{"id":303175,"date":"2014-08-27T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2014-08-27T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/understanding-and-parenting-your-adopted-child\/"},"modified":"2014-08-27T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2014-08-27T15:00:00","slug":"understanding-and-parenting-your-adopted-child","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/understanding-and-parenting-your-adopted-child\/","title":{"rendered":"Understanding and Parenting Your Adopted Child"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Barbara Rainey talks about some of the ways adoption affects your marriage, your other children, and your relationship with Christ.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-08-27.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"22.8M","filesize_raw":"23903110","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2818,2841],"tags":[5409,5410,5411,5408],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[3052],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-303175","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-adoption-and-orphans","category-anger-and-rebellion","tag-adopted-kids-issues","tag-family-challenges","tag-realities-of-adoption","tag-troubled-children","cwp_profile-barbara-rainey","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/303175\/understanding-and-parenting-your-adopted-child","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/303175\/understanding-and-parenting-your-adopted-child","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"fBlt8TmHuR\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/understanding-and-parenting-your-adopted-child\/\">Understanding and Parenting Your Adopted Child<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/understanding-and-parenting-your-adopted-child\/embed\/#?secret=fBlt8TmHuR\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Understanding and Parenting Your Adopted Child&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"fBlt8TmHuR\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-08-27.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-08-27.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Many teenagers will wrestle, during the adolescent years, with a sense of self\u2014a sense of identity. Barbara Rainey says that\u2019s particularly true for children who have been adopted. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>There\u2019s sort of an added, extra measure of struggle in an adopted teen because they are trying to figure out: \u201cDo I want to be like my adopted family?\u00a0 Do I want to be like my birth family?\u00a0 Which one do I want to identify with?\u00a0 Or do I want to be like somebody else entirely different?\u201d\u00a0 So, I think adopted teens have an additional weight as they try to figure out, through those teen years, who they are and who they want to be. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, August 27<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll hear today from Barbara Rainey about some of the issues that parents may experience with adopted children as those children go through the teen years. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Wednesday edition. You think there are some families who don\u2019t give careful enough consideration to what\u2019s involved in adopting before they move forward. You think families ought to pay a little more attention to some of those issues; don\u2019t you?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I do. I think we\u2014a lot of us think casually about it, but we really don\u2019t do the homework we need to go do and think about it as a potential assignment from God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Even though there are some real challenges that come with that choice; right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>There are, and I would speak very forthrightly and in a very sober spirit to anyone thinking about adopting because I think people tend to\u2014well, they tend to make the act of adopting a child idealistic and like it is going to be this forever ever after\u2014warm, walk-in-the-sunshine. And you know what?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRaising children today\u2014whether or not you\u2019re raising adopted children or biological\u2014it\u2019s a challenge. It is an absolutely challenge. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes. Your wife, Barbara, had an opportunity, a number of years ago, to share about your decision to adopt. She talked about things that every potential adopting family ought to consider before they make the decision to adopt. One of the things she said was that you need to go into adoption with your eyes open, knowing that an adopted child is going to have some emotional issues\u2014things that they are going to have to work through\u2014that are going to be different than what a biological child has to deal with. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Right. And I have to say, as I listened to this message Barbara gave\u2014I really like my wife a lot. She\u2019s really\u2014she\u2019s really got good stuff, and the reason is she\u2019s honest and she\u2019s real. You know, today, people are just\u2014I think, they are really tired of plastic veneer-coated Christians. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey are looking for the real thing. They are looking for some folks who will be honest about how it really is. I am just proud of Barbara because, in this message, she really talks about what it was like for us, and how adopting a child impacted our marriage and other children, and how it has also impacted our relationship and our walk with Jesus Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, we thought it would be good for our listeners to hear a portion of what Barbara shared when she spoke about this\u2014talking about what families need to consider as they think about adopting and making sure everybody understands and gets a realistic picture of what the adoption experience is going to be like for a family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded Message]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>The first thing\u2014and this has been mentioned before\u2014but you must know\u2014both of you must know that God is calling you to adoption. It can\u2019t just be one of you. It has to be both husband and wife. You have to know, together, that you are called. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou have to have a oneness between you that this is what God is calling us to do, as a family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSecondly, you must be willing to take lots of time to communicate. Communication is a huge issue in marriage anyway\u2014with all marriages\u2014over lots of different subjects, lots of different topics in marriage\u2014but you must be willing to take extra time to communicate. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things that I remember, in the last few years, during Deborah\u2019s senior high years, is\u2014several times, Dennis and I drove to away ballgames when her high school team was playing away. Our girls either rode the bus, or they went with friends. I remember vividly\u2014and will probably never forget\u2014several of those rides to ballgames that were about an hour \/ hour-and-a-half away\u2014as the two of us sat in the car. Sometimes, we rode almost all the way there in silence just because we needed time to decompress and to think; but there were a couple of other games when we rode and we talked about: \u201cWhat do we want to do next?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThose car rides gave us one-on-one time\u2014were very, very important. We needed that because life is so busy; and with six kids and with all the other things going on in our lives, we had to have some extra time. So, I want to encourage you to be willing to do it; and when you have to\u2014take the time. Find a way, somehow, to talk together, and to create your game plan, and to talk through what you need to do with your children. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then, the third thing that you need to do is be prepared to guard your marriage. This is true with adopted children or biological children. It really doesn\u2019t matter. Any child, who is a prodigal \/ any child who is struggling to find their identity\u2014and it does happen to be true, oftentimes\u2014with adopted children\u2014that they have a more difficult struggle in the teenage years to figure out who they are. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAll teenagers go through that. They are all trying to figure out: \u201cWho am I?\u00a0 What am I good at?\u00a0 Where do I fit?\u00a0 What do I want to believe?\u201d\u00a0 All kids go through that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut there is sort of an added, extra measure of struggle in an adopted teen because they are trying to figure out: \u201cDo I want to be like my adopted family?\u00a0 Do I want to be like my birth family?\u00a0 Which one do I want to identify with?\u00a0 Or do I want to be like somebody else entirely different?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think adopted teens have an additional weight as they try to figure out, through those teen years, who they are and who they want to be. That can be a real strain on a marriage because they may try in some ways that are unpleasant, like our daughter did. They may struggle in some areas that might not be things that you anticipated. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe tendency for any prodigal child\u2014whether it\u2019s an adopted child or a biological child\u2014is to dominate the family\u2014to become the center of attention in the family, and to monopolize the marriage, and to become the issue that everybody is always dealing with. It\u2019s just a tendency that\u2019s inherent in being a rebellious child. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, as a couple\u2014as husband and wife\u2014you need to be prepared to guard your marriage. A child can rob your romance. A child can take all your time so that you have nothing left for each other and you end up isolated. That does no one any good. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things that Dennis and I have done through the years for a long, long time is that we have had a habit of having a weekly date night. We started doing this years before we started having any difficulty at all with our daughter, Deborah. We spent those date nights talking about different ones of our kids, talking about our relationship, talking about our schedules, talking about our vacation plans\u2014just whatever happened to be the need of the moment. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat provided a lot of sanity in our marriage. It provided a refreshment point in our marriage. It kept us connected with one another throughout all of the parenting years, regardless of which child we were dealing with at the moment. It was not always our adopted daughter. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe had other kids that we would spend our whole date night talking about. So, it wasn\u2019t always her. I would encourage you to set aside a date night to preserve your marriage in the whole process of parenting. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe third area is how adoption affects your other children in your family, whether they are biological kids or adopted kids, because you are going to have family dynamics that are going to be affected by adoption. The first thing that I\u2019ve seen in our family is that our kids have seen, in Dennis and I, as we\u2019ve parented our adopted daughter\u2014they\u2019ve seen a model of what God\u2019s love looks like because we\u2019ve loved her unconditionally. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve chosen to love her over and over again when it might have been difficult and when, in fact, it was difficult. We\u2019ve demonstrated a lot of sacrifice. We\u2019ve demonstrated the power of the gospel to redeem a life. That is something that they wouldn\u2019t have seen as clearly if it had just been our biological kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, first of all, adoption gives you the opportunity to model the love of Christ in a way that you might not otherwise. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSecondly, I know that Amy mentioned, on the panel, that all of her kids have talked about adopting. All of our children are talking about adopting as well. We have three who are married. None of them are pursuing it yet, but all of them have talked about it. And our girls, who aren\u2019t married yet, have also talked about adoption. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTo me, it\u2019s such a remarkable testimony, not only of God\u2019s grace, but of the calling of adoption because our kids haven\u2019t just seen the fairy tale\u2014believe me. They\u2019ve seen the reality of what adoption can be like. They\u2019ve seen Deborah\u2019s struggle. They\u2019ve tried to empathize with her. They\u2019ve listened to her. We\u2019ve had lots of family conversations, where she has expressed how she feels. They know how she feels. They\u2019ve seen Dennis and I relate with her, and rescue her, and work to redeem her. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey know the reality of adoption, but every one of our five kids understands it\u2019s a high and holy calling. They all want to adopt. So, adoption has a wonderful, good effect in a family\u2019s dynamics. It\u2019s good for all of the kids to see it at work. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then, the third thing that we\u2019ve discovered is\u2014if your adopted child does struggle with adoption issues, or loss issues, or abandonment issues, or abuse issues\u2014whatever it might be, especially as they go through the teenage years\u2014be prepared to coach your other kids on how to respond and how to live with that child in an understanding way\u2014how to pray for that child. You have to be careful that you don\u2019t play favorites. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of ours\u2014who is the closest in age to our adopted daughter is the one who took the brunt of Deborah\u2019s anger and the frustration because, frankly, by the time our adopted daughter was in high school, the older three had already left and gone to college. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, our one biological daughter was really sort of this scapegoat, in the family, for her. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere will be times in your family\u2019s life\u2014and it may not be an adopted child\u2014it may be a biological child\u2014when you, as parents, have to pull back, and be objective, and say, \u201cWhat\u2019s best for each of our kids?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe last thing I want to share is how adoption affects your relationship with Christ. Honestly, this is really my favorite part. We talked a little bit about this on the panel; but without question, this is absolutely the best part about adoption. All the rest of it is great. I love having Deborah in our family; but, if she died tomorrow, it would be so worth it because of what we\u2019ve learned about God, and who He is, and His character. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>I want to share three things that we\u2019ve learned about how adoption affects your relationship with Jesus Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFirst of all, you get the privilege of participating with God in a miracle. Adoption is a miracle, just like giving birth is a miracle. You get the privilege of being a part of seeing Him orchestrate circumstances and do things that you wouldn\u2019t get to see otherwise. Romans 11:33 says, \u201cOh, the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and the knowledge of God, how unsearchable are His judgments and His ways past finding out.\u201d\u00a0 The things that I\u2019ve seen God do to orchestrate adoptions are absolutely unfathomable. When you choose adoption, you get to participate with God in the working of a miracle. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSecondly, you get the privilege of being a part of seeing God redeem another life. Matthew 19:14 says, \u201cLet the little children come to me and do not forbid them, for such is the Kingdom of Heaven.\u201d\u00a0 God is in the business of redemption. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe loves redemption. When you choose adoption, you get to be part of watching God redeem another life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we\u2019ve seen that with our daughter\u2014in the 21 years of her life. He, not only redeemed her from a situation that wouldn\u2019t have been healthy\u2014to put her in a Christian family, with two parents, that loved her and are crazy about her\u2014but we\u2019ve watched God work in her life. We\u2019ve been able to sit back and watch, in these last few years, how God has worked really wonderful things in her life, totally without our assistance. It\u2019s been great to see God redeem her. We have a long way to go\u2014she has a long way to go\u2014but it\u2019s going to be a wonderful privilege to sit back and see God continue to redeem her life and use her for great and wonderful things in the future. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then, the third thing I\u2019ve seen\u2014and this is probably the best of all\u2014you get to see the privilege and be a part of the privilege of being used by God to love someone who was not your own. Matthew 5:46-47 says this\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014Jesus said: \u201cFor if you love those who love you, what reward have you?\u00a0 And if you greet your brother only, what do you do more than the others?\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s very clear what He was saying\u2014anyone can love someone who is your own; but if you love someone who is not, you have great reward. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve clearly learned more about God\u2019s love through Deborah than probably any other person on the planet. Our five biological children tested us, and they tried us, and they rebelled, and they were disobedient, at times\u2014but nothing like our daughter, Deborah. She tested our love more than all five of the others combined, actually. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis and I, as parents, faced countless opportunities to reject her or to walk away and say: \u201cThis is too hard. We\u2019re not going to do this anymore.\u201d\u00a0 But we chose over and over again to love her because we knew we did and we knew that God wanted us to. We knew that she would not be redeemed if we didn\u2019t. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA few months ago, I just jotted some things down in my little journal area in the computer. I wanted to read you a couple of the things that I wrote about loving Deborah. <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf Deborah were not mine\u2014if she were not my child\u2014would I love her?\u00a0 If I just passed her on the street someday, like I do countless other people, day after day, what would attract me to her?\u00a0 What would draw me to her?\u00a0 What would make me love her out of all the other people that I see day after day?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe could just be another human being on this planet, but she\u2019s not. God has made her ours somehow. I have discovered a kind of love for Deborah that is unlike my love for\u2014[Emotion in voice] excuse me\u2014for any of my other five children. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have discovered a taste of God\u2019s unfathomable, underserved, unexplainable, extravagant non-human love. It is a supernatural love that is defined by grace. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want you to hear me clearly in this\u2014I don\u2019t love her more than my other five children, but I do love her in a different way. I know more love for my other kids than I would have without her. John 3:16 says, \u201cGod so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son.\u201d\u00a0 He teaches us and He taught us that the essence of loving another person is giving\u2014giving of ourselves \/ denying ourselves for another human being. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFirst John 3:16 says this: \u201cBy this we know love, because He laid His life for us. We ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.\u201d\u00a0 Parenting an adopted child might require you to lay down your life for that child. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn many ways, it has required that of us. It has called us to levels and depths of love and commitment that I would have never dreamed that I was capable of; but God knew that He could give us that kind of love\u2014that kind of resource to love her and stay committed to her, no matter what. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn John, Chapter 9, Jesus was talking to the disciples. There was a man, who was there, who was blind from birth. The disciples came up to him; and they said to Jesus, \u201cWho sinned this man or his parents that he was born blind?