{"id":303121,"date":"2014-07-14T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2014-07-14T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/commitment-makes-a-difference\/"},"modified":"2014-07-14T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2014-07-14T15:00:00","slug":"commitment-makes-a-difference","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/commitment-makes-a-difference\/","title":{"rendered":"Commitment Makes a Difference"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>A promise is a powerful thing. Research professor Scott Stanley, talks about the transforming power of commitment.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>A promise is a powerful thing. Research professor Scott Stanley, talks about the transforming power of commitment.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-07-14.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"28.01M","filesize_raw":"29369781","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2809],"tags":[5201,4086,5376,5377],"podcast_series":[8023],"cwp_profile":[3151],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-303121","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-commitment","tag-cohabitation","tag-commitment","tag-harder-to-break-up","tag-marital-contentment","podcast_series-a-lasting-promise","cwp_profile-scott-stanley","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/303121\/commitment-makes-a-difference","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/303121\/commitment-makes-a-difference","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"DouOkO1iIO\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/commitment-makes-a-difference\/\">Commitment Makes a Difference<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/commitment-makes-a-difference\/embed\/#?secret=DouOkO1iIO\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Commitment Makes a Difference&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"DouOkO1iIO\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-07-14.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-07-14.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The Bible describes husbands and wives coming together in marriage as two becoming one. Researcher Scott Stanley says, \u201cIn the best marriages, husbands and wives realize that\u2019s more than just a metaphor.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>You have to re-orient yourself to: \u201cThis is a team. We make decisions together. It\u2019s not just about me, and it\u2019s not just about you.\u201d So, as things come up with a child: \u201cWhat are we going to do?\u201d \u201cWhat are we going to do about work\u2014career \/ work-life balance?\u201d You start making decisions together because you believe you have a future together. It\u2019s not just about \u201cwhat I\u2019m going to do\u201d or \u201cwhat you\u2019re going to do.\u201d You have to start talking about what \u201cwe\u2019re going to do.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, July 14<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. What are the characteristics of couples who get to the finish line with a smile on their face in marriage? We\u2019re going to talk with Scott Stanley about that today. Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. Back last spring, my wife and I started watching the British television show, <em>Sherlock<\/em>. Have you ever watched any <em>Sherlock<\/em>?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Oh, I thought you were going to talk about\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong><em>Downton Abbey<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes; <em>Downton Abbey<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We\u2019ve watched <em>Downton Abbey<\/em> too, but we watch <em>Sherlock<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>There are some marriage themes in <em>Downton Abbey<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well\u2014and here\u2019s the thing\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I\u2019m wondering where you\u2019re going with <em>Sherlock<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay, you know, it\u2019s a modern-day telling of Sherlock Holmes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Sure.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>In season three, episode two, John Watson, who has been living with his girlfriend, is getting married. It turns out that on the day of their wedding, there\u2019s a crime being committed. Sherlock needs Watson\u2019s help. Watson is protesting, \u201cSherlock, I\u2019m getting married today.\u201d You know\u2014\u201cIt\u2019s my wedding. It\u2019s the biggest day of my life.\u201d Sherlock says to him: \u201cAll that\u2019s going to happen is\u2014you\u2019re going to meet up with some friends and have a party, and then go home and do the same thing you were doing before.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen they said that on TV, I looked at Mary Ann and I thought, \u201cHmm.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>That\u2019s kind of how they view it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I wonder\u2014I wonder what they\u2019re thinking!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes; exactly. But there is something that happens when you make a promise to another person. We have someone here who has proven that, statistically. Scott Stanley joins us again on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, after a long absence. He\u2019s been away for 15 years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It\u2019s been too long, Scott. Welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>Thank you very much. It\u2019s great to be back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Scott\u2019s written a book called <em>A Lasting Promise<\/em>. He\u2019s kept his promise to his wife Nancy since 1982. They have two sons; and he is the Co-director of the Center for Marital and Family Relationships at the University of Denver\u2014on the Front Range\u2014out there with a bunch of my grandkids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>Ah.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>What Bob\u2019s talking about\u2014you have proven, statistically, that commitment makes a difference; doesn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>Commitment is the most important variable of all, I think, in how marriages turn out. Why it\u2019s so important\u2014I know it would seem obvious to a lot of people, but commitment\u2019s not just about what you do on your wedding day. It\u2019s about what you do every day thereafter. It\u2019s about the follow-through. It\u2019s about how you are changed in terms of how you think\u2014in terms of \u201cus\u201d\u2014in terms of \u201cme\u201d versus \u201cyou.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen things are really well set-up and people are entering marriage well\u2014what they\u2019re doing on that wedding day, in front of witnesses\u2014is they\u2019re promising\u2014promise is a great word\u2014they are promising to make this work, without really knowing what\u2019s ahead on the flight, without really knowing all of the ups and downs that they\u2019re going to face. There\u2019s that sense that: \u201cI\u2019m anchoring, right now, my resolution to make this work and to do what I can to love you the best I can.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And Scott, as you describe that, I\u2019m remembering the day I got married\u2014when I thought to myself, right before I\u2019m supposed to go out and say, \u201cI do,\u201d\u2014I thought, \u201cHow does anybody ever do this?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Because I don\u2019t know what\u2019s coming up: \u201cWhat if, five years from now, she\u2019s different?\u201d And you know what? Five years later, she was different; and so was I.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>And so were you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But how do you sign up for a lifetime when you don\u2019t know what\u2019s coming?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>Two things I would say on that\u2014one is\u2014we all know that there are a lot of people who could be more thoughtful, initially. People would be more careful, and go more slowly to begin with, and make a good choice\u2014that makes some of that equation a little less intimidating. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut the real power of commitment is the walking by faith thing. You don\u2019t know what life\u2019s going to throw at you. You don\u2019t know how you\u2019re going to age, what illness is going to come up, what challenge with a child. You don\u2019t know this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut what you\u2019re agreeing to do is to be determined to get through it together and to be there for each other. What happens in the best marriages, over time, is they\u2019re not always happy. They\u2019re not perfect. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut what they begin to develop\u2014and a lot of couples never get this \/ never see this\u2014they begin to develop this sense of, \u201cWe can get through stuff.\u201d You know: \u201cWe have this, and this, and this is great,\u201d and \u201cThis isn\u2019t so great,\u201d and \u201cI don\u2019t like this part about you, but I love this part about you; but we get through stuff. We\u2019re making life work.\u201d That\u2019s powerful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I was speaking at the Hershey <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaway\u2014Bob was there as well. I did some live polls among the attendees, just about where they had difficulty leaving and cleaving\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>Nice.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014because when you leave, you\u2019re not just leaving father and mother, although that\u2019s the command of Scripture there in Genesis, Chapter 2. There\u2019s a command to leave the single lifestyle.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And to leave your friends, and the activities, and perhaps the parties, and all the interests that occur around that. You\u2019re to say, \u201cI\u2019m re-focused around you, my bride, because I just made a commitment to you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>This is such a great point because I actually think\u2014Nancy and I got married quite a long while ago with the expectations that, \u201cI think we\u2019re a little clearer and a little stronger about what this means.\u201d Today, we see this problem all the time. You see young couples, where they have gone through this transition\u2014so there is this declaration of commitment and marriage\u2014but one or both don\u2019t seem to have really absorbed the message that \u201cThis should re-orient my life.\u201d Where you might see one as still wanting to go out with their friends and do whatever they do with their friends\u2014spending just as much time with the same friends they had before marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat commitment does\u2014and the strongest form of it, of course, is that promise in marriage. What commitment does\u2014a researcher called it this way, \u201c40 years ago \/ 50 years ago, it\u2019s a transformation of motivation,\u201d\u2014when you make it a really clear commitment\u2014your motivation is transformed from \u201call about me\u201d to \u201call about us.\u201d \u201cUs with a future\u201d is the way I like to say it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA couple that doesn\u2019t experience that transformation is going to be much more vulnerable to all of what life throws at them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>When the statistics came back\u2014live, at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>, where I asked the question\u2014I was actually astounded that a lot of young couples today, to your point, are struggling with someone other than their parents\u2014and leaving mother and father.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>They\u2019re struggling with leaving\u2014maybe, hobbies\u2014they\u2019re maybe not working as long, or as hard, or as focused as they have been in the past. It was healthy for me, as an older guy, because we\u2019ve been married 41 years. You forget what it\u2019s like to make that transformational commitment that you\u2019re talking about.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>That\u2019s right. I thought one of places you might go in that example\u2014because it was embedded in everything you just said\u2014it\u2019s a big deal now for couples to decide \u201cWhich friends are we going to keep, and are we okay with keeping?\u201d Because some of the friends might be people we used to date. This is where technology comes in and makes it so much more complicated for couples these days because it is so easy to keep tabs on your whole world that existed as a single. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSome of those people are not people you should be keeping tabs with, now that your whole world should be transformed into an \u201cus.\u201d Some of those people are not people that are going to help you maintain the \u201cus.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And to your point, Scott, if there are couples listening to us right now and they\u2019re going: \u201cYou know what? Maybe we haven\u2019t left.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Because the Scripture\u2019s clear\u2014in order to cleave, you have to leave. A lot of problems in marriage can be traced back to an impartial commitment because there wasn\u2019t a total leaving and abandonment of loyalty\u2014back to friends, parties, hobbies, etc. I just want to challenge couples: \u201cDon\u2019t just listen to us, here on the broadcast. This is a good one to be not just merely a hearer, but also a doer.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>Yes. Let me back that up a little bit. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of my favorite one-liners about commitment is: \u201cIf you\u2019re making a commitment,\u201d\u2014marriage\u2014pre-eminent example\u2014but in any major commitment in life\u2014\u201cIf you\u2019re really making a commitment, you are making a choice to give up other choices.\u201d That\u2019s the deal. That\u2019s what you\u2019re doing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur culture fights that. We fight that, as individuals. We\u2019re sort of encouraged to hang on to everything. You cannot hang on to everything. You have to leave things, or you\u2019re not making a commitment because commitment is: \u201cI am choosing to go deeper and fuller on this path, and I\u2019m cutting some paths loose.\u201d That\u2019s what commitment\u2019s about.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And until a single man or woman is willing to say \u201cno\u201d to those points of self-interest, don\u2019t talk about tying the knot.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I want to talk about this idea of living as \u201cwe\u201d in an \u201cI\u201d world, because I think it\u2019s very important. I was on the phone with a young man recently. He was frustrated that he and his wife were not making as many decisions together as he felt they ought to be making. He said, \u201cI think, as husband and wife, every decision should be a mutual decision.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said, \u201cSo, if she wants to stop and get a cup of coffee on the way home from work, she should call you and say, \u2018Is that okay?\u2019 Is that really what you\u2019re asking?\u201d He said, \u201cWell, no, we\u2019d have a budget that would allow for some flexibility.\u201d But what I heard him describing, in this \u201cwe\u201d-ness he was describing, was an unhealthy dependence \/ an unhealthy bonding together. Can you go too far, as a \u201cwe\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>Yes. As Christians, we have some of the best imagery, and thought, and teaching possible on \u201cWhat is a healthy model of oneness?\u201d It turns out\u2014I think most people are comfortable with the concept of oneness and really want that, whether they use the word or not; but people are pretty comfortable with the word.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut some people have a sense that \u201cone\u201d is really meaning: \u201cWe\u2019re mushed together. Your identity is absorbed into mine,\u201d or, \u201cMy identity is absorbed into you.\u201d In a healthy oneness in marriage, there are still two individuals. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can see these two individuals; but what emerges, in this transformation of motivation\u2014what emerges is a third identity of \u201cus.\u201d You can see the \u201cus.\u201d The \u201cus\u201d is walking and talking\u2014it\u2019s reflected\u2014but the individuals\u2014the \u201cme\u201d and \u201cyou\u201d\u2014doesn\u2019t leave. