{"id":303159,"date":"2014-08-15T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2014-08-15T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/remarriage-adjustments\/"},"modified":"2014-08-15T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2014-08-15T15:00:00","slug":"remarriage-adjustments","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/remarriage-adjustments\/","title":{"rendered":"Remarriage Adjustments"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Bill and Evelyn Thompson join Ron Deal to talk about their surprising courtship and remarriage, as well as the adjustments blending families has required of them.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-08-15.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"24.21M","filesize_raw":"25382054","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2859,2894],"tags":[4820,5395,5394,2732,5276,4282],"podcast_series":[8031],"cwp_profile":[9351,3300],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-303159","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-dating-and-preparing-for-marriage","category-stepfamily-living","tag-cancer","tag-loss-of-spouse","tag-nasa","tag-remarriage","tag-stepfamilies","tag-widow","podcast_series-the-realities-of-remarriage","cwp_profile-bill-and-evelyn-thompson","cwp_profile-ron-deal","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/303159\/remarriage-adjustments","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/303159\/remarriage-adjustments","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"uSn25veOd3\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/remarriage-adjustments\/\">Remarriage Adjustments<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/remarriage-adjustments\/embed\/#?secret=uSn25veOd3\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Remarriage Adjustments&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"uSn25veOd3\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-08-15.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-08-15.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>When Bill and Evelyn Thompson formed a new blended family, Evelyn found herself torn between her devotion and commitment to her new husband and her maternal instincts toward a 12-year-old son who was not used to having a man around the house. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Evelyn: <\/strong>I really developed an enabling spirit after Rick died. I wanted to protect my children no matter what. So\u2014especially with Matthew\u2014I just felt very protective of him because he was the youngest. I really was worried about Bill hurting his feelings or upsetting the apple cart. It was very challenging for me, but it was an issue of trust. I had to learn to really trust Bill and trust that he had Matthew\u2019s best interests at heart. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, August 15<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. How do you make a family blend when the kids don\u2019t want to blend?\u00a0 We\u2019re going to talk today about that. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. You know, one of the things we talk about, early on, at our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> <sup>\u00ae<\/sup>marriage getaways is that every couple is going to experience some kind of adjustment in a marriage relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>No doubt about it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And I remember an interview we did, very early, on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014I think it was with Dr. Norm Wright, who said, \u201cIf you are getting married for the first time, it\u2019s going to be two to five years\u2014the adjustment period.\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cIf you are getting married for a second time, you can expect it being five to ten years\u2014that adjustment period.\u201d\u00a0 What he was saying is\u2014you are having to undo some patterns in your mind about what marriage is supposed to be like\u2014at least, how it was with your first spouse\u2014and having to rebuild a whole new relationship with the new spouse. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>No doubt about it. And for a couple, who both lose their spouses to death\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014you can\u2019t even begin to fathom all the issues that are brought into a new marriage situation, especially if there are children involved. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got Ron Deal, who heads up FamilyLife\u2019s Blended Family Initiative. Ron\u2014welcome back to the broadcast. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Thank you. It\u2019s always good to be here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>He has written a new book called <em>The Remarriage Checkup.<\/em> It\u2019s really a good book because this is done out of research of more than 50,000 couples\u2014maybe the largest ever for blended families; right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>That\u2019s right. It\u2019s the largest survey ever. Really, what we do is\u2014we highlight the qualities and attributes of strong, healthy remarriage stepfamily couple relationships. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And this week, we are listening to how a new marriage got birthed\u2014a pair of your friends. In fact, we haven\u2019t let you introduce them this week. You go way back with them. Somebody put a copy of your book in their hands, and it was kind of one of those deals: \u201cIt\u2019s just in time.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes. It\u2019s really great to have Bill and Evelyn Thompson with us today. They are friends. I just enjoy them so very, very much. They live in Houston, Texas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And they each have two children from their prior marriages. Evelyn was married to Rick Husband, who was an astronaut and was the commander of the space shuttle, <em>Columbia<\/em>. Bill, your wife died a little bit short of your 30<sup>th<\/sup> anniversary. You two had two children in the process as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill: <\/strong>That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>In the midst of this\u2014one little story that I didn\u2019t quite get the rest of when we talked about this earlier\u2014Bill, your wife had said to you, \u201cI know who you should consider marrying.\u201d\u00a0 And she mentioned Evelyn\u2019s name because Rick had been killed in the accident back in 2003. What did you think when he came to you\u2014Bill did\u2014and after his wife had passed, when he told you that?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Evelyn: <\/strong>We had been dating for a couple of months. In fact, it was when we were in England. We were sitting at a park bench and talking. He remembered this story, and he had not mentioned it to me before. At first, I punched him on the arm. I said: \u201cYou are making that up. There\u2019s no way that Margie would have said that,\u201d\u2014not that she wasn\u2019t a great person but that any woman would be that gracious, to not only suggest that their husband remarry, but even name the name. But Bill was very sincere about it. We came to find out that there were other friends of hers that she shared that with. So, I, at first, found it really hard to believe but was very surprised. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>There had to be things that happened during the time you were dating, leading up to the wedding, where you guys just looked at each other and said, \u201cIt just seems like God is in this big time.\u201d\u00a0 Sometimes, I think couples can think, \u201cAnd because He\u2019s in this big time, we won\u2019t have any challenges after we get married.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDid it surprise you that there were challenges that you began to face after you got married?