{"id":303331,"date":"2014-12-31T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2014-12-31T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/putting-an-end-to-youth-entitlement\/"},"modified":"2025-05-16T12:11:53","modified_gmt":"2025-05-16T16:11:53","slug":"putting-an-end-to-youth-entitlement","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/putting-an-end-to-youth-entitlement\/","title":{"rendered":"Putting an End to Youth Entitlement"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">When Kay Wills Wyma asked her son to clean his room and he replied that it was her job, she knew something had to change. Kay and her husband began a 12-month experiment with their five children.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>When Kay Wills Wyma asked her son to clean his room and he replied that it was her job, she knew something had to change.  Kay and her husband began a 12-month experiment with their five children.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"audio","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-12-31.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"23.15M","filesize_raw":"24271959","date_recorded":"2014-12-31 12:00:00","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2850],"tags":[5224,5576,5575,5577,5578],"podcast_series":[7896],"cwp_profile":[9785],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-303331","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-character-development","tag-chores","tag-creating-true-self-esteem","tag-curing-entitlement-in-children","tag-independence","tag-sense-of-accomplishment","podcast_series-cleaning-house","cwp_profile-kay-wyma","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/303331\/putting-an-end-to-youth-entitlement","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/303331\/putting-an-end-to-youth-entitlement","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"WutK9NtRPp\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/putting-an-end-to-youth-entitlement\/\">Putting an End to Youth Entitlement<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/putting-an-end-to-youth-entitlement\/embed\/#?secret=WutK9NtRPp\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Putting an End to Youth Entitlement&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"WutK9NtRPp\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"When Kay Wills Wyma asked her son to clean his room and he replied that it was her job, she knew something had to change. Kay and her husband began a 12-month experiment with their five children.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-12-31.pdf","transcript_content":"<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>When Kay Wyma began her 12-month experiment to rid her home of a sense of entitlement, there were a number of issues that she knew had to be addressed.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Right; and we threw in some stuff that was outside of the home, like service. We had a month of service, which was arguably the best month that we had. Every month, they had to serve somebody. We did big things, like at the food kitchen; and we did very small things, like picking up the kids\u2019 trash that was around you and not telling them. What happened? We had kids walking in, going, \u201cI never knew how good I could feel.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, December 31<sup>st<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll hear today about Kay Wyma\u2019s yearlong campaign to introduce her children to some basic life skills\u2014and the ways that meaningful work can increase your self-confidence and your concern for others. Stay tuned.<\/p>\n<p><strong>1:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>And welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. Honestly, I\u2019m a little concerned about the conflict that we may have stirred up in homes, all across the country, because of what we\u2019re talking about this week.<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You talking about the mutiny that is now occurring with children, who are pushing back against the chores, against the responsibilities, against the system of rewards that have been put in place by militant moms? [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>I hear the whine meter going off. The \u201cwambulance\u201d is being sent to a lot of homes as a result of what they\u2019ve been listening to this week.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>We can blame Kay Wyma, who joins us again on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Thank you for that.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You may need to go into hiding!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>I do have a few kids that\u2014seriously, the other day, we pulled up to 7-Eleven<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. This little kid peered around out his window and glared at me.<\/p>\n<p><strong>2:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>I was like, \u201cThat\u2019s little Charlie, and he\u2019s glaring at me!\u201d His mother leans over and said: \u201cOh, yes. He keeps saying to me, \u2018Is this Mrs. Wyma\u2019s fault?!\u2019\u201d\u2014that he has to do chores. [Laughter]\u00a0 I took care of that kid when he was three at church!