{"id":302939,"date":"2014-02-18T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2014-02-18T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/men-and-womens-unique-design\/"},"modified":"2014-02-18T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2014-02-18T17:00:00","slug":"men-and-womens-unique-design","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/men-and-womens-unique-design\/","title":{"rendered":"Men and Women&#8217;s Unique Design"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Dr. Larry Crabb explains that the greatest fear of a woman is to be invisible.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-02-18.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"25.34M","filesize_raw":"26572468","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2862],"tags":[5109],"podcast_series":[7997],"cwp_profile":[3466],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302939","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-understanding-differences","tag-selfishness","podcast_series-men-and-women-enjoying-the-difference","cwp_profile-larry-crabb","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302939\/men-and-womens-unique-design","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302939\/men-and-womens-unique-design","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"R4gibc1Nm2\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/men-and-womens-unique-design\/\">Men and Women&#8217;s Unique Design<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/men-and-womens-unique-design\/embed\/#?secret=R4gibc1Nm2\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Men and Women&#8217;s Unique Design&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"R4gibc1Nm2\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-02-18.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-02-18.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You have read in the Bible that husbands are supposed to be leaders and wives are supposed to respond to their husband\u2019s leadership. Well, what do you do in a marriage if a wife is a more naturally-gifted leader and a husband is, by temperament, a little more quiet and laid-back? Author Larry Crabb says if that\u2019s the case, dig deep.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> I would say look beneath the surface into your motivations. Look to see whether or not there is a form of masculinity that you can take as a quiet, laid-back sort of guy? Is there a form of femininity that you\u2019re denying by your giftedness, and talents, and aggressive spirit? Is your real mood toward your husband one of saying: \u201cI want to nourish what is godly within you. I want to see the strength that God has put within you. Any evidence I see of that, I want to encourage\u2014I want to support\u2014I want to have a vision for you\u201d? Is that your attitude in the middle of all your confidence?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, February 18<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. So, what do we do when our personality seems to be in conflict with what God has called us to in marriage? We\u2019ll discuss that today with Dr. Larry Crabb. Stay tuned.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. We\u2019re talking, this week, with Dr. Larry Crabb\u2014and a book that he wrote in 1991 that has just been re-released, called <em>Men and Women: Enjoying the Difference.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>For those listeners, who aren\u2019t aware of Dr. Crabb\u2014he is a psychologist, a conference speaker, Bible teacher, author of almost two dozen books. Larry, we\u2019ve been talking, earlier, about how public enemy number one of marriage is selfishness; namely, <em>our<\/em> selfishness\u2014my selfishness. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things we didn\u2019t talk about, as we discussed that topic, is what a woman or a man can do if they\u2019re married to a spouse who is really selfish and doesn\u2019t know it, or knows it and doesn\u2019t want to do anything about it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> In fact, I got a note from a listener\u2014this was not long ago. She wrote; and she said, \u201cMy husband has been diagnosed with narcissistic disorder.\u201d My first thought was, \u201cWell, I have that, too.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s what my thought was! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Don\u2019t we all have narcissistic disorder? But there is an extreme form of selfishness that emerges, sometimes, in relationships. When you\u2019re talking with somebody who is married to a classic narcissist\u2014somebody who is fully given over to their selfishness\u2014what kind of counsel do you give them?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> The counsel, that I think comes from God, cannot be heard, immediately, as attractive because what the person, who is struggling in dealing with a narcissist\u2014somebody who is so incredibly self-centered that you\u2019re not being taken into account at all by your spouse\u2014and you feel completely unnoticed. If we\u2019re talking about a wife here, I believe the core terror of a woman is invisibility\u2014that \u201cNobody sees me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod identified Himself with Hagar as \u201cThe God who sees you,\u201d and to take seriously the gospel\u2014so say that: \u201cGod sees you where you are. God knows what you\u2019re going through. God feels, with you, the difficulty that you have;\u201d but He\u2019s called you to do something that, immediately, is not going to sound terribly attractive. He\u2019s called you to put God on display by the way you relate to your narcissistic husband.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, what that includes, it seems to me, is for the woman, who is married to that particular man, to not pretend that things are good. There\u2019s nothing wrong, in my judgment, at all with writing him a letter and saying: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019d like you to be aware of what\u2019s happening in the woman you\u2019re married to.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m really struggling. I\u2019m feeling desperately alone. I\u2019m hurting really, really badly. I\u2019m not going to pretend things are wonderful. They\u2019re not because I\u2019m appealing to the fact that the kind of impact you\u2019re making on me is not the kind of impact that, in the core of your soul, you want to make on me. I have a vision for you, husband, and I\u2019m going to live for the purposes of God in encouraging the vision of you becoming the man I think you would long to be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then, to put on display the character of a redeeming, forgiving God is what her call really is in that particular relationship. It\u2019s not going to be a lot of fun for some time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I think this is a hard message because that woman is hurting. If she is married to a narcissist, that is tough! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI don\u2019t think Rachel is married to a diagnosable narcissist, but she is married to a guy that struggles with self-centeredness. There are times she\u2019s hurt very, very deeply. She said to me\u2014when we were meeting with our spiritual formation group\u2014she said to me, just a couple of weeks ago, \u201cHoney, you made a comment that made me feel so dismissed.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen we talked about it, just a few weeks ago, my first response was to get defensive and say, \u201cWell, I don\u2019t know why you\u2019re so sensitive.\u201d But then, I didn\u2019t say that because I do love my wife. I said, \u201cTell me more what that\u2019s like for you.\u201d I didn\u2019t understand that. When we talked about it, I had some tears in my eyes. I said: \u201cI\u2019ve made an impact on you that I don\u2019t want to make. I\u2019m wrong.