{"id":302977,"date":"2014-03-18T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2014-03-18T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/honoring-difficult-parents\/"},"modified":"2014-03-18T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2014-03-18T15:00:00","slug":"honoring-difficult-parents","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/honoring-difficult-parents\/","title":{"rendered":"Honoring Difficult Parents"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Good ole&#8217; Mom and Dad!  Dennis Rainey gives you some practical advice on honoring and loving your parents.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-03-18.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"23.68M","filesize_raw":"24829098","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2825],"tags":[4813],"podcast_series":[8001],"cwp_profile":[3048],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302977","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-honoring-your-parents","tag-honoring-parents","podcast_series-putting-your-parents-in-proper-perspective","cwp_profile-dennis-rainey","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302977\/honoring-difficult-parents","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302977\/honoring-difficult-parents","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"0zQxWAJVxO\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/honoring-difficult-parents\/\">Honoring Difficult Parents<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/honoring-difficult-parents\/embed\/#?secret=0zQxWAJVxO\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Honoring Difficult Parents&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"0zQxWAJVxO\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-03-18.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-03-18.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>One of the great gifts an adult child can give to his mother or his father is the gift of time. Here is Dennis Rainey. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> One of the fondest memories I have of my father was\u2014after dinner, he would rise from the dinner table. He would tell me, and my mom, and my brother that he was going over to his mom\u2019s house. It was about a five-minute walk across town to get there. He would go sit in a chair and listen to the squeak of that rocking chair\u2014that his mother sat in\u2014and the tick of that clock. There was not much shared in that relationship\u2014my dad just went over, and he gave her the gift of his time. Up until his death, there weren\u2019t many days that passed when he didn\u2019t either call her or go by to see her. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, March 18<sup>th<\/sup>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll talk about the gift of time and other gifts we can give our parents, as adult children, on today\u2019s program. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Tuesday edition. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Bob\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Let me go talk to Keith for just a second: \u201cDo you have the pitch shift messed up in there because Dennis sounds like he\u2019s\u201d\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> If you are a listener, just ignore Bob; will you? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I better not go here\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> He\u2019s trying to make fun. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014I better not go here because you\u2019ll find some old tape of me; won\u2019t you? [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We\u2019re about to play a message I gave, 20 years ago, that is still as relevant today as it was back then. He\u2019s just making fun of my pitch, my annunciation, and a lot of other stuff. \u201cKeith, see if you can\u2019t correct it before we send this out over the air.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You shared this message with a lot of Cru<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> staff who, back in the 80s and 90s, would gather for staff training.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey would always sit in Dennis Rainey\u2019s Christian Life class. This was one of your messages. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I had about 600 singles in a class, back in the 80s, called The Christian Single Life. This message\u2014I would say, out of the 20 different messages that were a part of that course\u2014this message was\u2014I don\u2019t want to call it most controversial, but it evoked the most response, in both positive and\u2014not negative about the message\u2014but negative about the subject of the message. It\u2019s about honoring your parents. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember there would be young people in college\u2014some graduates of college\u2014standing in line wanting to talk\u2014singles who were talking about: \u201cYou mean you want me to go home and honor my dad? How can I do that?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cafter he did this?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Oh, yes! And they told some stories where\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\ttruthfully\u2014I\u2019ll be honest with you, Bob\u2014it caused me to kind of check my theology, and go back, and go: \u201cYes, it\u2019s one of the Ten Commandments. Yes, I think even though what your father did or your mother did was not honorable \/ wasn\u2019t right, God still calls us to return home with honor because it\u2019s the right thing to do. It\u2019s the God-honoring thing to do.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I think, Bob\u2014kind of in the fine print of the Ten Commandments\u2014I think what happens is, as we start the process of thinking about\u2014I\u2019m not talking about writing it\u2014I\u2019m just talking about, as we begin the process of <em>thinking about<\/em> writing a tribute, honoring our parents\u2014we go into some deep water, where we have to give some other gifts to our parents before we give them the gift of the tribute. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe message folks are about to hear today is about those four gifts that you need to give your parents.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> These four gifts are also talked about in the book that you wrote on this subject, which is just now being re-released in a 20<sup>th<\/sup> Anniversary Edition. It\u2019s called <em>The Forgotten Commandment<\/em> by Dennis Rainey. Before we are done today, I\u2019ll let you know how you can get a copy of the book; but right now, let\u2019s listen to Part Two of Dennis\u2019s message, titled \u201cPutting Your Parents in Proper Perspective.