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>And you\u2019re taking care of him now too!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>He won\u2019t speak to me anymore! [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, this is Mrs. Wyma\u2019s <em>Cleaning House<\/em> experiment. She\u2019s talking about <em>A Mom\u2019s Twelve-Month Experiment to Rid Her Home of Youth Entitlement<\/em>. You\u2019re talking about training the next generation of children to become responsible adults\u2014imagine that!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Yes, because they are <em>great kids<\/em> and because we love them.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Alright.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>We love them so much to make them work.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Here\u2019s what we want you to do.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Okay.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>We want you to sit down with a mom \/and for that matter a dad, who\u2019s kind of tired of enabling.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Let\u2019s make it a room full of moms and dads; okay?\u00a0 You\u2019ve got a whole group here because they\u2019re all tuned in.<\/p>\n<p><strong>3:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>They\u2019ve been hearing us this week talk about \u201cYou need to do this with your kids.\u201d They\u2019re going: \u201cI don\u2019t have the energy to do this with my kids. I can\u2019t even imagine what the family meeting would be like when we sit down after dinner tonight and say, \u2018Some things are going to change around here, kids.\u2019\u201d They need Coach Wyma to step in here and get them ready for how they engage in this process and how they stick with it.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Well, I\u2019m definitely walking the road with them. I\u2019m not\u2014we\u2019re not the perfection over in our house, by any stretch.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You have five children\u2014you\u2019re very much in process.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Absolutely! That\u2019s the beauty of it\u2014it is a <em>process<\/em>. The first thing is to just <em>start<\/em>. It doesn\u2019t matter what age they are. The truth is\u2014it\u2019s a lot easier when they are younger. When they\u2019re little kids, they still look at you and listen to everything you say. They think you\u2019re wonderful, and it\u2019s so fun to put the silverware away. But even if they are teens\u2014which arguably is the hardest place to start\u2014it, too, is a great spot because it grounds them.<\/p>\n<p><strong>4:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>It does get them out of that funky self-absorbed vortex that they live in, just to be able to be a part of the family. So, the first thing is to <em>start. <\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>But don\u2019t you have to be steeled up and ready, as a parent, because you\u2019re going to get some blow-back from your kids on this; right?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Yes, you do; but you know, we all got blow-back when they were toddlers\u2014and they wanted a green M&amp;M instead of a blue M&amp;M, and they\u2019re writhing on the floor. I mean, what did we do, then?\u2014go, \u201cFine,\u201d and pick out all the blue M&amp;M\u2019s out of the package and give them to them? [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Some parents did.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes, they did\u2014you bet they did.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Well, I would say, \u201cIgnore it.\u201d I do sit there, many times, going: \u201cTeflon\u2014I\u2019m Teflon\u2014it just slides right off.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u201cGird up yourselves\u2014moms and dads\u2014for battle.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>When the misery index in the house\u2014because it\u2019s going to\u2014you can expect some escalating misery in the first days that you try to implement this; right?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Yes, but the crazy thing is\u2014the good comes so quickly that those whines are as futile as they appear to be\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>5:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>\u2014they really don\u2019t even mean the whines either. So, yes, you definitely have to decide that you\u2019re doing it.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>If a child becomes hostile or\u2014and I don\u2019t mean hostile \/ but they\u2019re pushing back, they\u2019re whining, they\u2019re complaining\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, I\u2019ll give you an illustration.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>When we started doing this at our house\u2014and it wasn\u2019t near the system you\u2019ve got. You\u2019ve got a great system in your book here that, really, moms and dads ought to check out. But we decided that cleaning the kitchen was going to be a family affair. We were going to get everybody involved. We had to show the kids \u201cWhat is a clean kitchen, boys and girls?