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBecause of me, my wife suffered. And yet, I think she handled it wonderfully. She didn\u2019t have what Proverbs 21:9 and 19 talks about\u2014the man, who\u2019s married to a quarrelsome, vexing wife\u2014who would like to live in an attic as opposed to a nice living room with a woman like that. Well, my wife is not like that. She made known how I\u2019d hurt her, but not with a \u201cWELL, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.\u201d That wasn\u2019t her mood at all. It was, \u201cHoney, let me let you know what impact you\u2019re making on me.\u201d That reaches the deepest part of my regenerate soul. I don\u2019t want to do that to her! I repented in my brokenness, and we\u2019ve moved in good directions.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Larry, in both the illustrations you just used, it was the wife who was dealing with a husband who made a selfish mistake or, perhaps, a long-term pattern of selfishness. What does the man, who is married to a selfish wife, feel?\u2014because I know, from reading your book, that he absorbs that differently than a woman does.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> Yes. If a woman\u2019s core terror is invisibility: \u201cNobody sees me. Nobody is taking me into account,\u201d a man\u2019s core terror is different. Our genders are different. Men and women are different in our terrors as well as in our opportunities. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI believe the core terror of a man\u2014and I could defend this\u2014take a couple hours and make it clearer\u2014but I can say it simply. A man\u2019s core terror\u2014I like the word \u201cweightlessness.\u201d \u201cDo I have any weight to make a difference? The fact that I\u2019m moving toward you, as my wife\u2014are you responding with, \u2018Oh, Honey, I\u2019m so glad I\u2019m married to you\u2019?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was about 20 years ago\u2014I\u2019m married, now, 47 years\u2014when Rachel said to me, \u201cI\u2019m not looking forward to growing old with you.\u201d That was a show-stopper. We\u2019ve spent some long time discussing that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI could tear up now telling you the story; but I felt: \u201cMy goodness! Do I have the weight\u2014do I have the adequacy\u2014 and do I have what it takes to touch this woman\u2019s soul?\u201d I didn\u2019t think I was being a bad husband. \u201cWhat\u2019s going on here?\u201d I felt so <em>threatened<\/em>, and I felt so <em>inadequate<\/em>. I felt like I wanted to run into a corner and just quit and hide; and then, I wanted to lash out at her. I had to deal with all of that stuff.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that the man who is married to a woman who is not responsive to him\u2014way down deep he feels like: \u201cThere\u2019s nothing to me;\u201d and therefore, he goes out to find wherever he can to feel adequate. If that\u2019s his business, he\u2019ll become a workaholic. If he\u2019s prone to alcohol, he\u2019ll become an alcoholic. If he\u2019s into pornography, he\u2019ll double his viewing. Any way to feel like he has some adequacy\u2014whether it\u2019s superficial or whether it\u2019s a little more reasonable like making a lot of money or something\u2014but that\u2019s a terrible thing for a guy to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And your advice to him is the same as you would say to a woman: \u201cYou need to embrace the suffering of the situation you\u2019re in, and press into Jesus Christ, and trust Him with the circumstances you\u2019re in\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> As weird as it sounds\u2014all that\u2014amen, amen, amen. In the middle of all that to say, \u201cThis is an opportunity to do what I was put on earth to do.\u201d Think about John 17, where Jesus said, \u201cThe glory, Father, You gave Me, I gave to <em>them<\/em> so they could be <em>one<\/em> the way You and I, Father, are one.\u201d [Emphasis added] What\u2019s He talking about there?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I understand is that the Father said to Jesus, \u201cI\u2019m giving You the opportunity to put deity on display in humanity,\u201d\u2014something you didn\u2019t have until the incarnation. Jesus said: \u201cThank You for the chance to reveal Your heart by suffering on the cross. I\u2019ve given My people that same glory\u2014the opportunity to put the character of God on display in the middle of tough situations,\u201d like a bad marriage, like a kid that\u2019s breaking your heart.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And that\u2019s what marriage is all about\u2014it\u2019s to display who God is to a planet that is desperate to know who He is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> Exactly. And then, people are going to be drawn. Why is it\u2014in the book of Exodus\u2014that God said: \u201cThat when you do the Passover\u2014when your kids ask you questions because you\u2019ve puzzled them by how you\u2019re living\u2014then, you tell them what this Passover is all about.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that our job\u2014with our spouses, with our kids, with our friends\u2014is to puzzle them by responding, not with self-centered energy, which is what comes naturally, but to respond with the energy of Jesus Himself. People are going to look and say: \u201cWell, I don\u2019t get that. What\u2019s going on? There\u2019s something attractive about that.\u201d Now, we\u2019re putting God on display in the way we relate.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, if our core terrors are different, as men and women, do we manifest selfishness differently, as men and women? Are men selfish in one way and women selfish in another?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> Oh, I think so. I think that the way women are selfish\u2014because their fear is invisibility\u2014and they\u2019re called, by God, to open themselves up. The word for \u201cfemale\u201d in Genesis 1:27 is the word, <em>neqebah<\/em>, which literally means \u201copened up.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s what the word literally means. Femininity is being open. So, when you\u2019re terrified that you\u2019re going to be open and not seen, then, what do you do? You close up. You get hard. You get tough. You get efficient. All your tenderness, as a woman, is gone. That\u2019s how a woman responds poorly to the selfishness of another and expresses her own selfishness.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe word for \u201cmale\u201d in Genesis 1 is <em>ichar<\/em>. It literally means \u201cone who remembers and moves.\u201d So, when a wife threatens a husband and he feels inadequate, he no longer moves into relationship. He doesn\u2019t have the courage to enter into chaos. He backs away into something where he feels competent.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, maybe we ought to back up here for just a second and talk about just the fundamental differences because, today, that\u2019s not a universally-accepted idea. We recognize male and female are different biologically. Some people will say that\u2019s where the line is divided. Yes, there are biological differences; there is nothing in the soul of a man that\u2019s different than in the soul of a woman. What do you see the Bible saying about gender differences?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> That is such an important topic because if we just assume that our differences are limited to biology, and sexual anatomy, and that sort of thing, then gender becomes a toss-up. And now, we have situations in different school systems\u2014I\u2019m told this recently\u2014where if a boy wants to be a girl that day, he\u2019s allowed to do so. If a girl wants to be a boy that day, she\u2019s allowed to do so. You can make a choice. You don\u2019t need surgery to change a gender\u2014just change your clothing and be the boy or girl that you want to be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I\u2019m suggesting is: \u201cNo, no; no. That isn\u2019t what the Bible teaches at all\u2014that genderedness\u201d\u2014is that the word?