{"id":303253,"date":"2014-10-30T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2014-10-30T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/know-what-youre-getting\/"},"modified":"2014-10-30T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2014-10-30T15:00:00","slug":"know-what-youre-getting","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/know-what-youre-getting\/","title":{"rendered":"Know What You&#8217;re Getting"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Pastor Dan Chun encourages singles to closely observe the person they&#8217;re dating and invites them to ask some key questions. Once infatuated,  it&#8217;s hard to judge a person&#8217;s character accurately.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-10-30.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"25.95M","filesize_raw":"27212335","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2817],"tags":[5491,5492,5489,4018,5490,5485,5487,5488,2926,5486],"podcast_series":[8043],"cwp_profile":[9364],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-303253","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-choosing-a-spouse","tag-am-i-ready-to-get-married","tag-before-you-get-engaged","tag-boyfriend","tag-dating","tag-girlfriend","tag-infatuation","tag-objective","tag-objectively","tag-singles","tag-weird-stage","podcast_series-how-to-pick-a-spouse","cwp_profile-dan-chun","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/303253\/know-what-youre-getting","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/303253\/know-what-youre-getting","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"b1p7etKoPD\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/know-what-youre-getting\/\">Know What You&#8217;re Getting<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/know-what-youre-getting\/embed\/#?secret=b1p7etKoPD\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Know What You&#8217;re Getting&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"b1p7etKoPD\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-10-30.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-10-30.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0You would agree that early in a dating relationship it\u2019s easy for somebody to have blind spots about another person\u2019s faults; right? Pastor Dan Chun says he\u2019s seen this over and over again.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0Here\u2019s how it normally works. When somebody falls in love, they get into what I call \u201cThe Weird Zone.\u201d They\u2019re so infatuated they think the person they\u2019re marrying is Jesus, and there are no faults. What happens is\u2014they go up to their friends \/ their community and they say: \u201cHey, what do you think of Ryan? Isn\u2019t he great? He\u2019s so spiritual. He\u2019s a praying man. He\u2019s cute. Don\u2019t you like him?\u201d At that point, the friends don\u2019t know what to say. They\u2019re painted into a corner.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, October 30<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. We\u2019re going to talk today about the good, the bad, and the sometimes ugly when it comes to deciding if another person is the right person for you. Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. So, did you have criteria that you had established before you selected Barbara to be your spouse?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0I had several pages of expectations and checklists.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0Did you really?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0Not really, no. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0My criteria was:\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0Mentally, I did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0\u2014\u201cShe has to like me, and I have to like her.\u201d That\u2019s about all the criteria\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0And you were how old when you got married?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0I was 23 years old when I got married. How old were you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0I was almost 25.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0But you had a mental checklist\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0I did; I did. I had been around some really quality women who had settled the issue of who their master was and what their mission was going to be. So, I knew that both of those had to be in place before\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0I forgot that. That was on my list too: \u201cShe has to be a Christian and love Jesus,\u201d\u2014I remember that. [Laughter]\u00a0 Okay. Thanks for reminding me. It <em>wasn\u2019t <\/em>just \u201cShe has to like me, and I have to like her.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes, there you go. We have a guest today with us, Dan Chun, who is all the way from Hawaii. I have to tell you, we don\u2019t get many\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0We don\u2019t.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0We don\u2019t get many authors and guests who fly all the way from Hawaii to Arkansas to be on <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>I have to say <em>kudos<\/em> to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0Say <em>mahalo<\/em>\u2014is what you have to say.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0Yes. There you go.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0Yes\u2014<em>mahalo<\/em> for having me here. Thank you for having me here. What was I thinking?\u2014I would have brought the chocolate macadamia nuts with me today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0You know, that was really poor form that you didn\u2019t bring those\u2014not that I need them right now.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0It was double poor form because I mentioned it and I didn\u2019t bring any. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0That is. We\u2019re here to really have you pronounce the fish of Hawaii\u2014that name\u2014because I\u2019ve seen it printed out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0He rolled his eyes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0Bob has tried, but I don\u2019t trust his pronunciation of the fish. [Laughter] So what is the state fish?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0The state fish is the little fish with the big name: <em>Humuhumunukunuku apua`a<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0Pretty good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0And our most famous speaker is Israel Kamakawiwo'ole.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis: \u00a0There you go.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDan: \u00a0He does Somewhere over the Rainbow and It\u2019s a Wonderful World.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob: \u00a0[Singing] Somewhere over the rainbow\u2014with a ukulele.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0Dan has been a pastor for more than 35 years\u2014today is the senior of First Presbyterian Church of Honolulu. He has written a book called <em>How to Pick a Spouse.<\/em> I have to tell you, I really like your book. There are a couple reasons why. It really is kindred spirit with what we believe, here at FamilyLife. You may not know this, Dan, but we actually started as a marriage preparation ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0Really?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0Our ministry was started to create a conference for single people who either were contemplating getting married or who were already engaged and who were on the staff of Cru\u2014formerly Campus Crusade for Christ. Our assignment was to equip singles for marriage before tying the knot. We still do that. I was trying to put a pencil to it, Bob, on the number of engaged or single people that have been through our conferences. It is in the tens of thousands\u2014I don\u2019t know if it\u2019s 100,000 or not.