{"id":302852,"date":"2013-10-25T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2013-10-25T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/barbara-shares-the-right-way-women-can-help\/"},"modified":"2013-10-25T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2013-10-25T15:00:00","slug":"barbara-shares-the-right-way-women-can-help","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/barbara-shares-the-right-way-women-can-help\/","title":{"rendered":"&#8220;Barbara Shares &#8220;The Right Way&#8221; Women Can Help&#8221;"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Barbara Rainey gives wives five suggestions for encouraging their husbands toward manhood.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-10-25.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"21.57M","filesize_raw":"22621025","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2831],"tags":[4698,4315,4819,4022],"podcast_series":[7521],"cwp_profile":[3052],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302852","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-wives","tag-manhood","tag-masculinity","tag-roles","tag-wives","podcast_series-stepping-up-to-manhood","cwp_profile-barbara-rainey","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302852\/barbara-shares-the-right-way-women-can-help","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302852\/barbara-shares-the-right-way-women-can-help","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"LvY5DFiPkb\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/barbara-shares-the-right-way-women-can-help\/\">&#8220;Barbara Shares &#8220;The Right Way&#8221; Women Can Help&#8221;<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/barbara-shares-the-right-way-women-can-help\/embed\/#?secret=LvY5DFiPkb\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;&#8220;Barbara Shares &#8220;The Right Way&#8221; Women Can Help&#8221;&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"LvY5DFiPkb\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-10-25.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-10-25.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m guessing, \u201cIf you have tuned in to listen to <em>FamilyLife Today, <\/em>then you\u2019re a wife who wants your husband to be the man that God wants him to be;\u201d right? Well, if so, one of the things you can do is to cheer him on. Here is Barbara Rainey.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> When he makes decisions that are especially responsible, and you know they are, thank him for making those decisions. Thank him when he makes a decision that's especially difficult\u2014that goes against the grain of all the other men he knows or just goes against his own selfish nature. We need to encourage that decision and cheer him on when he does that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, October 25<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey. I'm Bob Lepine. We\u2019re going to hear today from Barbara Rainey about how a wife can help her husband step up to be God's man. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Friday edition. I get the sense that we have had some husbands, and some wives, this week, who have been listening, who are going: \u201cYou know, we have got some work to do; but because of what we\u2019ve heard this week, we at least know where we're headed. We have a better picture of where we need to go as a result of what we\u2019ve heard you guys talking about this week.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We have encouraged men to step up to mature manhood. We gave them five steps: first of all, the boyhood step; the adolescent step; the mature manhood step; mentoring step; finally, the last step, patriarch. We laid a process out whereby men could step up to the true nobility of manhood as God designed it. Then, we\u2019ve finished out the week, Bob, by featuring a message by Barbara, my wife, talking to women about how they can encourage their husbands to step up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn Part One of this message, we heard a little earlier, she said there are five things that hinder manly development. Number one\u2014and I really agree with this one: Feeding his childishness. I\u2019m telling you, if you want to mother a man, you can do it; but in the process\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You will turn him into a boy again.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014you\u2019ll send him down on the lower steps. Number two: Enabling him in his weaknesses and addictions. Yes, there are a lot of men who have married wives who they hoped will just overlook their many addictions and not confront them. Sometimes, there needs to be tough love.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThird: Treating and speaking to him like he is a boy. Ultimately, this is contempt. It's a woman who speaks down to a man.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFourth: Having negative expectations of him; in other words, not expecting him to do the right thing but expecting him to do the wrong. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You know what? If you do that, you'll likely be a prophetess.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It will be a self-fulfilling prophecy; won\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That's exactly right. The last one is: Turning his heart away from God. Bob, of all these, I think this is probably the most lethal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. In Part Two of this message, Barbara is going to turn from the things to avoid and focus on the things a wife can <em>do<\/em> to help her husband step up to manhood. I think a lot of the wives listening are going to find Part Two of this message very instructive and very encouraging.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Very practical.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previously Recorded Audio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>By contrast, I want to give you five things that we <em>can<\/em> do to encourage our husbands to step up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe first one is, instead of being selfish and childish: We need to choose maturity for ourselves. The first day we were here, Dennis and I went for a walk. We drove down to the old hotel that's down at the bottom of the hill and where the Bow River goes by. We were going to go walk over there by the golf course. We drove our car down there and parked in the parking lot. There's tons of people\u2014all these tourists\u2014the buses, and everything. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhile we were sitting there, this family rode up. It was a mom and a dad. Initially, I just saw two kids. There was another one that must have been lagging behind, but they were all on bikes. They all had helmets, and they stopped right in front of our car to kind of regroup or whatever. While we were sitting there, the two kids kind of went a little bit past their parents. They were up in the woods. I saw the girl, who was the older of the two\u2014she was probably 10 or 12. She was right behind him, and she was on her bike. She just jammed her bike into his tire\u2014did it again, did it again, and she did it again. He looked over his shoulder. The windows were up and so I couldn't hear; but I knew he was saying: \"Quit! Leave me alone!