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s healthy. You see that in what we\u2019re told about the Trinity. You see that in what we\u2019re told about the body of Christ\u2014in different forms, and functions, and gifts. This kind of message is deeply embedded in our theology, as Christians. It\u2019s a healthy depiction of what oneness in marriage would actually be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You\u2019re really touching on one of the teachings of Scripture about Christian marriage, which is that there is a transcendent purpose for your marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It\u2019s not just about your needs, her needs, or our needs. It\u2019s that we\u2019ve been put here by God to reflect who He is, what His love is all about, how we forgive one another in an imperfect relationship. It\u2019s not just about us. God\u2019s not on trial, by the way, in our marriages, but He is on display.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>That\u2019s beautifully-said. A lot of Christians, I think, don\u2019t know this or are taught this, these days. Marriage is throughout the Bible. It\u2019s in the first chapter, and it goes all the way through the end, and everywhere in between. It is very clear\u2014starting in Genesis 1:27\u2014that God\u2019s idea about marriage was to portray something about the nature of Him \/ about the character of Him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat that means is\u2014not only is marriage not just about my own happiness, or how I can be fulfilled by you in life, or something like that\u2014if we really see it fully, and grasp this in our marriage, and in other ways in the Christian life\u2014in terms of depicting oneness\u2014we\u2019re participating in God\u2019s way of communicating to the world who He is and that He loves us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And we\u2019re teaching our kids what love looks like too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>Yes. That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Love\u2019s a commitment. Meanwhile, if you look at how Hollywood and media portrays love, it\u2019s a feeling.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>Absolutely right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And it\u2019s no wonder people get tired of loving because it\u2019s hard work. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tComment on what Jesus said about the power of commitment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>When He talks about \u201cthe two shall be united,\u201d in Matthew 19, the word \u201cunited\u201d there is the word for \u201cglue.\u201d I think it is \uf06b\uf06f\uf06c\uf06c\uf061\uf077, or <em>kollao<\/em>. I don\u2019t know how to pronounce the Greek anymore. What Jesus is really talking about is that the two of you are going to be\u2014not become like the same individuals\u2014we touched on that\u2014but you\u2019re going to really be glued together in life. You\u2019re sticking together. One of the ways you can think about what Jesus is really talking about\u2014He wants us to stick and not be stuck. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA lot of couples are living through a stuck life. They feel obligated \/ they feel constrained\u2014and that\u2019s an important part of commitment in marriage. A lot of marriages wouldn\u2019t make it if you didn\u2019t have that constraint. But the way I think about commitment\u2014the New Testament describes a godly love. That\u2019s really what I, as a researcher, would call dedication. That\u2019s what I think Jesus is really reflecting, in His teaching on marriage, when He\u2019s trying to correct the guys that are sort of trying to trip Him up: \u201cIs it okay to divorce your wife for any and every reason?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe goes right to God\u2019s heart of the matter. He talks about permanence. He talks about glue; and He talks about, what I\u2019d say is dedication, which is this sense that: \u201cI will try for you. I will sacrifice for you. I will do things that are needed for you. I will put aside my own interest for you.\u201d That\u2019s the power of what\u2019s implied there in everything Jesus is saying. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And when you sense that that\u2019s true in a relationship with somebody else, it enables that relationship to go places it can\u2019t go without that sense of commitment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>I\u2019m really glad you said that. When you see a <em>great <\/em>marriage\u2014walking, talking, however you see it\u2014and there are a lot of different kinds of great marriages. It\u2019s nice that Paul talks about oneness is a mystery because different people can really work this out in different ways\u2014you see it with couples\u2014but one of the things you see in every great marriage is emotional safety. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou see a sense that: \u201cI can be who I am; you can be who you are. We\u2019ll change in terms of this transformation, but it is safe to be with you. It is safe to open up with you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou cannot get emotional safety in a relationship with a weak commitment because part of where the safety comes from is the sense that: \u201cI\u2019m here for you, no matter what,\u201d and, \u201cI will pick you up when you fall. I will help keep you warm,\u201d coming from Ecclesiastes, which is a great concept. \u201cI will do these things with you in life,\u201d\u2014that makes it safe to open up, to be frail, to struggle, and know that it\u2019s okay. \u201cWe\u2019re going to do this together.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; if some portion of my emotional make-up, as a person\u2014if some portion is always asking the question: \u201cAm I safe?\u201d and \u201cAre you going to be here?\u201d\u2014whatever portion that is\u2014is going to keep the rest of me locked up at some level.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But as soon as I can say: \u201cYou know what? I am safe,\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014it\u2019s kind of like\u2014if you\u2019ve ever been on a zip line and you\u2019re going across the forest on the zip line, the first few minutes on the zip line, you\u2019re thinking, \u201cAm I safe?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You can\u2019t really look around and see what you\u2019re looking at because all you\u2019re thinking about is, \u201cIs this line going to hold?\u201d As soon as you realize, \u201cThis line\u2019s going to hold,\u201d you can kind of lay back and go, \u201cThis is spectacular!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>This is a beautiful example because you don\u2019t know it\u2019s going to hold until you have the potential to fall\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>\u2014until you step off there and let it go.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You tell a story in your book about a man named Ethan and his wife Madison, who\u2019d been married for about 13 years. You were talking about how they felt trapped.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>So, Ethan and Madison have a kind of marriage that is really common. It\u2019s what people fear\u2014where they\u2019re really the \u201cstuck\u201d relationship. They\u2019re together, but there\u2019s not a lot of connection \/ there\u2019s not a lot of life. Madison is starting to think about bailing out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s an example of constraint commitment without dedication in the relationship. Dedication is the part of commitment that fuels the good stuff. Constraint is the stuff that will keep you there whether or not you\u2019re dedicated. Madison is starting to work through, \u201cWell, how constrained am I?\u201d\u2014which, by the way, is a sign that you\u2019re in trouble in your marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut she\u2019s starting to think about, \u201cWhat\u2019s keeping me here?\u201d\u2014which means she can end up in one of three places. She can either decide, \u201cThere\u2019s not enough keeping me here,\u201d and she could leave. Or she could decide, \u201cI\u2019m just going to stay here and be stuck and miserable.