{"id":303329,"date":"2014-12-30T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2014-12-30T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/cleaning-up-tackling-bedrooms-and-kp-duty\/"},"modified":"2025-05-16T12:10:56","modified_gmt":"2025-05-16T16:10:56","slug":"cleaning-up-tackling-bedrooms-and-kp-duty","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/cleaning-up-tackling-bedrooms-and-kp-duty\/","title":{"rendered":"Cleaning Up: Tackling Bedrooms and KP Duty"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Kay Wills Wyma decided to end the entitlement attitude she saw in her children by kicking off a one-year experiment in her home that would reward her kids for household chores.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Kay Wills Wyma decided to end the entitlement attitude she saw in her children by kicking off a one-year experiment in her home that would reward her kids for household chores.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"audio","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-12-30.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"23.25M","filesize_raw":"24379362","date_recorded":"2014-12-30 12:00:00","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2850],"tags":[5224,5576,5575,5577,5578],"podcast_series":[7896],"cwp_profile":[9785],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-303329","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-character-development","tag-chores","tag-creating-true-self-esteem","tag-curing-entitlement-in-children","tag-independence","tag-sense-of-accomplishment","podcast_series-cleaning-house","cwp_profile-kay-wyma","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/303329\/cleaning-up-tackling-bedrooms-and-kp-duty","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/303329\/cleaning-up-tackling-bedrooms-and-kp-duty","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"xowP9SGBSd\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/cleaning-up-tackling-bedrooms-and-kp-duty\/\">Cleaning Up: Tackling Bedrooms and KP Duty<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/cleaning-up-tackling-bedrooms-and-kp-duty\/embed\/#?secret=xowP9SGBSd\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Cleaning Up: Tackling Bedrooms and KP Duty&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"xowP9SGBSd\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Kay Wills Wyma decided to end the entitlement attitude she saw in her children by kicking off a one-year experiment in her home that would reward her kids for household chores.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-12-30.pdf","transcript_content":"<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>When Kay Wyma started to notice just how self-focused and self-absorbed her children were, she decided it was time to give them some work to do around the house.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>That\u2019s the beauty of these chores! It sounds so silly, but there is always somebody on the receiving end. So, if they are folding laundry and their sister\u2019s underwear happens to be in there, well, they get to fold their sister\u2019s underwear. That is just like the height of service, really. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, December 30<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll hear today about the revolution that took place in the Wyma household and about the benefits that have come as a result of it. Stay tuned.<\/p>\n<p><strong>1:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>And welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. Do you want to introduce our recovering enabler here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>?<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I\u2019d love to do that! She is the possessor of a book and a house\u2014both titled by the same name, <em>Cleaning House<\/em>. That\u2019s what she\u2019s done here. Kay Wyma joins us again on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Kay, welcome back.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Thank you.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>She is the mother of five. She is the wife of one, Jon. She is living in the Dallas\/Ft. Worth area, and she finally got sick and tired\u2014sick and tired of doing it all for her five children.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>In fact, there was a day when you walked up to your son\u2019s room, and it was messy. You told him to clean it up; right?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Right.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>How did he respond?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>By telling me that was my job. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>How did that go over, Mom?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>You know, that is one of those things that, even saying it right now, kind of gets my blood boiling. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>But you had trained him to think that way, though; hadn\u2019t you?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>I guess I had! That\u2019s the part that\u2019s hard for me, but I am very happy to admit it: \u201cI am an enabler.\u201d That is the first place to start\u2014is admit you have a problem. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>2:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes, no doubt about it.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, I know one of your kids was given an assignment at school. What he picked was quite extraordinary.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>The great thing is that he didn\u2019t pick anything, and that was the problem. [Laughter] He was given an assignment to provide some type of something that he would memorize for a declamation. They were given months to choose whatever it would be\u2014it could be a letter, it could be a historical document, it could be anything\u2014which he dragged his feet \/ he did not choose. He just kept waiting and waiting until, finally, his teacher chose for him.