{"id":302786,"date":"2013-07-26T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2013-07-26T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/protecting-your-daughter\/"},"modified":"2013-07-26T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2013-07-26T15:00:00","slug":"protecting-your-daughter","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/protecting-your-daughter\/","title":{"rendered":"Protecting Your Daughter"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Ellen Dykas encourages mothers to really get to know their daughters and ask the tough questions.\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-07-26.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"23.08M","filesize_raw":"24205663","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2093],"tags":[4811,4129,4087],"podcast_series":[7963],"cwp_profile":[9309],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302786","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-women","tag-daughters","tag-homosexuality","tag-mothers","podcast_series-sexual-sanity-for-women","cwp_profile-ellen-dykas","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302786\/protecting-your-daughter","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302786\/protecting-your-daughter","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"oSImMPpelW\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/protecting-your-daughter\/\">Protecting Your Daughter<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/protecting-your-daughter\/embed\/#?secret=oSImMPpelW\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Protecting Your Daughter&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"oSImMPpelW\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-07-26.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-07-26.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Two teenage girlfriends meet each other in the hallway at school and give each other a big hug. Is there anything wrong with that? Author, Ellen Dycas, says, \u201cProbably not, but you need to be careful.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ellen:<\/strong> Female same-sex attraction is a spectrum, I think\u2014from romanticized, emotional dependency to a full-out sexualized relationship. I have had many\u2014not only teenage girls, but many adult women\u2014single, married, younger and older\u2014who have found themselves in a sexual relationship with a female friend that started out as two women or two girls becoming very emotionally-close. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, July 26<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. Author, Ellen Dycas, joins us today to talk about where the line is between healthy, same-sex friendships and unhealthy, romantic or sexual relationships. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. You know, we\u2019ve been exploring, this week, the issue of sexual brokenness in our culture, among both men and women. The interesting thing to me is it seems like the number of ways that brokenness is expressed or is seen in our culture today seems to be expanding. It\u2019s like you used to be able to point to a few ways in which people were broken sexually. Now, it seems like there\u2019s a wider variety of how sexual sin is being manifested in our culture. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right. And we have a guest on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, Ellen Dycas, who joins us again, who has a ministry with Harvest USA that is addressing the sexual brokenness of women. She joins us again on our broadcast. Welcome back. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Ellen:<\/strong> Thanks. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Let\u2019s talk about what Bob just postulated, there, about how there seems to be an increase in sexual brokenness in many different forms that didn\u2019t seem to be prevalent 20 years ago, 30 years ago, 40 years ago. So, the question is, \u201cIs it spreading?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ellen:<\/strong> You know, I like that our\u2014the titles of our workbook, <em>Sexual Sanity for Women<\/em> <em>and Men<\/em>, is about sexual sanity. That would be one way for us to look at that\u2014that things are becoming more and more insane, as people are reaching out in different ways to deal with what\u2019s going on inside their hearts. So, yes, I do think that the sexual brokenness is manifesting itself in more and more creative ways. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Among women, the issue of same-sex attraction seems to be at a different place today than it was two decades ago. It seems like more and more women are either experimenting with this or have come to the conclusion that they are lesbians. <br><br><strong>Ellen:<\/strong> That does seem to be what is happening. I think there are a lot of different factors for that. One of the reasons for that is that, not only is the culture accepting this, but it\u2019s very much promoting homosexuality, gay relationships, and a variety of things as being very normal. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We used to be a permissive society\u2014we\u2019re now, a promotional society. It used to be that we were promotional, just around opposite sex\u2014having sex outside of marriage. Well, now, it\u2019s being encouraged in all kinds of directions. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ellen:<\/strong> Well, it is. I think we\u2019re talking about sexual brokenness. What is it that is broken? What has become broken is the <em>design<\/em> of our Creator. When that design\u2014which is what we might refer to as being sexually-whole\u2014when that\u2019s not being talked about or taught, then, what is broken is going to seem to be the normal experience for people. That\u2019s what we see around us more and more. Unfortunately, more and more believers are beginning to accept a broken expression as something that is very normal. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> One of the phrases, that popped up over the last couple of years, that I\u2019d never seen before, in my growing up, was the phrase, \u201cbi-curious\u201d, where somebody would say that\u2019s how they identify themselves: \u201cI am attracted to men, and I\u2019m attracted to women, and I\u2019m curious. I guess, curious to see if I\u2019m bi-sexual\u2014curious to see which of those places I\u2019ll land in.\u201d If you were sitting down with a young woman, in her 20\u2019s, and she said, \u201cI\u2019m bi-curious,\u201d where would you take that conversation?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ellen:<\/strong> Well, the first thing I would ask her would be, \u201cTell me what you mean by that,\u201d because, as you mentioned a little bit ago, Bob, these categories, and names, and definitions are almost shifting on a weekly basis. So, I\u2019d first want to hear from her, \u201cWhat do you mean by that?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf she would say kind of the standard definition: \u201cWell, I want to keep myself open. You know, sometimes I feel attracted to girls. Sometimes, I feel attracted to guys. I just want to keep my options open.\u201d Then, I would begin to explore: \u201cHow did those desires begin to develop? How did those thoughts begin to develop? What\u2019s the backstory?