{"id":302737,"date":"2013-05-14T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2013-05-14T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/finding-your-soul-mate\/"},"modified":"2013-05-14T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2013-05-14T15:00:00","slug":"finding-your-soul-mate","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/finding-your-soul-mate\/","title":{"rendered":"Finding Your Soul Mate"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Are you waiting for destiny to bring you your perfect match?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-05-14.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"23.53M","filesize_raw":"24675973","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2817],"tags":[4686,4186],"podcast_series":[7945],"cwp_profile":[3158],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302737","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-choosing-a-spouse","tag-finding-a-spouse","tag-getting-married","podcast_series-the-sacred-search","cwp_profile-gary-thomas","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302737\/finding-your-soul-mate","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302737\/finding-your-soul-mate","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"GowpH6Wi1P\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/finding-your-soul-mate\/\">Finding Your Soul Mate<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/finding-your-soul-mate\/embed\/#?secret=GowpH6Wi1P\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Finding Your Soul Mate&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"GowpH6Wi1P\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-05-14.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-05-14.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If you\u2019re single and you have a desire to be married, Gary Thomas says, \u201cStop sitting on your hands.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> We would never say, coming out of high school, \u201cIf God wants me to go to college, the University of Washington or the University of Texas can contact me, and send me a dorm key, and I\u2019ll go.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn any other endeavor of life, we would think that was religious fanaticism; but when it comes to choosing a marital mate, we act as if it is trusting God. I don\u2019t believe it honors God. I believe He wants us to be engaged to walk toward the music, as we do in all endeavors of life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, May 14<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. So, what should that engagement look like for singles? Is it the same for single men and single women? We\u2019ll talk about things like that today. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. Do you think, if you were young and single today, you think you\u2019d go on one of these dating sites? Do you think you\u2019d sign up? [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I have never thought about that, Bob! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m just wondering. If you were 25, and you didn\u2019t have a girlfriend, and nobody at church was attractive to you\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Okay, I haven\u2019t thought about it. Now, I have. Yes, I would. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Would you? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I would. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes, I would. I mean, here\u2019s the thing. Think about the telephone getting invented. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> The telephone has been used for people to get to know each other. And probably, when it came on the scene, couples started talking to each other. You know, the parents went, \u201cCan you believe they\u2019re using <em>that thing<\/em> to get to know each other?!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cThey need to be face-to-face in order to\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cThey\u2019ve got to have\u2014they\u2019ve got to know each other;\u201d you know? I wouldn\u2019t want to get married, blindly, however\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. Yes. Well, see I\u2019d go on one of those sites\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014using a dating service. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014I\u2019d go on one of those sites. I\u2019d just put up somebody else\u2019s picture, and use an alias, and see what happens. [Laughter] That\u2019s how I\u2019d handle it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Let\u2019s ask our guest on today\u2019s broadcast what he would do. Gary Thomas joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Gary, welcome back. What would you do, Gary? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Well, I like Bob\u2019s idea. \u201cYou look like Brad Pitt\u2019s twin! How did that happen?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes, it\u2019s just amazing\u2014genetics. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, Gary, would you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Absolutely\u2014if I was having trouble finding someone, if I was eager to get married. I think, if you come from the philosophy that there isn\u2019t one right person to marry\u2014if you want to make a wise choice, the larger pool that you draw from\u2014if you do that wisely, I think you\u2019re going to come out with a better choice. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Whoa! Whoa! \u201cCome from the philosophy that there is not one right person to marry,\u201d\u2014 is that\u2014I mean, there are a lot of folks who are going, \u201cI\u2019m looking for\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Now, you\u2019re in Houston. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cthe one, the one, the one.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You\u2019re from Houston. There used to be a Bible teacher in Houston who had a message called <em>Right Man, Right Woman<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Really? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Oh, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> All about the one. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> All about the one. It was 13 messages. Oh, yes! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay; so, you\u2019re saying you think that there may be any number of people, out there, that are potential marriage partners\u2014that could be the one for you? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> I believe the notion that we have to find \u201cthe one\u201d is one of the most destructive and unhelpful beliefs that Christian singles have today. I think it leads to more foolish choices than it leads to wise choices. How do you determine destiny? How do you know if someone is the one?\u2014particularly, when I don\u2019t see any scriptural evidence for it\u2014when I have to go back to Plato and <em>The Symposium<\/em> to even seen this modern notion of a soul mate. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But that\u2019s what everybody wants\u2014is the soul mate. They want somebody\u2014where we match\u2014soul to soul; where we\u2019re not just attracted body to body; where we\u2019re not just attracted personality to personality\u2014but at some deep core level. Isn\u2019t that what we\u2019re looking for, as Christians? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> I think that is a holy desire, but what I\u2019m suggesting is there\u2019s not just one person that you would share that connection with. What frustrates me is\u2014I think we have Christianized it where we almost say, \u201cGod created just one person for me.\u201d In many senses, I think it is laziness rather than doing the hard work of finding out whether this person is a good match. We\u2019re like, \u201cGod, just tell me who I\u2019m supposed to marry; and I\u2019ll marry her.\u201d God doesn\u2019t work that way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe calls us to be rulers, throughout Scripture. He wants us to grow up in maturity; to lead families; to launch ministries, and endeavors, and businesses that honor Him. So, making a wise marital choice is one of the ways we learn to grow up. That means applying wisdom\u2014doing the hard work\u2014not some mystical, \u201cGod, just point out the person,\u201d and make, then, God responsible for everything so we can blame Him if we\u2019re not happy with our choice. