{"id":303313,"date":"2014-12-18T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2014-12-18T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/contented-singleness\/"},"modified":"2014-12-18T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2014-12-18T17:00:00","slug":"contented-singleness","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/contented-singleness\/","title":{"rendered":"Contented Singleness"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Are you intoxicated with romance? Clarence Shuler admits that he was too, at one time. But as relationship after relationship took a nosedive, Clarence wondered if he&#8217;d ever get married.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-12-18.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"22.67M","filesize_raw":"23771952","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2817],"tags":[5562,5560,4578,2644,5561],"podcast_series":[8054],"cwp_profile":[9363],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-303313","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-choosing-a-spouse","tag-dear-clarence-letter","tag-not-self-worship","tag-self-worth","tag-singleness","tag-struggle-with-contentment","podcast_series-single-and-free-to-be-me","cwp_profile-clarence-shuler","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/303313\/contented-singleness","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/303313\/contented-singleness","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"lvLgFXbdIp\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/contented-singleness\/\">Contented Singleness<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/contented-singleness\/embed\/#?secret=lvLgFXbdIp\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Contented Singleness&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"lvLgFXbdIp\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-12-18.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-12-18.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0In our culture today, and more particularly in our church cultures where marriages and families tend to be the norm, singles can sometimes feel out of place, or worse, they can feel like maybe there\u2019s something wrong with them. Here\u2019s author and conference speaker Clarence Shuler.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>\u00a0One of the big points I try to get across to singles is that: \u201cYou have value \/ you have worth. You need to focus on self-worth\u2014not self-worship\u2014but you have worth. Too many singles have a poor self-image: \u201c\u2026don\u2019t think I\u2019m any good.\u201d So, they try to get someone\u2014it\u2019s kind of a negative perspective. The relationship becomes dysfunctional because, unintentionally, they put that other person\u2014significant other\u2014on a performance track to make them happy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, December 18<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. We\u2019re going to spend some time today exploring why God calls singleness a gift. Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I think there may be some folks who wonder why a program like <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> would spend time talking to singles. Shouldn\u2019t they have to join the club before they can tune in and listen to what we\u2019re talking about?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0Well, you know as well as I do, Bob, that we have a ton of singles who tune in to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> in anticipation of someday maybe applying what they\u2019re hearing here. They know that what we\u2019re talking about here is biblical blueprints, which perhaps they didn\u2019t see growing up. Maybe they did, and they just need to be reminded or be better equipped in the biblical blueprints for knowing how to establish a relationship with the opposite sex\u2014or maybe having a relationship someday with your children and knowing how to biblically be the father\/the mother of children, helping them grow up and equip them in these matters as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0The Bible gives us everything we need for life and godliness. That\u2019s why we try to point people every day to what the Scriptures have to say about relationships in the family, relationships with extended family members, even relationships outside the family because our relationships are really a measure of what our relationship with Jesus looks like.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0And when you talk about relationships, quickly you can talk about the theme of contentment. Whether you\u2019re single or married, the subject of contentment is an issue. I think it may be\u2014well, I don\u2019t know about that\u2014I was getting ready to say that it may be that singles struggle with contentment more than married people, but then I thought of the flies on the screen door at our house. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0I was going to say\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0The ones on the outside want to get in; the ones on the inside\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0\u2014want to get out. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0Yes. We have a friend with us, again, on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014Dr. Clarence Shuler, who joins us. Clarence and his wife Brenda live in Colorado Springs. They have three adult daughters. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBrenda and Clarence speak at our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>marriage getaways and have done that for more than 14 years. Welcome back to the broadcast\u2014glad you\u2019re here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>\u00a0Glad to be with you, Dennis. Glad to be with you, too, Bob.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0Clarence is an author, a relationship counselor, motivational speaker, life coach, and is President and CEO of BLR. That stands for Building Lasting Relationships. He\u2019s written a book for single folks called <em>Single and Free to Be Me.<\/em> Did you struggle with contentment?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>\u00a0Yes, I did. A month before I met Brenda, I just broke up with a great girl. My grandmother\u2014adopted grandmother\u2014took me to Philippians, and she took me to the verses about contentment. She said, \u201cThere are times when God is not going to change things.\u201d Paul is in prison\u2014went through the first chapter. She said, \u201cGod will not change things if He can change you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0Let me read those verses here real quickly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul says: \u201cYou were indeed concerned for me, but you had no opportunity. Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>\u00a0Right. That passage\u2014she really helped me to see that. I don\u2019t think I necessarily had the gift of celibacy; but I had to come to grips and say, \u201cGod, if I never get married, I want to trust you anyway.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0You had been single how long at that point?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>\u00a0I was 29.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0That\u2019s a long time to live as a single man.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>\u00a0Well, back in that day, all my friends were getting married when they were 22\/23.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0Was that intentional on your part? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0I guess we got the answer to that!