\u201d Or she can do the most powerful thing\u2014which is decide: \u201cI\u2019m here, and I\u2019m staying. I\u2019m in this boat with Ethan. Let me figure how to row the boat better with him. Maybe we can even figure out how to sail together and get somewhere in life because I\u2019m staying; but do I want to just stay and be miserable for the rest of my life?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; the illustration I\u2019ve used with people, over the years, is: \u201cIf I gave you a car and said: \u2018Here\u2019s a new car. The issue is\u2014this is the only one you\u2019ll ever get for the rest of your life. You have this one car.\u2019 Will you take better care of the car? And anytime something\u2019s wrong with it, you wouldn\u2019t have an option\u2014you\u2019d just go get if fixed\u2014so that you could keep driving; right?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>Exactly right. When people know they\u2019re all-in with this choice, they do better all along because they\u2019ve decided the other options are off the table. They invest more every day. When people are more dedicated\u2014what the research shows is\u2014not only do they do these different kinds of positive investments you can imagine \/ and I think more of \u201cus\u201d and the \u201cteam\u201d\u2014they also do a better job inhibiting nastiness.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Holding back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>Yes. That\u2019s\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Biting their tongues.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>I\u2019m using research-y terms! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Nastiness.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>You know\u2014when you\u2019re more dedicated\u2014now think about this\u2014think about this car because the car\u2019s a beautiful metaphor. If you\u2019ve decided, \u201cThis is my car for life,\u201d you kind of don\u2019t just throw as much trash around in the car. You start to take better care of it because I want it to stay nice. You take better care of it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019re not so nasty to it; right? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes, exactly. I\u2019m back to the car again. I\u2019m thinking what Bob just said\u2014we talk about something goes wrong with a car, we fix it. We\u2019re <em>not<\/em> talking about going and fixing your spouse\u2014say, \u201cYou know, we need to go fix him\/\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cWe need to go fix her.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>No, it\u2019s about \u201cus.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We need to fix us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It\u2019s where we started this conversation\u2014the marriage promise is a promise between two imperfect people. They don\u2019t have any idea\u2014back to what Bob said, at the beginning of the broadcast\u2014they don\u2019t have any idea what\u2019s going to come their way. But if you say: \u201cYou know what? You\u2019re mine, and I am yours, and we\u2019re going to make it. We\u2019re going to go the distance, for a lifetime,\u201d\u2014there\u2019s just not enough media today, truthfully, with that kind of message.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>There\u2019s not enough imagery for people about that, in a way, to see that. Here\u2019s one of the things I like to say to young people. I hope this doesn\u2019t turn them off. I hope it gets their attention in a positive way: \u201cIf you do really well, as a couple, you\u2019re going to watch each other decay. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019re going to watch each other fall apart. Isn\u2019t that a wonderful promise?\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>First it\u2019s holding back, then nastiness, and now, Barbara and I are decaying! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cWatch each other decay.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Sitting by the fire\u2014listening to the laughter in the walls \/ watching each other disintegrate! [Laughter] Scott, you\u2019re a researcher par-excellent!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>I\u2019m a funny guy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I love it!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You cast quite a vision for marriage. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>This is romantic too. But here is the power\u2014where else can you find a relationship where you can expect to have that going?\u2014where you\u2019re going through stuff like that in life because it\u2019s guaranteed\u2014you know, either fast or slow, it\u2019s guaranteed\u2014but what you have together is the hope of showing each other you can be imperfect: \u201cYou can get less perfect over time, and I will love you through it all.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes. And I was just thinking of\u2014where can you find that?\u2014road-kill. [Laughter] That\u2019s where you can watch something decay! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But you know what? You talked about these positive images for folks. Honestly, when we get together with thousands of couples at one of these <em>I Still Do<\/em><sup>\u2122<\/sup> one-day events that we have coming to Chicago, and Portland, and Washington, DC, here in the next couple of months\u2014just the fact that we\u2019re all gathered together \/ standing \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\ttogether \/ affirming together that marriage is important and we\u2019re going to make it a priority\u2014going to make it the priority it ought to be\u2014and if we have issues, we\u2019re going to work on them \/ and we\u2019re going to press other people to do the same thing\u2014there\u2019s something about being in that environment that I think it gives us all a perspective that we\u2019re not alone in what we\u2019re going through. There are other people who believe that marriage is important, as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSaturday, August 2<sup>nd<\/sup>, we\u2019re going to be at the Allstate Arena in Chicago\u2014Saturday, August 23<sup>rd<\/sup>, we\u2019re going to be at the Moda Center in Portland\u2014and Saturday, \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOctober 4<sup>th<\/sup>, we\u2019re going to be at the Verizon Center in Washington, DC. I just want to urge listeners\u2014go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the \u201cGO DEEPER\u201d tab in the upper left-hand corner of the page. Get more information or order tickets from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s also information available about Scott Stanley\u2019s book, <em>A Lasting Promise: The Christian Guide to Fighting for Your Marriage.<\/em> Go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click, again, the tab that says, \u201cGO DEEPER.\u201d That\u2019ll take you right to the area where you can order a copy of Scott\u2019s book, online. You can also order by phone\u2014call 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word \u201cTODAY\u201d\u20141-800-358-6329.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think it\u2019s obvious for our listeners that this topic is right at the heart of what we\u2019re all about, as a ministry. At FamilyLife, our desire is to see every home become a godly home. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe want to effectively develop godly marriages and godly families because we believe those homes\u2014those marriages \/ those families\u2014are going to change the world, one home at a time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know those of you who help support <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014you share that vision. You share that passion. We\u2019re really heartened by the fact that you join with us and help support this ministry. In fact, today, if you\u2019re able to help with a donation, we\u2019d like to send you a copy of a CD\u2014a message from Dennis all about marriages that get to the finish line. Why it\u2019s important and why that ought to be our objective in marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, go to FamilyLifeToday.com. In the upper right-hand corner of the home page, click the link that says, \u201cI CARE\u201d; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY, and make a donation over the phone. Ask for the CD from Dennis Rainey on commitment in marriage when you get in touch with us. Or you can write a check and mail it to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur mailing address is Post Office box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to continue our conversation with Scott Stanley about the characteristics of couples who are thriving in their marriage relationship. They don\u2019t have it all figured out, but they have the basics down. We\u2019ll talk more about that tomorrow. Hope you can tune in.