{"id":303077,"date":"2014-06-11T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2014-06-11T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/a-chance-to-love-again\/"},"modified":"2014-06-11T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2014-06-11T15:00:00","slug":"a-chance-to-love-again","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/a-chance-to-love-again\/","title":{"rendered":"A Chance to Love Again"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>God can create beauty from ashes.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-06-11.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"29.32M","filesize_raw":"30747244","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2859,2847],"tags":[4820],"podcast_series":[7845],"cwp_profile":[9250],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-303077","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-dating-and-preparing-for-marriage","category-death-and-dying","tag-cancer","podcast_series-the-color-of-rain","cwp_profile-michael-and-gina-spehn","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/303077\/a-chance-to-love-again","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/303077\/a-chance-to-love-again","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"bfKhPAT7xM\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/a-chance-to-love-again\/\">A Chance to Love Again<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/a-chance-to-love-again\/embed\/#?secret=bfKhPAT7xM\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;A Chance to Love Again&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"bfKhPAT7xM\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-06-11.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-06-11.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Michael Spehn was a father of three, and Gina Kell was a mother to two boys. Both of them lost their spouses within a month of each other. They decided it would be good for the kids if they got the families together so the kids would know they weren\u2019t alone in what they were going through. Here\u2019s Gina.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gina:<\/strong> It was a refreshing evening because there was so much laughter. It was kind of raucous, really. The children were so much just like themselves. They were just so kids. It felt so normal, and okay, and comfortable. The fact that you hear yourself laugh like that\u2014out loud\u2014for the first time in a really long time\u2014that just feels good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, June 11th. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. Michael and Gina Spehn join us today to talk about the surprising new chapter God had in store for both of them. We\u2019ll hear their story today. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Wednesday edition. We\u2019re visiting this week with a couple whose story was recently featured in a Hallmark<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> Movie Channel movie, called <em>The Color of Rain<\/em>. I want to start today by asking you an impolite question, right off the bat here; okay?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You\u2019ve asked a lot of different styles of questions over the years, but impolite\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Impolite. This is just one\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014that means you\u2019re going to be rude.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> No, this is one of those questions you don\u2019t talk about in public company. I just\u2014I want to know, \u201cHave you ever imagined\u201d\u2014I know you\u2019ve had situations\u2014Barbara had her heart race 300 beats a minute for awhile. You wondered if she was going to die in the midst of that situation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> On four different occasions\u2014that\u2019s correct.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Have you imagined Barbara dying and whether you would date again?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, because she faced death on four different occasions\u2014especially, when we were raising our kids\u2014we talked about: \u201cWhat would happen if\u2026\u201d and the need for the children to have a mother and me to have a companion. Barbara and I have had that conversation. We\u2019ve discussed that. It is not a pleasant conversation, I have to say.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It\u2019s hard to even imagine what that could be like, or what it could feel like, or how falling in love could happen again. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, it\u2019s such a fleeting thought. It\u2019s not something that you imagine in any kind of robust Technicolor<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. It\u2019s kind of like you go visit that spot\u2014and you go: \u201cI don\u2019t like that. I\u2019m not there yet. I don\u2019t have to do that; but if I have to, \u2018Okay, we\u2019ll go there.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI do know that Romans 8:28 is not just a sweet verse that we quote to people: \u201cAll things do work together for good to those who love God and to those who are called according to His purpose.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> In your case, Barbara did not die from those 300 beats per minute.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Gratefully!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> They did a medical procedure that was able to correct her heart problem. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> About 20 years ago that was done. We\u2019ve been free of extra heart beats, except when I kiss her. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, but\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> If you can be impolite, I can have a little fun. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m not going there. I\u2019m not going there at all. The couple we have been hearing from this week\u2014have not only had to imagine that\u2014they\u2019ve had to kind of experience: \u201cWhat is life like once the love of your life is gone?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> They have. Michael and Gina Spehn join us again on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Guys, welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gina:<\/strong> Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Michael and Gina live north of Detroit. They have five children between them. As we\u2019ve talked about this week, Gina and her first husband, Matt, suffered through a three-year period of cancer that ultimately took his life and left you with two children. Interestingly, Michael\u2019s wife, Cathy, went to your husband, Matt\u2019s, funeral and was there\u2014not knowing that, within six weeks, she would die of brain cancer\u2014a very rare type of cancer that took her life in, actually, 17 days from the time of diagnosis. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just have to pull back to the big picture\u2014as you write about in your book, <em>The Color of Rain<\/em>, and ask the question: \u201cHow did you guys meet?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> Well, we have, perhaps, the world\u2019s worst \u201cHow I met your mother\u201d story in history; but\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I mean\u2014what a drama to set between you two folks\u2014and then, all of a sudden, we\u2019re sitting here. You\u2019ve got quite a story to tell. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> Yes, well\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Your wife had told you, on her death bed, to call Gina; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> She did say that in her last hour. She said for me to call Gina Kell. I had never met Gina. In fact, didn\u2019t even know what she looked like; but at her visitation\u2014at Cathy\u2019s visitation\u2014I saw mutual friends of Cathy\u2019s\u00a0 together. I just assumed, \u201cThat woman there must be Gina.