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>\u00a0No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0When you went to college, did you think, \u201cI\u2019ll meet somebody at college and we\u2019ll get married\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>\u00a0Yes. Well, I didn\u2019t think much about marriage when I went to college because I didn\u2019t date much in high school. I just enjoyed the whole \u201cdating process,\u201d and playing ball, and just\u2014that was a lot of fun for me\u2014but I was <em>learning<\/em> about women as I dated, which was really cool\u2014it was really great.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0Right. Got out of college\u2014you went to seminary. Somewhere, along the line, were you thinking, \u201cWhen am I going to meet the right woman?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>\u00a0Well, I actually thought I had met somebody I wanted to be with in between college and seminary. I was working in the DC area\u2014working for a guy who was a sort of glorified gopher. He had a lot of political connections\u2014so we met some really <em>amazing<\/em> people. I actually started dating this model who was drop-dead gorgeous. I thought, \u201cHey, she\u2019s going to be it<em>.<\/em>\u201d I was spending a lot of time trying to convince her what a great guy I was. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember taking her home to my mom and my sister. My dad had since gone to be with the Lord. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey just kind of vetoed, and I trusted them. That was a real big deal. I remember talking to, not Gary Chapman, but Carolyn Chapman. Whenever I had female problems, I would call Carolyn. She said in her beautiful southern accent\u2014she said, \u201cHoney, it shouldn\u2019t be that hard.\u201d It really resonated with me to a great extent\u2014so, eventually, I broke up with this girl. I think I was in love with being in love, and that was really hard. I thought she might be it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0I\u2019m glad you used the phrase you just used because, I\u2019ve looked back on my single years, and I really think I had the same issue you had. I think, as a single, I wasn\u2019t so much looking for \u201cWho is the woman God wants me to marry?\u201d I was in love with being in love. It\u2019s a great feeling to be in love; isn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>\u00a0It\u2019s great; yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0To have some woman, who thinks you\u2019re special and treats you like special\u2014I really was not that concerned about who that woman was, [Laughter] as long as I had the feeling.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>\u00a0Well, I didn\u2019t have the maturity to think about God\u2019s person. I\u2019m just thinking, \u201cAs long as she\u2019s a Christian \/ I\u2019m a Christian\u2026\u201d\u2014that\u2019s kind of what I was thinking.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0But you were pursuing\u2014you were pursuing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>\u00a0I think so. Yes, I was\u2014I was definitely pursuing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0I think there are a lot of singles, though, Dennis, who are in that situation\u2014who aren\u2019t really asking the question, \u201cWho\u2019s the right person to marry?\u201d They just are intoxicated with the idea of romance, and love, and being treated as special.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0And hoping that marriage is the answer to their loneliness.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>\u00a0You <em>assume<\/em> it\u2019s the answer because the single-thing is not the answer for you\u2014so marriage, you think, is utopia\u2014it\u2019s going to solve all of my problems.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0One of the biggest mistakes I\u2019ve ever made in all the books I\u2019ve written was a title I gave one of my books. The reason is\u2014I noticed, after I wrote it, people would come up to it in a bookstore, and they would look at it, and they would recoil like it was a rattlesnake. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe reason was\u2014the title of the book was way too honest\u2014but it\u2019s what\u2019s true of a lot of marriages today. The book was called <em>Lonely Husbands, Lonely Wives.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>\u00a0I remember seeing that book, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0Yes. There are those who think marriage is the answer to their loneliness; but if you marry the wrong person, to your point, Bob, the person who is not God\u2019s choice for you\u2014who is His complement of gifts and abilities to your life\u2014then you can end up maybe being in love with being in love\u2014but be terribly lonely in the midst of it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>\u00a0I counsel couples who are married\u2014have plenty of money, whatever\u2014but they are very lonely \/ they don\u2019t get along. Marriage, to them, did not become what they thought it was going to become. So, I try and tell singles that: \u201cIf marriage was utopia, I don\u2019t think we\u2019d have as many divorces as we\u2019re having now.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0Again, I look back on my single years and my approach to relationships was very self-focused and self-centered. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI wasn\u2019t thinking about \u201cWho is somebody that I can share life with, and we can work together to serve the Lord?\u201d I was just thinking about all of the good feelings that you have when you\u2019re with somebody and they like you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>What I\u2019ve learned\u2014I\u2019m learning is that a biblical marriage is counter-culture because our culture tells you about getting; and if you get, you can\u2019t always keep. But really, biblically, it\u2019s really about serving\u2014as you do that, typically, we get more than we give. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0One of the things I want you to talk about\u2014because you write about this\u2014single people today are relating to each other\u2014and you don\u2019t realize this as much as you do after you get married\u2014but everybody has a context. Everybody has a family of origin that they came from, and everybody is carrying bags. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou had the unique situation of growing up in a home where your father was a bit distant. Then, in the midst of you <em>finally<\/em> being on the cusp of a relationship with your dad, something traumatic happened.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>\u00a0My dad was shot and killed when I was 20. He had become a Christian when I was 18\u2014so we had about a year-and-a-half together. The last time I was with him, we prayed together\u2014it was really cool. He had an eighth-grade education. My grandfather made him stop going to school and made him work on the farm. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe wrote me a letter once when I was at Moody. He said: \u201cI saw a young man today. He was a preacher\u2014reminded me of you.\u201d He said, \u201cKeep the faith.\u201d I read that letter over and over again until it literally fell apart in my hands. I was looking forward to my dad\u2014even though I was 20, I wasn\u2019t a man\u2014teaching me what it is to be a man. Now, he did a great job of demonstrating that, showing affection to my mom and loving her. She would always say, \u201cYour dad is a good man,\u201d so I <em>knew<\/em> I had a good dad. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPeople talked about it, but we were just starting to talk about stuff because we never really talked.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0Comment on how this impacted you, as a young man in your 20s, because you were single in your 20s. You undoubtedly, because you were missing that relationship, you had to suffer a sense of loss, in a way, trying to find yourself in your 20s at the same time developing relationships with the opposite sex.