{"id":303007,"date":"2014-04-08T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2014-04-08T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/practical-marriage-coaching\/"},"modified":"2014-04-08T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2014-04-08T15:00:00","slug":"practical-marriage-coaching","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/practical-marriage-coaching\/","title":{"rendered":"Practical Marriage Coaching"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Jim and Carol Shores illustrate how to move your marriage from good to great.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-04-08.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"27.6M","filesize_raw":"28939313","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2809],"tags":[4086],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[9330],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-303007","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-commitment","tag-commitment","cwp_profile-jim-and-carol-shores","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/303007\/practical-marriage-coaching","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/303007\/practical-marriage-coaching","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"yiqb2wM7ui\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/practical-marriage-coaching\/\">Practical Marriage Coaching<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/practical-marriage-coaching\/embed\/#?secret=yiqb2wM7ui\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Practical Marriage Coaching&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"yiqb2wM7ui\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-04-08.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-04-08.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>When a husband and a wife need to communicate, is it better for them to look each other in the eye or to talk while they are doing other things?\u00a0 Well, according to Jim and Carol Shores, that depends on whether you are the husband or the wife. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Men, when we talk, it is difficult\u2014if it\u2019s a sensitive topic\u2014to stare, eye to eye, for a long period of time. It\u2019s just too much! [Laughter]\u00a0 And so, it\u2019s easier for us to talk if we\u2019re driving a car\u2014looking out the windshield\u2014and we\u2019re talking kind of this way or working on a project together\u2014looking down at a third thing. Women\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>We like this!\u00a0 Why do we like this eye contact, ladies?\u00a0 [Audience responding] They\u2019re listening!\u00a0 We can tell if you are spaced out or not. [Laughter]\u00a0 It\u2019s that connecting thing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, April 8<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll hear Jim and Carol Shores flesh out the differences\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014between men and women\u2014when we sit down to communicate or when we go driving to communicate\u2014whichever way we do it. That is all coming up today. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Tuesday edition. So, you think men and women are different?\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>We spent the last\u2014well, close to eight years, since we became empty nesters, just turning to each other and going, \u201cYou and I are even more different than we <em>thought<\/em> we were when we first got married.\u201d\u00a0 And we\u2019ve been married, now, for 41 years, for goodness\u2019 sakes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But the thing is you still like each other!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Oh, that\u2019s why I married her. Here is the thing about differences\u2014you marry them because they are different. Then, you try to change them and try to turn them into you. And you\u2019re not going to like it if you turn them into you. So, why not enjoy the ride and enjoy the differences that God designed, within men and women, and enjoy how He complements you with your spouse?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We\u2019re going to get a chance to hear about differences in how we communicate with one another today from a couple of friends who we have known for almost 15 years now. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>That\u2019s right. They go all the way back to when we used to do \u201cI Still Do\u201d<sup>\u2122<\/sup> back in the late \u201890s \/ early 2000s. Jim and Carol Shores performed drama that entertained the audience; but at the same time, drove some powerful, theological principles home. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, Bob, Jim and Carol were the number-one ranked component of the program, and we had some great speakers and entertainment; but I just think people got into these drama pieces. It helped them leave \u201cI Still Do\u201d with some powerful principles to apply in their marriages. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, and you mentioned they were a part of \u201cI Still Do,\u201d back in the late \u201890s and the early 2000s. Once again, this fall, Jim and Carol are going to be joining us as we bring \u201cI Still Do\u201d back.<br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe decided: \u201cThis is the year\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It\u2019s time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cthat we need to say: \u2018Marriage matters in our family. Marriage matters in our culture.\u2019\u00a0 And we\u2019re going to stand up and say, \u2018We still do.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes. We\u2019re not going to be ashamed of what God clearly created as He opens the Book. In the book of Genesis, He said: \u201cMale and female created He them. In the image of God, God made them.\u201d\u00a0 And He called them to leave, cleave, and become one. It\u2019s time to stand for marriage; and do it in a fun, winsome, but powerful way that\u2019s built upon the Scriptures. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And let me give the dates: August 2<sup>nd<\/sup>, we\u2019ll be at the Allstate Arena in Chicago; August 23<sup>rd<\/sup>, at the Moda Center in Portland, Oregon; and then, on October 4<sup>th<\/sup>, we\u2019re going to be at the Verizon Arena in downtown Washington, DC. That event is going to be a worldwide simulcast that\u2019s going on that day. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTickets are on sale now at IStillDo.com. You can go to the website and find out more about the events\u2014dates, and locations, and order tickets. Tickets are reserved seats. So, the sooner you order, the better your seating will be. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAmong the folks you\u2019ll get a chance to hear from at <em>\u201c<\/em>I Still Do\u201d are Jim and Carol Shores. We thought you ought to hear a little bit of the kind of stuff that they are going to share. Here, from a recent event we did with them, are our friends, Jim and Carol Shores. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded Message]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>Men and women\u2014we really are just wired differently. There was a feminist scholar, Deborah Tannen, who set out to kind of\u2014really\u2014more prove that men and women weren\u2019t that different\u2014that it was just socialization that made us different. She interviewed hundreds\u2014and then it went into thousands of married couples\u2014it was her life study. She wrote a book called <em>You Just Don\u2019t Understand<\/em>. In that, she said: \u201cMan, are they different! It\u2019s so different\u2014it\u2019s like cross-cultural communication.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe actually coined the term\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014genderlect\u2014like dialect. We have to learn each other\u2019s genderlect. She said, \u201cI observed that men, when they speak, especially in public, they are very aware of their status in the room.\u201d\u00a0 That means\u2014when they are talking, they very much go kind of into report style. They\u2019ll give you information. They\u2019ll tell a story where they did something effective, or they tell a joke where they did something funny; but they\u2019re kind of the heroes of their own story. Women, more\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>Women, we\u2014you know, it is not uncommon for a woman to feel like starting a conversation with: \u201cYou will not believe the dumb thing I did yesterday!\u00a0 Oh, my gosh!\u00a0 It was so embarrassing!\u201d\u00a0 And what am I looking back from her?\u00a0 What do I want back from her?\u2014[Audience response] \u201cYou\u2019re not dumb. You want to hear dumb?\u00a0 Listen to a story of <em>what I<\/em> did,\u201d\u2014because what we\u2019re looking for is connection. We want to meet on the same plane\u2014that we\u2019re connected, relational. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>Guys, very often when we talk\u2014because we\u2019re aware of kind of our power\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014we don\u2019t want to give that away. So, we don\u2019t appreciate interruptions because it\u2019s like: \u201cI\u2019ve got the floor now. You can have your turn in a minute.\u201d\u00a0 When our wives interrupt us or completes our sentences for us, it\u2019s not welcome\u2014a lot of times. It is like, \u201cI was talking\u201d; right?\u00a0 But for women\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol:<\/strong> \u2014we like: \u201cMmmm. Yes. Uh-huh. Oh.\u201d\u00a0 Why do we like that, ladies?\u00a0 [Audience response] Yes, because we are tracking with each other\u2014we\u2019re connecting!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>Guys, when we talk, often give you the bullet points. We tell you what we think is important for you to know. We\u2019re just not going to bore you or bother you with a lot of detail. Also, we\u2019ve forgotten the detail by that time. [Laughter]\u00a0 But women more often\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>Women, we <em>like<\/em> the details. Don\u2019t give us the sketch\u2014give us the painting!\u2014at least, the watercolor because all those details make us feel connected\u2014like we can kind of vicariously\u2014if it\u2019s about your day\u2014we can vicariously go through your day with you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe feel like we\u2019re <em>part<\/em> of your life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>Men, when we talk, it is difficult\u2014if it\u2019s a sensitive topic\u2014to stare, eye to eye, for a long period of time. It\u2019s just too much!\u00a0 [Laughter] And so, it\u2019s easier for us to talk if we\u2019re driving a car\u2014looking out the windshield\u2014and we\u2019re talking kind of this way or working on a project together\u2014looking down at a third thing. Women\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>We like this!\u00a0 Why do we like this eye contact, ladies?\u00a0 [Audience response] They\u2019re listening!\u00a0 We can tell if you\u2019re spaced out or not. [Laughter] It\u2019s that connecting thing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>So, we offer\u2014we learn how one another think \/ how the genders are different\u2014so that we\u2019re not constantly surprised or offended by that design. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I come home at the end of the day. Some days, I <em>do<\/em> think through my day\u2014the details of my day\u2014so that I can <em>offer<\/em> that to my wife as a gift of communication because I don\u2019t want to be surprised, at five o\u2019clock every day\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014that I\u2019m coming home to a woman who would like to hear that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>And on my side, as a woman, there are times when I assess where Jim is at when he comes through the door\u2014that it is a bullet-point day. And when I want to talk about\u2014and I want him to stay with me\u2014I do need to reduce it to the bullet points to step into his world\u2014to serve him out of love\u2014that we are to submit to one another in love; thus, fulfilling the Law of Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, these differences between the sexes\u2014it\u2019s not just so you can say: \u201cOh, my gosh! You are being a man again!\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>It is so that I understand\u2014so that I can serve into his world. If he\u2019s serving into my world, both of our needs are being met in communication. And it is a very good connective, satisfying experience. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>So, we are going to another theater piece. In this one, we\u2019re going to look at guys. Guys need times of closeness\u2014intimacy with the opposite sex\u2014our wives. And we also need something else. See if you can guess what that is in this piece. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>Yes, Mom, I know; and I\u2019m sorry. I mean\u2014I thought that you knew. I mean, like the home nurse\u2014she would tell you and\u2014well, no, I didn\u2019t know you called me back. See, I had my cell phone in my pocket. Somehow, it got turned off and\u2014Mom, I know how to operate my cell phone. Yes, I know you are mad. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLauren is home, and I need to get off the phone. I\u2014no, no, she\u2019s not in the same room. She\u2019s not\u2014she\u2019s not at\u2014no, Mom, she\u2019s not asking me to get off the phone because I\u2019m talking to you. I just need to get off the phone because I need to get off the phone. [Laughter]\u00a0 I know you are mad. I apologized. I\u2019m sorry. I\u2019m sorry!\u00a0 I\u2019m sorry!\u00a0 I\u2019m sorry!\u00a0 I\u2019m hanging up now. Goodbye. Honestly!\u00a0 Gee whiz!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>Hey, hey, hey\u2014the Carlsons just called. They\u2019ve invited us to dinner\u2014\u201cBring the kids,\u201d and we don\u2019t have to bring <em>anything<\/em> else. Isn\u2019t that great?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong><strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>You don\u2019t seem too excited. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>No, it will be great. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>Is something wrong?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>No. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>What\u2019s wrong?!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>Nothing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>Something is wrong!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>Look, it\u2019s no big deal; okay?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>Oh, don\u2019t say it\u2019s no big deal. That immediately makes me think it\u2019s a big deal. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>It\u2019s not!\u00a0 Look, my mom called me. She just reamed me out for not calling her back yesterday. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>Did she know how busy you were?!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>Oh, that doesn\u2019t matter. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>Well, are you alright?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>I don\u2019t know. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>You don\u2019t know, or you don\u2019t want to tell me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>I don\u2019t know. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>Well, don\u2019t get testy!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>I\u2019m not. It\u2019s just\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>You don\u2019t want me to ask you questions?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>Not right now. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>Well, how are we supposed to improve our communication if you don\u2019t trust me?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>Trust you about what?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>Well, you\u2019ve obviously had a bad conversation with your mom. You\u2019re upset about it, but you don\u2019t want to talk. I just don\u2019t think that\u2019s healthy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>Oh, Lauren, don\u2019t. You\u2019re going to drive me crazy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>Don\u2019t make this about me!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>What?!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>I\u2019m trying to help you out here. Don\u2019t make me the bad guy!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>You\u2019re not the bad guy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019re just the person who won\u2019t stop asking me questions. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>I\u2019m just asking you what you think about the fact that your mom just reamed you out over the phone. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>I don\u2019t know what I think about it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>How can you not know what you think about it?!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0Because you won\u2019t leave me alone. [Applause]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>So, if I stop talking, you won\u2019t be confused?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>Eventually. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>That makes no sense at all. How can you know what you <em>think<\/em> if you don\u2019t talk about it?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>Maybe I need to think about it\u2014just not out loud. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>Is that what you are doing now?