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Right, that\u2019s a good place to start.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u201cWhat constitutes a clean kitchen?\u201d\u2014because they would complain that they didn\u2019t <em>know<\/em> what a clean kitchen was\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Right.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014which is <em>baloney<\/em>. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Right.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It\u2019s a con job\u2014it\u2019s an effort to manipulate and get your way. So, as parents, you really do have to\u2014back to Bob\u2019s point, you have to get steely and firm and not bend because they are watching every twitch of your eye\/every wrinkle on your lips.<\/p>\n<p><strong>6:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>They are looking for any breakthrough they can get to go, \u201cOh, we\u2019ve got Mom now!\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Yes; and you know, if you give an inch, they take a mile. But I do\u2014I think, \u201ctoddler,\u201d a lot and go: \u201cThis is just like when they were little. I would ignore that\u2014so I\u2019m going to ignore this too.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>But, for us, we came up with 12 things that we wanted them to know before they left our house. I think that\u2019s a good thing to do. What is it that you might not be doing in your house that kids need to learn how to do? Laundry is probably on everybody\u2019s list. That is something that most kids don\u2019t have to do. It\u2019s easy\u2014there can be an element of fun to it, and it is <em>always <\/em>serving.<\/p>\n<p>Laundry was another one where we had to back up and start over because, when we started that month, I gave them the option to do it how they would like to. They each chose to do their own laundry until I noticed that one of them wasn\u2019t changing their clothes. [Laughter] So, we had to change that and make it where you did <em>everybody\u2019s<\/em> laundry, which actually worked <em>so<\/em> much better because then they really were serving each other. They had to go put it in each other\u2019s rooms. I didn\u2019t make them put it away\u2014they each have to put away their own clothes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>7:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>But still, there is that element of serving; and they learned. They also learned what happens when you wash colors with whites on hot\u2014something not great happens to your clothes. So, there was a failure experience; and they won\u2019t, hopefully, do that again. But we had to run the gamut\u2014learning how to do yard work, which I am terrible at. So, there was another principle: \u201cI don\u2019t have to be an expert at something to teach it.\u201d That was a big thing for me because I\u2019m\u2014it\u2019s a death sentence to any plant coming into our house. So, it was good for me to be able to teach them that, but there are some that are actually good at that\u2014so they enjoy working in the yard.<\/p>\n<p>We moved on down to everything I wanted them to learn, including how to host a party, because hospitality is a big part of my life. My mother had an open-door policy, as did her mother. People have always asked me: \u201cYou have the gift of hospitality. How did that happen?\u201d\u00a0 As I started doing this book, I realized that wasn\u2019t a gift at all.<\/p>\n<p><strong>8:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>That was something that she had trained us to be\u2014hospitable. It dawned on me, \u201cMy word, I need to train that too.\u201d So they each had to host a party.<\/p>\n<p>Well, at the end of their parties, which included the invitation, a budget, having to come up with something for the kids to do\u2014everything\u2014almost every child that left our house was begging their mother to be able to host a party because they had never done anything like that. It\u2019s contagious because\u2014and right there\u2014I was sitting there, going: \u201cThese kids crave it. They crave it.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><em>For years<\/em>, I have been telling my children: \u201cYou can do anything you put your mind to. I <em>believe<\/em> in you.\u201d I just had not realized that there was no meat on those bones because, every time I race in and do it for them, I\u2019m telling them, \u201cYou can\u2019t do it,\u201d or \u201cI can do it better,\u201d or \u201cI can do it faster,\u201d\u2014all kinds of negative, very loud implied messages were being sent\u2014that they\u2019d hear those.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You also use repairs as a way to get\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014the message across. Your 14-year-old son had an encounter\u2014wasn\u2019t it a shower head?