{"id":303207,"date":"2014-09-23T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2014-09-23T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/finding-margin\/"},"modified":"2014-09-23T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2014-09-23T15:00:00","slug":"finding-margin","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/finding-margin\/","title":{"rendered":"Finding Margin"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>guest: Crystal Paine | Series: Say Goodbye to Survival Mode | Is life running you ragged? Author Crystal Paine assures listeners that there can be light at the end of the tunnel. Crystal recalls a financially stressful season in the life of her family that God worked for good and ultimately prodded her to launch her website.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Is life running you ragged? Author Crystal Paine recalls a financially stressful season in the life of her family that God worked for good and ultimately prodded her to launch her website.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"Author Crystal Paine recalls a financially stressful season in the life of her family that God worked for good.","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-09-23.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"23.22M","filesize_raw":"24347382","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2860],"tags":[4163,4168,2699,4165,4166,4167,4111,4164,4162],"podcast_series":[7181],"cwp_profile":[3206],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-303207","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-hardship-and-suffering","tag-boundaries","tag-financial-pressure","tag-forgiveness","tag-manage-time","tag-margin","tag-marital-oneness","tag-repentance","tag-saying-no","tag-setting-priorities","podcast_series-say-goodbye-to-survival-mode","cwp_profile-crystal-paine","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/303207\/finding-margin","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/303207\/finding-margin","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"Ia7EOonK93\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/finding-margin\/\">Finding Margin<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/finding-margin\/embed\/#?secret=Ia7EOonK93\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Finding Margin&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"Ia7EOonK93\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-09-23.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-09-23.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>There was a season in Crystal Paine\u2019s life and marriage where her husband had lost his job\u2014he was out of work. Finances were tight, and their relationship was rocky. Crystal Paine says her words were not helping.\n\n<strong>Crystal: <\/strong>When I was saying these things and lashing out at him\u2014when he was already at rock-bottom\u2014it just cut him to pieces. The last thing that he needed from me was wounding words. He needed me to be supporting him. He needed me to be <em>encouraging<\/em> him and <em>motivating<\/em> him, and that was not what I was doing.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, September 23<sup>rd<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. How do you make it through tough times together, as a couple?\u00a0 We\u2019ll hear thoughts on that today from Crystal Paine. Stay tuned.\n\n<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\nAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. So, you\u2019ve talked about the fact that, when your kids were little, you kind of lived in perpetual survival mode. Did you get out of that once the kids left the house?\u00a0 I mean, is that when sanity returned?\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, to a large extent, yes, because, instead of balancing eight schedules, you\u2019re now back to two.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I remember when you became an empty-nester\u2014I remember you coming in, and you talked about how there used to be\u2014this was the phrase you\u2019d use\u2014you talk about there used to be this tension against the muscle. And you said, \u201cNow, I go home; and it\u2019s kind of like I\u2019m not really sure what to do.\u201d\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, it wasn\u2019t quite that bad\u2014that I wasn\u2019t sure what to do\u2014but I did miss being surrounded by the kids coming out of the house and surrounding my car and giving me a hug and a kiss. That began the evening. I mean,\u2014\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, there\u2019s\u2014\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014I was on, as a father.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, there is something about the energy that comes in these survival mode moments, but it can be overwhelming; right?\n\n<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It can be. If you don\u2019t pull back and really fulfill Ephesians 5:16-17\u2014I know I read this earlier, but I\u2019m going to read it again\u2014\u201cLook carefully, then, how you walk\u201d\u2014did you hear that\u2014\u201cLook carefully, then, how you walk, not as unwise but as wise\u2026.\u201d\u00a0 I just want to stop here and say, \u201cWisdom is godly skill in everyday living.\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s living life the way God designed it to be lived. And I think God does want us to maximize our lives.\n\nThe passage goes on, though, to say this: \u201c\u2026making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.\u201d\u00a0 And if you\u2019re raising a family, you know that the days are challenging\u2014you know that there are some evil things out there, and you really want to be as much in control of your schedule as you possibly can be.\n\nWe have a friend, back with us in the studio\u2014Crystal Paine, who joins us again. Welcome back, Crystal.\n\n<strong>Crystal: <\/strong>Thanks so much for having me back!\n\n<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>She has written a book\u2014<em>Say Goodbye to Survival Mode: 9 Simple Strategies to Stress Less,<\/em>\u2014Barbara would love this next promise\u2014<em>Sleep More,<\/em>\u2014\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I read that and I said, \u201cI\u2019m reading this book.\u201d\u00a0 If \u201csleep more\u201d is a promise, I\u2019m in. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014<em>and Restore Your Passion for Life<\/em>. She and Jesse have been married since 2003. They have three children, live near Nashville, and she is the creator of MoneySavingMom.com.\n\nI want to go to an ugly moment that you admit in your book. I was really proud of you for sharing this story because I think this is where a lot of people can really say: \u201cYou know, Crystal\u2019s a real person. I can trust her with her solutions because she is willing to admit she\u2019s been at rock-bottom as well.\u201d\n\nYou were in Kansas City. You and your husband had just moved into a rental house. Well, frankly put, Crystal\u2014you\u2019d had it\u2014hadn\u2019t you?\n\n<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Crystal: <\/strong>Yes. My husband was just fresh out of law school. We had moved there, thinking he had this job that was going to provide well for us. Then, it was just like everything started crumbling; and the job did not go at all like we expected. He was very stressed; and then, my health started taking a hit because of that stress from him. I wasn\u2019t taking care of myself, and I was pregnant with my second child. Then, I ended up being hospitalized because I was so anemic.\n\nI just remember how hopeless and helpless we felt. So, then, I had my second child. Then, my husband lost his job. So, we\u2019re in this town where we hardly know anyone. We have these two little children. My husband cannot find a job, and I\u2019m in the middle of post-partum depression. I was just angry with everything in my life.\n\n<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\nI was overwhelmed, and I was angry with my husband because I just felt like he wasn\u2019t taking care of us.