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> May I apply this to my marriage? Yes. I mean, when I married Barbara\u2014at the point I said, \u201cI do,\u201d and she said, \u201cI do,\u201d\u2014at that point, I believe she was the one for me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Amen. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> There\u2019s how I look at it. It\u2019s like: \u201cThere is no other. She is God\u2019s provision for me. I need to look no further. I need compare no more. She is God\u2019s provision for my aloneness needs.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, you\u2019re exactly right. And I remember when Mary Ann and I were dating. There was this song on the radio\u2014and the lyric to the song was, \u201cIt\u2019s sad to belong to someone else when the right one comes along.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And I remember thinking, \u201cWell, how am I going to know?!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I mean, \u201cI think Mary Ann is the right one; but what if three weeks after I\u2019m married, the right one comes along?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I\u2019ll tell you what you do\u2014when three weeks later, and one walks by\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014that\u2019s another one. That\u2019s <em>not<\/em> your wife. Your wife\u2014you\u2019ve <em>got<\/em> the one God wants for you. Stop looking! Gary, do you agree or not?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> In the interest of full-disclosure, my wife would completely disagree with me, in some ways, on this. She thinks there was this calling\u2014that God created us to come together. When I look at how we met and the feelings we shared\u2014I remember when I had another girlfriend, right before Lisa. The first time we were holding hands together\u2014when Lisa walked by us, I felt guilty. There was no reason for me to feel guilty. Lisa and I weren\u2019t dating; but there was this sense of, \u201cI really shouldn\u2019t be holding Debbie\u2019s hand when I\u2019m walking past Lisa.\u201d Lisa walked passed\u2014me and Debbie\u2014and said, \u201cAlright, Debbie, you can get to know him for a while; but I\u2019m going to end up marrying him.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> She said that?! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> To herself, she did. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Oh, to herself. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Oh, she didn\u2019t say it out loud. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> No, she did not say it out loud. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I thought she was throwing down the gauntlet, there, with Debbie. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> So, look, I don\u2019t want to put God in a box. I believe in the providence of God. I believe He can draw two people together. I believe He can give us hearts toward each other. I\u2019m just saying, \u201cWhen we\u2019re trying to determine a wise marital choice, we don\u2019t discount God. We don\u2019t\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI believe we should seek His guidance and be open to Him opening up our eyes to someone. It\u2019s just that we need to make the choice\u2014not on this mystical basis of destiny or \u201cthe one\u201d\u2014but if God is leading us toward someone, I believe it will make a lot of sense, in a lot of other areas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Let me go back to this idea of wisdom principles. We\u2019re going to make a marriage decision\u2014not based on a treasure hunt\u2014where we\u2019re looking for \u201cthe one\u201d. It\u2019s a scavenger hunt. When we find the right person, we can say, \u201cThis is the one;\u201d but we\u2019re going to apply biblical wisdom. So, give me some wisdom principles. Where are you going to take me first? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Proverbs 31, for men, when it directly warns men: \u201cDon\u2019t be fooled by beauty. Don\u2019t be taken away by charm. Find a woman who fears the Lord.\u201d In modern terms, it is, \u201cGuys, find a godly woman.\u201d I can speak from experience. A godly woman grows more beautiful, year by year, because she <em>grows<\/em> in godliness. Physical beauty has to fade with age. Kindness gets deeper. Faith becomes more rock solid. The ability to pray for you and encourage you are gifts that are developed and nurtured. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you put a woman\u2019s godliness at the top of your list, you will be blessed, everyday of your life, by making that choice. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And I have to give just a word of reality here\u201440 years later, in a marriage relationship. I turned to Barbara the other day. I said to her: \u201cYou know what? I just realized\u2014I get up every morning, and I don\u2019t have to wonder where your heart is, whose your heart is\u2014who you\u2019re giving your heart to.\u201d She settled the issue of whose going to be her master, who she\u2019s going to be loyal to. It\u2019s Jesus Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI get up in the morning. After we\u2019ve both had a cup of coffee, I know where I can find her. Her Bible will be open, she\u2019ll have her little 3x5 cards out, she\u2019ll be working through a prayer list that she\u2019s moving through, and\u2014my goodness!\u2014the stability that that brings to my life, as a man. I don\u2019t have to compete with the world for my wife\u2019s heart. She\u2019s already connected with God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There\u2019s a lot you don\u2019t have to wonder about. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Oh, yes! And so, to a single person, who is listening to us here, listen to the wisdom of what Gary just said. Find a woman \/ find a man\u2014who has a track record\u2014not one who just became religious and spiritual recently, since meeting you, and all of a sudden started going to church\u2014but date a young man \/ date a young woman\u2014who is in the process of following Jesus Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think it\u2019s important you say, \u201c\u2026in the process\u2026\u201d because, Gary, there are a lot of people who are saying, \u201cI\u2019m looking for that godly guy, and he doesn\u2019t exist.\u201d Some people are expecting a level of spiritual maturity, at a particular age, when only a lifetime is going to get you that level of spiritual maturity. And I know\u2014I\u2019m not trying to water-down godliness, in terms of the criteria; but don\u2019t you think there is a flipside to this equation? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> To be realistic, you have to find a trajectory. A 22-year-old isn\u2019t going to have the character of a Dr. Young, a Rick Warren, or a John Piper. They\u2019re not going to have that wisdom. They\u2019re not going to have that faith. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn biblical language, wisdom and character are developed over decades. That\u2019s why the elders are celebrated. That is why it urges older leadership. So, you can\u2019t put that mantle on a 22-year-old. That\u2019s just not realistic, but you can find a trajectory. Are they learning to hear from God? Are they depending on God? Is God at work in their life? Are they in Scripture? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI wouldn\u2019t want to be married to somebody who isn\u2019t into their Bible because I\u2019m realizing I would marry somebody who will never be wiser than they are today. I don\u2019t want to marry somebody who isn\u2019t praying to God because then I\u2019ll know they are never going to be able to pray for me\u2014they are not going to have my back. If I\u2019m going on the rails, they are not going to have the spiritual strength and connection with God to really earnestly intercede. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>Look, we\u2019re all sinners. There is going to come a time when we need that support. I want a woman who is so into God she would offend me before she offends Him. And I believe that\u2019s what I have. I\u2019ve told my wife\u2014because I\u2019ve seen so many men in public ministries go off the rails\u2014I\u2019ve said, \u201cLook, if I start to get stupid\u201d\u2014and I believe sin makes us increasingly stupid\u2014I said: \u201cI\u2019m telling you right now, come to me. If I won\u2019t listen, here are a couple of guys I want you to go to; and let them take it,\u201d because that\u2019s a comfort to me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis, when you talk about her having your back in the morning\u2014it\u2019s a comfort to me, knowing she won\u2019t let me go so far off that there is this public shame, this public crash\u2014that I have a strong, godly woman who will stop me before I get there and reaching out to others. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You know, I\u2019m in 100 percent agreement with you. What I want to make sure the singles are hearing us say here is you\u2019re talking about spiritual compatibility. You\u2019re talking about the essence of where you begin the marriage. Certainly, there is going to be physical passion, emotional passion. There\u2019s going to be all that chemistry taking place\u2014but that which will carry a marriage over a lifetime. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Yes. What I love about my wife is she can dress up for a date, and I am stupefied by her beauty. I mean, I\u2019m just overwhelmingly attracted to her; but that isn\u2019t as important as her godliness. I think you need to find that woman, who is spiritually compatibility\u2014and, then, find the one you are really attracted to; then, find the one where you like to do things together; find the one that you think would be a good parent to your children\u2014but that spiritual compatibility has to be at the top. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you find somebody that you\u2019re enormously attracted to, and try to make excuses for their spiritual maturity, you will regret that, I believe, more times than not. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Alright, we have hammered that nail firmly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It\u2019s a non-negotiable. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Is there anything else that is a non-negotiable? If I find this person\u2014who is a godly young woman, and I\u2019m not particularly attracted to them\u2014but they are a godly person, and we don\u2019t like the same things necessarily; but they are a godly person\u2014I mean, I\u2019m just trying to figure out\u2014anything else that\u2019s an absolute non-negotiable in this deal? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> I think there are. I think compatibility. If one person wants to go be a missionary in India and one person says, \u201cNo, I\u2019m going to stay in the Midwest, within ten miles of my parents,\u201d I think that\u2019s a deal-breaker. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Some priorities that have got to be\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Very important. You talk about the mission\u2014what their calling is in life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> It\u2019s a very different life\u2014living in inner city New York, as an outreach, and living in a farm in Idaho. And there is nothing wrong with wanting to live in New York City or on a farm in Idaho. It\u2019s just you better agree before you get married. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> One of the things you say you better have agreement on is your understanding of what the Bible has to say about a man\u2019s role and a wife\u2019s role in a marriage relationship. Why is that so important? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> A couple of generations ago, it was just assumed that men would be loving, servant leaders. Paul said, \u201cHusbands, love your wives as Christ loved the Church, who gave Himself up for her.\u201d That\u2019s often called, in theological circles, \u201cThe complimentarian view\u201d. Today, it\u2019s questioned\u2014where they talk about egalitarianism, where there really isn\u2019t a difference in gender roles between men and women. You just divide up strengths, and there is no sense of leadership. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf a couple disagrees about that, and a man is trying to be the servant leader, his wife is going to resent that. You\u2019ve really got to be on the same page because it affects what church you go to. It\u2019s going to affect how you raise your boys. It\u2019ll affect how you\u2019ll raise your daughters. I really believe that\u2019s a non-negotiable. If you feel that God has created you to be this way, as a wife, or this way, as a husband, and your potential spouse doesn\u2019t even share that foundational meaning of what it means to be a Christian husband or a Christian wife, you\u2019re just going to frustrate each other in your marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is an area where good, godly people are divided; but I haven\u2019t heard you take a side on this one. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Well, I do in <em>The Sacred Search<\/em>\u2014as a complimentarian\u2014but what I tell the readers is that it is more important they agree with each other than they agree with me. I think, at that point, where it\u2014because good minds disagree, I think Christians can continue to debate it. I don\u2019t think it is something that husband and wife should debate. I just don\u2019t know how you could build a mutually encouraging marriage with that kind of disagreement. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Explain what you mean by complimentarian. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Complimentarian recognizes that men are to be, as Paul says, servant leaders. Now, we put our wife\u2019s needs above our own. It\u2019s not about privilege; it\u2019s about responsibility. But they would say there are several passages in the Bible that really call men to a leadership role in the home\u2014not in a condescending way, not in a disrespectful way\u2014but as leading. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>Egalitarians would be offended at the notion that women need to be led\u2014that there is really no difference between the genders, besides the outdoor plumbing\u2014that you just divide up roles and share that leadership. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And I think you\u2019re right\u2014I think, just in terms of how you are going to function in a marriage relationship. If this was a football team\u2014and you\u2019ve got the idea that \u201cI\u2019m the quarterback\u201d\u2014and the fullback says, \u201cNo, there\u2019s no quarterback on the team,\u201d that play is not going to be very successful\u2014whatever play you try to run. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I was counseling a couple\u2014more mature singles. They weren\u2019t young, and they hadn\u2019t talked about this. To your point, they had not discussed what they believed the Bible taught about what is the role of the husband. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019re really talking about\u2014if they disagree, \u201cHow are you going to be in agreement about your disagreement?\u201d\u2014is one of them. Is the husband ultimately responsible for what takes place in his marriage and family? So, at the point of disagreement\u2014if the husband and the wife disagree\u2014is the husband called to listen to his wife, to love his wife, to hear his wife, to make sure he\u2019s heard her arguments in terms of the decision; but at the point he makes the decision, she\u2019s called to follow him. It\u2019s that ugly s-word\u2014the submission word\u2014that we\u2019ve made such a big deal out of that is at the core of Christianity. If you don\u2019t submit to Christ, you can\u2019t be a follower of Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was able to talk to this couple and talk to them about what I believe\u2014which is the same as you, Gary\u2014that the husband was called to be the servant leader. The Bible refers to it as the head of the wife. And so, ultimately, in raising the children and in the values of the home, he\u2019s called to set a course. He\u2019s called to set a direction. That doesn\u2019t mean, as you said, as dictator or autocratically\u2014but to listen carefully, and to be thoughtful, and serve his wife and his children, and to set that course for their family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, that couple got married. They, at least, at the beginning, had the game plan for the job description for the husband and the job description for the wife. Now, years later, we\u2019ll find out how it worked out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> You know, I\u2014when I talk to Christian women\u2014I would say, in the top three frustrations, with their husbands, that I hear most frequently is, \u201cI wish he would be more of a spiritual leader.