{"id":302725,"date":"2013-04-29T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2013-04-29T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/daring-to-parent\/"},"modified":"2013-04-29T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2013-04-29T15:00:00","slug":"daring-to-parent","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/daring-to-parent\/","title":{"rendered":"Daring to Parent"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Susan Merrill admits that she found her mothering answers in the book of Nehemiah.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-04-29.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"23.94M","filesize_raw":"25105724","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2838],"tags":[4881,4087],"podcast_series":[7942],"cwp_profile":[3205],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302725","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mothers","tag-being-a-mom","tag-mothers","podcast_series-the-passionate-mom","cwp_profile-susan-merrill","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302725\/daring-to-parent","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302725\/daring-to-parent","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"aC6PaGZ7u1\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/daring-to-parent\/\">Daring to Parent<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/daring-to-parent\/embed\/#?secret=aC6PaGZ7u1\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Daring to Parent&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"aC6PaGZ7u1\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-04-29.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-04-29.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>How tuned in are you to what\u2019s going on in your son or daughter\u2019s life? Here\u2019s Susan Merrill.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> I think there are a lot of things that happen in our children\u2019s lives that, in the busyness of today, we miss. You know, you pick them up from carpool and all of these comments start flying: \u201cI saw Sissy get hit on the playground!\u201d or, \u201cMy teacher says I don\u2019t make my 6\u2019s and 9\u2019s right,\u201d or, \u201cSomebody said this, and I don\u2019t know what this word means.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019re thinking, \u201cOh, my gosh! What\u2019s going on at school?\u201d But you pull in the drive and you instruct everybody to get their baseball, and their basketball, and their ballet stuff, and you\u2019ll get the snack. You pile back in the car, and guess what you\u2019ve forgotten? Sometimes, with kids, you have to catch those little hints. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, April 29<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. Being a mom is about more than just being there. It\u2019s about being <em>all <\/em>there for your kids. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. Didn\u2019t you think that this book was going to be called <em>All-Pro Mom<\/em>? I mean, you had to think that that was coming; didn\u2019t you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, I actually thought it might be titled <em>The Mafia Moms.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Oh, no! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong><em>The Mafia Moms<\/em>. Do you know why?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Because this mom\u2014we\u2019re about to talk to today\u2014ran a secret, underground group of moms who all ratted on one another\u2019s children to help raise them through adulthood. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Shhhhhhh.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And she\u2019s not done yet; so she doesn\u2019t want me telling that!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> No, I don\u2019t! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Susan Merrill joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Susan, welcome.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Don\u2019t\u2014you\u2019re telling all of my secrets! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, you shouldn\u2019t have put it in your book!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> I know; I know.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You shouldn\u2019t have put it in your book if you didn\u2019t want the secret told. Susan is married to her husband Mark\u2014and has been\u2014for 24 years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And the reason I suggested the book should be called <em>All Pro Mom <\/em>is because Mark heads a ministry called All Pro Dad<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> There you go; there you go.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And so, here she is. She has written a book called, not <em>The Mafia Mom<\/em>\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> No!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014but <em>The Passionate Mom. <\/em>You\u2019re talking about how moms need to dare to parent in today\u2019s world. You have five children. You dare to parent; and yet, you\u2019re a self-admitted perfectionist. You were afraid you wouldn\u2019t be able to do it\u2014you wouldn\u2019t be able to get it right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Do you think that\u2019s true of a lot of moms?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Oh, absolutely! It\u2019s the thing that\u2019s nearest and dearest to your heart\u2014being a parent and a mom. That\u2019s why we didn\u2019t call iMOM<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> \u201cAll-Pro Mom\u201d or \u201cAll Star Mom\u201d. When we went to name it, they wanted to do that. I said: \u201cMoms never feel that way. They\u2019re not going to be able to relate to that term because we never feel like we\u2019re doing everything that we want to do.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Susan, you referred to iMOM. It may have gone by our listeners. I want them to know what you do, exactly. Share with them what that\u2019s all about.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Well, Family First<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> started All Pro Dad\u2014like you said. That\u2019s our fatherhood program. About five years into that, we were starting to hear from mothers: \u201cWell, <em>we<\/em> want a daily email,\u201d \u201c<em>We<\/em> want insight,\u201d \u201c<em>We<\/em> want articles,\u201d \u201c<em>We<\/em> want access to those Christian authors who have such wisdom.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey pulled me into the office and said, \u201cOkay, we\u2019ve got to start a mom program now. What\u2019s it going to be\u2014\u2018All Star Mom\u2019 or \u2018All Pro Mom\u2019?\u201d We called it iMOM.com because we think mom is a <em>verb<\/em>, not a noun.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You know, as you\u2019re describing this sense that moms have\u2014wanting to do it right\u2014wanting to do it perfectly\u2014I\u2019m thinking back to when our kids were first born\u2014and Mary Ann reading books, and (back in the day) listening to cassettes, and trying to get all of the training\u2014wanting somebody to give her the checklist: \u201cIf you will just do these things, you will raise perfect, healthy kids, who are well-adjusted and who love the Lord.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> The moms today would say: \u201cWhere\u2019s the Google map? How can I download the app that\u2019s going to show me how to parent?\u201d But you are right! You do! You want it to be clear; and yet, every mom is unique and every child is unique. Even, in one household, you have to parent some of them in a different way than others. My kids were <em>all<\/em> so different.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When did you realize it was going to require something different for each child?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> My first child went to a small, private school that was very classical and somewhat strict. She was in there two years\u2014no problems\u2014you know, first child\u2014she was very in-the-box and did very well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy second child went. She got in the car\u2014I picked her up the first day. She said: \u201cMommy! Guess what? I went to the wall today.