{"id":302780,"date":"2013-07-18T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2013-07-18T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/heeding-the-alarm-of-anger\/"},"modified":"2013-07-18T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2013-07-18T15:00:00","slug":"heeding-the-alarm-of-anger","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/heeding-the-alarm-of-anger\/","title":{"rendered":"Heeding the Alarm of Anger"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Is anger getting the best of you?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-07-18.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"26.56M","filesize_raw":"27850225","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2082],"tags":[2990,5296],"podcast_series":[7961],"cwp_profile":[3304],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302780","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","tag-anger","tag-jonah","podcast_series-runaway-emotions","cwp_profile-jeff-and-debbie-schreve","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302780\/heeding-the-alarm-of-anger","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302780\/heeding-the-alarm-of-anger","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"cPYMNohL7P\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/heeding-the-alarm-of-anger\/\">Heeding the Alarm of Anger<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/heeding-the-alarm-of-anger\/embed\/#?secret=cPYMNohL7P\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Heeding the Alarm of Anger&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"cPYMNohL7P\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-07-18.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-07-18.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Do you ever deal with issues in your life like depression, or guilt, anger, worry, loneliness, or embarrassment? Jeff Schreve says, \u201cThese emotions are pointing to something deeper.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Negative emotions serve like a smoke alarm. We know that if that goes off\u2014it\u2019s a piercing, shrill sound\u2014we don\u2019t like to hear that sound, but it lets us know that there\u2019s a problem somewhere. The problem is not the alarm. The problem is there is a fire going on, somewhere, in your home. So, you\u2019ve got to heed the alarm. Find the fire, and put it out. Then, the blaring alarm silences. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, July 18<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. How do we take the input we\u2019re getting from the smoke detector to find the fire that may be loose in our lives? We\u2019re going to talk about your runaway emotions today. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. You know, I was looking at my copy of a book that we\u2019re going to be talking about today. I thought, \u201cI know which chapter Dennis went to right away.\u201d Do you know which I\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I don\u2019t. I don\u2019t. I\u2019m\u2014easily, you\u2019re on target, though. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Chapter 4\u2014Chapter 4 of this book. Look at Chapter 4 and tell me if I\u2019m right. Am I right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes, well, it\u2019s pretty close to home. My mom used to call me a worry-wart. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes, Chapter 4\u2014the book is called <em>Runaway Emotions: Why You Feel the Way You Do and What God Wants You to Do About It<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I grew up\u2014the son of a worrier\u2014and got her DNA. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> You got a little of that mixed into your bloodstream. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I do. And I didn\u2019t think about looking it over, wondering where you might be on here. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Let\u2019s just move along. Let\u2019s not go there! [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Let\u2019s talk about who is the author of this and who joins us on the broadcast. Jeff and Debbie Schreve are joining us, here, on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Debbie, Jeff, welcome to the headquarters, here, at FamilyLife. Glad to have you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Thanks, Dennis. It\u2019s great to be here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie:<\/strong> Wonderful to be here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Way to go, Debbie. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie:<\/strong> Thank you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Way to go. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie:<\/strong> Thank you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Jeff is a pastor, and he\u2019s also the founder of From His Heart Ministries. He and Debbie have three daughters and one grandchild. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> One grandchild, yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Way to go. They have served on the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em> marriage getaway speaker team for seven years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Glad you guys are on the team. You guys do a great job. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And they are also featured in <em>The Art of Marriage<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Oh, yes! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. You tell a little of your story\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> We do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie:<\/strong> We do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014about your marriage in <em>The Art of Marriage<\/em>. I believe it\u2019s in the intimacy section\u2014right?\u2014where you talk about it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie:<\/strong> Indeed. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> It is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> And we won\u2019t give away what you say. If folks want to know what you say, they are going to have to go to <em>The Art of Marriage<\/em>; alright? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I just want to ask you both\u2014I want both of you to answer this question because you\u2019ve written a book about runaway emotions\u2014\u201cIs some of this the story of your marriage\u2014of what God has done in your relationship, over the years?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> No, not really with our marriage. Probably, a lot with me\u2014you know, as we talked before the broadcast, which one of these speaks about me is really every one of them\u2014I\u2019ve had difficulty with and had to work through those but not so much in our relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You outline, in your book, the emotions of embarrassment, loneliness, frustration, worry, anger, guilt, discontentment, and depression. <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You are a pastor. Where do you see people most struggling around\u2014which of these emotions? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Great question. I think everybody feels these from one degree or another. I think some of the biggest ones\u2014anger is a huge one. Guilt is a big one. Worry. Loneliness\u2014lots of lonely couples\u2014lonely spouses\u2014lonely wives. And then, as people get older\u2014especially, if their spouse dies and their kids have moved away\u2014they really deal with loneliness. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> And you\u2019ve preached on this subject of emotions at your church\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014because you really have seen how\u2014 if people don\u2019t understand God\u2019s perspective on emotions, it can torpedo relationships and ruin lives; can\u2019t it? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Yes, definitely; definitely. And the nice thing about preaching on emotions\u2014it hits everybody, from the youngest to the oldest. They know what it\u2019s like to be embarrassed. They know what it\u2019s like to worry. They know what it\u2019s like to get angry\u2014to experience guilt. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I think the thing that I love about talking about these negative emotions\u2014you know\u2014everybody loves positive emotions. You don\u2019t really have to prime the pump on that because it\u2019s like, \u201cYes, I like to feel love, and joy, and peace; but what do I do when I feel the worry, when I feel the anger?\u201d So, you instantly get people to say: \u201cAlright, I have a problem with that. What can I do? What does God say that will help me there?\u201d That\u2019s why the subtitle, <em>Why You Feel the Way You Do and What God Wants You to Do About It<\/em>, is critical. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> When you sent me your book, I immediately thought\u2014I thought, \u201cJeff and Debbie are really on to something here.\u201d What you\u2019ve put together\u2014because I think most of us are born into families that don\u2019t know how to equip us, educate, and train us around what the emotions are that we experience and, then, knowing what to do with them, from a biblical standpoint. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Right. <br><br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We\u2019re, for the most part, biblically illiterate about how to handle emotions. Debbie, the home you grew up in\u2014your family\u2014was it a Christian family? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie:<\/strong> Yes, a Christian family; but I grew up in a situation where my mother never took responsibility for her emotions. In other words, it was: \u201cThat\u2019s just the way I am. I can\u2019t help it.\u201d She was always a victim of her worry, of her fear, of her frustration, of her discontentment, of all these other things. So, as a child, growing up in that environment, that definitely influenced and impacted the way I dealt with my own emotions. I didn\u2019t deal with them in a godly fashion because I didn\u2019t know how to. I made excuses. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, you brought your mom\u2019s victimization into your marriage? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie:<\/strong> The U-Haul of destruction I brought into the marriage, indeed. I really\u2014I mean, truly I did. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Jeff, what about the dynamics of the home that you grew up in? Was it an emotionally-expressive home or was it kind of all pushed back into the background? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Not very emotionally-expressive. There wasn\u2019t a lot of touching, and feeling, and hugs, and things like that with my brothers and sisters. My dad wasn\u2019t like that. My mom was like that to a certain extent. But I grew up in a home\u2014that we went to church and we knew about God\u2014but we didn\u2019t have a personal relationship with God. So, my parents taught me right from wrong; but none of the stuff\u2014that I talk about in the book\u2014did I learn that at home. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, you would say you were emotionally illiterate, as well? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I was when we got married. I\u2019ve learned a lot in a marriage relationship of being forced to go to the Bible and find out what it says about it. When you gave this series of messages at your church, you used an object lesson\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014to illustrate what it was all about. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> A rather piercing object lesson. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Piercing object lesson, yes. The premise of the book is that negative emotions serve like a smoke alarm, and we all are familiar with smoke alarms. Most of us have those in our homes. We know if that goes off\u2014it\u2019s a piercing, shrill sound. We don\u2019t like to hear that sound, but it lets us know there\u2019s a problem somewhere. The problem is not the alarm. The problem is there is a fire\u2014there\u2019s smoke, fire going on somewhere in your home. So, you\u2019ve got to heed the alarm. Find the fire, and put it out. Then, the blaring alarm silences. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I think with lots of conventional ways to deal with emotions, all of the emphasis is on the alarm: \u201cOkay, you feel like this. Let\u2019s not try and trace it back to what the real problem is\u2014from God\u2019s perspective.\u201d God made us in His image. So, He knows how we tick. He knows what ticks us off. He knows when something is wrong with us; and He tells us in His Word, \u201cHey, this is why you feel this way; and this is what you do about it.\u201d I think, in the world we live in today\u2014as Dennis, as you said\u2014we\u2019re a biblically-illiterate world, by and large. People don\u2019t know what to do with those things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think there are a lot of people\u2014like Debbie\u2019s mom, and maybe, a little like you, Debbie\u2014just feel: \u201cIf I feel this, it\u2019s valid. I don\u2019t need to adjust it. I shouldn\u2019t have to mess with it. It\u2019s who I am, and my feelings are valid.\u201d Well, they may be valid; but that doesn\u2019t mean that they control you; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Right. Exactly right. You know, feelings are feelings. When you experience things that make you angry\u2014I mean, you have the feelings of anger. What I talk about in the book\u2014there is a difference between righteous indignation\u2014Jesus got angry. God gets angry. It\u2019s never sin. It\u2019s never a smoke alarm in His heart and in His life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI always deal with the negative emotion\u2014it is anger that is not righteous indignation. It\u2019s you\u2019re getting out of control because things aren\u2019t going the way you want them to go. How do you deal with that? What do you do with that? Most people don\u2019t know what to do with that. So, they stuff it, which doesn\u2019t work. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Or they go off like a volcano, which definitely doesn\u2019t work. In the book, I talk about\u2014every chapter is rooted in a Scripture passage. In the book, when we talk about anger, we talk about Jonah. Jonah was an angry prophet. He was a wrong-way prophet, at first\u2014has a little time, out in the belly of the fish [Laughter]\u2014changes his outlook. Then, he\u2019s willing to do what God wants him to do. But Jonah, Chapter 4, is amazing. He is the preacher that is used to bring about one of the greatest revivals in history\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> \u2014and he\u2019s mad about it. So mad that, when God talks to him, he won\u2019t even speak to God. He just wants to die. He says twice, \u201cTake my life.\u201d If I had been God, I would have said: \u201cPrayer answered! You\u2019re dead.\u201d [Laughter] But God didn\u2019t do that and teaches us a lot about anger and how we process that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, what did you learn from Jonah? What kinds of things? Somebody who says: \u201cYou know, this is an issue I deal with. I let my anger control me. It gets the best of me. I don\u2019t know what to do with it. When it bubbles up inside of me, I say things I shouldn\u2019t say. I act ways I shouldn\u2019t act. So, how does the story of Jonah help me?