{"id":302804,"date":"2013-08-27T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2013-08-27T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/raising-selfless-kids-in-a-selfish-world\/"},"modified":"2013-08-27T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2013-08-27T15:00:00","slug":"raising-selfless-kids-in-a-selfish-world","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/raising-selfless-kids-in-a-selfish-world\/","title":{"rendered":"Raising  Selfless Kids in a Selfish World"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Pastor Dave Stone talks to parents about teaching their children to be others-centered instead of self-centered.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-08-27.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"23.72M","filesize_raw":"24870265","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2806],"tags":[5109,5292],"podcast_series":[7969],"cwp_profile":[3175],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302804","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spiritual-development","tag-selfishness","tag-young-children","podcast_series-faithful-families","cwp_profile-dave-stone","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302804\/raising-selfless-kids-in-a-selfish-world","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302804\/raising-selfless-kids-in-a-selfish-world","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"0P20rhgy0m\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/raising-selfless-kids-in-a-selfish-world\/\">Raising  Selfless Kids in a Selfish World<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/raising-selfless-kids-in-a-selfish-world\/embed\/#?secret=0P20rhgy0m\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Raising  Selfless Kids in a Selfish World&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"0P20rhgy0m\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-08-27.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-08-27.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You want to raise unselfish children; right? So how do you do that when you\u2019re the one teaching them\u2014and more often than you like to admit\u2014you\u2019re living a selfish life? Here\u2019s Pastor Dave Stone.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>We\u2019re going to blow it! They\u2019re going to see our selfishness at times. The question is whether or not we use that as a teaching opportunity or whether we try to sweep it under the carpet. The key for a parent is to say: \u201cI\u2019m going to be authentic. I\u2019m going to be consistent.\u201d That means that I\u2019ve had to make that journey upstairs to the bedrooms and say: \u201cHey, I just want you to know I blew it. I was thinking of me more than I was thinking of others.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, August 27<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. If the monster of selfishness has invaded your home, we\u2019re going to talk today about what you can do to slay the beast. Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I did a study, a number of years ago, through the book of Proverbs\u2014looking at what advice a father was to pass on to his children. Three things jumped out at me in the book of Proverbs. Over and over again I kept seeing these three themes emerge. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe first is that children are born foolish and have to be taught wisdom. They\u2019re not born with wisdom. They\u2019re born foolish and have to be taught wisdom. The second thing was\u2014they\u2019re born with knowledge of God, but they have to be taught a love for God. And the third thing was\u2014they\u2019re born selfish. They have to be taught to be other-centered. Every kid I\u2019ve ever met\u2014the selfish gene was resident in that child.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And our guest, on today\u2019s broadcast, resonates with that statement. Dave Stone joins us again on <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em> Welcome back, Dave.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>It\u2019s great to be back. Thanks for having me on, you guys.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>He has written a book called <em>How to Raise Selfless Kids in a Self-Centered World.<\/em> Dave knows a little about that. He not only raised three children\u2014now, almost three to adulthood\u2014but also married to his wife Beth since 1985 and has been leading a church in Louisville, Kentucky, that has\u2014not 22,000 members\u2014but 22,000 people who attend every Sunday.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So you\u2019re not fudging the numbers up there; huh?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>No, that\u2019s right. That\u2019s\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I\u2019ve been in the church. You won\u2019t see 22,000 at one time, but I can picture that they make their way through there. You\u2019re really talking about an issue today\u2014that parents need to take aim on this issue. You begin your book with a story that I\u2019ve heard\u2014that really is a remarkable story that occurred in the Olympics.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes. Matt Emmons, back in 2004, was in a rifle competition\u2014a shooting competition. He had the gold medal in the bag. He shot a shot that would have, any other time, for his final shot, would have counted seven or eight points. The only problem was he shot at the wrong target. He shot it in the lane next to him. He was in lane three\u2014he shot it in lane four. The score he got was a zero instead of a seven or an eight.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt dropped him, totally, out of the medals. So, he won nothing. The point is\u2014it doesn\u2019t matter if you hit the target if it\u2019s the wrong target. There are a lot of parents who are raising their kids to be wrapped up in themselves, and everything is about them. As a result of that, their kids will hit that target; but it\u2019s the wrong target.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI don\u2019t think any set of parents leaves the maternity ward and says, \u201cBoy, I sure hope that I can raise a self-absorbed, selfish child who wants everything for himself.\u201d No parent sets out to do that, but a lot of parents have succeeded in doing that. If you look at the change, the past few decades, of what\u2019s happened\u2014even in our periodicals\u2014it is indicative of what\u2019s taking place in our culture. We\u2019ve gone from <em>TIME<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>Magazine to <em>LIFE<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> Magazine to <em>People<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> Magazine to <em>Us<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> Magazine to <em>SELF<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> Magazine. Now, there\u2019s actually a magazine called <em>Me<\/em>. That shows the regression\u2014of where we want all of the focus to be on us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And it really is an issue of the will. Whose will is going to win here because your children, if they\u2019re allowed to go their own way\u2014like Bob was talking about in the book of Proverbs\u2014it\u2019s really the father appealing to his son to deny himself and to look out for other people. As you raised your three, where did you begin in this battle to call your children out of self-absorption into more of a service mindset?