<\/p>\n<p>I could not help but laugh when he brought home Teddy Roosevelt\u2019s 1899 address to the Hamilton Club in Chicago. It was entitled <em>The Strenuous Life<\/em>, which I just had to say\u2014I started laughing, even at the thought of it\u2014that this is what he was going to recite. Let me read just a little bit to you because it\u2019s fascinating\u2014because these are the guys\u2014Teddy Roosevelt\u2014he\u2019s the core of this country. Mentalities and personalities, like Teddy Roosevelt, are who made this country what it is today\u2014or what it was before today. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>3:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I loved this story too\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>It\u2019s so good.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014because I\u2019m picturing the President of the United States\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>You bet!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014giving this sermon,\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Oh, yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014so to speak.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Yes, but the thing is that everyone bought into this. He wasn\u2019t trying to <em>teach<\/em> people something that was counter to what they believed. That\u2019s what was so amazing, and this is how far we\u2019ve come.<\/p>\n<p>Here is what T.R. had to say:<\/p>\n<p>In speaking to you, men of the greatest city of the West, men of the State which gave to the country Lincoln and Grant, men who preeminently and distinctly embody all that is most American in the American character, I wish to preach, not the doctrine of ignoble ease, but the doctrine of the strenuous life, the life of toil and effort, of labor and strife; to preach that highest form of success which comes, not to the man who desires mere easy peace, but to the man who does not shrink from danger, from hardship, or from bitter toil, and who out of these wins the splendid ultimate triumph.<\/p>\n<p><strong>4:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is what your son had to memorize?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Yes\u2014which is so funny\u2014even as he did it, I was like, \u201cPlease let it sink in.\u201d Then, I said to me, \u201cPlease let that sink in,\u201d because T.R. is right. T.R. was financially comfortable, so to speak. He grew up in the state of New York\u2014he was one of what would be considered the aristocracy of that state.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>He\u2019s a Roosevelt!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Yes. So, this guy, right here, <em>never<\/em> gave his kids an easy road. If they wanted to do something, he made them work so hard for it. Nobody got a free ride in his family. The reason why they didn\u2019t get a free ride\u2014wasn\u2019t just for the purpose of not doing that\u2014but because he <em>knew<\/em> that if he gave it to them, it would do <em>nothing<\/em> but diminish their character. He <em>loved<\/em> his kids enough to force this on them.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Kay, you don\u2019t know this about Barbara, my wife\u2014she embodies what T.R. just said.<\/p>\n<p><strong>5:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>One of her top five values\u2014that she brought to our marriage and our family\u2014was hard work. She believed in that strenuous labor that T.R. was talking about here.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Now wait, are you saying you were lazy? [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I\u2019m saying that I was the second-born.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I was on the spoiled side\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014in terms of being indulged a bit; okay?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I think, if given to me, I would have enabled our children a whole lot more than I ended up doing because Barbara\u2014she had them in the yard, working; she had them with chores; she had them knowing how to do the laundry; how to cook meals.<\/p>\n<p>I mean, one of the things they did, early on, was they knew we loved to have dates. So, we came back from work one weekend; and the kids served us a three- or four- course meal that was, again, very basic\u2014it was potatoes, and corn, and hamburger or maybe tube steak\/hot dogs. The point was\u2014they owned it, as you are talking about.<\/p>\n<p><strong>6:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>They caught that from their mother; and they knew how to exercise their responsibility, as young people, and how to achieve.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s what you\u2019re talking about in your book. You\u2019re really challenging parents to really challenge their children to become all that God made them to be.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>It\u2019s interesting\u2014as we\u2019re talking about this too\u2014I\u2019m thinking what used to happen because it was necessary for family survival\u2014kids got involved in the kind of labor around the house. You had to because everybody had to pitch in\u2014it\u2019s just how you survived. We\u2019re not at that state anymore. So, unless parents are purposeful, intentional, and deliberate about this, kids will never get that kind of training.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Because we are at that state\u2014that state doesn\u2019t change. I love what you said because kids are grounded when they belong somewhere. Teen suicide rates are so high right now.<\/p>\n<p><strong>7:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Kids get to colleges\u2014you know, the counseling staff has gone up three-fold on most universities because all these terrific trophy kids get there\u2014and they don\u2019t know who they are because everyone around them is the best, and they are the best. Everyone is a superlative, and they don\u2019t know who they are.<\/p>\n<p>So, it\u2019s the same state. These kids\u2014you want them to belong \/ you want them to be grounded. They need to know that they are <em>needed<\/em>. When you have a kid integrally involved in your family\u2019s life, it gives them a sense of \u201cI belong here.