\" or whatever.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe just did it again, did it again, and, finally, he had all he could take. He dropped his bike on the ground, turned around, and came over and shoved her or beat\/hit her\u2014I can't remember exactly what he did\u2014but he got back at her, anyway. Of course, her bike went on the ground. She started crying, \"Mommy!\" and the whole bit. You know, and so Mom gets\u2014Mom's got to get involved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo Mom comes over, and she's trying to figure it out. I leaned over to Dennis\u2014I said, \"I would <em>love<\/em> to get out and say, \u2018She started it, not him,\u2019\u201d [Laughter] because it looked like he was the bad guy because he was the one that got up and slugged her. [Laughter] But he had been sitting there, taking it, you know, she'd been\u2014who knows how long this had been going on. It could have been going on an hour. She could have been doing stuff, or he could have started it early that morning when they got out of bed. He could have said something to her, and she was finally getting back at him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnyway, it was just an interesting parallel to this because I thought: \u201cYou know? What would have stopped that is if one of those kids had chosen to be mature instead of acting like what they were\u2014which is children.\u201d The parallel for us is that we, as wives\u2014somebody has to choose to be mature in the relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMaybe, your husband's not being mature\u2014maybe, he is being an adolescent in some ways\u2014or maybe, he's even being childish in some ways\u2014but it's not going to solve it to get off your bike and go slug him if he's the one that's ramming you with the bike tire. Somebody has to choose to be mature.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe second thing we can do is speak the truth to him in love. This is the one that I want to talk about the most because, you know, I think sometimes, as wives, we get intimidated, or we get fearful, or we think, \u201cYou know, if I say what I really think, it's not going to make any difference.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSome of us are more prone to be manipulators than others are\u2014some of us are more prone to be sharp with our tongues and with our mouths than others are\u2014but we all have our tendencies. We all have our ways that we try to kind of work the situation or work the circumstances to our benefit. But I think, as a godly wife, to help our husband become the man that God wants him to be, we need to learn to speak the truth in love, and not without the love, because the love is the important part.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tProverbs 16:21 says, \"The wise in heart are called discerning and pleasant words promote instruction.\" If we want our husbands to be taught\u2014if we want them to learn\u2014then we need to make sure that our words are pleasant when we speak them to him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are lots of ways that I have done this in our relationship. A lot of times it's a circumstantial kind of thing where I speak the truth. There are many, many times in our years of marriage when I have reminded Dennis that God is in control. Just a simple reminding him of what he knows to be true; but in a certain situation, he may not <em>feel<\/em> like it is true. It could be any number of things in our relationship\u2014or in the ministry, or in his life, personally\u2014where he feels like God's forgotten him, or God's not in control, or something's happened and it just feels\u2014it just feels awful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs a wife, we can come alongside our husband and remind him that God is in control: \u201cGod has not forgotten about you. God still loves you, and He still has a plan, and this may be a part of it.\u201d I think, in our circumstances with our husbands, we need to remind them of the truth about God and what God's Word says is true\u2014that He is in control, and He's not forgotten us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWith our family, there have been many, many, many times in our marriage when I've come to Dennis to speak the truth to him about what's going on in our family because there are a lot of times when he's not as connected as I am with the kids or with what's going on in our family. I'll come and speak the truth to him about his travel. I'll say: \"You're just traveling too much. We've got to cut back. We've got to figure out a way to do this so that you can do what God has called you to do, but we don't sacrifice the family.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr I'll say: \"This child is feeling like he or she is not getting enough time with you. We've got to figure a way that you can spend more time with this child.\" Again, it's communicating the truth in love\u2014reminding him that he needs to do this with our kids, but doing it in such a loving way that he knows that I'm for him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt may be that, with your husband, speaking the truth is not just reminding him of what he needs to do, but because you know who he is and you know what his weaknesses are, it may be that your husband's weakness is unbelief. It may be that your husband\u2019s real struggle, spiritually, is not believing that God loves him. You can bolster that\u2014and come behind him and come alongside him\u2014and remind him of the truth about who he is, who God is, and how God feels about him and cares about him. There's so much that we can do, as a wife, in speaking the truth to our husbands\u2014in grounding them, reminding them, and keeping them on track.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things that I've always loved about the story of Esther is that\u2014when that whole situation developed in the book of Esther and all of the Jews were to be exterminated, she found out about the plot, and she was to go before the king, her husband\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tthe thing that I've always admired about the story is the way that she chose to handle that. She prayed and fasted for three days before she went in to see her husband.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we don't have that kind of a relationship because our husband is not the king and you don't have to wait for him to ask for you to come, like she did. Our situation is totally different, but I thought about that. She really prayed about bringing this difficult matter before her husband's attention. How many times do I pray that God will help me communicate wisely when I've got a difficult thing I want to bring up with my husband?