{"id":302941,"date":"2014-02-19T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2014-02-19T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/the-essence-of-men-and-women\/"},"modified":"2014-02-19T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2014-02-19T17:00:00","slug":"the-essence-of-men-and-women","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-essence-of-men-and-women\/","title":{"rendered":"The Essence of Men and Women"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>How do men and women differ at their core?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-02-19.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"22.44M","filesize_raw":"23529875","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2862],"tags":[5109],"podcast_series":[7997],"cwp_profile":[3466],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302941","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-understanding-differences","tag-selfishness","podcast_series-men-and-women-enjoying-the-difference","cwp_profile-larry-crabb","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302941\/the-essence-of-men-and-women","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302941\/the-essence-of-men-and-women","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"wGTXbQjU8C\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-essence-of-men-and-women\/\">The Essence of Men and Women<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-essence-of-men-and-women\/embed\/#?secret=wGTXbQjU8C\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;The Essence of Men and Women&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"wGTXbQjU8C\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-02-19.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-02-19.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, February 19<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. If you have sons and daughters, who you want to grow up to be godly men and women,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\twe\u2019re going to have a conversation about how you help make that happen today. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. Do you think your wife has ever wished God had made her a man instead of a woman? Or do you think that she is glad she\u2019s a woman? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Oh, I think she totally enjoys being a woman. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You think so? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Have you\u2014I\u2019ve met women who, I think, are kind of resentful of the fact that God made them women. I don\u2019t know that I\u2019ve met a lot of guys who have wished that God had made them women; but I have met women who, I think, are a little resentful that they are women. I think some of that is because, as a culture, we have not honored and valued femininity\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> No doubt about it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014and womanhood as we ought to have. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe haven\u2019t appreciated, fully, that the gender differences are glorious\u2014both male and female. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right; and back in Genesis 1, it makes it real clear: \u201cMale and female, created they, Him. In the image of God, He created them.\u201d It takes both, men and women, to reflect the glory of God in its fullness. And that\u2019s our assignment. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve been talking, this week, with Dr. Larry Crabb\u2014a great friend in the proclamation of the gospel\u2014a warrior\u2014been around in ministry, now over four decades; right, Dr. Crabb? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> I think it\u2019s been every bit that long, yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> He\u2019s written a number of books. His most recent book is not the one we\u2019re talking about today, but this will stimulate your thinking. It\u2019s called <em>Fully Alive: A Biblical Vision of Gender That Frees Men and Women<\/em>. This book\u2014we <em>are<\/em> talking about today\u2014is <em>Men and Women: Enjoying the Difference<\/em>. This is a theme of your writing. You spend a lot of time talking about the gender differences that God has created in men and women.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> It\u2019s a topic that\u2019s so poorly-handled, generally, in our culture. It\u2019s a topic that creates such incredible opportunities to discover joy. <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You said, earlier, that you teach a series of lectures with folks over a period of a week. The one lecture that typically is where people are just\u2014they\u2019re with you, from start to finish, is the one where you are talking about this subject. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> I was talking with a woman in our\u2014a woman in our class that I teach. We were talking about gender issues. She raised her hand. It\u2019s a very interactive kind of a class. She said: \u201cI\u2019m a missionary, and I\u2019m a single woman in my fifties. I get paralyzed every time I talk to my supervisor, a male, who is rather controlling and not very encouraging. I just get paralyzed. I don\u2019t know what\u2019s going on! Can you help me with this?\u201d Well, we talked about it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe told the story, over time, that when she was five years old, a cousin was visiting with the parents. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe cousin, a nine-year-old boy, molested her, as a five-year-old girl. After that happened, nobody knew about it except the boy\u2014the perpetrator, if you will\u2014and the victim, the girl. After it was all over and the other family had left, she went to the couch. She was sitting there, as a five-year-old girl, just crying. <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHer dad, a rather gruff man, came up and said, \u201cWhat are you crying about?\u201d She said, \u201cI never thought of this before; but now, I\u2019m telling you this story, I felt paralyzed then. All I could say was, \u2018Nothing, Daddy.\u2019\u201d Daddy just walked away and said, \u201cWell, stop crying, then.\u201d She had a real struggle with believing that\u2014if she made herself known \/ if she was open in any way\u2014that nobody would be interested in her whatsoever. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut what she came to realize, during that week, in this school of spiritual direction\u2014she came to realize that she had been protecting herself from any kind of hurt as opposed to putting God on display by being a feminine woman. When she saw that, it <em>freed<\/em> her. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe sent me a letter that said that, when she got back from the school and back with her supervisor, she said, as she was going in to see him again: \u201cI feel this paralysis, but I don\u2019t believe it\u2019s a legitimate feeling that I should honor. I\u2019m going to be more alive, as a woman, as I talk with him,\u201d\u2014not going to take over and be belligerent of any sort like whatever\u201d\u2014but she was going to be open, as a woman, with this guy. She thought\u2014she said: \u201cI felt like dancing! I felt alive, as woman, for the first time in my life.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, when\u2014I believe this whole male and woman topic\u2014which, yes, has been a real theme of my teaching for some time\u2014it\u2019s an opportunity for joy! It\u2019s an opportunity for freedom. It\u2019s an opportunity to come, fully alive, as a woman \/ fully alive, as a man. This is glorious stuff! It can produce good marriages, and good parents, and some joy in this miserable world. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And what I like about what you teach is\u2014you really call men to esteem and value women\u2014calling them to be fully alive\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014not to dominate them, not to be passive and ignore them, but to move toward them\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014to initiate, to love them, to nourish and cherish, which is really their assignment, back in Ephesians, Chapter 5. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> Yes, absolutely. That\u2019s what we are called to do. It\u2019s a privilege. It\u2019s an opportunity, and it does bring joy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. As parents, who are trying to raise sons and daughters to have an appreciation for\u2014a value for\u2014their gender, are there things we can be doing that affirm our sons, as young men, and our daughters, as young women? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> I wonder how many dads and moms have a vision for what it means for their little girl to be richly feminine. Do they go beyond the cute, little dresses and this sort of thing? Nothing is wrong with that, but do they go beyond that? I wonder what vision men and women, moms and dads, have for their sons to be men. And I wonder how many times a superficial: \u201cWell, I want you to play football. I want you to go lift weights. I want you to do all these things that are stereotypically masculine.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNo, no; no. If we have a vision for what it means to be relationally-feminine and relationally-masculine, that\u2019s the starting point. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And if you are helping a young couple cultivate that vision\u2014to have that vision\u2014what is it we want our boys to grow up and be? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> I would want, as a\u2014I have two sons. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> And they are 45 and 42. So, they aren\u2019t exactly kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> But my vision for them had to do with\u2014when they get scared \/ when life presents challenges: \u201cAre they going to back away and look to find some way that they can be comfortable\u2014where they can feel adequate because of what they can do?\u201d or, \u201cAre they going to step up and move into the situations that are difficult?\u201d Whenever they would do anything close to that, I wanted to let them know how much it meant to me when I saw that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, you were affirming initiation, and leadership, and responsibility\u2014taking up responsibility. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> Absolutely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And I\u2019m wondering, Larry, just about a story that, maybe, captures an image of what you are talking about here\u2014that would give a mom or a dad a picture of what you are talking about. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> A time when you saw one of your sons taking that initiative and you affirmed it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And you were that coach\u2014that cheerleader, off to the side\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tnot doing it for them\u2014not rescuing them from the pain \/ from the fear\u2014but instead, charged them to move forward? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> Let me tell you a very difficult story. Our younger son\u2014his wife left him a number of years ago. It was a very, very painful time in our family\u2014very, very painful for our son. After the divorce, our son was dating a little bit\u2014very slowly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne time, we were having lunch together. Ken was talking about the possibility of getting married again, after his first wife had left him and filed for divorce. He said, \u201cI\u2019m not sure if I have the courage to take another risk.\u201d I said to him\u2014and this could sound a little bit unkind on my part. If you were there, I don\u2019t think you would have heard it that way. But I said: \u201cKen, I\u2019m not sure if you felt that the first marriage was a risk. You were very young. I think you were moving into marriage with somewhat na\u00efve,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tinnocent eyes, assuming everything would be fine. I think it\u2019s time for you to step up to the plate and take a relational risk that I don\u2019t think you\u2019ve ever taken before.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe was furious with me! He was angry with me. He said: \u201cDad, what are you saying?! That I never took a risk?\u201d I said: \u201cYou have the potential to take every risk God calls you to. You have the potential to move into relationships when there is not absolute certainty as to what is going to happen because I believe you\u2019ve got the makings up there of being a man.\u201d It wasn\u2019t long after\u2014he met his current wife. They are very happily married today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Interesting, but it was that man-to-man exhortation\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014of challenging, charging, encouraging, and not rescuing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And that\u2019s what I\u2019d want both moms and dads to hear, as they raise boys\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014into adulthood. Be careful about rescuing them from the pain and solving the problem for them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> You didn\u2019t have daughters; but if you had had daughters, how would you have tried to affirm and nurture femininity in them? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> I would like to think that any time that there was\u2014oh, how do I put this well?\u2014every time\u2014since I don\u2019t have experience with this\u2014daughters\u2014but I have four granddaughters. So, I\u2019ve got some experience with little girls. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, then, you\u2019ve got two daughters-in-law, too. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> Well, I\u2019ve got two daughters-in-law; and let me tell you. We\u2019ve had some great conversations with those two daughters-in-law. They are wonderful ladies; and we\u2019re doing very, very well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhenever there has been something in any of these women that we\u2019re talking about\u2014my granddaughters and my daughters-in-law\u2014where there has been the\u2014and I like the word, risk\u2014when there\u2019s been a risk of revealing the tenderness that is within them\u2014when there\u2019s been the risk where they say, \u201cLet me let you know just exactly what\u2019s happening in me and let me let you know how warmly and deeply I feel about something\u201d\u2014when I hear that from any one of these girls, then, my response is to get very, very engaged. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy response is to be incredibly affirming because they\u2019re taking a risk. The risk they are taking\u2014of when they get open with their tenderness\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cIs anybody going to feel encouraged by it? Are they taking a risk to be seen? Are they going to be worried that \u2018At my most feminine, nobody is going to want me\u2019?\u201d When they are most feminine\u2014as I define femininity \/ as I think the Bible defines femininity\u2014profound openness for the sake of nourishing another\u2014when I see any evidence of that, that\u2019s when my eyes light up. I\u2019m just very, very engaged and affirming. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I do think, for women, the issue of safety and security\u2014feeling safe\u2014that\u2019s at the core of what drives everything about them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And for them to take a risk\u2014whether it is a relational risk or anything that makes them vulnerable\u2014is a huge step; isn\u2019t it? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> That\u2019s where we need to learn, as men, to be very safe in the biblical sense of that word for our women\u2014whether it\u2019s our wives, or our daughters, or our granddaughters. What does it mean to be a safe man for a woman? I think what that means\u2014and you need to think about some related things here. Remember Aslan\u2019s story\u2014where: \u201cHe\u2019s not safe, but he\u2019s good\u201d? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> Well: \u201cIs God safe, or is He not safe?\u201d Well, He\u2019s safe for us becoming all that He called us to be; but He\u2019s not safe for us retreating from our calling to be all that we should be. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to be safe for my wife\u2014I want to be safe for my daughters-in-law \/ for my granddaughters\u2014in the sense that, when there is something going on that really reveals the beauty that Peter talks about in First Peter 3\u2014the beauty of femininity, which is not external\u2014hair-do\u2019s, and jewelry, and clothing. Those are fine things, but they aren\u2019t the essence of it\u2014but when there is anything in them that they do that\u2019s risky, am I safe in the sense that I\u2019m not going to judge them\u2014I\u2019m not going to be bored by it? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne story comes to mind that\u2019s just awful, but it makes the point\u2014a woman, who I was working with some years after this particular incident. She was borderline psychotic, at the time. She said that, when she first got married, that she was so looking forward to her wedding night. She came out of the bathroom in the hotel room their first night\u2014dressed with a lovely lingerie kind of satin nightgown\u2014kind of thing for their first night together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHer new husband was watching a ballgame. When she came out of the bathroom, he looked at her and said, \u201cHey, you look great,\u201d\u2014went back to the ballgame. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> And she just began to sob as she told that story. She was taking a risk. She came out and said: \u201cAm I desirable? Am I wanted? Is there no beauty that you would desire me?\u201d Well, the Lord knew what that was about. Maybe, that woman can say: \u201cYou know what? I do have a beauty that God sees and God enjoys. I\u2019m going to put that on display, for His glory. I hope you respond. If you do, I\u2019m going to feel really good about it; but if you don\u2019t, I\u2019m not destroyed.\u201d See, it\u2019s very crucial to say to your spouse\u2014either husband or wife: \u201cYou have the power to hurt me. You don\u2019t have the power to destroy me.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Larry, there are a lot of moms and dads listening who have\u2014maybe, it\u2019s a child or, maybe, an adult child who is struggling with gender-identity issues\u2014and perhaps, wanting to cross over to the other sex. What coaching, what encouragement, and what counsel would you give to that mom or dad? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> [Sighing] Well, you heard the big sigh. I don\u2019t think that\u2019s an easy thing. I want to say, \u201cNumber one, if you freak out, at that point, you\u2019re making the problem worse.\u201d You cannot start by simply saying: \u201cOh, my gosh! We\u2019ve got to straighten this out right away!\u201d You simply cannot do that because, if you do that, what you are communicating to the child is: \u201cThere is something here that is incredible dangerous that he\u2019s dealing with.\u201d\u00a0 He\u2019s not going to have any sense of advocacy from his parents. Therefore, that child\u2014that boy or girl\u2014is not going to feel any freedom to discover who they truly are because they are going to feel such pressure from the parent to be who their parent wants them to be. I think that\u2019s a real problem. So, that\u2019s number one. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber two: \u201cCan you have a vision for <em>the essence<\/em> of relational femininity and relational masculinity? Can you really have some view what it means for God to say, \u2018That\u2019s a boy; that\u2019s a girl\u2019?\u201d It doesn\u2019t have anything to do, centrally, with their clothing, or with their voice pitch, or things of that nature; but if you start understanding what it is to really be a boy or a girl\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tthen, you look for anything that reveals that and you affirm it. You spend time with it. You make sure that, as a mom and a dad, that the dad is revealing the joys of being masculine and what it means for that little boy; and the mother is revealing something about the joys of femininity. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA lot of people that have this gender dysphoria\u2014they call it\u2014this gender difficulty and thinking that they\u2019re a boy or the girl\u2014sometimes, has a lot to do with a mom or a dad who doesn\u2019t have any joy in who they are, as a male or a female. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Interesting. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> Modeling is a <em>very<\/em> important part of this process. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, again, you\u2019re going beyond trying to get your son to like football or trying to get your daughter to like helping in the kitchen. You are talking about\u2014when you see a son, who initiates\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014when you see a son, who takes responsibility\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014you affirm that as the core of what it means to be a little boy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> And the way you affirm it is important. It isn\u2019t just a matter of just saying: \u201cSon, that was good. I\u2019m glad you did that\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tbut it\u2019s much more a relational affirmation, which means: \u201cSon, when you do that, can I tell you what happens inside of me? Can I tell you the impact you are making on me when you do that?\u201d\u2014because we are relational beings. We were designed to live in relationship and to find our identity in relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, when a daughter is moving in a good direction, as a little girl, rather than Dad saying: \u201cWay to go, Honey! Keep it up!\u201d it\u2019s like: \u201cHoney, can I tell you the delight that I have in you, at this moment? Can I tell you the joy that fills my soul when I see you doing that? That just means the world to me! What joy you are bringing my soul, right now.\u201d Now, that\u2019s affirming her soul. That\u2019s not just affirming her behavior with a compliment. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s good. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> It\u2019s a relational affirmation. That\u2019s huge. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You know, earlier this week, Dennis asked you a question and said, \u201cI\u2019m going to ask you this later.\u201d Then, he\u2014I think he forgot or we didn\u2019t\u2014what happened with it? Do you know? Were you just saving it until now? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I did not forget. I was looking at the clock. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay, and decided we didn\u2019t have the time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I didn\u2019t have the time, and\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Until right now. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And we have time, right now. So, I\u2019m going to ask you the question: \u201cOut of everything you\u2019ve done in your lifetime, what is the most courageous thing you have ever done?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd not to give you more time to think\u2014but to just explain what I\u2019m asking for here\u2014a lot of people say: \u201cI\u2019ve never done anything courageous. I\u2019ve never been on a battlefield in a foreign country. I\u2019ve never rescued someone from a burning vehicle.\u201d No; courage is doing your duty in the face of fear. With that definition in mind, what\u2019s the most courageous thing Larry Crabb has ever done? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> As a kid, I had a major problem with stuttering. I was a bad stutterer. The first time I ever prayed, publicly, in a little church gathering, I stood up in the front of\u2014I was 15 years old. Under the leading of the pressure of the saints, it was time for me to get up and pray. And I did. I prayed the most heretical prayer in the history of the church. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was stuttering so badly. I had the Father on the cross. I had Jesus in heaven. I had the Spirit in the grave. When I realized that that was not quite orthodox, I had to repent and sit down. I made a determination then: \u201cI will never embarrass myself like that again, as long as I live.\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cI will never speak in public again because I know what death means\u2014\u2018It\u2019s making a fool out of yourself.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe most difficult thing I\u2019ve done was to become a public speaker. I was terrified to get in front of groups. When I felt the calling to be a speaker, I resisted. I said: \u201cGod, it\u2019s too risky. I don\u2019t want to make a fool of myself again. I might get up and stutter. I might make a fool of myself. I\u2019m not going to do it.\u201d <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, that\u2019s what comes to mind when I think about the most courageous thing I\u2019ve done\u2014is to get in front of groups and to make the decision to do it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I know we\u2019ve got listeners who want to know how you got over your stuttering, as a little boy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> I got over it in graduate school. It\u2019s a crazy story, but it\u2019s true. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou might have a hard time believing me, but believe me on this one. Some of the stories I tell are true. This one happens to be. [Laughter] We had a professor named Dr. Ate\u2014A-T-E. He was\u2014when I was in grad school, and in my internship, no student wanted him for a supervisor because he was kind of a crusty, old guy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, one time, I was walking down the hallway. Doc Ray was walking the other direction. We knew each other. We didn\u2019t know each other well. He said, \u201cHello, Larry.\u201d And I said, \u201cH-h-h-hello, D-d-d-doctor Ate.\u201d He said: \u201cYou stutter? I used to stutter! I got over it. Why don\u2019t you?\u201d He walked away, and I haven\u2019t stuttered since. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Seriously? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> No way! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> Oh, yes\u2014and I can explain it. Because I believe, up until that time, I saw myself as Larry-the-Stutterer. My stuttering was embedded in my nature\u2014was how I saw it. But when he said that, I walked away saying: \u201cI\u2019m Larry; and by the way, I stutter. Maybe, there is some freedom in learning how not to stutter;\u201d and I got hope. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs a result, I\u2014and I had been through a lot of speech therapy. It didn\u2019t help, but that particular sentence changed my life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, a parent, who is listening today, who has got a stuttering little boy\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> Now, wait a minute. [Laughter] I\u2019m not saying that\u2019s normative. There are certain things that happened idiosyncratically; but that\u2019s what actually happened. I think the whole point is\u2014change of identity. That\u2019s where it gets back to the gospel\u2014God\u2019s given me an identity. My identity is not stuttering. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, I want to thank you for being a courageous man because you have said, and written, and done a few controversial things over the years\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> Here and there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014as a result of shaking things up. As we laughed about earlier, there\u2019s a gift in the body of Christ called the gift of disruption. And Larry Crabb has it. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> I guess I\u2019m grateful for that. Thank you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> But it\u2019s a great gift. Larry, we sure appreciate you writing this book and being on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. You are a good friend, and wish you the best and God\u2019s favor in the months and years ahead. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> My privilege, entirely. Good to be with you both. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And let me encourage our listeners to go to FamilyLifeToday.com to find out more\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tnot only about the book, <em>Men and Women: Enjoying the Difference<\/em>, but also the book, <em>Fully Alive: A Biblical Vision of Gender That Frees Men and Women to Live Beyond Stereotypes<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, we\u2019re grateful for your contribution to this ongoing dialogue because, more and more, this issue of gender is an issue that is being discussed in our culture. We want to make sure we get it right, biblically. So, thank you for weighing in on that. And let me encourage our listeners to get copies of the books you\u2019ve written. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com. You can order the books from us, online. Again, the website, FamilyLifeToday.com; or order by phone. Call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Mention that you\u2019d like the books by Larry Crabb. We\u2019ll make arrangements to get them sent to you: 1-800-FL-TODAY; or again, go, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, we are regularly encouraged\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tby the notes that we get from listeners to this program\u2014people who get in touch with us and let us know that God is using <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014not simply to help them think differently about marriage and family\u2014but to live differently. We\u2019re hearing stories, regularly, from people whose lives are being profoundly impacted by this daily radio program and by all that we are doing, here at FamilyLife. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, I wish you could have been with us in Hershey, Pennsylvania, this past weekend. We had a chance to meet a lot of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners and hear some powerful stories of how God is at work through the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I just want you to know\u2014if you are a supporter of this ministry, you\u2019re part of helping to make that happen. We could not do all that we do\u2014this radio program, our website, our mobile apps\u2014everything that we\u2019re doing\u2014the events that we\u2019re hosting\u2014couldn\u2019t do it without your support. And so, we want to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d to our Legacy Partners, who contribute on a monthly basis, and those of you who get in touch with us, from time to time\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tto let us know that you are standing with us. We love hearing from you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, this month, if you are able to make a donation in support of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, we\u2019d like to send you a copy of a conversation we had recently with Pastor Mark Driscoll and his wife Grace. We talked about their marriage\u2014some of the challenges they faced when they were dating, and their decision to get married, and some of the challenges they\u2019ve faced, as husband and wife, over the past decade-plus of their marriage together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you go to FamilyLifeToday.com, click the button that says, \u201cI CARE\u201d. When you make an online donation, we will automatically send out the two CDs that have our conversation with Mark and Grace Driscoll on them. Or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make a donation over the phone. Just ask for the CDs called <em>Real Marriage<\/em> when you do. Or if you\u2019d prefer to write a check and mail it to us, our mailing address is P O Box 7111, Little Rock, AR. And our zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, it\u2019s P O Box 7111, Little Rock, AR, 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I hope you can join us back again tomorrow. We\u2019re going to talk about giving. We\u2019re going to talk about generosity, and how we model for our children, and teach our children to be generous, and to find joy in giving. Brad Formsma joins us here tomorrow. I hope you can join us for that conversation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2014 FamilyLife. 