{"id":302763,"date":"2013-06-21T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2013-06-21T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/love-renewed-randy-and-denise-mcgarvey\/"},"modified":"2013-06-21T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2013-06-21T15:00:00","slug":"love-renewed-randy-and-denise-mcgarvey","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/love-renewed-randy-and-denise-mcgarvey\/","title":{"rendered":"Love Renewed: Randy and Denise McGarvey"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Can they make this blended family work?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-06-21.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"26.33M","filesize_raw":"27608639","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2936],"tags":[2732,4691,5276],"podcast_series":[7663],"cwp_profile":[9308],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302763","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-remarriage","tag-remarriage","tag-saving-a-marriage","tag-stepfamilies","podcast_series-loving-your-man-without-losing-your-mind","cwp_profile-randy-and-denise-mcgarvey","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302763\/love-renewed-randy-and-denise-mcgarvey","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302763\/love-renewed-randy-and-denise-mcgarvey","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"47WbJNjAi1\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/love-renewed-randy-and-denise-mcgarvey\/\">Love Renewed: Randy and Denise McGarvey<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/love-renewed-randy-and-denise-mcgarvey\/embed\/#?secret=47WbJNjAi1\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Love Renewed: Randy and Denise McGarvey&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"47WbJNjAi1\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-06-21.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-06-21.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 When Denise and Randy McGarvey got married, Randy became an instant dad. Denise had children from a previous marriage. Randy quickly realized that blending a family was going to be more challenging than he thought.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Randy:<\/strong>\u00a0 I worked in downtown Rochester. We decided to go to a soccer game in downtown Rochester. We got pizza, ahead of time. Denise wanted to take a picture, and I couldn\u2019t just kind of sidle over to Forrest and put my arm around him and get a picture. I look back at that\u2014I feel so foolish now. It\u2019s tough to balance that with Denise\u2019s role as the mom and me, as the step-dad\u2014trying not to alienate the kids. It can definitely be a challenge.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, June 21<sup>st<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 When you\u2019re working, as a husband, to build a strong marriage and one of your goals is not to alienate the kids, you have your work cut out for you. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded Message]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. We\u2019re actually kind of going back in time today because our listeners are going to hear something that we are recording as we are on the <em>Love Like You Mean It\u2122<\/em> marriage cruise. I\u2019m just wondering if you did anything to prepare yourself for potential seasickness before you got on the cruise. Any patch, wristband?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 No. No, when we first started doing these, I did the patch, you know. Then, I weaned myself from the patch; and I went to some little tablets. I\u2019m good to go this trip.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You\u2019re good to go?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Have you got anything in your system?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I took a\u2014what\u2014is it called Bonine<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> [pronouncing it as Boneen]\u2014Bonine [pronouncing it as Bo-nine]?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 What is it, folks? Boneen, Bonine? [Audience response]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Bonine? They don\u2019t know either. \u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 We have a live audience here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 We do. Welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em> Nice to have you guys joining us. [Applause]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 These are some of our closest friends, who have joined us on the <em>Love Like You Mean It <\/em>marriage cruise this year. We\u2019ve gathered them together this afternoon so that they can hear some great stories. We\u2019re going to introduce them to a couple\u2014one of our guests who are with us on the cruise.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 We are. Randy and Denise McGarvey join us on <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em> Randy and Denise, welcome to our broadcast.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Denise:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thanks.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Randy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you very much.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Randy and Denise have a blended family. Denise brought two children into the marriage relationship. They live in Rochester, New York. Randy is a computer programmer. You have a great story that we\u2019re looking forward to hearing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe brought along Ron Deal, who\u2019s come aboard FamilyLife about a year ago, and heads up our Blended Family Initiative. Ron\u2014welcome back to <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 Always good to be on the broadcast.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Do you have a patch behind your ear?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, I\u2019m free and clear.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Are you good?\u2014alright.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m doing alright.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Randy, why don\u2019t you tell us a little bit of the context of the home that you grew up in before you met Denise? What kind of marriage did your mom and dad have?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Randy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I grew up in a Christian home from a long line of pastors. My dad is not a pastor\u2014but still, a solid Christian home. My parents helped found the church\u2014that they still attend\u2014years and years ago. We were there\u2014pretty much every time the doors opened, we were in church. So, that was Sunday morning, Sunday night, Wednesday night\u2014just very faithful church-attenders.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Your personal commitment to Christ\u2014did it happen at an early age?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Randy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, technically.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 [Laughing] I love these technical testimonies here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Randy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, technically. I mean, I made a commitment to Christ when I was quite small, but I really didn\u2019t start living it until I was in college. To me, I feel like I was a bit of a false convert, really, until I was in college.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Denise, what about you? What kind of home did you grow up in?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Denise:<\/strong>\u00a0 I grew up in a home that was not a Christian home. There were six kids. I think we were sent across to the Methodist church on Sunday mornings so my parents could sleep in. They\u2019re going to kill me when they hear that! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 We won\u2019t tell them when you\u2019re on; okay?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Denise:<\/strong>\u00a0 But my parents became Christians when I had just left the home at 18 or 19 years old. I was not a Christian then. I became a Christian, actually, through my dentist.