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2014 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a> \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["28.01M"],"filesize_raw":["29369781"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-303121.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-303121.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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promise is a powerful thing. Research professor Scott Stanley, talks about the transforming power of commitment.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-07-14.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The Bible describes husbands and wives coming together in marriage as two becoming one. Researcher Scott Stanley says, \u201cIn the best marriages, husbands and wives realize that\u2019s more than just a metaphor.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>You have to re-orient yourself to: \u201cThis is a team. We make decisions together. It\u2019s not just about me, and it\u2019s not just about you.\u201d So, as things come up with a child: \u201cWhat are we going to do?\u201d \u201cWhat are we going to do about work\u2014career \/ work-life balance?\u201d You start making decisions together because you believe you have a future together. It\u2019s not just about \u201cwhat I\u2019m going to do\u201d or \u201cwhat you\u2019re going to do.\u201d You have to start talking about what \u201cwe\u2019re going to do.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, July 14<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. What are the characteristics of couples who get to the finish line with a smile on their face in marriage? We\u2019re going to talk with Scott Stanley about that today. Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. Back last spring, my wife and I started watching the British television show, <em>Sherlock<\/em>. Have you ever watched any <em>Sherlock<\/em>?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Oh, I thought you were going to talk about\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong><em>Downton Abbey<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes; <em>Downton Abbey<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We\u2019ve watched <em>Downton Abbey<\/em> too, but we watch <em>Sherlock<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>There are some marriage themes in <em>Downton Abbey<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well\u2014and here\u2019s the thing\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I\u2019m wondering where you\u2019re going with <em>Sherlock<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay, you know, it\u2019s a modern-day telling of Sherlock Holmes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Sure.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>In season three, episode two, John Watson, who has been living with his girlfriend, is getting married. It turns out that on the day of their wedding, there\u2019s a crime being committed. Sherlock needs Watson\u2019s help. Watson is protesting, \u201cSherlock, I\u2019m getting married today.\u201d You know\u2014\u201cIt\u2019s my wedding. It\u2019s the biggest day of my life.\u201d Sherlock says to him: \u201cAll that\u2019s going to happen is\u2014you\u2019re going to meet up with some friends and have a party, and then go home and do the same thing you were doing before.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen they said that on TV, I looked at Mary Ann and I thought, \u201cHmm.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>That\u2019s kind of how they view it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I wonder\u2014I wonder what they\u2019re thinking!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes; exactly. But there is something that happens when you make a promise to another person. We have someone here who has proven that, statistically. Scott Stanley joins us again on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, after a long absence. He\u2019s been away for 15 years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It\u2019s been too long, Scott. Welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>Thank you very much. It\u2019s great to be back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Scott\u2019s written a book called <em>A Lasting Promise<\/em>. He\u2019s kept his promise to his wife Nancy since 1982. They have two sons; and he is the Co-director of the Center for Marital and Family Relationships at the University of Denver\u2014on the Front Range\u2014out there with a bunch of my grandkids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>Ah.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>What Bob\u2019s talking about\u2014you have proven, statistically, that commitment makes a difference; doesn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>Commitment is the most important variable of all, I think, in how marriages turn out. Why it\u2019s so important\u2014I know it would seem obvious to a lot of people, but commitment\u2019s not just about what you do on your wedding day. It\u2019s about what you do every day thereafter. It\u2019s about the follow-through. It\u2019s about how you are changed in terms of how you think\u2014in terms of \u201cus\u201d\u2014in terms of \u201cme\u201d versus \u201cyou.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen things are really well set-up and people are entering marriage well\u2014what they\u2019re doing on that wedding day, in front of witnesses\u2014is they\u2019re promising\u2014promise is a great word\u2014they are promising to make this work, without really knowing what\u2019s ahead on the flight, without really knowing all of the ups and downs that they\u2019re going to face. There\u2019s that sense that: \u201cI\u2019m anchoring, right now, my resolution to make this work and to do what I can to love you the best I can.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And Scott, as you describe that, I\u2019m remembering the day I got married\u2014when I thought to myself, right before I\u2019m supposed to go out and say, \u201cI do,\u201d\u2014I thought, \u201cHow does anybody ever do this?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Because I don\u2019t know what\u2019s coming up: \u201cWhat if, five years from now, she\u2019s different?\u201d And you know what? Five years later, she was different; and so was I.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>And so were you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But how do you sign up for a lifetime when you don\u2019t know what\u2019s coming?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>Two things I would say on that\u2014one is\u2014we all know that there are a lot of people who could be more thoughtful, initially. People would be more careful, and go more slowly to begin with, and make a good choice\u2014that makes some of that equation a little less intimidating. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut the real power of commitment is the walking by faith thing. You don\u2019t know what life\u2019s going to throw at you. You don\u2019t know how you\u2019re going to age, what illness is going to come up, what challenge with a child. You don\u2019t know this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut what you\u2019re agreeing to do is to be determined to get through it together and to be there for each other. What happens in the best marriages, over time, is they\u2019re not always happy. They\u2019re not perfect. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut what they begin to develop\u2014and a lot of couples never get this \/ never see this\u2014they begin to develop this sense of, \u201cWe can get through stuff.\u201d You know: \u201cWe have this, and this, and this is great,\u201d and \u201cThis isn\u2019t so great,\u201d and \u201cI don\u2019t like this part about you, but I love this part about you; but we get through stuff. We\u2019re making life work.