{"id":303185,"date":"2014-09-03T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2014-09-03T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/making-sense-of-the-differences\/"},"modified":"2014-09-03T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2014-09-03T15:00:00","slug":"making-sense-of-the-differences","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/making-sense-of-the-differences\/","title":{"rendered":"Making Sense of the Differences"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Tim and Joy Downs laugh as they recall their differences and remind couples that God can use those &#8220;very different characteristics&#8221; in your spouse to mold and shape you in a beautiful way.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-09-03.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"23.01M","filesize_raw":"24130554","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2862],"tags":[5421,5422,5017],"podcast_series":[7783],"cwp_profile":[3233],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-303185","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-understanding-differences","tag-deal-with-differences","tag-introverts-and-extroverts","tag-opposites","podcast_series-one-of-us-must-be-crazy","cwp_profile-tim-and-joy-downs","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/303185\/making-sense-of-the-differences","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/303185\/making-sense-of-the-differences","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"TC5aLmPi0i\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/making-sense-of-the-differences\/\">Making Sense of the Differences<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/making-sense-of-the-differences\/embed\/#?secret=TC5aLmPi0i\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Making Sense of the Differences&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"TC5aLmPi0i\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-09-03.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-09-03.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Concept of \u201cWhat\u2019s on time?\u201d She\u2019s\u2014um\u2014she\u2019s an artist. [Laughter] Artists, typically, are not on time. They\u2019re kind of out there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Kind of out there?!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well! My watch is ten minutes fast, and I like being places ahead of time. We had to set a record for being late to church\u2014is all I can say\u2014with all of our kids. [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe has a great appreciation of beauty and has taught me a lot about that. The way she looks at life\u2014I mean, I can\u2019t believe\u2014Joy, you\u2019re not going to believe this conclusion\u2014she thinks like a woman about it. [Laughter] She thinks like a woman!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joy:<\/strong> Oh, wonderful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Her needs, especially when it comes to communication, are totally different than mine\u2014I can take the news report. Our approach to disciplining kids; differing dreams; different things fill her tank emotionally than fill mine. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Was this therapeutic?\u2014making out this list for you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It really was. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I bet it was.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It really was. I can keep going but, you know, the point is\u2014when we marry, we marry someone who is different. Yet, the same differences that attracted us, initially\u2014after you tie the knot\u2014repel us. That really is what your book is about; isn\u2019t it?\u2014how the differences that attract us end up being a point of contention and conflict.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> Absolutely. Everybody thinks that they are 100 percent compatible when they get married because they\u2019re very much in love. What they don\u2019t realize is that it takes time and the issues of life to surface the differences that are really there. When those differences come about, you can end up thinking that you\u2019re not really compatible after all. That can be a discouraging thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, you and Joy\u2014on a scale of one to ten\u2014differences versus similarities\u2014or maybe I\u2019ll ask it this way\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> He\u2019s smiling! I want to hear him answer the question. Don\u2019t rephrase it\u2014just let him answer it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> I was hoping we could keep talking about Dennis and Barbara [Laughter] because I\u2019m not sure they\u2019re compatible after all.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Okay. Here\u2019s what I want you to do. Joy, don\u2019t say the number out loud.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joy:<\/strong> Oh, no.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Get your number between one and ten\u2014ten being <em>really <\/em>different\u2014like poles apart\u2014and one being, you know, you\u2019re just helplessly and hopelessly in agreement all the time. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> What are you laughing at?!\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So do you have your number locked in?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> Oh, yes. We already knew that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Do you have your number locked in?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> What\u2019s your number, Tim?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> We\u2019re tens. We\u2019re as different as night and day. Joy and I are different in every way. In <em>One of Us Must Be Crazy,<\/em> we describe seven fundamental differences. We are different in every one of them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And you\u2019d agree with the number that you guys are on opposite ends of the street on a lot of things?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joy:<\/strong> Yes, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> On most things?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joy:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Did you know it before you got married?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joy:<\/strong> I knew to some extent what I was getting into but not to the full extent. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And, when you woke up and realized the full extent, what does that do?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> There was a lot of screaming. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joy:<\/strong> \u201cGod, help me!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Do you think, \u201cWhat have I gotten myself into?\u201d I mean, did you have that thought early in marriage?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joy:<\/strong> Oh, yes. Yes, yes. I had that thought yesterday. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I\u2019m sure Barbara did too. What was the first hint that there was really something different going on between you as you started your marriage? Do you remember that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joy:<\/strong> Yes. It still goes on to this day. I think it is really our innate differences in how we relate to people. I was an extrovert\u2014what people call an extrovert. I love to be around people\u2014that energizes me. While Tim likes people, he is energized more by tasks. So, he can be alone for long periods of time. I remember being kind of offended that he didn\u2019t want to spend more time with me\u2014that he was content being by himself. I would think, \u201cHe doesn\u2019t really like me anymore.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> He doesn\u2019t need you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joy:<\/strong> No! I, in fact, asked him, \u201cCan you think of any reason why you need me?\u201d and he could not think of anything.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Oooh, oooh. That is not good!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Bad answer, Tim.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> Thank you. Yes, I\u2019ve learned some things since then. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joy: <\/strong>And it wasn\u2019t that he was being arrogant or mean; but he thought in a very logical manner\u2014which is another big difference in us. He thought: \u201cWell, if you died, it would not be that I would die. I can survive \/ I can eat. I\u2019ve learned how to be single.\u201d So, he was thinking on very logical terms: \u201cI can survive. So, I really don\u2019t need you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> He was thinking like a man! [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> Yes; enforcing the problem.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cNeed you\u201d for him meant survival\u2014for you, it meant the value of being together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joy:<\/strong> Exactly: \u201cDo I contribute anything to your life?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. Were you aware of this difference?\u2014you were marrying this extrovert. If you liked to be alone so much why\u2014why her?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> Because people fall in love with their shadow selves. I looked at Joy and I saw all these wonderful qualities that I admired. Some of them I admired because I don\u2019t have those qualities. You think, \u201cYou know, if I\u2019m with a person like that, they will complete me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> But you don\u2019t realize that your shadow self is something you\u2019ll conflict with or compete with later on. So, it can be the source of disagreement.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, was it the same area that confronted you early in your marriage? Was that the first hint?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> It probably was, yes\u2014introversion\/extroversion\u2014because I enjoy people, but they take energy from me. People don\u2019t understand that introversion\/extroversion is not really about whether you like people or not\u2014introverts like people. It\u2019s about how you recharge your batteries. Introverts are worn down by people. Extroverts draw energy from other people. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, Joy would feel tired and want to get a group of people together to recharge her batteries. For me, if I\u2019m tired, I want to be alone because that\u2019s how I charge my batteries back up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I really appreciate you sharing that, Tim, because, after we went out to dinner last night, I was wondering why you curled up in a corner in the fetal position. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> It\u2019s because of what you fed me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We gave him a southern meal last night. I don\u2019t know if any of our listeners have had fried pickles; but we introduced\u2014we introduced\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019ve never had fried pickles! [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve seen them on the menu. I\u2019ve thought, \u201cWho orders those?\u201d Now I know who orders them!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> Now we know.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You guys believe that, in all of these differences, there are what you call \u201chidden issues.\u201d Explain that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> You don\u2019t really realize what your issues are <em>about<\/em> sometimes. You can get to a point in a relationship where you are discouraged, thinking, \u201cWe disagree about <em>everything<\/em>.\u201d What you don\u2019t understand is there\u2019s something hidden going on. You kind of have to clear away some of the debris\u2014get down to the fundamental issue. That\u2019s really why we wrote <em>One of Us Must Be Crazy.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So the introvert\/extrovert is a hidden issue; but it would present itself in things like Joy saying: \u201cHey, these folks are getting together next Friday night. Let\u2019s go.\u201d You go, \u201cI\u2019d just rather stay at home.\u201d Her going, \u201cWhat is wrong with him?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHow do you get from the presenting issue to the hidden issue? How do you dig below the surface and figure out what\u2019s going on?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joy: <\/strong>Well, sometimes, it takes years before you actually figure out what\u2019s going on. So, I would really look at Tim and\u2014you know, this is just my own sin nature \/ I didn\u2019t know any better at the time\u2014I would think: \u201cA good Christian reaches out to people. A Christian wants to be around people. A Christian will give his or her time. A Christian will want to go to church\u2014want to get involved.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen I realized, you know, \u201cGod made Tim the way he is.\u201d There is a certain balance that I even needed to learn. I was more of a people-pleaser\u2014God wanted to teach me some things through our marriage\u2014and Tim did need to really venture out a little bit more. That\u2019s why I was in his life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019re suggesting that getting all self-righteous about your differences is not a great way to go? Is that what I\u2019m hearing? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joy:<\/strong> Well, I\u2019ve tried it. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, we all try it. It\u2019s the default.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We think, you know\u2014it\u2019s really what has helped Barbara and me come to a conclusion in our marriage: \u201cDifferent isn\u2019t wrong. It\u2019s just different.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joy:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cThere\u2019s more than one way to load the dishwasher.