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Evelyn: <\/strong>I think it was hard to understand, at first, why our marriage would remind people of the loss. The longer we\u2019ve been married, the more that makes sense to me. But we have friends, that Bill and Margie were friends with\u2014that are now my friends\u2014and vice versa. Even within our family, it just\u2014every time, they saw us, it was a reminder of the loss of Rick and\/or of Margie. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>So, I just didn\u2019t realize that. I just thought everyone would be thrilled to death for us because we had walked through such sorrow and such grief that it should be a unanimous, wonderful feeling. I didn\u2019t understand or realize that it would be different. It became almost a loyalty issue, I think, people had to overcome if they started to really like me and love me: \u201cIs that being disloyal to Margie?\u201d\u2014and vice versa. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf people really developed a relationship with Bill, are they forgetting about their friendship and their love that they had for Rick?\u00a0 So, that was something that we watched people\u2014they had to work through that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>It\u2019s a little isolating\u2014isn\u2019t it?\u2014because here you are\u2014excited and looking forward to the future\u2014and they are still kind of tied to the past and not able to join you. So, I imagine you found yourself alone. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill: <\/strong>I have a good friend of mine\u2014lives over in Baton Rouge. We had lunch one day. It was prior to us getting married, and I talked to Charlie. I\u2019d known him for years in our industry. He also\u2014I remembered\u2014had recently lost his wife. It was kind of a chance to get out there and kind of compare: \u201cHey, here is where I am at and what\u2019s going on. Charlie, what would you say?\u00a0 Can you give me some advice?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCharlie just looked at me and said: \u201cYou know, Bill, you are a naval guy. I\u2019m going to put this in naval terms to you. Your ship, Margie, has sailed for the last time; and she has left the pier.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cNow, there is a new ship in the harbor, and that ship is the Evelyn ship. You need to realize that you\u2019re being offered a command there to come in and become a husband but also a father and to take charge. Bill, you can sit on that pier, and you can wave goodbye to the one ship, and possibly never take command of that; but there is an opportunity in front of you.\u201d\u00a0 So, I took that to heart\u2014that it was kind of okay to proceed. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And when the ship commander took over and you left the harbor, when was the first tip-off that you were in some choppy and, even perhaps, some stormy seas?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill: <\/strong>One of the things I remember\u2014and it\u2019s a little bit light\u2014I want to share. We had decided we would get everybody up and go for a walk. We turned, and we all made a right from our house. We were walking down the cul-de-sac to a green belt. When it was time to turn, two or three of us went one direction, and one went to the other. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we kind of realized that, at that point, the crew\u2014and there was that independence\u2014but it also let us kind of know, \u201cNot everyone is on board quite the same way that you and your wife are, so\u2014\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>A different port\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill: <\/strong>Yes. <br><br><strong>Ron: <\/strong>Okay, so, there is\u2014to me, there is a very important marital moment there. That\u2019s: \u201cHow do you turn to each other and say, \u2018Hmm, we\u2019re going to have to deal with this. We\u2019ve got some mutiny going on, a little bit; but we\u2019ve got to stay together as a team\u2019?\u201d\u00a0 Did you have moments where you really just had to pull together and find a way to not lose each other?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Evelyn: <\/strong>Well, it was a very new challenge for me because\u2014unlike Bill\u2019s children, who were already grown and married\u2014mine were still living at home. So, it was a new season for me to show what it looked like\u2014my children had not\u2014you know, Rick and I had a very strong, Christian marriage; but my children had not had that modeled for them in five years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey didn\u2019t remember or know what it looked like to have the dad as the head of the home; and it had been a really long time. So, it was a huge challenge for me; but I knew what I needed to do. I\u2019m not sure I always did it right, but I knew that I needed to fall under Bill\u2019s rightful position as the head of our household. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI can remember\u2014Laura was just about to graduate from high school when we got married. She was going to graduate the following May, but Matthew was much younger. I can remember Bill disciplining Matthew\u2014talking to him about something\u2014and Matthew coming back with the proverbial, \u201cYou are not my dad.\u201d\u00a0 But it was great because Bill was ready for that and was able to share with him, \u201cNo, I\u2019m not your dad, but I want to be your wingman,\u201d and was just able to share that whole concept with Matthew about how he wanted to come alongside him and guide him through. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Wingman\u2014I love it. By the way, Evelyn, what did you do in that moment?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Evelyn: <\/strong>Each moment has been different. They\u2019ve all been challenging to me because I really developed an enabling spirit after Rick died. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI wanted to protect my children no matter what. So, I found it very difficult, at times, when Bill really had to get serious with my kids\u2014especially with Matthew. I just felt very protective of him because he was the youngest. I really was worried about Bill hurting his feelings or upsetting the apple cart. It was very challenging for me. But it was an issue of trust, Ron. I had to learn to really trust Bill and trust that he had Matthew\u2019s best interests at heart. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, and I think this brings up something that we\u2019ve kind of alluded to\u2014but the issue of loyalty is: \u201cWho are we loyal to in this new relationship?\u201d\u00a0 You were loyal to your kids, Evelyn, because they\u2019d been through trauma and you wanted to care for them. You were loyal to the memory of your husband. Now, there is this new person that you\u2019re supposed to be loyal to. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat happens when those loyalties are competing?\u00a0 What happens when your kids are pulling one way, and your new husband is pulling another way, and the ghost of your husband-past is reflecting something else on the whole equation?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Ron, this is not abnormal; is it?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>No, it\u2019s not. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>This is one of the first battlegrounds for a blended family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Ron: <\/strong>And if you\u2019ve listened to everything we\u2019ve talked about this week, you\u2019ll hear a story of loss, and sadness, and sorrow\u2014and then stepping into the future, and finding each other, and finding new love, and falling in love and thinking that the world is completely just wrapped up in this new marriage, and then discovering that there are, sure enough, people around you\u2014other people on this ship, as you set sail out of the harbor\u2014and they don\u2019t always feel the same way as you do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd even with the best of intentions\u2014Evelyn, I love the way you said, a minute ago: \u201cI was loyal to Bill. I knew I needed to support him as my husband and the stepfather in the home. Yet, at the same time, I felt torn to protect and take care of my son.