{"id":302993,"date":"2014-03-28T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2014-03-28T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/those-crazy-expectations\/"},"modified":"2014-03-28T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2014-03-28T15:00:00","slug":"those-crazy-expectations","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/those-crazy-expectations\/","title":{"rendered":"Those Crazy Expectations"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Does the reality of life often fail to meet your expectations?  Pastor Chip Ingram encourages husbands and wives to look closely at their expectations and even consider downsizing them in order to better love their spouses.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Pastor Chip Ingram encourages husbands and wives to look closely at their expectations and even consider downsizing them in order to better love their spouses.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-03-28.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"22.54M","filesize_raw":"23635613","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2873],"tags":[2990],"podcast_series":[7761],"cwp_profile":[3049],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302993","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mental-and-emotional-issues","tag-anger","podcast_series-overcoming-emotions-that-destroy","cwp_profile-chip-ingram","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302993\/those-crazy-expectations","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302993\/those-crazy-expectations","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"BNkxgfuYP4\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/those-crazy-expectations\/\">Those Crazy Expectations<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/those-crazy-expectations\/embed\/#?secret=BNkxgfuYP4\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Those Crazy Expectations&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"BNkxgfuYP4\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-03-28.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-03-28.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Let me ask you two questions about how you handle your anger. First of all, do you think it\u2019s healthy? Secondly, are you providing a good model for your children of how you think they ought to handle anger as they grow up? Chip Ingram remembers teaching on this subject once and addressing that issue with a woman in the audience.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>A lady was there\u2014late 70s. She said, \u201cI\u2019m a stuffer,\u201d and she said: \u201cMy husband was a spewer, and I stuffed it for 52 years. Now, I have four sons that are spewers; and because I didn\u2019t step up and didn\u2019t address it, it got passed on to my kids. It ruined my life, and now I\u2019m watching them ruin their families.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe issue isn\u2019t just: \u201cCan you handle it?\u201d There is a family system that\u2019s being developed. You have to address this because, if you don\u2019t, the consequences are not going to go away. They just get multiplied.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, March 28<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. How you handle your anger will affect your relationship with God; your relationship with others; and it will even model, for good or for ill, that the next generation will likely follow. Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. Is this okay to do? We have been talking about anger this week. While we\u2019ve been talking, I\u2019ve been remembering something I read about anger from somebody else\u2019s book. I mean, we got Chip Ingram right here. We\u2019ve been talking about the book he wrote; and all of a sudden, I thought of something that was in somebody else\u2019s book. Is it okay to read from somebody else\u2019s book?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Hey, go for it!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Is it going to make Chip angry?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>No, I don\u2019t think so.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>I will say: \u201cI quote that later in my book. That\u2019s excellent; and if I didn\u2019t, I should have.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Do you want to introduce Chip before I read this?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, I was getting ready to say: \u201cIt depends on who you quote,\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s a good point! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014if it\u2019s somebody Chip likes, you know\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is John Piper. Is that okay?\u2014you good with that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>Sure.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Alright; here we go.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>John Piper, in a book that he wrote, called <em>What Jesus Demands from the World<\/em>, he said, \u201cNo one decides to get angry.\u201d He said: \u201cWe don\u2019t see an outrageous act of heartless cruelty and injustice and then ponder whether anger would be a good response. And then, after consideration, choose to start feeling the proper level of anger. Nobody lives that way. Anger happens. It\u2019s spontaneous. It\u2019s not a rational choice. It\u2019s an unpremeditated experience.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI thought: \u201cWell, that\u2019s right! We don\u2019t decide to get angry. We get angry, and then decide what to do with it\u201d; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>Yes and no.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay! Alright; let me get Dr. Piper on the line and\u2014no, I\u2019m kidding.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>No, I think yes and no. I think there are certain things\u2014it is an emotive response; but I think if we say that, \u201cI don\u2019t have control of my anger,\u201d\u2014if I\u2019m interpreting it as it is unpremeditated\u2014\u201cIt just comes upon me; therefore, I am not responsible,\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I agree with that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>\u2014then you\u2019re in trouble<em>.<\/em> \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>Example\u2014are you ready? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay! Alright!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>Am I interrupting you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0<strong>Bob: <\/strong>No, go ahead please.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>Are you frustrated with me?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Go ahead. I\u2019m fine.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong><strong>Chip: <\/strong>Are you okay with this?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I\u2019m really okay. [Deep breathing sounds]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>Okay. Who hasn\u2019t had an argument with your wife or really going at it with one of your kids on some sort of issue and then the phone rings? You pick up the phone. It goes something like this: You hold up your hand [Softened voice]: \u201cOh, yes\u2026yes. You know what? I would love to do that and make that golf date,\u201d or, \u201cI\u2019ll talk to my wife and see if I can get that schedule, and we\u2019ll get right back to you.\u201d Then, you put down the phone; right? And then it is [Louder voice]: \u201cWhat did I tell you\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You get right back into it! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>about driving my car out that late!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, we have the ability to turn it on and turn it off. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to remind people: \u201cAnger is a choice; but the emotions that blow up out of us, I agree, are not things you sit around thinking, \u2018Am I going to get angry?