\u201d I approached her, introduced myself, and asked her to sit with me for a moment. She was kind enough to do that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe first thing I asked her was, \u201cHow are your children doing?\u201d because this was going to be a frightening experience for me\u2014being a single dad. My children were nine years old and younger. We talked about the kids, and we talked about her experiences. After a while, we just sort of looked at each other. We were looking across\u2014at mirror images of each other. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe funeral home was teeming with people from Cathy\u2019s life and from my life. I looked at Gina and I said, \u201cYou know, you and I just met; but I think you\u2019re the only one I know here tonight.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, when Michael came up to you, and grabbed you, and wanted to talk to you, were you taken aback by that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gina:<\/strong> Yes, I mean, he definitely startled me. You left out the part where you hugged me right away. I didn\u2019t know who was hugging me because, frankly, there were so many people there because Matt and Cathy had gone to the same schools\u2014many similar faces. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI thought, \u201cWell, maybe this is a high school friend who I don\u2019t recognize,\u201d or something; but I quickly realized that this was Cathy\u2019s husband. In that moment, I just understood that: \u201cOkay, he\u2019s just\u2014he needs to be understood right now. I\u2019m going to go sit with him and talk with him.\u201d\u00a0 It was very\u2014there was no sort of spark, of any kind, at that point. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Michael, you\u2019d been married to Cathy for 12 years. Gina, you\u2019d been married to Matt for 13 years. I mean, the parallels on this are amazing. How did you ultimately come to see one another in some other form, other than two grieving spouses who had lost the love of their lives?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gina:<\/strong> Well, on the very first time that we ever got together\u2014as a group \/ as a family\u2014which was just about the only way we ever did. We always got together with our children. The first night that we did that\u2014the title of the chapter in the book is called \u201cDinner with Strangers\u201d because we didn\u2019t know\u2014none of us really knew each other\u2014but we get together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was the most normal, remarkably easy\u2014in fact, many times very inappropriate. The children\u2014the noises at dinner, the one kid accidentally squirting ranch dressing all over her shirt and all down her front, the milk spilling, and all the normalcy of it. It was this one moment of us, looking at each other, going, \u201cOkay, we\u2019re going to be okay together here\u2014me and you.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt wasn\u2019t like, \u201cWe\u2019re going to get married and have a new family some day.\u201d It was just this connection of: \u201cWe get each other. We\u2019re in the same place. We all are kind of\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael: <\/strong>In the aftermath of losing your spouse, so many people are very solicitous\u2014very walking on egg shells\u2014trying not to upset you \/ trying not to challenge you in any way. So, in walks this fiery, Italian lady here\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gina:<\/strong> That\u2019s me. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> \u2014who, for an evening, essentially, took over my kitchen and ordered me around and said\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, now, I want to figure out how she got into your house, at that point!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> Well\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Was this at your initiation\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014that you called and said: \u201cBring the kids over. Let\u2019s have dinner\u201d?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> What happened was\u2014it had been a couple of weeks\u2014several weeks\u2014since Cathy\u2019s funeral. I brought the children back to church for the first time. We\u2019d taken a couple of weeks off. Gina found out that we had been at church. She sent me an email saying: \u201cGood for you. I\u2019m glad to see that you\u2019re back in worship. If you\u2019d like to get the kids together sometime, feel free to call me.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, what was odd was that\u2014now I had had Cathy tell me, \u201cCall Gina,\u201d and now Gina herself was saying, \u201cCall me.\u201d So, for the sake of the kids\u2014to let them know that there were other children, just like them\u2014that they were still normal \/ that they were still going to be okay\u2014we decided, \u201cLet\u2019s get the kids together for a dinner.\u201d So, we did; and it was crazy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That was all there was to it, Gina\u2014\u201c\u2026just get together for dinner\u201d?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gina:<\/strong> Well, there was. I mean, it\u2019s true when I say there were other families in our church who were\u2014actually, they were women who were widowed. I\u2019d done the same with them. I said: \u201cLet\u2019s get our children together. The best thing we can do for our kids is to let them know they are not alone\u2014that there are other children, just like them, who understand them.\u201d\u00a0 <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I\u2019d reached out to them. I\u2019d reached out to Michael in the same way. He invited us over. He said, \u201cI have a freezer full of food that my neighborhood has put together for me.\u201d He said, \u201cSo, they are all like mystery-chicken dishes.\u201d He said: \u201cCome over. You don\u2019t have to cook anything.\u201d I said, \u201cOkay.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s out of my character\u2014I like to cook\u2014but I did. We went over, and the\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> She did\u2014there was a moment, after the kids\u2014we sent the kids down to the basement to play after dinner. The two of us were kind of sitting on the couch, looking at each other, and shaking our heads a little bit. At one point, I just simply said out loud, \u201cHow is it that you\u2019re here in my house tonight?\u201d She had really no other answer but to say, \u201cBy the grace of God.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gina:<\/strong> I really believe that. It felt like we were friends immediately\u2014not only because we had a shared grief\u2014but we also seemed to just really connect as people. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Did you initiate a next time?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gina:<\/strong> There was one thing that happened\u2014which was that I was working at our church at that time. I had taken a position in the office there. I had previously been doing a lot of volunteer work there in the Marketing Department. They had asked me if I would like to be involved in a project to bring life to this atrium, out in the hallway. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEvery time I ever did a project for our church, there were always two things that were missing. One was a budget and the other one was somebody who had the ability to do graphic design \/ artwork and those types of things because I lack in that skill.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, when they asked me to do this project at the church, I said, \u201cAbsolutely,\u201d because, first of all, I knew that they had a budget; but then I also now had met somebody with this background in photography and graphic design. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI immediately called Michael. This was an opportunity for he and I to, now, work together. What began as a friendship and getting the kids together was now, \u201cHey, we have a project to work on together for this church that has <em>so<\/em> taken care of all of us.