{"id":302961,"date":"2014-03-06T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2014-03-06T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/apology\/"},"modified":"2025-02-06T10:41:19","modified_gmt":"2025-02-06T15:41:19","slug":"apology","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/apology\/","title":{"rendered":"Apology"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Dr. Gary Chapman shares how saying &#8220;I&#8217;m sorry&#8221; can transform your relationship.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Dr. Gary Chapman shares how saying &#8220;I&#8217;m sorry&#8221; can transform your relationship.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"audio","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-03-06.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"23.11M","filesize_raw":"24232751","date_recorded":"2014-03-06 12:00:00","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2902],"tags":[2699],"podcast_series":[7998],"cwp_profile":[3353],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302961","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-resolving-conflict","tag-forgiveness","podcast_series-when-sorry-isnt-enough","cwp_profile-gary-chapman","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302961\/apology","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302961\/apology","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"LRyhu1vpHS\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/apology\/\">Apology<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/apology\/embed\/#?secret=LRyhu1vpHS\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Apology&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"LRyhu1vpHS\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Dr. Gary Chapman shares how saying \"I'm sorry\" can transform your relationship.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"<ul>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.lovelikeyoumeanitcruise.com\/\">Learn more about the Love Like you Mean it Cruise<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-creator\/gary-chapman\/\">Find more of Gary Chapman's books on our shop<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-03-06.pdf","transcript_content":"<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Can you think of the last time you apologized for something you did wrong in your marriage?\u2014the last time you said, \u201cI\u2019m sorry.\u201d Here\u2019s Dr. Gary Chapman.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Gary: <\/strong>We found that about ten percent of the population almost never apologizes for anything. Most of them are men: \u201cReal men don\u2019t apologize.\u201d Most of them were taught that by their fathers. Now, you know where there father got that\u2014John Wayne, the great theologian. I never heard my father apologize to my mother. I\u2019m not saying he didn\u2019t, but I never heard him apologize. So, I came into marriage with no model of apology.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, March 6<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.<\/p>\n<p><strong>1:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>We\u2019re going to get a little coaching today in how to say, \u201cI\u2019m sorry,\u201d and speak the language of apology. Our coach is Dr. Gary Chapman. Stay tuned.<\/p>\n<p>And welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Thursday edition.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Bob, what did you think of the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> cruise, where we taught everyone onboard\u2014all 2,000 people on the ship\u2014how to speak a new language. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>It\u2019s true. It\u2019s true.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Everybody learned a new language.<\/p>\n<p><strong>2:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s true; yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And you know what I\u2019m talking about.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>I do know what you\u2019re talking about.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Dr. Gary Chapman spoke on the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> cruise. Of course, many of our listeners, if not all, know about his book, <em>The Five Love Languages<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s right. He spoke on all five of those love languages the first night out on the cruise, here, a couple weeks ago. Here\u2019s what I thought was interesting\u2014the next morning, he did a message that we\u2019re going to hear today\u2014that was about how you should ask for and grant forgiveness. I thought, \u201cThis may be a good way to start the cruise because there may be some people coming on the cruise\u201d\u2014you think?\u2014\u201cwho need to resolve some issues to make the rest of the week smooth-sailing;\u201d you know?