{"id":303197,"date":"2014-09-15T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2014-09-15T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/step-mothers-know-best\/"},"modified":"2014-09-15T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2014-09-15T15:00:00","slug":"step-mothers-know-best","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/step-mothers-know-best\/","title":{"rendered":"Step-Mothers Know Best"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Seeking advice for your blended family? Then you&#8217;ve come to the right place! Stepmothers Laura Petherbridge, Heather Hetchler and Gayla Grace talk about the challenges they&#8217;ve faced blending a family and becoming effective stepmothers.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Stepmothers Laura Petherbridge, Heather Hetchler and Gayla Grace talk about the challenges they&#8217;ve faced blending a family and becoming effective stepmothers.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-09-15.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"23.52M","filesize_raw":"24662119","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2882,2894],"tags":[5433,5435,5431,5434,5432],"podcast_series":[8036],"cwp_profile":[3586,9358,3308],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-303197","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-developing-a-relationship-with-stepchildren","category-stepfamily-living","tag-disharmony","tag-dont-rush-into-it","tag-high-conflict-relationship","tag-stepkids","tag-strained","podcast_series-tips-for-smart-stepmoms","cwp_profile-gayla-grace","cwp_profile-heather-hetchler","cwp_profile-laura-petherbridge","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/303197\/step-mothers-know-best","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/303197\/step-mothers-know-best","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"SnllZjTA8L\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/step-mothers-know-best\/\">Step-Mothers Know Best<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/step-mothers-know-best\/embed\/#?secret=SnllZjTA8L\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Step-Mothers Know Best&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"SnllZjTA8L\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-09-15.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-09-15.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Have you ever been on a windy highway\u2014where there are all kinds of signs that tell you to slow down here, and to watch out for this curb, and that there\u2019s a steep grade ahead\u2014things like that? Laura Petherbridge believes that forming a blended family is a little like driving on one of those windy roads. You\u2019ve got to pay attention to what you\u2019re doing if you want to get where you\u2019re going. She says the other passengers\u2014the kids who are along for the ride\u2014they understand what\u2019s going on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> How come the kids were <em>fine<\/em> with this stepmom or this stepdad <em>before<\/em> the wedding\u2014 and the day of the wedding\u2014the child was <em>wailing<\/em>\u2014they were crying so hard? They get it\u2014that the moment that \u201cI do\u201d occurs\u2014that the vow is made\u2014that they have moved from the front seat to the backseat in their parent\u2019s life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, September 15<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We have a lot of suggestions today for moms who want to be smart stepmoms. We\u2019ve got a panel of seasoned experts joining us. Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. Do you remember the last time we saw these three ladies?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> At the summit?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes! We were all together in Dallas, Texas. It was back in the fall of 2013\u2014the very first summit for blended family ministry. Ron Deal, who heads up FamilyLife Blended<sup>\u2122<\/sup>, had convened this meeting of about 150 people.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes, we sold it out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> All three of these ladies were with us, and we were talking about the needs of blended families. We\u2019re getting ready to have the second summit\u2014it\u2019s going to be taking place in Washington, DC, October 2<sup>nd<\/sup> and 3<sup>rd<\/sup>. Folks who have a heart for blended families or who have an interest in blended family ministry can go to FamilyLifeToday.com and get more information about what\u2019s coming up in Washington, DC, on October 2<sup>nd<\/sup> and 3<sup>rd<\/sup>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We are joined by Laura Petherbridge. Welcome back, Laura.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> Thank you. It\u2019s great to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Glad to have you back with us. She\u2019s just finished a book called <em>101 Tips for the Smart Stepmom<\/em>. This book is chock-full of great advice. You\u2019ve been a stepmom for how long? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> Twenty-eight years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> And everybody\u2019s still alive.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> There ought to be at least four tips a year that you would crank out of\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014at least! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAlso with us is Gayla Grace who, along with Heather Hetchler, has co-authored a book called <em>Unwrapping the Gift of Stepfamily Peace. <\/em>Welcome, ladies, to the broadcast.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gayla:<\/strong> Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Heather:<\/strong> Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gayla and<\/strong> <strong>Heather:<\/strong> It\u2019s good to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I\u2019ve got a tough question for all three of you; alright? Now, I want you to be honest. This is a two-part question. When you were dating and thinking about forming a stepfamily\u2014on a scale of 1-10\u2014how difficult did you think it would be?\u20141 being falling off a log \/ easy\u201410 being <em>incredibly<\/em> difficult.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cNot sure I can survive it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Exactly; that kind of thing. On a 1-10-point basis\u2014now there are two scores on this. What did you <em>think<\/em> it was going to be, prior to marriage, as you dated and, then, fast forward\u2014let\u2019s say five years into the relationship\u2014what number would you have given it, five years into the relationship?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It might have just taken a couple of weeks. You might not have to go five years to get to that number! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It might not have! Laura, since you\u2019re the veteran in here, we\u2019ll let you go first. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> What did you think it was going to be?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> I thought it would be about a \u201c3\u201d because I grew up in a stepfamily. I had two stepmoms, growing up, so I thought I knew this stepfamily thing\u2014\u201cIt would be easy.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cThere would be a couple of challenges, but\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cA couple of notches above falling off a log.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> \u201cNot too complicated.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Alright; all the way around the horn here\u2014Gayla?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gayla:<\/strong> I thought it would be about a \u201c5.\u201d My husband and I were both bringing two kids into the marriage. So, I knew there would be some complications from both sides.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, you had more of a realistic opinion of this. Okay, Heather?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Heather:<\/strong> I\u2019m going to be completely honest and give it a \u201c2.\u201d I have four children of my own, and I <em>loved <\/em>being a mom. I was marrying a man, with two daughters, who was a full-time dad\u2014so, I didn\u2019t have the ex-wife in the picture. I thought: \u201cThis is going to be easy. I <em>love <\/em>being a mom, and I have two more kids to love on.