<\/p>\n<p><strong>9:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Well, it was really\u2014there\u2014I do share the good, the bad, and the ugly in this book; and that one was not our proudest moment. That wasn\u2019t the kid\u2019s lack of a proud moment\u2014it was really his dad\u2019s and mine\u2014because it was an example of a dad that raced in and did it for the kid. He had a shower that had\u2014it\u2019s an old house\u2014and who knows how long that drain had not been cleaned. It started backing up to the point where it was literally going over the four-inch lip of the shower onto the floor. I was thrilled to have a handy-man opportunity, but the timing wasn\u2019t right for Jon. So, he very clearly communicated to me that he would be doing that.<\/p>\n<p>All the kids had gathered around\u2014they were all watching. They were so excited for one of them to get to snake the drain. I inadvertently opened my mouth to the oldest kid, standing there, to get in there and do it, which I shouldn\u2019t have done because my husband had clearly communicated that he was doing that job.<\/p>\n<p><strong>10:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>The kid looked at me and said, out loud: \u201cI can\u2019t do that. I\u2019m not old enough to do that. Maybe when I\u2019m 16 \/ maybe when I\u2019m 18\u2014maybe when I\u2019m a man.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>It cut me to the core, because I was sitting there, going, \u201cThat\u2019s exactly what they hear and what they see when we race in and do it for them.\u201d It solidifies everything they think about themselves, and I don\u2019t think that about that kid. I think he can do <em>anything<\/em> he puts his mind to, and it\u2019s been <em>amazing <\/em>to watch <em>that<\/em> occur as we have put things on his plate because that opened our eyes.<\/p>\n<p>That kid\u2014right now, when I go back and read the book\u2014it\u2019s not even the same child. In fact, one time, I had to read it just for editing purposes. I thought, \u201cOoooh, this isn\u2019t like him at all.\u201d Then, I thought: \u201cIt\u2019s not like him at all because he is a different kid. He\u2019s a kid that actually has owned his life,\u201d which is what we all hope for.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You\u2019re really talking about a different way of thinking as you go through the routines of life.<\/p>\n<p><strong>11:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Everything that occurs around the family\u2014the preparation of the meals, the cleaning up of the kitchen, doing the laundry, fixing things\u2014everything is looked at from, really, a child-development\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Absolutely.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014exercise; right?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Right; and we threw in some stuff that was outside of the home, like service. We had a month of service, which was arguably the best month that we had. Every month, they had to serve somebody. We did big things, like at the food kitchen; and we did very small things, like picking up the kids\u2019 trash that was around you and not telling them. What happened? We had kids walking in, going, \u201cI never knew how good I could feel.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Well, go figure\u2014it goes back to the core of what the Lord tells us\u2014just the very simple: \u201cWhat\u2019s the greatest commandment?\u2014to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind,\u201d and \u201cWhat\u2019s the other one?\u2014to love others as I have loved you,\u201d because that\u2019s what we were created for. Right, then and there, my kids taste that; and that tastes <em>great<\/em>! They want to go back to that.<\/p>\n<p><strong>12:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>I want to know what you do as\u2014again, you\u2019re starting to implement this in your house. You\u2019re taking a theme for the month and saying, \u201cThis month is going to be laundry,\u201d or \u201cThis month is going to be yard work,\u201d or whatever you\u2019re doing. What do you do with the child who says\u2014and this is kind of the passive-aggressive approach:<br \/>\n\u201cI\u2019ve got a paper due tomorrow. I can\u2019t. I\u2019d love to help, Mom, but I\u2019ve got homework that I\u2019ve got to do\u201d?\u2014they\u2019re just always trying to find this passive way to get out from under the pile<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>You know, that\u2019s an excuse that the parents use too: \u201cThere\u2019s no time,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s one of the biggest things: \u201cWe don\u2019t\u2014my kids don\u2019t have time to do this.\u201d Well, how long does it take to put the laundry in the washing machine? It doesn\u2019t take very long. This happened just the other day because finals were occurring. One of my girls\u2014I had to say: \u201cToo bad. Get in there and do it. Oh, by the way, you could have done it\u2014in the amount of time that it\u2019s taken for you to complain about it, you could have done it twice.\u201d There was that Teflon-mom, going, \u201cI just am not going to listen or bite on that.\u201d Here\u2019s the amazing thing that happened that night.