will often say: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cThe cistern of love in your life gets filled up by the Holy Spirit \/ by the Creator God. If you are having a hard time loving somebody else, it\u2019s because you have not been tapped into the supply.\u201d\u00a0 If you\u2019re receiving the love of God in your life, it overflows in your marriage; doesn\u2019t it?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary: <\/strong>Absolutely. What I say in here is: \u201cAsk less of your spouse and more of your God.\u201d\u00a0 So often, we say to our spouse: \u201cLove me more. Appreciate me more. Notice me more,\u201d and it never works!\u2014but what if we were to say: \u201cGod, help me to love more. God, help me to <em>notice<\/em> more. God, help me to care more.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSome of us even, at times, need God to give us the motivation. Some people out there may say: \u201cI\u2019m done with this marriage!\u00a0 I can\u2019t care about this marriage anymore,\u201d or \u201cWe\u2019ve talked this issue to death\u2014how can I care about it another day?\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s where we have to recognize that God is real. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe Holy Spirit is a powerful presence in our life. When Ephesians 5:18 says, \u201cLet your self be continually filled with the Holy Spirit,\u201d Paul is essentially saying: \u201cGod isn\u2019t Costco\u2014that you go to once a month to get the major things. It\u2019s like the farmer\u2019s market\u2014you go every day and buy the vegetables for that day.\u201d\u00a0 We need God on that kind of a basis to live the kind of marriages that people are inspired by. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And yet, I think, Gary\u2014a lot of people, who follow Christ, forget who they have\u2014forget who indwells them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>The same power that raised Christ from the dead\u2014the Holy Spirit\u2014lives in you. He can give you the ability to love somebody when they are ornery and even when they are evil. Now, what that might look like in both those situations might be totally different. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes, there might be some boundaries\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Exactly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014of love in somebody\u2019s life\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014with an evil person; right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Exactly, but the point is to intentionally <em>lean<\/em> upon the God who lives within you. The very word, \u201cChristian,\u201d means \u201cChrist in one.\u201d\u00a0 You\u2019re not alone\u2014He did not leave you as an orphan\u2014He has taken up residence in your life. He has given you the Holy Spirit, as well, to teach you how to love if you\u2019ll be teachable, and learn, and allow Him to love your imperfect spouse through you, as an imperfect spouse, as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, if somebody is listening to us, with this conversation, and they say: \u201cYou know, I\u2019ve not been loving well. It feels like my cistern is empty. I just don\u2019t have it in me to love my spouse, and I know I should; but it\u2019s not there. Can you tell me anything I can do today that will help me get there?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary: <\/strong>1 John 4:19 says, \u201cWe love because He first loved us.\u201d\u00a0 We have got to be overwhelmed by the kindness, the mercy, and the grace of God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTo be short on worship\u2014to be short on time, where God feeds us with His Word\u2014is like holding your breath. You can do it for a little bit, but you\u2019re not going to go the distance. You\u2019re not going to go, lifelong, without regularly breathing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSecond, I think we let God be the engineer of our marriage in the sense of dealing with those issues that we can\u2019t deal with. Here\u2019s how it worked out practically with one woman\u2014she kept going to her pastor, saying, \u201cLook, my husband does this \/ my husband does that.\u201d\u00a0 Finally, after a while, he said: \u201cI want you to stop. You\u2019ve been complaining about your husband. I want you to go back in prayer, and I want you to listen to the Lord why your husband is the way he is.\u201d\u00a0 She thought: \u201cWell, pastor is a man. He\u2019s taking my husband\u2019s position. That\u2019s what pastors do; right?\u00a0 They\u2019re all alike.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, she went and she spent the first part of her prayer time, laying out all of her problems with her husband: \u201cHow come he does this?\u00a0 How come\u2026\u201d but she ran out of them, finally. Decided to do what the pastor said, \u201cLord, why is he acting this way?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod just brought to her mind all the disappointments and challenges that he had faced \/ her husband had faced after they\u2019d gotten married. She became disabled a couple years later. So, all of the revenue for their family was now on his shoulders. His mom had died. He\u2019d been cheated in his business by some partners; so they had to sell the business, at a loss. He was literally penniless\u2014had to move in with his dad, which was a <em>huge<\/em> blow to his sense of who he was\u2014he felt like an utter failure. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd just as God said, \u201cThis is what happened \/ this is what\u2026\u201d she started weeping for her husband and said: \u201cI\u2019d forgotten!\u00a0 I mean, I lived that with him\u2014I was blind to it. I just didn\u2019t see.\u201d\u00a0 By going to God and saying, \u201cLord, why is my husband the way he is?\u201d her eyes were opened up to: \u201cThere\u2019s a reason.\u201d\u00a0 Now, she wanted to help him and encourage him instead of resenting that. That was\u2014she felt an act of revelation, just sitting before the Lord. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would say to those out there that feel very frustrated in your marriage: \u201cYou\u2019re very good at saying what you are frustrated about but, if you want to get to the solution, spend some time, saying, \u2018God, why is my husband the way he is?\u2019 \/ ask God: \u2018Why does my wife respond that way?\u2019 and just listen and think. Let the Holy Spirit work and, then, you can really get at the root of some of your marital issues.