\n\nI look back, and I\u2019m so\u2014I had so much sadness that I took out my frustration on him\u2014but I did. I threatened to leave him, and I just was so overwhelmed that I didn\u2019t know what to do.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You berated him\u2014you said in your book.\n\n<strong>Crystal: <\/strong>I did. I would\u2014I was awful!\u00a0 I mean, I just remember these words spewing out of my mouth\u2014such hurtful, hurtful words toward him because I was taking out <em>my<\/em> stress and <em>my<\/em> frustration on him and <em>blaming <\/em>him for our situation when it wasn\u2019t his fault.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>He was attempting to get a job\u2014it just wasn\u2019t coming through.\n\n<strong>Crystal: <\/strong>Yes. And he was trying <em>so<\/em> hard. My words did nothing but demoralize him. I just look back, with so much sadness, that I allowed myself to get to that point.\n\n<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\nYet, when you hit that rock-bottom point in your marriage\u2014and you threaten to leave each other and you have these awful words come out of your mouth\u2014if you can weather that and come out stronger, then, I feel like there is so much peace that comes in your marriage, once you\u2019ve worked through that, and you\u2019ve asked forgiveness and you acknowledged, \u201cI hurt you with my words, and I am so sorry.\u201d\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>What kept you from leaving?\n\n<strong>Crystal: <\/strong>The grace of God. Honestly, I don\u2019t know, except for probably it was still that fear of man of: \u201cIf I leave my husband, what are going people going to think of me?\u201d\u2014which is terrible\u2014but that\u2019s probably the honest truth of what it was. And also, when it really came down to it, I needed him\u2014I just needed his support, and just what he is to me, and the rock that he is in my life\u2014but it\u2019s so easy to just lash out at your husband, without even thinking about it because we\u2019re frustrated. I think that\u2019s the thing\u2014when you have <em>so much<\/em> in your life and <em>so<\/em> many stressors in your life\u2014\n\n<strong>7:00<\/strong><strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n\u2014the last thing that you need to be doing is lashing out at your husband and blaming him for it\u2014but it\u2019s, oftentimes, the first thing that we do.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Was that pain point\u2014I mean, here you are\u2014you\u2019re spewing \/ you\u2019re saying, \u201cI\u2019m out of here if you don\u2019t get a job,\u201d or whatever the threat was that says, \u201cI\u2019m going to leave,\u201d\u2014was that just a momentary pain release for you; or were you really contemplating: \u201cI\u2019m taking the kids, and I\u2019m moving back home, and I don\u2019t want to have anything to do with you anymore\u201d?\n\n<strong>Crystal: <\/strong>I was serious. It was three months where\u2014I remember we had kind of grown up in this very Christian culture, and always looking at people who had marriage problems thinking, \u201cWhat\u2019s their deal?\u201d\u2014like: \u201cWhy can\u2019t they get it together?\u00a0 They just need to be more Christian or something.\u201d\u00a0 But I remember, in that moment, thinking: \u201cI get it now. I get how people can have these arguments\u2014how they can have so much hurt, and pain, and be so upset at their spouse.\u201d\n\n<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\nGod used that to really break me of this pride\u2014of thinking I had it all together. God really took us through the ringer in that time, and pulled us out of that. We\u2019re so much stronger as a result of hitting rock-bottom.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>So, this occurred while you were seated in the middle of the floor. Are the kids around you as this was taking place?\n\n<strong>Crystal: <\/strong>Yes, it happened multiple times\u2014that I threatened to leave. Honestly, for a three-month period\u2014I remember, every day, I would break down in tears and just be like: \u201cI can\u2019t do this anymore!\u00a0 I cannot live like this anymore. Go get a job. What is the deal?\u00a0 Go get a job!\u201d\u00a0 It happened multiple times; and yes, our kids would be there. I am so sad that they saw that. They were young, but I\u2019m just so sad that they experienced that stress in our relationship.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>So, what was Jesse\u2019s response?\u00a0 I mean, he\u2019s taking these hits\u2014one right after another\u2014from his wife.\n\n<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\nWhat did that do to him?\n\n<strong>Crystal: <\/strong>It demoralized him. It made him feel like he was a loser because\u2014not only could he not get a job \/ not only did he <em>lose<\/em> his job\u2014I remember he couldn\u2019t even get a job, throwing phone books. He was trying to apply for anything and everything. He couldn\u2019t even get that job because\u2014I mean, I really look back and know that God allowed that to happen because it broke both of us. It was such a good time, even though it was such an awful time.\n\nBut when I was saying these things and lashing out at him\u2014when he was already at rock-bottom\u2014it just cut him to pieces. The last thing that he needed from me was wounding words. He needed me to be supporting him. He needed me to be <em>encouraging<\/em> him and <em>motivating<\/em> him, and that was not what I was doing.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And that\u2019s what I want every wife to hear\u2014a man, who has lost his job\u2014I don\u2019t know exactly all of the psychological impacts that has on a man\u2019s life and soul\u2014\n\n<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\n\u2014all I know is it is devastating. If he needs anything during that period of time, he needs a mirror, not to reflect back\u2014and I\u2019m not shaming you for doing it. You said you began to turn the corner and get back on his team. But he needs a wife, who is on his team and on his side, speaking the truth to him about who he is, and that he has value, and God\u2019s got a plan, and that he needs to walk by faith and trust God in the midst of this, and that you, as his wife, want to do anything and everything you can to stand with him.\n\nI really do appreciate your honesty because I think there are a lot more of our listeners where you are than we think right now.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But I want to know how the corner got turned because you had these three months\u2014what changed?\n\n<strong>Crystal: <\/strong>You know, I really feel like it was both of us getting to the place where we are saying: \u201cWe cannot do this alone anymore. We cannot just keep fighting with each other.\n\n<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\n\u201cWe\u2019ve got to just go to God.\u201d\u00a0 We just started really crying out to God\u2014and little bit by little bit\u2014things started changing\u2014even though, at first, it felt like we\u2019re just crying out to God, and your prayers were just hitting the ceiling, and dropping back down.\n\nBut eventually, then, he got this contract position; but the very interesting and God-thing that happened is\u2014through that hitting rock-bottom and then saying, \u201cWhat are we going to do?\u201d and \u201cWe need to pay our bills,\u201d\u2014at the end of that time period, <em>that\u2019s<\/em> when MoneySavingMom.com was born. Out of the ashes and this really messy time in my life\u2014that I wish I could just lock up in a vault of shame and forget that it ever happened\u2014not only did MoneySavingMom.com grow out of that\u2014because it was a brainstorm that kind of happened in that period of desperation\u2014but also, then, my husband, when he got this contract position, he started listening to all of these podcasts and audio books because it was just this document-review position.