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joy:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Barbara loads it differently than I do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s like there\u2019s a biblically-approved way that the dishwasher has to be loaded\u2014her way is the only way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joy:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, you can do it my way. [Laughter] You can just imagine what that way is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Toss it in there and see what happens; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So what\u2019s the hidden issue between loading the dishwasher, Tim?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> That just sounds perverse to me, Dennis. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, one of the things we talk about in <em>One of Us Must Be Crazy<\/em> is what we call dreams. That means we enter marriage with just this deep sense of how life is supposed to go and how things are supposed to run\u2014how the dishwasher is supposed to be loaded.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> Your dreams are like the color of your eyes. You don\u2019t even see them\u2014you see through them\u2014that\u2019s the way you see the rest of the world. Your dreams collide when you get married and\u2014especially, we think, when kids come along. It\u2019s because of that conflict of dreams that we start having some of our deeper conflicts.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I was thinking about that whole idea, as I was looking at your book and thinking, \u201cIf you were to go to somebody and say, \u2018In your relationship, who\u2019s the more normal and who\u2019s the more different person?\u2019 wouldn\u2019t everybody think: \u2018I\u2019m the more normal. The other person\u2019s the more different\u2019?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I think that\u2019s the way we start out marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Our definition of \u201cnormal\u201d is us\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cis me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. So, \u201cIf you vary from me, you\u2019re abnormal. I\u2019m normal.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> Right; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And that\u2019s why we have that clash. We\u2019re trying to pull somebody in our direction. Shouldn\u2019t there be a time where we say: \u201cThis is who you are,\u201d and we thank God and just let you be? Or do we keep trying to adjust one another? How do we deal with that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>You know, you\u2019ll do both. We tell couples that the fundamental issue of marriage isn\u2019t how different you are but the attitude you take toward your differences. What people have to come to grips with is: \u201cNone of us is the person that we were meant to be.\u201d\u00a0 So marriage is not just this process of two people living together so they can be happy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod uses us to reshape one another into the people that he wants us to be. I\u2019m always fascinated by the Proverb that says, \u201cAs iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another,\u201d\u2014interesting metaphor; don\u2019t you think?\u00a0 I mean, he could have said, \u201cAs the sculptor molds the clay,\u201d or, \u201cAs the painter paints the canvas\u2026\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cAs the two flowers brush against each other\u2026\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> Yes, exactly. Why iron sharpening iron? Well, if you ever watch a blacksmith at work\u2014there\u2019s heat, there\u2019s sparks, there\u2019s fire. I think that the writer of the proverb was trying to tell us something about the process of one human being sharpening another. It\u2019s not always a comfortable process.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I wanted to ask you this question, Joy, because you said you married an introvert. Yet, as you know, Tim and you have been speaking at our <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>marriage getawaysfor 25 years. You had to sit in the audience, at points, and go, \u201cI can\u2019t believe that\u2019s my husband,\u201d because <em>in front of<\/em> an audience\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> He\u2019s not all that introverted when he\u2019s up on a platform.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joy:<\/strong> No, no.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I mean\u2014he\u2019s spectacular. He was the emcee for our <em>I Still Do<\/em><sup>\u2122<\/sup> and <em>Rekindling the Romance<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> arena events, where we had as many as 18,000 people. It was like Tim became this entertainer, comedian, fun-loving guy. If you\u2019d have told the audience\u2014if you\u2019d have stood up and made the statement, \u201cI\u2019m an extrovert, and Tim is an introvert,\u201d the audience would have booed you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joy:<\/strong> Right, exactly. We still get people that come up to Tim and say, \u201cI don\u2019t believe that you\u2019re an introvert.\u201d I really think that is true. I knew\u2014you know, he has been speaking for as long as I\u2019ve known him, in some form or fashion; but I knew the real him. I knew what really was the outward him, up in front, and what was the true him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, when I said, \u201cYes, I\u2019ve tried to change him in some ways,\u201d I don\u2019t think that\u2019s all bad. I really think God put me in his life for that. I think Tim depends on me\u2014maybe even more than I even want him to\u2014to pull him out, to ask him to go places, to have him do things, to introduce him to people. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s just my method of how I do that\u2014and how I internalize being grumpy about it or seeing that as my role.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Is she more introverted than she was when you married her?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> But before we get to that question, Tim was nodding his head.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, that\u2019s true.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> He was nodding his head about\u2014that you kind of like her pulling you out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> Absolutely. At this moment, I do. [Laughter] See, I\u2019d be kidding you if I told you I\u2019m always grateful for that process because it is, sometimes, something I resist.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Heat and sparks.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>Absolutely. I\u2019m absolutely convinced it\u2019s one of her purposes in my life because introversion can be nice or it can go to an extreme\u2014you can be locking yourself in a room, just telling yourself you\u2019re recharging your batteries. There\u2019s a proverb that says \u201cHe who separates himself lacks all common sense.\u201d The introvert can be an unhealthy person. I think Joy is the person who has kept me healthy. I\u2019m not always grateful; but, at this moment, I am.