{"id":303069,"date":"2014-06-05T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2014-06-05T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/learning-from-your-past\/"},"modified":"2014-06-05T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2014-06-05T15:00:00","slug":"learning-from-your-past","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/learning-from-your-past\/","title":{"rendered":"Learning from Your Past"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>We learn a lot from those who parent well. But we can also learn a lot from those who didn&#8217;t.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-06-05.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"22.73M","filesize_raw":"23839215","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2830,2837],"tags":[2107,4276],"podcast_series":[8016],"cwp_profile":[9340],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-303069","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-children-of-divorce","category-fathers","tag-father-wound","tag-legacy","podcast_series-bad-dads-of-the-bible","cwp_profile-roland-warren","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/303069\/learning-from-your-past","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/303069\/learning-from-your-past","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"UnKYdD3p8u\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/learning-from-your-past\/\">Learning from Your Past<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/learning-from-your-past\/embed\/#?secret=UnKYdD3p8u\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Learning from Your Past&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"UnKYdD3p8u\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-06-05.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-06-05.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Every son and every daughter longs for a daddy who is engaged\u2014a dad who is connected to their world and has a real relationship with them. Here is Roland Warren. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>When my son, Justin, was like 25 years old, we were going through some old pictures. There was a picture of me and my son, along with his baseball team. I noticed, in the picture, there was an \u201cX\u201d across my face that someone had done with a pen. I looked at him; and I said, \u201cWow, I wonder what happened to this.\u201d\u00a0 So, Justin\u201425 now\u2014sheepishly looked at this and said, \u201cI did that.\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cWhy did you do that?\u201d\u00a0 And he said, \u201cWell, I was mad because you were coaching his team and you weren\u2019t coaching mine.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, June 5<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. What can we do, as dads, to make sure we are better connected with our kids\u2014that we\u2019re engaged where they want us to be engaged?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re going to talk about that today. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I wish we were talking about something you felt a little bit more passionate about. I know this kind of\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I\u2019m kind of laid back on this subject\u2014[Laughter]\u2014really don\u2019t have but a fiber or two of conviction on the subject of being a better dad. Roland Warren joins us again on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Roland, welcome back. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>Well, glad to be with you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You have the same passion Dennis has on this issue\u2014the need for men to embrace responsibility, as a man, first\u2014and then, as a husband and as a father\u2014everything God\u2019s done in your life and in your ministry; right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>Absolutely. It\u2019s a critical aspect for me. I feel like it\u2019s why God called me to do what I\u2019m doing and why I\u2019m so inspired to do it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You spent more than a decade giving leadership to the National Fatherhood Initiative\u2014just written a book called <em>Bad Dads of the Bible<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn this book, you are espousing that the Bible is true because it does not sugar coat the mistakes of its heroes; does it?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>It doesn\u2019t. And we tend to airbrush our heroes in a lot of ways, and the Bible does not. I think, within the culture, when we do that, we actually make it more difficult for us to connect with them. So, I felt like\u2014when I was going through, and hearing, and reading these stories about David, and Abraham, and Eli, and others\u2014and looking at them through the lens of fatherhood\u2014specifically, through the lens of fatherhood\u2014it helped me connect. In a lot of cases, I could see myself in their stories. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And you expose the patterns of dads who didn\u2019t do it right. It\u2019s interesting\u2014you take a guy, who was said in Scripture\u2014he was a man after God\u2019s own heart\u2014and you call him a bad dad. [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>Well, look\u2014one of the things I try to do here with this\u2014and it\u2019s interesting because kind of the subtitle is <em>8 Mistakes Every Good Dad Can Avoid<\/em>. See, mistakes are not who you are\u2014they are what you do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd David, even a guy after God\u2019s own heart\u2014when it came to this particular area\u2014particularly, with his issue, which was being paralyzed by his past\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014he allowed a mistake that he made in his past impact his ability to father when it came to how he dealt with Amnon and when he raped Tamar; and then Absalom, and then everything that came from that. You know, it\u2019s frankly tied to my own personal story in terms of when my wife and I got pregnant in college when we were dating. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy deal is really kind of looking at these bad dad mistakes and then saying, \u201cWhat can we learn from them?\u201d because the Bible has them out front and center. They are not varnished. They are not pushed to the side\u2014they are out there. And just like the good things that we learn in the Bible\u2014the good things that people do\u2014all the great things that David did\u2014also, there are some mistakes too. There are lessons to be learned for fathers everywhere on that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And in David\u2019s case, where he did make these mistakes, one of the conclusions you point us to is that a man cannot be paralyzed by his past failures. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>Yes; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, what do we do with our past failures in order to keep from being paralyzed by them?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, he actually uses an illustration of starting to have the birds and the bees discussion with his son\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014that I think really captures, Bob, where a lot of men feel paralyzed by past mistakes, especially when it comes to sexual immorality in this culture. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>Yes, my wife and I got pregnant in college; and we had two sons. We really wanted them to have the ethic of saving sex for marriage. That\u2019s\u2014we articulated that, we communicated that to them from the time they were just little bitty boys. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You\u2019d gotten married. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>We\u2019d gotten married, and that was our deal. So, it came to the time when I needed to have these conversations with my sons, more specifically, and particularly my oldest son. And I was paralyzed. I really felt like: \u201cOh my gosh!\u00a0 I\u2019m going to tell him to do this, and\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And then, he\u2019s going to ask you, \u201cWell, Dad, did you wait?