\u201d I panicked: \u201cMegan has never been to the wall! What happened?\u201d The wall is where they send you when you\u2019re bad\u2014you know, you have to go face the wall. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said, \u201cHoney, what happened?\u201d \u201cWell, Ariel, the mermaid, was playing in my head; and I just had to sing it out.\u201d That\u2019s when I knew I had different children [Laughter] because this child was not going to be like her sister before her. This child was very creative, and containing that in a very structured school was going to be a task.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s what makes it so challenging. We have a child; and we think, \u201cWell, this is going to be a piece of cake.\u201d The first one is a conformist\u2014or tends to be that way. Then, the second one, as you said, comes along and completely throws away the box.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, as a parent, I think it\u2019s a great builder of your own personal faith because I think what God taught us, as parents, was, \u201cIf you\u2019re going to raise them to adulthood and raise them according to the Scriptures, you have to be dependent upon Me.\u201d That\u2019s where you say moms need to start. They need to start with a foundation of their own personal faith.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> They do. You have to be confident in that. You have to be willing to patiently wait for God to answer when certain things happen to your children. You\u2019re not seeing the way to go\u2014you\u2019re not seeing the right way to train them so that they get it\u2014they\u2019re not getting the lesson. Sometimes, we have to wait for God to work through them and you to bring it to a point. It\u2019s hard to understand. It\u2019s hard when you <em>want<\/em> your child to get something and be the best they can be. Yet, God has His own timing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, you have your own personality\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014your own way of thinking. Here\u2019s a child\u2014who is different than the way you think\u2014and it\u2019s your job to adjust to them. It\u2019s not their job to adjust to you. That almost sounds counter-cultural. It sounds like I just said, \u201cThe kid\u2019s going to run the family,\u201d instead of, \u201cMom running the family,\u201d or, \u201cDad running the family;\u201d but you\u2019re the grown-up. You\u2019re the one with the wisdom and the skill. So, you have to bring that to bear; don\u2019t you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> I think being a mom is the biggest stretch in your life! It really is. It\u2019s selfless. It\u2019s sacrificing. It requires discipline. It\u2019s so many things that you just never dream of. You just think you\u2019re going to have those sweet little peapods: \u201cIt\u2019s all going to fun, and cuddly, and cute. It\u2019s all going to be precious.\u201d You have those visions of what it\u2019s going to be like. It turns out: \u201cNo! These are people. They struggle with sin, and they have a walk to walk through.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, on the flipside today, moms have so much more going on\u2014so many of them work, so many of them are single parents, so many of them have financial stresses and things\u2014that, again, usurp parenting. It\u2019s a tough thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Let me ask you this, Susan, because you were in banking at the time you met your\u2014well, he was an attorney, at the time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Mark was practicing law. So, if you got into trouble\u2014in the banking industry\u2014so you could have an attorney rescue you. Were you planning on being a mom?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Was that a part of your heartbeat?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Even as a career woman?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Yes; absolutely, from the start.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Why?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> I love children! I was a camp counselor, a babysitter. I have just always loved children. I really can honestly say I\u2019ve never met a woman who wasn\u2019t passionate about her children. They all are! There are some women who are not called to have children, but every mother I know is passionate about her children. They just don\u2019t always know how to direct that passion and what to. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You use an illustration\u2014in fact, your book is built around this\u2014that we\u2019ve talked about, here, on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. We\u2019ve talked about what\u2019s needed, today, in families. It really is tantamount to what Nehemiah faced in his day\u2014in the Old Testament. The wall of Jerusalem was broken down\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and Nehemiah prayed. He fasted. He went to the king. He got resources. He went back to the city of Jerusalem and called the people to build.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And they built a wall in 52 days. You compare what moms are doing today to building a wall around their children.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Explain why you came up with that illustration.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Well, every January, I kind of choose something to study. When I do that\u2014because I direct iMOM\u2014I\u2019m always looking through that lens of motherhood. As I read Nehemiah, I just got excited because I could relate to him. He was passionate about the Israelites the way I am passionate about my children. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe interesting thing to me was\u2014in the beginning, he heard that there was a problem. He <em>perceived<\/em> it. He really listened\u2014which, I think, is hard for a mom to do today\u2014and he <em>pondered<\/em> it. He didn\u2019t just let it go away; he pondered. There was nothing he could do in that moment, but he pondered it. I don\u2019t think we ponder too much anymore. We don\u2019t have time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe people were in trouble because the wall was broken down and the gates were burned. He knew that meant danger to them\u2014physical danger. We all get that, as parents. We do not want our children to be physically in danger. But Nehemiah had another concern\u2014and that was the wall protected the temple.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, in that day, that\u2019s where God resided. That was the whole point of their communication and their salvation. Everything was wrapped up in that temple. It had just been rebuilt. The foundation had been laid. It was done. Ezra had done all that work, but it was still in danger.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, where does God reside today? In us! So the temple is our bodies. Well, what wall is protecting the little temples\u2014the potential little temples? We have to be that wall, as moms. We have to be strong. We have to be girded up. We have to be put together with brick and mortar. We have to be wise, and we have to become that wall. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, we have to be the gates because the purpose is not to protect your child and pull them in forever. We have to train them for when they will go out from underneath our protection and into the world. We do that with the gates. Nehemiah also gave a lot of instruction about the gates\u2014when they were to be opened\u2014who was to guard the gates. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe gates, to me, were a great picture of\u2014these are privileges and things that we can give our children and test them, as they go out. Open the gate and see if they\u2019re ready. If they aren\u2019t, pull them back in and give them a lesson about it. Ask them to earn the privilege to go through the gate again until they reach adulthood and, then, they go into the world, under God\u2019s umbrella. Hopefully, they\u2019ve been trained.