{"id":303093,"date":"2014-06-24T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2014-06-24T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/baby-steps-in-relationships\/"},"modified":"2014-06-24T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2014-06-24T15:00:00","slug":"baby-steps-in-relationships","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/baby-steps-in-relationships\/","title":{"rendered":"Baby Steps In Relationships"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>In some step families, parents try to force their kids into a relationship with their stepparent.  Ron Deal suggests letting the kids set the pace for the relationship with their stepparent.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-06-24.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"28.86M","filesize_raw":"30259163","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2882,2858],"tags":[2585,4798,5362,4388,2248,4188,2515,4834],"podcast_series":[8019],"cwp_profile":[3300],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-303093","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-developing-a-relationship-with-stepchildren","category-stepparenting-skills","tag-blended-family","tag-kids","tag-parent","tag-relationships","tag-stepdad","tag-stepfamily","tag-stepmom","tag-stepparents","podcast_series-four-pillars-of-step-parenting-success","cwp_profile-ron-deal","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/303093\/baby-steps-in-relationships","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/303093\/baby-steps-in-relationships","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"k25OhT3Itt\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/baby-steps-in-relationships\/\">Baby Steps In Relationships<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/baby-steps-in-relationships\/embed\/#?secret=k25OhT3Itt\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Baby Steps In Relationships&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"k25OhT3Itt\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-06-24.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-06-24.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If you are attempting to blend a family, Ron Deal says, \u201cThere is a surefire way for you to get things off to a bad start.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> I got a call one day. She was a mom with three children\u2014she was divorced and has three kids. She was marrying a man who had never been married before, and he was an ex-Marine. He didn\u2019t have any kids\u2014didn\u2019t know what parenting was all about or the hard work of parenting\u2014how challenging it was. He was an ex-Marine. It is one month until the wedding, and this couple had just had a phone conversation. The Marine guy said to his fianc\u00e9e, \u201cListen, honey, between now and the wedding, I want you to tell your kids\u2014I want to make sure that they understand\u2014when you and I get married, the Marines have landed.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, June 24<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. In this case, I\u2019m not sure the Marines know what they are in for. They may find the enemy is a little stronger than they imagined. We\u2019ll talk about blending a family today. Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Tuesday edition. We have a mutual friend, who, about four years ago, lost her husband in a car wreck. Three years after her husband died, she met a widower\u2014a father of two. The two of them met, fell in love, and got married. One of the things that she wisely did\u2014because she lives in our community and because she knew that Ron Deal works here, at FamilyLife\u2014as that she got in touch with us and she said, \u201cCould we get some time with him?\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Smart woman!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014there\u2019s not much better that someone could do than to get some guidance from somebody who knows what they\u2019re talking about if you\u2019re heading into the challenges of blending a family because, no matter how committed you are to one another, the challenges are going to be more difficult than you anticipate them being.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I have to say, Bob, that I\u2019ve ministered in this area for a number of years. I grossly underestimated the challenges that blended families face in, really, achieving oneness, as a couple. That\u2019s why this ministry is so important and why I\u2019m excited to announce to folks that we\u2019re going to have our second annual Blended Family Summit in Washington, DC\u2014right before <em>I Still Do<\/em><sup>\u2122<\/sup>\u2014in October because we are passionate about equipping couples to do blended family ministry in and through the local church.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. This is called Blended and Blessed. It\u2019s led by Ron Deal, who gives leadership to FamilyLife Blended. There are going to be hundreds of folks gathering together at Immanuel Bible Church in Springfield, Virginia. It\u2019s a Thursday night\/Friday event\u2014then, the next day, <em>I Still Do <\/em>at the Verizon Center.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got information about Blended and Blessed and <em>I Still Do<\/em> on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com. Go to the website; click in the upper left-hand corner where it says, \u201cGO DEEPER.\u201d The information you need is available there. Ron Deal is not only going to be giving leadership to the Blended and Blessed Family Summit, but he\u2019ll also be speaking at the <em>I Still Do<\/em> one-day event for couples.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRon sat down, not long ago, with a group of\u2014I think there were 60\/70 couples in blended families. He talked with them about the key elements for step-parenting because, when you get right down to it, step-parenting is one of the huge challenges in blending a marriage and a family. One of the principles that Ron shared with those couples is that, when it comes to trying to bring your step-children to embrace the blended family, you need to let them set the pace for how quickly that blending happens. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s Part Two of a message from Ron Deal on \u201cSuccessful Step-Parenting.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded Message]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Let the child set the pace. This is a principle that trumps everything; right? Let me step back for a minute. \u201cLet the child set the pace.\u201d Every once in a while, somebody will run up to me and they\u2019ll say: \u201cOkay, we read that article you wrote about names and what terms you should use in your step-family, and what terms are good, and what terms are not good. Well, we kind of understand that, but let me tell you\u2014Little Susie has called me \u2018Daddy\u2019\u201d\u2014stepdad\u2014\u201chas called me \u2018Daddy\u2019 since before the wedding. I don\u2019t know what to do with that. I\u2019m so uncomfortable with that. I think I should tell her not to do that anymore.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cNooooo!\u201d Let the child set the pace. If the kid is okay with it, keep going because that child is saying, \u201cI have worked out, in my heart, my loyalty issues.\u201d Let the kid do it, for crying out loud; and join them in that space.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cYou know, my kid kind of hugs me\u2014my step-child hugs me\u2014and I\u2019m like not quite so comfortable with that.