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded Message]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Colossians 3:12 has got some instructive words to us, as children: \u201cAs those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved\u201d\u2014there\u2019s your position. Now, here\u2019s your practice: \u201cPut on\u201d\u2014like a hand in a glove\u2014\u201cPut on a heart\u201d\u2014what?\u2014\u201cof compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.\u201d Boy, do our parents need all of those. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey need compassion, which is being a fellow-feeler\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tsomeone who feels with them\u2014but he feels with them with action. Compassion is not just feeling sorry for someone. Compassion is something that is accompanied with action. It\u2019s stepping out and doing something to let them know. Our parents need visible signs that we have compassion for them\u2014just as they gave us a visible sign, when we were a kid, and we stubbed our toe and skinned our knee. They took us into their arms, and had compassion on us, and put a Band-Aid<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> on our knee. Our parents need to be hugged. They need to be touched. They need to be embraced\u2014the gift of compassion.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen I began to relate to my parents, as people who have needs, there was something that clicked within me that changed our entire relationship. You see, I moved from being a taker to being a giver. And most of our lives\u2014think about it, as we relate to our parents\u2014most of us in this room have been takers, not givers. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, a second gift that we can give our parents is the gift of balanced understanding: \u201cBy wisdom, a house is built; and by understanding, it is established. And by knowledge, the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches.\u201d One of the applications of this verse is that understanding establishes a home. Understanding is essential to building a relationship with your parents. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the ways you can show that you understand them is by looking at the homes that they came from. You know, it began to help me begin to relate to my father, and understand him as a little bit of the unexpressive man that he was, when I realized that his father deserted him and his seven brothers and sisters when my dad was but a boy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, if it does anything for my opinion of my dad\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\twho was the most influential person in my life\u2014if it does anything for me, it elevates him about ten notches even higher\u2014that he did what he did without having a father to model what he needed, as a boy, growing up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe shared with me how, in their log cabin, it would be so cold at night that the snow would blow in between the cracks in the log cabin and how the boys would go out and trap skunks, and beaver, and game and sell it to put food on the table for their mom and their big family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd to think, now, that he went out and played catch with me when he never had a dad to play catch with him\u2014my dad reversed the cycle. And some of you, who are coming from broken homes, just need the encouragement: \u201cIt can be done! Don\u2019t wallow in the self-pity of the past. Deal with the past, and move forward, and make a difference for the future.\u201d We need to see our parents through God\u2019s eyes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, a third gift\u2014not only the gift of compassion and the gift of understanding\u2014but a powerful gift\u2014the gift of forgiveness\u2014the gift of forgiveness. Oscar Wilde has said: \u201cChildren begin by loving their parents. After a time, they judge them. Rarely, if ever, do they forgive them.\u201d Isn\u2019t that true of us, as children? We idolize our parents. They let us down. We judge them. Then, for many of us, we never go through the process of closing the loop of forgiving them and moving on so we can relate to them freely, without holding them hostage to some mistake or mistakes they made in the past. Ephesians 4:32 says, \u201cAnd be kind to one another.\u201d Apply this to your parents, if they\u2019re living: \u201cBe kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tthey\u2019re just human\u2014\u201cjust as God in Christ has forgiven you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things you may want to do is to confess any anger, or bitterness, or resentment you may have\u2014first of all, to God, before saying anything to your parents. It may be that you can\u2019t ever go to your parents and get down in the detail of confessing your anger about the specifics because some of the specifics are just too painful \/ just too harmful today to deal with\u2014but your Heavenly Father can handle it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAfter you deal with forgiveness with Him, and confessing that anger with Him, it may mean that you need to go to your parents, in a general way. With your mom or with your dad, look them in the eye and say: \u201cYou know, I want to ask you to forgive me for my wrong attitude towards you, growing up. Will you forgive me?\u201d And ask them. You can\u2019t force them to forgive you, but don\u2019t let them weasel out of it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAsk them, \u201cWill you forgive me?\u201d Give up the right of punishing your parents. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAll three of these first gifts\u2014compassion, understanding, and forgiveness\u2014are seen in a letter that was written to me, a number of years ago, by a student I had in a graduate class. She wrote me this letter that told of the horrible abuse that she had, as a child; but what took place in her life when she became a Christian and how she forgave her father. Listen, now, as I read an incredible letter of a drama of a young lady, who endured some incredible emotional pain, growing up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDear Mr. Rainey, my father abused me when I was a child. He would beat me so badly, at times, that I didn\u2019t think I was going to live; but perhaps, even worse than the physical abuse, was the mental abuse. Oh, how he hated me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe would cuss and scream at me every possible word you could think of and a lot you probably couldn\u2019t think of. When he was silent, the raw hate in his eyes spoke louder than words. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAlso, while growing up, I was sexually abused by my two older brothers. If I had told anyone, they would have beaten me up; and who would I tell anyway? Well, finally, we got caught. How thankful I was. Finally, someone would hug me and assure me it wouldn\u2019t happen again; right? Wrong. I was beaten again\u2014told it was my fault\u2014and lived with dirty, obscene comments about it for months. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDuring my freshman year in college, I became a Christian. My life began to change rapidly. Over the next year to a year-and-a-half, God took me from a tremendous hate of my father to a dislike\u2014to a like\u2014until I could finally say, \u201cI love my father.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, I began to find out certain things about my father. He was abused, as a child. His father kicked him out when he was 17. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat about my mom? How come she stood by and let my father abuse us? Well, her first husband was an alcoholic and beat her. So, she left him. Even though she worked two jobs, on many evenings, there was nothing to eat for her and the two boys. That must have been hard. Then, she had to stay awake at night to guard the baby crib or else the rats would eat on the baby all night. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNo wonder she was scared to leave her second husband. Does this excuse what happened to me as a child? No. Does it make it more understandable? Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis, my father still yells and cusses at me; but you know what?\u2014not quite so loudly. I call him on special occasions. I share my life with him and ask his advice\u2014his response?\u2014not so good. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut that\u2019s okay. The other day, I heard he was bragging about me at work. There\u2019s hope. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPerhaps, you didn\u2019t come from a home like that; but I promise you\u2014your parents need those first three gifts: the gifts of compassion, understanding, and forgiveness. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA fourth gift, though, that I want to ask you to give your parents is the ultimate gift for Christmas\u2014the gift of honor\u2014Letter \u201cD\u201d in your outline. What we mean by honor is something that shows value, that esteems, that respects, and that shows high regard for another person. Here we find the familiar passage in Deuteronomy, Chapter 5, verse 16: \u201cHonor your father and mother as the Lord God has commanded you, that your days may be prolonged and that it may go well with you in the land your God gives you.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLook at this command. It is tied to a promise. You will live a long life if you honor your parents. This verse is better than jogging to increase your life expectancy. [Laughter] Let me give you some suggestions: First of all, spend time with them on their agenda. One of the most valuable things we can give our parents is time that has no agenda except their agenda. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the fondest memories I have of my father was\u2014after dinner, he would rise from the dinner table. He would tell me, and my mom, and my brother that he was going over to his mom\u2019s house. It was about a five-minute walk across town to get there. He would go sit in a chair and listen to the squeak of that rocking chair\u2014that his mother sat in\u2014and the tick of that clock. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere was not much shared in that relationship. My dad just went over, and he gave her the gift of his time. Up until his death, there weren\u2019t many days that passed when he didn\u2019t either call her or go by to see her. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was interesting. That woman lived to be 102 years of age, outliving my father. All of her kids have cared for her exceedingly, abundantly beyond any group of people I have ever seen. When most would have put their mother in a rest home, she was cared for\u2014after she had been blind for about six years\u2014and was fed with an eyedropper by her children. They gave her the gift of honor by giving her their time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSecond, phone calls, letters\u2014a way to demonstrate honor to your parents\u2014one of the lost arts of life is that of letter writing. Think of it: \u201cWhen you go get the mail, what do you fiddle through?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019re looking through to find the hand-addressed envelopes; right? Then, if it\u2019s typed-in, you open it quickly to see if it\u2019s a form letter\u2014computer-generated. You hold it up against the light to see if a signature has been done by a signature machine. Why? We\u2019re suspicious. We\u2019re looking for the personal touch. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCharlie Brown wrote, \u201cNothing echoes like an empty mailbox.\u201d Isn\u2019t that true? Don\u2019t you love to get a personal note from someone? I\u2019ve got a personal note from Bill Bright, from James Dobson. I\u2019m not being a name-dropper. It\u2019s just nice to have their handwriting and know that they\u2019re real human beings that write these notes. That\u2019s really special. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, what if the Apostle Paul had just direct-dialed Timothy\u2014he decided he just wanted to reach out and touch someone\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tso he just direct-dialed Timothy and imparted the contents of First and Second Timothy to this young disciple? Today, what would we have? We\u2019d have a New Testament that wasn\u2019t complete. I\u2019m glad he couldn\u2019t direct-dial. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tToday, I think we need to have a revival of the lost art of letter writing\u2014writing things to our parents we appreciate about them. I\u2019m glad that I wrote some things to my dad before he died. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m reminded of a story of a man, who went back after his mother died. She was the last surviving person in the household. They began to go through all of her belongings. There, in her chest of drawers, on the top shelf, they began to go through all of her personal things. It was the most prized spot in all of her drawers and cabinets. There he found certain jewelry. There he found certain mementos and items. Also, was found in that chest of drawers a series of letters about that thick\u2014held together by a shoestring.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said: \u201cAs I opened those letters up, I could see what they were. They were letters that I had written my mom\u2014during service, while I was at college, after I had grown up, as a man.