{"id":302724,"date":"2013-04-26T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2013-04-26T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/trusting-god-in-the-valley\/"},"modified":"2013-04-26T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2013-04-26T15:00:00","slug":"trusting-god-in-the-valley","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/trusting-god-in-the-valley\/","title":{"rendered":"Trusting God in the Valley"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Amy Julia Becker and Jennifer Shaw talk about the unique challenges of raising a child with special needs.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-04-26.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"25.48M","filesize_raw":"26722645","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2090],"tags":[4881,5273],"podcast_series":[7941],"cwp_profile":[9297,9298],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302724","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-special-needs-child","tag-being-a-mom","tag-special-needs-kids","podcast_series-special-kids-with-special-needs","cwp_profile-amy-julia-becker","cwp_profile-jennifer-shaw","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302724\/trusting-god-in-the-valley","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302724\/trusting-god-in-the-valley","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"jTC6L8yzVK\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/trusting-god-in-the-valley\/\">Trusting God in the Valley<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/trusting-god-in-the-valley\/embed\/#?secret=jTC6L8yzVK\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Trusting God in the Valley&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"jTC6L8yzVK\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-04-26.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-04-26.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 When Jennifer Shaw\u2019s son, Toby, was diagnosed with a severe sensory processing disorder, Jennifer found herself wondering, \u201cWhy is God doing this to me?\u201d or even more, \u201cIs God really there, and does He care?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jennifer:<\/strong> You have that little doubt, in the back of your mind; and yet, He\u2019s shown up for me in ways that I cannot deny! So it has forced me to live my life in a whole new reality. I say I have a whole new perspective on what life is about. For me, what became paramount is to know Christ and to make Him known; and that is what the Lord taught me in that valley. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, April 26<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll hear today from two moms who have learned a number of lessons, as mothers of special-needs children. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. You know that I tend to be, just by temperament, by personality, an optimist. I see the bright side of things; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I have\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019d affirm that about me; wouldn\u2019t you? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I would affirm that about you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I remember I could take you to the place where I remember being\u2014was a beautiful spring evening. Mary Ann, my wife, and I were out walking around the neighborhood, with our daughter, Amy, in the stroller. It was warm, and the sun was going down. It was just\u2014we\u2019d just moved into a new house that we\u2019d had kind of built the way we wanted it built. I remember having the thought, \u201cLife is pretty perfect.\u201d And then, this thought hit me, \u201cAnd that doesn\u2019t go on forever.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was like, \u201cWhere did that come from?\u201d And I wanted to rebuke that spirit\u2014you know, that evil spirit\u2014from putting that thought in my head; but I stopped, and I thought, \u201cNobody gets from birth to death with sunsets and warm breezes and without a bump in the road.\u201d It was interesting because God was preparing us, at that point, for bumps that were just ahead, that I couldn\u2019t see. But up until that point, life had been fairly ideal. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s helpful to know, ahead of time, that some of this is coming. You may not know what the circumstances are going to be\u2014but to anticipate: \u201cWe will experience bumps in life, in our marriage, in our relationships, as we raise our kids.\u201d If you know that, going-in, then, when the bumps come, they maybe take you a little less by surprise.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. I think the issue with marriage, and family, and the bumps or storms, or however you may describe them\u2014you\u2019ve got to have a builder of your life, your marriage, and your family. And frankly, I don\u2019t know of one that can compete with Almighty God\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and with Jesus Christ. Now, that may sound a little absurd to state it that way; but people build their houses on the sand. That\u2019s what Jesus said a lot of folks do. They refuse to do what God says to do and acknowledge Him as the builder of their homes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we have a couple of moms with us in the studio who both have experienced\u2014I\u2019d have to say more than a bump\u2014some major challenges in their families. Jennifer Shaw and A.J. Becker join us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. A.J., Jennifer, welcome back. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jennifer:<\/strong> Thanks so much for having me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>A.J.:<\/strong> Thanks for having me, too. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And both have written books. Jennifer\u2019s written a book called <em>Life Not Typical<\/em>, and A.J. has written one called <em>A Good and Perfect Gift<\/em>. They both are moms of three children, and both are moms of a special-needs child. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes, Jennifer, it was your third pregnancy. Your son, Toby, was born. And six months in, you realized, \u201cSomething is not right here;\u201d but it wasn\u2019t until he was two that you got a diagnosis. The diagnosis was SPD. What\u2019s SPD stand for again? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jennifer:<\/strong> Sensory Processing Disorder. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, anything he touched or felt kind of was\u2014he was feeling it wrong and processing it wrong. He was\u2014life was hard for him, and it was hard for you. You weren\u2019t sure what to do with that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd Amy Julia, you shared with us that your daughter, your first-born, Penny, was born with Down syndrome. The first time you were aware of that was two hours after she was born, when the doctors came in and said, \u201cWe see some characteristics here that indicate maybe Down syndrome.\u201d But in both cases, these special needs that these children had\u2014all of a sudden\u2014caused you to recalibrate everything about life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It does, Bob. And A.J., I wanted to ask you a question. You know, I mentioned earlier that you\u2019re a graduate of Princeton Seminary. You had studied the Scriptures. You\u2019d actually had a test, during your pregnancy, to determine whether your baby was perhaps a Downs baby; and the result of the tests came back? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>A.J.:<\/strong> Yes. So, I, in retrospect, did not think very much about sticking out my arm to get some blood drawn for a prenatal test and thought: \u201cInformation is always helpful. So, why not have this information?\u201d It was a test, at that point, called a quad screen\u2014looking at four different hormone levels, in a mother\u2019s blood, to try and identify potential conditions in the child. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMine came back as a 28-year-old woman\u2014I should have had a 1 in 1,000 chance of having a child with Down syndrome. The test came back. It said, \u201cYou have a 1 in 316 chance of having a child with Down syndrome,\u201d which is still a very low chance; and yet, three times higher than it should be for someone your age. So, we were offered an amniocentesis. We declined, mostly, because it\u2019s an invasive procedure; and we knew that abortion was not something that we would have wanted to discuss. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, you and Peter never played the \u201cWell, what would we do if\u2026.\u201d I mean, here they tell you\u2014you don\u2019t have a child with Down syndrome. You didn\u2019t have a conversation saying, \u201cHave you ever thought what we would do if we had a Down syndrome baby?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>A.J.:<\/strong> You know, we didn\u2019t go very far down that road. I think, for both of us, there was not a question about terminating the pregnancy. So, it didn\u2019t seem like a conversation we needed to have until we had more information. Then, once the ultrasound seemed so definitively to say, \u201cNo,\u201d we didn\u2019t really think about it again.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0It was more, in my subsequent pregnancies, that we had to ask those questions because having a baby with Down syndrome puts you in a category of women who are considered high-risk for pregnancies. So, they had a 1 in 100 chance of having a baby with Down syndrome again. That was when we had to ask a lot of those questions: \u201cWell, what if we have another child with Down syndrome. Is that fair for our family? Is that right\u2014can we handle that?\u201d That was when all those questions came up; and then, again, in my third pregnancy, as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I have\u2014well, Bob and I both have a couple of friends who started a ministry called Tangled House. It\u2019s a ministry to marriages and families that have special-needs children. I was with one of my friends the other day. He told me that 1 in 10 children, being born today in our country, are special-needs children. He said: \u201cThe needs of these marriages and families today, across the country, are urgent. They need instruction about how to make their marriage and family go the distance.\u201d <br><br>I want to ask both of you\u2014and I want to begin with you, Jennifer\u2014what was the impact of this on your marriage? I mean, it had to be dramatic. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jennifer:<\/strong> Well, statistically, many marriages for special-needs families fail. I have had that question a lot, \u201cDid you have a lot of difficulties in your marriage?\u201d You know, for me, all I can say to people is: \u201cIt can\u2019t have no effect. It\u2019s going to have an effect one way or another.\u201d In our marriage, it actually strengthened our marriage; and I don\u2019t give any credit to myself in that. To be real honest, my husband stepped up in a way that was truly sacrificial\u2014and was the hands and feet of Christ to me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, personally, because I was already in such grief from my dad\u2014and I really didn\u2019t have a lot of capacity left\u2014but I was never in any doubt that we were in this together\u2014kind of thing. I knew how much Nathan loved Toby and that he loved Toby every bit as much as I did. He took that opportunity, I suppose, to step up and be the dad and the husband that he knew God had called him to be. He really served our family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, it just\u2014our marriage is much stronger than it was before this happened with Toby. I would have said we had a very happy marriage before we went through all this with Toby; but now, we have a very solid marriage. I know the character of my husband, and I respect it very much. That has been a tremendous blessing that God brought out of pain. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> A.J., what about you and your husband?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>A.J.:<\/strong> Yes, I can echo a lot of what Jennifer had to say. We also had a grief experience together, before Penny was born. She is named for her grandmother, who died of liver cancer, two years before. I think having gone through that together and seeing that we responded very differently\u2014and quite frankly, judging each other for our different responses with his mom\u2014actually, having worked through that enabled us, when Penny was born, to trust each other to respond differently. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe went through a severe grief for about 24 hours in the hospital, and he emerged and was really fine. That\u2019s been the case for the seven years that she\u2019s been with us. It took me about a year. That\u2019s a long time to be in different places; but because there was no judgment from him toward me in that year, he actually gave me a great deal of hope that I would one day be able to see her as the person that she was first. Over time, that did happen, but it took a lot longer for me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I want to go back and just underscore a statement you made because I think\u2014and I\u2019m not saying Jennifer and her husband are atypical\u2014but I don\u2019t find that most couples do what you guys did, Jennifer\u2014where you go into it together, you shoulder it together, you come out together\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jennifer:<\/strong> I would agree with that\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jennifer:<\/strong> \u2014because I talk to a lot of people, and I don\u2019t think that is quite the norm. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right. More are like A.J. and her husband, who process grief differently\u2014in different ways, in different paces, and as male and female, as mom and dad. I mean, Barbara and I have never faced anything, with any of our children, of this magnitude. We faced some tough stuff, and I\u2019ll tell you\u2014it\u2019s really easy for a husband and wife to miss each other in the valley. I mean, it\u2019s like you can be in the valley; but you can be going in two different directions. Have you experienced that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>A.J.:<\/strong> I\u2014again, we experienced that more, I would say, with Peter\u2019s mom. We knew she would die. So, as we were anticipating her death, that\u2019s where we experienced that: \u201cI don\u2019t understand who you are. I don\u2019t understand how you are processing this.\u201d He saw me as someone who was not trusting in Jesus because I was so sad that she was dying\u2014and, \u201cShouldn\u2019t I trust that she would be with the Lord?\u201d\u2014and, \u201cThere is so much that\u2019s good about that, even though we\u2019ll be sad she\u2019ll be gone.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI saw him as denying his emotions and not being willing to enter into the real pain and brokenness of this world. We could have done that same thing when our Penny was born and when she got her diagnosis because it was a similar pattern\u2014where I got somewhat mired in grief\u2014I spent a year, trying to figure all this out\u2014and he, I could have said, was just being in denial about the feelings he had for our daughter. Yet, our experience with his mom had enabled, I think, again, just to trust each other in that. So, we were very different. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And I have to ask you\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>A.J.:<\/strong> Yes? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cWho was right in how you processed it?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>A.J.:<\/strong> Both of us. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s a great answer! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>A.J.:<\/strong> One of the things that Peter\u2014one of the things that Peter says, which I think picks up on something you were saying, Jennifer, is just\u2014that if there are cracks in the sidewalk, it is severe weather that will expose those cracks. So, there are cracks in all of us. I often say that disability is God\u2019s magnifying glass that shows all of us our humanity. What it does is it magnifies the brokenness that is within us; but it also magnifies, I think, the gifts that we all are or can be. One of the things I have thought a lot about is how to hold intention\u2014being created in the image of God and the glorious possibilities that come with that\u2014but then, also, being these fallen, broken creatures who are desperately in need of help. I think he and I err on one side rather than the other; but if we are able to bring them both together, then, we have a deeper understanding of what it means to be human, in God\u2019s sight. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s where two are better than one.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>A.J.:<\/strong> Indeed. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You know, I so appreciate what you both have shared here today. I\u2019m going to ask you what would be an impossible question to truly answer\u2014but you both have been taken places that\u2014well, it\u2019s a deep valley, around a child. You can\u2019t fix it, you can\u2019t make everything perfect, your expectations have to be adjusted, family has to be adjusted, marriage has to be adjusted\u2014but in the midst of that, you both have seen God. Now, I want to know how have you seen Him, in a Down syndrome little girl. How have you seen God, in a little boy who has difficultly with sensory input, with processing that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jennifer:<\/strong> Well, I have seen God in so many places. The main place I\u2019ve seen Him show up is in my own faith\u2014that He has, as I said, transformed some of the things I thought were true about Him, I now <em>know<\/em> are true about Him. And that is a rock that I stand on because I don\u2019t have that\u2014you know, you have that little doubt, in the back of your mind; and yet, He has shown up for me in ways that I cannot deny! So, it has forced me to live my life in a whole new reality. For me, what became paramount is, \u201cWhy are we here?\u201d\u2014\u201c...is to know Christ and to make him known.\u201d And that is what the Lord taught me in that valley. <br><br>The other way that I have seen the Lord <em>daily<\/em> is in Toby because He has done a remarkable thing in my son\u2019s life, through therapy and through God\u2019s intervention, where we have seen such healing in Toby\u2019s life. Toby\u2014himself\u2014has such joy. As he walks around my house\u2014and he\u2019s now completely functional\u2014I mean, he\u2019s now pretty much a typical kid\u2014I see what the Lord has done for him, and he is my daily reminder of God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I want you to share the story of Toby who had not said virtually anything; right?\u2014hadn\u2019t said anything to you? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jennifer:<\/strong> Yes. Oh, he didn\u2019t have sounds. I mean, you know, babies go, \u201cBa-ba, Goo-goo,\u201d and they get their sounds. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jennifer:<\/strong> He didn\u2019t even have sounds. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jennifer:<\/strong> Yes, he was 24 months. He had no sounds, and we started in therapy. Six weeks later, I was reading him his bedtime story. Every night, I would read him a story, and I would sing to him, and I would pray with him, and I would put him in bed. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> This was after he had some\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jennifer:<\/strong> Six weeks\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jennifer:<\/strong> \u2014six weeks of therapy. And he had no sounds. That night, I prayed with him. I said, \u201cI love you, buddy. Good night.\u201d He, out of the blue\u2014he turned around in my lap and patted me on the cheek and just, out of nowhere, he said, \u201cI love you, Mom\u201d\u2014just the whole sentence, all at once! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> First sound he\u2019d made? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jennifer:<\/strong> Well, I mean he\u2019d cried. [Laughter] He cried, but yes\u2014and it was very slurred. I mean, he didn\u2019t have any ability to articulate well, but I\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> But you heard it? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jennifer:<\/strong> \u2014I knew what he was saying. Of course, I started sobbing, which scared him to death. I thought, \u201cGreat! Now, he\u2019ll never say it again.\u201d But I mean, from that point on, he just\u2014by Christmas, he was speaking in full sentences, all the time. By that spring, if you didn\u2019t live with him, you wouldn\u2019t have known he really had any issues. He was in therapy for years; but he\u2019s been discharged from all of his therapy now for two and a half years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe\u2019s in second grade. He plays soccer! You know, my son who was terrified of grass\u2014that we might make him touch grass\u2014that he would panic and cry\u2014now, he plays soccer. You know, it\u2019s a miracle, and I see God in him every day. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> A.J.? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>A.J.:<\/strong> Yes, it\u2019s hard to know where to start. I certainly\u2014Penny has a spirit to her that helps me to see God\u2014I think similar to what you are saying. I remember when she was very little\u2014she was\u2014even at age two\u2014very enamored with Jesus. I remember we had this book. It was a wonderful book that Moody Publishers puts out. It\u2019s all about these Jesus stories, but they never show Jesus\u2019 face. You always see Him from the back. She just said over, and over, and over again, \u201cSee Jesus!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSimilarly, in that same book, there was the story of the Good Samaritan. She was appalled, as a two-year-old, that there was no one who would stop and help the man. She kept saying: \u201cMe help! Me help! Momma, help! Momma, help!\u201d It was just\u2014even to this day, if she sees an ambulance, she will say, \u201cMom, we need to pray.\u201d There\u2019s just this attentiveness to the needs of others and faith that God will respond to those needs. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, there\u2019s some sort of spiritual acuity that I think she has that allows me to see the personal nature of our God. As someone who is pretty cerebral, and went to seminary, and so knows all of these abstract ideas about God\u2014it can be easy for me to forget that God cares about us, in a personal way, and that God actually, in His being, is able to attend to the very mundane details of our lives. Penny reminds me of that day-in and day-out. And she has really thrived. We\u2019ve thrived as a family because of her presence in it\u2014not for that reason alone\u2014but certainly in part because of that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Do you think Penny knows and trusts God better than you do? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>A.J.:<\/strong> Oh, that\u2019s a great question. Certainly, trusts\u2014I think I do know more about God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right; right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>A.J.:<\/strong> In terms of an actual, personal relationship with God, probably\u2014that is probably true. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I want to thank both of you for sharing your stories. We were commenting earlier, before we came in here, \u201cI can\u2019t believe I get paid to do this\u2014to come into the studio.\u201d I really do feel like we\u2019ve had the opportunity to be able to hear a couple of stories where it feels like the Holy of Holies. It feels like God is here. You ladies are a couple of heroes\u2014and your husbands and your families. Thank you for displaying the glory of God\u2014the image of God\u2014what He\u2019s really like to our listeners because I know there are listeners facing issues, right now\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014that they\u2019re going to look at differently because they\u2019ve heard your hearts and what God has done in you. Thanks for being on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>A.J.:<\/strong> Thanks for having us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jennifer:<\/strong> Thank you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019ve been sitting here, thinking about moms I know, who are mothers of special- needs children. I\u2019ve been thinking, \u201cI want to get copies of your books so that Mary Ann and I can pass those on to those moms and let them know we\u2019re praying for them\u201d\u2014just as a way to encourage them and to let them know that we understand the challenges that they are going through. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJennifer\u2019s book is called <em>Life Not Typical<\/em>. Amy Julia Becker\u2019s book is called <em>A Good and Perfect Gift<\/em>. And we\u2019ve got copies of both books in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com. You can order copies from us, online. Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com; or call, toll-free, 1-800-358-6329. That\u2019s 1-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d. Ask about the book, <em>Life Not Typical<\/em>, and the book, <em>A Good and Perfect Gift<\/em>, when you get in touch with us. We\u2019ll get those resources out to you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, one of the great privileges that we have here at <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, is to hear stories like we\u2019ve heard from Jennifer and from Amy Julia today. We hear some remarkable stories of God\u2019s work in people\u2019s lives. And we know that goes on throughout the country, each day as this program is heard in more than a thousand cities all across America. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we have a favor we\u2019d like to ask you. If you\u2019ve been listening to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for any length of time\u2014if God\u2019s used this ministry in some way in your marriage, in your family\u2014we\u2019d love to hear your story. So, what we\u2019ve done is we\u2019ve set up a voice mailbox where you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen we answer the phone, press \u201c8\u201d. That will take you to the voice mailbox, and you can leave us a two-minute voicemail where you share with us how God has used <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> or any of our ministries in your marriage and in your family. Now, you\u2019ve only got a couple of minutes. So, you might want to write down what you are going to say before you call. We may end up using some of that on a future <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> radio program. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, let me ask you to consider making a phone call\u20141-800-FL-TODAY. Press \u201c8\u201d and leave us a voicemail message, telling us about how God has used this ministry in your life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me also ask you to consider, this month, becoming a Legacy Partner. These are the folks who pray for us each month and provide financial support each month so that we can cover the costs of producing and syndicating this radio program. Right now, what they are providing doesn\u2019t fully cover what it costs us to produce the program. That\u2019s the reason we\u2019re asking you to pitch in and help\u2014whether it is $25, $30, or $50 a month, whatever it is you can do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019d love to have you join the team and become a Legacy Partner. When you do, we\u2019ll send you a welcome kit that\u2019s got some resources for your marriage and your family. We\u2019ll keep in touch with you throughout the year, and let you know how the money you are investing is being used to help change lives. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo online at FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the button that says, \u201cI CARE\u201d. And when you get to that page, you can either leave us a one-time donation or say, \u201cI\u2019d like to become a Legacy Partner;\u201d or if it\u2019s easier, call 1-800-FL-TODAY and let us know that you are interested in joining the Legacy Partner team. We just want to say, \u201cThanks,\u201d in advance, for whatever you are able to do in support of this ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd with that we have to wrap things up for today. Thanks for being with us. Hope you and your family are able to worship together this weekend, and I hope you can join us back on Monday when we\u2019re going to talk about what the book of Nehemiah has to say to moms. Susan Merrill joins us to talk about what she learned as a mom as she read through the book of Nehemiah. Hope you can be here for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today; his name is Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back on Monday for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2013 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["25.48M"],"filesize_raw":["26722645"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-302724.