\u201d What an opportunity for he and I to now give back a little bit of something to them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Did the thought enter one of your minds to say, \u201cI think there\u2019s something more here than just being friends\u201d? Did that start with you, or did that start with Michael?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gina:<\/strong> Actually, I think it started independently, probably, for both of us; but you never want to say it first or be out loud with it. I would talk with my dearest friend in the world, Colleen, who I write about in the book. She is an important person in my life. She would come to me first and go, \u201cWhat\u2019s going on between you two?\u201d I\u2019m like: \u201cI don\u2019t know. I don\u2019t want to think about it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPart of it was that I didn\u2019t\u2014you know, there are sort of rules\u2014society has rules\u2014too soon and: \u201cYou are callous,\u201d and you wait too long: \u201cYou need counseling.\u201d You know what I mean? There is sort of this sense of that. I had none of that, but there\u2019s a little fear that goes along with this. There is this risk factor. When you begin to feel that way, you don\u2019t want to say it out loud right away.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> My children\u2014just a couple of months after their mom died\u2014they huddled, as I was butchering another dinner in the kitchen. They huddled together over a piece of paper in the other room. I said, \u201cWhat are you doing?\u201d They said, \u201cWe\u2019ll show you after dinner.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey present me with a contract that they drew up in their own hand with pencil. I\u2019m paraphrasing, but I\u2019m pretty close here. It said, \u201cI, Daddy Spehn, promise to never, ever, forever marry another woman unless I get the approval of my darling children.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cOtherwise, I will face crying, screaming, and worse.\u201d\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> There were threats!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> There were consequences spelled out. I had\u2014just like you\u2014I had a great laugh. I said: \u201cGive me a pen. I\u2019ll sign this right now.\u201d I kept it in my office\u2014in a very prominent, secure place\u2014you know, the things that are important to young children in those moments. I was happy to say, \u201cI\u2019ll sign this.\u201d That contract remained in my office for the entire time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, as Gina and I became closer to each other, we started considering, \u201cWhat would we do?\u201d We never showed outward signs of romance to the children. We never held hands in front of them. We never kissed in front of them. We just were very close friends. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEven when we did decide to try and test the mettle of this relationship by travelling together\u2014you know, airport delays do bring out the worst in everyone. We stayed, with both families in separate quarters, but completely together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay, since I\u2019ve already given myself one impolite question\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014you didn\u2019t kiss in front of them\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014but tell me about the first kiss you had that they didn\u2019t witness.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gina:<\/strong> Yes. We had spent many nights together, as a family, and having dinner together. One night\u2014it was in the summertime\u2014late summer\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> When you say spending nights together\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> Evenings is what she means.\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gina:<\/strong> Not the night\u2014no, no, no. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes, well\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gina:<\/strong> Although, we did let the kids have sleepovers with each other. We would tell them\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Sure.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gina:<\/strong> \u2014very specifically because my kids would say, \u201cWell, can\u2019t you just stay with us?\u201d\u00a0 I\u2019d say: \u201cYes, I can\u2019t. I\u2019d <em>love<\/em> to stay here, but I can\u2019t because grown-ups don\u2019t have sleepovers.\u201d I taught the kids that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> We didn\u2019t even stay on each other\u2019s couch. It was: \u201cThat\u2019s my house, and that\u2019s theirs. If the children are going to have a slumber party, that\u2019s great; but adults don\u2019t do that.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Good for you because there is such a thing as co-habitation today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> Oh, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> A lot of people could hear us talking about this and assume that. So, keep going.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gina:<\/strong> Yes\u2014no! We did not want to teach our children that because, someday, they are going to be older\u2014then that\u2019s going to be okay for them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe had had\u2014the children\u2014we had dinner. We were sitting out on what we call the Happy Patio. It\u2019s this patio off the back of the house. It\u2019s just beautiful. There were flowers blooming all over it. Every time we were out there, it just seemed like the evenings were just perfect out there. We just really enjoyed each other\u2019s company, and the kids seemed happy and wonderful. <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat particular night\u2014they had come to us and said, \u201cMom and Dad, can we have a sleepover?\u201d They begged and begged. \u201cOkay, yes, yes, yes.\u201d So, they stayed the night, and we tucked them in. We sat down on the patio. It was getting very late and kind of cold. He just pulled me in very close. He very\u2014he, actually, asked and I didn\u2019t even have to answer\u2014we just had a really nice, sweet kiss.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, did you know, the night of the kiss, where this was headed?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> I knew where I hoped it would lead and, again, much relied on our children. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There was still a lot that had to be tested; wasn\u2019t there?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> Yes; there was still a great deal for us to go through and to intentionally walk that walk.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> How did you get permission?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> Well, that\u2019s an interesting story. Eventually, we sat down as a family. We weren\u2019t officially a family, but we had a bit of a family meeting. We finally blurted it out and said, \u201cGuys, what would you think if we were to become a family\u2014and Mom and I\u2014Momma Kell and I were to get married?\u201d Well, the room exploded. They just jumped up. They were laughing and saying, \u201cWhoop!\u201d and, \u201cYay!\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gina:<\/strong> They wanted bunk beds and a dog. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> They immediately started with their demands; but my three children took off, running for my office to try and retrieve the contract. I said: \u201cWhere are you going?\u00a0 Where are you going?\u201d My daughter said, \u201cDad, we have to tear up that contract; otherwise, you have to go to jail.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gina:<\/strong> That\u2019s great.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, they gave you permission?!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> That was permission; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I have to ask you this question: \u201cWhat has been <em>the<\/em> biggest surprise of what it\u2019s like to blend two families together?