{"id":302814,"date":"2013-09-12T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2013-09-12T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/blindsided\/"},"modified":"2013-09-12T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2013-09-12T15:00:00","slug":"blindsided","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/blindsided\/","title":{"rendered":"Blindsided"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Audrey Meisner tells how she got involved in an extramarital affair and the steps she took to come clean and seek forgiveness.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-09-12.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"21.76M","filesize_raw":"22816913","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2903],"tags":[4377,5269,2699,4874],"podcast_series":[7971],"cwp_profile":[3139],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302814","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-infidelity","tag-affair","tag-cheating-spouse","tag-forgiveness","tag-infidelity","podcast_series-marriage-undercover","cwp_profile-bob-and-audrey-meisner","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302814\/blindsided","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302814\/blindsided","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"7dMnw8Kdov\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/blindsided\/\">Blindsided<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/blindsided\/embed\/#?secret=7dMnw8Kdov\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Blindsided&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"7dMnw8Kdov\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Audrey Meisner tells how she got involved in an extramarital affair and the steps she took to come clean and seek forgiveness.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-09-12.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Audrey Meisner says she didn\u2019t see anything wrong with cultivating a relationship with a single man at her local church. After all, her intentions were good. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Audrey:<\/strong> I really thought I was immune. I didn\u2019t think I was capable, and I thought I had control. You know I thought just spending time alone with him nothing could ever happen. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would call it a small compromise; but there is no such thing as a small compromise because once you start justifying\u2014\u201cOh, I\u2019ll just do this. Oh, I\u2019ll just go out for lunch\u201d\u2014I can look back to when the chapter changed in my life. It was when I was getting ready to go to church hoping that he would notice that I was beautiful. And in my heart, I believe that\u2019s when the switchover took place. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, September 12<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey. Bob and Audrey Meisner join us today to talk about how what seemed innocent at the time almost cost them their marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. We\u2019re going to have a chance today to hear from a couple that has come back from a tough spot. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> They have. You know I always love to hear stories that end with redemption. Although it probably won\u2019t sound like that at the beginning, this is tough stuff. Bob and Audrey Meisner join us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Bob, Audrey, welcome to our broadcast. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Audrey:<\/strong> We really are honored to be here\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob M:<\/strong> Thank you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Audrey:<\/strong> \u2014and we really are thankful that we have a place to tell our story. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It\u2019s a great story. It really is. They\u2019ve written a book called <em>Marriage Undercover<\/em>. They\u2019ve been married for almost 30 years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob M:<\/strong> Almost. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Almost 30 years\u2014have four children. Together they host a 30-minute, daily TV program in Canada called <em>My New Day<\/em>. You guys say in the beginning of your book\u2014and I\u2019m going to direct this comment to you, Bob\u2014that you really viewed your marriage as affair proof. Why? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob M:<\/strong> Well, we had been married for 17 years; and I always called it the best marriage imaginable. The whole thing was that we never fought, we never had arguments, we always got along. It seemed as though we saw the world the same way. We loved life. We loved doing life together. We loved our children. We loved what we did in life\u2014you know our work, our ministry. I mean it was never a thought. So, it wasn\u2019t an issue that we fought with each other or anything like that. And so, \u201cWhy?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If somebody had come to you 17 years ago and said, \u201cDo you feel like your marriage is vulnerable at all in any spot,\u201d would you have said, \u201cNo way?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob M:<\/strong> Yes. I would probably say, \u201cNo way,\u201d or I\u2019d say, \u201cYou tell me how.\u201d You know? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob M:<\/strong> I didn\u2019t see that, no. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Audrey, what about you? Why did you think it was affair proof? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Audrey:<\/strong> I just\u2014because I loved God and I loved my husband, and you know we loved each other. We loved what we did together, and we wanted to change the world together. We shared passion. Plus, we had a great relationship; and as Bob said, we didn\u2019t fight. There weren\u2019t arguments going on. There wasn\u2019t conflict within our marriage. And I will tell you this is because I made sure there wasn\u2019t. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was very scared of conflict. Without knowing it, my fear of any kind of negative communication just really forced me to be a performer in the marriage. And if I was ever hurt, I would just bottle that deep inside and call myself a Jesus girl and say, \u201cI just forgive when he hurts me. I don\u2019t tell him.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. I almost interrupted Bob when he said, \u201cWe never fought.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Audrey:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I mean it\u2019s like\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Audrey:<\/strong> It\u2019s a dysfunction. You\u2019ve got to realize that\u2019s a\u2014we didn\u2019t know it at the time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Wait a second. Two imperfect human beings are going to disagree. Now, maybe it\u2019s the definition. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob M:<\/strong> No, there was one perfect individual\u2014me. But she just decided to go along with this story. (Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I get that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob M:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I get that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob M:<\/strong> It was a mess. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> But I think\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Audrey:<\/strong> Please note the dysfunction here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob M:<\/strong> Dysfunction with a capital D. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> The thing I want to point out, though\u2014and you write this in your book\u2014Audrey, you said there wasn\u2019t any lessening of love for your husband. You were madly in love with him. <br><br><strong>Audrey:<\/strong> I know. I think that has got to be the most mysterious part of this whole thing; but what happened is this was not against Bob. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere was something going on in my own heart where I was not being honest and true with the needs that I had. I wasn\u2019t expressing to Bob what I needed out of this relationship. I just wanted him to be happy, and I wanted, in essence, selfishly, me to be happy. So, I wanted this marriage to look really great and feel good. So, what I wasn\u2019t in touch with is what I needed; and I wasn\u2019t able to express that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, obviously with Dennis starting off by asking the question you felt like your marriage was affair proof, we kind of get a look at what\u2019s ahead in this story. And 17 years in, there was an affair, right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Audrey:<\/strong> It happened, and I really didn\u2019t think I was capable. I didn\u2019t. I can say that this young guy started coming to the church, and he started pursuing me, paying a lot of attention to me. I thought to myself, \u201cOh my gosh! Let\u2019s just get this guy a girlfriend.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut then, he started saying things that my heart was really aching to hear\u2014things like, \u201cWow! Does anyone notice how much work you are doing? Has anyone seen what you do to make this church happen? Does anyone see how much you are always loving people even when they don\u2019t love you back? Has anyone told you how beautiful you are?\u201d And as a 36-year-old woman, I\u2019ve got kids 10, 12, and 15; and those words felt really good. He\u2019s noticing. Someone is appreciating this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I think back now, and I\u2019m going, \u201cIf I would have had the courage or the capacity to tell Bob, \u2018This is what I need,\u2019 Bob would have dropped everything to give those things to me.\u201d I wasn\u2019t communicating that properly, but somebody was giving me what my heart was literally craving. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, when he started giving me those things, I thought to myself, \u201cI can have a friendship with this guy. I would never do anything inappropriate. Ever. I\u2019ve never even touched a guy\u2019s hand. I mean I love Jesus. I would never ever do anything. So, I\u2019m so glad that I have the capacity to control this relationship and have a friendship.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s where I like to really take note of the spiritual pride because it really is true \u201cPride comes before the fall.\u201d And I put myself in a place where I didn\u2019t need God, and that has got to be the most dangerous place to be. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You know as you say that I\u2019m thinking back to an interview I heard 25 years ago. Dr. Dobson was interviewing Gordon MacDonald who was a popular author, pastor, who also had an extramarital affair. Dr. Dobson asked him about his circumstance. I\u2019ll never forget. He said somebody had come into his office about five years before the affair and had said to him, \u201cGordon, if Satan was going to attack your ministry, how would he do it?