\n\n<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\nSo, he could listen to things for eight hours a day. God used all of that to really spark the entrepreneurial fire in him\u2014that I\u2019d never seen before.\n\nHad we just stayed with that same old job\u2014that it was a good job\u2014I don\u2019t think we would ever be where we are today\u2014had we <em>not <\/em>gone through all of that desperation, and God breaking both of us, and getting us to a place where we\u2019d say: \u201cGod, we\u2019ll do <em>whatever<\/em> You want us to do\u2014<em>whatever<\/em> that looks like. We want to be faithful. We want to honor You. No matter how hard it is, we want to walk in obedience.\u201d\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>What would you say to a wife, who is listening right now, and maybe she\u2019s near the point where you got for a three-month period?\u00a0 What would you tell her that you wished you had done in that situation?\n\n<strong>Crystal: <\/strong>Someone just asked me this the other day. It was painful to go back to that place\u2014but it was so good\u2014and say, \u201cWhat would I have told myself in that place, now, knowing what I know and the life experience that I\u2019ve had since then?\u201d\n\n<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\nI think one of the biggest things is I wish I would have focused on the blessings. That\u2019s a thing that God has really used in my life in the past few years\u2014is to count my blessings. I actually have a blessing journal\u2014that every single day\u2014it\u2019s just a line that I write in every single day, starting my morning off\u2014was looking at the good and focusing on the good because, when we start <em>noticing<\/em> the good and looking for it, it becomes a lot more obvious.\n\nI wish, in that point of desperation, I would have looked for those little sparks of hope because there is <em>always<\/em> hope. I would encourage any woman listening, who is just feeling despair: \u201cLook for the good. Look for the good in your husband. Look for the good in your marriage. Look for the good in your home \/ in your situation. There is <em>always<\/em> something to be thankful for.\u201d\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes, Crystal. We recently had a guest, here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, Brian Kluth, who talked about how, in some very lean years, he and his wife would sit down on Sunday night and would recount all of the things God had done for them in the previous seven days.\n\n<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\nThey would make a list of blessings\u2014kind of like you are talking about. At the end of that, they would then make their tithe \/ their gift after that time of recounting blessings.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, and I\u2014that\u2019s interesting because one of the things that you write about is cultivating generosity as a part of how you de-stress your life. Explain the connection; can you?\n\n<strong>Crystal: <\/strong>Yes. I think so much of the time we can get so focused on ourselves. We can have this little pity party for ourselves and how hard life is. When we can get outside ourselves\u2014and focus on other people and cultivate that generous spirit\u2014it will take our eyes off our problems. All of a sudden, we will have joy when we pour into other people.\n\nSo, I\u2014that was another thing that I was encouraging this woman, who was asking, \u201cWhat would you have done if you could look back then?\u201d\n\n<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\nI wish that I would have said, \u201cWho can I pour into\u2014what can I do for someone else?\u201d\u00a0 When you become a conduit for God to pour through, there is so much blessing and joy in that.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>What I want to know is\u2014as things began to stabilize financially for you, what happened to your marriage?\u00a0 I mean, it had been rock-bottom. Did the money coming in take care of all the wounds, and the hurts, and the division that you were experiencing in your marriage?\u00a0 Or did you find that you needed to do something on behalf of your marriage, moving forward?\n\n<strong>Crystal: <\/strong>We became very intentional in our marriage. It\u2019s not something that, one day, all of a sudden, we decided, \u201cWe\u2019re going to be super intentional\u201d; but it was a slow and gradual realizing: \u201cIf we\u2019re going to do this for the long-haul,\u201d\u2014be married for the long-haul\u2014\u201cthis takes work. We\u2019ve got to both be committed; and we\u2019ve got to<em> both<\/em> invest time, and energy, and effort into this marriage because good marriages don\u2019t just happen.\u201d\n\n<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\nWe started really setting goals for our marriage. Every single year, now, we set goals for our marriage\u2014these are simple things. One of the things that I set a goal for my marriage, this year, was to write a love note to my husband every single week\u2014just a simple way of expressing to him how much I appreciate him because, for years, I feel like I didn\u2019t express that. I focused on what he did wrong instead of what he was doing right. So, we can always find things to knit-pick; but we can, also, always find things to praise\u2014so, focusing on that. Goals for our marriage: for reading books together \/ reading the Bible together\u2014but simple, simple, little things\u2014not this massive, overwhelming goal but just very small, simple things. So, invest in our marriage.\n\nYes, when my husband got a job, it did help some things because it relieved some of that stress off of you; but money doesn\u2019t <em>fix<\/em> your problems. If you have problems, no matter how much money you throw at it, that\u2019s not going to <em>fix<\/em> the underlying issues.\n\n<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\nSo, we realized that we had to work on those things together.\n\nOnce we started working on those things together, then, God blessed our marriage and blessed us with finances. Then, we were excited because we\u2019re like: \u201cYou know, we\u2019ve lived so simply for so long, we don\u2019t <em>need<\/em> much more\u2014it\u2019s not like we need a lot of money to live on. So then\u2014let\u2019s just live simply\u2014so that we can give generously.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s just become our heartbeat of we want to\u2014together, on the same page\u2014look for ways to bless other people.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And I would say to a couple\u2014who, perhaps, have been through something like that: \u201cThe <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, our two-and-a-half-day marriage getaway, is a great way to invest in your marriage. It\u2019s a retreat of sorts so you can sit and soak in the Scripture and reflect on your marriage\u2014back to what we talked about in Ephesians 5\u2014look carefully at how you are walking and think about \u2018Are we doing the wise thing or the unwise thing?\u2019\u201d\n\n<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\nWhen a couple goes to the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>, they are not only rejuvenated spiritually, but they are both getting off the same page. At that point, you really can be <em>one<\/em> with each other, moving back into stressful situations.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I think a big part of what happens is that you disengage from\u2014\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014daily life for a couple\u2014\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Right.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014of days. You put it on hold, and you focus on a top-priority. I mean, apart from your relationship with Christ, your marriage relationship ought to be the next priority. If you don\u2019t spend some intentional focused time on your marriage, then, one of the top priorities in your life is just going to atrophy or it\u2019s going to hiccup.