{"id":302726,"date":"2013-04-30T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2013-04-30T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/purposeful-parenting\/"},"modified":"2013-04-30T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2013-04-30T15:00:00","slug":"purposeful-parenting","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/purposeful-parenting\/","title":{"rendered":"Purposeful Parenting"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Susan Merrill talks to moms about cultivating patience.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-04-30.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"21.15M","filesize_raw":"22172268","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2838],"tags":[4881,4500,5048],"podcast_series":[7942],"cwp_profile":[3205],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302726","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mothers","tag-being-a-mom","tag-moms","tag-motherhood","podcast_series-the-passionate-mom","cwp_profile-susan-merrill","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302726\/purposeful-parenting","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302726\/purposeful-parenting","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"pfuqaxR3oq\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/purposeful-parenting\/\">Purposeful Parenting<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/purposeful-parenting\/embed\/#?secret=pfuqaxR3oq\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Purposeful Parenting&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"pfuqaxR3oq\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-04-30.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-04-30.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> As a mom, do you need to back off a little bit? Susan Merrill says a part of the art of motherhood is knowing when you need to be engaged and when you need to let your children do life on their own. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> I think we see this a lot\u2014even in just homework\u2014and I have failed at this. You\u2019re so\u2014you want them to be done. They\u2019ve got to get in bed. You do it for them because you are impatient for them to go to bed. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, as moms, it\u2019s really hard not to do that for your kids because they are born to you, helpless. You\u2019re used to doing everything for them. You\u2019ve failed to recognize, \u201cOkay, they are growing into little people and that the Holy Spirit can work in them.\u201d Let Him do that instead of you trying to fix them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, April 30<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. One of the things every mom needs to learn is when to be a wall to protect your children and when to be a gate to let them experience what life is all about. We\u2019ll talk more about that with Susan Merrill today. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. So, were there more walls or gates at your house when your kids were growing up? [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, maybe we should have our guest on today\u2019s program explain the difference between\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> A wall and a gate? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014a wall and a gate. Susan Merrill joins us again on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Welcome back, Susan. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Thank you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> What\u2019s the difference between a wall and a gate? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Okay. The wall is really the mom. The mom is the wall. So, it\u2019s building <em>you<\/em> to be a strong protection for your child. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEvery January, I kind of choose something to study. As I read Nehemiah, I just got excited because I could relate to him. He was passionate about the Israelites the way I am passionate about my children. The people were in trouble because the wall was broken down and the gates were burned. He knew that meant danger to them\u2014physical danger. We all get that, as parents. We do not want our children to be physically in danger; but Nehemiah had another concern, and that was the wall protected the temple. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, where does God reside today?\u2014in us. So, the temple is our bodies. Well, what wall is protecting the little temples or potential little temples? We have to be that wall. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And the gate? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> And the gates are opportunities for your child to go out into the world, with privileges, and see if they\u2019re ready to do it. So, you open the gate. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s like when you have a child. Your child goes into your arms. They can\u2019t move without you. When they are a toddler, they don\u2019t really leave a room\u2014they can\u2019t even reach the door knob without you. Then, they get a little bit older, and you let them in the backyard. They don\u2019t go out the gate without you. When they go to school or a friend\u2019s house, they are watched as tykes. Then, you know, in teens, they start\u2014the gates get a little wider. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, I have a practical question for you; and that is: \u201cLet\u2019s say you have a ten-year-old daughter. She comes home; and she says: \u2018Mommy, Ruthie is having a sleep-over at her house on Friday night. Can I go?\u2019 Do you open the gate? How do you know\u2014whether you open the gate or not\u2014with your ten-year-old?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Well, here\u2019s where you would have had to been perceptive about how your child handled similar situations that might be leading up to that. Like, have they been to birthday parties alone that were just an hour? If they did, how did you set that up? Did you go and meet the mother first? Did you talk to the mother? Do you know these people? <br><br>I always ask my children: \u201cDo you like this family? What do you like about their family? What do you like about this child?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I\u2019ll bet you actually went to some of those birthday parties and just watched. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Oh, yes! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s what walls do; isn\u2019t it? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Exactly; if your child wants to go somewhere with another child\u2014call the mom\u2014offer to drive. Don\u2019t send your daughter up to the door to pick up the child. You go up to the door\u2014introduce yourself to that mom. You have to build your mom- network. Then, I always say\u2014when you\u2019re done and you\u2019ve brought the child home\u2014maybe, you took them to the zoo or wherever\u2014you walk the child up again and give that mom a compliment about their child. You will win friends. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you make it a point to connect and: \u201cI really enjoyed having your daughter. Her manners are so good. I love that our girls are friends. I\u2019d love to have you over,\u201d\u2014it is hospitality. You want to be hospitable with the parents of your children\u2019s friends. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We should explain why our guest knows so much about being a mom and\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, she gives leadership to iMOM.com<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, which really wants to come alongside moms\u2014encourage them, provide them with daily tips and reminders about being a mom. You\u2019re a mom of five children, yourself. You\u2019ve been married to Mark Merrill for 24 years. He heads up Family First<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. You\u2019ve just completed a book called <em>The Passionate Mom<\/em>, and you\u2019re all about alliteration in this book\u2014lots of \u201cP\u2019s\u201d. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Lots of \u201cP\u2019s.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Lots of \u201cP\u2019s\u201d around the wall. The one that I think is in short supply, in a lot of moms\u2019 lives today, is the one we\u2019re going to start out with today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Okay. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It\u2019s the \u201cP\u201d of patience. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Patience, yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You think a mom should be patient. You\u2019re really\u2014this is really stepping on some toes, at this point, undoubtedly\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014because I don\u2019t know anything that tests the patience of a human being more than a child does, especially the mother. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Susan<\/strong>: Well, and in the book, I start with a big, fat confession. This is in my top-three list of failures\u2014is being patient. You\u2019d think\u2014I\u2019ve had so many great lessons from God. You\u2019d think I would have learned to master this, but it\u2019s just really tough. I say: \u201cPatience is like my car keys. They are lost and found in the strangest places.\u201d I mean, sometimes I have it; and sometimes I don\u2019t. You never know where it\u2019s going to show up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You had to cultivate patience. A couple of your kids dealt with loss in their past by not always telling you the truth; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Yes; yes. I have two children that I adopted\u2014older. They were raised in Russia\u2014in a remote area, in a very difficult situation\u2014and learned to really cope by lying. So, that created a little three-ringed circus in our house when we got them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> What do mean they coped by lying\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Well\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014because I don\u2019t think you have to grow up in an orphanage in Russia\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Right, that\u2019s true. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We had some little liars, at certain ages, with our kids, as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Yes. They had learned really to distrust adults. So, they made things happen their own way in the way that they saw that was right for them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> They just manufactured the reality they wanted. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Susan:<\/strong> Exactly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Exactly. And then, it didn\u2019t even matter, sometimes, if they hadn\u2019t done something wrong. If they were put on the spot, their defense was to lie, even if it wasn\u2019t anything wrong. It was just a mechanism, I guess. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, how did you deal with that, as a mom, because you want to be able to trust your kids? Sometimes, you don\u2019t know if they\u2019re telling you the truth or not. You\u2019re suspicious, but you don\u2019t have proof. What did you do? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> It was really hard because with five kids there\u2019s lots of wiggle room there. It could have been anybody. In this one situation\u2014I talk about in the book\u2014it was really tough because I really knew that, in my heart, that she had done this\u2014but especially, with adopted kids\u2014that you adopt older\u2014you don\u2019t want to always be coming down on them and suspecting. You\u2019re trying to build a relationship. So, it\u2019s really hard to build the relationship and also maintain discipline and accountability. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>So, in this one situation, I was not patient. I was trying to solve it on my own. It was creating havoc\u2014what she was doing\u2014and I couldn\u2019t figure it out. I couldn\u2019t catch her in it, and I was really stressing myself out. I was being impatient. I was anxious. I got to the end of the rope. I talked about this earlier. I literally was dreading picking them up from carpool, where the whole cycle would begin again. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI lay down, and I was still, and I just prayed: \u201cLord, I have tried to figure this out. I have been impatient with it. I am wrong. I know you have a plan for this in our family. I know You will bring it to an end when You want.\u201d That\u2019s when I got this idea\u2014just from being still\u2014is that I was going to send her to her room, and tell her that I knew she had done something wrong, and she needed to write it down. When she had written it down, she could come downstairs and show it to me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAll of a sudden, when I finally relinquished my control and patiently waited for God, He revealed all kinds of things in the next three days because the burden was then on her to produce the truth instead of the burden being on me to find the truth. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> She wrote a long list\u2014a confessional list. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Many lists. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> As you were writing about this in your book, I couldn\u2019t help but think of the need moms have to understand the ministry of the Holy Spirit. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> If you think about Galatians, Chapter 5, and how Paul said, \u201cThe deeds of the flesh are evident.\u201d He talks about all these nasty things that we do when we get full of ourselves and we don\u2019t allow God to be God in our lives. They\u2019re all natural; but it says, \u201cThe fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience\u2014\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Patience. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Patience. And I don\u2019t think we often enough call moms and dads\u2014or for that matter, just friends\u2014to rethink and reapply who the Holy Spirit is and what He came to do in our inner most being. He came to produce mature fruit in our lives. The fruit won\u2019t occur immediately. It won\u2019t be an instant love, instant joy, instant peace, patience. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut over time, if you do what you\u2019re talking about\u2014and as I listen to your story, what you said was: \u201cI relinquished. I gave up.\u201d You said, \u201cOkay, God, I\u2019m not going to fix this. I\u2019m going to see what You can do.\u201d At that point, as God produced patience in your life, He had a chance to work in your daughter\u2019s life. I wonder, many times, if we don\u2019t short-circuit the process with our kids by trying to be God in their lives and fix everything immediately. We\u2019re missing a real opportunity, in our own lives, to grow and to mature. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> I think we see this a lot\u2014even in just homework\u2014and I have failed at this. You want them to be done. They\u2019ve got to be in bed, and you do it for them because you are impatient for them to go to bed. I think, as moms, it\u2019s really hard not to do that for your kids because they\u2019re born to you, helpless. You\u2019re used to doing everything for them. You fail to recognize, \u201cOkay, they are growing into little people, and that the Holy Spirit can work in them.\u201d Let Him do that instead of you trying to fix them. It\u2019s really hard, as a mother, to start pulling back on that and allowing God to do it in them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Let me ask you how that story ended. When your daughter finally came down with the long list of things she had done, did that mean she was grounded for life? I mean, how did you respond to that confession on her part? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Well, she had already been in her room for three days. I just thanked her for the truth. I laid all the papers on the table. I said: \u201cThis is a lot that I knew was going on. It\u2019s really important for me to know, as the mom. It\u2019s really important for you to understand, that when you lie like this, it wreaks havoc on the whole family; and it\u2019s not fair. You wouldn\u2019t want <em>me<\/em> to do that to <em>you<\/em>.\u201d So, there wasn\u2019t a huge consequence at the end of that or anything. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> But it was a spiritual breakthrough. <br><br><strong>Susan:<\/strong> Yes. She became an honest person. I didn\u2019t always like what she said, going forward, because she was already at a more rebellious stage; but I appreciated that she had learned to be honest. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, and I think what you did was important for this reason\u2014when she confessed\u2014at some level, you affirmed the goodness of confession\u2014if we do that with our kids\u2014when they tell us the truth\u2014when we say: \u201cThat is good. Thank you!\u201d\u2014and what they did was wrong and has to be dealt with\u2014but when you can affirm the goodness of the confession, it helps them learn to be confessors rather than concealers. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Right; right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And kids are natural concealers. If they\u2019re going to get in trouble, they\u2019re not going to tell you; but if they learn that confession is affirmed, they\u2019ll start to do that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It really brings health; it brings life. That\u2019s what a mom wants in her child\u2019s life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve got to clarify one thing because there is a listener still caught back at the statement you made\u2014you kept your daughter in the room for three days. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Now, what exactly did that look like? I mean, you didn\u2019t shut the door and keep her in the room for three days. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> No, no, no. She had meals with us and went with us wherever we were going; but she wasn\u2019t allowed to go out with friends or that kind of thing. So, she was basically\u2014until she produced the lie that I knew about\u2014which wasn\u2019t the big one. It was a little one. I said, \u201cNo, Honey, there is still more out there.\u201d It was more of an <em>assignment <\/em>for her: \u201cYou need to go finish your assignment. Your assignment was to tell me what you\u2019ve done.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> She was under house-arrest, not in prison\u2014just under house-arrest. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Susan:<\/strong> Yes. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I couldn\u2019t help but smile as you tell the story, though. God loves the prayer of a helpless parent. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Yes, helpless! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And you were helpless\u2014a helpless parent\u2014and He loves to break through, at those moments, if we\u2019ll just relinquish and let Him go to work. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> He did. Well, and I\u2019ll tell you. It caused me such a chuckle because I\u2019d spent so many weeks trying to figure it all out. Things came out that I had no idea had been done! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Some\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> I was like, \u201cThis is very freeing.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I can\u2019t tell you how much I identify with what you are expressing there, as a dad, and for Barbara, as a mom, too. Many of our listeners don\u2019t even know who this person is\u2014but he was an actor, Peter Falk. He was Columbo, and he had a top coat. He would rub his forehead, trying to figure out these detective mysteries. He was like Sherlock Holmes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes\u2014\u201cJust one more thing. I\u2019ve just got one more question;\u201d yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cJust one more question.\u201d And Barbara and I felt like we were Columbo, as parents, who could determine: \u201cWhat\u2019s right?\u201d \u201cWho did it?\u201d \u201cWho\u2019s wrong?\u201d You needed some kind of spiritual DNA testing on the child to figure out what the truth was; but in these moments, when you finally say to God: \u201cGod, look, You know what\u2019s happening here. You know what the truth is. I beseech You. Would You help me?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Yes. And I have to say I\u2019m one of those moms who feels really bad, too. So, I didn\u2019t want to always <em>accuse<\/em>\u2014 especially, my new adopted children of what was going on\u2014but you knew this behavior wasn\u2019t here before. So, it was something\u2014it\u2019s got to be something. It does put a mom in a tight space\u2014to always be accusing. It\u2019s hard. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, Barbara\u2014I\u2019d come home from work, and Barbara would say to me\u2014she\u2019d say, \u201cAll I\u2019ve done today\u201d\u2014\u201cAll I\u2019ve done today is discipline the kids.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Yes, you feel so badly! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You know? Time-out, here! Yes, we spanked our kids. There were spankings. There were, \u201cSend them to their rooms,\u201d\u2014a penalty\u2014but she would just get exhausted. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> It is exhausting. And it pops that pretty bubble in your head of your picture of your family and how you are going to be. You know? We all want that family that\u2019s loving and fun. And when you have days like that, on end, you feel like: \u201cWhat am I doing wrong? Why is this like this?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> There is something else you talk about that I think moms just need to be reminded of here, briefly. You talk about the need for adding the brick of purposeful parenting\u2014being purposeful about what you are building into your child\u2019s life. Explain what you mean by that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Susan:<\/strong> Well, I didn\u2019t have this in the beginning. I mean, I knew what I thought I would want my child to look like; but really, for parents, we don\u2019t sit down\u2014like we would with a job and do strategic planning for the year, or strategic, long-range planning\u2014the ten-year plan. Really, we should. We should have that target we\u2019re shooting for because without the target that we\u2019re shooting for, we have no purpose of what we\u2019re doing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I kind of developed Luke 2:52 as my target. I would like my children \u201cto grow in wisdom, stature, and in favor with God and man.\u201d I kind of broke it into parts, saying: \u201cOkay, so, are they getting wiser? Are they making wise choices? Are they doing well in school? Are they doing this? Physically, are they healthy?\u201d So, it just helped me break it up with each child\u2014and you as\u2014you have a lot of kids. You know, as you add kids, it\u2019s kind of hard to keep track of it all; but I needed the parameters to assess. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. I don\u2019t want to run too fast by Luke 2:52 because I think it\u2019s a great grid for parents to use. Grow in wisdom\u2014skill in everyday living, knowing how to make wise choices, wise friendships\u2014all that. Grow in stature. So, you want their physical bodies to be growing\u2014to be healthy, to be developing. To grow in favor with God\u2014and that is developing spiritual disciplines and a spiritual routine. <br><br>I\u2019ve said to parents, many times, \u201cOur kids know there is a God.