{"id":303439,"date":"2015-03-27T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2015-03-27T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/the-challenges-and-blessings-of-adoption\/"},"modified":"2015-03-27T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2015-03-27T15:00:00","slug":"the-challenges-and-blessings-of-adoption","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-challenges-and-blessings-of-adoption\/","title":{"rendered":"The Challenges and Blessings of Adoption"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Pastor Brian Borgman shares how he and his wife came to adopt their son Alex. While adoption is a blessing to all involved, it also requires perseverance and many sacrifices.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2015-03-27.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"25.24M","filesize_raw":"26463605","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2818],"tags":[2712,5637,4475,5639,5638],"podcast_series":[8071],"cwp_profile":[9248],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-303439","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-adoption-and-orphans","tag-adoption","tag-adoption-agency","tag-orphans","tag-questions-about-adoption","tag-sponsor-a-child","podcast_series-after-they-are-yours","cwp_profile-brian-borgman","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/303439\/the-challenges-and-blessings-of-adoption","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/303439\/the-challenges-and-blessings-of-adoption","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"KoQuv1TUwn\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-challenges-and-blessings-of-adoption\/\">The Challenges and Blessings of Adoption<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-challenges-and-blessings-of-adoption\/embed\/#?secret=KoQuv1TUwn\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;The Challenges and Blessings of Adoption&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"KoQuv1TUwn\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2015-03-27.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2015-03-27.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>After years of being foster parents to a little boy named Alex, Brian and Ariel Borgman were still not on the same page about whether to make the decision to adopt. Ariel was all for it \/ Brian was not so sure. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> So, one day, I talked to my fellow elder, Dave Gamble. Dave\u2019s a district court judge and has done hundreds of adoptions. I said: \u201cDave, Ariel wants to do this. She\u2019s not listening to any of my reasoned objections. Help me here!\u201d He said, \u201cBrian, maybe you need to make a decision based on what loving your wife like Christ loves the church looks like.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, March 27<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. Brian Borgman joins us today to tell us about how their foster son, Alex, became a Borgman. Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. You have mentioned before, Dennis, that your daughter has been a foster care mom\u2014more than 20 kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> She\u2019s a champion.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Has she ever thought about or considered adopting one of the 20? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Oh yes, many times.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So what\u2019s kept her from doing that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, I think it takes two to tango\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014on this deal. So, maybe\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Both Mom and Dad have got to say, \u201cYes, this is God\u2019s will for us.\u201d The dialog is continuing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> They are continuing. They have a little boy, who just a few months ago, that they finally adopted. Oh yes\u2014so, it\u2019s our 21<sup>st<\/sup> grandchild. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is a little boy who came into their home through the foster care system. They cared for him for over 12 months before all of the legal issues were really taken care of and they could call that little boy\u2014Will\u2014their own.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, it sounds like their scenario is a little bit like what our guest today went through.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I think so. Brian Borgman joins us again on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Brian\u2014welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Brian\u2019s a pastor of Grace Community Church in Minden, Nevada. He and his wife Ariel have three children and one grandson. He has written a book called <em>After They are Yours: The Grace and Grit of Adoption<\/em>. I like that byline!\u2014<em>The Grace and Grit of Adoption<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur listeners know we\u2019ve talked about adoption a good bit, here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. We try to paint it with a lot of reality because it\u2019s not this romantic story that always ends just with everything working out perfectly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>There\u2019s grit involved. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou and your wife Ariel\u2014you didn\u2019t foster 20 kids, but you did bring a young boy into your home\u2014a 20-month-old child, who had fetal alcohol syndrome. You cared for him for how long before you guys started thinking about or talking about the possibility of adopting him?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> We cared for him for a year-and-a-half. The state worker came in one day and said: \u201cYou guys have done such a great job. So, we\u2019re going to move Alex to a lower level foster care home.\u201d At which point, I thought, \u201cWhat are these people thinking?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Oh\u2014they were going to take him out of your home\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014and put him in a home where he didn\u2019t need as competent a mom and dad, as you guys had been to him?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> That is the case.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So you\u2019re kind of\u2014I see you blow up, here, across the table. This is the guy, here, who wasn\u2019t really all that much for it originally. Had you fallen in love with this little guy?