{"id":303023,"date":"2014-04-21T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2014-04-21T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/love-by-god-to-love-your-spouse\/"},"modified":"2014-04-21T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2014-04-21T15:00:00","slug":"love-by-god-to-love-your-spouse","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/love-by-god-to-love-your-spouse\/","title":{"rendered":"Love by God to Love Your Spouse"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Do you show your spouse grace? Tim and Darcy know what it means to give and receive grace, and share some grace moments from their own marriage.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-04-21.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"25.69M","filesize_raw":"26936759","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2862],"tags":[4634],"podcast_series":[8006],"cwp_profile":[3211,3058],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-303023","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-understanding-differences","tag-grace","podcast_series-grace-filled-marriage","cwp_profile-darcy-kimmel","cwp_profile-tim-kimmel","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/303023\/love-by-god-to-love-your-spouse","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/303023\/love-by-god-to-love-your-spouse","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"RgTyNRjYtO\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/love-by-god-to-love-your-spouse\/\">Love by God to Love Your Spouse<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/love-by-god-to-love-your-spouse\/embed\/#?secret=RgTyNRjYtO\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Love by God to Love Your Spouse&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"RgTyNRjYtO\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-04-21.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-04-21.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It\u2019s not enough for a husband or a wife to have love for a spouse in marriage. Tim Kimmel says, \u201cIt has to be the right kind of love from the right source.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>The difference between a marriage that is filled with love and a marriage that is filled with grace\u2014it\u2019s not that my love for God is what I give to Darcy\u2014it is: \u201cGod\u2019s love for me is what I\u2019m giving to Darcy.\u201d\u00a0 What we tend to want to do is say, \u201cOkay, I\u2019m going to take the love that I have for God, and share that, and be the kind of love that I have for Darcy.\u201d\u00a0 That sounds great; doesn\u2019t it?\u2014except, it\u2019s a recipe for disaster because it\u2019s still <em>my<\/em> love. My love is <em>limited<\/em> love. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, April 21<sup>st<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. Tim and Darcy Kimmel join us today to find out how we can have a marriage that is filled with grace.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSounds good; doesn\u2019t it?\u00a0 We\u2019ll talk about it. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. You know, I have known our guests today for more than two decades. You\u2019ve known them longer than I have. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Wasn\u2019t until I read their latest book that I realized that Tim has a background in hairstyling. Did you know about that?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You know, I somehow\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Did you miss that part of the book?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I somehow missed that part. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, you\u2019ll have to ask him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I know when he was\u2014he wrote a book called <em>Grace Based Parenting<\/em>. I knew that one of his kids had their hair\u2014I don\u2019t know\u2014was it neon?\u00a0 What was it?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Darcy: <\/strong>It was a Mohawk. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>That, too, and a Mohawk. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But ask him. After you introduce him, ask him about the hairstyling. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, I do know the story. First of all, Tim and Darcy Kimmel join us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTim, tell us about braiding Darcy\u2019s hair. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>Well, she had gone on a trip to visit her mother, and we had young kids. Two of them were girls\u2014long hair\u2014left me in charge. I did my best. But apparently, one of her friends ratted-me-out\u2014that it was just a nightmare what I\u2019d done with the girls for church. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I\u2019d say \u201cratted-you-out\u201d implied what the hair looked like. [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>Yes, right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>In other words, it was not an A-plus braid. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>No, no; it wasn\u2019t even a braid. I didn\u2019t know what I was doing. So, Darcy got back. She heard about this and said, \u201cLook,\u201d\u2014we put the kids to bed. She said: \u201ctonight, after we put the kids down, I want to teach you to do something, even if you don\u2019t do it well. It\u2019s going to be better than what you\u2019ve been doing. I want to teach you to French braid hair.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat night, after we put the kids down, I was very concerned that\u2014I thought, \u201cHas she got camo?\u201d or, \u201cIs somebody is going to come and steal my man-card or whatever if they catch me doing this?\u201d\u00a0 One of my friends came over and said: \u201cLook, I\u2019m just looking for junk in her hair. Don\u2019t worry about it!\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut anyway, I put a fire in the fireplace. We had some music on, from back when we were in college.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe was sitting kind of cross-legged, going\u2014and I followed her instructions. It hit me: \u201cWhen you look at a woman\u2019s braided hair, going down the back of her head, it looks like two strands of hair overlapping in kind of a herringbone style.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>It looks like two, but I was holding three in my hand. As I was weaving them together to look like two\u2014it looked very beautiful\u2014I thought: \u201cYou know, when we weave Jesus into our marriage, people are seeing two\u2014but there are three there. And He makes all the difference in the world.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>He does. You guys have been married 41 years\u2014have four children\u2014give leadership to Family Matters<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. You\u2019re the President of that, and you guys have been on the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> speaker team for 26 years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>We have. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Any idea how many couples you\u2019ve spoken to over those 26 years?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Darcy: <\/strong>Thousands. And it\u2019s been one of the most exciting ministry opportunities that we\u2019ve ever had. It\u2019s\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Darcy: <\/strong>\u2014with FamilyLife and those marriage weekends. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, it\u2019s a great privilege to have you guys on the team and, also, talk about your book, <em>Grace Filled Marriage<\/em>. Now, a lot of listeners have heard about your other book, <em>Grace Based Parenting<\/em>. What I wanted to ask you, Darcy, is: \u201cCan you illustrate what grace looks like, coming from Tim?\u00a0 How has he given you grace\u2014in an instant \/ in a moment\u2014in your 41-year-old marriage?