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd Gordon MacDonald stopped, and he thought, \u201cThat\u2019s a great question.\u201d He said, \u201cI\u2019m not sure.\u201d He said, \u201cIt wouldn\u2019t be my marriage because that\u2019s solid.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Audrey:<\/strong> Exactly where I was. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And it\u2019s almost\u2014I remember hearing it. I can show you the spot on the road where I heard that interview because it was like this little note because I thought, \u201cSame deal.\u201d But all of us have to be on guard. It\u2019s foolishness to think that something is outside of the attack zone of the enemy and that we\u2019re not vulnerable. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And one other thing I would point out here in Audrey\u2019s story, and that\u2019s a friendship with the opposite sex. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Audrey:<\/strong> I\u2019m so glad you brought that up because as you can imagine, I have a lot of passion to help people, protect them from this never happening to them. I really thought I was immune. I didn\u2019t think I was capable, and I thought I had control. You know I thought, \u201cJust spending time alone with him, nothing could ever happen.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I would call it a small compromise, but there is no such thing as a small compromise because you see once you start justifying\u2014\u201cOh, I\u2019ll just do this. Oh, I\u2019ll just go out for lunch\u201d\u2014<br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnother thing that I like to take note of, as women, we really have a desire to feel desirable and beautiful. I can look back to when the chapter changed in my life. It was when I was getting ready to go to church hoping that he would notice that I was beautiful. And in my heart, I believe that\u2019s when the switchover took place. I want him to notice me. <br><br>I think there are so many women out there that are going to work, they are going to church, and they are thinking about a certain person, hoping that they will look good for them because they want that attention. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. And I\u2019d just caution any of our listeners who are developing any kind of friendship that has depth to it with the opposite sex: you just can\u2019t share things about what\u2019s going on in your marriage. You can\u2019t\u2014you just can\u2019t go there. You can\u2019t talk about your spouse\u2019s weakness. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Audrey:<\/strong> It\u2019s a short trip. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Some disappointments that you\u2019ve had. It\u2019s just a set up for, I think, the hook to be set. I want to ask you, Bob, in this situation, did you realize any of this was going on? I mean you obviously weren\u2019t aware of your wife\u2019s needs because she hadn\u2019t shared them with you; but were you watching any of this chemistry occur kind of offline, off to the side? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob M:<\/strong> The thing that I noticed was that he became more of an irritant to me and to my family and to my work. So, I remember you know having lunch with Audrey, taking her out, and just asking her to create greater distance. I was even very direct; and I said, \u201cIs there anything going on? I just want you to be careful.\u201d She, you know, just reassured and reaffirmed me: \u201cNo, everything is fine. Everything is okay.\u201d I thought, \u201cOkay.\u201d But I did express that I wasn\u2019t liking all of the time and attention that was going on. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Audrey:<\/strong> And I would say that was my first lie because\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I was going to ask you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Audrey:<\/strong> Yes. When he had me out for lunch, I started getting scared. I thought\u2014because nothing physically was happening, but emotionally I was attached to this guy. I knew that if I said something to Bob, that\u2019d be the end of our relationship. So, I protected this other relationship instead of protecting our marriage. Even thinking back and saying these words is hard for me because that was a sad moment of time where it really was the first betrayal to Bob. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Bob, you describe this other man as an irritant to the family. Explain to me what was going on that was irritating to you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob M:<\/strong> Well, he was single; and so our family was really family for him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob M:<\/strong> He was new to the city. He didn\u2019t have family nearby, so he was involved in our lives. So, it was like if ever the doorbell rang, he was there. If we were having dinner and the phone rang, he was there. So it just became too much involvement in our everyday lives. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Audrey:<\/strong> I do want to mention to you this as well. You mentioned about how when we find ourselves sharing about our marriage problems with another single person of the opposite sex, that\u2019s when there are some red flags that can go up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd for me, it wasn\u2019t as much sharing problems or issues. I really\u2014and as a very responsible pastor\u2019s wife in ministry, I seriously needed an event for fun. So, more than sharing deep stuff with this guy, I just wanted to get silly and have fun and just be carefree; and I felt that he was my outlet for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, I would think to myself if some guy is ringing the doorbell coming over to hang out with our family, unless he and I are becoming really good buds, I mean there\u2019d be a quick time out in that situation. \u201cWhy does this guy want to come hang out with the family if it\u2019s not me he\u2019s wanting to hang out with? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob M:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Were you thinking that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob M:<\/strong> Not necessarily because there was such an age difference. So, he was well connected with our children\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Audrey:<\/strong> Helping with our kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob M:<\/strong> \u2014and those kinds of things. So, there was a large enough age gap there that it wasn\u2019t like a colleague or somebody that would be my friend. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, the affair did end up happening. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Audrey:<\/strong> Yes. It was that short trip between a friendship and a sexual affair, something I never dreamed I was even capable of. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And how long before you finally confessed to Bob? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Audrey:<\/strong> That affair sexually lasted about three weeks. During that time, the confusion that came into my life was so intense and the conviction and the wrestling that was going on in my own heart. And after three weeks, not only did I break it off with him, I said he had to move out of the city. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTwo days later, I would say I had no intention of ever telling Bob. I just thought\u2014I prayed a lot. I said, \u201cJesus, I am so sorry for what I did. I can\u2019t believe I did this, God. Please forgive me.\u201d And instantly, in my heart, I heard that still, small voice say, \u201cTell Bob.\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cNo. Can\u2019t we just keep this a secret, Jesus? I promise I\u2019ll never do this again.\u201d I think, \u201cHow many times has that happened?\u201d You know, \u201cI promise it\u2019ll never happen again; just I can\u2019t hurt him with this.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut you know the enemy not only loves secrets and loves to work in that place of darkness; but secrets drive a wedge eventually into any intimate relationship. And I\u2019m so thankful that God spoke to my heart that day because it was just a day later that I was scared out of my mind as I sat at Bob\u2019s feet and told him about the adultery. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Were you blindsided, Bob\u2014totally blindsided? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob M:<\/strong> I really was. I was\u2014you know we had just had a short meeting and after the meeting, she said, \u201cI need to tell you something.\u201d And as I sat in the chair, like I am now, she just knelt to my feet and held my feet and cried. She began to speak about this affair that she had had. In my mind, initially, I thought, \u201cWell, maybe she had done something inappropriate.\u201d You know touching, that type of a thing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut then, all of the sudden my questioning turned into interrogation; and after interrogating, I found out that it had become physical. And I knew who it was and what went on. Immediately in my mind, I began to create images of how I will resort to my own resources to solve this situation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd that was [to] leave because I thought, \u201cI\u2019m just going to get up, and I\u2019m going to walk out,\u201d because this wasn\u2019t just a little mistake\u2014this wasn\u2019t just a little blip on the map. It wasn\u2019t just a moment where \u201cOh, I forgive you. It\u2019s okay;\u201d but I thought that if I were to leave, then, it would only be a matter of days where\u2014then, she would be exposed and discovered for what she did. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat was really something that I wanted because this was a big issue; and I thought, \u201cWe need to gather people around to figure out a solution. How are we going to fix, not just the problem, but how are we going to fix Audrey?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> In essence, you wanted to punish her at that point. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob M:<\/strong> Very much. I don\u2019t know if punishment was initially the thought. The first thought was exposing, to really bring this thing into the open. We\u2019ve got to get everybody involved, and we\u2019ve got to figure out how we were going to handle and manage this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Was that so that\u2014I mean did you want it brought into the open so that she would be exposed and ashamed? I mean was that a part of the punishment, or were you thinking, \u201cWe need community to help here?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob M:<\/strong> The communication style that we\u2019ve had in the past was \u201cI\u2019m so sorry. Forgive me. I\u2019ll never do that again.\u201d \u201cOkay, everything\u2019s fine. Okay, let\u2019s move on.\u201d And it was like, \u201cWe\u2019re not just going to move on over this one.