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>If you don\u2019t know who Gary Chapman is\u2014he is the author of <em>The Five Love Languages<\/em>,which has sold almost 10 million copies\u2014been translated into 36 languages. He is the senior associate pastor of Calvary Baptist Church in Winston-Salem, North Carolina.<\/p>\n<p><strong>3:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>He and his wife Carolyn have two adult children and two grandchildren. And he\u2019s a delight\u2014he is just a funny guy\u2014with a delightful southern\u2014little southern touch\u2014just a little bit of flair.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes. It was great to see the audience onboard the cruise responding, taking notes, and paying careful attention to what he was sharing.<\/p>\n<p>One of the things about the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise is that it\u2019s not just a vacation. You\u2019re getting some solid, helpful, biblical information, all week long; and you\u2019re getting a chance, onboard the cruise, to begin to put some of the stuff into practice.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes, from some of the top Bible teachers and communicators around the country. I ran into a lot of folks, Bob, who were celebrating\u2014their 10<sup>th<\/sup> anniversary, 15<sup>th<\/sup>, 20<sup>th<\/sup>, 25<sup>th<\/sup>, or more. It\u2019s really a great way, in 2015, for our listeners to begin now to think about, \u201cThat would make a great way for us to celebrate our anniversary,\u201d\u2014 maybe, a little late\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>4:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014maybe, a little early. You don\u2019t have to have your anniversary on Valentine\u2019s weekend to be able to go with us on the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> cruise, but it\u2019s a lot of fun\u2014it\u2019s a lot of spiritual growth. You\u2019re joining a lot of people\u2014all onboard the same ship\u2014with, really, a single purpose.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Between now and March 14<sup>th<\/sup>, if you\u2019d like to make plans to join us next year on the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise, we have some special pricing in place. You can go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click on the link there for the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise. Find out more about who\u2019s going to be there. Find out about the special pricing that\u2019s available. We\u2019re about 50 percent sold-out right now. In fact, when we got off the boat, we were about 50 percent sold-out for next year because the people who came this year all want to come back next year.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>They all had their little armbands on, which said, \u201cI signed up.\u201d In fact, I ran into some at the airport\u2014it was how you could spot people who\u2019d been on the cruise.<\/p>\n<p><strong>5:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>They were wearing our little green armbands, letting others know that they were going to be on the 2015 <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> cruise.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about next year\u2019s cruise. Here\u2019s just an example of the kind of teaching that is provided onboard the cruise. Here\u2019s a message from Dr. Gary Chapman, talking about the need for all of us to learn how to do a better job of seeking forgiveness and granting forgiveness in marriage.<\/p>\n<p>[Recorded Message]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Gary: <\/strong>I really believe that there are two essentials to long-term, healthy marriages. Now, there are a lot of other things that are important; but I don\u2019t think you\u2019ll ever have a long-term, healthy marriage without these two things. The first is that the individuals in that relationship feel loved and appreciated; but secondly\u2014and this is one we want to address this morning\u2014the couple will have to deal <em>effectively<\/em> with their failures\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>6:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>because, if you don\u2019t deal effectively with your failures, they sit as blocks between the two of you.<\/p>\n<p>When one of you offends the other, it creates an emotional block. If you don\u2019t deal with it, it doesn\u2019t go away with the passing of time. It sits there. Then, there\u2019s another failure and another block; and then another, and another, and another. Eventually, we have a high wall between the two of us. It\u2019s very difficult to talk over a wall or through a wall. So, we cannot have long-term, healthy marriages if we don\u2019t deal effectively with our failures and keep those barriers removed.