\u201d So, they aren\u2019t looking around for the Porsche to give them some type of standing\u2014they don\u2019t need it!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>When we had four teenagers at one time and we had, I think, six cars in our family, that had over 700,000 miles, there was a quote by Alvin Toffler\u2014I think the name of the book was <em>The Third Wave<\/em>\u2014who said this: \u201cThe problem with teenagers in modern society is we no longer need them anymore,\u201d\u2014to Bob\u2019s point about children being <em>needed<\/em> to keep the family afloat\u2014to survive the winter \/ to get enough vegetables out of the garden to be able to live throughout the year.<\/p>\n<p><strong>8:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>He said, \u201cWe have so much ease, so much affluence and prosperity, teenagers don\u2019t feel needed at home.\u201d So, guess what they do to find a place where they are needed? They go to the culture and to their peers. We wonder why we have the kind of peer pressure we have today. It\u2019s just kids trying to find an identity\u2014of a place, to your point, where they do belong.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Right. There come\u2014parents struggle so hard with screen time \/ limiting screen time. Why do they have so much to begin with? Because they don\u2019t have the things around the house that are a part of your house working properly that could very easily be on their plate. It\u2019s almost as if we need to foster the need. If it\u2019s not there anymore, because of affluence, well, let\u2019s make it be there because it\u2019s <em>worth it<\/em>\u2014what\u2019s on the other side is <em>worth it<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><strong>9:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Again, I can\u2019t help but go to the core of it\u2014<em>parents love their kids<\/em>\u2014we\u2019re doing it because we love them.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Right; right.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>We\u2019ve been told, \u201cYou need to make sure that their self esteem is intact,\u201d\u2014all these things. Well, if they get a \u201cC\u201d and the neighboring student gets an \u201cA\u201d\u2014well, that could hurt their self esteem. So, of course, \u201cI\u2019m going to go in and make sure it\u2019s alright before they turn it in,\u201d\u2014it doesn\u2019t get you anywhere \/ it doesn\u2019t get the <em>kid<\/em> anywhere when we do that.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>I\u2019m thinking about the word that I associate with the childhood years\u2014and the word is \u201ccarefree\u201d\u2014that childhood should be a time when life is carefree. Even as I say that and we\u2019re in this conversation, I\u2019m thinking, \u201cNo.\u201d Childhood should be a time when they learn to have some cares, and they are\u2014they have some responsibility that goes with it. You don\u2019t want them overburdened and overloaded with that; but if it\u2019s carefree \/ if it\u2019s all leisure\u2014if it\u2019s all playtime\u2014you\u2019re really setting yourself up for adolescence that\u2019s going to be very difficult and adulthood that will be late to materialize.<\/p>\n<p><strong>10:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>It goes back to this ideology that we want our kid\u2019s life to be better than ours, which probably started in the 1950s. It\u2019s an interesting concept because \u201cWhat are you defining as better than yours?\u201d That\u2019s where I think we might have gotten off a bit\u2014equating that to financial comfort, which is really not the case. At the end of the day, we know that you could have millions and millions of dollars in homes everywhere; and that\u2019s not going to provide you what you really need.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s the beauty of these chores! It sounds so silly, but there\u2019s always somebody on the receiving end. So, if they are folding laundry, and their sister\u2019s underwear happens to be in there\u2014well, they get to fold their sister\u2019s underwear. That is just like the height of service, really. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, let\u2019s talk about your system of rewards that tied some of these chores\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Okay.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014to really a kind of a bonus at the end of the week, where they could kind of celebrate what they\u2019d done.<\/p>\n<p><strong>11:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>First of all, explain how you worked the reward system. Then, let\u2019s talk about some of the domestic dirty jobs and some of the things you assigned them to do.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Well, what we did\u2014I kind of piggy-backed off a friend who was doing something that worked in her home. What she had done was put together a jar that she put money in, at the beginning of the month. She put in a certain number of dollar bills\u2014she did a dollar a day. I thought: \u201cWhy not? We\u2019ll try the same thing if it\u2019s working for her.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Whenever the kids don\u2019t do what they\u2019re supposed to do\u2014be it make their bed \/\u00a0 whatever the chores are of the day for that child\u2014they lose a dollar. So, that\u2019s what we did.<\/p>\n<p>Now, I didn\u2019t want to have someone\u2019s feelings get hurt because they might be losing something; and I made the mistake of offering them the choice: \u201cYou can either lose a dollar or you can have a dollar put in.\u201d Well, all but one chose \u201close a dollar.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>12:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>The one kid who chose to have the dollars put in each day was the only kid that really didn\u2019t step up to the plate and do his chores, which I thought was <em>so interesting<\/em> until a business friend of mine said that there is so much more incentive to not lose a dollar than there is to gain a dollar. That is a stock market theory, which I thought was so interesting because I watched it play out in my house.