\u201d If women want that, it behooves them to marry a guy who aspires to be a spiritual leader. If he\u2019s not convinced, biblically, that he needs to become one, then, it\u2019s just a desire that his wife has rather than a desire that God has for him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And if the wife is good at it, he\u2019ll let her do it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> And too many men are willing to do that. That\u2019s why I think, to really grow as a man, this has to be a biblical conviction. I would say\u2014when you are discussing this issue\u2014it\u2019s not about, \u201cI want an egalitarian marriage,\u201d or, \u201cI want a complimentarian marriage.\u201d I don\u2019t think that\u2019s appropriate. I think we have to go to the Scriptures\u2014plenty of material out there\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> \u2014read through. \u201cWhat are we convinced that God is calling us to?\u201d Then, aspire to become what we believe God has called us to become. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> You tell singles that, if they are looking for the right person to marry, they need to walk toward the music. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Explain where that illustration came from. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> My wife and I were in Baden-Baden, Germany. It\u2019s a wonderful little town. It\u2019s a smaller town in Germany\u2014just beautiful countryside. The walks along the canal there have inspired writers for centuries. And yet, it seemed to really shut down very early one evening. Six \/ seven, o\u2019clock, we\u2019d come out of a restaurant. We weren\u2019t ready to call it a night; and yet, all the energy seemed like it was gone from the streets. We wondered what happened. We weren\u2019t sure what we should do. There were just a few shops open. Very faintly, in the distance, we heard this little bit of music. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe walked about a half of a mile to three quarters of a mile. There was this outdoor concert going on in this amphitheater thing. It wasn\u2019t a huge amphitheater\u2014but big enough to hold a musical group. There were probably 12 to 15 make-shift restaurants\u2014that had set up tents\u2014that were serving people. All of the energy was there. That\u2019s where everybody was. That\u2019s why the town had been sucked dry of the people. They were there. It really became a metaphor, for us, when facing other issues in life\u2014that you walk toward the music. I say that to singles because they often think: \u201cI need to sit around and wait for \u201cthe one\u201d. God will bring along the one just when I need it.\u201d I think, sometimes, we need to walk toward the music. <br><br>If we\u2019re not happy where we are, if there are not the choices where we are, there are things we can do. We talked about dating sites when we first opened this up. Having our eyes open when we are at church, socializing in places where we can find them. Instead of this passive notion that God will bring the right one along at just the right time, how about we start walking? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn any other endeavor of life, we would never say, coming out of high school, \u201cIf God wants me to go to college, the University of Washington or the University of Texas can contact me, and send me a dorm key, and I\u2019ll go.\u201d Or if I graduate from college, \u201cWell, if Microsoft<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> wants to hire me, Steve Ballmer can give me a call,\u201d or, \u201cif Apple<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> wants me\u2014\u201d We would think that was religious fanaticism. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut when it comes to choosing a marital mate, we have this passivity that we act as if it is trusting God. I don\u2019t believe it honors God. I believe He wants us to be engaged to walk toward the music, as we do in all endeavors of life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I think there may be some singles, listening to our broadcast today\u2014who may have been holding out on God\u2014 of walking toward the music of really what He wants them to do with their lives\u2014because they are waiting to get married. It could be that, by virtue of you walking toward the music and getting about the mission that He has for your life, that, then, once that\u2019s settled, all of a sudden, you are truly marriageable, at that point. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> A hundred amen\u2019s to that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Amen and amen. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. It\u2019s back to the quote that we\u2019ve shared often, here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, from Tommy Nelson, the pastor in Denton, Texas, who said: \u201cIf you\u2019re single, your job is to run as hard and as fast toward Jesus as you can. If, while you\u2019re running, you see somebody out of the corner of your eye, running in the same direction and about the same speed, take a second look.\u201d And I think that\u2019s the point. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur focus should be on, \u201cHow do I serve the King and advance the cause of the Kingdom in this stage of my life?\u201d At the same time\u2014be available, be open, be looking, be active, and be engaged\u2014if I can borrow that term, prematurely, here\u2014in the process of getting to know other people who have the same passion for the King\u2019s work. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to encourage our listeners get a copy of the book that Gary\u2019s written. It\u2019s called <em>The Sacred Search<\/em>. We have copies in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. Go, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com to request a copy; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY and order over the phone. Again, the website, FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY, 1-800-358-6329\u2014ask about Gary Thomas\u2019s book, <em>The Sacred Search<\/em>, when you get in touch with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we are close to half way through the month of May, at this point\u2014funny how the month kind of flies by. We are less than half way toward our goal, this month, of hearing from listeners who will help us take full advantage of the matching-gift opportunity that has been made available to us from some friends of this ministry. We had some folks who came forward and said: \u201cWe know summertime is slow for ministries like yours,\u201d\u2014oftentimes, there is a decline in donations\u2014\u201cWe want to help you out.\u201d So, they put together a matching fund that is now $603,000. We\u2019re hoping to take full advantage of that match, this month; but we still have a ways to go. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s why we want to ask you to go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the button that says, \u201cI CARE\u201d, and make an online donation; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Make your donation over the phone. When you do, that donation will be matched, dollar for dollar, up to this total of $603,000. So, we hope to hear from you today. We want to ask you to pray for us, as well, that we would get all the way toward our goal and be able to take full advantage of this matching-gift opportunity. So, pray for us, if you will. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd please join us back again tomorrow. Gary Thomas is going to be here again. We\u2019re going to talk more about the way singles look at romantic relationships\u2014how they are looking at it, and how they ought to be looking at it. We\u2019ll do that tomorrow. Hope you can be with us for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Phil Krause, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2013 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["23.53M"],"filesize_raw":["24675973"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-302737.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-302737.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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you waiting for destiny to bring you your perfect match?","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-05-14.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If you\u2019re single and you have a desire to be married, Gary Thomas says, \u201cStop sitting on your hands.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> We would never say, coming out of high school, \u201cIf God wants me to go to college, the University of Washington or the University of Texas can contact me, and send me a dorm key, and I\u2019ll go.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn any other endeavor of life, we would think that was religious fanaticism; but when it comes to choosing a marital mate, we act as if it is trusting God. I don\u2019t believe it honors God. I believe He wants us to be engaged to walk toward the music, as we do in all endeavors of life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, May 14<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. So, what should that engagement look like for singles? Is it the same for single men and single women? We\u2019ll talk about things like that today. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. Do you think, if you were young and single today, you think you\u2019d go on one of these dating sites? Do you think you\u2019d sign up? [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I have never thought about that, Bob! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m just wondering. If you were 25, and you didn\u2019t have a girlfriend, and nobody at church was attractive to you\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Okay, I haven\u2019t thought about it. Now, I have. Yes, I would. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Would you? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I would. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes, I would. I mean, here\u2019s the thing. Think about the telephone getting invented. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> The telephone has been used for people to get to know each other. And probably, when it came on the scene, couples started talking to each other. You know, the parents went, \u201cCan you believe they\u2019re using <em>that thing<\/em> to get to know each other?!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cThey need to be face-to-face in order to\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cThey\u2019ve got to have\u2014they\u2019ve got to know each other;\u201d you know? I wouldn\u2019t want to get married, blindly, however\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. Yes. Well, see I\u2019d go on one of those sites\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014using a dating service. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014I\u2019d go on one of those sites. I\u2019d just put up somebody else\u2019s picture, and use an alias, and see what happens. [Laughter] That\u2019s how I\u2019d handle it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Let\u2019s ask our guest on today\u2019s broadcast what he would do. Gary Thomas joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Gary, welcome back. What would you do, Gary? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Well, I like Bob\u2019s idea. \u201cYou look like Brad Pitt\u2019s twin! How did that happen?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes, it\u2019s just amazing\u2014genetics. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, Gary, would you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Absolutely\u2014if I was having trouble finding someone, if I was eager to get married. I think, if you come from the philosophy that there isn\u2019t one right person to marry\u2014if you want to make a wise choice, the larger pool that you draw from\u2014if you do that wisely, I think you\u2019re going to come out with a better choice. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Whoa! Whoa! \u201cCome from the philosophy that there is not one right person to marry,\u201d\u2014 is that\u2014I mean, there are a lot of folks who are going, \u201cI\u2019m looking for\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Now, you\u2019re in Houston. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cthe one, the one, the one.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You\u2019re from Houston. There used to be a Bible teacher in Houston who had a message called <em>Right Man, Right Woman<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Really? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Oh, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> All about the one. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> All about the one. It was 13 messages. Oh, yes! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay; so, you\u2019re saying you think that there may be any number of people, out there, that are potential marriage partners\u2014that could be the one for you? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> I believe the notion that we have to find \u201cthe one\u201d is one of the most destructive and unhelpful beliefs that Christian singles have today. I think it leads to more foolish choices than it leads to wise choices. How do you determine destiny? How do you know if someone is the one?\u2014particularly, when I don\u2019t see any scriptural evidence for it\u2014when I have to go back to Plato and <em>The Symposium<\/em> to even seen this modern notion of a soul mate. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But that\u2019s what everybody wants\u2014is the soul mate. They want somebody\u2014where we match\u2014soul to soul; where we\u2019re not just attracted body to body; where we\u2019re not just attracted personality to personality\u2014but at some deep core level. Isn\u2019t that what we\u2019re looking for, as Christians? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> I think that is a holy desire, but what I\u2019m suggesting is there\u2019s not just one person that you would share that connection with. What frustrates me is\u2014I think we have Christianized it where we almost say, \u201cGod created just one person for me.\u201d In many senses, I think it is laziness rather than doing the hard work of finding out whether this person is a good match. We\u2019re like, \u201cGod, just tell me who I\u2019m supposed to marry; and I\u2019ll marry her.\u201d God doesn\u2019t work that way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe calls us to be rulers, throughout Scripture. He wants us to grow up in maturity; to lead families; to launch ministries, and endeavors, and businesses that honor Him. So, making a wise marital choice is one of the ways we learn to grow up. That means applying wisdom\u2014doing the hard work\u2014not some mystical, \u201cGod, just point out the person,\u201d and make, then, God responsible for everything so we can blame Him if we\u2019re not happy with our choice. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> May I apply this to my marriage? Yes. I mean, when I married Barbara\u2014at the point I said, \u201cI do,\u201d and she said, \u201cI do,\u201d\u2014at that point, I believe she was the one for me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Amen. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> There\u2019s how I look at it. It\u2019s like: \u201cThere is no other. She is God\u2019s provision for me. I need to look no further. I need compare no more. She is God\u2019s provision for my aloneness needs.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, you\u2019re exactly right. And I remember when Mary Ann and I were dating. There was this song on the radio\u2014and the lyric to the song was, \u201cIt\u2019s sad to belong to someone else when the right one comes along.