{"id":302884,"date":"2013-12-19T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2013-12-19T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/appreciating-the-essence-of-your-son\/"},"modified":"2013-12-19T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2013-12-19T17:00:00","slug":"appreciating-the-essence-of-your-son","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/appreciating-the-essence-of-your-son\/","title":{"rendered":"Appreciating the Essence of Your Son"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Dr. Meg Meeker tells how boys are being reprimanded for acting like boys.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-12-19.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"26.85M","filesize_raw":"28152980","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2835],"tags":[5308,4875,5292],"podcast_series":[7208],"cwp_profile":[3187],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302884","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-raising-boys","tag-adhd","tag-boys","tag-young-children","podcast_series-boys-should-be-boys","cwp_profile-meg-meeker","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302884\/appreciating-the-essence-of-your-son","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302884\/appreciating-the-essence-of-your-son","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"225KfuGSf5\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/appreciating-the-essence-of-your-son\/\">Appreciating the Essence of Your Son<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/appreciating-the-essence-of-your-son\/embed\/#?secret=225KfuGSf5\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Appreciating the Essence of Your Son&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"225KfuGSf5\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-12-19.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-12-19.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Dr. Meg Meeker says we live in a day when the message being presented to our teenage sons about their sex drive and their hormones is this\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> \u201cThat is the one thing you can\u2019t control because we all know what a strong drive it is in boys,\u201d and, \u201cOh, well. We\u2019ll shrug our shoulders and hope you won\u2019t get in trouble.\u201d That is how our boys are treated\u2014a lot of verbal and nonverbal language to boys about that. It is devastating to boys because they need to understand that they can control every aspect of their humanity. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> forThursday, December 19<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. You want your sons to grow up to be men; right?\u2014strong, confident, humble men. Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. Do you remember, several years ago, a book that came out called <em>The Dangerous Book for Boys<\/em>? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes\u2014over in England. That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It was like <em>huge<\/em>. People really resonated with this book that was all about teaching boys how to use jackknives and how to do risky things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. You\u2019d think it wouldn\u2019t have been very popular; especially, as it migrated to America because of it being politically-incorrect.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, why do you think it took off the way it did?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I think, innately, girls and boys are different. I think the book pointed that out in fresh ways; and I think it resonated with moms and dads, all across the country, who were looking for a way to raise sons who are uniquely boys. I think our guest on today\u2019s program feels the same way. Dr. Meg Meeker joins us. Meg, welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> Well, thank you for having me. It is just a lot of fun. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis. <\/strong>You have written a book that would be considered politically-incorrect: <em>Boys Should Be Boys: 7 Secrets to Raising Healthy Sons<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> Yes. I kind of enjoy doing things like that\u2014going against the grain a little bit. But, I really wrote <em>Boys<\/em> because I wanted to put the spotlight on boys. I wrote it as a follow-up to my <em>Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters<\/em> because one of the things I realized, when I was writing the father\/daughter book, is how marginalized men feel in our culture\u2014husbands \/ single men.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI wondered if that sense trickled down to younger boys: \u201cDo they feel marginalized because we have had so much focus on girls with the feminist revolution, and so on, and so forth?\u201d I found that they did. I think that is, maybe, why that <em>Dangerous Book for Boys<\/em>, was popular because it highlighted masculine traits, and masculine adventures and joys, and said: \u201cThis is really good. This is a good thing.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI really wanted to write about boys to put the focus back on them and say: \u201cHave they been victims of a war that has been fought culturally in the United States? Are they sort of the casualties, in other words, of feminism? Let\u2019s take a look at them, and see what they need, and what is really going on in their lives,\u201d\u2014a lot of fun to write.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You are a physician\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg<\/strong>: Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014a pediatrician. You are a mom of four. You have one son. This book has a particular spot in your heart. One of the stories you tell\u2014that I think reveals that heart\u2014is the story of the four boys who had the tree-house. It illustrates the very thing we are talking about here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just want to say, at the start, I just want to cheer moms and dads on\u2014who are raising the next generation of boys. They must be successful. That is why you wrote the book. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> Yes. I really did, and I also believe that boys are <em>tremendously<\/em> under attack in our culture. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>: Yes. They are. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg<\/strong>: I think sexually\u2014their sexuality is under attack. I think, physically, they are under attack. Emotionally, they don\u2019t know where to land. They don\u2019t know how they are supposed to behave. Many don\u2019t have a father in the home\u2014they don\u2019t have any male role model. They have strong women sisters, strong mothers; and they just don\u2019t know who they are supposed to be. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We went past the tree-house. Tell the tree-house story.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg<\/strong>: I <em>love<\/em> the tree-house story. This was told to me by the boys who have the tree-house. They wanted their real names used because of the tree-house\u2014they are very, very proud of it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> They are proud of it? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg<\/strong>: They are very proud of it. And they are adults now\u2014cute as buttons. I think they are always kids. You know, 25-year-olds are still kids to me. These are boys who grew up in a regular old neighborhood in Michigan\u2014northern Michigan\u2014where I live. They had a small patch of woods behind their houses. This patch of woods connected one boy\u2019s home with the other boys\u2019 home. This was their secret place. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis was their spot. Nobody was allowed in here. Certainly, girls were not allowed in this area. They built a fort back there, and they made it high so that mountain lions could not get at them. The boys would go into the woods, and they would play fantasy games\u2014healthy fantasy games\u2014war games. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know Bruno Bettelheim, a great psychiatrist, wrote about the importance of fantasy in our kids\u2019 lives\u2014not fantasy on television\u2014fantasy that kids are involved in because they work through a lot of the conflicts they feel. The good-guy \/ bad-guy: \u201cIs good going to win over evil? Am I strong? Can I do this?\u201d They would play games out there; particularly, war games. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt one point, they set up a wire from their fort to a tree. They had to use this line so that if they needed to escape the enemy quickly from their fort, they could take a carabineer, and hook it on to this wire, and they could fly down out of the fort, and they could pretend that they were parachuting.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe wonderful part about the tree fort story\u2014as recounted to me by 20-something boys now\u2014is that, as they told me the stories of fighting mountain lions, or fighting men, who were hiding behind trees, that they were convinced were there\u2014these boys didn\u2019t have real guns. They used sticks. They used props\u2014they used PVC piping, and they turned them into machine guns. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, hearing this terrifies some parents because they think, \u201cI don\u2019t want my son to be a violent kid.\u201d This does not make boys violent boys. This is how they need to play, and this is how they stay out of trouble. They would recreate these stories as they would tell them to me. Even as they said so\u2014in their 20\u2019s, and they talked to me about the enemy and what he looked like, and what they thought he looked like\u2014it was almost as though, at 25, they were back, being 12 again, in the woods. It clearly made a big impact on their character development. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>: What you are outlining here is the contrast\u2014the clear contrast between boys and girls. Auto insurers know the difference. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg<\/strong>: Yes. They do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>: They know the difference. I have paid the difference for my sons versus my daughters. Now, that I have grandchildren, I have fresh evidence of the difference between boys and girls because\u2014you don\u2019t know this, Meg\u2014I have one daughter who has five boys. And I have a son who has four daughters. I have been to both houses. I have babysat both kids. I have taken both bunches to go get ice cream. Boy, are they different! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg<\/strong>: They are completely different.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I mean, the girls are doing these sweet little things; but the boys\u2014I\u2019m telling you\u2014they want to wrestle. They\u2019re physical\u2014they want to get guns, they tear up rooms\u2014bless my daughter\u2019s heart.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg<\/strong>: I think that one of the shifts that I have seen happen in parenting, over the past 15 years\u2014I have been at this awhile now\u2014is that we expect boys to behave more like girls. We want them to color in the lines\u2014we want them to sit down.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI see this happening in elementary school teacher\u2019s, too, because a lot of these kids\u2014these young boys\u2014seven, eight, and nine years old\u2014will come in. Their parents will say: \u201cHe has got ADHD. He is out of control. Please help me.\u201d Really, he is not getting enough play time. He is not outside. Boys must move. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere is a real subtle sense in which we, parents, dislike boy activity\u2014boyness. It is not politically-correct to let your five-year-old boy play with a squirt gun or any kind of a gun because he will be violent. If you allow him to play war-games, if you allow him to have sword fights, if you allow him to jump over couches\u2014we don\u2019t want wild, out-of-control violent boys\u2014of course not\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tbut we have gone the other way. We want our boys to sit in classrooms. When the schools get budget cuts, what do they cut?\u2014P.E. When a boy acts up in class, what does the teacher do?\u2014keeps him in from recess. You can\u2019t do that with a boy! You must get him outside. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMany boys are tagged as learning disabled in their early elementary school years because they can\u2019t keep up with the girls. It is not because they are dumb. They are emotionally a little bit behind\u2014their maturity is a little bit behind. Rather than saying: \u201cThis is just kind of the way it is,\u201d we tend to tag boys. If you tag a first-, or second-, or third-grade boy as being learning disabled or something\u2014he carries that for the rest of his life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Let me ask you\u2014and I just run a little bit of a medical bunny trail. You mentioned ADHD. Is it over-diagnosed?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg. <\/strong>Way over-diagnosed. It exists. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTrue-blue Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder does exist; but boys are diagnosed seven times more frequently than girls are. A lot of things can mask ADHD. Depression can mask ADHD. Dyslexia\u2014a child with dyslexia\u2014who can\u2019t read\u2014can\u2019t sit still to read because he can\u2019t see what\u2019s on the page. He is antsy. He wants to move, and get up, and walk around the classroom. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMaybe, home life is chaos. Maybe, they are struggling. Maybe, they didn\u2019t sleep that night. There are a lot of other reasons. I fear that we just slap on stimulants to these kids far too quickly\u2014a lot of disservice being done to these kids. This is very, very serious medication that we are giving them. Yes, it needs to be given; but parents need to know exactly what\u2018s going on with their kids. The diagnosis needs to be correct. Make sure that it is not something else; and then, you can keep life in order.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Do you have an estimate of how much misdiagnosis is taking place? You said boys are diagnosed seven times more frequently than girls.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg<\/strong>: Correct. Yes. Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>: What would you estimate? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg<\/strong>: I would estimate about 40 percent because they are diagnosed too quickly with too little information.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>: What do I do, as a mom or a dad? How do I determine if it is the real thing or if it is a teacher just trying to get my boy to quit being a boy?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> Exactly. You go in to a pediatrician\u2014who is used to working with kids with ADHD\u2014or a family physician\u2014somebody who is very familiar with the illness or the disorder. Then you say: \u201cHow do I know? Show me how I will know. How are you going to test my child? How are you going to make sure it is ADHD and not something else?\u201d Have that physician explain the other options to you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf your physician doesn\u2019t have enough time, take him to a psychologist, who works with learning disorders, and behavior problems or issues\u2014who is familiar with what ADHD looks like. At a minimum, parents should be required to fill out extensive forms called the Connor\u2019s Questionnaire. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is what I use in my office. I give one to Mom, one to Dad, and one to two different teachers in the school. They go through, they fill these out, bring them back, and I rate them. I look at them. I grade them, and then I decide. I have another visit with the parent, whether I think this is ADHD or not. I do a lot of digging and a lot of probing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> In the end, what is often being called ADHD is, as you say, boys are being boys.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg<\/strong>: Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>: They are just doing what they are wired to do; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg<\/strong>: They are. They\u2019re doing what they are wired to do. They may be emotionally not quite as mature as a girl, and may not have the ability to just sit still and color in the lines, as I say. Another problem\u2014if you look at elementary school teachers\u2014there is a predominance of women there, who understand the girls. If you have a classroom with 15 students\u2014and you have seven girls and eight boys\u2014the girls all behave, and answer questions, and raise their hands. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have taught Sunday school long enough to know it is much easier with a class of girls, who sit down and do the crafts, than the boys who want to throw the crafts at you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Hey. Let me tell you something. I taught an 11- and 12-year-old Sunday school class for 11 years. I had almost 600 kids in my class with that period of time. I can count, on one hand, the number of girls that I disciplined.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That acted up\u2014right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>: But the boys\u2014I was constantly\u2014and you know how I punished them? You\u2019ll love this, as a pediatrician. I would make them sit between two girls. [Laughter] At 11 and 12, that is the ultimate punishment. In a year, it would be the greatest reward; but at that age\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> That\u2019s fabulous. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014but, the point is, they are different; and we need to treat them as such. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I want you to answer a question because we have talked about letting boys be physical\u2014letting them build a tree-house, be adventuresome, have swords and guns, and play, and have imagination. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIs there a key component that a parent needs to make sure they are providing for their boy that is different than what they need to provide for their daughter? Is there something they need to do for that boy that is unique to him?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg<\/strong>: I believe there is. As a boy gets older, boys learn to relate to\u2014they bond with siblings, friends, and parents\u2014through activity. Girls bond through talking. I think that, as boys hit the teen years, the father influence is so critical\u2014mother influence very, very important until around ten. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, the boy, as he hits puberty, and he needs to figure out who he is as a man\u2014transitioning from boy to man\u2014pushes the mother away, emotionally\u2014very, very painful for mothers\u2014gravitates toward his dad\u2014and really needs to bond with his dad. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI do believe it is important that, during those teen years, Dad has adventures with his son. You don\u2019t need to go out and talk with your son. You need to take him out and bike ride; you need to go into the woods; you need to canoe. You need to do something outside\u2014a physical activity, where the boy can feel he can bond with another man.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that is a hugely missing component in a lot of our teen boys\u2019 growing-up experience today. I think they need that for psychological development, for emotional health, and physically\u2014so that they can see what maleness looks like. That is what I think is very distinct to boys growing up that girls don\u2019t need. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And spiritually, he needs to be connected to his dad, as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>Yes, very much so.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Take a look at the Proverbs\u2014over and over again in the book\u2014there is the statement\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cMy son.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cMy son, hear my teaching. Give your ear to wisdom. Listen carefully to what I am about to say to you.\u201d Where is that coming from? It is coming from a sage\u2014from a father.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> Exactly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Maybe, someone who doesn\u2019t know everything\u2014but who is a couple of laps ahead of this boy in life\u2014but he is passing on truth about God, about people, about life, about love, about relationships. I think if there is a call that I hear you making in all of this\u2014it\u2019s for moms to be sensitive\u2014for boys to be boys--let them be adventuresome\u2014but a call to men\u2014dads\u2014to step into the life of these young lads and to impart where they find life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, if there is a mom\u2014who is a single-parent, and she has a ten- or eleven-year-old, who is starting to push her away\u2014but he is looking around for where he is going to get that sage-stuff we are talking about, and dad is not in the picture\u2014is there anything that mom can do?