\u201d You both can answer this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gina: <\/strong>There are some. I will tell you, though\u2014and I don\u2019t know if it\u2019s because of the way we did it\u2014leading into being married\u2014but it\u2019s been, for us, it\u2019s been a very seamless transition. We\u2019ve had minor bumps along the way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things that\u2014I will tell\u2014that we\u2019ve never done\u2014we\u2019ve never used the word, \u201cStep.\u201d I\u2019ve never been called a stepmom. I\u2019ve never referred to any of my children as my stepchildren. We are mom and dad\u2014they are our children. That\u2019s something that we didn\u2019t really have to think about too much. I mean, it just seemed to naturally occur that this is how we wanted to live. We wanted it to be okay to love new people and to not have to qualify it somehow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> Yes. We also keep their late mom and dad very present-tense in our world. Gina still gets to be in love with Matt, and I\u2019m still very much in love with Cathy. There are nine people in our family\u2014it\u2019s just two of them have already been called home. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, did your children change their last names, Gina?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gina:<\/strong> They have not, actually. Interestingly, that\u2019s one of the things that we\u2019ve\u2014they wanted to keep their dad\u2019s name. They want to still have that name. I honor that completely. In fact, I am Gina Kell-Spehn. I keep both names because he is still a part of who they are. They still love him. He was a <em>wonderful<\/em> man, and he left an <em>incredible<\/em> legacy. For them to carry that name\u2014I think is wonderful. In fact, we\u2019ve talked about\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gina:<\/strong> \u2014them doing what I did\u2014which is to add the name. That conversation has come up, but we\u2019ve never done it officially. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> There hasn\u2019t been a big need to do that, although the boys have talked about possibly doing it because, when they get\u2014especially, when they get a little older and they start going to the high school where I coach and those kinds of things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey\u2019ve talked about it. I think, because we have not made it a priority: \u201cIt doesn\u2019t matter what you\u2019re called. It matters what\u2019s in your heart,\u201d\u2014I think that has given them comfort. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Okay, what\u2019s your biggest \u201ca-ha\u201d about a blended family?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> My biggest a-ha?\u2014the blending of traditions. Each family, as it goes through its tenure in this world\u2014they develop their own traditions for Christmastime, for instance\u2014or birthdays. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> Bringing those together, which requires\u2014not only your immediate family but then those next tiers of family and friends, who participate in those traditions\u2014whether it be in-laws, aunts, uncles, close friends. We have been terribly blessed with a twisted, crazy family tree, comprised of people who have just really opened their hearts and gone with the flow of our craziness. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve blended those traditions very intentionally. Some of them have been\u2014I\u2019m a Cubs fan\u2014just to talk about a superficial thing. I\u2019m a die-hard Chicago fan, but I have two sons who are die-hard Detroit fans. We now, you know\u2014we sit and watch all the Detroit games together. Those times, as father and son, are terribly important; and I\u2019m not faking it. If my boys like the Tigers, well, \u201cSo do I.\u201d Those kinds of things\u2014even the superficial moments between parent and child\u2014are terribly important during those years. Gina and I have been very intentional.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It is a good thing they are in opposite leagues; isn\u2019t it?\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gina:<\/strong> Yes, a little bit. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> There could be\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> You noticed that too; huh?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014there could be a civil war in the blended family\u2014no doubt about it. Well, thank you, guys, for sharing your story.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think your book, <em>The Color of Rain<\/em>, is going to be used in a lot of people\u2019s lives to bring perspective, and hope, and encouragement\u2014maybe call them back to their Heavenly Father, like you write about. Thanks for being with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> Hope so.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gina:<\/strong> Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I need to just real quickly, Dennis, mention that Ron Deal, who heads up FamilyLife Blended, is going to be hosting an event in Washington, DC, on Friday, October 3<sup>rd<\/sup>. This is the Blended and Blessed Summit. It\u2019s for people who are involved in ministries to blended families. There are going to be folks who work at local churches, who are involved with this kind of ministry; para-church organizations\u2014anybody who has a heart to want to help strengthen blended families and help those families survive and thrive. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019d like more information about what Ron is going to be doing in Washington, DC, or if you\u2019re interested in attending, go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the link at the top of the page that says, \u201cGo Deeper.\u201dYou\u2019ll find a link for the Blended and Blessed Summit in Washington, DC, on Friday, October 3<sup>rd<\/sup>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFind out how you can attend. Of course, the next day is the FamilyLife <em>I Still Do<\/em><sup>\u2122<\/sup> one-day marriage event in Washington, DC. So, come spend the weekend with us in Washington, DC, for the Blended and Blessed Summit and then the <em>I Still Do<\/em> one-day event for couples. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOf course, on our website, at FamilyLifeToday.com, we\u2019ve got information about Michael and Gina Spehn\u2019s book, <em>The Color of Rain<\/em>. You can order that from us, online, if you\u2019d like. That\u2019s at FamilyLifeToday.com. Again, click the link at the top of the page that says, \u201cGo Deeper.\u201d The name of the book: <em>The Color of Rain<\/em>. Order online or call to order at 1-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I want to thank our <em>generous<\/em> listeners. You know, we have some really <em>generous<\/em> folks who listen to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. We are a listener-supported program. If we didn\u2019t have generous listeners, we wouldn\u2019t be here on your local radio station\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014because it is generous listeners who have helped cover the costs of producing and syndicating this radio program over the last 21 years. We could not have done it without listeners, like you, pitching in. We appreciate those of you who have the same heartbeat we do for marriage and family and have demonstrated that in making a contribution to help support the ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOf course, over the last several weeks, we\u2019ve had a matching-gift fund going on. The donations we\u2019ve been receiving are being matched, dollar for dollar, up to a total of $410,000. That matching-gift opportunity expires on Father\u2019s Day. So, if you would like to help us take full advantage of the matching gift and see your donation doubled, you can go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link in the upper right-hand corner of the page that says, \u201cI Care,\u201d and make an online donation; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Make a donation over the phone.