\u2014because it doesn\u2019t look like you\u2019re thinking. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>No, I\u2019m reading a magazine so I don\u2019t have to think here for a little while; [Laughter] but eventually, my thinking will become clearer. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>Boy! And they say women are confusing!\u00a0 So, are we going over to the Carlsons?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>I don\u2019t know. I need to think about it for a second, but not right now because I\u2019m not thinking here for a minute. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>How about I just call them and tell them, \u201cWe\u2019ll know in a little while\u201d?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>That sounds good. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00 <\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>And I\u2019ll leave you to think about not thinking until you think you are ready to think!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>Now, you\u2019ve got it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>Whew!\u00a0 [Applause]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>What did he need?\u2014[Audience response] space\u2014the final frontier. He needed space. Was there anything <em>wrong<\/em> with the relationship?\u00a0 No. No, not really\u2014not at all. Guys just\u2014sometimes, the world is\u2014as Shakespeare said, \u201cThe world is too much with us\u201d\u2014and we\u2014you know, we don\u2019t know what we think \/ we don\u2019t know what we feel\u2014we just need space. We retreat sometimes, and it can be very abrupt. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBack in the \u201890s, Dr. John Gray\u2014<em>Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus<\/em>\u2014coined the term, \u201cthe man cave.\u201d\u00a0 Sometimes, we retreat into that cave, and a woman is not welcome to follow us in there. Now, what do we do in that cave, gentlemen?\u2014nothing\u2014exactly, which drives our wives insane: [Laughter] \u201cHow can you be doing nothing?\u00a0 I\u2019m not going to let you do nothing. I mean, this is\u2014you know we\u2019re busy people.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, we might be hiking; we might be surfing the internet, looking at how much used trucks cost on craigslist; we might be gaming for a little while; we might be gardening\u2014whatever\u2014playing basketball; but consciously or subconsciously, what\u2019s happening is\u2014we\u2019re figuring out what we think \/ what we feel. And by the time we come out of that space, we often have figured out what we\u2019re going to do\u2014we\u2019ve made a decision\u2014but to our wives, what does this feel like?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>What does this feel like, ladies?\u2014[Audience response] rejection\u2014doesn\u2019t want to share\u2014being shut out. Yes, not pleasant. So, we can often kind of go in two directions\u2014there are a lot of directions\u2014but two frequent ones are: \u201cI need to know what\u2019s going on because there is something bad. I need to know how bad. I need for him to talk to me about how bad this is because, if it\u2019s really bad, we should know and we should really talk about this and work this out.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>I\u2019m being stalked. [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>And the other is: \u201cOh, there is a problem. There\u2019s a problem. I could help him if I just knew. I need him to tell me about this so I can help him; and if I help him, we can feel closer and that works.\u201d\u00a0 Either way, you are going into territory where\u2014basically, God has created men that they need to recalibrate. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, the idea is that you go into the cave for a little while, and you come out\u2014not that you take the remote and go into the cave for the winter. [Laughter]\u00a0 You are supposed to come out with a sense of having sorted some things out and then be able to enter back into your marriage and your family\u2014\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>\u2014fully-engaged. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>\u2014fully-engaged\u2014should be able to talk about it. Now, if you are going into the cave, and you come out, and you really just want to turn around and go right back in\u2014then, we\u2019re talking about issues of stress or depression that you really need to be getting some help with pastoral counseling in your community \/ in your church\u2014place where you can help work through some of this stuff because your depression, of course, affects you, and your marriage, and your kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere is a difference between rebalancing and where it is becoming like an emotional issue, but it\u2019s important for women to know that guys just do this\u2014they need some time away. Now, women, do we need time away from home\u2014from relationships?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>Yes, mom\u2019s night out; right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>There we go!\u2014all about it! But women\u2014we tend to be more external processors. We\u2019ll do things like make a call, or text somebody, or set it out: \u201cI need to take a walk \/ take a cup of coffee to <em>talk<\/em> about this.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>Well, it\u2019s not that men can\u2019t; but women tend to be better at sort of holistic thinking. The hemispheres of women\u2019s brains are highly interconnected. It\u2019s thought that it allows them to think all across the brain. So, something that\u2019s emotional reminds you of something that\u2019s spiritual, which reminds you your husband didn\u2019t buy you flowers on your birthday, which reminds you of a birthday, which reminds you of a Bible study you read on humility\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014that you really need to open back up, which reminds you\u2014you forgot to take the turkey out of the freezer, which reminds of your grocery lists, and it all goes back to your mother. It\u2019s the internet superhighway\u2014it never sleeps; right?\u00a0 You\u2019re just boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGuys, the hemisphere of our brains are almost completely severed. No, we\u2019re not stupid! [Laughter]\u00a0 That\u2019s just how God, in His wisdom, made us; and it tends to mean we can be very compartmental in our thinking. It also means our decision-making can seem pretty abrupt to our wives. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, part of the art of communication in marriage is learning to round those corners a little bit more gently\u2014of knowing I\u2019m going to need some space\u2014and maybe setting that up, a head of time, or having some rhythms in my life of getting away with some trusted friends or advisors on a regular basis. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>So, for the husband to come home\u2014and he needs that landing strip and he needs to go in his cave\u2014that may not be the most convenient time\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>\u2014when your wife has had the kids all day. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, there is a place where you communicate these normal, natural needs; but you talk to each other about them, serving one another in love. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>So, we\u2019re going to move on and do another theater piece. What if you find yourself in the middle of an argument?\u00a0 I know you don\u2019t argue, but you know people who do. [Laughter] And so, this is a great tool\u2014simple tool\u2014made famous by Gary Smalley, back in the \u201890s. This is called using an emotional word picture, and it works; but rather than telling you about it, we\u2019ll just show you with this theater piece. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>Now, so many of our issues in our marriage\u2014really, we could see, if we look back in our dating days\u2014we\u2019d see the seeds of them\u2014some of those patterns that grow over time. So, we\u2019re going to look back into the dating years of Dan and Lauren\u2019s relationship, when it comes to these issues of conflict. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>Well, I thought they were all great; but Jack was definitely best! I mean, considering this was like his senior recital\u2014like, if an agent had been there, he would have just like picked him up in a snap!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDoes he just like go around your apartment, singing like that?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>Sometimes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>What\u2019s wrong?!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>Nothing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>You\u2019ve been like stiff all evening. Is something wrong?