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And it\u2019s really the mom\u2019s responsibility, at home, along with the dad, to hammer out that plan to protect their children but also turn them into warriors so\u2014when you do finally open those gates and send those warriors out\u2014they represent Jesus Christ to the next generation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things you talk about is\u2014you talk about how there\u2019s a need for moms to be perceptive. I immediately thought about Ephesians, Chapter 5. I haven\u2019t quoted this in a while, Bob, on our broadcast. It talks about being wise about the time because the days are evil. It\u2019s really calling us, I think, by way of application to parents, to really be on the lookout for those things that are coming at our kids, from the culture.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Depth perception is <em>really<\/em> crucial for a mom. You have to stay ahead of your child. You can\u2019t open the gate to certain things, and then walk away, and think they\u2019re fine because the enemy can use it, later on, when you think a child has mastered something or they have the discipline to handle something\u2014and then you find that they didn\u2019t.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So one child, at age eight, may have had a privilege that another child didn\u2019t get until they were ten or eleven?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Right. So, at our house, this really came into play when we adopted because I ended up adopting a daughter who is the <em>exact age<\/em>, two weeks apart, of one of my other daughters. Well, my biological daughter had been with me for 12 years. The new daughter had not\u2014she had been in a difficult environment. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe was not ready for some of the things that my biological daughter had. You have to explain: \u201cThese are privileges to be earned. You don\u2019t necessarily get your driver\u2019s license when you\u2019re 16. You get your driver\u2019s license when you show me that you\u2019re ready for that privilege.\u201d That\u2019s counter-cultural! Every child looks forward to that\u2014when they turn 16. It\u2019s kind of tough.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, did you hold off on the driver\u2019s license with your 16-year-old daughter?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Oh, yes! But also, my son, Grant, still does not have his driver\u2019s license.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You\u2019re a tough mom!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> What were you looking for them to prove? I mean, if I\u2019m the kid\u2014wanting the driver\u2019s license\u2014\u201cWhat do I have to do, Mom, to get a driver\u2019s license?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Right. \u201cWell, I have to be able to trust that you\u2019re going to be where you say you\u2019re going to be. If you haven\u2019t demonstrated that to me, or you\u2019ve not told me the truth about something, or you\u2019ve not made wise decisions in that\u2014then, I really can\u2019t give you the car keys because, without following you around, I don\u2019t know where you\u2019re going to be.\u201d It\u2019s a trust issue! For one of my children\u2014he doesn\u2019t have it because he\u2019s just impulsive. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> To me, a car is a weapon. It\u2019s one thing if you want to kill yourself\u2014it\u2019s another thing if your impulsivity kills somebody else. As in hunting, or anything else, you have to demonstrate a certain level of\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You didn\u2019t just apply this issue of being perceptive about what\u2019s taking place in your child\u2019s life around 16, 17, or 18\u2014later on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You tell the story about watching your son, Grant, bouncing off the walls with energy. I thought that was a great story of how you took, really, a high-energy kid and you channeled that toward something productive\u2014that is even continuing on today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> It is. That\u2019s where your offensive and defensive perception work together. We had adopted him. It was Christmas, and the children were all home. He was really getting in trouble in the neighborhood\u2014he\u2019s just very physical. When the mother, across the street\u2014whose son is a defensive lineman for your high school football team\u2014calls you and says, \u201cYour son hit my son in the face,\u201d \u2014and he outweighed him by 300 pounds, almost\u2014you know there\u2019s a problem! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy kids were complaining; I was getting complaints from the neighborhood. I finally said to Grant, \u201cHey, Grant! Go get my bike. We need to go for a ride.\u201d He said, \u201cOh, I\u2019ll get my bike, too?\u201d He had this little Russian accent that was so cute. I said, \u2018Oh, no, you don\u2019t need a bike.\u201d We started going around the block. He said, \u201cMom, where are we going?\u201d I said: \u201cWell, Grant, this is the way it\u2019s going to go from now on. Every time something happens\u2014either in the neighborhood or in our house\u2014and you do something that we\u2019ve talked about\u2014that you know is wrong\u2014you\u2019re going to run a lap.\u201d Our block is half a mile.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m explaining all of this and I said, \u201cThis is for hitting Emily. This is for this.\u201d He is literally jumping on and off the curb, swatting at trees\u2014seven times around. I finally stopped the bike; and I said, \u201cGrant, did you run in Russia?\u201d He said, \u201cOh, no, Mom. They never let me out of the orphanage,\u201d\u2014and, you know, whatever. I said, \u201cYou need to run every day, Bud.\u201d He did. He ran five miles before school every day. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> But that continues on to this day. He\u2019s still running; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Yes! Months later, we had this thing called the Gasparilla Distance Classic. By this time, he\u2019s running\u2014some days, I can\u2019t tell you how many laps\u2014it was a lot. A friend of mine was running in the 15K\u2014not Mark and I\u2014we\u2019re not big runners. I said, \u201cAl, will you just let Grant run behind you? I think he can go the distance!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Now how old was he?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> He was ten. The run is on the Bay Shore. You can kind of drive down the streets and go look. So, we\u2014strategically, every mile\u2014would be there, waving signs. He was just running behind Al and waving at us. He thought this was the biggest deal, you know? We were kind of making it a family \u201ccheer-Grant\u201d time. We got to the finish line and we\u2019re like, \u201cHe\u2019s going to make it!\u201d I was looking for my friend, Al, who\u2019s very tall and was wearing a bright yellow shirt. He was like our identifier because Grant is very short. We couldn\u2019t find him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFinally, his sister yells, \u201cHere comes Grant!\u201d Sure enough, he\u2019s bee-lining for the finish line\u2014no sign of Al. [Laughter] Al said, at eight miles, he was chattering like the little box that he was\u2014a little chatter box. Al said: \u201cYou see those flags up there, Grant? That\u2019s the finish line. Go for it. Your parents are there.\u201d He won his age group. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Yes, he just took off and, literally, ran so fast. Today, he is in high school, running cross country; and he is very gifted.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If you were coaching a mom\u2014who had one of these high-energy, bouncing-off- the-walls, getting-into-trouble, aggressive boys\u2014you\u2019d say, \u201cSend him out and let him run around the block\u201d? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Well, in today\u2019s school, you really have to because they don\u2019t get enough physical exercise in school. But you have to take what God reveals to you about your child and use it. Don\u2019t just observe it. Perceive. Ponder what it is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy daughter\u2014whom I talked about\u2014who was acting out in her first little kindergarten class\u2014she came home again, and she had tasted the Play-Doh<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. I said: \u201cHoney, Play-Doh all tastes the same! Do not eat the Play-Doh.\u201d I realized: \u201cThis is an artistic child. What can I do to harness that?\u201d She\u2019s at Sanford University, on a theater scholarship right now, because I saw things in her that I didn\u2019t see in my other kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I really like what you\u2019re modeling here for moms. It\u2019s not just shaping the child\u2019s character. It\u2019s really directing the child\u2019s life. It doesn\u2019t mean you make the decisions for them, but you\u2019re evaluating who they are\u2014their gifts, their strengths, their aptitude\u2014and you\u2019re heading them in the right direction\u2014encouraging them and coming alongside them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s a word you\u2019ve used two or three times in our conversation. I want you to just comment on it because I know you\u2019re passionate about this word, too. It\u2019s the word, \u201cponder\u201d.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Explain why that\u2019s important for moms today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> I think there are a lot of things that happen in our children\u2019s lives that, in the busyness of today, we miss. You pick them up from carpool; and all of these comments start flying: \u201cI saw Sissy get hit on the playground!\u201d or, \u201cMy teacher says I don\u2019t make my 6\u2019s and 9\u2019s right,\u201d or, \u201cSomebody said this, and I don\u2019t know what this word means.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019re thinking: \u201cOh, my gosh! What\u2019s going on at school?\u201d But you pull in the drive and instruct everybody to get their baseball, and their basketball, and their ballet stuff, and you\u2019ll get the snack. You pile back in the car, and guess what you\u2019ve forgotten? Sometimes, with kids, you have to catch those little hints. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou have to remember to think about them; and you have to ponder them, like Mary pondered about Christ. We don\u2019t know what she was thinking, but she pondered. If she pondered, I had better ponder because we are there to guide and train our children.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I wonder if there are some moms, listening right now\u2014and for that matter, some dads\u2014who are going, \u201cI\u2019m not sure I really know <em>how<\/em> to ponder in a healthy way.\u201d What have you learned about pondering?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> I get in the way of my pondering because fear, worry, and anxiety kick in. I start thinking of <em>solutions<\/em> instead of really just resting. I had to learn some really tough lessons about that\u2014where I really had to just stop <em>my desire to fix<\/em> whatever it is and reflect. Journaling can help. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere have been times when\u2014after bad cycles of that\u2014where I\u2019ve just been on the [cycle] of fear, worry, and \u201cWhat\u2019s going on here? How can I fix it?\u201d\u2014I have, literally, lain down, with my Bible on my chest, because I couldn\u2019t even find anything to read. But sometimes, it just gets back to being still so that God can put the pieces together in your head. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf we\u2019re controlling, we don\u2019t do that\u2014we don\u2019t trust that God\u2019s going to reveal it. Sometimes, it\u2019s just waiting, \u201cOkay, I don\u2019t know enough to act on this right now; but I\u2019m going to make sure I write it down so I remember it and <em>watch<\/em> for God to reveal more, until I <em>can<\/em> take action on it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You\u2019re really talking about\u2014I know from reading the book\u2014some challenging days with some of your kids\u2014where they haven\u2019t just toed-the-line and just walked down the straight and narrow, all the way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Correct.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You\u2019re talking about some heartaches\u2014some real heartache you\u2019ve experienced\u2014where you had to step back, and listen to God, and ask Him to show you, as a parent, how to be intentional and how to take the kind of steps and actions that a child needs. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs I was reading your book, and was thinking about this\u2014one of our favorite verses, when we were raising kids\u2014was Philippians, Chapter 4, verse 6 and 7. It talks about a command there to \u201c\u2026not worry about anything; but instead, in everything, give thanks and make your requests known to God.\u201d It promises, in that passage, that the peace of God will be like a centurion that marches, back and forth, in front of a mom\u2019s heart.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have to believe there are some moms, right now, who need a centurion.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Maybe a little anxious?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> They may have a child\u2014or a family, as far as that goes\u2014where it\u2019s just not turning out the way you envisioned. You need the peace of God. The way you get that is you don\u2019t worry\u2014you give thanks. You bring your requests before God. I\u2019d also like to suggest to that mom\u2014if she\u2019s really worried\u2014to get a copy of <em>The Passionate Mom.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> There\u2019s really a lot of\u2014almost like a spiritual wheel alignment, for a mom. As she reads this book, she\u2019s going to be reminded of, kind of, what really counts and really how to go about the process of raising the next generation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And every mom benefits from having another mom, who is sharing stories about life and saying, \u201cThis is what worked for us; this is what didn\u2019t work for us.\u201d That\u2019s essentially what Susan has done for us in the book that she has written called <em>The Passionate Mom.<\/em> We\u2019d love to get a copy of Susan\u2019s book to you. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com to request Susan Merrill\u2019s book, <em>The Passionate Mom. <\/em>Again, our website is FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to request your copy\u20141-800-358-6329. That\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, let me just take a minute and say how thankful we are for those folks who will get in touch with us, from time to time, and make a donation to help support <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>We are listener-supported. That means\u2014without folks, like you\u2014pitching in, on occasion, to help out with a donation of whatever you can do\u2014$10, $20, $30, $40, or $50 or more. Those donations are what cover the costs of producing and syndicating a program like <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis week, we\u2019d like to say, \u201cThank you for your support of this ministry,\u201d by sending you a copy of Tracey Eyster\u2019s book called <em>Be the Mom. <\/em>You may want to pass this along to a mom you know, as a Mother\u2019s Day gift. In the book, Tracey outlines seven traps that moms can easily stumble into. She gives you advice on how to avoid and how to escape those traps, when you do fall into them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo to FamilyLifeToday.com and make a donation by clicking the button that says, \u201cI CARE\u201d. When you make an online donation, we\u2019ll be happy to send you a copy of Tracey\u2019s book, <em>Be the Mom<\/em>; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Make your donation over the phone and ask for the book for moms. Again, it\u2019s our way of saying, \u201cThank you for your support of this ministry.