<\/p>\n<p>Now, dealing with out failures involves two things\u2014it involves apologizing and it involves forgiving. So, let\u2019s talk about learning to apologize.<\/p>\n<p><strong>7:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>What we did\u2014Dr. Jennifer Thomas and I\u2014we did two years of research. We went all over the country, asking people two questions: \u201cWhen you apologize to someone, what do you typically say or do?\u201d \u201cWhen someone apologizes to you, what do you want to hear them say and do?\u201d We were trying to find out, you know, how people judge sincerity in an apology. So, the question is, you know, \u201cWhat does a sincere apology look like?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>After two years of research, here\u2019s what we discovered\u2014people apologize in five different ways. Number one\u2014expressing regret\u2014typically expressed by the words, \u201cI\u2019m sorry.\u201d But don\u2019t ever use those words <em>alone<\/em>\u2014tell them what you\u2019re sorry for:<\/p>\n<p><strong>8:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>\u201cI\u2019m sorry that I came home an hour-and-a-half late, and we missed the program. I know you really wanted to go.\u201d \u201cI\u2019m sorry that I lost my temper and screamed at you.\u201d Tell them what you\u2019re sorry for. If you simply say the words, \u201cI\u2019m sorry,\u201d your spouse may well be thinking: \u201cYou certainly are! [Laughter] Is there anything else you\u2019d like to say?\u201d You see, in your mind you\u2019re apologizing. In their mind, you\u2019re giving a character report. [Laughter] Tell them what you\u2019re sorry for.<\/p>\n<p><em>And<\/em> don\u2019t <em>ever<\/em> add the word \u201cbut\u201d at the end of \u201cI\u2019m sorry.\u201d \u201cI\u2019m sorry that I lost my temper with you; but if you had not\u2026then I would not.\u201d Now, you\u2019re no longer apologizing\u2014you\u2019re blaming them for your poor behavior. Some of you have a habit of doing that. [Applause] Every time you say, \u201cI\u2019m sorry that\u2026\u201d you say, \u201cbut\u2026.\u201d I want to challenge you to erase the \u201cbuts\u201d when you say, \u201cI\u2019m sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Let me give you a biblical example of this\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>9:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>the prodigal son. Listen to the <em>regret<\/em> in his voice. This is Luke 15, verse 21. He says to his father, \u201cI am no longer worthy to be called your son.\u201d Do you sense the regret of that? You see, this is an emotional apology language. You\u2019re trying to communicate to the other person that you feel badly about what you\u2019ve done. You\u2019re hurting because you know that you\u2019ve done something that\u2019s been detrimental to the relationship.<\/p>\n<p>This son recognized that he made poor decisions and wasted all of his inheritance. Now, he\u2019s come back home; and he\u2019s feeling sorry. He\u2019s telling his dad: \u201cI don\u2019t deserve to be your son. If you just give me a job on the farm, Dad, that\u2019s all I\u2019m asking. Just give me a job on the farm.\u201d He regrets what he\u2019s done.<\/p>\n<p>Psalm 51, verse 17\u2014David says, \u201cA broken heart and a contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>10:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>You see, you come to God with a broken heart over what you\u2019ve done, whether it\u2019s in your marriage or somewhere else that you\u2019ve violated God\u2019s principles. You come to God with a broken heart\u2014regretful of what you\u2019ve done\u2014and you will find mercy with God.<\/p>\n<p>Most of the time\u2014on the human level\u2014if you come with a broken heart\u2014and you try to communicate to them how sorry you are, how much you regret what you\u2019ve done, how much you realize how you\u2019ve hurt them, and you try to express that regret\u2014on the human level, most of the time, people will also forgive you.<\/p>\n<p>Second\u2014accepting responsibility: \u201cI was wrong,\u201d\u2014not easy words for some people to say\u2014weren\u2019t easy for me to say. I remember, years ago\u2014before I was as spiritual as I am now\u2014[Laughter]\u2014I got up one morning; and I said to my wife, \u201cHoney, where\u2019s my briefcase?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>11:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>She said, \u201cI haven\u2019t seen it.\u201d I said: \u201cWell, it was in there by the dresser. I mean, you must have moved it!\u201d She said, \u201cGary, I haven\u2019t seen your briefcase.\u201d I said: \u201cCarolyn, think! I have to get the kids to school. [Voice getting louder] Think! I know you moved it! Nobody else would have moved it!\u201d I went on\u2014two or three more rounds. Every round I got higher, higher, and higher. I was screaming at my wife. Can you believe that? Me! [Laughter]\u2014scream at my wife!