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>I didn\u2019t know what to do. Gary Chapman was always there to write me letters, but we didn\u2019t talk on a regular basis. I didn\u2019t talk to my dad on a regular basis either. I was trying to help my mother recover\u2014my sister was a daddy\u2019s girl, so I\u2019m trying to deal with that\u2014and then, I\u2019m in a unique situation at Moody because there are very few African-Americans there. I\u2019m the first guy who played basketball. I\u2019m doing all this stuff. I\u2019m popular, but I\u2019m empty at the same time. I\u2019m dating\u2014kind of like a medication. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m with people, at that point, so I wouldn\u2019t be by myself because I was almost afraid to get to know me\u2014whatever that was\u2014kind of what I was doing at Moody.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0There are a lot of guys in their 20s who are suffering a crisis of confidence because they didn\u2019t have that model \/ that relationship with their dad. What I want to make sure they heard you say, because this is really a key component for their lives, too\u2014you attached yourself to some mentors\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>\u00a0Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0\u2014who had regular access to speak into your life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>\u00a0One of the guys I played ball with overseas\u2014his dad, in \u201994, helped me with some other issues I had and became my mentor\u2014and still is\u2014he\u2019s 87 now. Gary\u2019s always there. There was another guy, from years ago\u2014Dr. T.B. Maston. He was 88 when I was at Southwestern Baptist. He wrote a lot about diversity\u2014so we kind of connected. I would walk around the campus, with an arm, and he would kind of speak life to me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI find older men who seem to have good marriages\u2014their kids are walking with God. One thing about Bob Cook, in Colorado Springs\u2014not only were his kids walking with God\u2014but his grandkids were. I said, \u201cThis guy\u2019s doing something right,\u201d so I kind of attached myself to him. We would meet for a long time every Monday. He would just share life. He would share the Word with me, but he would also get on my case if I was not treating Brenda correctly. He would bust my chops, and he would cry with me over areas that needed work in my life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0The reason I wanted you to share some of those stories is because we have the oldest age for men getting married today that we have ever had in the history of our nation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0It\u2019s like 28 or 29?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0Twenty-eight-and-a-half. I think what you\u2019re describing is one of the key components to what\u2019s contributing to men delaying that commitment\u2014taking responsibility for another person. It\u2019s a crisis of confidence\u2014it may have been the family of origin \/ it may have been things that occurred in their lives\u2014but what I want a young man to hear me say is you don\u2019t have to stay there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>\u00a0Right; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0You can get out, and you can be a man who does assume responsibility and step up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>\u00a0Around you are probably some good men, whether it\u2019s your natural dad or not\u2014that you can say: \u201cHey, I need help. Can I spend time with you?\u201d I hear guys do it all the time. When an older man tells me he loves me or puts his hands on me like John Perkins, or some of those other guys like that, or Bob Cook\u2014I can\u2019t explain what that means\u2014especially, my dad being gone. That\u2019s just a huge affirmation of my manhood and that \u201cYou can do it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0Pastor Matt Chandler, who in the <em>Stepping Up<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>video series talks about older guys coming around younger guys and teaching them how to grill a steak, and how to make an adjustment on the car, and how to do some of these things that dads used to pass down to their sons. Somehow, it\u2019s gotten lost in the translation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe same thing is true for young women\u2014they need older women. If you\u2019re in your single years\u2014as a late teen, in your 20s, in your 30s\u2014you need older men and older women in your life, helping you understand how to do life. Whether you\u2019re ever going to get married or not, you need that community pouring into you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>\u00a0One of the reasons young boys get so angry is they don\u2019t have that\u2014because they don\u2019t have someone to give them a skill\u2014and then their peers can be brutal. When they have that\u2014if they can be good at one thing, that gives them confidence, that you were talking about, at other things. That\u2019s really important.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0Clarence, I\u2019m going to do something that I\u2019ve done a number of times on the broadcast, but I generally wait until the very end. What I\u2019m going to do is\u2014I\u2019m going to give you a little warning of what I\u2019m going to ask you to do at the end of this broadcast. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf I could give you two to three minutes with your dad, right now, to honor him and to give him a verbal tribute for what he taught you, because he was snatched out of your life in an instant with no goodbyes. I know a little bit about that\u2014my dad wasn\u2019t murdered, but he died of a heart attack\u2014and there were no goodbyes. But here, on the broadcast, I want to ask you to honor him for what he did do right in your life. Will you do that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>\u00a0Yes, I will. Thank you for the opportunity.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0Let me ask you a question while you\u2019re thinking about that\u2014while you\u2019re getting ready to share what you\u2019d share with your dad. Was there a point in your mid- to late-20s when you thought, \u201cI may be single for the rest of my life\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>\u00a0Yes. When I was 29 and broke up with this last girl that I thought there was great potential\u2014we\u2019d been friends, we\u2019d played tennis together\u2014we seemed to click. When we broke up, I thought\u2014that\u2019s when I was with my grandmother. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI came home for Christmas break and we prayed. Part of the thing was she didn\u2019t say it; but I said it myself: \u201cI\u2019m probably going to be single the rest of my life.\u201d And that\u2019s when I said, \u201cGod, that\u2019s not my preference, but I\u2019m going to have to be okay with that.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0Do you think singles have to get to a point where they learn how to be content with that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>\u00a0One of my friends, Herb Brisbane, made this statement once\u2014he said, \u201cIf you\u2019re not content being single, you won\u2019t be content being married.\u201d I tried to add to it and said: \u201cIf you\u2019re not content being single, you won\u2019t be content in a friendship, a dating relationship, or being married because we\u2019re created in God\u2019s image. You know, in Genesis 1:27\u2014we\u2019re made in His image\u2014so we have value.