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg<\/strong>: Yes. Find a man\u2014a good man. I don\u2019t mean find a man, and marry him, and bring him into the home. Find a man in your world\u2014who you admire and who can show your boy\u2014remember\u2014they are visual creatures. Boys need to see masculinity so that they can mimic it\u2014so that they can take it from outside, and they can internalize it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I tell single mothers is\u2014first and foremost\u2014you cannot be mom and dad. You cannot be. Mothers are exhausting themselves trying to make up for the fact that dad isn\u2019t there. She can\u2019t be. Ask God to fill in the holes, and ask Him to be the Father. If you need\u2014and you do need\u2014a tangible man for your son to see\u2014find one\u2014uncle, brother, grandfather, an older sibling\u2014somebody\u2014a pastor, a youth worker\u2014and ask him to spend some time with your son or even with you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tInvite him over for dinner so that, at least, the boy can see how this man speaks to you, and how he relates to other people because the son\u2019s\u2014the boy\u2019s world\u2014is so much not about mom anymore. It is not because of a failing of a mother\u2014it is because he needs maleness around him. It is a very important thing I wanted to mention here, too\u2014very important for healthy masculinity\u2014for that transition from boyhood to manhood to occur is a sense of self-control. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIndependence\u2014that is what the teen years are all about: \u201cDad and Mom used to do this for me, but I can pick up the ball. Now, I can do it,\u201d\u2014full self-control. We teach this to boys in all areas, except sexuality: \u201cWe, as a culture, and Mom and Dad expect you to be able to control every part of your life, but\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>: \u2014in this area, we expect you not to be able to control it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> No\u2014because, \u201cYou are going to be wild because all boys are wild.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cYou are just going to be enslaved to your sex drives, so go ahead.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg<\/strong>: Exactly. \u201cThat is the one thing you can\u2019t control because we all know what a strong drive it is in boys. Oh well, we\u2019ll just shrug our shoulders and just hope you don\u2019t get in trouble.\u201d That is how our boys are treated\u2014a lot of verbal and non-verbal language to boys about that. It is devastating to boys because they need to understand that they can control every aspect of their humanity. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI write, in the book, about meekness\u2014one of my favorite words, particularly, for boys. Meekness is fully-constrained power. It is the picture of Christ on the cross\u2014who could have jumped down, at any moment, and didn\u2019t. I say to boys: \u201cIf He could stay stuck up there, how much more can you control every part of your character, your intuitions, your drives, your feelings, and your ambitions? How much more can you take charge of those during your teen years?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI say, \u201cIt is an insult if anybody speaks to you like you can\u2019t.\u201d It is another great reason why teenage boys need to see that worked-out and acted-out in men. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> What we are saying here is that boys need a mom and a dad. They need to understand what the objective is\u2014that it is not a controlling issue, all the way through adolescence\u2014you have to let them go. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat is why the imagery in Scripture\u2014\u201cLike arrows in the hands of a warrior, so are the children of one\u2019s youth,\u201d\u2014you let go of the arrow. You aim it, you point it, and you let go, and it flies; and you know what? It is out of your control, Mom. It is out of your control, Dad. That is how they learn to trust God on their own\u2014how they grow up, how they become responsible, and how they ultimately become men, on their own. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And wouldn\u2019t it be great if moms and dads had a clear picture of what the end target is\u2014what healthy, genuine, authentic masculinity is supposed to look like?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA lot of us have damaged pictures of that from our own background of experience; and a lot of us don\u2019t even know what the target is supposed to look like. I think to myself, \u201cWouldn\u2019t it be great if moms and dads had a road map or a blue print for: \u201cWhat do I do to get my boys from being boys to becoming men\u201d? I think that is what you have provided for us in the book that you have written. I want to encourage our listeners\u2014we talk about a lot of resources we have available, here at <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>The book, by Dr. Meg Meeker, called <em>Boys Should Be Boys<\/em>\u2014for parents of sons\u2014I think is one of the best resources we can recommend to you on this subject.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com. The information you need on Meg\u2019s book is available there. Again, it\u2019s called <em>Boys Should Be Boys.<\/em> She has also written a book for dads called <em>Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters<\/em>; and we have that book in our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Resource Center, as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo, online, at FamilyLIfeToday.com for more information; or call, toll-free, 1-800-FL-TODAY; 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we are more than half way through the month of December\u2014heading into the last couple weeks of the year\u2014which means there are just a few more days left in which you can make an end-of-the-year contribution to support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em> We are listener-supported. Your donations keep this program on this local radio station and on our network of stations, all across the country. You\u2019re helping to cover the cost of producing and syndicating this daily radio program when you make a contribution.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOf course, right now, your donation is even more valuable to us, here at FamilyLife, because whatever donation you make is going to be quadrupled. We\u2019ve had some friends who have come along and said they will match\u2014three-to-one\u2014every donation we receive from <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>listeners, in the month of December. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, if you can go online and make a $25 donation\u2014that means $100-worth of benefit to us, here at <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re asking you to be as generous as you can be, here, in the last few weeks of the year. Consider making an online donation. Again, go to FamilyLIfeToday.com. Click the button that says, \u201cI CARE,\u201d and make your donation online. Or call and make a donation by phone. Our toll-free number is: 1-800-FL-TODAY; 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d. Or you can write a check and mail it to us. Our mailing address is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at P O Box 7111, Little Rock, AR. Our zip code is 72223. We appreciate your support. We hope you will pray for us, here, at the end of the year, as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPray that God would supply our needs, and that we\u2019d be in a good position as we head into 2014 to do ministry in the coming year.