\u201d I just did not foresee any of it happening, especially because all six of our kids are within six years of each other.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay; okay\u2014so a \u201c3,\u201d \u201c5,\u201d and \u201c2.\u201d These sound like very achievable numbers here. How long before you started to grade it up a little bit?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, let\u2019s start with the \u201c2.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay, yes. How long did it take for your \u201c2\u201d to be a \u201c3,\u201d or a \u201c4,\u201d or a \u201c5\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Heather:<\/strong> Well, it went from a \u201c2\u201d to \u201c20\u201d in about two weeks. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> In two weeks?!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> To a \u201c20\u201d?!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Heather:<\/strong> Yes. Ten really isn\u2019t real. I mean, I went in with unrealistic expectations\u2014and I want to tell you two\u2014I read Ron\u2019s book. We did classes\u2014our church\u2014the church I belong to does have a very strong stepfamily ministry. I thought: \u201cWow! I feel bad for all of these people. This is not going to happen to me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOnce I said, \u201cI do,\u201d and we blended our families, things just started to happen. The hurt and the pain that the kids were feeling\u2014because remarriage is really a second chance at love for the adults\u2014but it is a permanent reminder, for those kids, that mom and dad will never, ever be together again.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Heather:<\/strong> So, I was not prepared. The one thing that was good is that I had read and I <em>knew<\/em> that that stuff was normal\u2014I just didn\u2019t think it would happen to me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Okay; Gayla?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gayla:<\/strong> We went to a \u201c10\u201d very quickly. In fact, my husband and I were in counseling within less than a year. The counselor said to us, \u201cI don\u2019t normally see married couples quite this soon\u201d; but we were struggling.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Sorry to laugh at that\u2014[Laughter] \u2014wow! \u2014and Laura?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> I would say that within a month it was probably up to an \u201c8\u201d or a \u201c9.\u201d I would say, within a month, I was thinking, \u201cI have made a <em>huge <\/em>mistake.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So it escalates, and it escalates quickly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> All of you gave it a score that went from \u201c2,\u201d \u201c3,\u201d or \u201c5\u201d to \u201c10\u201d or \u201c20.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And it didn\u2019t take\u2014I\u2019m just curious, Heather\u2014you said it took two weeks. Was there a turning point, where you saw it heading toward a \u201c20,\u201d and you thought: \u201cOh, no! I didn\u2019t know we were going over this hill this quick\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Heather:<\/strong> You know, it just\u2014we blended our families and I thought: \u201cWow! Eight people in one house\u2014this is going to just be a houseful of love and so much laughter.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Heather:<\/strong> And I felt like an outsider in my own home. I was not prepared for that. I felt lonely. I just kept thinking: \u201cHow can this be? How can I be lonely with seven other people in the house?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think what happened, too, was that my two step-daughters, who don\u2019t see their mom\u2014their mom had left before I met their father\u2014they were just missing her even more. Even though they begged me to be their mom and they loved me, I think that was just a reminder: \u201cI wish <em>my mom<\/em> was washing my clothes. I wish <em>my mom<\/em> was baking the cookies. I wish <em>my mom<\/em> was here.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> They would say that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Heather:<\/strong> Well, they would act out. I mean, they would say things like, \u201cYou\u2019re not my mom,\u201d or they would do things to me. I remember my youngest step-daughter told my youngest daughter: \u201cYour mom is no longer your mom anymore because she has my last name and not yours.\u201d I remember my child coming to me and asking me that. I was <em>so <\/em>thankful to the Lord that she shared that with me because I didn\u2019t want her walking around, thinking that, but that\u2019s how children feel. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you don\u2019t know what your kids are thinking\u2014it was just the pain that they were feeling, and so they were acting out. There began to be some sibling rivalry and jealousy. My four children see their dad\u2014he actually built a house down the street from us. So, my kids come and go; and they see both parents. It\u2019s hard for a child to understand: \u201cWhy does my mom choose not to see me?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cMy stepsiblings get to see their dad whenever they want.\u201d There was just a lot of reality that came to be so quickly that we just weren\u2019t prepared for.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> There\u2019s competition in the midst of loss.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Heather:<\/strong> Absolutely!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I mean, these children have experienced loss\u2014either through death \/ a divorce. They have to process heavy stuff\u2014that even adults don\u2019t do a good job processing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Heather:<\/strong> Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gayla:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Gayla, what about you? How did you see your kids processing this?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gayla:<\/strong> Well, I think one thing that I didn\u2019t foresee was something that I struggled with\u2014as both a biological mom and a stepmom\u2014is sharing myself. I went from two kids to four. All of a sudden, there\u2019s less time with my own kids because I\u2019m also trying to be a mom to these two step-kids. So, that part of it was a bit of a surprise for me\u2014then, my children also, in turn, sharing me, now with two other children in the home. Our kids were fairly young\u2014they were three to ten\u2014four kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo just that aspect of\u2014<em>overnight,<\/em> I went from two to four kids. The sharing aspect was difficult for all of us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And it seems to me that the natural outworking of this difficulty of going from \u201c2\u201d to \u201c20\u201d or from \u201c3\u201d to \u201c8\u201d or \u201c5\u201d to \u201c10\u201d is going to impact the marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gayla:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Ultimately, Laura, your marriage is going to suffer because of the angst and the lack of peace in the home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> How did it show up in your marriage?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> Well, I think, <em>for me<\/em>, it was\u2014you know\u2014I was raised by a single-parent mom\u2014very strict\u2014you didn\u2019t even look at my mother the wrong way; you know? We had very strict boundaries and rules. To watch my husband\u2014who I now understand was parenting out of guilt because he felt terrible that his children had gone through a divorce\u2014he <em>never<\/em> wanted them to experience that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, now to be the stepmom in this situation, and watching my husband not stand up to his children\u2014not tell them, \u201cNo,\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014in my opinion \/ in my little mind\u2014I had him as just being so wimpy, as a parent. It caused me to lose respect for him. I had to really get ahold of myself and really pray about that a lot because I was <em>losing<\/em> my <em>feelings<\/em> for him; and I was becoming disrespectful to him <em>because<\/em>, in my opinion, he wasn\u2019t being a good parent. That was huge! I really had to deal with that, and a lot of it was my own baggage from <em>how <\/em>I was raised.