\u201d\u00a0 What they were saying was: \u201cWhose fault is it?\u00a0 Who is to blame?\u00a0 Who can we blame for this man being blind?\u201d\u00a0 Jesus said, \u201cNeither his parents nor he sinned, but it was so that the power of God might be made known.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s what we have seen happen in our family life because of adoption. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have been given\u2014as very good friends of ours like to say\u2014an awesome opportunity to see God work. We have truly seen God work in ways that we would never have seen were it not for the privilege of adoption. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod is in the business of giving us opportunities to see Him work. He wants to get the glory. There is no question that it is God who has walked us through this. Because of that, we know Him in a way we would have never known Him. We understand love for, not only our daughter, but our children and others as well in ways that we would have never known were it not for the privilege of having an adopted daughter in our family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, again, we\u2019ve been listening to your wife Barbara Rainey talking about things that every family ought to consider before they decide to adopt. You know, I\u2019ve known you for a few years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve watched adoption stretch you in a lot of areas. Your walk with Christ has been one of those areas, where you have been called to fresh faith, on a number of occasions. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes\u2014and just going back over her three points, Bob\u2014our marriage is a different marriage \/ a better marriage today because we adopted. There is no question in my mind. Yes\u2014have there been some valleys that we\u2019ve walked through together?\u00a0 You bet. But you know what?\u00a0 I want to underline the word, \u201ctogether.\u201d\u00a0 We walked through them <u>together<\/u>. You can\u2019t walk through a valley, like we\u2019ve been through, without emerging on the other side, either better or worse.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn our situation\u2014because I think we, for the most part, attempted to walk with Christ, there is no question our marriage was strengthened by it. I think I look at our children\u2014you know it\u2019s fascinating\u2014we\u2019ve been talking to all of our children. They all want to adopt. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey\u2019ve seen some of the challenges\u2014firsthand experience. But you know what?\u00a0 They have a heart for what God has a heart for, and that\u2019s the orphan. They want to care for those who don\u2019t have families\u2014mommies and daddies. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFinally, there is absolutely no question about Barbara\u2019s last point\u2014that adoption will affect your relationship with Jesus Christ. There is a knowledge that Barbara and I have of the heart of God because our God is a God of adoption. It\u2019s a good thing because He adopted me, and He adopted you, Bob\u2014Barbara. He adopted us out of our sin, and He placed us in His family. Aren\u2019t you glad God is a God of adoption?\u00a0 Yes\u2014there is no question about it. I\u2019ve learned more about that heart of God for adoption, and for the lost, and the orphan, and the needy, and the oppressed because of our act of obeying Him- by adopting a little girl, named Deborah, more than 22 years ago. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We\u2019ve already mentioned, this week, the conference that\u2019s coming up in September called <em>Rooted <\/em>that Hope for Orphans<em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em> is putting on. It\u2019s designed to help families through some of the tough experiences that adoptive families can face. If our listeners would like more information about the upcoming <em>Rooted <\/em>conference, they can go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link that says, \u201cGO DEEPER.\u201d The information is available right there for you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, our website is FamilyLifeToday.com. You\u2019ll also find additional information about adoption\u2014about things you ought to consider as you think about adopting\u2014some of the resources Hope for Orphans has available for you. Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link that says, \u201cGO DEEPER,\u201d and all the information you need is available right there. Or call us if you have any questions at 1-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, if you live in or around Richland, Washington, or if you know Rich and Diane Olsen, who live there, here\u2019s what I think you ought to do. I think you ought to go by Barracuda Coffee, and get them both a cup of coffee, and take it by their house and say, \u201cHappy Anniversary,\u201d because, today, the Olsens are celebrating 31 years of marriage together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe wanted to give them a shout-out and say, \u201cHappy Anniversary!\u201d to the Olsens and also get a chance to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d to them for being <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> supporters. We appreciate their partnership with us, here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. We wanted to make sure we got a chance to say, \u201cHappy Anniversary!\u201d to them. <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is listener-supported. The Olsens are one of the couples who help make today\u2019s radio program possible through their support of this ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are in the last week of our fiscal year, here at FamilyLife. We\u2019ve had some friends, who have come to us this week\u2014they\u2019ve said: \u201cWe know you are trying to end your fiscal year in a good, solid positive position. We\u2019d like to help out.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey\u2019ve agreed that, this week, they will match any donation that comes into <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, on a dollar for dollar basis, up to a total of $100,000. We are grateful for that. It\u2019s a short period of time to try to accomplish that. So, we wanted to ask you: \u201cWould you consider going to FamilyLifeToday.com?\u00a0 Click the button in the upper right-hand corner that says, \u2018I Care.\u2019\u00a0 Make an online donation to support us and help us end our fiscal year in a healthy place.\u201d\u00a0 Or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY\u2014make a donation over the phone. Or you can write a check and mail it to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at P O \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBox 7111, Little Rock, AR. And our zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHowever you get in touch with us, we appreciate it. We\u2019re grateful to you. We appreciate you linking arms with us\u2014and, again, \u201cHappy anniversary!