\u201d Okay, well that\u2019s <em>your <\/em>issue; but it\u2019s okay that they\u2019re doing that. As a matter of fact, I\u2019m going to encourage you to push yourself and join them in that space. If they\u2019re okay with it, you be okay with it. Now, you also let that be the barometer. So, if they\u2019re okay with knuckling or side hugs but they don\u2019t want bear hugs, then you\u2019ve got to listen to that too. \u201cLet the child set the pace.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAuthority: \u201cWhat if the kid throws to you all of the authority of any biological parent?\u201d Take it! They\u2019ve worked it out in their heart. Praise God for that little gift. But, if they are looking at you, saying: \u201cWho are you?! Talk to the hand. You are not my mom! I don\u2019t have to do what you say!\u201d you\u2019ve got to figure out how to deal with that through your spouse, who has authority when you don\u2019t. You\u2019ve just got to take them where they come. That will help you relax about what you don\u2019t have. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou see, that\u2019s one of the things\u2014that is one of the little graces I want to give you, as step-parents, today. [Deep sigh] Relax about what you don\u2019t yet have. Does it mean you stop wishing for it? No. Does it mean that your heart isn\u2019t sad over what you don\u2019t have? No, you will be sad. But does it mean you\u2019ve failed? No. Does it mean it\u2019s all over? No. Does it mean you pull back? Does it mean just give up? No! Take what you have today and build on it. Keep moving into the future. Relax about what you don\u2019t have; enjoy what you do. Wise step-parents let the kids set the pace. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber Two: \u201cFocus, initially, on building relationships and gaining respect\u2014earning respect\u2014with the kids.\u201d Again, what we\u2019re saying is there\u2019s a difference between authority and leadership in any person\u2019s life. We all get this. When you walk into work, you probably have a boss\u2014somebody who has a position over you and that carries some authority\u2014and you do what they say.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPositional authority is different from relational authority. Relational authority is when you\u2019ve gained a relational equity with the child that is respectful, and worthy, and embraced, and heartfelt. Now, they obey you for completely different reasons\u2014because they care for you and they feel cared for by you. They trust you. It\u2019s a very different thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s like the difference between people. We can do this spiritually; right? There are lots of people going to church\u2014for whom God has a position\u2014they live in fear of His commands; they live in fear of His judgment. They follow the rules purely because they\u2019re rules. How long does that last them?\u2014usually until something comes along, in life, that makes it not worth following the rules anymore. But there are other people, who go to church every Sunday, who have a relationship with their Lord and Savior. It\u2019s that relationship that motivates them to follow. It\u2019s a completely different motivation!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, on Day One, you step-parents come in; and you\u2019re a babysitter; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019re the teacher on the first day of school. You\u2019re the coach on the soccer field or the football filed. You\u2019re giving commands, and you give orders, and you set parameters, and the kids may follow that; but they may not be happy about it! They may not follow those rules. They may question: \u201cAlright, wait a minute! What space are we in here?\u201d It\u2019s like a coach on the football field has every right to tell the kids what to do; but, if you walk off that field and you\u2019re in a totally different venue in life, and that coach walks up to your kid and starts yelling, and screaming, and telling them what to do, you wouldn\u2019t stand for it and neither would your kid.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe all know there\u2019s space for certain types of authorities in life. We\u2019re going to respect that, as a step-parent. We\u2019re going to acknowledge that the relationship is growing\u2014the attachment is deepening over time. On Day One, you cannot be the same kind of a parent as a biological parent can. In the book, <em>The Smart StepDad<\/em>, I tell the story about a guy I call \u201cMarine Man.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMany, many years ago now, I got a call. I was living in Jonesboro, Arkansas. I was working for a church. The phone rang. Here\u2019s this couple in Atlanta, Georgia. They\u2019re mentors\u2014marriage mentors\u2014in their church.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey had just received a phone call from a couple that they were mentoring. This was a pre-marital couple. She was a mom with three children. She was divorced and has three kids\u2014a teenager and the youngest one was, I think, ten years old. She was marrying a man who had never been married before. He was an ex-Marine. He didn\u2019t know what parenting was all about or the hard work of parenting\u2014how challenging it was. He was an ex-Marine.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt is one month until the wedding, and this couple had just had a phone conversation. The Marine guy said to his fianc\u00e9e, \u201cListen, honey, between now and the wedding, I want you to tell your kids\u2014I want to make sure that they understand\u2014when you and I get married, the Marines have landed.\u201d [Laughter] A bit anxious about that phone call, she called her marriage mentors. They hung up with her, and they called me. They lay out that scenario for me and they said, \u201cNow, what do we say?\u201d I laid out for them everything we\u2019ve been talking about and some stuff we\u2019re getting ready to talk about. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe\u2019s claiming relational authority when he hasn\u2019t earned it\u2014he doesn\u2019t have it. It\u2019s going to backfire on him; at least, it does in 99 percent of the cases. So, you\u2019ve got to coach him away from that and coach him to respect the limits of his role and let bio-mom be first violin. Almost two years went by\u2014we do this workshop. In the middle of the workshop, I tell that story because I want to make the illustration: \u201cHey, don\u2019t let people do this. This is a big, big, big trap. It will sabotage their parenting, which immediately sabotages their marriage and the family.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey said, \u201cOkay.\u201d So, I went back to my booth and had an exhibit. Some people were gathered around, talking and looking at different resources and things. This woman kind of peers over the back\u2014she goes like this\u2014I go over to her and she says: \u201cI was just in your workshop. I just want to say, \u2018Thank you. That was very helpful. That story you told about Marine man\u2014that was us.\u201d I looked at her and I said, \u201cWhat happened?!\u201d I\u2019ll tell you what she said in just a minute. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOkay, so a prescription for parenting and step-parenting roles\u2014we\u2019ve got, over here on the left, up and down the left side, the degree of the authority to discipline\u2014which really comes back to that idea of parental status: \u201cHow much authority do you have? How much attachment do you have?