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Oh yes, yes; he grew on us. [Laughter] It seemed absurd to us to say: \u201cHere\u2019s a kid that you\u2019ve just told us has reactive attachment disorder and all these other issues. Now, you say he\u2019s doing so well that you\u2019re going to take him out of the home, where he was still a handful every day?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So much so that you had conversations with Ariel about whether this was right for your family\u2014just foster care, at that point; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes, at this point\u2014if we could\u2014maybe move to the time where the state is, now, thinking about terminating parental rights. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Ariel was totally excited: \u201cI think that we should adopt him if we get the chance.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> What you\u2019re talking about is\u2014what the state does\u2014is they find the birth father\/the birth mother, and they find out: \u201cWhat are their desires? What do they want out of this?\u201d A lot of times, they\u2019re in prison. A lot of times, they\u2019re gone \/ you can\u2019t even find them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, over a period of time, that child then becomes available to be adopted by another family if those parents have either terminated their rights or have forfeited them; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes. The state of Nevada has a basic commitment to try to keep kids from being lifetime foster care kids\u2014they do move to try to get the kids adopted. When we started to realize that this was going to be a possibility, frankly, I was opposed. Again, Ariel was absolutely convinced we would not have him in foster care if it weren\u2019t for God\u2019s sovereignty. If we have him in foster care, God\u2019s opening the door for us\u2014for him to be a part of our family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This time, the marital conflict, around this decision, was more significant than it had been when you were talking about foster care; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian: <\/strong>Yes, absolutely. In fact, I kept thinking the things like this: \u201cWhat\u2019s going to be the impact on my biological children?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> \u201cWhat\u2019s going to be the impact on my marriage? What\u2019s going to be the impact on my domestic peace and tranquility?\u201d I was selfishly opposed. We argued\u2014we cried\u2014we debated. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne day, I talked to my fellow elder, Dave Gamble, who\u2019s a trusted friend. Dave\u2019s a district court judge who\u2019d done hundreds of adoptions. I sat down with Dave; and I said: \u201cDave, Ariel wants to do this. She\u2019s not listening to any of my reasoned objections. Help me here!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You\u2019re being logical\/\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014you\u2019re being reasonable, and she is being a mom\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014let\u2019s face it! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes. I would\u2019ve said \u201cirrational and emotional!\u201d [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnyway, Dave looked at me; and he said, \u201cBrian, maybe you need to make a decision based on what loving your wife like Christ loves the church looks like.\u201d I looked at him\u2014I said: \u201cYou\u2019re not a very good friend. You\u2019re supposed to be supporting me.\u201d He said, \u201cYou need to think about what a decision, based on sacrificial love for your wife, looks like right now.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0A few days later, I go to a conference, over in the bay area. I\u2019m staying with a good pastor friend of mine. I\u2019m telling him all my woes and why I don\u2019t want to do this. He looks at me and he says, \u201cWhat would it look like if you loved Ariel like Christ loved the church?\u201d I said, \u201cThis is a conspiracy!\u2014it\u2019s a conspiracy.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt that point\u2014I went home after that conference, and I told Ariel\u2014I said: \u201cI\u2019m not convinced that this is the best thing for my family, but I am convinced that this would be the greatest demonstration of me loving you like Christ loved the church. Let\u2019s move forward.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Wow! This is not a romantic notion here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> I didn\u2019t feel very romantic! [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is not Valentine\u2019s Day, and flowers, and candy. This is\u2014you talk about the grit of adoption.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s what I was going to\u2014the subtitle of the book. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is the grit of love to say: \u201cAlright. This is going to cost me to make this call, and I will bear the cost because I love you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes. Let me say that that was not my first impulse, and all glory to God for it, because it really was a work of grace. I knew that the second time I heard the same thing from two guys, 300 miles removed, that God was certainly getting my attention and showing me what He wanted from me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Here\u2019s what I would think\u2014if you have a foster son, who\u2019s been in the home with you for 18 months, now eligible for adoption, you\u2019re going to go ahead and go through with the adoption. He\u2019s going to move from being your foster son to being your adopted son. I would think that transition would be seamless\u2014there would be no change because he\u2019s only four or five years old, at this point; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Well, at this point, he\u2019s about three\/three-and-a-half\u2014something like that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, he\u2019s not old enough to know that there\u2019s a big difference between being a foster kid and being and adopted kid. I\u2019m thinking, logically: \u201cThis is going to be\u2014\u2018We\u2019re going to come home one day; and it\u2019s changed from foster to adoption, and life goes on.\u2019\u201d Is that how it happens?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Not exactly. [Laughter] There was a journey in the adoption process itself that completely caught us off guard. Once we had made the decision to go ahead and adopt, we wanted an open adoption.