\u201d We\u2019re grateful for your partnership, and we\u2019re always happy to hear from you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you can join us back tomorrow. Susan Merrill\u2019s going to be here again. We\u2019re going to talk about how a mom can tell when it\u2019s the right time to keep the wall steady, and when is the right time to open a gate and let a child step outside? We\u2019ll talk more about that tomorrow. I hope you can be with us for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2013 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["23.94M"],"filesize_raw":["25105724"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-302725.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-302725.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Merrill admits that she found her mothering answers in the book of Nehemiah.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-04-29.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>How tuned in are you to what\u2019s going on in your son or daughter\u2019s life? Here\u2019s Susan Merrill.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> I think there are a lot of things that happen in our children\u2019s lives that, in the busyness of today, we miss. You know, you pick them up from carpool and all of these comments start flying: \u201cI saw Sissy get hit on the playground!\u201d or, \u201cMy teacher says I don\u2019t make my 6\u2019s and 9\u2019s right,\u201d or, \u201cSomebody said this, and I don\u2019t know what this word means.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019re thinking, \u201cOh, my gosh! What\u2019s going on at school?\u201d But you pull in the drive and you instruct everybody to get their baseball, and their basketball, and their ballet stuff, and you\u2019ll get the snack. You pile back in the car, and guess what you\u2019ve forgotten? Sometimes, with kids, you have to catch those little hints. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, April 29<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. Being a mom is about more than just being there. It\u2019s about being <em>all <\/em>there for your kids. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. Didn\u2019t you think that this book was going to be called <em>All-Pro Mom<\/em>? I mean, you had to think that that was coming; didn\u2019t you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, I actually thought it might be titled <em>The Mafia Moms.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Oh, no! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong><em>The Mafia Moms<\/em>. Do you know why?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Because this mom\u2014we\u2019re about to talk to today\u2014ran a secret, underground group of moms who all ratted on one another\u2019s children to help raise them through adulthood. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Shhhhhhh.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And she\u2019s not done yet; so she doesn\u2019t want me telling that!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> No, I don\u2019t! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Susan Merrill joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Susan, welcome.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Don\u2019t\u2014you\u2019re telling all of my secrets! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, you shouldn\u2019t have put it in your book!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> I know; I know.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You shouldn\u2019t have put it in your book if you didn\u2019t want the secret told. Susan is married to her husband Mark\u2014and has been\u2014for 24 years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And the reason I suggested the book should be called <em>All Pro Mom <\/em>is because Mark heads a ministry called All Pro Dad<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> There you go; there you go.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And so, here she is. She has written a book called, not <em>The Mafia Mom<\/em>\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> No!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014but <em>The Passionate Mom. <\/em>You\u2019re talking about how moms need to dare to parent in today\u2019s world. You have five children. You dare to parent; and yet, you\u2019re a self-admitted perfectionist. You were afraid you wouldn\u2019t be able to do it\u2014you wouldn\u2019t be able to get it right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Do you think that\u2019s true of a lot of moms?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Oh, absolutely! It\u2019s the thing that\u2019s nearest and dearest to your heart\u2014being a parent and a mom. That\u2019s why we didn\u2019t call iMOM<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> \u201cAll-Pro Mom\u201d or \u201cAll Star Mom\u201d. When we went to name it, they wanted to do that. I said: \u201cMoms never feel that way. They\u2019re not going to be able to relate to that term because we never feel like we\u2019re doing everything that we want to do.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Susan, you referred to iMOM. It may have gone by our listeners. I want them to know what you do, exactly. Share with them what that\u2019s all about.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Well, Family First<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> started All Pro Dad\u2014like you said. That\u2019s our fatherhood program. About five years into that, we were starting to hear from mothers: \u201cWell, <em>we<\/em> want a daily email,\u201d \u201c<em>We<\/em> want insight,\u201d \u201c<em>We<\/em> want articles,\u201d \u201c<em>We<\/em> want access to those Christian authors who have such wisdom.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey pulled me into the office and said, \u201cOkay, we\u2019ve got to start a mom program now. What\u2019s it going to be\u2014\u2018All Star Mom\u2019 or \u2018All Pro Mom\u2019?\u201d We called it iMOM.com because we think mom is a <em>verb<\/em>, not a noun.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You know, as you\u2019re describing this sense that moms have\u2014wanting to do it right\u2014wanting to do it perfectly\u2014I\u2019m thinking back to when our kids were first born\u2014and Mary Ann reading books, and (back in the day) listening to cassettes, and trying to get all of the training\u2014wanting somebody to give her the checklist: \u201cIf you will just do these things, you will raise perfect, healthy kids, who are well-adjusted and who love the Lord.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> The moms today would say: \u201cWhere\u2019s the Google map? How can I download the app that\u2019s going to show me how to parent?\u201d But you are right! You do! You want it to be clear; and yet, every mom is unique and every child is unique. Even, in one household, you have to parent some of them in a different way than others. My kids were <em>all<\/em> so different.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When did you realize it was going to require something different for each child?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> My first child went to a small, private school that was very classical and somewhat strict. She was in there two years\u2014no problems\u2014you know, first child\u2014she was very in-the-box and did very well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy second child went. She got in the car\u2014I picked her up the first day. She said: \u201cMommy! Guess what? I went to the wall today.\u201d I panicked: \u201cMegan has never been to the wall! What happened?\u201d The wall is where they send you when you\u2019re bad\u2014you know, you have to go face the wall. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said, \u201cHoney, what happened?\u201d \u201cWell, Ariel, the mermaid, was playing in my head; and I just had to sing it out.\u201d That\u2019s when I knew I had different children [Laughter] because this child was not going to be like her sister before her. This child was very creative, and containing that in a very structured school was going to be a task.