{"id":302963,"date":"2014-03-07T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2014-03-07T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/forgiveness\/"},"modified":"2024-10-07T23:35:07","modified_gmt":"2024-10-08T03:35:07","slug":"forgiveness","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/forgiveness\/","title":{"rendered":"Forgiveness"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Dr. Gary Chapman says unless we learn to move past our failures with genuine forgiveness and reconciliation, our marriages will never be everything God intends them to be.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-03-07.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"23.16M","filesize_raw":"24281300","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2908,2810,2902],"tags":[6804,2699],"podcast_series":[7998],"cwp_profile":[3437,3353],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302963","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-forgiveness","category-growing-spiritually","category-resolving-conflict","tag-bold-love","tag-forgiveness","podcast_series-when-sorry-isnt-enough","cwp_profile-dan-allender","cwp_profile-gary-chapman","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302963\/forgiveness","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302963\/forgiveness","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"hQmWRivYkR\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/forgiveness\/\">Forgiveness<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/forgiveness\/embed\/#?secret=hQmWRivYkR\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Forgiveness&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"hQmWRivYkR\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Dr. Gary Chapman says unless we learn to move past our failures with genuine forgiveness and reconciliation, our marriages will never be everything God intends them to be.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-03-07.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>There is, maybe, nothing more Christ-like that you can do than to forgive a person who has offended you. Here is Dr. Gary Chapman.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> We are to forgive each other in the same way that God forgives us: \u201cHow do we get forgiveness? How do we get acceptance with God?\u201d God forgives the people who are willing to acknowledge that they are wrong, and reach out, and accept His forgiveness; and because Christ paid our penalty, God can forgive us and still be a just God because He paid our penalty. But He doesn\u2019t forgive everybody. He forgives those who confess their sins. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, March 7<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. If we are in Christ, we have been forgiven much. So, shouldn\u2019t we be quick to forgive others? We\u2019ll hear from Dr. Gary Chapman today. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Friday edition. You know, right after you and I were with Dr. Gary Chapman on the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em><em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em>marriage cruise, back a couple of weeks ago\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Let\u2019s mention that we were at the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> cruise with our wives. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Oh, that\u2019s true. It was you, me, Mary Ann, Barbara\u2014Gary, his wife, Carolyn. <br><br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And about 2,000 other\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Some of our\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014husbands and wives. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We had a great time on the cruise. We got done\u2014and you and I went to Hershey, Pennsylvania\u2014spent the weekend with listeners up in Hershey who came to the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaway. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Almost 2,000 folks up there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And one of the things that I said to the crowd up there really keyed off something we\u2019re going to hear Dr. Gary Chapman say on today\u2019s program; and that is, \u201cIf you don\u2019t deal with issues\u2014if you just\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tlet them stay put in your marriage, they don\u2019t just sit there.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> No, they don\u2019t. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> They grow bigger, and deeper, and uglier. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And the author of Hebrews says in Chapter 12, verse 15\u2014he says, \u201cSee to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God that no root of bitterness springs up and causes trouble.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, Bob, all of life is giving us issues, where we have a choice, in terms of how we deal with them. We can\u2014either forgive and keep moving\u2014or we can cultivate the roots of failing to forgive. It, ultimately, will spring up into a root of bitterness, which is dangerous because I don\u2019t want to grow old and become a bitter, gripey, grouchy, negative, old person. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I don\u2019t know if the folks who were joining us on the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise knew that we were going to get into this kind of stuff with them on the cruise; but\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014we did. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We don\u2019t back off from talking about what makes for a strong, healthy marriage relationship. I mean\u2014here you\u2019ve got a thousand couples with you onboard for a week. We might as well get to the important stuff; don\u2019t you think? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I think so. Dr. Gary Chapman spent the better part of an hour talking about forgiveness and dealing with issues in your marriage relationship. As we talked about earlier\u2014how we deal with issues in our marriage and forgive one another is one of the hallmarks of a Christian marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Let me just mention\u2014if folks are interested in joining with us, next year, on the cruise\u2014again, Valentine\u2019s week\u2014this time, February 9<sup>th<\/sup> through the 13<sup>th<\/sup>. We\u2019re about halfway sold-out already. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> In fact, I had a guy come up and tell me that on Sunday before the cruise, his wife surprised him and said, \u201cWe\u2019re going to the Caribbean,\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> He didn\u2019t know until that day?! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014not know until the day they left. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I think she had the bags packed. She had the sitter lined up, and he was whisked off his feet by his bride\u2014taken to get onboard a ship\u2014the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> cruise with 2,000 other folks, Bob. He had the biggest grin on his face. He was going, \u201cNow, that\u2019s a Valentine\u2019s I\u2019ll not ever forget!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. Well, as I said, we\u2019re about half sold-out for next year. We\u2019ve got some special pricing in place, now through March 14<sup>th<\/sup>. So, if you\u2019d like to join us next year, go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click on the link for the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise, and find out more about our plans for next year. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And, maybe, we ought to run a little contest, Bob\u2014have a contest\u2014see who does the best job of surprising his or her spouse, without getting lynched by their spouse. [Laughter] Sometimes\u2014and I\u2019ve done this with Barbara\u2014sometimes, a surprise can result in some\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Can bite you. Come back\u2014it\u2019s like that root. [Laughter] It grows bigger and uglier; doesn\u2019t it? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. Let\u2019s rethink the contest here [Laughter]\u2014might get some couples in trouble. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> In case you do get in trouble, here is some counsel from Dr. Gary Chapman as he talks about how you can seek and grant forgiveness in a marriage relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded Message] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> We cannot have long-term, healthy marriages if we don\u2019t deal effectively with their failures. Now, dealing with our failures involves two things\u2014it involves apologizing, and it involves forgiveness\u2014because apology, alone\u2014I don\u2019t care what language you use\u2014apology, alone, will not restore a relationship. There has to be forgiveness on the part of the person who was offended\u2014learning to forgive. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, what is forgiveness? What is forgiveness? There are three Hebrew words and four Greek words, in the Old and New Testaments, that are translated \u201cforgive\u201d or \u201cforgiveness\u201d in the English version. Two of the most prominent ideas are to pardon\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tor to take away\u2014to pardon the offense. That is\u2014to show mercy rather than demanding justice\u2014to pardon or to take away our sin\u2014take away the barrier. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor example, Psalm 103, verse 12, God says, \u201cAs far as the east is from the west so far have I removed your transgressions from you.\u201d You see, He has removed the barrier. He has taken away the barrier. Jeremiah 31, verse 34, God says, \u201cI will forgive and never again remember your sins against you.\u201d That\u2019s pardon. That\u2019s forgiveness. It\u2019s removing the barrier\u2014it\u2019s lifting the penalty\u2014it\u2019s receiving them back into our relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou see, it\u2019s not in our nature to forgive. It\u2019s in our nature to demand that they pay for what they did; but just as God forgives us, because He is a merciful God,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\twe, as His children, choose to forgive each other because we also want to show mercy. We choose grace and mercy over justice. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I want to say a few words about what forgiveness does not do because there is a lot of fuzzy thinking about forgiveness among many Christians. So, let me give you some things that forgiveness does not do. Number one, forgiveness does not destroy our memory. You\u2019ve heard people say, \u201cIf you haven\u2019t forgotten it, you haven\u2019t forgiven it.\u201d That\u2019s not true. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEverything that has ever happened to us is recorded in the human brain. From time to time, what is recorded in the human brain comes back to the conscious mind. You don\u2019t necessarily even ask for it. It is just\u2014the memory jumps back in your mind. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, forgiveness does not erase the memory. You will think about it again. It will come back to your mind, even after you\u2019ve chosen to forgive. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSecondly, forgiveness does not remove all painful emotions. When the memory comes back, often, the emotion comes back. It might be hurt. It might be anger. It might be other emotions; but when the memory comes back of what they did, the emotion often comes back. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, what are you going to do with the memory and the emotions? I suggest you take them to God\u2014and you say to God: \u201cLord, You know what I\u2019m remembering today. You know the pain I\u2019m feeling again; but I want to thank You that that\u2019s forgiven. Now, help me do something good today.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou don\u2019t allow the memory and the emotion of the past to mess up today. <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe third thing that forgiveness does not do\u2014forgiveness does not remove all the consequences of sin. You know\u2014in our day, in some circles\u2014we\u2019re basically taught that forgiveness takes care of everything. Sin is really not that bad because all you have to do is confess it, and God will forgive it, and everything is fine. Folks, that\u2019s not true. Forgiveness does not remove all the consequences of wrong-doing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet\u2019s say you get drunk. In the Bible, drunkenness is clearly a sin. The Bible says clearly, \u201cDon\u2019t get drunk.