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>Well, it doesn\u2019t matter, now; does it?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>What do you mean, \u201cIt doesn\u2019t matter now?\u201d\u00a0 Did I do something?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>Uh!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>What did I do?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>It\u2019s what you <em>always<\/em> do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>What do you mean, \u201cWhat I always do?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>You\u2019re always late!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>I wasn\u2019t late!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>I asked you to meet me at the recital hall at ten of. You showed up a quarter after. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>But that\u2019s because Julie called just as I was going out the door. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>You own a cell phone. You could have called her back!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>Oh, yes, but you should have heard her voice. She was so upset. I just had to talk to her right then and there\u2014turns out that Mac went out with Courtney Taylor last night!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>Oh, <em>whatever<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>Dan!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>No! It\u2019s always something. If it\u2019s not your cell phone, it\u2019s the weather, or your blow dryer, or your fuel injection, or some cosmic tragedy that has made you late. So, we get to be late to every movie, play, Bible study\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014or in this case, my housemate\u2019s senior recital!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>But we weren\u2019t late. We came in just as he was starting his first song!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>That\u2019s not the point. The point is we got tickets beside his parents, and we had to like walk across the front during his first song and like climb over other people\u2019s legs to get to them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>Alright! I will never be late again. Okay?!\u00a0 From now on, I will be a half hour\u2014no, I will be an <em>hour<\/em> early for whatever we do; <em>alright<\/em>?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>Fine!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>Well, at least, when we have a date, I do remember to show up!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>Oh!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>And when I show up, I don\u2019t come wearing my soccer uniform!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>I can\u2019t believe you\u2019re going to bring that up again. Come on. What happened to all your blah, blah, blah talk about God helping you to forgive?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>He did help me forgive. We just haven\u2019t gotten around to\u2014forget. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>What about the time you showed up\u2014I don\u2019t want to do this. I\u2019m not going down that road. Okay, maybe, I should just go home so I can cool off!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>No, no, Dan! Please\u2014you just\u2014you know what I feel like?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDo you remember that time your cat clawed up your leather jacket, and you chased her out the back door to where the fences come together in the back, and you\u2019re yelling at her, \u201cBad cat!\u201d\u2014she\u2019s hissing at you?\u00a0 When you come at me like that, I feel like that cat!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>What?\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>Even though I know I\u2019m in the wrong, I don\u2019t want to say, \u201cI\u2019m sorry,\u201d because I just feel like I\u2019m backed up against the fence. If I don\u2019t attack back, I\u2019m just going to feel like such a loser. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>But I don\u2019t think you are a loser!\u00a0 It\u2019s just when I\u2019m standing out there, waiting on you like that, I feel like I\u2019m playing some kind of extra in your movie. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>What?!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>Yes, like it\u2019s really important for me to be there\u2014you know [Makes sound of horn]; but for you\u2014everybody else is more important to focus on, and I can wait\u2014I don\u2019t matter. I\u2019m just like this extra!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>Wait, I make you feel like that when I am just <em>ten<\/em> minutes late!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>It\u2019s that you\u2019re <em>consistently<\/em> late for dates with me, but I know you are <em>not <\/em>late to class or to rehearsal. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>Of course, you are important to me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I need to change this. I do!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>Well, let\u2019s go get a cup of coffee and talk about it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>No, I am sorry. Can you forgive me?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>Yes, I\u2019ll forgive you. I\u2019ll forgive you if you buy me a biscotti at Starbucks<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>You\u2019re on. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>You really did look like my cat there for a second. [Laughter and applause]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We have been listening to Jim and Carol Shores from a recent event where they had an opportunity to kind of flesh-out for us how we can do a better job of listening to one another, understanding one another, forgiving one another, communicating with one another. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And Bob, what they illustrate here is that you can get by with a lot if you have a lot of laughter. Jim and Carol lead an audience\u2014to have a lot of fun, have some great entertainment, and just have a good time, as a couple. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u201cI Still Do\u201d is a one-day event\u2014it\u2019s a Saturday event. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt starts about nine o\u2019clock in the morning\u2014goes until about five in the afternoon. It\u2019s just a fast-paced, fun event where you\u2019re going to be equipped to stand strong in your marriage and also, I think, give you some tools to be able to encourage others along the way, as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And let me tell you who else is going to be joining us for <em>\u201c<\/em>I Still Do\u201d: Dr. Al Mohler will be speaking at all three of these events, along with David Nasser, Crawford and Karen Loritts, Dennis and Barbara Rainey, Shaunti Feldhahn, Ron Deal. Andrew Peterson is going to do our lunchtime concert for us. Jim and Carol Shores will be there. Ron McGehee and Kerri Pomarolli are going to be joining us\u2014husband and wife, who do comedy together. I mean, it\u2019s going to be a great day. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s August 2<sup>nd<\/sup>, in Chicago, at the Allstate Arena\u2014Portland, Oregon, at the Moda Center on August 23<sup>rd<\/sup> \u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014then, on Saturday, October 4<sup>th<\/sup>, at the Verizon Arena in downtown Washington, DC. We\u2019ll have people joining us for the national \u201cI Still Do\u201d simulcast that\u2019s going on that day, where you can host an event in your community or in your church. All of the details about \u201cI Still Do\u201d are online at the \u201cI Still Do\u201d website: IStillDo.com. Tickets are on sale now. It\u2019s reserved seating\u2014so, the sooner you get your tickets, the better the seats are going to be. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd on the \u201cI Still Do\u201d website, we\u2019re asking you to go ahead and scan in and post your wedding pictures\u2014share with us your honeymoon horror story or your wedding day disaster story. Some of these are great to read. Then, check out the ultimate marriage playlist as we\u2019re collecting songs that were your love song\u2014maybe the first song you danced to at your wedding or the song that you fell in love listening to. Again, you\u2019ll find it all at IStillDo.com. And of course, that\u2019s where you can go to get information about tickets so you can join us in:\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014Chicago, Portland, or Washington, DC, for one of the three live events or as part of the \u201cI Still Do\u201d worldwide simulcast. Again, go to IStillDo.com for more information. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to hear a message from Crawford and Karen Loritts. We\u2019re going to continue the theme of the differences between men and women. We\u2019re going to talk about how we can love and serve one another well in our differences. I hope you can tune in for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2014 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["27.6M"],"filesize_raw":["28939313"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-303007.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-303007.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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and Carol Shores illustrate how to move your marriage from good to great.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-04-08.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>When a husband and a wife need to communicate, is it better for them to look each other in the eye or to talk while they are doing other things?\u00a0 Well, according to Jim and Carol Shores, that depends on whether you are the husband or the wife. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Men, when we talk, it is difficult\u2014if it\u2019s a sensitive topic\u2014to stare, eye to eye, for a long period of time. It\u2019s just too much! [Laughter]\u00a0 And so, it\u2019s easier for us to talk if we\u2019re driving a car\u2014looking out the windshield\u2014and we\u2019re talking kind of this way or working on a project together\u2014looking down at a third thing. Women\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>We like this!\u00a0 Why do we like this eye contact, ladies?\u00a0 [Audience responding] They\u2019re listening!\u00a0 We can tell if you are spaced out or not. [Laughter]\u00a0 It\u2019s that connecting thing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, April 8<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll hear Jim and Carol Shores flesh out the differences\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014between men and women\u2014when we sit down to communicate or when we go driving to communicate\u2014whichever way we do it. That is all coming up today. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Tuesday edition. So, you think men and women are different?\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>We spent the last\u2014well, close to eight years, since we became empty nesters, just turning to each other and going, \u201cYou and I are even more different than we <em>thought<\/em> we were when we first got married.\u201d\u00a0 And we\u2019ve been married, now, for 41 years, for goodness\u2019 sakes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But the thing is you still like each other!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Oh, that\u2019s why I married her. Here is the thing about differences\u2014you marry them because they are different. Then, you try to change them and try to turn them into you. And you\u2019re not going to like it if you turn them into you. So, why not enjoy the ride and enjoy the differences that God designed, within men and women, and enjoy how He complements you with your spouse?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We\u2019re going to get a chance to hear about differences in how we communicate with one another today from a couple of friends who we have known for almost 15 years now. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>That\u2019s right. They go all the way back to when we used to do \u201cI Still Do\u201d<sup>\u2122<\/sup> back in the late \u201890s \/ early 2000s. Jim and Carol Shores performed drama that entertained the audience; but at the same time, drove some powerful, theological principles home. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, Bob, Jim and Carol were the number-one ranked component of the program, and we had some great speakers and entertainment; but I just think people got into these drama pieces. It helped them leave \u201cI Still Do\u201d with some powerful principles to apply in their marriages. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, and you mentioned they were a part of \u201cI Still Do,\u201d back in the late \u201890s and the early 2000s. Once again, this fall, Jim and Carol are going to be joining us as we bring \u201cI Still Do\u201d back.<br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe decided: \u201cThis is the year\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It\u2019s time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cthat we need to say: \u2018Marriage matters in our family. Marriage matters in our culture.\u2019\u00a0 And we\u2019re going to stand up and say, \u2018We still do.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes. We\u2019re not going to be ashamed of what God clearly created as He opens the Book. In the book of Genesis, He said: \u201cMale and female created He them. In the image of God, God made them.\u201d\u00a0 And He called them to leave, cleave, and become one. It\u2019s time to stand for marriage; and do it in a fun, winsome, but powerful way that\u2019s built upon the Scriptures. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And let me give the dates: August 2<sup>nd<\/sup>, we\u2019ll be at the Allstate Arena in Chicago; August 23<sup>rd<\/sup>, at the Moda Center in Portland, Oregon; and then, on October 4<sup>th<\/sup>, we\u2019re going to be at the Verizon Arena in downtown Washington, DC. That event is going to be a worldwide simulcast that\u2019s going on that day. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTickets are on sale now at IStillDo.com. You can go to the website and find out more about the events\u2014dates, and locations, and order tickets. Tickets are reserved seats. So, the sooner you order, the better your seating will be. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAmong the folks you\u2019ll get a chance to hear from at <em>\u201c<\/em>I Still Do\u201d are Jim and Carol Shores. We thought you ought to hear a little bit of the kind of stuff that they are going to share. Here, from a recent event we did with them, are our friends, Jim and Carol Shores. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded Message]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>Men and women\u2014we really are just wired differently. There was a feminist scholar, Deborah Tannen, who set out to kind of\u2014really\u2014more prove that men and women weren\u2019t that different\u2014that it was just socialization that made us different. She interviewed hundreds\u2014and then it went into thousands of married couples\u2014it was her life study. She wrote a book called <em>You Just Don\u2019t Understand<\/em>. In that, she said: \u201cMan, are they different! It\u2019s so different\u2014it\u2019s like cross-cultural communication.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe actually coined the term\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014genderlect\u2014like dialect. We have to learn each other\u2019s genderlect. She said, \u201cI observed that men, when they speak, especially in public, they are very aware of their status in the room.\u201d\u00a0 That means\u2014when they are talking, they very much go kind of into report style. They\u2019ll give you information. They\u2019ll tell a story where they did something effective, or they tell a joke where they did something funny; but they\u2019re kind of the heroes of their own story. Women, more\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>Women, we\u2014you know, it is not uncommon for a woman to feel like starting a conversation with: \u201cYou will not believe the dumb thing I did yesterday!\u00a0 Oh, my gosh!\u00a0 It was so embarrassing!\u201d\u00a0 And what am I looking back from her?\u00a0 What do I want back from her?\u2014[Audience response] \u201cYou\u2019re not dumb. You want to hear dumb?\u00a0 Listen to a story of <em>what I<\/em> did,\u201d\u2014because what we\u2019re looking for is connection. We want to meet on the same plane\u2014that we\u2019re connected, relational. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>Guys, very often when we talk\u2014because we\u2019re aware of kind of our power\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014we don\u2019t want to give that away. So, we don\u2019t appreciate interruptions because it\u2019s like: \u201cI\u2019ve got the floor now. You can have your turn in a minute.\u201d\u00a0 When our wives interrupt us or completes our sentences for us, it\u2019s not welcome\u2014a lot of times. It is like, \u201cI was talking\u201d; right?\u00a0 But for women\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol:<\/strong> \u2014we like: \u201cMmmm. Yes. Uh-huh. Oh.\u201d\u00a0 Why do we like that, ladies?\u00a0 [Audience response] Yes, because we are tracking with each other\u2014we\u2019re connecting!