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>Exactly. And it\u2019s funny. I had a friend I used to work with\u2014had done a lot of drugs in college. He said to me once\u2014he said, \u201cLook, I\u2019m not going to tell my kids not to do drugs because I did them; and I don\u2019t feel like I can tell them not to do that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00 <\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are a couple of flaws that are in that kind of logic. The first is that you can project your consequences on their actions. See, actions and consequences are linked. So, your actions have a specific consequence. Their actions will have a specific consequence. He had some consequences, and everything turned out okay. He went to college\u2014whatever. He was able to get through it. So, he thinks, \u201cWell, my daughter will do the same thing.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s not the way that life works. Actions and consequences are linked. Their actions and consequences will be linked for them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe second flaw is that confusing hypocrisy with growth. See, that\u2019s where people come and say, \u201cWell, my kids are going to say that I\u2019m a hypocrite.\u201d\u00a0 And that was one of the things I had to work from my head\u2014was \u201cWait a minute!\u201d\u00a0 A hypocrite means to tell someone not to do something that you are currently doing. Growth is if you tell someone not to do something that they once did. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, you\u2019re a hero if you talk to your kids about something that you did that God showed you \/ and life showed you was something that you shouldn\u2019t do\u2014so, \u201cWe shouldn\u2019t allow you to do that.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s the device that Satan uses to paralyze us because he\u2019s all about destroying the next generation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCertainly, if you get paralyzed by your past, that\u2019s exactly what Satan is able to do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, when you sat down and had that conversation with your son, what did you tell him?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>We told him the unvarnished truth. [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>So, you told him the story?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>We did. It was really interesting, too, when we talked to him about that and we told him how he came into the world. I was all prepared for him to say, \u201cDad, you\u2019re this, or that, or whatever.\u201d\u00a0 And he asked me a really interesting question. He asked\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>How old was he?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>He must have been\u2014I guess it was probably like 13. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>Thirteen when we kind of really went there. Now, he knew about aspects of sex before, but this was the real sort of\u2014you know whatever. And it was interesting. And he only asked me one question. It was: \u201cDid you want me?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Wow!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>Yes, I was thinking, \u201cWhat are you going to do with this?\u201d\u00a0 That was his biggest thing\u2014\u201cDid you want me?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, it ties back to this notion of wantedness. That\u2019s the same question, frankly, that I had for my dad all these years. You know, I never really got a chance to kind of ask him, in a direct way, even before he passed. But that was really\u2014when I go back to it\u2014that was really what the issue was: \u201cAm I wanted?\u00a0 Did you <em>want<\/em> me?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd that was the most important thing. We said, \u201cOf course, we wanted you\u201d; and he was fine. And we moved forward from there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Your dad had abandoned you. That\u2019s kind of the genesis of the question for you; but your son\u2014he went to those circumstances and said, \u201cOkay, so, did you really, really want me?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>Yes; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And I think, sometimes, we really don\u2019t understand where our kids are coming from around these issues. They just need their dads to be real with them\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014and to get honest, heart to heart, and to share the facts of life and take him into the knowledge of that. They are going to hear it from the world anyway. So, why not hear it from you\u2014from hopefully a man who is attempting to follow Jesus Christ?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You know, in the New Testament, the Apostle Paul\u2014not speaking about fatherhood\u2014because we don\u2019t know anything about his marital status. We assume he was not married\u2014didn\u2019t have kids\u2014but he did have a past. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt one point, he told the church at Philippi\u2014he said, \u201cI have this past.\u201d He said, \u201cSome of it, I used to glory in\u2014I used to revel in. Yet, at the same time, I had a past that was embarrassing and a hard past.\u201d\u00a0 And here is what he said. He said, \u201cSo, today, forgetting what lies behind, I press on.\u201d\u00a0 A dad has to learn that your past is not to control your future\u2014it\u2019s to point you in a new direction and get you started on a better road. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>Yes; yes. There is a wonderful Psalm\u2014Psalm 65:3\u2014that says, \u201cWhen we are overwhelmed by sin, You forgave our transgressions.\u201d\u00a0 You know, you have to rest in that security. That\u2019s the antidote to being paralyzed by your past. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019re going to be age-appropriately transparent about it; but at the same time, you\u2019re going to not allow Satan to hit you with the stun gun, as I say, when you have a past issue. I kind of take you through that in a path to where I kind of do that in the book in a big way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>As you talk about David being a bad dad and allowing his past to paralyze him\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014one of the things he was paralyzed about was really moving into his kids\u2019 lives at points they made mistakes. He didn\u2019t correct them. He didn\u2019t discipline them. He didn\u2019t engage them around stuff that was going to wreck their lives. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd in 1 Kings, Chapter 1, it talks about Adonijah, his son, who was setting himself up to replace David. He was going to be the king. And it says, \u201cHis father had never at any time displeased Adonijah by asking, \u2018Why have you done thus and so?\u2019\u201d\u00a0 In other words, David, the dad, had never corrected his son. In the end, it bit him\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014right before he died. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>Yes, it\u2019s absolutely possible to have those kinds of situations. You know, I tried to put some humanity on that whole story about Bathsheba and David. You have to think about it\u2014even with the situation with Tamar and Amnon\u2014essentially, what Amnon did was the same thing that David did. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe took a woman that didn\u2019t belong to him, and then, didn\u2019t take responsibility for the action. It\u2019s basically the principle is exactly the same, which is why it would have been difficult for him to step in there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, if you\u2019re sitting down with a new dad\u2014he\u2019s got a one-year-old baby\u2014and you say to him, \u201cSon, don\u2019t make the mistake David made.\u201d\u00a0 What would be the mistake you\u2019d point him away from that was David\u2019s mistake?