{"id":303171,"date":"2014-08-25T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2014-08-25T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/called-by-god-to-adopt\/"},"modified":"2014-08-25T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2014-08-25T15:00:00","slug":"called-by-god-to-adopt","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/called-by-god-to-adopt\/","title":{"rendered":"Called by God to Adopt"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Jon and Shelly Bergeron talk about their tentative trek into the world of adoption, first by adopting a deaf boy from the foster care system and next by adopting a deaf teen from China.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-08-25.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"33.62M","filesize_raw":"35250564","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2818,2860],"tags":[4927,5406,5407,5300,5405],"podcast_series":[8034],"cwp_profile":[9353],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-303171","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-adoption-and-orphans","category-hardship-and-suffering","tag-challenges","tag-deaf-children","tag-deafness","tag-fostering","tag-strained-relationships","podcast_series-called-to-adopt","cwp_profile-jon-and-shelly-bergeron","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/303171\/called-by-god-to-adopt","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/303171\/called-by-god-to-adopt","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"k5pUchDM2L\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/called-by-god-to-adopt\/\">Called by God to Adopt<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/called-by-god-to-adopt\/embed\/#?secret=k5pUchDM2L\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Called by God to Adopt&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"k5pUchDM2L\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-08-25.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-08-25.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Jon and Shelly Bergeron knew that their foster daughter had experienced some significant emotional scarring prior to the time that they became her foster parents. What they didn\u2019t know was how those scars would start to play out in their foster daughter\u2019s life over the years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jon: <\/strong>You know, I remember a day when it escalated to the point where we had to get her in a room. We had to keep her away from the windows because she was attempting to break the windows. It became an issue of safety for her as well as for the rest of us. Even with a professional background and having walked with parents through similar stuff, it was scary. It was very hard.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>for Monday, August 25<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. We\u2019re going to talk today about some of the challenges that foster parents can face as they attempt to deal with the scars that their foster children bring with them. Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>Thanks for joining us. I remember\u2014this was years ago\u2014I got the opportunity to speak at chapel at Covenant Theological Seminary in St. Louis. As I walked out, there was a guy who pulled me aside. He said, \u201cYou know, FamilyLife is really trying to encourage and promote orphan care, and adoption, and foster care.\u201d He said: \u201cBut look, you guys have got to quit making it sound romantic. It is hard.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I don\u2019t think we have painted this and airbrushed it over to make it this perfect Norman Rockwell painting\u2014that\u2019s how I refer to it frequently on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. We have a couple, who are joining us, here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, who know exactly what we\u2019re talking about. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJon and Shelly Begeron, welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, guys. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly: <\/strong>Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jon: <\/strong>Thank you\u2014good to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You guys serve at Hope for Orphans<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, which is a ministry FamilyLife has been in partnership with for a number of years\u2014over a decade now. You, for a number of years, Jon, were a psychologist\u2014more than a decade. You guys have got a magnificent story of really how God led you into the whole orphan care\u2014foster care \/ adopt a child\u2014area of ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes. Shelly, share a little bit of your journey with our listeners.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly: <\/strong>Sure. It\u2019s clearly God\u2019s story because we tried to avoid it for about three years. We had been married 12 years by the time we got our first child\u2014but before that\u2014for about three years, we really felt God calling us to take care of some of these kids who didn\u2019t have families to take care of them. So, we started the process of going to the classes for foster care\u2014and were kind of hoping that one of us wouldn\u2019t feel so encouraged to do it\u2014and we both felt like that was still what we were supposed to do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Now, wait a second! Why were you hoping one or the other wouldn\u2019t\u2014[Laughter] \u2014were you wanting out, at the beginning?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly: <\/strong>Yes; yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: \u201c<\/strong>Anything but this Lord!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly: <\/strong>Yes, that\u2019s right. It was going to be easier\u2014Jon was finally done with graduate school and we could just move on\u2014or foster and be done with that\u2014take these kids in, give them a home for a time, and then send them on their way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes, I was going to ask you that. When you engaged in the foster care training\u2014which is quite extensive, by the way\u2014was adoption on the radar, at that point?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly: <\/strong>No. In fact, we were really the only people in the class who said, \u201cWe\u2019re here just to foster.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Jon, there is around 450,000 children in the foster care system, at any time, in our nation. What\u2019s the biggest misconception that the Christian community has about foster care?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jon:<\/strong> I would say it\u2019s the same misconception they have about adoption\u2014it\u2019s basically that loving is enough: \u201cIf I just take this child into my home \/ love them. That is going to be enough to really fix the problems that they are struggling with and heal the damage in a relatively short time.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think there is a tendency, as is true for all of us, to look at our loving this child as the healing agent. I think, sometimes\u2014we\u2019re starting to see the gospel is lost, a bit, in that. We forget that: \u201cNo, God is doing the work. He\u2019s using us, and certainly our love for this child, but that\u2019s not the change agent.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, you guys embarked\u2014both praying a prayer, \u201cLord, help my spouse become disinterested in this process [Laughter] because we want to hit the easy-going button, all the way to the finish line.\u201d At what point did that change and you both locked on and locked in to foster care and said, \u201cWe\u2019re all in\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> I think, as we went through the process, we, literally, every week would say, \u201cDo you think we\u2019re still supposed to be doing this?\u201d We both agreed we were and kind of would say: \u201cShucks! Now we have to keep going.\u201d We had planned to take in a special-needs child. We said we would take one, between the ages of five and ten. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTwo days after we were licensed, we got this phone call that there were two children who needed a home\u2014a brother and sister. I explained, \u201cNo.\u201d I said, \u201cWe would take one.\u201d Then they said, \u201cOne of them is deaf.\u201d I explained: \u201cWe don\u2019t know sign language. So, we can\u2019t take them.\u201d They said: \u201cIt\u2019s fine. He doesn\u2019t know any either.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe prayed about it and said: \u201cOkay. I guess this isn\u2019t long-term\u2014this isn\u2019t permanent. We can do it. We can take them in.\u201d They asked if they could come in 30 days because they were currently in a foster home. Then, they called the next day after that. They said, \u201cCould we bring them in a week?\u201d Then, the day after that, they said, \u201cCould we bring them tomorrow?\u201d So\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Now, you had gone from saying, \u201cOnly one\u2014got to be like this,\u201d\u2014they call and say they have two. They don\u2019t meet your requirements. You said, \u201cNo, no, no.\u201d Then, you prayed about it. Tell me about that prayer time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jon:<\/strong> I think, along the way, we really tried to approach all of this, and all of life, as being willing but being honest about our own reservations. That\u2019s kind of what we talked about. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI guess, really, we were looking more for disconfirmation because we felt like\u2014you know, God calls them to call us, at this time, with these kids. If there is something that is really <em>not<\/em> right about this, we want God to show us that. He didn\u2019t at all. In fact, the more I remember thinking about it, the more I thought: \u201cWe can do this. We know how to learn. We can get books. We can get video tapes. We can learn this sign language thing.\u201d That\u2019s kind of what we did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly: <\/strong>It was tough. I went to the library and got every book on sign language I could get. Our, now, son\u2014Tanner would sit there with us. He would see\u2014if we would open the book\u2014that he knew we were learning a new word. We would point and say, \u201cThis is table,\u201d and look at the sign and learn the sign. He would be excited and would start to use it. His sister, who was hearing, who lived with us for two years, also would learn the sign, right along with him. She became just as fluent as he was. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> How old were these children?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> The girl was five. Our son, Tanner, at that time, was almost four.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And the girl did not have any learning disabilities?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly: <\/strong>She did not. She was hearing. She had no physical disabilities. She had a lot of attachment issues and different problems, just related to the neglect and\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jon:<\/strong> \u2014just the hard place she came from. There were definitely attachment and behavioral issues that we began seeing the longer she was with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And you\u2019re trained, as a child psychologist. You\u2019re talking to folks, all day long, about how to deal with these issues. This should have been\u2014just easy for you; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jon:<\/strong> That was my thinking; yes! [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I was wishing we had a TV camera so our listeners could have seen that face. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That was a little bit like\u2014deer in the headlights. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jon: <\/strong>Well, I can share with you what I share with parents is\u2014prior to doing that\u2014I knew a lot about helping foster families and adoptive families. After that became my experience\u2014I realized how little I really knew. That, I learned, was the beginning of my education. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think God has utilized all of the challenges we have experienced to teach me things that I couldn\u2019t learn any other way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI learned <em>nothing<\/em> in graduate school about all of this. What I did learn was pretty useless. I certainly took the principles that I learned\u2014but applied them in a whole new way\u2014because there\u2019s some special challenges that you deal with when you\u2019re talking about kiddos from these kinds of places.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Okay. Shelly, you already spilled the beans that you adopted this little boy. What in the world happened to move this reluctant foster care couple to being all-in on foster care\u2014to ultimately saying, \u201cWe\u2019re going to learn sign language,\u201d\u2014to saying, \u201cWe want <em>you<\/em> to be ours,\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly: <\/strong>Again, God. It was God\u2019s redemptive process, really, in our lives. This little boy stayed with us for two years. The judge, eventually, had the parents given unsupervised visits. What happened was\u2014there was a weekend. Tanner was injured and had to go to the emergency room. At that point, we asked to go back to court and have only supervised visits. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt that point, both biological parents relinquished their rights. That allowed us to adopt Tanner. We said we couldn\u2019t imagine him not being in our lives, at that point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And you chose to adopt Tanner but not to adopt his sister?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> That was not our choice. The state, at that point, had separated the children\u2014which is very unusual. Because she did not have special needs, in the same way that Tanner did, they sent her back home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay. Hang on because this is really starting to sound Norman Rockwell; alright? [Laughter] You bring home a couple of foster kids. You get the book out. He\u2019s anxious to learn the words. You\u2019re learning together\u2014and, \u201cThey all lived happily ever after.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly: <\/strong>If only it were like that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, what were the challenges you guys started to face with Tanner?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jon:<\/strong> With Tanner\u2014interestingly, the challenges weren\u2019t as immediate or as intense\u2014more when we were fostering with his sister\u2014were the most challenging. She, within a couple of weeks, began showing the attachment issues\u2014and just the trauma of the separation and the stuff she had been through. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt wasn\u2019t long before we were having to put knives away, and protect our pet, and protect Tanner from the violent outbursts. This really tested both of us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>What would\u2014I mean, give me an example of what that violence would look like.<br><br><strong>Jon: <\/strong>You know, I remember a day when it escalated to the point where we had to get her in a room. We had to keep her away from the windows because she was attempting to break the windows. It became an issue of safety for her, as well as for the rest of us. It was scary. It was very hard.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If you had somebody coming to your office, saying: \u201cThis is what\u2019s going on at home, Dr. Bergeron. What do we do?\u201d What would you tell them?