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr you can write a check and mail it to <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>at P O Box 7111, Little Rock, AR. Our zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can join us back tomorrow when Todd Starnes, from Fox News, is going to be here. We\u2019re going to talk about religious liberty\u2014is it eroding in our country? What are some examples of infringement on religious liberty? We\u2019ll talk about that tomorrow. I hope you can tune in.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 2011 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["29.32M"],"filesize_raw":["30747244"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-303077.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-303077.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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can create beauty from ashes.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-06-11.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Michael Spehn was a father of three, and Gina Kell was a mother to two boys. Both of them lost their spouses within a month of each other. They decided it would be good for the kids if they got the families together so the kids would know they weren\u2019t alone in what they were going through. Here\u2019s Gina.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gina:<\/strong> It was a refreshing evening because there was so much laughter. It was kind of raucous, really. The children were so much just like themselves. They were just so kids. It felt so normal, and okay, and comfortable. The fact that you hear yourself laugh like that\u2014out loud\u2014for the first time in a really long time\u2014that just feels good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, June 11th. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. Michael and Gina Spehn join us today to talk about the surprising new chapter God had in store for both of them. We\u2019ll hear their story today. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Wednesday edition. We\u2019re visiting this week with a couple whose story was recently featured in a Hallmark<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> Movie Channel movie, called <em>The Color of Rain<\/em>. I want to start today by asking you an impolite question, right off the bat here; okay?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You\u2019ve asked a lot of different styles of questions over the years, but impolite\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Impolite. This is just one\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014that means you\u2019re going to be rude.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> No, this is one of those questions you don\u2019t talk about in public company. I just\u2014I want to know, \u201cHave you ever imagined\u201d\u2014I know you\u2019ve had situations\u2014Barbara had her heart race 300 beats a minute for awhile. You wondered if she was going to die in the midst of that situation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> On four different occasions\u2014that\u2019s correct.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Have you imagined Barbara dying and whether you would date again?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, because she faced death on four different occasions\u2014especially, when we were raising our kids\u2014we talked about: \u201cWhat would happen if\u2026\u201d and the need for the children to have a mother and me to have a companion. Barbara and I have had that conversation. We\u2019ve discussed that. It is not a pleasant conversation, I have to say.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It\u2019s hard to even imagine what that could be like, or what it could feel like, or how falling in love could happen again. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, it\u2019s such a fleeting thought. It\u2019s not something that you imagine in any kind of robust Technicolor<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. It\u2019s kind of like you go visit that spot\u2014and you go: \u201cI don\u2019t like that. I\u2019m not there yet. I don\u2019t have to do that; but if I have to, \u2018Okay, we\u2019ll go there.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI do know that Romans 8:28 is not just a sweet verse that we quote to people: \u201cAll things do work together for good to those who love God and to those who are called according to His purpose.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> In your case, Barbara did not die from those 300 beats per minute.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Gratefully!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> They did a medical procedure that was able to correct her heart problem. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> About 20 years ago that was done. We\u2019ve been free of extra heart beats, except when I kiss her. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, but\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> If you can be impolite, I can have a little fun. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m not going there. I\u2019m not going there at all. The couple we have been hearing from this week\u2014have not only had to imagine that\u2014they\u2019ve had to kind of experience: \u201cWhat is life like once the love of your life is gone?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> They have. Michael and Gina Spehn join us again on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Guys, welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gina:<\/strong> Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Michael and Gina live north of Detroit. They have five children between them. As we\u2019ve talked about this week, Gina and her first husband, Matt, suffered through a three-year period of cancer that ultimately took his life and left you with two children. Interestingly, Michael\u2019s wife, Cathy, went to your husband, Matt\u2019s, funeral and was there\u2014not knowing that, within six weeks, she would die of brain cancer\u2014a very rare type of cancer that took her life in, actually, 17 days from the time of diagnosis. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just have to pull back to the big picture\u2014as you write about in your book, <em>The Color of Rain<\/em>, and ask the question: \u201cHow did you guys meet?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> Well, we have, perhaps, the world\u2019s worst \u201cHow I met your mother\u201d story in history; but\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I mean\u2014what a drama to set between you two folks\u2014and then, all of a sudden, we\u2019re sitting here. You\u2019ve got quite a story to tell. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> Yes, well\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Your wife had told you, on her death bed, to call Gina; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> She did say that in her last hour. She said for me to call Gina Kell. I had never met Gina. In fact, didn\u2019t even know what she looked like; but at her visitation\u2014at Cathy\u2019s visitation\u2014I saw mutual friends of Cathy\u2019s\u00a0 together. I just assumed, \u201cThat woman there must be Gina.\u201d I approached her, introduced myself, and asked her to sit with me for a moment. She was kind enough to do that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe first thing I asked her was, \u201cHow are your children doing?\u201d because this was going to be a frightening experience for me\u2014being a single dad. My children were nine years old and younger. We talked about the kids, and we talked about her experiences. After a while, we just sort of looked at each other. We were looking across\u2014at mirror images of each other. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe funeral home was teeming with people from Cathy\u2019s life and from my life. I looked at Gina and I said, \u201cYou know, you and I just met; but I think you\u2019re the only one I know here tonight.