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can join us back again tomorrow. Meg Meeker is going to be here again. We\u2019re going to talk about how the culture is giving us a distorted image of masculinity, and how we can raise sons to embrace authentic masculinity in the middle of the cultural propaganda that we\u2019re getting. I hope you can tune in for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host Dennis Rainey, I am Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2013 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["26.85M"],"filesize_raw":["28152980"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-302884.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-302884.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Meg Meeker tells how boys are being reprimanded for acting like boys.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-12-19.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Dr. Meg Meeker says we live in a day when the message being presented to our teenage sons about their sex drive and their hormones is this\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> \u201cThat is the one thing you can\u2019t control because we all know what a strong drive it is in boys,\u201d and, \u201cOh, well. We\u2019ll shrug our shoulders and hope you won\u2019t get in trouble.\u201d That is how our boys are treated\u2014a lot of verbal and nonverbal language to boys about that. It is devastating to boys because they need to understand that they can control every aspect of their humanity. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> forThursday, December 19<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. You want your sons to grow up to be men; right?\u2014strong, confident, humble men. Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. Do you remember, several years ago, a book that came out called <em>The Dangerous Book for Boys<\/em>? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes\u2014over in England. That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It was like <em>huge<\/em>. People really resonated with this book that was all about teaching boys how to use jackknives and how to do risky things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. You\u2019d think it wouldn\u2019t have been very popular; especially, as it migrated to America because of it being politically-incorrect.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, why do you think it took off the way it did?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I think, innately, girls and boys are different. I think the book pointed that out in fresh ways; and I think it resonated with moms and dads, all across the country, who were looking for a way to raise sons who are uniquely boys. I think our guest on today\u2019s program feels the same way. Dr. Meg Meeker joins us. Meg, welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> Well, thank you for having me. It is just a lot of fun. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis. <\/strong>You have written a book that would be considered politically-incorrect: <em>Boys Should Be Boys: 7 Secrets to Raising Healthy Sons<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> Yes. I kind of enjoy doing things like that\u2014going against the grain a little bit. But, I really wrote <em>Boys<\/em> because I wanted to put the spotlight on boys. I wrote it as a follow-up to my <em>Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters<\/em> because one of the things I realized, when I was writing the father\/daughter book, is how marginalized men feel in our culture\u2014husbands \/ single men.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI wondered if that sense trickled down to younger boys: \u201cDo they feel marginalized because we have had so much focus on girls with the feminist revolution, and so on, and so forth?\u201d I found that they did. I think that is, maybe, why that <em>Dangerous Book for Boys<\/em>, was popular because it highlighted masculine traits, and masculine adventures and joys, and said: \u201cThis is really good. This is a good thing.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI really wanted to write about boys to put the focus back on them and say: \u201cHave they been victims of a war that has been fought culturally in the United States? Are they sort of the casualties, in other words, of feminism? Let\u2019s take a look at them, and see what they need, and what is really going on in their lives,\u201d\u2014a lot of fun to write.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You are a physician\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg<\/strong>: Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014a pediatrician. You are a mom of four. You have one son. This book has a particular spot in your heart. One of the stories you tell\u2014that I think reveals that heart\u2014is the story of the four boys who had the tree-house. It illustrates the very thing we are talking about here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just want to say, at the start, I just want to cheer moms and dads on\u2014who are raising the next generation of boys. They must be successful. That is why you wrote the book. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> Yes. I really did, and I also believe that boys are <em>tremendously<\/em> under attack in our culture. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>: Yes. They are. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg<\/strong>: I think sexually\u2014their sexuality is under attack. I think, physically, they are under attack. Emotionally, they don\u2019t know where to land. They don\u2019t know how they are supposed to behave. Many don\u2019t have a father in the home\u2014they don\u2019t have any male role model. They have strong women sisters, strong mothers; and they just don\u2019t know who they are supposed to be. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We went past the tree-house. Tell the tree-house story.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg<\/strong>: I <em>love<\/em> the tree-house story. This was told to me by the boys who have the tree-house. They wanted their real names used because of the tree-house\u2014they are very, very proud of it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> They are proud of it? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg<\/strong>: They are very proud of it. And they are adults now\u2014cute as buttons. I think they are always kids. You know, 25-year-olds are still kids to me. These are boys who grew up in a regular old neighborhood in Michigan\u2014northern Michigan\u2014where I live. They had a small patch of woods behind their houses. This patch of woods connected one boy\u2019s home with the other boys\u2019 home. This was their secret place. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis was their spot. Nobody was allowed in here. Certainly, girls were not allowed in this area. They built a fort back there, and they made it high so that mountain lions could not get at them. The boys would go into the woods, and they would play fantasy games\u2014healthy fantasy games\u2014war games. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know Bruno Bettelheim, a great psychiatrist, wrote about the importance of fantasy in our kids\u2019 lives\u2014not fantasy on television\u2014fantasy that kids are involved in because they work through a lot of the conflicts they feel. The good-guy \/ bad-guy: \u201cIs good going to win over evil? Am I strong? Can I do this?