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>The mistake, really, is allowing the enemy to take mistakes that he has made in his past to cause him not to speak into areas of his child\u2019s life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>In other words, don\u2019t let the guilt of the past paralyze you today from doing what you\u2019re responsible to do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>Absolutely. You know, we are accountable. These lessons that we\u2019re learning in our own lives are ones that He wants to use for good. Remember, \u201cAll things work to the good of those who love the Lord who are called according to His purposes\u201d\u2014not just good things but also mistakes, if we allow God to use those mistakes. And I\u2019ve certainly seen in my own life\u2014mistakes that I\u2019ve made\u2014that when I set those mistakes at the feet of the cross, God uses them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>This takes a lot of courage for a man to look at his mistake and go, \u201cThis can be a teaching lesson from me, as a dad, to pass on to my son \/ my daughter and future generations.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And I think, for a dad, he\u2019s got to be able to get a perspective on his past and on his failures that is the perspective that God has on them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Because you see, we can look at that and go, \u201cThe shame of what I\u2019ve done\u2014the embarrassment of my past\u2014how do I get rid of that?\u201d\u00a0 And the only way to get rid of it is to say, \u201cGod has already gotten rid of it for you in Christ.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cIt\u2019s nailed to the cross, and you bear it no more. Praise the Lord. Praise the Lord, O my soul.\u201d\u00a0 Once you see it that way, then, you can walk away and say: \u201cYou know what?\u00a0 If God no longer holds me accountable for the sin of the past, then, there is, therefore, now, no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. I\u2019m free from that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>: I\u2019m forgiven!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And because I\u2019m forgiven, as a broken human being, I can pass on some lessons to my son or daughter\u2014who are going to make their own fresh set of mistakes in their own lives. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>And it doesn\u2019t\u2014and this is one of the things that someone said, \u201cWell, that means you\u2019re going to have a cavalier attitude toward mistakes.\u201d\u00a0 Well, of course not. \u201cMay it never be,\u201d as Paul says very articulately, you know, because you love your kids and you love the Lord. So, you\u2019re not going to want to make mistakes so that God can kind of clean them up for you; but you need to understand that when you do make mistakes, that God has a purpose even in that\u2014that He can use those for your good and for His glory. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I thought it was interesting. One of the other dads you pointed to in the Bible, who made mistakes, was Jacob. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>He had a dozen boys. So, what was his tragic flaw?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>Well, when you have that many boys, or kids for that matter, you\u2019re going to have sibling rivalry. And his issue was he turned a blind eye to the sibling rivalry, particularly, by picking a favorite son, Joseph. He was someone who understood, well, what sibling rivalry can do in a family\u2014with his relationship with Esau. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd that was the other thing that was really an interesting principle there as I looked at that story because Joseph\u2014actually, he had a flaw\u2014he had a character flaw. He was boastful. Obviously, Jacob had a similar seed in his character. Joseph was in conflict with his brothers\u2014well, guess what?\u00a0 Jacob had been in conflict with his brother. And actually, if you read through Scripture, he actually figured out how to restore his relationship with Esau. These are all lessons that he could have passed on to Joseph; but because he turned a blind eye to the sibling rivalry, he was not able to do that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>One thing I want to point out here\u2014there is a God-given alarm system that has been given to men to point out when a husband and a dad isn\u2019t addressing sibling rivalry. It\u2019s called our wives. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>Yes. [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Barbara has come to me, on more than one occasion, and she\u2019s said, you know: \u201cOur kids need you,\u201d or, \u201cThose two need you,\u201d or, \u201cThose three, who are ganging up on this one, they need you to engage in this.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And the easiest thing to do in that situation is to justify, and defend, and say, \u201cOh, I\u2019m a good dad!\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s kind of like your book: \u201cI\u2019m a good dad!\u00a0 I\u2019m not a bad dad.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>Part of the reason why Jacob didn\u2019t get that counsel is because the two women he married had fierce sibling rivalry, as well, between the two of them. Rebecca was his favorite. Leah was not. Joseph was from whom?\u2014Rebecca. Rebecca was dead. So, even in that particular situation, it was sibling rivalry that actually even stopped him from being able to get the kind of feedback that you and I would get from our wives to help us manage what we should be doing as a father. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, it really is one that has an enormous impact in a culture. And we\u2019ve seen it again, and again, and again. I talk about some great stories in the culture about this as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, how far apart are Jamin and Justin?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>They\u2019re roughly two-and-half years apart. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay, two-and-a-half years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>No sibling rivalry there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We had some two-and-a-half year separation in our kids, and we saw some sparks fly. Did you?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>They got along very, very well; but you know, one of the things I talk about in the book is that there was some stuff that even goes on, even when you don\u2019t know it. One of the stories I tell in the book is about when my son, Justin, was like 25 years old. We were going through some old pictures. There was a picture of me and my son, along with his baseball team. And I now noticed in the picture, there was an \u201cX\u201d across my face that someone had done with a pen. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI looked at him, and I said, \u201cWow, I wonder what happened to this?\u201d\u00a0 So, Justin\u201425, now\u2014sheepishly looked at this and said, \u201cI did that.\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cWhy did you do that?\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cWell, I was mad because you were coaching his team, and you weren\u2019t coaching mine.\u201d\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 So\u2014and here\u2019s the interesting thing. Now, Justin is my athlete. I spent more time, sports-wise, with him than with his brother. But kids have this deep, deep, deep desire for that connection. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can still have those things that you aren\u2019t looking for. And I, certainly, didn\u2019t see that at the time. It didn\u2019t\u2014he didn\u2019t act out in a big, big way; but it was just another pointer for me of how important sibling rivalry can be and how, as a father, you cannot turn a blind eye to it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And I have a hypothesis\u2014not a theory\u2014it\u2019s a hypothesis. It\u2019s just one of those things I throw out there. I have to wonder: \u201cIf kids have a strong, healthy relational bond with their dad\u2014one on one\u2014each child feeling really connected to their father\u2014I wonder if that has an impact on the rivalry that happens between the kids.\u201d\u00a0 My hypothesis is: \u201cIf you\u2019re secure in this love relationship with your dad, it may mute some of the natural rivalry that goes on between two brothers or even two sisters.