{"id":302736,"date":"2013-05-13T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2013-05-13T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/true-love-or-infatuation\/"},"modified":"2013-05-13T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2013-05-13T15:00:00","slug":"true-love-or-infatuation","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/true-love-or-infatuation\/","title":{"rendered":"True Love or Infatuation?"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Is it true love or infatuation?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-05-13.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"23.65M","filesize_raw":"24798140","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2817],"tags":[4686,5279],"podcast_series":[7945],"cwp_profile":[3158],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302736","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-choosing-a-spouse","tag-finding-a-spouse","tag-true-love","podcast_series-the-sacred-search","cwp_profile-gary-thomas","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302736\/true-love-or-infatuation","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302736\/true-love-or-infatuation","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"8sKE39ynpX\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/true-love-or-infatuation\/\">True Love or Infatuation?<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/true-love-or-infatuation\/embed\/#?secret=8sKE39ynpX\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;True Love or Infatuation?&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"8sKE39ynpX\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-05-13.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-05-13.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 As a single person, have you ever had that seemingly instant, hyper-powerful attraction to somebody else\u2014comes on in a moment and within days\u2014you\u2019re convinced this is your soul mate\u2014the person you should marry? Author Gary Thomas says experts have a name for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> They call it \u201cstupid love\u201d. They just won\u2019t listen to you. But if they would, I would say: \u201cJust give it time to pass. Don\u2019t bet your life on marrying someone who you don\u2019t really know. Listen to your parents. Ask your friends. Ask your pastors. Listen to them. Recognize that you\u2019re vulnerable and stupid. It\u2019s not like infatuation is wrong\u2014God created it, and it is fun; but we just have to be <em>responsible<\/em> in the midst of it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, May 13<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We\u2019re not here to pour cold water on your infatuation. We just want to inject a little wisdom into the process; okay? So, stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>Thanks for joining us. I want you to think all the way back to the days when you were single. Do you remember those days?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I can\u2019t. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You can\u2019t remember? [Laughter] Richard Nixon was in the White House\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I can remember; I can remember.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If you could go back\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> The hunt! It was the time of the hunt!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If you could go back and redo the hunt, knowing what you know now\u2014not that you would come up with a different\u2014I was going to say a different \u201cprey,\u201d but that\u2019s not really the metaphor we want in this situation\u2014not that you would come up with a different\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Catch; catch!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes\u2014not that you would come up with a different <em>catch<\/em>\u2014but that you would do the hunting a little differently. Do you think you might make some modifications in how you hunted? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Come on, Bob. [Laughter] Of course, I would! Of course, I would. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We pride ourselves on authenticity, here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Of course, I would. I have learned a few things in the 40 years we\u2019ve been married. Here, on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, just the privilege we\u2019ve had\u2014like we have today\u2014of interviewing somebody who\u2019s really done a tremendous amount of study and brings to the table a lot of wisdom. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, let me introduce our guest today. Let\u2019s get him in on this discussion. Gary Thomas joins us again. Gary, welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Thank you, Dennis.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Gary is a prolific writer. He\u2019s on the teaching team at Second Baptist Church in Houston, Texas. I don\u2019t know how many books he\u2019s written, but I know they\u2019re sacred. [Laughter] They\u2019re all sacred\u2014every one of them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019ve got <em>Sacred Marriage<\/em>\u2014you\u2019ve got <em>Sacred Parenting<\/em>\u2014you\u2019ve got\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And I think John Eldridge actually wrote one. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> He stole one!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> He stole one out of Gary\u2019s files, I think. This one\u2019s called <em>The Sacred Search.<\/em> When I saw this, I said, \u201cYou know, I\u2019m really glad you wrote this book!\u201d I want to begin with the subtitle underneath the title of the book: <em>What If It\u2019s Not About Who You Marry, but Why? <\/em>I would have to say here, Bob, that when Barbara and I dated, this was a big deal to us. We did think about: \u201cWhy are we marrying? What\u2019s this about?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is more than just two people getting their needs met\u2014or trying to get their needs met. This is about some higher purpose\u2014some more noble mission than just a self-centered man and woman marching to the altar. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Gary, you think that question is at the crux of what singles ought to be wrestling with; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Absolutely! Dennis, I think you\u2019re <em>very<\/em> unusual in asking that question. I\u2019ve found that most Christians get married for largely the same reason as non-Christians.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Sure they do!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Sexual chemistry, romantic infatuation, perceived relational compatibility\u2014\u201cWhat will make me happiest?\u201d They really think the \u201cWhy?\u201d of marriage is to share an infatuation\u2014that we know can\u2019t last. Here\u2019s why I think the \u201cWhy?\u201d is so important\u2014the job defines the person who\u2019s qualified.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf I want somebody to replace my toilet, there are some friends I would call and some friends I wouldn\u2019t let near my plumbing. [Laughter] If I wanted a lawyer, I have a couple of friends\u2014they would be the first ones I would call because they\u2019re <em>great<\/em> lawyers. If I wanted somebody to review a sermon or a book, I\u2019d call my friend Kevin, out in California. So, the \u201cWhy?\u201d of the job\u2014what you\u2019re hoping to accomplish\u2014really determines who the best person is. If we don\u2019t ask the \u201cWhy?\u201d question first, focusing on the \u201cwho\u201d doesn\u2019t make much sense. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Dennis can help you with the sermon or the book\u2014but the toilet? Forget it! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I don\u2019t think you would call either Bob or me to work on your toilet.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> How many times do you have to wrap the toilet with duct tape to get it to stop leaking? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes, it\u2019s all the gray tape that you have to put in place after you\u2019ve completely fouled the whole thing up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet\u2019s step back and talk about singles today. You\u2019re a pastor of a giant church\u2014it has how many hundred thousand members, down there in Houston?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> We just passed 60,000.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Now, I\u2019m \u201cwriter in residence\u201d as a pastor. Dr. Ed Young, of course, is the Senior Pastor.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Of course. But you\u2019re relating to a lot of singles, there in the church and around the country. What are you observing, today, about singles today, who are in and around the church?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> I think there may be more confusion today about getting married than in just about any generation I\u2019ve seen in this church. The universal frustration I hear with young women is that boys are being so passive. They\u2019re saying, \u201cWhat do I have to do to get noticed?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that some of us older men, with daughters that age, are looking at these incredibly godly, beautiful, accomplished, character-driven young women; and we\u2019re saying, \u201cGuys, what is it going to take for you to decide that you want to step up and get married?\u201d I think that\u2019s a big issue we have to face. I don\u2019t know if they\u2019ve seen so many difficult marriages that they\u2019re thinking, \u201cI\u2019m not sure I want to go down that road.\u201d I don\u2019t know if they\u2019re just trying to prolong\u2014\u201cI don\u2019t want to miss out on the single experience.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You said it is confusion. Then, you described it as, \u201cHere are godly women, waiting to get married; and guys who won\u2019t get off the dime.\u201d Is that the picture?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> I think that has been the case for many women in that case.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> What I\u2019m trying to do here is give a new vision for just how good a good marriage can be. We just married a couple this past fall. My wife and I got together with them this past week. Here, you see a man who is becoming the man God created him to be. He got married later in life\u2014he\u2019s in his forties. You just see what the love of a woman, and being chosen by a woman, and having to step up\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> She\u2019s been through several crises. Her mom died afterwards. Afterwards, we were just talking about: \u201cMan, look at what has happened to Carl! Marriage has done so much for him in such a little time.\u201d That\u2019s the promise\u2014a good marriage can do wonderful things! The threat, though, that we\u2019ve also seen, a bad marriage can pull people down like nothing else.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It creates a lot of hopelessness. If I could, I\u2019d like to add one thing I\u2019m seeing among the singles today. I see a lot of fear. It was there a couple of decades\u2014three decades ago\u2014as the culture of divorce began to set in; but we\u2019ve now seen the culture of divorce set up shop. I think some are genuinely terrified. They wonder, \u201cCan this thing be done?\u201d It\u2019s why they\u2019ve given up on marriage and many are cohabiting today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You start the book by recounting a conversation you had with a pastor. If <em>he\u2019s a pastor<\/em>, and this is where <em>he is<\/em>, it\u2019s no wonder people are thinking, \u201cI don\u2019t know if I want to get married.\u201d What did he tell you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> That pastor said his marriage constituted the biggest cross of his life. He was committed to it. He knew it was the right thing to do, but it was like a burden that was on his back. The spontaneous tears that came out were just testimony to the fact that marriage really can drag you down if you enter into it unwisely. If you go into it with your eyes wide-open\u2014I think, if you go into it with the wisdom of Scripture and the wisdom of people who have been through that\u2014you can recognize: \u201cWhat is the \u2018Why?\u2019 of marriage?\u201d and, \u201cHow will that help me choose a wiser \u2018who\u2019?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. And, Gary, you may not know this, about FamilyLife; but it actually was started as a marriage preparation ministry because of this following story. Dr. Howard Hendricks was speaking at the U.S. Congress on the Family in St. Louis in 1975. Three staff members from Campus Crusade for Christ (now Cru) were seated in the audience and heard him make this statement\u2014he said, \u201cIn Dallas, Texas, if you want to become a garbage collector, it takes three weeks of intensive training; but if you want to get married, about all you\u2019ve got to do is stand before the pastor or the Justice of the Peace and grunt, and you\u2019re in!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe called the Christian community, at that point, in 1975, to say, \u201cWe, as the Church, as the guardian of the marriage covenant, must take responsibility for taking two single people\u2014who have stars in their eyes and all kinds of warm fuzzies\u2014and we must take them and engage them in a marriage preparation course that equips them\u2014not merely to be married\u2014but to do marriage and to do it God\u2019s way.\u201d FamilyLife was started, a year later, in 1976, as a response to that statement. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Here\u2019s the interesting thing\u2014and we\u2019ve seen this all the way through, at our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaways. When we\u2019re working with single people, thinking about marriage\u2014infatuation\u2014the romantic love that\u2019s taking place in a period before marriage\u2014is kind of like a mild sedative toward wisdom. You know what I mean? It\u2019s like you can\u2019t get wisdom past the infatuation. As much as you try to help people go in, with their eyes wide-open, they\u2019ve been in some kind of a mildly sedated state until they get married. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> I\u2019ve told the singles at Second Baptist, \u201cWhen you become infatuated, it\u2019s not your fault; but you need to know that you\u2019re vulnerable and stupid.\u201d It does those two things. It makes you vulnerable; it makes you stupid. [Laughter] You can have a PhD, and you can act in a stupid way. I tell them: \u201cJust tell your friends: \u2018Look, I\u2019m vulnerable. I might say some stupid things. I might do some stupid things. I just want you to know, on record, just as sort of a preventative of acting that way,\u2019\u201d because it is so intoxicating\u2014it\u2019s more powerful than cocaine. In fact, there\u2019s been a neurological study\u2014and this will shock younger people\u2014neurologically, it\u2019s more difficult to control a romantic, emotional infatuation than it is to control the physical, sexual drive.