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, because you\u2019re content, right now, Tim, and you\u2019re not angry about it [Laughter]\u2014I\u2019d like to ask you a question. Coach the woman, or for that matter, the man, who is married to an introvert. What do they need to do there to celebrate their differences but also fulfill that role and that purpose in their spouse\u2019s life?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> Well, first recognize an introvert does like people; but they\u2019re going to like them in a different way than you are. They may like fewer people at a time. They may prefer to get together with a small group of familiar friends rather than always meeting new people. The introvert isn\u2019t going to like to chat\u2014to have superficial conversation with a large group sucks the soul right out of his body. He needs alone time to recharge his batteries. So, make sure your introverted spouse has some alone time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe tell couples sometimes: \u201cMaybe Friday night, at the end of a busy week, maybe that ought to be your \u2018rent a DVD night,\u2019 where you have some down time\u2014alone time \/ battery-recharging time. On Saturday night, that\u2019s when you go out on the town.\u201d You\u2019ll find, if you get the order reversed, the introvert will be fighting with you every step of the way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I could have used that advice about 37 years ago\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> So could I.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014in our marriage because I married an introvert\u2014very quiet. In fact, we\u2019d go to parties, early in our marriage. Who was taking whom to the party?\u2014I was taking her to the party with friends. I was enjoying things. I would turn to her, on the way home, and I\u2019d say, \u201cSweetheart, you didn\u2019t hardly say a word all night.\u201d She would say, \u201cThat\u2019s because you didn\u2019t stop talking.\u201d\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe point is\u2014she is very selective about her friends. I like to compare her to like a warehouse full of goods\u2014a lot in the warehouse. She\u2019ll go out in the warehouse, pull out a can, and put it on the counter. \u201cYou like that can?\u201d \u201cYou\u2019ve got to earn the right to have a second can put on the counter.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe\u2019s not just a \u201cPull up the dump truck!\u201d like I have been, on occasion, and just \u201cHere\u2019s everything I know and then some,\u201d at that point. There\u2019s where we do learn to balance one another.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I want to ask about this because we make it sound a little bit like introvert is bad, and you need an extrovert to help pull that out of you. But let\u2019s turn it around: \u201cHow have you been a sanctifying influence on your extroverted wife? How has your introversion served her and helped her grow?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> I think the dark side of extroversion is you can be easily distracted. You can <em>always <\/em>be with other people\u2014always on the run \/ always on the go\u2014and running yourself down. You don\u2019t let your own batteries recharge. I think that\u2019s what Joy has had to learn over the years\u2014she needs alone time. She said to me once, \u201cI think maybe I\u2019m an introvert too.\u201d I said, \u201cHoney, you\u2019re just a pooped-out extrovert.\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong> \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe needs the down time and the alone time to do some recharging too. To have a reflective life\u2014to be able to think, and read, and some very valuable things\u2014you need some introversion.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Joy, you\u2019re nodding your head like, \u201cYes.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joy:<\/strong> Yes. I think the greatest influence Tim has had for me is\u2014I am a compassionate person\u2014so I love to help people; but I can\u2019t help everyone, and I can\u2019t do that 24 hours a day. Tim has had to say to me, \u201cHoney, you don\u2019t need to do that.\u201d He\u2019s helped me pull back to some extent, where I don\u2019t feel like I need to rescue everybody. Then that\u2019s helped me trust God for those people too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, I\u2019m listening to you both; and I\u2019m reflecting back on how different Barbara and I are. In fact, one of the things we\u2019ve talked about most\u2014in the empty nest season of our marriage\u2014is really refreshing the differences and rediscovering, if not discovering, how really different we are and how we really do need one another. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that\u2019s the point of what God\u2019s doing in marriage: He brings two people together to complement strengths and weaknesses. Some differences have nothing to do with strengths and weaknesses\u2014just the appreciation of life and gender differences. The issue is: \u201cAre you going to receive your spouse as God\u2019s gift to you?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And you guys know this is one of the key issues that we address at the <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>marriage getaway. We talk about what we think is a cornerstone principle of marriage\u2014that, in spite of our differences, we can affirm that this is the person God has brought me together with. Our spouse is a gift from Him, and we need to receive our spouse as a good gift from God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to remind our listeners about the special offer we\u2019re making, this week and next week, for those who would like to attend an upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>marriage getaway.We\u2019re going to be hosting 14 of them this fall. Then we\u2019ve got, I think, more than 50 of them coming up in the spring.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019d like to register now, either for a fall event or a spring event\u2014when you pay for one registration, your spouse comes free. It\u2019s a buy one\/get one free offer, and it\u2019s good this week and next week only. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link at the top of the page that says, \u201cGO DEEPER.\u201d Or you can call if you have any questions: 1-800-FL-TODAY is our number. We\u2019ve got getaways happening this fall in Florida, and in Texas, in California, Colorado, Pennsylvania, Missouri, Tennessee, Iowa, and Idaho. Of course, in the spring, we\u2019ll be in cities all over the country. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe special offer, though, is good this week and next week only. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link that says, \u201cGO DEEPER.\u201d Register for an upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>marriage getaway. Take advantage of the buy one\/get one free offer this week. Or call 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d to take advantage of this special offer this week as well. We hope to see you at one of these upcoming getaways.