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Darcy: <\/strong>Well, I think, as so many other couples, we come from different directions. We\u2019re very different. Of course, we didn\u2019t realize how different that was until we got married. But I am a planner\u2014I am a detail person. Tim is much more spontaneous. He doesn\u2019t\u2014you know, he doesn\u2019t care what\u2019s around the corner. He just wants to go and look. I like to know what\u2019s around the corner before I turn that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, he has been very gracious to me in being patient with me\u2014not taking me too fast \/ too far when\u2014\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014especially in ministry\u2014you know, there are a lot of things that you don\u2019t know in ministry. So, he\u2019s been very patient with me. That\u2019s grace, coming from him, because it drives him nuts!\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Patience is an aspect of grace; but Tim\u2014as you describe it in the book\u2014grace is bigger than just being patient; isn\u2019t it?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>Yes. Grace is giving somebody something they desperately need but don\u2019t necessarily deserve. That\u2019s what happened at the cross when Jesus intervened, in time and space, for all of us. He gave us grace. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut when I look at our marriages, I think we tend to lead with the word, \u201clove.\u201d\u00a0 Love is an intrinsic part of just about anybody\u2019s life. That\u2019s what we share\u2014our vows of love\u2014but I think the missing ingredient, in most people\u2019s marriage, is not love. I believe it is grace. When they bring God\u2019s grace to center-stage\u2014now, that love can endure and get stronger. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, if God\u2019s grace is giving me what I need but don\u2019t deserve\u2014then grace, in a marriage, is when we give one another things we need but don\u2019t deserve?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>Yes. I think the problem with us, human beings\u2014even us, Christian human beings\u2014is that, when we get married\u2014like it or not\u2014we tend to keep a tally sheet in our hand. We\u2019re keeping score as we go. We feel that that is completely legitimate, even though we would\u2014to our dying breath\u2014say, \u201cWe love each other incredibly.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut because we are keeping score, it\u2019s easy to start to think, \u201cYou know, I don\u2019t think they are pulling their part of the deal on this\u201d; or we start a quid pro quo arrangement. This is the antithesis of the way God deals with us. So, all we\u2019re saying, in this book, is: \u201cWhy don\u2019t we treat our spouse the way God treats His spouse\u2014with grace?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And the tally sheet can work well into the marriage as long as the feelings are there to overwhelm your spouse\u2019s deficit;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014but when the feelings are gone, or they ebb away, you\u2019ve got a problem, at that point, of: \u201cHow am I going to relate to this other broken person who\u2019s not meeting my needs?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI looked up a definition of grace from my Logos Bible study Software, which I really like. It says, \u201cGod\u2019s grace confronts our rebellion and our indifference with an inexhaustible capacity to forgive and to bless.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I like that picture\u2014that it\u2019s God responding to <em>us<\/em>, in our indifference and our rebellion\u2014and what spouse hasn\u2019t had indifference to us or rebellion to what we wanted to do?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDarcy, I\u2019m thinking about you\u2014you know\u2014you\u2019re throwing out anchors, left and right, for Mr. Free-Spirit over here you\u2019ve been married to for more than four decades. He, sometimes, can look at you and go: \u201cShe\u2019s in rebellion. She won\u2019t follow me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cShe won\u2019t go where I want her to go when I want her to go.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Darcy: <\/strong>Right. I mean, I can irritate him to no end; and I know the buttons I can push. Sometimes, I want to push them because I want a little payback\u2014you know?\u2014on him. [Laughter]\u00a0 But, I mean, that\u2019s not being gracious. That\u2019s not giving him what he actually needs\u2014it\u2019s giving him what I want him to have. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And what you guys are calling us to do in our marriage\u2014is calling us to allow Jesus Christ to live <em>in <\/em>and <em>through<\/em> us and express that inexhaustible forgiveness and the ability to bless another person\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>Bless another person\u2014\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014when they don\u2019t deserve it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Darcy: <\/strong>\u2014when they don\u2019t deserve it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>\u2014when they don\u2019t deserve it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And I think one of the key things you point people to, early-on in the book, is the fact that a lot of couples\u2014in a marriage where there is conflict, where there is chafing, where you\u2019re just not syncing-up the way you\u2019d like to\u2014they think, \u201cWell, we just need to try harder to make our marriage work.\u201d\u00a0 You\u2019re saying, \u201cThat\u2019s a recipe for failure.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Tim: <\/strong>Absolutely because the punch line of this book is probably one that\u2014when I say it, a lot of people are going to say, \u201cThat\u2019s a little abstract for me\u201d; but what we tend to want to do is\u2014I say, \u201cI\u2019m going to take the love that I have for God, and share that, and be the kind of love I have for Darcy.\u201d\u00a0 That sounds great; doesn\u2019t it?\u2014except, that it\u2019s a recipe for disaster because it\u2019s still <em>my <\/em>love for God. My love is <em>limited<\/em> love. Give it the right circumstances, and it\u2019s going to wane. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe difference between a marriage that is filled with love and a marriage that is filled with grace\u2014it\u2019s not that my love for God is what I give to Darcy\u2014it is: \u201cGod\u2019s love for <em>me<\/em> is what I\u2019m giving to Darcy.\u201d This is very different, Dennis; but when I let God flow through me\u2014now, it\u2019s coming at her\u2014now, she has the infinite, all-powerful love of God working through me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m still a vessel, walking on feet of clay. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI quote you all the time, saying, \u201cGod picks up crooked sticks and draws straight lines, all the time.\u201d You\u2019ve said that over and over again, Dennis; but that\u2019s what I\u2019m talking about. I am a crooked stick, but God can do something in us\u2014that it\u2019s a game-changer, all the way around. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes, if your source for loving your spouse is your internal reservoir of love, you will run out of that quickly; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Darcy: <\/strong>Oh, so soon. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But if your source is tapped to the inexhaustible supply\u2014that you talked about in your definition of grace\u2014then all you are is a conduit for the grace of God to flow through you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I had a conversation with a man recently. He\u2019d been married a couple of decades to his wife, and they had hit a wall. He said, \u201cWe had a breakthrough in our marriage because I ultimately came to the conclusion: \u2018I could no longer do what she needed me to do. I couldn\u2019t love her the way she needed to be loved.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said, \u201cThe breakthrough came when I admitted, \u2018I couldn\u2019t do it, but God could.