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, you began with notes in the glove compartment; didn\u2019t you? Wasn\u2019t that one of the tactics you used?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes, that actually came a little bit later, but what it does is\u2014it teaches our kids that they are more important than things. When my kids were 16 years of age and they started driving, I actually wrote a letter, unbeknownst to them, and placed it in the glove compartment. It was right there, with the registration, because I knew the only time they would ever look in the glove compartment, next to the registration, was when they either were in a car accident or they got pulled over by a police officer. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I wrote in that letter to them\u2014I said: \u201cI\u2019m assuming that you have found this because of something that\u2019s happened. I pray that you are okay. I hope that you will let me know as soon as you can if you are alright, but cars can be fixed and people can\u2019t. So, please know that you are more important than any car.\u201d I just wanted them to know that if they were upset over a wreck or over something that\u2019s happened to that vehicle\u2014hey, it pales in comparison to how much I love them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That value\u2014that people matter more than things\u2014is one of the core values that really teaches us selflessness; isn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>And you have to flesh it out. Your kids will copy and imitate what they see in Mom and Dad. So, that was a subtle way of communicating that. The P.S. to that letter was, \u201cIf you got pulled over for speeding, I pray that you never forget how your heart was about to pound out of your chest when you saw those flashing lights in the rearview mirror.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cAnd by the way, I\u2019ll take the keys when you get home.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, speaking of keys, there was a reason why you had used this opportunity as a teaching lesson. It went all the way back to when you were 15?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Oh! How do you know all these things about me, Dennis?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You put them in the book!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I know, but I was hoping you would skim and not read; you know?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Your dad really nailed this one. It\u2019s like: \u201cOh my goodness! What a teachable moment!\u201d He seized the moment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Well, for all your listeners, it\u2019s important for us all to realize that when it comes to our parenting, God is much more concerned with our direction than He is our perfection. I didn\u2019t have perfect parents, but I had great parents. One of the things that they did was they showed truth and they showed grace. They had some consequences for when I would get out away from them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe story that Dennis is referring to, of course, is when I was 15 years of age. My parents went out of town. They had us stay at a Bible college campus, where my dad worked at the time. My older brother gave me the car keys and said, \u201cWhile Mom and Dad are gone, feel free to take that thing out for a spin.\u201d I said, \u201cYou are the best brother that ever walked the face of the earth!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI didn\u2019t have a driver\u2019s license. I didn\u2019t even have a permit. So, for two solid days, I gave lonely secretaries rides around the campus. If they were at one building, I\u2019d say \u201cHey, hop in. I\u2019ll give you a ride to the other side.\u201d I went back and forth; but every person that got in my car, I said: \u201cPlease promise me you won\u2019t tell anyone. You\u2019re sworn to secrecy.\u201d They all said that they would\u2014you know.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut when my parents came back in town, my dad was fired up. He said to Jeff and me, \u201cOkay, I need to talk to you guys.\u201d He put us in his study, and he slammed the door. He stared at us; and he said, \u201cIs there anything you want to tell me?\u201d Well, they\u2019d been gone for three days. We\u2019d done a lot of different things, and we didn\u2019t know what he had on us; you know? We lived by a principle: \u201cNever confess to a felony if he only hits you for a misdemeanor.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So you started with the small stuff; huh?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes. So, I\u2019m like, \u201cWe have nothing to declare.\u201d I didn\u2019t know what he had, so I was going to pull him out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Who was the first one to speak?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Well, I was the first one to speak; but it was after my dad gave his speech. My dad was also a preacher. He immediately goes into an impromptu parable. He says, \u201cA certain man went on a journey out of town.\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cOh, I know where this is going.\u201d He said, \u201cHe entrusted two sets of car keys to his older son, who in turn entrusted a set of car keys to his younger brother, who did not have a license, who proceeded to drive around the campus for two days. What should happen to these two boys?\u201d I finally\u2014my Sunday school training kicked in. I said, \u201cAs surely as the Lord lives, the older brother must die.\u201d [Laughter] And Dad did not think it was that funny.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Did he even grin? Did he grin; do you think?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>When I was 16, he said, \u201cHappy birthday, but you\u2019re going to have to wait to get your license.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And here\u2019s what was at the core of all this. They were trying to make it clear that life doesn\u2019t revolve around you\u2014your decisions, your choices. We live in a world where we rely on one another, we depend on one another, and we ought to be able to trust one another. We have to die to what we want to do for the sake of others. That\u2019s part of what they were trying to train.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Well-said.\u00a0 That was their end result that they were hoping to get because they wanted to teach us that being a Christian is counter-cultural. There is nothing more counter-cultural, these days, than putting the focus on others rather than upon you. I had a mom and dad who were trying to bore that into our hearts\u2014to put the focus on someone else. We\u2019ve tried to do the same thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You know\u2014the problem, Dave, is the culture is like a megaphone\u2014screaming at our children, as well as us, to: \u201cLive for yourself.\u201d \u201cAcquire.\u201d \u201cConsume.\u201d \u201cLive for your own needs, your own desires,\u201d and, \u201cReally, don\u2019t worry about everybody else.