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I think you are hitting a key point, Bob. I don\u2019t think you are going to be able to eliminate sibling rivalry\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014from your children\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Because they are selfish kids; right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It\u2019s a broken world. And here is the thing I don\u2019t want our listeners to miss\u2014and I\u2019ve said it many times: \u201cYour home is an incubator that is teaching your sons and your daughters how two imperfect, selfish human beings relate to one another in the most intimate of all relationships, which is a family.\u201d\u00a0 Guess what they are going to grow up and establish on their own some day?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>And you know, you asked about Jamin and Justin. One of the things that my wife and I did was that we didn\u2019t take conflict lightly\u2014yelling or hitting\u2014any of those things. A lot of parents, sometimes, we\u2019ll have this notion that: \u201cKids will be kids.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s not really what God has designed parents to do. He gave parents the ability and the responsibility to step into those things because, if you are a selfish kid at the dinner table, you\u2019re probably going to be a selfish business man at the negotiating table. It\u2019s not going to go well with you. You read through Proverbs\u2014you see again, and again, and again. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, this is really a big, big area that you have to be focused on. I tell a few stories in the book, frankly, about situations where sibling rivalry went very, very bad and can have some very, very dire consequences if you don\u2019t step into this. You can\u2019t turn a blind eye. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe last thing I would say is that that\u2019s a really important role for fathers and mothers and husbands and wives\u2014and if you are not married, certainly\u2014to not allow your children to be able to kind of position you because you see some of that happening. That was kind of the situation that happened with Jacob and Esau, where Jacob was Rachel\u2019s favorite and Esau was Isaac\u2019s favorite. So, because of that, the parents weren\u2019t even in unity; and as a result, it makes the conflict even more significant between the children. And I think it\u2019s an important point that you have to focus on as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Let me just read something out of Proverbs 15. It says: \u201cA soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouth of fools pours out folly.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cThe eyes of the Lord are in every place keeping watch on the evil and the good.\u201d\u00a0 You think it\u2019s talking about sibling rivalry here?\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 Verse 4: \u201cA gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit. A fool despises his father\u2019s instruction, but whoever heeds reproof is prudent.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat whole passage is assuming that a dad is instructing \/ a dad is coaching. Is it exhausting?\u2014absolutely. Does it seem like it\u2019s never ending?\u00a0 Oh my goodness!\u00a0 Barbara and I thought, at points, we were raising juvenile delinquents!\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 I mean, we thought, \u201cWe\u2019re\u201d\u2014and we\u2019re on the radio for goodness\u2019 sakes. But our kids are not perfect. Of course, they\u2019re not perfect. They are related to their parents. But the assignment for every dad is to take the mantle of responsibility to be the dad and to get in there with your kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCoach them on these life lessons, and to respect their brother \/ to respect their sister, and not speak with a hateful tone \/ a disrespectful spirit but to learn how to love in a family. That\u2019s really one of the chief assignments of a mom and dad\u2014I\u2019m convinced. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, at one level, it\u2019s really helpful to read the accounts in Scripture of dads who have blown it because, first of all, you don\u2019t feel so alone because you\u2019ve blown it\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014and you will again; but then, secondly, this helps point you in the direction: \u201cDon\u2019t do this. This is what happens when you do this.\u201d\u00a0 So, you can learn from somebody else\u2019s mistakes, along the way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got copies of Roland Warren\u2019s book, <em>Bad Dads of the Bible<\/em>, in our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Resource Center. And I want to encourage our listeners, \u201cGo to FamilyLifeToday.com, click in the upper left-hand corner of the screen where it says, \u2018Go Deeper,\u2019 and you can order from right there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY, 1-800-358-6329. That\u2019s 1-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, I think if we\u2019re going to be good dads, we first of all have to get our arms around what it means to be godly men. Of course, that\u2019s what is at the heart of the book that you wrote, Dennis, called <em>Stepping Up<\/em>. And it\u2019s at the heart of the video series that our team put together that takes themes from your book. Our team, here at FamilyLife, is really hoping that this summer a number of our listeners would get this <em>Stepping Up<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> video resource and would take a handful of guys through the material. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we\u2019re offering a little additional incentive this week. If you call us to order the video series, we will send along, for free, five manuals for the guys you want to take through this series. So, you get the DVDs\u2014we\u2019ll send the manuals. You have the guys over to your house and go through this stuff this summer\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014or if you want to wait and do it in the fall, that\u2019s fine as well. But you need to call this week or go online at FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link that says, \u201cGo Deeper,\u201d and order the video series for the <em>Stepping Up<\/em> ten-week series. Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY if you have any questions or you\u2019d like to order over the phone. That\u2019s 1-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have had the opportunity to see tens of thousands of guys go through that material and get equipped, as men\u2014get trained in what biblical manhood is all about. It\u2019s one of the things we are committed to, here at FamilyLife. We want to effectively develop godly families because we believe godly families change the world, one home at a time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we want to thank those listeners who share that vision with us. We\u2019re listener-supported. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMore than two-thirds of the money we need to operate this ministry comes from folks, like you, who will make an occasional donation or folks, like you, who are Legacy Partners and make a monthly donation in support of this ministry. We appreciate that financial support. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRight now, when you make a donation\u2014between now and Father\u2019s Day\u2014your donation is going to be doubled, dollar for dollar, up to a total of $410,000, thanks to a matching-gift fund that\u2019s been established by some friends of this ministry. So, if you would consider going to FamilyLifeToday.com, click in the upper right-hand corner of the screen where it says, \u201cI Care,\u201d make an online donation to support the ministry, we would appreciate that financial support. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr if it\u2019s easier, you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY and make a donation over the phone. Of course, you can mail a check to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at Post Office Box 7111, Little Rock, AR. And our zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd thanks, in advance, for whatever you are able to do in support of the ministry. Please pray that we will be able to take full advantage of this matching-gift opportunity here over the next week-and-a-half. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to talk about the best example of fatherhood found in all of the Bible\u2014what we can learn from that example. And I bet you don\u2019t have to think too hard to figure out who it is we are talking about; right?\u00a0 Hope you can join us back again tomorrow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2014 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["22.73M"],"filesize_raw":["23839215"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-303069.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-303069.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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learn a lot from those who parent well. But we can also learn a lot from those who didn't.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-06-05.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Every son and every daughter longs for a daddy who is engaged\u2014a dad who is connected to their world and has a real relationship with them. Here is Roland Warren. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>When my son, Justin, was like 25 years old, we were going through some old pictures. There was a picture of me and my son, along with his baseball team. I noticed, in the picture, there was an \u201cX\u201d across my face that someone had done with a pen. I looked at him; and I said, \u201cWow, I wonder what happened to this.\u201d\u00a0 So, Justin\u201425 now\u2014sheepishly looked at this and said, \u201cI did that.\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cWhy did you do that?\u201d\u00a0 And he said, \u201cWell, I was mad because you were coaching his team and you weren\u2019t coaching mine.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, June 5<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. What can we do, as dads, to make sure we are better connected with our kids\u2014that we\u2019re engaged where they want us to be engaged?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re going to talk about that today. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I wish we were talking about something you felt a little bit more passionate about. I know this kind of\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I\u2019m kind of laid back on this subject\u2014[Laughter]\u2014really don\u2019t have but a fiber or two of conviction on the subject of being a better dad. Roland Warren joins us again on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Roland, welcome back. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>Well, glad to be with you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You have the same passion Dennis has on this issue\u2014the need for men to embrace responsibility, as a man, first\u2014and then, as a husband and as a father\u2014everything God\u2019s done in your life and in your ministry; right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>Absolutely. It\u2019s a critical aspect for me. I feel like it\u2019s why God called me to do what I\u2019m doing and why I\u2019m so inspired to do it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You spent more than a decade giving leadership to the National Fatherhood Initiative\u2014just written a book called <em>Bad Dads of the Bible<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn this book, you are espousing that the Bible is true because it does not sugar coat the mistakes of its heroes; does it?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>It doesn\u2019t. And we tend to airbrush our heroes in a lot of ways, and the Bible does not. I think, within the culture, when we do that, we actually make it more difficult for us to connect with them. So, I felt like\u2014when I was going through, and hearing, and reading these stories about David, and Abraham, and Eli, and others\u2014and looking at them through the lens of fatherhood\u2014specifically, through the lens of fatherhood\u2014it helped me connect. In a lot of cases, I could see myself in their stories. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And you expose the patterns of dads who didn\u2019t do it right. It\u2019s interesting\u2014you take a guy, who was said in Scripture\u2014he was a man after God\u2019s own heart\u2014and you call him a bad dad. [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>Well, look\u2014one of the things I try to do here with this\u2014and it\u2019s interesting because kind of the subtitle is <em>8 Mistakes Every Good Dad Can Avoid<\/em>. See, mistakes are not who you are\u2014they are what you do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd David, even a guy after God\u2019s own heart\u2014when it came to this particular area\u2014particularly, with his issue, which was being paralyzed by his past\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014he allowed a mistake that he made in his past impact his ability to father when it came to how he dealt with Amnon and when he raped Tamar; and then Absalom, and then everything that came from that. You know, it\u2019s frankly tied to my own personal story in terms of when my wife and I got pregnant in college when we were dating. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy deal is really kind of looking at these bad dad mistakes and then saying, \u201cWhat can we learn from them?\u201d because the Bible has them out front and center. They are not varnished. They are not pushed to the side\u2014they are out there. And just like the good things that we learn in the Bible\u2014the good things that people do\u2014all the great things that David did\u2014also, there are some mistakes too. There are lessons to be learned for fathers everywhere on that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And in David\u2019s case, where he did make these mistakes, one of the conclusions you point us to is that a man cannot be paralyzed by his past failures. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>Yes; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, what do we do with our past failures in order to keep from being paralyzed by them?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, he actually uses an illustration of starting to have the birds and the bees discussion with his son\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014that I think really captures, Bob, where a lot of men feel paralyzed by past mistakes, especially when it comes to sexual immorality in this culture. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>Yes, my wife and I got pregnant in college; and we had two sons. We really wanted them to have the ethic of saving sex for marriage. That\u2019s\u2014we articulated that, we communicated that to them from the time they were just little bitty boys. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You\u2019d gotten married. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>We\u2019d gotten married, and that was our deal. So, it came to the time when I needed to have these conversations with my sons, more specifically, and particularly my oldest son. And I was paralyzed. I really felt like: \u201cOh my gosh!\u00a0 I\u2019m going to tell him to do this, and\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And then, he\u2019s going to ask you, \u201cWell, Dad, did you wait?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>Exactly. And it\u2019s funny. I had a friend I used to work with\u2014had done a lot of drugs in college. He said to me once\u2014he said, \u201cLook, I\u2019m not going to tell my kids not to do drugs because I did them; and I don\u2019t feel like I can tell them not to do that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00 <\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are a couple of flaws that are in that kind of logic. The first is that you can project your consequences on their actions. See, actions and consequences are linked. So, your actions have a specific consequence. Their actions will have a specific consequence. He had some consequences, and everything turned out okay. He went to college\u2014whatever. He was able to get through it. So, he thinks, \u201cWell, my daughter will do the same thing.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s not the way that life works. Actions and consequences are linked. Their actions and consequences will be linked for them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe second flaw is that confusing hypocrisy with growth. See, that\u2019s where people come and say, \u201cWell, my kids are going to say that I\u2019m a hypocrite.