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jon: <\/strong>Well, I would tell them a lot of things. [Laughter] But what I couldn\u2019t speak to was what that experience is like and the kind of pressure it puts on a marriage. I mean, that was one of the things we struggled through, pretty early on; and I had talked to families about this. You know: \u201cBe ready\u2014that one of the defense mechanisms that these children use to survive is called \u2018splitting.\u2019 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cThey begin to put a wedge because it feels safer for them if they can feel more in control. One of the ways they feel in control is to split mom and dad, as the power brokers in the situation.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, even as a professional, I didn\u2019t see it happening until, one day, in the midst of tears, we kind of figured out: \u201cOh my goodness! It\u2019s happening. She\u2019s setting me up as the hero.\u201d I come home and it\u2019s: \u201cDaddy! Daddy, I\u2019m so glad you\u2019re home!\u201d Three minutes earlier, she was threatening my wife\u2019s life. It was challenging.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> The story and the plot thicken a bit. That takes us to China. Explain what the connection is with that vast country. Shelly, your grandparents had been missionaries in China?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> My great-grandfather was a missionary to China, and my grandfather grew up there. He had always loved it and talked about his love for the Chinese and the Chinese people. One day\u2014it was actually May 5, 2005\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014we got an email about a boy who was about to age-out in China\u2014who liked to play basketball, and who happened to be deaf, and who needed to be adopted. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI forwarded it to Jon. Jon read it and said, \u201cMaybe we should pray about it.\u201d I felt like that was unnecessary because I didn\u2019t plan to adopt any more children. We prayed and said, \u201cGod, if this is what you want us to do, we\u2019ll just take the next step.\u201d We felt like that was what we needed to do\u2014was just to take the next step. If it were to happen, great! \u2014and if not, we just wanted to be obedient to God\u2019s calling.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And aging-out\u2014does that mean he\u2019s about to turn 18?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly: <\/strong>In China, 14. You\u2019re not adoptable after you are 14. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly: <\/strong>Because he was deaf and an orphan, they didn\u2019t really care about him. They pretty much let him do whatever he wanted to do\u2014at the orphanage he was at\u2014just before we got him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Just what you\u2019re describing there, I\u2019m seeing flashing red lights, going, \u201cIf you\u2019re going to open your home to a 14-year-old, who has been an orphan all his life in the system in China, who\u2019s deaf, and who nobody\u2019s cared about\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly: <\/strong>We\u2019re crazy! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I mean, I\u2019m just imagining that you are inviting in somebody who has significant emotional \/ developmental issues that are going to start acting out, big time, in your home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jon: <\/strong>Yes. As a professional, that was not something that was unexpected to me. In fact, those were the first things I started going through and the first reasons I started to try to talk myself out of this because I knew, in all likelihood\u2014he\u2019s been physically abused, and sexually abused, and probably acted out because of what\u2019s happened to him, and has probably witnessed all kinds of horrendous things, and been given very little supervision and training. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI knew what was coming. This is where my prayers increased in intensity: \u201cGod is this really what you\u2019re calling us to?\u2014because I\u2019ve seen what that looks like and it\u2019s scary. I need some <em>huge<\/em> clarification.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe talked about things like: \u201cIf he comes and he begins to act out physically, are we ready for that? Do we know what we\u2019re going to do? Do we have the ability to get him mental health care, if he needs that? Could we deal with sexual acting out, if and when that happens?\u201d These are all questions that ran through my mind\u2014largely, because of my professional training and experience\u2014that I think not a lot of parents either know to kind of ask themselves or are willing to because it\u2019s a scary proposition.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I want to make a couple of points here. First of all, adoption isn\u2019t God\u2019s will for every couple. Secondly, you\u2019ve modeled something that I think is really important. You were counting the cost of what could be and what likely would be. I mean, you knew there was going to be a cost to that. I think a lot of couples don\u2019t really count the cost. There\u2019s a sense in which you can\u2019t, really, totally count the cost. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut third, after all three of those things, you stepped out in faith, trusting God. I think that\u2019s where it has to be confirmed. You felt like, unequivocally, God was calling you to give a child, who would be homeless, a home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This was how many years ago?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly: <\/strong>Three-and-a-half years ago.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And you brought him over. Did the challenges that we\u2019ve talked about here\u2014did they manifest themselves?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly: <\/strong>They did. We actually got him three days before his 14<sup>th<\/sup> birthday\u2014was when we adopted him. If we had been in China on his 14<sup>th<\/sup> birthday, we could not have brought him home. To be honest, there are days I wish we had gotten there on his 14<sup>th<\/sup> birthday. It\u2019s not been easy! [Emotion in voice] It\u2019s been a pretty hard three-and-a-half years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Shelly, pretty transparent of you to say there are days when you wish you had gotten there on his 14<sup>th<\/sup> birthday and had not brought him home\u2014a lot of those days?<br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly: <\/strong>Some months more than others\u2014they get less. Recently, they\u2019ve been more often again. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, I feel like that\u2019s one of the things that God has brought about in our lives through this\u2014is to let other people know adoption is beautiful, and it\u2019s redemptive, but it\u2019s so hard. This isn\u2019t where I want to be. This isn\u2019t what I want to be doing, but this is where God brought us. He is changing <em>me<\/em> through all that as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, how are you different today?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly: <\/strong>I\u2019m a lot more patient than I used to be, I think; right? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jon: <\/strong>Yes\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly: <\/strong>I\u2019ve had to learn to let go of myself. I have had to learn to let go of spending time with my friends, spending more time with my husband than I would love to\u2014I would love to have more time together\u2014but this is a season of time when we can\u2019t go on dates and be together because we need to be together \/ working to keep our kids safe, really.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Jon, what about you? What have you learned?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jon: <\/strong>It\u2019s given me a picture of my relationship with God. This dawned on me one\u2014I believe it was a Saturday afternoon when we were doing some yard work. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI don\u2019t remember the trigger, but my son became angry about something. We were out working in the yard\u2014this was often one of the things that would help him to regain some composure\u2014and it often took hours. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt one stage, he was screaming and signing at me a lot of angry things: \u201cI want to go back to China. You don\u2019t love me. You aren\u2019t my real dad. I hate you.\u201d I remember him picking up the garden shears and threatening me with those\u2014and these are the ones that look like a giant pair of scissors. I felt the Spirit saying: \u201cYou need to show him that you aren\u2019t afraid of him and that he can\u2019t control the world, including you, with this anger.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn the midst of that, what God showed me is\u2014I kept hearing Him say: \u201cYou know, Jon, this is you. This is what <em>you<\/em> do when I try to love you. You rage against My love. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou feel that My \u2018No\u2019s,\u2019 are mean, and hurtful, and angry. You misunderstand what I\u2019m trying to do in your life, and you don\u2019t submit to My loving authority.\u201d I began to see my core rebellious nature in a new way that I had never really seen before. It was powerful in my life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, is there any payoff to this in the present, or is the payoff just what you\u2019re hoping for in the future?<br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> There is payoff. We see glimpse of beauty. I\u2019ll tell you a quick story. One time\u2014it was Jon\u2019s birthday\u2014in January. This is a boy who holds on to everything he has because he had nothing his <em>whole life<\/em>. I took him to the store\u2014he had a gift card. I went to another store. He came down and he said, \u201cLook what I bought.\u201d It was a case for an iPhone<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. I was ready to be furious\u2014but God helped me to hold my tongue\u2014because I thought he was trying to say, \u201cSee, when I get my new iPhone, here\u2019s a new case for it,\u201d because he\u2019s always begging for more. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said, \u201cI bought this for Dad\u2019s birthday.\u201d You know, kids have these milestones in their lives. [Emotion in voice] That was a huge milestone because it was <em>his<\/em> gift card\u2014it was <em>his<\/em> money\u2014and he used it to buy something for somebody else.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Speaking of payoff\u2014if he had aged-out three days later, at 14\u2014would he have ever seen a real family, who attempted, in its imperfection, to love him? He would have never experienced that. He would have become an adult, if he would have lived long enough, without ever knowing a father\u2019s love or a mother\u2019s love. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly: <\/strong>If he had lived long enough; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>To me, I think we\u2019ve got to look past the momentary. I\u2019m sorry\u2014I\u2019m not minimizing what you guys have been through\u2014but it\u2019s what is in Scripture. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got to look past the momentary light affliction to what God has called us to do\u2014and protect the family\u2014not being too idealistic to think you can ignore certain things\u2014but, at the same time, love well\u2014just attempt to love in the power of the Holy Spirit. Keep on loving, even when it\u2019s not responded to.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> That is the only way we can get through every day. That is true.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jon: <\/strong>If I can answer that question, I think the payoff\u2014one of the payoffs I\u2019ve seen \/ one of the real benefits and redemptions in all of this\u2014is the way that our experience, our sufferings, our challenges and difficulties have allowed us to enter into other peoples\u2019 lives in a way that never would have happened had we not walked the same road they are walking \/ or a very similar road. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve experienced this is many different ways\u2014probably some of the deepest are the group of people at our church\u2014who have also been adoptive or in foster care and share some of these heartbreaking stories and share some of these seemingly insignificant victories\u2014but because <em>they<\/em> know \/ they get it\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014they understand that buying a phone case is world-changing. That level of relationship and experiencing God\u2019s love within those relationships\u2014has been tremendous for me and a real benefit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Hope for Orphans\u2014you guys are going to be doing just that\u2014you\u2019re going to be getting together with other adoptive families for an event in September called <em>Rooted<\/em>\u2014where you\u2019re going to talk about strategies, and what parents can do, and what families can do when there are these kinds of issues because of adoption. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to encourage our listeners: \u201cIf you go to FamilyLifeToday.com, and click in the upper left-hand corner of the screen, where it says, \u2018GO DEEPER,\u2019 the information you need about the <em>Rooted<\/em> conference is available right there. You can get more information.\u201d Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the button that says, \u201cGO DEEPER,\u201d in the upper left-hand corner of the screen. There\u2019s also more information about resources available from Hope for Orphans. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can order resources, online, or you can call 1-800=FL-TODAY\u20141-800-358-6329. That\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d Ask about the upcoming <em>Rooted<\/em> conference or ask about the resources we have available for adoptive parents or for parents who are thinking about adoption. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I want to give a shout-out today. I want to say: \u201cHappy 13<sup>th<\/sup> Anniversary to Gar and Amber Baker, who live in Bethel Park, Pennsylvania.\u201d Today is their wedding anniversary. They are Legacy Partners, here at FamilyLife. We wanted to just take a minute and say: \u201cFirst of all, thank you for being Legacy Partners; and then, second, I want to wish you a very happy anniversary\u2014way to go\u2014way to model the marriage covenant and show what a strong, healthy marriage looks like. We\u2019re proud of you guys and we are grateful for your support for this ministry.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are listener-supported\u2014couldn\u2019t do what we do without folks, like the Bakers, being a part of this ministry. We are grateful for you. This is the last week of our fiscal year. As I\u2019ve mentioned, over the last couple of weeks, we\u2019re hoping to end our fiscal year in a good, solid, healthy financial position. Recently, we\u2019ve had some friends step forward and they have said, \u201cWe want to help out.\u201d They have agreed that, this week, they are going to match whatever donations come in, at the end of our fiscal year, dollar for dollar, up to $100,000. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, would you consider, today, going to FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014clicking the upper right- hand corner of the homepage, where it says, \u201cI Care,\u201d\u2014make a fiscal yearend donation to help support FamilyLife Today? Your donation will be doubled, thanks to this matching opportunity. You\u2019ll help us end the fiscal year strong. Or you can call 1-800- FL-TODAY to make a donation by phone. Or you can mail a donation to us. As long as it\u2019s postmarked by the end of the week, it\u2019s eligible for these matching funds. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSend your check to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at P O Box 7111, Little Rock, AR. And our zip code is 72223. \u201cThanks, in advance, for your support,\u201d and, again, \u201cHappy Anniversary to the Bakers in Bethel Park, Pennsylvania.