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And I remember thinking, \u201cWell, how am I going to know?!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I mean, \u201cI think Mary Ann is the right one; but what if three weeks after I\u2019m married, the right one comes along?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I\u2019ll tell you what you do\u2014when three weeks later, and one walks by\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014that\u2019s another one. That\u2019s <em>not<\/em> your wife. Your wife\u2014you\u2019ve <em>got<\/em> the one God wants for you. Stop looking! Gary, do you agree or not?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> In the interest of full-disclosure, my wife would completely disagree with me, in some ways, on this. She thinks there was this calling\u2014that God created us to come together. When I look at how we met and the feelings we shared\u2014I remember when I had another girlfriend, right before Lisa. The first time we were holding hands together\u2014when Lisa walked by us, I felt guilty. There was no reason for me to feel guilty. Lisa and I weren\u2019t dating; but there was this sense of, \u201cI really shouldn\u2019t be holding Debbie\u2019s hand when I\u2019m walking past Lisa.\u201d Lisa walked passed\u2014me and Debbie\u2014and said, \u201cAlright, Debbie, you can get to know him for a while; but I\u2019m going to end up marrying him.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> She said that?! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> To herself, she did. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Oh, to herself. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Oh, she didn\u2019t say it out loud. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> No, she did not say it out loud. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I thought she was throwing down the gauntlet, there, with Debbie. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> So, look, I don\u2019t want to put God in a box. I believe in the providence of God. I believe He can draw two people together. I believe He can give us hearts toward each other. I\u2019m just saying, \u201cWhen we\u2019re trying to determine a wise marital choice, we don\u2019t discount God. We don\u2019t\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI believe we should seek His guidance and be open to Him opening up our eyes to someone. It\u2019s just that we need to make the choice\u2014not on this mystical basis of destiny or \u201cthe one\u201d\u2014but if God is leading us toward someone, I believe it will make a lot of sense, in a lot of other areas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Let me go back to this idea of wisdom principles. We\u2019re going to make a marriage decision\u2014not based on a treasure hunt\u2014where we\u2019re looking for \u201cthe one\u201d. It\u2019s a scavenger hunt. When we find the right person, we can say, \u201cThis is the one;\u201d but we\u2019re going to apply biblical wisdom. So, give me some wisdom principles. Where are you going to take me first? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Proverbs 31, for men, when it directly warns men: \u201cDon\u2019t be fooled by beauty. Don\u2019t be taken away by charm. Find a woman who fears the Lord.\u201d In modern terms, it is, \u201cGuys, find a godly woman.\u201d I can speak from experience. A godly woman grows more beautiful, year by year, because she <em>grows<\/em> in godliness. Physical beauty has to fade with age. Kindness gets deeper. Faith becomes more rock solid. The ability to pray for you and encourage you are gifts that are developed and nurtured. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you put a woman\u2019s godliness at the top of your list, you will be blessed, everyday of your life, by making that choice. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And I have to give just a word of reality here\u201440 years later, in a marriage relationship. I turned to Barbara the other day. I said to her: \u201cYou know what? I just realized\u2014I get up every morning, and I don\u2019t have to wonder where your heart is, whose your heart is\u2014who you\u2019re giving your heart to.\u201d She settled the issue of whose going to be her master, who she\u2019s going to be loyal to. It\u2019s Jesus Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI get up in the morning. After we\u2019ve both had a cup of coffee, I know where I can find her. Her Bible will be open, she\u2019ll have her little 3x5 cards out, she\u2019ll be working through a prayer list that she\u2019s moving through, and\u2014my goodness!\u2014the stability that that brings to my life, as a man. I don\u2019t have to compete with the world for my wife\u2019s heart. She\u2019s already connected with God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There\u2019s a lot you don\u2019t have to wonder about. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Oh, yes! And so, to a single person, who is listening to us here, listen to the wisdom of what Gary just said. Find a woman \/ find a man\u2014who has a track record\u2014not one who just became religious and spiritual recently, since meeting you, and all of a sudden started going to church\u2014but date a young man \/ date a young woman\u2014who is in the process of following Jesus Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think it\u2019s important you say, \u201c\u2026in the process\u2026\u201d because, Gary, there are a lot of people who are saying, \u201cI\u2019m looking for that godly guy, and he doesn\u2019t exist.\u201d Some people are expecting a level of spiritual maturity, at a particular age, when only a lifetime is going to get you that level of spiritual maturity. And I know\u2014I\u2019m not trying to water-down godliness, in terms of the criteria; but don\u2019t you think there is a flipside to this equation? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> To be realistic, you have to find a trajectory. A 22-year-old isn\u2019t going to have the character of a Dr. Young, a Rick Warren, or a John Piper. They\u2019re not going to have that wisdom. They\u2019re not going to have that faith. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn biblical language, wisdom and character are developed over decades. That\u2019s why the elders are celebrated. That is why it urges older leadership. So, you can\u2019t put that mantle on a 22-year-old. That\u2019s just not realistic, but you can find a trajectory. Are they learning to hear from God? Are they depending on God? Is God at work in their life? Are they in Scripture? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI wouldn\u2019t want to be married to somebody who isn\u2019t into their Bible because I\u2019m realizing I would marry somebody who will never be wiser than they are today. I don\u2019t want to marry somebody who isn\u2019t praying to God because then I\u2019ll know they are never going to be able to pray for me\u2014they are not going to have my back. If I\u2019m going on the rails, they are not going to have the spiritual strength and connection with God to really earnestly intercede. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>Look, we\u2019re all sinners. There is going to come a time when we need that support. I want a woman who is so into God she would offend me before she offends Him. And I believe that\u2019s what I have. I\u2019ve told my wife\u2014because I\u2019ve seen so many men in public ministries go off the rails\u2014I\u2019ve said, \u201cLook, if I start to get stupid\u201d\u2014and I believe sin makes us increasingly stupid\u2014I said: \u201cI\u2019m telling you right now, come to me. If I won\u2019t listen, here are a couple of guys I want you to go to; and let them take it,\u201d because that\u2019s a comfort to me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis, when you talk about her having your back in the morning\u2014it\u2019s a comfort to me, knowing she won\u2019t let me go so far off that there is this public shame, this public crash\u2014that I have a strong, godly woman who will stop me before I get there and reaching out to others. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You know, I\u2019m in 100 percent agreement with you. What I want to make sure the singles are hearing us say here is you\u2019re talking about spiritual compatibility. You\u2019re talking about the essence of where you begin the marriage. Certainly, there is going to be physical passion, emotional passion. There\u2019s going to be all that chemistry taking place\u2014but that which will carry a marriage over a lifetime. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Yes. What I love about my wife is she can dress up for a date, and I am stupefied by her beauty. I mean, I\u2019m just overwhelmingly attracted to her; but that isn\u2019t as important as her godliness. I think you need to find that woman, who is spiritually compatibility\u2014and, then, find the one you are really attracted to; then, find the one where you like to do things together; find the one that you think would be a good parent to your children\u2014but that spiritual compatibility has to be at the top. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you find somebody that you\u2019re enormously attracted to, and try to make excuses for their spiritual maturity, you will regret that, I believe, more times than not. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Alright, we have hammered that nail firmly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It\u2019s a non-negotiable. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Is there anything else that is a non-negotiable? If I find this person\u2014who is a godly young woman, and I\u2019m not particularly attracted to them\u2014but they are a godly person, and we don\u2019t like the same things necessarily; but they are a godly person\u2014I mean, I\u2019m just trying to figure out\u2014anything else that\u2019s an absolute non-negotiable in this deal? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> I think there are. I think compatibility. If one person wants to go be a missionary in India and one person says, \u201cNo, I\u2019m going to stay in the Midwest, within ten miles of my parents,\u201d I think that\u2019s a deal-breaker. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Some priorities that have got to be\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Very important. You talk about the mission\u2014what their calling is in life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> It\u2019s a very different life\u2014living in inner city New York, as an outreach, and living in a farm in Idaho. And there is nothing wrong with wanting to live in New York City or on a farm in Idaho. It\u2019s just you better agree before you get married. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> One of the things you say you better have agreement on is your understanding of what the Bible has to say about a man\u2019s role and a wife\u2019s role in a marriage relationship. Why is that so important? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> A couple of generations ago, it was just assumed that men would be loving, servant leaders. Paul said, \u201cHusbands, love your wives as Christ loved the Church, who gave Himself up for her.\u201d That\u2019s often called, in theological circles, \u201cThe complimentarian view\u201d. Today, it\u2019s questioned\u2014where they talk about egalitarianism, where there really isn\u2019t a difference in gender roles between men and women. You just divide up strengths, and there is no sense of leadership. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf a couple disagrees about that, and a man is trying to be the servant leader, his wife is going to resent that. You\u2019ve really got to be on the same page because it affects what church you go to. It\u2019s going to affect how you raise your boys. It\u2019ll affect how you\u2019ll raise your daughters. I really believe that\u2019s a non-negotiable. If you feel that God has created you to be this way, as a wife, or this way, as a husband, and your potential spouse doesn\u2019t even share that foundational meaning of what it means to be a Christian husband or a Christian wife, you\u2019re just going to frustrate each other in your marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is an area where good, godly people are divided; but I haven\u2019t heard you take a side on this one. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Well, I do in <em>The Sacred Search<\/em>\u2014as a complimentarian\u2014but what I tell the readers is that it is more important they agree with each other than they agree with me. I think, at that point, where it\u2014because good minds disagree, I think Christians can continue to debate it. I don\u2019t think it is something that husband and wife should debate. I just don\u2019t know how you could build a mutually encouraging marriage with that kind of disagreement. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Explain what you mean by complimentarian. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Complimentarian recognizes that men are to be, as Paul says, servant leaders. Now, we put our wife\u2019s needs above our own. It\u2019s not about privilege; it\u2019s about responsibility. But they would say there are several passages in the Bible that really call men to a leadership role in the home\u2014not in a condescending way, not in a disrespectful way\u2014but as leading. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>Egalitarians would be offended at the notion that women need to be led\u2014that there is really no difference between the genders, besides the outdoor plumbing\u2014that you just divide up roles and share that leadership. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And I think you\u2019re right\u2014I think, just in terms of how you are going to function in a marriage relationship. If this was a football team\u2014and you\u2019ve got the idea that \u201cI\u2019m the quarterback\u201d\u2014and the fullback says, \u201cNo, there\u2019s no quarterback on the team,\u201d that play is not going to be very successful\u2014whatever play you try to run. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I was counseling a couple\u2014more mature singles. They weren\u2019t young, and they hadn\u2019t talked about this. To your point, they had not discussed what they believed the Bible taught about what is the role of the husband. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019re really talking about\u2014if they disagree, \u201cHow are you going to be in agreement about your disagreement?\u201d\u2014is one of them. Is the husband ultimately responsible for what takes place in his marriage and family? So, at the point of disagreement\u2014if the husband and the wife disagree\u2014is the husband called to listen to his wife, to love his wife, to hear his wife, to make sure he\u2019s heard her arguments in terms of the decision; but at the point he makes the decision, she\u2019s called to follow him. It\u2019s that ugly s-word\u2014the submission word\u2014that we\u2019ve made such a big deal out of that is at the core of Christianity. If you don\u2019t submit to Christ, you can\u2019t be a follower of Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was able to talk to this couple and talk to them about what I believe\u2014which is the same as you, Gary\u2014that the husband was called to be the servant leader. The Bible refers to it as the head of the wife. And so, ultimately, in raising the children and in the values of the home, he\u2019s called to set a course. He\u2019s called to set a direction. That doesn\u2019t mean, as you said, as dictator or autocratically\u2014but to listen carefully, and to be thoughtful, and serve his wife and his children, and to set that course for their family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, that couple got married. They, at least, at the beginning, had the game plan for the job description for the husband and the job description for the wife. Now, years later, we\u2019ll find out how it worked out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> You know, I\u2014when I talk to Christian women\u2014I would say, in the top three frustrations, with their husbands, that I hear most frequently is, \u201cI wish he would be more of a spiritual leader.