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> I was expecting <em>him<\/em> to behave like my mother had behaved\u2014and that was not how he was parenting. That was a really, really big thing for me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> All three of you ladies pointed to children as a catalytic part of taking your expectations to a harder reality. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m just wondering: \u201cDo you think, if you had walked into a blended marriage with no kids, would your \u20182\u2019 have been, maybe, a \u20184\u2019\u201d instead of being a \u201820\u2019? Or do you think that kids just accelerate the inevitable?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> Well, I have no biological children\u2014so I did enter the step-family with no biological children of my own. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> So I am a childless stepmom. But that comes with some angst, too, because there\u2019s this sense of: \u201cyour kids.\u201d He had this child with another woman\u2014so \u201cThat\u2019s not something you and I share.\u201d I can just speak to that small portion of\u2014being childless\u2014and there are <em>a lot<\/em> of childless stepmoms out there because a lot of stepmoms get married later in life. They either didn\u2019t meet \u201cMr. Right\u201d until later on, or they waited to get married\u2014so now they either can\u2019t have children, or they\u2019re in the middle of infertility treatments, or things like that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, even coming into it childless can have some really, really strong ramifications.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes, what I heard you describing was a situation where a new family had formed. A lot of times you felt like, \u201cThis new family formed, but I\u2019m still a step out.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cWe\u2019re here, as a family; but I\u2019m only a part of the family sometimes.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> \u201cI\u2019m outside the circle.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, Heather described it as being lonely in the midst of a family of eight.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Heather:<\/strong> I was <em>very<\/em> surprised to feel lonely because I came from being a single mom of four kids, where I didn\u2019t feel lonely in my house as a single parent. But once we\u2014you know, when you blend two families\u2014you don\u2019t just blend the people\u2014you blend the history \/ the culture. I remember\u2014I love to cook \u2014I remember the first meal I made. My two stepdaughters pushed it away: \u201cThat\u2019s not how my mom used to make pizza.\u201d That was something that came very unexpectedly to me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I thought, too, as being a full-time stepmom, it would be a lot easier. But even though I had all of the responsibility for my stepdaughters, as the mom in the house, I did not have all of the authority. That was very difficult for me to come to terms with. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It seems to me that an erroneous assumption would occur that: \u201cHe\u2019s got his. I\u2019ve got mine, as a wife, here. We\u2019re coming together, and they\u2019re going to merge\u2014these families are going to merge together. It was working\u2014it seemed to be working when we dated.\u201d Did any of you experience, instead of a merging, a clashing\u2014I mean, that was almost automatic?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gayla:<\/strong> Well, something that happened to us\u2014that really surprised us\u2014was that we began to function in triangles sometimes. It would be my husband and his two kids and me and my two kids. There\u2019s no unity when you\u2019re functioning in triangles like that; but when the relationships began to get stressed, that is what would happen. We would separate off into two sets of triangles.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And kind of bunker up\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gayla:<\/strong> Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cUs against them.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gayla:<\/strong> Yes, yes. But you will never form and bond relationships in a setting like that. So, we had to figure out <em>how<\/em> to bring those two triangles together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> And in saying that, though, I want to be very, very clear that I always encourage the biological parent to make sure they are spending one-on-one time with their children. I\u2019m not contradicting what Gayla said because, you know, you could square off\u2014we\u2019re not saying that. But it is vitally important for the biological parent to have some one-on-one time with their own child, periodically, because that helps with the grief of the child. They feel like they\u2019ve lost the parent to this new marriage. For example, for dad to take his own kids out for pizza occasionally\u2014where it\u2019s just his own biological kids\u2014and dad is very, very important. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And it would seem to me that the biological parent ought to be the one who provides the discipline \/ the correction\u2014the more difficult situations.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> All of these ladies are nodding their heads as you say that. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> They are! Vigorously!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Vigorously, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Heather:<\/strong> Well, we had to come up with what we called our \u201chouse rules\u201d and our \u201chouse consequences\u201d because I\u2019m a stay-at-home mom; and I\u2019m with the kids more than my husband is. What we did was outline all of the things that were acceptable in the house and the things that weren\u2019t. Then we gave pre-assigned consequences to them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe had a big family meeting so the kids knew\u2014if they lied about something, this is what they would get. So, whether I was home or my husband was home, it wasn\u2019t: \u201cYou\u2019re giving that to me because you\u2019re not my mom and you don\u2019t like me!\u201d No, \u201cYou broke a house rule and this is the house consequence for breaking that rule.\u201d That helped a lot.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You need to be in agreement, period. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Heather:<\/strong> Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Because, if you\u2019re not in agreement, these little rascals will divide you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> They\u2019ll find a way to build a wedge between you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay, so I have to ask here\u2014if we were sitting down, right now, with a young mom of two\u2014who\u2019s about to marry a dad of three\u2014they\u2019re a month away from their wedding. We ask this young mom: \u201cWhat do you expect?\u2014scale of 1-10, how hard is this going to be?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> \u201cRun, Forrest, run!\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> She says, \u201cI think it\u2019s going to be a \u20182\u2019 or a \u20183\u2019 or a \u20185.\u2019\u201d Would you tell her to run? What would you say?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> I would tell them to make sure they are reading resources, and attending events about stepfamilies, and that they are ready to accept the fact that they are <em>choosing<\/em>\u2014they are <em>choosing<\/em>\u2014to step in to a very high-conflict marriage because so many are in denial that that is what it\u2019s going to be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, when I do my life coaching with people, and particularly before they get married, I always say to them: \u201cI want you to be aware that you are <em>choosing <\/em>to step into this marriage that has got an ex-spouse that\u2019s giving you difficulty. Those things aren\u2019t going to go away. They\u2019re going to get worse.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes, but Laura, you know as well as I do\u2014there are stars in the eyes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> They\u2019re not listening.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cThere\u2019s going to be two of us now to take on and shoulder the responsibility.