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>There are 52 weekends in a year. A bunch of those are taken by holidays; okay. Another bunch are taken by\u2014\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Football!\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes. There you go\u2014sports.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s right.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>But you know what?\u00a0 One of those weekends, every year, ought to be set apart. FamilyLife is not the only organization that does things on behalf of marriages and families; but I\u2019ll tell you what\u2014\n\n<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\n\u2014the<em> Weekend to Remember<\/em> is a great investment in your marriage. Have you guys been to one, Crystal?\n\n<strong>Crystal: <\/strong>Yes, we\u2014actually, we went to one six weeks after we were married, I think. And then, we didn\u2019t do the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>\u2014we actually did the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> cruises. We did those three times, which\u2014that is a much bigger investment\u2014but for us\u2014that complete getting away\u2014which the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> accomplishes\u2014he was talking about \/ Bob was talking about disengaging\u2014for us, that\u2019s what we need to do. You have to disengage, as a mom, from the laundry, and the kids, and the schedules and all the to-do lists so that you can focus on your marriage.\n\nIt\u2019s really hard sometimes. When we do that\u2014we find the first 24 hours\u2014we\u2019re kind of arguing and fighting. It\u2019s like dealing with all this stuff\u2014that we\u2019ve kind of stuffed under\u2014that we really need to deal with, and it brings it to the surface. Maybe we\u2019re the only ones, and we\u2019re just weird!\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>No!\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>No!\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It\u2019s called decompression from life!\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s right.\n\n<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Crystal: <\/strong>But when we work through that and then say, \u201cOkay, we want to get on the same page,\u201d\u2014and those questions and the sessions\u2014that all helps us to start talking and really have that oneness together. It\u2019s been so fantastic, and we\u2019ve been so blessed by it.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>There really aren\u2019t any mounds of laundry or diapers on that <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> cruise.\n\n<strong>Crystal: <\/strong>Yes, and it\u2019s a wonderful thing. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Even the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> is relatively laundry-free. Yes.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes, it really is. You know, before we\u2019re done here, Crystal, I really appreciate your work. I want to give you a chance\u2014here at the end of the broadcast\u2014instead of writing a love letter to your husband\u2014I\u2019m going to have you say some words of love to your husband. Not a lot of women have been afforded the opportunity\u2014\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s right. We get to listen in to exactly what you\u2019d say to him! [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And a few million other folks will be listening in as well. So, you just start thinking about what you want to say to him in front of a few of your friends and those people who are following your blog.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Let me suggest that folks get a copy of your book too. It\u2019s called <em>Say Goodbye to Survival <\/em>Mode: <em>9 Simple Strategies to Stress Less, Sleep More, and Restore Your Passion for Life<\/em>.\n\n<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\nWe\u2019ve got it in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. Go, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link that says, \u201cGO DEEPER,\u201d up at the top of the page. The information about Crystal\u2019s book is available right there. You can order, online, if you like. FamilyLifeToday.com is the website. Or call 1-800-358-6329. That\u2019s 1-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\nAnd while you continue to think about what you want to say to your husband, Crystal, let me say a special congratulations to our friends, Robert and Pamela Ring, who live in Woodland, Maine\u2014the little town of Woodland, Maine. They are celebrating 19 years of marriage together today. We want to say, \u201cCongratulations!\u201d and say, \u201cThank you,\u201d to the Rings for standing with us, here at FamilyLife.\n\n<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\nThey are among the team of people who help make this daily radio program possible through financial support of this ministry\u2014by making donations to cover the cost of producing and syndicating this program, helping us expand the work of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> around the country and around the world. We\u2019re grateful for your partnership with us, and congratulations on 19 years of marriage.\n\nWe also want to encourage all of our listeners to consider being a part of the team. Can you help with a donation to support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>?\u00a0 If you can, we\u2019d like to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d by sending you our 2015 Spirit-filled Year calendar. It\u2019s all about the fruit of the Spirit in your life and in your marriage. It starts with October 2014. So, it\u2019s one of those 15-month calendars.\n\nWe\u2019ll send it to you when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link in the upper right-hand corner of the page that says, \u201cI Care,\u201d and make an online donation. Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Make your donation over the phone, and let us know that you\u2019d like the calendar.\n\n<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\nOr you can send a donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at P O Box 7111, Little Rock, AR. And our zip code is 72223. Ask for the Spirit-filled Year calendar when you get in touch with us. Again, thanks for your financial support. We appreciate you.\n\nDennis?\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, Crystal, you have been a great advocate for helping women, wives, and moms be more efficient and effective in all that God has called them to do. I just want to say: \u201cThanks for writing <em>Say Goodbye to Survival Mode<\/em>. Way to go on this!\u201d\u00a0 But I told you I was going to give you an opportunity, here on national radio\u2014are you up for this?\u00a0 Do you want to do it or not?\u00a0 Is\u2014\n\n<strong>Crystal: <\/strong>Absolutely!\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Okay, so\u2014\n\n<strong>Crystal: <\/strong>Absolutely, I\u2019ll make sure that my husband listens in too, but I won\u2019t tell him that I\u2019m doing this.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Jesse\u2014\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>He won\u2019t know what\u2019s coming.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Jesse, I want you to know she is smiling, big time.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>So, this was not something we forced her to do.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s right.\n\n<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Crystal: <\/strong>Jesse, I appreciate so much that you have weathered the storms of life these past 11 years. You\u2019ve put up with a wife who was not always pleasant to live with. You\u2019ve loved me. You\u2019ve poured into me. You\u2019ve given so much to me. You\u2019ve encouraged me to step outside my comfort zone to do hard things. You\u2019ve been adventurous with me, and you\u2019ve never stopped loving me.