\u201d How did you take this on? You had to be facing it as you raised your kids, just like we did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes, and we made plenty of mistakes along the way; but I think you have to keep coming back to the fact of: \u201cOkay, why are you here? Were you put here on this earth for yourself or were you put here for the glory of God? Is everything going to revolve around you, or can you derive incredible fulfillment when you do things for others?\u201d That\u2019s why I encourage parents, \u201cGet involved in some type of service.\u201d It\u2019s a mindset.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s my wife\u2014driving the van and taking three or four neighborhood kids to school\u2014and each day, when they would come in, in the afternoon, and get in the van\u2014she\u2019d say, \u201cOkay, I want to know. Who did you encourage?\u201d She\u2019d have a jar of candy, up-front. She\u2019d say, \u201cTell me who you encouraged today.\u201d See, you\u2019re raising the bar and you\u2019re raising the expectation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s a trial and error. It\u2019s a teaching process, but it\u2019s a great time for these kids to be able to put the focus and spotlight someplace else. Jesus said, \u201cThe Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many.\u201d If we\u2019re really imitating Christ, that means that we start having our eyes open for all these needs. In this book, <em>Selfless Kids<\/em>, I talk about some families that do a great job with that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think of the Sykes family, in our church. They do a great job of putting the focus on others. They\u2019ll have a \u201cGarbage Man Appreciation Day\u201d. They\u2019ll put posters, with the garbage man\u2019s name, in their yard, just to try to bring attention to them. They\u2019ll do the same thing with their postal carrier. I think about people who raised their children in such a way that they think of others first when it comes to any type of need. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have the Snyders, some friends of ours. They went to a third-world country. They came back\u2014they invited girls to come over to their house for a sleepover; but they said: \u201cYou cannot bring a sleeping bag. You can\u2019t bring a pillow. We\u2019re going to talk about where we were in India.\u201d They shared about an orphanage there, and they had people bring gifts for the orphanage. They ate rice at dinner. They ate rice for breakfast, the next morning. They slept the same way that the kids in the orphanage did. Now, that\u2019s a family that is putting the focus on others. Those kids are going to grow up, saying, \u201cIt\u2019s not about me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>How much of that mindset did you grab from your mom and dad in the home you grew up in? I mean, your story is really a mixture of what you did with your kids\u2014raising them\u2014but a ton of stories are about the family you are going to the bank on, today, as a dad.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes, I was very blessed in the fact that my parents modeled servanthood for me. So, I think it is easier. The whole key to raising these godly kids is the fact that I think we have to be genuine. We have to be the real deal. One of the things that moved me the most\u2014my dad did work at a Bible college. When he left, he got a small raise with his next job. What my parents would do wipes me out, even to think about it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSometimes, they would put cash\u2014just in an envelope. They would tell my brother and they would tell me: \u201cHey, will you go down to the campus? After everybody has gone and it\u2019s late at night, would you just slide this underneath this professor\u2019s door?\u201d We became a courier service for his old staff\u2014that he used to work alongside of\u2014because he knew some of the money that they made or the lack thereof. We became these anonymous carrier pigeons that would slide an envelope with $40 or $70 in it. No one knew anything about what my parents were doing; but do you have any idea the impact that that makes on a 17-year-old kid, knowing that my parents didn\u2019t have a whole lot, and yet they were modeling for us generosity and selfless living? So, I was very blessed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It carried over to your son, Sam, when the church had a building campaign. He got involved; didn\u2019t he?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes. That was one of the more unusual moments of parenthood\u2014where you feel like, \u201cBoy, I think my kids are getting it!\u201d We had a building campaign at church. We made a big push about it. We challenged our kids and said, \u201cWe want you all to be involved in this.\u201d Each one of them stepped up to the plate; but my son, Sam, in an unusual fashion, committed $200. He said, \u201cI pledge $200 over the course of the next two years.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTo put that in perspective, that was every penny of his allowance for two solid years. That was no extra spending money\u2014that was everything for two years. I said, \u201cBuddy, are you sure you want to do this?\u201d I went through the numbers with him. He said: \u201cOh, no. I\u2019ve figured this all out.\u201d I think he was nine years old, at the time. He said, \u201cNo, I\u2019m fine with it.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said, \u201cWell, I want to make certain, before you turn this pledge card in, that you realize every dime that Mom and Dad give you, you\u2019re going to say that you\u2019re going to give that to the Lord\u2019s work of this new building and that ministry.\u201d He said, \u201cYes, I understand that.\u201d We really thought: \u201cGosh, this is amazing! We shouldn\u2019t let him do it.\u201d We wrestled with that. We certainly didn\u2019t tell anybody about it because we thought it would look really bad\u2014like: \u201cOh, golly, the preacher is strong-arming his own kid. This is terrible!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>So we didn\u2019t talk about it; but he did it faithfully for months, and months, and months. Then, one time, I was speaking at something. They said, \u201cWould you bring your dad and bring your son with you?\u201d My dad came and he spoke some. My son got up; and he talked for five minutes, at the age of ten, at that time. Then, he did a rap. He had memorized a rap song\u2014a Christian rap song. He did such a great job at the men\u2019s conference\u2014they had him do it at the weekend service. It went over so well he got a standing ovation. They had him do it at <em>every<\/em> service at this church. Two weeks later, they sent him a check for his speaking; and it was $200. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod has a sense of humor; but I think what God was teaching my son, at a very early age, is: \u201cI\u2019ve got this. Trust Me. Be selfless. Be unselfish. Share with others, and I\u2019m going to take care of you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>What I want to remind parents of is that they are in the process of raising the next generation of Christ-followers and of disciples, who are going to be warriors on behalf of the next generation. As you were talking, I kept thinking about Christ\u2019s words in Luke, Chapter 9, when He said: \u201cIf anyone would come after Me, let him deny himself, take up his cross daily, and follow Me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake, will save it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs parents, we have to train our kids, early, to begin to latch on to that truth of being a disciple of Christ. We are the ones who create that original appetite\u2014that thirst for God and a thirst for denying self\u2014because it does not come naturally.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>The key for a parent is to say: \u201cI\u2019m going to be authentic. I\u2019m going to be consistent.\u201d That means that we\u2019re going to blow it! They\u2019re going to see our selfishness at times. The question is whether or not we use that as a teaching opportunity or whether we try to sweep it under the carpet. There are plenty of times when I\u2019ve had to make that journey up the stairs to the bedrooms and say: \u201cHey, I just want you to know I blew it. I was thinking of me more than I was thinking of others.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think of a time when my son was involved in a Bible study we had for couples at our house, and he loved it. He looked forward to it. These all were people in their 20s\u2014a lot of them played sports\u2014and they were involved in different things. Every week, we\u2019d have 35 people in our basement\u2014every Wednesday. His job was, whoever the visitors were, he was to make them feel really comfortable. He might play ping pong with them, he might go up and show them his room; he would do anything he possibly could to put the focus on them so that they would feel comfortable in the Bible study.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe looked forward to this every Wednesday; but one night, on Wednesday before the Bible study started, I made a joke, at his expense. My son has a great sense of humor; but I mean, everybody laughed hard\u2014the group of guys. We were standing around there, and I was talking about him\u2014I was talking about Sam and a girlfriend that he kind of was interested in at school\u2014but it really embarrassed him. I could tell that I had said the wrong thing, and I had crossed the line. I saw him kind of slowly meander his way out. He went upstairs. The Bible study started. I started teaching, and I got about five minutes into it. I said [Emotion in voice]: \u201cJust give me a couple of minutes. I have to take care of something,\u201d and went upstairs. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere was my son. I found him in his room. He has the door shut and his head is buried in a pillow on the bed. I can see his eyes are red, and he\u2019s been crying. I said, \u201cDude,\u201d I said, \u201cI owe you an apology.\u201d He said, \u201cYou made everybody laugh at me.\u201d I said: \u201cYou\u2019re right. I was more concerned with me than I was you, and I wanted to laugh.\u201d I said, \u201cI am so sorry.\u201d I said, \u201cWill you forgive me?\u201d Of course, he said, \u201cI forgive you.\u201d I said: \u201cI\u2019ll never do that again, at your expense. I\u2019m sorry I did it.\u201d He hugged me, and I went back downstairs and presented the Bible study; but I told them what had happened. I apologized to them, too. Out of all the nights we\u2019ve had couples\u2019 Bible studies\u2014I think that that probably was the night when they got the biggest lesson. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI can\u2019t even tell you what I taught on that night, but it had nothing to do with what the planned lesson was. It had everything to do with the fact that they realized you\u2019re going to have to swallow your pride, and you\u2019re going to have to ask forgiveness of your family members. You\u2019re going to have to put the spotlight on others rather than trying to get the laugh for yourself or the attention for yourself.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>If you keep on doing that\u2014enough days in a row\u2014your kids are going to get the message.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You don\u2019t have to be perfect. You just have to persevere.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The point here, I think, is that we have to recognize that unselfishness will never come naturally. Nobody ever goes: \u201cYou know, I just feel like I ought to be unselfish.\u201d That\u2019s learned\u2014that\u2019s trained.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I don\u2019t think I\u2019ve ever awakened in the morning, thinking, \u201cI\u2019d love to be unselfish\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: \u201c<\/strong>I\u2019ll be unselfish today.\u201d No\u2014selfishness is bound up in all of our hearts. If we\u2019re parents, we have to recognize that\u2019s true with our kids. They are naturally selfish. They\u2019re inclined in that direction. We have to be working to train them\u2014to teach them to go against the impulse of the flesh. We, probably, also need to teach them that this is going to be a lifelong struggle and a lifelong battle for us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDave, I appreciate the fact that you\u2019ve given us some anchor points that we can hang onto, as parents, as we talk about things like service, and generosity, and forgiveness, and other elements that lead into living as selfless men and women.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDave\u2019s book is called <em>How to Raise Selfless Kids in a Self-Centered World. <\/em>It\u2019s part of the <em>Faithful Families <\/em>series. We have all the books in the series in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. Go, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com for more information on how you can order any of the books Dave has written. Again, the website: FamilyLifeToday.com. Or call, toll-free, at 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d. Ask about Dave\u2019s book, <em>How to Raise Selfless Kids in a Self-Centered World, <\/em>or about any of the books he\u2019s written in the <em>Faithful Family <\/em>series.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSpeaking about selflessness, there is a group of our listeners\u2014a faithful, committed core group of selfless men and women\u2014who share our desire to see every home become a godly home. They are committed, as we are, to helping to provide practical, biblical help for marriages and families in this country through <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> on the radio, all around the world on the internet, and immediately accessible on our Apple<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> iPhone app. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe appreciate those of you who partner with us, as financial supporters of this ministry. In fact, this week, we\u2019d like to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d by sending you a couple of CDs that feature a conversation we had with Dr. Steve Farrar, talking about what a dad can do to help anchor his family in Christ for a couple of generations. When you go to FamilyLifeToday.com, click the button that says, \u201cI CARE\u201d, and make an online donation, we\u2019ll send you those CDs as our thank-you gift. Or request the CDs when you get in touch with us by phone or by mail. Our phone number is: 1-800-FL-TODAY; and our mailing address is: <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, Box 7111, Little Rock, Arkansas, and our zip code is 72223.