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to talk more with Tim and Joy Downs about differences\u2014really, about preferences\u2014and about what happens when we start to think that our preferences are the right way to do things\u2014not just the way we like things to be done. How do we resolve some of these issues in marriage? We\u2019ll talk more about it tomorrow. I hope you can join us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2014 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["23.01M"],"filesize_raw":["24130554"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-303185.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-303185.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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and Joy Downs laugh as they recall their differences and remind couples that God can use those \"very different characteristics\" in your spouse to mold and shape you in a beautiful way.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-09-03.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Concept of \u201cWhat\u2019s on time?\u201d She\u2019s\u2014um\u2014she\u2019s an artist. [Laughter] Artists, typically, are not on time. They\u2019re kind of out there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Kind of out there?!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well! My watch is ten minutes fast, and I like being places ahead of time. We had to set a record for being late to church\u2014is all I can say\u2014with all of our kids. [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe has a great appreciation of beauty and has taught me a lot about that. The way she looks at life\u2014I mean, I can\u2019t believe\u2014Joy, you\u2019re not going to believe this conclusion\u2014she thinks like a woman about it. [Laughter] She thinks like a woman!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joy:<\/strong> Oh, wonderful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Her needs, especially when it comes to communication, are totally different than mine\u2014I can take the news report. Our approach to disciplining kids; differing dreams; different things fill her tank emotionally than fill mine. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Was this therapeutic?\u2014making out this list for you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It really was. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I bet it was.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It really was. I can keep going but, you know, the point is\u2014when we marry, we marry someone who is different. Yet, the same differences that attracted us, initially\u2014after you tie the knot\u2014repel us. That really is what your book is about; isn\u2019t it?\u2014how the differences that attract us end up being a point of contention and conflict.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> Absolutely. Everybody thinks that they are 100 percent compatible when they get married because they\u2019re very much in love. What they don\u2019t realize is that it takes time and the issues of life to surface the differences that are really there. When those differences come about, you can end up thinking that you\u2019re not really compatible after all. That can be a discouraging thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, you and Joy\u2014on a scale of one to ten\u2014differences versus similarities\u2014or maybe I\u2019ll ask it this way\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> He\u2019s smiling! I want to hear him answer the question. Don\u2019t rephrase it\u2014just let him answer it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> I was hoping we could keep talking about Dennis and Barbara [Laughter] because I\u2019m not sure they\u2019re compatible after all.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Okay. Here\u2019s what I want you to do. Joy, don\u2019t say the number out loud.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joy:<\/strong> Oh, no.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Get your number between one and ten\u2014ten being <em>really <\/em>different\u2014like poles apart\u2014and one being, you know, you\u2019re just helplessly and hopelessly in agreement all the time. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> What are you laughing at?!\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So do you have your number locked in?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> Oh, yes. We already knew that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Do you have your number locked in?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> What\u2019s your number, Tim?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> We\u2019re tens. We\u2019re as different as night and day. Joy and I are different in every way. In <em>One of Us Must Be Crazy,<\/em> we describe seven fundamental differences. We are different in every one of them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And you\u2019d agree with the number that you guys are on opposite ends of the street on a lot of things?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joy:<\/strong> Yes, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> On most things?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joy:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Did you know it before you got married?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joy:<\/strong> I knew to some extent what I was getting into but not to the full extent. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And, when you woke up and realized the full extent, what does that do?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> There was a lot of screaming. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joy:<\/strong> \u201cGod, help me!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Do you think, \u201cWhat have I gotten myself into?\u201d I mean, did you have that thought early in marriage?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joy:<\/strong> Oh, yes. Yes, yes. I had that thought yesterday. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I\u2019m sure Barbara did too. What was the first hint that there was really something different going on between you as you started your marriage? Do you remember that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joy:<\/strong> Yes. It still goes on to this day. I think it is really our innate differences in how we relate to people. I was an extrovert\u2014what people call an extrovert. I love to be around people\u2014that energizes me. While Tim likes people, he is energized more by tasks. So, he can be alone for long periods of time. I remember being kind of offended that he didn\u2019t want to spend more time with me\u2014that he was content being by himself. I would think, \u201cHe doesn\u2019t really like me anymore.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> He doesn\u2019t need you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joy:<\/strong> No! I, in fact, asked him, \u201cCan you think of any reason why you need me?\u201d and he could not think of anything.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Oooh, oooh. That is not good!