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBiological parents are up here. They have high parental authority. The neat thing about bio-parents is that, because of the attachment, you always have and you always will. It always stays up in a high place. Again, like I said, you have to work hard to let go of your attachment. So you\u2019re first violin on Day One; but, when it comes to the kids and how they receive your authority, and the relationship, and the nature of that\u2014to them, it\u2019s kind of like you\u2019re still the only parent in the house; alright?\u2014for most of the kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the way, if you have 25- and 30-year-olds, they still have the same process of attaching to the step-parent. They\u2019re not looking to them as an authority figure in their life because they\u2019re adults themselves; but they are looking at this person: \u201cIs this somebody I can trust?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tStep-parents, on Day One, you\u2019re down here, like a coach or a camp counselor. When the kids look up at their bio-parent and go\u2014like for affirmation, \u201cDo I have to pick up the dishes?\u201d and the bio-parent goes, \u201cYes,\u201d\u2014you know, all you have to do is give them that affirmation and you\u2019ve boosted the step-parent\u2019s status in the home and the step-parent can get it done because you\u2019ve passed power to them. You understand that there\u2019s a process behind this thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, everybody wants to know, \u201cHow much time does it take?\u201d I have no clue! Let the kids set the pace. I can\u2019t figure that out\u2014I can\u2019t predict that. I can tell you that children, under the age of five, can bond more quickly than older children. Children between the ages of 10 and 15 seem to be the ones that have the most difficult time bonding with a step-parent. They\u2019re highly loyal\u2014<em>highly loyal<\/em>\u2014to their family members\u2014to their biological family members. They feel guilty if they love you as the step-mom because they\u2019re not sure how mom\u2019s going to feel about that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAll of those things\u2014kind of in combination\u2014just make it a challenging time. It\u2019s not you\u2014it\u2019s them. It is what it is. So, the age of the children makes a difference. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber Two, previous family experiences: \u201cWhat if these kids have had a step-dad before you and he was a jerk?\u201d I hate to say it, but you pay for the sins of somebody who preceded you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber Three\u2014non-custodial parent \/ ex-spouses are a big factor; right? If bio-dad is in the other house, saying: \u201cDon\u2019t you listen to that man! He\u2019s not your dad; I am.\u201d I hate to say it, but that works because kids are loyal to that bio-dad. That attachment is strong. They\u2019re not going to risk that\u2014risk disappointing him. I mean, they may love you\u2014you may be the neatest thing since sliced bread\u2014but Dad is dad. It just creates this wedge and it works. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019re that step-parent, you need a support group. You need to have a lot of honest conversations with your spouse. You need to really talk through the limits of your role because you\u2019ll have more limits because of that dynamic. And, by the way, if you\u2019re the bio-parent in that scenario\u2014married to that step-parent\u2014I hope you are giving your step-dad \/ husband, in that case, a big old hug and kiss on a regular basis. Just say: \u201cI\u2019m sorry! Thank you so much for loving my kids. I love you for that.\u201d So, the non-custodial parent relationship is a factor.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe child\u2019s temperament and personality\u2014some kids are more outgoing. Some kids are less outgoing. Some kids are just adventurers and life\u2019s a party\u2014\u201cThe more people the merrier!\u201d They embrace new people in their lives. Other kids may be introverted\u2014may be within themselves \/ may be withdrawn for whatever reason\u2014and they just don\u2019t need you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd let me give you one last picture to help you think about different parenting. There are different parenting styles. You guys have seen this before\u2014this is nothing new.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOver on the left, you have \u201cwarmth.\u201d Another way we talk about that is nurturance, affection, and love. This is: \u201cI love you, kid. You\u2019re awesome! I\u2019m in your corner.\u201d We\u2019re either high in that or we\u2019re low\u2014where there\u2019s very little affection and very little affirmation given to children. We don\u2019t want to be there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAcross the top is \u201cIn Charge.\u201d We don\u2019t control our kids, but we do try to be in charge of our kids\u2014the same way God parents us; alright? So, if you take high in-charge\u2014meaning expectations, boundaries, consequences when boundaries are broken\u2014that\u2019s what \u201cIn Charge\u201d is\u2014and you combine that with \u201cWarmth\u201d\u2014\u201cI\u2019m your biggest fan \/ I\u2019m behind you\u201d\u2014you get what we call authoritative parenting. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s the way God parents us: \u201cRon, I love you like crazy. I\u2019d go to the ends of the earth. I\u2019ll do anything for you. As a matter of fact, I\u2019ll die on a cross for you. That\u2019s how far I\u2019ll go for you. But if you cross these lines, I\u2019m going to let you live with the consequences. I\u2019m going to let you feel that because I want your heart coming back to Me.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s how God parents. Every research study ever done on parenting\u2014<em>ever<\/em>\u2014says authoritative parenting is the best way to go. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you get over there on the permissive end of things, you\u2019re not really in charge\u2014you let the kids set the rules\u2014you don\u2019t set the rules. You\u2019re high on love! You\u2019re making them feel great; right?\u2014no boundaries. Lower left, you get authoritarian parenting. That\u2019s where: \u201cI\u2019m the boss! I\u2019m the military Marine!\u201d Oh, wait. I owe you a story. [Laughter] I haven\u2019t forgotten. On the lower right is neglectful\u2014where you\u2019re not giving your kids anything, anywhere, anytime. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo maybe the step-parent says, \u201cOkay, why are they not making their beds in the morning?\u201d \u201cOh, come on. They\u2019re not that bad.\u201d \u201cWell, you know, I\u2019m just thinking we need to help them.\u201d \u201cListen, just lighten up a little bit and everything will be okay!\u201d Do you see what happens? They move further, and further, and further away from\u2014number one\u2014good parenting and\u2014number two\u2014each other. We not only have a parenting problem\u2014we\u2019ve got a marriage problem. So how do you avoid that trap? Well, bio-parents, you\u2019ve got to be first violin. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOn Day One, step-parents, they\u2019re\u2014it feels like\u2014permissive. Now, those of you that are step-parents, who are also biological parents\u2014you\u2019ve got your own kids\u2014that feels really weird to you. What we\u2019re acknowledging is that on Day One, the attachment doesn\u2019t really allow you to do that. You really have to focus on the warmth factor. You\u2019re trying to build connection and relationship because that\u2019s what gains respect and authority over time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, what happens if you\u2019re polarized in two different corners or you started at the wrong place\u2014like Marine man\u2014and you think, \u201cNow what do we do?