\u201d So, let\u2019s say you get drunk. You get in your car, and you\u2019re driving down the road. You have an accident, and you mess up your car, and you break your leg. You can confess to God, right there in the wrecked car. God will forgive you there, before the ambulance gets to you;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tbut your leg is still broken, and your car is still messed up. Forgiveness does not erase all the consequences of wrong. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s a man, who leaves his wife\u2014for whatever reason\u2014goes off with another lady, marries her, moves to another town. Twenty years later, he becomes a Christian. Now, he\u2019s thinking about his life; and he\u2019s trying to follow God\u2019s commands. So, he goes back to his wife and his three children, and confesses to them, and apologizes to them, and asks forgiveness for what he did to them 20 years ago. She may well forgive him, and his children can also forgive him; but it doesn\u2019t bring back the 20 years those children lost with their father. Okay? So, forgiveness does not remove all the consequences of sin. Some of the consequences we have to live with for a lifetime. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber four, forgiveness does not rebuild trust. Forgiveness does not rebuild trust.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe place I most often encounter this is when there has been an affair on the part of one person. They\u2019ve been sexually-unfaithful to the spouse. Now, they\u2019ve come back; and they\u2019ve acknowledged what they\u2019ve done is wrong. They\u2019ve repented, and turned away from that relationship, and they\u2019re coming back now, and trying to reengage in this marriage. Can there be forgiveness? Yes! Can there be healing? Yes! But forgiveness does not automatically rebuild trust. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCan\u2019t tell you how many times the spouse who has been hurt says to me, \u201cDr. Chapman, I\u2019m willing to forgive him; but I\u2019m going to have to be honest with you, Dr. Chapman, I don\u2019t trust him.\u201d And I say, \u201cWelcome to the human race.\u201d You lose trust when the person is untrustworthy. You gain trust when the person is trustworthy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I say to the person, who has been unfaithful to their spouse, and they sincerely want to reconcile with their spouse:\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cYou say to your spouse, at that juncture: \u2018Honey, my cell phone is yours. Anytime you want to look at it, I\u2019m happy for you to look at it. My iPad<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> is yours. My computer is yours. Anytime you want to look at it, I\u2019m happy for you to do that. If I tell you that I\u2019m going over to George\u2019s house to help him work on his car, it\u2019s fine with me for you to call over there and make sure I\u2019m over there. I am through with deceit. My life is an open book.\u2019 If you take that attitude, and you live that out\u2014in a few months, your spouse will come to trust you again.\u201d Yes, trust can be reborn; but it doesn\u2019t happen simply because you forgive them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber five\u2014forgiveness does <em>not always<\/em> result in reconciliation. Reconciliation means it brings things back into harmony, and that\u2019s not always the case; for example, when there has been unfaithfulness. In the situation I just described to you\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\twhen he\u2019s 20 years married to another person\u2014forgiveness is not going to mean reconciliation with his wife. It\u2019s not necessarily going to mean reconciliation with his children. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I want to ask this question, \u201cWhat if the person does not speak your apology language?\u201d They\u2019re apologizing, but they are not speaking your language. They are not speaking it in a way that you think it should be spoken. By nature, you will question their sincerity. Every one of us will; but I want to encourage you, by faith, to choose to forgive them. Christians should <em>always<\/em> be open to forgive those who come apologizing in any way. We should be open to forgiveness. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut here\u2019s the next question: \u201cWhat if the person does not apologize? What if they don\u2019t apologize to you at all?\u201d Well, the Bible is very clear on what you do. It says, \u201cConfront them.\u201d Let me give you three or four steps\u2014we lovingly confront them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLuke, Chapter 17, verses 3 and 4: Jesus said very clearly, \u201cIf your brother sins against you, rebuke them.\u201d The word means \u201cto put a weight upon.\u201d If you\u2014it\u2019s like putting a paper weight on a stack of papers. If you\u2019ve ever been rebuked, that\u2019s about the way it feels\u2014they kind of lay it on you. I say <em>lovingly confront<\/em> because Galatians, Chapter 6, in \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tverse 1, says: \u201cIf you see a brother overtaken in a fault, you who are spiritual restore him with a spirit of gentleness because you may be the one who sins the next time.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, you lovingly confront\u2014 but as you go to your spouse and say: \u201cHoney, I understand that maybe I misread this\u2014maybe I didn\u2019t hear this correctly, maybe I\u2019m misunderstanding what you did\u2014but here is what I think you said \/ here is what I think you did. To be very honest with you, I\u2019m hurt; and I\u2019m angry. I want to get this thing straightened out. So, can you help me? Did I read you correctly? Did I hear you correctly?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou go, individually, one time. If they don\u2019t repent, it says [Matthew 18:16-17] you go back a second time. The third time, He says, \u201cTell somebody at the church and let them be a part of the process.