\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong><strong>Bob: <\/strong>I\u2019ll just go on. John Piper says: \u201cWhat Jesus demands is not that we master the expressions of our anger with self-control, though that often is what duty requires. He demands that there be a change in our condition. He is calling for a deep inward transformation of mind and heart that does not give rise to anger we should not have.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em><strong>Chip: <\/strong>I have to say I totally agree with that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>There you go.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>Dr. Piper\u2014way to go!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It really forces us down. You talked about this already this week\u2014when we see the red light on the dashboard \/ when the anger comes up\u2014what we have to do is say, \u201cTime for a deep sea diving expedition into our soul,\u201d and say, \u201cWhat is going on here?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>As we talked about this week and you\u2019ve shared out of your own life\u2014anger, as that secondary emotion, occurs many times in marriage because expectations are not met.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Let\u2019s go back to this young couple that we\u2019ve talked about earlier. You\u2019re giving them a vocabulary to be able to handle anger in marriage. What would you say to them, Chip, about unmet expectations, and how they begin to deal with their heart issue, like John Piper was talking about, as they go through life together?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em><strong>Chip: <\/strong>I would like to tell them that having the wrong expectations or not being aware of what your expectations are\u2014a lot of people, when they\u2019re angry\u2014they do not have any idea that it is an expectation issue. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would open the Bible and say, \u201cLet me share with you a story: 2 Kings, Chapter 5, verses 11-12. It was a fellow who was told that there is a prophet from Israel that could heal his leprosy. So, he goes to this prophet. He was hoping that he would say some very profound words and heal him on the spot. Instead, he said: \u2018I want you to go down the Jordan River, and wash, and dip seven times. God will heal you.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This was Naaman? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And he was kind of a big shot; wasn\u2019t he?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>Very, very big shot.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, he is expecting the royal treatment\u2014not the dip-in-the-river thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>Yes. So, his expectations are: \u201cI will be treated with royalty\u201d; because he didn\u2019t, it says he turned and went away in a rage. Fortunately, he had a servant that said: \u201cHey Boss, if he asked you to do something hard, you probably would have done it. Why don\u2019t we just go ahead and go down to the Jordan and see how it works.\u201d Of course, he is healed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0But how many couples?\u2014in my marriage, for example\u2014my father-in-law kept the cars spotless\u2014filled with gas and repaired. I don\u2019t know anything about cars; but when I didn\u2019t do that, my wife got angry with me. Well, every couple has that. I mean\u2014everything from: \u201cWhose family are we going to visit?\u201d\u2014expectations. \u201cHow many children are we going to have?\u201d\u2014expectations. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, there needs to be a lot of give and take there; but at the end of the day, I have to ask: \u201cSo why did God bring us together?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWhat is our joint venture, together, to honor Him?\u201d and, \u201cWhich part are just these invisible expectations\u2014that it\u2019s not wrong\u2014but it\u2019s different than what I expected?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cI had no idea that my filling the car up with gas was giving you heartburn for the last ten years,\u201d \u2014you know? That\u2019s not a big deal to solve. It doesn\u2019t make sense to me\u2014it doesn\u2019t make sense, at all\u2014but guess what? I have chosen, out of love, to fill our car with gas. I think you can downsize in terms of: \u201cWhat does it mean to say, \u2018I love you\u2019?\u2014 and that, sometimes, you have to just compromise.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And other times, you have to pull back and listen to your own language that you are using with your spouse\u2014the little litany you ran through used the word \u201cme\u201d 3 times in less than 15 seconds.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>Well, I would hate to go to him as a counselor. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, it\u2019s not that; but truthfully\u2014if you\u2019re getting married and it\u2019s all about you\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>You got it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014you got real problems there because biblical marriage, as God designed it, demands self-denial; and it does demand some downsizing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to go to the person, though, who is in a marriage relationship where anger is really problematic. It\u2019s not just little unmet expectations\u2014it\u2019s someone who is using anger in an abusive fashion. How would you coach\u2014let\u2019s say a wife\u2014if she is married to a man who is <em>violent<\/em> in his anger\u2014and takes it out on the kids \/ takes it out on her. What would you encourage her to do? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>I would want to do some real careful asking of questions to find out: \u201cHow long is this going on? When you say violent, what\u2019s that actually look like? Is this\u2014I mean, physically hitting people? Is it throwing things?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Maybe, emotionally-abusive.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>Sure. In those kinds of situations\u2014usually, one person, starts withdrawing, withdrawing, withdrawing\u2014and then talks to a friend, or is ashamed to talk to someone. I think the first thing is to say, \u201cThis is a problem.\u201d Then, \u201cWhere do I go for help?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2014have multiple times, not in an angry way, but said: \u201cHoney, I love you. This is an issue. I feel <em>afraid <\/em>when you explode in anger. I feel <em>concern<\/em> for our children when you act in this way and what it is going to produce.\u201d If you can get some buy-in and get some help, that\u2019s step one. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOften, that doesn\u2019t bring about a lot of solutions. Sometimes, you have to say\u2014okay, if there are safety issues, I think we need to tell people very directly: \u201cI do not believe in divorce. I don\u2019t think God ever wants a divorce; but if there are safety issues and people are actually being physically harmed, there certainly can be wisdom in separating.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI always encourage people: \u201cYou go to your pastor. You get all the chips on the table. You get support. You only separate for the purpose of the restoration of the marriage and taking some drastic steps to get things back together.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Let me ask, because a spouse may be thinking: \u201cOkay, if I sit down with my husband tonight and say this is how I feel, and this is what happens, he is going to get angry.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cI\u2019m picking the scab. He is going to explode. I\u2019ve seen it happen before.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, you might say, \u201cWell, have a friend come over and be with you\u2014maybe, one of his friends.\u201d \u201cIf I do that, then he\u2019ll get really angry because now he\u2019s being exposed!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis person feels like, \u201cI can\u2019t blow the whistle on this anger without it getting worse and\u00a0 me feeling even more threatened than I feel right now.