\u201d So, I asked her, \u201cWhat happened?!\u201d She said: \u201cWell, he came in like a Marine. He bossed the kids around, and he was harsh and unyielding. I so wanted to support him, as my husband, but I couldn\u2019t support how he was going about it\u2014the process. I found myself defending my kids.\u201d I nod: \u201cI get that.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cThen he got mad at me and said that I was choosing them over him.\u201d She said, \u201cThat went on for about a year-and-a-half. Then, he came to me one day and said: \u2018You know what? All that stuff that we heard at the beginning\u2014what our mentors told us\u2014I finally figured out I didn\u2019t listen to any of that, and I should have. I\u2019m sorry.\u2019\u201d She said, \u201c\u2019Yes,\u2019 but it was kind of hard for me to trust him.\u201d I said, \u201cOh, yes! You\u2019re not going to trust him right away.\u201d I said, \u201cI imagine him and the kids start trying to kind of heal.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe said: \u201cYes. We talked about it, and he had to really backtrack.\u201d She said, \u201cThat\u2019s when it dawned on me\u201d\u2014listen to this incredible observation\u2014\u201cI was too busy being a reactionary mom to him rather than being the mom.\u201d She said: \u201cI had to pick it up. I had to step it up with my kids. I had to begin to raise the bar of expectation and standards with them.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSometimes, you find yourself in need of some repair. It is okay to kind of pull back and find humility and say: \u201cI blew it! Here\u2019s my part. I own that. Let\u2019s regroup and try to start over again.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI am a strong, strong believer that there are incredible\u2014incredible rewards for blended families who go the distance\u2014who do it well. I will say it a thousand times! I believe, with all of my heart, that step-families done well are redemptive. They\u2019re redemptive\u2014not only of this generation but of the next generation. We take back the hearts and lives of this family and our children because then we give them a home where they grow up\u2014and they\u2019re loved\u2014and they have better ideals about marriage and family when they grow up. We have research behind that now. We can actually say we\u2019ve proven that that\u2019s the case. It\u2019s redemptive. It\u2019s a work of God. Step-families done poorly just add to the chaos, and the heartbreak, and the sadness in people\u2019s lives. It is worth the investment to do it well!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, we have been listening to Part Two of a message from Ron Deal, speaking about step-parenting\u2014one of the big challenges that blended families face.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s good to hear Ron\u2019s wisdom on this subject. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe\u2019s going to be giving leadership to the Blended and Blessed Summit. It\u2019s the second annual summit, happening in Washington, DC, October 2<sup>nd<\/sup> and 3<sup>rd<\/sup> at Immanuel Bible Church in Springfield, Virginia. Ron is going to be speaking at the <em>I Still Do<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> one-day marriage event in Washington, DC, on Saturday, October 4<sup>th<\/sup>. We want to encourage folks, who are involved in blended family ministry to come to the summit. Those, who are in blended families\u2014come spend the day with us at <em>I Still Do<\/em> and hear how to go the distance in a marriage relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes, if you haven\u2019t signed up yet, come join us. It is going to be entertaining. You\u2019re going to have a good time. While you\u2019re having a good time, you\u2019re going to sit and soak in some great teaching and equipping on how to have a better marriage and be successful in life\u2019s most important commitment. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Of course, before we get to Washington, DC, we\u2019ve got <em>I Still Do<\/em> happening in Chicago on Saturday, August 2<sup>nd<\/sup>\u2014Portland on Saturday, August 23<sup>rd<\/sup>. Tickets are on sale right now. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about how to get tickets for <em>I Still Do<\/em>. Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY for more information\u20141-800-358-6329. That\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family,\u201d \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, right before <em>I Still Do<\/em> in Washington, DC\u2014the Blended and Blessed Summit for people involved in blended family ministry. Information about that is online at FamilyLifeToday.com as well. Click the link at the top of the page that says, \u201cGO DEEPER.\u201d You\u2019ll find the information about the Blended and Blessed Summit. You can register, online, or you can call to register at 1-800- FL-TODAY; 1-800-358-6329.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, we are coming up on the mid-point of 2014. I was just looking back on the first six months of this year and looking at, really, some remarkable stuff that has gone on. We\u2019ve seen tens of thousands of couples join us at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>marriage getaway this year. We\u2019ve had many of those folks indicate to us that they made a first-time commitment to Christ in attending a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway. That\u2019s one of the things we get most excited about with the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>\u2014is the number of folks who come to faith in Christ by coming to that weekend getaway.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve also had hundreds of thousands of visitors to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014looking for articles \/ looking for help on marriage and family issues. Of course, every day, we\u2019ve got more and more folks tuning in to hear this daily radio program. The reason I mention all of that going on in the first six months of this year is that we have many of you to thank for this ministry. You\u2019re partners with us as you pray for us and as you help support the ministry financially. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe couldn\u2019t do it without you. We appreciate your support of this program. In fact, if you can make a donation today, we\u2019d like to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d by sending you the <em>FamilyLife Bible Study for Couples<\/em>. This is designed to help husbands and wives work together through what the Bible has to say about things like effective communication, resolving conflict, raising Godly kids, rekindling your romance\u2014things like that. We\u2019d love to send you this Bible study for couples to either go through on your own or to invite other couples to join you in going through it. It\u2019s our gift to you when you support the ministry with a donation right now. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link in the upper-right hand corner that says, \u201cI CARE.