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Was that while he had you with the drill? \u201cEither trust Christ or I\u2019m drilling down deeper.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Denise:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes. And he said, \u201cShow me how you\u2019re going to pray, now, girlfriend.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 How old were you when you made a commitment to Christ?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Denise:<\/strong>\u00a0 In my late 20s.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay, so this was after you had been married.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Denise:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Tell us about your first marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Denise:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, the funny thing\u2014 if you want to call it that\u2014about that first marriage is I eloped. We went to Niagara Falls and got married when I was like 21\u2014very young. I knew it wasn\u2019t the right thing to do. And we\u2019re, now, leading the Niagara Falls <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>. [Laughter] So, I thought that\u2019s kind of odd. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe went through that marriage\u2014had two children. One of them was after about five years. We had a really tough time getting pregnant; but we did, and we had a girl. Then, I had a boy almost four years later. But throughout that entire time, we thought we were doing well. We didn\u2019t know any different because neither one of us were Christians. As a matter of fact, my ex-husband didn\u2019t believe in God at all. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I did have some background because of the Methodist church. So, I knew that there was something there. But we made a great effort because, at that time, I was starting to feel God moving in my life. I didn\u2019t want to break up the home, but it just wasn\u2019t a good situation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 How long after the divorce did you and Randy start dating?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Denise:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I was separated for a few years. I met Randy at church. We did start dating, against our better judgment, when I really wasn\u2019t divorced yet. We were separated and going through the process. Along the way, we sought counseling about that whole issue\u2014\u201cShould we be dating?\u201d, at that point.\u00a0 That made the divorce go more quickly, on my end, just because he was in the wings!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Randy, you guys look back on that season\u2014and if somebody came to you, in the same situation\u2014you would say, \u201cDo not do what we did;\u201d right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Randy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, that\u2019s correct. We definitely would have\u2014I mean, looking back, we should have done a full separation of Denise and her previous husband before we got involved\u2014absolutely. In our case, it did work out because they had been separated for several years already. So, there had been an extended separation\u2014an emotional separation, as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Denise:<\/strong>\u00a0 We had tried to work things out through counseling and things like that. Actually, after that\u2014it\u2019s amazing how God uses your experiences to help other people. I have been able to counsel with women in Divorce Recovery and things like that. That is the first thing I tell them\u2014is, \u201cDo not get involved with somebody else.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe didn\u2019t introduce the children to Randy for quite some time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 I just want to point out the emotional maturity and the spiritual maturity that they\u2019re just representing here. That\u2019s a hard thing to say to other people, \u201cDon\u2019t do as I did,\u201d but what that represents is them listening to God, and growing, and learning, and looking back on and saying: \u201cYes, you know what? That really wasn\u2019t a wise choice. I want you to learn from that mistake.\u201d I think that\u2019s what we do, as Christians. We fall on the grace of God to have the courage to own that, in front of other people, and encourage them, in their walk, to make a different choice\u2014I think is a very powerful thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Randy, you had, undoubtedly, not grown up thinking, \u201cBoy, when I get to be older, I\u2019d like to meet a nice girl who has two children and marry her.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Randy:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s true, but I met Denise at church. Where else would you want to meet your future wife; right? We already had our faith in common. We kind of grew our friendship, just based on our faith; and then, continued on from there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 But was it hard for you to entertain the idea of not just marrying a bride but becoming a part of a new family?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Randy:<\/strong>\u00a0 It can be very intimidating. Even though our kids were young, when I first met them, it\u2019s still intimidating. I look back; and there are so many things I would do differently, now. I just try to learn from that and do things differently, going forward.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m curious. Can you tell me more about intimidation? What was that like for you, as a man? What were those intimidating factors for you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Randy:<\/strong>\u00a0 The first thing that comes to mind\u2014there is one of our first dates with the kids. I worked in downtown Rochester. We decided to go to a soccer game\u2014Rhinos soccer game in downtown Rochester. We got pizza, ahead of time. Both kids were there, and this was the first time we had really gone out. We got pizza. We kind of sat on the Genesee River, there, and had pizza. Denise wanted to take a picture. I couldn\u2019t just kind of sidle over to Forrest and put my arm around him and get a picture. I look back at that\u2014and I feel so foolish now, but I didn\u2019t\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 You weren\u2019t sure what your role was. You weren\u2019t sure how to do that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Randy:<\/strong>\u00a0 And even moving forward from there, it\u2019s tough to kind of balance, \u201cWhat is my role?\u201d I\u2019m, obviously, not the kids\u2019 parent. I\u2019m <em>a form<\/em> of discipline, to some extent; but trying to balance that with Denise\u2019s role as the mom, and me, as the step-dad\u2014trying not to alienate the kids. It can definitely be a challenge.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You\u2019re a computer programmer?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Randy:<\/strong>\u00a0 I am, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So on a one-to-ten point scale, ten being very prepared and one being, \u201cI didn\u2019t know what I was doing,\u201d where would you put yourself on that graph?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Randy:<\/strong>\u00a0 I would have to say I\u2019m like a two\u2014maybe, a two. I\u2019m one who\u2014I like to be prepared for things. That\u2019s my nature. I\u2019m an engineer. That, alone, says things to a lot of people. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 But love is powerful. The emotions of falling in love can overwhelm logic.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Randy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, absolutely; absolutely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 How long before the sparks began to fly?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Randy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Not very long. We had pretty strong differences on how kids should be raised.