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do men and women differ at their core?","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-02-19.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, February 19<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. If you have sons and daughters, who you want to grow up to be godly men and women,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\twe\u2019re going to have a conversation about how you help make that happen today. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. Do you think your wife has ever wished God had made her a man instead of a woman? Or do you think that she is glad she\u2019s a woman? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Oh, I think she totally enjoys being a woman. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You think so? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Have you\u2014I\u2019ve met women who, I think, are kind of resentful of the fact that God made them women. I don\u2019t know that I\u2019ve met a lot of guys who have wished that God had made them women; but I have met women who, I think, are a little resentful that they are women. I think some of that is because, as a culture, we have not honored and valued femininity\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> No doubt about it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014and womanhood as we ought to have. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe haven\u2019t appreciated, fully, that the gender differences are glorious\u2014both male and female. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right; and back in Genesis 1, it makes it real clear: \u201cMale and female, created they, Him. In the image of God, He created them.\u201d It takes both, men and women, to reflect the glory of God in its fullness. And that\u2019s our assignment. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve been talking, this week, with Dr. Larry Crabb\u2014a great friend in the proclamation of the gospel\u2014a warrior\u2014been around in ministry, now over four decades; right, Dr. Crabb? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> I think it\u2019s been every bit that long, yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> He\u2019s written a number of books. His most recent book is not the one we\u2019re talking about today, but this will stimulate your thinking. It\u2019s called <em>Fully Alive: A Biblical Vision of Gender That Frees Men and Women<\/em>. This book\u2014we <em>are<\/em> talking about today\u2014is <em>Men and Women: Enjoying the Difference<\/em>. This is a theme of your writing. You spend a lot of time talking about the gender differences that God has created in men and women.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> It\u2019s a topic that\u2019s so poorly-handled, generally, in our culture. It\u2019s a topic that creates such incredible opportunities to discover joy. <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You said, earlier, that you teach a series of lectures with folks over a period of a week. The one lecture that typically is where people are just\u2014they\u2019re with you, from start to finish, is the one where you are talking about this subject. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> I was talking with a woman in our\u2014a woman in our class that I teach. We were talking about gender issues. She raised her hand. It\u2019s a very interactive kind of a class. She said: \u201cI\u2019m a missionary, and I\u2019m a single woman in my fifties. I get paralyzed every time I talk to my supervisor, a male, who is rather controlling and not very encouraging. I just get paralyzed. I don\u2019t know what\u2019s going on! Can you help me with this?\u201d Well, we talked about it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe told the story, over time, that when she was five years old, a cousin was visiting with the parents. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe cousin, a nine-year-old boy, molested her, as a five-year-old girl. After that happened, nobody knew about it except the boy\u2014the perpetrator, if you will\u2014and the victim, the girl. After it was all over and the other family had left, she went to the couch. She was sitting there, as a five-year-old girl, just crying. <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHer dad, a rather gruff man, came up and said, \u201cWhat are you crying about?\u201d She said, \u201cI never thought of this before; but now, I\u2019m telling you this story, I felt paralyzed then. All I could say was, \u2018Nothing, Daddy.\u2019\u201d Daddy just walked away and said, \u201cWell, stop crying, then.\u201d She had a real struggle with believing that\u2014if she made herself known \/ if she was open in any way\u2014that nobody would be interested in her whatsoever. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut what she came to realize, during that week, in this school of spiritual direction\u2014she came to realize that she had been protecting herself from any kind of hurt as opposed to putting God on display by being a feminine woman. When she saw that, it <em>freed<\/em> her. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe sent me a letter that said that, when she got back from the school and back with her supervisor, she said, as she was going in to see him again: \u201cI feel this paralysis, but I don\u2019t believe it\u2019s a legitimate feeling that I should honor. I\u2019m going to be more alive, as a woman, as I talk with him,\u201d\u2014not going to take over and be belligerent of any sort like whatever\u201d\u2014but she was going to be open, as a woman, with this guy. She thought\u2014she said: \u201cI felt like dancing! I felt alive, as woman, for the first time in my life.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, when\u2014I believe this whole male and woman topic\u2014which, yes, has been a real theme of my teaching for some time\u2014it\u2019s an opportunity for joy! It\u2019s an opportunity for freedom. It\u2019s an opportunity to come, fully alive, as a woman \/ fully alive, as a man. This is glorious stuff! It can produce good marriages, and good parents, and some joy in this miserable world. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And what I like about what you teach is\u2014you really call men to esteem and value women\u2014calling them to be fully alive\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014not to dominate them, not to be passive and ignore them, but to move toward them\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014to initiate, to love them, to nourish and cherish, which is really their assignment, back in Ephesians, Chapter 5. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> Yes, absolutely. That\u2019s what we are called to do. It\u2019s a privilege. It\u2019s an opportunity, and it does bring joy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. As parents, who are trying to raise sons and daughters to have an appreciation for\u2014a value for\u2014their gender, are there things we can be doing that affirm our sons, as young men, and our daughters, as young women? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> I wonder how many dads and moms have a vision for what it means for their little girl to be richly feminine. Do they go beyond the cute, little dresses and this sort of thing? Nothing is wrong with that, but do they go beyond that? I wonder what vision men and women, moms and dads, have for their sons to be men. And I wonder how many times a superficial: \u201cWell, I want you to play football. I want you to go lift weights. I want you to do all these things that are stereotypically masculine.