\u201d Make an online donation that way, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Make your donation over the phone and mention that you\u2019d like the Bible study for couples. We\u2019ll get it to you. You can also request the Bible study when you mail a check to us at <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>Our mailing address is P O Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can join us back again tomorrow. Paul David Tripp is going to be our guest. We\u2019re going to talk about two really good things that can destroy your marriage\u2014can destroy your life, for that matter. We\u2019re going to talk about money and about sex. I hope you can tune in for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2014 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["28.86M"],"filesize_raw":["30259163"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-303093.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-303093.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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some step families, parents try to force their kids into a relationship with their stepparent. Ron Deal suggests letting the kids set the pace for the relationship with their stepparent.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-06-24.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If you are attempting to blend a family, Ron Deal says, \u201cThere is a surefire way for you to get things off to a bad start.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> I got a call one day. She was a mom with three children\u2014she was divorced and has three kids. She was marrying a man who had never been married before, and he was an ex-Marine. He didn\u2019t have any kids\u2014didn\u2019t know what parenting was all about or the hard work of parenting\u2014how challenging it was. He was an ex-Marine. It is one month until the wedding, and this couple had just had a phone conversation. The Marine guy said to his fianc\u00e9e, \u201cListen, honey, between now and the wedding, I want you to tell your kids\u2014I want to make sure that they understand\u2014when you and I get married, the Marines have landed.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, June 24<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. In this case, I\u2019m not sure the Marines know what they are in for. They may find the enemy is a little stronger than they imagined. We\u2019ll talk about blending a family today. Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Tuesday edition. We have a mutual friend, who, about four years ago, lost her husband in a car wreck. Three years after her husband died, she met a widower\u2014a father of two. The two of them met, fell in love, and got married. One of the things that she wisely did\u2014because she lives in our community and because she knew that Ron Deal works here, at FamilyLife\u2014as that she got in touch with us and she said, \u201cCould we get some time with him?\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Smart woman!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014there\u2019s not much better that someone could do than to get some guidance from somebody who knows what they\u2019re talking about if you\u2019re heading into the challenges of blending a family because, no matter how committed you are to one another, the challenges are going to be more difficult than you anticipate them being.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I have to say, Bob, that I\u2019ve ministered in this area for a number of years. I grossly underestimated the challenges that blended families face in, really, achieving oneness, as a couple. That\u2019s why this ministry is so important and why I\u2019m excited to announce to folks that we\u2019re going to have our second annual Blended Family Summit in Washington, DC\u2014right before <em>I Still Do<\/em><sup>\u2122<\/sup>\u2014in October because we are passionate about equipping couples to do blended family ministry in and through the local church.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. This is called Blended and Blessed. It\u2019s led by Ron Deal, who gives leadership to FamilyLife Blended. There are going to be hundreds of folks gathering together at Immanuel Bible Church in Springfield, Virginia. It\u2019s a Thursday night\/Friday event\u2014then, the next day, <em>I Still Do <\/em>at the Verizon Center.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got information about Blended and Blessed and <em>I Still Do<\/em> on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com. Go to the website; click in the upper left-hand corner where it says, \u201cGO DEEPER.\u201d The information you need is available there. Ron Deal is not only going to be giving leadership to the Blended and Blessed Family Summit, but he\u2019ll also be speaking at the <em>I Still Do<\/em> one-day event for couples.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRon sat down, not long ago, with a group of\u2014I think there were 60\/70 couples in blended families. He talked with them about the key elements for step-parenting because, when you get right down to it, step-parenting is one of the huge challenges in blending a marriage and a family. One of the principles that Ron shared with those couples is that, when it comes to trying to bring your step-children to embrace the blended family, you need to let them set the pace for how quickly that blending happens. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s Part Two of a message from Ron Deal on \u201cSuccessful Step-Parenting.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded Message]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Let the child set the pace. This is a principle that trumps everything; right? Let me step back for a minute. \u201cLet the child set the pace.\u201d Every once in a while, somebody will run up to me and they\u2019ll say: \u201cOkay, we read that article you wrote about names and what terms you should use in your step-family, and what terms are good, and what terms are not good. Well, we kind of understand that, but let me tell you\u2014Little Susie has called me \u2018Daddy\u2019\u201d\u2014stepdad\u2014\u201chas called me \u2018Daddy\u2019 since before the wedding. I don\u2019t know what to do with that. I\u2019m so uncomfortable with that. I think I should tell her not to do that anymore.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cNooooo!\u201d Let the child set the pace. If the kid is okay with it, keep going because that child is saying, \u201cI have worked out, in my heart, my loyalty issues.\u201d Let the kid do it, for crying out loud; and join them in that space.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cYou know, my kid kind of hugs me\u2014my step-child hugs me\u2014and I\u2019m like not quite so comfortable with that.\u201d Okay, well that\u2019s <em>your <\/em>issue; but it\u2019s okay that they\u2019re doing that. As a matter of fact, I\u2019m going to encourage you to push yourself and join them in that space. If they\u2019re okay with it, you be okay with it. Now, you also let that be the barometer. So, if they\u2019re okay with knuckling or side hugs but they don\u2019t want bear hugs, then you\u2019ve got to listen to that too. \u201cLet the child set the pace.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAuthority: \u201cWhat if the kid throws to you all of the authority of any biological parent?\u201d Take it! They\u2019ve worked it out in their heart. Praise God for that little gift. But, if they are looking at you, saying: \u201cWho are you?! Talk to the hand. You are not my mom! I don\u2019t have to do what you say!\u201d you\u2019ve got to figure out how to deal with that through your spouse, who has authority when you don\u2019t. You\u2019ve just got to take them where they come. That will help you relax about what you don\u2019t have. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou see, that\u2019s one of the things\u2014that is one of the little graces I want to give you, as step-parents, today. [Deep sigh] Relax about what you don\u2019t yet have. Does it mean you stop wishing for it? No. Does it mean that your heart isn\u2019t sad over what you don\u2019t have? No, you will be sad. But does it mean you\u2019ve failed? No. Does it mean it\u2019s all over? No. Does it mean you pull back? Does it mean just give up? No! Take what you have today and build on it. Keep moving into the future. Relax about what you don\u2019t have; enjoy what you do. Wise step-parents let the kids set the pace. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber Two: \u201cFocus, initially, on building relationships and gaining respect\u2014earning respect\u2014with the kids.\u201d Again, what we\u2019re saying is there\u2019s a difference between authority and leadership in any person\u2019s life. We all get this. When you walk into work, you probably have a boss\u2014somebody who has a position over you and that carries some authority\u2014and you do what they say.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPositional authority is different from relational authority. Relational authority is when you\u2019ve gained a relational equity with the child that is respectful, and worthy, and embraced, and heartfelt. Now, they obey you for completely different reasons\u2014because they care for you and they feel cared for by you. They trust you. It\u2019s a very different thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s like the difference between people. We can do this spiritually; right? There are lots of people going to church\u2014for whom God has a position\u2014they live in fear of His commands; they live in fear of His judgment. They follow the rules purely because they\u2019re rules. How long does that last them?\u2014usually until something comes along, in life, that makes it not worth following the rules anymore. But there are other people, who go to church every Sunday, who have a relationship with their Lord and Savior. It\u2019s that relationship that motivates them to follow. It\u2019s a completely different motivation!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, on Day One, you step-parents come in; and you\u2019re a babysitter; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019re the teacher on the first day of school. You\u2019re the coach on the soccer field or the football filed. You\u2019re giving commands, and you give orders, and you set parameters, and the kids may follow that; but they may not be happy about it! They may not follow those rules. They may question: \u201cAlright, wait a minute! What space are we in here?\u201d It\u2019s like a coach on the football field has every right to tell the kids what to do; but, if you walk off that field and you\u2019re in a totally different venue in life, and that coach walks up to your kid and starts yelling, and screaming, and telling them what to do, you wouldn\u2019t stand for it and neither would your kid.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe all know there\u2019s space for certain types of authorities in life. We\u2019re going to respect that, as a step-parent. We\u2019re going to acknowledge that the relationship is growing\u2014the attachment is deepening over time. On Day One, you cannot be the same kind of a parent as a biological parent can. In the book, <em>The Smart StepDad<\/em>, I tell the story about a guy I call \u201cMarine Man.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMany, many years ago now, I got a call. I was living in Jonesboro, Arkansas. I was working for a church. The phone rang. Here\u2019s this couple in Atlanta, Georgia. They\u2019re mentors\u2014marriage mentors\u2014in their church.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey had just received a phone call from a couple that they were mentoring. This was a pre-marital couple. She was a mom with three children. She was divorced and has three kids\u2014a teenager and the youngest one was, I think, ten years old. She was marrying a man who had never been married before. He was an ex-Marine. He didn\u2019t know what parenting was all about or the hard work of parenting\u2014how challenging it was. He was an ex-Marine.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt is one month until the wedding, and this couple had just had a phone conversation. The Marine guy said to his fianc\u00e9e, \u201cListen, honey, between now and the wedding, I want you to tell your kids\u2014I want to make sure that they understand\u2014when you and I get married, the Marines have landed.\u201d [Laughter] A bit anxious about that phone call, she called her marriage mentors. They hung up with her, and they called me. They lay out that scenario for me and they said, \u201cNow, what do we say?\u201d I laid out for them everything we\u2019ve been talking about and some stuff we\u2019re getting ready to talk about. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe\u2019s claiming relational authority when he hasn\u2019t earned it\u2014he doesn\u2019t have it. It\u2019s going to backfire on him; at least, it does in 99 percent of the cases. So, you\u2019ve got to coach him away from that and coach him to respect the limits of his role and let bio-mom be first violin. Almost two years went by\u2014we do this workshop. In the middle of the workshop, I tell that story because I want to make the illustration: \u201cHey, don\u2019t let people do this. This is a big, big, big trap. It will sabotage their parenting, which immediately sabotages their marriage and the family.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey said, \u201cOkay.\u201d So, I went back to my booth and had an exhibit. Some people were gathered around, talking and looking at different resources and things. This woman kind of peers over the back\u2014she goes like this\u2014I go over to her and she says: \u201cI was just in your workshop. I just want to say, \u2018Thank you. That was very helpful. That story you told about Marine man\u2014that was us.\u201d I looked at her and I said, \u201cWhat happened?!\u201d I\u2019ll tell you what she said in just a minute. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOkay, so a prescription for parenting and step-parenting roles\u2014we\u2019ve got, over here on the left, up and down the left side, the degree of the authority to discipline\u2014which really comes back to that idea of parental status: \u201cHow much authority do you have? How much attachment do you have?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBiological parents are up here. They have high parental authority. The neat thing about bio-parents is that, because of the attachment, you always have and you always will. It always stays up in a high place. Again, like I said, you have to work hard to let go of your attachment. So you\u2019re first violin on Day One; but, when it comes to the kids and how they receive your authority, and the relationship, and the nature of that\u2014to them, it\u2019s kind of like you\u2019re still the only parent in the house; alright?\u2014for most of the kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the way, if you have 25- and 30-year-olds, they still have the same process of attaching to the step-parent. They\u2019re not looking to them as an authority figure in their life because they\u2019re adults themselves; but they are looking at this person: \u201cIs this somebody I can trust?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tStep-parents, on Day One, you\u2019re down here, like a coach or a camp counselor. When the kids look up at their bio-parent and go\u2014like for affirmation, \u201cDo I have to pick up the dishes?