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>But God could. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And what we\u2019re talking about here is the filling of the Holy Spirit. If you\u2019re a believer in Jesus Christ, you have the Holy Spirit living inside of you. He came to produce fruit in your life. In Galatians 5, where it mentions the fruit\u2014the first one is love: \u201cLove, joy, peace, patience, kindness\u201d\u2014that\u2019s what the Holy Spirit came to produce <em>in<\/em> and <em>through<\/em> you to exhibit that to your spouse. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Darcy: <\/strong>We thought a lot about Bill Bright as we were writing this book because he <em>always <\/em>married the Holy Spirit\u2014the filling of the Holy Spirit\u2014with our salvation. So many times\u2014we get saved, but we forget that the Holy Spirit gives us the power to live out that salvation\u2014especially, in marriage because, as Bob said, we get to the end of our resources so quickly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, we think: \u201cOh, I just got to try harder. I\u2019ve got to read another book. I\u2019ve got to do this. Let me see my checklist.\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s very discouraging for couples that give it their all; and yet, they are not tapping into God\u2019s power. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It can still seem abstract to folks to be talking about drawing on your own internal reserves of love versus drawing on the love of God to flow through you. We can understand that in terms of a metaphor; but in terms of how we do that on a daily basis, Darcy, how can you tell when you are utilizing resources that are outside of you rather than resources that are inside of you?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Darcy: <\/strong>Well, I can tell by the result\u2014it\u2019s usually a lot more positive. Every morning, I try to fill up my heart with God\u2019s Word because it\u2019s true \/ it\u2019s powerful. It reminds me of how much God loves <em>me<\/em>. That\u2019s my model for how I am to love Tim. That helps me\u2014then, of course, prayer. I mean, you just cry out to God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou just say: \u201cI can\u2019t do this!\u00a0 I don\u2019t like him, let alone love him, right now. You\u2019re going to have to love him through me.\u201d\u00a0 And God is faithful. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Practically\u2014a young couple listening to us or, for that matter, a couple that has been married for some period of time\u2014how would you\u2014and again, we\u2019re trying to move the abstract to the concrete\u2014both Bob and I here\u2014trying to tangibly illustrate this: \u201cHow would you coach somebody, in the heat of the moment, when your spouse has disappointed you? You are ticked off, you\u2019re angry, you\u2019re disappointed; and you want to get back at them. You want to put your fingers on the scales and say, \u2018You\u2019re wrong. I\u2019m right!\u2019 How do they, at that moment, allow Jesus Christ to live in and through them?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>Well, I\u2019m going to give you my answer to this. It\u2019s a simple thing\u2014that, if you go to this every time, it\u2019ll guide you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEverything she wants to do back to him\u2014just ask yourself this question: \u201cIs that how God treats me when I push His buttons like this?\u201d\u00a0 Is that what God does with me?\u00a0 Does He write me off?\u00a0 Does He let me have it?\u00a0 Does He vaporize me?\u00a0 Does He marginalize me?\u00a0 Does He punish me?\u00a0 Does He give me the silent treatment?\u00a0 No.\u201d\u00a0 Just simply treat your spouse, in that moment, the way God treats you when you act the same way. That has been our guideline. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And the way you find out how God treats people is you get in the Book. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>You get in the Book. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Darcy: <\/strong>You do. You have to know about God and His love. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And that\u2019s really\u2014as I was thinking about how I\u2019d answer your question, I was thinking back to what Darcy said, at the very beginning: \u201cIt\u2019s what your life is filled up with that is what\u2019s going to come out.\u201d\u00a0 If your question is: \u201cIn the heat of the moment, how do you rally?\u201d Well, at that point, we\u2019ve got to find out: \u201cWhat are you filled up with\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cin the heat of the moment?\u201d Because, if you wait until the heat of the moment and go, \u201cI better come up with something Christian to do now,\u201d that isn\u2019t going to work. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019ve got to be so filled up with God, on a daily basis\u2014on a moment-to-moment basis\u2014that when you get provoked, what comes out is the God that you\u2019re filled up with. That\u2019s where I think being in the Word, spending time in prayer\u2014those kinds of disciplines, as you fill up with Jesus\u2014then, when the time comes, that\u2019s what you\u2019ve got to pour out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And as you find out how God treats you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>It is. But don\u2019t you think a lot of the people just say, \u201cI really didn\u2019t want to hear that answer\u201d because we\u2019re a Google<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> generation?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cI want a technique\u2014I want an app for that.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Darcy: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>\u201cI want an app for that. I want to Google, \u2018Best practices.\u2019 Give me two or three things, and I do it.\u201d\u00a0 And I think this is why we all fall short\u2014this is about relationship. A grace-filled marriage starts with a grace-filled relationship through the Savior. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt goes back to the cross. This is about the gospel\u2014with sweat all over it\u2014that\u2019s all we\u2019re talking about. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes, you are saying, \u201cYou cannot impart\u201d\u2014and I remember Howard Hendricks saying this in class\u2014he went to Dallas Seminary too. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim<\/strong>: Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>He made the statement, \u201cYou cannot impart what you do not possess.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>That\u2019s exactly right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Darcy: <\/strong>That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>So, it means that you have to be a partaker in the grace of God. I\u2019m just sitting here and I\u2019m thinking: \u201cThere has to be a listener, who is going, \u2018I don\u2019t know what you four are talking about. I\u2019m lost.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 They don\u2019t know the grace of God. They don\u2019t know Jesus Christ. How do they become a partaker of grace, Tim?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>When we realize that the God who made us\u2014realize that there is no way we could have relationship with Him because of the sin in our own life\u2014that He loved us enough to intervene, in time and space\u2014take on human flesh, climb up on a cross, and ask us to marry Him on a cross\u2014and He gave His life as a substitute for our sin.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you simply just put your faith in what He did on the cross for you and say: \u201cJesus, I need you. Please forgive me. Set me free from my sin,\u201d\u2014just like that\u2014He enters our life, and He does set us free. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn the process, we get all of God too; and we get all of His grace. He says: \u201cNow, let Me grow My grace in your heart. Let Me transplant My heart into you.\u201d\u00a0 When we do\u2014I mean, we\u2019ve been at it 41 years\u2014but the first few decade or two of ours, it was a lot of autumn season and winter season in our relationship\u2014but as we let God continue to grow in our life\u2014\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And to that person who wants to do that, right now\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014take his hand or her hand in yours and put it in the hands of God to explain\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Do what you did with Darcy\u2014back in the car, back when you were kids\u2014because you\u2014our listeners don\u2019t know this\u2014but you were the one who led your wife to Christ, prior to you guys getting married; right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>That\u2019s right. We were\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014she was 15, and I was 16. We were just on the front-side of my own faith. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019re here\u2014and you are listening to us, right now, and you realize: \u201cThe missing ingredient in my life is this grace,\u201d\u2014but even bigger\u2014\u201cit\u2019s Jesus,\u201d\u2014you can invite Him into your life, right now, simply by faith. Just repeat this prayer after me in your heart\u2014just say: \u201cDear Jesus, I need you. I know that I\u2019m a sinner; and because of my sin, I\u2019m lost. I know now that You love me, and You gave Your life for me. So, please forgive me. Come into my heart, Jesus, and make my life new. Amen.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you just prayed that prayer, God heard you. He took up housekeeping in your heart. He wants to set you free. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And He forgave you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>He forgave you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>He declared you, \u201cNot guilty.\u201d You mentioned that\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014on the cross, Jesus Christ asked to marry us. He paid the dowry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>He paid the price to get us into heaven and into a relationship with Almighty God. In 2 Corinthians, Chapter 5, verse 17, as a listener, if you just prayed that prayer, you ought to write this address down\u20142 Corinthians 5:17. It says: \u201cTherefore, if anyone is in Christ, he [or she] is a new creation. The old has passed away, behold the new has come.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And it goes on to talk about how all of this is the result of God having reconciled us to Himself through His Son, Jesus Christ. This is not\u2014this is not a fable. This is not just some kind of story. This is God\u2014who became a real person, dwelt among people, went to a cross, died, defeated death,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014and today is seated at the right hand of God, the Father, and can offer you eternal life because He has defeated death and has died for your sins. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>At our website, at FamilyLifeToday.com, we have a link to something that\u2019s called, \u201cTwo Ways to Live,\u201d that maps out for you the options that are in front of everyone of us about how we\u2019re going to live\u2014whether we are going to live a performance-based life or a grace-based life. It really does break down to those two options. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf a listener will go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the link that says, \u201cGo Deeper,\u201d in the upper left-hand corner of the page, you can find out about the \u201cTwo Ways to Live\u201d and make sure that you are living the right way\u2014the way that God designed us to live. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhile you are on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com, look for more information about Tim and Darcy Kimmel\u2019s new book, <em>Grace Filled Marriage<\/em>\u2014great book for couples to go through\u2014maybe read through together. It\u2019ll give you a healthy perspective on what God\u2019s design for marriage is all about and how it fits with the message of the gospel. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, the title of the book is <em>Grace Filled Marriage<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me mention one other thing: Our team, here at FamilyLife, has noticed that a lot of listeners have started using the FamilyLife <em>Art of Marriage<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> small group study\u2014getting together with four or five other couples and going through this material, once a week\u2014having some great discussions around the issues we face in marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe thought, \u201cWouldn\u2019t it be great if, this summer, many of our listeners would make it a goal to get together with a group of four other couples and go through <em>The Art of Marriage<\/em> small group material in six-sessions?\u201d\u2014so twice in June, twice in July, twice in August\u2014and you got it done. It\u2019d be a great way to spend a summer. And we thought, \u201cI wonder if there is something we could do that would help nudge folks who think this a good idea to go ahead and say, \u2018Let\u2019s do it.\u2019?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere is what we came up with: If you will get the small group kit\u2014which includes workbooks for you, and you get a couple of sets of workbooks for two other couples\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014we\u2019ll include two more sets of workbooks for the other two couples you are going to invite; okay?\u00a0 And you don\u2019t have to wait until the summer to do this. If this fits for your small group and you want to do it between now and the end of May, you can do that, as well. But the offer is good this week. If you want to take advantage of this special offer and get the four free workbooks for your <em>Art of Marriage<\/em> small group study, go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link that says, \u201cGo Deeper,\u201d and the details are right there; alright?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link that says, \u201cGo Deeper.\u201d You\u2019ll find the information you need there; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY and say, \u201cI want to know about the special offer on the small group study for <em>The Art of Marriage<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMary Ann and I are going to go through this, this summer, with another couple as we take them through premarital preparation. We think this is good material for them as they consider marriage. So, again, get more information, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, today\u2019s program has been made possible because of listeners, just like you, who have been listening for a while and who have said: \u201cYou know what? <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>has been helpful in my marriage, in my family; and I think it is important that other marriages and families continue to have a chance to hear this program on this local radio station.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are listener-supported. The funds we need to produce and syndicate this radio program\u2014we get those funds from folks, like you, who make donations, from time to time, or those of you who are our Legacy Partners and donate each month. We appreciate you. If you make a donation today, we\u2019d like to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d by sending you a set of three prayer cards designed to help you pray more effectively for one another in your family. When you go to FamilyLifeToday.com, you can click the link that says, \u201cI Care,\u201d to make an online donation; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Make a donation over the phone. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAsk for the set of three prayer cards that we\u2019re offering. We\u2019ll get those to you. Or you can request the prayer cards and mail a check to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at P O Box 7111, Little Rock, AR. And our zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can join us back again tomorrow as we continue our conversation with Tim and Darcy Kimmel about what it means to have a grace-filled marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2014 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["25.69M"],"filesize_raw":["26936759"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-303023.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-303023.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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you show your spouse grace? Tim and Darcy know what it means to give and receive grace, and share some grace moments from their own marriage.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-04-21.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It\u2019s not enough for a husband or a wife to have love for a spouse in marriage. Tim Kimmel says, \u201cIt has to be the right kind of love from the right source.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>The difference between a marriage that is filled with love and a marriage that is filled with grace\u2014it\u2019s not that my love for God is what I give to Darcy\u2014it is: \u201cGod\u2019s love for me is what I\u2019m giving to Darcy.\u201d\u00a0 What we tend to want to do is say, \u201cOkay, I\u2019m going to take the love that I have for God, and share that, and be the kind of love that I have for Darcy.\u201d\u00a0 That sounds great; doesn\u2019t it?\u2014except, it\u2019s a recipe for disaster because it\u2019s still <em>my<\/em> love. My love is <em>limited<\/em> love. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, April 21<sup>st<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. Tim and Darcy Kimmel join us today to find out how we can have a marriage that is filled with grace.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSounds good; doesn\u2019t it?\u00a0 We\u2019ll talk about it. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. You know, I have known our guests today for more than two decades. You\u2019ve known them longer than I have. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Wasn\u2019t until I read their latest book that I realized that Tim has a background in hairstyling. Did you know about that?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You know, I somehow\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Did you miss that part of the book?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I somehow missed that part. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, you\u2019ll have to ask him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I know when he was\u2014he wrote a book called <em>Grace Based Parenting<\/em>. I knew that one of his kids had their hair\u2014I don\u2019t know\u2014was it neon?\u00a0 What was it?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Darcy: <\/strong>It was a Mohawk. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>That, too, and a Mohawk. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But ask him. After you introduce him, ask him about the hairstyling. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, I do know the story. First of all, Tim and Darcy Kimmel join us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTim, tell us about braiding Darcy\u2019s hair. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>Well, she had gone on a trip to visit her mother, and we had young kids. Two of them were girls\u2014long hair\u2014left me in charge. I did my best. But apparently, one of her friends ratted-me-out\u2014that it was just a nightmare what I\u2019d done with the girls for church. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I\u2019d say \u201cratted-you-out\u201d implied what the hair looked like. [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>Yes, right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>In other words, it was not an A-plus braid. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>No, no; it wasn\u2019t even a braid. I didn\u2019t know what I was doing. So, Darcy got back. She heard about this and said, \u201cLook,\u201d\u2014we put the kids to bed. She said: \u201ctonight, after we put the kids down, I want to teach you to do something, even if you don\u2019t do it well. It\u2019s going to be better than what you\u2019ve been doing. I want to teach you to French braid hair.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat night, after we put the kids down, I was very concerned that\u2014I thought, \u201cHas she got camo?\u201d or, \u201cIs somebody is going to come and steal my man-card or whatever if they catch me doing this?\u201d\u00a0 One of my friends came over and said: \u201cLook, I\u2019m just looking for junk in her hair. Don\u2019t worry about it!\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut anyway, I put a fire in the fireplace. We had some music on, from back when we were in college.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe was sitting kind of cross-legged, going\u2014and I followed her instructions. It hit me: \u201cWhen you look at a woman\u2019s braided hair, going down the back of her head, it looks like two strands of hair overlapping in kind of a herringbone style.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>It looks like two, but I was holding three in my hand. As I was weaving them together to look like two\u2014it looked very beautiful\u2014I thought: \u201cYou know, when we weave Jesus into our marriage, people are seeing two\u2014but there are three there. And He makes all the difference in the world.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>He does. You guys have been married 41 years\u2014have four children\u2014give leadership to Family Matters<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. You\u2019re the President of that, and you guys have been on the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> speaker team for 26 years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>We have. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Any idea how many couples you\u2019ve spoken to over those 26 years?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Darcy: <\/strong>Thousands. And it\u2019s been one of the most exciting ministry opportunities that we\u2019ve ever had. It\u2019s\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Darcy: <\/strong>\u2014with FamilyLife and those marriage weekends. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, it\u2019s a great privilege to have you guys on the team and, also, talk about your book, <em>Grace Filled Marriage<\/em>. Now, a lot of listeners have heard about your other book, <em>Grace Based Parenting<\/em>. What I wanted to ask you, Darcy, is: \u201cCan you illustrate what grace looks like, coming from Tim?\u00a0 How has he given you grace\u2014in an instant \/ in a moment\u2014in your 41-year-old marriage?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Darcy: <\/strong>Well, I think, as so many other couples, we come from different directions. We\u2019re very different. Of course, we didn\u2019t realize how different that was until we got married. But I am a planner\u2014I am a detail person. Tim is much more spontaneous. He doesn\u2019t\u2014you know, he doesn\u2019t care what\u2019s around the corner. He just wants to go and look. I like to know what\u2019s around the corner before I turn that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, he has been very gracious to me in being patient with me\u2014not taking me too fast \/ too far when\u2014\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014especially in ministry\u2014you know, there are a lot of things that you don\u2019t know in ministry. So, he\u2019s been very patient with me. That\u2019s grace, coming from him, because it drives him nuts!\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Patience is an aspect of grace; but Tim\u2014as you describe it in the book\u2014grace is bigger than just being patient; isn\u2019t it?