\u201d He said, \u201cBy the looks of those letters, they had been read and reread. The most astounding thing, though, and saddening thing,\u201d he said, \u201cwas how few of those letters there really were\u2014that he had written.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe need to have a letter-writing campaign to our parents, saying, \u201cThank you,\u201d for what they did right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, again, today, we\u2019ve been listening to Part Two of a message from Dennis Rainey on putting our parents in proper perspective. And you said, as we were listening, that the letter-writing campaign\u2014we need that more today than even 20 years ago. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, that message was given a long time ago, but I think\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There was no e-mail back then. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> No. No texting. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> No texting. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. So, you know, you think about it, \u201cHow many letters, in a year, do you get, Bob, that are hand-written?\u201d Now, we get a lot of letters from listeners. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, this is unfair for you and me to talk about this; but there are still a lot of folks who write us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Still maybe, you know, a couple dozen\u2014three dozen that are hand-written\u2014that aren\u2019t typed out on the computer. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> One, two, three a month\u2014maybe, max. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> But that really points out the need for us to, maybe, sit down with a nice pen, and take out some nice stationary, and just write a letter of appreciation. Now, the tribute\u2014as I talk about the tribute\u2014I really want to challenge people not to take the easy way out and just write a letter, and put it in an envelope, and ship it off to your parents, and consider that your tribute. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNo, I really want you to think about crafting something of a masterpiece\u2014something that takes you a little while to do it. Bob, I\u2019ll never forget, early on, when <em>The Tribute<\/em> first came out. A woman wrote me and said, \u201cWhen I got your book, it made me mad as a hornet.\u201d She said, \u201cI threw your book across the room, and it landed kind of in the form of a tent\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014\u201con the floor.\u201d And she said: \u201cI left it there. I\u2019d go through the door. I\u2019d look over, kind of disgusted, looking at your book.\u201d You know, it\u2019s not the kind of response to a book you\u2019d write that you\u2019d like to get from somebody who writes. You know? But she said: \u201cThat book\u2014after a while, it began to cry out to me: \u2018Pick me up. Go ahead. Do the courageous thing. Come on! Do the tough thing and write a tribute.\u2019\u201d Finally, she did it. She wrote to finally thank me for writing the book\u2014which is comforting to know after she threw it across the room\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tbut the blessing that she had received\u2014the sense of God\u2019s pleasure being upon her because she had done what was right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We have just released the 20<sup>th<\/sup> Anniversary Edition of your book. Again, it\u2019s called <em>The Forgotten Commandment<\/em>. Before it\u2019s all said and done, there may be some more people who throw it across the room; but we believe that this a message that\u2019s important for young people\u2014people in their 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s\u2014to read and to understand: \u201cWhat is our responsibility to honor our parents look like when we are adult children?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo to FamilyLifeToday.com to order a copy of <em>The Forgotten Commandment: Experience the Power of Honoring Your Parents<\/em> by Dennis Rainey. This is the 20<sup>th<\/sup> Anniversary Edition of this book, and it\u2019s fresh off the press. We\u2019d love to send you a copy. Again, order at FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tor call 1-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d\u20141-800-358-6329. That\u2019s 1-800-FL-TODAY. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, with our focus this week on the legacy \/ the heritage that our parents have left to us, we are also focusing, this month, on the legacy of this ministry and how that is shared by thousands of families, all across the country, who join with us as Legacy Partners. These are the folks who have said: \u201cThe ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is important for our family. We think it\u2019s important for this community. We want to see it continue, and we\u2019re willing to help support the ministry with a donation each month.\u201d These Legacy Partners provide us with funding, each month, to help cover the cost of producing and syndicating this daily radio program. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat you need to know is that the number of people who currently are engaged with us as Legacy Partners\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tis below what we need in order to cover the costs for this radio ministry. So, we\u2019re hoping that, during the month of March, there might be 20 new families in every state where <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is heard\u2014that would be a thousand new families who would join with us and say: \u201cWe can make a monthly donation. We\u2019d like to see <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> continue. We\u2019d like to support what you guys are all about\u2014seeking to effectively develop godly families.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you sign-up this month, as a new Legacy Partner, we have a welcome kit we\u2019d like to send you. There are some CDs in it. There is a date book for couples, and there is the brand-new <em>Legacy Partner Cookbook<\/em> with recipes from my wife Mary Ann and me, from Barbara and Dennis Rainey, from the rest of our team, and from Legacy Partners, all across the country. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ll send you the welcome kit when you sign-on as a new Legacy Partner. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click on the link you find there that says, \u201cI CARE;\u201d and you can enroll online. Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tand say, \u201cI\u2019d like to become a Legacy Partner.\u201d We\u2019ll get you all set up over the phone and send the cookbook and the rest of the kit out to you. And please, remember to pray for us this month\u2014that we would see a thousand new families join with us during the month of March. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can be back tomorrow. We\u2019re going to hear from Barbara Rainey about how she responded to the fifth commandment and honored her parents by writing a tribute. We\u2019ll hear that story tomorrow. Hope you can join us for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2014 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["23.68M"],"filesize_raw":["24829098"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-302977.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-302977.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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ole' Mom and Dad! Dennis Rainey gives you some practical advice on honoring and loving your parents.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-03-18.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>One of the great gifts an adult child can give to his mother or his father is the gift of time. Here is Dennis Rainey. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> One of the fondest memories I have of my father was\u2014after dinner, he would rise from the dinner table. He would tell me, and my mom, and my brother that he was going over to his mom\u2019s house. It was about a five-minute walk across town to get there. He would go sit in a chair and listen to the squeak of that rocking chair\u2014that his mother sat in\u2014and the tick of that clock. There was not much shared in that relationship\u2014my dad just went over, and he gave her the gift of his time. Up until his death, there weren\u2019t many days that passed when he didn\u2019t either call her or go by to see her. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, March 18<sup>th<\/sup>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll talk about the gift of time and other gifts we can give our parents, as adult children, on today\u2019s program. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Tuesday edition. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Bob\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Let me go talk to Keith for just a second: \u201cDo you have the pitch shift messed up in there because Dennis sounds like he\u2019s\u201d\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> If you are a listener, just ignore Bob; will you? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I better not go here\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> He\u2019s trying to make fun. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014I better not go here because you\u2019ll find some old tape of me; won\u2019t you? [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We\u2019re about to play a message I gave, 20 years ago, that is still as relevant today as it was back then. He\u2019s just making fun of my pitch, my annunciation, and a lot of other stuff. \u201cKeith, see if you can\u2019t correct it before we send this out over the air.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You shared this message with a lot of Cru<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> staff who, back in the 80s and 90s, would gather for staff training.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey would always sit in Dennis Rainey\u2019s Christian Life class. This was one of your messages. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I had about 600 singles in a class, back in the 80s, called The Christian Single Life. This message\u2014I would say, out of the 20 different messages that were a part of that course\u2014this message was\u2014I don\u2019t want to call it most controversial, but it evoked the most response, in both positive and\u2014not negative about the message\u2014but negative about the subject of the message. It\u2019s about honoring your parents. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember there would be young people in college\u2014some graduates of college\u2014standing in line wanting to talk\u2014singles who were talking about: \u201cYou mean you want me to go home and honor my dad? How can I do that?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cafter he did this?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Oh, yes! And they told some stories where\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\ttruthfully\u2014I\u2019ll be honest with you, Bob\u2014it caused me to kind of check my theology, and go back, and go: \u201cYes, it\u2019s one of the Ten Commandments. Yes, I think even though what your father did or your mother did was not honorable \/ wasn\u2019t right, God still calls us to return home with honor because it\u2019s the right thing to do. It\u2019s the God-honoring thing to do.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I think, Bob\u2014kind of in the fine print of the Ten Commandments\u2014I think what happens is, as we start the process of thinking about\u2014I\u2019m not talking about writing it\u2014I\u2019m just talking about, as we begin the process of <em>thinking about<\/em> writing a tribute, honoring our parents\u2014we go into some deep water, where we have to give some other gifts to our parents before we give them the gift of the tribute. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe message folks are about to hear today is about those four gifts that you need to give your parents.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> These four gifts are also talked about in the book that you wrote on this subject, which is just now being re-released in a 20<sup>th<\/sup> Anniversary Edition. It\u2019s called <em>The Forgotten Commandment<\/em> by Dennis Rainey. Before we are done today, I\u2019ll let you know how you can get a copy of the book; but right now, let\u2019s listen to Part Two of Dennis\u2019s message, titled \u201cPutting Your Parents in Proper Perspective.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded Message]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Colossians 3:12 has got some instructive words to us, as children: \u201cAs those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved\u201d\u2014there\u2019s your position. Now, here\u2019s your practice: \u201cPut on\u201d\u2014like a hand in a glove\u2014\u201cPut on a heart\u201d\u2014what?\u2014\u201cof compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.\u201d Boy, do our parents need all of those. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey need compassion, which is being a fellow-feeler\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tsomeone who feels with them\u2014but he feels with them with action. Compassion is not just feeling sorry for someone. Compassion is something that is accompanied with action. It\u2019s stepping out and doing something to let them know. Our parents need visible signs that we have compassion for them\u2014just as they gave us a visible sign, when we were a kid, and we stubbed our toe and skinned our knee. They took us into their arms, and had compassion on us, and put a Band-Aid<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> on our knee. Our parents need to be hugged. They need to be touched. They need to be embraced\u2014the gift of compassion.