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cIt\u2019s manageable now; but if I bring it out in the open, then it\u2019s going to become unmanageable. What do I do?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>That\u2019s where a lot of people find themselves. The question I would ask\u2014sort of in the words of Dr. Phil\u2014is: \u201cHow is what you\u2019re doing now working for you?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: \u201c<\/strong>Do you want the next 30 years like this?\u201d Sometimes, in fact, spewers control for that very reason. Sometimes, it\u2019s just an explosion. There are some spewers\u2014it is very calculated. They are controlling and manipulating kids and wife\u2014or husband\u2014this goes both directions. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt some point, you have to \u201cunder control\u201d\u2014a gentle answer turns away wrath. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGet that out on the table, and it\u2019s not going to go away. Then, you have to go get the help that you need.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I don\u2019t think sweeping it or denying it and pretending it\u2019s going to get any better is a solution.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You have to have some kind of a strategic confrontation wakeup call in the relationship with a spewer; don\u2019t you think?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I think so. I think, as Chip talked about, you really strategically have to take a step back and get your powder dry to know exactly how you\u2019re going to handle this. If he doesn\u2019t respond\u2014or she doesn\u2019t respond\u2014when you\u2019ve done it this way, then you know what your next step is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>In fact, I would say you need to have your next step all lined-up in advance because it could be a very negative situation. You don\u2019t want to think: \u201cNow, I wonder who I am going to talk to,\u201d or, \u201cWhat will I do?\u201d or, \u201cDo I need to be in a hotel for two nights?\u201d All that needs to be addressed. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ll tell you a story that\u2019s helpful here. We created a small group DVD from this to go with the book. I taught at the Billy Graham Center so we could video it. A lady was there\u2014late 70s. She came up to me; and she said: \u201cWhen you started talking the first night, I thought, \u2018Oh brother, we are going to talk about anger. I don\u2019t have any anger problems whatsoever; and why did I come to this whole weekend? It\u2019s going to be a complete waste!\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe later told me\u2014she said, \u201cBy about session four,\u201d she said, \u201c\u2018I\u2019m a stuffer.\u2019\u201d She said: \u201cMy husband was a spewer. I stuffed it for 52 years; and now, I have four sons that are spewers. And because I didn\u2019t step up and didn\u2019t address it, it got passed on to my kids. It ruined my life, and now I\u2019m watching them ruin their families.\u201d The lights came on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I would say to someone: \u201cThe issue isn\u2019t just: \u2018Can you handle it?\u2019 There is a family system that\u2019s being developed; and you have to address this because, if you don\u2019t, the consequences are not going to go away. They just get multiplied.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Add to that: \u201cThis is your brother in Christ\u2014or your sister in Christ\u2014who is in rebellion against God. \u2018If you see a brother caught in a trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one with the spirit of gentleness.\u2019\u201d There is a command to us to get intentionally involved in one another\u2019s lives. If you have a husband or a wife who is a spewing, angry husband or wife, you have a responsibility to boldly love that person by saying, \u201cI am not going to enable this kind of ongoing sin in your life.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I\u2019m thinking, Bob, of Chip here\u2014who shared on an earlier broadcast that, when you were confronted, you didn\u2019t have a vocabulary to handle this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I really want to re-emphasize this because I think some people come from homes where emotions were never labeled. What they have going on in their souls is a bunch of emotional gunk, that is just all wrapped around the axle of the heart, and they don\u2019t know what anger is. They don\u2019t know what worry is. They don\u2019t know what some of the emotions are that they are experiencing. So, to be confronted with it\u2014they\u2019re going: \u201cI am not angry! What do you mean me, angry?!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>That\u2019s right. That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>So back towhat you said about the spirit of gentleness and meekness\u2014it has to be an invitation to a real relationship with a real person.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>A very specific way that is safe\u2014and I hope this won\u2019t be heard as an attempt to sell books or this or that. I\u2019ve just got a lot of feedback of people in situations like this who\u2014a safe way was\u2014they got the book, and they started reading it, and they said: \u201cYou know what? I\u2019m learning that I stuff my anger.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn other words\u2014so, instead of addressing the spewer and the big issue: \u201cI\u2019ve learned I stuff my anger. This has really been helpful,\u201d and maybe taking a little bit more responsibility that anger is a <em>mutual<\/em> issue. Then, saying: \u201cYou know what? Would you be interested in looking at this?\u201d What that does is\u2014that someone, other than them, begins to speak into their life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s why you all create resources\u2014it\u2019s a tool to get into the hearts of people when often a lot of us\u2014I felt, if I wouldn\u2019t have gotten help, I couldn\u2019t have solved it. I didn\u2019t have the vocabulary. I didn\u2019t know I was angry. I needed someone to sit down to say: \u201cChip, write on a 3x5 card and put it on the refrigerator. Chip\u2014on expectations\u2014what you need to say is, \u2018I desire this instead of demand it.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 Demand is an expectation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat sounds real simple, but I had to practice it. Like you\u2014now, after about 25 years of practice\u2014it\u2019s like\u2014it\u2019s not like we never get angry; but it\u2019s like: \u201cWow! God\u2019s Word really works!\u201d and your hearts are connected most of the time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Tell our listeners about the time that somebody recorded a conversation he had with you\u2014and what that did to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>Oh my! I just want you to know that, if you\u2019re listening, there is another program that you can hear some other time where I talk about <em>positive <\/em>things in my life other than living on the edge. I just come here\u2014where we do therapeutic work\u2014and I tell all the worse things I\u2019ve ever done in my whole life. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And you get tagged\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob and Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014Dr. Anger! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>Dr. Love! Dr. Angry!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes, there you go! There you go!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>I won\u2019t go into all the details; but the dynamic of the conversation was\u2014someone was very upset with me, and had assumed, and thought that I was working behind the scenes to do something that was destructive to some people he cared about in a ministry situation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said: \u201cHey, I tell you what. I call you tonight because I\u2019m real busy.