\u2014genderedness is imbedded in the very core of our being.\u201d It\u2019s wrong to say, \u201cI\u2019m a person who, by the way, is a male.\u201d No! \u201cI\u2019m a male person, who is designed to relate in a way that reveals something about God that a woman cannot reveal as clearly.\u201d A woman is gendered, in the core of her soul, as a female being whose femininity consists in relating in a way that reveals God in a way a man is not as able to reveal as clearly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that\u2019s crucial. So, the question is relational genderedness\u2014we demonstrate our gender by the way we relate. Well, what does that mean? I want to get away from any stereotypes that a woman is\u2014just, you know, sweet, and kind, and loving, and fluffy\u2014and guys are tough, and talk about football, and\u2026. That\u2019s not what I\u2019m talking about at all. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m talking about a man can reveal something about the nature of God by the way he relates. What is it? I suggest that it\u2019s the fact that the Trinity moves into the mess of our lives, wanting to take on all of our difficulties and to step into it with adequacy\u2014when a man relates with adequacy\u2014relational adequacy\u2014moving into somebody else\u2019s life to make an impact\u2014that man is masculine. Whether he plays a piano or plays football, he\u2019s masculine if he relates that way. Whether he\u2019s six feet ten and has a basketball career or whatever, he\u2019s masculine, depending on how he <em>relates<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd a woman is feminine to the degree that she\u2019s open. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe talked about the fact that the word means open. If she\u2019s open to be invitational\u2014if she\u2019s inviting, like Jesus, who revealed the character of God by saying, \u201cCome unto Me, all ye that labor,\u201d\u2014He\u2019s inviting Jerusalem\u2014\u201cI invited you to come. You wouldn\u2019t come.\u201d When a woman says: \u201cI invite you to come. I invite you to be nourished by who I am,\u201d\u2014the word for \u201cfemale\u201d in Mark 10:9, when the Pharisees took on Jesus\u2014kind of a dumb thing to do, but they did\u2014and He quoted Genesis 1. He talks about male and female. The word for \u201cfemale\u201d there literally is the word that means \u201cbreast.\u201d The idea is that a woman is one who is open to receive and supply to nourish. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNobody nourishes me like my wife. As a woman, she can nourish me in a way that no man can nourish me. No other woman is called to nourish me in the same way. So, when I hear a woman that just <em>invites<\/em> me to enjoy something about her soul, as I move into her, that\u2019s when you have a good marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I read a blog post\u2014you probably did, too\u2014where somebody said, \u201cI wish Larry Crabb would leave the Trinity out of this and not try to tie gender and the Trinity together.\u201d Did you see that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> I did not; but I\u2019m not surprised, at all.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And there are some who will hear you talk about a wife nourishing her husband\u2014and she\u2019ll say, \u201cBut Ephesians 5 says a husband is supposed to nourish his wife. So, aren\u2019t we just supposed to do the same thing to one another?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> Are there not relational differences, based on the words that are given, inspired by God, in Genesis 1:26 and 27? And is not the fact that God began that verse by saying, \u201cLet us,\u201d which, I think, is the first hint of the Trinity in the Bible: \u201cLet us,\u201d\u2014the social God\u2014\u201cmake people who can reveal Us.\u201d \u201cLet us,\u201d\u2014the relational God\u2014\u201cmake people who can uniquely reveal our relationality.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHis whole point of existence is putting Himself on glory, not because He\u2019s a narcissist; but because He knows that, when He puts Himself on display, everybody else is in for a really good time because He\u2019s a lover. So, God says, \u201cI\u2019m going to make male and female so that the two of them, together, can reveal something about My character that gives an even more complete picture of who I am.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe Trinity is <em>essential<\/em> to the whole thing. The corner doctrine of the entire Christian religion is the Trinity. That\u2019s the ultimate.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So to that husband \/ that wife, who wants to better understand what true masculinity is \/ true femininity\u2014what it is\u2014how would you draw the distinctions between those two? You\u2019ve just done it in a way; but within the relational context of marriage, what does that look like? What does the dance look like?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> That\u2019s the right word. It\u2019s the dance. It\u2019s the dance of the Trinity put on display in a human marriage for the sake of the kids. For the kids\u2014it\u2019s to get a picture of God by the way they see the Trinity revealed in the dance of the marriage. I believe the dance looks something like this\u2014that the wife is going to open herself, saying: \u201cI\u2019m not here to control you. I\u2019m here to invite you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen Eve was judged by God and said, \u201cYour desire shall be for your husband,\u201d the word \u201cdesire\u201d literally means \u201ccontrol.\u201d It\u2019s the same word in Genesis 4: \u201cSin is crouching at the door, desires to have mastery over you,\u201d\u2014talking to Cain. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, it\u2019s the same word in Genesis 3. The woman, who is dancing poorly, is trying to control her husband: \u201cI have to find some way to change him. I have to find some way to make him different\u201d\u2014as opposed to submitting to him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>Hupotasso<\/em> is the word in First Peter. It simply means to arrange yourself according to a larger design. It doesn\u2019t mean, precisely, to do what you\u2019re told. It means to arrange yourself according to the design of how God relates. When the woman is willing to do that\u2014that woman is feminine.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen the man is submitting to his wife, by putting God on display by the way he relates\u2014does he move? Does he have the strength to make some decision? Does he back away from difficult things or does he step into it and deal with certain things? When he\u2019s dancing like that, then, that\u2019s going to make a difference.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> But you do believe that God does call the man to lead out in the dance; do you not?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> He calls the man to lead by being a man. He calls the man to say: \u201cYou have been designed to reveal My movement \/ My leadership. I\u2019m going to move into this relationship. I\u2019m going to provide spiritual leadership. I\u2019m going to provide movement in this family. You\u2019re going to have an advocate, woman\u2014not a man who\u2019s here to control you\u2014but a man who\u2019s willing to lead you in the directions of God. The more I take your reality into account, the more you\u2019re going to <em>enjoy<\/em> cooperating with my leadership.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> There are two extremes in the whole masculine debate\u2014a man being passive and, therefore, lazy. The other extreme is the dictatorial\u2014I want to say mean-spirited\u2014it really is true.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Domineering.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes, it\u2019s an authoritarian husband who doesn\u2019t really care for the needs of his wife\u2014not in the sense that Christ calls us to in Ephesians, Chapter 5.