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Well, I think that, in all the emotions that we talk about, it comes from the premise, as we trace them back, to victorious living and what God wants you to do about it. I look at it as God made us in His image. When we have negative emotions, it shows us something is wrong. Although we\u2019re fallen, we\u2019re still made in the image of God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Jeff:<\/strong> When we experience the negative emotion\u2014and I mean, God is not an angry God\u2014but God does have and created us with this sense of control, and responsibility, and order because that\u2019s how God is. So, when we get angry\u2014because of the Fall, we have an anger that\u2019s off base. It\u2019s focused in on, \u201cThings aren\u2019t going the way <em>I want<\/em> them to go.\u201d You know, the Fall caused everything to be self-oriented\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> \u2014not God-oriented. That\u2019s why they knew that they were naked: \u201cWell, who told you were naked? Did you eat of the fruit I told you and commanded you not to eat?\u201d All of a sudden, now, they don\u2019t have a God-consciousness. They have self-consciousness, and anger comes when things aren\u2019t going the way <em>we<\/em> want them to go. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you really think about it, we don\u2019t get mad if everything is going the way we want it to go. We get mad in traffic because the people aren\u2019t going the way we want them to go\u2014the roads aren\u2019t clear\u2014those kinds of things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJonah got mad at God because God didn\u2019t do what Jonah thought He should have done, which was wipe out the Assyrians. If God had done right, then, Jonah would have been happy. He hated those people. You know, the Book of Jonah is a great book about God\u2019s love for people\u2014all people\u2014you know, those that don\u2019t know the difference between their right hand and their left hand. Jonah is an interesting book in that it ends with a question, and it doesn\u2019t resolve anything. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, the guy, who is dealing with his emotions, really does need to peel back and say: \u201cWhat\u2019s the unmet expectation? What am I thinking ought to go my way?\u201d He\u2019s really grumbling\u2014he\u2019s really angry with God that life is not going the way he thinks it should; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Right. I personally think all anger is rooted in\u2014I mean, you trace it back\u2014it goes back to, \u201cI\u2019m mad at God because this didn\u2019t go the way I wanted it to go.\u201d Jonah is directly mad at God, but anger is a control issue. So, the way you address the control issue of anger is\u2014you understand: \u201cReally, I\u2019m not in control. God is in control of all things.\u201d We control very little when you think about it. <br><br>So, I have to choose grace over my control and say: \u201cGod, You are over this. I\u2019m not over this. So, God, I choose to let You be God; and I\u2019m going to humble myself, and to submit myself, and choose your grace. You give grace to those who are humble. You\u2019re opposed to those who are proud. So, I\u2019m just going to say, \u2018Okay, You\u2019re in charge. I accept whatever You are doing. I choose Your grace.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019ve talked to husbands, wives, moms, dads\u2014who deal with this issue of anger in their lives. This is a hard pattern to break. If you\u2019ve been an angry person for a while, and this is just how you do life, this is not something that you just wake up one morning and go, \u201cI\u2019m going to do life differently now,\u201d because it\u2019s a reflexive pattern for you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. In fact, didn\u2019t I hear you say, Jeff\u2014as we were coming into the studio\u2014that this emotion\u2014anger\u2014was one you\u2019ve battled? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Sure. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Give us an illustration, from your life, in terms of a situation where you had to deal with \u201cGod\u2019s in control; I\u2019m not.\u201d Then, how did you ultimately handle it? If you can\u2019t think of it, I\u2019m looking at your wife, Debbie. She\u2019s nodding her head, \u201cYes.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Did you want to share something about that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie:<\/strong> No, I just know some issues of anger that you\u2019ve dealt with. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Well, I think one of the things\u2014being a pastor, I had a situation with a staff member\u2014where I had a meeting that went badly. I got really angry because I didn\u2019t feel like there was honesty in the meeting. I didn\u2019t handle myself well because I allowed that to just control me\u2014things didn\u2019t go, in the meeting, like I wanted them to go. That meeting\u2014because I got so angry\u2014caused lots of problems. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRather than just saying: \u201cLord, You\u2019re in charge of this. You know what\u2019s going on. You know that there are some things that aren\u2019t being said correctly here\u201d\u2014if I had turned that over and trusted Him with that, but I didn\u2019t. I took the steering wheel. I was going to control this, and I was going to make things go my way. It just blew up in my face. I relive that, in my mind, over and over because it caused lots of problems\u2014caused problems for me. It caused problems in the church. I just wish I could back in time, which you can\u2019t\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> \u2014but you can learn from it. So, I have learned, in those situations, that I need to let the Lord really take control. I\u2019m not in control. He is\u2014especially, as it relates to the church. It doesn\u2019t belong to me. It\u2019s His church. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> When you start to feel anger bubbling up\u2014because you still do; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Sure. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I mean, there are still things\u2014whether it\u2019s traffic, or somebody, or\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014Debbie, or\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Debbie\u2019s driving, yes. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie:<\/strong> Goodness! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When something like that happens, what do you do differently today than you might have done ten years ago? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> One of the things is to go ahead and feel the anger. Then, just immediately bring that to the Lord and say, \u201cLord, I am so angry about this,\u201d\u2014whatever this is. If you need to clinch your fist to show how angry you are, then, go ahead and do that. Then, just release that and say: \u201cAnd I just release that to You. You\u2019re in charge. You\u2019re in control, and I choose Your grace over my control because You are the Sovereign God.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It usually doesn\u2019t pay to act on that anger. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Never! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I mean, I reflect back on my marriage and my relationship with Barbara. I have learned that silence and working through it with God first is far superior than to just say everything I\u2019m thinking\u2014let the emotions out\u2014and in the process, hurt the human being that I love the most on the planet. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> In that period of time, the best thing to do is pray. You talked about releasing it to God and saying: \u201cLord, You know what I\u2019m thinking. Give me the discipline to keep my mouth shut right now.\u201d Now, there may be a time when whatever it was that caused the anger\u2014because, usually, anger is secondary. There is a cause. That\u2019s what that smoke detector points out\u2014that there is something wrong. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> There is a flame somewhere. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You need to go find the flame and have a discussion about it\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014but not with it being fueled by anger. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> No, you\u2019ve got to speak the truth in love, and you\u2019ve got to be ready to speak the truth in love. If you\u2019re not ready to speak the truth in love, you\u2019re not ready to speak. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. Have you found that to be true in your marriage, Debbie? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie:<\/strong> Oh, goodness, yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> How so? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie:<\/strong> Well, early on, I told Jeff\u2014I would just spout. I\u2019ve told him, in recent years, \u201cAnytime that I keep my mouth shut, it\u2019s a sign of great spiritual maturity.\u201d [Laughter] I have learned to keep my mouth shut and take it to the Lord first because He\u2019s the only person that never misunderstands me because He sees right into my heart, and He never misunderstands my\u2014He knows exactly what I\u2019m thinking, what I\u2019m feeling. I can pray through that first before I go and open my mouth, and seek His wisdom as to how to speak it and how to say it because, in my humanness, I can really mess up saying something and be very misunderstood because I don\u2019t say it correctly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Earlier, Jeff, you used the imagery of a volcano\u2014some people erupt. At the FamilyLife <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway, we use the illustration\u2014especially, in dealing with conflict\u2014that no one enjoys sitting at the base of an active volcano. I mean, having hot lava spewed out all over you is not conducive to want to go close\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Jeff:<\/strong> No. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014to the volcano. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> That\u2019s exactly right. You know, one of the things\u2014and we talk about this at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>\u2014a huge part\u2014and it\u2019s a big part of the chapter on anger\u2014is chronically-angry people tend to have a situation, back in their past, where someone hurt them; and they haven\u2019t forgiven. The nice thing is\u2014when you forgive\u2014as someone well said, \u201cForgiveness is letting the captive go free\u2014finding out the captive was you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd forgiveness\u2014the reason\u2014I believe the reason the Lord is so harsh on it\u2014you know, He says in Matthew, Chapter 6, \u201cIf you don\u2019t forgive men, I\u2019m not going to forgive you.\u201d The reason is because He loves us, and it\u2019s going to just rot out everything in our lives. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I think that\u2019s really good advice. I\u2019d just add what Paul said in Ephesians, Chapter 4, verses 31-32\u2014that really challenges us\u2014commands us: \u201cLet all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another just as God in Christ forgave you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I think what you ought to do\u2014you know, we\u2019ve kind of used a couple of visual illustrations here\u2014I think the person who\u2019s really got a problem with anger, who is hearing us today, ought to find some object that they can put in the trash, take outside, and burn it\u2014something that visualizes your decision, before God, of leaving a different fragrance among those that you love in your marriage, in your family\u2014with those you work with. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Amen. That\u2019s good. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And to do business with God\u2014make a decision, and put it away. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think it really helps for somebody to read a chapter like the chapter Jeff has written in his book on anger and see, by reading the chapter, somebody gets this! \u201cSomebody understands what\u2019s going on in my life. Not only do they get it, but they know how to help me make sure that my anger is not sinful anger.\u201d <br><br>We\u2019ve got copies of Jeff Schreve\u2019s book, <em>Runaway Emotions: Why You Feel the Way You Do and What God Wants You to Do About It<\/em> in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. Go, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com for information on how to get a copy of the book. Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com. You can also request the book when you call 1-800-FL-TODAY. That\u2019s 1-800-358-6329\u20141-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d. Ask about the book, <em>Runaway Emotions<\/em>, when you get in touch with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, a quick word of thanks to those of you who make the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> possible; and you know who you are. Some of you are our Legacy Partners\u2014folks who get in touch with us each month and help provide the financial support that a ministry like this needs each month to be able to cover the costs of producing and syndicating this daily radio program\u2014special word of thanks to our Legacy Partners, here, in the month of July. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is the time of year when we often hear from fewer of our listeners, and we see a little falloff in our donation support. So, we appreciate those of you who maintain your monthly support throughout the summer months; and we appreciate those of you who get in touch with us, from time to time, to make a donation to help support this ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow is a particularly good time to get in touch with us because, as I said, we\u2019re in the middle of summer; and things often taper off\u2014as they have this summer. So, we\u2019d love to hear from you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the button that says, \u201cI CARE\u201d, to make an online donation; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make a donation. When you do, we\u2019d love to send you, as a thank-you gift, a CD that features a conversation we had with Kim and Krickitt Carpenter. The story of their marriage was made into a Hollywood movie called <em>The Vow<\/em>; but in reality, their story is more compelling than Hollywood made it out to be. They were involved in a car wreck that left Krickitt with severe brain injury. She did not even remember their courtship, their wedding, or their marriage. So, they had to rebuild their relationship, from the ground up. It\u2019s a compelling story. We\u2019d love to send you the CD. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, simply go online. Click the button that says, \u201cI CARE\u201d, when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Leave an online donation, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Make a donation over the phone, and ask for the CD called <em>The Vow<\/em> when you get in touch with us. We\u2019re happy to send it to you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you\u2019ll join us back tomorrow. We\u2019re going to continue to talk about some of our runaway emotions and what we do about them. I hope you can join us back for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2013 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["26.56M"],"filesize_raw":["27850225"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-302780.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-302780.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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anger getting the best of you?","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-07-18.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Do you ever deal with issues in your life like depression, or guilt, anger, worry, loneliness, or embarrassment? Jeff Schreve says, \u201cThese emotions are pointing to something deeper.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Negative emotions serve like a smoke alarm. We know that if that goes off\u2014it\u2019s a piercing, shrill sound\u2014we don\u2019t like to hear that sound, but it lets us know that there\u2019s a problem somewhere. The problem is not the alarm. The problem is there is a fire going on, somewhere, in your home. So, you\u2019ve got to heed the alarm. Find the fire, and put it out. Then, the blaring alarm silences. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, July 18<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. How do we take the input we\u2019re getting from the smoke detector to find the fire that may be loose in our lives? We\u2019re going to talk about your runaway emotions today. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. You know, I was looking at my copy of a book that we\u2019re going to be talking about today. I thought, \u201cI know which chapter Dennis went to right away.\u201d Do you know which I\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I don\u2019t. I don\u2019t. I\u2019m\u2014easily, you\u2019re on target, though. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Chapter 4\u2014Chapter 4 of this book. Look at Chapter 4 and tell me if I\u2019m right. Am I right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes, well, it\u2019s pretty close to home. My mom used to call me a worry-wart. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes, Chapter 4\u2014the book is called <em>Runaway Emotions: Why You Feel the Way You Do and What God Wants You to Do About It<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I grew up\u2014the son of a worrier\u2014and got her DNA. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> You got a little of that mixed into your bloodstream. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I do. And I didn\u2019t think about looking it over, wondering where you might be on here. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Let\u2019s just move along. Let\u2019s not go there! [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Let\u2019s talk about who is the author of this and who joins us on the broadcast. Jeff and Debbie Schreve are joining us, here, on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Debbie, Jeff, welcome to the headquarters, here, at FamilyLife. Glad to have you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Thanks, Dennis. It\u2019s great to be here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie:<\/strong> Wonderful to be here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Way to go, Debbie. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie:<\/strong> Thank you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Way to go. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie:<\/strong> Thank you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Jeff is a pastor, and he\u2019s also the founder of From His Heart Ministries. He and Debbie have three daughters and one grandchild. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> One grandchild, yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Way to go. They have served on the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em> marriage getaway speaker team for seven years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Glad you guys are on the team. You guys do a great job. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And they are also featured in <em>The Art of Marriage<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Oh, yes! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. You tell a little of your story\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> We do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie:<\/strong> We do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014about your marriage in <em>The Art of Marriage<\/em>. I believe it\u2019s in the intimacy section\u2014right?\u2014where you talk about it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie:<\/strong> Indeed. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> It is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> And we won\u2019t give away what you say. If folks want to know what you say, they are going to have to go to <em>The Art of Marriage<\/em>; alright? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I just want to ask you both\u2014I want both of you to answer this question because you\u2019ve written a book about runaway emotions\u2014\u201cIs some of this the story of your marriage\u2014of what God has done in your relationship, over the years?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> No, not really with our marriage. Probably, a lot with me\u2014you know, as we talked before the broadcast, which one of these speaks about me is really every one of them\u2014I\u2019ve had difficulty with and had to work through those but not so much in our relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You outline, in your book, the emotions of embarrassment, loneliness, frustration, worry, anger, guilt, discontentment, and depression. <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You are a pastor. Where do you see people most struggling around\u2014which of these emotions? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Great question. I think everybody feels these from one degree or another. I think some of the biggest ones\u2014anger is a huge one. Guilt is a big one. Worry. Loneliness\u2014lots of lonely couples\u2014lonely spouses\u2014lonely wives. And then, as people get older\u2014especially, if their spouse dies and their kids have moved away\u2014they really deal with loneliness. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> And you\u2019ve preached on this subject of emotions at your church\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014because you really have seen how\u2014 if people don\u2019t understand God\u2019s perspective on emotions, it can torpedo relationships and ruin lives; can\u2019t it? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Yes, definitely; definitely. And the nice thing about preaching on emotions\u2014it hits everybody, from the youngest to the oldest. They know what it\u2019s like to be embarrassed. They know what it\u2019s like to worry. They know what it\u2019s like to get angry\u2014to experience guilt. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I think the thing that I love about talking about these negative emotions\u2014you know\u2014everybody loves positive emotions. You don\u2019t really have to prime the pump on that because it\u2019s like, \u201cYes, I like to feel love, and joy, and peace; but what do I do when I feel the worry, when I feel the anger?