\u201d It was kind of weird. I learned later that the whole reason was to set something up. Then, he called me, recorded the conversation, and baited me with numbers of questions to try and get me to say something so that he could play it to a different group. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOh, man! I mean\u2014I wasn\u2019t mad\u2014I was livid! I was\u2014I don\u2019t even know how to describe it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes; yes, we can see it on your face, right now!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>I got depressed! I mean, I didn\u2019t know how to deal with it. My stomach was churning, and my heart was hurting. Finally, I was having lunch with a fellow pastor. I was telling him how I was going to really deal with all this, and I\u2019d written this thing out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe goes, \u201cLet me see it.\u201d He read it and said, \u201cI don\u2019t think I would send that.\u201d I said \u201cSo, what do you mean?! It\u2019s just\u2014it\u2019s right.\u201d \u201cI don\u2019t think I\u2019d send that until the reason you would send it is that you want to love him, and restore him, and bring about healing in that relationship.\u201d I was like: \u201cGive me a break! Healing the relationship?! Don\u2019t you understand? You know I went in\u2014\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said: \u201cChip, what\u2019s attacked here\u2014more than anything else\u2014is your pride. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cYou\u2019re afraid of how you\u2019re going to look. What you\u2019re protecting is your pride and your reputation. What he punched is your insecurity. Now, you know this guy and those other people know you. Do you think God is big enough to handle this situation and can you entrust it to Him?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said: \u201cNow, write a letter that says exactly what he did. Then, write in the next paragraph how you feel. Then, when you mean it\u2014on the bottom of that letter\u2014write very specific that you forgive him. I want you to put that in your briefcase. When you get to the point where you can send that, and know that you love that man\u2014then send it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Well, it was in my briefcase for a <em>very<\/em> long time. What he hit me with was that I began to understand so much of my anger is when my insecurity, and those kinds of issues, and I never sent the letter. I remember just throwing it away and realizing, \u201cIt\u2019s resolved.\u201d The issue was, you know: \u201cDo we always have to defend ourselves?\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201chow we appear \/ how people can make us look\u2014really is sometimes a pretty proud issue.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>We\u2019re all terribly insecure. We would like to come across with bravado that we got life wired together. The issue is we do get hurt. People hurt us. If we are not careful, we can nurse the hurts\u2014and we can end up staying angry and staying mad at a person. It can turn from anger into pure bitterness and resentment\u2014and that\u2019s corrosive. That\u2019ll eat the inside of your heart up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>I couldn\u2019t pray for three days. I mean\u2014I tried, and I couldn\u2019t get through. I never made the connection\u2014I mean\u2014I was so livid and bitter; and I couldn\u2019t figure out why \u201cGosh, I don\u2019t feel very close to God.\u201d You\u2019d think a pastor could figure that one out!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>Your right! You\u2019re just exactly right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I think the question that I just want to conclude the broadcast\u2014by asking here: \u201cWho is there in your life\u2014who has really made you angry?\u201d Now, have you got the person\u2019s name that has most wounded you, or disappointed you, or hurt you, or wounded you, or abused you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYour assignment is to open the Book\u2014and I\u2019d encourage you to go to Ephesians, Chapter 4, and begin to make your way through that whole chapter. Begin to apply the Scripture there that, ultimately, challenges you to give up the right to punish them and to forgive them\u2014\u201cjust as God in Christ has forgiven you.\u201d That person may be your spouse. It may be a parent who abused you, growing up. It may be a brother \/ a sister who wounded you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe issue is: Biblically, we can\u2019t let the sun go down on our anger. I think what the Scripture is really commanding us there\u2014we have got to start to deal with it, and we have to deal with God, and we have to address the issues of our hearts and forgive.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>Amen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Chip, I want to thank you for your book, and just for speaking the truth in love, but also being authentic. It may have ruined your reputation, here on the broadcast, by sharing so many stories about how you dealt with your emotion; but actually, it has moved you up a notch, in terms of our audience, in respecting you and just being grateful that you\u2019re a real person that they can relate to\u2014and, also, shared with them how you\u2019ve applied the Scripture in your life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>Well, it\u2019s great to be with you guys. Thanks!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I think, actually, your transparency in your book is one of the things that makes it so helpful because I think people can relate to the stories that you share. I just appreciate the honesty. I mean, we\u2019ve already heard, this week, from a lot of folks who\u2019ve contacted us and have asked for a copy of your book. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOf course, we have it in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. If a listener\u2019s interested, they can go to FamilyLifeToday.com and order, online. The title of the book is <em>Overcoming Emotions that Destroy<\/em>. The author is Chip Ingram. You can go to FamilyLifeToday.com to request a copy; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY\u20141-800-358-6329. That is: 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d Ask about Chip Ingram\u2019s book, <em>Overcoming Emotions that Destroy<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, a quick word of thanks to those of you who\u2014this month\u2014have heard us talking about our goal of trying to enlist a thousand new families, all around the country, to join with us as new Legacy Partners for <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLegacy Partners help provide the stable financial foundation for this ministry to help us cover the cost of producing and syndicating this daily radio program. Many of you, this month, have stepped forward. We\u2019re hoping, here in the last couple of days of the month, to reach our goal of a thousand new families. Today would be a great day for you to call; or go online, and sign up, and say, \u201cI want to be a Legacy Partner.\u201d You can go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the button that says, \u201cI CARE,\u201d and sign on as a Legacy Partner there; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY and say, \u201cI\u2019m interested in becoming a Legacy Partner.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you enroll, we\u2019re going to send you the Legacy Partner welcome kit. It has the brand-new <em>Legacy Partner Cookbook<\/em> in it\u2014with recipes from the Raineys, from the Lepines, from our staff, and from Legacy Partners, all across the country. So, we hope to hear from you. Hope you will pray about becoming a monthly contributor to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, and sign on as a new Legacy Partner.