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>Yes. Grace is giving somebody something they desperately need but don\u2019t necessarily deserve. That\u2019s what happened at the cross when Jesus intervened, in time and space, for all of us. He gave us grace. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut when I look at our marriages, I think we tend to lead with the word, \u201clove.\u201d\u00a0 Love is an intrinsic part of just about anybody\u2019s life. That\u2019s what we share\u2014our vows of love\u2014but I think the missing ingredient, in most people\u2019s marriage, is not love. I believe it is grace. When they bring God\u2019s grace to center-stage\u2014now, that love can endure and get stronger. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, if God\u2019s grace is giving me what I need but don\u2019t deserve\u2014then grace, in a marriage, is when we give one another things we need but don\u2019t deserve?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>Yes. I think the problem with us, human beings\u2014even us, Christian human beings\u2014is that, when we get married\u2014like it or not\u2014we tend to keep a tally sheet in our hand. We\u2019re keeping score as we go. We feel that that is completely legitimate, even though we would\u2014to our dying breath\u2014say, \u201cWe love each other incredibly.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut because we are keeping score, it\u2019s easy to start to think, \u201cYou know, I don\u2019t think they are pulling their part of the deal on this\u201d; or we start a quid pro quo arrangement. This is the antithesis of the way God deals with us. So, all we\u2019re saying, in this book, is: \u201cWhy don\u2019t we treat our spouse the way God treats His spouse\u2014with grace?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And the tally sheet can work well into the marriage as long as the feelings are there to overwhelm your spouse\u2019s deficit;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014but when the feelings are gone, or they ebb away, you\u2019ve got a problem, at that point, of: \u201cHow am I going to relate to this other broken person who\u2019s not meeting my needs?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI looked up a definition of grace from my Logos Bible study Software, which I really like. It says, \u201cGod\u2019s grace confronts our rebellion and our indifference with an inexhaustible capacity to forgive and to bless.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I like that picture\u2014that it\u2019s God responding to <em>us<\/em>, in our indifference and our rebellion\u2014and what spouse hasn\u2019t had indifference to us or rebellion to what we wanted to do?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDarcy, I\u2019m thinking about you\u2014you know\u2014you\u2019re throwing out anchors, left and right, for Mr. Free-Spirit over here you\u2019ve been married to for more than four decades. He, sometimes, can look at you and go: \u201cShe\u2019s in rebellion. She won\u2019t follow me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cShe won\u2019t go where I want her to go when I want her to go.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Darcy: <\/strong>Right. I mean, I can irritate him to no end; and I know the buttons I can push. Sometimes, I want to push them because I want a little payback\u2014you know?\u2014on him. [Laughter]\u00a0 But, I mean, that\u2019s not being gracious. That\u2019s not giving him what he actually needs\u2014it\u2019s giving him what I want him to have. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And what you guys are calling us to do in our marriage\u2014is calling us to allow Jesus Christ to live <em>in <\/em>and <em>through<\/em> us and express that inexhaustible forgiveness and the ability to bless another person\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>Bless another person\u2014\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014when they don\u2019t deserve it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Darcy: <\/strong>\u2014when they don\u2019t deserve it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>\u2014when they don\u2019t deserve it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And I think one of the key things you point people to, early-on in the book, is the fact that a lot of couples\u2014in a marriage where there is conflict, where there is chafing, where you\u2019re just not syncing-up the way you\u2019d like to\u2014they think, \u201cWell, we just need to try harder to make our marriage work.\u201d\u00a0 You\u2019re saying, \u201cThat\u2019s a recipe for failure.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Tim: <\/strong>Absolutely because the punch line of this book is probably one that\u2014when I say it, a lot of people are going to say, \u201cThat\u2019s a little abstract for me\u201d; but what we tend to want to do is\u2014I say, \u201cI\u2019m going to take the love that I have for God, and share that, and be the kind of love I have for Darcy.\u201d\u00a0 That sounds great; doesn\u2019t it?\u2014except, that it\u2019s a recipe for disaster because it\u2019s still <em>my <\/em>love for God. My love is <em>limited<\/em> love. Give it the right circumstances, and it\u2019s going to wane. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe difference between a marriage that is filled with love and a marriage that is filled with grace\u2014it\u2019s not that my love for God is what I give to Darcy\u2014it is: \u201cGod\u2019s love for <em>me<\/em> is what I\u2019m giving to Darcy.\u201d This is very different, Dennis; but when I let God flow through me\u2014now, it\u2019s coming at her\u2014now, she has the infinite, all-powerful love of God working through me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m still a vessel, walking on feet of clay. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI quote you all the time, saying, \u201cGod picks up crooked sticks and draws straight lines, all the time.\u201d You\u2019ve said that over and over again, Dennis; but that\u2019s what I\u2019m talking about. I am a crooked stick, but God can do something in us\u2014that it\u2019s a game-changer, all the way around. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes, if your source for loving your spouse is your internal reservoir of love, you will run out of that quickly; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Darcy: <\/strong>Oh, so soon. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But if your source is tapped to the inexhaustible supply\u2014that you talked about in your definition of grace\u2014then all you are is a conduit for the grace of God to flow through you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I had a conversation with a man recently. He\u2019d been married a couple of decades to his wife, and they had hit a wall. He said, \u201cWe had a breakthrough in our marriage because I ultimately came to the conclusion: \u2018I could no longer do what she needed me to do. I couldn\u2019t love her the way she needed to be loved.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said, \u201cThe breakthrough came when I admitted, \u2018I couldn\u2019t do it, but God could.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>But God could. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And what we\u2019re talking about here is the filling of the Holy Spirit. If you\u2019re a believer in Jesus Christ, you have the Holy Spirit living inside of you. He came to produce fruit in your life. In Galatians 5, where it mentions the fruit\u2014the first one is love: \u201cLove, joy, peace, patience, kindness\u201d\u2014that\u2019s what the Holy Spirit came to produce <em>in<\/em> and <em>through<\/em> you to exhibit that to your spouse. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Darcy: <\/strong>We thought a lot about Bill Bright as we were writing this book because he <em>always <\/em>married the Holy Spirit\u2014the filling of the Holy Spirit\u2014with our salvation. So many times\u2014we get saved, but we forget that the Holy Spirit gives us the power to live out that salvation\u2014especially, in marriage because, as Bob said, we get to the end of our resources so quickly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, we think: \u201cOh, I just got to try harder. I\u2019ve got to read another book. I\u2019ve got to do this. Let me see my checklist.