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, when Michael came up to you, and grabbed you, and wanted to talk to you, were you taken aback by that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gina:<\/strong> Yes, I mean, he definitely startled me. You left out the part where you hugged me right away. I didn\u2019t know who was hugging me because, frankly, there were so many people there because Matt and Cathy had gone to the same schools\u2014many similar faces. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI thought, \u201cWell, maybe this is a high school friend who I don\u2019t recognize,\u201d or something; but I quickly realized that this was Cathy\u2019s husband. In that moment, I just understood that: \u201cOkay, he\u2019s just\u2014he needs to be understood right now. I\u2019m going to go sit with him and talk with him.\u201d\u00a0 It was very\u2014there was no sort of spark, of any kind, at that point. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Michael, you\u2019d been married to Cathy for 12 years. Gina, you\u2019d been married to Matt for 13 years. I mean, the parallels on this are amazing. How did you ultimately come to see one another in some other form, other than two grieving spouses who had lost the love of their lives?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gina:<\/strong> Well, on the very first time that we ever got together\u2014as a group \/ as a family\u2014which was just about the only way we ever did. We always got together with our children. The first night that we did that\u2014the title of the chapter in the book is called \u201cDinner with Strangers\u201d because we didn\u2019t know\u2014none of us really knew each other\u2014but we get together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was the most normal, remarkably easy\u2014in fact, many times very inappropriate. The children\u2014the noises at dinner, the one kid accidentally squirting ranch dressing all over her shirt and all down her front, the milk spilling, and all the normalcy of it. It was this one moment of us, looking at each other, going, \u201cOkay, we\u2019re going to be okay together here\u2014me and you.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt wasn\u2019t like, \u201cWe\u2019re going to get married and have a new family some day.\u201d It was just this connection of: \u201cWe get each other. We\u2019re in the same place. We all are kind of\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael: <\/strong>In the aftermath of losing your spouse, so many people are very solicitous\u2014very walking on egg shells\u2014trying not to upset you \/ trying not to challenge you in any way. So, in walks this fiery, Italian lady here\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gina:<\/strong> That\u2019s me. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> \u2014who, for an evening, essentially, took over my kitchen and ordered me around and said\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, now, I want to figure out how she got into your house, at that point!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> Well\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Was this at your initiation\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014that you called and said: \u201cBring the kids over. Let\u2019s have dinner\u201d?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> What happened was\u2014it had been a couple of weeks\u2014several weeks\u2014since Cathy\u2019s funeral. I brought the children back to church for the first time. We\u2019d taken a couple of weeks off. Gina found out that we had been at church. She sent me an email saying: \u201cGood for you. I\u2019m glad to see that you\u2019re back in worship. If you\u2019d like to get the kids together sometime, feel free to call me.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, what was odd was that\u2014now I had had Cathy tell me, \u201cCall Gina,\u201d and now Gina herself was saying, \u201cCall me.\u201d So, for the sake of the kids\u2014to let them know that there were other children, just like them\u2014that they were still normal \/ that they were still going to be okay\u2014we decided, \u201cLet\u2019s get the kids together for a dinner.\u201d So, we did; and it was crazy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That was all there was to it, Gina\u2014\u201c\u2026just get together for dinner\u201d?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gina:<\/strong> Well, there was. I mean, it\u2019s true when I say there were other families in our church who were\u2014actually, they were women who were widowed. I\u2019d done the same with them. I said: \u201cLet\u2019s get our children together. The best thing we can do for our kids is to let them know they are not alone\u2014that there are other children, just like them, who understand them.\u201d\u00a0 <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I\u2019d reached out to them. I\u2019d reached out to Michael in the same way. He invited us over. He said, \u201cI have a freezer full of food that my neighborhood has put together for me.\u201d He said, \u201cSo, they are all like mystery-chicken dishes.\u201d He said: \u201cCome over. You don\u2019t have to cook anything.\u201d I said, \u201cOkay.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s out of my character\u2014I like to cook\u2014but I did. We went over, and the\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> She did\u2014there was a moment, after the kids\u2014we sent the kids down to the basement to play after dinner. The two of us were kind of sitting on the couch, looking at each other, and shaking our heads a little bit. At one point, I just simply said out loud, \u201cHow is it that you\u2019re here in my house tonight?\u201d She had really no other answer but to say, \u201cBy the grace of God.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gina:<\/strong> I really believe that. It felt like we were friends immediately\u2014not only because we had a shared grief\u2014but we also seemed to just really connect as people. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Did you initiate a next time?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gina:<\/strong> There was one thing that happened\u2014which was that I was working at our church at that time. I had taken a position in the office there. I had previously been doing a lot of volunteer work there in the Marketing Department. They had asked me if I would like to be involved in a project to bring life to this atrium, out in the hallway. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEvery time I ever did a project for our church, there were always two things that were missing. One was a budget and the other one was somebody who had the ability to do graphic design \/ artwork and those types of things because I lack in that skill.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, when they asked me to do this project at the church, I said, \u201cAbsolutely,\u201d because, first of all, I knew that they had a budget; but then I also now had met somebody with this background in photography and graphic design. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI immediately called Michael. This was an opportunity for he and I to, now, work together. What began as a friendship and getting the kids together was now, \u201cHey, we have a project to work on together for this church that has <em>so<\/em> taken care of all of us.\u201d What an opportunity for he and I to now give back a little bit of something to them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Did the thought enter one of your minds to say, \u201cI think there\u2019s something more here than just being friends\u201d? Did that start with you, or did that start with Michael?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gina:<\/strong> Actually, I think it started independently, probably, for both of us; but you never want to say it first or be out loud with it. I would talk with my dearest friend in the world, Colleen, who I write about in the book. She is an important person in my life. She would come to me first and go, \u201cWhat\u2019s going on between you two?