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s what makes it so challenging. We have a child; and we think, \u201cWell, this is going to be a piece of cake.\u201d The first one is a conformist\u2014or tends to be that way. Then, the second one, as you said, comes along and completely throws away the box.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, as a parent, I think it\u2019s a great builder of your own personal faith because I think what God taught us, as parents, was, \u201cIf you\u2019re going to raise them to adulthood and raise them according to the Scriptures, you have to be dependent upon Me.\u201d That\u2019s where you say moms need to start. They need to start with a foundation of their own personal faith.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> They do. You have to be confident in that. You have to be willing to patiently wait for God to answer when certain things happen to your children. You\u2019re not seeing the way to go\u2014you\u2019re not seeing the right way to train them so that they get it\u2014they\u2019re not getting the lesson. Sometimes, we have to wait for God to work through them and you to bring it to a point. It\u2019s hard to understand. It\u2019s hard when you <em>want<\/em> your child to get something and be the best they can be. Yet, God has His own timing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, you have your own personality\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014your own way of thinking. Here\u2019s a child\u2014who is different than the way you think\u2014and it\u2019s your job to adjust to them. It\u2019s not their job to adjust to you. That almost sounds counter-cultural. It sounds like I just said, \u201cThe kid\u2019s going to run the family,\u201d instead of, \u201cMom running the family,\u201d or, \u201cDad running the family;\u201d but you\u2019re the grown-up. You\u2019re the one with the wisdom and the skill. So, you have to bring that to bear; don\u2019t you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> I think being a mom is the biggest stretch in your life! It really is. It\u2019s selfless. It\u2019s sacrificing. It requires discipline. It\u2019s so many things that you just never dream of. You just think you\u2019re going to have those sweet little peapods: \u201cIt\u2019s all going to fun, and cuddly, and cute. It\u2019s all going to be precious.\u201d You have those visions of what it\u2019s going to be like. It turns out: \u201cNo! These are people. They struggle with sin, and they have a walk to walk through.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, on the flipside today, moms have so much more going on\u2014so many of them work, so many of them are single parents, so many of them have financial stresses and things\u2014that, again, usurp parenting. It\u2019s a tough thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Let me ask you this, Susan, because you were in banking at the time you met your\u2014well, he was an attorney, at the time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Mark was practicing law. So, if you got into trouble\u2014in the banking industry\u2014so you could have an attorney rescue you. Were you planning on being a mom?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Was that a part of your heartbeat?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Even as a career woman?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Yes; absolutely, from the start.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Why?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> I love children! I was a camp counselor, a babysitter. I have just always loved children. I really can honestly say I\u2019ve never met a woman who wasn\u2019t passionate about her children. They all are! There are some women who are not called to have children, but every mother I know is passionate about her children. They just don\u2019t always know how to direct that passion and what to. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You use an illustration\u2014in fact, your book is built around this\u2014that we\u2019ve talked about, here, on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. We\u2019ve talked about what\u2019s needed, today, in families. It really is tantamount to what Nehemiah faced in his day\u2014in the Old Testament. The wall of Jerusalem was broken down\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and Nehemiah prayed. He fasted. He went to the king. He got resources. He went back to the city of Jerusalem and called the people to build.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And they built a wall in 52 days. You compare what moms are doing today to building a wall around their children.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Explain why you came up with that illustration.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Well, every January, I kind of choose something to study. When I do that\u2014because I direct iMOM\u2014I\u2019m always looking through that lens of motherhood. As I read Nehemiah, I just got excited because I could relate to him. He was passionate about the Israelites the way I am passionate about my children. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe interesting thing to me was\u2014in the beginning, he heard that there was a problem. He <em>perceived<\/em> it. He really listened\u2014which, I think, is hard for a mom to do today\u2014and he <em>pondered<\/em> it. He didn\u2019t just let it go away; he pondered. There was nothing he could do in that moment, but he pondered it. I don\u2019t think we ponder too much anymore. We don\u2019t have time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe people were in trouble because the wall was broken down and the gates were burned. He knew that meant danger to them\u2014physical danger. We all get that, as parents. We do not want our children to be physically in danger. But Nehemiah had another concern\u2014and that was the wall protected the temple.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, in that day, that\u2019s where God resided. That was the whole point of their communication and their salvation. Everything was wrapped up in that temple. It had just been rebuilt. The foundation had been laid. It was done. Ezra had done all that work, but it was still in danger.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, where does God reside today? In us! So the temple is our bodies. Well, what wall is protecting the little temples\u2014the potential little temples? We have to be that wall, as moms. We have to be strong. We have to be girded up. We have to be put together with brick and mortar. We have to be wise, and we have to become that wall. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, we have to be the gates because the purpose is not to protect your child and pull them in forever. We have to train them for when they will go out from underneath our protection and into the world. We do that with the gates. Nehemiah also gave a lot of instruction about the gates\u2014when they were to be opened\u2014who was to guard the gates. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe gates, to me, were a great picture of\u2014these are privileges and things that we can give our children and test them, as they go out. Open the gate and see if they\u2019re ready. If they aren\u2019t, pull them back in and give them a lesson about it. Ask them to earn the privilege to go through the gate again until they reach adulthood and, then, they go into the world, under God\u2019s umbrella. Hopefully, they\u2019ve been trained.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And it\u2019s really the mom\u2019s responsibility, at home, along with the dad, to hammer out that plan to protect their children but also turn them into warriors so\u2014when you do finally open those gates and send those warriors out\u2014they represent Jesus Christ to the next generation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things you talk about is\u2014you talk about how there\u2019s a need for moms to be perceptive. I immediately thought about Ephesians, Chapter 5. I haven\u2019t quoted this in a while, Bob, on our broadcast. It talks about being wise about the time because the days are evil. It\u2019s really calling us, I think, by way of application to parents, to really be on the lookout for those things that are coming at our kids, from the culture.