\u201d They\u2019re not getting it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> They don\u2019t listen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> They\u2019re not getting it. Here\u2019s what I would say, if they go ahead and get married. One thing I would add to your list\u2014which I thought was excellent\u2014some kind of coach \/ some kind of mentor\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014probably one or two other couples, who are in a blended situation\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014who are a lap or two ahead of you in life to coach you through, not just the first 12 months, but maybe the first two or three years of your marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, when you dial 911 on the phone\u2014instead of going to the police\u2014it goes to the other couple, and they can help you out; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Exactly\u2014Gayla?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gayla:<\/strong> I would also ask, \u201cHow much time has there been since the ending of this last marriage or since the death of the spouse?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe time that the children have had to work through their issues is going to have a huge bearing on the coming together of these relationships. I would encourage\u2014time is on your side. Do <em>not<\/em> rush into it because the quicker it happens, the harder it\u2019s going to be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So how much time is enough time?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gayla:<\/strong> I would say, at least, two years\u2014honestly, from when the marriage has ended or the spouse has died. There needs to be, at least, two years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Maybe longer.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gayla:<\/strong> Yes, longer is perfect!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> Yes\u2014and that\u2019s if they\u2019ve gone to a grief or a Divorce Recovery support group, where they\u2019ve learned the issues and they\u2019ve learned the grieving process.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I know a couple who kind of did all of that\u2014they did it on a fast-track. They fell in love\u2014they got married. They thought they were pulling these two families together. They pulled out of the wedding\u2014and on their way to their honeymoon\u2014there was a cataclysmic atomic meltdown, back at the house, with his and hers joining together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gayla:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> In that situation\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think they\u2019ve heard this story before!\u2014the way you ladies responded.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> And do you know why that is, Dennis? Let me explain to you. So many people ask: \u201cHow come the kids were <em>fine<\/em> with this stepmom or this stepdad <em>before<\/em> the wedding\u2014and the day of the wedding\u2014sometimes, they even write to me, \u201cThe child was <em>wailing<\/em>\u2014they were crying so hard during the wedding ceremony.\u201d This can even be adult step-kids\u2014not just little kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And one who was begging you to get married, a week earlier.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> Exactly. They get it\u2014that the moment that \u201cI do,\u201d occurs\u2014that the vow is made\u2014that they have moved from the front seat to the backseat in their parent\u2019s life. They get it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> The competition is on!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cI\u2019ve got to get the attention of my mom\/dad.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, I\u2019ve got two applications for today\u2019s broadcast. Number one: if you find yourself in this situation, you really need resources\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014human resources \/ you need God\u2019s resources\u2014you need books, you need CDs\/DVDs, you need to get educated about how you make this thing work. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA second application from this broadcast\u2014and I was thinking about this, again, as I was preparing to interview you ladies\u2014I was thinking, \u201cThis broadcast is going to be a great apologetic to, at least, one person listening to this broadcast, who is thinking about getting a divorce.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> They think there\u2019s a pot at the end of the rainbow: \u201cIf I could just get away from this imperfect person I\u2019m married to.\u201d The reality is\u2014there\u2019s another pot at the end of the rainbow. It\u2019s got a lot more reality than what you\u2019ve got now\u2014you may have no idea what you\u2019re signing on for. Maybe you need to go to a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. Maybe you need to go to an <em>I Still Do<\/em><sup>\u2122<\/sup> event. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe point is: \u201cDon\u2019t toss the towel in too soon.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Do everything you can. Make <em>your<\/em> marriage a priority. Whether it\u2019s going, as you said, to one of our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> getaways coming up this fall or going to the <em>I Still Do <\/em>event in Washington, DC, here in a couple of weeks. It may be that your church or a church near you is hosting a simulcast of <em>I Still Do<\/em> or maybe there\u2019s an <em>Art of Marriage<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> event for you to host in your church or somebody\u2019s hosting near you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe point is\u2014whether it\u2019s our resources or somebody else\u2019s\u2014build into your marriage. Don\u2019t wait until things are in the ditch and then try to fix them. Intentionally build into your marriage, from the beginning. Folks can go to our website if they want to\u2014FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014for more information about <em>I Still D<\/em>o, or about the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> getaways, or to find out about <em>The Art of Marriage<\/em>. Just go and click the link at the top of the page that says, \u201cGO DEEPER.\u201d You can find out about the resources we have to help strengthen your marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd, of course, you can join us in Washington, DC, for <em>I Still Do<\/em>. And if you\u2019re involved in or interested in blended family ministry, come a day-and-a-half early and join us for the <em>Blended and Blessed<\/em><sup>\u2122<\/sup>summit that we\u2019re going to be hosting in Washington, DC. Again, the information for that is on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com as well. Click the link that says, \u201cGO DEEPER,\u201d and look for the <em>Blended and Blessed <\/em>summit. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we have copies of Laura Petherbridge\u2019s book, <em>101 Tips for the Smart Stepmom.<\/em> That\u2019s in our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Resource Center. You can order the book from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d Ask about the book, <em>101 Tips for the Smart Stepmom.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, a quick word of thanks to the <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>\u00a0listeners who, in addition to listening, have caught the vision for all that is happening, here at FamilyLife. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019ve listened for any length of time, hopefully, you understand that what we\u2019re all about is providing practical biblical help for your marriage and for your family. We want every home to be a godly home. Some of you share that passion. We know that because some of you are Legacy Partners, making monthly donations to help support this ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you can make a donation, right now, we\u2019d like to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d by sending you a 2015 calendar. I know you may say, \u201cThat\u2019s still months away\u201d; but this is one of those 15-month calendars\u2014it will start in October. Each page of the calendar will focus you on the fruit of the Spirit, throughout the year. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the link in the upper right-hand corner of the page, where it says, \u201cI Care.