\u201d\u00a0 And that was one of the things I had to work from my head\u2014was \u201cWait a minute!\u201d\u00a0 A hypocrite means to tell someone not to do something that you are currently doing. Growth is if you tell someone not to do something that they once did. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, you\u2019re a hero if you talk to your kids about something that you did that God showed you \/ and life showed you was something that you shouldn\u2019t do\u2014so, \u201cWe shouldn\u2019t allow you to do that.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s the device that Satan uses to paralyze us because he\u2019s all about destroying the next generation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCertainly, if you get paralyzed by your past, that\u2019s exactly what Satan is able to do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, when you sat down and had that conversation with your son, what did you tell him?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>We told him the unvarnished truth. [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>So, you told him the story?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>We did. It was really interesting, too, when we talked to him about that and we told him how he came into the world. I was all prepared for him to say, \u201cDad, you\u2019re this, or that, or whatever.\u201d\u00a0 And he asked me a really interesting question. He asked\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>How old was he?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>He must have been\u2014I guess it was probably like 13. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>Thirteen when we kind of really went there. Now, he knew about aspects of sex before, but this was the real sort of\u2014you know whatever. And it was interesting. And he only asked me one question. It was: \u201cDid you want me?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Wow!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>Yes, I was thinking, \u201cWhat are you going to do with this?\u201d\u00a0 That was his biggest thing\u2014\u201cDid you want me?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, it ties back to this notion of wantedness. That\u2019s the same question, frankly, that I had for my dad all these years. You know, I never really got a chance to kind of ask him, in a direct way, even before he passed. But that was really\u2014when I go back to it\u2014that was really what the issue was: \u201cAm I wanted?\u00a0 Did you <em>want<\/em> me?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd that was the most important thing. We said, \u201cOf course, we wanted you\u201d; and he was fine. And we moved forward from there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Your dad had abandoned you. That\u2019s kind of the genesis of the question for you; but your son\u2014he went to those circumstances and said, \u201cOkay, so, did you really, really want me?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>Yes; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And I think, sometimes, we really don\u2019t understand where our kids are coming from around these issues. They just need their dads to be real with them\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014and to get honest, heart to heart, and to share the facts of life and take him into the knowledge of that. They are going to hear it from the world anyway. So, why not hear it from you\u2014from hopefully a man who is attempting to follow Jesus Christ?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You know, in the New Testament, the Apostle Paul\u2014not speaking about fatherhood\u2014because we don\u2019t know anything about his marital status. We assume he was not married\u2014didn\u2019t have kids\u2014but he did have a past. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt one point, he told the church at Philippi\u2014he said, \u201cI have this past.\u201d He said, \u201cSome of it, I used to glory in\u2014I used to revel in. Yet, at the same time, I had a past that was embarrassing and a hard past.\u201d\u00a0 And here is what he said. He said, \u201cSo, today, forgetting what lies behind, I press on.\u201d\u00a0 A dad has to learn that your past is not to control your future\u2014it\u2019s to point you in a new direction and get you started on a better road. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>Yes; yes. There is a wonderful Psalm\u2014Psalm 65:3\u2014that says, \u201cWhen we are overwhelmed by sin, You forgave our transgressions.\u201d\u00a0 You know, you have to rest in that security. That\u2019s the antidote to being paralyzed by your past. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019re going to be age-appropriately transparent about it; but at the same time, you\u2019re going to not allow Satan to hit you with the stun gun, as I say, when you have a past issue. I kind of take you through that in a path to where I kind of do that in the book in a big way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>As you talk about David being a bad dad and allowing his past to paralyze him\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014one of the things he was paralyzed about was really moving into his kids\u2019 lives at points they made mistakes. He didn\u2019t correct them. He didn\u2019t discipline them. He didn\u2019t engage them around stuff that was going to wreck their lives. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd in 1 Kings, Chapter 1, it talks about Adonijah, his son, who was setting himself up to replace David. He was going to be the king. And it says, \u201cHis father had never at any time displeased Adonijah by asking, \u2018Why have you done thus and so?\u2019\u201d\u00a0 In other words, David, the dad, had never corrected his son. In the end, it bit him\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014right before he died. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>Yes, it\u2019s absolutely possible to have those kinds of situations. You know, I tried to put some humanity on that whole story about Bathsheba and David. You have to think about it\u2014even with the situation with Tamar and Amnon\u2014essentially, what Amnon did was the same thing that David did. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe took a woman that didn\u2019t belong to him, and then, didn\u2019t take responsibility for the action. It\u2019s basically the principle is exactly the same, which is why it would have been difficult for him to step in there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, if you\u2019re sitting down with a new dad\u2014he\u2019s got a one-year-old baby\u2014and you say to him, \u201cSon, don\u2019t make the mistake David made.\u201d\u00a0 What would be the mistake you\u2019d point him away from that was David\u2019s mistake?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>The mistake, really, is allowing the enemy to take mistakes that he has made in his past to cause him not to speak into areas of his child\u2019s life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>In other words, don\u2019t let the guilt of the past paralyze you today from doing what you\u2019re responsible to do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>Absolutely. You know, we are accountable. These lessons that we\u2019re learning in our own lives are ones that He wants to use for good. Remember, \u201cAll things work to the good of those who love the Lord who are called according to His purposes\u201d\u2014not just good things but also mistakes, if we allow God to use those mistakes. And I\u2019ve certainly seen in my own life\u2014mistakes that I\u2019ve made\u2014that when I set those mistakes at the feet of the cross, God uses them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>This takes a lot of courage for a man to look at his mistake and go, \u201cThis can be a teaching lesson from me, as a dad, to pass on to my son \/ my daughter and future generations.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And I think, for a dad, he\u2019s got to be able to get a perspective on his past and on his failures that is the perspective that God has on them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Because you see, we can look at that and go, \u201cThe shame of what I\u2019ve done\u2014the embarrassment of my past\u2014how do I get rid of that?