<\/p>\n<p><strong>13:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Her sister was supposed to cook dinner, and I had planned the meal. So, she had to cook something she didn\u2019t want to cook. She complained, \u201cI don\u2019t want to cook this,\u201d but she did it anyway. She made it kind of like the way that she wants to, spicing it up a bit. She sat down to dinner and listened to her younger brother just <em>gush<\/em> over how <em>great<\/em> the meal was. She gets up to clean it and notices that the wash\u2014that there is laundry in the washing machine that needs be put in the dryer, but it wasn\u2019t her turn. She turns to me, and just looks at me, and goes in there and does it for her because she knew her sister was studying for finals.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s what happens\u2014it\u2019s beautiful! There\u2019s that teamwork, and there\u2019s that family belonging, and there was a kid that was selflessly serving, without saying, \u201cOh, I\u2019m doing it this time so I won\u2019t have to do it next time.\u201d They\u2019ve leaned into it because it tastes good, and it feels good, and it\u2019s the right thing because that\u2019s what they were created to do.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Would the kids today\u2014if we had them here, would they say, \u201cWe like this, and we\u2019re glad that things have changed\u201d?<\/p>\n<p><strong>14:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>I think they would be scared to actually say the words, \u201cWe like this.\u201d [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Afraid of what crazy mom would come up with next.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>I know. They are so\u2014it\u2019s the truth. They just cringe at what I might do next, but they do. Yes. People have asked them. Again, it\u2019s not perfect\u2014we\u2019re just trying. We\u2019re putting one foot in front of the other\u2014it\u2019s a <em>step<\/em> in the right direction. I think, sometimes, when we read, \u201cTrain up a child in the ways of the Lord so that he will not depart from it,\u201d we think of that just as Scripture. It\u2019s so much more than that\u2014it really is walking through the daily process.<\/p>\n<p>We can head on up to the New Testament and get to the armor of God. It\u2019s one of those things\u2014if my kid isn\u2019t accustomed to wearing that armor, he isn\u2019t going very far. So, I really want them to <em>feel<\/em> it\u2014I want them to know what it\u2019s like to <em>fail <\/em>because, if you\u2019re going to get to success, there are a lot of <em>failures<\/em> that pave that road.<\/p>\n<p><strong>15:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>I need for them to know what that is so that they get back up on their own\u2014and they don\u2019t look to me or to their dad to pick them back up\u2014because I want those legs to be running. I don\u2019t want them to be limping and having to take things off so they can move.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s to alleviate the burden and forget about any feelings of guilt: \u201cWho cares if you haven\u2019t done it, you know, whatever the right way is?\u201d Love our kids enough to do this for them because <em>they<\/em> are <em>amazing<\/em>. They have no idea how great they are. Kids thrive on high expectations, <em>not <\/em>on low expectations\u2014why not set it at home? Why not let them do these things at home?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Kay, what I hear you offering here is turning up the game on me, as a parent, expecting me to not be lazy but to keep both hands on the plow\u2014plowing straight ahead \/ doing the hard work of parenting and not let go.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019ll use an illustration here\u2014when our son was 15 or 16, everything he touched, in a period of time, broke.<\/p>\n<p><strong>16:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>In an attempt to do, I think, something along the lines of what you\u2019re talking about\u2014I did it half-way right. I let him put some additional memory in a computer that we had, to increase the size of the capacity and, hopefully, the speed. Well, he put the memory in there, plugged it in, and it didn\u2019t work. So, he worked on it some more. My problem was\u2014I didn\u2019t know what to do. Now, looking back on it, if I\u2019m really applying what you\u2019re talking about to that situation, what I should have done was say: \u201cCome on, son, you and I are going to go down to an electronics store. We\u2019re going to talk to a technician who is going to coach <em>you <\/em>to know how to do this.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Now, I don\u2019t even know if they had those stores available to be able to take a teenager in there and have that back then, but the point is I didn\u2019t do that\u2014I didn\u2019t do that.<\/p>\n<p><strong>17:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>I really missed an opportunity to turn a failure into a training opportunity and, ultimately, a success; but all that effort would have been hard work\u2014it would have taken extra hours\/extra patience. Many times, we, as parents\u2014we are selfish. Sometimes, we don\u2019t know what to do\u2014which was my problem\u2014but sometimes, we\u2019re just selfish; and we don\u2019t want to have to go the extra mile.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes, that\u2019s what I\u2019m thinking, as I\u2019m hearing this. I\u2019m thinking of a lot of parents, going: \u201cYou know, I\u2019m just exhausted as it is right now. I\u2019m going to take on this assignment? It\u2019s just\u2014come on! I just want to watch the game and be done.