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>Guys, when we talk, often give you the bullet points. We tell you what we think is important for you to know. We\u2019re just not going to bore you or bother you with a lot of detail. Also, we\u2019ve forgotten the detail by that time. [Laughter]\u00a0 But women more often\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>Women, we <em>like<\/em> the details. Don\u2019t give us the sketch\u2014give us the painting!\u2014at least, the watercolor because all those details make us feel connected\u2014like we can kind of vicariously\u2014if it\u2019s about your day\u2014we can vicariously go through your day with you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe feel like we\u2019re <em>part<\/em> of your life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>Men, when we talk, it is difficult\u2014if it\u2019s a sensitive topic\u2014to stare, eye to eye, for a long period of time. It\u2019s just too much!\u00a0 [Laughter] And so, it\u2019s easier for us to talk if we\u2019re driving a car\u2014looking out the windshield\u2014and we\u2019re talking kind of this way or working on a project together\u2014looking down at a third thing. Women\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>We like this!\u00a0 Why do we like this eye contact, ladies?\u00a0 [Audience response] They\u2019re listening!\u00a0 We can tell if you\u2019re spaced out or not. [Laughter] It\u2019s that connecting thing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>So, we offer\u2014we learn how one another think \/ how the genders are different\u2014so that we\u2019re not constantly surprised or offended by that design. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I come home at the end of the day. Some days, I <em>do<\/em> think through my day\u2014the details of my day\u2014so that I can <em>offer<\/em> that to my wife as a gift of communication because I don\u2019t want to be surprised, at five o\u2019clock every day\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014that I\u2019m coming home to a woman who would like to hear that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>And on my side, as a woman, there are times when I assess where Jim is at when he comes through the door\u2014that it is a bullet-point day. And when I want to talk about\u2014and I want him to stay with me\u2014I do need to reduce it to the bullet points to step into his world\u2014to serve him out of love\u2014that we are to submit to one another in love; thus, fulfilling the Law of Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, these differences between the sexes\u2014it\u2019s not just so you can say: \u201cOh, my gosh! You are being a man again!\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>It is so that I understand\u2014so that I can serve into his world. If he\u2019s serving into my world, both of our needs are being met in communication. And it is a very good connective, satisfying experience. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>So, we are going to another theater piece. In this one, we\u2019re going to look at guys. Guys need times of closeness\u2014intimacy with the opposite sex\u2014our wives. And we also need something else. See if you can guess what that is in this piece. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>Yes, Mom, I know; and I\u2019m sorry. I mean\u2014I thought that you knew. I mean, like the home nurse\u2014she would tell you and\u2014well, no, I didn\u2019t know you called me back. See, I had my cell phone in my pocket. Somehow, it got turned off and\u2014Mom, I know how to operate my cell phone. Yes, I know you are mad. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLauren is home, and I need to get off the phone. I\u2014no, no, she\u2019s not in the same room. She\u2019s not\u2014she\u2019s not at\u2014no, Mom, she\u2019s not asking me to get off the phone because I\u2019m talking to you. I just need to get off the phone because I need to get off the phone. [Laughter]\u00a0 I know you are mad. I apologized. I\u2019m sorry. I\u2019m sorry!\u00a0 I\u2019m sorry!\u00a0 I\u2019m sorry!\u00a0 I\u2019m hanging up now. Goodbye. Honestly!\u00a0 Gee whiz!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>Hey, hey, hey\u2014the Carlsons just called. They\u2019ve invited us to dinner\u2014\u201cBring the kids,\u201d and we don\u2019t have to bring <em>anything<\/em> else. Isn\u2019t that great?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong><strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>You don\u2019t seem too excited. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>No, it will be great. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>Is something wrong?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>No. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>What\u2019s wrong?!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>Nothing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>Something is wrong!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>Look, it\u2019s no big deal; okay?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>Oh, don\u2019t say it\u2019s no big deal. That immediately makes me think it\u2019s a big deal. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>It\u2019s not!\u00a0 Look, my mom called me. She just reamed me out for not calling her back yesterday. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>Did she know how busy you were?!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>Oh, that doesn\u2019t matter. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>Well, are you alright?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>I don\u2019t know. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>You don\u2019t know, or you don\u2019t want to tell me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>I don\u2019t know. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>Well, don\u2019t get testy!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>I\u2019m not. It\u2019s just\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>You don\u2019t want me to ask you questions?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>Not right now. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>Well, how are we supposed to improve our communication if you don\u2019t trust me?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>Trust you about what?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>Well, you\u2019ve obviously had a bad conversation with your mom. You\u2019re upset about it, but you don\u2019t want to talk. I just don\u2019t think that\u2019s healthy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>Oh, Lauren, don\u2019t. You\u2019re going to drive me crazy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>Don\u2019t make this about me!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>What?!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>I\u2019m trying to help you out here. Don\u2019t make me the bad guy!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>You\u2019re not the bad guy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019re just the person who won\u2019t stop asking me questions. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>I\u2019m just asking you what you think about the fact that your mom just reamed you out over the phone. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>I don\u2019t know what I think about it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>How can you not know what you think about it?!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>\u00a0Because you won\u2019t leave me alone. [Applause]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>So, if I stop talking, you won\u2019t be confused?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>Eventually. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>That makes no sense at all. How can you know what you <em>think<\/em> if you don\u2019t talk about it?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>Maybe I need to think about it\u2014just not out loud. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>Is that what you are doing now?\u2014because it doesn\u2019t look like you\u2019re thinking. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>No, I\u2019m reading a magazine so I don\u2019t have to think here for a little while; [Laughter] but eventually, my thinking will become clearer. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>Boy! And they say women are confusing!\u00a0 So, are we going over to the Carlsons?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>I don\u2019t know. I need to think about it for a second, but not right now because I\u2019m not thinking here for a minute. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>How about I just call them and tell them, \u201cWe\u2019ll know in a little while\u201d?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>That sounds good. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00 <\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>And I\u2019ll leave you to think about not thinking until you think you are ready to think!