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Explain what that is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> An open adoption is an adoption in which the birth parents\u2014or maybe birth mother, in this case\u2014has a relationship where she stays in contact with the adoptive family and stays\u2014some level of contact\u2014with her birth child. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s what you hoped for here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian: <\/strong>Yes. I have to say that the reason we hoped for that was because there is an undeniable reality and that is: \u201cSomebody else carried Alex in her womb for nine months\u2014that\u2019s his birth mother and that never changes.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s something that I think that we should honor about that \/ there\u2019s something that is unchanging about that. So, we wanted to do our best\u2014in fact, if we could\u2019ve helped with reunification, we could have because of our fundamental commitment to our belief about the family. She didn\u2019t quite understand open adoption that way\u2014she thought it was more like joint custody. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019re saying the birth mother thought that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Correct. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Correct. She thought we\u2019d be switching holidays and she\u2019d have him every other weekend. Of course, that\u2019s not open adoption. We got things worked out\u2014started to move ahead\u2014and we had a court date. We drove out to Yerington, Nevada, which is a little town that looks like it stopped about 1950\u2014grand old courthouse \/ Ten Commandments on the front lawn\u2014sort of a Mayberry-type setting. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe get there. We\u2019re under the impression that, if she voluntarily relinquishes her parental rights, then everything\u2019s going to be moving along swimmingly, at that point. Come to find out\u2014she hears the word, \u201cirrevocable,\u201d and reacts violently. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Wow\u2014as in what way?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Well, she was signing the papers\u2014the social worker, who\u2019s standing behind her, explaining each of the lines on the termination agreement. She gets to the statement that the terms are irrevocable. She says, \u201cDo you understand what that means?\u201d When she explained they can\u2019t be changed, she took the pen, stabbed the paper repeatedly, and then violently ripped the paper to shreds with the pen\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014got up, stormed out, and had a few choice words for me on the way out. That kind of started a bad day. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Wow. So, how much time passed before you were finally able to reason with her, where she finally did sign the papers?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> She didn\u2019t\u2014she didn\u2019t. At that point, we withdrew the open adoption offer. I really did believe that there was a sense in which I needed to protect Alex and my family from a person that would demonstrate erratic and violent behavior. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe state was in full agreement with us withdrawing open adoption. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe thought we\u2019d go into court and they\u2019d sign the papers. What ended up happening was\u2014they gave her three more months, then three more months, then three more months. Every time we\u2019d go to court, we thought that that would be the day in which the rights would be terminated and we could start the adoption process. It never worked out that way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> All this time Alex is living with you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And she\u2019s just showing up, every three months, and saying, \u201cI\u2019m not ready to relinquish rights.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Right. So the judge would tell her: \u201cYou have to have sobriety. You have to have so many AA meetings or NA meetings\u2026\u201d\u2014 so many hoops to jump through. She might jump through one out of six\u2014it was enough to say: \u201cOkay. We\u2019ll push it back another three months,\u201d or \u201c\u2026 another six months.\u201d This went on for almost two years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, was Alex being visited by her\u2014her getting her parental rights to him, as a young\u2014young boy, at that point?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> The best my memory serves me\u2014she had two visits with him. One was actually an overnight, early on, in the foster care process. Once this happened, the state was not overly anxious to arrange visits. I don\u2019t believe there were any after this point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Was Alex aware that anything like this was even going on? Again, he\u2019s three\/four\/five years old. He may know you\u2019re going to court and hoping to come home with some happy news\u2014but he\u2019s kind of left out of the whole scenario; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Oh, yes. He is not there\u2014he, obviously, doesn\u2019t go to court with us\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> \u2014didn\u2019t really know what was going on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> What finally cleared the hurdle for you so the judge said, \u201cHe\u2019s yours\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Well, after her not showing up a number of times and not accomplishing any of the goals\u2014and so the termination finally happened\u2014but, then, the adoption still needed to happen. Once the termination happened, then the adoption process was relatively quick.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00 <\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> On November 7, 2000\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014Alex became yours.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You\u2019re filling out the paperwork. On the paperwork, it says: \u201cWhat\u2019s his middle name?\u201d You asked Alex what he wanted his middle name to be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes. By this time, Alex is five\u2014he\u2019s in kindergarten. My dad\u2019s name is Steven, my middle name is Steven, and Zachary\u2019s middle name is Steven. I asked Alex \/ I said, \u201cAlex, you get to pick your own middle name.