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to talk more with Dave Stone\u2014this time, about what parents can do to sow seeds of faith in the hearts and lives of our children. I hope you can tune in for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2013 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["23.72M"],"filesize_raw":["24870265"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-302804.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-302804.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Dave Stone talks to parents about teaching their children to be others-centered instead of self-centered.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-08-27.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You want to raise unselfish children; right? So how do you do that when you\u2019re the one teaching them\u2014and more often than you like to admit\u2014you\u2019re living a selfish life? Here\u2019s Pastor Dave Stone.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>We\u2019re going to blow it! They\u2019re going to see our selfishness at times. The question is whether or not we use that as a teaching opportunity or whether we try to sweep it under the carpet. The key for a parent is to say: \u201cI\u2019m going to be authentic. I\u2019m going to be consistent.\u201d That means that I\u2019ve had to make that journey upstairs to the bedrooms and say: \u201cHey, I just want you to know I blew it. I was thinking of me more than I was thinking of others.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, August 27<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. If the monster of selfishness has invaded your home, we\u2019re going to talk today about what you can do to slay the beast. Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I did a study, a number of years ago, through the book of Proverbs\u2014looking at what advice a father was to pass on to his children. Three things jumped out at me in the book of Proverbs. Over and over again I kept seeing these three themes emerge. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe first is that children are born foolish and have to be taught wisdom. They\u2019re not born with wisdom. They\u2019re born foolish and have to be taught wisdom. The second thing was\u2014they\u2019re born with knowledge of God, but they have to be taught a love for God. And the third thing was\u2014they\u2019re born selfish. They have to be taught to be other-centered. Every kid I\u2019ve ever met\u2014the selfish gene was resident in that child.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And our guest, on today\u2019s broadcast, resonates with that statement. Dave Stone joins us again on <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em> Welcome back, Dave.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>It\u2019s great to be back. Thanks for having me on, you guys.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>He has written a book called <em>How to Raise Selfless Kids in a Self-Centered World.<\/em> Dave knows a little about that. He not only raised three children\u2014now, almost three to adulthood\u2014but also married to his wife Beth since 1985 and has been leading a church in Louisville, Kentucky, that has\u2014not 22,000 members\u2014but 22,000 people who attend every Sunday.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So you\u2019re not fudging the numbers up there; huh?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>No, that\u2019s right. That\u2019s\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I\u2019ve been in the church. You won\u2019t see 22,000 at one time, but I can picture that they make their way through there. You\u2019re really talking about an issue today\u2014that parents need to take aim on this issue. You begin your book with a story that I\u2019ve heard\u2014that really is a remarkable story that occurred in the Olympics.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes. Matt Emmons, back in 2004, was in a rifle competition\u2014a shooting competition. He had the gold medal in the bag. He shot a shot that would have, any other time, for his final shot, would have counted seven or eight points. The only problem was he shot at the wrong target. He shot it in the lane next to him. He was in lane three\u2014he shot it in lane four. The score he got was a zero instead of a seven or an eight.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt dropped him, totally, out of the medals. So, he won nothing. The point is\u2014it doesn\u2019t matter if you hit the target if it\u2019s the wrong target. There are a lot of parents who are raising their kids to be wrapped up in themselves, and everything is about them. As a result of that, their kids will hit that target; but it\u2019s the wrong target.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI don\u2019t think any set of parents leaves the maternity ward and says, \u201cBoy, I sure hope that I can raise a self-absorbed, selfish child who wants everything for himself.\u201d No parent sets out to do that, but a lot of parents have succeeded in doing that. If you look at the change, the past few decades, of what\u2019s happened\u2014even in our periodicals\u2014it is indicative of what\u2019s taking place in our culture. We\u2019ve gone from <em>TIME<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>Magazine to <em>LIFE<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> Magazine to <em>People<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> Magazine to <em>Us<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> Magazine to <em>SELF<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> Magazine. Now, there\u2019s actually a magazine called <em>Me<\/em>. That shows the regression\u2014of where we want all of the focus to be on us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And it really is an issue of the will. Whose will is going to win here because your children, if they\u2019re allowed to go their own way\u2014like Bob was talking about in the book of Proverbs\u2014it\u2019s really the father appealing to his son to deny himself and to look out for other people. As you raised your three, where did you begin in this battle to call your children out of self-absorption into more of a service mindset?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, you began with notes in the glove compartment; didn\u2019t you? Wasn\u2019t that one of the tactics you used?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes, that actually came a little bit later, but what it does is\u2014it teaches our kids that they are more important than things. When my kids were 16 years of age and they started driving, I actually wrote a letter, unbeknownst to them, and placed it in the glove compartment. It was right there, with the registration, because I knew the only time they would ever look in the glove compartment, next to the registration, was when they either were in a car accident or they got pulled over by a police officer. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I wrote in that letter to them\u2014I said: \u201cI\u2019m assuming that you have found this because of something that\u2019s happened. I pray that you are okay. I hope that you will let me know as soon as you can if you are alright, but cars can be fixed and people can\u2019t. So, please know that you are more important than any car.\u201d I just wanted them to know that if they were upset over a wreck or over something that\u2019s happened to that vehicle\u2014hey, it pales in comparison to how much I love them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That value\u2014that people matter more than things\u2014is one of the core values that really teaches us selflessness; isn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>And you have to flesh it out. Your kids will copy and imitate what they see in Mom and Dad. So, that was a subtle way of communicating that. The P.S. to that letter was, \u201cIf you got pulled over for speeding, I pray that you never forget how your heart was about to pound out of your chest when you saw those flashing lights in the rearview mirror.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cAnd by the way, I\u2019ll take the keys when you get home.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, speaking of keys, there was a reason why you had used this opportunity as a teaching lesson. It went all the way back to when you were 15?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Oh! How do you know all these things about me, Dennis?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You put them in the book!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I know, but I was hoping you would skim and not read; you know?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Your dad really nailed this one. It\u2019s like: \u201cOh my goodness! What a teachable moment!\u201d He seized the moment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Well, for all your listeners, it\u2019s important for us all to realize that when it comes to our parenting, God is much more concerned with our direction than He is our perfection. I didn\u2019t have perfect parents, but I had great parents. One of the things that they did was they showed truth and they showed grace. They had some consequences for when I would get out away from them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe story that Dennis is referring to, of course, is when I was 15 years of age. My parents went out of town. They had us stay at a Bible college campus, where my dad worked at the time. My older brother gave me the car keys and said, \u201cWhile Mom and Dad are gone, feel free to take that thing out for a spin.\u201d I said, \u201cYou are the best brother that ever walked the face of the earth!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI didn\u2019t have a driver\u2019s license. I didn\u2019t even have a permit. So, for two solid days, I gave lonely secretaries rides around the campus. If they were at one building, I\u2019d say \u201cHey, hop in. I\u2019ll give you a ride to the other side.\u201d I went back and forth; but every person that got in my car, I said: \u201cPlease promise me you won\u2019t tell anyone. You\u2019re sworn to secrecy.\u201d They all said that they would\u2014you know.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut when my parents came back in town, my dad was fired up. He said to Jeff and me, \u201cOkay, I need to talk to you guys.\u201d He put us in his study, and he slammed the door. He stared at us; and he said, \u201cIs there anything you want to tell me?\u201d Well, they\u2019d been gone for three days. We\u2019d done a lot of different things, and we didn\u2019t know what he had on us; you know? We lived by a principle: \u201cNever confess to a felony if he only hits you for a misdemeanor.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So you started with the small stuff; huh?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes. So, I\u2019m like, \u201cWe have nothing to declare.\u201d I didn\u2019t know what he had, so I was going to pull him out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Who was the first one to speak?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Well, I was the first one to speak; but it was after my dad gave his speech. My dad was also a preacher. He immediately goes into an impromptu parable. He says, \u201cA certain man went on a journey out of town.\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cOh, I know where this is going.\u201d He said, \u201cHe entrusted two sets of car keys to his older son, who in turn entrusted a set of car keys to his younger brother, who did not have a license, who proceeded to drive around the campus for two days. What should happen to these two boys?\u201d I finally\u2014my Sunday school training kicked in. I said, \u201cAs surely as the Lord lives, the older brother must die.\u201d [Laughter] And Dad did not think it was that funny.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Did he even grin? Did he grin; do you think?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>When I was 16, he said, \u201cHappy birthday, but you\u2019re going to have to wait to get your license.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And here\u2019s what was at the core of all this. They were trying to make it clear that life doesn\u2019t revolve around you\u2014your decisions, your choices. We live in a world where we rely on one another, we depend on one another, and we ought to be able to trust one another. We have to die to what we want to do for the sake of others. That\u2019s part of what they were trying to train.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Well-said.\u00a0 That was their end result that they were hoping to get because they wanted to teach us that being a Christian is counter-cultural. There is nothing more counter-cultural, these days, than putting the focus on others rather than upon you. I had a mom and dad who were trying to bore that into our hearts\u2014to put the focus on someone else. We\u2019ve tried to do the same thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You know\u2014the problem, Dave, is the culture is like a megaphone\u2014screaming at our children, as well as us, to: \u201cLive for yourself.\u201d \u201cAcquire.\u201d \u201cConsume.\u201d \u201cLive for your own needs, your own desires,\u201d and, \u201cReally, don\u2019t worry about everybody else.\u201d How did you take this on? You had to be facing it as you raised your kids, just like we did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes, and we made plenty of mistakes along the way; but I think you have to keep coming back to the fact of: \u201cOkay, why are you here? Were you put here on this earth for yourself or were you put here for the glory of God? Is everything going to revolve around you, or can you derive incredible fulfillment when you do things for others?\u201d That\u2019s why I encourage parents, \u201cGet involved in some type of service.\u201d It\u2019s a mindset.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s my wife\u2014driving the van and taking three or four neighborhood kids to school\u2014and each day, when they would come in, in the afternoon, and get in the van\u2014she\u2019d say, \u201cOkay, I want to know. Who did you encourage?\u201d She\u2019d have a jar of candy, up-front. She\u2019d say, \u201cTell me who you encouraged today.