\u00a0 Not very often because my tendency is\u2014because we're so familiar with each other\u2014is just to blurt it out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think there's a lot for us to learn in that. We may not have to fast and pray for three days, but we do need to pray. We do need to ask God to give us wisdom and favor when we go with our husbands with\u2014go before him with a difficult issue or we want to talk to him about something that we know is going to be a really hard conversation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe other thing that she did\u2014she prayed and fasted\u2014and then she went before her husband\u2014and she said, \"If it pleases the king, I have something that I want to ask.\" In other words, \u201cIs it okay for me to ask you this right now?\u201d There have been many, many times when I've gone to my husband and I've said: \"You know, I've got something that we need to talk about. When would be a good time?\" because right then may not have been the best time. It may be that we need to go out to dinner and talk about it; or it may be that I need to wait a day or two because he's in the middle of something, and he just doesn't need another burden. It may be that I can go ahead and talk about it; but it helps to ask permission and to say: \"You know, I really need to talk to you about something that's really important for me. When would be a good time for you for us to have this conversation?\" \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, as wives, we can learn a lot from Esther. I think praying about these difficult things\u2014that we want to speak the truth about\u2014is one and asking for permission for when to have this conversation is another.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen the third thing we can do to encourage our husbands to grow to maturity is to praise him when he does step up to manhood. Praise him when he does step up to manhood. When he does do family devotions, thank him for it. Don't just go: \"Oh, he's supposed to do it, anyway. Why should I thank him?\" Thank him for it. When he prays with you, tell him how much that means to you for you to pray together as a couple. When he makes decisions that are especially responsible, and you know they are, thank him for making those difficult decisions. Thank him for whatever sacrifice he made to provide for you or to provide for your children. Thank him when he makes decisions that are integrity-based. Those are important decisions\u2014those are important milestones.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd just as we want to cheer our kids\u2014we were talking about that at breakfast\u2014about when our kids make a really good decision to do something that's right and to face the peer pressure, we need to cheer our kids. I think we need to cheer our husbands. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen he makes a decision that's especially difficult\u2014that goes against the grain of all the other men he knows or just goes against his own selfish nature\u2014we need to encourage that decision and cheer him on when he does that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEphesians 4:29 says, \"Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, that it may give grace to those who hear.\" Our words are really, really powerful with our husbands. I think encouraging him and praising him, when he does what's right, is one way that we can help him step up to manhood and be the man that God wants him to be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe fourth thing is to believe in him that he can become a godly man. That sends a lot of signals, and I think that we need to continue to believe in our husband that he can become all that God intended him to be because He is obviously not finished with him. God's not finished with us, either. There are a lot of things that God still has for our husbands to do until He takes him home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLuke 1:37 is one of my very favorite verses in Scripture. It always has been. It says, \"With God, nothing is impossible.\"\u00a0 All of us have areas with our husbands that we think are pretty impossible\u2014things that have been the same for the 10, 15, or 20 years we've been married. We think, \"You know, he's never going to change.\" Well, maybe, some of those things aren't going to change; but maybe, they really can. Maybe, if we believe in him\u2014and trust God, and accept him as he is, and allow God to work in his life\u2014maybe, God really will change those things. I think it's important that <em>we<\/em> have to be the one to believe in him; otherwise, it's not going to happen if we don't.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen the last thing we can do is by pursuing godliness ourselves. We need to choose to become godly wives. Our husbands will never become godly husbands if we don't choose, first, to become godly wives. Matthew 6:33 says, \"Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur daughter and son-in-law were making a decision. I referred to it the first night\u2014about where they were going to go for their residency. I was so proud of them for the way they processed that decision. They looked at what situation\u2014would not only be good for Michael and his residency\u2014but what would be good for them, as a family: \u201cWhat would be good for Ashley? What would be good for those little boys? Where would we find good churches?\u201d\u00a0 They evaluated that whole decision\u2014not just in that one area of where the best residency program was\u2014but: \u201cWhat town would be a good town to live in? Where would we find good churches?\u201d\u2014and all of those kinds of things.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat they did in the process of making that decision is they practiced this verse, \"Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.\" It's true for us, as wives, too. If we're seeking first to become what God wants us to become\u2014if we're seeking first His righteousness in our lives\u2014if I'm seeking to become righteous and I'm seeking to become what God wants me to be\u2014then God is going to add these other things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe's going to work on my husband because I'm not going to be in the way, at that point. I love that verse because I think it, again, brings us back to the central issue. The central issue is really me: \u201cWhat's my attitude?\u201d and, \u201cAm I becoming the woman that God wants me to be?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI've been doing a Bible study the last year in the book of Hebrews. I've been doing Precept<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> studies for the last four or five years. That's just kind of the place that I've landed\u2014the place that's really ministered to me\u2014as I've had the privilege of doing a bunch of Bible studies. Recently, we've been doing the book of Hebrews. There are a couple of verses there that have been especially meaningful to me that I want to share with you, sort of by way of closing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me read these verses to you. It's Hebrews, Chapter 4. The verses are 15 and 16. It says, \"For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, and yet without sin.