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you have a great weekend. Hope you and your family are able to worship together this weekend. And I hope you can join us back on Monday, when we\u2019re going to talk about Easter. It\u2019s coming up in a few weeks. We want to help you get ready and help you share the Easter story with everyone in your family\u2014even people in your neighborhood. We\u2019re going to talk about why Easter really matters. That\u2019s coming up Monday. So, I hope you can be with us for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back Monday for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2014 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a> \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["22.54M"],"filesize_raw":["23635613"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-302993.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-302993.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Chip Ingram encourages husbands and wives to look closely at their expectations and even consider downsizing them in order to better love their spouses.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-03-28.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Let me ask you two questions about how you handle your anger. First of all, do you think it\u2019s healthy? Secondly, are you providing a good model for your children of how you think they ought to handle anger as they grow up? Chip Ingram remembers teaching on this subject once and addressing that issue with a woman in the audience.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>A lady was there\u2014late 70s. She said, \u201cI\u2019m a stuffer,\u201d and she said: \u201cMy husband was a spewer, and I stuffed it for 52 years. Now, I have four sons that are spewers; and because I didn\u2019t step up and didn\u2019t address it, it got passed on to my kids. It ruined my life, and now I\u2019m watching them ruin their families.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe issue isn\u2019t just: \u201cCan you handle it?\u201d There is a family system that\u2019s being developed. You have to address this because, if you don\u2019t, the consequences are not going to go away. They just get multiplied.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, March 28<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. How you handle your anger will affect your relationship with God; your relationship with others; and it will even model, for good or for ill, that the next generation will likely follow. Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. Is this okay to do? We have been talking about anger this week. While we\u2019ve been talking, I\u2019ve been remembering something I read about anger from somebody else\u2019s book. I mean, we got Chip Ingram right here. We\u2019ve been talking about the book he wrote; and all of a sudden, I thought of something that was in somebody else\u2019s book. Is it okay to read from somebody else\u2019s book?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Hey, go for it!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Is it going to make Chip angry?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>No, I don\u2019t think so.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>I will say: \u201cI quote that later in my book. That\u2019s excellent; and if I didn\u2019t, I should have.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Do you want to introduce Chip before I read this?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, I was getting ready to say: \u201cIt depends on who you quote,\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s a good point! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014if it\u2019s somebody Chip likes, you know\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is John Piper. Is that okay?\u2014you good with that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>Sure.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Alright; here we go.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>John Piper, in a book that he wrote, called <em>What Jesus Demands from the World<\/em>, he said, \u201cNo one decides to get angry.\u201d He said: \u201cWe don\u2019t see an outrageous act of heartless cruelty and injustice and then ponder whether anger would be a good response. And then, after consideration, choose to start feeling the proper level of anger. Nobody lives that way. Anger happens. It\u2019s spontaneous. It\u2019s not a rational choice. It\u2019s an unpremeditated experience.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI thought: \u201cWell, that\u2019s right! We don\u2019t decide to get angry. We get angry, and then decide what to do with it\u201d; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>Yes and no.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay! Alright; let me get Dr. Piper on the line and\u2014no, I\u2019m kidding.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>No, I think yes and no. I think there are certain things\u2014it is an emotive response; but I think if we say that, \u201cI don\u2019t have control of my anger,\u201d\u2014if I\u2019m interpreting it as it is unpremeditated\u2014\u201cIt just comes upon me; therefore, I am not responsible,\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I agree with that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>\u2014then you\u2019re in trouble<em>.<\/em> \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>Example\u2014are you ready? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay! Alright!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>Am I interrupting you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0<strong>Bob: <\/strong>No, go ahead please.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>Are you frustrated with me?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Go ahead. I\u2019m fine.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong><strong>Chip: <\/strong>Are you okay with this?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I\u2019m really okay. [Deep breathing sounds]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>Okay. Who hasn\u2019t had an argument with your wife or really going at it with one of your kids on some sort of issue and then the phone rings? You pick up the phone. It goes something like this: You hold up your hand [Softened voice]: \u201cOh, yes\u2026yes. You know what? I would love to do that and make that golf date,\u201d or, \u201cI\u2019ll talk to my wife and see if I can get that schedule, and we\u2019ll get right back to you.\u201d Then, you put down the phone; right? And then it is [Louder voice]: \u201cWhat did I tell you\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You get right back into it! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>about driving my car out that late!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, we have the ability to turn it on and turn it off. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to remind people: \u201cAnger is a choice; but the emotions that blow up out of us, I agree, are not things you sit around thinking, \u2018Am I going to get angry?\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong><strong>Bob: <\/strong>I\u2019ll just go on. John Piper says: \u201cWhat Jesus demands is not that we master the expressions of our anger with self-control, though that often is what duty requires. He demands that there be a change in our condition. He is calling for a deep inward transformation of mind and heart that does not give rise to anger we should not have.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em><strong>Chip: <\/strong>I have to say I totally agree with that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>There you go.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>Dr. Piper\u2014way to go!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It really forces us down. You talked about this already this week\u2014when we see the red light on the dashboard \/ when the anger comes up\u2014what we have to do is say, \u201cTime for a deep sea diving expedition into our soul,\u201d and say, \u201cWhat is going on here?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>As we talked about this week and you\u2019ve shared out of your own life\u2014anger, as that secondary emotion, occurs many times in marriage because expectations are not met.