\n\nAnd I just appreciate how much you give to our family, how much you do for the kids \/ for me, and how faithful you are in God\u2019s Word. Thank you, and I love you.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Now, does that mean you don\u2019t have to write a note this week since you did that?\u00a0 Do think you are off the hook on writing the note?\n\n<strong>Crystal: <\/strong>I\u2019ll probably still write a note.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Oh, that\u2019s good.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And I just wanted to say, \u201cAnd that\u2019s real family life.\u201d\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong><em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\n\nHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\nCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2014 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\n<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":["Author Crystal Paine recalls a financially stressful season in the life of her family that God worked for good."],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["23.22M"],"filesize_raw":["24347382"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-303207.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-303207.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f 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life running you ragged? Author Crystal Paine recalls a financially stressful season in the life of her family that God worked for good and ultimately prodded her to launch her website.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-09-23.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>There was a season in Crystal Paine\u2019s life and marriage where her husband had lost his job\u2014he was out of work. Finances were tight, and their relationship was rocky. Crystal Paine says her words were not helping.\n\n<strong>Crystal: <\/strong>When I was saying these things and lashing out at him\u2014when he was already at rock-bottom\u2014it just cut him to pieces. The last thing that he needed from me was wounding words. He needed me to be supporting him. He needed me to be <em>encouraging<\/em> him and <em>motivating<\/em> him, and that was not what I was doing.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, September 23<sup>rd<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. How do you make it through tough times together, as a couple?\u00a0 We\u2019ll hear thoughts on that today from Crystal Paine. Stay tuned.\n\n<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\nAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. So, you\u2019ve talked about the fact that, when your kids were little, you kind of lived in perpetual survival mode. Did you get out of that once the kids left the house?\u00a0 I mean, is that when sanity returned?\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, to a large extent, yes, because, instead of balancing eight schedules, you\u2019re now back to two.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I remember when you became an empty-nester\u2014I remember you coming in, and you talked about how there used to be\u2014this was the phrase you\u2019d use\u2014you talk about there used to be this tension against the muscle. And you said, \u201cNow, I go home; and it\u2019s kind of like I\u2019m not really sure what to do.\u201d\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, it wasn\u2019t quite that bad\u2014that I wasn\u2019t sure what to do\u2014but I did miss being surrounded by the kids coming out of the house and surrounding my car and giving me a hug and a kiss. That began the evening. I mean,\u2014\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, there\u2019s\u2014\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014I was on, as a father.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, there is something about the energy that comes in these survival mode moments, but it can be overwhelming; right?\n\n<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It can be. If you don\u2019t pull back and really fulfill Ephesians 5:16-17\u2014I know I read this earlier, but I\u2019m going to read it again\u2014\u201cLook carefully, then, how you walk\u201d\u2014did you hear that\u2014\u201cLook carefully, then, how you walk, not as unwise but as wise\u2026.\u201d\u00a0 I just want to stop here and say, \u201cWisdom is godly skill in everyday living.\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s living life the way God designed it to be lived. And I think God does want us to maximize our lives.\n\nThe passage goes on, though, to say this: \u201c\u2026making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.\u201d\u00a0 And if you\u2019re raising a family, you know that the days are challenging\u2014you know that there are some evil things out there, and you really want to be as much in control of your schedule as you possibly can be.\n\nWe have a friend, back with us in the studio\u2014Crystal Paine, who joins us again. Welcome back, Crystal.\n\n<strong>Crystal: <\/strong>Thanks so much for having me back!\n\n<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>She has written a book\u2014<em>Say Goodbye to Survival Mode: 9 Simple Strategies to Stress Less,<\/em>\u2014Barbara would love this next promise\u2014<em>Sleep More,<\/em>\u2014\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I read that and I said, \u201cI\u2019m reading this book.\u201d\u00a0 If \u201csleep more\u201d is a promise, I\u2019m in. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014<em>and Restore Your Passion for Life<\/em>. She and Jesse have been married since 2003. They have three children, live near Nashville, and she is the creator of MoneySavingMom.com.\n\nI want to go to an ugly moment that you admit in your book. I was really proud of you for sharing this story because I think this is where a lot of people can really say: \u201cYou know, Crystal\u2019s a real person. I can trust her with her solutions because she is willing to admit she\u2019s been at rock-bottom as well.\u201d\n\nYou were in Kansas City. You and your husband had just moved into a rental house. Well, frankly put, Crystal\u2014you\u2019d had it\u2014hadn\u2019t you?\n\n<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Crystal: <\/strong>Yes. My husband was just fresh out of law school. We had moved there, thinking he had this job that was going to provide well for us. Then, it was just like everything started crumbling; and the job did not go at all like we expected. He was very stressed; and then, my health started taking a hit because of that stress from him. I wasn\u2019t taking care of myself, and I was pregnant with my second child. Then, I ended up being hospitalized because I was so anemic.\n\nI just remember how hopeless and helpless we felt. So, then, I had my second child. Then, my husband lost his job. So, we\u2019re in this town where we hardly know anyone. We have these two little children. My husband cannot find a job, and I\u2019m in the middle of post-partum depression. I was just angry with everything in my life.\n\n<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\nI was overwhelmed, and I was angry with my husband because I just felt like he wasn\u2019t taking care of us.\n\nI look back, and I\u2019m so\u2014I had so much sadness that I took out my frustration on him\u2014but I did. I threatened to leave him, and I just was so overwhelmed that I didn\u2019t know what to do.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You berated him\u2014you said in your book.\n\n<strong>Crystal: <\/strong>I did. I would\u2014I was awful!\u00a0 I mean, I just remember these words spewing out of my mouth\u2014such hurtful, hurtful words toward him because I was taking out <em>my<\/em> stress and <em>my<\/em> frustration on him and <em>blaming <\/em>him for our situation when it wasn\u2019t his fault.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>He was attempting to get a job\u2014it just wasn\u2019t coming through.