\u201d I mean\u2014every person that comes to us\u2014whether it\u2019s a man or a woman\u2014has a backstory that is influencing what they are saying to us, on that day, in the office. She didn\u2019t just come out of nowhere and just come to this conclusion of, \u201cI might be bi-curious.\u201d So, finding out what she means by that is going to be key. From that place, I\u2019ll then begin to delve into a little bit more of what\u2019s going on in the deeper places of her heart, that are probably\u2014there\u2019s probably some confusion there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay, so let me take the conversation a little farther. You say, \u201cWhere did this all come from?\u201d and she says: \u201cWell, I was watching <em>Glee<\/em>; and there\u2019s this character on <em>Glee<\/em>. She used to be with this guy; and then, she was with this girl. That\u2019s how she called herself, \u2018bi-curious\u2019. I thought: \u2018Well, I\u2019ve been like her. I\u2019ve been attracted to both. So, maybe, that\u2019s what I am.\u2019 I saw a role model; and then, I thought, \u2018That sounds a little bit like me.\u2019\u201d Where do you take the conversation, at that point? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ellen:<\/strong> First of all, I would just acknowledge the power of that role modeling. I mean, I\u2019ve had role models in my life\u2014that modeled things that were either very positive or very negative\u2014things that led me toward Christ or away from Christ. I would just want to acknowledge that. But with her\u2014and really with any other person\u2014what I\u2019m going to want to also begin to gently go to is: \u201cWhat is her faith foundation?\u201d and, \u201cWhat is her biblical foundation?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat doesn\u2019t mean I\u2019m going to start to throw a lot of verses at her; but if this is a professing believer\u2014and I will say the majority of people that come to Harvest USA for ministry are people that would profess faith in Christ. I\u2019m going to want to try to get a sense of, \u201cWhat has been her biblical lens, <em>or not<\/em>, on her view of self, her view of gender, and her view of sexuality?\u201d because, right there, she\u2019s got a voice that is speaking very loudly to her. Oftentimes, there are so many voices that are drowning out the voice of Scripture. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>I mean, that might be over the course of many conversations; but those are going to be places that I\u2019m going to want to go and disciple her, in a biblical lens, on her self\u2014herself as female, herself as a girl, herself as a woman\u2014you know, a growing woman in this world. Along with that, would be: \u201cHow she is allowing certain influences to actually inform the definitions that she is absorbing for herself.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You know, it\u2019s interesting\u2014you use the illustration, Bob, of a woman in her 20\u2019s. I think, when a lot of this is happening, is in the teen years\u2014at least, that\u2019s when the experimentation starts. I think the average mom or dad doesn\u2019t know exactly how to handle this barrage of stuff that\u2019s coming at his or her daughter. They need help. What would you say to the mom, who is raising a daughter today, who may be tempted for sexual experimentation\u2014\u2014both with a guy and with another girl? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ellen:<\/strong> Where I\u2019d want to start with that mom would be where I would go with any parent, regardless of what they are calling in for. A lot of times, I find that parents just need encouragement and, maybe, challenge in parenting discipleship principles. So, the first place I want to encourage that mother in is: \u201cHow are you communicating with your daughter? How are you getting to know your daughter? Are you asking her questions, such as: \u2018Honey, how did you begin to think this way? When did you begin to think this way?\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo often, parents are just hearing these blanket statements and proclamations, coming from their children, that may seem like they\u2019re coming out of nowhere; but again, those statements have a backstory. I\u2019d want to encourage that mom to get to know their child, as much as they can, of how they come to those conclusions because that is going to help that mother begin to know how to specifically help the daughter. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn light of the specific temptations\u2014again, depending on the age of that daughter\u2014in age-appropriate ways, that mother is going to really need to help her daughter learn how to walk wisely in the midst of those temptations, whether they are with boys or girls. But along with that is going to be discipleship about what are appropriate, godly ways for relating to people of your same gender and people of the opposite gender. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, let\u2019s say a mom and her daughter are out one afternoon. The daughter says: \u201cMom, I want to tell you something, but I\u2019m afraid you\u2019re going to freak out. I sometimes wonder if maybe I\u2019m attracted to girls.\u201d There are a lot of moms who would have that conversation; and inside, they\u2019d be freaking out! How should they respond to a question like that; do you think? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ellen:<\/strong> I think by listening, asking questions, and engaging her daughter lovingly, gently; but again, needing to get to know that daughter and, \u201cWhy is it\u2026?\u201d Here would be some questions you could ask your daughter: \u201cHoney, tell me some more about how you\u2019ve come to think that about yourself. Have you had any friends at school that are saying the same thing? Tell me some more about what is it that you\u2019ve been thinking and feeling. How long have you been feeling this way?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cWatching anything on TV? Viewing something on the internet?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ellen:<\/strong> Right. I mean, that child may not want to answer those questions specifically for fear of being clamped down on being able to watch YouTube<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, or get on Facebook<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, or whatever it is; but so often, when parents come to us\u2014because of having a son or daughter who is coming out\u2014one of the things we discover is that there is obviously so much about that son or daughter that the parent has never known. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat is one of the first response exhortations I give to a parent is, \u201cYou need to get to know your son or daughter because they have not felt the freedom to reveal something to you that\u2014maybe, for five \/ maybe, for ten years\u2014they have kept hidden.