<\/p>\n<p>Well, I got the kids in the car. I was nice to the kids: \u201cHave a nice day!\u2014da-da, da-da, da-da.\u201d But when I left the kids out at school, I drove from the school to the church\u2014where my office is\u2014thinking to myself: \u201cHow could I have married such a scatter-brained woman? This time, she\u2019s lost my briefcase. I don\u2019t know what I\u2019m going to do. My schedule\u2019s in my briefcase. I don\u2019t know who I\u2019m going to see, what I\u2019m going to do, where I\u2019m supposed to go. How am I going to live today? I can\u2019t believe\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>12:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Now, when I got to church, I did not walk in by the secretaries. I went in the back door to my office. I opened my door and walked into my office, and there was my briefcase. [Laughter] Now, I have an option. I can say to myself, \u201cI\u2019m not going to let her know it was out here,\u201d or, \u201cI could practice what I preach.\u201d If I had done the former, I obviously would not be using this for an illustration. [Laughter] So, I called her: \u201cHi, babe. I found my briefcase.\u201d She didn\u2019t say anything. She knew there ought to be more to it than that. I said: \u201cI\u2019m sorry that I yelled at you. I wa\u2014I wa\u2014I wa\u2014I wa\u2014I was wrong!\u201d Hard for some of us to say, \u201cI was wrong.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>13:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>I\u2019ll tell you those who have the most difficulty saying those words\u2014it\u2019s the person who grew up in a home where their parents seldom ever told them what they did right but, every day, they told them what they were doing wrong. Somehow, in the psyche of that young child, they said to themselves, \u201cIf I ever get to be an adult, I\u2019ll never be wrong again.\u201d Until they have a hard time saying, \u201cI\u2019m wrong,\u201d because to say, \u201cI\u2019m wrong,\u201d means: \u201cMama was right. Daddy was right. I\u2019m no good.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>So, for whatever reason, if you have difficulty with this, I want to challenge you to learn how to do it because the reality is, all of us do wrong. There are none of us here that have been perfect husbands and perfect wives. We need to accept responsibility for our wrong.<\/p>\n<p><strong>14:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Incidentally, any time you sin against your spouse, you\u2019ve sinned against God because you\u2019ve broken God\u2019s Law. When the Bible says, \u201cBe kind one to another, tenderhearted,\u201d and you\u2019re not kind, you\u2019ve broken God\u2019s Law. First John 1:9\u2014\u201cIf we confess our sins\u2026\u201d\u2014the word means \u201cto agree with\u201d. If we agree with God that we have sinned\u2014we\u2019re accepting responsibility: \u201cI have sinned,\u201d\u2014then, \u201cGod is faithful, and just, and will forgive our sins.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>A third language of apology is making restitution or offering to make restitution: \u201cWhat can I do to make this right?\u201d Now, I\u2019m guessing that there are some of you who have never spoken this apology language to your spouse. You never learned this, growing up. It\u2019s not something you consider to be a part of an apology; but for some people, this is what it means to apologize.<\/p>\n<p><strong>15:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>If you don\u2019t offer to make restitution, in their mind, you\u2019re not sincere. In fact, in their mind, you have not yet apologized.<\/p>\n<p>Now, let me just say this\u2014if it is a little offense, then probably, \u201cI\u2019m sorry,\u201d is all you need to do. You know\u2014if you bump somebody with a cup of coffee, and it didn\u2019t spill the coffee\u2014you know, it\u2019s probably enough to say, \u201cOh, I\u2019m sorry.\u201d But if you have done something that\u2019s huge in nature\u2014for example, guys, I know none of you would ever do this\u2014but let\u2019s just say that you forgot your anniversary\u2014no candy, no flowers, no dinner, nothing. You\u2019re sitting there that night, and you look over on the couch, and she\u2019s crying. You say, \u201cHoney, what\u2019s wrong?\u201d She said, [Mournful voice] \u201cI can\u2019t believe you don\u2019t know what\u2019s wrong!\u201d It dawns on you. I doubt that: \u201cI\u2019m sorry. I was wrong,\u201d is going to hack it. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>16:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>But if you say: \u201cI\u2019m sorry. Honey, I can\u2019t believe I did that. I thought about it yesterday\u2014I was going to do this and I\u2014but Honey, I was wrong. I\u2019m just totally wrong; but Honey, look. I know we can\u2019t do anything tonight, but let me make it up to you. What can I do? We can still celebrate. What can I do to make it right?