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNo, no; no. If we have a vision for what it means to be relationally-feminine and relationally-masculine, that\u2019s the starting point. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And if you are helping a young couple cultivate that vision\u2014to have that vision\u2014what is it we want our boys to grow up and be? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> I would want, as a\u2014I have two sons. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> And they are 45 and 42. So, they aren\u2019t exactly kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> But my vision for them had to do with\u2014when they get scared \/ when life presents challenges: \u201cAre they going to back away and look to find some way that they can be comfortable\u2014where they can feel adequate because of what they can do?\u201d or, \u201cAre they going to step up and move into the situations that are difficult?\u201d Whenever they would do anything close to that, I wanted to let them know how much it meant to me when I saw that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, you were affirming initiation, and leadership, and responsibility\u2014taking up responsibility. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> Absolutely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And I\u2019m wondering, Larry, just about a story that, maybe, captures an image of what you are talking about here\u2014that would give a mom or a dad a picture of what you are talking about. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> A time when you saw one of your sons taking that initiative and you affirmed it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And you were that coach\u2014that cheerleader, off to the side\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tnot doing it for them\u2014not rescuing them from the pain \/ from the fear\u2014but instead, charged them to move forward? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> Let me tell you a very difficult story. Our younger son\u2014his wife left him a number of years ago. It was a very, very painful time in our family\u2014very, very painful for our son. After the divorce, our son was dating a little bit\u2014very slowly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne time, we were having lunch together. Ken was talking about the possibility of getting married again, after his first wife had left him and filed for divorce. He said, \u201cI\u2019m not sure if I have the courage to take another risk.\u201d I said to him\u2014and this could sound a little bit unkind on my part. If you were there, I don\u2019t think you would have heard it that way. But I said: \u201cKen, I\u2019m not sure if you felt that the first marriage was a risk. You were very young. I think you were moving into marriage with somewhat na\u00efve,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tinnocent eyes, assuming everything would be fine. I think it\u2019s time for you to step up to the plate and take a relational risk that I don\u2019t think you\u2019ve ever taken before.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe was furious with me! He was angry with me. He said: \u201cDad, what are you saying?! That I never took a risk?\u201d I said: \u201cYou have the potential to take every risk God calls you to. You have the potential to move into relationships when there is not absolute certainty as to what is going to happen because I believe you\u2019ve got the makings up there of being a man.\u201d It wasn\u2019t long after\u2014he met his current wife. They are very happily married today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Interesting, but it was that man-to-man exhortation\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014of challenging, charging, encouraging, and not rescuing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And that\u2019s what I\u2019d want both moms and dads to hear, as they raise boys\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014into adulthood. Be careful about rescuing them from the pain and solving the problem for them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> You didn\u2019t have daughters; but if you had had daughters, how would you have tried to affirm and nurture femininity in them? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> I would like to think that any time that there was\u2014oh, how do I put this well?\u2014every time\u2014since I don\u2019t have experience with this\u2014daughters\u2014but I have four granddaughters. So, I\u2019ve got some experience with little girls. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, then, you\u2019ve got two daughters-in-law, too. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> Well, I\u2019ve got two daughters-in-law; and let me tell you. We\u2019ve had some great conversations with those two daughters-in-law. They are wonderful ladies; and we\u2019re doing very, very well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhenever there has been something in any of these women that we\u2019re talking about\u2014my granddaughters and my daughters-in-law\u2014where there has been the\u2014and I like the word, risk\u2014when there\u2019s been a risk of revealing the tenderness that is within them\u2014when there\u2019s been the risk where they say, \u201cLet me let you know just exactly what\u2019s happening in me and let me let you know how warmly and deeply I feel about something\u201d\u2014when I hear that from any one of these girls, then, my response is to get very, very engaged. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy response is to be incredibly affirming because they\u2019re taking a risk. The risk they are taking\u2014of when they get open with their tenderness\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cIs anybody going to feel encouraged by it? Are they taking a risk to be seen? Are they going to be worried that \u2018At my most feminine, nobody is going to want me\u2019?\u201d When they are most feminine\u2014as I define femininity \/ as I think the Bible defines femininity\u2014profound openness for the sake of nourishing another\u2014when I see any evidence of that, that\u2019s when my eyes light up. I\u2019m just very, very engaged and affirming. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I do think, for women, the issue of safety and security\u2014feeling safe\u2014that\u2019s at the core of what drives everything about them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And for them to take a risk\u2014whether it is a relational risk or anything that makes them vulnerable\u2014is a huge step; isn\u2019t it? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> That\u2019s where we need to learn, as men, to be very safe in the biblical sense of that word for our women\u2014whether it\u2019s our wives, or our daughters, or our granddaughters. What does it mean to be a safe man for a woman? I think what that means\u2014and you need to think about some related things here. Remember Aslan\u2019s story\u2014where: \u201cHe\u2019s not safe, but he\u2019s good\u201d? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> Well: \u201cIs God safe, or is He not safe?\u201d Well, He\u2019s safe for us becoming all that He called us to be; but He\u2019s not safe for us retreating from our calling to be all that we should be. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to be safe for my wife\u2014I want to be safe for my daughters-in-law \/ for my granddaughters\u2014in the sense that, when there is something going on that really reveals the beauty that Peter talks about in First Peter 3\u2014the beauty of femininity, which is not external\u2014hair-do\u2019s, and jewelry, and clothing. Those are fine things, but they aren\u2019t the essence of it\u2014but when there is anything in them that they do that\u2019s risky, am I safe in the sense that I\u2019m not going to judge them\u2014I\u2019m not going to be bored by it? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne story comes to mind that\u2019s just awful, but it makes the point\u2014a woman, who I was working with some years after this particular incident. She was borderline psychotic, at the time. She said that, when she first got married, that she was so looking forward to her wedding night. She came out of the bathroom in the hotel room their first night\u2014dressed with a lovely lingerie kind of satin nightgown\u2014kind of thing for their first night together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHer new husband was watching a ballgame. When she came out of the bathroom, he looked at her and said, \u201cHey, you look great,\u201d\u2014went back to the ballgame. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> And she just began to sob as she told that story. She was taking a risk. She came out and said: \u201cAm I desirable? Am I wanted? Is there no beauty that you would desire me?\u201d Well, the Lord knew what that was about. Maybe, that woman can say: \u201cYou know what? I do have a beauty that God sees and God enjoys. I\u2019m going to put that on display, for His glory. I hope you respond. If you do, I\u2019m going to feel really good about it; but if you don\u2019t, I\u2019m not destroyed.\u201d See, it\u2019s very crucial to say to your spouse\u2014either husband or wife: \u201cYou have the power to hurt me. You don\u2019t have the power to destroy me.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Larry, there are a lot of moms and dads listening who have\u2014maybe, it\u2019s a child or, maybe, an adult child who is struggling with gender-identity issues\u2014and perhaps, wanting to cross over to the other sex. What coaching, what encouragement, and what counsel would you give to that mom or dad? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> [Sighing] Well, you heard the big sigh. I don\u2019t think that\u2019s an easy thing. I want to say, \u201cNumber one, if you freak out, at that point, you\u2019re making the problem worse.\u201d You cannot start by simply saying: \u201cOh, my gosh! We\u2019ve got to straighten this out right away!\u201d You simply cannot do that because, if you do that, what you are communicating to the child is: \u201cThere is something here that is incredible dangerous that he\u2019s dealing with.\u201d\u00a0 He\u2019s not going to have any sense of advocacy from his parents. Therefore, that child\u2014that boy or girl\u2014is not going to feel any freedom to discover who they truly are because they are going to feel such pressure from the parent to be who their parent wants them to be. I think that\u2019s a real problem. So, that\u2019s number one. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber two: \u201cCan you have a vision for <em>the essence<\/em> of relational femininity and relational masculinity? Can you really have some view what it means for God to say, \u2018That\u2019s a boy; that\u2019s a girl\u2019?\u201d It doesn\u2019t have anything to do, centrally, with their clothing, or with their voice pitch, or things of that nature; but if you start understanding what it is to really be a boy or a girl\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tthen, you look for anything that reveals that and you affirm it. You spend time with it. You make sure that, as a mom and a dad, that the dad is revealing the joys of being masculine and what it means for that little boy; and the mother is revealing something about the joys of femininity. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA lot of people that have this gender dysphoria\u2014they call it\u2014this gender difficulty and thinking that they\u2019re a boy or the girl\u2014sometimes, has a lot to do with a mom or a dad who doesn\u2019t have any joy in who they are, as a male or a female. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Interesting. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> Modeling is a <em>very<\/em> important part of this process. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, again, you\u2019re going beyond trying to get your son to like football or trying to get your daughter to like helping in the kitchen. You are talking about\u2014when you see a son, who initiates\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014when you see a son, who takes responsibility\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014you affirm that as the core of what it means to be a little boy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> And the way you affirm it is important. It isn\u2019t just a matter of just saying: \u201cSon, that was good. I\u2019m glad you did that\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tbut it\u2019s much more a relational affirmation, which means: \u201cSon, when you do that, can I tell you what happens inside of me? Can I tell you the impact you are making on me when you do that?\u201d\u2014because we are relational beings. We were designed to live in relationship and to find our identity in relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, when a daughter is moving in a good direction, as a little girl, rather than Dad saying: \u201cWay to go, Honey! Keep it up!\u201d it\u2019s like: \u201cHoney, can I tell you the delight that I have in you, at this moment? Can I tell you the joy that fills my soul when I see you doing that? That just means the world to me! What joy you are bringing my soul, right now.\u201d Now, that\u2019s affirming her soul. That\u2019s not just affirming her behavior with a compliment. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s good. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> It\u2019s a relational affirmation. That\u2019s huge. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You know, earlier this week, Dennis asked you a question and said, \u201cI\u2019m going to ask you this later.\u201d Then, he\u2014I think he forgot or we didn\u2019t\u2014what happened with it? Do you know? Were you just saving it until now? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I did not forget. I was looking at the clock. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay, and decided we didn\u2019t have the time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I didn\u2019t have the time, and\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Until right now. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And we have time, right now. So, I\u2019m going to ask you the question: \u201cOut of everything you\u2019ve done in your lifetime, what is the most courageous thing you have ever done?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd not to give you more time to think\u2014but to just explain what I\u2019m asking for here\u2014a lot of people say: \u201cI\u2019ve never done anything courageous. I\u2019ve never been on a battlefield in a foreign country. I\u2019ve never rescued someone from a burning vehicle.\u201d No; courage is doing your duty in the face of fear. With that definition in mind, what\u2019s the most courageous thing Larry Crabb has ever done? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> As a kid, I had a major problem with stuttering. I was a bad stutterer. The first time I ever prayed, publicly, in a little church gathering, I stood up in the front of\u2014I was 15 years old. Under the leading of the pressure of the saints, it was time for me to get up and pray. And I did. I prayed the most heretical prayer in the history of the church. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was stuttering so badly. I had the Father on the cross. I had Jesus in heaven. I had the Spirit in the grave. When I realized that that was not quite orthodox, I had to repent and sit down. I made a determination then: \u201cI will never embarrass myself like that again, as long as I live.\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cI will never speak in public again because I know what death means\u2014\u2018It\u2019s making a fool out of yourself.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe most difficult thing I\u2019ve done was to become a public speaker. I was terrified to get in front of groups. When I felt the calling to be a speaker, I resisted. I said: \u201cGod, it\u2019s too risky. I don\u2019t want to make a fool of myself again. I might get up and stutter. I might make a fool of myself. I\u2019m not going to do it.