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>Now, you\u2019ve got it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>Whew!\u00a0 [Applause]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>What did he need?\u2014[Audience response] space\u2014the final frontier. He needed space. Was there anything <em>wrong<\/em> with the relationship?\u00a0 No. No, not really\u2014not at all. Guys just\u2014sometimes, the world is\u2014as Shakespeare said, \u201cThe world is too much with us\u201d\u2014and we\u2014you know, we don\u2019t know what we think \/ we don\u2019t know what we feel\u2014we just need space. We retreat sometimes, and it can be very abrupt. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBack in the \u201890s, Dr. John Gray\u2014<em>Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus<\/em>\u2014coined the term, \u201cthe man cave.\u201d\u00a0 Sometimes, we retreat into that cave, and a woman is not welcome to follow us in there. Now, what do we do in that cave, gentlemen?\u2014nothing\u2014exactly, which drives our wives insane: [Laughter] \u201cHow can you be doing nothing?\u00a0 I\u2019m not going to let you do nothing. I mean, this is\u2014you know we\u2019re busy people.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, we might be hiking; we might be surfing the internet, looking at how much used trucks cost on craigslist; we might be gaming for a little while; we might be gardening\u2014whatever\u2014playing basketball; but consciously or subconsciously, what\u2019s happening is\u2014we\u2019re figuring out what we think \/ what we feel. And by the time we come out of that space, we often have figured out what we\u2019re going to do\u2014we\u2019ve made a decision\u2014but to our wives, what does this feel like?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>What does this feel like, ladies?\u2014[Audience response] rejection\u2014doesn\u2019t want to share\u2014being shut out. Yes, not pleasant. So, we can often kind of go in two directions\u2014there are a lot of directions\u2014but two frequent ones are: \u201cI need to know what\u2019s going on because there is something bad. I need to know how bad. I need for him to talk to me about how bad this is because, if it\u2019s really bad, we should know and we should really talk about this and work this out.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>I\u2019m being stalked. [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>And the other is: \u201cOh, there is a problem. There\u2019s a problem. I could help him if I just knew. I need him to tell me about this so I can help him; and if I help him, we can feel closer and that works.\u201d\u00a0 Either way, you are going into territory where\u2014basically, God has created men that they need to recalibrate. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, the idea is that you go into the cave for a little while, and you come out\u2014not that you take the remote and go into the cave for the winter. [Laughter]\u00a0 You are supposed to come out with a sense of having sorted some things out and then be able to enter back into your marriage and your family\u2014\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>\u2014fully-engaged. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>\u2014fully-engaged\u2014should be able to talk about it. Now, if you are going into the cave, and you come out, and you really just want to turn around and go right back in\u2014then, we\u2019re talking about issues of stress or depression that you really need to be getting some help with pastoral counseling in your community \/ in your church\u2014place where you can help work through some of this stuff because your depression, of course, affects you, and your marriage, and your kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere is a difference between rebalancing and where it is becoming like an emotional issue, but it\u2019s important for women to know that guys just do this\u2014they need some time away. Now, women, do we need time away from home\u2014from relationships?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>Yes, mom\u2019s night out; right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>There we go!\u2014all about it! But women\u2014we tend to be more external processors. We\u2019ll do things like make a call, or text somebody, or set it out: \u201cI need to take a walk \/ take a cup of coffee to <em>talk<\/em> about this.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>Well, it\u2019s not that men can\u2019t; but women tend to be better at sort of holistic thinking. The hemispheres of women\u2019s brains are highly interconnected. It\u2019s thought that it allows them to think all across the brain. So, something that\u2019s emotional reminds you of something that\u2019s spiritual, which reminds you your husband didn\u2019t buy you flowers on your birthday, which reminds you of a birthday, which reminds you of a Bible study you read on humility\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014that you really need to open back up, which reminds you\u2014you forgot to take the turkey out of the freezer, which reminds of your grocery lists, and it all goes back to your mother. It\u2019s the internet superhighway\u2014it never sleeps; right?\u00a0 You\u2019re just boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGuys, the hemisphere of our brains are almost completely severed. No, we\u2019re not stupid! [Laughter]\u00a0 That\u2019s just how God, in His wisdom, made us; and it tends to mean we can be very compartmental in our thinking. It also means our decision-making can seem pretty abrupt to our wives. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, part of the art of communication in marriage is learning to round those corners a little bit more gently\u2014of knowing I\u2019m going to need some space\u2014and maybe setting that up, a head of time, or having some rhythms in my life of getting away with some trusted friends or advisors on a regular basis. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>So, for the husband to come home\u2014and he needs that landing strip and he needs to go in his cave\u2014that may not be the most convenient time\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>\u2014when your wife has had the kids all day. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, there is a place where you communicate these normal, natural needs; but you talk to each other about them, serving one another in love. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>So, we\u2019re going to move on and do another theater piece. What if you find yourself in the middle of an argument?\u00a0 I know you don\u2019t argue, but you know people who do. [Laughter] And so, this is a great tool\u2014simple tool\u2014made famous by Gary Smalley, back in the \u201890s. This is called using an emotional word picture, and it works; but rather than telling you about it, we\u2019ll just show you with this theater piece. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol: <\/strong>Now, so many of our issues in our marriage\u2014really, we could see, if we look back in our dating days\u2014we\u2019d see the seeds of them\u2014some of those patterns that grow over time. So, we\u2019re going to look back into the dating years of Dan and Lauren\u2019s relationship, when it comes to these issues of conflict. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>Well, I thought they were all great; but Jack was definitely best! I mean, considering this was like his senior recital\u2014like, if an agent had been there, he would have just like picked him up in a snap!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDoes he just like go around your apartment, singing like that?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>Sometimes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>What\u2019s wrong?!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>Nothing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>You\u2019ve been like stiff all evening. Is something wrong?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>Well, it doesn\u2019t matter, now; does it?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>What do you mean, \u201cIt doesn\u2019t matter now?\u201d\u00a0 Did I do something?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>Uh!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>What did I do?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>It\u2019s what you <em>always<\/em> do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>What do you mean, \u201cWhat I always do?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>You\u2019re always late!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>I wasn\u2019t late!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>I asked you to meet me at the recital hall at ten of. You showed up a quarter after. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>But that\u2019s because Julie called just as I was going out the door. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>You own a cell phone. You could have called her back!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>Oh, yes, but you should have heard her voice. She was so upset. I just had to talk to her right then and there\u2014turns out that Mac went out with Courtney Taylor last night!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>Oh, <em>whatever<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>Dan!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>No! It\u2019s always something. If it\u2019s not your cell phone, it\u2019s the weather, or your blow dryer, or your fuel injection, or some cosmic tragedy that has made you late. So, we get to be late to every movie, play, Bible study\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014or in this case, my housemate\u2019s senior recital!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>But we weren\u2019t late. We came in just as he was starting his first song!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>That\u2019s not the point. The point is we got tickets beside his parents, and we had to like walk across the front during his first song and like climb over other people\u2019s legs to get to them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>Alright! I will never be late again. Okay?!\u00a0 From now on, I will be a half hour\u2014no, I will be an <em>hour<\/em> early for whatever we do; <em>alright<\/em>?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>Fine!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>Well, at least, when we have a date, I do remember to show up!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>Oh!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>And when I show up, I don\u2019t come wearing my soccer uniform!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>I can\u2019t believe you\u2019re going to bring that up again. Come on. What happened to all your blah, blah, blah talk about God helping you to forgive?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>He did help me forgive. We just haven\u2019t gotten around to\u2014forget. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>What about the time you showed up\u2014I don\u2019t want to do this. I\u2019m not going down that road. Okay, maybe, I should just go home so I can cool off!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>No, no, Dan! Please\u2014you just\u2014you know what I feel like?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDo you remember that time your cat clawed up your leather jacket, and you chased her out the back door to where the fences come together in the back, and you\u2019re yelling at her, \u201cBad cat!\u201d\u2014she\u2019s hissing at you?\u00a0 When you come at me like that, I feel like that cat!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>What?\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>Even though I know I\u2019m in the wrong, I don\u2019t want to say, \u201cI\u2019m sorry,\u201d because I just feel like I\u2019m backed up against the fence. If I don\u2019t attack back, I\u2019m just going to feel like such a loser. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>But I don\u2019t think you are a loser!\u00a0 It\u2019s just when I\u2019m standing out there, waiting on you like that, I feel like I\u2019m playing some kind of extra in your movie. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>What?!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>Yes, like it\u2019s really important for me to be there\u2014you know [Makes sound of horn]; but for you\u2014everybody else is more important to focus on, and I can wait\u2014I don\u2019t matter. I\u2019m just like this extra!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>Wait, I make you feel like that when I am just <em>ten<\/em> minutes late!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>It\u2019s that you\u2019re <em>consistently<\/em> late for dates with me, but I know you are <em>not <\/em>late to class or to rehearsal. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>Of course, you are important to me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I need to change this. I do!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>Well, let\u2019s go get a cup of coffee and talk about it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>No, I am sorry. Can you forgive me?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>Yes, I\u2019ll forgive you. I\u2019ll forgive you if you buy me a biscotti at Starbucks<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carol as Lauren: <\/strong>You\u2019re on. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim as Dan: <\/strong>You really did look like my cat there for a second. [Laughter and applause]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We have been listening to Jim and Carol Shores from a recent event where they had an opportunity to kind of flesh-out for us how we can do a better job of listening to one another, understanding one another, forgiving one another, communicating with one another. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And Bob, what they illustrate here is that you can get by with a lot if you have a lot of laughter. Jim and Carol lead an audience\u2014to have a lot of fun, have some great entertainment, and just have a good time, as a couple. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u201cI Still Do\u201d is a one-day event\u2014it\u2019s a Saturday event. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt starts about nine o\u2019clock in the morning\u2014goes until about five in the afternoon. It\u2019s just a fast-paced, fun event where you\u2019re going to be equipped to stand strong in your marriage and also, I think, give you some tools to be able to encourage others along the way, as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And let me tell you who else is going to be joining us for <em>\u201c<\/em>I Still Do\u201d: Dr. Al Mohler will be speaking at all three of these events, along with David Nasser, Crawford and Karen Loritts, Dennis and Barbara Rainey, Shaunti Feldhahn, Ron Deal. Andrew Peterson is going to do our lunchtime concert for us. Jim and Carol Shores will be there. Ron McGehee and Kerri Pomarolli are going to be joining us\u2014husband and wife, who do comedy together. I mean, it\u2019s going to be a great day. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s August 2<sup>nd<\/sup>, in Chicago, at the Allstate Arena\u2014Portland, Oregon, at the Moda Center on August 23<sup>rd<\/sup> \u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014then, on Saturday, October 4<sup>th<\/sup>, at the Verizon Arena in downtown Washington, DC. We\u2019ll have people joining us for the national \u201cI Still Do\u201d simulcast that\u2019s going on that day, where you can host an event in your community or in your church. All of the details about \u201cI Still Do\u201d are online at the \u201cI Still Do\u201d website: IStillDo.com. Tickets are on sale now. It\u2019s reserved seating\u2014so, the sooner you get your tickets, the better the seats are going to be. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd on the \u201cI Still Do\u201d website, we\u2019re asking you to go ahead and scan in and post your wedding pictures\u2014share with us your honeymoon horror story or your wedding day disaster story. Some of these are great to read. Then, check out the ultimate marriage playlist as we\u2019re collecting songs that were your love song\u2014maybe the first song you danced to at your wedding or the song that you fell in love listening to. Again, you\u2019ll find it all at IStillDo.com. And of course, that\u2019s where you can go to get information about tickets so you can join us in:\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014Chicago, Portland, or Washington, DC, for one of the three live events or as part of the \u201cI Still Do\u201d worldwide simulcast. Again, go to IStillDo.com for more information. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to hear a message from Crawford and Karen Loritts. We\u2019re going to continue the theme of the differences between men and women. We\u2019re going to talk about how we can love and serve one another well in our differences. I hope you can tune in for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2014 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/303007","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=303007"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=303007"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=303007"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=303007"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=303007"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=303007"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=303007"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}