\u201d She\u2019ll have an idea! A little trip to Hawaii might do it!\u2014[Laughter]\u2014making restitution or offering to make restitution.<\/p>\n<p>Number four is genuinely repenting\u2014expressing the desire to change: \u201cI don\u2019t like this about me. I don\u2019t want to keep doing this. I know I did the same thing last week, and I don\u2019t want to keep doing this. Can we talk? Can you help me? Can we get a plan so I won\u2019t do this again?\u201d You\u2019re expressing the desire to change your behavior.<\/p>\n<p><strong>17:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>I had a couple in my office. The wife said to me\u2014because I was explaining this to them in the counseling session\u2014and she said, \u201cWell, I can give you a perfect example of that repenting thing.\u201d She said: \u201cSeveral years ago, when our baby was little, my husband lost his temper with our baby. The baby was crying, and he did everything he could to get the baby to stop crying. He couldn\u2019t get the baby to stop crying. So, he got angry with the baby. He picked up our baby and started shaking our baby. And when he did,\u201d \u2014she said\u2014\u201cI grabbed our baby and said, \u2018Don\u2019t do that to our baby!\u2019 I ran to our bedroom, just sobbing with our baby.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>She said, \u201cTen minutes later, he knocked on the door and asked me if he could come in. He walked in and said, \u2018Honey, I can\u2019t believe I did that. You know that I love our baby. I don\u2019t ever want to do that again. [Sorrow in voice]<\/p>\n<p><strong>18:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>I don\u2019t ever want to do that again. I love our baby. Can we talk? Can you help me? Can we get a plan so that I\u2019ll never do that again?\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n<p>She said, \u201cThat time, I sensed he was so sincere. We just started talking about it. We came up with a very simple plan\u2014\u2014that if he ever felt himself getting hot with one of our children, he would just turn to me and say: \u2018Honey, I\u2019m getting hot. I have to take a walk.\u2019 He\u2019s never lost his temper with a child since then.\u201d She said, \u201cHe\u2019s taken several walks, [Laughter] but he\u2019s never lost his temper.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>You see, for some people, this is what it means to apologize. If you don\u2019t express the desire to change your behavior\u2014which is what repentance means\u2014then, in their mind, you have not apologized. Here\u2019s what Peter said in Acts, Chapter 2, in verse 38: \u201cRepent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ, for the forgiveness of your sins.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>19:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Jesus Himself came preaching repentance. Repentance is big in the New Testament and the Old Testament. Repentance means turning around\u2014turning away from the behavior.<\/p>\n<p>Number five is actually requesting forgiveness\u2014requesting forgiveness: \u201cWill you forgive me? I hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me.\u201d Now, again, I\u2019m guessing that, for some of you, you have never thought of this. You have never asked for forgiveness\u2014you say: \u201cWell, Gary, wait a minute. If I\u2019m apologizing in some of those other ways, I mean, don\u2019t they know that I want to be forgiven? Why do I have to ask for forgiveness?\u201d Well, for some people, this is what it means to apologize.<\/p>\n<p>Dr. Thomas\u2019s mother said to her, \u201cHoney, I can give you a perfect example of that at work.\u201d She said: \u201cI have a friend at work. We\u2019ve been friends for 15 years. I noticed that, for two or three days, this friend of mine had seemed to be rather cold. So, at a break, I said to her, \u2018Is everything all right between you and me?\u2019\u2014that\u2019s what friends do\u2014\u2018Is everything all right between you and me?\u2019 And my friend said, \u2018You know what I don\u2019t like about you? You don\u2019t ever apologize.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n<p>And her mother said, \u201cI was blown out of the saddle. I said, \u2018What are you talking about?\u2019 She said, \u2018You remember, three weeks ago, when you did da-da da-da da-da?\u2019\u201d She said, \u201cYes, I remember that; but I told you I was sorry!\u201d The lady said, \u201cI know, but you never asked me to forgive you.\u201d Her mother said, \u201cWell, then, let me ask you to forgive me.<\/p>\n<p><strong>20:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>\u201cI value our relationship. So, would you please forgive me?\u201d The lady said, \u201cSure!