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob M:<\/strong> \u201cThis one is going to take a little bit, and I don\u2019t know that I have the resources.\u201d So, initially, my thought was \u201cLet\u2019s involve everybody. Let\u2019s fix this thing. You hurt me. I\u2019m innocent, and you\u2019re the guilty party.\u201d So, my whole thought was \u201cHow are we going to manage this in the best way possible?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, what did you end up doing, then, at that point? Did you leave? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob M:<\/strong> I didn\u2019t leave. I went to my office, and I immediately asked\u2014I was staring at a blank wall. \u201cWhat do you do?\u201d In those moments, you\u2019ve got to ask God. I said, \u201cHoly Spirit, what do I do?\u201d Immediately, He reminded me of a guest who had been on our television program just months prior, Dr. Leo Godzich; and I gave him a call. He began to ask me some very direct and pertinent questions. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber one, \u201cWho knows?\u201d I said, \u201cNobody.\u201d He said, \u201cGood, let\u2019s keep it that way.\u201d He said, \u201cLet\u2019s keep this covered.\u201d Then, he said, \u201cWe\u2019ll talk later this evening, and I\u2019ll give you further instruction.\u201d I went back, and I spoke with Audrey that I had contacted Leo and that he wants to talk to us tonight. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAll of the sudden, I felt a sense of relief. Somebody knows; and I\u2019ve got help because I didn\u2019t know what to do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLater that evening, Audrey and I are sitting, and we have a speaker phone there between us. We could hardly be in the same room together. Nobody knew. Our kids were out at their grandparents. And during that evening, he began to speak to me truth. You know, not sympathy, but truth. And he began to speak to me of the principle of covering. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tProverbs 25:2 says, \u201cIt\u2019s God\u2019s glory to conceal a matter and for a king to discover its understanding.\u201d And he\u2019s asking me to cover my wife; not to hide, but rather cover. Cover has two primary principles. The first is to protect. When you\u2019ve been hurt or wounded, you go immediately to cover that wound from any further injury or harm. Then, you\u2019ll clean that wound. You\u2019ll suture it. You\u2019ll bandage it. You\u2019ll cover it again. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd the second principle is healing. So, he\u2019s asking me to cover my wife, to defend, and to fight for her; rather than to shame and expose. Then, will you be that key agent to bring healing into her life? These were whole new thought concepts that I hadn\u2019t had before because all I wanted to do was expose. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, the thought is, when was the last time you\u2019ve made a mistake and God has come to you and said, \u201cYou know what? I\u2019ve had enough. You said you\u2019d never do this again, and here you are.\u201d He said, \u201cYou know what? I\u2019m going to parade you and expose you for everything that you\u2019ve done.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know our Heavenly Father has never done that. He covers us. He defends us. He fights for us. And He always promotes healing in our lives. Dr. Godzich began to challenge me to embrace my Father\u2019s heart and to cover her. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, it was the next day that we were then flying to Phoenix, Arizona where he was to get some help. Before we hung up the phone, I had one more question. I said, \u201cWhat do I do tonight? Do I get a hotel? Do I sleep on the couch? Do I go to our parent\u2019s house? What do I do tonight?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said, \u201cBob, you are going to get right back into that marriage bed tonight.\u201d He said, \u201cYou will not spend one night apart from each other because we will not participate with the spirit of divorce.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat was probably one of the darkest nights of my life, not just because of the emotions and the tension between us, but I stared out the window that night into pure darkness. And I was so surprised because not only was every happy or hopeful memory or dream or vision of our future erased, but every happy memory of 17 years was gone. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd the enemy began to speak to my heart: \u201cShe\u2019s never loved you. She\u2019ll never be faithful to you. It\u2019s all been a farce.\u201d You know all of these kinds of concepts of hopelessness and despair began to enter my heart. Then, it was the next day that we found ourselves flying to Phoenix, Arizona where he was; and we were part of a pastor school there and we got a week of help. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I\u2019m just listening to this story, and you\u2019re describing what took place in less than 24 hours. That\u2019s quite a day, to come from no knowledge or suspicion of any kind to a confession. The key thing I want our listeners to hear is that Psalm 1 talks about \u201cBlessed is he who walks not in the counsel of the wicked.