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Amazing! In fact, Bob, you\u2019ll remember, that a number of years ago, we interviewed a famous author\u2014was he in his seventies? \u2014who had come in here, and he had just gotten remarried. His wife had died after, I don\u2019t know, 40 or 45 years; and he had gotten remarried. He was talking about how\u2014even as a man, in his sixties and seventies\u2014how he was <em>smitten<\/em> by this neurological, hostile takeover of the hormones and what happens at that point. So, it\u2019s very important. You\u2019ve got to have a game plan to step back and have some wise coaching. Otherwise, you\u2019re susceptible, as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Here\u2019s what you\u2019re susceptible to\u2014again, neurologists would use a term they call the \u201cidealization\u201d of the partner. When you are infatuated, you\u2019re relating to somebody who <em>doesn\u2019t<\/em> exist.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> That\u2019s why singles are vulnerable. You see strengths that aren\u2019t really there because you assume that what they\u2019re doing is out of good character. Everybody around can see that that might be self-serving\u2014you just make it a virtue. You miss weaknesses that everybody else can see\u2014that you are excusing: \u201cHe doesn\u2019t have a temper. He\u2019s passionate!\u201d \u201cI don\u2019t think he is chewing someone out. He may be speaking in tongues\u2014he\u2019s a very spiritual man.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou create a man who doesn\u2019t exist by blinding yourself to his faults by creating strengths that aren\u2019t there. How many times have we heard\u2014I know you both have heard this so many times! You\u2019re talking to somebody, who\u2019s been married one or two years, frustrated with their marriage. What do they say? \u201cHe\u2019s not who I thought he was.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> No doubt.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And I love\u2014you\u2019ve got a list, here in your book\u2014of ways to diagnose infatuation to tell whether you have come under the spell\u2014whether you are mildly-sedated or heavily-sedated. You say that: \u201cIf you are infatuated, you focus on your beloved\u2019s better traits. You overlook or minimize the flaws, as you just said. You exhibit extreme energy\u2014hyperactivity, sleeplessness, impulsivity, euphoria, mood swings. [Laughter] Yes, there\u2019s just that romance. One or both of you will develop a goal-oriented fixation on winning the other person. Relational passion is heightened, not weakened, by adversity. So, the more you go through hard times, the more the passion grows.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cYou become emotionally-dependent on the relationship. You reorder your daily priorities to remain in as much contact as is humanly possible. You experience separation anxiety when you\u2019re apart. The empathy is so powerful that you would die for your beloved. You think about that person to an obsessive degree. Then, sexual desire becomes so intense that the relationship becomes marked by extreme possessiveness.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s a person who is going to be anesthetized by their infatuation. They\u2019re going to miss some key things, they ought to be alert to, if they\u2019re going to think about marrying this person.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> You notice that possessiveness and obsessiveness are really the key traits of this. Here\u2019s the thing\u2014neurologically, when you\u2019re infatuated\u2014as you mentioned about one of these traits\u2014you\u2019re so focused on getting and keeping that person that you don\u2019t have any neurological energy left to think: \u201cAre they worth getting? Are they worth keeping?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> It\u2019s just this pursuit\u2014\u201cI\u2019m going to get this done!\u201d\u2014to an obsessive degree. You\u2019re not evaluating\u2014you\u2019re just focusing on winning and keeping.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If you had somebody here, with us, in the studio\u2014a young, 27-year-old male or female\u2014it doesn\u2019t matter which\u2014but you see the look in their eye\u2014you can tell they have this stupor that has taken over them. You\u2019re trying to say: \u201cOkay, look. I know how you feel, but we\u2019ve got to get through\u2014we have to get past your defenses to get some wisdom in here.\u201d What would you do? What would you say to them?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> I\u2019d want to take away a pen\u2014like you take away car keys from a drunk. [Laughter] I don\u2019t want them to sign that marriage license until it passes\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Not just yet!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> \u2014and just try to tell them. Now, I have talked to seasoned, well-experienced counselors, who call it \u201cstupid love\u201d. They say that, basically, you are unable to counsel people, credibly, in that situation. They just won\u2019t listen to you. But if they would, I would say: \u201cJust give it time to pass. Don\u2019t bet your life on marrying someone who you don\u2019t really know. Give it time. These things <em>seem<\/em> to be true for you. Listen to your parents\u2014even if they\u2019re not believers\u2014they usually want what\u2019s best for you. You have an opportunity to just ask them. Ask your friends. Ask your pastors. Listen to them. Recognize that you are vulnerable and stupid.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cIf you recognize that you\u2019re vulnerable and stupid\u2014it is like someone recognizing they\u2019re inebriated\u2014you don\u2019t make business decisions. You don\u2019t drive a car. You learn to protect yourself. It\u2019s not like infatuation is wrong\u2014God created it, and it is fun. It\u2019s ecstatic; but we just have to be responsible, in the midst of it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I just want to underline one statement you made in that list you just gave. If your parents\u2014the people who know you best\u2014if they are not for this thing, <em>time out<\/em>! It is time to take a deep breath, take a step back\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and ask God to begin to break through the fuzziness and the fog because if you get married and you don\u2019t have their blessing\u2014if your dad is walking you down the aisle and, as he walks you down the aisle, he whispers to you, \u201cSweetheart, I just want you to know I think this is going to be a big mistake,\u201d\u2014you just need to know they may be able to see\u2014I\u2019m not saying that they see 20\/20. I\u2019m not saying that they\u2019re God; but I counsel couples, from an engagement standpoint, to be very careful not to go against their parents. Back up\u2014find out what the cautions are and what the concerns are, see if they can be addressed, see if they can be alleviated\u2014then, move forward.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019re talking about a principle. This is not a hard and fast, \u201cThus saith the Lord.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It\u2019s not in the Scriptures, but the Scriptures do tell us\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cHonor your father and your mother.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014in the Ten Commandments, it says, \u201cHonor your father and your mother.\u201d That means to give them <em>weight<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Give them a word into your life. Listen carefully to what they\u2019re saying. But the problem, though\u2014it is back to what you are saying, Gary\u2014the \u201cstupid love\u201d comes up, like a filter; and they go: \u201cThey can\u2019t be right. This can\u2019t be true.