<\/p>\n<p>Needless to say, we had lots of moments\u2014where we started and stopped, and backed up, and started over\u2014in the money jar area, as well as in the kitchen. When I offered the opportunity that you could buy people\u2019s meals instead of cook them\u2014that was a complete disaster.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>I want to step back from these rewards for just a second. I\u2019m just imagining the turnaround that took place in your home when you said, \u201cKids, Mom has decided that we\u2019re going to have this new system here at the house.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Right.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is the start of your 12-month experiment; right?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Right; and I did seek advice\u2014that was very helpful\u2014I had some women around me. I highly recommend to anybody just to have people around you that are older and have walked the road.<\/p>\n<p><strong>1:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>I asked them, \u201cWhat would you do if you were going to start something new in your house?\u201d A sweet gal named Dottie said: \u201cIf you\u2019re going to start something new, they need to buy in. So, have a family meeting whenever you are doing something new and make sure there\u2019s something that they buy into.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>So, we came to them with our family meeting and said: \u201cThis is what\u2019s going to happen. How do you want it to work?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>How did that\u2014take me to that family meeting\u2014how did that go?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>There were a lot of moans and groans and, \u201cThis isn\u2019t fair,\u201d and, \u201cThis is horrible; nobody else has to do this,\u201d which proceeded throughout the whole year but got less and less as we went on. I got a lot of: \u201cHenry\u2019s mother cooks for him. Why are you not cooking for us?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes, but children need to be trained to know what to expect. If you\u2019ve enabled them, and you\u2019ve done it all for them, it\u2019s going to take awhile to kind of change the course of the river\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014because that\u2019s the way they\u2019ve been thinking.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Right. So, we started our limbo bar low\u2014as low as you could get. Our first month, really, was just making their beds and cleaning up the clutter, which let\u2019s just say\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>14:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Set the limbo bar high; right?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Oh, for us it was the low\u2014nobody\u2014we could barely\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>She\u2019s talking about setting a low standard.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>It was the lowest\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Oh.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It was a low standard.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>\u2014of the low.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Don\u2019t think dancing\u2014just think of a very short\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>You want that limbo bar to be low. We had it low because we couldn\u2019t get over anything else.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>You\u2019re talking about jumping over the limbo bar, not trying to climb under it. Okay; alright.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>It was at the very bottom\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Alright.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>\u2014which they did\u2014they even complained about the beds, and they complained about the clutter. One of them even said to me, \u201cBut Mom, my friends love my room messy.\u201d [Laughter] I was like, \u201cNobody likes this room messy.\u201d Until we were three weeks into it, and she actually stopped me and said, \u201cThis really does feel good.\u201d It was enjoyable to watch them use their rooms \/ their desks\u2014to actually do their homework on their desks or to play on their floors. They liked that feeling until the next month came.<\/p>\n<p>As you get into the groove and it\u2019s like, \u201cOkay, this isn\u2019t so bad,\u201d then, the next task came, which was the kitchen\u2014the cooking, and the cleaning, and that kind of thing.<\/p>\n<p><strong>15:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You called that the kitchen patrol?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>I did.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Explain what that\u2019s all about.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>KP in our house was cleaning everything up. There was a lot of cleaning in that too\u2014they had to clean up before the meal \/ and they had to clean up after the meal, and run the dishwasher, and unload the dishwasher\u2014but they also had to come up with their recipe for what they wanted to make. We had to go to the grocery store and get it. They had to come home and make it, set the table\u2014everything.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You allowed each child to fix one meal.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>That\u2019s what they chose to do. If it had been me, I would have said, \u201cHey, why not one kid take the dishes \/ one kid do the meal?\u201d\u2014you know, \u201cSpread it out so that you\u2019re not having to do everything one night.\u201d They chose\u2014this is how they bought into it. They wanted a night. In their mind: \u201cI have to do it one night a week. Then, I am off for the rest of the week.\u201d It worked\u2014that <em>worked<\/em> for them\u2014that\u2019s what they wanted to do.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>They had to prepare, cook, clean\u2014the whole deal\u2014one night.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>One night a week.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s one child doing the whole thing?