\u201d They do! It\u2019s imprinted on their heart. The question is not, \u201cDo they know there is a God?\u201d The question is, \u201cAre they going to yield their lives to that God?\u201d So, growing in favor with God is really learning to depend on, to yield to, to submit to\u2014that His will supersedes their will. That\u2019s growing in favor with God. And then\u2014growing in favor with men\u2014being a good friend, cultivating healthy relationships. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you get those right, as a parent, when a child 16, 18, 21, you\u2019re going to look back and go, \u201cI feel pretty good about where my son or daughter is;\u201d aren\u2019t you? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> You are. And I will say this to moms because I don\u2019t want them to be discouraged, right off the bat, hearing that. I have also had to trust in each of my children in different areas\u2014that maybe they\u2019re not going to be where I want them to be when they leave home\u2014but that God is going to use that in their life\u2014and go back to my life\u2014I wasn\u2019t there in all areas, but everybody grows in paces at a different tempo. I have such different kids, and I just see that. I think moms get anxious, \u201cOh, they are not doing this or that!\u201d Again, it\u2019s allowing God to equip them as He uses things in their lives. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of my children is not healthy. She\u2019s not. She has Addison\u2019s Disease, and she\u2019s going to struggle with that her whole life. Would I have wanted that? No, but God is going to use it in her life. So, that\u2019s just where, as a mom, we have to also let go and not be discouraged if we don\u2019t feel our children\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And our children may not be walking with the Lord like we\u2019d like them to\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Exactly; exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014at different stages in their life. Or they may run off into the wilderness and say: \u201cYou know what? I\u2019m not interested in this.\u201d <br><br><strong>Susan:<\/strong> Exactly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> As parents, we have to continue to be faithful to do what God has called us to do\u2014to pray for them, to ask Him\u2014the One who loves them more than we do\u2014to draw them back, and just stay faithful in that process. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> It is\u2014it is a hard thing for a mom. We\u2019re often under the pile. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I appreciated you\u2014you almost said it under your breath\u2014but I appreciated you saying that you didn\u2019t have a clear purpose when you started out, as a mom. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Oh, no. Yes, absolutely. Part of the reason that\u2014I didn\u2019t plan on writing a book. I give a speech to MOPS mothers, and\u2014my husband heard about it\u2014is that I want moms to know what I didn\u2019t know. I think if they could use some of what I learned\u2014through all the different situations in my children\u2014to assess, and get a picture or ideas of what they can do with their child, they are going to be better\u2014so much better\u2014than I was. That\u2019s really my hope for the book is that it will be that place where they can assess, \u201cWhat am I doing before it is done?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I quote this passage, many times, when we talk about moms. I turn over to Proverbs, Chapter 31. I just love the phrase\u2014it says, \u201cStrength and dignity are her clothing,\u201d speaking of the Proverbs 31 woman, \u201cand she laughs at the time to come.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMoms need to realize that they\u2019re not always going to be herding a bunch of \u201crug rats\u201d and always dealing with human nature that refuses to be conquered by a mom\u2014and they are going to rebel. They\u2019re not always going to do what we ask them to do. But if we\u2019re faithful, as moms and dads, to do what He called us to do, then, it allows God to be God in their lives as they are grown-ups. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I have to say to moms, \u201cYou\u2019re not ever going to stop being a mom.\u201d You need to know that. That is your DNA, and you\u2019re going to worry. I had to correct my mom, as an 80-year-old woman, one time and say: \u201cMom! I\u2019m an adult. Stop worrying about me!\u201d I didn\u2019t realize, at the time, because I didn\u2019t have enough sense, at that point, to realize she was a mother!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Right; right. Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s a part of what it is to be concerned about and kind of fret over and think about how your children are doing, even when they become\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> It\u2019s that passion. It <em>never<\/em> leaves you\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> \u2014as a mom. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, don\u2019t give up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> No. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Keep on preserving because you are performing, I think\u2014it has to be one of the top three jobs in America. If it\u2019s not number one, I don\u2019t know what is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It\u2019s shaping the character, and the conscience, and the soul of the next generation. They\u2019re going to take our place if Christ doesn\u2019t come back. We\u2019re in that relay race. We\u2019ve got to make a good hand-off. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You are so right. If you care about the direction the culture is going, the most important thing you can do is pour into the citizens who are going to be in the culture, a generation from now. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Raise a warrior\u2014a son, or a daughter, or a herd of them\u2014that are going to make a difference in the next generation because, I promise you, the next generation is going to need them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And moms are on the frontline of that, and they need help. They need encouragement. That\u2019s what Susan is providing for them in the book that she\u2019s written, called <em>The Passionate Mom<\/em>. You can go to FamilyLifeToday.com to request your copy. Order from us online\u2014again, at FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014or call and request <em>The Passionate Mom<\/em>. 1-800-FL-TODAY is our toll-free number\u20141-800-358-6329. That\u2019s 1-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we are very appreciative of those of you who get in touch withus, from time to time, to help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. I think most of yourealize the programs you hear on this station\u2014most of them, like <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014are listener- supported. It is folks, like you, who say: \u201cYou know what? That program\u2014that\u2019s something I want to make sure continues\u2014not just for me\u2014but for other listeners, as well.\u201d And you go online, or you give us a call, and you make a donation to make sure that happens. We are grateful to those of you who do that, from time to time\u2014very grateful for our Legacy Partners, who do that on a monthly basis.