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Well, here\u2019s the thing\u2014and a statistic that would protect a lot of married men, who might be happening to listen to this, because married men can become infatuated, too. Eighty-seven percent of men, who cheat on their wives, want to go back, after the affair is over. They don\u2019t realize the power of infatuation or that it fades. If you know there\u2019s a nine out of ten chance that you\u2019re going to wake up one day and say, \u201cI have just made the biggest mistake of my life.\u201d You\u2019ll learn: \u201cLook! This infatuation is stupid, and I\u2019m vulnerable. The worst thing I could do is act on it.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I looked at a married man, in the eye\u2014who was having an affair\u2014who was gripped by these emotions you are talking about\u2014no matter how much I smiled, and loved on him, and let him know I was<em> for<\/em> him, while I kicked his tail, he couldn\u2019t hear me. He couldn\u2019t hear me. The carrot\u2014hanging out in front\u2014was so powerful\u2014it overruled all logic\u2014all rationale.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things I didn\u2019t mention\u2014back when we started FamilyLife in 1976\u2014was all of these engaged couples\u2014 or those thinking about engagement\u2014would come to our conferences. A lot of them got married; and then, they wanted to come back, a year later or two years later. We let a few of them in the door because it was primarily a marriage preparation conference, at that point. When they came to the conference, do you know what they said, Gary? They said: \u201cMan! You really changed this thing in the past year or so!\u201d [Laughter] Well, you know what happened!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Yes; right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> The fog was lifted; reality had set in. Now, they were beginning to hear, for the first time, the biblical blueprints for <em>why<\/em> you should get married\u2014back to the point of your book\u2014and how you go about doing marriage. That really is what you\u2019re trying to do and what you\u2019ve written here\u2014calling people to build their house on the rock of Jesus Christ and not just make an emotional decision. We\u2019re not talking about denying your emotions. We\u2019re just encouraging you not to be drug around, by the nape of your neck, by your emotions. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> You\u2019re absolutely right, Dennis. I think it\u2019s important to point out again\u2014it\u2019s not that romantic infatuation is a bad thing. It\u2019s possible to become infatuated with someone who\u2019s very good marriage-material. You\u2019re just not marrying them for that reason. It\u2019s not like sexual chemistry doesn\u2019t matter. If the thought of having sexual relations with someone makes you want to throw up, you really shouldn\u2019t marry them. It\u2019s just that those things have to be put under a greater pursuit. That\u2019s what we need to talk about. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s not that those things are negative or that they don\u2019t count. It\u2019s just that we make those things the driver of why we get married, and that\u2019s where couples run into trouble. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And you tell people that when you meet, and you start to date, and you start to fall in love, it\u2019s like somebody turns over an hourglass.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Yes; yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Explain that metaphor.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Well, it\u2019s about 12-18 months that normal infatuation will last. It\u2019s different for every person\u2014it depends on your self-esteem, your sense of security, your family of origin\u2014but they\u2019ve even shown, under neurological scopes, that infatuation, for instance, at fourteen months is demonstrably different than infatuation at six months.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019re going through a rather predictable neurological state. I\u2019m not trying to take the romance out of it, but it\u2019s just real. It\u2019s wonderful, but it changes. Eventually, it fades; and it can\u2019t hold the marriage together. So, the foolish thing to do is to marry for something that only will last a matter of months.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> You need to marry for something that will take you through decades.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is where you wish you could talk to every engaged couple and say: \u201cDo yourself a favor. Before you get married, go to a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway. After you get married, go back again,\u201d because before you get married, it\u2019s going to give you an opportunity to think about the challenges that are ahead in marriage. Then, after you\u2019ve been married, it gives you an opportunity to make some of the adjustments that you didn\u2019t anticipate you were going to have to make, prior to getting married.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe still have a number of our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaways happening, in cities around the country, this spring. If you go to FamilyLifeToday.com, there\u2019s a link there that will take you to a page where you can get all the information about where and when these events are being hosted this spring and, then, into the fall. If you\u2019ve never been to a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>, let me encourage you to do that. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click on the link for the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway, and join us at one of these upcoming weekends.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019re single, get a copy of Gary Thomas\u2019s book called <em>The Sacred Search<\/em>. We have it in our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Resource Center. It\u2019s a great book for singles or for engaged couples to read. In fact, I gave a copy to an engaged couple I know, who happen to be members of my family. I said to my son, \u201cYou ought to read through this with your fianc\u00e9e, as you guys get ready to get married.\u201d So, again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com to get a copy of <em>The Sacred Search <\/em>by Gary Thomas. You can order it from us online or you can order by calling 1-800-FL-TODAY: 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, you have heard me mention, undoubtedly, over the last couple of weeks, the matching-gift fund that was established for us, during the month of May. As it turns out, there were a couple of families\u2014who we had not heard from until late in this process\u2014who got in touch with us and said, \u201cWe want to add to that matching gift-fund.\u201d I\u2019ve been telling you that our matching-gift fund was capped at $576,000. Actually, the total amount available is now $603,000. Again, that\u2019s very generous; but it means we need as many of our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>listeners, as possible, to make an online donation at FamilyLifeToday.com or call 1-800-FL-TODAY and make a donation over the phone. These donations are going to help us get through the summer if we see a shortfall in donations, as we sometimes do during the summer. This will help us fill in some of those gaps.