\u201d They would play games out there; particularly, war games. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt one point, they set up a wire from their fort to a tree. They had to use this line so that if they needed to escape the enemy quickly from their fort, they could take a carabineer, and hook it on to this wire, and they could fly down out of the fort, and they could pretend that they were parachuting.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe wonderful part about the tree fort story\u2014as recounted to me by 20-something boys now\u2014is that, as they told me the stories of fighting mountain lions, or fighting men, who were hiding behind trees, that they were convinced were there\u2014these boys didn\u2019t have real guns. They used sticks. They used props\u2014they used PVC piping, and they turned them into machine guns. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, hearing this terrifies some parents because they think, \u201cI don\u2019t want my son to be a violent kid.\u201d This does not make boys violent boys. This is how they need to play, and this is how they stay out of trouble. They would recreate these stories as they would tell them to me. Even as they said so\u2014in their 20\u2019s, and they talked to me about the enemy and what he looked like, and what they thought he looked like\u2014it was almost as though, at 25, they were back, being 12 again, in the woods. It clearly made a big impact on their character development. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>: What you are outlining here is the contrast\u2014the clear contrast between boys and girls. Auto insurers know the difference. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg<\/strong>: Yes. They do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>: They know the difference. I have paid the difference for my sons versus my daughters. Now, that I have grandchildren, I have fresh evidence of the difference between boys and girls because\u2014you don\u2019t know this, Meg\u2014I have one daughter who has five boys. And I have a son who has four daughters. I have been to both houses. I have babysat both kids. I have taken both bunches to go get ice cream. Boy, are they different! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg<\/strong>: They are completely different.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I mean, the girls are doing these sweet little things; but the boys\u2014I\u2019m telling you\u2014they want to wrestle. They\u2019re physical\u2014they want to get guns, they tear up rooms\u2014bless my daughter\u2019s heart.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg<\/strong>: I think that one of the shifts that I have seen happen in parenting, over the past 15 years\u2014I have been at this awhile now\u2014is that we expect boys to behave more like girls. We want them to color in the lines\u2014we want them to sit down.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI see this happening in elementary school teacher\u2019s, too, because a lot of these kids\u2014these young boys\u2014seven, eight, and nine years old\u2014will come in. Their parents will say: \u201cHe has got ADHD. He is out of control. Please help me.\u201d Really, he is not getting enough play time. He is not outside. Boys must move. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere is a real subtle sense in which we, parents, dislike boy activity\u2014boyness. It is not politically-correct to let your five-year-old boy play with a squirt gun or any kind of a gun because he will be violent. If you allow him to play war-games, if you allow him to have sword fights, if you allow him to jump over couches\u2014we don\u2019t want wild, out-of-control violent boys\u2014of course not\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tbut we have gone the other way. We want our boys to sit in classrooms. When the schools get budget cuts, what do they cut?\u2014P.E. When a boy acts up in class, what does the teacher do?\u2014keeps him in from recess. You can\u2019t do that with a boy! You must get him outside. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMany boys are tagged as learning disabled in their early elementary school years because they can\u2019t keep up with the girls. It is not because they are dumb. They are emotionally a little bit behind\u2014their maturity is a little bit behind. Rather than saying: \u201cThis is just kind of the way it is,\u201d we tend to tag boys. If you tag a first-, or second-, or third-grade boy as being learning disabled or something\u2014he carries that for the rest of his life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Let me ask you\u2014and I just run a little bit of a medical bunny trail. You mentioned ADHD. Is it over-diagnosed?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg. <\/strong>Way over-diagnosed. It exists. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTrue-blue Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder does exist; but boys are diagnosed seven times more frequently than girls are. A lot of things can mask ADHD. Depression can mask ADHD. Dyslexia\u2014a child with dyslexia\u2014who can\u2019t read\u2014can\u2019t sit still to read because he can\u2019t see what\u2019s on the page. He is antsy. He wants to move, and get up, and walk around the classroom. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMaybe, home life is chaos. Maybe, they are struggling. Maybe, they didn\u2019t sleep that night. There are a lot of other reasons. I fear that we just slap on stimulants to these kids far too quickly\u2014a lot of disservice being done to these kids. This is very, very serious medication that we are giving them. Yes, it needs to be given; but parents need to know exactly what\u2018s going on with their kids. The diagnosis needs to be correct. Make sure that it is not something else; and then, you can keep life in order.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Do you have an estimate of how much misdiagnosis is taking place? You said boys are diagnosed seven times more frequently than girls.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg<\/strong>: Correct. Yes. Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>: What would you estimate? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg<\/strong>: I would estimate about 40 percent because they are diagnosed too quickly with too little information.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>: What do I do, as a mom or a dad? How do I determine if it is the real thing or if it is a teacher just trying to get my boy to quit being a boy?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> Exactly. You go in to a pediatrician\u2014who is used to working with kids with ADHD\u2014or a family physician\u2014somebody who is very familiar with the illness or the disorder. Then you say: \u201cHow do I know? Show me how I will know. How are you going to test my child? How are you going to make sure it is ADHD and not something else?\u201d Have that physician explain the other options to you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf your physician doesn\u2019t have enough time, take him to a psychologist, who works with learning disorders, and behavior problems or issues\u2014who is familiar with what ADHD looks like. At a minimum, parents should be required to fill out extensive forms called the Connor\u2019s Questionnaire. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is what I use in my office. I give one to Mom, one to Dad, and one to two different teachers in the school. They go through, they fill these out, bring them back, and I rate them. I look at them. I grade them, and then I decide. I have another visit with the parent, whether I think this is ADHD or not. I do a lot of digging and a lot of probing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> In the end, what is often being called ADHD is, as you say, boys are being boys.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg<\/strong>: Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>: They are just doing what they are wired to do; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg<\/strong>: They are. They\u2019re doing what they are wired to do. They may be emotionally not quite as mature as a girl, and may not have the ability to just sit still and color in the lines, as I say. Another problem\u2014if you look at elementary school teachers\u2014there is a predominance of women there, who understand the girls. If you have a classroom with 15 students\u2014and you have seven girls and eight boys\u2014the girls all behave, and answer questions, and raise their hands. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have taught Sunday school long enough to know it is much easier with a class of girls, who sit down and do the crafts, than the boys who want to throw the crafts at you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Hey. Let me tell you something. I taught an 11- and 12-year-old Sunday school class for 11 years. I had almost 600 kids in my class with that period of time. I can count, on one hand, the number of girls that I disciplined.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That acted up\u2014right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>: But the boys\u2014I was constantly\u2014and you know how I punished them? You\u2019ll love this, as a pediatrician. I would make them sit between two girls. [Laughter] At 11 and 12, that is the ultimate punishment. In a year, it would be the greatest reward; but at that age\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> That\u2019s fabulous. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014but, the point is, they are different; and we need to treat them as such. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I want you to answer a question because we have talked about letting boys be physical\u2014letting them build a tree-house, be adventuresome, have swords and guns, and play, and have imagination. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIs there a key component that a parent needs to make sure they are providing for their boy that is different than what they need to provide for their daughter? Is there something they need to do for that boy that is unique to him?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg<\/strong>: I believe there is. As a boy gets older, boys learn to relate to\u2014they bond with siblings, friends, and parents\u2014through activity. Girls bond through talking. I think that, as boys hit the teen years, the father influence is so critical\u2014mother influence very, very important until around ten. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, the boy, as he hits puberty, and he needs to figure out who he is as a man\u2014transitioning from boy to man\u2014pushes the mother away, emotionally\u2014very, very painful for mothers\u2014gravitates toward his dad\u2014and really needs to bond with his dad. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI do believe it is important that, during those teen years, Dad has adventures with his son. You don\u2019t need to go out and talk with your son. You need to take him out and bike ride; you need to go into the woods; you need to canoe. You need to do something outside\u2014a physical activity, where the boy can feel he can bond with another man.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that is a hugely missing component in a lot of our teen boys\u2019 growing-up experience today. I think they need that for psychological development, for emotional health, and physically\u2014so that they can see what maleness looks like. That is what I think is very distinct to boys growing up that girls don\u2019t need. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And spiritually, he needs to be connected to his dad, as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>Yes, very much so.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Take a look at the Proverbs\u2014over and over again in the book\u2014there is the statement\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cMy son.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cMy son, hear my teaching. Give your ear to wisdom. Listen carefully to what I am about to say to you.\u201d Where is that coming from? It is coming from a sage\u2014from a father.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> Exactly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Maybe, someone who doesn\u2019t know everything\u2014but who is a couple of laps ahead of this boy in life\u2014but he is passing on truth about God, about people, about life, about love, about relationships. I think if there is a call that I hear you making in all of this\u2014it\u2019s for moms to be sensitive\u2014for boys to be boys--let them be adventuresome\u2014but a call to men\u2014dads\u2014to step into the life of these young lads and to impart where they find life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, if there is a mom\u2014who is a single-parent, and she has a ten- or eleven-year-old, who is starting to push her away\u2014but he is looking around for where he is going to get that sage-stuff we are talking about, and dad is not in the picture\u2014is there anything that mom can do?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg<\/strong>: Yes. Find a man\u2014a good man. I don\u2019t mean find a man, and marry him, and bring him into the home. Find a man in your world\u2014who you admire and who can show your boy\u2014remember\u2014they are visual creatures. Boys need to see masculinity so that they can mimic it\u2014so that they can take it from outside, and they can internalize it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I tell single mothers is\u2014first and foremost\u2014you cannot be mom and dad. You cannot be. Mothers are exhausting themselves trying to make up for the fact that dad isn\u2019t there. She can\u2019t be. Ask God to fill in the holes, and ask Him to be the Father. If you need\u2014and you do need\u2014a tangible man for your son to see\u2014find one\u2014uncle, brother, grandfather, an older sibling\u2014somebody\u2014a pastor, a youth worker\u2014and ask him to spend some time with your son or even with you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tInvite him over for dinner so that, at least, the boy can see how this man speaks to you, and how he relates to other people because the son\u2019s\u2014the boy\u2019s world\u2014is so much not about mom anymore. It is not because of a failing of a mother\u2014it is because he needs maleness around him. It is a very important thing I wanted to mention here, too\u2014very important for healthy masculinity\u2014for that transition from boyhood to manhood to occur is a sense of self-control. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIndependence\u2014that is what the teen years are all about: \u201cDad and Mom used to do this for me, but I can pick up the ball. Now, I can do it,\u201d\u2014full self-control. We teach this to boys in all areas, except sexuality: \u201cWe, as a culture, and Mom and Dad expect you to be able to control every part of your life, but\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>: \u2014in this area, we expect you not to be able to control it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> No\u2014because, \u201cYou are going to be wild because all boys are wild.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cYou are just going to be enslaved to your sex drives, so go ahead.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg<\/strong>: Exactly. \u201cThat is the one thing you can\u2019t control because we all know what a strong drive it is in boys. Oh well, we\u2019ll just shrug our shoulders and just hope you don\u2019t get in trouble.\u201d That is how our boys are treated\u2014a lot of verbal and non-verbal language to boys about that. It is devastating to boys because they need to understand that they can control every aspect of their humanity. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI write, in the book, about meekness\u2014one of my favorite words, particularly, for boys. Meekness is fully-constrained power. It is the picture of Christ on the cross\u2014who could have jumped down, at any moment, and didn\u2019t. I say to boys: \u201cIf He could stay stuck up there, how much more can you control every part of your character, your intuitions, your drives, your feelings, and your ambitions? How much more can you take charge of those during your teen years?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI say, \u201cIt is an insult if anybody speaks to you like you can\u2019t.\u201d It is another great reason why teenage boys need to see that worked-out and acted-out in men. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> What we are saying here is that boys need a mom and a dad. They need to understand what the objective is\u2014that it is not a controlling issue, all the way through adolescence\u2014you have to let them go. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat is why the imagery in Scripture\u2014\u201cLike arrows in the hands of a warrior, so are the children of one\u2019s youth,\u201d\u2014you let go of the arrow. You aim it, you point it, and you let go, and it flies; and you know what? It is out of your control, Mom. It is out of your control, Dad. That is how they learn to trust God on their own\u2014how they grow up, how they become responsible, and how they ultimately become men, on their own. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And wouldn\u2019t it be great if moms and dads had a clear picture of what the end target is\u2014what healthy, genuine, authentic masculinity is supposed to look like?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA lot of us have damaged pictures of that from our own background of experience; and a lot of us don\u2019t even know what the target is supposed to look like. I think to myself, \u201cWouldn\u2019t it be great if moms and dads had a road map or a blue print for: \u201cWhat do I do to get my boys from being boys to becoming men\u201d? I think that is what you have provided for us in the book that you have written. I want to encourage our listeners\u2014we talk about a lot of resources we have available, here at <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>The book, by Dr. Meg Meeker, called <em>Boys Should Be Boys<\/em>\u2014for parents of sons\u2014I think is one of the best resources we can recommend to you on this subject.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com. The information you need on Meg\u2019s book is available there. Again, it\u2019s called <em>Boys Should Be Boys.<\/em> She has also written a book for dads called <em>Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters<\/em>; and we have that book in our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Resource Center, as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo, online, at FamilyLIfeToday.com for more information; or call, toll-free, 1-800-FL-TODAY; 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we are more than half way through the month of December\u2014heading into the last couple weeks of the year\u2014which means there are just a few more days left in which you can make an end-of-the-year contribution to support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em> We are listener-supported. Your donations keep this program on this local radio station and on our network of stations, all across the country. You\u2019re helping to cover the cost of producing and syndicating this daily radio program when you make a contribution.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOf course, right now, your donation is even more valuable to us, here at FamilyLife, because whatever donation you make is going to be quadrupled. We\u2019ve had some friends who have come along and said they will match\u2014three-to-one\u2014every donation we receive from <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>listeners, in the month of December. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, if you can go online and make a $25 donation\u2014that means $100-worth of benefit to us, here at <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re asking you to be as generous as you can be, here, in the last few weeks of the year. Consider making an online donation. Again, go to FamilyLIfeToday.com. Click the button that says, \u201cI CARE,\u201d and make your donation online. Or call and make a donation by phone. Our toll-free number is: 1-800-FL-TODAY; 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d. Or you can write a check and mail it to us. Our mailing address is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at P O Box 7111, Little Rock, AR. Our zip code is 72223. We appreciate your support. We hope you will pray for us, here, at the end of the year, as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPray that God would supply our needs, and that we\u2019d be in a good position as we head into 2014 to do ministry in the coming year.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can join us back again tomorrow. Meg Meeker is going to be here again. We\u2019re going to talk about how the culture is giving us a distorted image of masculinity, and how we can raise sons to embrace authentic masculinity in the middle of the cultural propaganda that we\u2019re getting. I hope you can tune in for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host Dennis Rainey, I am Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2013 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/302884","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=302884"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=302884"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=302884"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=302884"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=302884"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=302884"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=302884"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}