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>In other words, ask God: \u201cGod, why did You make my husband in the first place?\u00a0 What\u2019s he about?\u00a0 What do you want me to add to his life \/ to build into his life to help him to become all that You made him to be?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tInstead of praying a prayer list of things that need to change\u2014instead, you become obsessed more with: \u201cHow can I be the right helpmate?\u00a0 How can I be the right spouse for the one I\u2019m married to?\u201d and get your eyes off of them, critically, and more on the God who can instruct you and will show you how you can do that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI promise you\u2014if you pray that, He will show you some practical ways that you can build into your spouse\u2019s life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary: <\/strong>That\u2019s the whole point of this. I know talking about worship and all of these things sound so hopelessly religiously idealistic\u2014that it doesn\u2019t really come down to real life\u2014but when this is applied, it really is practical. When I go to God in the morning\u2014and I let God love me, and I\u2019m reminded of the gospel\u2014that He loved me when I was in the midst of my rebellion, that He saved me, that Christ died for me, that Christ even now intercedes for me, and I know that I am completely cared for by God\u2014I just come out of that devotional time, eager to meet the needs of the world, <em>beginning<\/em> with my wife\/<em>beginning<\/em> with my kids\u2014it\u2019s just practical. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI realize, \u201cI need to get my own spiritual needs met.\u201d\u00a0 Then, it\u2019s just like being launched: \u201cOkay, I\u2019ve been loved. I\u2019m reminded: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2018My greatest need is to be loved,\u2019\u2014that\u2019s been met this morning. Now, how do I spend the rest of the day learning how to love?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes, but before you can apply that, you\u2019ve got to understand it. That\u2019s where I think listeners need to get a copy of your book because you do a great job of laying out for us how we need to see marriage in a transcended context. Gary Thomas\u2019s new book is called <em>A Lifelong Love<\/em>. It\u2019s a book that we\u2019ve got in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. It really does elevate the whole issue of marriage. If we\u2019re going to have a lifelong love, it\u2019s probably going to require that our understanding of marriage gets elevated a little bit. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>Go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link in the upper left-hand corner of the screen that says, \u201cGO DEEPER.\u201d You\u2019ll find information about Gary Thomas\u2019s book, <em>A Lifelong Love<\/em>, and his other book, <em>Sacred Marriage<\/em>. We\u2019ve got both books in our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Resource Center. You can order from us, online, if you\u2019d like. Again, the website\u2014FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014or call if you\u2019d like to place an order at 1-800-358-6329. That\u2019s 1-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, I often wish that our listeners could just spend a day, here at our headquarters at FamilyLife, and get a chance to sit where we sit\u2014and read some of the emails that come in, take some of the phone calls we get each day, read the evaluations that come from folks who have been through a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em> marriage getaway, talk to the folks who are using our resources like <em>Passport2Purity<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> or <em>The Art of Marriage<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> or the <em>Stepping Up<\/em><em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em> video series. I think if folks could have a day, doing that, they would be as fired up as we often are, working here. I mean, it\u2019s really exciting to see how God is using this ministry in significant ways in people\u2019s lives. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd some of our listeners are a part of that because they make this ministry possible. More than 65 percent of the funds we need to operate the ministry come from listeners, like you, who say: \u201cWe think what you are doing is important. It\u2019s important for our family, for our marriage, and we think it\u2019s important in our community. We think it\u2019s important, in our nation, for this issue to be addressed.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur goal, here at FamilyLife, is provide practical biblical help for marriages and families. We want to see every home become a godly home. And we\u2019re grateful for those of you who share that vision with us and who help support it through your donations. You can donate to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. Just click the link in the upper right-hand corner that says, \u201cI CARE,\u201d to make an online donation. Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Make a donation over the phone. If you\u2019re interested in becoming a Legacy Partner and making donations on a monthly basis\u2014that\u2019s the team that really provides the core financial support for this ministry\u2014\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014contact us and let us know that you\u2019d like to be a part of the Legacy Partner team. Of course, you can always mail a donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR. Our zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to talk with Gary Thomas about what it means to have a missional marriage. We\u2019ll explain that term tomorrow and talk about how it applies to a marriage relationship. Hope you can tune in for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2015 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/303453","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=303453"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=303453"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=303453"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=303453"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=303453"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=303453"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=303453"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}