\u201d Then, after three times of confronting them, if they don\u2019t repent, He said, \u201cTreat them as a pagan.\u201d How do you treat pagans? You pray for them. You love them. So, that\u2019s the first step. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe second step is\u2014if they don\u2019t repent after we confront\u2014we release the person to God. We release them to God. Second Timothy, Chapter 4, verses 14 and 15\u2014Paul illustrates this in his own life\u2014he said to Timothy, \u201cAlexander the coppersmith did me much evil. He sinned against me.\u201d Now, listen, \u201cThe Lord will reward him according to his works.\u201d Peter says of Jesus in 1 Peter,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tChapter 2, in verse 23\u2014he says, \u201cWhen they reviled against Jesus, He did not revile in return; but He committed Himself to One who judges righteously.\u201d He turned the whole thing over to His Father. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber three\u2014we pray for them, and we stand ready to forgive them. We should always be ready to forgive, and we should pray for the individual. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, number four\u2014we return good for evil. We return good for evil. Romans, \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tChapter 12, verse 19: \u201cDo not take revenge. On the contrary, if your enemy is hungry, feed him. If he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In so doing, you heap burning coals on his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I meet people, who read that and say,\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Cantankerous voice] \u201cThat\u2019s what I want to do\u2014get those burning coals on their head.\u201d [Laughter] And they fail to recognize that, in that day, they did not have matches. In that day, everybody had their little bed of coals in their own house. If your bed of coals died and went out, you had to go to a neighbor\u2019s house. They gave you some coals, in a clay pot, that you put on your head and took back to your house. It was a good thing\u2014not a bad thing. You see, the whole context is that: \u201cIf they are hungry, feed them. If they are thirsty, give them something to drink.\u201d You overcome\u2014don\u2019t be overcome by evil\u2014but you overcome evil with good. As Christians, we reach out to the person with good. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ll never forget the wife who said to me\u2014whose husband had been unfaithful to her \/ had moved out and was living with another woman. She said: \u201cDr. Chapman, I was reading the Bible one morning and I came to this passage in Romans 12. I just heard God say to me, so clearly, \u2018You need to bake him his favorite pie and take it over there and give it to him.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe said, \u201cI said, \u2018God, if I baked his pie and went over there, I\u2019d throw it in his face.\u2019\u201d She said, \u201cI wrestled with that two or three days.\u201d She said: \u201cAbout the third day, I just couldn\u2019t get away from it. So, I baked the pie. I went over to the apartment where he was living with the other woman, and I just knocked on the door. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cHe came to the door, and he was standing behind the screen door. I said to him, \u2018I was praying the other day, and I just felt impressed of God that I should bake you a pie and bring it to you. So, I brought it.\u2019\u201d He opened the door and said to her, \u201cWell, that\u2019s very kind of you.\u201d He took the pie, walked back inside, and closed the door. She said: \u201cDr. Chapman\u2014that was the first step in our two-year process of reconciliation. I hate to think what would have happened if I had not baked the pie.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou see, returning good for evil is the most powerful thing you can do for your spouse. By nature, that\u2019s the way we are\u2014by nature, we return evil for evil: \u201cYou treat me badly; I treat you badly.\u201d \u201cYou don\u2019t speak my language; I won\u2019t speak your language.\u201d \u201cGod loved us,\u201d the Bible says, \u201cwhen we were dirty, rotten sinners.\u201d And with His help, we can express love, in spite of the fact that the person has wronged us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, here are four application questions\u2014making it personal: \u201cWhom do I need to forgive? I haven\u2019t let it go, but I need to let it go. Whom do I need to forgive?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSecond question: \u201cWhom do I need to lovingly confront?\u201d\u2014and I want to take this beyond the marriage relationship because, if you have problems with family members that you have not been reconciled to, it will affect your marriage: \u201cWhom do I need to lovingly confront?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd the third question: \u201cWhom do I need to release to God?\u201d\u2014that is: \u201cI\u2019ve been holding the anger and the hurt inside, and it\u2019s destroying me. Whom do I need to release to God?\u201d Turn them over to God\u2014turn your anger over to God. Let God handle them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then, number four: \u201cTo whom do I need to apologize?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, we\u2019ve been listening, again, today to Dr. Gary Chapman\u2014a message that he shared recently onboard the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise, just a couple of weeks ago, as we were on our way out of the Port of Miami and spending a day at sea. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think this was a good start to the cruise for folks to hear a message like this and say: \u201cYou know what? We\u2019re going to be together the next couple of days. Let\u2019s just make sure that we deal with our issues and keep short accounts.\u201d I didn\u2019t see too many people, walking on the deck, who looked like they weren\u2019t having a good time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> No, there was a lot of laughter\u2014a lot of fun. And I think some healthy conversations. I was\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara and I slipped back to the back of the boat, at one point. We noticed a couple, off to our left, who were there at a table. They were having an ice cream cone. You know, that\u2019s the problem with these cruises, man. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I know. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I\u2019m telling you\u2014they kill you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The machine is open 24\/7\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It is. It is\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014for ice cream. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014open all the time. In fact, I caught you; and you caught me because we were both there at the ice cream machine. [Laughter] Anyway, this couple\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It was 3:30 in the afternoon. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, it was. It was! You know just needed a little sugar fix, at that point; you know?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It was a full\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Mary Ann was napping, so\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014full-day\u2019s work. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014I had a chance to get away. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, Barbara and I\u2014anyway\u2014we were back there in the back of the boat. This couple\u2014they had their Bibles open, and they were talking. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And you just thought: \u201cYou know what? There is no cell phone.\u201d\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014 \u201cThere\u2019s no internet,\u201d\u2014you can buy internet, but it\u2019s so stinking \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\texpensive, \u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014I didn\u2019t buy any there, \u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I didn\u2019t either. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cyou just want to\u2014you want to invest in the most important human relationship on this planet\u2014your spouse.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd there\u2019s <em>lots<\/em> of uninterrupted time to chat and have conversations\u2014good time to read. But I\u2019ll tell you what\u2014the boat is absolutely full of great speakers, great entertainers, comedians, musicians, couples who teach you how to dance. Some of you haven\u2019t been dancing in a long time. Some of you just need to go dancing with your spouse and have a good conflict over dancing\u2014because Barbara and I did. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Did you? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We did! [Laughter] I mean, my frame\u2014you know how men are supposed to hold the frame\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014kept drooping? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014was a little droopy. I\u2019m sorry\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s alright. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014but I was trying to get my feet right; okay? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> My frame\u2019s been a bit droopy for a while. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> My frame kind of fell apart there. So, it was making it difficult for Barbara to follow. So, she was taking over. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Surprise; surprise! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. So, come on and join us next year. It\u2019s half sold-out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019re going to have a blast. You\u2019re going to have fun. You\u2019re <em>not<\/em> going to regret\u2014I don\u2019t think I saw anyone who walked off that ship looking like they regretted that they came on the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> cruise. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, and right now, we have some special pricing available for those who\u2019d like to think about joining us. The special prices are good through next Friday, March the 14<sup>th<\/sup>. So, if you\u2019d like to find out more about the cruise\u2014consider joining us\u2014go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link you see there for the <em>Love Like You Mean It <\/em>marriage cruise. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tKirk and Chelsea Cameron are going to be with us. Voddie Baucham will be on the cruise next year. We\u2019ll also have Andrew Peterson. Guy Penrod from the Gaither Vocal Band is going to be with us\u2014Michael Junior\u2014got a great lineup. We\u2019re adding more folks to the lineup every day and pretty excited about some of the options that we can\u2019t announce quite yet. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, again, if you\u2019d like to sign up now and save some money, go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link for the <em>Love Like You Mean It <\/em>marriage cruise. Take advantage of the special offer that\u2019s going on between now and March 14<sup>th<\/sup>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd with that, we\u2019ve got to wrap things up for today. Hope you have a great weekend. Hope you and your family are able to worship together this weekend. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I hope you can join us back on Monday when we\u2019re going to talk to a couple of moms who are married to guys who don\u2019t share their spiritual convictions\u2014guys who don\u2019t believe in God. We\u2019re going to talk about how you raise your kids in that kind of an environment. I hope you can tune in. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back Monday for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2014 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/302963","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=302963"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=302963"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=302963"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=302963"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=302963"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=302963"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=302963"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}