{"id":302811,"date":"2013-09-05T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2013-09-05T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/a-tribute-to-cheryl\/"},"modified":"2013-09-05T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2013-09-05T15:00:00","slug":"a-tribute-to-cheryl","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/a-tribute-to-cheryl\/","title":{"rendered":"A Tribute to Cheryl"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>At the memorial service for Cheryl Spangler, Mathew Spangler shares a moving tribute to his stepmom.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-09-05.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"20.5M","filesize_raw":"21499507","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2833],"tags":[4280,5301,4885],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[9317,3300],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302811","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-godly-legacy","tag-death","tag-memorial","tag-tribute","cwp_profile-mathew-spangler","cwp_profile-ron-deal","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302811\/a-tribute-to-cheryl","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302811\/a-tribute-to-cheryl","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"v5pTCqNkww\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/a-tribute-to-cheryl\/\">A Tribute to Cheryl<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/a-tribute-to-cheryl\/embed\/#?secret=v5pTCqNkww\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;A Tribute to Cheryl&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"v5pTCqNkww\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-09-05.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-09-05.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When Matt Spangler was just a boy, his dad, Sandy, got remarried. All of a sudden, there was a new woman in the house. Matt wasn\u2019t so sure what he thought of this woman that his dad was now calling, \u201cMy wife\u201d. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mathew:<\/strong> I remember arguments\u2014spitefully telling her that she was not my mother. She knew differently and willingly assumed that role, no matter what. I think sociologists would call us a blended family, but I prefer to think of us as a hybrid family. Somewhere, between my ages of 11 and 21, we had become the Spangler family hybrid, grafted together by God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, September 5<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We have the opportunity today to hear a stepson pay a tribute to his stepmom. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Thursday edition. We have, this week\u2014had an opportunity to hear from a couple who experienced a radical transformation, in their lives and in their marriage, a number of years ago. Dennis, as we\u2019ve listened back to the conversations we had with Sandy and Cheryl Spangler, a little touch of sadness\u2014because of the events of this year. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. In fact, what our listeners need to know was\u2014the impact of a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em> was so dramatic upon their lives, marriage, and family that Sandy and Cheryl decided to join FamilyLife staff\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and had been serving here until Cheryl was really stricken with a very aggressive form of cancer and, ultimately, has taken her life this past year\u2014but in the process of [the cancer] taking her earthly life, she is breathing what Bill Bright referred to as celestial air in heaven. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. One of the reasons that we wanted to feature these interviews this week is because our team wants to encourage you to do what Sandy and Cheryl did, two decades ago. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019d love for you to attend an upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway. We\u2019re going to be hosting these weekend getaways in more than four dozen cities across the country this fall. It is a great two-and-half day getaway for couples. It is a fun, romantic weekend away, together, where you can get the biblical blueprints for building a stronger marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> This is a great getaway if you\u2019re engaged or contemplating engagement. It\u2019s great for the rookie season of a marriage relationship\u2014just getting started. You couldn\u2019t have a better start than to go to this. It\u2019s really great to take good marriages and move them to an even deeper level of intimacy and growth, as a couple. And yes, it is also a great place for a couple who are struggling in their marriage. In fact, almost every weekend, Bob, we hear stories back from couples who came to a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway\u2014really on the last legs of their marriage\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and at the conference, like Sandy and Cheryl, they found the hope that they needed\u2014the blueprints that provided that hope\u2014and left the conference with a practical plan to know how to build a great marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, the reality is most of the couples who come are doing preventative maintenance. They are couples who are there for a great getaway. But there are some, as you said, who are coming\u2014in a dark place in their marriage. They find hope, and they find help. One of the ways we are trying to provide some additional incentive\u2014because we know we\u2019ve got listeners who are saying: \u201cYou know, we\u2019ve always wanted to go to one of those. We\u2019ve just never gotten to it.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, if you sign up this week\u2014actually, the deadline is a week from Sunday\u2014but you sign up to attend a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>, and you let us know that you listen to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014it\u2019s a buy one\/get one free offer. You sign up for yourself\u2014your spouse comes at no additional cost. You save half price on the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> this fall; but we need to hear from you. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com. You can register, online, if you\u2019d like. If you do that, you\u2019ll want to enter my name\u2014you\u2019ll want to put \u201cBOB\u201d\u2014in the promotion code box in order to take advantage of the special offer. Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Mention that you listen to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. You\u2019ll qualify for the special offer; and then, join us at a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway this fall. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou mentioned that Cheryl Spangler went home to be with the Lord, earlier this year. We\u2019re going to get a chance to visit the house of mourning today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes, in Ecclesiastes 7, it says, \u201cIt\u2019s good to go to the house of mourning rather than to the house of feasting,\u201d because it\u2019s the end of every person. Every person is going to die. It\u2019s healthy for us to go to a funeral to really contemplate and think about our lives and reflect on what God\u2019s doing in our lives. We\u2019re going to do that. We\u2019re going to hear from Cheryl Spangler\u2019s stepson. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the more interesting things about their marriage is they had one stepson that Cheryl\u2019s husband, Sandy, brought into their marriage. They ended up having a daughter\u2014a biological child\u2014as well. They formed a stepfamily. So, we\u2019re going to hear from Mathew Spangler as he gives a tribute at Cheryl Spangler\u2019s memorial service. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And we\u2019ve asked Ron Deal to join us on today\u2019s program because Ron gives leadership to the FamilyLife Blended Ministry. Ron, welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Thank you. It\u2019s always good to be back on the broadcast. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You had a chance to be at the memorial service. You were pretty moved by what this stepson shared about his stepmom. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> There are so many good things about this. I don\u2019t even know where to start. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, let\u2019s listen together to what Mathew shared at the memorial service. Then, we can talk a little bit about it, after we hear his comments. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previously recorded audio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mathew:<\/strong> For all of my adult life, my parents have been discussing and talking about leaving a legacy; but I can honestly tell you that the first thing that popped into my mind, when I sat down to write this, was constantly learning the value of a crisp, hospital corner when you\u2019re making your bed. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy mom had a great deal of wisdom. She shared it with me and everyone else all the time. Most of it, I utilized; and what I didn\u2019t, it was usually to my detriment. [Laughter] One of those is\u2014I have not made my bed with hospital corners since I moved out and went to college. [Laughter] But I have a couple of lasting memories that I will treasure about her forever. Here\u2019s just a taste of some of the idiosyncrasies about her that made her my mom. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI hope that this sounds familiar to you and it makes you smile, like it does me. Soft-serve ice cream is the <em>only<\/em> ice cream that is worthy to be on a cone. A sundae without hot fudge is nothing more than ice cream with fruit sauce. Curled potato chips\u2014you know the ones that fold in the middle\u2014are worth fighting over. And a properly vacuumed room will have those symmetrical lines that run straight and parallel. [Laughter] If you haven\u2019t moved the furniture, you haven\u2019t really vacuumed. I can\u2019t fully explain the satisfaction and the memory that it gives me of my mom when I\u2019m ironing and I get a good, crisp line on the shoulder of my dress shirts. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember her teaching me how to drive a stick-shift. I remember us getting stuck out in the country road. I was puttering along, and I kept stalling the car out. I got pulled over by a park ranger. He came up to the window and told us we needed to find a safer place to do this, where it wouldn\u2019t be quite so dangerous. My mom looked up, past me, through the window, and looked at him and said: \u201cWe\u2019re in the middle of Leroy. This is the middle of <em>nowhere<\/em>. Where are we going to find anywhere more secluded?\u201d [Laughter] He left, and we just kept on stalling home. [Laughter] My mom was not very easily intimidated. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe taught me the proper viscosity of homemade gravy. She taught me to slow dance before my first middle school dance. [Emotion in voice] She explained the importance of giving my wife flowers for no other reason than just to give her flowers. She told me to pay attention to my future mother-in-law before I proposed because chances are my wife, Stacy, would be just like that. That was good advice that I did take to heart and did make good use of. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis all sounds pretty normal for a mother and a son, but our relationship was not a cookie-cutter relationship. One of the most important memories I\u2019ll have of my mom is learning how to graft plants together. You might recall, from seventh-grade science class, how you slice plants and you stick the stem of one into the other to root a plant. I remember\u2014I remember doing that in an experiment in seventh or eighth grade, thinking it was very cool. But that experiment is not quite so cool when you\u2019re life is that metaphorical stem. [Emotion in voice] The cutting and the grafting is painful. My mom spent a good portion of her life grafting severed families together\u2014and that started with her own. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is going to sound kind of funny to some of you\u2014but until I was out of college, I called my mom, \u201cCheryl\u201d. I\u2019m sure most of you can guess that she\u2019s not my birth mom, but I know that she realized that she was my mom before I realized she was my mom. I know this because I remember the exact conversation when it took place. We were discussing the planning of my wedding. I was 21, and she was asking about what our plan was\u2014whether my birth mom would be there or not. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPerhaps, I should give a little bit more context. My dad and my birth mom, Nancy, were separated before I was even in school. Cheryl and my dad got married when I was six. By the time I was in fifth grade, my life with my birth mom was pretty complicated. I ended up moving in with my dad, and that began a grafting of our new family. Nancy remained an inconsistent and unhealthy part of my life. By the time I was 21, she was pretty much completely out of my life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs mom and I were discussing the planning of my wedding, she was worried. She wanted to know if Nancy was going to be there\u2014if she was, \u201cWho was going to light the unity candle?\u201d I remember that conversation taking me off-guard because never, for one moment, did it even occur to me that anyone other than Mom would light my unity candle. [Emotion in voice] That was reserved for the mother. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAfter that conversation, I was beginning to understand what I think she already understood\u2014that somewhere, between my ages of 11 and 21, we had become the Spangler family hybrid. We had been grafted together. I remember arguments\u2014spitefully telling her that she was not my mother. She knew differently and willingly assumed that role, no matter what. We have no common blood; but we have been grafted together, by God, as mother and son. I think sociologists would call us a blended family; but I prefer to think of us as a hybrid family that was grafted together by God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul uses a similar illustration in Romans\u2014where he discusses the adoption of the Gentiles, as children of God, by grafting them into the roots of the nation of Israel\u2014into one family. My family is a painfully beautiful illustration of that concept. God has woven beautiful symmetry into my life through my relationship with my mother. I\u2019m her adopted son. [Emotion in voice] I\u2019m father of two adopted little girls, and I\u2019m an adopted child of God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen this day passes and today becomes tomorrow\u2014becomes next week, becomes next year\u2014I will remember my mom\u2019s legacy this way\u2014as someone who leveraged everything that she had to graft severed people and severed families into God\u2019s hybrid family of Christ. Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, we have been listening as Mathew Spangler reflected on his relationship with his stepmom at her memorial service, just a few months ago, as Cheryl Spangler went home to be with the Lord. <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. As I was listening to that, Bob, my mind was just flooded with all kinds of messages that Mathew was sending about the love of his mother and how God did, indeed, graft them together. I love his concept of hybrid families. I guess I want to ask Ron Deal, who heads up FamilyLife\u2019s Blended Ministry, \u201cWhat stood out to you, as you listened to that tribute?\u201d It was powerful; wasn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> It was awesome! It\u2019s the tribute that I hope, to some degree, his stepmother, Cheryl, got to hear from him. I would wish that every stepparent, living today, would be able to hear this tribute because it\u2019s the words they so desperately want to hear. What I loved about it\u2014guys, is it was honest; and it was real. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> It was a journey for them. You know, I had a little contact with Mathew, after he gave this testimony. He shared with me\u2014you know, earlier on, they had some real conflict\u2014he and his stepmom. Mostly, he said, \u201cWe were just kind of fighting over time with Dad.\u201d He said, \u201cI remember saying to myself, \u2018Wait a minute! He was my dad long before he was your husband.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, they had their conflicts. This was no easy journey for them. But over a period of time, what happens is\u2014the outsider, Cheryl, becomes the insider. I just want you to listen to that for a minute. To me, that\u2019s so powerful. What he is saying is, \u201cGod does that for us;\u201d right? Jesus spent His whole ministry career turning outsiders into insiders\u2014spiritual outsiders into spiritual insiders. That\u2019s what grace does for us. Cheryl, as a stepmother, spent her <em>career<\/em> turning that outsider relationship\u2014that she had with her stepson\u2014into an insider relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It sounds like she had the wisdom, as a stepmom, not to try to force the relationship to be more than Mathew was ready for it to be. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes, I think so. You know, a lot of times, I think step-parenting comes down to the mundane aspects of life. You know? So, she\u2019s teaching him how to drive. She\u2019s teaching him how to cook gravy\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> How to fold the bed sheets. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014how to iron his clothes. A lot of step-parents look at me like, \u201cOkay, Ron, give me the three-point plan to win this stepchild\u2019s heart and for our life to be harmonious.\u201d Well, you know, I kind of think most of the plan is just walking out life together and doing so with grace, and mercy, and just showing yourself to be somebody who has something to offer. One of the ways you share you care to a child is just by teaching them life skills; and she did that very, very well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And she lived life on purpose, too. I love his summary of her legacy: \u201cAs someone who leveraged everything she had to graft severed people and severed families into God\u2019s hybrid family.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And that\u2019s why they threw in their lot, here in FamilyLife, to want to see other families find the Savior\u2014just as they had found Him at a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway\u2014and how He had transformed their marriage, and redeemed it, and gave them a message to pass onto others. You know, back to your point, Ron, a stepson got that message. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s cool. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s really cool. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And I have to think there are some step-parents\u2014who listen to a tribute like this and, right now, where they are, they are thinking\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cThat would never\u2014my stepson\/stepdaughter would never say words like that about me.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> I did the math. He talked about when he was six she came into his life. When he is 21, he finally realizes her significance. She moves from stepmom to being \u201cMom\u201d. Now, notice what he said about her\u2014she knew she was his mother, long before he realized it. I found that so profound. I think that is a common experience for step-parents. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey know what they are doing for the children\u2014how they are giving to the children\u2014and really, they kind of have a sense of how significant they are in the life of a child\u2014but for whatever reason, it takes the kids a lot longer. So, do the math. Fifteen years\u2014she lives, not knowing that he has finally embraced her, in that capacity, in his life. That\u2019s a long 15 years. I think there are a lot of step-parents, listening right now\u2014and I just want to encourage them\u2014to say, \u201cPersevere.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You wrote a book for stepdads called <em>The Smart Stepdad<\/em>; and co-wrote a book for stepmoms called <em>The Smart Stepmom<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Cheryl sounds like she was a smart stepmom\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014before you wrote the book. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Absolutely. We should have asked her to co-write it. Yes. She did a lot of things right; and again, she didn\u2019t realize she was doing them right\u2014but look at the payoff at the end. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> That just\u2014what a beautiful testimony to her life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, we should mention, if folks are interested in a copy of <em>The Smart Stepmom<\/em> or <em>The Smart Stepdad<\/em>, they can go to FamilyLifeToday.com; or they can call 1-800-FL-TODAY for more information on either of those books. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis would be a good place to let listeners know about something that you\u2019ve got coming up in Dallas, later on this month. This is something that is brand-new; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> It is. In late September, we\u2019re hosting <em>The Blended and Blessed Summit<\/em> on stepfamily ministry. Never before, in this country or\u2014to my knowledge\u2014around the world, has anyone gathered together those who are invested in stepfamily ministry and blended family education. We\u2019re pulling together leaders, lay couples, pastors, people who have written books and are writing curriculum\u2014and we\u2019re getting them into one room. We\u2019re going to talk about how we can advance stepfamily ministry within the church and within our culture. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Go to FamilyLifeToday.com. We\u2019ve got a link there that will get you right to where you can get more information about <em>The Blended and Blessed<\/em> conference that is coming up in Dallas, here on September 25<sup>th<\/sup>. Really, it\u2019s with couples\u2014like Sandy and Cheryl Spangler\u2014in mind that we\u2019re hosting this conference because we want to see couples\u2014who come together and experience some of the problems that Sandy and Cheryl experienced\u2014we want to see them end well, as was the case for the Spanglers. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And what I don\u2019t want our listeners to miss here is that Cheryl and Sandy\u2019s marriage nearly ended. They almost became another statistic; but instead, they went to a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway\u2014just as thousands of other blended families, and intact families, and engaged couples\u2014have come to these weekend getaways to equip them to know how to do marriage. <br><br>If you haven\u2019t been to one of these\u2014I don\u2019t care if you\u2019ve got an intact family, whether you are engaged, or whether you have a blended family and you feel like you are on the brink\u2014you know what? Get to one of these events and do something, on purpose, for your marriage and your family, as well as your legacy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think the comment we hear more than any other comment from folks who attend a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway for the first time is, \u201cI wish we had come here sooner,\u201d\u2014especially couples who come, who have been married for ten or more years, and are thinking, \u201cBoy, this could have helped us through some of the bumpy moments in the earlier years of marriage\u2014could have helped us develop some better habits and patterns than what we\u2019ve experienced so far.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got about four dozen of these events, that are kicking off this month, in cities, all across the country. This week and next week, our team is making a special offer to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners. You can register for an upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway\u2014you pay the regular registration fee for yourself, and your spouse comes free. So, it\u2019s a buy one\/get one free. It\u2019s essentially 50 percent off the regular cost. It\u2019s good this week and next week, and you have to be a <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listener to qualify. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, go to FamilyLifeToday.com. You can find out more about the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>, online. Find out when a getaway is going to be in a city near where you live; and then, register online. As you fill out the registration, type my name\u2014just type, \u201cBOB\u201d\u2014in the promotion code box that you\u2019ll see on the registration form. That will automatically kick in the special offer. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr call 1-800-FL-TODAY. We can answer any questions you have about the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway. We can get you registered over the phone. Again, just mention that you listen to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> so that we can make sure you get to take advantage of the special offer we are making this week and next week. It\u2019s good through next Sunday. So, if you want to take advantage of this, you need to act quickly. We hope to see you at an upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to introduce you to another couple who got to the breaking-point in their marriage before they finally got to a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway. And we\u2019ll hear how God worked in their marriage and how God is using them in the lives of a lot of other couples. I hope you can tune in for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2013 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["20.5M"],"filesize_raw":["21499507"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-302811.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-302811.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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the memorial service for Cheryl Spangler, Mathew Spangler shares a moving tribute to his stepmom.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-09-05.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When Matt Spangler was just a boy, his dad, Sandy, got remarried. All of a sudden, there was a new woman in the house. Matt wasn\u2019t so sure what he thought of this woman that his dad was now calling, \u201cMy wife\u201d. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mathew:<\/strong> I remember arguments\u2014spitefully telling her that she was not my mother. She knew differently and willingly assumed that role, no matter what. I think sociologists would call us a blended family, but I prefer to think of us as a hybrid family. Somewhere, between my ages of 11 and 21, we had become the Spangler family hybrid, grafted together by God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, September 5<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We have the opportunity today to hear a stepson pay a tribute to his stepmom. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Thursday edition. We have, this week\u2014had an opportunity to hear from a couple who experienced a radical transformation, in their lives and in their marriage, a number of years ago. Dennis, as we\u2019ve listened back to the conversations we had with Sandy and Cheryl Spangler, a little touch of sadness\u2014because of the events of this year. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. In fact, what our listeners need to know was\u2014the impact of a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em> was so dramatic upon their lives, marriage, and family that Sandy and Cheryl decided to join FamilyLife staff\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and had been serving here until Cheryl was really stricken with a very aggressive form of cancer and, ultimately, has taken her life this past year\u2014but in the process of [the cancer] taking her earthly life, she is breathing what Bill Bright referred to as celestial air in heaven. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. One of the reasons that we wanted to feature these interviews this week is because our team wants to encourage you to do what Sandy and Cheryl did, two decades ago. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019d love for you to attend an upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway. We\u2019re going to be hosting these weekend getaways in more than four dozen cities across the country this fall. It is a great two-and-half day getaway for couples. It is a fun, romantic weekend away, together, where you can get the biblical blueprints for building a stronger marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> This is a great getaway if you\u2019re engaged or contemplating engagement. It\u2019s great for the rookie season of a marriage relationship\u2014just getting started. You couldn\u2019t have a better start than to go to this. It\u2019s really great to take good marriages and move them to an even deeper level of intimacy and growth, as a couple. And yes, it is also a great place for a couple who are struggling in their marriage. In fact, almost every weekend, Bob, we hear stories back from couples who came to a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway\u2014really on the last legs of their marriage\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and at the conference, like Sandy and Cheryl, they found the hope that they needed\u2014the blueprints that provided that hope\u2014and left the conference with a practical plan to know how to build a great marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, the reality is most of the couples who come are doing preventative maintenance. They are couples who are there for a great getaway. But there are some, as you said, who are coming\u2014in a dark place in their marriage. They find hope, and they find help. One of the ways we are trying to provide some additional incentive\u2014because we know we\u2019ve got listeners who are saying: \u201cYou know, we\u2019ve always wanted to go to one of those. We\u2019ve just never gotten to it.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, if you sign up this week\u2014actually, the deadline is a week from Sunday\u2014but you sign up to attend a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>, and you let us know that you listen to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014it\u2019s a buy one\/get one free offer. You sign up for yourself\u2014your spouse comes at no additional cost. You save half price on the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> this fall; but we need to hear from you. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com. You can register, online, if you\u2019d like. If you do that, you\u2019ll want to enter my name\u2014you\u2019ll want to put \u201cBOB\u201d\u2014in the promotion code box in order to take advantage of the special offer. Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Mention that you listen to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. You\u2019ll qualify for the special offer; and then, join us at a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway this fall. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou mentioned that Cheryl Spangler went home to be with the Lord, earlier this year. We\u2019re going to get a chance to visit the house of mourning today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes, in Ecclesiastes 7, it says, \u201cIt\u2019s good to go to the house of mourning rather than to the house of feasting,\u201d because it\u2019s the end of every person. Every person is going to die. It\u2019s healthy for us to go to a funeral to really contemplate and think about our lives and reflect on what God\u2019s doing in our lives. We\u2019re going to do that. We\u2019re going to hear from Cheryl Spangler\u2019s stepson. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the more interesting things about their marriage is they had one stepson that Cheryl\u2019s husband, Sandy, brought into their marriage. They ended up having a daughter\u2014a biological child\u2014as well. They formed a stepfamily. So, we\u2019re going to hear from Mathew Spangler as he gives a tribute at Cheryl Spangler\u2019s memorial service. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And we\u2019ve asked Ron Deal to join us on today\u2019s program because Ron gives leadership to the FamilyLife Blended Ministry. Ron, welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Thank you. It\u2019s always good to be back on the broadcast. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You had a chance to be at the memorial service. You were pretty moved by what this stepson shared about his stepmom. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> There are so many good things about this. I don\u2019t even know where to start. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, let\u2019s listen together to what Mathew shared at the memorial service. Then, we can talk a little bit about it, after we hear his comments. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previously recorded audio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mathew:<\/strong> For all of my adult life, my parents have been discussing and talking about leaving a legacy; but I can honestly tell you that the first thing that popped into my mind, when I sat down to write this, was constantly learning the value of a crisp, hospital corner when you\u2019re making your bed. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy mom had a great deal of wisdom. She shared it with me and everyone else all the time. Most of it, I utilized; and what I didn\u2019t, it was usually to my detriment. [Laughter] One of those is\u2014I have not made my bed with hospital corners since I moved out and went to college. [Laughter] But I have a couple of lasting memories that I will treasure about her forever. Here\u2019s just a taste of some of the idiosyncrasies about her that made her my mom. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI hope that this sounds familiar to you and it makes you smile, like it does me. Soft-serve ice cream is the <em>only<\/em> ice cream that is worthy to be on a cone. A sundae without hot fudge is nothing more than ice cream with fruit sauce. Curled potato chips\u2014you know the ones that fold in the middle\u2014are worth fighting over. And a properly vacuumed room will have those symmetrical lines that run straight and parallel. [Laughter] If you haven\u2019t moved the furniture, you haven\u2019t really vacuumed. I can\u2019t fully explain the satisfaction and the memory that it gives me of my mom when I\u2019m ironing and I get a good, crisp line on the shoulder of my dress shirts. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember her teaching me how to drive a stick-shift. I remember us getting stuck out in the country road. I was puttering along, and I kept stalling the car out. I got pulled over by a park ranger. He came up to the window and told us we needed to find a safer place to do this, where it wouldn\u2019t be quite so dangerous. My mom looked up, past me, through the window, and looked at him and said: \u201cWe\u2019re in the middle of Leroy. This is the middle of <em>nowhere<\/em>. Where are we going to find anywhere more secluded?\u201d [Laughter] He left, and we just kept on stalling home. [Laughter] My mom was not very easily intimidated. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe taught me the proper viscosity of homemade gravy. She taught me to slow dance before my first middle school dance. [Emotion in voice] She explained the importance of giving my wife flowers for no other reason than just to give her flowers. She told me to pay attention to my future mother-in-law before I proposed because chances are my wife, Stacy, would be just like that. That was good advice that I did take to heart and did make good use of. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis all sounds pretty normal for a mother and a son, but our relationship was not a cookie-cutter relationship. One of the most important memories I\u2019ll have of my mom is learning how to graft plants together. You might recall, from seventh-grade science class, how you slice plants and you stick the stem of one into the other to root a plant. I remember\u2014I remember doing that in an experiment in seventh or eighth grade, thinking it was very cool. But that experiment is not quite so cool when you\u2019re life is that metaphorical stem. [Emotion in voice] The cutting and the grafting is painful. My mom spent a good portion of her life grafting severed families together\u2014and that started with her own. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is going to sound kind of funny to some of you\u2014but until I was out of college, I called my mom, \u201cCheryl\u201d. I\u2019m sure most of you can guess that she\u2019s not my birth mom, but I know that she realized that she was my mom before I realized she was my mom. I know this because I remember the exact conversation when it took place. We were discussing the planning of my wedding. I was 21, and she was asking about what our plan was\u2014whether my birth mom would be there or not. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPerhaps, I should give a little bit more context. My dad and my birth mom, Nancy, were separated before I was even in school. Cheryl and my dad got married when I was six. By the time I was in fifth grade, my life with my birth mom was pretty complicated. I ended up moving in with my dad, and that began a grafting of our new family. Nancy remained an inconsistent and unhealthy part of my life. By the time I was 21, she was pretty much completely out of my life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs mom and I were discussing the planning of my wedding, she was worried. She wanted to know if Nancy was going to be there\u2014if she was, \u201cWho was going to light the unity candle?