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> Everything that God has given us by way of instruction can be perverted terribly. We talk about leadership\u2014it doesn\u2019t mean being a bully. It doesn\u2019t mean that \u201cI want it my way,\u201d because that\u2019s just selfishness. We\u2019re back to that again. But the man who is saying, \u201cI\u2019m going to lead with your wellbeing in mind,\u201d that\u2019s the man that the wife is going to respond to.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay, so you\u2019re sitting down, across from a young couple. They\u2019ve been married for three years. She is a Type A\u2014she is smart, she\u2019s a leader, she is an assertive person. That\u2019s just her personality and her temperament; and she\u2019s gifted. People respond to her. Her husband?\u2014[He\u2019s] kind of laid-back, quiet, gentle, good guy. He\u2019s not as smart as she is. They would say to you: \u201cWe\u2019ve just worked this out where it\u2019s better for her to kind of take charge of things. I\u2019m there to support her.\u201d What\u2019s wrong with that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> I think we need to acknowledge a couple of things before I respond to the question. The first thing is that we do have different temperaments, and we do have different abilities. Rachel is better than me at a lot of things. I think what she\u2019s good at, she should be doing. I have no problem with that, at all. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut here\u2019s what I would say to that couple. I would say: \u201cLook beneath the surface into your motivations. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cLook to see whether or not there is a form of masculinity that you can take, as a quiet, laid-back sort of guy.\u201d \u201cIs there a form of femininity that you\u2019re denying by your giftedness, and talents, and aggressive spirit? Is your real mood toward your husband one of saying, \u2018I want to nourish what is godly within you. I want to see the strength that God has put within you. Any evidence I see of that, I want to encourage. I want to support, and I want to have a vision for you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> Is that your attitude in the middle of all your competence?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes, not competing with him, in other words.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> Not competing in the slightest. And the guy who\u2019s laid-back, does that mean that he\u2019s really backing away from any difficulties in the marriage? Is he not seeing that his wife has an incredible desire to feel his movement toward her? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> What I\u2019m hearing you say here\u2014you\u2019re challenging men to step up to their responsibility, as men, to lead\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I knew he\u2019d get a plug in for his book; didn\u2019t you? I saw this coming. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I\u2014I\u2014I only used that metaphor, Bob; but it would be a good book for men who need to learn how to initiate. [Laughter] What\u2019s the word you keep using? It\u2019s not initiate\u2014it\u2019s move toward.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> It\u2019s courage\u2014to move into chaos.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And it is an issue of courage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Courage is doing your duty in the face of fear.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> In the face of fear\u2014that\u2019s the key to it. No man is going to <em>feel <\/em>adequate to do what he\u2019s most-deeply called to do. That\u2019s where faith and dependence on God comes in.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You\u2019re called and you\u2019re charged, by God, to nourish, cherish, and love your wife\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> Yes, absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and move toward her with that kind of initiative.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If men are going to step up\u2014I don\u2019t mind saying it\u2014if they\u2019re going to step up, it wouldn\u2019t hurt them to spend a little time reviewing what you\u2019ve written about that in your book, <em>Stepping Up: A Call to Courageous Manhood. <\/em>I\u2019d also encourage them: \u201cGet a copy of the book that we\u2019ve been talking about, this week, by Larry Crabb. It\u2019s called <em>Men and Women: Enjoying the Difference<\/em>. It has to do with our differences, as men and women.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, Larry has written a second book called <em>Fully Alive: A Biblical Vision of Gender<\/em> that frees men and women to live beyond stereotypes. We have both of his books in our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Resource Center. I\u2019m glad, frankly, that you\u2019ve entered into this dialogue because this is an important subject. It\u2019s not something that we should ignore or take lightly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, go to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about Larry Crabb\u2019s books, <em>Men and Women: Enjoying the Difference<\/em> [and] <em>Fully Alive: A Biblical Vision of Gender<\/em>. And then, Dennis Rainey\u2019s book, <em>Stepping Up: A Call to Courageous Manhood. <\/em>You can order these books from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call to order: 1-800-FL-TODAY; that\u2019s 1-800-358-6329; 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis issue of men, and women, and gender, and our responsibilities in the marriage relationship\u2014this is one of the core messages that we have, here at <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em> We really have boiled down what God has called us to, as a ministry, to four core messages. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe first one is calling people to personal repentance and purity\u2014living holy lives \/ godly lives. The second core message is living out our marriage covenant\u2014doing what we promised to do\u2014\u201c...to love, honor, cherish\u2026for better, for worse\u2026till death do us part.\u201d The third core message is all about our roles and responsibilities, as men and women, in the marriage relationship. Then, the fourth core message is the importance of passing on a legacy of spiritual vitality to the generation that comes behind us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know many of you, who listen to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014yourecognize the importance of those topics being addressed from a biblical perspective. We appreciate your support. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s what helps make that happen. In fact, if you can help support us this month with a donation, we\u2019d like to send you a thank-you gift. It\u2019s a couple of CDs that feature a conversation we had, a while back, with Pastor Mark and Grace Driscoll, talking about their own marriage journey\u2014about how God has been at work in their marriage and some of the things He\u2019s taught them along the way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019d love to send you the two-CD set as our way of saying, \u201cThank you for your support of this ministry.\u201d Go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click on the link that says, \u201cI CARE\u201d, to make an online donation. When you do, we\u2019ll send the CDs out to you. Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. You can make a donation over the phone. Just ask for the CDs with Mark and Grace Driscoll when you do that. Or you can send a check to us at <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em> Our mailing address is P O Box 7111, Little Rock, AR. Our zip code is 72223. Again, just include a note that says you\u2019d like the CDs called <em>Real Marriage.