\u201d When you make an online donation, we will send you the FamilyLife Spirit-filled Year calendar. Or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make your donation over the phone. Just ask for the calendar when you get in touch with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr you can request the calendar when you mail a donation to <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>at P O Box 7111, Little Rock, AR. Our zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to continue our conversation with our stepmoms who are joining us here in the first part of this week. I hope you can tune in as we continue to talk about building strong and healthy stepfamilies.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2014 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["23.52M"],"filesize_raw":["24662119"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-303197.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-303197.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Laura Petherbridge, Heather Hetchler and Gayla Grace talk about the challenges they've faced blending a family and becoming effective stepmothers.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-09-15.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Have you ever been on a windy highway\u2014where there are all kinds of signs that tell you to slow down here, and to watch out for this curb, and that there\u2019s a steep grade ahead\u2014things like that? Laura Petherbridge believes that forming a blended family is a little like driving on one of those windy roads. You\u2019ve got to pay attention to what you\u2019re doing if you want to get where you\u2019re going. She says the other passengers\u2014the kids who are along for the ride\u2014they understand what\u2019s going on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> How come the kids were <em>fine<\/em> with this stepmom or this stepdad <em>before<\/em> the wedding\u2014 and the day of the wedding\u2014the child was <em>wailing<\/em>\u2014they were crying so hard? They get it\u2014that the moment that \u201cI do\u201d occurs\u2014that the vow is made\u2014that they have moved from the front seat to the backseat in their parent\u2019s life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, September 15<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We have a lot of suggestions today for moms who want to be smart stepmoms. We\u2019ve got a panel of seasoned experts joining us. Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. Do you remember the last time we saw these three ladies?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> At the summit?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes! We were all together in Dallas, Texas. It was back in the fall of 2013\u2014the very first summit for blended family ministry. Ron Deal, who heads up FamilyLife Blended<sup>\u2122<\/sup>, had convened this meeting of about 150 people.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes, we sold it out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> All three of these ladies were with us, and we were talking about the needs of blended families. We\u2019re getting ready to have the second summit\u2014it\u2019s going to be taking place in Washington, DC, October 2<sup>nd<\/sup> and 3<sup>rd<\/sup>. Folks who have a heart for blended families or who have an interest in blended family ministry can go to FamilyLifeToday.com and get more information about what\u2019s coming up in Washington, DC, on October 2<sup>nd<\/sup> and 3<sup>rd<\/sup>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We are joined by Laura Petherbridge. Welcome back, Laura.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> Thank you. It\u2019s great to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Glad to have you back with us. She\u2019s just finished a book called <em>101 Tips for the Smart Stepmom<\/em>. This book is chock-full of great advice. You\u2019ve been a stepmom for how long? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> Twenty-eight years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> And everybody\u2019s still alive.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> There ought to be at least four tips a year that you would crank out of\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014at least! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAlso with us is Gayla Grace who, along with Heather Hetchler, has co-authored a book called <em>Unwrapping the Gift of Stepfamily Peace. <\/em>Welcome, ladies, to the broadcast.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gayla:<\/strong> Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Heather:<\/strong> Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gayla and<\/strong> <strong>Heather:<\/strong> It\u2019s good to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I\u2019ve got a tough question for all three of you; alright? Now, I want you to be honest. This is a two-part question. When you were dating and thinking about forming a stepfamily\u2014on a scale of 1-10\u2014how difficult did you think it would be?\u20141 being falling off a log \/ easy\u201410 being <em>incredibly<\/em> difficult.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cNot sure I can survive it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Exactly; that kind of thing. On a 1-10-point basis\u2014now there are two scores on this. What did you <em>think<\/em> it was going to be, prior to marriage, as you dated and, then, fast forward\u2014let\u2019s say five years into the relationship\u2014what number would you have given it, five years into the relationship?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It might have just taken a couple of weeks. You might not have to go five years to get to that number! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It might not have! Laura, since you\u2019re the veteran in here, we\u2019ll let you go first. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> What did you think it was going to be?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> I thought it would be about a \u201c3\u201d because I grew up in a stepfamily. I had two stepmoms, growing up, so I thought I knew this stepfamily thing\u2014\u201cIt would be easy.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cThere would be a couple of challenges, but\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cA couple of notches above falling off a log.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> \u201cNot too complicated.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Alright; all the way around the horn here\u2014Gayla?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gayla:<\/strong> I thought it would be about a \u201c5.\u201d My husband and I were both bringing two kids into the marriage. So, I knew there would be some complications from both sides.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, you had more of a realistic opinion of this. Okay, Heather?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Heather:<\/strong> I\u2019m going to be completely honest and give it a \u201c2.\u201d I have four children of my own, and I <em>loved <\/em>being a mom. I was marrying a man, with two daughters, who was a full-time dad\u2014so, I didn\u2019t have the ex-wife in the picture. I thought: \u201cThis is going to be easy. I <em>love <\/em>being a mom, and I have two more kids to love on.\u201d I just did not foresee any of it happening, especially because all six of our kids are within six years of each other.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay; okay\u2014so a \u201c3,\u201d \u201c5,\u201d and \u201c2.\u201d These sound like very achievable numbers here. How long before you started to grade it up a little bit?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, let\u2019s start with the \u201c2.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay, yes. How long did it take for your \u201c2\u201d to be a \u201c3,\u201d or a \u201c4,\u201d or a \u201c5\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Heather:<\/strong> Well, it went from a \u201c2\u201d to \u201c20\u201d in about two weeks. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> In two weeks?!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> To a \u201c20\u201d?!