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0Part of what we\u2019re trying to do at the conference is break some of those couples up; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0In the early years, Dan, we broke up a lot of couples. I mean, they would come to the conference and they didn\u2019t know how to pick a spouse. Explain to our listeners how you got into this category because it goes all the way back to your ministry at Menlo Park in the Bay Area of California.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0Way back in 1985 to \u201991, I was the singles pastor for Menlo Park. If you don\u2019t know where that little town is\u2014of 25,000 people\u2014it\u2019s right next to Stanford University. I was surprised they asked me to start a singles department of all ages\u2014never married, widowed, divorced. The shocking thing was\u2014after three years, there were about 3,000 people coming.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI wanted to make sure that they would\u2014if they got married \/ if God called them to that\u2014that they wouldn\u2019t get a divorce because many, many years ago, before I became a pastor, I went through a divorce. I knew how painful that was. And now, some 20-plus years later, I decided to find out: \u201cAre they still married?\u201d Out of 261 who got married, only 25 are divorced today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI thought I would put those principles in a book to help others because I\u2019m kind of a big vision guy. I want to eradicate divorce. I don\u2019t want that to happen. Marriage, as we all know, can be hard work and challenging at times; but if you pick the wrong person at the beginning, you\u2019re really going to have a hard struggle.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0As you mention that, there are some folks, who are listening, who are married, who are saying: \u201cThat\u2019s my problem. I picked the wrong person.\u201d Of course, we\u2019ve always said: \u201cYou may think you picked the wrong person, but God was at your wedding. If He was there, adding His blessing to your wedding, that\u2019s the right person\u201d; isn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0Well, yes, I would say, \u201cIf they\u2019re married, you can\u2019t unscramble eggs.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0God has called you to roll up your sleeves and try harder. That\u2019s my philosophy and that\u2019s my theology\u2014that\u2019s how I work. But we live in a country where there is no-fault divorce in many states. Many, many years ago, before seminary, I went through that painful divorce\u2014not because I wanted it\u2014but because my wife, at that time, said she didn\u2019t love me\u2014and never did\u2014and then left.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0So what are you observing about single people today? Are they doing due diligence? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0No they\u2019re not. They\u2019re doing less diligence than they would to buy a car or, if they had more means, buying a house. When you buy a house, you look at where it is. Is there a good school nearby? How\u2019s the crime there? How\u2019s the water pressure? You try the spigot. You buy a car\u2014you\u2019re looking at the miles per gallon, the color, the hood ornaments. Some people even wonder about how many cup holders there are in the car.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0And you make sure there\u2019s a warranty.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0You make sure there\u2019s a warranty. Lo and behold, you can sell a car after two years or one year. You can sell your house, but marriage is for eternity\u2014I mean, it\u2019s for all this time here on earth. Single people do not put their mind in that\u2014it\u2019s just their feelings they put into it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0You just gave me a great idea. When we buy a house, we have an inspector come out and check out the house, top to bottom. Maybe I could open a marriage inspector business: \u201cSend me the girl you\u2019re dating or the guy you\u2019re dating and I\u2019ll\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0We\u2019ll run the FBI check? Is that what you\u2019re saying, Bob? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0I\u2019m just saying, \u201cMaybe there\u2019s a new line of business here.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0You know, Dan, it seems to me, singles ought to be doing a better job today of spousal selection because they\u2019re waiting to get married until the oldest age we\u2019ve ever experienced in our nation\u201428 for men and 27 for women. Why is it that you\u2019re saying they\u2019re not doing a good job of doing the due diligence?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0Well, they\u2019re <em>being<\/em> with each other, but they\u2019re not asking the right questions. I just talked to a friend who, after ten years, she finally broke up with a guy\u2014ten years. Then she found out that 100 percent of her friends said: \u201cHe really wasn\u2019t good for you. We never liked him.\u201d That was stunning to her, but she didn\u2019t allow what I call \u201cthe village\u201d to speak into her life. She didn\u2019t give permission for them to say what they really thought about him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0After ten years, shouldn\u2019t she have all the data she needs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0You would think so, but here\u2019s how it normally works. When somebody falls in love, they get into what I call \u201cThe Weird Zone.\u201d They\u2019re so infatuated they think the person they\u2019re marrying is Jesus, and there are no faults. What happens is\u2014they go up to their friends \/ their community and they say: \u201cHey, what do you think of Ryan? Isn\u2019t he great? He\u2019s so spiritual. He\u2019s a praying man. He knows what I want before I even say it. He\u2019s cute. Don\u2019t you like him?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt that point, the friends don\u2019t know what to say. They\u2019re painted into a corner because, if they say something bad, what if she marries him? Or how do they let him be part of the group? They don\u2019t want to be kicked out of the group, so they just say, \u201cYeah, he\u2014he\u2014he\u2019s fine.\u201d Under their breath, they\u2019re saying, \u201c\u2026if you don\u2019t mind a sociopath.\u201d That\u2019s the problem. They don\u2019t allow the village to help pick a spouse.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0There are two problems there. One is the single person may be sending signals to their friends: \u201cDon\u2019t tell me what I need to hear.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0\u201cTell me what I want to hear because I\u2019m in love with love. I\u2019ve been single a long time. I want to get married. Just go with me on the ride, and let me get to the finish line here.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0The other problem is\u2014we really have \u201cfriends\u201d who say they love their friend but who, in essence, don\u2019t have the courage to risk the relationship to tell them the truth about what they\u2019re seeing in this guy or gal they may be attracted to. Comment on that\u2014just about the need today, within the Christian community, to love somebody enough to risk saying something that is disruptive to them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0I think it\u2019s a triple threat. The first threat is that we don\u2019t know how to express tough love to our friends. We don\u2019t know how to say: \u201cYou know what? What you\u2019re doing may not be helpful,\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re drinking too much,\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re hanging out with the wrong crowd,\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re xyz,\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re reading the wrong books.\u201d That\u2019s one part.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber two is that\u2014whatever we hear about tough love, it\u2019s always negative. Like when somebody says, \u201cDan, I have to tell you something in tough love,\u201d I go: \u201cOh, great. They\u2019re going to lower the bomb on me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0\u201cHere it comes, the spiritual two-by-four.