\u201d I said, \u201cYou can either keep the middle name you have, or have your last name be your middle name, or you can have the name that Daddy and Zach have.\u201d He said, \u201cI want to be called Alexander Steven Borgman.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Anyone who\u2019s adopted has learned a facet of God\u2019s character that\u2014I\u2019m not saying is only reserved for those who adopt children\u2014but certainly, those who do, learn a bunch about it. What did you learn about it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Well, obviously, one of the things that stands out is\u2014our Heavenly Father, when He brings us into His family, starts out, as the Judge, and makes it legal and binding. In that sense, adoption is our Heavenly Father adopting us\u2014is a legal act. We become heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ\u2014but, then, He steps out from behind that bench, as it were, and the Judge is now our Father and embraces us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00 <\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe thing about God\u2019s adoption of us\u2014that has <em>continually<\/em> comforted me and goaded me\u2014is that God <em>never<\/em> has given up on me, as an adopted son. No matter how many times I\u2019ve failed, no matter how many times I have not walked in the way that I\u2019m supposed to walk\u2014my failures against God outnumber Alex\u2019s failures. I mean, there\u2019s not even any comparison! To know of God\u2019s faithful love to me, every single day, and <em>never<\/em> a time when He said, \u201cI\u2019m going to send you to military school if you don\u2019t shape up,\u201d\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> \u2014that encourages me and convicts me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Brian, earlier, you said you were opposed to even having Alex in your family in the foster care relationship. Ariel was calling you out to adopt him, and you resisted because of what it was going to cost you. I want you to answer two questions: \u201cWhat did it cost you?\u201d and \u201cWhat did it bring you?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> \u201cWhat did it cost me?\u201d\u2014surgery, by the Holy Spirit, over, and over, and over again\u2014exposure of idols in my own heart and the crucifixion of my pride over, and over, and over again. \u201cWhat did it cost me?\u201d It cost me giving up idols that I\u2019ve realized weren\u2019t worth holding onto anyway. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWhat did it bring me?\u201d It brought me a son whom I love. It brought me\u2014Alex\u2019s identity not only got changed, the Borgman family\u2019s identity got changed. The Borgman family would not be the Borgman family without Alex. He is as vital a part of our family as anybody else. In a sense, what he brought us was the completion of our family, as God intended it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You never stop and think: \u201cLet\u2019s go on a family vacation, but we don\u2019t take Alex,\u201d or \u201cLet\u2019s have everybody over for Christmas, but Alex doesn\u2019t come.\u201d\u00a0 That would be ridiculous to even imagine such a thing; wouldn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> That is correct. Although, I do need to say that, at 22 months old, we decided to go on a cross-country vacation\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> \u2014with Alex, right after we got him. Driving through Minnesota, Zach did ask if we could stop and sell Alex at a garage sale. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, we understand how those early days can be\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> But yes, it\u2019s absolutely true that he\u2019s just an integral part of the Borgman family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I love your answer there. I remember Dr. Russell Moore, who\u2019s an adoptive father, who wrote a book called <em>Adopted for Life<\/em>. I remember him saying there were some friends who had said to him about his children\u2014who are from, I think, Eastern Europe\u2014they said, \u201cAre you going to raise your kids with an awareness of their cultural heritage and identity?\u201d He said, \u201cI\u2019m going to take them to southern Mississippi, and I\u2019m going to teach them to eat some gumbo.\u201d He said, \u201cTheir identity\u2014they\u2019re Moores. From the foundation of the world, God designed that they would be a part of the Moore family.\u201d In a very real sense, it was destined that Alex would be a Borgman; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> That is correct.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Just a different path to get there than the other two kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Alright, I\u2019m going to ask you to do something in just a moment; but I want to read something from your book. At the end of your book, you\u2019ve got something that Alex said to you the other day. He\u2019s now 19 years old\u2014works in a tire shop \/ faithful employee. He said to you, \u201cDad, I\u2019m glad you adopted me; otherwise, I probably wouldn\u2019t have become a redneck, and I would probably be in jail.\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I have to tell you\u2014I hope our listeners get a copy of your book, Brian, and read because there\u2019s real heart in what you\u2019ve written. In fact, this is a great book for those who are in the middle of it and finding it hard to hope\u2014and could use a story about adoption that is real, and raw, and redemptive, and edifying. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me, just before Dennis gives you the assignment that he\u2019s got for you\u2014let me encourage listeners to go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the link in the upper left-hand corner of the screen that says, \u201cGO DEEPER.\u201d You can order Brian\u2019s book, <em>After They are Yours<\/em> from our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. Order, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAlright; back to the assignment, here\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Brian, I want to give you an opportunity here to tell Alex why you\u2019re glad you adopted him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell Alex, I hope that you\u2019ll be able to hear these broadcasts. I want you to know how much your mom and I absolutely love you. We have not always communicated that to you as effectively as we should have. We have failed, as parents, a lot; and you know that. But you also know that you have a mom and a dad who would do absolutely anything for you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so glad that you\u2019re a part of our family. We do believe, from the bottom of our hearts, that it is God Himself who has put you in this family. It is God\u2019s sovereign appointment that you are the third of the Borgeman children. We are so grateful that we have a son named Alex. We love you so much! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong><em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2014 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["25.24M"],"filesize_raw":["26463605"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-303439.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-303439.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Brian Borgman shares how he and his wife came to adopt their son Alex. While adoption is a blessing to all involved, it also requires perseverance and many sacrifices.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2015-03-27.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>After years of being foster parents to a little boy named Alex, Brian and Ariel Borgman were still not on the same page about whether to make the decision to adopt. Ariel was all for it \/ Brian was not so sure. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> So, one day, I talked to my fellow elder, Dave Gamble. Dave\u2019s a district court judge and has done hundreds of adoptions. I said: \u201cDave, Ariel wants to do this. She\u2019s not listening to any of my reasoned objections. Help me here!\u201d He said, \u201cBrian, maybe you need to make a decision based on what loving your wife like Christ loves the church looks like.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, March 27<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. Brian Borgman joins us today to tell us about how their foster son, Alex, became a Borgman. Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. You have mentioned before, Dennis, that your daughter has been a foster care mom\u2014more than 20 kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> She\u2019s a champion.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Has she ever thought about or considered adopting one of the 20? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Oh yes, many times.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So what\u2019s kept her from doing that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, I think it takes two to tango\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014on this deal. So, maybe\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Both Mom and Dad have got to say, \u201cYes, this is God\u2019s will for us.\u201d The dialog is continuing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> They are continuing. They have a little boy, who just a few months ago, that they finally adopted. Oh yes\u2014so, it\u2019s our 21<sup>st<\/sup> grandchild. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is a little boy who came into their home through the foster care system. They cared for him for over 12 months before all of the legal issues were really taken care of and they could call that little boy\u2014Will\u2014their own.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, it sounds like their scenario is a little bit like what our guest today went through.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I think so. Brian Borgman joins us again on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Brian\u2014welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Brian\u2019s a pastor of Grace Community Church in Minden, Nevada. He and his wife Ariel have three children and one grandson. He has written a book called <em>After They are Yours: The Grace and Grit of Adoption<\/em>. I like that byline!\u2014<em>The Grace and Grit of Adoption<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur listeners know we\u2019ve talked about adoption a good bit, here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. We try to paint it with a lot of reality because it\u2019s not this romantic story that always ends just with everything working out perfectly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>There\u2019s grit involved. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou and your wife Ariel\u2014you didn\u2019t foster 20 kids, but you did bring a young boy into your home\u2014a 20-month-old child, who had fetal alcohol syndrome. You cared for him for how long before you guys started thinking about or talking about the possibility of adopting him?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> We cared for him for a year-and-a-half. The state worker came in one day and said: \u201cYou guys have done such a great job. So, we\u2019re going to move Alex to a lower level foster care home.\u201d At which point, I thought, \u201cWhat are these people thinking?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Oh\u2014they were going to take him out of your home\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014and put him in a home where he didn\u2019t need as competent a mom and dad, as you guys had been to him?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> That is the case.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So you\u2019re kind of\u2014I see you blow up, here, across the table. This is the guy, here, who wasn\u2019t really all that much for it originally. Had you fallen in love with this little guy?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Oh yes, yes; he grew on us. [Laughter] It seemed absurd to us to say: \u201cHere\u2019s a kid that you\u2019ve just told us has reactive attachment disorder and all these other issues. Now, you say he\u2019s doing so well that you\u2019re going to take him out of the home, where he was still a handful every day?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So much so that you had conversations with Ariel about whether this was right for your family\u2014just foster care, at that point; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes, at this point\u2014if we could\u2014maybe move to the time where the state is, now, thinking about terminating parental rights. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Ariel was totally excited: \u201cI think that we should adopt him if we get the chance.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> What you\u2019re talking about is\u2014what the state does\u2014is they find the birth father\/the birth mother, and they find out: \u201cWhat are their desires? What do they want out of this?