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Heather:<\/strong> Yes. Ten really isn\u2019t real. I mean, I went in with unrealistic expectations\u2014and I want to tell you two\u2014I read Ron\u2019s book. We did classes\u2014our church\u2014the church I belong to does have a very strong stepfamily ministry. I thought: \u201cWow! I feel bad for all of these people. This is not going to happen to me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOnce I said, \u201cI do,\u201d and we blended our families, things just started to happen. The hurt and the pain that the kids were feeling\u2014because remarriage is really a second chance at love for the adults\u2014but it is a permanent reminder, for those kids, that mom and dad will never, ever be together again.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Heather:<\/strong> So, I was not prepared. The one thing that was good is that I had read and I <em>knew<\/em> that that stuff was normal\u2014I just didn\u2019t think it would happen to me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Okay; Gayla?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gayla:<\/strong> We went to a \u201c10\u201d very quickly. In fact, my husband and I were in counseling within less than a year. The counselor said to us, \u201cI don\u2019t normally see married couples quite this soon\u201d; but we were struggling.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Sorry to laugh at that\u2014[Laughter] \u2014wow! \u2014and Laura?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> I would say that within a month it was probably up to an \u201c8\u201d or a \u201c9.\u201d I would say, within a month, I was thinking, \u201cI have made a <em>huge <\/em>mistake.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So it escalates, and it escalates quickly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> All of you gave it a score that went from \u201c2,\u201d \u201c3,\u201d or \u201c5\u201d to \u201c10\u201d or \u201c20.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And it didn\u2019t take\u2014I\u2019m just curious, Heather\u2014you said it took two weeks. Was there a turning point, where you saw it heading toward a \u201c20,\u201d and you thought: \u201cOh, no! I didn\u2019t know we were going over this hill this quick\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Heather:<\/strong> You know, it just\u2014we blended our families and I thought: \u201cWow! Eight people in one house\u2014this is going to just be a houseful of love and so much laughter.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Heather:<\/strong> And I felt like an outsider in my own home. I was not prepared for that. I felt lonely. I just kept thinking: \u201cHow can this be? How can I be lonely with seven other people in the house?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think what happened, too, was that my two step-daughters, who don\u2019t see their mom\u2014their mom had left before I met their father\u2014they were just missing her even more. Even though they begged me to be their mom and they loved me, I think that was just a reminder: \u201cI wish <em>my mom<\/em> was washing my clothes. I wish <em>my mom<\/em> was baking the cookies. I wish <em>my mom<\/em> was here.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> They would say that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Heather:<\/strong> Well, they would act out. I mean, they would say things like, \u201cYou\u2019re not my mom,\u201d or they would do things to me. I remember my youngest step-daughter told my youngest daughter: \u201cYour mom is no longer your mom anymore because she has my last name and not yours.\u201d I remember my child coming to me and asking me that. I was <em>so <\/em>thankful to the Lord that she shared that with me because I didn\u2019t want her walking around, thinking that, but that\u2019s how children feel. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you don\u2019t know what your kids are thinking\u2014it was just the pain that they were feeling, and so they were acting out. There began to be some sibling rivalry and jealousy. My four children see their dad\u2014he actually built a house down the street from us. So, my kids come and go; and they see both parents. It\u2019s hard for a child to understand: \u201cWhy does my mom choose not to see me?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cMy stepsiblings get to see their dad whenever they want.\u201d There was just a lot of reality that came to be so quickly that we just weren\u2019t prepared for.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> There\u2019s competition in the midst of loss.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Heather:<\/strong> Absolutely!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I mean, these children have experienced loss\u2014either through death \/ a divorce. They have to process heavy stuff\u2014that even adults don\u2019t do a good job processing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Heather:<\/strong> Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gayla:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Gayla, what about you? How did you see your kids processing this?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gayla:<\/strong> Well, I think one thing that I didn\u2019t foresee was something that I struggled with\u2014as both a biological mom and a stepmom\u2014is sharing myself. I went from two kids to four. All of a sudden, there\u2019s less time with my own kids because I\u2019m also trying to be a mom to these two step-kids. So, that part of it was a bit of a surprise for me\u2014then, my children also, in turn, sharing me, now with two other children in the home. Our kids were fairly young\u2014they were three to ten\u2014four kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo just that aspect of\u2014<em>overnight,<\/em> I went from two to four kids. The sharing aspect was difficult for all of us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And it seems to me that the natural outworking of this difficulty of going from \u201c2\u201d to \u201c20\u201d or from \u201c3\u201d to \u201c8\u201d or \u201c5\u201d to \u201c10\u201d is going to impact the marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gayla:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Ultimately, Laura, your marriage is going to suffer because of the angst and the lack of peace in the home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> How did it show up in your marriage?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> Well, I think, <em>for me<\/em>, it was\u2014you know\u2014I was raised by a single-parent mom\u2014very strict\u2014you didn\u2019t even look at my mother the wrong way; you know? We had very strict boundaries and rules. To watch my husband\u2014who I now understand was parenting out of guilt because he felt terrible that his children had gone through a divorce\u2014he <em>never<\/em> wanted them to experience that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, now to be the stepmom in this situation, and watching my husband not stand up to his children\u2014not tell them, \u201cNo,\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014in my opinion \/ in my little mind\u2014I had him as just being so wimpy, as a parent. It caused me to lose respect for him. I had to really get ahold of myself and really pray about that a lot because I was <em>losing<\/em> my <em>feelings<\/em> for him; and I was becoming disrespectful to him <em>because<\/em>, in my opinion, he wasn\u2019t being a good parent. That was huge! I really had to deal with that, and a lot of it was my own baggage from <em>how <\/em>I was raised.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> I was expecting <em>him<\/em> to behave like my mother had behaved\u2014and that was not how he was parenting. That was a really, really big thing for me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> All three of you ladies pointed to children as a catalytic part of taking your expectations to a harder reality. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m just wondering: \u201cDo you think, if you had walked into a blended marriage with no kids, would your \u20182\u2019 have been, maybe, a \u20184\u2019\u201d instead of being a \u201820\u2019? Or do you think that kids just accelerate the inevitable?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> Well, I have no biological children\u2014so I did enter the step-family with no biological children of my own. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> So I am a childless stepmom. But that comes with some angst, too, because there\u2019s this sense of: \u201cyour kids.\u201d He had this child with another woman\u2014so \u201cThat\u2019s not something you and I share.