\u201d I\u2019m like: \u201cI don\u2019t know. I don\u2019t want to think about it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPart of it was that I didn\u2019t\u2014you know, there are sort of rules\u2014society has rules\u2014too soon and: \u201cYou are callous,\u201d and you wait too long: \u201cYou need counseling.\u201d You know what I mean? There is sort of this sense of that. I had none of that, but there\u2019s a little fear that goes along with this. There is this risk factor. When you begin to feel that way, you don\u2019t want to say it out loud right away.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> My children\u2014just a couple of months after their mom died\u2014they huddled, as I was butchering another dinner in the kitchen. They huddled together over a piece of paper in the other room. I said, \u201cWhat are you doing?\u201d They said, \u201cWe\u2019ll show you after dinner.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey present me with a contract that they drew up in their own hand with pencil. I\u2019m paraphrasing, but I\u2019m pretty close here. It said, \u201cI, Daddy Spehn, promise to never, ever, forever marry another woman unless I get the approval of my darling children.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cOtherwise, I will face crying, screaming, and worse.\u201d\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> There were threats!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> There were consequences spelled out. I had\u2014just like you\u2014I had a great laugh. I said: \u201cGive me a pen. I\u2019ll sign this right now.\u201d I kept it in my office\u2014in a very prominent, secure place\u2014you know, the things that are important to young children in those moments. I was happy to say, \u201cI\u2019ll sign this.\u201d That contract remained in my office for the entire time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, as Gina and I became closer to each other, we started considering, \u201cWhat would we do?\u201d We never showed outward signs of romance to the children. We never held hands in front of them. We never kissed in front of them. We just were very close friends. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEven when we did decide to try and test the mettle of this relationship by travelling together\u2014you know, airport delays do bring out the worst in everyone. We stayed, with both families in separate quarters, but completely together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay, since I\u2019ve already given myself one impolite question\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014you didn\u2019t kiss in front of them\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014but tell me about the first kiss you had that they didn\u2019t witness.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gina:<\/strong> Yes. We had spent many nights together, as a family, and having dinner together. One night\u2014it was in the summertime\u2014late summer\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> When you say spending nights together\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> Evenings is what she means.\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gina:<\/strong> Not the night\u2014no, no, no. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes, well\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gina:<\/strong> Although, we did let the kids have sleepovers with each other. We would tell them\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Sure.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gina:<\/strong> \u2014very specifically because my kids would say, \u201cWell, can\u2019t you just stay with us?\u201d\u00a0 I\u2019d say: \u201cYes, I can\u2019t. I\u2019d <em>love<\/em> to stay here, but I can\u2019t because grown-ups don\u2019t have sleepovers.\u201d I taught the kids that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> We didn\u2019t even stay on each other\u2019s couch. It was: \u201cThat\u2019s my house, and that\u2019s theirs. If the children are going to have a slumber party, that\u2019s great; but adults don\u2019t do that.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Good for you because there is such a thing as co-habitation today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> Oh, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> A lot of people could hear us talking about this and assume that. So, keep going.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gina:<\/strong> Yes\u2014no! We did not want to teach our children that because, someday, they are going to be older\u2014then that\u2019s going to be okay for them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe had had\u2014the children\u2014we had dinner. We were sitting out on what we call the Happy Patio. It\u2019s this patio off the back of the house. It\u2019s just beautiful. There were flowers blooming all over it. Every time we were out there, it just seemed like the evenings were just perfect out there. We just really enjoyed each other\u2019s company, and the kids seemed happy and wonderful. <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat particular night\u2014they had come to us and said, \u201cMom and Dad, can we have a sleepover?\u201d They begged and begged. \u201cOkay, yes, yes, yes.\u201d So, they stayed the night, and we tucked them in. We sat down on the patio. It was getting very late and kind of cold. He just pulled me in very close. He very\u2014he, actually, asked and I didn\u2019t even have to answer\u2014we just had a really nice, sweet kiss.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, did you know, the night of the kiss, where this was headed?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> I knew where I hoped it would lead and, again, much relied on our children. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There was still a lot that had to be tested; wasn\u2019t there?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> Yes; there was still a great deal for us to go through and to intentionally walk that walk.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> How did you get permission?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> Well, that\u2019s an interesting story. Eventually, we sat down as a family. We weren\u2019t officially a family, but we had a bit of a family meeting. We finally blurted it out and said, \u201cGuys, what would you think if we were to become a family\u2014and Mom and I\u2014Momma Kell and I were to get married?\u201d Well, the room exploded. They just jumped up. They were laughing and saying, \u201cWhoop!\u201d and, \u201cYay!\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gina:<\/strong> They wanted bunk beds and a dog. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> They immediately started with their demands; but my three children took off, running for my office to try and retrieve the contract. I said: \u201cWhere are you going?\u00a0 Where are you going?\u201d My daughter said, \u201cDad, we have to tear up that contract; otherwise, you have to go to jail.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gina:<\/strong> That\u2019s great.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, they gave you permission?!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> That was permission; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I have to ask you this question: \u201cWhat has been <em>the<\/em> biggest surprise of what it\u2019s like to blend two families together?\u201d You both can answer this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gina: <\/strong>There are some. I will tell you, though\u2014and I don\u2019t know if it\u2019s because of the way we did it\u2014leading into being married\u2014but it\u2019s been, for us, it\u2019s been a very seamless transition. We\u2019ve had minor bumps along the way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things that\u2014I will tell\u2014that we\u2019ve never done\u2014we\u2019ve never used the word, \u201cStep.