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Bad answer, Tim.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> Thank you. Yes, I\u2019ve learned some things since then. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joy: <\/strong>And it wasn\u2019t that he was being arrogant or mean; but he thought in a very logical manner\u2014which is another big difference in us. He thought: \u201cWell, if you died, it would not be that I would die. I can survive \/ I can eat. I\u2019ve learned how to be single.\u201d So, he was thinking on very logical terms: \u201cI can survive. So, I really don\u2019t need you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> He was thinking like a man! [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> Yes; enforcing the problem.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cNeed you\u201d for him meant survival\u2014for you, it meant the value of being together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joy:<\/strong> Exactly: \u201cDo I contribute anything to your life?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. Were you aware of this difference?\u2014you were marrying this extrovert. If you liked to be alone so much why\u2014why her?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> Because people fall in love with their shadow selves. I looked at Joy and I saw all these wonderful qualities that I admired. Some of them I admired because I don\u2019t have those qualities. You think, \u201cYou know, if I\u2019m with a person like that, they will complete me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> But you don\u2019t realize that your shadow self is something you\u2019ll conflict with or compete with later on. So, it can be the source of disagreement.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, was it the same area that confronted you early in your marriage? Was that the first hint?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> It probably was, yes\u2014introversion\/extroversion\u2014because I enjoy people, but they take energy from me. People don\u2019t understand that introversion\/extroversion is not really about whether you like people or not\u2014introverts like people. It\u2019s about how you recharge your batteries. Introverts are worn down by people. Extroverts draw energy from other people. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, Joy would feel tired and want to get a group of people together to recharge her batteries. For me, if I\u2019m tired, I want to be alone because that\u2019s how I charge my batteries back up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I really appreciate you sharing that, Tim, because, after we went out to dinner last night, I was wondering why you curled up in a corner in the fetal position. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> It\u2019s because of what you fed me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We gave him a southern meal last night. I don\u2019t know if any of our listeners have had fried pickles; but we introduced\u2014we introduced\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019ve never had fried pickles! [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve seen them on the menu. I\u2019ve thought, \u201cWho orders those?\u201d Now I know who orders them!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> Now we know.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You guys believe that, in all of these differences, there are what you call \u201chidden issues.\u201d Explain that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> You don\u2019t really realize what your issues are <em>about<\/em> sometimes. You can get to a point in a relationship where you are discouraged, thinking, \u201cWe disagree about <em>everything<\/em>.\u201d What you don\u2019t understand is there\u2019s something hidden going on. You kind of have to clear away some of the debris\u2014get down to the fundamental issue. That\u2019s really why we wrote <em>One of Us Must Be Crazy.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So the introvert\/extrovert is a hidden issue; but it would present itself in things like Joy saying: \u201cHey, these folks are getting together next Friday night. Let\u2019s go.\u201d You go, \u201cI\u2019d just rather stay at home.\u201d Her going, \u201cWhat is wrong with him?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHow do you get from the presenting issue to the hidden issue? How do you dig below the surface and figure out what\u2019s going on?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joy: <\/strong>Well, sometimes, it takes years before you actually figure out what\u2019s going on. So, I would really look at Tim and\u2014you know, this is just my own sin nature \/ I didn\u2019t know any better at the time\u2014I would think: \u201cA good Christian reaches out to people. A Christian wants to be around people. A Christian will give his or her time. A Christian will want to go to church\u2014want to get involved.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen I realized, you know, \u201cGod made Tim the way he is.\u201d There is a certain balance that I even needed to learn. I was more of a people-pleaser\u2014God wanted to teach me some things through our marriage\u2014and Tim did need to really venture out a little bit more. That\u2019s why I was in his life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019re suggesting that getting all self-righteous about your differences is not a great way to go? Is that what I\u2019m hearing? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joy:<\/strong> Well, I\u2019ve tried it. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, we all try it. It\u2019s the default.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We think, you know\u2014it\u2019s really what has helped Barbara and me come to a conclusion in our marriage: \u201cDifferent isn\u2019t wrong. It\u2019s just different.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joy:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cThere\u2019s more than one way to load the dishwasher.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joy:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Barbara loads it differently than I do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s like there\u2019s a biblically-approved way that the dishwasher has to be loaded\u2014her way is the only way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joy:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, you can do it my way. [Laughter] You can just imagine what that way is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Toss it in there and see what happens; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So what\u2019s the hidden issue between loading the dishwasher, Tim?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> That just sounds perverse to me, Dennis. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, one of the things we talk about in <em>One of Us Must Be Crazy<\/em> is what we call dreams. That means we enter marriage with just this deep sense of how life is supposed to go and how things are supposed to run\u2014how the dishwasher is supposed to be loaded.