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen I began to relate to my parents, as people who have needs, there was something that clicked within me that changed our entire relationship. You see, I moved from being a taker to being a giver. And most of our lives\u2014think about it, as we relate to our parents\u2014most of us in this room have been takers, not givers. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, a second gift that we can give our parents is the gift of balanced understanding: \u201cBy wisdom, a house is built; and by understanding, it is established. And by knowledge, the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches.\u201d One of the applications of this verse is that understanding establishes a home. Understanding is essential to building a relationship with your parents. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the ways you can show that you understand them is by looking at the homes that they came from. You know, it began to help me begin to relate to my father, and understand him as a little bit of the unexpressive man that he was, when I realized that his father deserted him and his seven brothers and sisters when my dad was but a boy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, if it does anything for my opinion of my dad\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\twho was the most influential person in my life\u2014if it does anything for me, it elevates him about ten notches even higher\u2014that he did what he did without having a father to model what he needed, as a boy, growing up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe shared with me how, in their log cabin, it would be so cold at night that the snow would blow in between the cracks in the log cabin and how the boys would go out and trap skunks, and beaver, and game and sell it to put food on the table for their mom and their big family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd to think, now, that he went out and played catch with me when he never had a dad to play catch with him\u2014my dad reversed the cycle. And some of you, who are coming from broken homes, just need the encouragement: \u201cIt can be done! Don\u2019t wallow in the self-pity of the past. Deal with the past, and move forward, and make a difference for the future.\u201d We need to see our parents through God\u2019s eyes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, a third gift\u2014not only the gift of compassion and the gift of understanding\u2014but a powerful gift\u2014the gift of forgiveness\u2014the gift of forgiveness. Oscar Wilde has said: \u201cChildren begin by loving their parents. After a time, they judge them. Rarely, if ever, do they forgive them.\u201d Isn\u2019t that true of us, as children? We idolize our parents. They let us down. We judge them. Then, for many of us, we never go through the process of closing the loop of forgiving them and moving on so we can relate to them freely, without holding them hostage to some mistake or mistakes they made in the past. Ephesians 4:32 says, \u201cAnd be kind to one another.\u201d Apply this to your parents, if they\u2019re living: \u201cBe kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tthey\u2019re just human\u2014\u201cjust as God in Christ has forgiven you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things you may want to do is to confess any anger, or bitterness, or resentment you may have\u2014first of all, to God, before saying anything to your parents. It may be that you can\u2019t ever go to your parents and get down in the detail of confessing your anger about the specifics because some of the specifics are just too painful \/ just too harmful today to deal with\u2014but your Heavenly Father can handle it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAfter you deal with forgiveness with Him, and confessing that anger with Him, it may mean that you need to go to your parents, in a general way. With your mom or with your dad, look them in the eye and say: \u201cYou know, I want to ask you to forgive me for my wrong attitude towards you, growing up. Will you forgive me?\u201d And ask them. You can\u2019t force them to forgive you, but don\u2019t let them weasel out of it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAsk them, \u201cWill you forgive me?\u201d Give up the right of punishing your parents. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAll three of these first gifts\u2014compassion, understanding, and forgiveness\u2014are seen in a letter that was written to me, a number of years ago, by a student I had in a graduate class. She wrote me this letter that told of the horrible abuse that she had, as a child; but what took place in her life when she became a Christian and how she forgave her father. Listen, now, as I read an incredible letter of a drama of a young lady, who endured some incredible emotional pain, growing up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDear Mr. Rainey, my father abused me when I was a child. He would beat me so badly, at times, that I didn\u2019t think I was going to live; but perhaps, even worse than the physical abuse, was the mental abuse. Oh, how he hated me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe would cuss and scream at me every possible word you could think of and a lot you probably couldn\u2019t think of. When he was silent, the raw hate in his eyes spoke louder than words. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAlso, while growing up, I was sexually abused by my two older brothers. If I had told anyone, they would have beaten me up; and who would I tell anyway? Well, finally, we got caught. How thankful I was. Finally, someone would hug me and assure me it wouldn\u2019t happen again; right? Wrong. I was beaten again\u2014told it was my fault\u2014and lived with dirty, obscene comments about it for months. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDuring my freshman year in college, I became a Christian. My life began to change rapidly. Over the next year to a year-and-a-half, God took me from a tremendous hate of my father to a dislike\u2014to a like\u2014until I could finally say, \u201cI love my father.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, I began to find out certain things about my father. He was abused, as a child. His father kicked him out when he was 17. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat about my mom? How come she stood by and let my father abuse us? Well, her first husband was an alcoholic and beat her. So, she left him. Even though she worked two jobs, on many evenings, there was nothing to eat for her and the two boys. That must have been hard. Then, she had to stay awake at night to guard the baby crib or else the rats would eat on the baby all night. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNo wonder she was scared to leave her second husband. Does this excuse what happened to me as a child? No. Does it make it more understandable? Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis, my father still yells and cusses at me; but you know what?\u2014not quite so loudly. I call him on special occasions. I share my life with him and ask his advice\u2014his response?\u2014not so good. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut that\u2019s okay. The other day, I heard he was bragging about me at work. There\u2019s hope. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPerhaps, you didn\u2019t come from a home like that; but I promise you\u2014your parents need those first three gifts: the gifts of compassion, understanding, and forgiveness. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA fourth gift, though, that I want to ask you to give your parents is the ultimate gift for Christmas\u2014the gift of honor\u2014Letter \u201cD\u201d in your outline. What we mean by honor is something that shows value, that esteems, that respects, and that shows high regard for another person. Here we find the familiar passage in Deuteronomy, Chapter 5, verse 16: \u201cHonor your father and mother as the Lord God has commanded you, that your days may be prolonged and that it may go well with you in the land your God gives you.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLook at this command. It is tied to a promise. You will live a long life if you honor your parents. This verse is better than jogging to increase your life expectancy. [Laughter] Let me give you some suggestions: First of all, spend time with them on their agenda. One of the most valuable things we can give our parents is time that has no agenda except their agenda. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the fondest memories I have of my father was\u2014after dinner, he would rise from the dinner table. He would tell me, and my mom, and my brother that he was going over to his mom\u2019s house. It was about a five-minute walk across town to get there. He would go sit in a chair and listen to the squeak of that rocking chair\u2014that his mother sat in\u2014and the tick of that clock. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere was not much shared in that relationship. My dad just went over, and he gave her the gift of his time. Up until his death, there weren\u2019t many days that passed when he didn\u2019t either call her or go by to see her. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was interesting. That woman lived to be 102 years of age, outliving my father. All of her kids have cared for her exceedingly, abundantly beyond any group of people I have ever seen. When most would have put their mother in a rest home, she was cared for\u2014after she had been blind for about six years\u2014and was fed with an eyedropper by her children. They gave her the gift of honor by giving her their time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSecond, phone calls, letters\u2014a way to demonstrate honor to your parents\u2014one of the lost arts of life is that of letter writing. Think of it: \u201cWhen you go get the mail, what do you fiddle through?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019re looking through to find the hand-addressed envelopes; right? Then, if it\u2019s typed-in, you open it quickly to see if it\u2019s a form letter\u2014computer-generated. You hold it up against the light to see if a signature has been done by a signature machine. Why? We\u2019re suspicious. We\u2019re looking for the personal touch. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCharlie Brown wrote, \u201cNothing echoes like an empty mailbox.\u201d Isn\u2019t that true? Don\u2019t you love to get a personal note from someone? I\u2019ve got a personal note from Bill Bright, from James Dobson. I\u2019m not being a name-dropper. It\u2019s just nice to have their handwriting and know that they\u2019re real human beings that write these notes. That\u2019s really special. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, what if the Apostle Paul had just direct-dialed Timothy\u2014he decided he just wanted to reach out and touch someone\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tso he just direct-dialed Timothy and imparted the contents of First and Second Timothy to this young disciple? Today, what would we have? We\u2019d have a New Testament that wasn\u2019t complete. I\u2019m glad he couldn\u2019t direct-dial. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tToday, I think we need to have a revival of the lost art of letter writing\u2014writing things to our parents we appreciate about them. I\u2019m glad that I wrote some things to my dad before he died. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m reminded of a story of a man, who went back after his mother died. She was the last surviving person in the household. They began to go through all of her belongings. There, in her chest of drawers, on the top shelf, they began to go through all of her personal things. It was the most prized spot in all of her drawers and cabinets. There he found certain jewelry. There he found certain mementos and items. Also, was found in that chest of drawers a series of letters about that thick\u2014held together by a shoestring.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said: \u201cAs I opened those letters up, I could see what they were. They were letters that I had written my mom\u2014during service, while I was at college, after I had grown up, as a man.\u201d He said, \u201cBy the looks of those letters, they had been read and reread. The most astounding thing, though, and saddening thing,\u201d he said, \u201cwas how few of those letters there really were\u2014that he had written.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe need to have a letter-writing campaign to our parents, saying, \u201cThank you,\u201d for what they did right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, again, today, we\u2019ve been listening to Part Two of a message from Dennis Rainey on putting our parents in proper perspective. And you said, as we were listening, that the letter-writing campaign\u2014we need that more today than even 20 years ago. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, that message was given a long time ago, but I think\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There was no e-mail back then. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> No. No texting. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> No texting. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. So, you know, you think about it, \u201cHow many letters, in a year, do you get, Bob, that are hand-written?\u201d Now, we get a lot of letters from listeners. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, this is unfair for you and me to talk about this; but there are still a lot of folks who write us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Still maybe, you know, a couple dozen\u2014three dozen that are hand-written\u2014that aren\u2019t typed out on the computer. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> One, two, three a month\u2014maybe, max. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> But that really points out the need for us to, maybe, sit down with a nice pen, and take out some nice stationary, and just write a letter of appreciation. Now, the tribute\u2014as I talk about the tribute\u2014I really want to challenge people not to take the easy way out and just write a letter, and put it in an envelope, and ship it off to your parents, and consider that your tribute. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNo, I really want you to think about crafting something of a masterpiece\u2014something that takes you a little while to do it. Bob, I\u2019ll never forget, early on, when <em>The Tribute<\/em> first came out. A woman wrote me and said, \u201cWhen I got your book, it made me mad as a hornet.\u201d She said, \u201cI threw your book across the room, and it landed kind of in the form of a tent\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014\u201con the floor.\u201d And she said: \u201cI left it there. I\u2019d go through the door. I\u2019d look over, kind of disgusted, looking at your book.\u201d You know, it\u2019s not the kind of response to a book you\u2019d write that you\u2019d like to get from somebody who writes. You know? But she said: \u201cThat book\u2014after a while, it began to cry out to me: \u2018Pick me up. Go ahead. Do the courageous thing. Come on! Do the tough thing and write a tribute.\u2019\u201d Finally, she did it. She wrote to finally thank me for writing the book\u2014which is comforting to know after she threw it across the room\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tbut the blessing that she had received\u2014the sense of God\u2019s pleasure being upon her because she had done what was right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We have just released the 20<sup>th<\/sup> Anniversary Edition of your book. Again, it\u2019s called <em>The Forgotten Commandment<\/em>. Before it\u2019s all said and done, there may be some more people who throw it across the room; but we believe that this a message that\u2019s important for young people\u2014people in their 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s\u2014to read and to understand: \u201cWhat is our responsibility to honor our parents look like when we are adult children?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo to FamilyLifeToday.com to order a copy of <em>The Forgotten Commandment: Experience the Power of Honoring Your Parents<\/em> by Dennis Rainey. This is the 20<sup>th<\/sup> Anniversary Edition of this book, and it\u2019s fresh off the press. We\u2019d love to send you a copy. Again, order at FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tor call 1-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d\u20141-800-358-6329. That\u2019s 1-800-FL-TODAY. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, with our focus this week on the legacy \/ the heritage that our parents have left to us, we are also focusing, this month, on the legacy of this ministry and how that is shared by thousands of families, all across the country, who join with us as Legacy Partners. These are the folks who have said: \u201cThe ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is important for our family. We think it\u2019s important for this community. We want to see it continue, and we\u2019re willing to help support the ministry with a donation each month.\u201d These Legacy Partners provide us with funding, each month, to help cover the cost of producing and syndicating this daily radio program. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat you need to know is that the number of people who currently are engaged with us as Legacy Partners\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tis below what we need in order to cover the costs for this radio ministry. So, we\u2019re hoping that, during the month of March, there might be 20 new families in every state where <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is heard\u2014that would be a thousand new families who would join with us and say: \u201cWe can make a monthly donation. We\u2019d like to see <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> continue. We\u2019d like to support what you guys are all about\u2014seeking to effectively develop godly families.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you sign-up this month, as a new Legacy Partner, we have a welcome kit we\u2019d like to send you. There are some CDs in it. There is a date book for couples, and there is the brand-new <em>Legacy Partner Cookbook<\/em> with recipes from my wife Mary Ann and me, from Barbara and Dennis Rainey, from the rest of our team, and from Legacy Partners, all across the country. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ll send you the welcome kit when you sign-on as a new Legacy Partner. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click on the link you find there that says, \u201cI CARE;\u201d and you can enroll online. Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tand say, \u201cI\u2019d like to become a Legacy Partner.\u201d We\u2019ll get you all set up over the phone and send the cookbook and the rest of the kit out to you. And please, remember to pray for us this month\u2014that we would see a thousand new families join with us during the month of March. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can be back tomorrow. We\u2019re going to hear from Barbara Rainey about how she responded to the fifth commandment and honored her parents by writing a tribute. We\u2019ll hear that story tomorrow. Hope you can join us for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2014 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/302977","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=302977"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=302977"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=302977"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=302977"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=302977"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=302977"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=302977"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}