<\/p>\n<p><strong>16:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Yes, let me tell you. We have a little kid\u2014the youngest one that participated in it\u2014he was seven when we started. We list him as eight throughout the book because we pop up\u2014I mean, it\u2019s a year experiment. That kid <em>totally<\/em> did it. Who knew that a kid that age could cook?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>And you ate what that kid cooked?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Yes, and his was actually pretty good. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I was going to say you had to have some mystery meals in there.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>We did. We have one child that\u2019s still cooking the same meal. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Tell them about the trip to Wendy\u2019s because I thought that was a classic.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>It was devastating\u2014it really was. This was the kid\u2014you know, I gave them the option: \u201cYou don\u2019t have to cook. If you\u2019d like to buy meals out\u2026\u201d because I was thinking: \u201cThis is brilliant\u2014they\u2019re going to get to experience what we experience in the car, trying to figure out where to go to eat,\u201d\u2014which is a nightmare that you would even complain about going out to eat.<\/p>\n<p>One of the kids said, \u201cWell, I\u2019m going to pay for the meal.\u201d We gave them a little stipend. Then, they had\u2014if it was over a certain amount, which I think we did $11, they had to pay from their own cash.<\/p>\n<p><strong>17:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>This kid goes to Wendy\u2019s because he knew everyone loved Wendy\u2019s. Well, apparently, that night, everyone did <em>not <\/em>like Wendy\u2019s. He gets home\u2014and the complaining started when he opened the door, which was <em>devastating<\/em> to him. Then, he opens up his hamburger, which is slogged with mayonnaise, mustard, onions, and tomatoes\u2014everything that he can\u2019t stand. I felt heartbroken for the poor guy\u2014it was sad.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>But you\u2019re kind of chuckling about it right now.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Well, I am because it was a great lesson; but here\u2019s another kind of beeping \/ backing up, again, for me. I thought that was a great idea on the cooking deal; but after three weeks of him buying everybody\u2019s meal, he was a shell of what the others were. The others, you could almost visibly see the difference in them because they were getting this feeling: \u201cWow! I can do so much more than I thought I could.\u201d That kid was <em>shrinking<\/em>. I had a moment of: \u201cI really messed up. He\u2019s now going to cook for everybody, too.\u201d We just kind of had to admit that we made a mistake and start over.<\/p>\n<p><strong>18:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>But it was proving your theorem that, if you take responsibility for the rest of the family\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>It was\u2014it is truth. It\u2019s just God\u2019s truth. His truth is pervasive in every part of life\u2014you can\u2019t negate it. We watched a lot of that play out\u2014even just work, in and of itself. Work was introduced in Genesis 2, way before it became toil\u2014it\u2019s a part of who we are. We were created to do it. A big part of that is because there are other people on the other side. We are created to serve others and to live in an others\u2019-centered type thinking. That\u2019s where it goes well for us, and that\u2019s a big part of what was behind all of these tasks\u2014that I did not know, walking into it.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Just listening to you, I can imagine there\u2019s a mom or a dad thinking, \u201cThis sounds anti-American. You know, we\u2019ve built these families today that provide all these good things for these kids. We have so much affluence today\u2014we can just slather it on these kids, and just lay it out on a silver platter for them, and just take care of them.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>19:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Wait\u2014that is not the American dream. [Laughter] That is so far from what our founding fathers came and\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I think it\u2019s a lot of the experience of a lot of families\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014and hearing you talk about this, they\u2019re thinking: \u201cYou know what? We\u2019ve made some serious mistakes by providing all this stuff and doing it all for them\u2014so that when they do look at the laundry, they say: \u2018Oh, that\u2019s Mom\u2019s job. That\u2019s not my job, as a child; and it\u2019s not going to be my duty, as a young man or a young woman, later on when I get married and have my own family.\u2019\u201d That\u2019s really what you\u2019re training these young people to be\u2014they\u2019re to be the husbands and the wives and the mothers and the fathers of the next generation.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>I think, sometimes, when we read, \u201cTrain up a child in the ways of the Lord so that he will not depart from it,\u201d we think of that just as Scripture\u2014you know, just memorizing Scripture. It\u2019s so much more than that\u2014it really is walking through the daily process. We can head on up to the New Testament and get to the armor of God.<\/p>\n<p><strong>20:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s one of those things\u2014if my kid isn\u2019t accustomed to wearing that armor, he isn\u2019t going very far. So, I really want them to <em>feel<\/em> it\u2014I want them to know what it\u2019s like to <em>fail<\/em> because, if you\u2019re going to get to success, there are a lot of <em>failures<\/em> that pave that road.<\/p>\n<p>I need for them to know what that is so that they get back up on their own\u2014and they don\u2019t look to me or to their dad to pick them back up\u2014because I want those legs to be running. I don\u2019t want them to be limping and having to take things off so they can move.