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I want to tell you something. I taught a sixth-grade Sunday school class a number of years ago. It was like almost 20 years ago; alright? I was constantly astounded at what these 11- and 12-year-olds were hearing from their peers. That was back then. I can only imagine, now, what a 14, 15, 16\u2014all the way through high school\u2014what they are exposed to. I mean\u2014the normalization of what we\u2019re talking about here\u2014about experimentation with the opposite sex \/ with same-sex. I mean, it\u2019s all homogenized into one big temptation party that kind of puts an approval\u2014a stamp of approval on it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat parents have got to do is\u2014they\u2019ve got to be courageous. They\u2019ve got to step into these, as you just said, and engage their daughters and say: \u201cLet\u2019s talk. I mean, really, let\u2019s talk. You can\u2019t go through this alone. You need me to be in there with you, and let\u2019s chat about what you\u2019ve seen, what you\u2019re hearing\u2014not just past tense, five years ago, but what you are hearing this week at school\u2014what you talk about.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, too, what we need to take an assessment of is: \u201cWhat are we allowing in our home, in terms of watching TV?\u201d Prime-time TV is no longer safe. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It is no longer safe for families, for teenagers. We didn\u2019t let our kids watch cable TV. We didn\u2019t have it when we were raising teenagers. Today, it\u2019s really dangerous, in terms of normalizing what we\u2019re talking about here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ellen:<\/strong> Well, I would add to that\u2014that not only do parents need to be courageous, but they also need to be willing to be inconvenienced. I talked with a father, probably a couple of months ago, who had a 17-year-old daughter, who he, himself, was referring to her as a sex addict. At age 13, they had discovered that she was struggling with pornography. They thought they had dealt with that and were helping her. They did a clamp down on technology. Now, she was 17. They had just discovered that she had been sending, basically, sexual texts and videos of herself, through her cell phone, all over the place. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things I began to ask that father was, \u201cWell, how are you clamping down on technology?\u201d That father\u2014I could hear him sigh on the other side of that phone. He said: \u201cYou know what, Ellen? We had done that four years ago; but to be honest, we\u2019ve gotten iPads<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> since then. We had gotten a new computer, and I just laxed. I laxed in getting the filter set up. I laxed in doing these other things that I know I need to do.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe reality is we live in a world that is very technological. We\u2019ve got to be willing to do the hard work and to be inconvenienced, like I said. When we put filters on our computers, it may slow your computer down. It may take a lot of work to get these things set up, but this father had learned the hard way that this was something he could just step back from. He had to be constantly guarding his family\u2014protecting his family\u2014by putting up the means to thwart temptation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> About half of the women you work with\u2014in the groups that you lead and the work that you do for Harvest USA\u2014about half of them battle with same-sex attraction. I\u2019m wondering if there is a hurt and an anger toward men, that\u2019s back there somewhere, that has led them in this direction. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ellen:<\/strong> I would say many of them have struggles in the way that they viewed men or masculinity. Many of the women that come to us for ministry\u2014whether it\u2019s same-sex struggle or something else\u2014have had some form of sexual misuse or abuse in their background. Most of the time, that has been because of men; sometimes, it\u2019s been because of women, actually, being the perpetrators of that abuse. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe way that impacts a woman\u2019s heart can be a variety of expressions. But for women that struggle in a same-sex way, some of those are a repulsion for the male gender; but also, feeling very distanced from their own gender and, thus, wanting to seek oneness and emotional nurture through other women. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You know, just listening to you talk about this\u2014we shouldn\u2019t be surprised at this same-sex revolution that\u2019s occurring. I mean, let\u2019s take a step back, for a moment, at what\u2019s happened over the last three decades. We\u2019ve had a culture that has redefined what it means to be a woman, what it means to be a man, and how a man and a woman are to relate to each other. We\u2019re now seeing this being played out on the public stage by women burning in their desire for other women\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and the same for men. I just think, as parents\u2014as we think about raising our children and our grandchildren\u2014we\u2019ve got to take a step back from the culture and ask ourselves the question, \u201cAre we replicating the message of the culture, <em>or<\/em> are we being counter-cultural and teaching what the Bible says?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, go back to the book of Genesis, Chapter 1. It says in Genesis 1:28: \u201cIn the beginning, God created them male and female. In the image of God, He created them.\u201d Maleness and femaleness reflect the image of God. The culture\u2014and I believe a spiritual, demonic force called the Devil\u2014wants to destroy the image of God in maleness, in femaleness, and in how men and women relate to each other, outside of marriage and inside the marriage relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Ellen, the women you are dealing with are all dealing with their sexual brokenness at a pretty significant level. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Ellen:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes; and you mentioned that abuse, more than likely, is in their background that has led to this brokenness; is that correct? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ellen:<\/strong> Yes, it is. I mean, in almost six years of ministry, I could probably count on two hands the women who have come who do not have sexual abuse as a part of their background. <br><br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, again, I\u2019m thinking of my granddaughters and raising them to adulthood today. Coach a mom. How do you protect your daughter from evil being perpetrated by an abuser on them, whether it is a guy or whether it\u2019s another girl? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ellen:<\/strong> Crying out to Jesus has got to be the key thing\u2014I mean, prayer\u2014I mean, obviously. I mean, ultimately, we do have to entrust our children to the hands of the Lord; but God gives us wisdom to be able to think through these things. There are things like, again, educating your children on what are appropriate relationships with the same and opposite gender, what are appropriate expressions of <em>affection<\/em> with the same and opposite gender. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think knowing who your children are involved with, relationally, and also knowing: \u201cWho are their mentors? Who are their teachers?\u201d What we don\u2019t want to do is create this fear, and a terror, or suspicion;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ellen:<\/strong> \u2014but, at the same time, the reality is we have to be very sober and very aware of who our children are being influenced by. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You\u2019re really hinting at something that I don\u2019t know I\u2019ve ever heard anyone talk about; and that is, \u201cAt what point, when a young lady\u2014a girl\u2014maybe, a teenager, who is growing up\u2014at what point, does a friendship with the same sex\u2014with a girlfriend\u2014cross the line and become homosexual?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ellen:<\/strong> Yes. That is great question! I\u2019ve had\u2014actually, had a few conversations, recently, with parents wondering about that because they are noticing their teenage daughters being very physically affectionate with their female friends in public\u2014at the youth group or at the worship service. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think I would be very\u2014I\u2019d be hesitant to just give some black-and-white statements on that, but I think there are some warning signs. A lot of the women I work with\u2014I try to disciple them in this way\u2014that: \u201cYou don\u2019t want to just look for red flags. You want to look for yellow flags\u2014the things leading into something that might lead into something more.\u201d So, with girls, is their physical affection taking on the nature of something that feels romantic or looks romantic? Is their physical affection becoming something that they are lingering in, or craving, or drawing a sense of security from? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve had many\u2014not only teenage girls but many adult women\u2014single, married, younger and older\u2014who have found themselves in a sexual relationship with a female friend, that started out as two women or two girls, becoming very emotionally-close, that began to become expressed through affectionate ways, physically. Those expressions of physical affection began to take on somewhat of a sensual nature. It begins to progress until it grows into a sexualized relationship. Female same-sex attraction is a spectrum, I think\u2014from romanticized, emotional dependency to a full-out sexual relationship. That\u2019s why I am hesitant to say any black-and-white determiners because it\u2019s a spectrum that kind of grows into a sexualized relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I would coach that parent to just ask God\u2014as you said, pray\u2014and begin to observe and, maybe, ask the question, \u201cIf this is starting to look like a boy-girl relationship\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ellen:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014if it\u2019s starting to take on some of the flavor of where you would feel uncomfortable with your daughter having that kind of physical relationship with a guy, then, I think, in this day and age, you better err on the side of your intuition. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ellen:<\/strong> I absolutely agree with that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Begin to ask God for a way to engage in conversation with your daughter\u2014to not accuse and not come down hard\u2014but to invite a conversation and engagement around what\u2019s happening here. And you know, this is where God delights in helping parents\u2014the helpless parent\u2014know how to have a conversation to really get to the core issue. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think, for all of us\u2014whether it\u2019s as parents or as husbands and wives\u2014the starting place, in this whole discussion, is to recalibrate our thinking\u2014to be coming from a biblical worldview rather than to be coming from a cultural view\u2014because, increasingly, the cultural view of sexuality is going to take you off into the ditch. And the <em>only<\/em> thing that can get us where we need to go is to realign our thinking along biblical terms. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And Bob, I think you are exactly right. If you are going to have a spiritual wheel alignment of your thinking about human sexuality, seldom is that just going to come to you by yourself. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It needs to happen in community\u2014with either a mentor, who is coaching you\u2014an older person who could guide you in that\u2014a small group of likeminded peers, who are trying to get at the same thing\u2014and sharpen one another in relationship to be able to find some hope and healing in the midst of their own sexual brokenness. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, and it\u2019s going to take a courageous group of women to get together and say, \u201cYou know, let\u2019s go through a book called <em>Sexual Sanity for Women<\/em>;\u201d but honestly, in this culture, there needs to be a little more courage, and a little more candor, and openness, and honesty on this subject. I think Ellen has given us a resource that is going to help a lot of women. You can go to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about the book, <em>Sexual Sanity for Women<\/em>. There\u2019s a companion book, <em>Sexual Sanity for Men<\/em>, written by David White, who joined us earlier this week. Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about these resources. You can order, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can order by calling 1-800-FL-TODAY, 1-800-358-6329. That\u2019s 1-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, let me wrap up with a quick word of thanks to those folks who have joined with us in the mission of FamilyLife. Our goal is to see every home become a godly home. This radio program is one of the ways we try to accomplish that mission; and some of you have taken the step to join with us, either by becoming monthly supporters of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014we call you Legacy Partners\u2014or by making an occasional contribution to support this work. And we appreciate all of you for your financial support. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>This week, if you can help us with a donation to help defray the costs of producing and syndicating this radio program, we\u2019d like to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d by sending you a CD that has a conversation we had with Kim and Krickitt Carpenter. Their story was featured in the movie, <em>The Vow<\/em>\u2014that was released a while back. Honestly, their story is more powerful than the Hollywood version turned out to be. The truth is more powerful than the fiction was. We\u2019ll send you that CD when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the button that says, \u201cI CARE\u201d, and make an online donation. Or when you call 1-800-FL-TODAY and make a donation over the phone, just ask for the CD called <em>The Vow<\/em>; and we\u2019ll get it out to you. And again, thanks for partnering with us in the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. We appreciate you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd with that, we\u2019ve got to wrap things up for this week. Thanks for joining us. I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHope you and your family are able to worship together this weekend in church; and I hope you can join us back on Monday when we\u2019re going to talk about how to save money\u2014how to tighten your financial belt. That comes up Monday. I hope to see you, then, for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2013 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 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Dykas encourages mothers to really get to know their daughters and ask the tough questions.