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>I remember, one time, sitting on the couch, thinking: \u201cWhat have I done?! Why have I done this to myself?\u201d Then I realized, \u201cI\u2019m sitting on the couch thinking, \u2018Why have I done this?\u2019 and my child is making dinner.\u201d\u00a0 [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You\u2019re actually having a chance to think!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>I really was. I was like: \u201cWow!\u00a0 I haven\u2019t sat on the couch in years.\u201d [Laughter] I <em>love<\/em> that story about the computer, and I\u2019m going to come along with one more behind that.<\/p>\n<p><strong>18:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>I have some friends that have really done a terrific job putting their kids to the task, in a good way, with them, walking the road. I tell this story in <em>Cleaning House<\/em>. There is a boy that is a junior in high school. His parents looked at him\u2014his dad, really, one day, and said: \u201cYou know what? We don\u2019t have a sprinkler system. We want one in the front yard. Go do it.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The kid looked at him and was like, \u201cHow in the world am I going to do that?\u201d He <em>knew<\/em> this kid could possibly do that because, a few years earlier, he had been working for a painter during the summer. He had moved their wall in their dining room and successfully had done it\u2014moved a wall, painted it, plastered it\u2014everything \/ whatever you do with dry-walling a wall.<\/p>\n<p>So, this dad <em>thought<\/em> his kid might be able to do the sprinkler system. Now, what happens if the kid messes up? Well, he might hit the water main so they\u2019d have to pay for that. But even if the kid completely messed up the whole thing, they would still be paying someone to do the sprinkler system. So, in his dad\u2019s mind, he was like, \u201cWhat have I got to lose?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>19:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>He told the kid, \u201cGo to Home Depot<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>\u2014talk to the guys \/ YouTube<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> it. Figure it out yourself, and you can do it.\u201d So, he started digging the trenches\u2014doing all the hard work. He had to go to a school meeting, before school had started, for student council. He came in, completely grungy and dirty, from digging out his yard. Nobody at the school would believe him that he was putting in a sprinkler system because \u201cWho does that?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Lo and behold, the faculty calls\u2014they say, \u201cYes, he did do that.\u201d The sprinkler system worked. The kid had achieved something that he <em>never <\/em>thought he could do. Fast- forward a couple of years, he\u2019s going to UT as a freshman. He decides he wants to try out for the football team. The school that he went to was a small school in Dallas\u2014they didn\u2019t really have a football team like Texas football is\u2014and he\u2019d only played two seasons.<\/p>\n<p>So, he\u2019s\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>He\u2019s trying out at the University of Texas?!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>University of Texas football team. His dad says, \u201cNo, you\u2019re not.\u201d He says, \u201cYes, I am.\u201d \u201cNo, you\u2019re not.\u201d \u201cYes, I am.\u201d The kid goes out and does it. He walks on as a wide receiver because that kid didn\u2019t ever see a mountain\u2014he just saw an opportunity.<\/p>\n<p><strong>20:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I love stories like that\u2014I really do because I think our young people today are not being challenged with a high enough standard, where they live at home. I\u2019m not just talking about at school or in the marketplace, but they need to be taught how to work. They need to be taught the character that it takes to persevere and finish something that\u2019s hard, like a sprinkler system\u2014I mean, what training that represents. I thought you were going to go on and say that the young man today was running a multi-million dollar lawn care\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Sprinkler business; yes! [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>You never know! This kid\u2014he doesn\u2019t see very many barriers\u2014and I love that about him.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes, that\u2019s what we\u2019re really training. We\u2019re training the next generation of business leaders, male and female; we\u2019re training the husbands\/the wives, the moms and dads, who are going to take our places and raise the next generation.<\/p>\n<p><strong>21:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>I appreciate you putting a little tension against the muscle here, Kay. You have\u2014I think you\u2019ve upset some homes. There may be some more boys sneering behind windows.