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re hoping that you will help us out like that. Make your donation, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Please continue to pray for us that we would be able to take full advantage of this matching-gift opportunity. If you can join us, we\u2019d love to have you be part of the <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>team here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can be back with us again tomorrow. We\u2019re going to continue talking about singles and marriage. We\u2019re going to talk about how aggressive a single person ought to be in terms of pursuing a mate. We\u2019ll talk more about that tomorrow. I hope you can be here for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Phil Krause, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2013 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["23.65M"],"filesize_raw":["24798140"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-302736.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-302736.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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it true love or infatuation?","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-05-13.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 As a single person, have you ever had that seemingly instant, hyper-powerful attraction to somebody else\u2014comes on in a moment and within days\u2014you\u2019re convinced this is your soul mate\u2014the person you should marry? Author Gary Thomas says experts have a name for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> They call it \u201cstupid love\u201d. They just won\u2019t listen to you. But if they would, I would say: \u201cJust give it time to pass. Don\u2019t bet your life on marrying someone who you don\u2019t really know. Listen to your parents. Ask your friends. Ask your pastors. Listen to them. Recognize that you\u2019re vulnerable and stupid. It\u2019s not like infatuation is wrong\u2014God created it, and it is fun; but we just have to be <em>responsible<\/em> in the midst of it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, May 13<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We\u2019re not here to pour cold water on your infatuation. We just want to inject a little wisdom into the process; okay? So, stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>Thanks for joining us. I want you to think all the way back to the days when you were single. Do you remember those days?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I can\u2019t. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You can\u2019t remember? [Laughter] Richard Nixon was in the White House\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I can remember; I can remember.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If you could go back\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> The hunt! It was the time of the hunt!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If you could go back and redo the hunt, knowing what you know now\u2014not that you would come up with a different\u2014I was going to say a different \u201cprey,\u201d but that\u2019s not really the metaphor we want in this situation\u2014not that you would come up with a different\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Catch; catch!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes\u2014not that you would come up with a different <em>catch<\/em>\u2014but that you would do the hunting a little differently. Do you think you might make some modifications in how you hunted? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Come on, Bob. [Laughter] Of course, I would! Of course, I would. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We pride ourselves on authenticity, here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Of course, I would. I have learned a few things in the 40 years we\u2019ve been married. Here, on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, just the privilege we\u2019ve had\u2014like we have today\u2014of interviewing somebody who\u2019s really done a tremendous amount of study and brings to the table a lot of wisdom. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, let me introduce our guest today. Let\u2019s get him in on this discussion. Gary Thomas joins us again. Gary, welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Thank you, Dennis.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Gary is a prolific writer. He\u2019s on the teaching team at Second Baptist Church in Houston, Texas. I don\u2019t know how many books he\u2019s written, but I know they\u2019re sacred. [Laughter] They\u2019re all sacred\u2014every one of them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019ve got <em>Sacred Marriage<\/em>\u2014you\u2019ve got <em>Sacred Parenting<\/em>\u2014you\u2019ve got\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And I think John Eldridge actually wrote one. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> He stole one!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> He stole one out of Gary\u2019s files, I think. This one\u2019s called <em>The Sacred Search.<\/em> When I saw this, I said, \u201cYou know, I\u2019m really glad you wrote this book!\u201d I want to begin with the subtitle underneath the title of the book: <em>What If It\u2019s Not About Who You Marry, but Why? <\/em>I would have to say here, Bob, that when Barbara and I dated, this was a big deal to us. We did think about: \u201cWhy are we marrying? What\u2019s this about?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is more than just two people getting their needs met\u2014or trying to get their needs met. This is about some higher purpose\u2014some more noble mission than just a self-centered man and woman marching to the altar. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Gary, you think that question is at the crux of what singles ought to be wrestling with; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Absolutely! Dennis, I think you\u2019re <em>very<\/em> unusual in asking that question. I\u2019ve found that most Christians get married for largely the same reason as non-Christians.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Sure they do!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Sexual chemistry, romantic infatuation, perceived relational compatibility\u2014\u201cWhat will make me happiest?\u201d They really think the \u201cWhy?\u201d of marriage is to share an infatuation\u2014that we know can\u2019t last. Here\u2019s why I think the \u201cWhy?\u201d is so important\u2014the job defines the person who\u2019s qualified.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf I want somebody to replace my toilet, there are some friends I would call and some friends I wouldn\u2019t let near my plumbing. [Laughter] If I wanted a lawyer, I have a couple of friends\u2014they would be the first ones I would call because they\u2019re <em>great<\/em> lawyers. If I wanted somebody to review a sermon or a book, I\u2019d call my friend Kevin, out in California. So, the \u201cWhy?\u201d of the job\u2014what you\u2019re hoping to accomplish\u2014really determines who the best person is. If we don\u2019t ask the \u201cWhy?\u201d question first, focusing on the \u201cwho\u201d doesn\u2019t make much sense. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Dennis can help you with the sermon or the book\u2014but the toilet? Forget it! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I don\u2019t think you would call either Bob or me to work on your toilet.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> How many times do you have to wrap the toilet with duct tape to get it to stop leaking? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes, it\u2019s all the gray tape that you have to put in place after you\u2019ve completely fouled the whole thing up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet\u2019s step back and talk about singles today. You\u2019re a pastor of a giant church\u2014it has how many hundred thousand members, down there in Houston?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> We just passed 60,000.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Now, I\u2019m \u201cwriter in residence\u201d as a pastor. Dr. Ed Young, of course, is the Senior Pastor.