\u201d That\u2019s powerful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I was speaking at the Hershey <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaway\u2014Bob was there as well. I did some live polls among the attendees, just about where they had difficulty leaving and cleaving\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>Nice.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014because when you leave, you\u2019re not just leaving father and mother, although that\u2019s the command of Scripture there in Genesis, Chapter 2. There\u2019s a command to leave the single lifestyle.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And to leave your friends, and the activities, and perhaps the parties, and all the interests that occur around that. You\u2019re to say, \u201cI\u2019m re-focused around you, my bride, because I just made a commitment to you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>This is such a great point because I actually think\u2014Nancy and I got married quite a long while ago with the expectations that, \u201cI think we\u2019re a little clearer and a little stronger about what this means.\u201d Today, we see this problem all the time. You see young couples, where they have gone through this transition\u2014so there is this declaration of commitment and marriage\u2014but one or both don\u2019t seem to have really absorbed the message that \u201cThis should re-orient my life.\u201d Where you might see one as still wanting to go out with their friends and do whatever they do with their friends\u2014spending just as much time with the same friends they had before marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat commitment does\u2014and the strongest form of it, of course, is that promise in marriage. What commitment does\u2014a researcher called it this way, \u201c40 years ago \/ 50 years ago, it\u2019s a transformation of motivation,\u201d\u2014when you make it a really clear commitment\u2014your motivation is transformed from \u201call about me\u201d to \u201call about us.\u201d \u201cUs with a future\u201d is the way I like to say it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA couple that doesn\u2019t experience that transformation is going to be much more vulnerable to all of what life throws at them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>When the statistics came back\u2014live, at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>, where I asked the question\u2014I was actually astounded that a lot of young couples today, to your point, are struggling with someone other than their parents\u2014and leaving mother and father.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>They\u2019re struggling with leaving\u2014maybe, hobbies\u2014they\u2019re maybe not working as long, or as hard, or as focused as they have been in the past. It was healthy for me, as an older guy, because we\u2019ve been married 41 years. You forget what it\u2019s like to make that transformational commitment that you\u2019re talking about.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>That\u2019s right. I thought one of places you might go in that example\u2014because it was embedded in everything you just said\u2014it\u2019s a big deal now for couples to decide \u201cWhich friends are we going to keep, and are we okay with keeping?\u201d Because some of the friends might be people we used to date. This is where technology comes in and makes it so much more complicated for couples these days because it is so easy to keep tabs on your whole world that existed as a single. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSome of those people are not people you should be keeping tabs with, now that your whole world should be transformed into an \u201cus.\u201d Some of those people are not people that are going to help you maintain the \u201cus.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And to your point, Scott, if there are couples listening to us right now and they\u2019re going: \u201cYou know what? Maybe we haven\u2019t left.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Because the Scripture\u2019s clear\u2014in order to cleave, you have to leave. A lot of problems in marriage can be traced back to an impartial commitment because there wasn\u2019t a total leaving and abandonment of loyalty\u2014back to friends, parties, hobbies, etc. I just want to challenge couples: \u201cDon\u2019t just listen to us, here on the broadcast. This is a good one to be not just merely a hearer, but also a doer.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>Yes. Let me back that up a little bit. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of my favorite one-liners about commitment is: \u201cIf you\u2019re making a commitment,\u201d\u2014marriage\u2014pre-eminent example\u2014but in any major commitment in life\u2014\u201cIf you\u2019re really making a commitment, you are making a choice to give up other choices.\u201d That\u2019s the deal. That\u2019s what you\u2019re doing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur culture fights that. We fight that, as individuals. We\u2019re sort of encouraged to hang on to everything. You cannot hang on to everything. You have to leave things, or you\u2019re not making a commitment because commitment is: \u201cI am choosing to go deeper and fuller on this path, and I\u2019m cutting some paths loose.\u201d That\u2019s what commitment\u2019s about.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And until a single man or woman is willing to say \u201cno\u201d to those points of self-interest, don\u2019t talk about tying the knot.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I want to talk about this idea of living as \u201cwe\u201d in an \u201cI\u201d world, because I think it\u2019s very important. I was on the phone with a young man recently. He was frustrated that he and his wife were not making as many decisions together as he felt they ought to be making. He said, \u201cI think, as husband and wife, every decision should be a mutual decision.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said, \u201cSo, if she wants to stop and get a cup of coffee on the way home from work, she should call you and say, \u2018Is that okay?\u2019 Is that really what you\u2019re asking?\u201d He said, \u201cWell, no, we\u2019d have a budget that would allow for some flexibility.\u201d But what I heard him describing, in this \u201cwe\u201d-ness he was describing, was an unhealthy dependence \/ an unhealthy bonding together. Can you go too far, as a \u201cwe\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>Yes. As Christians, we have some of the best imagery, and thought, and teaching possible on \u201cWhat is a healthy model of oneness?\u201d It turns out\u2014I think most people are comfortable with the concept of oneness and really want that, whether they use the word or not; but people are pretty comfortable with the word.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut some people have a sense that \u201cone\u201d is really meaning: \u201cWe\u2019re mushed together. Your identity is absorbed into mine,\u201d or, \u201cMy identity is absorbed into you.\u201d In a healthy oneness in marriage, there are still two individuals. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can see these two individuals; but what emerges, in this transformation of motivation\u2014what emerges is a third identity of \u201cus.\u201d You can see the \u201cus.\u201d The \u201cus\u201d is walking and talking\u2014it\u2019s reflected\u2014but the individuals\u2014the \u201cme\u201d and \u201cyou\u201d\u2014doesn\u2019t leave. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s healthy. You see that in what we\u2019re told about the Trinity. You see that in what we\u2019re told about the body of Christ\u2014in different forms, and functions, and gifts. This kind of message is deeply embedded in our theology, as Christians. It\u2019s a healthy depiction of what oneness in marriage would actually be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You\u2019re really touching on one of the teachings of Scripture about Christian marriage, which is that there is a transcendent purpose for your marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It\u2019s not just about your needs, her needs, or our needs. It\u2019s that we\u2019ve been put here by God to reflect who He is, what His love is all about, how we forgive one another in an imperfect relationship. It\u2019s not just about us. God\u2019s not on trial, by the way, in our marriages, but He is on display.