\u201d\u00a0 And the only way to get rid of it is to say, \u201cGod has already gotten rid of it for you in Christ.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cIt\u2019s nailed to the cross, and you bear it no more. Praise the Lord. Praise the Lord, O my soul.\u201d\u00a0 Once you see it that way, then, you can walk away and say: \u201cYou know what?\u00a0 If God no longer holds me accountable for the sin of the past, then, there is, therefore, now, no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. I\u2019m free from that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>: I\u2019m forgiven!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And because I\u2019m forgiven, as a broken human being, I can pass on some lessons to my son or daughter\u2014who are going to make their own fresh set of mistakes in their own lives. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>And it doesn\u2019t\u2014and this is one of the things that someone said, \u201cWell, that means you\u2019re going to have a cavalier attitude toward mistakes.\u201d\u00a0 Well, of course not. \u201cMay it never be,\u201d as Paul says very articulately, you know, because you love your kids and you love the Lord. So, you\u2019re not going to want to make mistakes so that God can kind of clean them up for you; but you need to understand that when you do make mistakes, that God has a purpose even in that\u2014that He can use those for your good and for His glory. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I thought it was interesting. One of the other dads you pointed to in the Bible, who made mistakes, was Jacob. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>He had a dozen boys. So, what was his tragic flaw?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>Well, when you have that many boys, or kids for that matter, you\u2019re going to have sibling rivalry. And his issue was he turned a blind eye to the sibling rivalry, particularly, by picking a favorite son, Joseph. He was someone who understood, well, what sibling rivalry can do in a family\u2014with his relationship with Esau. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd that was the other thing that was really an interesting principle there as I looked at that story because Joseph\u2014actually, he had a flaw\u2014he had a character flaw. He was boastful. Obviously, Jacob had a similar seed in his character. Joseph was in conflict with his brothers\u2014well, guess what?\u00a0 Jacob had been in conflict with his brother. And actually, if you read through Scripture, he actually figured out how to restore his relationship with Esau. These are all lessons that he could have passed on to Joseph; but because he turned a blind eye to the sibling rivalry, he was not able to do that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>One thing I want to point out here\u2014there is a God-given alarm system that has been given to men to point out when a husband and a dad isn\u2019t addressing sibling rivalry. It\u2019s called our wives. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>Yes. [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Barbara has come to me, on more than one occasion, and she\u2019s said, you know: \u201cOur kids need you,\u201d or, \u201cThose two need you,\u201d or, \u201cThose three, who are ganging up on this one, they need you to engage in this.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And the easiest thing to do in that situation is to justify, and defend, and say, \u201cOh, I\u2019m a good dad!\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s kind of like your book: \u201cI\u2019m a good dad!\u00a0 I\u2019m not a bad dad.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>Part of the reason why Jacob didn\u2019t get that counsel is because the two women he married had fierce sibling rivalry, as well, between the two of them. Rebecca was his favorite. Leah was not. Joseph was from whom?\u2014Rebecca. Rebecca was dead. So, even in that particular situation, it was sibling rivalry that actually even stopped him from being able to get the kind of feedback that you and I would get from our wives to help us manage what we should be doing as a father. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, it really is one that has an enormous impact in a culture. And we\u2019ve seen it again, and again, and again. I talk about some great stories in the culture about this as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, how far apart are Jamin and Justin?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>They\u2019re roughly two-and-half years apart. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay, two-and-a-half years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>No sibling rivalry there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We had some two-and-a-half year separation in our kids, and we saw some sparks fly. Did you?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>They got along very, very well; but you know, one of the things I talk about in the book is that there was some stuff that even goes on, even when you don\u2019t know it. One of the stories I tell in the book is about when my son, Justin, was like 25 years old. We were going through some old pictures. There was a picture of me and my son, along with his baseball team. And I now noticed in the picture, there was an \u201cX\u201d across my face that someone had done with a pen. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI looked at him, and I said, \u201cWow, I wonder what happened to this?\u201d\u00a0 So, Justin\u201425, now\u2014sheepishly looked at this and said, \u201cI did that.\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cWhy did you do that?\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cWell, I was mad because you were coaching his team, and you weren\u2019t coaching mine.\u201d\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 So\u2014and here\u2019s the interesting thing. Now, Justin is my athlete. I spent more time, sports-wise, with him than with his brother. But kids have this deep, deep, deep desire for that connection. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can still have those things that you aren\u2019t looking for. And I, certainly, didn\u2019t see that at the time. It didn\u2019t\u2014he didn\u2019t act out in a big, big way; but it was just another pointer for me of how important sibling rivalry can be and how, as a father, you cannot turn a blind eye to it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And I have a hypothesis\u2014not a theory\u2014it\u2019s a hypothesis. It\u2019s just one of those things I throw out there. I have to wonder: \u201cIf kids have a strong, healthy relational bond with their dad\u2014one on one\u2014each child feeling really connected to their father\u2014I wonder if that has an impact on the rivalry that happens between the kids.\u201d\u00a0 My hypothesis is: \u201cIf you\u2019re secure in this love relationship with your dad, it may mute some of the natural rivalry that goes on between two brothers or even two sisters.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I think you are hitting a key point, Bob. I don\u2019t think you are going to be able to eliminate sibling rivalry\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014from your children\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Because they are selfish kids; right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It\u2019s a broken world. And here is the thing I don\u2019t want our listeners to miss\u2014and I\u2019ve said it many times: \u201cYour home is an incubator that is teaching your sons and your daughters how two imperfect, selfish human beings relate to one another in the most intimate of all relationships, which is a family.\u201d\u00a0 Guess what they are going to grow up and establish on their own some day?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roland: <\/strong>And you know, you asked about Jamin and Justin. One of the things that my wife and I did was that we didn\u2019t take conflict lightly\u2014yelling or hitting\u2014any of those things. A lot of parents, sometimes, we\u2019ll have this notion that: \u201cKids will be kids.