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Depth perception is <em>really<\/em> crucial for a mom. You have to stay ahead of your child. You can\u2019t open the gate to certain things, and then walk away, and think they\u2019re fine because the enemy can use it, later on, when you think a child has mastered something or they have the discipline to handle something\u2014and then you find that they didn\u2019t.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So one child, at age eight, may have had a privilege that another child didn\u2019t get until they were ten or eleven?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Right. So, at our house, this really came into play when we adopted because I ended up adopting a daughter who is the <em>exact age<\/em>, two weeks apart, of one of my other daughters. Well, my biological daughter had been with me for 12 years. The new daughter had not\u2014she had been in a difficult environment. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe was not ready for some of the things that my biological daughter had. You have to explain: \u201cThese are privileges to be earned. You don\u2019t necessarily get your driver\u2019s license when you\u2019re 16. You get your driver\u2019s license when you show me that you\u2019re ready for that privilege.\u201d That\u2019s counter-cultural! Every child looks forward to that\u2014when they turn 16. It\u2019s kind of tough.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, did you hold off on the driver\u2019s license with your 16-year-old daughter?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Oh, yes! But also, my son, Grant, still does not have his driver\u2019s license.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You\u2019re a tough mom!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> What were you looking for them to prove? I mean, if I\u2019m the kid\u2014wanting the driver\u2019s license\u2014\u201cWhat do I have to do, Mom, to get a driver\u2019s license?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Right. \u201cWell, I have to be able to trust that you\u2019re going to be where you say you\u2019re going to be. If you haven\u2019t demonstrated that to me, or you\u2019ve not told me the truth about something, or you\u2019ve not made wise decisions in that\u2014then, I really can\u2019t give you the car keys because, without following you around, I don\u2019t know where you\u2019re going to be.\u201d It\u2019s a trust issue! For one of my children\u2014he doesn\u2019t have it because he\u2019s just impulsive. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> To me, a car is a weapon. It\u2019s one thing if you want to kill yourself\u2014it\u2019s another thing if your impulsivity kills somebody else. As in hunting, or anything else, you have to demonstrate a certain level of\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You didn\u2019t just apply this issue of being perceptive about what\u2019s taking place in your child\u2019s life around 16, 17, or 18\u2014later on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You tell the story about watching your son, Grant, bouncing off the walls with energy. I thought that was a great story of how you took, really, a high-energy kid and you channeled that toward something productive\u2014that is even continuing on today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> It is. That\u2019s where your offensive and defensive perception work together. We had adopted him. It was Christmas, and the children were all home. He was really getting in trouble in the neighborhood\u2014he\u2019s just very physical. When the mother, across the street\u2014whose son is a defensive lineman for your high school football team\u2014calls you and says, \u201cYour son hit my son in the face,\u201d \u2014and he outweighed him by 300 pounds, almost\u2014you know there\u2019s a problem! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy kids were complaining; I was getting complaints from the neighborhood. I finally said to Grant, \u201cHey, Grant! Go get my bike. We need to go for a ride.\u201d He said, \u201cOh, I\u2019ll get my bike, too?\u201d He had this little Russian accent that was so cute. I said, \u2018Oh, no, you don\u2019t need a bike.\u201d We started going around the block. He said, \u201cMom, where are we going?\u201d I said: \u201cWell, Grant, this is the way it\u2019s going to go from now on. Every time something happens\u2014either in the neighborhood or in our house\u2014and you do something that we\u2019ve talked about\u2014that you know is wrong\u2014you\u2019re going to run a lap.\u201d Our block is half a mile.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m explaining all of this and I said, \u201cThis is for hitting Emily. This is for this.\u201d He is literally jumping on and off the curb, swatting at trees\u2014seven times around. I finally stopped the bike; and I said, \u201cGrant, did you run in Russia?\u201d He said, \u201cOh, no, Mom. They never let me out of the orphanage,\u201d\u2014and, you know, whatever. I said, \u201cYou need to run every day, Bud.\u201d He did. He ran five miles before school every day. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> But that continues on to this day. He\u2019s still running; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Yes! Months later, we had this thing called the Gasparilla Distance Classic. By this time, he\u2019s running\u2014some days, I can\u2019t tell you how many laps\u2014it was a lot. A friend of mine was running in the 15K\u2014not Mark and I\u2014we\u2019re not big runners. I said, \u201cAl, will you just let Grant run behind you? I think he can go the distance!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Now how old was he?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> He was ten. The run is on the Bay Shore. You can kind of drive down the streets and go look. So, we\u2014strategically, every mile\u2014would be there, waving signs. He was just running behind Al and waving at us. He thought this was the biggest deal, you know? We were kind of making it a family \u201ccheer-Grant\u201d time. We got to the finish line and we\u2019re like, \u201cHe\u2019s going to make it!\u201d I was looking for my friend, Al, who\u2019s very tall and was wearing a bright yellow shirt. He was like our identifier because Grant is very short. We couldn\u2019t find him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFinally, his sister yells, \u201cHere comes Grant!\u201d Sure enough, he\u2019s bee-lining for the finish line\u2014no sign of Al. [Laughter] Al said, at eight miles, he was chattering like the little box that he was\u2014a little chatter box. Al said: \u201cYou see those flags up there, Grant? That\u2019s the finish line. Go for it. Your parents are there.\u201d He won his age group. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Yes, he just took off and, literally, ran so fast. Today, he is in high school, running cross country; and he is very gifted.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If you were coaching a mom\u2014who had one of these high-energy, bouncing-off- the-walls, getting-into-trouble, aggressive boys\u2014you\u2019d say, \u201cSend him out and let him run around the block\u201d? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Well, in today\u2019s school, you really have to because they don\u2019t get enough physical exercise in school. But you have to take what God reveals to you about your child and use it. Don\u2019t just observe it. Perceive. Ponder what it is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy daughter\u2014whom I talked about\u2014who was acting out in her first little kindergarten class\u2014she came home again, and she had tasted the Play-Doh<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. I said: \u201cHoney, Play-Doh all tastes the same! Do not eat the Play-Doh.\u201d I realized: \u201cThis is an artistic child. What can I do to harness that?