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 How did the engineer think kids should be raised? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Randy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, the engineer had been brought up in a very strict environment. I have four brothers. So, a family of five boys tends to need some strict discipline to maintain peace and order in the house. That\u2019s how I saw things run, and that\u2019s how I thought things should be run.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 How had things been run before Randy came into the picture?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Denise:<\/strong>\u00a0 [Laughing] Well\u2014Can I say our DISC profile? He is definitely the engineer\u2014the cut-and-dry. Our second time, that we went to a FamilyLife event, we were alumni. They did the DISC profile. I was the one that loaded the dishwasher, got everybody involved, and had a really good time in a party. He loaded the dishwasher so every dish had the maximum potential of getting cleaned and dried, to the best of its ability. That\u2019s the way I was parenting and he thought parenting should be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You\u2019re fun\u2014he\u2019s rules.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Randy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes. I\u2019m a \u201cC\u201d \u201cD\u201d; she\u2019s an \u201cI\u201d \u201dS\u201d.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Got it; okay. I don\u2019t know how many of you guys know what the DISC profile is; but the \u201cI\u201d \u201dS\u201d temperament type is relational, and the \u201cD\u201d \u201cC\u201d is all task-oriented.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Denise:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So this is a set-up; isn\u2019t it, Ron? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 It is. Essentially, they have to begin to try to cooperate around rules, and structure, and how things are going to work. Then, you add another layer onto that. She\u2019s the mom\u2014they\u2019re her kids, they have a history, the kids are used to that certain system and how things work. That mother-bear kind of protective instinct kicks in a little bit when he\u2019s kind of worried about detail. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019re thinking: \u201cOkay, that\u2019s not important. What\u2019s important is that we get the dishwasher done and not where everything is placed inside the dishwasher.\u201d He\u2019s saying, \u201cYes, but it is important.\u201d If you speak to that effect and, then, she kind of says that\u2019s not a big deal and dismisses it, then you feel dismissed and disrespected.\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Randy: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u2014Then, you\u2019re an outsider again. \u201cI\u2019m just trying to be an insider in this thing, and you kind of keep pushing me to the outside.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Randy: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>I\u2019m curious about something. I don\u2019t know if it happened for you guys\u2014but other parents, who find themselves kind of naturally in different places about how to do parenting\u2014they accidentally push each other to the extremes. It\u2019s kind of like the more he insists that there be a high-degree of structure or something, then the more fun-loving you tend to get because it\u2019s kind of like you have to counter\u2014it\u2019s kind of like a see-saw: \u201cHe\u2019s way up. I have to be way down to keep this thing from going\u2026.\u201d The more down she goes, then you\u2019re going: \u201cOh man! I\u2019ve really got to stand up.\u201d So, you kind of go even further. Did you guys experience that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Randy:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think we did, initially. It was extreme, early on; but the more we talked about it and tried to kind of understand what my role was, we kind of came to the point where we agreed that Denise would be the disciplinarian because they were her kids. I didn\u2019t want to step on toes; but I had input, behind closed doors, to just say: \u201cHey, we really need to do this. We need to steer this direction.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, that didn\u2019t mean it always worked out great. Sometimes, I\u2019m a bit of a \u201cstuffer\u201d, as far as issues go. Sometimes, I\u2019d just be stuffing things; and I would have to kind of come out and say: \u201cHey, can we really do things differently? Can we approach things a little bit differently? Can we steer them in a more constructive path instead of just a friendly path?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You guys eventually found yourselves at a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em>marriage getaway. In a blended situation, did the basic principles you were learning about marriage make sense in your blended context?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Denise:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, I think so. We were at our first <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> less than one month after we got married. It was a gift. That really helped us understand, I think, communication was a biggie because we are so different in that way. We had to sit, behind closed doors, and really talk about things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe also had to remember that the children\u2014no matter what their father was like\u2014what I was like\u2014that was their <em>father<\/em>. We have to understand that the kids will <em>never<\/em> think differently. So, for him\u2014he\u2019s my husband\u2014he\u2019s not their dad. I mean, of course, as we all grew up and matured, it changed; but definitely, the <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>helped.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m applauding a bunch of things I\u2019m hearing in these two. Obviously, they went behind closed doors. They started talking\u2014they started figuring out, \u201cOkay, we have to play to our strengths.\u201d \u201cShe\u2019s mom; I\u2019m not.\u201d \u201cHere\u2019s the role you can play.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou showed willingness, obviously, as his wife, to hear what he had to say and include him in that process. You worked hard at that; did you not?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Denise:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 And that brought success. I\u2019m applauding. The journey is a very common journey\u2014to say: \u201cWow! We\u2019re on opposite ends of things. We\u2019re not sure how to do this,\u201d\u2014but to seek out the information, and to have lots of conversation, and say, \u201cWe\u2019re dedicated to helping support each other in this process.\u201d There\u2019s where you can find the answers.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 One of the things I think is cool in your story is that, in addition to getting help, early, at a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>, you guys continued to go. In fact, didn\u2019t you tell me that it\u2019s kind of\u2014if there\u2019s one in town, you\u2019re there; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Randy:<\/strong>\u00a0 We\u2019re probably volunteering, somehow; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And beyond that, you guys have hosted <em>Art of Marriage\u2122<\/em> events in your community. Speak to the fact that you don\u2019t have to have marriage down perfectly to be able to lend a hand in doing something like <em>The<\/em> <em>Art of Marriage.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Randy:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think it really helps if you don\u2019t have marriage down pat to help others. You can learn from their experience.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 You sure can. Amen!