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>That\u2019s beautifully-said. A lot of Christians, I think, don\u2019t know this or are taught this, these days. Marriage is throughout the Bible. It\u2019s in the first chapter, and it goes all the way through the end, and everywhere in between. It is very clear\u2014starting in Genesis 1:27\u2014that God\u2019s idea about marriage was to portray something about the nature of Him \/ about the character of Him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat that means is\u2014not only is marriage not just about my own happiness, or how I can be fulfilled by you in life, or something like that\u2014if we really see it fully, and grasp this in our marriage, and in other ways in the Christian life\u2014in terms of depicting oneness\u2014we\u2019re participating in God\u2019s way of communicating to the world who He is and that He loves us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And we\u2019re teaching our kids what love looks like too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>Yes. That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Love\u2019s a commitment. Meanwhile, if you look at how Hollywood and media portrays love, it\u2019s a feeling.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>Absolutely right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And it\u2019s no wonder people get tired of loving because it\u2019s hard work. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tComment on what Jesus said about the power of commitment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>When He talks about \u201cthe two shall be united,\u201d in Matthew 19, the word \u201cunited\u201d there is the word for \u201cglue.\u201d I think it is \uf06b\uf06f\uf06c\uf06c\uf061\uf077, or <em>kollao<\/em>. I don\u2019t know how to pronounce the Greek anymore. What Jesus is really talking about is that the two of you are going to be\u2014not become like the same individuals\u2014we touched on that\u2014but you\u2019re going to really be glued together in life. You\u2019re sticking together. One of the ways you can think about what Jesus is really talking about\u2014He wants us to stick and not be stuck. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA lot of couples are living through a stuck life. They feel obligated \/ they feel constrained\u2014and that\u2019s an important part of commitment in marriage. A lot of marriages wouldn\u2019t make it if you didn\u2019t have that constraint. But the way I think about commitment\u2014the New Testament describes a godly love. That\u2019s really what I, as a researcher, would call dedication. That\u2019s what I think Jesus is really reflecting, in His teaching on marriage, when He\u2019s trying to correct the guys that are sort of trying to trip Him up: \u201cIs it okay to divorce your wife for any and every reason?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe goes right to God\u2019s heart of the matter. He talks about permanence. He talks about glue; and He talks about, what I\u2019d say is dedication, which is this sense that: \u201cI will try for you. I will sacrifice for you. I will do things that are needed for you. I will put aside my own interest for you.\u201d That\u2019s the power of what\u2019s implied there in everything Jesus is saying. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And when you sense that that\u2019s true in a relationship with somebody else, it enables that relationship to go places it can\u2019t go without that sense of commitment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>I\u2019m really glad you said that. When you see a <em>great <\/em>marriage\u2014walking, talking, however you see it\u2014and there are a lot of different kinds of great marriages. It\u2019s nice that Paul talks about oneness is a mystery because different people can really work this out in different ways\u2014you see it with couples\u2014but one of the things you see in every great marriage is emotional safety. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou see a sense that: \u201cI can be who I am; you can be who you are. We\u2019ll change in terms of this transformation, but it is safe to be with you. It is safe to open up with you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou cannot get emotional safety in a relationship with a weak commitment because part of where the safety comes from is the sense that: \u201cI\u2019m here for you, no matter what,\u201d and, \u201cI will pick you up when you fall. I will help keep you warm,\u201d coming from Ecclesiastes, which is a great concept. \u201cI will do these things with you in life,\u201d\u2014that makes it safe to open up, to be frail, to struggle, and know that it\u2019s okay. \u201cWe\u2019re going to do this together.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; if some portion of my emotional make-up, as a person\u2014if some portion is always asking the question: \u201cAm I safe?\u201d and \u201cAre you going to be here?\u201d\u2014whatever portion that is\u2014is going to keep the rest of me locked up at some level.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But as soon as I can say: \u201cYou know what? I am safe,\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014it\u2019s kind of like\u2014if you\u2019ve ever been on a zip line and you\u2019re going across the forest on the zip line, the first few minutes on the zip line, you\u2019re thinking, \u201cAm I safe?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You can\u2019t really look around and see what you\u2019re looking at because all you\u2019re thinking about is, \u201cIs this line going to hold?\u201d As soon as you realize, \u201cThis line\u2019s going to hold,\u201d you can kind of lay back and go, \u201cThis is spectacular!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>This is a beautiful example because you don\u2019t know it\u2019s going to hold until you have the potential to fall\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>\u2014until you step off there and let it go.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You tell a story in your book about a man named Ethan and his wife Madison, who\u2019d been married for about 13 years. You were talking about how they felt trapped.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>So, Ethan and Madison have a kind of marriage that is really common. It\u2019s what people fear\u2014where they\u2019re really the \u201cstuck\u201d relationship. They\u2019re together, but there\u2019s not a lot of connection \/ there\u2019s not a lot of life. Madison is starting to think about bailing out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s an example of constraint commitment without dedication in the relationship. Dedication is the part of commitment that fuels the good stuff. Constraint is the stuff that will keep you there whether or not you\u2019re dedicated. Madison is starting to work through, \u201cWell, how constrained am I?\u201d\u2014which, by the way, is a sign that you\u2019re in trouble in your marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut she\u2019s starting to think about, \u201cWhat\u2019s keeping me here?\u201d\u2014which means she can end up in one of three places. She can either decide, \u201cThere\u2019s not enough keeping me here,\u201d and she could leave. Or she could decide, \u201cI\u2019m just going to stay here and be stuck and miserable.\u201d Or she can do the most powerful thing\u2014which is decide: \u201cI\u2019m here, and I\u2019m staying. I\u2019m in this boat with Ethan. Let me figure how to row the boat better with him. Maybe we can even figure out how to sail together and get somewhere in life because I\u2019m staying; but do I want to just stay and be miserable for the rest of my life?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; the illustration I\u2019ve used with people, over the years, is: \u201cIf I gave you a car and said: \u2018Here\u2019s a new car. The issue is\u2014this is the only one you\u2019ll ever get for the rest of your life. You have this one car.\u2019 Will you take better care of the car? And anytime something\u2019s wrong with it, you wouldn\u2019t have an option\u2014you\u2019d just go get if fixed\u2014so that you could keep driving; right?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>Exactly right. When people know they\u2019re all-in with this choice, they do better all along because they\u2019ve decided the other options are off the table. They invest more every day. When people are more dedicated\u2014what the research shows is\u2014not only do they do these different kinds of positive investments you can imagine \/ and I think more of \u201cus\u201d and the \u201cteam\u201d\u2014they also do a better job inhibiting nastiness.