\u201d You know it\u2019s not saying it here, but it\u2019s really exhorting us to walk in the counsel of the godly and to listen to the wisdom of a man who embraces the Scripture. <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m just thinking of the danger of any married couple in a similar situation who could get isolated at that point and just have the lies that get whispered into your ear being listened to. You might not be sitting here today\u2014I mean that counsel, that advice, that direction, ultimately, not only covered a wound, but as you said, did bring healing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, this is one of the reasons why we are so big on encouraging couples to do regular, preventative maintenance on your marriage. I mean spend some time regularly\u2014whether it\u2019s a weekly date night or things that you do each month or something special you may do once a year or every couple of years. You need to have a maintenance schedule for your marriage like the maintenance schedule you have for your car. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMost couples I know just kind of chug along and hope that nothing bad happens. You\u2019ve got to be investing in your relationship with one another, building what Jerry Jenkins refers to as hedges around your marriage that protect you from even the lure of some of these kinds of things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s one of the reasons why we encourage couples to attend a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em> marriage getaway. Again, this week is the final week that we\u2019re making the special offer available to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners where you can attend a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway this fall. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you pay the regular price for one registration, we\u2019ll give you the second registration at no cost. So, you pay for yourself and your spouse comes free. It\u2019s a half-off deal for you to attend a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway this fall; but we have to hear from you by Sunday and we\u2019ve got to know you\u2019re a <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listener for you to be able to take advantage of this special offer. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo go to FamilyLifeToday.com. You can register online. Type my name, \u201cBOB,\u201d in the promotion code box; and you will qualify for the half-off registration fee offer that we are making. Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY and sign up over the phone. Again, mention that you listen to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> so that you\u2019ll qualify for the special offer we\u2019re making for <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners this week. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, that\u2019s one of the ways you can do some preventative maintenance on your marriage is by going to the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>. But if there is not a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> coming near where you live or you\u2019d like to do something a little different, get some couples together for a potluck dinner over at your house one night and invite them over, eat dinner together; and then watch Session One from <em>The Art of Marriage<\/em><em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em> small group study. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m convinced that if you get a group that goes through that session and then you say, \u201cHow about if we meet again next week or in a couple of weeks and do this again?\u201d everybody will want to do it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, what our team has done this week\u2014something special we\u2019re doing to encourage you to put a small group together to go through <em>The Art of Marriage<\/em> small group material\u2014we have a starter kit that has manuals for five couples and the DVDs. The way we are working things out is if you will cover the cost of the manuals, we will throw the DVDs in for free basically. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>So, you agree that you will host couples and you\u2019ll all go through the material together this fall; we\u2019ll give you the DVDs for free. That\u2019s essentially how it works out when order the starter kit from us this week. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014again, for all the details, FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFinally, let me mention that Bob and Audrey Meisner tell their story in a book called <em>Marriage Undercover<\/em>; and we have copies of that book in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center as well. So, go to FamilyLifeToday.com if you\u2019d like to read the complete story of what the Meisners went through in their marriage. Order the book, <em>Marriage Undercover<\/em>, from us online at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to hear the rest of Bob and Audrey Meisner\u2019s story and hear how God went to work in their marriage to restore what had been damaged through adultery. I hope you can join us for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, with special help from Justin Adams, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2013 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/302814","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=302814"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=302814"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=302814"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=302814"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=302814"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=302814"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=302814"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}