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Of course. But you\u2019re relating to a lot of singles, there in the church and around the country. What are you observing, today, about singles today, who are in and around the church?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> I think there may be more confusion today about getting married than in just about any generation I\u2019ve seen in this church. The universal frustration I hear with young women is that boys are being so passive. They\u2019re saying, \u201cWhat do I have to do to get noticed?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that some of us older men, with daughters that age, are looking at these incredibly godly, beautiful, accomplished, character-driven young women; and we\u2019re saying, \u201cGuys, what is it going to take for you to decide that you want to step up and get married?\u201d I think that\u2019s a big issue we have to face. I don\u2019t know if they\u2019ve seen so many difficult marriages that they\u2019re thinking, \u201cI\u2019m not sure I want to go down that road.\u201d I don\u2019t know if they\u2019re just trying to prolong\u2014\u201cI don\u2019t want to miss out on the single experience.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You said it is confusion. Then, you described it as, \u201cHere are godly women, waiting to get married; and guys who won\u2019t get off the dime.\u201d Is that the picture?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> I think that has been the case for many women in that case.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> What I\u2019m trying to do here is give a new vision for just how good a good marriage can be. We just married a couple this past fall. My wife and I got together with them this past week. Here, you see a man who is becoming the man God created him to be. He got married later in life\u2014he\u2019s in his forties. You just see what the love of a woman, and being chosen by a woman, and having to step up\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> She\u2019s been through several crises. Her mom died afterwards. Afterwards, we were just talking about: \u201cMan, look at what has happened to Carl! Marriage has done so much for him in such a little time.\u201d That\u2019s the promise\u2014a good marriage can do wonderful things! The threat, though, that we\u2019ve also seen, a bad marriage can pull people down like nothing else.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It creates a lot of hopelessness. If I could, I\u2019d like to add one thing I\u2019m seeing among the singles today. I see a lot of fear. It was there a couple of decades\u2014three decades ago\u2014as the culture of divorce began to set in; but we\u2019ve now seen the culture of divorce set up shop. I think some are genuinely terrified. They wonder, \u201cCan this thing be done?\u201d It\u2019s why they\u2019ve given up on marriage and many are cohabiting today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You start the book by recounting a conversation you had with a pastor. If <em>he\u2019s a pastor<\/em>, and this is where <em>he is<\/em>, it\u2019s no wonder people are thinking, \u201cI don\u2019t know if I want to get married.\u201d What did he tell you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> That pastor said his marriage constituted the biggest cross of his life. He was committed to it. He knew it was the right thing to do, but it was like a burden that was on his back. The spontaneous tears that came out were just testimony to the fact that marriage really can drag you down if you enter into it unwisely. If you go into it with your eyes wide-open\u2014I think, if you go into it with the wisdom of Scripture and the wisdom of people who have been through that\u2014you can recognize: \u201cWhat is the \u2018Why?\u2019 of marriage?\u201d and, \u201cHow will that help me choose a wiser \u2018who\u2019?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. And, Gary, you may not know this, about FamilyLife; but it actually was started as a marriage preparation ministry because of this following story. Dr. Howard Hendricks was speaking at the U.S. Congress on the Family in St. Louis in 1975. Three staff members from Campus Crusade for Christ (now Cru) were seated in the audience and heard him make this statement\u2014he said, \u201cIn Dallas, Texas, if you want to become a garbage collector, it takes three weeks of intensive training; but if you want to get married, about all you\u2019ve got to do is stand before the pastor or the Justice of the Peace and grunt, and you\u2019re in!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe called the Christian community, at that point, in 1975, to say, \u201cWe, as the Church, as the guardian of the marriage covenant, must take responsibility for taking two single people\u2014who have stars in their eyes and all kinds of warm fuzzies\u2014and we must take them and engage them in a marriage preparation course that equips them\u2014not merely to be married\u2014but to do marriage and to do it God\u2019s way.\u201d FamilyLife was started, a year later, in 1976, as a response to that statement. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Here\u2019s the interesting thing\u2014and we\u2019ve seen this all the way through, at our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaways. When we\u2019re working with single people, thinking about marriage\u2014infatuation\u2014the romantic love that\u2019s taking place in a period before marriage\u2014is kind of like a mild sedative toward wisdom. You know what I mean? It\u2019s like you can\u2019t get wisdom past the infatuation. As much as you try to help people go in, with their eyes wide-open, they\u2019ve been in some kind of a mildly sedated state until they get married. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> I\u2019ve told the singles at Second Baptist, \u201cWhen you become infatuated, it\u2019s not your fault; but you need to know that you\u2019re vulnerable and stupid.\u201d It does those two things. It makes you vulnerable; it makes you stupid. [Laughter] You can have a PhD, and you can act in a stupid way. I tell them: \u201cJust tell your friends: \u2018Look, I\u2019m vulnerable. I might say some stupid things. I might do some stupid things. I just want you to know, on record, just as sort of a preventative of acting that way,\u2019\u201d because it is so intoxicating\u2014it\u2019s more powerful than cocaine. In fact, there\u2019s been a neurological study\u2014and this will shock younger people\u2014neurologically, it\u2019s more difficult to control a romantic, emotional infatuation than it is to control the physical, sexual drive.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Amazing! In fact, Bob, you\u2019ll remember, that a number of years ago, we interviewed a famous author\u2014was he in his seventies? \u2014who had come in here, and he had just gotten remarried. His wife had died after, I don\u2019t know, 40 or 45 years; and he had gotten remarried. He was talking about how\u2014even as a man, in his sixties and seventies\u2014how he was <em>smitten<\/em> by this neurological, hostile takeover of the hormones and what happens at that point. So, it\u2019s very important. You\u2019ve got to have a game plan to step back and have some wise coaching. Otherwise, you\u2019re susceptible, as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Here\u2019s what you\u2019re susceptible to\u2014again, neurologists would use a term they call the \u201cidealization\u201d of the partner. When you are infatuated, you\u2019re relating to somebody who <em>doesn\u2019t<\/em> exist.