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s not really what God has designed parents to do. He gave parents the ability and the responsibility to step into those things because, if you are a selfish kid at the dinner table, you\u2019re probably going to be a selfish business man at the negotiating table. It\u2019s not going to go well with you. You read through Proverbs\u2014you see again, and again, and again. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, this is really a big, big area that you have to be focused on. I tell a few stories in the book, frankly, about situations where sibling rivalry went very, very bad and can have some very, very dire consequences if you don\u2019t step into this. You can\u2019t turn a blind eye. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe last thing I would say is that that\u2019s a really important role for fathers and mothers and husbands and wives\u2014and if you are not married, certainly\u2014to not allow your children to be able to kind of position you because you see some of that happening. That was kind of the situation that happened with Jacob and Esau, where Jacob was Rachel\u2019s favorite and Esau was Isaac\u2019s favorite. So, because of that, the parents weren\u2019t even in unity; and as a result, it makes the conflict even more significant between the children. And I think it\u2019s an important point that you have to focus on as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Let me just read something out of Proverbs 15. It says: \u201cA soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouth of fools pours out folly.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cThe eyes of the Lord are in every place keeping watch on the evil and the good.\u201d\u00a0 You think it\u2019s talking about sibling rivalry here?\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 Verse 4: \u201cA gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit. A fool despises his father\u2019s instruction, but whoever heeds reproof is prudent.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat whole passage is assuming that a dad is instructing \/ a dad is coaching. Is it exhausting?\u2014absolutely. Does it seem like it\u2019s never ending?\u00a0 Oh my goodness!\u00a0 Barbara and I thought, at points, we were raising juvenile delinquents!\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 I mean, we thought, \u201cWe\u2019re\u201d\u2014and we\u2019re on the radio for goodness\u2019 sakes. But our kids are not perfect. Of course, they\u2019re not perfect. They are related to their parents. But the assignment for every dad is to take the mantle of responsibility to be the dad and to get in there with your kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCoach them on these life lessons, and to respect their brother \/ to respect their sister, and not speak with a hateful tone \/ a disrespectful spirit but to learn how to love in a family. That\u2019s really one of the chief assignments of a mom and dad\u2014I\u2019m convinced. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, at one level, it\u2019s really helpful to read the accounts in Scripture of dads who have blown it because, first of all, you don\u2019t feel so alone because you\u2019ve blown it\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014and you will again; but then, secondly, this helps point you in the direction: \u201cDon\u2019t do this. This is what happens when you do this.\u201d\u00a0 So, you can learn from somebody else\u2019s mistakes, along the way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got copies of Roland Warren\u2019s book, <em>Bad Dads of the Bible<\/em>, in our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Resource Center. And I want to encourage our listeners, \u201cGo to FamilyLifeToday.com, click in the upper left-hand corner of the screen where it says, \u2018Go Deeper,\u2019 and you can order from right there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY, 1-800-358-6329. That\u2019s 1-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, I think if we\u2019re going to be good dads, we first of all have to get our arms around what it means to be godly men. Of course, that\u2019s what is at the heart of the book that you wrote, Dennis, called <em>Stepping Up<\/em>. And it\u2019s at the heart of the video series that our team put together that takes themes from your book. Our team, here at FamilyLife, is really hoping that this summer a number of our listeners would get this <em>Stepping Up<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> video resource and would take a handful of guys through the material. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we\u2019re offering a little additional incentive this week. If you call us to order the video series, we will send along, for free, five manuals for the guys you want to take through this series. So, you get the DVDs\u2014we\u2019ll send the manuals. You have the guys over to your house and go through this stuff this summer\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014or if you want to wait and do it in the fall, that\u2019s fine as well. But you need to call this week or go online at FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link that says, \u201cGo Deeper,\u201d and order the video series for the <em>Stepping Up<\/em> ten-week series. Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY if you have any questions or you\u2019d like to order over the phone. That\u2019s 1-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have had the opportunity to see tens of thousands of guys go through that material and get equipped, as men\u2014get trained in what biblical manhood is all about. It\u2019s one of the things we are committed to, here at FamilyLife. We want to effectively develop godly families because we believe godly families change the world, one home at a time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we want to thank those listeners who share that vision with us. We\u2019re listener-supported. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMore than two-thirds of the money we need to operate this ministry comes from folks, like you, who will make an occasional donation or folks, like you, who are Legacy Partners and make a monthly donation in support of this ministry. We appreciate that financial support. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRight now, when you make a donation\u2014between now and Father\u2019s Day\u2014your donation is going to be doubled, dollar for dollar, up to a total of $410,000, thanks to a matching-gift fund that\u2019s been established by some friends of this ministry. So, if you would consider going to FamilyLifeToday.com, click in the upper right-hand corner of the screen where it says, \u201cI Care,\u201d make an online donation to support the ministry, we would appreciate that financial support. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr if it\u2019s easier, you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY and make a donation over the phone. Of course, you can mail a check to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at Post Office Box 7111, Little Rock, AR. And our zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd thanks, in advance, for whatever you are able to do in support of the ministry. Please pray that we will be able to take full advantage of this matching-gift opportunity here over the next week-and-a-half. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to talk about the best example of fatherhood found in all of the Bible\u2014what we can learn from that example. And I bet you don\u2019t have to think too hard to figure out who it is we are talking about; right?\u00a0 Hope you can join us back again tomorrow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2014 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/303069","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=303069"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=303069"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=303069"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=303069"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=303069"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=303069"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=303069"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}