\n\n<strong>Crystal: <\/strong>Yes. And he was trying <em>so<\/em> hard. My words did nothing but demoralize him. I just look back, with so much sadness, that I allowed myself to get to that point.\n\n<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\nYet, when you hit that rock-bottom point in your marriage\u2014and you threaten to leave each other and you have these awful words come out of your mouth\u2014if you can weather that and come out stronger, then, I feel like there is so much peace that comes in your marriage, once you\u2019ve worked through that, and you\u2019ve asked forgiveness and you acknowledged, \u201cI hurt you with my words, and I am so sorry.\u201d\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>What kept you from leaving?\n\n<strong>Crystal: <\/strong>The grace of God. Honestly, I don\u2019t know, except for probably it was still that fear of man of: \u201cIf I leave my husband, what are going people going to think of me?\u201d\u2014which is terrible\u2014but that\u2019s probably the honest truth of what it was. And also, when it really came down to it, I needed him\u2014I just needed his support, and just what he is to me, and the rock that he is in my life\u2014but it\u2019s so easy to just lash out at your husband, without even thinking about it because we\u2019re frustrated. I think that\u2019s the thing\u2014when you have <em>so much<\/em> in your life and <em>so<\/em> many stressors in your life\u2014\n\n<strong>7:00<\/strong><strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n\u2014the last thing that you need to be doing is lashing out at your husband and blaming him for it\u2014but it\u2019s, oftentimes, the first thing that we do.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Was that pain point\u2014I mean, here you are\u2014you\u2019re spewing \/ you\u2019re saying, \u201cI\u2019m out of here if you don\u2019t get a job,\u201d or whatever the threat was that says, \u201cI\u2019m going to leave,\u201d\u2014was that just a momentary pain release for you; or were you really contemplating: \u201cI\u2019m taking the kids, and I\u2019m moving back home, and I don\u2019t want to have anything to do with you anymore\u201d?\n\n<strong>Crystal: <\/strong>I was serious. It was three months where\u2014I remember we had kind of grown up in this very Christian culture, and always looking at people who had marriage problems thinking, \u201cWhat\u2019s their deal?\u201d\u2014like: \u201cWhy can\u2019t they get it together?\u00a0 They just need to be more Christian or something.\u201d\u00a0 But I remember, in that moment, thinking: \u201cI get it now. I get how people can have these arguments\u2014how they can have so much hurt, and pain, and be so upset at their spouse.\u201d\n\n<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\nGod used that to really break me of this pride\u2014of thinking I had it all together. God really took us through the ringer in that time, and pulled us out of that. We\u2019re so much stronger as a result of hitting rock-bottom.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>So, this occurred while you were seated in the middle of the floor. Are the kids around you as this was taking place?\n\n<strong>Crystal: <\/strong>Yes, it happened multiple times\u2014that I threatened to leave. Honestly, for a three-month period\u2014I remember, every day, I would break down in tears and just be like: \u201cI can\u2019t do this anymore!\u00a0 I cannot live like this anymore. Go get a job. What is the deal?\u00a0 Go get a job!\u201d\u00a0 It happened multiple times; and yes, our kids would be there. I am so sad that they saw that. They were young, but I\u2019m just so sad that they experienced that stress in our relationship.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>So, what was Jesse\u2019s response?\u00a0 I mean, he\u2019s taking these hits\u2014one right after another\u2014from his wife.\n\n<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\nWhat did that do to him?\n\n<strong>Crystal: <\/strong>It demoralized him. It made him feel like he was a loser because\u2014not only could he not get a job \/ not only did he <em>lose<\/em> his job\u2014I remember he couldn\u2019t even get a job, throwing phone books. He was trying to apply for anything and everything. He couldn\u2019t even get that job because\u2014I mean, I really look back and know that God allowed that to happen because it broke both of us. It was such a good time, even though it was such an awful time.\n\nBut when I was saying these things and lashing out at him\u2014when he was already at rock-bottom\u2014it just cut him to pieces. The last thing that he needed from me was wounding words. He needed me to be supporting him. He needed me to be <em>encouraging<\/em> him and <em>motivating<\/em> him, and that was not what I was doing.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And that\u2019s what I want every wife to hear\u2014a man, who has lost his job\u2014I don\u2019t know exactly all of the psychological impacts that has on a man\u2019s life and soul\u2014\n\n<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\n\u2014all I know is it is devastating. If he needs anything during that period of time, he needs a mirror, not to reflect back\u2014and I\u2019m not shaming you for doing it. You said you began to turn the corner and get back on his team. But he needs a wife, who is on his team and on his side, speaking the truth to him about who he is, and that he has value, and God\u2019s got a plan, and that he needs to walk by faith and trust God in the midst of this, and that you, as his wife, want to do anything and everything you can to stand with him.\n\nI really do appreciate your honesty because I think there are a lot more of our listeners where you are than we think right now.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But I want to know how the corner got turned because you had these three months\u2014what changed?\n\n<strong>Crystal: <\/strong>You know, I really feel like it was both of us getting to the place where we are saying: \u201cWe cannot do this alone anymore. We cannot just keep fighting with each other.\n\n<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\n\u201cWe\u2019ve got to just go to God.\u201d\u00a0 We just started really crying out to God\u2014and little bit by little bit\u2014things started changing\u2014even though, at first, it felt like we\u2019re just crying out to God, and your prayers were just hitting the ceiling, and dropping back down.\n\nBut eventually, then, he got this contract position; but the very interesting and God-thing that happened is\u2014through that hitting rock-bottom and then saying, \u201cWhat are we going to do?\u201d and \u201cWe need to pay our bills,\u201d\u2014at the end of that time period, <em>that\u2019s<\/em> when MoneySavingMom.com was born. Out of the ashes and this really messy time in my life\u2014that I wish I could just lock up in a vault of shame and forget that it ever happened\u2014not only did MoneySavingMom.com grow out of that\u2014because it was a brainstorm that kind of happened in that period of desperation\u2014but also, then, my husband, when he got this contract position, he started listening to all of these podcasts and audio books because it was just this document-review position.\n\n<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\nSo, he could listen to things for eight hours a day. God used all of that to really spark the entrepreneurial fire in him\u2014that I\u2019d never seen before.\n\nHad we just stayed with that same old job\u2014that it was a good job\u2014I don\u2019t think we would ever be where we are today\u2014had we <em>not <\/em>gone through all of that desperation, and God breaking both of us, and getting us to a place where we\u2019d say: \u201cGod, we\u2019ll do <em>whatever<\/em> You want us to do\u2014<em>whatever<\/em> that looks like. We want to be faithful. We want to honor You. No matter how hard it is, we want to walk in obedience.\u201d\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>What would you say to a wife, who is listening right now, and maybe she\u2019s near the point where you got for a three-month period?