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Let\u2019s go back to this young couple that we\u2019ve talked about earlier. You\u2019re giving them a vocabulary to be able to handle anger in marriage. What would you say to them, Chip, about unmet expectations, and how they begin to deal with their heart issue, like John Piper was talking about, as they go through life together?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em><strong>Chip: <\/strong>I would like to tell them that having the wrong expectations or not being aware of what your expectations are\u2014a lot of people, when they\u2019re angry\u2014they do not have any idea that it is an expectation issue. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would open the Bible and say, \u201cLet me share with you a story: 2 Kings, Chapter 5, verses 11-12. It was a fellow who was told that there is a prophet from Israel that could heal his leprosy. So, he goes to this prophet. He was hoping that he would say some very profound words and heal him on the spot. Instead, he said: \u2018I want you to go down the Jordan River, and wash, and dip seven times. God will heal you.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This was Naaman? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And he was kind of a big shot; wasn\u2019t he?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>Very, very big shot.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, he is expecting the royal treatment\u2014not the dip-in-the-river thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>Yes. So, his expectations are: \u201cI will be treated with royalty\u201d; because he didn\u2019t, it says he turned and went away in a rage. Fortunately, he had a servant that said: \u201cHey Boss, if he asked you to do something hard, you probably would have done it. Why don\u2019t we just go ahead and go down to the Jordan and see how it works.\u201d Of course, he is healed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0But how many couples?\u2014in my marriage, for example\u2014my father-in-law kept the cars spotless\u2014filled with gas and repaired. I don\u2019t know anything about cars; but when I didn\u2019t do that, my wife got angry with me. Well, every couple has that. I mean\u2014everything from: \u201cWhose family are we going to visit?\u201d\u2014expectations. \u201cHow many children are we going to have?\u201d\u2014expectations. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, there needs to be a lot of give and take there; but at the end of the day, I have to ask: \u201cSo why did God bring us together?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWhat is our joint venture, together, to honor Him?\u201d and, \u201cWhich part are just these invisible expectations\u2014that it\u2019s not wrong\u2014but it\u2019s different than what I expected?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cI had no idea that my filling the car up with gas was giving you heartburn for the last ten years,\u201d \u2014you know? That\u2019s not a big deal to solve. It doesn\u2019t make sense to me\u2014it doesn\u2019t make sense, at all\u2014but guess what? I have chosen, out of love, to fill our car with gas. I think you can downsize in terms of: \u201cWhat does it mean to say, \u2018I love you\u2019?\u2014 and that, sometimes, you have to just compromise.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And other times, you have to pull back and listen to your own language that you are using with your spouse\u2014the little litany you ran through used the word \u201cme\u201d 3 times in less than 15 seconds.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>Well, I would hate to go to him as a counselor. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, it\u2019s not that; but truthfully\u2014if you\u2019re getting married and it\u2019s all about you\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>You got it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014you got real problems there because biblical marriage, as God designed it, demands self-denial; and it does demand some downsizing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to go to the person, though, who is in a marriage relationship where anger is really problematic. It\u2019s not just little unmet expectations\u2014it\u2019s someone who is using anger in an abusive fashion. How would you coach\u2014let\u2019s say a wife\u2014if she is married to a man who is <em>violent<\/em> in his anger\u2014and takes it out on the kids \/ takes it out on her. What would you encourage her to do? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>I would want to do some real careful asking of questions to find out: \u201cHow long is this going on? When you say violent, what\u2019s that actually look like? Is this\u2014I mean, physically hitting people? Is it throwing things?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Maybe, emotionally-abusive.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>Sure. In those kinds of situations\u2014usually, one person, starts withdrawing, withdrawing, withdrawing\u2014and then talks to a friend, or is ashamed to talk to someone. I think the first thing is to say, \u201cThis is a problem.\u201d Then, \u201cWhere do I go for help?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2014have multiple times, not in an angry way, but said: \u201cHoney, I love you. This is an issue. I feel <em>afraid <\/em>when you explode in anger. I feel <em>concern<\/em> for our children when you act in this way and what it is going to produce.\u201d If you can get some buy-in and get some help, that\u2019s step one. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOften, that doesn\u2019t bring about a lot of solutions. Sometimes, you have to say\u2014okay, if there are safety issues, I think we need to tell people very directly: \u201cI do not believe in divorce. I don\u2019t think God ever wants a divorce; but if there are safety issues and people are actually being physically harmed, there certainly can be wisdom in separating.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI always encourage people: \u201cYou go to your pastor. You get all the chips on the table. You get support. You only separate for the purpose of the restoration of the marriage and taking some drastic steps to get things back together.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Let me ask, because a spouse may be thinking: \u201cOkay, if I sit down with my husband tonight and say this is how I feel, and this is what happens, he is going to get angry.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cI\u2019m picking the scab. He is going to explode. I\u2019ve seen it happen before.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, you might say, \u201cWell, have a friend come over and be with you\u2014maybe, one of his friends.\u201d \u201cIf I do that, then he\u2019ll get really angry because now he\u2019s being exposed!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis person feels like, \u201cI can\u2019t blow the whistle on this anger without it getting worse and\u00a0 me feeling even more threatened than I feel right now.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cIt\u2019s manageable now; but if I bring it out in the open, then it\u2019s going to become unmanageable. What do I do?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>That\u2019s where a lot of people find themselves. The question I would ask\u2014sort of in the words of Dr. Phil\u2014is: \u201cHow is what you\u2019re doing now working for you?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: \u201c<\/strong>Do you want the next 30 years like this?\u201d Sometimes, in fact, spewers control for that very reason. Sometimes, it\u2019s just an explosion. There are some spewers\u2014it is very calculated. They are controlling and manipulating kids and wife\u2014or husband\u2014this goes both directions. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt some point, you have to \u201cunder control\u201d\u2014a gentle answer turns away wrath. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGet that out on the table, and it\u2019s not going to go away. Then, you have to go get the help that you need.