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Randy:<\/strong>\u00a0 We did attend our first <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>a month after we got married. That was a gift certificate from my brother. We thought that was such good material that we wanted to go again. So, we volunteered the following year.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0It really helped to be a part of the prayer team and see how other lives were being changed in that one short weekend because, as part of the prayer team, you get to see the people that are really struggling, coming into that weekend. By the end of the weekend, you have people, signing their names, saying, \u201cHey, this has really changed our lives.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe saw that pretty early on, with the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>. That\u2019s why we continue to be involved in that. That\u2019s why we volunteer because so many lives are changed through that one short weekend.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes. You went on to help with a HomeBuilders<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> couples\u2019 series, one of the small group Bible studies; and then, you also led a <em>Stepping Up\u2122 <\/em>event\u2014or was it a small group? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Randy:<\/strong>\u00a0 We\u2019ve primarily been involved in small groups. After the <em>Weekend to Remember,<\/em> we did that for quite a few years\u2014using the HomeBuilders material.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 I want to know when you\u2019re going to lead <em>The Smart Stepfamily\u2122<\/em>. [Laughter] That\u2019s an eight-session DVD. We\u2019ve got <em>The Remarriage Checkup<\/em>\u2014a nice follow-up. You guys would be perfect for that. Again\u2014what they were saying earlier\u2014sometimes, you don\u2019t feel qualified. That\u2019s when you are qualified\u2014by God\u2019s grace\u2014getting couples together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe power of the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>\u2014the power of <em>The<\/em> <em>Art of Marriage<\/em>\u2014is the same power that comes into the <em>Smart Stepfamily <\/em>study\u2014for couples that are living in blended family situations.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Ron, I couldn\u2019t agree more. We are cheerleaders for champions like them because I really believe that\u2014out of great woundedness, and hurt, and disappointment, and maybe grief, and sadness, and all kinds of things that have occurred in your life\u2014God\u2019s using that to turn you into a trophy of grace. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Denise:<\/strong>\u00a0 Definitely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Not that you\u2019re perfect, but you\u2019ve decided to allow your imperfections to allow the light of Christ to shine outward to people\u2019s lives. You\u2019re doing that and reaching out to people in your community. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFrankly, that\u2019s what we\u2019re praying and dreaming about\u2014that there\u2019d be, literally, a million folks, like you, who say: \u201cWe\u2019re tired of seeing families self-destruct. We want to go make a difference where we live\u2014with our friends, in our community\u2014and really push back on this culture of divorce and provide help and hope for marriages that we know.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThanks for being heroes, and thanks for being on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Denise:<\/strong>\u00a0 You\u2019re welcome.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, let\u2019s thank these guys. [Applause]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, you listen to a story like the one that Denise and Randy shared with us on the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise, and you would think, \u201cThis is a couple that\u2019s dealing with enough of their own issues that they probably don\u2019t have the energy, or the capacity, or the information to be able to reach out and help other couples in their community.\u201d But the truth is\u2014if you have the desire, if you have the inclination, if you realize that there are people around you who need help and who need hope\u2014even if you don\u2019t feel like you have the answers, there are tools you can use to provide help and hope for folks you know.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m thinking of our <em>Art of Marriage<\/em> video resource. It\u2019s a Friday night\/Saturday six-session video event that has been viewed, now, by more than 300,000 people in the last couple of years. It\u2019s been seen in communities, all across the country. Our team is hoping that this summer\u2014in July, August, and September\u2014there might be as many as 1,000 events that couples, like you, would host\u2014where, together, you invite folks to come to wherever you have a screen and speakers\u2014to your living room, to your church, wherever you want to host it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tInvite couples in to join you and go through this material on a Friday night and a Saturday. In fact, if you\u2019ll agree to do that\u2014if you\u2019ll agree to host one of these events in your community\u2014we\u2019ll send you the kit for free. Here\u2019s how it works. All you have to do is let us know the date and location of your event. We will post that on our website so that other folks can see that you\u2019re hosting an event, and they can join you at your <em>Art of Marriage <\/em>event. Then, you host the event. We have a host kit that explains exactly how you do that. If you\u2019ll agree to host one of these events this summer\u2014in July, or August, or September\u2014agree to host it by the end of September\u2014we will send you the host kit for free. All we ask is that you cover the cost of the shipping and the handling. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCall 1-800-FL-TODAY if you have any questions or if you\u2019re ready to go. If you have the date and location picked out, and you can cover the cost of the shipping and the handling, we\u2019ll send you the DVDs, the workbook, the host guide\u2014everything you need so that you can host one of these events in your community. Today is the last day we are making this offer available. If you\u2019re ready to go, now is the time to call 1-800-FL-TODAY and say, \u201cWe\u2019ll host an event.\u201d Give us the date and location, cover the cost of shipping, and the kit is on its way to you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the way, you can ask for English or Spanish. <em>The<\/em> <em>Art of Marriage<\/em> is now dubbed in Spanish. So, it can be used in Spanish-speaking settings. The workbooks are in Spanish, as well. Just call us at 1-800-FL-TODAY; 1-800-358-6329. Then, pray with us that there would be more than 1,000 of these events take place in July, August, and September\u2014over the course of the next three months; alright?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd before we\u2019re done: \u201cThank you,\u201d to those of you who make <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> possible. We are listener-supported. Between our Legacy Partners, who make monthly donations, and those of you who get in touch with us, from time to time, to help support the ministry\u2014you help us pay the bills for producing and syndicating this daily radio program. We\u2019re grateful for your financial support. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tToday, if you\u2019re able to help with a donation, of at least $25, we\u2019d like to send you a six-CD set, featuring messages from the very first <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise. You\u2019ll hear from Crawford and Karen Loritts, Shaunti Feldhahn, Dennis Rainey, Kirk and Chelsea Cameron, and others. The six CDs are our way of saying, \u201cThank you,\u201d when you help support the ministry. We appreciate your support. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the button that says, \u201cI CARE\u201d. Make a donation of at least $25 to receive the CDs. Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY and you can make your donation over the phone. Again, thanks for your support of the ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I hope you have a great weekend. Hope you and your family are able to worship together this weekend, and I hope you can join us again on Monday. We\u2019re going to hear from Voddie Baucham about how a man can be the spiritual leader in his household\u2014a great message. Hope you can tune in for it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back Monday for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2013 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["26.33M"],"filesize_raw":["27608639"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-302763.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-302763.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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they make this blended family work?","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-06-21.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 When Denise and Randy McGarvey got married, Randy became an instant dad. Denise had children from a previous marriage. Randy quickly realized that blending a family was going to be more challenging than he thought.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Randy:<\/strong>\u00a0 I worked in downtown Rochester. We decided to go to a soccer game in downtown Rochester. We got pizza, ahead of time. Denise wanted to take a picture, and I couldn\u2019t just kind of sidle over to Forrest and put my arm around him and get a picture. I look back at that\u2014I feel so foolish now. It\u2019s tough to balance that with Denise\u2019s role as the mom and me, as the step-dad\u2014trying not to alienate the kids. It can definitely be a challenge.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, June 21<sup>st<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 When you\u2019re working, as a husband, to build a strong marriage and one of your goals is not to alienate the kids, you have your work cut out for you. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded Message]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. We\u2019re actually kind of going back in time today because our listeners are going to hear something that we are recording as we are on the <em>Love Like You Mean It\u2122<\/em> marriage cruise. I\u2019m just wondering if you did anything to prepare yourself for potential seasickness before you got on the cruise. Any patch, wristband?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 No. No, when we first started doing these, I did the patch, you know. Then, I weaned myself from the patch; and I went to some little tablets. I\u2019m good to go this trip.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You\u2019re good to go?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Have you got anything in your system?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I took a\u2014what\u2014is it called Bonine<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> [pronouncing it as Boneen]\u2014Bonine [pronouncing it as Bo-nine]?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 What is it, folks? Boneen, Bonine? [Audience response]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Bonine? They don\u2019t know either. \u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 We have a live audience here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 We do. Welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em> Nice to have you guys joining us. [Applause]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 These are some of our closest friends, who have joined us on the <em>Love Like You Mean It <\/em>marriage cruise this year. We\u2019ve gathered them together this afternoon so that they can hear some great stories. We\u2019re going to introduce them to a couple\u2014one of our guests who are with us on the cruise.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 We are. Randy and Denise McGarvey join us on <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em> Randy and Denise, welcome to our broadcast.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Denise:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thanks.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Randy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you very much.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Randy and Denise have a blended family. Denise brought two children into the marriage relationship. They live in Rochester, New York. Randy is a computer programmer. You have a great story that we\u2019re looking forward to hearing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe brought along Ron Deal, who\u2019s come aboard FamilyLife about a year ago, and heads up our Blended Family Initiative. Ron\u2014welcome back to <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 Always good to be on the broadcast.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Do you have a patch behind your ear?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, I\u2019m free and clear.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Are you good?\u2014alright.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m doing alright.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Randy, why don\u2019t you tell us a little bit of the context of the home that you grew up in before you met Denise? What kind of marriage did your mom and dad have?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Randy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I grew up in a Christian home from a long line of pastors. My dad is not a pastor\u2014but still, a solid Christian home. My parents helped found the church\u2014that they still attend\u2014years and years ago. We were there\u2014pretty much every time the doors opened, we were in church. So, that was Sunday morning, Sunday night, Wednesday night\u2014just very faithful church-attenders.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Your personal commitment to Christ\u2014did it happen at an early age?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Randy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, technically.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 [Laughing] I love these technical testimonies here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Randy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, technically. I mean, I made a commitment to Christ when I was quite small, but I really didn\u2019t start living it until I was in college. To me, I feel like I was a bit of a false convert, really, until I was in college.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Denise, what about you? What kind of home did you grow up in?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Denise:<\/strong>\u00a0 I grew up in a home that was not a Christian home. There were six kids. I think we were sent across to the Methodist church on Sunday mornings so my parents could sleep in. They\u2019re going to kill me when they hear that! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 We won\u2019t tell them when you\u2019re on; okay?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Denise:<\/strong>\u00a0 But my parents became Christians when I had just left the home at 18 or 19 years old. I was not a Christian then. I became a Christian, actually, through my dentist.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Was that while he had you with the drill? \u201cEither trust Christ or I\u2019m drilling down deeper.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Denise:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes. And he said, \u201cShow me how you\u2019re going to pray, now, girlfriend.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 How old were you when you made a commitment to Christ?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Denise:<\/strong>\u00a0 In my late 20s.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay, so this was after you had been married.