{"id":302738,"date":"2013-05-15T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2013-05-15T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/building-a-marriage-that-lasts\/"},"modified":"2013-05-15T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2013-05-15T15:00:00","slug":"building-a-marriage-that-lasts","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/building-a-marriage-that-lasts\/","title":{"rendered":"Building a Marriage that Lasts"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Are you getting married for the right reasons?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-05-15.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"22.92M","filesize_raw":"24034812","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2817],"tags":[4882,4186],"podcast_series":[7945],"cwp_profile":[3158],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302738","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-choosing-a-spouse","tag-engaged","tag-getting-married","podcast_series-the-sacred-search","cwp_profile-gary-thomas","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302738\/building-a-marriage-that-lasts","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302738\/building-a-marriage-that-lasts","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"eLrixZRmrN\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/building-a-marriage-that-lasts\/\">Building a Marriage that Lasts<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/building-a-marriage-that-lasts\/embed\/#?secret=eLrixZRmrN\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Building a Marriage that Lasts&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"eLrixZRmrN\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-05-15.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-05-15.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Author and speaker, Gary Thomas believes a lot of people are getting married today\u2014not for the wrong reasons\u2014but not with the highest reason at the front of their minds. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> I believe we need to ask the \u201cWhy?\u201d of marriage before we can even begin to answer the \u201cwho\u201d\u2014and that\u2019s a shared spiritual purpose\u2014seeking first the Kingdom of God. Jesus <em>doesn\u2019t <\/em>say: \u201cSeek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, except when you\u2019re choosing someone to marry. Then, seek first sexual chemistry, relational compatibility, romantic feelings. And then, make your choice based on that. Then, all of these things will be added unto you as well.\u201d So, I think we need to get married for the right reasons\u2014so that, \u201cI can fulfill what God has called me to be.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, May 15<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. How much does the glory of God and His Kingdom purposes fit into your thinking about marriage, as a single person? We\u2019re going to explore that today. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. You know, we had a guest on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, a while back, who said that the old pattern that single people followed to the alter is a very different pattern today than it was 50 years ago. He said: \u201cFifty years ago, you would meet somebody. You would date. You would get engaged. You\u2019d get married. You\u2019d\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cbecome one physically; and then, you\u2019d wind up having kids.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> He said: \u201cToday, the pattern is\u2014you meet. You start having sex. You start dating. You have kids; and marriage becomes the culmination of the whole relational activity, after all of these other things have already occurred.\u201d We\u2019re living in a different day when young people have a very different view of marriage and whether it is even important or not. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We are. And I think if there has ever been a time when we\u2019ve needed men like Gary Thomas to listen to what they have to say from all their interactions with people, it\u2019s today. And I want to welcome you back to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, Gary. Thanks for making the journey, up from Houston, and joining us again here on the broadcast. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> It\u2019s my pleasure. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Gary has written a book called <em>The Sacred Search<\/em>. He has written a number of other books. He\u2019s a teaching pastor and a writing pastor at Second Baptist Church in Houston\u2014had the privilege of speaking and joining your team down there in Houston about a year ago. It was a lot of fun. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019ve addressed a subject here. As people begin to select a spouse, they really need good counsel\u2014godly counsel. That\u2019s what you\u2019ve sought to do in your book. What caused you, originally, to even begin to think about this\u2014and I have to tell you I\u2019m really excited that you\u2019ve written a book for singles because I really have been looking for a recent book that\u2019s talking about what singles are dealing with today because it really is the second most important decision they\u2019ll make in their lives. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> What motivated me was seeing marriages that are really lifting people up\u2014that just are enormously spiritually-fruitful, and the kids they raise, the ministries they represent\u2014and seeing even more marriages that are tearing people down\u2014they\u2019re destroying each other. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, this morning, I was pulling out of a very tight Starbucks [parking spot], across the street from the hotel where I stayed. If I was a younger man, I would have just pulled the car out and gone. I\u2019m always extremely careful because, if you\u2019re about my age and you\u2019ve been in a couple of accidents\u2014you\u2019re kids have been in a couple of accidents\u2014you know two or three seconds of carelessness will cost you <em>hours<\/em> of time\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And thousands of dollars. Yes, been there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> \u2014and thousands of dollars. And yet, how often in marriage, couples and individuals won\u2019t take those few extra moments to really be <em>cautious<\/em> about what they are doing. They just pull out. They make rash decisions. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> And they face severe consequences. The blessings of a good marriage are <em>so<\/em> good\u2014I don\u2019t want anybody to miss them. The consequences of a poorly-chosen marriage are so <em>awful<\/em>\u2014I don\u2019t want anybody to have to endure them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, Gary, this is one reason why a lot of singles, and singles in the Church, today are saying: \u201cThat\u2019s why we need to spend some time living together. That\u2019s why we need to test out our sexual compatibility before we get married\u2014so we can make sure we\u2019re not making a mistake before we say, \u2018I do.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Statistically\u2014and even more importantly, biblically\u2014it\u2019s the <em>most <\/em>foolish thing you could do. I believe Jesus lays out an agenda, that all of us should follow, that should drive our choice for marriage in Matthew 6:33 when he says, \u201cSeek <em>first<\/em> [emphasis from Gary] the Kingdom of God and His righteousness.\u201d Then, it ends, \u201cAnd all these things will be added unto you as well.\u201d He doesn\u2019t say, \u201cSeek first relational compatibility.