\u201d and the bio-parent goes, \u201cYes,\u201d\u2014you know, all you have to do is give them that affirmation and you\u2019ve boosted the step-parent\u2019s status in the home and the step-parent can get it done because you\u2019ve passed power to them. You understand that there\u2019s a process behind this thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, everybody wants to know, \u201cHow much time does it take?\u201d I have no clue! Let the kids set the pace. I can\u2019t figure that out\u2014I can\u2019t predict that. I can tell you that children, under the age of five, can bond more quickly than older children. Children between the ages of 10 and 15 seem to be the ones that have the most difficult time bonding with a step-parent. They\u2019re highly loyal\u2014<em>highly loyal<\/em>\u2014to their family members\u2014to their biological family members. They feel guilty if they love you as the step-mom because they\u2019re not sure how mom\u2019s going to feel about that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAll of those things\u2014kind of in combination\u2014just make it a challenging time. It\u2019s not you\u2014it\u2019s them. It is what it is. So, the age of the children makes a difference. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber Two, previous family experiences: \u201cWhat if these kids have had a step-dad before you and he was a jerk?\u201d I hate to say it, but you pay for the sins of somebody who preceded you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber Three\u2014non-custodial parent \/ ex-spouses are a big factor; right? If bio-dad is in the other house, saying: \u201cDon\u2019t you listen to that man! He\u2019s not your dad; I am.\u201d I hate to say it, but that works because kids are loyal to that bio-dad. That attachment is strong. They\u2019re not going to risk that\u2014risk disappointing him. I mean, they may love you\u2014you may be the neatest thing since sliced bread\u2014but Dad is dad. It just creates this wedge and it works. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019re that step-parent, you need a support group. You need to have a lot of honest conversations with your spouse. You need to really talk through the limits of your role because you\u2019ll have more limits because of that dynamic. And, by the way, if you\u2019re the bio-parent in that scenario\u2014married to that step-parent\u2014I hope you are giving your step-dad \/ husband, in that case, a big old hug and kiss on a regular basis. Just say: \u201cI\u2019m sorry! Thank you so much for loving my kids. I love you for that.\u201d So, the non-custodial parent relationship is a factor.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe child\u2019s temperament and personality\u2014some kids are more outgoing. Some kids are less outgoing. Some kids are just adventurers and life\u2019s a party\u2014\u201cThe more people the merrier!\u201d They embrace new people in their lives. Other kids may be introverted\u2014may be within themselves \/ may be withdrawn for whatever reason\u2014and they just don\u2019t need you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd let me give you one last picture to help you think about different parenting. There are different parenting styles. You guys have seen this before\u2014this is nothing new.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOver on the left, you have \u201cwarmth.\u201d Another way we talk about that is nurturance, affection, and love. This is: \u201cI love you, kid. You\u2019re awesome! I\u2019m in your corner.\u201d We\u2019re either high in that or we\u2019re low\u2014where there\u2019s very little affection and very little affirmation given to children. We don\u2019t want to be there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAcross the top is \u201cIn Charge.\u201d We don\u2019t control our kids, but we do try to be in charge of our kids\u2014the same way God parents us; alright? So, if you take high in-charge\u2014meaning expectations, boundaries, consequences when boundaries are broken\u2014that\u2019s what \u201cIn Charge\u201d is\u2014and you combine that with \u201cWarmth\u201d\u2014\u201cI\u2019m your biggest fan \/ I\u2019m behind you\u201d\u2014you get what we call authoritative parenting. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s the way God parents us: \u201cRon, I love you like crazy. I\u2019d go to the ends of the earth. I\u2019ll do anything for you. As a matter of fact, I\u2019ll die on a cross for you. That\u2019s how far I\u2019ll go for you. But if you cross these lines, I\u2019m going to let you live with the consequences. I\u2019m going to let you feel that because I want your heart coming back to Me.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s how God parents. Every research study ever done on parenting\u2014<em>ever<\/em>\u2014says authoritative parenting is the best way to go. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you get over there on the permissive end of things, you\u2019re not really in charge\u2014you let the kids set the rules\u2014you don\u2019t set the rules. You\u2019re high on love! You\u2019re making them feel great; right?\u2014no boundaries. Lower left, you get authoritarian parenting. That\u2019s where: \u201cI\u2019m the boss! I\u2019m the military Marine!\u201d Oh, wait. I owe you a story. [Laughter] I haven\u2019t forgotten. On the lower right is neglectful\u2014where you\u2019re not giving your kids anything, anywhere, anytime. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo maybe the step-parent says, \u201cOkay, why are they not making their beds in the morning?\u201d \u201cOh, come on. They\u2019re not that bad.\u201d \u201cWell, you know, I\u2019m just thinking we need to help them.\u201d \u201cListen, just lighten up a little bit and everything will be okay!\u201d Do you see what happens? They move further, and further, and further away from\u2014number one\u2014good parenting and\u2014number two\u2014each other. We not only have a parenting problem\u2014we\u2019ve got a marriage problem. So how do you avoid that trap? Well, bio-parents, you\u2019ve got to be first violin. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOn Day One, step-parents, they\u2019re\u2014it feels like\u2014permissive. Now, those of you that are step-parents, who are also biological parents\u2014you\u2019ve got your own kids\u2014that feels really weird to you. What we\u2019re acknowledging is that on Day One, the attachment doesn\u2019t really allow you to do that. You really have to focus on the warmth factor. You\u2019re trying to build connection and relationship because that\u2019s what gains respect and authority over time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, what happens if you\u2019re polarized in two different corners or you started at the wrong place\u2014like Marine man\u2014and you think, \u201cNow what do we do?\u201d So, I asked her, \u201cWhat happened?!\u201d She said: \u201cWell, he came in like a Marine. He bossed the kids around, and he was harsh and unyielding. I so wanted to support him, as my husband, but I couldn\u2019t support how he was going about it\u2014the process. I found myself defending my kids.\u201d I nod: \u201cI get that.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cThen he got mad at me and said that I was choosing them over him.\u201d She said, \u201cThat went on for about a year-and-a-half. Then, he came to me one day and said: \u2018You know what? All that stuff that we heard at the beginning\u2014what our mentors told us\u2014I finally figured out I didn\u2019t listen to any of that, and I should have. I\u2019m sorry.