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, the biggest thing\u2014one of the big points I try to get across to singles is that: \u201cYou have value \/ you have worth. You need to focus on self-worth\u2014not self-worship\u2014but you have worth.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tToo many singles have a poor self-image: \u201c\u2026don\u2019t think I\u2019m any good.\u201d So, they try to get someone\u2014it\u2019s kind of a negative perspective. The relationship becomes dysfunctional because, unintentionally, they put that other person\u2014significant other\u2014on a performance track to make them happy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0I think many of us look at our circumstances and our contentment is connected to our circumstances. We say: \u201cIf circumstances are good, contentment is there. If circumstances are bad, I\u2019m not content.\u201d What Paul is trying to teach us in \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPhilippians 4\u2014in the passage that you talked about\u2014is we have to disconnect contentment from circumstances and really find contentment in our relationship with Christ, regardless of our circumstances.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>\u00a0There\u2019s a phrase that I like to use\u2014that: \u201cWe need to learn to experience life\u2019s best when life is not at its best.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0Explain what you mean.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>\u00a0Well, just what you said, that life is not always going to be perfect roses. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe need to learn how to\u2014not just survive\u2014but, if God is in the middle of that and we trust Him for His sovereignty, then we have to trust Him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0I want Bob to tell our listeners how to get a copy of your book.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0You\u2019ve had enough time now to work on this\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0Yes, but I want to come back in a minute. I don\u2019t have the ability\u2014I wish I did\u2014but I wish I had the ability to seat your dad across the table from you and give you a moment to give him a tribute of what he meant to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0We do, of course, have copies of Clarence\u2019s book, <em>Single and Free to Be Me <\/em>in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. I\u2019d encourage listeners to go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link at the top of the page that says, \u201cGO DEEPER.\u201d You\u2019ll find the information you need about how you can order a copy of the book from us, online. Again, the website: FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call to order at 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOf course, as we mentioned, Clarence and his wife Brenda speak at our FamilyLife <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>marriage getaways. I was thinking about some of our listeners who know young couples who are dating \/ thinking about marriage. Sending a young couple to attend a <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>marriage getaway\u2014that could be a great Christmas gift to give to a son, or a daughter, or someone you know who is contemplating marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have a couple of breakout sessions at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> where we talk about how you can know if it\u2019s indeed God\u2019s will for you to go ahead and get married. I was talking to our team about this recently. I said, \u201cYou know, some of our listeners may be thinking about a <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>gift card as a Christmas gift, not just for a young couple they know, but they may want to give it to one another as a Christmas gift this year.\u201d I asked them: \u201cIs there anything special that we could do?\u2014because Christmas is a week away now. Is there anything special we could do so they could get this as a last-minute Christmas gift or a stocking stuffer of some kind?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey\u2019ve come up with a special deal that\u2019s good today and tomorrow only. You can go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link at the top of the page that says, \u201cGO DEEPER.\u201d You\u2019ll find information about a special offer for a <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>gift card that you can give as a Christmas gift. Today and tomorrow, it\u2019s available at a special price. Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the link that says, \u201cGO DEEPER.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis, you and I are going to be speaking at <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> getaways on Valentine\u2019s weekend. You\u2019re going to be in Hershey, Pennsylvania. I\u2019m going to be at the Broadmoor Hotel in Colorado Springs; but of course, we have <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>getaways happening all throughout the spring in more than 60 different locations. Find out more when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the link that says, \u201cGO DEEPER.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne more thing before we hear your tribute to your dad, Clarence. We want to remind our listeners that, with a couple of weeks to go, here before the end of the year, we are asking you to consider making a yearend contribution to support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em> When you make a donation right now, your donation is going to be matched, dollar for dollar, up to a total of $2,000,000, thanks to the generosity of some friends who have made a matching-gift fund available to us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, would you consider making a yearend contribution, here at the end of 2014, and help us face the new year with a firm financial footing underneath us? Again, your donation will be matched, dollar for dollar, so be as generous as you can possibly be. You can donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link in the upper right-hand corner that says, \u201cI Care\u201d; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Make your donation over the phone; and, of course, you can mail a donation to us. Our mailing address is PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0Clarence, it\u2019s been a privilege to have you on the broadcast\u2014Clarence Shuler, the author of <em>Single and Free to Be Me. <\/em>I can tell by the look on your face I gave you an assignment that has touched your heart\u2014to give your dad a tribute. He was taken from you as a young man at the age of 20, just as you were starting to develop a real relationship with him. Address your dad and give him that tribute.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>[Emotion in voice]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDad, I want to thank you so much for loving Mom, and Jane, and me. I want to thank you for working so hard\u2014working two, three, sometimes, four jobs\u2014to make sure that we had enough to eat. I didn\u2019t always really appreciate that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThank you for being so patient with me when I was so lazy. All I wanted was to play basketball and not do the things you asked me to do. I want to thank you, Dad, for spanking me the three times you did, even though I thought you was going to kill me every time you spanked me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I know it saved my life because you knew I\u2019d try anything once\u2014so I\u2019m grateful for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I thank you for how you treated Mom because it taught me about affection and love to see you two hug, and kiss, and laugh\u2014just being the man you are\u2014a man of character \/ a man of integrity. Thank you for dealing with the race issue the way you did. You never griped about it\u2014you never took it home. I didn\u2019t get that quality from you\u2014I gripe about it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd thanks, most of all, for accepting Christ, and the relationship we had for a year-and-a-half. I look forward to seeing you again someday soon.