\" \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think our temptation, as wives, is to do these things\u2014to want to control; to want to change; to make him understand, in our own power, by getting even; by playing the insult-for-insult game; by manipulating. I think we have a temptation to go into those ways of trying to change things, without trusting God. God knows what our weaknesses are; but He wants us to trust Him that He can do the changing without our help, which is always a trick for us, because we want to help. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt goes on to say\u2014and I already read this, but I want to read it again\u2014verse 16 says, \"Therefore, let us come boldly before the throne of grace that we may obtain mercy\u201d\u2014when we sin\u2014when we give in to the temptation, we need the mercy\u2014\u201cand find grace to help in time of need.\" I need grace to be the kind of wife that God wants me to be so that my husband can become what God has designed him to be. I need God's grace in my life because I can't do it on my own.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne more verse I want to read, in closing, is Galatians 6:9, \"And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.\" It is a process. It is very much a process of our husbands growing up. Our men will grow up to manhood, and they'll do really well. They'll be making good decisions, and they'll be acting responsibly; but they'll, sometimes, step back into adolescence. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur responsibility\u2014when they step back into adolescence, and they do something that's childish, or they do something that's foolish\u2014is not to come in and berate them, and be motherly, and treat them like boys\u2014but to call them back up to manhood. We can do that by being mature ourselves and being godly ourselves because that temptation will be there for them to step back down into adolescence or boyhood; but we want to be the kind of wives that can call them up. Hang in there. We will reap if we don't lose heart.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, we've just listened to Part Two of a message from Barbara Rainey on how a wife can help her husband be the man God wants him to be. You talked earlier this week about Jezebel, who was a negative influence on her husband. Is there a biblical example you can think of\u2014of a wife who did the opposite?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, Jezebel was an evil influence. I think the Proverbs 31 woman is a positive influence: \u201cAn excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.\" Think about this next verse here, verse 12, that really is a contrast with Jezebel. \"She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.\" \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, at the end of Proverbs 31, it says: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cStrength and dignity are her clothing, and she smiles at the future. She opens her mouth in wisdom,\u201d\u2014in other words, she knows the power of words and uses them well in the life of her husband\u2014\"and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and bless her; her husband also praises her, saying: 'Many daughters have done nobly, but you excel them all.\u2019 Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her the product of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt doesn't say that there, Bob, but one of her works\u2014I think the Proverbs 31 woman\u2014one of her works is her husband. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> He's in the gates. He's out and about in the marketplace. It's his character\u2014his life, his nobility, as a man\u2014that reflects back on his wife and her belief in him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You know, what she does really does inspire him to be the man that God has called him to be. I think there are guys who\u2014they want to be that guy. In fact, you wrote the book, <em>Stepping Up. <\/em>We put together video resources around that book\u2014the <em>Stepping Up<\/em><sup>\u2122<\/sup>ten-week series that a lot of guys have gone through\u2014and the <em>Stepping Up <\/em>one-day event kit: it\u2019s a video event kit that we\u2019ve put together that more than 1,400 churches have hosted\u2014this one-day event. More than 30,000 guys have gone through it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is something that a church could host anytime\u2014whatever fits in their schedule. But our team is really hoping that a lot of churches will rally together on the day before the Super Bowl in 2014 and host these one-day events for men for a couple of reasons. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne is that\u2019s a day that works for a lot of guys. For whatever reason, it\u2019s just the right day to get a group of guys together. Then, secondly: \u201cWouldn\u2019t it be cool if, on one day, we had a movement of men challenged and equipped to step up to be the men that God calls them to be?\u201d I mean, think about it, the next day\u2014the day of the game\u2014there are going to be 82,566 people in the stadium, watching the football game. What if there were 82,566 guys, the day before\u2014or more than that\u2014spending the day being challenged, and encouraged, and equipped to step up to be godly men? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s what we\u2019re hoping will happen this year. We want to partner with any of our listeners who would like to make that happen in their church or in their community. Here is what I\u2019m talking about when I say \u201cpartner with you\u201d\u2014if you will contact us today\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tgo online at FamilyLifeToday.com or call 1-800-FL-TODAY, you can download a certificate\u2014or we will send you one through the mail. The certificate will get you the <em>Stepping Up <\/em>video event kit for free. All you have to do is get at least ten guys rallied up to go through the material with you together. It doesn\u2019t have to be on the Saturday before the Super Bowl. You can do it whenever it works for you. We\u2019re just suggesting that that might be an ideal day to get guys to huddle up and go through this material.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, you get the certificate\u2014you call today or you go online today to download it. The offer\u2019s only good this week\u2014so you need to act today. Then, you talk with your pastor and see if Super Saturday works for you or if there\u2019s a better day that would work for you. Start to get guys lined up. When you contact us to order manuals for this event\u2014if you\u2019ve got at least ten manuals in your order\u2014you include the certificate and the video kit comes at no cost to you; okay? We\u2019re trying to do all we can to help this be a success. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGet in touch with us today\u2014download the certificate. Let\u2019s circle the day before the Super Bowl and see if we can\u2019t make something big happen that day; alright? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWith that, we\u2019ve got to wrap things up for this week. I hope you and your family can worship together this weekend. I hope you can join us back on Monday when Barbara Rainey is going to be here. We\u2019re going to talk about the upcoming Thanksgiving holidays. We\u2019ve got some ideas for you on how to make the holidays more meaningful for you and your family. I hope you can tune in for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2013 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["21.57M"],"filesize_raw":["22621025"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-302852.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-302852.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Rainey gives wives five suggestions for encouraging their husbands toward manhood.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-10-25.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m guessing, \u201cIf you have tuned in to listen to <em>FamilyLife Today, <\/em>then you\u2019re a wife who wants your husband to be the man that God wants him to be;\u201d right? Well, if so, one of the things you can do is to cheer him on. Here is Barbara Rainey.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> When he makes decisions that are especially responsible, and you know they are, thank him for making those decisions. Thank him when he makes a decision that's especially difficult\u2014that goes against the grain of all the other men he knows or just goes against his own selfish nature. We need to encourage that decision and cheer him on when he does that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, October 25<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey. I'm Bob Lepine. We\u2019re going to hear today from Barbara Rainey about how a wife can help her husband step up to be God's man. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Friday edition. I get the sense that we have had some husbands, and some wives, this week, who have been listening, who are going: \u201cYou know, we have got some work to do; but because of what we\u2019ve heard this week, we at least know where we're headed. We have a better picture of where we need to go as a result of what we\u2019ve heard you guys talking about this week.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We have encouraged men to step up to mature manhood. We gave them five steps: first of all, the boyhood step; the adolescent step; the mature manhood step; mentoring step; finally, the last step, patriarch. We laid a process out whereby men could step up to the true nobility of manhood as God designed it. Then, we\u2019ve finished out the week, Bob, by featuring a message by Barbara, my wife, talking to women about how they can encourage their husbands to step up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn Part One of this message, we heard a little earlier, she said there are five things that hinder manly development. Number one\u2014and I really agree with this one: Feeding his childishness. I\u2019m telling you, if you want to mother a man, you can do it; but in the process\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You will turn him into a boy again.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014you\u2019ll send him down on the lower steps. Number two: Enabling him in his weaknesses and addictions. Yes, there are a lot of men who have married wives who they hoped will just overlook their many addictions and not confront them. Sometimes, there needs to be tough love.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThird: Treating and speaking to him like he is a boy. Ultimately, this is contempt. It's a woman who speaks down to a man.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFourth: Having negative expectations of him; in other words, not expecting him to do the right thing but expecting him to do the wrong. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You know what? If you do that, you'll likely be a prophetess.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It will be a self-fulfilling prophecy; won\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That's exactly right. The last one is: Turning his heart away from God. Bob, of all these, I think this is probably the most lethal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. In Part Two of this message, Barbara is going to turn from the things to avoid and focus on the things a wife can <em>do<\/em> to help her husband step up to manhood. I think a lot of the wives listening are going to find Part Two of this message very instructive and very encouraging.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Very practical.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previously Recorded Audio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>By contrast, I want to give you five things that we <em>can<\/em> do to encourage our husbands to step up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe first one is, instead of being selfish and childish: We need to choose maturity for ourselves. The first day we were here, Dennis and I went for a walk. We drove down to the old hotel that's down at the bottom of the hill and where the Bow River goes by. We were going to go walk over there by the golf course. We drove our car down there and parked in the parking lot. There's tons of people\u2014all these tourists\u2014the buses, and everything. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhile we were sitting there, this family rode up. It was a mom and a dad. Initially, I just saw two kids. There was another one that must have been lagging behind, but they were all on bikes. They all had helmets, and they stopped right in front of our car to kind of regroup or whatever. While we were sitting there, the two kids kind of went a little bit past their parents. They were up in the woods. I saw the girl, who was the older of the two\u2014she was probably 10 or 12. She was right behind him, and she was on her bike. She just jammed her bike into his tire\u2014did it again, did it again, and she did it again. He looked over his shoulder. The windows were up and so I couldn't hear; but I knew he was saying: \"Quit! Leave me alone!\" or whatever.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe just did it again, did it again, and, finally, he had all he could take. He dropped his bike on the ground, turned around, and came over and shoved her or beat\/hit her\u2014I can't remember exactly what he did\u2014but he got back at her, anyway. Of course, her bike went on the ground. She started crying, \"Mommy!