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Denise:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Tell us about your first marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Denise:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, the funny thing\u2014 if you want to call it that\u2014about that first marriage is I eloped. We went to Niagara Falls and got married when I was like 21\u2014very young. I knew it wasn\u2019t the right thing to do. And we\u2019re, now, leading the Niagara Falls <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>. [Laughter] So, I thought that\u2019s kind of odd. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe went through that marriage\u2014had two children. One of them was after about five years. We had a really tough time getting pregnant; but we did, and we had a girl. Then, I had a boy almost four years later. But throughout that entire time, we thought we were doing well. We didn\u2019t know any different because neither one of us were Christians. As a matter of fact, my ex-husband didn\u2019t believe in God at all. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I did have some background because of the Methodist church. So, I knew that there was something there. But we made a great effort because, at that time, I was starting to feel God moving in my life. I didn\u2019t want to break up the home, but it just wasn\u2019t a good situation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 How long after the divorce did you and Randy start dating?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Denise:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I was separated for a few years. I met Randy at church. We did start dating, against our better judgment, when I really wasn\u2019t divorced yet. We were separated and going through the process. Along the way, we sought counseling about that whole issue\u2014\u201cShould we be dating?\u201d, at that point.\u00a0 That made the divorce go more quickly, on my end, just because he was in the wings!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Randy, you guys look back on that season\u2014and if somebody came to you, in the same situation\u2014you would say, \u201cDo not do what we did;\u201d right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Randy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, that\u2019s correct. We definitely would have\u2014I mean, looking back, we should have done a full separation of Denise and her previous husband before we got involved\u2014absolutely. In our case, it did work out because they had been separated for several years already. So, there had been an extended separation\u2014an emotional separation, as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Denise:<\/strong>\u00a0 We had tried to work things out through counseling and things like that. Actually, after that\u2014it\u2019s amazing how God uses your experiences to help other people. I have been able to counsel with women in Divorce Recovery and things like that. That is the first thing I tell them\u2014is, \u201cDo not get involved with somebody else.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe didn\u2019t introduce the children to Randy for quite some time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 I just want to point out the emotional maturity and the spiritual maturity that they\u2019re just representing here. That\u2019s a hard thing to say to other people, \u201cDon\u2019t do as I did,\u201d but what that represents is them listening to God, and growing, and learning, and looking back on and saying: \u201cYes, you know what? That really wasn\u2019t a wise choice. I want you to learn from that mistake.\u201d I think that\u2019s what we do, as Christians. We fall on the grace of God to have the courage to own that, in front of other people, and encourage them, in their walk, to make a different choice\u2014I think is a very powerful thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Randy, you had, undoubtedly, not grown up thinking, \u201cBoy, when I get to be older, I\u2019d like to meet a nice girl who has two children and marry her.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Randy:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s true, but I met Denise at church. Where else would you want to meet your future wife; right? We already had our faith in common. We kind of grew our friendship, just based on our faith; and then, continued on from there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 But was it hard for you to entertain the idea of not just marrying a bride but becoming a part of a new family?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Randy:<\/strong>\u00a0 It can be very intimidating. Even though our kids were young, when I first met them, it\u2019s still intimidating. I look back; and there are so many things I would do differently, now. I just try to learn from that and do things differently, going forward.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m curious. Can you tell me more about intimidation? What was that like for you, as a man? What were those intimidating factors for you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Randy:<\/strong>\u00a0 The first thing that comes to mind\u2014there is one of our first dates with the kids. I worked in downtown Rochester. We decided to go to a soccer game\u2014Rhinos soccer game in downtown Rochester. We got pizza, ahead of time. Both kids were there, and this was the first time we had really gone out. We got pizza. We kind of sat on the Genesee River, there, and had pizza. Denise wanted to take a picture. I couldn\u2019t just kind of sidle over to Forrest and put my arm around him and get a picture. I look back at that\u2014and I feel so foolish now, but I didn\u2019t\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 You weren\u2019t sure what your role was. You weren\u2019t sure how to do that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Randy:<\/strong>\u00a0 And even moving forward from there, it\u2019s tough to kind of balance, \u201cWhat is my role?\u201d I\u2019m, obviously, not the kids\u2019 parent. I\u2019m <em>a form<\/em> of discipline, to some extent; but trying to balance that with Denise\u2019s role as the mom, and me, as the step-dad\u2014trying not to alienate the kids. It can definitely be a challenge.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You\u2019re a computer programmer?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Randy:<\/strong>\u00a0 I am, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So on a one-to-ten point scale, ten being very prepared and one being, \u201cI didn\u2019t know what I was doing,\u201d where would you put yourself on that graph?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Randy:<\/strong>\u00a0 I would have to say I\u2019m like a two\u2014maybe, a two. I\u2019m one who\u2014I like to be prepared for things. That\u2019s my nature. I\u2019m an engineer. That, alone, says things to a lot of people. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 But love is powerful. The emotions of falling in love can overwhelm logic.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Randy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, absolutely; absolutely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 How long before the sparks began to fly?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Randy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Not very long. We had pretty strong differences on how kids should be raised.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 How did the engineer think kids should be raised? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Randy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, the engineer had been brought up in a very strict environment. I have four brothers. So, a family of five boys tends to need some strict discipline to maintain peace and order in the house. That\u2019s how I saw things run, and that\u2019s how I thought things should be run.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 How had things been run before Randy came into the picture?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Denise:<\/strong>\u00a0 [Laughing] Well\u2014Can I say our DISC profile? He is definitely the engineer\u2014the cut-and-dry. Our second time, that we went to a FamilyLife event, we were alumni. They did the DISC profile. I was the one that loaded the dishwasher, got everybody involved, and had a really good time in a party. He loaded the dishwasher so every dish had the maximum potential of getting cleaned and dried, to the best of its ability. That\u2019s the way I was parenting and he thought parenting should be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You\u2019re fun\u2014he\u2019s rules.