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTomorrow we\u2019re going to continue to talk about some of the hard-case adoption stories and what parents can do so that they can love their kids well, even when things are hard. We\u2019ll be back with Jon and Shelly Bergeron tomorrow. We hope you can be here as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2013 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["33.62M"],"filesize_raw":["35250564"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-303171.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-303171.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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and Shelly Bergeron talk about their tentative trek into the world of adoption, first by adopting a deaf boy from the foster care system and next by adopting a deaf teen from China.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-08-25.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Jon and Shelly Bergeron knew that their foster daughter had experienced some significant emotional scarring prior to the time that they became her foster parents. What they didn\u2019t know was how those scars would start to play out in their foster daughter\u2019s life over the years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jon: <\/strong>You know, I remember a day when it escalated to the point where we had to get her in a room. We had to keep her away from the windows because she was attempting to break the windows. It became an issue of safety for her as well as for the rest of us. Even with a professional background and having walked with parents through similar stuff, it was scary. It was very hard.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>for Monday, August 25<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. We\u2019re going to talk today about some of the challenges that foster parents can face as they attempt to deal with the scars that their foster children bring with them. Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>Thanks for joining us. I remember\u2014this was years ago\u2014I got the opportunity to speak at chapel at Covenant Theological Seminary in St. Louis. As I walked out, there was a guy who pulled me aside. He said, \u201cYou know, FamilyLife is really trying to encourage and promote orphan care, and adoption, and foster care.\u201d He said: \u201cBut look, you guys have got to quit making it sound romantic. It is hard.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I don\u2019t think we have painted this and airbrushed it over to make it this perfect Norman Rockwell painting\u2014that\u2019s how I refer to it frequently on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. We have a couple, who are joining us, here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, who know exactly what we\u2019re talking about. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJon and Shelly Begeron, welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, guys. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly: <\/strong>Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jon: <\/strong>Thank you\u2014good to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You guys serve at Hope for Orphans<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, which is a ministry FamilyLife has been in partnership with for a number of years\u2014over a decade now. You, for a number of years, Jon, were a psychologist\u2014more than a decade. You guys have got a magnificent story of really how God led you into the whole orphan care\u2014foster care \/ adopt a child\u2014area of ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes. Shelly, share a little bit of your journey with our listeners.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly: <\/strong>Sure. It\u2019s clearly God\u2019s story because we tried to avoid it for about three years. We had been married 12 years by the time we got our first child\u2014but before that\u2014for about three years, we really felt God calling us to take care of some of these kids who didn\u2019t have families to take care of them. So, we started the process of going to the classes for foster care\u2014and were kind of hoping that one of us wouldn\u2019t feel so encouraged to do it\u2014and we both felt like that was still what we were supposed to do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Now, wait a second! Why were you hoping one or the other wouldn\u2019t\u2014[Laughter] \u2014were you wanting out, at the beginning?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly: <\/strong>Yes; yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: \u201c<\/strong>Anything but this Lord!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly: <\/strong>Yes, that\u2019s right. It was going to be easier\u2014Jon was finally done with graduate school and we could just move on\u2014or foster and be done with that\u2014take these kids in, give them a home for a time, and then send them on their way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes, I was going to ask you that. When you engaged in the foster care training\u2014which is quite extensive, by the way\u2014was adoption on the radar, at that point?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly: <\/strong>No. In fact, we were really the only people in the class who said, \u201cWe\u2019re here just to foster.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Jon, there is around 450,000 children in the foster care system, at any time, in our nation. What\u2019s the biggest misconception that the Christian community has about foster care?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jon:<\/strong> I would say it\u2019s the same misconception they have about adoption\u2014it\u2019s basically that loving is enough: \u201cIf I just take this child into my home \/ love them. That is going to be enough to really fix the problems that they are struggling with and heal the damage in a relatively short time.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think there is a tendency, as is true for all of us, to look at our loving this child as the healing agent. I think, sometimes\u2014we\u2019re starting to see the gospel is lost, a bit, in that. We forget that: \u201cNo, God is doing the work. He\u2019s using us, and certainly our love for this child, but that\u2019s not the change agent.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, you guys embarked\u2014both praying a prayer, \u201cLord, help my spouse become disinterested in this process [Laughter] because we want to hit the easy-going button, all the way to the finish line.\u201d At what point did that change and you both locked on and locked in to foster care and said, \u201cWe\u2019re all in\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> I think, as we went through the process, we, literally, every week would say, \u201cDo you think we\u2019re still supposed to be doing this?\u201d We both agreed we were and kind of would say: \u201cShucks! Now we have to keep going.\u201d We had planned to take in a special-needs child. We said we would take one, between the ages of five and ten. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTwo days after we were licensed, we got this phone call that there were two children who needed a home\u2014a brother and sister. I explained, \u201cNo.\u201d I said, \u201cWe would take one.\u201d Then they said, \u201cOne of them is deaf.\u201d I explained: \u201cWe don\u2019t know sign language. So, we can\u2019t take them.\u201d They said: \u201cIt\u2019s fine. He doesn\u2019t know any either.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe prayed about it and said: \u201cOkay. I guess this isn\u2019t long-term\u2014this isn\u2019t permanent. We can do it. We can take them in.\u201d They asked if they could come in 30 days because they were currently in a foster home. Then, they called the next day after that. They said, \u201cCould we bring them in a week?\u201d Then, the day after that, they said, \u201cCould we bring them tomorrow?