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat guilt \/ that confusion is a very, very common experience. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd that\u2019s where we go from just a couple to now: \u201cWe\u2019re doing family stuff.\u201d\u00a0 And that\u2019s where it gets challenging. I appreciate the way you said that because I think that\u2019s exactly the way it feels for most biological parents. They just feel torn. There are two right choices, and it\u2019s tough to know exactly how to walk that out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt the end of the day, I think what we have to recommend to people is that they choose to side with the marriage\u2014not against their children\u2014but in favor of their children. They are going to serve their kids through the marriage; but it does mean that, sometimes, you have to face the disappointment of your kids or face them, looking at you, going: \u201cMom, why aren\u2019t you here protecting me and getting this mean guy off my back?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou have to endure that moment so that you can get to the final reward that comes when children begin to settle and see: \u201cWell, I guess Mom is with Bill; and there is no dividing here. I guess this is the way it\u2019s going to be.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s the first step toward children settling their hearts and beginning to feel safe and comfortable in the new home. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Did the ship ever take on water?\u00a0 You\u2019ve been married since 2008. You know, you\u2019ve faced some pretty rugged issues, going forward. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Evelyn: <\/strong>I think our biggest issue in which we were able to highlight again when we took our checkup recently\u2014the test\u2014is that we have communication issues. We have a real challenge in getting down to the core of things that upset us. So, when we\u2019ve hit those places, we both have a tendency to just pull away and regroup and then just try to gloss over it. We haven\u2019t been able to talk through things that we\u2019ve needed to. It\u2019s really helped rereading <em>The Remarriage Checkup<\/em> book\u2014learning how to communicate in a much more assertive but effective way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>You know, one of the things we found in our study\u2014that led to this book\u2014is that communication and how you resolve conflict, as a couple\u2014oftentimes, what couples are fighting about in stepfamily relationship is the stepfamily stuff\u2014not so much their couple issues but what\u2019s going on around them\u2014as we\u2019ve been talking about here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCommunication in conflict predicts, with 90 percent accuracy, whether you have a great marriage or a poor one. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnother thing that we found, that was fascinating\u2014and you alluded to it a little while ago, Evelyn\u2014when you talked about: \u201cBut I just had to trust Bill. I had to trust his heart towards my kids,\u201d\u2014that that issue of trust versus: \u201cHmm, I feel like an outsider. I\u2019m not confident that we\u2019re together, as a team.\u201d\u00a0 That feeling predicted, with 93 percent accuracy\u2014all by itself\u2014whether couples had great relationships or poor ones. It\u2019s really, really important that you find a way to be on the same team. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And the checkup you\u2019re talking about having taken recently is the checkup that is available online to anybody who gets your book\u2014so that a husband and wife can go online and enter their own information and kind of see where the strengths and weakness in their relationship are. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes, and it\u2019s not something to be afraid of. It\u2019s like when I went to the doctor a few years ago and had a blood test and part of a typical physical:\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cHey, everything is great <em>except<\/em> we noticed your iron count is four times the normal level.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s why I was diagnosed with a blood disorder that I didn\u2019t know about\u2014that if we didn\u2019t do anything about\u2014probably would have shortened my life by about 30 years. But I\u2019m going to be fine because we discovered that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s what this assessment does. It just helps you spot things. Then, you can make choices and decisions about how to move forward with those. It\u2019s a proactive of staying on top of life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I want them to comment on what you just said earlier, Ron, about trust. When you guys decided to tie the knot, how tight was the knot?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill: <\/strong>Well, the knot was actually tied\u2014as Evelyn put it, \u201cI am with you until I take the last breath.\u201d\u00a0 That reassures any spouse\u2014they\u2019re in there for the long haul. How that came about was through our communication part of going through and doing this checklist, online, and, then, taking the time to discuss it with each other.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf I could use an iceberg\u2014here is my wife telling me: \u201cBill, there is an iceberg coming toward us. I just have to share it with you.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cYes, I see it.\u201d\u00a0 Well, after she has told me that five or six times, I realize\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You\u2019re laughing here, Evelyn. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bill: <\/strong>She knows\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Evelyn: <\/strong>I\u2019m not even going to look at him. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill: <\/strong>Yes. So, she is trying to get her\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>How many times did you really tell him?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Evelyn: <\/strong>A whole bunch. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>A whole bunch. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill: <\/strong>A whole bunch over a long period of time. And it was\u2014it was just about getting in touch with my kids on a new level\u2014a new way of making\u2014opening up these communication channels that have kind of\u2014like I said\u2014the iceberg: \u201cYou know what, Evelyn?\u00a0 It looks pretty far away right now.\u201d\u00a0 But what we all know about an iceberg is\u2014it\u2019s not what you see at the top or above the water\u2014it\u2019s what rests below that\u2019s going to take you out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bill: <\/strong>And that was just her telling me: \u201cI need you to get this relationship with your kids\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014with Corey and with Cassi\u2014we need to bring them back in to where there is a relationship with Evelyn, there is one with Laura, and there is one with Matthew.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Wise people do what Evelyn did. They say things like, \u201cI love you, and I trust you until my last breath; and I need to talk to you about this iceberg.\u201d\u00a0 They let their heart intent be very, very clear because, oftentimes, what happens with stepfamily couples is\u2014that they lead with: \u201cI need to talk to you about your son. I need to talk to you about your kids. I need to talk to you about this situation.\u201d\u00a0 All of a sudden, it feels in jeopardy. Now, we are in fear rather than in trust. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, especially if there is a remarriage that\u2019s occurred out of divorce. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>That\u2019s right. It\u2019s fragile, at that point. So, you\u2019ve got to lead with: \u201cI\u2019m with you until my last breath, <em>and<\/em> there are some things we need to talk about\u2014some things I need to articulate to you.\u201d\u00a0 That really solidifies the commitment. Everybody needs to hear that over and over again. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, the next time Evelyn says, \u201cWe should watch the Titanic again,\u201d you\u2019ll know what that means. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill: <\/strong>Oh, I certainly\u2014it\u2019s our new code word. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Can I ask you guys about another skill I\u2019ve noticed in you?\u00a0 I\u2019ve known you guys for a few years now, and I have noticed something and have just observed in every day conversations that has impressed me. But I think it\u2019s rare. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou guys have an uncanny ability to talk about your pasts and your past loves. You talk about Margie. You talk about Rick. You talk about those people in front of one another with fondness \/ with great memories and neither of you ever seems to be intimidated by the other doing that. You don\u2019t seem to worry that you have to hide those feelings or that longing and that remembrance. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCould you just tell us how it is that you manage that?\u2014because I think a lot of people just can\u2019t go there\u2014they get jealous \/ they get envious. They are afraid to own that in front of each other. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill: <\/strong>Well, I think it is part of our path. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s not necessarily, now, what lies ahead, but it certainly is on the ground that we\u2019ve travelled. And that ground for both of us\u2014we travelled very well, and we enjoyed our lives. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere is an interesting story that\u2014I remember taking Evelyn over and introducing her to Margie\u2019s mom and dad\u2014Sterling and Doris\u2014a dear, loving couple that taught me a lot about love in the relationship\u2014one of the things that we said\u2014how we\u2019ve managed that\u2014we talk about our spouses. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember Sterling saying, \u201cWell, you know, I think maybe you guys just need to move forward now with your own lives.\u201d\u00a0 It just was pretty incredible that that would be said to us; and yet, we know, from an historical part about\u2014\u201cWhat are we going to leave for our families?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>It\u2019s part of your legacy\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill: <\/strong>It is part of our legacy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u2014is the story. You can\u2019t deny that Rick and Margie lived, and breathed, and had children, and they were important to you and important to the world. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob: <\/strong>But I\u2019m wondering, if in the middle of that, do you ever feel like you are competing with Rick Husband? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill: <\/strong>No, I don\u2019t. I don\u2019t know why; but I guess just the lifestyle of\u2014and how I came up\u2014and my parents and the people that impacted me. Evelyn has said, \u201cWow, you are comfortable in your own skin.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Evelyn, do you ever feel like you\u2019re competing with Margie?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Evelyn: <\/strong>I haven\u2019t. I just thought the world of her because I knew her. I served in ministry with her. Bill loves extremely well, and I love extremely well. I think we both feel very secure in that. That foundation has allowed us to function extremely well in the present; but because of our children, it\u2019s extremely important to be able to remember our spouses. It\u2019s a beautiful place to be. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Listen to that. There is a maturity in these two people. It is just amazing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And I think their story has brought hope to a lot of people\u2014\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014just listening to someone who has had all hands on deck, and manned your battle stations for a period of time,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014and yet come through it, and you\u2019re still sailing together in the right direction. I want to thank you for sharing your stories. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd Ron, I want to thank you for caring about blended families. You\u2019re a hero because you\u2019ve stepped into some areas of ministry that, as you know, there is not a lot of leaders stepping into it. I\u2019m grateful to God for you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>And I\u2019m going to return the favor and say, \u201cThank you,\u201d to you for bringing that ministry to FamilyLife. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You\u2019re welcome. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, of course, we are hoping your tribe will increase because on Thursday night and Friday, October 2<sup>nd<\/sup> and 3<sup>rd<\/sup>, we\u2019ve got the <em>Blended and Blessed<\/em><sup>\u2122<\/sup> event that\u2019s going to be happening in Washington, DC. This is for folks who are either already engaged in ministry to re-marrieds or blended families or for churches or ministries that want to begin some kind of an outreach\u2014some kind of ministry\u2014to help strengthen these couples who are in challenging marital situations. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can get more information about the <em>Blended and Blessed<\/em> Summit in Washington, DC, when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link at the top of the page that says, \u201cGO DEEPER.\u201d The information about <em>Blended and Blessed<\/em> is available there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere is also information about the resources Ron Deal has available: <em>The Smart Stepfamily <\/em>book<em>, The Remarriage Checkup, The Smart Stepmom, Smart Stepdad, Dating and the Single Parent<\/em>\u2014all of the resources designed to help blended families. <br>Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com. They are all available there when you click the button that says, \u201cGO DEEPER.\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s at the top of the page. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI should say that the work that Ron is doing on behalf of blended families\u2014that work is underwritten by folks, like you, who believe in all that FamilyLife is about and who have helped provide the funding for this ministry to occur. FamilyLife is donor-dependent. We are listener-supported\u2014that\u2019s another way to say it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMore than 60 percent of the revenue that we need to operate this ministry comes from folks, like you, who either make an occasional donation or those of you who are Legacy Partners and donate each month. You make <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> possible, and we\u2019re grateful for your partnership with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you can make a donation, right now\u2014help us end our fiscal year in a healthy position\u2014we\u2019re about to wrap up the books for the year, here in the month of August\u2014we\u2019d like to say, \u201cThank you for your donation,\u201d by making available to you seven cards that provide you with step-by-step instructions for some activities you can do with your kids to help them develop their faith\u2014to help them on their spiritual journey.