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-302724.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Julia Becker and Jennifer Shaw talk about the unique challenges of raising a child with special needs.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-04-26.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 When Jennifer Shaw\u2019s son, Toby, was diagnosed with a severe sensory processing disorder, Jennifer found herself wondering, \u201cWhy is God doing this to me?\u201d or even more, \u201cIs God really there, and does He care?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jennifer:<\/strong> You have that little doubt, in the back of your mind; and yet, He\u2019s shown up for me in ways that I cannot deny! So it has forced me to live my life in a whole new reality. I say I have a whole new perspective on what life is about. For me, what became paramount is to know Christ and to make Him known; and that is what the Lord taught me in that valley. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, April 26<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll hear today from two moms who have learned a number of lessons, as mothers of special-needs children. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. You know that I tend to be, just by temperament, by personality, an optimist. I see the bright side of things; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I have\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019d affirm that about me; wouldn\u2019t you? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I would affirm that about you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I remember I could take you to the place where I remember being\u2014was a beautiful spring evening. Mary Ann, my wife, and I were out walking around the neighborhood, with our daughter, Amy, in the stroller. It was warm, and the sun was going down. It was just\u2014we\u2019d just moved into a new house that we\u2019d had kind of built the way we wanted it built. I remember having the thought, \u201cLife is pretty perfect.\u201d And then, this thought hit me, \u201cAnd that doesn\u2019t go on forever.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was like, \u201cWhere did that come from?\u201d And I wanted to rebuke that spirit\u2014you know, that evil spirit\u2014from putting that thought in my head; but I stopped, and I thought, \u201cNobody gets from birth to death with sunsets and warm breezes and without a bump in the road.\u201d It was interesting because God was preparing us, at that point, for bumps that were just ahead, that I couldn\u2019t see. But up until that point, life had been fairly ideal. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s helpful to know, ahead of time, that some of this is coming. You may not know what the circumstances are going to be\u2014but to anticipate: \u201cWe will experience bumps in life, in our marriage, in our relationships, as we raise our kids.\u201d If you know that, going-in, then, when the bumps come, they maybe take you a little less by surprise.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. I think the issue with marriage, and family, and the bumps or storms, or however you may describe them\u2014you\u2019ve got to have a builder of your life, your marriage, and your family. And frankly, I don\u2019t know of one that can compete with Almighty God\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and with Jesus Christ. Now, that may sound a little absurd to state it that way; but people build their houses on the sand. That\u2019s what Jesus said a lot of folks do. They refuse to do what God says to do and acknowledge Him as the builder of their homes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we have a couple of moms with us in the studio who both have experienced\u2014I\u2019d have to say more than a bump\u2014some major challenges in their families. Jennifer Shaw and A.J. Becker join us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. A.J., Jennifer, welcome back. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jennifer:<\/strong> Thanks so much for having me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>A.J.:<\/strong> Thanks for having me, too. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And both have written books. Jennifer\u2019s written a book called <em>Life Not Typical<\/em>, and A.J. has written one called <em>A Good and Perfect Gift<\/em>. They both are moms of three children, and both are moms of a special-needs child. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes, Jennifer, it was your third pregnancy. Your son, Toby, was born. And six months in, you realized, \u201cSomething is not right here;\u201d but it wasn\u2019t until he was two that you got a diagnosis. The diagnosis was SPD. What\u2019s SPD stand for again? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jennifer:<\/strong> Sensory Processing Disorder. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, anything he touched or felt kind of was\u2014he was feeling it wrong and processing it wrong. He was\u2014life was hard for him, and it was hard for you. You weren\u2019t sure what to do with that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd Amy Julia, you shared with us that your daughter, your first-born, Penny, was born with Down syndrome. The first time you were aware of that was two hours after she was born, when the doctors came in and said, \u201cWe see some characteristics here that indicate maybe Down syndrome.