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0Right. And the Christian community has to learn that speaking the truth in love means you affirm them. So, we have to be better affirmers and listeners; and then we will earn the right to speak the truth in love. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut the third part is\u2014right now, singles everywhere\u2014if they really want to give permission to their friends to speak into their lives and their hearts about possible spouse choices, they have to practice, right now, of giving their friends permission to speak on other topics of lesser degree of importance.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI don\u2019t think we\u2019ve learned how to give our friends permission\u2014to say, \u201cSo what do you think about this job I\u2019m going to do?\u201d or \u201cWhat do you think about this car I\u2019m going to buy?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0At our church, we talk about trying to cultivate relationships that are intentionally intrusive. I hear you saying, \u201cSingles are not cultivating those kinds of\u2014permission granted\u2014for you to be intentionally intrusive, ask nosy questions, and tell me your opinion kind of stuff.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0Right. And I would add to that, Bob, not just singles. I think married people aren\u2019t allowing their friends to speak into their lives about their marriage, or about their job, or about whatever.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0Right. We\u2019re talking here about selecting a spouse. When you do that in western civilization, you talk about dating. But one of the things I love about your book is that you talk about the biblical models for spousal selection. I think this would be really cool for you to share these biblical models because, ladies and gentlemen, the Bible is distinctly clear about how you should go select a spouse. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tListen carefully to what Dan\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0Well, I don\u2019t know if I can rattle them all off; but it\u2019s just amazing if you look at all the Scripture. There are crazy examples, like: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSamson\u2019s basically saying to his parents: \u201cHey, I met this girl at a party. I have\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0the hots for her. Could you get her for me?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr Abraham says to his servant: \u201cHey, slave. Go find my son, Isaac\u2014and get\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0him a wife.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr Jacob to Laban says: \u201cHey, I saw your daughter, Rachel, at the well. After one\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0kiss, I am madly in love. I want to marry her. What\u2019s that? What do you mean? I have to work 14 years for you?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr Hosea to God: \u201cSay what? I\u2019m to go out and marry a prostitute?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr Solomon: \u201cHey, God. One wife is not enough. So, how does 700 wives and \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t300 friends with benefits sound?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd on and on it goes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0Yes; exactly. There isn\u2019t really a biblical model in terms of selecting a spouse. We don\u2019t have a modern-day equivalent of the well today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0But there are some priorities\u2014there are some big life questions. In fact, you say there are three big life questions everybody has to tackle. Spouse selection is one of those big three; isn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0Right. They all start with \u201cM.\u201d I don\u2019t know who thought of it first\u2014it may have been Elisabeth Elliot Leach, and I think FamilyLife also uses it\u2014but \u201cChoose your mission, your master, and your mate,\u201d are three of<em> the<\/em> most important questions you could ask. In fact, you were kidding, earlier, in saying that when people read this book they may be breaking up. That is exactly what has happened.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJust a couple weeks ago, a young adult woman picked up my book, read it, left it on the counter. Her boyfriend picked it up \/ looked at it. That night, they broke up because they realized they didn\u2019t have the same master \/ they weren\u2019t on the same mission. Then they concluded, \u201cWell, then, you\u2019re really not going to be my mate.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0If you wind up in a life-long monogamous relationship\u2014it\u2019s just the two of you to the finish line\u2014and you don\u2019t have the same master and you don\u2019t have the same mission, what\u2019s the problem going to be?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0Well, they\u2019re going to be off-kilter. They\u2019re going to end up in the wrong place. If you imagine two F-16 fighters taking off. At take-off, they\u2019re just one degree apart in their destination\u2014but they\u2019re fine at ten feet or a hundred feet\u2014but when you get to about a mile or two miles or ten miles, that one degree off in direction, that puts them in way different places. So, by picking a different mission or master, it means the two mates are really going to end up in way different places.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0I was talking to a young woman, recently, who is single. She has a boyfriend. They are not exactly on the same page, spiritually. She says: \u201cHe goes to church with me. In fact, he told me that I\u2019m the only girl who could ever get him to go to church.\u201d She said, \u201cSo I think he\u2019s making some progress.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember saying to her, Dan: \u201cI want you to imagine a time in the future, where you\u2019re getting up on a Sunday morning and getting the kids ready for church. He\u2019s saying: \u2018You know what? If you want to go that\u2019s fine, but I\u2019m just not interested.\u2019 I want you to imagine that being the case every Sunday morning. You\u2019re getting up, getting the kids ready\u2014he\u2019s going: \u2018I don\u2019t care. I\u2019m just not interested.\u2019 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cThat\u2019s just a microcosm of the kinds of issues where you two are going to be on opposite sides of the fence\u2014and to have intimacy, to have real relationship, to have oneness when you don\u2019t have that at the center\u2014it\u2019s just not the recipe\u201d; is it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0And they\u2019re in \u201cThe Weird Zone\u201d\u2014they\u2019re dating, they\u2019re infatuated, they like each other\u2014but you\u2019re dead-on. As it gets farther along\u2014I know guys\u2014when the girl says: \u201cI love opera. Don\u2019t you love opera?\u201d They\u2019re going: \u201cYeah. Yeah. I love opera.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0Of course.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0\u201cI\u2019m going to go with you.\u201d And sure enough\u2014right, in the first year of marriage: \u201cI don\u2019t like opera. I don\u2019t want to go to that concert \/ that show tonight.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0\u201cWhat made you think I like opera?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0Yes; and vice versa. Girls\/women will say: \u201cOh, I love football. I\u2019ll watch football with you\u201d; and then suddenly\u2014first year: \u201cI hate football. I\u2019ll go make some guacamole while you\u2019re here watching.