\u201d So\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Now, you had gone from saying, \u201cOnly one\u2014got to be like this,\u201d\u2014they call and say they have two. They don\u2019t meet your requirements. You said, \u201cNo, no, no.\u201d Then, you prayed about it. Tell me about that prayer time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jon:<\/strong> I think, along the way, we really tried to approach all of this, and all of life, as being willing but being honest about our own reservations. That\u2019s kind of what we talked about. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI guess, really, we were looking more for disconfirmation because we felt like\u2014you know, God calls them to call us, at this time, with these kids. If there is something that is really <em>not<\/em> right about this, we want God to show us that. He didn\u2019t at all. In fact, the more I remember thinking about it, the more I thought: \u201cWe can do this. We know how to learn. We can get books. We can get video tapes. We can learn this sign language thing.\u201d That\u2019s kind of what we did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly: <\/strong>It was tough. I went to the library and got every book on sign language I could get. Our, now, son\u2014Tanner would sit there with us. He would see\u2014if we would open the book\u2014that he knew we were learning a new word. We would point and say, \u201cThis is table,\u201d and look at the sign and learn the sign. He would be excited and would start to use it. His sister, who was hearing, who lived with us for two years, also would learn the sign, right along with him. She became just as fluent as he was. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> How old were these children?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> The girl was five. Our son, Tanner, at that time, was almost four.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And the girl did not have any learning disabilities?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly: <\/strong>She did not. She was hearing. She had no physical disabilities. She had a lot of attachment issues and different problems, just related to the neglect and\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jon:<\/strong> \u2014just the hard place she came from. There were definitely attachment and behavioral issues that we began seeing the longer she was with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And you\u2019re trained, as a child psychologist. You\u2019re talking to folks, all day long, about how to deal with these issues. This should have been\u2014just easy for you; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jon:<\/strong> That was my thinking; yes! [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I was wishing we had a TV camera so our listeners could have seen that face. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That was a little bit like\u2014deer in the headlights. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jon: <\/strong>Well, I can share with you what I share with parents is\u2014prior to doing that\u2014I knew a lot about helping foster families and adoptive families. After that became my experience\u2014I realized how little I really knew. That, I learned, was the beginning of my education. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think God has utilized all of the challenges we have experienced to teach me things that I couldn\u2019t learn any other way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI learned <em>nothing<\/em> in graduate school about all of this. What I did learn was pretty useless. I certainly took the principles that I learned\u2014but applied them in a whole new way\u2014because there\u2019s some special challenges that you deal with when you\u2019re talking about kiddos from these kinds of places.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Okay. Shelly, you already spilled the beans that you adopted this little boy. What in the world happened to move this reluctant foster care couple to being all-in on foster care\u2014to ultimately saying, \u201cWe\u2019re going to learn sign language,\u201d\u2014to saying, \u201cWe want <em>you<\/em> to be ours,\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly: <\/strong>Again, God. It was God\u2019s redemptive process, really, in our lives. This little boy stayed with us for two years. The judge, eventually, had the parents given unsupervised visits. What happened was\u2014there was a weekend. Tanner was injured and had to go to the emergency room. At that point, we asked to go back to court and have only supervised visits. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt that point, both biological parents relinquished their rights. That allowed us to adopt Tanner. We said we couldn\u2019t imagine him not being in our lives, at that point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And you chose to adopt Tanner but not to adopt his sister?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> That was not our choice. The state, at that point, had separated the children\u2014which is very unusual. Because she did not have special needs, in the same way that Tanner did, they sent her back home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay. Hang on because this is really starting to sound Norman Rockwell; alright? [Laughter] You bring home a couple of foster kids. You get the book out. He\u2019s anxious to learn the words. You\u2019re learning together\u2014and, \u201cThey all lived happily ever after.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly: <\/strong>If only it were like that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, what were the challenges you guys started to face with Tanner?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jon:<\/strong> With Tanner\u2014interestingly, the challenges weren\u2019t as immediate or as intense\u2014more when we were fostering with his sister\u2014were the most challenging. She, within a couple of weeks, began showing the attachment issues\u2014and just the trauma of the separation and the stuff she had been through. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt wasn\u2019t long before we were having to put knives away, and protect our pet, and protect Tanner from the violent outbursts. This really tested both of us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>What would\u2014I mean, give me an example of what that violence would look like.<br><br><strong>Jon: <\/strong>You know, I remember a day when it escalated to the point where we had to get her in a room. We had to keep her away from the windows because she was attempting to break the windows. It became an issue of safety for her, as well as for the rest of us. It was scary. It was very hard.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If you had somebody coming to your office, saying: \u201cThis is what\u2019s going on at home, Dr. Bergeron. What do we do?\u201d What would you tell them?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jon: <\/strong>Well, I would tell them a lot of things. [Laughter] But what I couldn\u2019t speak to was what that experience is like and the kind of pressure it puts on a marriage. I mean, that was one of the things we struggled through, pretty early on; and I had talked to families about this. You know: \u201cBe ready\u2014that one of the defense mechanisms that these children use to survive is called \u2018splitting.\u2019 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cThey begin to put a wedge because it feels safer for them if they can feel more in control. One of the ways they feel in control is to split mom and dad, as the power brokers in the situation.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, even as a professional, I didn\u2019t see it happening until, one day, in the midst of tears, we kind of figured out: \u201cOh my goodness! It\u2019s happening. She\u2019s setting me up as the hero.\u201d I come home and it\u2019s: \u201cDaddy! Daddy, I\u2019m so glad you\u2019re home!\u201d Three minutes earlier, she was threatening my wife\u2019s life. It was challenging.