\u201d A lot of times, they\u2019re in prison. A lot of times, they\u2019re gone \/ you can\u2019t even find them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, over a period of time, that child then becomes available to be adopted by another family if those parents have either terminated their rights or have forfeited them; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes. The state of Nevada has a basic commitment to try to keep kids from being lifetime foster care kids\u2014they do move to try to get the kids adopted. When we started to realize that this was going to be a possibility, frankly, I was opposed. Again, Ariel was absolutely convinced we would not have him in foster care if it weren\u2019t for God\u2019s sovereignty. If we have him in foster care, God\u2019s opening the door for us\u2014for him to be a part of our family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This time, the marital conflict, around this decision, was more significant than it had been when you were talking about foster care; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian: <\/strong>Yes, absolutely. In fact, I kept thinking the things like this: \u201cWhat\u2019s going to be the impact on my biological children?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> \u201cWhat\u2019s going to be the impact on my marriage? What\u2019s going to be the impact on my domestic peace and tranquility?\u201d I was selfishly opposed. We argued\u2014we cried\u2014we debated. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne day, I talked to my fellow elder, Dave Gamble, who\u2019s a trusted friend. Dave\u2019s a district court judge who\u2019d done hundreds of adoptions. I sat down with Dave; and I said: \u201cDave, Ariel wants to do this. She\u2019s not listening to any of my reasoned objections. Help me here!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You\u2019re being logical\/\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014you\u2019re being reasonable, and she is being a mom\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014let\u2019s face it! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes. I would\u2019ve said \u201cirrational and emotional!\u201d [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnyway, Dave looked at me; and he said, \u201cBrian, maybe you need to make a decision based on what loving your wife like Christ loves the church looks like.\u201d I looked at him\u2014I said: \u201cYou\u2019re not a very good friend. You\u2019re supposed to be supporting me.\u201d He said, \u201cYou need to think about what a decision, based on sacrificial love for your wife, looks like right now.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0A few days later, I go to a conference, over in the bay area. I\u2019m staying with a good pastor friend of mine. I\u2019m telling him all my woes and why I don\u2019t want to do this. He looks at me and he says, \u201cWhat would it look like if you loved Ariel like Christ loved the church?\u201d I said, \u201cThis is a conspiracy!\u2014it\u2019s a conspiracy.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt that point\u2014I went home after that conference, and I told Ariel\u2014I said: \u201cI\u2019m not convinced that this is the best thing for my family, but I am convinced that this would be the greatest demonstration of me loving you like Christ loved the church. Let\u2019s move forward.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Wow! This is not a romantic notion here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> I didn\u2019t feel very romantic! [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is not Valentine\u2019s Day, and flowers, and candy. This is\u2014you talk about the grit of adoption.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s what I was going to\u2014the subtitle of the book. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is the grit of love to say: \u201cAlright. This is going to cost me to make this call, and I will bear the cost because I love you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes. Let me say that that was not my first impulse, and all glory to God for it, because it really was a work of grace. I knew that the second time I heard the same thing from two guys, 300 miles removed, that God was certainly getting my attention and showing me what He wanted from me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Here\u2019s what I would think\u2014if you have a foster son, who\u2019s been in the home with you for 18 months, now eligible for adoption, you\u2019re going to go ahead and go through with the adoption. He\u2019s going to move from being your foster son to being your adopted son. I would think that transition would be seamless\u2014there would be no change because he\u2019s only four or five years old, at this point; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Well, at this point, he\u2019s about three\/three-and-a-half\u2014something like that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, he\u2019s not old enough to know that there\u2019s a big difference between being a foster kid and being and adopted kid. I\u2019m thinking, logically: \u201cThis is going to be\u2014\u2018We\u2019re going to come home one day; and it\u2019s changed from foster to adoption, and life goes on.\u2019\u201d Is that how it happens?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Not exactly. [Laughter] There was a journey in the adoption process itself that completely caught us off guard. Once we had made the decision to go ahead and adopt, we wanted an open adoption.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Explain what that is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> An open adoption is an adoption in which the birth parents\u2014or maybe birth mother, in this case\u2014has a relationship where she stays in contact with the adoptive family and stays\u2014some level of contact\u2014with her birth child. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s what you hoped for here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian: <\/strong>Yes. I have to say that the reason we hoped for that was because there is an undeniable reality and that is: \u201cSomebody else carried Alex in her womb for nine months\u2014that\u2019s his birth mother and that never changes.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s something that I think that we should honor about that \/ there\u2019s something that is unchanging about that. So, we wanted to do our best\u2014in fact, if we could\u2019ve helped with reunification, we could have because of our fundamental commitment to our belief about the family. She didn\u2019t quite understand open adoption that way\u2014she thought it was more like joint custody. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019re saying the birth mother thought that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Correct. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Correct. She thought we\u2019d be switching holidays and she\u2019d have him every other weekend. Of course, that\u2019s not open adoption. We got things worked out\u2014started to move ahead\u2014and we had a court date. We drove out to Yerington, Nevada, which is a little town that looks like it stopped about 1950\u2014grand old courthouse \/ Ten Commandments on the front lawn\u2014sort of a Mayberry-type setting. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe get there. We\u2019re under the impression that, if she voluntarily relinquishes her parental rights, then everything\u2019s going to be moving along swimmingly, at that point. Come to find out\u2014she hears the word, \u201cirrevocable,\u201d and reacts violently. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Wow\u2014as in what way?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Well, she was signing the papers\u2014the social worker, who\u2019s standing behind her, explaining each of the lines on the termination agreement. She gets to the statement that the terms are irrevocable. She says, \u201cDo you understand what that means?\u201d When she explained they can\u2019t be changed, she took the pen, stabbed the paper repeatedly, and then violently ripped the paper to shreds with the pen\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014got up, stormed out, and had a few choice words for me on the way out. That kind of started a bad day. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Wow. So, how much time passed before you were finally able to reason with her, where she finally did sign the papers?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> She didn\u2019t\u2014she didn\u2019t. At that point, we withdrew the open adoption offer. I really did believe that there was a sense in which I needed to protect Alex and my family from a person that would demonstrate erratic and violent behavior. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe state was in full agreement with us withdrawing open adoption. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe thought we\u2019d go into court and they\u2019d sign the papers. What ended up happening was\u2014they gave her three more months, then three more months, then three more months. Every time we\u2019d go to court, we thought that that would be the day in which the rights would be terminated and we could start the adoption process. It never worked out that way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> All this time Alex is living with you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And she\u2019s just showing up, every three months, and saying, \u201cI\u2019m not ready to relinquish rights.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Right. So the judge would tell her: \u201cYou have to have sobriety. You have to have so many AA meetings or NA meetings\u2026\u201d\u2014 so many hoops to jump through. She might jump through one out of six\u2014it was enough to say: \u201cOkay. We\u2019ll push it back another three months,\u201d or \u201c\u2026 another six months.\u201d This went on for almost two years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, was Alex being visited by her\u2014her getting her parental rights to him, as a young\u2014young boy, at that point?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> The best my memory serves me\u2014she had two visits with him. One was actually an overnight, early on, in the foster care process. Once this happened, the state was not overly anxious to arrange visits. I don\u2019t believe there were any after this point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Was Alex aware that anything like this was even going on? Again, he\u2019s three\/four\/five years old. He may know you\u2019re going to court and hoping to come home with some happy news\u2014but he\u2019s kind of left out of the whole scenario; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Oh, yes. He is not there\u2014he, obviously, doesn\u2019t go to court with us\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> \u2014didn\u2019t really know what was going on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> What finally cleared the hurdle for you so the judge said, \u201cHe\u2019s yours\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Well, after her not showing up a number of times and not accomplishing any of the goals\u2014and so the termination finally happened\u2014but, then, the adoption still needed to happen. Once the termination happened, then the adoption process was relatively quick.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00 <\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> On November 7, 2000\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014Alex became yours.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You\u2019re filling out the paperwork. On the paperwork, it says: \u201cWhat\u2019s his middle name?\u201d You asked Alex what he wanted his middle name to be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes. By this time, Alex is five\u2014he\u2019s in kindergarten. My dad\u2019s name is Steven, my middle name is Steven, and Zachary\u2019s middle name is Steven. I asked Alex \/ I said, \u201cAlex, you get to pick your own middle name.\u201d I said, \u201cYou can either keep the middle name you have, or have your last name be your middle name, or you can have the name that Daddy and Zach have.\u201d He said, \u201cI want to be called Alexander Steven Borgman.