\u201d He doesn\u2019t say, \u201cSeek first sexual chemistry, or whether you\u2019re \u2018sexually compatible\u2019, or enjoy living together.\u201d He says, \u201cBe driven by my Kingdom and my righteousness.\u201d <br><br>So, to do an <em>unrighteous<\/em> act\u2014to deny His Kingdom in the name of trying to test out whether this would be a successful union\u2014is self-defeating. You\u2019re in rebellion against God\u2019s purposes. God doesn\u2019t bless rebellion. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I want to add a whole-hearted, Baptist \u201cAmen\u201d. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You guys have been amen-ing each other, back and forth, on this program. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I just want to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d because you can\u2019t begin the marriage relationship in direct defiance against the teachings of Jesus Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And ask Him to bless your marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Exactly. And what your book is talking about is\u2014you\u2019re trying to coach single people into a healthy relationship rather than to start it in an unhealthy way. <br><br><strong>Gary:<\/strong> I want more of God in my marriage. I want more of God in my wife\u2014even in areas where singles may not think about. For the sexual relationship\u2014guys, I would tell you a godly woman is going to be the best sexual partner you can find because you\u2019re going to get older, you\u2019re not always going to be loveable, you\u2019re going to wake up with an attitude\u2014if she\u2019s motivated, out of love for God, then, she\u2019s going to be motivated to be involved with you in that way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tVirtue <em>protects<\/em> a marriage. Virtue preserves a marriage. I think we love out of reverence for God\u2014if that\u2019s what holds a marriage together\u2014reverence for God\u2014because we\u2019re not always loveable. We need God\u2019s love in the midst of our marriage. Why would you ever try out a marriage, based on reverence for God, by disobeying God? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes, you make the point\u2014and I thought this was really good. You said, \u201cA lot of people will look at a relationship and go, \u2018We know the sexual relationship in marriage is going to be great because, man, we just can\u2019t keep our hands off each other right now.\u2019\u201d And the reality is\u2014being able to keep your hands off one another, right now, is one of the ways you can tell whether the sex is going to be good because the question is, \u201cIs it going to be others-centered or is going to be self-centered?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Well, here\u2019s what\u2019s so sad about that mentality. God is so clear that there is to be no sex before marriage and lots of great soul-building sex after marriage. If you disobey God in the first, why do you think you won\u2019t disobey God in the second? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Obedience builds on itself. So, the same couple that is more likely to disobey God before marriage\u2014I can\u2019t tell you how many times I\u2019ve seen this in real life\u2014are less likely to obey God <em>after<\/em> marriage. The two go hand-in-hand. It may not make sense to singles, but God knows what He\u2019s talking about. Going His way blesses a marriage in <em>all aspects<\/em> of the marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And I\u2019m just sitting here\u2014I\u2019m going, \u201cI sure hope the single people just heard what you just said,\u201d because they are on the outside, looking in. Bob and I are sitting back and nodding, about what you\u2019re saying, because we\u2019ve experienced it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I mean, I\u2019m as selfish as they get. Who has redeemed me from my selfishness in my relationship? It\u2019s Jesus Christ. It\u2019s the Holy Spirit. It\u2019s the Bible. It\u2019s community. It\u2019s worship, as you\u2019ve said. All of that calls me to be the man God made me to be\u2014not to be the person who\u2019d like to gratify himself all the time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You know, Gary, when Mary Ann and I were dating, I remember talking to somebody about, \u201cHow do you know that this is the one?\u201d I mean, you are dating\u2014you think it might be. How do you lock-in? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I remember\u2014I don\u2019t know if somebody told me this or it just dawned on me\u2014but I remember thinking, \u201cWhen you\u2019ve been through enough deep water together, in a dating relationship\u2014when you\u2019ve seen a person, unlovely\u201d\u2014and I had seen Mary Ann, unlovely, and she had seen me, unlovely\u2014\u201cand you still think, \u2018I want to be with this person,\u2019 that\u2019s a pretty good indicator that maybe the two of you can go the distance together.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYour ability to work through conflict\u2014your ability to recognize the reality of selfishness in another person and not to go with rose-colored glasses\u2014these are important kinds of things as you make that choice; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Well, absolutely. I would want to marry a humble person. If one of the goals of life is to seek first His righteousness, my wife and I both have to have the primary notion, \u201cThere\u2019s room for us to grow.\u201d And when we face areas of conflict, we have to own\u2014even if we think we\u2019re only 5 percent wrong, we have to own that 5 percent. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhere you really see problems in marriages is when they\u2019re trying to be right\u2014not trying to search out the sin in their own heart. The reality is few arguments exist of a husband being a hundred percent wrong or a hundred percent right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Sure; right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> We have to own up. And if we\u2019re committed, not just because of each other, but out of reverence for God\u2014\u201cI\u2019m to pursue righteousness\u201d\u2014then, the conflict with my wife isn\u2019t just about my wife and me\u2014it\u2019s about: \u201cWhat is God trying to reveal to me in this situation? What do I need to repent of?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And the core of what you\u2019re talking about\u2014the essence of that\u2014is whether or not you\u2019re teachable. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Absolutely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> If you\u2019re not teachable, you\u2019re not humble. If you\u2019re not willing to hear the truth of what God is saying to you\u2014what your spouse may be saying to you\u2014your heart is not teachable. You\u2019re not humble, at that point. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Gary:<\/strong> Then, you can even welcome your spouse when they learn how to communicate it in a way that doesn\u2019t tear you down but builds you up; but you\u2019re even open to hearing\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf this is one of the purposes of marriages\u2014for me to seek God\u2019s righteousness\u2014she sees an area where I\u2019m <em>not<\/em> acting in righteousness\u2014it\u2019s not pleasant; but it\u2019s sort of like a coach saying, \u201cYou know, there is a hitch in your swing.\u201d He\u2019s just pointing out the hitch. Rather than taking offense, you say, \u201cI want to get there, out of reverence for God. I want to be more like Christ.\u201d If there\u2019s that hitch\u2014when somebody says something like this, I become defensive, or I don\u2019t listen, or I neglect them\u2014I want my wife to point that out so that I can fulfill what God has called me to be. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m thinking of a young man that I know who is\u2014well, he needs to read your book because he\u2019s right at that phase where he\u2019s in a relationship with a young woman. It\u2019s a fairly-new relationship; but he\u2019s already starting to think, \u201cI wonder if this could be a marriage relationship.\u201d I just want him to read the subtitle on the cover. I want him to step back\u2014and before he\u2019s asking the question, \u201cIs she the right one?\u201d I want him to be asking the question, \u201cWhat\u2019s the purpose for marriage in the first place?\u201d Let\u2019s get the \u201cWhy?\u201d settled. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou believe that \u201cWhy?\u201d question is fundamental. If you don\u2019t have that settled, you shouldn\u2019t even be moving on to questions two, three, and four; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Absolutely. I believe we need to ask the \u201cWhy?\u201d of marriage before we could even begin to answer the \u201cwho\u201d\u2014and that\u2019s a shared spiritual purpose\u2014seeking first the Kingdom of God. Jesus <em>doesn\u2019t<\/em> say: \u201cSeek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, except when you\u2019re choosing someone to marry. Then, seek first sexual chemistry, relational compatibility, romantic feelings. Then, make your choice based on that; and then, all these things will be added unto you as well.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I think we need to get married for the right reasons so that we can be married\u2014sharing things that grow <em>deeper<\/em> over time\u2014not things that fade\u2014like infatuation, physical beauty, and even our ability to share hobbies together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Does it need to be more specific than just, \u201cWe\u2019re both seeking the Kingdom of God\u201d? Do you think you need to have some definition around how we\u2019re going to seek that together; or do you just leave it at that, \u201cWe\u2019re both committed to the Kingdom and however that\u2019s going to manifest itself, whether it\u2019s missionary work in Africa or whether it\u2019s a youth pastor at a church in Idaho?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> I believe it\u2019s wisest to recognize there are more things involved in marriage than just Matthew 6:33. I just think there has to be <em>at least<\/em> Matthew 6:33. What you mentioned about somebody wanting to go overseas or stay home is a big issue. I have a whole chapter on marital styles\u2014where, for instance, you might sort of have a kids-focused couple\u2014a mom who wants to home school five kids. Well, if she\u2019s marrying a husband who wants to[ have] one or two kids, at most, and be focused on building a business or what not\u2014that might be a problem. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>There are a lot of different lives you can choose: rural lives, city lives, business lives, lives in the Arts, lives in the ministry\u2014that really are a matter of choice. I think it\u2019s wise to recognize God gives you that choice and to find somebody who is compatible in that area. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But a shared mission, a shared Kingdom-focus\u2014at the center of all of that\u2014is really what\u2019s foundational; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Absolutely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I\u2019m thinking right now of singles groups that are in churches, around the country\u2014I\u2019m sorry, but I make some of these observations\u2014some of them are very oriented toward spiritual growth\u2014calling men and women into discipleship\u2014to become true followers of Christ\u2014but a lot of them are kind of spousal head-hunter gatherings\u2014where they\u2019re guys, who come into these groups, and kind of troll-around, seeking a young lady or young ladies\u2014seeking if they can find a husband. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want you to just comment on this, Gary, because just because someone is going to church doesn\u2019t put them on a mission. Just because they are there doesn\u2019t mean they\u2019re about Matthew 6:33. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> That\u2019s absolutely correct. One of the ways you can help determine that is in your conversations with someone. Don\u2019t just ask them how God has healed them in the past\u2014that\u2019s easy sharing. People do that all the time: \u201cThis is what I dealt with five years ago.\u201d \u201cThis is what I went through\u2014what God healed me from.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to hear: \u201cWhat is God telling you today? What is God working on in your life today? Is there something I can pray for you, where you know you\u2019re not quite up to what God wants you to be?\u201d and, \u201cHow can I help support you in that?\u201d or, \u201cWhat dreams has God given you, at this moment?\u201d I want to see somebody who is currently driven with this dynamic relationship with God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>This is a world with <em>so many<\/em> needs. To believe that somebody is truly connected to God\u2014and God isn\u2019t giving His heart and compassion to that person\u2014is beyond belief to me. If they\u2019re listening to God, He\u2019s giving them a mission of some sort. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Let\u2019s say that a young lady has gone out with a guy a dozen times\u2014maybe 15 times. They\u2019ve been on dinner dates. They\u2019ve gone to the movies. They\u2019ve gone to sporting events. They\u2019ve had fun together, and the subject of God hasn\u2019t come up. Make a comment about that, if you would. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Then, don\u2019t expect it to come in after marriage. You\u2019re going to be marrying a guy who won\u2019t be supporting you, actively, in prayer. If he hasn\u2019t asked how he can pray for you\u2014when you\u2019re single, and he\u2019s trying to make the greatest impression, and he knows you\u2019re a Christian\u2014why is he going to ask to pray for you when\u2014 you\u2019re a mom, or when you\u2019re sick, or when you\u2019re at work, and you just want that spiritual support, or when you have a problem with your mom, or a friend and you want him to just pray over you and with you? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDon\u2019t expect that he\u2019s ever going to be able to open up the Scriptures and encourage you when you\u2019re discouraged and help you to think along God\u2019s lines. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And what I would say to that young lady\u2014 if she was the one who had been out with him for that many times\u2014I would say: \u201cNow, what\u2019s attractive about him? What has been so alluring that you\u2019d want to spend 15 evenings with this guy, developing \u2018a relationship\u2019?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, come on. \u201cHe\u2019s funny. He\u2019s charming. He\u2019s handsome. He likes me. He takes an interest in my life, my work.\u201d You know the answers to this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And, \u201cI\u2019m alone. I\u2019m lonely.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes, that\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cI appreciate the\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cHe treats me special.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cattention. I love the attention.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, what\u2019s wrong with that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, what I want you to hear is what Gary said earlier. How\u2019s he going to truly love your soul? How is he going to set a spiritual direction for your relationship? Marriage is not going to turn him into a spiritual leader. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And if he\u2019s not interested in God now, what makes you think he will be interested in God when you have two, three, four, five kids\u2014and you start thinking about, \u201cHow are we going to develop their moral and spiritual character, as they grow up to become young men and women?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, and I\u2019d add to that. I think the Sterno<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> can of marital heat is a spiritual Sterno can. What you may be experiencing\u2014if you\u2019d like that to be sustained over a lifetime\u2014it can\u2019t be sustained over a lifetime unless there is a Holy Spirit Sterno that is stirring that fire. [Laughter] People are going, \u201cWhat\u2019s a Sterno can?\u201d It\u2019s that canned heat, where you light\u2014and it just keeps the flame going. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat you experience during the dating relationships, Gary\u2014that can be manufactured for weeks, months, maybe, even a couple of years\u2014but for a lifetime, the wellspring for that is going to be a spiritual wellspring; isn\u2019t it? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Dating really is a dance. You\u2019re trying to put your best side forward. So, your job, when you\u2019re dating, is to get <em>under<\/em> that\u2014to really get at the <em>heart and core<\/em> of a person\u2014to find out what\u2019s driving them\u2014if they\u2019re leaning on God now, if they have dreams, if they have purpose. Are they praying for their other friends? When you bring up an issue, is that where they are thinking of going? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt really is, I believe, because you\u2019re not just choosing your future spouse. If your future spouse isn\u2019t praying with you, he or she isn\u2019t going to pray with your kids. If you\u2019re future spouse isn\u2019t sharing Scripture with you, he or she isn\u2019t going to be sharing Scripture with your kids. If you want God to be a part of your family, He\u2019s got to be a part of your dating. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You know, I had some friends of mine who shared with me that the way they had proposed to their spouses was by using, I think, it\u2019s Psalm 34\u2014the verse that says, \u201cOh, magnify the Lord with me and let us exalt His name [together].\u201d I thought: \u201cDog gone it! I missed that. I should\u2014that, everybody ought to propose with that verse.\u201d That\u2019s the verse that says: \u201cLet\u2019s seek the Kingdom together. Let\u2019s magnify the Lord together. Let\u2019s exalt His name together.\u201d That ought to be the foundation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> It\u2019s brilliant\u2014but when we\u2019re talking about spiritual purpose\u2014if all that we\u2019ve been saying doesn\u2019t convince them\u2014let me give them something that will sound selfish. Why does the Apostle John say that we love? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Because God loved us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Because He first loved us. If you want to be loved, long-term, find someone who\u2019s being loved by God, experientially. They\u2019re drinking in God\u2019s presence. They are <em>receiving<\/em> God\u2019s acceptance, and favor, and power. They\u2019ll be able to love you. They\u2019ll be able to love your kids. They\u2019ll be able to love your extended family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019re making a bet that this person has so much goodness built up inside of them that they can love you without being first loved by God. Scripture would say, \u201cNo, we can\u2019t.\u201d We love because He first loved us. So, \u201cI want somebody who is connecting with God, or they\u2019re not going to be able to love me or my kids.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Marriage is a spiritual institution. It takes three, not two, to turn two selfish people into one. The third part of that marriage is a relationship with Jesus Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSome of our listeners are tired of hearing me quote Matthew 7, the end conclusion to the most famous sermon Jesus ever gave. He compared all of life and everything He\u2019d taught to two builders of two houses\u2014one who built his house on the sand; one who built his house on the rock. The house that was built on the sand was the one who heard the words of Christ and ignored them. The one who built his house on the rock\u2014heard the words of Christ\u2014heeded them. As a result, that house withstood the same storms that brought the other house down. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd Gary, what you\u2019ve done in your book, <em>The Sacred Search<\/em>, is you\u2019ve distilled out some of the principles of Christ that will help single people start their relationship as singles <em>right <\/em>and, then, move into marriage-building on the right foundation. I\u2019m really glad you wrote this book. I hope a lot of singles will pick it up, and pass it around to their friends, as well. Thanks for being with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And let me just say, if listeners are interested in a copy of the book, all they have to do is go to FamilyLifeToday.com. The book is called <em>The Sacred Search<\/em>. We\u2019ve got it in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. The website, again, is FamilyLifeToday.com. You can also call 1-800-FL-TODAY to request a copy of the book over the phone: Again, 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things I like about this time of year is that I can get my yellow scooter out of the garage and ride it to work. I\u2019ve got a little\u2014it\u2019s a 250cc motor scooter that I like to ride to work. It worries Keith that I\u2019m riding it because he\u2019s worried about the brakes, and he\u2019s worried about just the whole experience; but it\u2019s fun. The weather is warm. The traffic on the way to work is not bad, and I just like being out on my little motor scooter. It\u2019s one of the benefits of summer. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the liabilities for summer, for folks who work at a place like <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, is that often during the summer we see a decline in donations, here at the ministry. And the thing is that our expenses continue through the summer, even when our donations dip a little bit. We have some friends of the ministry who came to us, not long ago, and said, \u201cWe want to help you guys get through the summer without experiencing that dip.\u201d So, they put together a matching-gift fund that has reached a total of $603,000. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re pretty excited about that. But to take advantage of that matching-gift fund, we need <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners to go to FamilyLifeToday.com, click the button that says, \u201cI CARE\u201d, and make a donation\u2014whether it\u2019s $25, or $50, or $100, or whatever you can do. When you make that donation, it\u2019s going to be matched, dollar for dollar. So, your donation is essentially doubled as a result of your giving during the month of May. Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com if you\u2019d like to help us reach our matching-gift total of $603,000; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. You can make a donation over the phone when you get in touch with us; and please remember to pray for us, during the month of May, as well, that we would be able to take full advantage of this matching-gift opportunity. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can join us back tomorrow. In fact, I\u2019ve got a CD I\u2019m going to bring in tomorrow. I\u2019m going to play a portion of a message from Al Mohler that I want to see what Dennis thinks about it. So, tomorrow, we\u2019ll play that. I hope you can be here and hear what he thinks. If you\u2019re single, or if you know somebody who is, encourage them to tune in because it has to do with singles and with getting married; okay? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2013 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 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you getting married for the right reasons?","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-05-15.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Author and speaker, Gary Thomas believes a lot of people are getting married today\u2014not for the wrong reasons\u2014but not with the highest reason at the front of their minds. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> I believe we need to ask the \u201cWhy?\u201d of marriage before we can even begin to answer the \u201cwho\u201d\u2014and that\u2019s a shared spiritual purpose\u2014seeking first the Kingdom of God. Jesus <em>doesn\u2019t <\/em>say: \u201cSeek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, except when you\u2019re choosing someone to marry. Then, seek first sexual chemistry, relational compatibility, romantic feelings. And then, make your choice based on that. Then, all of these things will be added unto you as well.\u201d So, I think we need to get married for the right reasons\u2014so that, \u201cI can fulfill what God has called me to be.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, May 15<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. How much does the glory of God and His Kingdom purposes fit into your thinking about marriage, as a single person? We\u2019re going to explore that today. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. You know, we had a guest on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, a while back, who said that the old pattern that single people followed to the alter is a very different pattern today than it was 50 years ago. He said: \u201cFifty years ago, you would meet somebody. You would date. You would get engaged. You\u2019d get married. You\u2019d\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cbecome one physically; and then, you\u2019d wind up having kids.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> He said: \u201cToday, the pattern is\u2014you meet. You start having sex. You start dating. You have kids; and marriage becomes the culmination of the whole relational activity, after all of these other things have already occurred.\u201d We\u2019re living in a different day when young people have a very different view of marriage and whether it is even important or not. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We are. And I think if there has ever been a time when we\u2019ve needed men like Gary Thomas to listen to what they have to say from all their interactions with people, it\u2019s today. And I want to welcome you back to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, Gary. Thanks for making the journey, up from Houston, and joining us again here on the broadcast. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> It\u2019s my pleasure. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Gary has written a book called <em>The Sacred Search<\/em>. He has written a number of other books. He\u2019s a teaching pastor and a writing pastor at Second Baptist Church in Houston\u2014had the privilege of speaking and joining your team down there in Houston about a year ago. It was a lot of fun. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019ve addressed a subject here. As people begin to select a spouse, they really need good counsel\u2014godly counsel. That\u2019s what you\u2019ve sought to do in your book. What caused you, originally, to even begin to think about this\u2014and I have to tell you I\u2019m really excited that you\u2019ve written a book for singles because I really have been looking for a recent book that\u2019s talking about what singles are dealing with today because it really is the second most important decision they\u2019ll make in their lives. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> What motivated me was seeing marriages that are really lifting people up\u2014that just are enormously spiritually-fruitful, and the kids they raise, the ministries they represent\u2014and seeing even more marriages that are tearing people down\u2014they\u2019re destroying each other. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, this morning, I was pulling out of a very tight Starbucks [parking spot], across the street from the hotel where I stayed. If I was a younger man, I would have just pulled the car out and gone. I\u2019m always extremely careful because, if you\u2019re about my age and you\u2019ve been in a couple of accidents\u2014you\u2019re kids have been in a couple of accidents\u2014you know two or three seconds of carelessness will cost you <em>hours<\/em> of time\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And thousands of dollars. Yes, been there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> \u2014and thousands of dollars. And yet, how often in marriage, couples and individuals won\u2019t take those few extra moments to really be <em>cautious<\/em> about what they are doing. They just pull out. They make rash decisions. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> And they face severe consequences. The blessings of a good marriage are <em>so<\/em> good\u2014I don\u2019t want anybody to miss them. The consequences of a poorly-chosen marriage are so <em>awful<\/em>\u2014I don\u2019t want anybody to have to endure them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, Gary, this is one reason why a lot of singles, and singles in the Church, today are saying: \u201cThat\u2019s why we need to spend some time living together. That\u2019s why we need to test out our sexual compatibility before we get married\u2014so we can make sure we\u2019re not making a mistake before we say, \u2018I do.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Statistically\u2014and even more importantly, biblically\u2014it\u2019s the <em>most <\/em>foolish thing you could do. I believe Jesus lays out an agenda, that all of us should follow, that should drive our choice for marriage in Matthew 6:33 when he says, \u201cSeek <em>first<\/em> [emphasis from Gary] the Kingdom of God and His righteousness.\u201d Then, it ends, \u201cAnd all these things will be added unto you as well.\u201d He doesn\u2019t say, \u201cSeek first relational compatibility.\u201d He doesn\u2019t say, \u201cSeek first sexual chemistry, or whether you\u2019re \u2018sexually compatible\u2019, or enjoy living together.\u201d He says, \u201cBe driven by my Kingdom and my righteousness.\u201d <br><br>So, to do an <em>unrighteous<\/em> act\u2014to deny His Kingdom in the name of trying to test out whether this would be a successful union\u2014is self-defeating. You\u2019re in rebellion against God\u2019s purposes. God doesn\u2019t bless rebellion. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I want to add a whole-hearted, Baptist \u201cAmen\u201d. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You guys have been amen-ing each other, back and forth, on this program. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I just want to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d because you can\u2019t begin the marriage relationship in direct defiance against the teachings of Jesus Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And ask Him to bless your marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Exactly. And what your book is talking about is\u2014you\u2019re trying to coach single people into a healthy relationship rather than to start it in an unhealthy way. <br><br><strong>Gary:<\/strong> I want more of God in my marriage. I want more of God in my wife\u2014even in areas where singles may not think about. For the sexual relationship\u2014guys, I would tell you a godly woman is going to be the best sexual partner you can find because you\u2019re going to get older, you\u2019re not always going to be loveable, you\u2019re going to wake up with an attitude\u2014if she\u2019s motivated, out of love for God, then, she\u2019s going to be motivated to be involved with you in that way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tVirtue <em>protects<\/em> a marriage. Virtue preserves a marriage. I think we love out of reverence for God\u2014if that\u2019s what holds a marriage together\u2014reverence for God\u2014because we\u2019re not always loveable. We need God\u2019s love in the midst of our marriage. Why would you ever try out a marriage, based on reverence for God, by disobeying God? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes, you make the point\u2014and I thought this was really good. You said, \u201cA lot of people will look at a relationship and go, \u2018We know the sexual relationship in marriage is going to be great because, man, we just can\u2019t keep our hands off each other right now.\u2019\u201d And the reality is\u2014being able to keep your hands off one another, right now, is one of the ways you can tell whether the sex is going to be good because the question is, \u201cIs it going to be others-centered or is going to be self-centered?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Well, here\u2019s what\u2019s so sad about that mentality. God is so clear that there is to be no sex before marriage and lots of great soul-building sex after marriage. If you disobey God in the first, why do you think you won\u2019t disobey God in the second? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Obedience builds on itself. So, the same couple that is more likely to disobey God before marriage\u2014I can\u2019t tell you how many times I\u2019ve seen this in real life\u2014are less likely to obey God <em>after<\/em> marriage. The two go hand-in-hand. It may not make sense to singles, but God knows what He\u2019s talking about. Going His way blesses a marriage in <em>all aspects<\/em> of the marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And I\u2019m just sitting here\u2014I\u2019m going, \u201cI sure hope the single people just heard what you just said,\u201d because they are on the outside, looking in. Bob and I are sitting back and nodding, about what you\u2019re saying, because we\u2019ve experienced it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I mean, I\u2019m as selfish as they get. Who has redeemed me from my selfishness in my relationship? It\u2019s Jesus Christ. It\u2019s the Holy Spirit. It\u2019s the Bible. It\u2019s community. It\u2019s worship, as you\u2019ve said. All of that calls me to be the man God made me to be\u2014not to be the person who\u2019d like to gratify himself all the time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You know, Gary, when Mary Ann and I were dating, I remember talking to somebody about, \u201cHow do you know that this is the one?\u201d I mean, you are dating\u2014you think it might be. How do you lock-in? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I remember\u2014I don\u2019t know if somebody told me this or it just dawned on me\u2014but I remember thinking, \u201cWhen you\u2019ve been through enough deep water together, in a dating relationship\u2014when you\u2019ve seen a person, unlovely\u201d\u2014and I had seen Mary Ann, unlovely, and she had seen me, unlovely\u2014\u201cand you still think, \u2018I want to be with this person,\u2019 that\u2019s a pretty good indicator that maybe the two of you can go the distance together.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYour ability to work through conflict\u2014your ability to recognize the reality of selfishness in another person and not to go with rose-colored glasses\u2014these are important kinds of things as you make that choice; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Well, absolutely. I would want to marry a humble person. If one of the goals of life is to seek first His righteousness, my wife and I both have to have the primary notion, \u201cThere\u2019s room for us to grow.\u201d And when we face areas of conflict, we have to own\u2014even if we think we\u2019re only 5 percent wrong, we have to own that 5 percent. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhere you really see problems in marriages is when they\u2019re trying to be right\u2014not trying to search out the sin in their own heart. The reality is few arguments exist of a husband being a hundred percent wrong or a hundred percent right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Sure; right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> We have to own up. And if we\u2019re committed, not just because of each other, but out of reverence for God\u2014\u201cI\u2019m to pursue righteousness\u201d\u2014then, the conflict with my wife isn\u2019t just about my wife and me\u2014it\u2019s about: \u201cWhat is God trying to reveal to me in this situation? What do I need to repent of?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And the core of what you\u2019re talking about\u2014the essence of that\u2014is whether or not you\u2019re teachable. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Absolutely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> If you\u2019re not teachable, you\u2019re not humble. If you\u2019re not willing to hear the truth of what God is saying to you\u2014what your spouse may be saying to you\u2014your heart is not teachable. You\u2019re not humble, at that point. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Gary:<\/strong> Then, you can even welcome your spouse when they learn how to communicate it in a way that doesn\u2019t tear you down but builds you up; but you\u2019re even open to hearing\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf this is one of the purposes of marriages\u2014for me to seek God\u2019s righteousness\u2014she sees an area where I\u2019m <em>not<\/em> acting in righteousness\u2014it\u2019s not pleasant; but it\u2019s sort of like a coach saying, \u201cYou know, there is a hitch in your swing.\u201d He\u2019s just pointing out the hitch. Rather than taking offense, you say, \u201cI want to get there, out of reverence for God. I want to be more like Christ.\u201d If there\u2019s that hitch\u2014when somebody says something like this, I become defensive, or I don\u2019t listen, or I neglect them\u2014I want my wife to point that out so that I can fulfill what God has called me to be. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m thinking of a young man that I know who is\u2014well, he needs to read your book because he\u2019s right at that phase where he\u2019s in a relationship with a young woman. It\u2019s a fairly-new relationship; but he\u2019s already starting to think, \u201cI wonder if this could be a marriage relationship.\u201d I just want him to read the subtitle on the cover. I want him to step back\u2014and before he\u2019s asking the question, \u201cIs she the right one?\u201d I want him to be asking the question, \u201cWhat\u2019s the purpose for marriage in the first place?\u201d Let\u2019s get the \u201cWhy?\u201d settled. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou believe that \u201cWhy?\u201d question is fundamental. If you don\u2019t have that settled, you shouldn\u2019t even be moving on to questions two, three, and four; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Absolutely. I believe we need to ask the \u201cWhy?