\" and the whole bit. You know, and so Mom gets\u2014Mom's got to get involved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo Mom comes over, and she's trying to figure it out. I leaned over to Dennis\u2014I said, \"I would <em>love<\/em> to get out and say, \u2018She started it, not him,\u2019\u201d [Laughter] because it looked like he was the bad guy because he was the one that got up and slugged her. [Laughter] But he had been sitting there, taking it, you know, she'd been\u2014who knows how long this had been going on. It could have been going on an hour. She could have been doing stuff, or he could have started it early that morning when they got out of bed. He could have said something to her, and she was finally getting back at him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnyway, it was just an interesting parallel to this because I thought: \u201cYou know? What would have stopped that is if one of those kids had chosen to be mature instead of acting like what they were\u2014which is children.\u201d The parallel for us is that we, as wives\u2014somebody has to choose to be mature in the relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMaybe, your husband's not being mature\u2014maybe, he is being an adolescent in some ways\u2014or maybe, he's even being childish in some ways\u2014but it's not going to solve it to get off your bike and go slug him if he's the one that's ramming you with the bike tire. Somebody has to choose to be mature.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe second thing we can do is speak the truth to him in love. This is the one that I want to talk about the most because, you know, I think sometimes, as wives, we get intimidated, or we get fearful, or we think, \u201cYou know, if I say what I really think, it's not going to make any difference.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSome of us are more prone to be manipulators than others are\u2014some of us are more prone to be sharp with our tongues and with our mouths than others are\u2014but we all have our tendencies. We all have our ways that we try to kind of work the situation or work the circumstances to our benefit. But I think, as a godly wife, to help our husband become the man that God wants him to be, we need to learn to speak the truth in love, and not without the love, because the love is the important part.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tProverbs 16:21 says, \"The wise in heart are called discerning and pleasant words promote instruction.\" If we want our husbands to be taught\u2014if we want them to learn\u2014then we need to make sure that our words are pleasant when we speak them to him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are lots of ways that I have done this in our relationship. A lot of times it's a circumstantial kind of thing where I speak the truth. There are many, many times in our years of marriage when I have reminded Dennis that God is in control. Just a simple reminding him of what he knows to be true; but in a certain situation, he may not <em>feel<\/em> like it is true. It could be any number of things in our relationship\u2014or in the ministry, or in his life, personally\u2014where he feels like God's forgotten him, or God's not in control, or something's happened and it just feels\u2014it just feels awful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs a wife, we can come alongside our husband and remind him that God is in control: \u201cGod has not forgotten about you. God still loves you, and He still has a plan, and this may be a part of it.\u201d I think, in our circumstances with our husbands, we need to remind them of the truth about God and what God's Word says is true\u2014that He is in control, and He's not forgotten us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWith our family, there have been many, many, many times in our marriage when I've come to Dennis to speak the truth to him about what's going on in our family because there are a lot of times when he's not as connected as I am with the kids or with what's going on in our family. I'll come and speak the truth to him about his travel. I'll say: \"You're just traveling too much. We've got to cut back. We've got to figure out a way to do this so that you can do what God has called you to do, but we don't sacrifice the family.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr I'll say: \"This child is feeling like he or she is not getting enough time with you. We've got to figure a way that you can spend more time with this child.\" Again, it's communicating the truth in love\u2014reminding him that he needs to do this with our kids, but doing it in such a loving way that he knows that I'm for him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt may be that, with your husband, speaking the truth is not just reminding him of what he needs to do, but because you know who he is and you know what his weaknesses are, it may be that your husband's weakness is unbelief. It may be that your husband\u2019s real struggle, spiritually, is not believing that God loves him. You can bolster that\u2014and come behind him and come alongside him\u2014and remind him of the truth about who he is, who God is, and how God feels about him and cares about him. There's so much that we can do, as a wife, in speaking the truth to our husbands\u2014in grounding them, reminding them, and keeping them on track.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things that I've always loved about the story of Esther is that\u2014when that whole situation developed in the book of Esther and all of the Jews were to be exterminated, she found out about the plot, and she was to go before the king, her husband\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tthe thing that I've always admired about the story is the way that she chose to handle that. She prayed and fasted for three days before she went in to see her husband.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we don't have that kind of a relationship because our husband is not the king and you don't have to wait for him to ask for you to come, like she did. Our situation is totally different, but I thought about that. She really prayed about bringing this difficult matter before her husband's attention. How many times do I pray that God will help me communicate wisely when I've got a difficult thing I want to bring up with my husband?\u00a0 Not very often because my tendency is\u2014because we're so familiar with each other\u2014is just to blurt it out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think there's a lot for us to learn in that. We may not have to fast and pray for three days, but we do need to pray. We do need to ask God to give us wisdom and favor when we go with our husbands with\u2014go before him with a difficult issue or we want to talk to him about something that we know is going to be a really hard conversation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe other thing that she did\u2014she prayed and fasted\u2014and then she went before her husband\u2014and she said, \"If it pleases the king, I have something that I want to ask.\" In other words, \u201cIs it okay for me to ask you this right now?\u201d There have been many, many times when I've gone to my husband and I've said: \"You know, I've got something that we need to talk about. When would be a good time?