\u201d I can just speak to that small portion of\u2014being childless\u2014and there are <em>a lot<\/em> of childless stepmoms out there because a lot of stepmoms get married later in life. They either didn\u2019t meet \u201cMr. Right\u201d until later on, or they waited to get married\u2014so now they either can\u2019t have children, or they\u2019re in the middle of infertility treatments, or things like that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, even coming into it childless can have some really, really strong ramifications.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes, what I heard you describing was a situation where a new family had formed. A lot of times you felt like, \u201cThis new family formed, but I\u2019m still a step out.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cWe\u2019re here, as a family; but I\u2019m only a part of the family sometimes.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> \u201cI\u2019m outside the circle.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, Heather described it as being lonely in the midst of a family of eight.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Heather:<\/strong> I was <em>very<\/em> surprised to feel lonely because I came from being a single mom of four kids, where I didn\u2019t feel lonely in my house as a single parent. But once we\u2014you know, when you blend two families\u2014you don\u2019t just blend the people\u2014you blend the history \/ the culture. I remember\u2014I love to cook \u2014I remember the first meal I made. My two stepdaughters pushed it away: \u201cThat\u2019s not how my mom used to make pizza.\u201d That was something that came very unexpectedly to me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I thought, too, as being a full-time stepmom, it would be a lot easier. But even though I had all of the responsibility for my stepdaughters, as the mom in the house, I did not have all of the authority. That was very difficult for me to come to terms with. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It seems to me that an erroneous assumption would occur that: \u201cHe\u2019s got his. I\u2019ve got mine, as a wife, here. We\u2019re coming together, and they\u2019re going to merge\u2014these families are going to merge together. It was working\u2014it seemed to be working when we dated.\u201d Did any of you experience, instead of a merging, a clashing\u2014I mean, that was almost automatic?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gayla:<\/strong> Well, something that happened to us\u2014that really surprised us\u2014was that we began to function in triangles sometimes. It would be my husband and his two kids and me and my two kids. There\u2019s no unity when you\u2019re functioning in triangles like that; but when the relationships began to get stressed, that is what would happen. We would separate off into two sets of triangles.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And kind of bunker up\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gayla:<\/strong> Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cUs against them.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gayla:<\/strong> Yes, yes. But you will never form and bond relationships in a setting like that. So, we had to figure out <em>how<\/em> to bring those two triangles together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> And in saying that, though, I want to be very, very clear that I always encourage the biological parent to make sure they are spending one-on-one time with their children. I\u2019m not contradicting what Gayla said because, you know, you could square off\u2014we\u2019re not saying that. But it is vitally important for the biological parent to have some one-on-one time with their own child, periodically, because that helps with the grief of the child. They feel like they\u2019ve lost the parent to this new marriage. For example, for dad to take his own kids out for pizza occasionally\u2014where it\u2019s just his own biological kids\u2014and dad is very, very important. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And it would seem to me that the biological parent ought to be the one who provides the discipline \/ the correction\u2014the more difficult situations.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> All of these ladies are nodding their heads as you say that. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> They are! Vigorously!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Vigorously, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Heather:<\/strong> Well, we had to come up with what we called our \u201chouse rules\u201d and our \u201chouse consequences\u201d because I\u2019m a stay-at-home mom; and I\u2019m with the kids more than my husband is. What we did was outline all of the things that were acceptable in the house and the things that weren\u2019t. Then we gave pre-assigned consequences to them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe had a big family meeting so the kids knew\u2014if they lied about something, this is what they would get. So, whether I was home or my husband was home, it wasn\u2019t: \u201cYou\u2019re giving that to me because you\u2019re not my mom and you don\u2019t like me!\u201d No, \u201cYou broke a house rule and this is the house consequence for breaking that rule.\u201d That helped a lot.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You need to be in agreement, period. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Heather:<\/strong> Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Because, if you\u2019re not in agreement, these little rascals will divide you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> They\u2019ll find a way to build a wedge between you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay, so I have to ask here\u2014if we were sitting down, right now, with a young mom of two\u2014who\u2019s about to marry a dad of three\u2014they\u2019re a month away from their wedding. We ask this young mom: \u201cWhat do you expect?\u2014scale of 1-10, how hard is this going to be?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> \u201cRun, Forrest, run!\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> She says, \u201cI think it\u2019s going to be a \u20182\u2019 or a \u20183\u2019 or a \u20185.\u2019\u201d Would you tell her to run? What would you say?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> I would tell them to make sure they are reading resources, and attending events about stepfamilies, and that they are ready to accept the fact that they are <em>choosing<\/em>\u2014they are <em>choosing<\/em>\u2014to step in to a very high-conflict marriage because so many are in denial that that is what it\u2019s going to be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, when I do my life coaching with people, and particularly before they get married, I always say to them: \u201cI want you to be aware that you are <em>choosing <\/em>to step into this marriage that has got an ex-spouse that\u2019s giving you difficulty. Those things aren\u2019t going to go away. They\u2019re going to get worse.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes, but Laura, you know as well as I do\u2014there are stars in the eyes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> They\u2019re not listening.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cThere\u2019s going to be two of us now to take on and shoulder the responsibility.\u201d They\u2019re not getting it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> They don\u2019t listen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> They\u2019re not getting it. Here\u2019s what I would say, if they go ahead and get married. One thing I would add to your list\u2014which I thought was excellent\u2014some kind of coach \/ some kind of mentor\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014probably one or two other couples, who are in a blended situation\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014who are a lap or two ahead of you in life to coach you through, not just the first 12 months, but maybe the first two or three years of your marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, when you dial 911 on the phone\u2014instead of going to the police\u2014it goes to the other couple, and they can help you out; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Exactly\u2014Gayla?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gayla:<\/strong> I would also ask, \u201cHow much time has there been since the ending of this last marriage or since the death of the spouse?