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Holding back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>Yes. That\u2019s\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Biting their tongues.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>I\u2019m using research-y terms! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Nastiness.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>You know\u2014when you\u2019re more dedicated\u2014now think about this\u2014think about this car because the car\u2019s a beautiful metaphor. If you\u2019ve decided, \u201cThis is my car for life,\u201d you kind of don\u2019t just throw as much trash around in the car. You start to take better care of it because I want it to stay nice. You take better care of it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019re not so nasty to it; right? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes, exactly. I\u2019m back to the car again. I\u2019m thinking what Bob just said\u2014we talk about something goes wrong with a car, we fix it. We\u2019re <em>not<\/em> talking about going and fixing your spouse\u2014say, \u201cYou know, we need to go fix him\/\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cWe need to go fix her.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>No, it\u2019s about \u201cus.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We need to fix us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It\u2019s where we started this conversation\u2014the marriage promise is a promise between two imperfect people. They don\u2019t have any idea\u2014back to what Bob said, at the beginning of the broadcast\u2014they don\u2019t have any idea what\u2019s going to come their way. But if you say: \u201cYou know what? You\u2019re mine, and I am yours, and we\u2019re going to make it. We\u2019re going to go the distance, for a lifetime,\u201d\u2014there\u2019s just not enough media today, truthfully, with that kind of message.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>There\u2019s not enough imagery for people about that, in a way, to see that. Here\u2019s one of the things I like to say to young people. I hope this doesn\u2019t turn them off. I hope it gets their attention in a positive way: \u201cIf you do really well, as a couple, you\u2019re going to watch each other decay. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019re going to watch each other fall apart. Isn\u2019t that a wonderful promise?\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>First it\u2019s holding back, then nastiness, and now, Barbara and I are decaying! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cWatch each other decay.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Sitting by the fire\u2014listening to the laughter in the walls \/ watching each other disintegrate! [Laughter] Scott, you\u2019re a researcher par-excellent!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>I\u2019m a funny guy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I love it!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You cast quite a vision for marriage. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>This is romantic too. But here is the power\u2014where else can you find a relationship where you can expect to have that going?\u2014where you\u2019re going through stuff like that in life because it\u2019s guaranteed\u2014you know, either fast or slow, it\u2019s guaranteed\u2014but what you have together is the hope of showing each other you can be imperfect: \u201cYou can get less perfect over time, and I will love you through it all.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes. And I was just thinking of\u2014where can you find that?\u2014road-kill. [Laughter] That\u2019s where you can watch something decay! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But you know what? You talked about these positive images for folks. Honestly, when we get together with thousands of couples at one of these <em>I Still Do<\/em><sup>\u2122<\/sup> one-day events that we have coming to Chicago, and Portland, and Washington, DC, here in the next couple of months\u2014just the fact that we\u2019re all gathered together \/ standing \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\ttogether \/ affirming together that marriage is important and we\u2019re going to make it a priority\u2014going to make it the priority it ought to be\u2014and if we have issues, we\u2019re going to work on them \/ and we\u2019re going to press other people to do the same thing\u2014there\u2019s something about being in that environment that I think it gives us all a perspective that we\u2019re not alone in what we\u2019re going through. There are other people who believe that marriage is important, as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSaturday, August 2<sup>nd<\/sup>, we\u2019re going to be at the Allstate Arena in Chicago\u2014Saturday, August 23<sup>rd<\/sup>, we\u2019re going to be at the Moda Center in Portland\u2014and Saturday, \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOctober 4<sup>th<\/sup>, we\u2019re going to be at the Verizon Center in Washington, DC. I just want to urge listeners\u2014go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the \u201cGO DEEPER\u201d tab in the upper left-hand corner of the page. Get more information or order tickets from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s also information available about Scott Stanley\u2019s book, <em>A Lasting Promise: The Christian Guide to Fighting for Your Marriage.<\/em> Go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click, again, the tab that says, \u201cGO DEEPER.\u201d That\u2019ll take you right to the area where you can order a copy of Scott\u2019s book, online. You can also order by phone\u2014call 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word \u201cTODAY\u201d\u20141-800-358-6329.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think it\u2019s obvious for our listeners that this topic is right at the heart of what we\u2019re all about, as a ministry. At FamilyLife, our desire is to see every home become a godly home. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe want to effectively develop godly marriages and godly families because we believe those homes\u2014those marriages \/ those families\u2014are going to change the world, one home at a time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know those of you who help support <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014you share that vision. You share that passion. We\u2019re really heartened by the fact that you join with us and help support this ministry. In fact, today, if you\u2019re able to help with a donation, we\u2019d like to send you a copy of a CD\u2014a message from Dennis all about marriages that get to the finish line. Why it\u2019s important and why that ought to be our objective in marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, go to FamilyLifeToday.com. In the upper right-hand corner of the home page, click the link that says, \u201cI CARE\u201d; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY, and make a donation over the phone. Ask for the CD from Dennis Rainey on commitment in marriage when you get in touch with us. Or you can write a check and mail it to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur mailing address is Post Office box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to continue our conversation with Scott Stanley about the characteristics of couples who are thriving in their marriage relationship. They don\u2019t have it all figured out, but they have the basics down. We\u2019ll talk more about that tomorrow. Hope you can tune in.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2014 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a> \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/303121","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=303121"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=303121"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=303121"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=303121"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=303121"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=303121"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=303121"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}