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> Your dreams are like the color of your eyes. You don\u2019t even see them\u2014you see through them\u2014that\u2019s the way you see the rest of the world. Your dreams collide when you get married and\u2014especially, we think, when kids come along. It\u2019s because of that conflict of dreams that we start having some of our deeper conflicts.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I was thinking about that whole idea, as I was looking at your book and thinking, \u201cIf you were to go to somebody and say, \u2018In your relationship, who\u2019s the more normal and who\u2019s the more different person?\u2019 wouldn\u2019t everybody think: \u2018I\u2019m the more normal. The other person\u2019s the more different\u2019?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I think that\u2019s the way we start out marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Our definition of \u201cnormal\u201d is us\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cis me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. So, \u201cIf you vary from me, you\u2019re abnormal. I\u2019m normal.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> Right; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And that\u2019s why we have that clash. We\u2019re trying to pull somebody in our direction. Shouldn\u2019t there be a time where we say: \u201cThis is who you are,\u201d and we thank God and just let you be? Or do we keep trying to adjust one another? How do we deal with that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>You know, you\u2019ll do both. We tell couples that the fundamental issue of marriage isn\u2019t how different you are but the attitude you take toward your differences. What people have to come to grips with is: \u201cNone of us is the person that we were meant to be.\u201d\u00a0 So marriage is not just this process of two people living together so they can be happy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod uses us to reshape one another into the people that he wants us to be. I\u2019m always fascinated by the Proverb that says, \u201cAs iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another,\u201d\u2014interesting metaphor; don\u2019t you think?\u00a0 I mean, he could have said, \u201cAs the sculptor molds the clay,\u201d or, \u201cAs the painter paints the canvas\u2026\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cAs the two flowers brush against each other\u2026\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> Yes, exactly. Why iron sharpening iron? Well, if you ever watch a blacksmith at work\u2014there\u2019s heat, there\u2019s sparks, there\u2019s fire. I think that the writer of the proverb was trying to tell us something about the process of one human being sharpening another. It\u2019s not always a comfortable process.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I wanted to ask you this question, Joy, because you said you married an introvert. Yet, as you know, Tim and you have been speaking at our <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>marriage getawaysfor 25 years. You had to sit in the audience, at points, and go, \u201cI can\u2019t believe that\u2019s my husband,\u201d because <em>in front of<\/em> an audience\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> He\u2019s not all that introverted when he\u2019s up on a platform.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joy:<\/strong> No, no.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I mean\u2014he\u2019s spectacular. He was the emcee for our <em>I Still Do<\/em><sup>\u2122<\/sup> and <em>Rekindling the Romance<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> arena events, where we had as many as 18,000 people. It was like Tim became this entertainer, comedian, fun-loving guy. If you\u2019d have told the audience\u2014if you\u2019d have stood up and made the statement, \u201cI\u2019m an extrovert, and Tim is an introvert,\u201d the audience would have booed you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joy:<\/strong> Right, exactly. We still get people that come up to Tim and say, \u201cI don\u2019t believe that you\u2019re an introvert.\u201d I really think that is true. I knew\u2014you know, he has been speaking for as long as I\u2019ve known him, in some form or fashion; but I knew the real him. I knew what really was the outward him, up in front, and what was the true him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, when I said, \u201cYes, I\u2019ve tried to change him in some ways,\u201d I don\u2019t think that\u2019s all bad. I really think God put me in his life for that. I think Tim depends on me\u2014maybe even more than I even want him to\u2014to pull him out, to ask him to go places, to have him do things, to introduce him to people. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s just my method of how I do that\u2014and how I internalize being grumpy about it or seeing that as my role.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Is she more introverted than she was when you married her?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> But before we get to that question, Tim was nodding his head.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, that\u2019s true.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> He was nodding his head about\u2014that you kind of like her pulling you out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> Absolutely. At this moment, I do. [Laughter] See, I\u2019d be kidding you if I told you I\u2019m always grateful for that process because it is, sometimes, something I resist.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Heat and sparks.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>Absolutely. I\u2019m absolutely convinced it\u2019s one of her purposes in my life because introversion can be nice or it can go to an extreme\u2014you can be locking yourself in a room, just telling yourself you\u2019re recharging your batteries. There\u2019s a proverb that says \u201cHe who separates himself lacks all common sense.\u201d The introvert can be an unhealthy person. I think Joy is the person who has kept me healthy. I\u2019m not always grateful; but, at this moment, I am.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, because you\u2019re content, right now, Tim, and you\u2019re not angry about it [Laughter]\u2014I\u2019d like to ask you a question. Coach the woman, or for that matter, the man, who is married to an introvert. What do they need to do there to celebrate their differences but also fulfill that role and that purpose in their spouse\u2019s life?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> Well, first recognize an introvert does like people; but they\u2019re going to like them in a different way than you are. They may like fewer people at a time. They may prefer to get together with a small group of familiar friends rather than always meeting new people. The introvert isn\u2019t going to like to chat\u2014to have superficial conversation with a large group sucks the soul right out of his body. He needs alone time to recharge his batteries. So, make sure your introverted spouse has some alone time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe tell couples sometimes: \u201cMaybe Friday night, at the end of a busy week, maybe that ought to be your \u2018rent a DVD night,\u2019 where you have some down time\u2014alone time \/ battery-recharging time. On Saturday night, that\u2019s when you go out on the town.