\u201d She\u2019s at Sanford University, on a theater scholarship right now, because I saw things in her that I didn\u2019t see in my other kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I really like what you\u2019re modeling here for moms. It\u2019s not just shaping the child\u2019s character. It\u2019s really directing the child\u2019s life. It doesn\u2019t mean you make the decisions for them, but you\u2019re evaluating who they are\u2014their gifts, their strengths, their aptitude\u2014and you\u2019re heading them in the right direction\u2014encouraging them and coming alongside them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s a word you\u2019ve used two or three times in our conversation. I want you to just comment on it because I know you\u2019re passionate about this word, too. It\u2019s the word, \u201cponder\u201d.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Explain why that\u2019s important for moms today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> I think there are a lot of things that happen in our children\u2019s lives that, in the busyness of today, we miss. You pick them up from carpool; and all of these comments start flying: \u201cI saw Sissy get hit on the playground!\u201d or, \u201cMy teacher says I don\u2019t make my 6\u2019s and 9\u2019s right,\u201d or, \u201cSomebody said this, and I don\u2019t know what this word means.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019re thinking: \u201cOh, my gosh! What\u2019s going on at school?\u201d But you pull in the drive and instruct everybody to get their baseball, and their basketball, and their ballet stuff, and you\u2019ll get the snack. You pile back in the car, and guess what you\u2019ve forgotten? Sometimes, with kids, you have to catch those little hints. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou have to remember to think about them; and you have to ponder them, like Mary pondered about Christ. We don\u2019t know what she was thinking, but she pondered. If she pondered, I had better ponder because we are there to guide and train our children.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I wonder if there are some moms, listening right now\u2014and for that matter, some dads\u2014who are going, \u201cI\u2019m not sure I really know <em>how<\/em> to ponder in a healthy way.\u201d What have you learned about pondering?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> I get in the way of my pondering because fear, worry, and anxiety kick in. I start thinking of <em>solutions<\/em> instead of really just resting. I had to learn some really tough lessons about that\u2014where I really had to just stop <em>my desire to fix<\/em> whatever it is and reflect. Journaling can help. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere have been times when\u2014after bad cycles of that\u2014where I\u2019ve just been on the [cycle] of fear, worry, and \u201cWhat\u2019s going on here? How can I fix it?\u201d\u2014I have, literally, lain down, with my Bible on my chest, because I couldn\u2019t even find anything to read. But sometimes, it just gets back to being still so that God can put the pieces together in your head. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf we\u2019re controlling, we don\u2019t do that\u2014we don\u2019t trust that God\u2019s going to reveal it. Sometimes, it\u2019s just waiting, \u201cOkay, I don\u2019t know enough to act on this right now; but I\u2019m going to make sure I write it down so I remember it and <em>watch<\/em> for God to reveal more, until I <em>can<\/em> take action on it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You\u2019re really talking about\u2014I know from reading the book\u2014some challenging days with some of your kids\u2014where they haven\u2019t just toed-the-line and just walked down the straight and narrow, all the way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong> Correct.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You\u2019re talking about some heartaches\u2014some real heartache you\u2019ve experienced\u2014where you had to step back, and listen to God, and ask Him to show you, as a parent, how to be intentional and how to take the kind of steps and actions that a child needs. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs I was reading your book, and was thinking about this\u2014one of our favorite verses, when we were raising kids\u2014was Philippians, Chapter 4, verse 6 and 7. It talks about a command there to \u201c\u2026not worry about anything; but instead, in everything, give thanks and make your requests known to God.\u201d It promises, in that passage, that the peace of God will be like a centurion that marches, back and forth, in front of a mom\u2019s heart.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have to believe there are some moms, right now, who need a centurion.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Maybe a little anxious?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> They may have a child\u2014or a family, as far as that goes\u2014where it\u2019s just not turning out the way you envisioned. You need the peace of God. The way you get that is you don\u2019t worry\u2014you give thanks. You bring your requests before God. I\u2019d also like to suggest to that mom\u2014if she\u2019s really worried\u2014to get a copy of <em>The Passionate Mom.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> There\u2019s really a lot of\u2014almost like a spiritual wheel alignment, for a mom. As she reads this book, she\u2019s going to be reminded of, kind of, what really counts and really how to go about the process of raising the next generation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And every mom benefits from having another mom, who is sharing stories about life and saying, \u201cThis is what worked for us; this is what didn\u2019t work for us.\u201d That\u2019s essentially what Susan has done for us in the book that she has written called <em>The Passionate Mom.<\/em> We\u2019d love to get a copy of Susan\u2019s book to you. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com to request Susan Merrill\u2019s book, <em>The Passionate Mom. <\/em>Again, our website is FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to request your copy\u20141-800-358-6329. That\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, let me just take a minute and say how thankful we are for those folks who will get in touch with us, from time to time, and make a donation to help support <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>We are listener-supported. That means\u2014without folks, like you\u2014pitching in, on occasion, to help out with a donation of whatever you can do\u2014$10, $20, $30, $40, or $50 or more. Those donations are what cover the costs of producing and syndicating a program like <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis week, we\u2019d like to say, \u201cThank you for your support of this ministry,\u201d by sending you a copy of Tracey Eyster\u2019s book called <em>Be the Mom. <\/em>You may want to pass this along to a mom you know, as a Mother\u2019s Day gift. In the book, Tracey outlines seven traps that moms can easily stumble into. She gives you advice on how to avoid and how to escape those traps, when you do fall into them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo to FamilyLifeToday.com and make a donation by clicking the button that says, \u201cI CARE\u201d. When you make an online donation, we\u2019ll be happy to send you a copy of Tracey\u2019s book, <em>Be the Mom<\/em>; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Make your donation over the phone and ask for the book for moms. Again, it\u2019s our way of saying, \u201cThank you for your support of this ministry.\u201d We\u2019re grateful for your partnership, and we\u2019re always happy to hear from you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you can join us back tomorrow. Susan Merrill\u2019s going to be here again. We\u2019re going to talk about how a mom can tell when it\u2019s the right time to keep the wall steady, and when is the right time to open a gate and let a child step outside? We\u2019ll talk more about that tomorrow. I hope you can be with us for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2013 FamilyLife. 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