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes, really. I want to drill down on something that I think that\u2014because the Christian community can allow religious trappings to communicate that the other person is, indeed, a real, true Christ-follower. Let\u2019s talk about how you can tell what the spiritual track record\u2014what the true love of the life, in terms of the master, is for the person that you\u2019re dating. What would you advise a young lady or a young man to look at, in the opposite sex, to really determine what their spiritual track record is?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0A very good question\u2014and it\u2019s actually a complicated question because one has to be careful that, if you made a list and you checked off all the right things,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0There\u2019s danger even in the check\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0\u2014the Pharisees would click off all the right things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0Overall, things like passion\u2014what really drives that person?\u2014if it\u2019s not Christ and serving Him in some way, that\u2019s a big tip-off. I would say\u2014and again, being careful about the Pharisee context I just said\u2014that I think church attendance is an indicator. Shaunti Feldhahn\u2019s great book, <em>Good News about Marriage<\/em>, points out that, if you attend church, you have a 25 percent lower chance of having a divorce. So, that puts you, again, into community and, hopefully, people who can affirm you and help raise you in the village.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know it\u2019s hard to determine the exact divorce rate or projection; but if you look at all the research, we have to know how hard it is. I remember once\u2014I was on a plane, and the cast of <em>Lost <\/em>TV show was on the same flight I was on, in my section.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0I don\u2019t want to be on their flight! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0Right. If you don\u2019t know that show\u2014that\u2019s the show about this plane crashing and the community of passengers live on an island by themselves.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0A strange island, by the way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0Yes, a strange island. So, I\u2019m looking at that going: \u201cOh my goodness! Do I want to be in this plane?\u201d But, in a sense, when we decide to go for marriage, we have to know\u2014unless we prepare properly\u2014like for any job, like buying a house, for anything of importance we have to prepare\u2014and then that will increase the chance for success, and fulfillment, and joy in accomplishing God\u2019s mission, here on earth.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0For years, we have advocated that one of the best ways to prepare is for a couple to come out and spend a weekend at a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em>marriage getaway.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0It\u2019s fantastic.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0Yes, it has. And I think, when a couple gets the same set of blueprints before they start building, they can avoid a lot of wrong building so they don\u2019t have to tear a structure down to build it right. If you get the biblical blueprints, in advance of beginning your marriage, I think your chances of having the plane go down are dramatically reduced because, with Jesus Christ being the builder of your home\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014just read the end of the Sermon on the Mount.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0He talked about two different builders. Both were hit with storms, floods and wind. One stood at the end of the day, and one was demolished. One house fell apart. What was the difference? The house that was built around hearing the words of Jesus Christ and doing them was like building your house on the rock. To any single person \/ engaged couple\u2014if you want to get the very best marriage insurance that you could possible buy, the <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>is the best supplemental insurance I think you can buy and invest in your marriage, in advance.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0There are a couple of sessions at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> that are designed for engaged couples or for couples who are dating and exploring the possibility of marriage to help them think, \u201cIs this God\u2019s will for us to get married?\u201d\u2014<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong><em>\u00a0<\/em><\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014and then to help them strategize on: \u201cHow do we live out our engagement? How do we make sure we\u2019re ready for marriage?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe still have a handful of <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>getaways happening over the next couple of weeks and then a whole bunch of them coming this spring. If our listeners are interested in attending an upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>marriage getaway, they can go to FamilyLifeToday.com. When they click the link in the upper left-hand corner of the page that says, \u201cGO DEEPER,\u201d they\u2019ll go right to a place where they can get more information about the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey\u2019ll also find information about Dan Chun\u2019s book, <em>How to Pick a Spouse. <\/em>So, you can find out more about the <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>and order a copy of Dan\u2019s book when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the link that says, \u201cGO DEEPER.\u201d Or you can call to order the book or if you have any questions about the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>\u2014call 1-800-FL-TODAY; 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis subject is really at the heart of how FamilyLife began, back almost 40 years ago. We put together an event that was designed to help pre-married couples understand God\u2019s design for marriage. That was the very first <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>getaway in 1976. It was for engaged couples only; and over the years, we\u2019ve seen that event grow. There have been millions of people who have gone through a <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>marriage getaway now\u2014millions more who listen to <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>every week\u2014and millions who go, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com to find practical, biblical help and hope for their marriage \/ for their family\u2014issues related to parenting or other family relationships.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe just have to say we are grateful for the folks who have made all of this possible. That would be those of you who, occasionally, make a donation to help support the ministry or those of you who are Legacy Partners and make your donation on a monthly basis. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe very much appreciate your partnership with us. What we\u2019re doing, here at FamilyLife, couldn\u2019t happen without the part you play in all of that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo thank you for standing with us in this ministry. In fact, if you can make a donation today, we\u2019d like to express our gratitude by sending you a resource that Barbara Rainey has put in her Ever Thine Home<em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em>collection this fall. It\u2019s a chalkboard. It\u2019s in the shape of a house; and at the top it says, \u201cIn this home we give thanks for\u201d and then there\u2019s a place for you to write the things you\u2019re grateful for\u2014help cultivate a spirit of gratitude in your kids and in your home. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s our gift to you when you make a donation today. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link in the top right-hand corner of the page that says, \u201cI Care.\u201d You can make an online donation. Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY and make your donation over the phone. Request the chalkboard when you do that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr you can mail a donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223. Again, include a note that mentions you\u2019d like the chalkboard; and we\u2019re happy to get that to you. We are grateful for your partnership with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTomorrow, we want to talk about cohabitation and \u201cHow does that affect this whole issue of knowing who to marry?\u201d Dan Chun will be back with us. Hope you can be back as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2014 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["25.95M"],"filesize_raw":["27212335"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-303253.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-303253.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Dan Chun encourages singles to closely observe the person they're dating and invites them to ask some key questions. Once infatuated, it's hard to judge a person's character accurately.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-10-30.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0You would agree that early in a dating relationship it\u2019s easy for somebody to have blind spots about another person\u2019s faults; right? Pastor Dan Chun says he\u2019s seen this over and over again.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0Here\u2019s how it normally works. When somebody falls in love, they get into what I call \u201cThe Weird Zone.\u201d They\u2019re so infatuated they think the person they\u2019re marrying is Jesus, and there are no faults. What happens is\u2014they go up to their friends \/ their community and they say: \u201cHey, what do you think of Ryan? Isn\u2019t he great? He\u2019s so spiritual. He\u2019s a praying man. He\u2019s cute. Don\u2019t you like him?\u201d At that point, the friends don\u2019t know what to say. They\u2019re painted into a corner.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, October 30<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. We\u2019re going to talk today about the good, the bad, and the sometimes ugly when it comes to deciding if another person is the right person for you. Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. So, did you have criteria that you had established before you selected Barbara to be your spouse?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0I had several pages of expectations and checklists.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0Did you really?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0Not really, no. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0My criteria was:\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0Mentally, I did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0\u2014\u201cShe has to like me, and I have to like her.\u201d That\u2019s about all the criteria\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0And you were how old when you got married?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0I was 23 years old when I got married. How old were you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0I was almost 25.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0But you had a mental checklist\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0I did; I did. I had been around some really quality women who had settled the issue of who their master was and what their mission was going to be. So, I knew that both of those had to be in place before\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0I forgot that. That was on my list too: \u201cShe has to be a Christian and love Jesus,\u201d\u2014I remember that. [Laughter]\u00a0 Okay. Thanks for reminding me. It <em>wasn\u2019t <\/em>just \u201cShe has to like me, and I have to like her.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes, there you go. We have a guest today with us, Dan Chun, who is all the way from Hawaii. I have to tell you, we don\u2019t get many\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0We don\u2019t.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0We don\u2019t get many authors and guests who fly all the way from Hawaii to Arkansas to be on <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>I have to say <em>kudos<\/em> to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0Say <em>mahalo<\/em>\u2014is what you have to say.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0Yes. There you go.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0Yes\u2014<em>mahalo<\/em> for having me here. Thank you for having me here. What was I thinking?\u2014I would have brought the chocolate macadamia nuts with me today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0You know, that was really poor form that you didn\u2019t bring those\u2014not that I need them right now.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0It was double poor form because I mentioned it and I didn\u2019t bring any. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0That is. We\u2019re here to really have you pronounce the fish of Hawaii\u2014that name\u2014because I\u2019ve seen it printed out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0He rolled his eyes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0Bob has tried, but I don\u2019t trust his pronunciation of the fish. [Laughter] So what is the state fish?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0The state fish is the little fish with the big name: <em>Humuhumunukunuku apua`a<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0Pretty good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0And our most famous speaker is Israel Kamakawiwo'ole.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis: \u00a0There you go.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDan: \u00a0He does Somewhere over the Rainbow and It\u2019s a Wonderful World.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob: \u00a0[Singing] Somewhere over the rainbow\u2014with a ukulele.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0Dan has been a pastor for more than 35 years\u2014today is the senior of First Presbyterian Church of Honolulu. He has written a book called <em>How to Pick a Spouse.<\/em> I have to tell you, I really like your book. There are a couple reasons why. It really is kindred spirit with what we believe, here at FamilyLife. You may not know this, Dan, but we actually started as a marriage preparation ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0Really?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0Our ministry was started to create a conference for single people who either were contemplating getting married or who were already engaged and who were on the staff of Cru\u2014formerly Campus Crusade for Christ. Our assignment was to equip singles for marriage before tying the knot. We still do that. I was trying to put a pencil to it, Bob, on the number of engaged or single people that have been through our conferences. It is in the tens of thousands\u2014I don\u2019t know if it\u2019s 100,000 or not.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0Part of what we\u2019re trying to do at the conference is break some of those couples up; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0In the early years, Dan, we broke up a lot of couples. I mean, they would come to the conference and they didn\u2019t know how to pick a spouse. Explain to our listeners how you got into this category because it goes all the way back to your ministry at Menlo Park in the Bay Area of California.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0Way back in 1985 to \u201991, I was the singles pastor for Menlo Park. If you don\u2019t know where that little town is\u2014of 25,000 people\u2014it\u2019s right next to Stanford University. I was surprised they asked me to start a singles department of all ages\u2014never married, widowed, divorced. The shocking thing was\u2014after three years, there were about 3,000 people coming.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI wanted to make sure that they would\u2014if they got married \/ if God called them to that\u2014that they wouldn\u2019t get a divorce because many, many years ago, before I became a pastor, I went through a divorce. I knew how painful that was. And now, some 20-plus years later, I decided to find out: \u201cAre they still married?