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo to FamilyLifeToday.com and make a donation online. Click the \u201cI Care\u201d button in the upper right-hand corner of the screen to make an online donation. Or you can call to make a donation at 1-800-FL-TODAY. Of course, you can mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Our address is PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you have a great weekend. Hope you and your family are able to worship together this weekend. And I hope you can join us back on Monday. Denny Burk is going to be here. We\u2019re going to talk about how we cultivate a healthy, biblical understanding of human sexuality. What is the meaning of sex?\u2014that\u2019s what we\u2019re going to talk about Monday. Hope you can tune in for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back Monday for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2014 FamilyLife. 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and Evelyn Thompson join Ron Deal to talk about their surprising courtship and remarriage, as well as the adjustments blending families has required of them.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-08-15.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>When Bill and Evelyn Thompson formed a new blended family, Evelyn found herself torn between her devotion and commitment to her new husband and her maternal instincts toward a 12-year-old son who was not used to having a man around the house. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Evelyn: <\/strong>I really developed an enabling spirit after Rick died. I wanted to protect my children no matter what. So\u2014especially with Matthew\u2014I just felt very protective of him because he was the youngest. I really was worried about Bill hurting his feelings or upsetting the apple cart. It was very challenging for me, but it was an issue of trust. I had to learn to really trust Bill and trust that he had Matthew\u2019s best interests at heart. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, August 15<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. How do you make a family blend when the kids don\u2019t want to blend?\u00a0 We\u2019re going to talk today about that. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. You know, one of the things we talk about, early on, at our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> <sup>\u00ae<\/sup>marriage getaways is that every couple is going to experience some kind of adjustment in a marriage relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>No doubt about it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And I remember an interview we did, very early, on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014I think it was with Dr. Norm Wright, who said, \u201cIf you are getting married for the first time, it\u2019s going to be two to five years\u2014the adjustment period.\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cIf you are getting married for a second time, you can expect it being five to ten years\u2014that adjustment period.\u201d\u00a0 What he was saying is\u2014you are having to undo some patterns in your mind about what marriage is supposed to be like\u2014at least, how it was with your first spouse\u2014and having to rebuild a whole new relationship with the new spouse. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>No doubt about it. And for a couple, who both lose their spouses to death\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014you can\u2019t even begin to fathom all the issues that are brought into a new marriage situation, especially if there are children involved. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got Ron Deal, who heads up FamilyLife\u2019s Blended Family Initiative. Ron\u2014welcome back to the broadcast. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Thank you. It\u2019s always good to be here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>He has written a new book called <em>The Remarriage Checkup.<\/em> It\u2019s really a good book because this is done out of research of more than 50,000 couples\u2014maybe the largest ever for blended families; right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>That\u2019s right. It\u2019s the largest survey ever. Really, what we do is\u2014we highlight the qualities and attributes of strong, healthy remarriage stepfamily couple relationships. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And this week, we are listening to how a new marriage got birthed\u2014a pair of your friends. In fact, we haven\u2019t let you introduce them this week. You go way back with them. Somebody put a copy of your book in their hands, and it was kind of one of those deals: \u201cIt\u2019s just in time.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes. It\u2019s really great to have Bill and Evelyn Thompson with us today. They are friends. I just enjoy them so very, very much. They live in Houston, Texas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And they each have two children from their prior marriages. Evelyn was married to Rick Husband, who was an astronaut and was the commander of the space shuttle, <em>Columbia<\/em>. Bill, your wife died a little bit short of your 30<sup>th<\/sup> anniversary. You two had two children in the process as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill: <\/strong>That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>In the midst of this\u2014one little story that I didn\u2019t quite get the rest of when we talked about this earlier\u2014Bill, your wife had said to you, \u201cI know who you should consider marrying.\u201d\u00a0 And she mentioned Evelyn\u2019s name because Rick had been killed in the accident back in 2003. What did you think when he came to you\u2014Bill did\u2014and after his wife had passed, when he told you that?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Evelyn: <\/strong>We had been dating for a couple of months. In fact, it was when we were in England. We were sitting at a park bench and talking. He remembered this story, and he had not mentioned it to me before. At first, I punched him on the arm. I said: \u201cYou are making that up. There\u2019s no way that Margie would have said that,\u201d\u2014not that she wasn\u2019t a great person but that any woman would be that gracious, to not only suggest that their husband remarry, but even name the name. But Bill was very sincere about it. We came to find out that there were other friends of hers that she shared that with. So, I, at first, found it really hard to believe but was very surprised. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>There had to be things that happened during the time you were dating, leading up to the wedding, where you guys just looked at each other and said, \u201cIt just seems like God is in this big time.\u201d\u00a0 Sometimes, I think couples can think, \u201cAnd because He\u2019s in this big time, we won\u2019t have any challenges after we get married.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDid it surprise you that there were challenges that you began to face after you got married?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Evelyn: <\/strong>I think it was hard to understand, at first, why our marriage would remind people of the loss. The longer we\u2019ve been married, the more that makes sense to me. But we have friends, that Bill and Margie were friends with\u2014that are now my friends\u2014and vice versa. Even within our family, it just\u2014every time, they saw us, it was a reminder of the loss of Rick and\/or of Margie. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>So, I just didn\u2019t realize that. I just thought everyone would be thrilled to death for us because we had walked through such sorrow and such grief that it should be a unanimous, wonderful feeling. I didn\u2019t understand or realize that it would be different. It became almost a loyalty issue, I think, people had to overcome if they started to really like me and love me: \u201cIs that being disloyal to Margie?\u201d\u2014and vice versa. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf people really developed a relationship with Bill, are they forgetting about their friendship and their love that they had for Rick?\u00a0 So, that was something that we watched people\u2014they had to work through that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>It\u2019s a little isolating\u2014isn\u2019t it?