\u201d So, you instantly get people to say: \u201cAlright, I have a problem with that. What can I do? What does God say that will help me there?\u201d That\u2019s why the subtitle, <em>Why You Feel the Way You Do and What God Wants You to Do About It<\/em>, is critical. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> When you sent me your book, I immediately thought\u2014I thought, \u201cJeff and Debbie are really on to something here.\u201d What you\u2019ve put together\u2014because I think most of us are born into families that don\u2019t know how to equip us, educate, and train us around what the emotions are that we experience and, then, knowing what to do with them, from a biblical standpoint. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Right. <br><br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We\u2019re, for the most part, biblically illiterate about how to handle emotions. Debbie, the home you grew up in\u2014your family\u2014was it a Christian family? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie:<\/strong> Yes, a Christian family; but I grew up in a situation where my mother never took responsibility for her emotions. In other words, it was: \u201cThat\u2019s just the way I am. I can\u2019t help it.\u201d She was always a victim of her worry, of her fear, of her frustration, of her discontentment, of all these other things. So, as a child, growing up in that environment, that definitely influenced and impacted the way I dealt with my own emotions. I didn\u2019t deal with them in a godly fashion because I didn\u2019t know how to. I made excuses. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, you brought your mom\u2019s victimization into your marriage? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie:<\/strong> The U-Haul of destruction I brought into the marriage, indeed. I really\u2014I mean, truly I did. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Jeff, what about the dynamics of the home that you grew up in? Was it an emotionally-expressive home or was it kind of all pushed back into the background? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Not very emotionally-expressive. There wasn\u2019t a lot of touching, and feeling, and hugs, and things like that with my brothers and sisters. My dad wasn\u2019t like that. My mom was like that to a certain extent. But I grew up in a home\u2014that we went to church and we knew about God\u2014but we didn\u2019t have a personal relationship with God. So, my parents taught me right from wrong; but none of the stuff\u2014that I talk about in the book\u2014did I learn that at home. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, you would say you were emotionally illiterate, as well? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I was when we got married. I\u2019ve learned a lot in a marriage relationship of being forced to go to the Bible and find out what it says about it. When you gave this series of messages at your church, you used an object lesson\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014to illustrate what it was all about. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> A rather piercing object lesson. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Piercing object lesson, yes. The premise of the book is that negative emotions serve like a smoke alarm, and we all are familiar with smoke alarms. Most of us have those in our homes. We know if that goes off\u2014it\u2019s a piercing, shrill sound. We don\u2019t like to hear that sound, but it lets us know there\u2019s a problem somewhere. The problem is not the alarm. The problem is there is a fire\u2014there\u2019s smoke, fire going on somewhere in your home. So, you\u2019ve got to heed the alarm. Find the fire, and put it out. Then, the blaring alarm silences. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I think with lots of conventional ways to deal with emotions, all of the emphasis is on the alarm: \u201cOkay, you feel like this. Let\u2019s not try and trace it back to what the real problem is\u2014from God\u2019s perspective.\u201d God made us in His image. So, He knows how we tick. He knows what ticks us off. He knows when something is wrong with us; and He tells us in His Word, \u201cHey, this is why you feel this way; and this is what you do about it.\u201d I think, in the world we live in today\u2014as Dennis, as you said\u2014we\u2019re a biblically-illiterate world, by and large. People don\u2019t know what to do with those things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think there are a lot of people\u2014like Debbie\u2019s mom, and maybe, a little like you, Debbie\u2014just feel: \u201cIf I feel this, it\u2019s valid. I don\u2019t need to adjust it. I shouldn\u2019t have to mess with it. It\u2019s who I am, and my feelings are valid.\u201d Well, they may be valid; but that doesn\u2019t mean that they control you; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Right. Exactly right. You know, feelings are feelings. When you experience things that make you angry\u2014I mean, you have the feelings of anger. What I talk about in the book\u2014there is a difference between righteous indignation\u2014Jesus got angry. God gets angry. It\u2019s never sin. It\u2019s never a smoke alarm in His heart and in His life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI always deal with the negative emotion\u2014it is anger that is not righteous indignation. It\u2019s you\u2019re getting out of control because things aren\u2019t going the way you want them to go. How do you deal with that? What do you do with that? Most people don\u2019t know what to do with that. So, they stuff it, which doesn\u2019t work. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Or they go off like a volcano, which definitely doesn\u2019t work. In the book, I talk about\u2014every chapter is rooted in a Scripture passage. In the book, when we talk about anger, we talk about Jonah. Jonah was an angry prophet. He was a wrong-way prophet, at first\u2014has a little time, out in the belly of the fish [Laughter]\u2014changes his outlook. Then, he\u2019s willing to do what God wants him to do. But Jonah, Chapter 4, is amazing. He is the preacher that is used to bring about one of the greatest revivals in history\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> \u2014and he\u2019s mad about it. So mad that, when God talks to him, he won\u2019t even speak to God. He just wants to die. He says twice, \u201cTake my life.\u201d If I had been God, I would have said: \u201cPrayer answered! You\u2019re dead.\u201d [Laughter] But God didn\u2019t do that and teaches us a lot about anger and how we process that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, what did you learn from Jonah? What kinds of things? Somebody who says: \u201cYou know, this is an issue I deal with. I let my anger control me. It gets the best of me. I don\u2019t know what to do with it. When it bubbles up inside of me, I say things I shouldn\u2019t say. I act ways I shouldn\u2019t act. So, how does the story of Jonah help me?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Well, I think that, in all the emotions that we talk about, it comes from the premise, as we trace them back, to victorious living and what God wants you to do about it. I look at it as God made us in His image. When we have negative emotions, it shows us something is wrong. Although we\u2019re fallen, we\u2019re still made in the image of God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Jeff:<\/strong> When we experience the negative emotion\u2014and I mean, God is not an angry God\u2014but God does have and created us with this sense of control, and responsibility, and order because that\u2019s how God is. So, when we get angry\u2014because of the Fall, we have an anger that\u2019s off base. It\u2019s focused in on, \u201cThings aren\u2019t going the way <em>I want<\/em> them to go.