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Randy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes. I\u2019m a \u201cC\u201d \u201cD\u201d; she\u2019s an \u201cI\u201d \u201dS\u201d.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Got it; okay. I don\u2019t know how many of you guys know what the DISC profile is; but the \u201cI\u201d \u201dS\u201d temperament type is relational, and the \u201cD\u201d \u201cC\u201d is all task-oriented.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Denise:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So this is a set-up; isn\u2019t it, Ron? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 It is. Essentially, they have to begin to try to cooperate around rules, and structure, and how things are going to work. Then, you add another layer onto that. She\u2019s the mom\u2014they\u2019re her kids, they have a history, the kids are used to that certain system and how things work. That mother-bear kind of protective instinct kicks in a little bit when he\u2019s kind of worried about detail. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019re thinking: \u201cOkay, that\u2019s not important. What\u2019s important is that we get the dishwasher done and not where everything is placed inside the dishwasher.\u201d He\u2019s saying, \u201cYes, but it is important.\u201d If you speak to that effect and, then, she kind of says that\u2019s not a big deal and dismisses it, then you feel dismissed and disrespected.\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Randy: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u2014Then, you\u2019re an outsider again. \u201cI\u2019m just trying to be an insider in this thing, and you kind of keep pushing me to the outside.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Randy: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>I\u2019m curious about something. I don\u2019t know if it happened for you guys\u2014but other parents, who find themselves kind of naturally in different places about how to do parenting\u2014they accidentally push each other to the extremes. It\u2019s kind of like the more he insists that there be a high-degree of structure or something, then the more fun-loving you tend to get because it\u2019s kind of like you have to counter\u2014it\u2019s kind of like a see-saw: \u201cHe\u2019s way up. I have to be way down to keep this thing from going\u2026.\u201d The more down she goes, then you\u2019re going: \u201cOh man! I\u2019ve really got to stand up.\u201d So, you kind of go even further. Did you guys experience that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Randy:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think we did, initially. It was extreme, early on; but the more we talked about it and tried to kind of understand what my role was, we kind of came to the point where we agreed that Denise would be the disciplinarian because they were her kids. I didn\u2019t want to step on toes; but I had input, behind closed doors, to just say: \u201cHey, we really need to do this. We need to steer this direction.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, that didn\u2019t mean it always worked out great. Sometimes, I\u2019m a bit of a \u201cstuffer\u201d, as far as issues go. Sometimes, I\u2019d just be stuffing things; and I would have to kind of come out and say: \u201cHey, can we really do things differently? Can we approach things a little bit differently? Can we steer them in a more constructive path instead of just a friendly path?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You guys eventually found yourselves at a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em>marriage getaway. In a blended situation, did the basic principles you were learning about marriage make sense in your blended context?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Denise:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, I think so. We were at our first <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> less than one month after we got married. It was a gift. That really helped us understand, I think, communication was a biggie because we are so different in that way. We had to sit, behind closed doors, and really talk about things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe also had to remember that the children\u2014no matter what their father was like\u2014what I was like\u2014that was their <em>father<\/em>. We have to understand that the kids will <em>never<\/em> think differently. So, for him\u2014he\u2019s my husband\u2014he\u2019s not their dad. I mean, of course, as we all grew up and matured, it changed; but definitely, the <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>helped.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m applauding a bunch of things I\u2019m hearing in these two. Obviously, they went behind closed doors. They started talking\u2014they started figuring out, \u201cOkay, we have to play to our strengths.\u201d \u201cShe\u2019s mom; I\u2019m not.\u201d \u201cHere\u2019s the role you can play.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou showed willingness, obviously, as his wife, to hear what he had to say and include him in that process. You worked hard at that; did you not?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Denise:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 And that brought success. I\u2019m applauding. The journey is a very common journey\u2014to say: \u201cWow! We\u2019re on opposite ends of things. We\u2019re not sure how to do this,\u201d\u2014but to seek out the information, and to have lots of conversation, and say, \u201cWe\u2019re dedicated to helping support each other in this process.\u201d There\u2019s where you can find the answers.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 One of the things I think is cool in your story is that, in addition to getting help, early, at a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>, you guys continued to go. In fact, didn\u2019t you tell me that it\u2019s kind of\u2014if there\u2019s one in town, you\u2019re there; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Randy:<\/strong>\u00a0 We\u2019re probably volunteering, somehow; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And beyond that, you guys have hosted <em>Art of Marriage\u2122<\/em> events in your community. Speak to the fact that you don\u2019t have to have marriage down perfectly to be able to lend a hand in doing something like <em>The<\/em> <em>Art of Marriage.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Randy:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think it really helps if you don\u2019t have marriage down pat to help others. You can learn from their experience.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 You sure can. Amen!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Randy:<\/strong>\u00a0 We did attend our first <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>a month after we got married. That was a gift certificate from my brother. We thought that was such good material that we wanted to go again. So, we volunteered the following year.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0It really helped to be a part of the prayer team and see how other lives were being changed in that one short weekend because, as part of the prayer team, you get to see the people that are really struggling, coming into that weekend. By the end of the weekend, you have people, signing their names, saying, \u201cHey, this has really changed our lives.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe saw that pretty early on, with the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>. That\u2019s why we continue to be involved in that. That\u2019s why we volunteer because so many lives are changed through that one short weekend.