\u00a0","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-07-26.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Two teenage girlfriends meet each other in the hallway at school and give each other a big hug. Is there anything wrong with that? Author, Ellen Dycas, says, \u201cProbably not, but you need to be careful.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ellen:<\/strong> Female same-sex attraction is a spectrum, I think\u2014from romanticized, emotional dependency to a full-out sexualized relationship. I have had many\u2014not only teenage girls, but many adult women\u2014single, married, younger and older\u2014who have found themselves in a sexual relationship with a female friend that started out as two women or two girls becoming very emotionally-close. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, July 26<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. Author, Ellen Dycas, joins us today to talk about where the line is between healthy, same-sex friendships and unhealthy, romantic or sexual relationships. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. You know, we\u2019ve been exploring, this week, the issue of sexual brokenness in our culture, among both men and women. The interesting thing to me is it seems like the number of ways that brokenness is expressed or is seen in our culture today seems to be expanding. It\u2019s like you used to be able to point to a few ways in which people were broken sexually. Now, it seems like there\u2019s a wider variety of how sexual sin is being manifested in our culture. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right. And we have a guest on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, Ellen Dycas, who joins us again, who has a ministry with Harvest USA that is addressing the sexual brokenness of women. She joins us again on our broadcast. Welcome back. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Ellen:<\/strong> Thanks. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Let\u2019s talk about what Bob just postulated, there, about how there seems to be an increase in sexual brokenness in many different forms that didn\u2019t seem to be prevalent 20 years ago, 30 years ago, 40 years ago. So, the question is, \u201cIs it spreading?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ellen:<\/strong> You know, I like that our\u2014the titles of our workbook, <em>Sexual Sanity for Women<\/em> <em>and Men<\/em>, is about sexual sanity. That would be one way for us to look at that\u2014that things are becoming more and more insane, as people are reaching out in different ways to deal with what\u2019s going on inside their hearts. So, yes, I do think that the sexual brokenness is manifesting itself in more and more creative ways. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Among women, the issue of same-sex attraction seems to be at a different place today than it was two decades ago. It seems like more and more women are either experimenting with this or have come to the conclusion that they are lesbians. <br><br><strong>Ellen:<\/strong> That does seem to be what is happening. I think there are a lot of different factors for that. One of the reasons for that is that, not only is the culture accepting this, but it\u2019s very much promoting homosexuality, gay relationships, and a variety of things as being very normal. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We used to be a permissive society\u2014we\u2019re now, a promotional society. It used to be that we were promotional, just around opposite sex\u2014having sex outside of marriage. Well, now, it\u2019s being encouraged in all kinds of directions. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ellen:<\/strong> Well, it is. I think we\u2019re talking about sexual brokenness. What is it that is broken? What has become broken is the <em>design<\/em> of our Creator. When that design\u2014which is what we might refer to as being sexually-whole\u2014when that\u2019s not being talked about or taught, then, what is broken is going to seem to be the normal experience for people. That\u2019s what we see around us more and more. Unfortunately, more and more believers are beginning to accept a broken expression as something that is very normal. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> One of the phrases, that popped up over the last couple of years, that I\u2019d never seen before, in my growing up, was the phrase, \u201cbi-curious\u201d, where somebody would say that\u2019s how they identify themselves: \u201cI am attracted to men, and I\u2019m attracted to women, and I\u2019m curious. I guess, curious to see if I\u2019m bi-sexual\u2014curious to see which of those places I\u2019ll land in.\u201d If you were sitting down with a young woman, in her 20\u2019s, and she said, \u201cI\u2019m bi-curious,\u201d where would you take that conversation?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ellen:<\/strong> Well, the first thing I would ask her would be, \u201cTell me what you mean by that,\u201d because, as you mentioned a little bit ago, Bob, these categories, and names, and definitions are almost shifting on a weekly basis. So, I\u2019d first want to hear from her, \u201cWhat do you mean by that?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf she would say kind of the standard definition: \u201cWell, I want to keep myself open. You know, sometimes I feel attracted to girls. Sometimes, I feel attracted to guys. I just want to keep my options open.\u201d Then, I would begin to explore: \u201cHow did those desires begin to develop? How did those thoughts begin to develop? What\u2019s the backstory?\u201d I mean\u2014every person that comes to us\u2014whether it\u2019s a man or a woman\u2014has a backstory that is influencing what they are saying to us, on that day, in the office. She didn\u2019t just come out of nowhere and just come to this conclusion of, \u201cI might be bi-curious.\u201d So, finding out what she means by that is going to be key. From that place, I\u2019ll then begin to delve into a little bit more of what\u2019s going on in the deeper places of her heart, that are probably\u2014there\u2019s probably some confusion there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay, so let me take the conversation a little farther. You say, \u201cWhere did this all come from?\u201d and she says: \u201cWell, I was watching <em>Glee<\/em>; and there\u2019s this character on <em>Glee<\/em>. She used to be with this guy; and then, she was with this girl. That\u2019s how she called herself, \u2018bi-curious\u2019. I thought: \u2018Well, I\u2019ve been like her. I\u2019ve been attracted to both. So, maybe, that\u2019s what I am.