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd today, if you make a donation to help support the ministry, we\u2019d like to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d by sending you a copy of Tracey Eyster\u2019s book called <em>Be the Mom<\/em>. In it, Tracey talks about some of the traps that moms can routinely fall into. She offers counsel on how to avoid those traps and what to do if you do step in one of them. Again, go to FamiyLifeToday.com. You can click on the button that says, \u201cI CARE\u201d, and make an online donation. We\u2019ll send you a copy of Tracey\u2019s book when you do that, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Make a donation over the phone; and ask for a copy of the book, <em>Be the Mom<\/em>, when you get in touch with us. We appreciate your support, and we\u2019re always happy to hear from you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can join us back again tomorrow. We\u2019ll continue our conversation with Susan Merrill and talk about the important role a mom plays in shaping the lives of the next generation. I hope you can tune in for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2013 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["21.15M"],"filesize_raw":["22172268"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-302726.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-302726.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Merrill talks to moms about cultivating patience.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-04-30.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> As a mom, do you need to back off a little bit? Susan Merrill says a part of the art of motherhood is knowing when you need to be engaged and when you need to let your children do life on their own. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> I think we see this a lot\u2014even in just homework\u2014and I have failed at this. You\u2019re so\u2014you want them to be done. They\u2019ve got to get in bed. You do it for them because you are impatient for them to go to bed. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, as moms, it\u2019s really hard not to do that for your kids because they are born to you, helpless. You\u2019re used to doing everything for them. You\u2019ve failed to recognize, \u201cOkay, they are growing into little people and that the Holy Spirit can work in them.\u201d Let Him do that instead of you trying to fix them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, April 30<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. One of the things every mom needs to learn is when to be a wall to protect your children and when to be a gate to let them experience what life is all about. We\u2019ll talk more about that with Susan Merrill today. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. So, were there more walls or gates at your house when your kids were growing up? [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, maybe we should have our guest on today\u2019s program explain the difference between\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> A wall and a gate? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014a wall and a gate. Susan Merrill joins us again on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Welcome back, Susan. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Thank you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> What\u2019s the difference between a wall and a gate? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Okay. The wall is really the mom. The mom is the wall. So, it\u2019s building <em>you<\/em> to be a strong protection for your child. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEvery January, I kind of choose something to study. As I read Nehemiah, I just got excited because I could relate to him. He was passionate about the Israelites the way I am passionate about my children. The people were in trouble because the wall was broken down and the gates were burned. He knew that meant danger to them\u2014physical danger. We all get that, as parents. We do not want our children to be physically in danger; but Nehemiah had another concern, and that was the wall protected the temple. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, where does God reside today?\u2014in us. So, the temple is our bodies. Well, what wall is protecting the little temples or potential little temples? We have to be that wall. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And the gate? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> And the gates are opportunities for your child to go out into the world, with privileges, and see if they\u2019re ready to do it. So, you open the gate. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s like when you have a child. Your child goes into your arms. They can\u2019t move without you. When they are a toddler, they don\u2019t really leave a room\u2014they can\u2019t even reach the door knob without you. Then, they get a little bit older, and you let them in the backyard. They don\u2019t go out the gate without you. When they go to school or a friend\u2019s house, they are watched as tykes. Then, you know, in teens, they start\u2014the gates get a little wider. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, I have a practical question for you; and that is: \u201cLet\u2019s say you have a ten-year-old daughter. She comes home; and she says: \u2018Mommy, Ruthie is having a sleep-over at her house on Friday night. Can I go?\u2019 Do you open the gate? How do you know\u2014whether you open the gate or not\u2014with your ten-year-old?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Well, here\u2019s where you would have had to been perceptive about how your child handled similar situations that might be leading up to that. Like, have they been to birthday parties alone that were just an hour? If they did, how did you set that up? Did you go and meet the mother first? Did you talk to the mother? Do you know these people? <br><br>I always ask my children: \u201cDo you like this family? What do you like about their family? What do you like about this child?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I\u2019ll bet you actually went to some of those birthday parties and just watched. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Oh, yes! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s what walls do; isn\u2019t it? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Exactly; if your child wants to go somewhere with another child\u2014call the mom\u2014offer to drive. Don\u2019t send your daughter up to the door to pick up the child. You go up to the door\u2014introduce yourself to that mom. You have to build your mom- network. Then, I always say\u2014when you\u2019re done and you\u2019ve brought the child home\u2014maybe, you took them to the zoo or wherever\u2014you walk the child up again and give that mom a compliment about their child. You will win friends. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you make it a point to connect and: \u201cI really enjoyed having your daughter. Her manners are so good. I love that our girls are friends. I\u2019d love to have you over,\u201d\u2014it is hospitality. You want to be hospitable with the parents of your children\u2019s friends. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We should explain why our guest knows so much about being a mom and\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, she gives leadership to iMOM.com<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, which really wants to come alongside moms\u2014encourage them, provide them with daily tips and reminders about being a mom. You\u2019re a mom of five children, yourself. You\u2019ve been married to Mark Merrill for 24 years. He heads up Family First<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. You\u2019ve just completed a book called <em>The Passionate Mom<\/em>, and you\u2019re all about alliteration in this book\u2014lots of \u201cP\u2019s\u201d. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Lots of \u201cP\u2019s.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Lots of \u201cP\u2019s\u201d around the wall. The one that I think is in short supply, in a lot of moms\u2019 lives today, is the one we\u2019re going to start out with today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Okay. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It\u2019s the \u201cP\u201d of patience. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Patience, yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You think a mom should be patient. You\u2019re really\u2014this is really stepping on some toes, at this point, undoubtedly\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014because I don\u2019t know anything that tests the patience of a human being more than a child does, especially the mother. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Susan<\/strong>: Well, and in the book, I start with a big, fat confession. This is in my top-three list of failures\u2014is being patient. You\u2019d think\u2014I\u2019ve had so many great lessons from God. You\u2019d think I would have learned to master this, but it\u2019s just really tough. I say: \u201cPatience is like my car keys. They are lost and found in the strangest places.\u201d I mean, sometimes I have it; and sometimes I don\u2019t. You never know where it\u2019s going to show up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You had to cultivate patience. A couple of your kids dealt with loss in their past by not always telling you the truth; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Yes; yes. I have two children that I adopted\u2014older. They were raised in Russia\u2014in a remote area, in a very difficult situation\u2014and learned to really cope by lying. So, that created a little three-ringed circus in our house when we got them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> What do mean they coped by lying\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Well\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014because I don\u2019t think you have to grow up in an orphanage in Russia\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Right, that\u2019s true. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We had some little liars, at certain ages, with our kids, as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Yes. They had learned really to distrust adults. So, they made things happen their own way in the way that they saw that was right for them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> They just manufactured the reality they wanted. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Susan:<\/strong> Exactly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Exactly. And then, it didn\u2019t even matter, sometimes, if they hadn\u2019t done something wrong. If they were put on the spot, their defense was to lie, even if it wasn\u2019t anything wrong. It was just a mechanism, I guess. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, how did you deal with that, as a mom, because you want to be able to trust your kids? Sometimes, you don\u2019t know if they\u2019re telling you the truth or not. You\u2019re suspicious, but you don\u2019t have proof. What did you do? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> It was really hard because with five kids there\u2019s lots of wiggle room there. It could have been anybody. In this one situation\u2014I talk about in the book\u2014it was really tough because I really knew that, in my heart, that she had done this\u2014but especially, with adopted kids\u2014that you adopt older\u2014you don\u2019t want to always be coming down on them and suspecting. You\u2019re trying to build a relationship. So, it\u2019s really hard to build the relationship and also maintain discipline and accountability. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>So, in this one situation, I was not patient. I was trying to solve it on my own. It was creating havoc\u2014what she was doing\u2014and I couldn\u2019t figure it out. I couldn\u2019t catch her in it, and I was really stressing myself out. I was being impatient. I was anxious. I got to the end of the rope. I talked about this earlier. I literally was dreading picking them up from carpool, where the whole cycle would begin again. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI lay down, and I was still, and I just prayed: \u201cLord, I have tried to figure this out. I have been impatient with it. I am wrong. I know you have a plan for this in our family. I know You will bring it to an end when You want.\u201d That\u2019s when I got this idea\u2014just from being still\u2014is that I was going to send her to her room, and tell her that I knew she had done something wrong, and she needed to write it down. When she had written it down, she could come downstairs and show it to me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAll of a sudden, when I finally relinquished my control and patiently waited for God, He revealed all kinds of things in the next three days because the burden was then on her to produce the truth instead of the burden being on me to find the truth. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> She wrote a long list\u2014a confessional list. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Many lists. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> As you were writing about this in your book, I couldn\u2019t help but think of the need moms have to understand the ministry of the Holy Spirit. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> If you think about Galatians, Chapter 5, and how Paul said, \u201cThe deeds of the flesh are evident.\u201d He talks about all these nasty things that we do when we get full of ourselves and we don\u2019t allow God to be God in our lives. They\u2019re all natural; but it says, \u201cThe fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience\u2014\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Patience. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Patience. And I don\u2019t think we often enough call moms and dads\u2014or for that matter, just friends\u2014to rethink and reapply who the Holy Spirit is and what He came to do in our inner most being. He came to produce mature fruit in our lives. The fruit won\u2019t occur immediately. It won\u2019t be an instant love, instant joy, instant peace, patience. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut over time, if you do what you\u2019re talking about\u2014and as I listen to your story, what you said was: \u201cI relinquished. I gave up.\u201d You said, \u201cOkay, God, I\u2019m not going to fix this. I\u2019m going to see what You can do.\u201d At that point, as God produced patience in your life, He had a chance to work in your daughter\u2019s life. I wonder, many times, if we don\u2019t short-circuit the process with our kids by trying to be God in their lives and fix everything immediately. We\u2019re missing a real opportunity, in our own lives, to grow and to mature. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> I think we see this a lot\u2014even in just homework\u2014and I have failed at this. You want them to be done. They\u2019ve got to be in bed, and you do it for them because you are impatient for them to go to bed. I think, as moms, it\u2019s really hard not to do that for your kids because they\u2019re born to you, helpless. You\u2019re used to doing everything for them. You fail to recognize, \u201cOkay, they are growing into little people, and that the Holy Spirit can work in them.\u201d Let Him do that instead of you trying to fix them. It\u2019s really hard, as a mother, to start pulling back on that and allowing God to do it in them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Let me ask you how that story ended. When your daughter finally came down with the long list of things she had done, did that mean she was grounded for life? I mean, how did you respond to that confession on her part? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Well, she had already been in her room for three days. I just thanked her for the truth. I laid all the papers on the table. I said: \u201cThis is a lot that I knew was going on. It\u2019s really important for me to know, as the mom. It\u2019s really important for you to understand, that when you lie like this, it wreaks havoc on the whole family; and it\u2019s not fair. You wouldn\u2019t want <em>me<\/em> to do that to <em>you<\/em>.\u201d So, there wasn\u2019t a huge consequence at the end of that or anything. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> But it was a spiritual breakthrough. <br><br><strong>Susan:<\/strong> Yes. She became an honest person. I didn\u2019t always like what she said, going forward, because she was already at a more rebellious stage; but I appreciated that she had learned to be honest. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, and I think what you did was important for this reason\u2014when she confessed\u2014at some level, you affirmed the goodness of confession\u2014if we do that with our kids\u2014when they tell us the truth\u2014when we say: \u201cThat is good. Thank you!\u201d\u2014and what they did was wrong and has to be dealt with\u2014but when you can affirm the goodness of the confession, it helps them learn to be confessors rather than concealers. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Right; right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And kids are natural concealers. If they\u2019re going to get in trouble, they\u2019re not going to tell you; but if they learn that confession is affirmed, they\u2019ll start to do that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It really brings health; it brings life. That\u2019s what a mom wants in her child\u2019s life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve got to clarify one thing because there is a listener still caught back at the statement you made\u2014you kept your daughter in the room for three days. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Now, what exactly did that look like? I mean, you didn\u2019t shut the door and keep her in the room for three days. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> No, no, no. She had meals with us and went with us wherever we were going; but she wasn\u2019t allowed to go out with friends or that kind of thing. So, she was basically\u2014until she produced the lie that I knew about\u2014which wasn\u2019t the big one. It was a little one. I said, \u201cNo, Honey, there is still more out there.\u201d It was more of an <em>assignment <\/em>for her: \u201cYou need to go finish your assignment. Your assignment was to tell me what you\u2019ve done.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> She was under house-arrest, not in prison\u2014just under house-arrest. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Susan:<\/strong> Yes. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I couldn\u2019t help but smile as you tell the story, though. God loves the prayer of a helpless parent. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Yes, helpless! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And you were helpless\u2014a helpless parent\u2014and He loves to break through, at those moments, if we\u2019ll just relinquish and let Him go to work. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> He did. Well, and I\u2019ll tell you. It caused me such a chuckle because I\u2019d spent so many weeks trying to figure it all out. Things came out that I had no idea had been done! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Some\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> I was like, \u201cThis is very freeing.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I can\u2019t tell you how much I identify with what you are expressing there, as a dad, and for Barbara, as a mom, too. Many of our listeners don\u2019t even know who this person is\u2014but he was an actor, Peter Falk. He was Columbo, and he had a top coat. He would rub his forehead, trying to figure out these detective mysteries. He was like Sherlock Holmes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes\u2014\u201cJust one more thing. I\u2019ve just got one more question;\u201d yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cJust one more question.\u201d And Barbara and I felt like we were Columbo, as parents, who could determine: \u201cWhat\u2019s right?\u201d \u201cWho did it?\u201d \u201cWho\u2019s wrong?\u201d You needed some kind of spiritual DNA testing on the child to figure out what the truth was; but in these moments, when you finally say to God: \u201cGod, look, You know what\u2019s happening here. You know what the truth is. I beseech You. Would You help me?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Yes. And I have to say I\u2019m one of those moms who feels really bad, too. So, I didn\u2019t want to always <em>accuse<\/em>\u2014 especially, my new adopted children of what was going on\u2014but you knew this behavior wasn\u2019t here before. So, it was something\u2014it\u2019s got to be something. It does put a mom in a tight space\u2014to always be accusing. It\u2019s hard. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, Barbara\u2014I\u2019d come home from work, and Barbara would say to me\u2014she\u2019d say, \u201cAll I\u2019ve done today\u201d\u2014\u201cAll I\u2019ve done today is discipline the kids.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Yes, you feel so badly! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You know? Time-out, here! Yes, we spanked our kids. There were spankings. There were, \u201cSend them to their rooms,\u201d\u2014a penalty\u2014but she would just get exhausted. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> It is exhausting. And it pops that pretty bubble in your head of your picture of your family and how you are going to be. You know? We all want that family that\u2019s loving and fun. And when you have days like that, on end, you feel like: \u201cWhat am I doing wrong? Why is this like this?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> There is something else you talk about that I think moms just need to be reminded of here, briefly. You talk about the need for adding the brick of purposeful parenting\u2014being purposeful about what you are building into your child\u2019s life. Explain what you mean by that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Susan:<\/strong> Well, I didn\u2019t have this in the beginning. I mean, I knew what I thought I would want my child to look like; but really, for parents, we don\u2019t sit down\u2014like we would with a job and do strategic planning for the year, or strategic, long-range planning\u2014the ten-year plan. Really, we should. We should have that target we\u2019re shooting for because without the target that we\u2019re shooting for, we have no purpose of what we\u2019re doing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I kind of developed Luke 2:52 as my target. I would like my children \u201cto grow in wisdom, stature, and in favor with God and man.\u201d I kind of broke it into parts, saying: \u201cOkay, so, are they getting wiser? Are they making wise choices? Are they doing well in school? Are they doing this? Physically, are they healthy?\u201d So, it just helped me break it up with each child\u2014and you as\u2014you have a lot of kids. You know, as you add kids, it\u2019s kind of hard to keep track of it all; but I needed the parameters to assess. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. I don\u2019t want to run too fast by Luke 2:52 because I think it\u2019s a great grid for parents to use. Grow in wisdom\u2014skill in everyday living, knowing how to make wise choices, wise friendships\u2014all that. Grow in stature. So, you want their physical bodies to be growing\u2014to be healthy, to be developing. To grow in favor with God\u2014and that is developing spiritual disciplines and a spiritual routine. <br><br>I\u2019ve said to parents, many times, \u201cOur kids know there is a God.\u201d They do! It\u2019s imprinted on their heart. The question is not, \u201cDo they know there is a God?\u201d The question is, \u201cAre they going to yield their lives to that God?\u201d So, growing in favor with God is really learning to depend on, to yield to, to submit to\u2014that His will supersedes their will. That\u2019s growing in favor with God. And then\u2014growing in favor with men\u2014being a good friend, cultivating healthy relationships. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you get those right, as a parent, when a child 16, 18, 21, you\u2019re going to look back and go, \u201cI feel pretty good about where my son or daughter is;\u201d aren\u2019t you? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> You are. And I will say this to moms because I don\u2019t want them to be discouraged, right off the bat, hearing that. I have also had to trust in each of my children in different areas\u2014that maybe they\u2019re not going to be where I want them to be when they leave home\u2014but that God is going to use that in their life\u2014and go back to my life\u2014I wasn\u2019t there in all areas, but everybody grows in paces at a different tempo. I have such different kids, and I just see that. I think moms get anxious, \u201cOh, they are not doing this or that!\u201d Again, it\u2019s allowing God to equip them as He uses things in their lives. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of my children is not healthy. She\u2019s not. She has Addison\u2019s Disease, and she\u2019s going to struggle with that her whole life. Would I have wanted that? No, but God is going to use it in her life. So, that\u2019s just where, as a mom, we have to also let go and not be discouraged if we don\u2019t feel our children\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And our children may not be walking with the Lord like we\u2019d like them to\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Exactly; exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014at different stages in their life. Or they may run off into the wilderness and say: \u201cYou know what? I\u2019m not interested in this.\u201d <br><br><strong>Susan:<\/strong> Exactly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> As parents, we have to continue to be faithful to do what God has called us to do\u2014to pray for them, to ask Him\u2014the One who loves them more than we do\u2014to draw them back, and just stay faithful in that process. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> It is\u2014it is a hard thing for a mom. We\u2019re often under the pile. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I appreciated you\u2014you almost said it under your breath\u2014but I appreciated you saying that you didn\u2019t have a clear purpose when you started out, as a mom. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Oh, no. Yes, absolutely. Part of the reason that\u2014I didn\u2019t plan on writing a book. I give a speech to MOPS mothers, and\u2014my husband heard about it\u2014is that I want moms to know what I didn\u2019t know. I think if they could use some of what I learned\u2014through all the different situations in my children\u2014to assess, and get a picture or ideas of what they can do with their child, they are going to be better\u2014so much better\u2014than I was. That\u2019s really my hope for the book is that it will be that place where they can assess, \u201cWhat am I doing before it is done?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I quote this passage, many times, when we talk about moms. I turn over to Proverbs, Chapter 31. I just love the phrase\u2014it says, \u201cStrength and dignity are her clothing,\u201d speaking of the Proverbs 31 woman, \u201cand she laughs at the time to come.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMoms need to realize that they\u2019re not always going to be herding a bunch of \u201crug rats\u201d and always dealing with human nature that refuses to be conquered by a mom\u2014and they are going to rebel. They\u2019re not always going to do what we ask them to do. But if we\u2019re faithful, as moms and dads, to do what He called us to do, then, it allows God to be God in their lives as they are grown-ups. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I have to say to moms, \u201cYou\u2019re not ever going to stop being a mom.\u201d You need to know that. That is your DNA, and you\u2019re going to worry. I had to correct my mom, as an 80-year-old woman, one time and say: \u201cMom! I\u2019m an adult. Stop worrying about me!\u201d I didn\u2019t realize, at the time, because I didn\u2019t have enough sense, at that point, to realize she was a mother!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Right; right. Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s a part of what it is to be concerned about and kind of fret over and think about how your children are doing, even when they become\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> It\u2019s that passion. It <em>never<\/em> leaves you\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> \u2014as a mom. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, don\u2019t give up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> No. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Keep on preserving because you are performing, I think\u2014it has to be one of the top three jobs in America. If it\u2019s not number one, I don\u2019t know what is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It\u2019s shaping the character, and the conscience, and the soul of the next generation. They\u2019re going to take our place if Christ doesn\u2019t come back. We\u2019re in that relay race. We\u2019ve got to make a good hand-off. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You are so right. If you care about the direction the culture is going, the most important thing you can do is pour into the citizens who are going to be in the culture, a generation from now. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Raise a warrior\u2014a son, or a daughter, or a herd of them\u2014that are going to make a difference in the next generation because, I promise you, the next generation is going to need them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And moms are on the frontline of that, and they need help. They need encouragement. That\u2019s what Susan is providing for them in the book that she\u2019s written, called <em>The Passionate Mom<\/em>. You can go to FamilyLifeToday.com to request your copy. Order from us online\u2014again, at FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014or call and request <em>The Passionate Mom<\/em>. 1-800-FL-TODAY is our toll-free number\u20141-800-358-6329. That\u2019s 1-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we are very appreciative of those of you who get in touch withus, from time to time, to help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. I think most of yourealize the programs you hear on this station\u2014most of them, like <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014are listener- supported. It is folks, like you, who say: \u201cYou know what? That program\u2014that\u2019s something I want to make sure continues\u2014not just for me\u2014but for other listeners, as well.\u201d And you go online, or you give us a call, and you make a donation to make sure that happens. We are grateful to those of you who do that, from time to time\u2014very grateful for our Legacy Partners, who do that on a monthly basis.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd today, if you make a donation to help support the ministry, we\u2019d like to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d by sending you a copy of Tracey Eyster\u2019s book called <em>Be the Mom<\/em>. In it, Tracey talks about some of the traps that moms can routinely fall into. She offers counsel on how to avoid those traps and what to do if you do step in one of them. Again, go to FamiyLifeToday.com. You can click on the button that says, \u201cI CARE\u201d, and make an online donation. We\u2019ll send you a copy of Tracey\u2019s book when you do that, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Make a donation over the phone; and ask for a copy of the book, <em>Be the Mom<\/em>, when you get in touch with us. We appreciate your support, and we\u2019re always happy to hear from you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can join us back again tomorrow. We\u2019ll continue our conversation with Susan Merrill and talk about the important role a mom plays in shaping the lives of the next generation. I hope you can tune in for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2013 FamilyLife. 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