\u201d Out of 261 who got married, only 25 are divorced today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI thought I would put those principles in a book to help others because I\u2019m kind of a big vision guy. I want to eradicate divorce. I don\u2019t want that to happen. Marriage, as we all know, can be hard work and challenging at times; but if you pick the wrong person at the beginning, you\u2019re really going to have a hard struggle.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0As you mention that, there are some folks, who are listening, who are married, who are saying: \u201cThat\u2019s my problem. I picked the wrong person.\u201d Of course, we\u2019ve always said: \u201cYou may think you picked the wrong person, but God was at your wedding. If He was there, adding His blessing to your wedding, that\u2019s the right person\u201d; isn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0Well, yes, I would say, \u201cIf they\u2019re married, you can\u2019t unscramble eggs.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0God has called you to roll up your sleeves and try harder. That\u2019s my philosophy and that\u2019s my theology\u2014that\u2019s how I work. But we live in a country where there is no-fault divorce in many states. Many, many years ago, before seminary, I went through that painful divorce\u2014not because I wanted it\u2014but because my wife, at that time, said she didn\u2019t love me\u2014and never did\u2014and then left.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0So what are you observing about single people today? Are they doing due diligence? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0No they\u2019re not. They\u2019re doing less diligence than they would to buy a car or, if they had more means, buying a house. When you buy a house, you look at where it is. Is there a good school nearby? How\u2019s the crime there? How\u2019s the water pressure? You try the spigot. You buy a car\u2014you\u2019re looking at the miles per gallon, the color, the hood ornaments. Some people even wonder about how many cup holders there are in the car.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0And you make sure there\u2019s a warranty.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0You make sure there\u2019s a warranty. Lo and behold, you can sell a car after two years or one year. You can sell your house, but marriage is for eternity\u2014I mean, it\u2019s for all this time here on earth. Single people do not put their mind in that\u2014it\u2019s just their feelings they put into it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0You just gave me a great idea. When we buy a house, we have an inspector come out and check out the house, top to bottom. Maybe I could open a marriage inspector business: \u201cSend me the girl you\u2019re dating or the guy you\u2019re dating and I\u2019ll\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0We\u2019ll run the FBI check? Is that what you\u2019re saying, Bob? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0I\u2019m just saying, \u201cMaybe there\u2019s a new line of business here.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0You know, Dan, it seems to me, singles ought to be doing a better job today of spousal selection because they\u2019re waiting to get married until the oldest age we\u2019ve ever experienced in our nation\u201428 for men and 27 for women. Why is it that you\u2019re saying they\u2019re not doing a good job of doing the due diligence?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0Well, they\u2019re <em>being<\/em> with each other, but they\u2019re not asking the right questions. I just talked to a friend who, after ten years, she finally broke up with a guy\u2014ten years. Then she found out that 100 percent of her friends said: \u201cHe really wasn\u2019t good for you. We never liked him.\u201d That was stunning to her, but she didn\u2019t allow what I call \u201cthe village\u201d to speak into her life. She didn\u2019t give permission for them to say what they really thought about him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0After ten years, shouldn\u2019t she have all the data she needs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0You would think so, but here\u2019s how it normally works. When somebody falls in love, they get into what I call \u201cThe Weird Zone.\u201d They\u2019re so infatuated they think the person they\u2019re marrying is Jesus, and there are no faults. What happens is\u2014they go up to their friends \/ their community and they say: \u201cHey, what do you think of Ryan? Isn\u2019t he great? He\u2019s so spiritual. He\u2019s a praying man. He knows what I want before I even say it. He\u2019s cute. Don\u2019t you like him?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt that point, the friends don\u2019t know what to say. They\u2019re painted into a corner because, if they say something bad, what if she marries him? Or how do they let him be part of the group? They don\u2019t want to be kicked out of the group, so they just say, \u201cYeah, he\u2014he\u2014he\u2019s fine.\u201d Under their breath, they\u2019re saying, \u201c\u2026if you don\u2019t mind a sociopath.\u201d That\u2019s the problem. They don\u2019t allow the village to help pick a spouse.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0There are two problems there. One is the single person may be sending signals to their friends: \u201cDon\u2019t tell me what I need to hear.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0\u201cTell me what I want to hear because I\u2019m in love with love. I\u2019ve been single a long time. I want to get married. Just go with me on the ride, and let me get to the finish line here.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0The other problem is\u2014we really have \u201cfriends\u201d who say they love their friend but who, in essence, don\u2019t have the courage to risk the relationship to tell them the truth about what they\u2019re seeing in this guy or gal they may be attracted to. Comment on that\u2014just about the need today, within the Christian community, to love somebody enough to risk saying something that is disruptive to them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0I think it\u2019s a triple threat. The first threat is that we don\u2019t know how to express tough love to our friends. We don\u2019t know how to say: \u201cYou know what? What you\u2019re doing may not be helpful,\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re drinking too much,\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re hanging out with the wrong crowd,\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re xyz,\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re reading the wrong books.\u201d That\u2019s one part.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber two is that\u2014whatever we hear about tough love, it\u2019s always negative. Like when somebody says, \u201cDan, I have to tell you something in tough love,\u201d I go: \u201cOh, great. They\u2019re going to lower the bomb on me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0\u201cHere it comes, the spiritual two-by-four.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0Right. And the Christian community has to learn that speaking the truth in love means you affirm them. So, we have to be better affirmers and listeners; and then we will earn the right to speak the truth in love. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut the third part is\u2014right now, singles everywhere\u2014if they really want to give permission to their friends to speak into their lives and their hearts about possible spouse choices, they have to practice, right now, of giving their friends permission to speak on other topics of lesser degree of importance.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI don\u2019t think we\u2019ve learned how to give our friends permission\u2014to say, \u201cSo what do you think about this job I\u2019m going to do?\u201d or \u201cWhat do you think about this car I\u2019m going to buy?