<\/em> We\u2019re happy to get those out to you, and we appreciate your support of this ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can join us back tomorrow. We\u2019re going to talk with Larry Crabb about what we can do, as moms and dads, to raise our sons to embrace a biblical picture of masculinity and \u201cWhat exactly is that?\u201d We\u2019ll talk about that. And then, \u201cWhat can we do to raise daughters to be feminine young women?\u201d We\u2019ll talk more about that tomorrow. Hope you can tune in.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2014 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["25.34M"],"filesize_raw":["26572468"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-302939.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-302939.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Larry Crabb explains that the greatest fear of a woman is to be invisible.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2014-02-18.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You have read in the Bible that husbands are supposed to be leaders and wives are supposed to respond to their husband\u2019s leadership. Well, what do you do in a marriage if a wife is a more naturally-gifted leader and a husband is, by temperament, a little more quiet and laid-back? Author Larry Crabb says if that\u2019s the case, dig deep.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> I would say look beneath the surface into your motivations. Look to see whether or not there is a form of masculinity that you can take as a quiet, laid-back sort of guy? Is there a form of femininity that you\u2019re denying by your giftedness, and talents, and aggressive spirit? Is your real mood toward your husband one of saying: \u201cI want to nourish what is godly within you. I want to see the strength that God has put within you. Any evidence I see of that, I want to encourage\u2014I want to support\u2014I want to have a vision for you\u201d? Is that your attitude in the middle of all your confidence?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, February 18<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. So, what do we do when our personality seems to be in conflict with what God has called us to in marriage? We\u2019ll discuss that today with Dr. Larry Crabb. Stay tuned.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. We\u2019re talking, this week, with Dr. Larry Crabb\u2014and a book that he wrote in 1991 that has just been re-released, called <em>Men and Women: Enjoying the Difference.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>For those listeners, who aren\u2019t aware of Dr. Crabb\u2014he is a psychologist, a conference speaker, Bible teacher, author of almost two dozen books. Larry, we\u2019ve been talking, earlier, about how public enemy number one of marriage is selfishness; namely, <em>our<\/em> selfishness\u2014my selfishness. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things we didn\u2019t talk about, as we discussed that topic, is what a woman or a man can do if they\u2019re married to a spouse who is really selfish and doesn\u2019t know it, or knows it and doesn\u2019t want to do anything about it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> In fact, I got a note from a listener\u2014this was not long ago. She wrote; and she said, \u201cMy husband has been diagnosed with narcissistic disorder.\u201d My first thought was, \u201cWell, I have that, too.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s what my thought was! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Don\u2019t we all have narcissistic disorder? But there is an extreme form of selfishness that emerges, sometimes, in relationships. When you\u2019re talking with somebody who is married to a classic narcissist\u2014somebody who is fully given over to their selfishness\u2014what kind of counsel do you give them?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> The counsel, that I think comes from God, cannot be heard, immediately, as attractive because what the person, who is struggling in dealing with a narcissist\u2014somebody who is so incredibly self-centered that you\u2019re not being taken into account at all by your spouse\u2014and you feel completely unnoticed. If we\u2019re talking about a wife here, I believe the core terror of a woman is invisibility\u2014that \u201cNobody sees me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod identified Himself with Hagar as \u201cThe God who sees you,\u201d and to take seriously the gospel\u2014so say that: \u201cGod sees you where you are. God knows what you\u2019re going through. God feels, with you, the difficulty that you have;\u201d but He\u2019s called you to do something that, immediately, is not going to sound terribly attractive. He\u2019s called you to put God on display by the way you relate to your narcissistic husband.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, what that includes, it seems to me, is for the woman, who is married to that particular man, to not pretend that things are good. There\u2019s nothing wrong, in my judgment, at all with writing him a letter and saying: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019d like you to be aware of what\u2019s happening in the woman you\u2019re married to.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m really struggling. I\u2019m feeling desperately alone. I\u2019m hurting really, really badly. I\u2019m not going to pretend things are wonderful. They\u2019re not because I\u2019m appealing to the fact that the kind of impact you\u2019re making on me is not the kind of impact that, in the core of your soul, you want to make on me. I have a vision for you, husband, and I\u2019m going to live for the purposes of God in encouraging the vision of you becoming the man I think you would long to be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then, to put on display the character of a redeeming, forgiving God is what her call really is in that particular relationship. It\u2019s not going to be a lot of fun for some time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I think this is a hard message because that woman is hurting. If she is married to a narcissist, that is tough! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI don\u2019t think Rachel is married to a diagnosable narcissist, but she is married to a guy that struggles with self-centeredness. There are times she\u2019s hurt very, very deeply. She said to me\u2014when we were meeting with our spiritual formation group\u2014she said to me, just a couple of weeks ago, \u201cHoney, you made a comment that made me feel so dismissed.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen we talked about it, just a few weeks ago, my first response was to get defensive and say, \u201cWell, I don\u2019t know why you\u2019re so sensitive.\u201d But then, I didn\u2019t say that because I do love my wife. I said, \u201cTell me more what that\u2019s like for you.\u201d I didn\u2019t understand that. When we talked about it, I had some tears in my eyes. I said: \u201cI\u2019ve made an impact on you that I don\u2019t want to make. I\u2019m wrong.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBecause of me, my wife suffered. And yet, I think she handled it wonderfully. She didn\u2019t have what Proverbs 21:9 and 19 talks about\u2014the man, who\u2019s married to a quarrelsome, vexing wife\u2014who would like to live in an attic as opposed to a nice living room with a woman like that. Well, my wife is not like that. She made known how I\u2019d hurt her, but not with a \u201cWELL, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.\u201d That wasn\u2019t her mood at all. It was, \u201cHoney, let me let you know what impact you\u2019re making on me.\u201d That reaches the deepest part of my regenerate soul. I don\u2019t want to do that to her! I repented in my brokenness, and we\u2019ve moved in good directions.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Larry, in both the illustrations you just used, it was the wife who was dealing with a husband who made a selfish mistake or, perhaps, a long-term pattern of selfishness. What does the man, who is married to a selfish wife, feel?\u2014because I know, from reading your book, that he absorbs that differently than a woman does.