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I don\u2019t think sweeping it or denying it and pretending it\u2019s going to get any better is a solution.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You have to have some kind of a strategic confrontation wakeup call in the relationship with a spewer; don\u2019t you think?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I think so. I think, as Chip talked about, you really strategically have to take a step back and get your powder dry to know exactly how you\u2019re going to handle this. If he doesn\u2019t respond\u2014or she doesn\u2019t respond\u2014when you\u2019ve done it this way, then you know what your next step is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>In fact, I would say you need to have your next step all lined-up in advance because it could be a very negative situation. You don\u2019t want to think: \u201cNow, I wonder who I am going to talk to,\u201d or, \u201cWhat will I do?\u201d or, \u201cDo I need to be in a hotel for two nights?\u201d All that needs to be addressed. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ll tell you a story that\u2019s helpful here. We created a small group DVD from this to go with the book. I taught at the Billy Graham Center so we could video it. A lady was there\u2014late 70s. She came up to me; and she said: \u201cWhen you started talking the first night, I thought, \u2018Oh brother, we are going to talk about anger. I don\u2019t have any anger problems whatsoever; and why did I come to this whole weekend? It\u2019s going to be a complete waste!\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe later told me\u2014she said, \u201cBy about session four,\u201d she said, \u201c\u2018I\u2019m a stuffer.\u2019\u201d She said: \u201cMy husband was a spewer. I stuffed it for 52 years; and now, I have four sons that are spewers. And because I didn\u2019t step up and didn\u2019t address it, it got passed on to my kids. It ruined my life, and now I\u2019m watching them ruin their families.\u201d The lights came on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I would say to someone: \u201cThe issue isn\u2019t just: \u2018Can you handle it?\u2019 There is a family system that\u2019s being developed; and you have to address this because, if you don\u2019t, the consequences are not going to go away. They just get multiplied.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Add to that: \u201cThis is your brother in Christ\u2014or your sister in Christ\u2014who is in rebellion against God. \u2018If you see a brother caught in a trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one with the spirit of gentleness.\u2019\u201d There is a command to us to get intentionally involved in one another\u2019s lives. If you have a husband or a wife who is a spewing, angry husband or wife, you have a responsibility to boldly love that person by saying, \u201cI am not going to enable this kind of ongoing sin in your life.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I\u2019m thinking, Bob, of Chip here\u2014who shared on an earlier broadcast that, when you were confronted, you didn\u2019t have a vocabulary to handle this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I really want to re-emphasize this because I think some people come from homes where emotions were never labeled. What they have going on in their souls is a bunch of emotional gunk, that is just all wrapped around the axle of the heart, and they don\u2019t know what anger is. They don\u2019t know what worry is. They don\u2019t know what some of the emotions are that they are experiencing. So, to be confronted with it\u2014they\u2019re going: \u201cI am not angry! What do you mean me, angry?!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>That\u2019s right. That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>So back towhat you said about the spirit of gentleness and meekness\u2014it has to be an invitation to a real relationship with a real person.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>A very specific way that is safe\u2014and I hope this won\u2019t be heard as an attempt to sell books or this or that. I\u2019ve just got a lot of feedback of people in situations like this who\u2014a safe way was\u2014they got the book, and they started reading it, and they said: \u201cYou know what? I\u2019m learning that I stuff my anger.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn other words\u2014so, instead of addressing the spewer and the big issue: \u201cI\u2019ve learned I stuff my anger. This has really been helpful,\u201d and maybe taking a little bit more responsibility that anger is a <em>mutual<\/em> issue. Then, saying: \u201cYou know what? Would you be interested in looking at this?\u201d What that does is\u2014that someone, other than them, begins to speak into their life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s why you all create resources\u2014it\u2019s a tool to get into the hearts of people when often a lot of us\u2014I felt, if I wouldn\u2019t have gotten help, I couldn\u2019t have solved it. I didn\u2019t have the vocabulary. I didn\u2019t know I was angry. I needed someone to sit down to say: \u201cChip, write on a 3x5 card and put it on the refrigerator. Chip\u2014on expectations\u2014what you need to say is, \u2018I desire this instead of demand it.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 Demand is an expectation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat sounds real simple, but I had to practice it. Like you\u2014now, after about 25 years of practice\u2014it\u2019s like\u2014it\u2019s not like we never get angry; but it\u2019s like: \u201cWow! God\u2019s Word really works!\u201d and your hearts are connected most of the time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Tell our listeners about the time that somebody recorded a conversation he had with you\u2014and what that did to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>Oh my! I just want you to know that, if you\u2019re listening, there is another program that you can hear some other time where I talk about <em>positive <\/em>things in my life other than living on the edge. I just come here\u2014where we do therapeutic work\u2014and I tell all the worse things I\u2019ve ever done in my whole life. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And you get tagged\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob and Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014Dr. Anger! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>Dr. Love! Dr. Angry!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes, there you go! There you go!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>I won\u2019t go into all the details; but the dynamic of the conversation was\u2014someone was very upset with me, and had assumed, and thought that I was working behind the scenes to do something that was destructive to some people he cared about in a ministry situation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said: \u201cHey, I tell you what. I call you tonight because I\u2019m real busy.\u201d It was kind of weird. I learned later that the whole reason was to set something up. Then, he called me, recorded the conversation, and baited me with numbers of questions to try and get me to say something so that he could play it to a different group. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOh, man! I mean\u2014I wasn\u2019t mad\u2014I was livid! I was\u2014I don\u2019t even know how to describe it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes; yes, we can see it on your face, right now!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>I got depressed! I mean, I didn\u2019t know how to deal with it. My stomach was churning, and my heart was hurting. Finally, I was having lunch with a fellow pastor. I was telling him how I was going to really deal with all this, and I\u2019d written this thing out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe goes, \u201cLet me see it.\u201d He read it and said, \u201cI don\u2019t think I would send that.\u201d I said \u201cSo, what do you mean?! It\u2019s just\u2014it\u2019s right.