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0At our church, we talk about trying to cultivate relationships that are intentionally intrusive. I hear you saying, \u201cSingles are not cultivating those kinds of\u2014permission granted\u2014for you to be intentionally intrusive, ask nosy questions, and tell me your opinion kind of stuff.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0Right. And I would add to that, Bob, not just singles. I think married people aren\u2019t allowing their friends to speak into their lives about their marriage, or about their job, or about whatever.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0Right. We\u2019re talking here about selecting a spouse. When you do that in western civilization, you talk about dating. But one of the things I love about your book is that you talk about the biblical models for spousal selection. I think this would be really cool for you to share these biblical models because, ladies and gentlemen, the Bible is distinctly clear about how you should go select a spouse. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tListen carefully to what Dan\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0Well, I don\u2019t know if I can rattle them all off; but it\u2019s just amazing if you look at all the Scripture. There are crazy examples, like: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSamson\u2019s basically saying to his parents: \u201cHey, I met this girl at a party. I have\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0the hots for her. Could you get her for me?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr Abraham says to his servant: \u201cHey, slave. Go find my son, Isaac\u2014and get\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0him a wife.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr Jacob to Laban says: \u201cHey, I saw your daughter, Rachel, at the well. After one\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0kiss, I am madly in love. I want to marry her. What\u2019s that? What do you mean? I have to work 14 years for you?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr Hosea to God: \u201cSay what? I\u2019m to go out and marry a prostitute?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr Solomon: \u201cHey, God. One wife is not enough. So, how does 700 wives and \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t300 friends with benefits sound?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd on and on it goes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0Yes; exactly. There isn\u2019t really a biblical model in terms of selecting a spouse. We don\u2019t have a modern-day equivalent of the well today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0But there are some priorities\u2014there are some big life questions. In fact, you say there are three big life questions everybody has to tackle. Spouse selection is one of those big three; isn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0Right. They all start with \u201cM.\u201d I don\u2019t know who thought of it first\u2014it may have been Elisabeth Elliot Leach, and I think FamilyLife also uses it\u2014but \u201cChoose your mission, your master, and your mate,\u201d are three of<em> the<\/em> most important questions you could ask. In fact, you were kidding, earlier, in saying that when people read this book they may be breaking up. That is exactly what has happened.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJust a couple weeks ago, a young adult woman picked up my book, read it, left it on the counter. Her boyfriend picked it up \/ looked at it. That night, they broke up because they realized they didn\u2019t have the same master \/ they weren\u2019t on the same mission. Then they concluded, \u201cWell, then, you\u2019re really not going to be my mate.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0If you wind up in a life-long monogamous relationship\u2014it\u2019s just the two of you to the finish line\u2014and you don\u2019t have the same master and you don\u2019t have the same mission, what\u2019s the problem going to be?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0Well, they\u2019re going to be off-kilter. They\u2019re going to end up in the wrong place. If you imagine two F-16 fighters taking off. At take-off, they\u2019re just one degree apart in their destination\u2014but they\u2019re fine at ten feet or a hundred feet\u2014but when you get to about a mile or two miles or ten miles, that one degree off in direction, that puts them in way different places. So, by picking a different mission or master, it means the two mates are really going to end up in way different places.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0I was talking to a young woman, recently, who is single. She has a boyfriend. They are not exactly on the same page, spiritually. She says: \u201cHe goes to church with me. In fact, he told me that I\u2019m the only girl who could ever get him to go to church.\u201d She said, \u201cSo I think he\u2019s making some progress.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember saying to her, Dan: \u201cI want you to imagine a time in the future, where you\u2019re getting up on a Sunday morning and getting the kids ready for church. He\u2019s saying: \u2018You know what? If you want to go that\u2019s fine, but I\u2019m just not interested.\u2019 I want you to imagine that being the case every Sunday morning. You\u2019re getting up, getting the kids ready\u2014he\u2019s going: \u2018I don\u2019t care. I\u2019m just not interested.\u2019 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cThat\u2019s just a microcosm of the kinds of issues where you two are going to be on opposite sides of the fence\u2014and to have intimacy, to have real relationship, to have oneness when you don\u2019t have that at the center\u2014it\u2019s just not the recipe\u201d; is it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0And they\u2019re in \u201cThe Weird Zone\u201d\u2014they\u2019re dating, they\u2019re infatuated, they like each other\u2014but you\u2019re dead-on. As it gets farther along\u2014I know guys\u2014when the girl says: \u201cI love opera. Don\u2019t you love opera?\u201d They\u2019re going: \u201cYeah. Yeah. I love opera.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0Of course.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0\u201cI\u2019m going to go with you.\u201d And sure enough\u2014right, in the first year of marriage: \u201cI don\u2019t like opera. I don\u2019t want to go to that concert \/ that show tonight.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0\u201cWhat made you think I like opera?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0Yes; and vice versa. Girls\/women will say: \u201cOh, I love football. I\u2019ll watch football with you\u201d; and then suddenly\u2014first year: \u201cI hate football. I\u2019ll go make some guacamole while you\u2019re here watching.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes, really. I want to drill down on something that I think that\u2014because the Christian community can allow religious trappings to communicate that the other person is, indeed, a real, true Christ-follower. Let\u2019s talk about how you can tell what the spiritual track record\u2014what the true love of the life, in terms of the master, is for the person that you\u2019re dating. What would you advise a young lady or a young man to look at, in the opposite sex, to really determine what their spiritual track record is?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0A very good question\u2014and it\u2019s actually a complicated question because one has to be careful that, if you made a list and you checked off all the right things,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0There\u2019s danger even in the check\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0\u2014the Pharisees would click off all the right things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0Overall, things like passion\u2014what really drives that person?