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes. You went on to help with a HomeBuilders<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> couples\u2019 series, one of the small group Bible studies; and then, you also led a <em>Stepping Up\u2122 <\/em>event\u2014or was it a small group? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Randy:<\/strong>\u00a0 We\u2019ve primarily been involved in small groups. After the <em>Weekend to Remember,<\/em> we did that for quite a few years\u2014using the HomeBuilders material.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 I want to know when you\u2019re going to lead <em>The Smart Stepfamily\u2122<\/em>. [Laughter] That\u2019s an eight-session DVD. We\u2019ve got <em>The Remarriage Checkup<\/em>\u2014a nice follow-up. You guys would be perfect for that. Again\u2014what they were saying earlier\u2014sometimes, you don\u2019t feel qualified. That\u2019s when you are qualified\u2014by God\u2019s grace\u2014getting couples together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe power of the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>\u2014the power of <em>The<\/em> <em>Art of Marriage<\/em>\u2014is the same power that comes into the <em>Smart Stepfamily <\/em>study\u2014for couples that are living in blended family situations.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Ron, I couldn\u2019t agree more. We are cheerleaders for champions like them because I really believe that\u2014out of great woundedness, and hurt, and disappointment, and maybe grief, and sadness, and all kinds of things that have occurred in your life\u2014God\u2019s using that to turn you into a trophy of grace. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Denise:<\/strong>\u00a0 Definitely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Not that you\u2019re perfect, but you\u2019ve decided to allow your imperfections to allow the light of Christ to shine outward to people\u2019s lives. You\u2019re doing that and reaching out to people in your community. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFrankly, that\u2019s what we\u2019re praying and dreaming about\u2014that there\u2019d be, literally, a million folks, like you, who say: \u201cWe\u2019re tired of seeing families self-destruct. We want to go make a difference where we live\u2014with our friends, in our community\u2014and really push back on this culture of divorce and provide help and hope for marriages that we know.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThanks for being heroes, and thanks for being on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Denise:<\/strong>\u00a0 You\u2019re welcome.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, let\u2019s thank these guys. [Applause]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, you listen to a story like the one that Denise and Randy shared with us on the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise, and you would think, \u201cThis is a couple that\u2019s dealing with enough of their own issues that they probably don\u2019t have the energy, or the capacity, or the information to be able to reach out and help other couples in their community.\u201d But the truth is\u2014if you have the desire, if you have the inclination, if you realize that there are people around you who need help and who need hope\u2014even if you don\u2019t feel like you have the answers, there are tools you can use to provide help and hope for folks you know.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m thinking of our <em>Art of Marriage<\/em> video resource. It\u2019s a Friday night\/Saturday six-session video event that has been viewed, now, by more than 300,000 people in the last couple of years. It\u2019s been seen in communities, all across the country. Our team is hoping that this summer\u2014in July, August, and September\u2014there might be as many as 1,000 events that couples, like you, would host\u2014where, together, you invite folks to come to wherever you have a screen and speakers\u2014to your living room, to your church, wherever you want to host it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tInvite couples in to join you and go through this material on a Friday night and a Saturday. In fact, if you\u2019ll agree to do that\u2014if you\u2019ll agree to host one of these events in your community\u2014we\u2019ll send you the kit for free. Here\u2019s how it works. All you have to do is let us know the date and location of your event. We will post that on our website so that other folks can see that you\u2019re hosting an event, and they can join you at your <em>Art of Marriage <\/em>event. Then, you host the event. We have a host kit that explains exactly how you do that. If you\u2019ll agree to host one of these events this summer\u2014in July, or August, or September\u2014agree to host it by the end of September\u2014we will send you the host kit for free. All we ask is that you cover the cost of the shipping and the handling. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCall 1-800-FL-TODAY if you have any questions or if you\u2019re ready to go. If you have the date and location picked out, and you can cover the cost of the shipping and the handling, we\u2019ll send you the DVDs, the workbook, the host guide\u2014everything you need so that you can host one of these events in your community. Today is the last day we are making this offer available. If you\u2019re ready to go, now is the time to call 1-800-FL-TODAY and say, \u201cWe\u2019ll host an event.\u201d Give us the date and location, cover the cost of shipping, and the kit is on its way to you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the way, you can ask for English or Spanish. <em>The<\/em> <em>Art of Marriage<\/em> is now dubbed in Spanish. So, it can be used in Spanish-speaking settings. The workbooks are in Spanish, as well. Just call us at 1-800-FL-TODAY; 1-800-358-6329. Then, pray with us that there would be more than 1,000 of these events take place in July, August, and September\u2014over the course of the next three months; alright?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd before we\u2019re done: \u201cThank you,\u201d to those of you who make <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> possible. We are listener-supported. Between our Legacy Partners, who make monthly donations, and those of you who get in touch with us, from time to time, to help support the ministry\u2014you help us pay the bills for producing and syndicating this daily radio program. We\u2019re grateful for your financial support. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tToday, if you\u2019re able to help with a donation, of at least $25, we\u2019d like to send you a six-CD set, featuring messages from the very first <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise. You\u2019ll hear from Crawford and Karen Loritts, Shaunti Feldhahn, Dennis Rainey, Kirk and Chelsea Cameron, and others. The six CDs are our way of saying, \u201cThank you,\u201d when you help support the ministry. We appreciate your support. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the button that says, \u201cI CARE\u201d. Make a donation of at least $25 to receive the CDs. Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY and you can make your donation over the phone. Again, thanks for your support of the ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I hope you have a great weekend. Hope you and your family are able to worship together this weekend, and I hope you can join us again on Monday. We\u2019re going to hear from Voddie Baucham about how a man can be the spiritual leader in his household\u2014a great message. Hope you can tune in for it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back Monday for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2013 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/302763","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=302763"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=302763"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=302763"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=302763"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=302763"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=302763"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=302763"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}