\u201d [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>You see, it wasn\u2019t that she didn\u2019t want to forgive her. It\u2019s in her mind her mother had never apologized to her. She was waiting for the apology. For some people, this is what it means to apologize. This shows that you value the relationship. When you ask forgiveness or you say, \u201cI hope you can forgive me,\u201d you\u2019re expressing to them that you value this relationship; and you want this to be dealt with. You want to remove the barrier and come back into the relationship.<\/p>\n<p>[Studio]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, we\u2019ve been listening to a message from Dr. Gary Chapman, who was one of the speakers onboard the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise a couple of weeks ago\u2014talking about conflict resolution. I remember Dennis hearing Scott Stanley, who\u2019s a researcher from the University of Denver\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Right.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014I remember hearing him say that the ability for a couple to resolve conflict is <em>the key skill<\/em> in a marriage relationship.<\/p>\n<p><strong>22:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Right.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>If you want to know whether a marriage will go the distance: \u201cHow well does that couple resolve conflict?\u201d That\u2019s the key issue.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It\u2019s a way of showing respect for one another. Here\u2019s what I want to just read to everybody who just listened to what Dr. Chapman just shared. Listen to Paul\u2019s words in Colossians, Chapter 3, verse 12, \u201cPut on then, beloved, compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience;\u201d Now, here\u2019s what Gary was talking about: \u201cbearing with one another, and if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you must also forgive.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>What a great exhortation\u2014that if we practice, in the marriage relationship, Bob, I think it\u2019s what insures a marriage relationship can go the distance.<\/p>\n<p><strong>23:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes, and I\u2019d just add to that a little preventive maintenance in your marriage from time to time\u2014having a time for the two of you to get away, and to celebrate, and relax, and to enjoy being together, as a couple. You might want to consider being with us next year on the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise\u2014February 9<sup>th<\/sup>-13<sup>th<\/sup>\u2014we\u2019re going to be leaving from the port of Miami, going to Key West and then to Cozumel. The ship is about 50 percent sold-out, right now. We have some special early-bird pricing happening between now and next Friday, March 14<sup>th<\/sup>.<\/p>\n<p>So, it you\u2019d like to join us and be on the cruise next year, go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click on the link you see there for the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise. Voddie Baucham\u2019s going to be with us next year. We\u2019re also going to have Kirk and Chelsea Cameron onboard. We\u2019re going to have Andrew Peterson. Guy Penrod from the Gaither Vocal Band is going to be there\u2014Michael Junior\u2014and we have some special guests we have not been able to announce quite yet.<\/p>\n<p><strong>24:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>We hope to have this tied together pretty soon\u2014we\u2019ll let you know. It\u2019s going to be a great week. Find out more\u2014go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link for the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise, and we hope you can sail with us next February.<\/p>\n<p>Now, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to hear more from Dr. Gary Chapman about how we seek and grant forgiveness\u2014how we say, \u201cI\u2019m sorry,\u201d\u2014and how we forgive one another. Hope you can join us for that.<\/p>\n<p>I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.<\/p>\n<p>Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.<\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?<\/p>\n<p>Copyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2014 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a><\/p>\n<p>1<\/p>\n","theme_header_position":"Sticky","post_header_is_sticky":"default","is_header_overlay":"0"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/302961","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=302961"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=302961"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=302961"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=302961"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=302961"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=302961"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=302961"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}