\u00a0 What would you tell her that you wished you had done in that situation?\n\n<strong>Crystal: <\/strong>Someone just asked me this the other day. It was painful to go back to that place\u2014but it was so good\u2014and say, \u201cWhat would I have told myself in that place, now, knowing what I know and the life experience that I\u2019ve had since then?\u201d\n\n<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\nI think one of the biggest things is I wish I would have focused on the blessings. That\u2019s a thing that God has really used in my life in the past few years\u2014is to count my blessings. I actually have a blessing journal\u2014that every single day\u2014it\u2019s just a line that I write in every single day, starting my morning off\u2014was looking at the good and focusing on the good because, when we start <em>noticing<\/em> the good and looking for it, it becomes a lot more obvious.\n\nI wish, in that point of desperation, I would have looked for those little sparks of hope because there is <em>always<\/em> hope. I would encourage any woman listening, who is just feeling despair: \u201cLook for the good. Look for the good in your husband. Look for the good in your marriage. Look for the good in your home \/ in your situation. There is <em>always<\/em> something to be thankful for.\u201d\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes, Crystal. We recently had a guest, here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, Brian Kluth, who talked about how, in some very lean years, he and his wife would sit down on Sunday night and would recount all of the things God had done for them in the previous seven days.\n\n<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\nThey would make a list of blessings\u2014kind of like you are talking about. At the end of that, they would then make their tithe \/ their gift after that time of recounting blessings.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, and I\u2014that\u2019s interesting because one of the things that you write about is cultivating generosity as a part of how you de-stress your life. Explain the connection; can you?\n\n<strong>Crystal: <\/strong>Yes. I think so much of the time we can get so focused on ourselves. We can have this little pity party for ourselves and how hard life is. When we can get outside ourselves\u2014and focus on other people and cultivate that generous spirit\u2014it will take our eyes off our problems. All of a sudden, we will have joy when we pour into other people.\n\nSo, I\u2014that was another thing that I was encouraging this woman, who was asking, \u201cWhat would you have done if you could look back then?\u201d\n\n<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\nI wish that I would have said, \u201cWho can I pour into\u2014what can I do for someone else?\u201d\u00a0 When you become a conduit for God to pour through, there is so much blessing and joy in that.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>What I want to know is\u2014as things began to stabilize financially for you, what happened to your marriage?\u00a0 I mean, it had been rock-bottom. Did the money coming in take care of all the wounds, and the hurts, and the division that you were experiencing in your marriage?\u00a0 Or did you find that you needed to do something on behalf of your marriage, moving forward?\n\n<strong>Crystal: <\/strong>We became very intentional in our marriage. It\u2019s not something that, one day, all of a sudden, we decided, \u201cWe\u2019re going to be super intentional\u201d; but it was a slow and gradual realizing: \u201cIf we\u2019re going to do this for the long-haul,\u201d\u2014be married for the long-haul\u2014\u201cthis takes work. We\u2019ve got to both be committed; and we\u2019ve got to<em> both<\/em> invest time, and energy, and effort into this marriage because good marriages don\u2019t just happen.\u201d\n\n<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\nWe started really setting goals for our marriage. Every single year, now, we set goals for our marriage\u2014these are simple things. One of the things that I set a goal for my marriage, this year, was to write a love note to my husband every single week\u2014just a simple way of expressing to him how much I appreciate him because, for years, I feel like I didn\u2019t express that. I focused on what he did wrong instead of what he was doing right. So, we can always find things to knit-pick; but we can, also, always find things to praise\u2014so, focusing on that. Goals for our marriage: for reading books together \/ reading the Bible together\u2014but simple, simple, little things\u2014not this massive, overwhelming goal but just very small, simple things. So, invest in our marriage.\n\nYes, when my husband got a job, it did help some things because it relieved some of that stress off of you; but money doesn\u2019t <em>fix<\/em> your problems. If you have problems, no matter how much money you throw at it, that\u2019s not going to <em>fix<\/em> the underlying issues.\n\n<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\nSo, we realized that we had to work on those things together.\n\nOnce we started working on those things together, then, God blessed our marriage and blessed us with finances. Then, we were excited because we\u2019re like: \u201cYou know, we\u2019ve lived so simply for so long, we don\u2019t <em>need<\/em> much more\u2014it\u2019s not like we need a lot of money to live on. So then\u2014let\u2019s just live simply\u2014so that we can give generously.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s just become our heartbeat of we want to\u2014together, on the same page\u2014look for ways to bless other people.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And I would say to a couple\u2014who, perhaps, have been through something like that: \u201cThe <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, our two-and-a-half-day marriage getaway, is a great way to invest in your marriage. It\u2019s a retreat of sorts so you can sit and soak in the Scripture and reflect on your marriage\u2014back to what we talked about in Ephesians 5\u2014look carefully at how you are walking and think about \u2018Are we doing the wise thing or the unwise thing?\u2019\u201d\n\n<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\nWhen a couple goes to the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>, they are not only rejuvenated spiritually, but they are both getting off the same page. At that point, you really can be <em>one<\/em> with each other, moving back into stressful situations.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I think a big part of what happens is that you disengage from\u2014\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014daily life for a couple\u2014\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Right.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014of days. You put it on hold, and you focus on a top-priority. I mean, apart from your relationship with Christ, your marriage relationship ought to be the next priority. If you don\u2019t spend some intentional focused time on your marriage, then, one of the top priorities in your life is just going to atrophy or it\u2019s going to hiccup.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>There are 52 weekends in a year. A bunch of those are taken by holidays; okay. Another bunch are taken by\u2014\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Football!\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes. There you go\u2014sports.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s right.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>But you know what?\u00a0 One of those weekends, every year, ought to be set apart. FamilyLife is not the only organization that does things on behalf of marriages and families; but I\u2019ll tell you what\u2014\n\n<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\n\u2014the<em> Weekend to Remember<\/em> is a great investment in your marriage. Have you guys been to one, Crystal?