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You know what you call a muscle that doesn\u2019t have any weight against it?\u2014it atrophies\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Atrophy.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014it shrinks. It loses its ability and what it was created for. Just listening to you, and what you\u2019ve talked about and exhorted moms to do in their family \/ and dads too, you\u2019re really encouraging parents to put the weight\u2014and I like the idea of the armor\u2014you\u2019re putting the armor on these children, as they\u2019re younger, so they learn how to bear that weight and develop muscles that carry that armor and the responsibilities on into adulthood.<\/p>\n<p><strong>21:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>I can imagine that there are folks, listening, who are thinking, \u201cOkay, there are some things we need to do around our house; but honestly, I need some help knowing how to execute this plan.\u201d That\u2019s what the book, <em>Cleaning House<\/em>, is designed to do\u2014it gives folks a template\/a guide book for how you can engineer this kind of revolution in your home.<\/p>\n<p>We have the book in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can order a copy from us if you\u2019d like. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link in the upper left-hand corner of the screen that says, \u201cGO DEEPER.\u201d You\u2019ll find, right there, a link to Kay\u2019s book\u2014you can order it from us, online. Again, the website: FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. You can order a copy of the book over the phone: 1-800-358-6329, that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>22:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Now, I know many of our listeners are probably taking a little extra time off here, between Christmas and New Year. That\u2019s the case for some of our staff; but of course, we have staff coming in every day, as well, because we need folks to answer the phones, and to open the mail, and to check and see how we\u2019re doing as we are trying to take full advantage of this matching-gift opportunity\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It\u2019s game time. It\u2019s time to step up and make a donation because that\u2019s what keeps <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> on the air.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>This sets the course for all of 2015\u2014what happens in the next couple of days.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And you know, Bob, we\u2019ve had to cut radio stations in the past when people haven\u2019t given. I don\u2019t want to do that today because, given the condition of marriages and families in our country and the direction our country is headed, we need a biblical, practical, authentic approach to marriage and family to help people win in their own marriages and their own families, and to raise a generation of kids who know the Bible and who know the Savior of the Bible.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>We are still trying to take full advantage of the matching gift that was made available to us.<\/p>\n<p><strong>23:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Every time somebody makes a donation, it\u2019s going to be matched, dollar for dollar, up to a total of $3.5 million. We need to hear from folks today and tomorrow if we\u2019re going to meet that match.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It\u2019s time to make the phone ring \/ to make the buttons on the internet\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Click.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014click.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Make them click.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Make them click, and make them generous too. I\u2019m not asking you to do something that Barbara and I don\u2019t do \/ Bob and Mary Ann don\u2019t do\u2014we\u2019re donors to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014we\u2019re committed. We\u2019re doing our part\u2014we need you to do your part. Will you do it?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Here\u2019s how you do it: Go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link in the upper right-hand corner that says, \u201cI Care.\u201d You can make an online donation, or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY and make your donation over the phone. Of course, you can still mail a donation to us. As long as it\u2019s post-marked with today or tomorrow\u2019s post-mark on it, then it\u2019s still eligible for a 2014 tax deduction. Our mailing address is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR.<\/p>\n<p><strong>24:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Our zip code is 72223. Again, our phone number is 1-800-FL-TODAY; and you can make your donation, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com.<\/p>\n<p>Now, tomorrow, we are going to continue our conversation about teaching our kids how to be responsible with some basic skills around the home. We\u2019ll talk about how that can actually help increase their self-confidence. Kay Wyma will be back tomorrow. Hope you can be here as well.<\/p>\n<p>I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.<\/p>\n<p>Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?<\/p>\n<p>Copyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2014 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a><\/p>\n<p>1<\/p>\n","theme_header_position":"Sticky","post_header_is_sticky":"default","is_header_overlay":"0"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/303329","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=303329"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=303329"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=303329"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=303329"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=303329"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=303329"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=303329"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}