\u201d If women want that, it behooves them to marry a guy who aspires to be a spiritual leader. If he\u2019s not convinced, biblically, that he needs to become one, then, it\u2019s just a desire that his wife has rather than a desire that God has for him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And if the wife is good at it, he\u2019ll let her do it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> And too many men are willing to do that. That\u2019s why I think, to really grow as a man, this has to be a biblical conviction. I would say\u2014when you are discussing this issue\u2014it\u2019s not about, \u201cI want an egalitarian marriage,\u201d or, \u201cI want a complimentarian marriage.\u201d I don\u2019t think that\u2019s appropriate. I think we have to go to the Scriptures\u2014plenty of material out there\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> \u2014read through. \u201cWhat are we convinced that God is calling us to?\u201d Then, aspire to become what we believe God has called us to become. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> You tell singles that, if they are looking for the right person to marry, they need to walk toward the music. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Explain where that illustration came from. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> My wife and I were in Baden-Baden, Germany. It\u2019s a wonderful little town. It\u2019s a smaller town in Germany\u2014just beautiful countryside. The walks along the canal there have inspired writers for centuries. And yet, it seemed to really shut down very early one evening. Six \/ seven, o\u2019clock, we\u2019d come out of a restaurant. We weren\u2019t ready to call it a night; and yet, all the energy seemed like it was gone from the streets. We wondered what happened. We weren\u2019t sure what we should do. There were just a few shops open. Very faintly, in the distance, we heard this little bit of music. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe walked about a half of a mile to three quarters of a mile. There was this outdoor concert going on in this amphitheater thing. It wasn\u2019t a huge amphitheater\u2014but big enough to hold a musical group. There were probably 12 to 15 make-shift restaurants\u2014that had set up tents\u2014that were serving people. All of the energy was there. That\u2019s where everybody was. That\u2019s why the town had been sucked dry of the people. They were there. It really became a metaphor, for us, when facing other issues in life\u2014that you walk toward the music. I say that to singles because they often think: \u201cI need to sit around and wait for \u201cthe one\u201d. God will bring along the one just when I need it.\u201d I think, sometimes, we need to walk toward the music. <br><br>If we\u2019re not happy where we are, if there are not the choices where we are, there are things we can do. We talked about dating sites when we first opened this up. Having our eyes open when we are at church, socializing in places where we can find them. Instead of this passive notion that God will bring the right one along at just the right time, how about we start walking? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn any other endeavor of life, we would never say, coming out of high school, \u201cIf God wants me to go to college, the University of Washington or the University of Texas can contact me, and send me a dorm key, and I\u2019ll go.\u201d Or if I graduate from college, \u201cWell, if Microsoft<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> wants to hire me, Steve Ballmer can give me a call,\u201d or, \u201cif Apple<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> wants me\u2014\u201d We would think that was religious fanaticism. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut when it comes to choosing a marital mate, we have this passivity that we act as if it is trusting God. I don\u2019t believe it honors God. I believe He wants us to be engaged to walk toward the music, as we do in all endeavors of life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I think there may be some singles, listening to our broadcast today\u2014who may have been holding out on God\u2014 of walking toward the music of really what He wants them to do with their lives\u2014because they are waiting to get married. It could be that, by virtue of you walking toward the music and getting about the mission that He has for your life, that, then, once that\u2019s settled, all of a sudden, you are truly marriageable, at that point. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> A hundred amen\u2019s to that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Amen and amen. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. It\u2019s back to the quote that we\u2019ve shared often, here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, from Tommy Nelson, the pastor in Denton, Texas, who said: \u201cIf you\u2019re single, your job is to run as hard and as fast toward Jesus as you can. If, while you\u2019re running, you see somebody out of the corner of your eye, running in the same direction and about the same speed, take a second look.\u201d And I think that\u2019s the point. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur focus should be on, \u201cHow do I serve the King and advance the cause of the Kingdom in this stage of my life?\u201d At the same time\u2014be available, be open, be looking, be active, and be engaged\u2014if I can borrow that term, prematurely, here\u2014in the process of getting to know other people who have the same passion for the King\u2019s work. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to encourage our listeners get a copy of the book that Gary\u2019s written. It\u2019s called <em>The Sacred Search<\/em>. We have copies in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. Go, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com to request a copy; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY and order over the phone. Again, the website, FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY, 1-800-358-6329\u2014ask about Gary Thomas\u2019s book, <em>The Sacred Search<\/em>, when you get in touch with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we are close to half way through the month of May, at this point\u2014funny how the month kind of flies by. We are less than half way toward our goal, this month, of hearing from listeners who will help us take full advantage of the matching-gift opportunity that has been made available to us from some friends of this ministry. We had some folks who came forward and said: \u201cWe know summertime is slow for ministries like yours,\u201d\u2014oftentimes, there is a decline in donations\u2014\u201cWe want to help you out.\u201d So, they put together a matching fund that is now $603,000. We\u2019re hoping to take full advantage of that match, this month; but we still have a ways to go. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s why we want to ask you to go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the button that says, \u201cI CARE\u201d, and make an online donation; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Make your donation over the phone. When you do, that donation will be matched, dollar for dollar, up to this total of $603,000. So, we hope to hear from you today. We want to ask you to pray for us, as well, that we would get all the way toward our goal and be able to take full advantage of this matching-gift opportunity. So, pray for us, if you will. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd please join us back again tomorrow. Gary Thomas is going to be here again. We\u2019re going to talk more about the way singles look at romantic relationships\u2014how they are looking at it, and how they ought to be looking at it. We\u2019ll do that tomorrow. Hope you can be with us for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Phil Krause, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2013 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/302737","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=302737"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=302737"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=302737"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=302737"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=302737"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=302737"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=302737"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}