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2014 FamilyLife. 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you intoxicated with romance? Clarence Shuler admits that he was too, at one time. But as relationship after relationship took a nosedive, Clarence wondered if he'd ever get married.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-12-18.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0In our culture today, and more particularly in our church cultures where marriages and families tend to be the norm, singles can sometimes feel out of place, or worse, they can feel like maybe there\u2019s something wrong with them. Here\u2019s author and conference speaker Clarence Shuler.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>\u00a0One of the big points I try to get across to singles is that: \u201cYou have value \/ you have worth. You need to focus on self-worth\u2014not self-worship\u2014but you have worth. Too many singles have a poor self-image: \u201c\u2026don\u2019t think I\u2019m any good.\u201d So, they try to get someone\u2014it\u2019s kind of a negative perspective. The relationship becomes dysfunctional because, unintentionally, they put that other person\u2014significant other\u2014on a performance track to make them happy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, December 18<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. We\u2019re going to spend some time today exploring why God calls singleness a gift. Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I think there may be some folks who wonder why a program like <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> would spend time talking to singles. Shouldn\u2019t they have to join the club before they can tune in and listen to what we\u2019re talking about?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0Well, you know as well as I do, Bob, that we have a ton of singles who tune in to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> in anticipation of someday maybe applying what they\u2019re hearing here. They know that what we\u2019re talking about here is biblical blueprints, which perhaps they didn\u2019t see growing up. Maybe they did, and they just need to be reminded or be better equipped in the biblical blueprints for knowing how to establish a relationship with the opposite sex\u2014or maybe having a relationship someday with your children and knowing how to biblically be the father\/the mother of children, helping them grow up and equip them in these matters as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0The Bible gives us everything we need for life and godliness. That\u2019s why we try to point people every day to what the Scriptures have to say about relationships in the family, relationships with extended family members, even relationships outside the family because our relationships are really a measure of what our relationship with Jesus looks like.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0And when you talk about relationships, quickly you can talk about the theme of contentment. Whether you\u2019re single or married, the subject of contentment is an issue. I think it may be\u2014well, I don\u2019t know about that\u2014I was getting ready to say that it may be that singles struggle with contentment more than married people, but then I thought of the flies on the screen door at our house. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0I was going to say\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0The ones on the outside want to get in; the ones on the inside\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0\u2014want to get out. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0Yes. We have a friend with us, again, on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014Dr. Clarence Shuler, who joins us. Clarence and his wife Brenda live in Colorado Springs. They have three adult daughters. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBrenda and Clarence speak at our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>marriage getaways and have done that for more than 14 years. Welcome back to the broadcast\u2014glad you\u2019re here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>\u00a0Glad to be with you, Dennis. Glad to be with you, too, Bob.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0Clarence is an author, a relationship counselor, motivational speaker, life coach, and is President and CEO of BLR. That stands for Building Lasting Relationships. He\u2019s written a book for single folks called <em>Single and Free to Be Me.<\/em> Did you struggle with contentment?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>\u00a0Yes, I did. A month before I met Brenda, I just broke up with a great girl. My grandmother\u2014adopted grandmother\u2014took me to Philippians, and she took me to the verses about contentment. She said, \u201cThere are times when God is not going to change things.\u201d Paul is in prison\u2014went through the first chapter. She said, \u201cGod will not change things if He can change you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0Let me read those verses here real quickly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul says: \u201cYou were indeed concerned for me, but you had no opportunity. Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>\u00a0Right. That passage\u2014she really helped me to see that. I don\u2019t think I necessarily had the gift of celibacy; but I had to come to grips and say, \u201cGod, if I never get married, I want to trust you anyway.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0You had been single how long at that point?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>\u00a0I was 29.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0That\u2019s a long time to live as a single man.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>\u00a0Well, back in that day, all my friends were getting married when they were 22\/23.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0Was that intentional on your part? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0I guess we got the answer to that!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>\u00a0No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0When you went to college, did you think, \u201cI\u2019ll meet somebody at college and we\u2019ll get married\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>\u00a0Yes. Well, I didn\u2019t think much about marriage when I went to college because I didn\u2019t date much in high school. I just enjoyed the whole \u201cdating process,\u201d and playing ball, and just\u2014that was a lot of fun for me\u2014but I was <em>learning<\/em> about women as I dated, which was really cool\u2014it was really great.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0Right. Got out of college\u2014you went to seminary. Somewhere, along the line, were you thinking, \u201cWhen am I going to meet the right woman?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>\u00a0Well, I actually thought I had met somebody I wanted to be with in between college and seminary. I was working in the DC area\u2014working for a guy who was a sort of glorified gopher. He had a lot of political connections\u2014so we met some really <em>amazing<\/em> people. I actually started dating this model who was drop-dead gorgeous. I thought, \u201cHey, she\u2019s going to be it<em>.