\u201d of marriage before we could even begin to answer the \u201cwho\u201d\u2014and that\u2019s a shared spiritual purpose\u2014seeking first the Kingdom of God. Jesus <em>doesn\u2019t<\/em> say: \u201cSeek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, except when you\u2019re choosing someone to marry. Then, seek first sexual chemistry, relational compatibility, romantic feelings. Then, make your choice based on that; and then, all these things will be added unto you as well.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I think we need to get married for the right reasons so that we can be married\u2014sharing things that grow <em>deeper<\/em> over time\u2014not things that fade\u2014like infatuation, physical beauty, and even our ability to share hobbies together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Does it need to be more specific than just, \u201cWe\u2019re both seeking the Kingdom of God\u201d? Do you think you need to have some definition around how we\u2019re going to seek that together; or do you just leave it at that, \u201cWe\u2019re both committed to the Kingdom and however that\u2019s going to manifest itself, whether it\u2019s missionary work in Africa or whether it\u2019s a youth pastor at a church in Idaho?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> I believe it\u2019s wisest to recognize there are more things involved in marriage than just Matthew 6:33. I just think there has to be <em>at least<\/em> Matthew 6:33. What you mentioned about somebody wanting to go overseas or stay home is a big issue. I have a whole chapter on marital styles\u2014where, for instance, you might sort of have a kids-focused couple\u2014a mom who wants to home school five kids. Well, if she\u2019s marrying a husband who wants to[ have] one or two kids, at most, and be focused on building a business or what not\u2014that might be a problem. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>There are a lot of different lives you can choose: rural lives, city lives, business lives, lives in the Arts, lives in the ministry\u2014that really are a matter of choice. I think it\u2019s wise to recognize God gives you that choice and to find somebody who is compatible in that area. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But a shared mission, a shared Kingdom-focus\u2014at the center of all of that\u2014is really what\u2019s foundational; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Absolutely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I\u2019m thinking right now of singles groups that are in churches, around the country\u2014I\u2019m sorry, but I make some of these observations\u2014some of them are very oriented toward spiritual growth\u2014calling men and women into discipleship\u2014to become true followers of Christ\u2014but a lot of them are kind of spousal head-hunter gatherings\u2014where they\u2019re guys, who come into these groups, and kind of troll-around, seeking a young lady or young ladies\u2014seeking if they can find a husband. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want you to just comment on this, Gary, because just because someone is going to church doesn\u2019t put them on a mission. Just because they are there doesn\u2019t mean they\u2019re about Matthew 6:33. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> That\u2019s absolutely correct. One of the ways you can help determine that is in your conversations with someone. Don\u2019t just ask them how God has healed them in the past\u2014that\u2019s easy sharing. People do that all the time: \u201cThis is what I dealt with five years ago.\u201d \u201cThis is what I went through\u2014what God healed me from.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to hear: \u201cWhat is God telling you today? What is God working on in your life today? Is there something I can pray for you, where you know you\u2019re not quite up to what God wants you to be?\u201d and, \u201cHow can I help support you in that?\u201d or, \u201cWhat dreams has God given you, at this moment?\u201d I want to see somebody who is currently driven with this dynamic relationship with God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>This is a world with <em>so many<\/em> needs. To believe that somebody is truly connected to God\u2014and God isn\u2019t giving His heart and compassion to that person\u2014is beyond belief to me. If they\u2019re listening to God, He\u2019s giving them a mission of some sort. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Let\u2019s say that a young lady has gone out with a guy a dozen times\u2014maybe 15 times. They\u2019ve been on dinner dates. They\u2019ve gone to the movies. They\u2019ve gone to sporting events. They\u2019ve had fun together, and the subject of God hasn\u2019t come up. Make a comment about that, if you would. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Then, don\u2019t expect it to come in after marriage. You\u2019re going to be marrying a guy who won\u2019t be supporting you, actively, in prayer. If he hasn\u2019t asked how he can pray for you\u2014when you\u2019re single, and he\u2019s trying to make the greatest impression, and he knows you\u2019re a Christian\u2014why is he going to ask to pray for you when\u2014 you\u2019re a mom, or when you\u2019re sick, or when you\u2019re at work, and you just want that spiritual support, or when you have a problem with your mom, or a friend and you want him to just pray over you and with you? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDon\u2019t expect that he\u2019s ever going to be able to open up the Scriptures and encourage you when you\u2019re discouraged and help you to think along God\u2019s lines. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And what I would say to that young lady\u2014 if she was the one who had been out with him for that many times\u2014I would say: \u201cNow, what\u2019s attractive about him? What has been so alluring that you\u2019d want to spend 15 evenings with this guy, developing \u2018a relationship\u2019?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, come on. \u201cHe\u2019s funny. He\u2019s charming. He\u2019s handsome. He likes me. He takes an interest in my life, my work.\u201d You know the answers to this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And, \u201cI\u2019m alone. I\u2019m lonely.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes, that\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cI appreciate the\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cHe treats me special.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cattention. I love the attention.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, what\u2019s wrong with that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, what I want you to hear is what Gary said earlier. How\u2019s he going to truly love your soul? How is he going to set a spiritual direction for your relationship? Marriage is not going to turn him into a spiritual leader. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And if he\u2019s not interested in God now, what makes you think he will be interested in God when you have two, three, four, five kids\u2014and you start thinking about, \u201cHow are we going to develop their moral and spiritual character, as they grow up to become young men and women?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, and I\u2019d add to that. I think the Sterno<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> can of marital heat is a spiritual Sterno can. What you may be experiencing\u2014if you\u2019d like that to be sustained over a lifetime\u2014it can\u2019t be sustained over a lifetime unless there is a Holy Spirit Sterno that is stirring that fire. [Laughter] People are going, \u201cWhat\u2019s a Sterno can?\u201d It\u2019s that canned heat, where you light\u2014and it just keeps the flame going. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat you experience during the dating relationships, Gary\u2014that can be manufactured for weeks, months, maybe, even a couple of years\u2014but for a lifetime, the wellspring for that is going to be a spiritual wellspring; isn\u2019t it? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Dating really is a dance. You\u2019re trying to put your best side forward. So, your job, when you\u2019re dating, is to get <em>under<\/em> that\u2014to really get at the <em>heart and core<\/em> of a person\u2014to find out what\u2019s driving them\u2014if they\u2019re leaning on God now, if they have dreams, if they have purpose. Are they praying for their other friends? When you bring up an issue, is that where they are thinking of going? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt really is, I believe, because you\u2019re not just choosing your future spouse. If your future spouse isn\u2019t praying with you, he or she isn\u2019t going to pray with your kids. If you\u2019re future spouse isn\u2019t sharing Scripture with you, he or she isn\u2019t going to be sharing Scripture with your kids. If you want God to be a part of your family, He\u2019s got to be a part of your dating. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You know, I had some friends of mine who shared with me that the way they had proposed to their spouses was by using, I think, it\u2019s Psalm 34\u2014the verse that says, \u201cOh, magnify the Lord with me and let us exalt His name [together].\u201d I thought: \u201cDog gone it! I missed that. I should\u2014that, everybody ought to propose with that verse.\u201d That\u2019s the verse that says: \u201cLet\u2019s seek the Kingdom together. Let\u2019s magnify the Lord together. Let\u2019s exalt His name together.\u201d That ought to be the foundation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> It\u2019s brilliant\u2014but when we\u2019re talking about spiritual purpose\u2014if all that we\u2019ve been saying doesn\u2019t convince them\u2014let me give them something that will sound selfish. Why does the Apostle John say that we love? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Because God loved us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Because He first loved us. If you want to be loved, long-term, find someone who\u2019s being loved by God, experientially. They\u2019re drinking in God\u2019s presence. They are <em>receiving<\/em> God\u2019s acceptance, and favor, and power. They\u2019ll be able to love you. They\u2019ll be able to love your kids. They\u2019ll be able to love your extended family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019re making a bet that this person has so much goodness built up inside of them that they can love you without being first loved by God. Scripture would say, \u201cNo, we can\u2019t.\u201d We love because He first loved us. So, \u201cI want somebody who is connecting with God, or they\u2019re not going to be able to love me or my kids.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Marriage is a spiritual institution. It takes three, not two, to turn two selfish people into one. The third part of that marriage is a relationship with Jesus Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSome of our listeners are tired of hearing me quote Matthew 7, the end conclusion to the most famous sermon Jesus ever gave. He compared all of life and everything He\u2019d taught to two builders of two houses\u2014one who built his house on the sand; one who built his house on the rock. The house that was built on the sand was the one who heard the words of Christ and ignored them. The one who built his house on the rock\u2014heard the words of Christ\u2014heeded them. As a result, that house withstood the same storms that brought the other house down. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd Gary, what you\u2019ve done in your book, <em>The Sacred Search<\/em>, is you\u2019ve distilled out some of the principles of Christ that will help single people start their relationship as singles <em>right <\/em>and, then, move into marriage-building on the right foundation. I\u2019m really glad you wrote this book. I hope a lot of singles will pick it up, and pass it around to their friends, as well. Thanks for being with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And let me just say, if listeners are interested in a copy of the book, all they have to do is go to FamilyLifeToday.com. The book is called <em>The Sacred Search<\/em>. We\u2019ve got it in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. The website, again, is FamilyLifeToday.com. You can also call 1-800-FL-TODAY to request a copy of the book over the phone: Again, 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things I like about this time of year is that I can get my yellow scooter out of the garage and ride it to work. I\u2019ve got a little\u2014it\u2019s a 250cc motor scooter that I like to ride to work. It worries Keith that I\u2019m riding it because he\u2019s worried about the brakes, and he\u2019s worried about just the whole experience; but it\u2019s fun. The weather is warm. The traffic on the way to work is not bad, and I just like being out on my little motor scooter. It\u2019s one of the benefits of summer. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the liabilities for summer, for folks who work at a place like <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, is that often during the summer we see a decline in donations, here at the ministry. And the thing is that our expenses continue through the summer, even when our donations dip a little bit. We have some friends of the ministry who came to us, not long ago, and said, \u201cWe want to help you guys get through the summer without experiencing that dip.\u201d So, they put together a matching-gift fund that has reached a total of $603,000. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re pretty excited about that. But to take advantage of that matching-gift fund, we need <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners to go to FamilyLifeToday.com, click the button that says, \u201cI CARE\u201d, and make a donation\u2014whether it\u2019s $25, or $50, or $100, or whatever you can do. When you make that donation, it\u2019s going to be matched, dollar for dollar. So, your donation is essentially doubled as a result of your giving during the month of May. Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com if you\u2019d like to help us reach our matching-gift total of $603,000; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. You can make a donation over the phone when you get in touch with us; and please remember to pray for us, during the month of May, as well, that we would be able to take full advantage of this matching-gift opportunity. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can join us back tomorrow. In fact, I\u2019ve got a CD I\u2019m going to bring in tomorrow. I\u2019m going to play a portion of a message from Al Mohler that I want to see what Dennis thinks about it. So, tomorrow, we\u2019ll play that. I hope you can be here and hear what he thinks. If you\u2019re single, or if you know somebody who is, encourage them to tune in because it has to do with singles and with getting married; okay? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2013 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/302738","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=302738"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=302738"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=302738"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=302738"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=302738"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=302738"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=302738"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}