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe time that the children have had to work through their issues is going to have a huge bearing on the coming together of these relationships. I would encourage\u2014time is on your side. Do <em>not<\/em> rush into it because the quicker it happens, the harder it\u2019s going to be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So how much time is enough time?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gayla:<\/strong> I would say, at least, two years\u2014honestly, from when the marriage has ended or the spouse has died. There needs to be, at least, two years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Maybe longer.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gayla:<\/strong> Yes, longer is perfect!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> Yes\u2014and that\u2019s if they\u2019ve gone to a grief or a Divorce Recovery support group, where they\u2019ve learned the issues and they\u2019ve learned the grieving process.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I know a couple who kind of did all of that\u2014they did it on a fast-track. They fell in love\u2014they got married. They thought they were pulling these two families together. They pulled out of the wedding\u2014and on their way to their honeymoon\u2014there was a cataclysmic atomic meltdown, back at the house, with his and hers joining together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gayla:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> In that situation\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think they\u2019ve heard this story before!\u2014the way you ladies responded.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> And do you know why that is, Dennis? Let me explain to you. So many people ask: \u201cHow come the kids were <em>fine<\/em> with this stepmom or this stepdad <em>before<\/em> the wedding\u2014and the day of the wedding\u2014sometimes, they even write to me, \u201cThe child was <em>wailing<\/em>\u2014they were crying so hard during the wedding ceremony.\u201d This can even be adult step-kids\u2014not just little kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And one who was begging you to get married, a week earlier.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> Exactly. They get it\u2014that the moment that \u201cI do,\u201d occurs\u2014that the vow is made\u2014that they have moved from the front seat to the backseat in their parent\u2019s life. They get it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> The competition is on!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cI\u2019ve got to get the attention of my mom\/dad.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, I\u2019ve got two applications for today\u2019s broadcast. Number one: if you find yourself in this situation, you really need resources\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014human resources \/ you need God\u2019s resources\u2014you need books, you need CDs\/DVDs, you need to get educated about how you make this thing work. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA second application from this broadcast\u2014and I was thinking about this, again, as I was preparing to interview you ladies\u2014I was thinking, \u201cThis broadcast is going to be a great apologetic to, at least, one person listening to this broadcast, who is thinking about getting a divorce.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> They think there\u2019s a pot at the end of the rainbow: \u201cIf I could just get away from this imperfect person I\u2019m married to.\u201d The reality is\u2014there\u2019s another pot at the end of the rainbow. It\u2019s got a lot more reality than what you\u2019ve got now\u2014you may have no idea what you\u2019re signing on for. Maybe you need to go to a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. Maybe you need to go to an <em>I Still Do<\/em><sup>\u2122<\/sup> event. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe point is: \u201cDon\u2019t toss the towel in too soon.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Do everything you can. Make <em>your<\/em> marriage a priority. Whether it\u2019s going, as you said, to one of our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> getaways coming up this fall or going to the <em>I Still Do <\/em>event in Washington, DC, here in a couple of weeks. It may be that your church or a church near you is hosting a simulcast of <em>I Still Do<\/em> or maybe there\u2019s an <em>Art of Marriage<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> event for you to host in your church or somebody\u2019s hosting near you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe point is\u2014whether it\u2019s our resources or somebody else\u2019s\u2014build into your marriage. Don\u2019t wait until things are in the ditch and then try to fix them. Intentionally build into your marriage, from the beginning. Folks can go to our website if they want to\u2014FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014for more information about <em>I Still D<\/em>o, or about the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> getaways, or to find out about <em>The Art of Marriage<\/em>. Just go and click the link at the top of the page that says, \u201cGO DEEPER.\u201d You can find out about the resources we have to help strengthen your marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd, of course, you can join us in Washington, DC, for <em>I Still Do<\/em>. And if you\u2019re involved in or interested in blended family ministry, come a day-and-a-half early and join us for the <em>Blended and Blessed<\/em><sup>\u2122<\/sup>summit that we\u2019re going to be hosting in Washington, DC. Again, the information for that is on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com as well. Click the link that says, \u201cGO DEEPER,\u201d and look for the <em>Blended and Blessed <\/em>summit. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we have copies of Laura Petherbridge\u2019s book, <em>101 Tips for the Smart Stepmom.<\/em> That\u2019s in our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Resource Center. You can order the book from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d Ask about the book, <em>101 Tips for the Smart Stepmom.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, a quick word of thanks to the <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>\u00a0listeners who, in addition to listening, have caught the vision for all that is happening, here at FamilyLife. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019ve listened for any length of time, hopefully, you understand that what we\u2019re all about is providing practical biblical help for your marriage and for your family. We want every home to be a godly home. Some of you share that passion. We know that because some of you are Legacy Partners, making monthly donations to help support this ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you can make a donation, right now, we\u2019d like to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d by sending you a 2015 calendar. I know you may say, \u201cThat\u2019s still months away\u201d; but this is one of those 15-month calendars\u2014it will start in October. Each page of the calendar will focus you on the fruit of the Spirit, throughout the year. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the link in the upper right-hand corner of the page, where it says, \u201cI Care.\u201d When you make an online donation, we will send you the FamilyLife Spirit-filled Year calendar. Or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make your donation over the phone. Just ask for the calendar when you get in touch with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr you can request the calendar when you mail a donation to <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>at P O Box 7111, Little Rock, AR. Our zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to continue our conversation with our stepmoms who are joining us here in the first part of this week. I hope you can tune in as we continue to talk about building strong and healthy stepfamilies.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2014 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/303197","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=303197"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=303197"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=303197"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=303197"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=303197"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=303197"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=303197"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}