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Anyone who\u2019s adopted has learned a facet of God\u2019s character that\u2014I\u2019m not saying is only reserved for those who adopt children\u2014but certainly, those who do, learn a bunch about it. What did you learn about it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Well, obviously, one of the things that stands out is\u2014our Heavenly Father, when He brings us into His family, starts out, as the Judge, and makes it legal and binding. In that sense, adoption is our Heavenly Father adopting us\u2014is a legal act. We become heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ\u2014but, then, He steps out from behind that bench, as it were, and the Judge is now our Father and embraces us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00 <\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe thing about God\u2019s adoption of us\u2014that has <em>continually<\/em> comforted me and goaded me\u2014is that God <em>never<\/em> has given up on me, as an adopted son. No matter how many times I\u2019ve failed, no matter how many times I have not walked in the way that I\u2019m supposed to walk\u2014my failures against God outnumber Alex\u2019s failures. I mean, there\u2019s not even any comparison! To know of God\u2019s faithful love to me, every single day, and <em>never<\/em> a time when He said, \u201cI\u2019m going to send you to military school if you don\u2019t shape up,\u201d\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> \u2014that encourages me and convicts me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Brian, earlier, you said you were opposed to even having Alex in your family in the foster care relationship. Ariel was calling you out to adopt him, and you resisted because of what it was going to cost you. I want you to answer two questions: \u201cWhat did it cost you?\u201d and \u201cWhat did it bring you?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> \u201cWhat did it cost me?\u201d\u2014surgery, by the Holy Spirit, over, and over, and over again\u2014exposure of idols in my own heart and the crucifixion of my pride over, and over, and over again. \u201cWhat did it cost me?\u201d It cost me giving up idols that I\u2019ve realized weren\u2019t worth holding onto anyway. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWhat did it bring me?\u201d It brought me a son whom I love. It brought me\u2014Alex\u2019s identity not only got changed, the Borgman family\u2019s identity got changed. The Borgman family would not be the Borgman family without Alex. He is as vital a part of our family as anybody else. In a sense, what he brought us was the completion of our family, as God intended it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You never stop and think: \u201cLet\u2019s go on a family vacation, but we don\u2019t take Alex,\u201d or \u201cLet\u2019s have everybody over for Christmas, but Alex doesn\u2019t come.\u201d\u00a0 That would be ridiculous to even imagine such a thing; wouldn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> That is correct. Although, I do need to say that, at 22 months old, we decided to go on a cross-country vacation\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> \u2014with Alex, right after we got him. Driving through Minnesota, Zach did ask if we could stop and sell Alex at a garage sale. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, we understand how those early days can be\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> But yes, it\u2019s absolutely true that he\u2019s just an integral part of the Borgman family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I love your answer there. I remember Dr. Russell Moore, who\u2019s an adoptive father, who wrote a book called <em>Adopted for Life<\/em>. I remember him saying there were some friends who had said to him about his children\u2014who are from, I think, Eastern Europe\u2014they said, \u201cAre you going to raise your kids with an awareness of their cultural heritage and identity?\u201d He said, \u201cI\u2019m going to take them to southern Mississippi, and I\u2019m going to teach them to eat some gumbo.\u201d He said, \u201cTheir identity\u2014they\u2019re Moores. From the foundation of the world, God designed that they would be a part of the Moore family.\u201d In a very real sense, it was destined that Alex would be a Borgman; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> That is correct.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Just a different path to get there than the other two kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Alright, I\u2019m going to ask you to do something in just a moment; but I want to read something from your book. At the end of your book, you\u2019ve got something that Alex said to you the other day. He\u2019s now 19 years old\u2014works in a tire shop \/ faithful employee. He said to you, \u201cDad, I\u2019m glad you adopted me; otherwise, I probably wouldn\u2019t have become a redneck, and I would probably be in jail.\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I have to tell you\u2014I hope our listeners get a copy of your book, Brian, and read because there\u2019s real heart in what you\u2019ve written. In fact, this is a great book for those who are in the middle of it and finding it hard to hope\u2014and could use a story about adoption that is real, and raw, and redemptive, and edifying. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me, just before Dennis gives you the assignment that he\u2019s got for you\u2014let me encourage listeners to go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the link in the upper left-hand corner of the screen that says, \u201cGO DEEPER.\u201d You can order Brian\u2019s book, <em>After They are Yours<\/em> from our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. Order, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAlright; back to the assignment, here\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Brian, I want to give you an opportunity here to tell Alex why you\u2019re glad you adopted him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell Alex, I hope that you\u2019ll be able to hear these broadcasts. I want you to know how much your mom and I absolutely love you. We have not always communicated that to you as effectively as we should have. We have failed, as parents, a lot; and you know that. But you also know that you have a mom and a dad who would do absolutely anything for you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so glad that you\u2019re a part of our family. We do believe, from the bottom of our hearts, that it is God Himself who has put you in this family. It is God\u2019s sovereign appointment that you are the third of the Borgeman children. We are so grateful that we have a son named Alex. We love you so much! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong><em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2014 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/303439","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=303439"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=303439"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=303439"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=303439"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=303439"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=303439"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=303439"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}