\u2014if it\u2019s not Christ and serving Him in some way, that\u2019s a big tip-off. I would say\u2014and again, being careful about the Pharisee context I just said\u2014that I think church attendance is an indicator. Shaunti Feldhahn\u2019s great book, <em>Good News about Marriage<\/em>, points out that, if you attend church, you have a 25 percent lower chance of having a divorce. So, that puts you, again, into community and, hopefully, people who can affirm you and help raise you in the village.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know it\u2019s hard to determine the exact divorce rate or projection; but if you look at all the research, we have to know how hard it is. I remember once\u2014I was on a plane, and the cast of <em>Lost <\/em>TV show was on the same flight I was on, in my section.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0I don\u2019t want to be on their flight! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0Right. If you don\u2019t know that show\u2014that\u2019s the show about this plane crashing and the community of passengers live on an island by themselves.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0A strange island, by the way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0Yes, a strange island. So, I\u2019m looking at that going: \u201cOh my goodness! Do I want to be in this plane?\u201d But, in a sense, when we decide to go for marriage, we have to know\u2014unless we prepare properly\u2014like for any job, like buying a house, for anything of importance we have to prepare\u2014and then that will increase the chance for success, and fulfillment, and joy in accomplishing God\u2019s mission, here on earth.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0For years, we have advocated that one of the best ways to prepare is for a couple to come out and spend a weekend at a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em>marriage getaway.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0It\u2019s fantastic.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0Yes, it has. And I think, when a couple gets the same set of blueprints before they start building, they can avoid a lot of wrong building so they don\u2019t have to tear a structure down to build it right. If you get the biblical blueprints, in advance of beginning your marriage, I think your chances of having the plane go down are dramatically reduced because, with Jesus Christ being the builder of your home\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014just read the end of the Sermon on the Mount.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0He talked about two different builders. Both were hit with storms, floods and wind. One stood at the end of the day, and one was demolished. One house fell apart. What was the difference? The house that was built around hearing the words of Jesus Christ and doing them was like building your house on the rock. To any single person \/ engaged couple\u2014if you want to get the very best marriage insurance that you could possible buy, the <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>is the best supplemental insurance I think you can buy and invest in your marriage, in advance.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0There are a couple of sessions at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> that are designed for engaged couples or for couples who are dating and exploring the possibility of marriage to help them think, \u201cIs this God\u2019s will for us to get married?\u201d\u2014<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong><em>\u00a0<\/em><\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014and then to help them strategize on: \u201cHow do we live out our engagement? How do we make sure we\u2019re ready for marriage?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe still have a handful of <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>getaways happening over the next couple of weeks and then a whole bunch of them coming this spring. If our listeners are interested in attending an upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>marriage getaway, they can go to FamilyLifeToday.com. When they click the link in the upper left-hand corner of the page that says, \u201cGO DEEPER,\u201d they\u2019ll go right to a place where they can get more information about the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey\u2019ll also find information about Dan Chun\u2019s book, <em>How to Pick a Spouse. <\/em>So, you can find out more about the <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>and order a copy of Dan\u2019s book when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the link that says, \u201cGO DEEPER.\u201d Or you can call to order the book or if you have any questions about the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>\u2014call 1-800-FL-TODAY; 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis subject is really at the heart of how FamilyLife began, back almost 40 years ago. We put together an event that was designed to help pre-married couples understand God\u2019s design for marriage. That was the very first <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>getaway in 1976. It was for engaged couples only; and over the years, we\u2019ve seen that event grow. There have been millions of people who have gone through a <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>marriage getaway now\u2014millions more who listen to <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>every week\u2014and millions who go, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com to find practical, biblical help and hope for their marriage \/ for their family\u2014issues related to parenting or other family relationships.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe just have to say we are grateful for the folks who have made all of this possible. That would be those of you who, occasionally, make a donation to help support the ministry or those of you who are Legacy Partners and make your donation on a monthly basis. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe very much appreciate your partnership with us. What we\u2019re doing, here at FamilyLife, couldn\u2019t happen without the part you play in all of that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo thank you for standing with us in this ministry. In fact, if you can make a donation today, we\u2019d like to express our gratitude by sending you a resource that Barbara Rainey has put in her Ever Thine Home<em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em>collection this fall. It\u2019s a chalkboard. It\u2019s in the shape of a house; and at the top it says, \u201cIn this home we give thanks for\u201d and then there\u2019s a place for you to write the things you\u2019re grateful for\u2014help cultivate a spirit of gratitude in your kids and in your home. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s our gift to you when you make a donation today. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link in the top right-hand corner of the page that says, \u201cI Care.\u201d You can make an online donation. Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY and make your donation over the phone. Request the chalkboard when you do that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr you can mail a donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223. Again, include a note that mentions you\u2019d like the chalkboard; and we\u2019re happy to get that to you. We are grateful for your partnership with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTomorrow, we want to talk about cohabitation and \u201cHow does that affect this whole issue of knowing who to marry?\u201d Dan Chun will be back with us. Hope you can be back as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2014 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/303253","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=303253"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=303253"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=303253"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=303253"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=303253"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=303253"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=303253"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}