\u201d I\u2019ve never been called a stepmom. I\u2019ve never referred to any of my children as my stepchildren. We are mom and dad\u2014they are our children. That\u2019s something that we didn\u2019t really have to think about too much. I mean, it just seemed to naturally occur that this is how we wanted to live. We wanted it to be okay to love new people and to not have to qualify it somehow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> Yes. We also keep their late mom and dad very present-tense in our world. Gina still gets to be in love with Matt, and I\u2019m still very much in love with Cathy. There are nine people in our family\u2014it\u2019s just two of them have already been called home. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, did your children change their last names, Gina?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gina:<\/strong> They have not, actually. Interestingly, that\u2019s one of the things that we\u2019ve\u2014they wanted to keep their dad\u2019s name. They want to still have that name. I honor that completely. In fact, I am Gina Kell-Spehn. I keep both names because he is still a part of who they are. They still love him. He was a <em>wonderful<\/em> man, and he left an <em>incredible<\/em> legacy. For them to carry that name\u2014I think is wonderful. In fact, we\u2019ve talked about\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gina:<\/strong> \u2014them doing what I did\u2014which is to add the name. That conversation has come up, but we\u2019ve never done it officially. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> There hasn\u2019t been a big need to do that, although the boys have talked about possibly doing it because, when they get\u2014especially, when they get a little older and they start going to the high school where I coach and those kinds of things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey\u2019ve talked about it. I think, because we have not made it a priority: \u201cIt doesn\u2019t matter what you\u2019re called. It matters what\u2019s in your heart,\u201d\u2014I think that has given them comfort. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Okay, what\u2019s your biggest \u201ca-ha\u201d about a blended family?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> My biggest a-ha?\u2014the blending of traditions. Each family, as it goes through its tenure in this world\u2014they develop their own traditions for Christmastime, for instance\u2014or birthdays. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> Bringing those together, which requires\u2014not only your immediate family but then those next tiers of family and friends, who participate in those traditions\u2014whether it be in-laws, aunts, uncles, close friends. We have been terribly blessed with a twisted, crazy family tree, comprised of people who have just really opened their hearts and gone with the flow of our craziness. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve blended those traditions very intentionally. Some of them have been\u2014I\u2019m a Cubs fan\u2014just to talk about a superficial thing. I\u2019m a die-hard Chicago fan, but I have two sons who are die-hard Detroit fans. We now, you know\u2014we sit and watch all the Detroit games together. Those times, as father and son, are terribly important; and I\u2019m not faking it. If my boys like the Tigers, well, \u201cSo do I.\u201d Those kinds of things\u2014even the superficial moments between parent and child\u2014are terribly important during those years. Gina and I have been very intentional.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It is a good thing they are in opposite leagues; isn\u2019t it?\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gina:<\/strong> Yes, a little bit. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> There could be\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> You noticed that too; huh?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014there could be a civil war in the blended family\u2014no doubt about it. Well, thank you, guys, for sharing your story.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think your book, <em>The Color of Rain<\/em>, is going to be used in a lot of people\u2019s lives to bring perspective, and hope, and encouragement\u2014maybe call them back to their Heavenly Father, like you write about. Thanks for being with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michael:<\/strong> Hope so.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gina:<\/strong> Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I need to just real quickly, Dennis, mention that Ron Deal, who heads up FamilyLife Blended, is going to be hosting an event in Washington, DC, on Friday, October 3<sup>rd<\/sup>. This is the Blended and Blessed Summit. It\u2019s for people who are involved in ministries to blended families. There are going to be folks who work at local churches, who are involved with this kind of ministry; para-church organizations\u2014anybody who has a heart to want to help strengthen blended families and help those families survive and thrive. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019d like more information about what Ron is going to be doing in Washington, DC, or if you\u2019re interested in attending, go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the link at the top of the page that says, \u201cGo Deeper.\u201dYou\u2019ll find a link for the Blended and Blessed Summit in Washington, DC, on Friday, October 3<sup>rd<\/sup>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFind out how you can attend. Of course, the next day is the FamilyLife <em>I Still Do<\/em><sup>\u2122<\/sup> one-day marriage event in Washington, DC. So, come spend the weekend with us in Washington, DC, for the Blended and Blessed Summit and then the <em>I Still Do<\/em> one-day event for couples. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOf course, on our website, at FamilyLifeToday.com, we\u2019ve got information about Michael and Gina Spehn\u2019s book, <em>The Color of Rain<\/em>. You can order that from us, online, if you\u2019d like. That\u2019s at FamilyLifeToday.com. Again, click the link at the top of the page that says, \u201cGo Deeper.\u201d The name of the book: <em>The Color of Rain<\/em>. Order online or call to order at 1-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I want to thank our <em>generous<\/em> listeners. You know, we have some really <em>generous<\/em> folks who listen to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. We are a listener-supported program. If we didn\u2019t have generous listeners, we wouldn\u2019t be here on your local radio station\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014because it is generous listeners who have helped cover the costs of producing and syndicating this radio program over the last 21 years. We could not have done it without listeners, like you, pitching in. We appreciate those of you who have the same heartbeat we do for marriage and family and have demonstrated that in making a contribution to help support the ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOf course, over the last several weeks, we\u2019ve had a matching-gift fund going on. The donations we\u2019ve been receiving are being matched, dollar for dollar, up to a total of $410,000. That matching-gift opportunity expires on Father\u2019s Day. So, if you would like to help us take full advantage of the matching gift and see your donation doubled, you can go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link in the upper right-hand corner of the page that says, \u201cI Care,\u201d and make an online donation; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Make a donation over the phone.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr you can write a check and mail it to <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>at P O Box 7111, Little Rock, AR. Our zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can join us back tomorrow when Todd Starnes, from Fox News, is going to be here. We\u2019re going to talk about religious liberty\u2014is it eroding in our country? What are some examples of infringement on religious liberty? We\u2019ll talk about that tomorrow. I hope you can tune in.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 2011 FamilyLife. 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