<\/em>\u201d I was spending a lot of time trying to convince her what a great guy I was. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember taking her home to my mom and my sister. My dad had since gone to be with the Lord. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey just kind of vetoed, and I trusted them. That was a real big deal. I remember talking to, not Gary Chapman, but Carolyn Chapman. Whenever I had female problems, I would call Carolyn. She said in her beautiful southern accent\u2014she said, \u201cHoney, it shouldn\u2019t be that hard.\u201d It really resonated with me to a great extent\u2014so, eventually, I broke up with this girl. I think I was in love with being in love, and that was really hard. I thought she might be it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0I\u2019m glad you used the phrase you just used because, I\u2019ve looked back on my single years, and I really think I had the same issue you had. I think, as a single, I wasn\u2019t so much looking for \u201cWho is the woman God wants me to marry?\u201d I was in love with being in love. It\u2019s a great feeling to be in love; isn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>\u00a0It\u2019s great; yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0To have some woman, who thinks you\u2019re special and treats you like special\u2014I really was not that concerned about who that woman was, [Laughter] as long as I had the feeling.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>\u00a0Well, I didn\u2019t have the maturity to think about God\u2019s person. I\u2019m just thinking, \u201cAs long as she\u2019s a Christian \/ I\u2019m a Christian\u2026\u201d\u2014that\u2019s kind of what I was thinking.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0But you were pursuing\u2014you were pursuing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>\u00a0I think so. Yes, I was\u2014I was definitely pursuing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0I think there are a lot of singles, though, Dennis, who are in that situation\u2014who aren\u2019t really asking the question, \u201cWho\u2019s the right person to marry?\u201d They just are intoxicated with the idea of romance, and love, and being treated as special.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0And hoping that marriage is the answer to their loneliness.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>\u00a0You <em>assume<\/em> it\u2019s the answer because the single-thing is not the answer for you\u2014so marriage, you think, is utopia\u2014it\u2019s going to solve all of my problems.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0One of the biggest mistakes I\u2019ve ever made in all the books I\u2019ve written was a title I gave one of my books. The reason is\u2014I noticed, after I wrote it, people would come up to it in a bookstore, and they would look at it, and they would recoil like it was a rattlesnake. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe reason was\u2014the title of the book was way too honest\u2014but it\u2019s what\u2019s true of a lot of marriages today. The book was called <em>Lonely Husbands, Lonely Wives.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>\u00a0I remember seeing that book, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0Yes. There are those who think marriage is the answer to their loneliness; but if you marry the wrong person, to your point, Bob, the person who is not God\u2019s choice for you\u2014who is His complement of gifts and abilities to your life\u2014then you can end up maybe being in love with being in love\u2014but be terribly lonely in the midst of it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>\u00a0I counsel couples who are married\u2014have plenty of money, whatever\u2014but they are very lonely \/ they don\u2019t get along. Marriage, to them, did not become what they thought it was going to become. So, I try and tell singles that: \u201cIf marriage was utopia, I don\u2019t think we\u2019d have as many divorces as we\u2019re having now.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0Again, I look back on my single years and my approach to relationships was very self-focused and self-centered. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI wasn\u2019t thinking about \u201cWho is somebody that I can share life with, and we can work together to serve the Lord?\u201d I was just thinking about all of the good feelings that you have when you\u2019re with somebody and they like you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>What I\u2019ve learned\u2014I\u2019m learning is that a biblical marriage is counter-culture because our culture tells you about getting; and if you get, you can\u2019t always keep. But really, biblically, it\u2019s really about serving\u2014as you do that, typically, we get more than we give. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0One of the things I want you to talk about\u2014because you write about this\u2014single people today are relating to each other\u2014and you don\u2019t realize this as much as you do after you get married\u2014but everybody has a context. Everybody has a family of origin that they came from, and everybody is carrying bags. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou had the unique situation of growing up in a home where your father was a bit distant. Then, in the midst of you <em>finally<\/em> being on the cusp of a relationship with your dad, something traumatic happened.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>\u00a0My dad was shot and killed when I was 20. He had become a Christian when I was 18\u2014so we had about a year-and-a-half together. The last time I was with him, we prayed together\u2014it was really cool. He had an eighth-grade education. My grandfather made him stop going to school and made him work on the farm. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe wrote me a letter once when I was at Moody. He said: \u201cI saw a young man today. He was a preacher\u2014reminded me of you.\u201d He said, \u201cKeep the faith.\u201d I read that letter over and over again until it literally fell apart in my hands. I was looking forward to my dad\u2014even though I was 20, I wasn\u2019t a man\u2014teaching me what it is to be a man. Now, he did a great job of demonstrating that, showing affection to my mom and loving her. She would always say, \u201cYour dad is a good man,\u201d so I <em>knew<\/em> I had a good dad. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPeople talked about it, but we were just starting to talk about stuff because we never really talked.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0Comment on how this impacted you, as a young man in your 20s, because you were single in your 20s. You undoubtedly, because you were missing that relationship, you had to suffer a sense of loss, in a way, trying to find yourself in your 20s at the same time developing relationships with the opposite sex.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>I didn\u2019t know what to do. Gary Chapman was always there to write me letters, but we didn\u2019t talk on a regular basis. I didn\u2019t talk to my dad on a regular basis either. I was trying to help my mother recover\u2014my sister was a daddy\u2019s girl, so I\u2019m trying to deal with that\u2014and then, I\u2019m in a unique situation at Moody because there are very few African-Americans there. I\u2019m the first guy who played basketball. I\u2019m doing all this stuff. I\u2019m popular, but I\u2019m empty at the same time. I\u2019m dating\u2014kind of like a medication. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m with people, at that point, so I wouldn\u2019t be by myself because I was almost afraid to get to know me\u2014whatever that was\u2014kind of what I was doing at Moody.