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> That\u2019s why singles are vulnerable. You see strengths that aren\u2019t really there because you assume that what they\u2019re doing is out of good character. Everybody around can see that that might be self-serving\u2014you just make it a virtue. You miss weaknesses that everybody else can see\u2014that you are excusing: \u201cHe doesn\u2019t have a temper. He\u2019s passionate!\u201d \u201cI don\u2019t think he is chewing someone out. He may be speaking in tongues\u2014he\u2019s a very spiritual man.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou create a man who doesn\u2019t exist by blinding yourself to his faults by creating strengths that aren\u2019t there. How many times have we heard\u2014I know you both have heard this so many times! You\u2019re talking to somebody, who\u2019s been married one or two years, frustrated with their marriage. What do they say? \u201cHe\u2019s not who I thought he was.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> No doubt.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And I love\u2014you\u2019ve got a list, here in your book\u2014of ways to diagnose infatuation to tell whether you have come under the spell\u2014whether you are mildly-sedated or heavily-sedated. You say that: \u201cIf you are infatuated, you focus on your beloved\u2019s better traits. You overlook or minimize the flaws, as you just said. You exhibit extreme energy\u2014hyperactivity, sleeplessness, impulsivity, euphoria, mood swings. [Laughter] Yes, there\u2019s just that romance. One or both of you will develop a goal-oriented fixation on winning the other person. Relational passion is heightened, not weakened, by adversity. So, the more you go through hard times, the more the passion grows.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cYou become emotionally-dependent on the relationship. You reorder your daily priorities to remain in as much contact as is humanly possible. You experience separation anxiety when you\u2019re apart. The empathy is so powerful that you would die for your beloved. You think about that person to an obsessive degree. Then, sexual desire becomes so intense that the relationship becomes marked by extreme possessiveness.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s a person who is going to be anesthetized by their infatuation. They\u2019re going to miss some key things, they ought to be alert to, if they\u2019re going to think about marrying this person.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> You notice that possessiveness and obsessiveness are really the key traits of this. Here\u2019s the thing\u2014neurologically, when you\u2019re infatuated\u2014as you mentioned about one of these traits\u2014you\u2019re so focused on getting and keeping that person that you don\u2019t have any neurological energy left to think: \u201cAre they worth getting? Are they worth keeping?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> It\u2019s just this pursuit\u2014\u201cI\u2019m going to get this done!\u201d\u2014to an obsessive degree. You\u2019re not evaluating\u2014you\u2019re just focusing on winning and keeping.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If you had somebody here, with us, in the studio\u2014a young, 27-year-old male or female\u2014it doesn\u2019t matter which\u2014but you see the look in their eye\u2014you can tell they have this stupor that has taken over them. You\u2019re trying to say: \u201cOkay, look. I know how you feel, but we\u2019ve got to get through\u2014we have to get past your defenses to get some wisdom in here.\u201d What would you do? What would you say to them?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> I\u2019d want to take away a pen\u2014like you take away car keys from a drunk. [Laughter] I don\u2019t want them to sign that marriage license until it passes\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Not just yet!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> \u2014and just try to tell them. Now, I have talked to seasoned, well-experienced counselors, who call it \u201cstupid love\u201d. They say that, basically, you are unable to counsel people, credibly, in that situation. They just won\u2019t listen to you. But if they would, I would say: \u201cJust give it time to pass. Don\u2019t bet your life on marrying someone who you don\u2019t really know. Give it time. These things <em>seem<\/em> to be true for you. Listen to your parents\u2014even if they\u2019re not believers\u2014they usually want what\u2019s best for you. You have an opportunity to just ask them. Ask your friends. Ask your pastors. Listen to them. Recognize that you are vulnerable and stupid.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cIf you recognize that you\u2019re vulnerable and stupid\u2014it is like someone recognizing they\u2019re inebriated\u2014you don\u2019t make business decisions. You don\u2019t drive a car. You learn to protect yourself. It\u2019s not like infatuation is wrong\u2014God created it, and it is fun. It\u2019s ecstatic; but we just have to be responsible, in the midst of it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I just want to underline one statement you made in that list you just gave. If your parents\u2014the people who know you best\u2014if they are not for this thing, <em>time out<\/em>! It is time to take a deep breath, take a step back\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and ask God to begin to break through the fuzziness and the fog because if you get married and you don\u2019t have their blessing\u2014if your dad is walking you down the aisle and, as he walks you down the aisle, he whispers to you, \u201cSweetheart, I just want you to know I think this is going to be a big mistake,\u201d\u2014you just need to know they may be able to see\u2014I\u2019m not saying that they see 20\/20. I\u2019m not saying that they\u2019re God; but I counsel couples, from an engagement standpoint, to be very careful not to go against their parents. Back up\u2014find out what the cautions are and what the concerns are, see if they can be addressed, see if they can be alleviated\u2014then, move forward.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019re talking about a principle. This is not a hard and fast, \u201cThus saith the Lord.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It\u2019s not in the Scriptures, but the Scriptures do tell us\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cHonor your father and your mother.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014in the Ten Commandments, it says, \u201cHonor your father and your mother.\u201d That means to give them <em>weight<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Give them a word into your life. Listen carefully to what they\u2019re saying. But the problem, though\u2014it is back to what you are saying, Gary\u2014the \u201cstupid love\u201d comes up, like a filter; and they go: \u201cThey can\u2019t be right. This can\u2019t be true.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Well, here\u2019s the thing\u2014and a statistic that would protect a lot of married men, who might be happening to listen to this, because married men can become infatuated, too. Eighty-seven percent of men, who cheat on their wives, want to go back, after the affair is over. They don\u2019t realize the power of infatuation or that it fades. If you know there\u2019s a nine out of ten chance that you\u2019re going to wake up one day and say, \u201cI have just made the biggest mistake of my life.\u201d You\u2019ll learn: \u201cLook! This infatuation is stupid, and I\u2019m vulnerable. The worst thing I could do is act on it.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I looked at a married man, in the eye\u2014who was having an affair\u2014who was gripped by these emotions you are talking about\u2014no matter how much I smiled, and loved on him, and let him know I was<em> for<\/em> him, while I kicked his tail, he couldn\u2019t hear me. He couldn\u2019t hear me. The carrot\u2014hanging out in front\u2014was so powerful\u2014it overruled all logic\u2014all rationale.