\u201d You know, the Fall caused everything to be self-oriented\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> \u2014not God-oriented. That\u2019s why they knew that they were naked: \u201cWell, who told you were naked? Did you eat of the fruit I told you and commanded you not to eat?\u201d All of a sudden, now, they don\u2019t have a God-consciousness. They have self-consciousness, and anger comes when things aren\u2019t going the way <em>we<\/em> want them to go. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you really think about it, we don\u2019t get mad if everything is going the way we want it to go. We get mad in traffic because the people aren\u2019t going the way we want them to go\u2014the roads aren\u2019t clear\u2014those kinds of things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJonah got mad at God because God didn\u2019t do what Jonah thought He should have done, which was wipe out the Assyrians. If God had done right, then, Jonah would have been happy. He hated those people. You know, the Book of Jonah is a great book about God\u2019s love for people\u2014all people\u2014you know, those that don\u2019t know the difference between their right hand and their left hand. Jonah is an interesting book in that it ends with a question, and it doesn\u2019t resolve anything. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, the guy, who is dealing with his emotions, really does need to peel back and say: \u201cWhat\u2019s the unmet expectation? What am I thinking ought to go my way?\u201d He\u2019s really grumbling\u2014he\u2019s really angry with God that life is not going the way he thinks it should; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Right. I personally think all anger is rooted in\u2014I mean, you trace it back\u2014it goes back to, \u201cI\u2019m mad at God because this didn\u2019t go the way I wanted it to go.\u201d Jonah is directly mad at God, but anger is a control issue. So, the way you address the control issue of anger is\u2014you understand: \u201cReally, I\u2019m not in control. God is in control of all things.\u201d We control very little when you think about it. <br><br>So, I have to choose grace over my control and say: \u201cGod, You are over this. I\u2019m not over this. So, God, I choose to let You be God; and I\u2019m going to humble myself, and to submit myself, and choose your grace. You give grace to those who are humble. You\u2019re opposed to those who are proud. So, I\u2019m just going to say, \u2018Okay, You\u2019re in charge. I accept whatever You are doing. I choose Your grace.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019ve talked to husbands, wives, moms, dads\u2014who deal with this issue of anger in their lives. This is a hard pattern to break. If you\u2019ve been an angry person for a while, and this is just how you do life, this is not something that you just wake up one morning and go, \u201cI\u2019m going to do life differently now,\u201d because it\u2019s a reflexive pattern for you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. In fact, didn\u2019t I hear you say, Jeff\u2014as we were coming into the studio\u2014that this emotion\u2014anger\u2014was one you\u2019ve battled? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Sure. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Give us an illustration, from your life, in terms of a situation where you had to deal with \u201cGod\u2019s in control; I\u2019m not.\u201d Then, how did you ultimately handle it? If you can\u2019t think of it, I\u2019m looking at your wife, Debbie. She\u2019s nodding her head, \u201cYes.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Did you want to share something about that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie:<\/strong> No, I just know some issues of anger that you\u2019ve dealt with. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Well, I think one of the things\u2014being a pastor, I had a situation with a staff member\u2014where I had a meeting that went badly. I got really angry because I didn\u2019t feel like there was honesty in the meeting. I didn\u2019t handle myself well because I allowed that to just control me\u2014things didn\u2019t go, in the meeting, like I wanted them to go. That meeting\u2014because I got so angry\u2014caused lots of problems. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRather than just saying: \u201cLord, You\u2019re in charge of this. You know what\u2019s going on. You know that there are some things that aren\u2019t being said correctly here\u201d\u2014if I had turned that over and trusted Him with that, but I didn\u2019t. I took the steering wheel. I was going to control this, and I was going to make things go my way. It just blew up in my face. I relive that, in my mind, over and over because it caused lots of problems\u2014caused problems for me. It caused problems in the church. I just wish I could back in time, which you can\u2019t\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> \u2014but you can learn from it. So, I have learned, in those situations, that I need to let the Lord really take control. I\u2019m not in control. He is\u2014especially, as it relates to the church. It doesn\u2019t belong to me. It\u2019s His church. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> When you start to feel anger bubbling up\u2014because you still do; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Sure. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I mean, there are still things\u2014whether it\u2019s traffic, or somebody, or\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014Debbie, or\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Debbie\u2019s driving, yes. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie:<\/strong> Goodness! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When something like that happens, what do you do differently today than you might have done ten years ago? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> One of the things is to go ahead and feel the anger. Then, just immediately bring that to the Lord and say, \u201cLord, I am so angry about this,\u201d\u2014whatever this is. If you need to clinch your fist to show how angry you are, then, go ahead and do that. Then, just release that and say: \u201cAnd I just release that to You. You\u2019re in charge. You\u2019re in control, and I choose Your grace over my control because You are the Sovereign God.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It usually doesn\u2019t pay to act on that anger. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Never! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I mean, I reflect back on my marriage and my relationship with Barbara. I have learned that silence and working through it with God first is far superior than to just say everything I\u2019m thinking\u2014let the emotions out\u2014and in the process, hurt the human being that I love the most on the planet. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> In that period of time, the best thing to do is pray. You talked about releasing it to God and saying: \u201cLord, You know what I\u2019m thinking. Give me the discipline to keep my mouth shut right now.\u201d Now, there may be a time when whatever it was that caused the anger\u2014because, usually, anger is secondary. There is a cause. That\u2019s what that smoke detector points out\u2014that there is something wrong. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> There is a flame somewhere. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You need to go find the flame and have a discussion about it\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014but not with it being fueled by anger. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> No, you\u2019ve got to speak the truth in love, and you\u2019ve got to be ready to speak the truth in love. If you\u2019re not ready to speak the truth in love, you\u2019re not ready to speak. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. Have you found that to be true in your marriage, Debbie? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie:<\/strong> Oh, goodness, yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> How so? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Debbie:<\/strong> Well, early on, I told Jeff\u2014I would just spout. I\u2019ve told him, in recent years, \u201cAnytime that I keep my mouth shut, it\u2019s a sign of great spiritual maturity.\u201d [Laughter] I have learned to keep my mouth shut and take it to the Lord first because He\u2019s the only person that never misunderstands me because He sees right into my heart, and He never misunderstands my\u2014He knows exactly what I\u2019m thinking, what I\u2019m feeling. I can pray through that first before I go and open my mouth, and seek His wisdom as to how to speak it and how to say it because, in my humanness, I can really mess up saying something and be very misunderstood because I don\u2019t say it correctly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Earlier, Jeff, you used the imagery of a volcano\u2014some people erupt. At the FamilyLife <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway, we use the illustration\u2014especially, in dealing with conflict\u2014that no one enjoys sitting at the base of an active volcano. I mean, having hot lava spewed out all over you is not conducive to want to go close\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Jeff:<\/strong> No. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014to the volcano. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> That\u2019s exactly right. You know, one of the things\u2014and we talk about this at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>\u2014a huge part\u2014and it\u2019s a big part of the chapter on anger\u2014is chronically-angry people tend to have a situation, back in their past, where someone hurt them; and they haven\u2019t forgiven. The nice thing is\u2014when you forgive\u2014as someone well said, \u201cForgiveness is letting the captive go free\u2014finding out the captive was you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd forgiveness\u2014the reason\u2014I believe the reason the Lord is so harsh on it\u2014you know, He says in Matthew, Chapter 6, \u201cIf you don\u2019t forgive men, I\u2019m not going to forgive you.\u201d The reason is because He loves us, and it\u2019s going to just rot out everything in our lives. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I think that\u2019s really good advice. I\u2019d just add what Paul said in Ephesians, Chapter 4, verses 31-32\u2014that really challenges us\u2014commands us: \u201cLet all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another just as God in Christ forgave you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I think what you ought to do\u2014you know, we\u2019ve kind of used a couple of visual illustrations here\u2014I think the person who\u2019s really got a problem with anger, who is hearing us today, ought to find some object that they can put in the trash, take outside, and burn it\u2014something that visualizes your decision, before God, of leaving a different fragrance among those that you love in your marriage, in your family\u2014with those you work with. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong> Amen. That\u2019s good. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And to do business with God\u2014make a decision, and put it away. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think it really helps for somebody to read a chapter like the chapter Jeff has written in his book on anger and see, by reading the chapter, somebody gets this! \u201cSomebody understands what\u2019s going on in my life. Not only do they get it, but they know how to help me make sure that my anger is not sinful anger.\u201d <br><br>We\u2019ve got copies of Jeff Schreve\u2019s book, <em>Runaway Emotions: Why You Feel the Way You Do and What God Wants You to Do About It<\/em> in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. Go, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com for information on how to get a copy of the book. Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com. You can also request the book when you call 1-800-FL-TODAY. That\u2019s 1-800-358-6329\u20141-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d. Ask about the book, <em>Runaway Emotions<\/em>, when you get in touch with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, a quick word of thanks to those of you who make the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> possible; and you know who you are. Some of you are our Legacy Partners\u2014folks who get in touch with us each month and help provide the financial support that a ministry like this needs each month to be able to cover the costs of producing and syndicating this daily radio program\u2014special word of thanks to our Legacy Partners, here, in the month of July. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is the time of year when we often hear from fewer of our listeners, and we see a little falloff in our donation support. So, we appreciate those of you who maintain your monthly support throughout the summer months; and we appreciate those of you who get in touch with us, from time to time, to make a donation to help support this ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow is a particularly good time to get in touch with us because, as I said, we\u2019re in the middle of summer; and things often taper off\u2014as they have this summer. So, we\u2019d love to hear from you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the button that says, \u201cI CARE\u201d, to make an online donation; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make a donation. When you do, we\u2019d love to send you, as a thank-you gift, a CD that features a conversation we had with Kim and Krickitt Carpenter. The story of their marriage was made into a Hollywood movie called <em>The Vow<\/em>; but in reality, their story is more compelling than Hollywood made it out to be. They were involved in a car wreck that left Krickitt with severe brain injury. She did not even remember their courtship, their wedding, or their marriage. So, they had to rebuild their relationship, from the ground up. It\u2019s a compelling story. We\u2019d love to send you the CD. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, simply go online. Click the button that says, \u201cI CARE\u201d, when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Leave an online donation, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Make a donation over the phone, and ask for the CD called <em>The Vow<\/em> when you get in touch with us. We\u2019re happy to send it to you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you\u2019ll join us back tomorrow. We\u2019re going to continue to talk about some of our runaway emotions and what we do about them. I hope you can join us back for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2013 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/302780","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=302780"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=302780"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=302780"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=302780"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=302780"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=302780"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=302780"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}