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> Yes. If a woman\u2019s core terror is invisibility: \u201cNobody sees me. Nobody is taking me into account,\u201d a man\u2019s core terror is different. Our genders are different. Men and women are different in our terrors as well as in our opportunities. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI believe the core terror of a man\u2014and I could defend this\u2014take a couple hours and make it clearer\u2014but I can say it simply. A man\u2019s core terror\u2014I like the word \u201cweightlessness.\u201d \u201cDo I have any weight to make a difference? The fact that I\u2019m moving toward you, as my wife\u2014are you responding with, \u2018Oh, Honey, I\u2019m so glad I\u2019m married to you\u2019?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was about 20 years ago\u2014I\u2019m married, now, 47 years\u2014when Rachel said to me, \u201cI\u2019m not looking forward to growing old with you.\u201d That was a show-stopper. We\u2019ve spent some long time discussing that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI could tear up now telling you the story; but I felt: \u201cMy goodness! Do I have the weight\u2014do I have the adequacy\u2014 and do I have what it takes to touch this woman\u2019s soul?\u201d I didn\u2019t think I was being a bad husband. \u201cWhat\u2019s going on here?\u201d I felt so <em>threatened<\/em>, and I felt so <em>inadequate<\/em>. I felt like I wanted to run into a corner and just quit and hide; and then, I wanted to lash out at her. I had to deal with all of that stuff.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that the man who is married to a woman who is not responsive to him\u2014way down deep he feels like: \u201cThere\u2019s nothing to me;\u201d and therefore, he goes out to find wherever he can to feel adequate. If that\u2019s his business, he\u2019ll become a workaholic. If he\u2019s prone to alcohol, he\u2019ll become an alcoholic. If he\u2019s into pornography, he\u2019ll double his viewing. Any way to feel like he has some adequacy\u2014whether it\u2019s superficial or whether it\u2019s a little more reasonable like making a lot of money or something\u2014but that\u2019s a terrible thing for a guy to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And your advice to him is the same as you would say to a woman: \u201cYou need to embrace the suffering of the situation you\u2019re in, and press into Jesus Christ, and trust Him with the circumstances you\u2019re in\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> As weird as it sounds\u2014all that\u2014amen, amen, amen. In the middle of all that to say, \u201cThis is an opportunity to do what I was put on earth to do.\u201d Think about John 17, where Jesus said, \u201cThe glory, Father, You gave Me, I gave to <em>them<\/em> so they could be <em>one<\/em> the way You and I, Father, are one.\u201d [Emphasis added] What\u2019s He talking about there?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I understand is that the Father said to Jesus, \u201cI\u2019m giving You the opportunity to put deity on display in humanity,\u201d\u2014something you didn\u2019t have until the incarnation. Jesus said: \u201cThank You for the chance to reveal Your heart by suffering on the cross. I\u2019ve given My people that same glory\u2014the opportunity to put the character of God on display in the middle of tough situations,\u201d like a bad marriage, like a kid that\u2019s breaking your heart.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And that\u2019s what marriage is all about\u2014it\u2019s to display who God is to a planet that is desperate to know who He is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> Exactly. And then, people are going to be drawn. Why is it\u2014in the book of Exodus\u2014that God said: \u201cThat when you do the Passover\u2014when your kids ask you questions because you\u2019ve puzzled them by how you\u2019re living\u2014then, you tell them what this Passover is all about.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that our job\u2014with our spouses, with our kids, with our friends\u2014is to puzzle them by responding, not with self-centered energy, which is what comes naturally, but to respond with the energy of Jesus Himself. People are going to look and say: \u201cWell, I don\u2019t get that. What\u2019s going on? There\u2019s something attractive about that.\u201d Now, we\u2019re putting God on display in the way we relate.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, if our core terrors are different, as men and women, do we manifest selfishness differently, as men and women? Are men selfish in one way and women selfish in another?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> Oh, I think so. I think that the way women are selfish\u2014because their fear is invisibility\u2014and they\u2019re called, by God, to open themselves up. The word for \u201cfemale\u201d in Genesis 1:27 is the word, <em>neqebah<\/em>, which literally means \u201copened up.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s what the word literally means. Femininity is being open. So, when you\u2019re terrified that you\u2019re going to be open and not seen, then, what do you do? You close up. You get hard. You get tough. You get efficient. All your tenderness, as a woman, is gone. That\u2019s how a woman responds poorly to the selfishness of another and expresses her own selfishness.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe word for \u201cmale\u201d in Genesis 1 is <em>ichar<\/em>. It literally means \u201cone who remembers and moves.\u201d So, when a wife threatens a husband and he feels inadequate, he no longer moves into relationship. He doesn\u2019t have the courage to enter into chaos. He backs away into something where he feels competent.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, maybe we ought to back up here for just a second and talk about just the fundamental differences because, today, that\u2019s not a universally-accepted idea. We recognize male and female are different biologically. Some people will say that\u2019s where the line is divided. Yes, there are biological differences; there is nothing in the soul of a man that\u2019s different than in the soul of a woman. What do you see the Bible saying about gender differences?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> That is such an important topic because if we just assume that our differences are limited to biology, and sexual anatomy, and that sort of thing, then gender becomes a toss-up. And now, we have situations in different school systems\u2014I\u2019m told this recently\u2014where if a boy wants to be a girl that day, he\u2019s allowed to do so. If a girl wants to be a boy that day, she\u2019s allowed to do so. You can make a choice. You don\u2019t need surgery to change a gender\u2014just change your clothing and be the boy or girl that you want to be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I\u2019m suggesting is: \u201cNo, no; no. That isn\u2019t what the Bible teaches at all\u2014that genderedness\u201d\u2014is that the word?\u2014genderedness is imbedded in the very core of our being.\u201d It\u2019s wrong to say, \u201cI\u2019m a person who, by the way, is a male.\u201d No! \u201cI\u2019m a male person, who is designed to relate in a way that reveals something about God that a woman cannot reveal as clearly.\u201d A woman is gendered, in the core of her soul, as a female being whose femininity consists in relating in a way that reveals God in a way a man is not as able to reveal as clearly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that\u2019s crucial. So, the question is relational genderedness\u2014we demonstrate our gender by the way we relate. Well, what does that mean? I want to get away from any stereotypes that a woman is\u2014just, you know, sweet, and kind, and loving, and fluffy\u2014and guys are tough, and talk about football, and\u2026. That\u2019s not what I\u2019m talking about at all. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m talking about a man can reveal something about the nature of God by the way he relates. What is it? I suggest that it\u2019s the fact that the Trinity moves into the mess of our lives, wanting to take on all of our difficulties and to step into it with adequacy\u2014when a man relates with adequacy\u2014relational adequacy\u2014moving into somebody else\u2019s life to make an impact\u2014that man is masculine. Whether he plays a piano or plays football, he\u2019s masculine if he relates that way. Whether he\u2019s six feet ten and has a basketball career or whatever, he\u2019s masculine, depending on how he <em>relates<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd a woman is feminine to the degree that she\u2019s open. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe talked about the fact that the word means open. If she\u2019s open to be invitational\u2014if she\u2019s inviting, like Jesus, who revealed the character of God by saying, \u201cCome unto Me, all ye that labor,\u201d\u2014He\u2019s inviting Jerusalem\u2014\u201cI invited you to come. You wouldn\u2019t come.\u201d When a woman says: \u201cI invite you to come. I invite you to be nourished by who I am,\u201d\u2014the word for \u201cfemale\u201d in Mark 10:9, when the Pharisees took on Jesus\u2014kind of a dumb thing to do, but they did\u2014and He quoted Genesis 1. He talks about male and female. The word for \u201cfemale\u201d there literally is the word that means \u201cbreast.\u201d The idea is that a woman is one who is open to receive and supply to nourish. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNobody nourishes me like my wife. As a woman, she can nourish me in a way that no man can nourish me. No other woman is called to nourish me in the same way. So, when I hear a woman that just <em>invites<\/em> me to enjoy something about her soul, as I move into her, that\u2019s when you have a good marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I read a blog post\u2014you probably did, too\u2014where somebody said, \u201cI wish Larry Crabb would leave the Trinity out of this and not try to tie gender and the Trinity together.\u201d Did you see that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> I did not; but I\u2019m not surprised, at all.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And there are some who will hear you talk about a wife nourishing her husband\u2014and she\u2019ll say, \u201cBut Ephesians 5 says a husband is supposed to nourish his wife. So, aren\u2019t we just supposed to do the same thing to one another?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> Are there not relational differences, based on the words that are given, inspired by God, in Genesis 1:26 and 27? And is not the fact that God began that verse by saying, \u201cLet us,\u201d which, I think, is the first hint of the Trinity in the Bible: \u201cLet us,\u201d\u2014the social God\u2014\u201cmake people who can reveal Us.\u201d \u201cLet us,\u201d\u2014the relational God\u2014\u201cmake people who can uniquely reveal our relationality.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHis whole point of existence is putting Himself on glory, not because He\u2019s a narcissist; but because He knows that, when He puts Himself on display, everybody else is in for a really good time because He\u2019s a lover. So, God says, \u201cI\u2019m going to make male and female so that the two of them, together, can reveal something about My character that gives an even more complete picture of who I am.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe Trinity is <em>essential<\/em> to the whole thing. The corner doctrine of the entire Christian religion is the Trinity. That\u2019s the ultimate.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So to that husband \/ that wife, who wants to better understand what true masculinity is \/ true femininity\u2014what it is\u2014how would you draw the distinctions between those two? You\u2019ve just done it in a way; but within the relational context of marriage, what does that look like? What does the dance look like?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> That\u2019s the right word. It\u2019s the dance. It\u2019s the dance of the Trinity put on display in a human marriage for the sake of the kids. For the kids\u2014it\u2019s to get a picture of God by the way they see the Trinity revealed in the dance of the marriage. I believe the dance looks something like this\u2014that the wife is going to open herself, saying: \u201cI\u2019m not here to control you. I\u2019m here to invite you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen Eve was judged by God and said, \u201cYour desire shall be for your husband,\u201d the word \u201cdesire\u201d literally means \u201ccontrol.\u201d It\u2019s the same word in Genesis 4: \u201cSin is crouching at the door, desires to have mastery over you,\u201d\u2014talking to Cain. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, it\u2019s the same word in Genesis 3. The woman, who is dancing poorly, is trying to control her husband: \u201cI have to find some way to change him. I have to find some way to make him different\u201d\u2014as opposed to submitting to him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>Hupotasso<\/em> is the word in First Peter. It simply means to arrange yourself according to a larger design. It doesn\u2019t mean, precisely, to do what you\u2019re told. It means to arrange yourself according to the design of how God relates. When the woman is willing to do that\u2014that woman is feminine.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen the man is submitting to his wife, by putting God on display by the way he relates\u2014does he move? Does he have the strength to make some decision? Does he back away from difficult things or does he step into it and deal with certain things? When he\u2019s dancing like that, then, that\u2019s going to make a difference.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> But you do believe that God does call the man to lead out in the dance; do you not?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> He calls the man to lead by being a man. He calls the man to say: \u201cYou have been designed to reveal My movement \/ My leadership. I\u2019m going to move into this relationship. I\u2019m going to provide spiritual leadership. I\u2019m going to provide movement in this family. You\u2019re going to have an advocate, woman\u2014not a man who\u2019s here to control you\u2014but a man who\u2019s willing to lead you in the directions of God. The more I take your reality into account, the more you\u2019re going to <em>enjoy<\/em> cooperating with my leadership.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> There are two extremes in the whole masculine debate\u2014a man being passive and, therefore, lazy. The other extreme is the dictatorial\u2014I want to say mean-spirited\u2014it really is true.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Domineering.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes, it\u2019s an authoritarian husband who doesn\u2019t really care for the needs of his wife\u2014not in the sense that Christ calls us to in Ephesians, Chapter 5.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> Everything that God has given us by way of instruction can be perverted terribly. We talk about leadership\u2014it doesn\u2019t mean being a bully. It doesn\u2019t mean that \u201cI want it my way,\u201d because that\u2019s just selfishness. We\u2019re back to that again. But the man who is saying, \u201cI\u2019m going to lead with your wellbeing in mind,\u201d that\u2019s the man that the wife is going to respond to.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay, so you\u2019re sitting down, across from a young couple. They\u2019ve been married for three years. She is a Type A\u2014she is smart, she\u2019s a leader, she is an assertive person. That\u2019s just her personality and her temperament; and she\u2019s gifted. People respond to her. Her husband?\u2014[He\u2019s] kind of laid-back, quiet, gentle, good guy. He\u2019s not as smart as she is. They would say to you: \u201cWe\u2019ve just worked this out where it\u2019s better for her to kind of take charge of things. I\u2019m there to support her.