\u2014because here you are\u2014excited and looking forward to the future\u2014and they are still kind of tied to the past and not able to join you. So, I imagine you found yourself alone. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill: <\/strong>I have a good friend of mine\u2014lives over in Baton Rouge. We had lunch one day. It was prior to us getting married, and I talked to Charlie. I\u2019d known him for years in our industry. He also\u2014I remembered\u2014had recently lost his wife. It was kind of a chance to get out there and kind of compare: \u201cHey, here is where I am at and what\u2019s going on. Charlie, what would you say?\u00a0 Can you give me some advice?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCharlie just looked at me and said: \u201cYou know, Bill, you are a naval guy. I\u2019m going to put this in naval terms to you. Your ship, Margie, has sailed for the last time; and she has left the pier.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cNow, there is a new ship in the harbor, and that ship is the Evelyn ship. You need to realize that you\u2019re being offered a command there to come in and become a husband but also a father and to take charge. Bill, you can sit on that pier, and you can wave goodbye to the one ship, and possibly never take command of that; but there is an opportunity in front of you.\u201d\u00a0 So, I took that to heart\u2014that it was kind of okay to proceed. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And when the ship commander took over and you left the harbor, when was the first tip-off that you were in some choppy and, even perhaps, some stormy seas?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill: <\/strong>One of the things I remember\u2014and it\u2019s a little bit light\u2014I want to share. We had decided we would get everybody up and go for a walk. We turned, and we all made a right from our house. We were walking down the cul-de-sac to a green belt. When it was time to turn, two or three of us went one direction, and one went to the other. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we kind of realized that, at that point, the crew\u2014and there was that independence\u2014but it also let us kind of know, \u201cNot everyone is on board quite the same way that you and your wife are, so\u2014\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>A different port\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill: <\/strong>Yes. <br><br><strong>Ron: <\/strong>Okay, so, there is\u2014to me, there is a very important marital moment there. That\u2019s: \u201cHow do you turn to each other and say, \u2018Hmm, we\u2019re going to have to deal with this. We\u2019ve got some mutiny going on, a little bit; but we\u2019ve got to stay together as a team\u2019?\u201d\u00a0 Did you have moments where you really just had to pull together and find a way to not lose each other?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Evelyn: <\/strong>Well, it was a very new challenge for me because\u2014unlike Bill\u2019s children, who were already grown and married\u2014mine were still living at home. So, it was a new season for me to show what it looked like\u2014my children had not\u2014you know, Rick and I had a very strong, Christian marriage; but my children had not had that modeled for them in five years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey didn\u2019t remember or know what it looked like to have the dad as the head of the home; and it had been a really long time. So, it was a huge challenge for me; but I knew what I needed to do. I\u2019m not sure I always did it right, but I knew that I needed to fall under Bill\u2019s rightful position as the head of our household. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI can remember\u2014Laura was just about to graduate from high school when we got married. She was going to graduate the following May, but Matthew was much younger. I can remember Bill disciplining Matthew\u2014talking to him about something\u2014and Matthew coming back with the proverbial, \u201cYou are not my dad.\u201d\u00a0 But it was great because Bill was ready for that and was able to share with him, \u201cNo, I\u2019m not your dad, but I want to be your wingman,\u201d and was just able to share that whole concept with Matthew about how he wanted to come alongside him and guide him through. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Wingman\u2014I love it. By the way, Evelyn, what did you do in that moment?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Evelyn: <\/strong>Each moment has been different. They\u2019ve all been challenging to me because I really developed an enabling spirit after Rick died. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI wanted to protect my children no matter what. So, I found it very difficult, at times, when Bill really had to get serious with my kids\u2014especially with Matthew. I just felt very protective of him because he was the youngest. I really was worried about Bill hurting his feelings or upsetting the apple cart. It was very challenging for me. But it was an issue of trust, Ron. I had to learn to really trust Bill and trust that he had Matthew\u2019s best interests at heart. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, and I think this brings up something that we\u2019ve kind of alluded to\u2014but the issue of loyalty is: \u201cWho are we loyal to in this new relationship?\u201d\u00a0 You were loyal to your kids, Evelyn, because they\u2019d been through trauma and you wanted to care for them. You were loyal to the memory of your husband. Now, there is this new person that you\u2019re supposed to be loyal to. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat happens when those loyalties are competing?\u00a0 What happens when your kids are pulling one way, and your new husband is pulling another way, and the ghost of your husband-past is reflecting something else on the whole equation?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Ron, this is not abnormal; is it?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>No, it\u2019s not. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>This is one of the first battlegrounds for a blended family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Ron: <\/strong>And if you\u2019ve listened to everything we\u2019ve talked about this week, you\u2019ll hear a story of loss, and sadness, and sorrow\u2014and then stepping into the future, and finding each other, and finding new love, and falling in love and thinking that the world is completely just wrapped up in this new marriage, and then discovering that there are, sure enough, people around you\u2014other people on this ship, as you set sail out of the harbor\u2014and they don\u2019t always feel the same way as you do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd even with the best of intentions\u2014Evelyn, I love the way you said, a minute ago: \u201cI was loyal to Bill. I knew I needed to support him as my husband and the stepfather in the home. Yet, at the same time, I felt torn to protect and take care of my son.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat guilt \/ that confusion is a very, very common experience. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd that\u2019s where we go from just a couple to now: \u201cWe\u2019re doing family stuff.\u201d\u00a0 And that\u2019s where it gets challenging. I appreciate the way you said that because I think that\u2019s exactly the way it feels for most biological parents. They just feel torn. There are two right choices, and it\u2019s tough to know exactly how to walk that out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt the end of the day, I think what we have to recommend to people is that they choose to side with the marriage\u2014not against their children\u2014but in favor of their children. They are going to serve their kids through the marriage; but it does mean that, sometimes, you have to face the disappointment of your kids or face them, looking at you, going: \u201cMom, why aren\u2019t you here protecting me and getting this mean guy off my back?