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0There are a lot of guys in their 20s who are suffering a crisis of confidence because they didn\u2019t have that model \/ that relationship with their dad. What I want to make sure they heard you say, because this is really a key component for their lives, too\u2014you attached yourself to some mentors\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>\u00a0Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0\u2014who had regular access to speak into your life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>\u00a0One of the guys I played ball with overseas\u2014his dad, in \u201994, helped me with some other issues I had and became my mentor\u2014and still is\u2014he\u2019s 87 now. Gary\u2019s always there. There was another guy, from years ago\u2014Dr. T.B. Maston. He was 88 when I was at Southwestern Baptist. He wrote a lot about diversity\u2014so we kind of connected. I would walk around the campus, with an arm, and he would kind of speak life to me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI find older men who seem to have good marriages\u2014their kids are walking with God. One thing about Bob Cook, in Colorado Springs\u2014not only were his kids walking with God\u2014but his grandkids were. I said, \u201cThis guy\u2019s doing something right,\u201d so I kind of attached myself to him. We would meet for a long time every Monday. He would just share life. He would share the Word with me, but he would also get on my case if I was not treating Brenda correctly. He would bust my chops, and he would cry with me over areas that needed work in my life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0The reason I wanted you to share some of those stories is because we have the oldest age for men getting married today that we have ever had in the history of our nation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0It\u2019s like 28 or 29?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0Twenty-eight-and-a-half. I think what you\u2019re describing is one of the key components to what\u2019s contributing to men delaying that commitment\u2014taking responsibility for another person. It\u2019s a crisis of confidence\u2014it may have been the family of origin \/ it may have been things that occurred in their lives\u2014but what I want a young man to hear me say is you don\u2019t have to stay there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>\u00a0Right; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0You can get out, and you can be a man who does assume responsibility and step up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>\u00a0Around you are probably some good men, whether it\u2019s your natural dad or not\u2014that you can say: \u201cHey, I need help. Can I spend time with you?\u201d I hear guys do it all the time. When an older man tells me he loves me or puts his hands on me like John Perkins, or some of those other guys like that, or Bob Cook\u2014I can\u2019t explain what that means\u2014especially, my dad being gone. That\u2019s just a huge affirmation of my manhood and that \u201cYou can do it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0Pastor Matt Chandler, who in the <em>Stepping Up<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>video series talks about older guys coming around younger guys and teaching them how to grill a steak, and how to make an adjustment on the car, and how to do some of these things that dads used to pass down to their sons. Somehow, it\u2019s gotten lost in the translation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe same thing is true for young women\u2014they need older women. If you\u2019re in your single years\u2014as a late teen, in your 20s, in your 30s\u2014you need older men and older women in your life, helping you understand how to do life. Whether you\u2019re ever going to get married or not, you need that community pouring into you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>\u00a0One of the reasons young boys get so angry is they don\u2019t have that\u2014because they don\u2019t have someone to give them a skill\u2014and then their peers can be brutal. When they have that\u2014if they can be good at one thing, that gives them confidence, that you were talking about, at other things. That\u2019s really important.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0Clarence, I\u2019m going to do something that I\u2019ve done a number of times on the broadcast, but I generally wait until the very end. What I\u2019m going to do is\u2014I\u2019m going to give you a little warning of what I\u2019m going to ask you to do at the end of this broadcast. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf I could give you two to three minutes with your dad, right now, to honor him and to give him a verbal tribute for what he taught you, because he was snatched out of your life in an instant with no goodbyes. I know a little bit about that\u2014my dad wasn\u2019t murdered, but he died of a heart attack\u2014and there were no goodbyes. But here, on the broadcast, I want to ask you to honor him for what he did do right in your life. Will you do that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>\u00a0Yes, I will. Thank you for the opportunity.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0Let me ask you a question while you\u2019re thinking about that\u2014while you\u2019re getting ready to share what you\u2019d share with your dad. Was there a point in your mid- to late-20s when you thought, \u201cI may be single for the rest of my life\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>\u00a0Yes. When I was 29 and broke up with this last girl that I thought there was great potential\u2014we\u2019d been friends, we\u2019d played tennis together\u2014we seemed to click. When we broke up, I thought\u2014that\u2019s when I was with my grandmother. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI came home for Christmas break and we prayed. Part of the thing was she didn\u2019t say it; but I said it myself: \u201cI\u2019m probably going to be single the rest of my life.\u201d And that\u2019s when I said, \u201cGod, that\u2019s not my preference, but I\u2019m going to have to be okay with that.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0Do you think singles have to get to a point where they learn how to be content with that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>\u00a0One of my friends, Herb Brisbane, made this statement once\u2014he said, \u201cIf you\u2019re not content being single, you won\u2019t be content being married.\u201d I tried to add to it and said: \u201cIf you\u2019re not content being single, you won\u2019t be content in a friendship, a dating relationship, or being married because we\u2019re created in God\u2019s image. You know, in Genesis 1:27\u2014we\u2019re made in His image\u2014so we have value.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, the biggest thing\u2014one of the big points I try to get across to singles is that: \u201cYou have value \/ you have worth. You need to focus on self-worth\u2014not self-worship\u2014but you have worth.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tToo many singles have a poor self-image: \u201c\u2026don\u2019t think I\u2019m any good.\u201d So, they try to get someone\u2014it\u2019s kind of a negative perspective. The relationship becomes dysfunctional because, unintentionally, they put that other person\u2014significant other\u2014on a performance track to make them happy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0I think many of us look at our circumstances and our contentment is connected to our circumstances. We say: \u201cIf circumstances are good, contentment is there. If circumstances are bad, I\u2019m not content.\u201d What Paul is trying to teach us in \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPhilippians 4\u2014in the passage that you talked about\u2014is we have to disconnect contentment from circumstances and really find contentment in our relationship with Christ, regardless of our circumstances.