\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s very discouraging for couples that give it their all; and yet, they are not tapping into God\u2019s power. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It can still seem abstract to folks to be talking about drawing on your own internal reserves of love versus drawing on the love of God to flow through you. We can understand that in terms of a metaphor; but in terms of how we do that on a daily basis, Darcy, how can you tell when you are utilizing resources that are outside of you rather than resources that are inside of you?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Darcy: <\/strong>Well, I can tell by the result\u2014it\u2019s usually a lot more positive. Every morning, I try to fill up my heart with God\u2019s Word because it\u2019s true \/ it\u2019s powerful. It reminds me of how much God loves <em>me<\/em>. That\u2019s my model for how I am to love Tim. That helps me\u2014then, of course, prayer. I mean, you just cry out to God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou just say: \u201cI can\u2019t do this!\u00a0 I don\u2019t like him, let alone love him, right now. You\u2019re going to have to love him through me.\u201d\u00a0 And God is faithful. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Practically\u2014a young couple listening to us or, for that matter, a couple that has been married for some period of time\u2014how would you\u2014and again, we\u2019re trying to move the abstract to the concrete\u2014both Bob and I here\u2014trying to tangibly illustrate this: \u201cHow would you coach somebody, in the heat of the moment, when your spouse has disappointed you? You are ticked off, you\u2019re angry, you\u2019re disappointed; and you want to get back at them. You want to put your fingers on the scales and say, \u2018You\u2019re wrong. I\u2019m right!\u2019 How do they, at that moment, allow Jesus Christ to live in and through them?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>Well, I\u2019m going to give you my answer to this. It\u2019s a simple thing\u2014that, if you go to this every time, it\u2019ll guide you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEverything she wants to do back to him\u2014just ask yourself this question: \u201cIs that how God treats me when I push His buttons like this?\u201d\u00a0 Is that what God does with me?\u00a0 Does He write me off?\u00a0 Does He let me have it?\u00a0 Does He vaporize me?\u00a0 Does He marginalize me?\u00a0 Does He punish me?\u00a0 Does He give me the silent treatment?\u00a0 No.\u201d\u00a0 Just simply treat your spouse, in that moment, the way God treats you when you act the same way. That has been our guideline. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And the way you find out how God treats people is you get in the Book. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>You get in the Book. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Darcy: <\/strong>You do. You have to know about God and His love. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And that\u2019s really\u2014as I was thinking about how I\u2019d answer your question, I was thinking back to what Darcy said, at the very beginning: \u201cIt\u2019s what your life is filled up with that is what\u2019s going to come out.\u201d\u00a0 If your question is: \u201cIn the heat of the moment, how do you rally?\u201d Well, at that point, we\u2019ve got to find out: \u201cWhat are you filled up with\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cin the heat of the moment?\u201d Because, if you wait until the heat of the moment and go, \u201cI better come up with something Christian to do now,\u201d that isn\u2019t going to work. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019ve got to be so filled up with God, on a daily basis\u2014on a moment-to-moment basis\u2014that when you get provoked, what comes out is the God that you\u2019re filled up with. That\u2019s where I think being in the Word, spending time in prayer\u2014those kinds of disciplines, as you fill up with Jesus\u2014then, when the time comes, that\u2019s what you\u2019ve got to pour out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And as you find out how God treats you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>It is. But don\u2019t you think a lot of the people just say, \u201cI really didn\u2019t want to hear that answer\u201d because we\u2019re a Google<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> generation?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cI want a technique\u2014I want an app for that.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Darcy: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>\u201cI want an app for that. I want to Google, \u2018Best practices.\u2019 Give me two or three things, and I do it.\u201d\u00a0 And I think this is why we all fall short\u2014this is about relationship. A grace-filled marriage starts with a grace-filled relationship through the Savior. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt goes back to the cross. This is about the gospel\u2014with sweat all over it\u2014that\u2019s all we\u2019re talking about. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes, you are saying, \u201cYou cannot impart\u201d\u2014and I remember Howard Hendricks saying this in class\u2014he went to Dallas Seminary too. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim<\/strong>: Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>He made the statement, \u201cYou cannot impart what you do not possess.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>That\u2019s exactly right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Darcy: <\/strong>That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>So, it means that you have to be a partaker in the grace of God. I\u2019m just sitting here and I\u2019m thinking: \u201cThere has to be a listener, who is going, \u2018I don\u2019t know what you four are talking about. I\u2019m lost.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 They don\u2019t know the grace of God. They don\u2019t know Jesus Christ. How do they become a partaker of grace, Tim?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>When we realize that the God who made us\u2014realize that there is no way we could have relationship with Him because of the sin in our own life\u2014that He loved us enough to intervene, in time and space\u2014take on human flesh, climb up on a cross, and ask us to marry Him on a cross\u2014and He gave His life as a substitute for our sin.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you simply just put your faith in what He did on the cross for you and say: \u201cJesus, I need you. Please forgive me. Set me free from my sin,\u201d\u2014just like that\u2014He enters our life, and He does set us free. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn the process, we get all of God too; and we get all of His grace. He says: \u201cNow, let Me grow My grace in your heart. Let Me transplant My heart into you.\u201d\u00a0 When we do\u2014I mean, we\u2019ve been at it 41 years\u2014but the first few decade or two of ours, it was a lot of autumn season and winter season in our relationship\u2014but as we let God continue to grow in our life\u2014\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And to that person who wants to do that, right now\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014take his hand or her hand in yours and put it in the hands of God to explain\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Do what you did with Darcy\u2014back in the car, back when you were kids\u2014because you\u2014our listeners don\u2019t know this\u2014but you were the one who led your wife to Christ, prior to you guys getting married; right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>That\u2019s right. We were\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014she was 15, and I was 16. We were just on the front-side of my own faith. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019re here\u2014and you are listening to us, right now, and you realize: \u201cThe missing ingredient in my life is this grace,\u201d\u2014but even bigger\u2014\u201cit\u2019s Jesus,\u201d\u2014you can invite Him into your life, right now, simply by faith. Just repeat this prayer after me in your heart\u2014just say: \u201cDear Jesus, I need you. I know that I\u2019m a sinner; and because of my sin, I\u2019m lost. I know now that You love me, and You gave Your life for me. So, please forgive me. Come into my heart, Jesus, and make my life new. Amen.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you just prayed that prayer, God heard you. He took up housekeeping in your heart. He wants to set you free. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And He forgave you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>He forgave you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>He declared you, \u201cNot guilty.\u201d You mentioned that\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014on the cross, Jesus Christ asked to marry us. He paid the dowry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>He paid the price to get us into heaven and into a relationship with Almighty God. In 2 Corinthians, Chapter 5, verse 17, as a listener, if you just prayed that prayer, you ought to write this address down\u20142 Corinthians 5:17. It says: \u201cTherefore, if anyone is in Christ, he [or she] is a new creation. The old has passed away, behold the new has come.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And it goes on to talk about how all of this is the result of God having reconciled us to Himself through His Son, Jesus Christ. This is not\u2014this is not a fable. This is not just some kind of story. This is God\u2014who became a real person, dwelt among people, went to a cross, died, defeated death,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014and today is seated at the right hand of God, the Father, and can offer you eternal life because He has defeated death and has died for your sins. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>At our website, at FamilyLifeToday.com, we have a link to something that\u2019s called, \u201cTwo Ways to Live,\u201d that maps out for you the options that are in front of everyone of us about how we\u2019re going to live\u2014whether we are going to live a performance-based life or a grace-based life. It really does break down to those two options. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf a listener will go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the link that says, \u201cGo Deeper,\u201d in the upper left-hand corner of the page, you can find out about the \u201cTwo Ways to Live\u201d and make sure that you are living the right way\u2014the way that God designed us to live. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhile you are on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com, look for more information about Tim and Darcy Kimmel\u2019s new book, <em>Grace Filled Marriage<\/em>\u2014great book for couples to go through\u2014maybe read through together. It\u2019ll give you a healthy perspective on what God\u2019s design for marriage is all about and how it fits with the message of the gospel. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, the title of the book is <em>Grace Filled Marriage<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me mention one other thing: Our team, here at FamilyLife, has noticed that a lot of listeners have started using the FamilyLife <em>Art of Marriage<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> small group study\u2014getting together with four or five other couples and going through this material, once a week\u2014having some great discussions around the issues we face in marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe thought, \u201cWouldn\u2019t it be great if, this summer, many of our listeners would make it a goal to get together with a group of four other couples and go through <em>The Art of Marriage<\/em> small group material in six-sessions?\u201d\u2014so twice in June, twice in July, twice in August\u2014and you got it done. It\u2019d be a great way to spend a summer. And we thought, \u201cI wonder if there is something we could do that would help nudge folks who think this a good idea to go ahead and say, \u2018Let\u2019s do it.\u2019?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere is what we came up with: If you will get the small group kit\u2014which includes workbooks for you, and you get a couple of sets of workbooks for two other couples\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014we\u2019ll include two more sets of workbooks for the other two couples you are going to invite; okay?\u00a0 And you don\u2019t have to wait until the summer to do this. If this fits for your small group and you want to do it between now and the end of May, you can do that, as well. But the offer is good this week. If you want to take advantage of this special offer and get the four free workbooks for your <em>Art of Marriage<\/em> small group study, go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link that says, \u201cGo Deeper,\u201d and the details are right there; alright?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link that says, \u201cGo Deeper.\u201d You\u2019ll find the information you need there; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY and say, \u201cI want to know about the special offer on the small group study for <em>The Art of Marriage<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMary Ann and I are going to go through this, this summer, with another couple as we take them through premarital preparation. We think this is good material for them as they consider marriage. So, again, get more information, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, today\u2019s program has been made possible because of listeners, just like you, who have been listening for a while and who have said: \u201cYou know what? <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>has been helpful in my marriage, in my family; and I think it is important that other marriages and families continue to have a chance to hear this program on this local radio station.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are listener-supported. The funds we need to produce and syndicate this radio program\u2014we get those funds from folks, like you, who make donations, from time to time, or those of you who are our Legacy Partners and donate each month. We appreciate you. If you make a donation today, we\u2019d like to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d by sending you a set of three prayer cards designed to help you pray more effectively for one another in your family. When you go to FamilyLifeToday.com, you can click the link that says, \u201cI Care,\u201d to make an online donation; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Make a donation over the phone. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAsk for the set of three prayer cards that we\u2019re offering. We\u2019ll get those to you. Or you can request the prayer cards and mail a check to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at P O Box 7111, Little Rock, AR. And our zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can join us back again tomorrow as we continue our conversation with Tim and Darcy Kimmel about what it means to have a grace-filled marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2014 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/303023","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=303023"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=303023"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=303023"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=303023"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=303023"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=303023"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=303023"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}