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou have to endure that moment so that you can get to the final reward that comes when children begin to settle and see: \u201cWell, I guess Mom is with Bill; and there is no dividing here. I guess this is the way it\u2019s going to be.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s the first step toward children settling their hearts and beginning to feel safe and comfortable in the new home. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Did the ship ever take on water?\u00a0 You\u2019ve been married since 2008. You know, you\u2019ve faced some pretty rugged issues, going forward. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Evelyn: <\/strong>I think our biggest issue in which we were able to highlight again when we took our checkup recently\u2014the test\u2014is that we have communication issues. We have a real challenge in getting down to the core of things that upset us. So, when we\u2019ve hit those places, we both have a tendency to just pull away and regroup and then just try to gloss over it. We haven\u2019t been able to talk through things that we\u2019ve needed to. It\u2019s really helped rereading <em>The Remarriage Checkup<\/em> book\u2014learning how to communicate in a much more assertive but effective way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>You know, one of the things we found in our study\u2014that led to this book\u2014is that communication and how you resolve conflict, as a couple\u2014oftentimes, what couples are fighting about in stepfamily relationship is the stepfamily stuff\u2014not so much their couple issues but what\u2019s going on around them\u2014as we\u2019ve been talking about here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCommunication in conflict predicts, with 90 percent accuracy, whether you have a great marriage or a poor one. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnother thing that we found, that was fascinating\u2014and you alluded to it a little while ago, Evelyn\u2014when you talked about: \u201cBut I just had to trust Bill. I had to trust his heart towards my kids,\u201d\u2014that that issue of trust versus: \u201cHmm, I feel like an outsider. I\u2019m not confident that we\u2019re together, as a team.\u201d\u00a0 That feeling predicted, with 93 percent accuracy\u2014all by itself\u2014whether couples had great relationships or poor ones. It\u2019s really, really important that you find a way to be on the same team. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And the checkup you\u2019re talking about having taken recently is the checkup that is available online to anybody who gets your book\u2014so that a husband and wife can go online and enter their own information and kind of see where the strengths and weakness in their relationship are. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes, and it\u2019s not something to be afraid of. It\u2019s like when I went to the doctor a few years ago and had a blood test and part of a typical physical:\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cHey, everything is great <em>except<\/em> we noticed your iron count is four times the normal level.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s why I was diagnosed with a blood disorder that I didn\u2019t know about\u2014that if we didn\u2019t do anything about\u2014probably would have shortened my life by about 30 years. But I\u2019m going to be fine because we discovered that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s what this assessment does. It just helps you spot things. Then, you can make choices and decisions about how to move forward with those. It\u2019s a proactive of staying on top of life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I want them to comment on what you just said earlier, Ron, about trust. When you guys decided to tie the knot, how tight was the knot?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill: <\/strong>Well, the knot was actually tied\u2014as Evelyn put it, \u201cI am with you until I take the last breath.\u201d\u00a0 That reassures any spouse\u2014they\u2019re in there for the long haul. How that came about was through our communication part of going through and doing this checklist, online, and, then, taking the time to discuss it with each other.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf I could use an iceberg\u2014here is my wife telling me: \u201cBill, there is an iceberg coming toward us. I just have to share it with you.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cYes, I see it.\u201d\u00a0 Well, after she has told me that five or six times, I realize\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You\u2019re laughing here, Evelyn. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bill: <\/strong>She knows\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Evelyn: <\/strong>I\u2019m not even going to look at him. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill: <\/strong>Yes. So, she is trying to get her\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>How many times did you really tell him?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Evelyn: <\/strong>A whole bunch. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>A whole bunch. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill: <\/strong>A whole bunch over a long period of time. And it was\u2014it was just about getting in touch with my kids on a new level\u2014a new way of making\u2014opening up these communication channels that have kind of\u2014like I said\u2014the iceberg: \u201cYou know what, Evelyn?\u00a0 It looks pretty far away right now.\u201d\u00a0 But what we all know about an iceberg is\u2014it\u2019s not what you see at the top or above the water\u2014it\u2019s what rests below that\u2019s going to take you out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bill: <\/strong>And that was just her telling me: \u201cI need you to get this relationship with your kids\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014with Corey and with Cassi\u2014we need to bring them back in to where there is a relationship with Evelyn, there is one with Laura, and there is one with Matthew.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Wise people do what Evelyn did. They say things like, \u201cI love you, and I trust you until my last breath; and I need to talk to you about this iceberg.\u201d\u00a0 They let their heart intent be very, very clear because, oftentimes, what happens with stepfamily couples is\u2014that they lead with: \u201cI need to talk to you about your son. I need to talk to you about your kids. I need to talk to you about this situation.\u201d\u00a0 All of a sudden, it feels in jeopardy. Now, we are in fear rather than in trust. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, especially if there is a remarriage that\u2019s occurred out of divorce. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>That\u2019s right. It\u2019s fragile, at that point. So, you\u2019ve got to lead with: \u201cI\u2019m with you until my last breath, <em>and<\/em> there are some things we need to talk about\u2014some things I need to articulate to you.\u201d\u00a0 That really solidifies the commitment. Everybody needs to hear that over and over again. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, the next time Evelyn says, \u201cWe should watch the Titanic again,\u201d you\u2019ll know what that means. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill: <\/strong>Oh, I certainly\u2014it\u2019s our new code word. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Can I ask you guys about another skill I\u2019ve noticed in you?\u00a0 I\u2019ve known you guys for a few years now, and I have noticed something and have just observed in every day conversations that has impressed me. But I think it\u2019s rare. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou guys have an uncanny ability to talk about your pasts and your past loves. You talk about Margie. You talk about Rick. You talk about those people in front of one another with fondness \/ with great memories and neither of you ever seems to be intimidated by the other doing that. You don\u2019t seem to worry that you have to hide those feelings or that longing and that remembrance. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCould you just tell us how it is that you manage that?\u2014because I think a lot of people just can\u2019t go there\u2014they get jealous \/ they get envious. They are afraid to own that in front of each other. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill: <\/strong>Well, I think it is part of our path. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s not necessarily, now, what lies ahead, but it certainly is on the ground that we\u2019ve travelled. And that ground for both of us\u2014we travelled very well, and we enjoyed our lives. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere is an interesting story that\u2014I remember taking Evelyn over and introducing her to Margie\u2019s mom and dad\u2014Sterling and Doris\u2014a dear, loving couple that taught me a lot about love in the relationship\u2014one of the things that we said\u2014how we\u2019ve managed that\u2014we talk about our spouses. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember Sterling saying, \u201cWell, you know, I think maybe you guys just need to move forward now with your own lives.\u201d\u00a0 It just was pretty incredible that that would be said to us; and yet, we know, from an historical part about\u2014\u201cWhat are we going to leave for our families?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>It\u2019s part of your legacy\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill: <\/strong>It is part of our legacy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u2014is the story. You can\u2019t deny that Rick and Margie lived, and breathed, and had children, and they were important to you and important to the world. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob: <\/strong>But I\u2019m wondering, if in the middle of that, do you ever feel like you are competing with Rick Husband? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill: <\/strong>No, I don\u2019t. I don\u2019t know why; but I guess just the lifestyle of\u2014and how I came up\u2014and my parents and the people that impacted me. Evelyn has said, \u201cWow, you are comfortable in your own skin.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Evelyn, do you ever feel like you\u2019re competing with Margie?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Evelyn: <\/strong>I haven\u2019t. I just thought the world of her because I knew her. I served in ministry with her. Bill loves extremely well, and I love extremely well. I think we both feel very secure in that. That foundation has allowed us to function extremely well in the present; but because of our children, it\u2019s extremely important to be able to remember our spouses. It\u2019s a beautiful place to be. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Listen to that. There is a maturity in these two people. It is just amazing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And I think their story has brought hope to a lot of people\u2014\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014just listening to someone who has had all hands on deck, and manned your battle stations for a period of time,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014and yet come through it, and you\u2019re still sailing together in the right direction. I want to thank you for sharing your stories. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd Ron, I want to thank you for caring about blended families. You\u2019re a hero because you\u2019ve stepped into some areas of ministry that, as you know, there is not a lot of leaders stepping into it. I\u2019m grateful to God for you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>And I\u2019m going to return the favor and say, \u201cThank you,\u201d to you for bringing that ministry to FamilyLife. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You\u2019re welcome. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, of course, we are hoping your tribe will increase because on Thursday night and Friday, October 2<sup>nd<\/sup> and 3<sup>rd<\/sup>, we\u2019ve got the <em>Blended and Blessed<\/em><sup>\u2122<\/sup> event that\u2019s going to be happening in Washington, DC. This is for folks who are either already engaged in ministry to re-marrieds or blended families or for churches or ministries that want to begin some kind of an outreach\u2014some kind of ministry\u2014to help strengthen these couples who are in challenging marital situations. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can get more information about the <em>Blended and Blessed<\/em> Summit in Washington, DC, when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link at the top of the page that says, \u201cGO DEEPER.\u201d The information about <em>Blended and Blessed<\/em> is available there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere is also information about the resources Ron Deal has available: <em>The Smart Stepfamily <\/em>book<em>, The Remarriage Checkup, The Smart Stepmom, Smart Stepdad, Dating and the Single Parent<\/em>\u2014all of the resources designed to help blended families. <br>Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com. They are all available there when you click the button that says, \u201cGO DEEPER.\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s at the top of the page. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI should say that the work that Ron is doing on behalf of blended families\u2014that work is underwritten by folks, like you, who believe in all that FamilyLife is about and who have helped provide the funding for this ministry to occur. FamilyLife is donor-dependent. We are listener-supported\u2014that\u2019s another way to say it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMore than 60 percent of the revenue that we need to operate this ministry comes from folks, like you, who either make an occasional donation or those of you who are Legacy Partners and donate each month. You make <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> possible, and we\u2019re grateful for your partnership with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you can make a donation, right now\u2014help us end our fiscal year in a healthy position\u2014we\u2019re about to wrap up the books for the year, here in the month of August\u2014we\u2019d like to say, \u201cThank you for your donation,\u201d by making available to you seven cards that provide you with step-by-step instructions for some activities you can do with your kids to help them develop their faith\u2014to help them on their spiritual journey.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo to FamilyLifeToday.com and make a donation online. Click the \u201cI Care\u201d button in the upper right-hand corner of the screen to make an online donation. Or you can call to make a donation at 1-800-FL-TODAY. Of course, you can mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Our address is PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you have a great weekend. Hope you and your family are able to worship together this weekend. And I hope you can join us back on Monday. Denny Burk is going to be here. We\u2019re going to talk about how we cultivate a healthy, biblical understanding of human sexuality. What is the meaning of sex?\u2014that\u2019s what we\u2019re going to talk about Monday. Hope you can tune in for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back Monday for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2014 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/303159","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=303159"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=303159"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=303159"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=303159"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=303159"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=303159"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=303159"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}