\n\n<strong>Crystal: <\/strong>Yes, we\u2014actually, we went to one six weeks after we were married, I think. And then, we didn\u2019t do the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>\u2014we actually did the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> cruises. We did those three times, which\u2014that is a much bigger investment\u2014but for us\u2014that complete getting away\u2014which the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> accomplishes\u2014he was talking about \/ Bob was talking about disengaging\u2014for us, that\u2019s what we need to do. You have to disengage, as a mom, from the laundry, and the kids, and the schedules and all the to-do lists so that you can focus on your marriage.\n\nIt\u2019s really hard sometimes. When we do that\u2014we find the first 24 hours\u2014we\u2019re kind of arguing and fighting. It\u2019s like dealing with all this stuff\u2014that we\u2019ve kind of stuffed under\u2014that we really need to deal with, and it brings it to the surface. Maybe we\u2019re the only ones, and we\u2019re just weird!\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>No!\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>No!\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It\u2019s called decompression from life!\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s right.\n\n<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Crystal: <\/strong>But when we work through that and then say, \u201cOkay, we want to get on the same page,\u201d\u2014and those questions and the sessions\u2014that all helps us to start talking and really have that oneness together. It\u2019s been so fantastic, and we\u2019ve been so blessed by it.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>There really aren\u2019t any mounds of laundry or diapers on that <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> cruise.\n\n<strong>Crystal: <\/strong>Yes, and it\u2019s a wonderful thing. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Even the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> is relatively laundry-free. Yes.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes, it really is. You know, before we\u2019re done here, Crystal, I really appreciate your work. I want to give you a chance\u2014here at the end of the broadcast\u2014instead of writing a love letter to your husband\u2014I\u2019m going to have you say some words of love to your husband. Not a lot of women have been afforded the opportunity\u2014\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s right. We get to listen in to exactly what you\u2019d say to him! [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And a few million other folks will be listening in as well. So, you just start thinking about what you want to say to him in front of a few of your friends and those people who are following your blog.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Let me suggest that folks get a copy of your book too. It\u2019s called <em>Say Goodbye to Survival <\/em>Mode: <em>9 Simple Strategies to Stress Less, Sleep More, and Restore Your Passion for Life<\/em>.\n\n<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\nWe\u2019ve got it in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. Go, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link that says, \u201cGO DEEPER,\u201d up at the top of the page. The information about Crystal\u2019s book is available right there. You can order, online, if you like. FamilyLifeToday.com is the website. Or call 1-800-358-6329. That\u2019s 1-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\nAnd while you continue to think about what you want to say to your husband, Crystal, let me say a special congratulations to our friends, Robert and Pamela Ring, who live in Woodland, Maine\u2014the little town of Woodland, Maine. They are celebrating 19 years of marriage together today. We want to say, \u201cCongratulations!\u201d and say, \u201cThank you,\u201d to the Rings for standing with us, here at FamilyLife.\n\n<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\nThey are among the team of people who help make this daily radio program possible through financial support of this ministry\u2014by making donations to cover the cost of producing and syndicating this program, helping us expand the work of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> around the country and around the world. We\u2019re grateful for your partnership with us, and congratulations on 19 years of marriage.\n\nWe also want to encourage all of our listeners to consider being a part of the team. Can you help with a donation to support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>?\u00a0 If you can, we\u2019d like to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d by sending you our 2015 Spirit-filled Year calendar. It\u2019s all about the fruit of the Spirit in your life and in your marriage. It starts with October 2014. So, it\u2019s one of those 15-month calendars.\n\nWe\u2019ll send it to you when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link in the upper right-hand corner of the page that says, \u201cI Care,\u201d and make an online donation. Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Make your donation over the phone, and let us know that you\u2019d like the calendar.\n\n<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\nOr you can send a donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at P O Box 7111, Little Rock, AR. And our zip code is 72223. Ask for the Spirit-filled Year calendar when you get in touch with us. Again, thanks for your financial support. We appreciate you.\n\nDennis?\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, Crystal, you have been a great advocate for helping women, wives, and moms be more efficient and effective in all that God has called them to do. I just want to say: \u201cThanks for writing <em>Say Goodbye to Survival Mode<\/em>. Way to go on this!\u201d\u00a0 But I told you I was going to give you an opportunity, here on national radio\u2014are you up for this?\u00a0 Do you want to do it or not?\u00a0 Is\u2014\n\n<strong>Crystal: <\/strong>Absolutely!\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Okay, so\u2014\n\n<strong>Crystal: <\/strong>Absolutely, I\u2019ll make sure that my husband listens in too, but I won\u2019t tell him that I\u2019m doing this.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Jesse\u2014\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>He won\u2019t know what\u2019s coming.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Jesse, I want you to know she is smiling, big time.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>So, this was not something we forced her to do.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s right.\n\n<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Crystal: <\/strong>Jesse, I appreciate so much that you have weathered the storms of life these past 11 years. You\u2019ve put up with a wife who was not always pleasant to live with. You\u2019ve loved me. You\u2019ve poured into me. You\u2019ve given so much to me. You\u2019ve encouraged me to step outside my comfort zone to do hard things. You\u2019ve been adventurous with me, and you\u2019ve never stopped loving me.\n\nAnd I just appreciate how much you give to our family, how much you do for the kids \/ for me, and how faithful you are in God\u2019s Word. Thank you, and I love you.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Now, does that mean you don\u2019t have to write a note this week since you did that?\u00a0 Do think you are off the hook on writing the note?\n\n<strong>Crystal: <\/strong>I\u2019ll probably still write a note.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Oh, that\u2019s good.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And I just wanted to say, \u201cAnd that\u2019s real family life.\u201d\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong><em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\n\nHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\nCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2014 FamilyLife. 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