\u201d See, you\u2019re raising the bar and you\u2019re raising the expectation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s a trial and error. It\u2019s a teaching process, but it\u2019s a great time for these kids to be able to put the focus and spotlight someplace else. Jesus said, \u201cThe Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many.\u201d If we\u2019re really imitating Christ, that means that we start having our eyes open for all these needs. In this book, <em>Selfless Kids<\/em>, I talk about some families that do a great job with that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think of the Sykes family, in our church. They do a great job of putting the focus on others. They\u2019ll have a \u201cGarbage Man Appreciation Day\u201d. They\u2019ll put posters, with the garbage man\u2019s name, in their yard, just to try to bring attention to them. They\u2019ll do the same thing with their postal carrier. I think about people who raised their children in such a way that they think of others first when it comes to any type of need. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have the Snyders, some friends of ours. They went to a third-world country. They came back\u2014they invited girls to come over to their house for a sleepover; but they said: \u201cYou cannot bring a sleeping bag. You can\u2019t bring a pillow. We\u2019re going to talk about where we were in India.\u201d They shared about an orphanage there, and they had people bring gifts for the orphanage. They ate rice at dinner. They ate rice for breakfast, the next morning. They slept the same way that the kids in the orphanage did. Now, that\u2019s a family that is putting the focus on others. Those kids are going to grow up, saying, \u201cIt\u2019s not about me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>How much of that mindset did you grab from your mom and dad in the home you grew up in? I mean, your story is really a mixture of what you did with your kids\u2014raising them\u2014but a ton of stories are about the family you are going to the bank on, today, as a dad.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes, I was very blessed in the fact that my parents modeled servanthood for me. So, I think it is easier. The whole key to raising these godly kids is the fact that I think we have to be genuine. We have to be the real deal. One of the things that moved me the most\u2014my dad did work at a Bible college. When he left, he got a small raise with his next job. What my parents would do wipes me out, even to think about it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSometimes, they would put cash\u2014just in an envelope. They would tell my brother and they would tell me: \u201cHey, will you go down to the campus? After everybody has gone and it\u2019s late at night, would you just slide this underneath this professor\u2019s door?\u201d We became a courier service for his old staff\u2014that he used to work alongside of\u2014because he knew some of the money that they made or the lack thereof. We became these anonymous carrier pigeons that would slide an envelope with $40 or $70 in it. No one knew anything about what my parents were doing; but do you have any idea the impact that that makes on a 17-year-old kid, knowing that my parents didn\u2019t have a whole lot, and yet they were modeling for us generosity and selfless living? So, I was very blessed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It carried over to your son, Sam, when the church had a building campaign. He got involved; didn\u2019t he?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes. That was one of the more unusual moments of parenthood\u2014where you feel like, \u201cBoy, I think my kids are getting it!\u201d We had a building campaign at church. We made a big push about it. We challenged our kids and said, \u201cWe want you all to be involved in this.\u201d Each one of them stepped up to the plate; but my son, Sam, in an unusual fashion, committed $200. He said, \u201cI pledge $200 over the course of the next two years.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTo put that in perspective, that was every penny of his allowance for two solid years. That was no extra spending money\u2014that was everything for two years. I said, \u201cBuddy, are you sure you want to do this?\u201d I went through the numbers with him. He said: \u201cOh, no. I\u2019ve figured this all out.\u201d I think he was nine years old, at the time. He said, \u201cNo, I\u2019m fine with it.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said, \u201cWell, I want to make certain, before you turn this pledge card in, that you realize every dime that Mom and Dad give you, you\u2019re going to say that you\u2019re going to give that to the Lord\u2019s work of this new building and that ministry.\u201d He said, \u201cYes, I understand that.\u201d We really thought: \u201cGosh, this is amazing! We shouldn\u2019t let him do it.\u201d We wrestled with that. We certainly didn\u2019t tell anybody about it because we thought it would look really bad\u2014like: \u201cOh, golly, the preacher is strong-arming his own kid. This is terrible!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>So we didn\u2019t talk about it; but he did it faithfully for months, and months, and months. Then, one time, I was speaking at something. They said, \u201cWould you bring your dad and bring your son with you?\u201d My dad came and he spoke some. My son got up; and he talked for five minutes, at the age of ten, at that time. Then, he did a rap. He had memorized a rap song\u2014a Christian rap song. He did such a great job at the men\u2019s conference\u2014they had him do it at the weekend service. It went over so well he got a standing ovation. They had him do it at <em>every<\/em> service at this church. Two weeks later, they sent him a check for his speaking; and it was $200. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod has a sense of humor; but I think what God was teaching my son, at a very early age, is: \u201cI\u2019ve got this. Trust Me. Be selfless. Be unselfish. Share with others, and I\u2019m going to take care of you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>What I want to remind parents of is that they are in the process of raising the next generation of Christ-followers and of disciples, who are going to be warriors on behalf of the next generation. As you were talking, I kept thinking about Christ\u2019s words in Luke, Chapter 9, when He said: \u201cIf anyone would come after Me, let him deny himself, take up his cross daily, and follow Me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake, will save it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs parents, we have to train our kids, early, to begin to latch on to that truth of being a disciple of Christ. We are the ones who create that original appetite\u2014that thirst for God and a thirst for denying self\u2014because it does not come naturally.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>The key for a parent is to say: \u201cI\u2019m going to be authentic. I\u2019m going to be consistent.\u201d That means that we\u2019re going to blow it! They\u2019re going to see our selfishness at times. The question is whether or not we use that as a teaching opportunity or whether we try to sweep it under the carpet. There are plenty of times when I\u2019ve had to make that journey up the stairs to the bedrooms and say: \u201cHey, I just want you to know I blew it. I was thinking of me more than I was thinking of others.