\u201d \u201cI don\u2019t think I\u2019d send that until the reason you would send it is that you want to love him, and restore him, and bring about healing in that relationship.\u201d I was like: \u201cGive me a break! Healing the relationship?! Don\u2019t you understand? You know I went in\u2014\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said: \u201cChip, what\u2019s attacked here\u2014more than anything else\u2014is your pride. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cYou\u2019re afraid of how you\u2019re going to look. What you\u2019re protecting is your pride and your reputation. What he punched is your insecurity. Now, you know this guy and those other people know you. Do you think God is big enough to handle this situation and can you entrust it to Him?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said: \u201cNow, write a letter that says exactly what he did. Then, write in the next paragraph how you feel. Then, when you mean it\u2014on the bottom of that letter\u2014write very specific that you forgive him. I want you to put that in your briefcase. When you get to the point where you can send that, and know that you love that man\u2014then send it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Well, it was in my briefcase for a <em>very<\/em> long time. What he hit me with was that I began to understand so much of my anger is when my insecurity, and those kinds of issues, and I never sent the letter. I remember just throwing it away and realizing, \u201cIt\u2019s resolved.\u201d The issue was, you know: \u201cDo we always have to defend ourselves?\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201chow we appear \/ how people can make us look\u2014really is sometimes a pretty proud issue.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>We\u2019re all terribly insecure. We would like to come across with bravado that we got life wired together. The issue is we do get hurt. People hurt us. If we are not careful, we can nurse the hurts\u2014and we can end up staying angry and staying mad at a person. It can turn from anger into pure bitterness and resentment\u2014and that\u2019s corrosive. That\u2019ll eat the inside of your heart up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>I couldn\u2019t pray for three days. I mean\u2014I tried, and I couldn\u2019t get through. I never made the connection\u2014I mean\u2014I was so livid and bitter; and I couldn\u2019t figure out why \u201cGosh, I don\u2019t feel very close to God.\u201d You\u2019d think a pastor could figure that one out!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>Your right! You\u2019re just exactly right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I think the question that I just want to conclude the broadcast\u2014by asking here: \u201cWho is there in your life\u2014who has really made you angry?\u201d Now, have you got the person\u2019s name that has most wounded you, or disappointed you, or hurt you, or wounded you, or abused you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYour assignment is to open the Book\u2014and I\u2019d encourage you to go to Ephesians, Chapter 4, and begin to make your way through that whole chapter. Begin to apply the Scripture there that, ultimately, challenges you to give up the right to punish them and to forgive them\u2014\u201cjust as God in Christ has forgiven you.\u201d That person may be your spouse. It may be a parent who abused you, growing up. It may be a brother \/ a sister who wounded you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe issue is: Biblically, we can\u2019t let the sun go down on our anger. I think what the Scripture is really commanding us there\u2014we have got to start to deal with it, and we have to deal with God, and we have to address the issues of our hearts and forgive.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>Amen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Chip, I want to thank you for your book, and just for speaking the truth in love, but also being authentic. It may have ruined your reputation, here on the broadcast, by sharing so many stories about how you dealt with your emotion; but actually, it has moved you up a notch, in terms of our audience, in respecting you and just being grateful that you\u2019re a real person that they can relate to\u2014and, also, shared with them how you\u2019ve applied the Scripture in your life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip: <\/strong>Well, it\u2019s great to be with you guys. Thanks!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I think, actually, your transparency in your book is one of the things that makes it so helpful because I think people can relate to the stories that you share. I just appreciate the honesty. I mean, we\u2019ve already heard, this week, from a lot of folks who\u2019ve contacted us and have asked for a copy of your book. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOf course, we have it in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. If a listener\u2019s interested, they can go to FamilyLifeToday.com and order, online. The title of the book is <em>Overcoming Emotions that Destroy<\/em>. The author is Chip Ingram. You can go to FamilyLifeToday.com to request a copy; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY\u20141-800-358-6329. That is: 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d Ask about Chip Ingram\u2019s book, <em>Overcoming Emotions that Destroy<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, a quick word of thanks to those of you who\u2014this month\u2014have heard us talking about our goal of trying to enlist a thousand new families, all around the country, to join with us as new Legacy Partners for <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLegacy Partners help provide the stable financial foundation for this ministry to help us cover the cost of producing and syndicating this daily radio program. Many of you, this month, have stepped forward. We\u2019re hoping, here in the last couple of days of the month, to reach our goal of a thousand new families. Today would be a great day for you to call; or go online, and sign up, and say, \u201cI want to be a Legacy Partner.\u201d You can go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the button that says, \u201cI CARE,\u201d and sign on as a Legacy Partner there; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY and say, \u201cI\u2019m interested in becoming a Legacy Partner.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you enroll, we\u2019re going to send you the Legacy Partner welcome kit. It has the brand-new <em>Legacy Partner Cookbook<\/em> in it\u2014with recipes from the Raineys, from the Lepines, from our staff, and from Legacy Partners, all across the country. So, we hope to hear from you. Hope you will pray about becoming a monthly contributor to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, and sign on as a new Legacy Partner.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you have a great weekend. Hope you and your family are able to worship together this weekend. And I hope you can join us back on Monday, when we\u2019re going to talk about Easter. It\u2019s coming up in a few weeks. We want to help you get ready and help you share the Easter story with everyone in your family\u2014even people in your neighborhood. We\u2019re going to talk about why Easter really matters. That\u2019s coming up Monday. So, I hope you can be with us for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back Monday for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2014 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a> \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/302993","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=302993"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=302993"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=302993"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=302993"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=302993"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=302993"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=302993"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}