\u2019\u201d She said, \u201c\u2019Yes,\u2019 but it was kind of hard for me to trust him.\u201d I said, \u201cOh, yes! You\u2019re not going to trust him right away.\u201d I said, \u201cI imagine him and the kids start trying to kind of heal.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe said: \u201cYes. We talked about it, and he had to really backtrack.\u201d She said, \u201cThat\u2019s when it dawned on me\u201d\u2014listen to this incredible observation\u2014\u201cI was too busy being a reactionary mom to him rather than being the mom.\u201d She said: \u201cI had to pick it up. I had to step it up with my kids. I had to begin to raise the bar of expectation and standards with them.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSometimes, you find yourself in need of some repair. It is okay to kind of pull back and find humility and say: \u201cI blew it! Here\u2019s my part. I own that. Let\u2019s regroup and try to start over again.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI am a strong, strong believer that there are incredible\u2014incredible rewards for blended families who go the distance\u2014who do it well. I will say it a thousand times! I believe, with all of my heart, that step-families done well are redemptive. They\u2019re redemptive\u2014not only of this generation but of the next generation. We take back the hearts and lives of this family and our children because then we give them a home where they grow up\u2014and they\u2019re loved\u2014and they have better ideals about marriage and family when they grow up. We have research behind that now. We can actually say we\u2019ve proven that that\u2019s the case. It\u2019s redemptive. It\u2019s a work of God. Step-families done poorly just add to the chaos, and the heartbreak, and the sadness in people\u2019s lives. It is worth the investment to do it well!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, we have been listening to Part Two of a message from Ron Deal, speaking about step-parenting\u2014one of the big challenges that blended families face.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s good to hear Ron\u2019s wisdom on this subject. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe\u2019s going to be giving leadership to the Blended and Blessed Summit. It\u2019s the second annual summit, happening in Washington, DC, October 2<sup>nd<\/sup> and 3<sup>rd<\/sup> at Immanuel Bible Church in Springfield, Virginia. Ron is going to be speaking at the <em>I Still Do<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> one-day marriage event in Washington, DC, on Saturday, October 4<sup>th<\/sup>. We want to encourage folks, who are involved in blended family ministry to come to the summit. Those, who are in blended families\u2014come spend the day with us at <em>I Still Do<\/em> and hear how to go the distance in a marriage relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes, if you haven\u2019t signed up yet, come join us. It is going to be entertaining. You\u2019re going to have a good time. While you\u2019re having a good time, you\u2019re going to sit and soak in some great teaching and equipping on how to have a better marriage and be successful in life\u2019s most important commitment. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Of course, before we get to Washington, DC, we\u2019ve got <em>I Still Do<\/em> happening in Chicago on Saturday, August 2<sup>nd<\/sup>\u2014Portland on Saturday, August 23<sup>rd<\/sup>. Tickets are on sale right now. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about how to get tickets for <em>I Still Do<\/em>. Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY for more information\u20141-800-358-6329. That\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family,\u201d \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, right before <em>I Still Do<\/em> in Washington, DC\u2014the Blended and Blessed Summit for people involved in blended family ministry. Information about that is online at FamilyLifeToday.com as well. Click the link at the top of the page that says, \u201cGO DEEPER.\u201d You\u2019ll find the information about the Blended and Blessed Summit. You can register, online, or you can call to register at 1-800- FL-TODAY; 1-800-358-6329.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, we are coming up on the mid-point of 2014. I was just looking back on the first six months of this year and looking at, really, some remarkable stuff that has gone on. We\u2019ve seen tens of thousands of couples join us at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>marriage getaway this year. We\u2019ve had many of those folks indicate to us that they made a first-time commitment to Christ in attending a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway. That\u2019s one of the things we get most excited about with the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>\u2014is the number of folks who come to faith in Christ by coming to that weekend getaway.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve also had hundreds of thousands of visitors to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014looking for articles \/ looking for help on marriage and family issues. Of course, every day, we\u2019ve got more and more folks tuning in to hear this daily radio program. The reason I mention all of that going on in the first six months of this year is that we have many of you to thank for this ministry. You\u2019re partners with us as you pray for us and as you help support the ministry financially. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe couldn\u2019t do it without you. We appreciate your support of this program. In fact, if you can make a donation today, we\u2019d like to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d by sending you the <em>FamilyLife Bible Study for Couples<\/em>. This is designed to help husbands and wives work together through what the Bible has to say about things like effective communication, resolving conflict, raising Godly kids, rekindling your romance\u2014things like that. We\u2019d love to send you this Bible study for couples to either go through on your own or to invite other couples to join you in going through it. It\u2019s our gift to you when you support the ministry with a donation right now. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link in the upper-right hand corner that says, \u201cI CARE.\u201d Make an online donation that way, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Make your donation over the phone and mention that you\u2019d like the Bible study for couples. We\u2019ll get it to you. You can also request the Bible study when you mail a check to us at <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>Our mailing address is P O Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can join us back again tomorrow. Paul David Tripp is going to be our guest. We\u2019re going to talk about two really good things that can destroy your marriage\u2014can destroy your life, for that matter. We\u2019re going to talk about money and about sex. I hope you can tune in for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2014 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/303093","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=303093"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=303093"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=303093"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=303093"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=303093"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=303093"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=303093"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}