\u201d to the Olsens in Richland, Washington. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to go back in time a little bit. We\u2019re going to play for you an interview that we did, live, at the Orphans Summit in Chicago, back a few months ago. We\u2019ll introduce you to a new friend of ours, Tyrone Flowers, who has a remarkable story to share about how he is caring for the needs of orphans in the inner city. We\u2019ll hear that tomorrow. Hope you can tune in. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2014 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["22.8M"],"filesize_raw":["23903110"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-303175.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-303175.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Rainey talks about some of the ways adoption affects your marriage, your other children, and your relationship with Christ.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-08-27.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Many teenagers will wrestle, during the adolescent years, with a sense of self\u2014a sense of identity. Barbara Rainey says that\u2019s particularly true for children who have been adopted. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>There\u2019s sort of an added, extra measure of struggle in an adopted teen because they are trying to figure out: \u201cDo I want to be like my adopted family?\u00a0 Do I want to be like my birth family?\u00a0 Which one do I want to identify with?\u00a0 Or do I want to be like somebody else entirely different?\u201d\u00a0 So, I think adopted teens have an additional weight as they try to figure out, through those teen years, who they are and who they want to be. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, August 27<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll hear today from Barbara Rainey about some of the issues that parents may experience with adopted children as those children go through the teen years. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Wednesday edition. You think there are some families who don\u2019t give careful enough consideration to what\u2019s involved in adopting before they move forward. You think families ought to pay a little more attention to some of those issues; don\u2019t you?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I do. I think we\u2014a lot of us think casually about it, but we really don\u2019t do the homework we need to go do and think about it as a potential assignment from God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Even though there are some real challenges that come with that choice; right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>There are, and I would speak very forthrightly and in a very sober spirit to anyone thinking about adopting because I think people tend to\u2014well, they tend to make the act of adopting a child idealistic and like it is going to be this forever ever after\u2014warm, walk-in-the-sunshine. And you know what?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRaising children today\u2014whether or not you\u2019re raising adopted children or biological\u2014it\u2019s a challenge. It is an absolutely challenge. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes. Your wife, Barbara, had an opportunity, a number of years ago, to share about your decision to adopt. She talked about things that every potential adopting family ought to consider before they make the decision to adopt. One of the things she said was that you need to go into adoption with your eyes open, knowing that an adopted child is going to have some emotional issues\u2014things that they are going to have to work through\u2014that are going to be different than what a biological child has to deal with. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Right. And I have to say, as I listened to this message Barbara gave\u2014I really like my wife a lot. She\u2019s really\u2014she\u2019s really got good stuff, and the reason is she\u2019s honest and she\u2019s real. You know, today, people are just\u2014I think, they are really tired of plastic veneer-coated Christians. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey are looking for the real thing. They are looking for some folks who will be honest about how it really is. I am just proud of Barbara because, in this message, she really talks about what it was like for us, and how adopting a child impacted our marriage and other children, and how it has also impacted our relationship and our walk with Jesus Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, we thought it would be good for our listeners to hear a portion of what Barbara shared when she spoke about this\u2014talking about what families need to consider as they think about adopting and making sure everybody understands and gets a realistic picture of what the adoption experience is going to be like for a family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded Message]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>The first thing\u2014and this has been mentioned before\u2014but you must know\u2014both of you must know that God is calling you to adoption. It can\u2019t just be one of you. It has to be both husband and wife. You have to know, together, that you are called. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou have to have a oneness between you that this is what God is calling us to do, as a family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSecondly, you must be willing to take lots of time to communicate. Communication is a huge issue in marriage anyway\u2014with all marriages\u2014over lots of different subjects, lots of different topics in marriage\u2014but you must be willing to take extra time to communicate. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things that I remember, in the last few years, during Deborah\u2019s senior high years, is\u2014several times, Dennis and I drove to away ballgames when her high school team was playing away. Our girls either rode the bus, or they went with friends. I remember vividly\u2014and will probably never forget\u2014several of those rides to ballgames that were about an hour \/ hour-and-a-half away\u2014as the two of us sat in the car. Sometimes, we rode almost all the way there in silence just because we needed time to decompress and to think; but there were a couple of other games when we rode and we talked about: \u201cWhat do we want to do next?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThose car rides gave us one-on-one time\u2014were very, very important. We needed that because life is so busy; and with six kids and with all the other things going on in our lives, we had to have some extra time. So, I want to encourage you to be willing to do it; and when you have to\u2014take the time. Find a way, somehow, to talk together, and to create your game plan, and to talk through what you need to do with your children. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then, the third thing that you need to do is be prepared to guard your marriage. This is true with adopted children or biological children. It really doesn\u2019t matter. Any child, who is a prodigal \/ any child who is struggling to find their identity\u2014and it does happen to be true, oftentimes\u2014with adopted children\u2014that they have a more difficult struggle in the teenage years to figure out who they are. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAll teenagers go through that. They are all trying to figure out: \u201cWho am I?\u00a0 What am I good at?\u00a0 Where do I fit?\u00a0 What do I want to believe?\u201d\u00a0 All kids go through that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut there is sort of an added, extra measure of struggle in an adopted teen because they are trying to figure out: \u201cDo I want to be like my adopted family?\u00a0 Do I want to be like my birth family?\u00a0 Which one do I want to identify with?\u00a0 Or do I want to be like somebody else entirely different?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think adopted teens have an additional weight as they try to figure out, through those teen years, who they are and who they want to be. That can be a real strain on a marriage because they may try in some ways that are unpleasant, like our daughter did. They may struggle in some areas that might not be things that you anticipated. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe tendency for any prodigal child\u2014whether it\u2019s an adopted child or a biological child\u2014is to dominate the family\u2014to become the center of attention in the family, and to monopolize the marriage, and to become the issue that everybody is always dealing with. It\u2019s just a tendency that\u2019s inherent in being a rebellious child. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, as a couple\u2014as husband and wife\u2014you need to be prepared to guard your marriage. A child can rob your romance. A child can take all your time so that you have nothing left for each other and you end up isolated. That does no one any good. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things that Dennis and I have done through the years for a long, long time is that we have had a habit of having a weekly date night. We started doing this years before we started having any difficulty at all with our daughter, Deborah. We spent those date nights talking about different ones of our kids, talking about our relationship, talking about our schedules, talking about our vacation plans\u2014just whatever happened to be the need of the moment. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat provided a lot of sanity in our marriage. It provided a refreshment point in our marriage. It kept us connected with one another throughout all of the parenting years, regardless of which child we were dealing with at the moment. It was not always our adopted daughter. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe had other kids that we would spend our whole date night talking about. So, it wasn\u2019t always her. I would encourage you to set aside a date night to preserve your marriage in the whole process of parenting. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe third area is how adoption affects your other children in your family, whether they are biological kids or adopted kids, because you are going to have family dynamics that are going to be affected by adoption. The first thing that I\u2019ve seen in our family is that our kids have seen, in Dennis and I, as we\u2019ve parented our adopted daughter\u2014they\u2019ve seen a model of what God\u2019s love looks like because we\u2019ve loved her unconditionally. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve chosen to love her over and over again when it might have been difficult and when, in fact, it was difficult. We\u2019ve demonstrated a lot of sacrifice. We\u2019ve demonstrated the power of the gospel to redeem a life. That is something that they wouldn\u2019t have seen as clearly if it had just been our biological kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, first of all, adoption gives you the opportunity to model the love of Christ in a way that you might not otherwise. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSecondly, I know that Amy mentioned, on the panel, that all of her kids have talked about adopting. All of our children are talking about adopting as well. We have three who are married. None of them are pursuing it yet, but all of them have talked about it. And our girls, who aren\u2019t married yet, have also talked about adoption. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTo me, it\u2019s such a remarkable testimony, not only of God\u2019s grace, but of the calling of adoption because our kids haven\u2019t just seen the fairy tale\u2014believe me. They\u2019ve seen the reality of what adoption can be like. They\u2019ve seen Deborah\u2019s struggle. They\u2019ve tried to empathize with her. They\u2019ve listened to her. We\u2019ve had lots of family conversations, where she has expressed how she feels. They know how she feels. They\u2019ve seen Dennis and I relate with her, and rescue her, and work to redeem her. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey know the reality of adoption, but every one of our five kids understands it\u2019s a high and holy calling. They all want to adopt. So, adoption has a wonderful, good effect in a family\u2019s dynamics. It\u2019s good for all of the kids to see it at work. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then, the third thing that we\u2019ve discovered is\u2014if your adopted child does struggle with adoption issues, or loss issues, or abandonment issues, or abuse issues\u2014whatever it might be, especially as they go through the teenage years\u2014be prepared to coach your other kids on how to respond and how to live with that child in an understanding way\u2014how to pray for that child. You have to be careful that you don\u2019t play favorites. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of ours\u2014who is the closest in age to our adopted daughter is the one who took the brunt of Deborah\u2019s anger and the frustration because, frankly, by the time our adopted daughter was in high school, the older three had already left and gone to college. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, our one biological daughter was really sort of this scapegoat, in the family, for her. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere will be times in your family\u2019s life\u2014and it may not be an adopted child\u2014it may be a biological child\u2014when you, as parents, have to pull back, and be objective, and say, \u201cWhat\u2019s best for each of our kids?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe last thing I want to share is how adoption affects your relationship with Christ. Honestly, this is really my favorite part. We talked a little bit about this on the panel; but without question, this is absolutely the best part about adoption. All the rest of it is great. I love having Deborah in our family; but, if she died tomorrow, it would be so worth it because of what we\u2019ve learned about God, and who He is, and His character. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>I want to share three things that we\u2019ve learned about how adoption affects your relationship with Jesus Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFirst of all, you get the privilege of participating with God in a miracle. Adoption is a miracle, just like giving birth is a miracle. You get the privilege of being a part of seeing Him orchestrate circumstances and do things that you wouldn\u2019t get to see otherwise. Romans 11:33 says, \u201cOh, the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and the knowledge of God, how unsearchable are His judgments and His ways past finding out.\u201d\u00a0 The things that I\u2019ve seen God do to orchestrate adoptions are absolutely unfathomable. When you choose adoption, you get to participate with God in the working of a miracle. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSecondly, you get the privilege of being a part of seeing God redeem another life. Matthew 19:14 says, \u201cLet the little children come to me and do not forbid them, for such is the Kingdom of Heaven.\u201d\u00a0 God is in the business of redemption. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe loves redemption. When you choose adoption, you get to be part of watching God redeem another life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we\u2019ve seen that with our daughter\u2014in the 21 years of her life. He, not only redeemed her from a situation that wouldn\u2019t have been healthy\u2014to put her in a Christian family, with two parents, that loved her and are crazy about her\u2014but we\u2019ve watched God work in her life. We\u2019ve been able to sit back and watch, in these last few years, how God has worked really wonderful things in her life, totally without our assistance. It\u2019s been great to see God redeem her. We have a long way to go\u2014she has a long way to go\u2014but it\u2019s going to be a wonderful privilege to sit back and see God continue to redeem her life and use her for great and wonderful things in the future. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then, the third thing I\u2019ve seen\u2014and this is probably the best of all\u2014you get to see the privilege and be a part of the privilege of being used by God to love someone who was not your own. Matthew 5:46-47 says this\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014Jesus said: \u201cFor if you love those who love you, what reward have you?\u00a0 And if you greet your brother only, what do you do more than the others?\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s very clear what He was saying\u2014anyone can love someone who is your own; but if you love someone who is not, you have great reward. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve clearly learned more about God\u2019s love through Deborah than probably any other person on the planet. Our five biological children tested us, and they tried us, and they rebelled, and they were disobedient, at times\u2014but nothing like our daughter, Deborah. She tested our love more than all five of the others combined, actually. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis and I, as parents, faced countless opportunities to reject her or to walk away and say: \u201cThis is too hard. We\u2019re not going to do this anymore.\u201d\u00a0 But we chose over and over again to love her because we knew we did and we knew that God wanted us to. We knew that she would not be redeemed if we didn\u2019t. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA few months ago, I just jotted some things down in my little journal area in the computer. I wanted to read you a couple of the things that I wrote about loving Deborah. <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf Deborah were not mine\u2014if she were not my child\u2014would I love her?\u00a0 If I just passed her on the street someday, like I do countless other people, day after day, what would attract me to her?\u00a0 What would draw me to her?\u00a0 What would make me love her out of all the other people that I see day after day?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe could just be another human being on this planet, but she\u2019s not. God has made her ours somehow. I have discovered a kind of love for Deborah that is unlike my love for\u2014[Emotion in voice] excuse me\u2014for any of my other five children. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have discovered a taste of God\u2019s unfathomable, underserved, unexplainable, extravagant non-human love. It is a supernatural love that is defined by grace. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want you to hear me clearly in this\u2014I don\u2019t love her more than my other five children, but I do love her in a different way. I know more love for my other kids than I would have without her. John 3:16 says, \u201cGod so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son.\u201d\u00a0 He teaches us and He taught us that the essence of loving another person is giving\u2014giving of ourselves \/ denying ourselves for another human being. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFirst John 3:16 says this: \u201cBy this we know love, because He laid His life for us. We ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.\u201d\u00a0 Parenting an adopted child might require you to lay down your life for that child. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn many ways, it has required that of us. It has called us to levels and depths of love and commitment that I would have never dreamed that I was capable of; but God knew that He could give us that kind of love\u2014that kind of resource to love her and stay committed to her, no matter what. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn John, Chapter 9, Jesus was talking to the disciples. There was a man, who was there, who was blind from birth. The disciples came up to him; and they said to Jesus, \u201cWho sinned this man or his parents that he was born blind?\u201d\u00a0 What they were saying was: \u201cWhose fault is it?\u00a0 Who is to blame?\u00a0 Who can we blame for this man being blind?\u201d\u00a0 Jesus said, \u201cNeither his parents nor he sinned, but it was so that the power of God might be made known.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s what we have seen happen in our family life because of adoption. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have been given\u2014as very good friends of ours like to say\u2014an awesome opportunity to see God work. We have truly seen God work in ways that we would never have seen were it not for the privilege of adoption. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod is in the business of giving us opportunities to see Him work. He wants to get the glory. There is no question that it is God who has walked us through this. Because of that, we know Him in a way we would have never known Him. We understand love for, not only our daughter, but our children and others as well in ways that we would have never known were it not for the privilege of having an adopted daughter in our family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, again, we\u2019ve been listening to your wife Barbara Rainey talking about things that every family ought to consider before they decide to adopt. You know, I\u2019ve known you for a few years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve watched adoption stretch you in a lot of areas. Your walk with Christ has been one of those areas, where you have been called to fresh faith, on a number of occasions. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes\u2014and just going back over her three points, Bob\u2014our marriage is a different marriage \/ a better marriage today because we adopted. There is no question in my mind. Yes\u2014have there been some valleys that we\u2019ve walked through together?\u00a0 You bet. But you know what?\u00a0 I want to underline the word, \u201ctogether.\u201d\u00a0 We walked through them <u>together<\/u>. You can\u2019t walk through a valley, like we\u2019ve been through, without emerging on the other side, either better or worse.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn our situation\u2014because I think we, for the most part, attempted to walk with Christ, there is no question our marriage was strengthened by it. I think I look at our children\u2014you know it\u2019s fascinating\u2014we\u2019ve been talking to all of our children. They all want to adopt. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey\u2019ve seen some of the challenges\u2014firsthand experience. But you know what?\u00a0 They have a heart for what God has a heart for, and that\u2019s the orphan. They want to care for those who don\u2019t have families\u2014mommies and daddies. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFinally, there is absolutely no question about Barbara\u2019s last point\u2014that adoption will affect your relationship with Jesus Christ. There is a knowledge that Barbara and I have of the heart of God because our God is a God of adoption. It\u2019s a good thing because He adopted me, and He adopted you, Bob\u2014Barbara. He adopted us out of our sin, and He placed us in His family. Aren\u2019t you glad God is a God of adoption?\u00a0 Yes\u2014there is no question about it. I\u2019ve learned more about that heart of God for adoption, and for the lost, and the orphan, and the needy, and the oppressed because of our act of obeying Him- by adopting a little girl, named Deborah, more than 22 years ago. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We\u2019ve already mentioned, this week, the conference that\u2019s coming up in September called <em>Rooted <\/em>that Hope for Orphans<em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em> is putting on. It\u2019s designed to help families through some of the tough experiences that adoptive families can face. If our listeners would like more information about the upcoming <em>Rooted <\/em>conference, they can go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link that says, \u201cGO DEEPER.\u201d The information is available right there for you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, our website is FamilyLifeToday.com. You\u2019ll also find additional information about adoption\u2014about things you ought to consider as you think about adopting\u2014some of the resources Hope for Orphans has available for you. Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link that says, \u201cGO DEEPER,\u201d and all the information you need is available right there. Or call us if you have any questions at 1-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, if you live in or around Richland, Washington, or if you know Rich and Diane Olsen, who live there, here\u2019s what I think you ought to do. I think you ought to go by Barracuda Coffee, and get them both a cup of coffee, and take it by their house and say, \u201cHappy Anniversary,\u201d because, today, the Olsens are celebrating 31 years of marriage together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe wanted to give them a shout-out and say, \u201cHappy Anniversary!\u201d to the Olsens and also get a chance to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d to them for being <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> supporters. We appreciate their partnership with us, here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. We wanted to make sure we got a chance to say, \u201cHappy Anniversary!\u201d to them. <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is listener-supported. The Olsens are one of the couples who help make today\u2019s radio program possible through their support of this ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are in the last week of our fiscal year, here at FamilyLife. We\u2019ve had some friends, who have come to us this week\u2014they\u2019ve said: \u201cWe know you are trying to end your fiscal year in a good, solid positive position. We\u2019d like to help out.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey\u2019ve agreed that, this week, they will match any donation that comes into <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, on a dollar for dollar basis, up to a total of $100,000. We are grateful for that. It\u2019s a short period of time to try to accomplish that. So, we wanted to ask you: \u201cWould you consider going to FamilyLifeToday.com?\u00a0 Click the button in the upper right-hand corner that says, \u2018I Care.\u2019\u00a0 Make an online donation to support us and help us end our fiscal year in a healthy place.\u201d\u00a0 Or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY\u2014make a donation over the phone. Or you can write a check and mail it to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at P O \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBox 7111, Little Rock, AR. And our zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHowever you get in touch with us, we appreciate it. We\u2019re grateful to you. We appreciate you linking arms with us\u2014and, again, \u201cHappy anniversary!\u201d to the Olsens in Richland, Washington. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to go back in time a little bit. We\u2019re going to play for you an interview that we did, live, at the Orphans Summit in Chicago, back a few months ago. We\u2019ll introduce you to a new friend of ours, Tyrone Flowers, who has a remarkable story to share about how he is caring for the needs of orphans in the inner city. We\u2019ll hear that tomorrow. Hope you can tune in. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2014 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/303175","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=303175"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=303175"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=303175"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=303175"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=303175"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=303175"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=303175"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}