\u2019 I saw a role model; and then, I thought, \u2018That sounds a little bit like me.\u2019\u201d Where do you take the conversation, at that point? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ellen:<\/strong> First of all, I would just acknowledge the power of that role modeling. I mean, I\u2019ve had role models in my life\u2014that modeled things that were either very positive or very negative\u2014things that led me toward Christ or away from Christ. I would just want to acknowledge that. But with her\u2014and really with any other person\u2014what I\u2019m going to want to also begin to gently go to is: \u201cWhat is her faith foundation?\u201d and, \u201cWhat is her biblical foundation?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat doesn\u2019t mean I\u2019m going to start to throw a lot of verses at her; but if this is a professing believer\u2014and I will say the majority of people that come to Harvest USA for ministry are people that would profess faith in Christ. I\u2019m going to want to try to get a sense of, \u201cWhat has been her biblical lens, <em>or not<\/em>, on her view of self, her view of gender, and her view of sexuality?\u201d because, right there, she\u2019s got a voice that is speaking very loudly to her. Oftentimes, there are so many voices that are drowning out the voice of Scripture. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>I mean, that might be over the course of many conversations; but those are going to be places that I\u2019m going to want to go and disciple her, in a biblical lens, on her self\u2014herself as female, herself as a girl, herself as a woman\u2014you know, a growing woman in this world. Along with that, would be: \u201cHow she is allowing certain influences to actually inform the definitions that she is absorbing for herself.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You know, it\u2019s interesting\u2014you use the illustration, Bob, of a woman in her 20\u2019s. I think, when a lot of this is happening, is in the teen years\u2014at least, that\u2019s when the experimentation starts. I think the average mom or dad doesn\u2019t know exactly how to handle this barrage of stuff that\u2019s coming at his or her daughter. They need help. What would you say to the mom, who is raising a daughter today, who may be tempted for sexual experimentation\u2014\u2014both with a guy and with another girl? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ellen:<\/strong> Where I\u2019d want to start with that mom would be where I would go with any parent, regardless of what they are calling in for. A lot of times, I find that parents just need encouragement and, maybe, challenge in parenting discipleship principles. So, the first place I want to encourage that mother in is: \u201cHow are you communicating with your daughter? How are you getting to know your daughter? Are you asking her questions, such as: \u2018Honey, how did you begin to think this way? When did you begin to think this way?\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo often, parents are just hearing these blanket statements and proclamations, coming from their children, that may seem like they\u2019re coming out of nowhere; but again, those statements have a backstory. I\u2019d want to encourage that mom to get to know their child, as much as they can, of how they come to those conclusions because that is going to help that mother begin to know how to specifically help the daughter. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn light of the specific temptations\u2014again, depending on the age of that daughter\u2014in age-appropriate ways, that mother is going to really need to help her daughter learn how to walk wisely in the midst of those temptations, whether they are with boys or girls. But along with that is going to be discipleship about what are appropriate, godly ways for relating to people of your same gender and people of the opposite gender. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, let\u2019s say a mom and her daughter are out one afternoon. The daughter says: \u201cMom, I want to tell you something, but I\u2019m afraid you\u2019re going to freak out. I sometimes wonder if maybe I\u2019m attracted to girls.\u201d There are a lot of moms who would have that conversation; and inside, they\u2019d be freaking out! How should they respond to a question like that; do you think? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ellen:<\/strong> I think by listening, asking questions, and engaging her daughter lovingly, gently; but again, needing to get to know that daughter and, \u201cWhy is it\u2026?\u201d Here would be some questions you could ask your daughter: \u201cHoney, tell me some more about how you\u2019ve come to think that about yourself. Have you had any friends at school that are saying the same thing? Tell me some more about what is it that you\u2019ve been thinking and feeling. How long have you been feeling this way?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cWatching anything on TV? Viewing something on the internet?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ellen:<\/strong> Right. I mean, that child may not want to answer those questions specifically for fear of being clamped down on being able to watch YouTube<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, or get on Facebook<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, or whatever it is; but so often, when parents come to us\u2014because of having a son or daughter who is coming out\u2014one of the things we discover is that there is obviously so much about that son or daughter that the parent has never known. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat is one of the first response exhortations I give to a parent is, \u201cYou need to get to know your son or daughter because they have not felt the freedom to reveal something to you that\u2014maybe, for five \/ maybe, for ten years\u2014they have kept hidden.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I want to tell you something. I taught a sixth-grade Sunday school class a number of years ago. It was like almost 20 years ago; alright? I was constantly astounded at what these 11- and 12-year-olds were hearing from their peers. That was back then. I can only imagine, now, what a 14, 15, 16\u2014all the way through high school\u2014what they are exposed to. I mean\u2014the normalization of what we\u2019re talking about here\u2014about experimentation with the opposite sex \/ with same-sex. I mean, it\u2019s all homogenized into one big temptation party that kind of puts an approval\u2014a stamp of approval on it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat parents have got to do is\u2014they\u2019ve got to be courageous. They\u2019ve got to step into these, as you just said, and engage their daughters and say: \u201cLet\u2019s talk. I mean, really, let\u2019s talk. You can\u2019t go through this alone. You need me to be in there with you, and let\u2019s chat about what you\u2019ve seen, what you\u2019re hearing\u2014not just past tense, five years ago, but what you are hearing this week at school\u2014what you talk about.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, too, what we need to take an assessment of is: \u201cWhat are we allowing in our home, in terms of watching TV?