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> The story and the plot thicken a bit. That takes us to China. Explain what the connection is with that vast country. Shelly, your grandparents had been missionaries in China?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> My great-grandfather was a missionary to China, and my grandfather grew up there. He had always loved it and talked about his love for the Chinese and the Chinese people. One day\u2014it was actually May 5, 2005\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014we got an email about a boy who was about to age-out in China\u2014who liked to play basketball, and who happened to be deaf, and who needed to be adopted. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI forwarded it to Jon. Jon read it and said, \u201cMaybe we should pray about it.\u201d I felt like that was unnecessary because I didn\u2019t plan to adopt any more children. We prayed and said, \u201cGod, if this is what you want us to do, we\u2019ll just take the next step.\u201d We felt like that was what we needed to do\u2014was just to take the next step. If it were to happen, great! \u2014and if not, we just wanted to be obedient to God\u2019s calling.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And aging-out\u2014does that mean he\u2019s about to turn 18?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly: <\/strong>In China, 14. You\u2019re not adoptable after you are 14. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly: <\/strong>Because he was deaf and an orphan, they didn\u2019t really care about him. They pretty much let him do whatever he wanted to do\u2014at the orphanage he was at\u2014just before we got him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Just what you\u2019re describing there, I\u2019m seeing flashing red lights, going, \u201cIf you\u2019re going to open your home to a 14-year-old, who has been an orphan all his life in the system in China, who\u2019s deaf, and who nobody\u2019s cared about\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly: <\/strong>We\u2019re crazy! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I mean, I\u2019m just imagining that you are inviting in somebody who has significant emotional \/ developmental issues that are going to start acting out, big time, in your home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jon: <\/strong>Yes. As a professional, that was not something that was unexpected to me. In fact, those were the first things I started going through and the first reasons I started to try to talk myself out of this because I knew, in all likelihood\u2014he\u2019s been physically abused, and sexually abused, and probably acted out because of what\u2019s happened to him, and has probably witnessed all kinds of horrendous things, and been given very little supervision and training. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI knew what was coming. This is where my prayers increased in intensity: \u201cGod is this really what you\u2019re calling us to?\u2014because I\u2019ve seen what that looks like and it\u2019s scary. I need some <em>huge<\/em> clarification.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe talked about things like: \u201cIf he comes and he begins to act out physically, are we ready for that? Do we know what we\u2019re going to do? Do we have the ability to get him mental health care, if he needs that? Could we deal with sexual acting out, if and when that happens?\u201d These are all questions that ran through my mind\u2014largely, because of my professional training and experience\u2014that I think not a lot of parents either know to kind of ask themselves or are willing to because it\u2019s a scary proposition.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I want to make a couple of points here. First of all, adoption isn\u2019t God\u2019s will for every couple. Secondly, you\u2019ve modeled something that I think is really important. You were counting the cost of what could be and what likely would be. I mean, you knew there was going to be a cost to that. I think a lot of couples don\u2019t really count the cost. There\u2019s a sense in which you can\u2019t, really, totally count the cost. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut third, after all three of those things, you stepped out in faith, trusting God. I think that\u2019s where it has to be confirmed. You felt like, unequivocally, God was calling you to give a child, who would be homeless, a home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This was how many years ago?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly: <\/strong>Three-and-a-half years ago.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And you brought him over. Did the challenges that we\u2019ve talked about here\u2014did they manifest themselves?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly: <\/strong>They did. We actually got him three days before his 14<sup>th<\/sup> birthday\u2014was when we adopted him. If we had been in China on his 14<sup>th<\/sup> birthday, we could not have brought him home. To be honest, there are days I wish we had gotten there on his 14<sup>th<\/sup> birthday. It\u2019s not been easy! [Emotion in voice] It\u2019s been a pretty hard three-and-a-half years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Shelly, pretty transparent of you to say there are days when you wish you had gotten there on his 14<sup>th<\/sup> birthday and had not brought him home\u2014a lot of those days?<br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly: <\/strong>Some months more than others\u2014they get less. Recently, they\u2019ve been more often again. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, I feel like that\u2019s one of the things that God has brought about in our lives through this\u2014is to let other people know adoption is beautiful, and it\u2019s redemptive, but it\u2019s so hard. This isn\u2019t where I want to be. This isn\u2019t what I want to be doing, but this is where God brought us. He is changing <em>me<\/em> through all that as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, how are you different today?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly: <\/strong>I\u2019m a lot more patient than I used to be, I think; right? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jon: <\/strong>Yes\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly: <\/strong>I\u2019ve had to learn to let go of myself. I have had to learn to let go of spending time with my friends, spending more time with my husband than I would love to\u2014I would love to have more time together\u2014but this is a season of time when we can\u2019t go on dates and be together because we need to be together \/ working to keep our kids safe, really.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Jon, what about you? What have you learned?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jon: <\/strong>It\u2019s given me a picture of my relationship with God. This dawned on me one\u2014I believe it was a Saturday afternoon when we were doing some yard work. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI don\u2019t remember the trigger, but my son became angry about something. We were out working in the yard\u2014this was often one of the things that would help him to regain some composure\u2014and it often took hours. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt one stage, he was screaming and signing at me a lot of angry things: \u201cI want to go back to China. You don\u2019t love me. You aren\u2019t my real dad. I hate you.\u201d I remember him picking up the garden shears and threatening me with those\u2014and these are the ones that look like a giant pair of scissors. I felt the Spirit saying: \u201cYou need to show him that you aren\u2019t afraid of him and that he can\u2019t control the world, including you, with this anger.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn the midst of that, what God showed me is\u2014I kept hearing Him say: \u201cYou know, Jon, this is you. This is what <em>you<\/em> do when I try to love you. You rage against My love. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou feel that My \u2018No\u2019s,\u2019 are mean, and hurtful, and angry. You misunderstand what I\u2019m trying to do in your life, and you don\u2019t submit to My loving authority.\u201d I began to see my core rebellious nature in a new way that I had never really seen before. It was powerful in my life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, is there any payoff to this in the present, or is the payoff just what you\u2019re hoping for in the future?<br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> There is payoff. We see glimpse of beauty. I\u2019ll tell you a quick story. One time\u2014it was Jon\u2019s birthday\u2014in January. This is a boy who holds on to everything he has because he had nothing his <em>whole life<\/em>. I took him to the store\u2014he had a gift card. I went to another store. He came down and he said, \u201cLook what I bought.\u201d It was a case for an iPhone<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. I was ready to be furious\u2014but God helped me to hold my tongue\u2014because I thought he was trying to say, \u201cSee, when I get my new iPhone, here\u2019s a new case for it,\u201d because he\u2019s always begging for more. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said, \u201cI bought this for Dad\u2019s birthday.\u201d You know, kids have these milestones in their lives. [Emotion in voice] That was a huge milestone because it was <em>his<\/em> gift card\u2014it was <em>his<\/em> money\u2014and he used it to buy something for somebody else.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Speaking of payoff\u2014if he had aged-out three days later, at 14\u2014would he have ever seen a real family, who attempted, in its imperfection, to love him? He would have never experienced that. He would have become an adult, if he would have lived long enough, without ever knowing a father\u2019s love or a mother\u2019s love. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly: <\/strong>If he had lived long enough; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>To me, I think we\u2019ve got to look past the momentary. I\u2019m sorry\u2014I\u2019m not minimizing what you guys have been through\u2014but it\u2019s what is in Scripture. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got to look past the momentary light affliction to what God has called us to do\u2014and protect the family\u2014not being too idealistic to think you can ignore certain things\u2014but, at the same time, love well\u2014just attempt to love in the power of the Holy Spirit. Keep on loving, even when it\u2019s not responded to.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> That is the only way we can get through every day. That is true.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jon: <\/strong>If I can answer that question, I think the payoff\u2014one of the payoffs I\u2019ve seen \/ one of the real benefits and redemptions in all of this\u2014is the way that our experience, our sufferings, our challenges and difficulties have allowed us to enter into other peoples\u2019 lives in a way that never would have happened had we not walked the same road they are walking \/ or a very similar road. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve experienced this is many different ways\u2014probably some of the deepest are the group of people at our church\u2014who have also been adoptive or in foster care and share some of these heartbreaking stories and share some of these seemingly insignificant victories\u2014but because <em>they<\/em> know \/ they get it\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014they understand that buying a phone case is world-changing. That level of relationship and experiencing God\u2019s love within those relationships\u2014has been tremendous for me and a real benefit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Hope for Orphans\u2014you guys are going to be doing just that\u2014you\u2019re going to be getting together with other adoptive families for an event in September called <em>Rooted<\/em>\u2014where you\u2019re going to talk about strategies, and what parents can do, and what families can do when there are these kinds of issues because of adoption. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to encourage our listeners: \u201cIf you go to FamilyLifeToday.com, and click in the upper left-hand corner of the screen, where it says, \u2018GO DEEPER,\u2019 the information you need about the <em>Rooted<\/em> conference is available right there. You can get more information.\u201d Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the button that says, \u201cGO DEEPER,\u201d in the upper left-hand corner of the screen. There\u2019s also more information about resources available from Hope for Orphans. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can order resources, online, or you can call 1-800=FL-TODAY\u20141-800-358-6329. That\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d Ask about the upcoming <em>Rooted<\/em> conference or ask about the resources we have available for adoptive parents or for parents who are thinking about adoption. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I want to give a shout-out today. I want to say: \u201cHappy 13<sup>th<\/sup> Anniversary to Gar and Amber Baker, who live in Bethel Park, Pennsylvania.\u201d Today is their wedding anniversary. They are Legacy Partners, here at FamilyLife. We wanted to just take a minute and say: \u201cFirst of all, thank you for being Legacy Partners; and then, second, I want to wish you a very happy anniversary\u2014way to go\u2014way to model the marriage covenant and show what a strong, healthy marriage looks like. We\u2019re proud of you guys and we are grateful for your support for this ministry.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are listener-supported\u2014couldn\u2019t do what we do without folks, like the Bakers, being a part of this ministry. We are grateful for you. This is the last week of our fiscal year. As I\u2019ve mentioned, over the last couple of weeks, we\u2019re hoping to end our fiscal year in a good, solid, healthy financial position. Recently, we\u2019ve had some friends step forward and they have said, \u201cWe want to help out.\u201d They have agreed that, this week, they are going to match whatever donations come in, at the end of our fiscal year, dollar for dollar, up to $100,000. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, would you consider, today, going to FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014clicking the upper right- hand corner of the homepage, where it says, \u201cI Care,\u201d\u2014make a fiscal yearend donation to help support FamilyLife Today? Your donation will be doubled, thanks to this matching opportunity. You\u2019ll help us end the fiscal year strong. Or you can call 1-800- FL-TODAY to make a donation by phone. Or you can mail a donation to us. As long as it\u2019s postmarked by the end of the week, it\u2019s eligible for these matching funds. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSend your check to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at P O Box 7111, Little Rock, AR. And our zip code is 72223. \u201cThanks, in advance, for your support,\u201d and, again, \u201cHappy Anniversary to the Bakers in Bethel Park, Pennsylvania.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTomorrow we\u2019re going to continue to talk about some of the hard-case adoption stories and what parents can do so that they can love their kids well, even when things are hard. We\u2019ll be back with Jon and Shelly Bergeron tomorrow. We hope you can be here as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2013 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/303171","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=303171"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=303171"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=303171"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=303171"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=303171"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=303171"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=303171"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}