\u201d I remember that conversation taking me off-guard because never, for one moment, did it even occur to me that anyone other than Mom would light my unity candle. [Emotion in voice] That was reserved for the mother. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAfter that conversation, I was beginning to understand what I think she already understood\u2014that somewhere, between my ages of 11 and 21, we had become the Spangler family hybrid. We had been grafted together. I remember arguments\u2014spitefully telling her that she was not my mother. She knew differently and willingly assumed that role, no matter what. We have no common blood; but we have been grafted together, by God, as mother and son. I think sociologists would call us a blended family; but I prefer to think of us as a hybrid family that was grafted together by God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul uses a similar illustration in Romans\u2014where he discusses the adoption of the Gentiles, as children of God, by grafting them into the roots of the nation of Israel\u2014into one family. My family is a painfully beautiful illustration of that concept. God has woven beautiful symmetry into my life through my relationship with my mother. I\u2019m her adopted son. [Emotion in voice] I\u2019m father of two adopted little girls, and I\u2019m an adopted child of God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen this day passes and today becomes tomorrow\u2014becomes next week, becomes next year\u2014I will remember my mom\u2019s legacy this way\u2014as someone who leveraged everything that she had to graft severed people and severed families into God\u2019s hybrid family of Christ. Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, we have been listening as Mathew Spangler reflected on his relationship with his stepmom at her memorial service, just a few months ago, as Cheryl Spangler went home to be with the Lord. <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. As I was listening to that, Bob, my mind was just flooded with all kinds of messages that Mathew was sending about the love of his mother and how God did, indeed, graft them together. I love his concept of hybrid families. I guess I want to ask Ron Deal, who heads up FamilyLife\u2019s Blended Ministry, \u201cWhat stood out to you, as you listened to that tribute?\u201d It was powerful; wasn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> It was awesome! It\u2019s the tribute that I hope, to some degree, his stepmother, Cheryl, got to hear from him. I would wish that every stepparent, living today, would be able to hear this tribute because it\u2019s the words they so desperately want to hear. What I loved about it\u2014guys, is it was honest; and it was real. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> It was a journey for them. You know, I had a little contact with Mathew, after he gave this testimony. He shared with me\u2014you know, earlier on, they had some real conflict\u2014he and his stepmom. Mostly, he said, \u201cWe were just kind of fighting over time with Dad.\u201d He said, \u201cI remember saying to myself, \u2018Wait a minute! He was my dad long before he was your husband.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, they had their conflicts. This was no easy journey for them. But over a period of time, what happens is\u2014the outsider, Cheryl, becomes the insider. I just want you to listen to that for a minute. To me, that\u2019s so powerful. What he is saying is, \u201cGod does that for us;\u201d right? Jesus spent His whole ministry career turning outsiders into insiders\u2014spiritual outsiders into spiritual insiders. That\u2019s what grace does for us. Cheryl, as a stepmother, spent her <em>career<\/em> turning that outsider relationship\u2014that she had with her stepson\u2014into an insider relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It sounds like she had the wisdom, as a stepmom, not to try to force the relationship to be more than Mathew was ready for it to be. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes, I think so. You know, a lot of times, I think step-parenting comes down to the mundane aspects of life. You know? So, she\u2019s teaching him how to drive. She\u2019s teaching him how to cook gravy\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> How to fold the bed sheets. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014how to iron his clothes. A lot of step-parents look at me like, \u201cOkay, Ron, give me the three-point plan to win this stepchild\u2019s heart and for our life to be harmonious.\u201d Well, you know, I kind of think most of the plan is just walking out life together and doing so with grace, and mercy, and just showing yourself to be somebody who has something to offer. One of the ways you share you care to a child is just by teaching them life skills; and she did that very, very well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And she lived life on purpose, too. I love his summary of her legacy: \u201cAs someone who leveraged everything she had to graft severed people and severed families into God\u2019s hybrid family.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And that\u2019s why they threw in their lot, here in FamilyLife, to want to see other families find the Savior\u2014just as they had found Him at a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway\u2014and how He had transformed their marriage, and redeemed it, and gave them a message to pass onto others. You know, back to your point, Ron, a stepson got that message. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s cool. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s really cool. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And I have to think there are some step-parents\u2014who listen to a tribute like this and, right now, where they are, they are thinking\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cThat would never\u2014my stepson\/stepdaughter would never say words like that about me.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> I did the math. He talked about when he was six she came into his life. When he is 21, he finally realizes her significance. She moves from stepmom to being \u201cMom\u201d. Now, notice what he said about her\u2014she knew she was his mother, long before he realized it. I found that so profound. I think that is a common experience for step-parents. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey know what they are doing for the children\u2014how they are giving to the children\u2014and really, they kind of have a sense of how significant they are in the life of a child\u2014but for whatever reason, it takes the kids a lot longer. So, do the math. Fifteen years\u2014she lives, not knowing that he has finally embraced her, in that capacity, in his life. That\u2019s a long 15 years. I think there are a lot of step-parents, listening right now\u2014and I just want to encourage them\u2014to say, \u201cPersevere.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You wrote a book for stepdads called <em>The Smart Stepdad<\/em>; and co-wrote a book for stepmoms called <em>The Smart Stepmom<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Cheryl sounds like she was a smart stepmom\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014before you wrote the book. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Absolutely. We should have asked her to co-write it. Yes. She did a lot of things right; and again, she didn\u2019t realize she was doing them right\u2014but look at the payoff at the end. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> That just\u2014what a beautiful testimony to her life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, we should mention, if folks are interested in a copy of <em>The Smart Stepmom<\/em> or <em>The Smart Stepdad<\/em>, they can go to FamilyLifeToday.com; or they can call 1-800-FL-TODAY for more information on either of those books. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis would be a good place to let listeners know about something that you\u2019ve got coming up in Dallas, later on this month. This is something that is brand-new; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> It is. In late September, we\u2019re hosting <em>The Blended and Blessed Summit<\/em> on stepfamily ministry. Never before, in this country or\u2014to my knowledge\u2014around the world, has anyone gathered together those who are invested in stepfamily ministry and blended family education. We\u2019re pulling together leaders, lay couples, pastors, people who have written books and are writing curriculum\u2014and we\u2019re getting them into one room. We\u2019re going to talk about how we can advance stepfamily ministry within the church and within our culture. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Go to FamilyLifeToday.com. We\u2019ve got a link there that will get you right to where you can get more information about <em>The Blended and Blessed<\/em> conference that is coming up in Dallas, here on September 25<sup>th<\/sup>. Really, it\u2019s with couples\u2014like Sandy and Cheryl Spangler\u2014in mind that we\u2019re hosting this conference because we want to see couples\u2014who come together and experience some of the problems that Sandy and Cheryl experienced\u2014we want to see them end well, as was the case for the Spanglers. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And what I don\u2019t want our listeners to miss here is that Cheryl and Sandy\u2019s marriage nearly ended. They almost became another statistic; but instead, they went to a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway\u2014just as thousands of other blended families, and intact families, and engaged couples\u2014have come to these weekend getaways to equip them to know how to do marriage. <br><br>If you haven\u2019t been to one of these\u2014I don\u2019t care if you\u2019ve got an intact family, whether you are engaged, or whether you have a blended family and you feel like you are on the brink\u2014you know what? Get to one of these events and do something, on purpose, for your marriage and your family, as well as your legacy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think the comment we hear more than any other comment from folks who attend a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway for the first time is, \u201cI wish we had come here sooner,\u201d\u2014especially couples who come, who have been married for ten or more years, and are thinking, \u201cBoy, this could have helped us through some of the bumpy moments in the earlier years of marriage\u2014could have helped us develop some better habits and patterns than what we\u2019ve experienced so far.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got about four dozen of these events, that are kicking off this month, in cities, all across the country. This week and next week, our team is making a special offer to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners. You can register for an upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway\u2014you pay the regular registration fee for yourself, and your spouse comes free. So, it\u2019s a buy one\/get one free. It\u2019s essentially 50 percent off the regular cost. It\u2019s good this week and next week, and you have to be a <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listener to qualify. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, go to FamilyLifeToday.com. You can find out more about the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>, online. Find out when a getaway is going to be in a city near where you live; and then, register online. As you fill out the registration, type my name\u2014just type, \u201cBOB\u201d\u2014in the promotion code box that you\u2019ll see on the registration form. That will automatically kick in the special offer. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr call 1-800-FL-TODAY. We can answer any questions you have about the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway. We can get you registered over the phone. Again, just mention that you listen to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> so that we can make sure you get to take advantage of the special offer we are making this week and next week. It\u2019s good through next Sunday. So, if you want to take advantage of this, you need to act quickly. We hope to see you at an upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to introduce you to another couple who got to the breaking-point in their marriage before they finally got to a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway. And we\u2019ll hear how God worked in their marriage and how God is using them in the lives of a lot of other couples. I hope you can tune in for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2013 FamilyLife. 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