\" because right then may not have been the best time. It may be that we need to go out to dinner and talk about it; or it may be that I need to wait a day or two because he's in the middle of something, and he just doesn't need another burden. It may be that I can go ahead and talk about it; but it helps to ask permission and to say: \"You know, I really need to talk to you about something that's really important for me. When would be a good time for you for us to have this conversation?\" \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, as wives, we can learn a lot from Esther. I think praying about these difficult things\u2014that we want to speak the truth about\u2014is one and asking for permission for when to have this conversation is another.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen the third thing we can do to encourage our husbands to grow to maturity is to praise him when he does step up to manhood. Praise him when he does step up to manhood. When he does do family devotions, thank him for it. Don't just go: \"Oh, he's supposed to do it, anyway. Why should I thank him?\" Thank him for it. When he prays with you, tell him how much that means to you for you to pray together as a couple. When he makes decisions that are especially responsible, and you know they are, thank him for making those difficult decisions. Thank him for whatever sacrifice he made to provide for you or to provide for your children. Thank him when he makes decisions that are integrity-based. Those are important decisions\u2014those are important milestones.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd just as we want to cheer our kids\u2014we were talking about that at breakfast\u2014about when our kids make a really good decision to do something that's right and to face the peer pressure, we need to cheer our kids. I think we need to cheer our husbands. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen he makes a decision that's especially difficult\u2014that goes against the grain of all the other men he knows or just goes against his own selfish nature\u2014we need to encourage that decision and cheer him on when he does that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEphesians 4:29 says, \"Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, that it may give grace to those who hear.\" Our words are really, really powerful with our husbands. I think encouraging him and praising him, when he does what's right, is one way that we can help him step up to manhood and be the man that God wants him to be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe fourth thing is to believe in him that he can become a godly man. That sends a lot of signals, and I think that we need to continue to believe in our husband that he can become all that God intended him to be because He is obviously not finished with him. God's not finished with us, either. There are a lot of things that God still has for our husbands to do until He takes him home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLuke 1:37 is one of my very favorite verses in Scripture. It always has been. It says, \"With God, nothing is impossible.\"\u00a0 All of us have areas with our husbands that we think are pretty impossible\u2014things that have been the same for the 10, 15, or 20 years we've been married. We think, \"You know, he's never going to change.\" Well, maybe, some of those things aren't going to change; but maybe, they really can. Maybe, if we believe in him\u2014and trust God, and accept him as he is, and allow God to work in his life\u2014maybe, God really will change those things. I think it's important that <em>we<\/em> have to be the one to believe in him; otherwise, it's not going to happen if we don't.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen the last thing we can do is by pursuing godliness ourselves. We need to choose to become godly wives. Our husbands will never become godly husbands if we don't choose, first, to become godly wives. Matthew 6:33 says, \"Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur daughter and son-in-law were making a decision. I referred to it the first night\u2014about where they were going to go for their residency. I was so proud of them for the way they processed that decision. They looked at what situation\u2014would not only be good for Michael and his residency\u2014but what would be good for them, as a family: \u201cWhat would be good for Ashley? What would be good for those little boys? Where would we find good churches?\u201d\u00a0 They evaluated that whole decision\u2014not just in that one area of where the best residency program was\u2014but: \u201cWhat town would be a good town to live in? Where would we find good churches?\u201d\u2014and all of those kinds of things.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat they did in the process of making that decision is they practiced this verse, \"Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.\" It's true for us, as wives, too. If we're seeking first to become what God wants us to become\u2014if we're seeking first His righteousness in our lives\u2014if I'm seeking to become righteous and I'm seeking to become what God wants me to be\u2014then God is going to add these other things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe's going to work on my husband because I'm not going to be in the way, at that point. I love that verse because I think it, again, brings us back to the central issue. The central issue is really me: \u201cWhat's my attitude?\u201d and, \u201cAm I becoming the woman that God wants me to be?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI've been doing a Bible study the last year in the book of Hebrews. I've been doing Precept<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> studies for the last four or five years. That's just kind of the place that I've landed\u2014the place that's really ministered to me\u2014as I've had the privilege of doing a bunch of Bible studies. Recently, we've been doing the book of Hebrews. There are a couple of verses there that have been especially meaningful to me that I want to share with you, sort of by way of closing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me read these verses to you. It's Hebrews, Chapter 4. The verses are 15 and 16. It says, \"For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, and yet without sin.\" \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think our temptation, as wives, is to do these things\u2014to want to control; to want to change; to make him understand, in our own power, by getting even; by playing the insult-for-insult game; by manipulating. I think we have a temptation to go into those ways of trying to change things, without trusting God. God knows what our weaknesses are; but He wants us to trust Him that He can do the changing without our help, which is always a trick for us, because we want to help. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt goes on to say\u2014and I already read this, but I want to read it again\u2014verse 16 says, \"Therefore, let us come boldly before the throne of grace that we may obtain mercy\u201d\u2014when we sin\u2014when we give in to the temptation, we need the mercy\u2014\u201cand find grace to help in time of need.\" I need grace to be the kind of wife that God wants me to be so that my husband can become what God has designed him to be. I need God's grace in my life because I can't do it on my own.