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think of a time when my son was involved in a Bible study we had for couples at our house, and he loved it. He looked forward to it. These all were people in their 20s\u2014a lot of them played sports\u2014and they were involved in different things. Every week, we\u2019d have 35 people in our basement\u2014every Wednesday. His job was, whoever the visitors were, he was to make them feel really comfortable. He might play ping pong with them, he might go up and show them his room; he would do anything he possibly could to put the focus on them so that they would feel comfortable in the Bible study.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe looked forward to this every Wednesday; but one night, on Wednesday before the Bible study started, I made a joke, at his expense. My son has a great sense of humor; but I mean, everybody laughed hard\u2014the group of guys. We were standing around there, and I was talking about him\u2014I was talking about Sam and a girlfriend that he kind of was interested in at school\u2014but it really embarrassed him. I could tell that I had said the wrong thing, and I had crossed the line. I saw him kind of slowly meander his way out. He went upstairs. The Bible study started. I started teaching, and I got about five minutes into it. I said [Emotion in voice]: \u201cJust give me a couple of minutes. I have to take care of something,\u201d and went upstairs. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere was my son. I found him in his room. He has the door shut and his head is buried in a pillow on the bed. I can see his eyes are red, and he\u2019s been crying. I said, \u201cDude,\u201d I said, \u201cI owe you an apology.\u201d He said, \u201cYou made everybody laugh at me.\u201d I said: \u201cYou\u2019re right. I was more concerned with me than I was you, and I wanted to laugh.\u201d I said, \u201cI am so sorry.\u201d I said, \u201cWill you forgive me?\u201d Of course, he said, \u201cI forgive you.\u201d I said: \u201cI\u2019ll never do that again, at your expense. I\u2019m sorry I did it.\u201d He hugged me, and I went back downstairs and presented the Bible study; but I told them what had happened. I apologized to them, too. Out of all the nights we\u2019ve had couples\u2019 Bible studies\u2014I think that that probably was the night when they got the biggest lesson. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI can\u2019t even tell you what I taught on that night, but it had nothing to do with what the planned lesson was. It had everything to do with the fact that they realized you\u2019re going to have to swallow your pride, and you\u2019re going to have to ask forgiveness of your family members. You\u2019re going to have to put the spotlight on others rather than trying to get the laugh for yourself or the attention for yourself.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>If you keep on doing that\u2014enough days in a row\u2014your kids are going to get the message.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You don\u2019t have to be perfect. You just have to persevere.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The point here, I think, is that we have to recognize that unselfishness will never come naturally. Nobody ever goes: \u201cYou know, I just feel like I ought to be unselfish.\u201d That\u2019s learned\u2014that\u2019s trained.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I don\u2019t think I\u2019ve ever awakened in the morning, thinking, \u201cI\u2019d love to be unselfish\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: \u201c<\/strong>I\u2019ll be unselfish today.\u201d No\u2014selfishness is bound up in all of our hearts. If we\u2019re parents, we have to recognize that\u2019s true with our kids. They are naturally selfish. They\u2019re inclined in that direction. We have to be working to train them\u2014to teach them to go against the impulse of the flesh. We, probably, also need to teach them that this is going to be a lifelong struggle and a lifelong battle for us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDave, I appreciate the fact that you\u2019ve given us some anchor points that we can hang onto, as parents, as we talk about things like service, and generosity, and forgiveness, and other elements that lead into living as selfless men and women.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDave\u2019s book is called <em>How to Raise Selfless Kids in a Self-Centered World. <\/em>It\u2019s part of the <em>Faithful Families <\/em>series. We have all the books in the series in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. Go, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com for more information on how you can order any of the books Dave has written. Again, the website: FamilyLifeToday.com. Or call, toll-free, at 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d. Ask about Dave\u2019s book, <em>How to Raise Selfless Kids in a Self-Centered World, <\/em>or about any of the books he\u2019s written in the <em>Faithful Family <\/em>series.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSpeaking about selflessness, there is a group of our listeners\u2014a faithful, committed core group of selfless men and women\u2014who share our desire to see every home become a godly home. They are committed, as we are, to helping to provide practical, biblical help for marriages and families in this country through <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> on the radio, all around the world on the internet, and immediately accessible on our Apple<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> iPhone app. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe appreciate those of you who partner with us, as financial supporters of this ministry. In fact, this week, we\u2019d like to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d by sending you a couple of CDs that feature a conversation we had with Dr. Steve Farrar, talking about what a dad can do to help anchor his family in Christ for a couple of generations. When you go to FamilyLifeToday.com, click the button that says, \u201cI CARE\u201d, and make an online donation, we\u2019ll send you those CDs as our thank-you gift. Or request the CDs when you get in touch with us by phone or by mail. Our phone number is: 1-800-FL-TODAY; and our mailing address is: <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, Box 7111, Little Rock, Arkansas, and our zip code is 72223.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to talk more with Dave Stone\u2014this time, about what parents can do to sow seeds of faith in the hearts and lives of our children. I hope you can tune in for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2013 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/302804","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=302804"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=302804"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=302804"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=302804"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=302804"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=302804"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=302804"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}