\u201d What\u2019s wrong with that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> I think we need to acknowledge a couple of things before I respond to the question. The first thing is that we do have different temperaments, and we do have different abilities. Rachel is better than me at a lot of things. I think what she\u2019s good at, she should be doing. I have no problem with that, at all. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut here\u2019s what I would say to that couple. I would say: \u201cLook beneath the surface into your motivations. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cLook to see whether or not there is a form of masculinity that you can take, as a quiet, laid-back sort of guy.\u201d \u201cIs there a form of femininity that you\u2019re denying by your giftedness, and talents, and aggressive spirit? Is your real mood toward your husband one of saying, \u2018I want to nourish what is godly within you. I want to see the strength that God has put within you. Any evidence I see of that, I want to encourage. I want to support, and I want to have a vision for you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> Is that your attitude in the middle of all your competence?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes, not competing with him, in other words.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> Not competing in the slightest. And the guy who\u2019s laid-back, does that mean that he\u2019s really backing away from any difficulties in the marriage? Is he not seeing that his wife has an incredible desire to feel his movement toward her? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> What I\u2019m hearing you say here\u2014you\u2019re challenging men to step up to their responsibility, as men, to lead\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I knew he\u2019d get a plug in for his book; didn\u2019t you? I saw this coming. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I\u2014I\u2014I only used that metaphor, Bob; but it would be a good book for men who need to learn how to initiate. [Laughter] What\u2019s the word you keep using? It\u2019s not initiate\u2014it\u2019s move toward.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> It\u2019s courage\u2014to move into chaos.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And it is an issue of courage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Courage is doing your duty in the face of fear.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> In the face of fear\u2014that\u2019s the key to it. No man is going to <em>feel <\/em>adequate to do what he\u2019s most-deeply called to do. That\u2019s where faith and dependence on God comes in.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You\u2019re called and you\u2019re charged, by God, to nourish, cherish, and love your wife\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Larry:<\/strong> Yes, absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and move toward her with that kind of initiative.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If men are going to step up\u2014I don\u2019t mind saying it\u2014if they\u2019re going to step up, it wouldn\u2019t hurt them to spend a little time reviewing what you\u2019ve written about that in your book, <em>Stepping Up: A Call to Courageous Manhood. <\/em>I\u2019d also encourage them: \u201cGet a copy of the book that we\u2019ve been talking about, this week, by Larry Crabb. It\u2019s called <em>Men and Women: Enjoying the Difference<\/em>. It has to do with our differences, as men and women.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, Larry has written a second book called <em>Fully Alive: A Biblical Vision of Gender<\/em> that frees men and women to live beyond stereotypes. We have both of his books in our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Resource Center. I\u2019m glad, frankly, that you\u2019ve entered into this dialogue because this is an important subject. It\u2019s not something that we should ignore or take lightly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, go to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about Larry Crabb\u2019s books, <em>Men and Women: Enjoying the Difference<\/em> [and] <em>Fully Alive: A Biblical Vision of Gender<\/em>. And then, Dennis Rainey\u2019s book, <em>Stepping Up: A Call to Courageous Manhood. <\/em>You can order these books from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call to order: 1-800-FL-TODAY; that\u2019s 1-800-358-6329; 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis issue of men, and women, and gender, and our responsibilities in the marriage relationship\u2014this is one of the core messages that we have, here at <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em> We really have boiled down what God has called us to, as a ministry, to four core messages. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe first one is calling people to personal repentance and purity\u2014living holy lives \/ godly lives. The second core message is living out our marriage covenant\u2014doing what we promised to do\u2014\u201c...to love, honor, cherish\u2026for better, for worse\u2026till death do us part.\u201d The third core message is all about our roles and responsibilities, as men and women, in the marriage relationship. Then, the fourth core message is the importance of passing on a legacy of spiritual vitality to the generation that comes behind us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know many of you, who listen to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014yourecognize the importance of those topics being addressed from a biblical perspective. We appreciate your support. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s what helps make that happen. In fact, if you can help support us this month with a donation, we\u2019d like to send you a thank-you gift. It\u2019s a couple of CDs that feature a conversation we had, a while back, with Pastor Mark and Grace Driscoll, talking about their own marriage journey\u2014about how God has been at work in their marriage and some of the things He\u2019s taught them along the way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019d love to send you the two-CD set as our way of saying, \u201cThank you for your support of this ministry.\u201d Go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click on the link that says, \u201cI CARE\u201d, to make an online donation. When you do, we\u2019ll send the CDs out to you. Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. You can make a donation over the phone. Just ask for the CDs with Mark and Grace Driscoll when you do that. Or you can send a check to us at <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em> Our mailing address is P O Box 7111, Little Rock, AR. Our zip code is 72223. Again, just include a note that says you\u2019d like the CDs called <em>Real Marriage.<\/em> We\u2019re happy to get those out to you, and we appreciate your support of this ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can join us back tomorrow. We\u2019re going to talk with Larry Crabb about what we can do, as moms and dads, to raise our sons to embrace a biblical picture of masculinity and \u201cWhat exactly is that?\u201d We\u2019ll talk about that. And then, \u201cWhat can we do to raise daughters to be feminine young women?\u201d We\u2019ll talk more about that tomorrow. Hope you can tune in.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2014 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/302939","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=302939"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=302939"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=302939"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=302939"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=302939"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=302939"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=302939"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}