\u201d <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, that\u2019s what comes to mind when I think about the most courageous thing I\u2019ve done\u2014is to get in front of groups and to make the decision to do it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I know we\u2019ve got listeners who want to know how you got over your stuttering, as a little boy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> I got over it in graduate school. It\u2019s a crazy story, but it\u2019s true. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou might have a hard time believing me, but believe me on this one. Some of the stories I tell are true. This one happens to be. [Laughter] We had a professor named Dr. Ate\u2014A-T-E. He was\u2014when I was in grad school, and in my internship, no student wanted him for a supervisor because he was kind of a crusty, old guy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, one time, I was walking down the hallway. Doc Ray was walking the other direction. We knew each other. We didn\u2019t know each other well. He said, \u201cHello, Larry.\u201d And I said, \u201cH-h-h-hello, D-d-d-doctor Ate.\u201d He said: \u201cYou stutter? I used to stutter! I got over it. Why don\u2019t you?\u201d He walked away, and I haven\u2019t stuttered since. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Seriously? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> No way! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> Oh, yes\u2014and I can explain it. Because I believe, up until that time, I saw myself as Larry-the-Stutterer. My stuttering was embedded in my nature\u2014was how I saw it. But when he said that, I walked away saying: \u201cI\u2019m Larry; and by the way, I stutter. Maybe, there is some freedom in learning how not to stutter;\u201d and I got hope. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs a result, I\u2014and I had been through a lot of speech therapy. It didn\u2019t help, but that particular sentence changed my life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, a parent, who is listening today, who has got a stuttering little boy\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> Now, wait a minute. [Laughter] I\u2019m not saying that\u2019s normative. There are certain things that happened idiosyncratically; but that\u2019s what actually happened. I think the whole point is\u2014change of identity. That\u2019s where it gets back to the gospel\u2014God\u2019s given me an identity. My identity is not stuttering. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, I want to thank you for being a courageous man because you have said, and written, and done a few controversial things over the years\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> Here and there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014as a result of shaking things up. As we laughed about earlier, there\u2019s a gift in the body of Christ called the gift of disruption. And Larry Crabb has it. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> I guess I\u2019m grateful for that. Thank you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> But it\u2019s a great gift. Larry, we sure appreciate you writing this book and being on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. You are a good friend, and wish you the best and God\u2019s favor in the months and years ahead. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> My privilege, entirely. Good to be with you both. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And let me encourage our listeners to go to FamilyLifeToday.com to find out more\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tnot only about the book, <em>Men and Women: Enjoying the Difference<\/em>, but also the book, <em>Fully Alive: A Biblical Vision of Gender That Frees Men and Women to Live Beyond Stereotypes<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, we\u2019re grateful for your contribution to this ongoing dialogue because, more and more, this issue of gender is an issue that is being discussed in our culture. We want to make sure we get it right, biblically. So, thank you for weighing in on that. And let me encourage our listeners to get copies of the books you\u2019ve written. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com. You can order the books from us, online. Again, the website, FamilyLifeToday.com; or order by phone. Call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Mention that you\u2019d like the books by Larry Crabb. We\u2019ll make arrangements to get them sent to you: 1-800-FL-TODAY; or again, go, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, we are regularly encouraged\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tby the notes that we get from listeners to this program\u2014people who get in touch with us and let us know that God is using <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014not simply to help them think differently about marriage and family\u2014but to live differently. We\u2019re hearing stories, regularly, from people whose lives are being profoundly impacted by this daily radio program and by all that we are doing, here at FamilyLife. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, I wish you could have been with us in Hershey, Pennsylvania, this past weekend. We had a chance to meet a lot of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners and hear some powerful stories of how God is at work through the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I just want you to know\u2014if you are a supporter of this ministry, you\u2019re part of helping to make that happen. We could not do all that we do\u2014this radio program, our website, our mobile apps\u2014everything that we\u2019re doing\u2014the events that we\u2019re hosting\u2014couldn\u2019t do it without your support. And so, we want to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d to our Legacy Partners, who contribute on a monthly basis, and those of you who get in touch with us, from time to time\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tto let us know that you are standing with us. We love hearing from you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, this month, if you are able to make a donation in support of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, we\u2019d like to send you a copy of a conversation we had recently with Pastor Mark Driscoll and his wife Grace. We talked about their marriage\u2014some of the challenges they faced when they were dating, and their decision to get married, and some of the challenges they\u2019ve faced, as husband and wife, over the past decade-plus of their marriage together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you go to FamilyLifeToday.com, click the button that says, \u201cI CARE\u201d. When you make an online donation, we will automatically send out the two CDs that have our conversation with Mark and Grace Driscoll on them. Or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make a donation over the phone. Just ask for the CDs called <em>Real Marriage<\/em> when you do. Or if you\u2019d prefer to write a check and mail it to us, our mailing address is P O Box 7111, Little Rock, AR. And our zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, it\u2019s P O Box 7111, Little Rock, AR, 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I hope you can join us back again tomorrow. We\u2019re going to talk about giving. We\u2019re going to talk about generosity, and how we model for our children, and teach our children to be generous, and to find joy in giving. Brad Formsma joins us here tomorrow. I hope you can join us for that conversation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2014 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/302941","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=302941"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=302941"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=302941"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=302941"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=302941"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=302941"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=302941"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}