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne more verse I want to read, in closing, is Galatians 6:9, \"And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.\" It is a process. It is very much a process of our husbands growing up. Our men will grow up to manhood, and they'll do really well. They'll be making good decisions, and they'll be acting responsibly; but they'll, sometimes, step back into adolescence. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur responsibility\u2014when they step back into adolescence, and they do something that's childish, or they do something that's foolish\u2014is not to come in and berate them, and be motherly, and treat them like boys\u2014but to call them back up to manhood. We can do that by being mature ourselves and being godly ourselves because that temptation will be there for them to step back down into adolescence or boyhood; but we want to be the kind of wives that can call them up. Hang in there. We will reap if we don't lose heart.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, we've just listened to Part Two of a message from Barbara Rainey on how a wife can help her husband be the man God wants him to be. You talked earlier this week about Jezebel, who was a negative influence on her husband. Is there a biblical example you can think of\u2014of a wife who did the opposite?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, Jezebel was an evil influence. I think the Proverbs 31 woman is a positive influence: \u201cAn excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.\" Think about this next verse here, verse 12, that really is a contrast with Jezebel. \"She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.\" \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, at the end of Proverbs 31, it says: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cStrength and dignity are her clothing, and she smiles at the future. She opens her mouth in wisdom,\u201d\u2014in other words, she knows the power of words and uses them well in the life of her husband\u2014\"and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and bless her; her husband also praises her, saying: 'Many daughters have done nobly, but you excel them all.\u2019 Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her the product of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt doesn't say that there, Bob, but one of her works\u2014I think the Proverbs 31 woman\u2014one of her works is her husband. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> He's in the gates. He's out and about in the marketplace. It's his character\u2014his life, his nobility, as a man\u2014that reflects back on his wife and her belief in him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You know, what she does really does inspire him to be the man that God has called him to be. I think there are guys who\u2014they want to be that guy. In fact, you wrote the book, <em>Stepping Up. <\/em>We put together video resources around that book\u2014the <em>Stepping Up<\/em><sup>\u2122<\/sup>ten-week series that a lot of guys have gone through\u2014and the <em>Stepping Up <\/em>one-day event kit: it\u2019s a video event kit that we\u2019ve put together that more than 1,400 churches have hosted\u2014this one-day event. More than 30,000 guys have gone through it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is something that a church could host anytime\u2014whatever fits in their schedule. But our team is really hoping that a lot of churches will rally together on the day before the Super Bowl in 2014 and host these one-day events for men for a couple of reasons. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne is that\u2019s a day that works for a lot of guys. For whatever reason, it\u2019s just the right day to get a group of guys together. Then, secondly: \u201cWouldn\u2019t it be cool if, on one day, we had a movement of men challenged and equipped to step up to be the men that God calls them to be?\u201d I mean, think about it, the next day\u2014the day of the game\u2014there are going to be 82,566 people in the stadium, watching the football game. What if there were 82,566 guys, the day before\u2014or more than that\u2014spending the day being challenged, and encouraged, and equipped to step up to be godly men? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s what we\u2019re hoping will happen this year. We want to partner with any of our listeners who would like to make that happen in their church or in their community. Here is what I\u2019m talking about when I say \u201cpartner with you\u201d\u2014if you will contact us today\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tgo online at FamilyLifeToday.com or call 1-800-FL-TODAY, you can download a certificate\u2014or we will send you one through the mail. The certificate will get you the <em>Stepping Up <\/em>video event kit for free. All you have to do is get at least ten guys rallied up to go through the material with you together. It doesn\u2019t have to be on the Saturday before the Super Bowl. You can do it whenever it works for you. We\u2019re just suggesting that that might be an ideal day to get guys to huddle up and go through this material.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, you get the certificate\u2014you call today or you go online today to download it. The offer\u2019s only good this week\u2014so you need to act today. Then, you talk with your pastor and see if Super Saturday works for you or if there\u2019s a better day that would work for you. Start to get guys lined up. When you contact us to order manuals for this event\u2014if you\u2019ve got at least ten manuals in your order\u2014you include the certificate and the video kit comes at no cost to you; okay? We\u2019re trying to do all we can to help this be a success. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGet in touch with us today\u2014download the certificate. Let\u2019s circle the day before the Super Bowl and see if we can\u2019t make something big happen that day; alright? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWith that, we\u2019ve got to wrap things up for this week. I hope you and your family can worship together this weekend. I hope you can join us back on Monday when Barbara Rainey is going to be here. We\u2019re going to talk about the upcoming Thanksgiving holidays. We\u2019ve got some ideas for you on how to make the holidays more meaningful for you and your family. I hope you can tune in for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2013 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/302852","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=302852"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=302852"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=302852"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=302852"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=302852"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=302852"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=302852"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}