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes, in fact, I\u2019m thinking\u2014anybody who wants to get a copy of your book, <em>Cleaning House<\/em>\u2014they can go to FamilyLifeToday.com and order it. We\u2019ll send along a picture of Kay that your boys can just glare at. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Thank you for that. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Go to FamilyLifeToday.com and find more information about how to get a copy of the book, <em>Cleaning House<\/em>. Again, the website: FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the button in the upper left-hand corner that says, \u201cGO DEEPER.\u201d That will take you right to the area of the site where you can order a copy of Kay\u2019s book. Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to order. That\u2019s 1-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d Get in touch with us and let us know you\u2019d like a copy of Kay Wyma\u2019s book.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m just curious\u2014are you usually awake at midnight or in bed by midnight tonight?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>No, I\u2019m in bed.<\/p>\n<p><strong>22:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Barbara and I have given up on that. We hear the fire crackers pop and see some of the\u2014you know, we\u2019ll wake up one of our eyes and look outside; but, no, no, no, no.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>You\u2019ve seen enough New Years come in\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I have; I have. But here\u2019s what I want our listeners to know\u2014to those of you, who have stood with us with a financial gift, I want to say a hearty \u201cThank you.\u201d I mean that\u2014I wish you could see my face\u2014I\u2019m grinning. I\u2019m thanking you for standing with us.<\/p>\n<p>To those of you who are still thinking about it\u2014you\u2019ve only got a few hours left because we haven\u2019t fulfilled the full amount of the match yet.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>You started frowning\u2014you went from grinning to frowning when you said \u201c\u2026those of you who haven\u2019t given...\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>No, I didn\u2019t, but I do know the seriousness of what we\u2019re talking about here. We need folks\u2019 help. I mean, <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a listener-supported broadcast. Where have you heard that before? I think you\u2019ve heard that from Bob Lepine on this broadcast, and very rarely from me.<\/p>\n<p><strong>23:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>But I\u2019m asking for your help because I believe, as never before, this is one of the most important ministries in our country. For me, it\u2019s <em>the<\/em> most important thing I can give my life to\u2014period. I think our marriages and families are hanging in the balance. Both Barbara and I are fighting on behalf of our children\u2019s marriages and, ultimately, our grandchildren\u2019s marriages.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>I know a lot of our listeners feel just like you do because we\u2019ve heard from them, throughout the year. Again, we appreciate those of you who stand with us regularly.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>We do.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>If you\u2019ve not made a yearend contribution, and you can do that, can I encourage you to go, right now, to FamilyLifeToday.com? Your gift is still tax-deductible if you make it online, right now. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click in the upper right-hand corner of the screen, where it says, \u201cI Care,\u201d and make a yearend contribution. Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY\u20141-800-358-6329\u2014and make your yearend donation over the phone.<\/p>\n<p><strong>24:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Again, we appreciate your financial support of this ministry. Pray for us\u2014that we can take full advantage of this matching-gift opportunity.<\/p>\n<p>We hope you can join us back tomorrow on New Year\u2019s Day as we hear from Michael and Hayley DeMarco. We\u2019re going to hear about the spiritual transformation that took place in Michael\u2019s life\u2014it actually happened in jail. He\u2019ll share the story with us tomorrow. Hope you can be here for that.<\/p>\n<p>I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.<\/p>\n<p>Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.<\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?<\/p>\n<p>Copyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2014 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a><\/p>\n<p>1<\/p>\n","theme_header_position":"Sticky","post_header_is_sticky":"default","is_header_overlay":"0"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/303331","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=303331"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=303331"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=303331"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=303331"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=303331"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=303331"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=303331"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}