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>\u00a0There\u2019s a phrase that I like to use\u2014that: \u201cWe need to learn to experience life\u2019s best when life is not at its best.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0Explain what you mean.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>\u00a0Well, just what you said, that life is not always going to be perfect roses. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe need to learn how to\u2014not just survive\u2014but, if God is in the middle of that and we trust Him for His sovereignty, then we have to trust Him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0I want Bob to tell our listeners how to get a copy of your book.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0You\u2019ve had enough time now to work on this\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0Yes, but I want to come back in a minute. I don\u2019t have the ability\u2014I wish I did\u2014but I wish I had the ability to seat your dad across the table from you and give you a moment to give him a tribute of what he meant to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0We do, of course, have copies of Clarence\u2019s book, <em>Single and Free to Be Me <\/em>in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. I\u2019d encourage listeners to go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link at the top of the page that says, \u201cGO DEEPER.\u201d You\u2019ll find the information you need about how you can order a copy of the book from us, online. Again, the website: FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call to order at 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOf course, as we mentioned, Clarence and his wife Brenda speak at our FamilyLife <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>marriage getaways. I was thinking about some of our listeners who know young couples who are dating \/ thinking about marriage. Sending a young couple to attend a <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>marriage getaway\u2014that could be a great Christmas gift to give to a son, or a daughter, or someone you know who is contemplating marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have a couple of breakout sessions at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> where we talk about how you can know if it\u2019s indeed God\u2019s will for you to go ahead and get married. I was talking to our team about this recently. I said, \u201cYou know, some of our listeners may be thinking about a <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>gift card as a Christmas gift, not just for a young couple they know, but they may want to give it to one another as a Christmas gift this year.\u201d I asked them: \u201cIs there anything special that we could do?\u2014because Christmas is a week away now. Is there anything special we could do so they could get this as a last-minute Christmas gift or a stocking stuffer of some kind?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey\u2019ve come up with a special deal that\u2019s good today and tomorrow only. You can go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link at the top of the page that says, \u201cGO DEEPER.\u201d You\u2019ll find information about a special offer for a <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>gift card that you can give as a Christmas gift. Today and tomorrow, it\u2019s available at a special price. Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the link that says, \u201cGO DEEPER.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis, you and I are going to be speaking at <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> getaways on Valentine\u2019s weekend. You\u2019re going to be in Hershey, Pennsylvania. I\u2019m going to be at the Broadmoor Hotel in Colorado Springs; but of course, we have <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>getaways happening all throughout the spring in more than 60 different locations. Find out more when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the link that says, \u201cGO DEEPER.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne more thing before we hear your tribute to your dad, Clarence. We want to remind our listeners that, with a couple of weeks to go, here before the end of the year, we are asking you to consider making a yearend contribution to support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em> When you make a donation right now, your donation is going to be matched, dollar for dollar, up to a total of $2,000,000, thanks to the generosity of some friends who have made a matching-gift fund available to us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, would you consider making a yearend contribution, here at the end of 2014, and help us face the new year with a firm financial footing underneath us? Again, your donation will be matched, dollar for dollar, so be as generous as you can possibly be. You can donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link in the upper right-hand corner that says, \u201cI Care\u201d; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Make your donation over the phone; and, of course, you can mail a donation to us. Our mailing address is PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0Clarence, it\u2019s been a privilege to have you on the broadcast\u2014Clarence Shuler, the author of <em>Single and Free to Be Me. <\/em>I can tell by the look on your face I gave you an assignment that has touched your heart\u2014to give your dad a tribute. He was taken from you as a young man at the age of 20, just as you were starting to develop a real relationship with him. Address your dad and give him that tribute.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>[Emotion in voice]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDad, I want to thank you so much for loving Mom, and Jane, and me. I want to thank you for working so hard\u2014working two, three, sometimes, four jobs\u2014to make sure that we had enough to eat. I didn\u2019t always really appreciate that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThank you for being so patient with me when I was so lazy. All I wanted was to play basketball and not do the things you asked me to do. I want to thank you, Dad, for spanking me the three times you did, even though I thought you was going to kill me every time you spanked me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I know it saved my life because you knew I\u2019d try anything once\u2014so I\u2019m grateful for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I thank you for how you treated Mom because it taught me about affection and love to see you two hug, and kiss, and laugh\u2014just being the man you are\u2014a man of character \/ a man of integrity. Thank you for dealing with the race issue the way you did. You never griped about it\u2014you never took it home. I didn\u2019t get that quality from you\u2014I gripe about it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd thanks, most of all, for accepting Christ, and the relationship we had for a year-and-a-half. I look forward to seeing you again someday soon.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2014 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/303313","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=303313"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=303313"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=303313"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=303313"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=303313"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=303313"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=303313"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}