\u201d You\u2019ll find, if you get the order reversed, the introvert will be fighting with you every step of the way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I could have used that advice about 37 years ago\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> So could I.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014in our marriage because I married an introvert\u2014very quiet. In fact, we\u2019d go to parties, early in our marriage. Who was taking whom to the party?\u2014I was taking her to the party with friends. I was enjoying things. I would turn to her, on the way home, and I\u2019d say, \u201cSweetheart, you didn\u2019t hardly say a word all night.\u201d She would say, \u201cThat\u2019s because you didn\u2019t stop talking.\u201d\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe point is\u2014she is very selective about her friends. I like to compare her to like a warehouse full of goods\u2014a lot in the warehouse. She\u2019ll go out in the warehouse, pull out a can, and put it on the counter. \u201cYou like that can?\u201d \u201cYou\u2019ve got to earn the right to have a second can put on the counter.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe\u2019s not just a \u201cPull up the dump truck!\u201d like I have been, on occasion, and just \u201cHere\u2019s everything I know and then some,\u201d at that point. There\u2019s where we do learn to balance one another.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I want to ask about this because we make it sound a little bit like introvert is bad, and you need an extrovert to help pull that out of you. But let\u2019s turn it around: \u201cHow have you been a sanctifying influence on your extroverted wife? How has your introversion served her and helped her grow?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> I think the dark side of extroversion is you can be easily distracted. You can <em>always <\/em>be with other people\u2014always on the run \/ always on the go\u2014and running yourself down. You don\u2019t let your own batteries recharge. I think that\u2019s what Joy has had to learn over the years\u2014she needs alone time. She said to me once, \u201cI think maybe I\u2019m an introvert too.\u201d I said, \u201cHoney, you\u2019re just a pooped-out extrovert.\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong> \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe needs the down time and the alone time to do some recharging too. To have a reflective life\u2014to be able to think, and read, and some very valuable things\u2014you need some introversion.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Joy, you\u2019re nodding your head like, \u201cYes.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joy:<\/strong> Yes. I think the greatest influence Tim has had for me is\u2014I am a compassionate person\u2014so I love to help people; but I can\u2019t help everyone, and I can\u2019t do that 24 hours a day. Tim has had to say to me, \u201cHoney, you don\u2019t need to do that.\u201d He\u2019s helped me pull back to some extent, where I don\u2019t feel like I need to rescue everybody. Then that\u2019s helped me trust God for those people too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, I\u2019m listening to you both; and I\u2019m reflecting back on how different Barbara and I are. In fact, one of the things we\u2019ve talked about most\u2014in the empty nest season of our marriage\u2014is really refreshing the differences and rediscovering, if not discovering, how really different we are and how we really do need one another. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that\u2019s the point of what God\u2019s doing in marriage: He brings two people together to complement strengths and weaknesses. Some differences have nothing to do with strengths and weaknesses\u2014just the appreciation of life and gender differences. The issue is: \u201cAre you going to receive your spouse as God\u2019s gift to you?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And you guys know this is one of the key issues that we address at the <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>marriage getaway. We talk about what we think is a cornerstone principle of marriage\u2014that, in spite of our differences, we can affirm that this is the person God has brought me together with. Our spouse is a gift from Him, and we need to receive our spouse as a good gift from God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to remind our listeners about the special offer we\u2019re making, this week and next week, for those who would like to attend an upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>marriage getaway.We\u2019re going to be hosting 14 of them this fall. Then we\u2019ve got, I think, more than 50 of them coming up in the spring.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019d like to register now, either for a fall event or a spring event\u2014when you pay for one registration, your spouse comes free. It\u2019s a buy one\/get one free offer, and it\u2019s good this week and next week only. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link at the top of the page that says, \u201cGO DEEPER.\u201d Or you can call if you have any questions: 1-800-FL-TODAY is our number. We\u2019ve got getaways happening this fall in Florida, and in Texas, in California, Colorado, Pennsylvania, Missouri, Tennessee, Iowa, and Idaho. Of course, in the spring, we\u2019ll be in cities all over the country. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe special offer, though, is good this week and next week only. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link that says, \u201cGO DEEPER.\u201d Register for an upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>marriage getaway. Take advantage of the buy one\/get one free offer this week. Or call 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d to take advantage of this special offer this week as well. We hope to see you at one of these upcoming getaways.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to talk more with Tim and Joy Downs about differences\u2014really, about preferences\u2014and about what happens when we start to think that our preferences are the right way to do things\u2014not just the way we like things to be done. How do we resolve some of these issues in marriage? We\u2019ll talk more about it tomorrow. I hope you can join us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2014 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/303185","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=303185"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=303185"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=303185"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=303185"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=303185"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=303185"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=303185"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}