\u201d Prime-time TV is no longer safe. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It is no longer safe for families, for teenagers. We didn\u2019t let our kids watch cable TV. We didn\u2019t have it when we were raising teenagers. Today, it\u2019s really dangerous, in terms of normalizing what we\u2019re talking about here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ellen:<\/strong> Well, I would add to that\u2014that not only do parents need to be courageous, but they also need to be willing to be inconvenienced. I talked with a father, probably a couple of months ago, who had a 17-year-old daughter, who he, himself, was referring to her as a sex addict. At age 13, they had discovered that she was struggling with pornography. They thought they had dealt with that and were helping her. They did a clamp down on technology. Now, she was 17. They had just discovered that she had been sending, basically, sexual texts and videos of herself, through her cell phone, all over the place. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things I began to ask that father was, \u201cWell, how are you clamping down on technology?\u201d That father\u2014I could hear him sigh on the other side of that phone. He said: \u201cYou know what, Ellen? We had done that four years ago; but to be honest, we\u2019ve gotten iPads<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> since then. We had gotten a new computer, and I just laxed. I laxed in getting the filter set up. I laxed in doing these other things that I know I need to do.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe reality is we live in a world that is very technological. We\u2019ve got to be willing to do the hard work and to be inconvenienced, like I said. When we put filters on our computers, it may slow your computer down. It may take a lot of work to get these things set up, but this father had learned the hard way that this was something he could just step back from. He had to be constantly guarding his family\u2014protecting his family\u2014by putting up the means to thwart temptation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> About half of the women you work with\u2014in the groups that you lead and the work that you do for Harvest USA\u2014about half of them battle with same-sex attraction. I\u2019m wondering if there is a hurt and an anger toward men, that\u2019s back there somewhere, that has led them in this direction. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ellen:<\/strong> I would say many of them have struggles in the way that they viewed men or masculinity. Many of the women that come to us for ministry\u2014whether it\u2019s same-sex struggle or something else\u2014have had some form of sexual misuse or abuse in their background. Most of the time, that has been because of men; sometimes, it\u2019s been because of women, actually, being the perpetrators of that abuse. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe way that impacts a woman\u2019s heart can be a variety of expressions. But for women that struggle in a same-sex way, some of those are a repulsion for the male gender; but also, feeling very distanced from their own gender and, thus, wanting to seek oneness and emotional nurture through other women. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You know, just listening to you talk about this\u2014we shouldn\u2019t be surprised at this same-sex revolution that\u2019s occurring. I mean, let\u2019s take a step back, for a moment, at what\u2019s happened over the last three decades. We\u2019ve had a culture that has redefined what it means to be a woman, what it means to be a man, and how a man and a woman are to relate to each other. We\u2019re now seeing this being played out on the public stage by women burning in their desire for other women\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and the same for men. I just think, as parents\u2014as we think about raising our children and our grandchildren\u2014we\u2019ve got to take a step back from the culture and ask ourselves the question, \u201cAre we replicating the message of the culture, <em>or<\/em> are we being counter-cultural and teaching what the Bible says?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, go back to the book of Genesis, Chapter 1. It says in Genesis 1:28: \u201cIn the beginning, God created them male and female. In the image of God, He created them.\u201d Maleness and femaleness reflect the image of God. The culture\u2014and I believe a spiritual, demonic force called the Devil\u2014wants to destroy the image of God in maleness, in femaleness, and in how men and women relate to each other, outside of marriage and inside the marriage relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Ellen, the women you are dealing with are all dealing with their sexual brokenness at a pretty significant level. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Ellen:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes; and you mentioned that abuse, more than likely, is in their background that has led to this brokenness; is that correct? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ellen:<\/strong> Yes, it is. I mean, in almost six years of ministry, I could probably count on two hands the women who have come who do not have sexual abuse as a part of their background. <br><br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, again, I\u2019m thinking of my granddaughters and raising them to adulthood today. Coach a mom. How do you protect your daughter from evil being perpetrated by an abuser on them, whether it is a guy or whether it\u2019s another girl? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ellen:<\/strong> Crying out to Jesus has got to be the key thing\u2014I mean, prayer\u2014I mean, obviously. I mean, ultimately, we do have to entrust our children to the hands of the Lord; but God gives us wisdom to be able to think through these things. There are things like, again, educating your children on what are appropriate relationships with the same and opposite gender, what are appropriate expressions of <em>affection<\/em> with the same and opposite gender. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think knowing who your children are involved with, relationally, and also knowing: \u201cWho are their mentors? Who are their teachers?\u201d What we don\u2019t want to do is create this fear, and a terror, or suspicion;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ellen:<\/strong> \u2014but, at the same time, the reality is we have to be very sober and very aware of who our children are being influenced by. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You\u2019re really hinting at something that I don\u2019t know I\u2019ve ever heard anyone talk about; and that is, \u201cAt what point, when a young lady\u2014a girl\u2014maybe, a teenager, who is growing up\u2014at what point, does a friendship with the same sex\u2014with a girlfriend\u2014cross the line and become homosexual?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ellen:<\/strong> Yes. That is great question! I\u2019ve had\u2014actually, had a few conversations, recently, with parents wondering about that because they are noticing their teenage daughters being very physically affectionate with their female friends in public\u2014at the youth group or at the worship service. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think I would be very\u2014I\u2019d be hesitant to just give some black-and-white statements on that, but I think there are some warning signs. A lot of the women I work with\u2014I try to disciple them in this way\u2014that: \u201cYou don\u2019t want to just look for red flags. You want to look for yellow flags\u2014the things leading into something that might lead into something more.\u201d So, with girls, is their physical affection taking on the nature of something that feels romantic or looks romantic? Is their physical affection becoming something that they are lingering in, or craving, or drawing a sense of security from? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve had many\u2014not only teenage girls but many adult women\u2014single, married, younger and older\u2014who have found themselves in a sexual relationship with a female friend, that started out as two women or two girls, becoming very emotionally-close, that began to become expressed through affectionate ways, physically. Those expressions of physical affection began to take on somewhat of a sensual nature. It begins to progress until it grows into a sexualized relationship. Female same-sex attraction is a spectrum, I think\u2014from romanticized, emotional dependency to a full-out sexual relationship. That\u2019s why I am hesitant to say any black-and-white determiners because it\u2019s a spectrum that kind of grows into a sexualized relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I would coach that parent to just ask God\u2014as you said, pray\u2014and begin to observe and, maybe, ask the question, \u201cIf this is starting to look like a boy-girl relationship\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ellen:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014if it\u2019s starting to take on some of the flavor of where you would feel uncomfortable with your daughter having that kind of physical relationship with a guy, then, I think, in this day and age, you better err on the side of your intuition. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ellen:<\/strong> I absolutely agree with that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Begin to ask God for a way to engage in conversation with your daughter\u2014to not accuse and not come down hard\u2014but to invite a conversation and engagement around what\u2019s happening here. And you know, this is where God delights in helping parents\u2014the helpless parent\u2014know how to have a conversation to really get to the core issue. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think, for all of us\u2014whether it\u2019s as parents or as husbands and wives\u2014the starting place, in this whole discussion, is to recalibrate our thinking\u2014to be coming from a biblical worldview rather than to be coming from a cultural view\u2014because, increasingly, the cultural view of sexuality is going to take you off into the ditch. And the <em>only<\/em> thing that can get us where we need to go is to realign our thinking along biblical terms. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And Bob, I think you are exactly right. If you are going to have a spiritual wheel alignment of your thinking about human sexuality, seldom is that just going to come to you by yourself. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It needs to happen in community\u2014with either a mentor, who is coaching you\u2014an older person who could guide you in that\u2014a small group of likeminded peers, who are trying to get at the same thing\u2014and sharpen one another in relationship to be able to find some hope and healing in the midst of their own sexual brokenness. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, and it\u2019s going to take a courageous group of women to get together and say, \u201cYou know, let\u2019s go through a book called <em>Sexual Sanity for Women<\/em>;\u201d but honestly, in this culture, there needs to be a little more courage, and a little more candor, and openness, and honesty on this subject. I think Ellen has given us a resource that is going to help a lot of women. You can go to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about the book, <em>Sexual Sanity for Women<\/em>. There\u2019s a companion book, <em>Sexual Sanity for Men<\/em>, written by David White, who joined us earlier this week. Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about these resources. You can order, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can order by calling 1-800-FL-TODAY, 1-800-358-6329. That\u2019s 1-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, let me wrap up with a quick word of thanks to those folks who have joined with us in the mission of FamilyLife. Our goal is to see every home become a godly home. This radio program is one of the ways we try to accomplish that mission; and some of you have taken the step to join with us, either by becoming monthly supporters of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014we call you Legacy Partners\u2014or by making an occasional contribution to support this work. And we appreciate all of you for your financial support. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>This week, if you can help us with a donation to help defray the costs of producing and syndicating this radio program, we\u2019d like to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d by sending you a CD that has a conversation we had with Kim and Krickitt Carpenter. Their story was featured in the movie, <em>The Vow<\/em>\u2014that was released a while back. Honestly, their story is more powerful than the Hollywood version turned out to be. The truth is more powerful than the fiction was. We\u2019ll send you that CD when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the button that says, \u201cI CARE\u201d, and make an online donation. Or when you call 1-800-FL-TODAY and make a donation over the phone, just ask for the CD called <em>The Vow<\/em>; and we\u2019ll get it out to you. And again, thanks for partnering with us in the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. We appreciate you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd with that, we\u2019ve got to wrap things up for this week. Thanks for joining us. I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHope you and your family are able to worship together this weekend in church; and I hope you can join us back on Monday when we\u2019re going to talk about how to save money\u2014how to tighten your financial belt. That comes up Monday. I hope to see you, then, for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2013 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/302786","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=302786"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=302786"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=302786"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=302786"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=302786"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=302786"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=302786"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}