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things I didn\u2019t mention\u2014back when we started FamilyLife in 1976\u2014was all of these engaged couples\u2014 or those thinking about engagement\u2014would come to our conferences. A lot of them got married; and then, they wanted to come back, a year later or two years later. We let a few of them in the door because it was primarily a marriage preparation conference, at that point. When they came to the conference, do you know what they said, Gary? They said: \u201cMan! You really changed this thing in the past year or so!\u201d [Laughter] Well, you know what happened!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Yes; right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> The fog was lifted; reality had set in. Now, they were beginning to hear, for the first time, the biblical blueprints for <em>why<\/em> you should get married\u2014back to the point of your book\u2014and how you go about doing marriage. That really is what you\u2019re trying to do and what you\u2019ve written here\u2014calling people to build their house on the rock of Jesus Christ and not just make an emotional decision. We\u2019re not talking about denying your emotions. We\u2019re just encouraging you not to be drug around, by the nape of your neck, by your emotions. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> You\u2019re absolutely right, Dennis. I think it\u2019s important to point out again\u2014it\u2019s not that romantic infatuation is a bad thing. It\u2019s possible to become infatuated with someone who\u2019s very good marriage-material. You\u2019re just not marrying them for that reason. It\u2019s not like sexual chemistry doesn\u2019t matter. If the thought of having sexual relations with someone makes you want to throw up, you really shouldn\u2019t marry them. It\u2019s just that those things have to be put under a greater pursuit. That\u2019s what we need to talk about. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s not that those things are negative or that they don\u2019t count. It\u2019s just that we make those things the driver of why we get married, and that\u2019s where couples run into trouble. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And you tell people that when you meet, and you start to date, and you start to fall in love, it\u2019s like somebody turns over an hourglass.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Yes; yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Explain that metaphor.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Well, it\u2019s about 12-18 months that normal infatuation will last. It\u2019s different for every person\u2014it depends on your self-esteem, your sense of security, your family of origin\u2014but they\u2019ve even shown, under neurological scopes, that infatuation, for instance, at fourteen months is demonstrably different than infatuation at six months.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019re going through a rather predictable neurological state. I\u2019m not trying to take the romance out of it, but it\u2019s just real. It\u2019s wonderful, but it changes. Eventually, it fades; and it can\u2019t hold the marriage together. So, the foolish thing to do is to marry for something that only will last a matter of months.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> You need to marry for something that will take you through decades.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is where you wish you could talk to every engaged couple and say: \u201cDo yourself a favor. Before you get married, go to a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway. After you get married, go back again,\u201d because before you get married, it\u2019s going to give you an opportunity to think about the challenges that are ahead in marriage. Then, after you\u2019ve been married, it gives you an opportunity to make some of the adjustments that you didn\u2019t anticipate you were going to have to make, prior to getting married.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe still have a number of our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaways happening, in cities around the country, this spring. If you go to FamilyLifeToday.com, there\u2019s a link there that will take you to a page where you can get all the information about where and when these events are being hosted this spring and, then, into the fall. If you\u2019ve never been to a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>, let me encourage you to do that. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click on the link for the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway, and join us at one of these upcoming weekends.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019re single, get a copy of Gary Thomas\u2019s book called <em>The Sacred Search<\/em>. We have it in our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Resource Center. It\u2019s a great book for singles or for engaged couples to read. In fact, I gave a copy to an engaged couple I know, who happen to be members of my family. I said to my son, \u201cYou ought to read through this with your fianc\u00e9e, as you guys get ready to get married.\u201d So, again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com to get a copy of <em>The Sacred Search <\/em>by Gary Thomas. You can order it from us online or you can order by calling 1-800-FL-TODAY: 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, you have heard me mention, undoubtedly, over the last couple of weeks, the matching-gift fund that was established for us, during the month of May. As it turns out, there were a couple of families\u2014who we had not heard from until late in this process\u2014who got in touch with us and said, \u201cWe want to add to that matching gift-fund.\u201d I\u2019ve been telling you that our matching-gift fund was capped at $576,000. Actually, the total amount available is now $603,000. Again, that\u2019s very generous; but it means we need as many of our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>listeners, as possible, to make an online donation at FamilyLifeToday.com or call 1-800-FL-TODAY and make a donation over the phone. These donations are going to help us get through the summer if we see a shortfall in donations, as we sometimes do during the summer. This will help us fill in some of those gaps.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re hoping that you will help us out like that. Make your donation, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Please continue to pray for us that we would be able to take full advantage of this matching-gift opportunity. If you can join us, we\u2019d love to have you be part of the <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>team here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can be back with us again tomorrow. We\u2019re going to continue talking about singles and marriage. We\u2019re going to talk about how aggressive a single person ought to be in terms of pursuing a mate. We\u2019ll talk more about that tomorrow. I hope you can be here for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Phil Krause, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2013 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/302736","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=302736"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=302736"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=302736"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=302736"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=302736"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=302736"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=302736"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}