\u201d But in both cases, these special needs that these children had\u2014all of a sudden\u2014caused you to recalibrate everything about life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It does, Bob. And A.J., I wanted to ask you a question. You know, I mentioned earlier that you\u2019re a graduate of Princeton Seminary. You had studied the Scriptures. You\u2019d actually had a test, during your pregnancy, to determine whether your baby was perhaps a Downs baby; and the result of the tests came back? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>A.J.:<\/strong> Yes. So, I, in retrospect, did not think very much about sticking out my arm to get some blood drawn for a prenatal test and thought: \u201cInformation is always helpful. So, why not have this information?\u201d It was a test, at that point, called a quad screen\u2014looking at four different hormone levels, in a mother\u2019s blood, to try and identify potential conditions in the child. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMine came back as a 28-year-old woman\u2014I should have had a 1 in 1,000 chance of having a child with Down syndrome. The test came back. It said, \u201cYou have a 1 in 316 chance of having a child with Down syndrome,\u201d which is still a very low chance; and yet, three times higher than it should be for someone your age. So, we were offered an amniocentesis. We declined, mostly, because it\u2019s an invasive procedure; and we knew that abortion was not something that we would have wanted to discuss. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, you and Peter never played the \u201cWell, what would we do if\u2026.\u201d I mean, here they tell you\u2014you don\u2019t have a child with Down syndrome. You didn\u2019t have a conversation saying, \u201cHave you ever thought what we would do if we had a Down syndrome baby?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>A.J.:<\/strong> You know, we didn\u2019t go very far down that road. I think, for both of us, there was not a question about terminating the pregnancy. So, it didn\u2019t seem like a conversation we needed to have until we had more information. Then, once the ultrasound seemed so definitively to say, \u201cNo,\u201d we didn\u2019t really think about it again.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0It was more, in my subsequent pregnancies, that we had to ask those questions because having a baby with Down syndrome puts you in a category of women who are considered high-risk for pregnancies. So, they had a 1 in 100 chance of having a baby with Down syndrome again. That was when we had to ask a lot of those questions: \u201cWell, what if we have another child with Down syndrome. Is that fair for our family? Is that right\u2014can we handle that?\u201d That was when all those questions came up; and then, again, in my third pregnancy, as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I have\u2014well, Bob and I both have a couple of friends who started a ministry called Tangled House. It\u2019s a ministry to marriages and families that have special-needs children. I was with one of my friends the other day. He told me that 1 in 10 children, being born today in our country, are special-needs children. He said: \u201cThe needs of these marriages and families today, across the country, are urgent. They need instruction about how to make their marriage and family go the distance.\u201d <br><br>I want to ask both of you\u2014and I want to begin with you, Jennifer\u2014what was the impact of this on your marriage? I mean, it had to be dramatic. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jennifer:<\/strong> Well, statistically, many marriages for special-needs families fail. I have had that question a lot, \u201cDid you have a lot of difficulties in your marriage?\u201d You know, for me, all I can say to people is: \u201cIt can\u2019t have no effect. It\u2019s going to have an effect one way or another.\u201d In our marriage, it actually strengthened our marriage; and I don\u2019t give any credit to myself in that. To be real honest, my husband stepped up in a way that was truly sacrificial\u2014and was the hands and feet of Christ to me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, personally, because I was already in such grief from my dad\u2014and I really didn\u2019t have a lot of capacity left\u2014but I was never in any doubt that we were in this together\u2014kind of thing. I knew how much Nathan loved Toby and that he loved Toby every bit as much as I did. He took that opportunity, I suppose, to step up and be the dad and the husband that he knew God had called him to be. He really served our family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, it just\u2014our marriage is much stronger than it was before this happened with Toby. I would have said we had a very happy marriage before we went through all this with Toby; but now, we have a very solid marriage. I know the character of my husband, and I respect it very much. That has been a tremendous blessing that God brought out of pain. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> A.J., what about you and your husband?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>A.J.:<\/strong> Yes, I can echo a lot of what Jennifer had to say. We also had a grief experience together, before Penny was born. She is named for her grandmother, who died of liver cancer, two years before. I think having gone through that together and seeing that we responded very differently\u2014and quite frankly, judging each other for our different responses with his mom\u2014actually, having worked through that enabled us, when Penny was born, to trust each other to respond differently. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe went through a severe grief for about 24 hours in the hospital, and he emerged and was really fine. That\u2019s been the case for the seven years that she\u2019s been with us. It took me about a year. That\u2019s a long time to be in different places; but because there was no judgment from him toward me in that year, he actually gave me a great deal of hope that I would one day be able to see her as the person that she was first. Over time, that did happen, but it took a lot longer for me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I want to go back and just underscore a statement you made because I think\u2014and I\u2019m not saying Jennifer and her husband are atypical\u2014but I don\u2019t find that most couples do what you guys did, Jennifer\u2014where you go into it together, you shoulder it together, you come out together\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jennifer:<\/strong> I would agree with that\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jennifer:<\/strong> \u2014because I talk to a lot of people, and I don\u2019t think that is quite the norm. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right. More are like A.J. and her husband, who process grief differently\u2014in different ways, in different paces, and as male and female, as mom and dad. I mean, Barbara and I have never faced anything, with any of our children, of this magnitude. We faced some tough stuff, and I\u2019ll tell you\u2014it\u2019s really easy for a husband and wife to miss each other in the valley. I mean, it\u2019s like you can be in the valley; but you can be going in two different directions. Have you experienced that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>A.J.:<\/strong> I\u2014again, we experienced that more, I would say, with Peter\u2019s mom. We knew she would die. So, as we were anticipating her death, that\u2019s where we experienced that: \u201cI don\u2019t understand who you are. I don\u2019t understand how you are processing this.\u201d He saw me as someone who was not trusting in Jesus because I was so sad that she was dying\u2014and, \u201cShouldn\u2019t I trust that she would be with the Lord?\u201d\u2014and, \u201cThere is so much that\u2019s good about that, even though we\u2019ll be sad she\u2019ll be gone.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI saw him as denying his emotions and not being willing to enter into the real pain and brokenness of this world. We could have done that same thing when our Penny was born and when she got her diagnosis because it was a similar pattern\u2014where I got somewhat mired in grief\u2014I spent a year, trying to figure all this out\u2014and he, I could have said, was just being in denial about the feelings he had for our daughter. Yet, our experience with his mom had enabled, I think, again, just to trust each other in that. So, we were very different. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And I have to ask you\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>A.J.:<\/strong> Yes? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cWho was right in how you processed it?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>A.J.:<\/strong> Both of us. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s a great answer! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>A.J.:<\/strong> One of the things that Peter\u2014one of the things that Peter says, which I think picks up on something you were saying, Jennifer, is just\u2014that if there are cracks in the sidewalk, it is severe weather that will expose those cracks. So, there are cracks in all of us. I often say that disability is God\u2019s magnifying glass that shows all of us our humanity. What it does is it magnifies the brokenness that is within us; but it also magnifies, I think, the gifts that we all are or can be. One of the things I have thought a lot about is how to hold intention\u2014being created in the image of God and the glorious possibilities that come with that\u2014but then, also, being these fallen, broken creatures who are desperately in need of help. I think he and I err on one side rather than the other; but if we are able to bring them both together, then, we have a deeper understanding of what it means to be human, in God\u2019s sight. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s where two are better than one.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>A.J.:<\/strong> Indeed. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You know, I so appreciate what you both have shared here today. I\u2019m going to ask you what would be an impossible question to truly answer\u2014but you both have been taken places that\u2014well, it\u2019s a deep valley, around a child. You can\u2019t fix it, you can\u2019t make everything perfect, your expectations have to be adjusted, family has to be adjusted, marriage has to be adjusted\u2014but in the midst of that, you both have seen God. Now, I want to know how have you seen Him, in a Down syndrome little girl. How have you seen God, in a little boy who has difficultly with sensory input, with processing that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jennifer:<\/strong> Well, I have seen God in so many places. The main place I\u2019ve seen Him show up is in my own faith\u2014that He has, as I said, transformed some of the things I thought were true about Him, I now <em>know<\/em> are true about Him. And that is a rock that I stand on because I don\u2019t have that\u2014you know, you have that little doubt, in the back of your mind; and yet, He has shown up for me in ways that I cannot deny! So, it has forced me to live my life in a whole new reality. For me, what became paramount is, \u201cWhy are we here?\u201d\u2014\u201c...is to know Christ and to make him known.\u201d And that is what the Lord taught me in that valley. <br><br>The other way that I have seen the Lord <em>daily<\/em> is in Toby because He has done a remarkable thing in my son\u2019s life, through therapy and through God\u2019s intervention, where we have seen such healing in Toby\u2019s life. Toby\u2014himself\u2014has such joy. As he walks around my house\u2014and he\u2019s now completely functional\u2014I mean, he\u2019s now pretty much a typical kid\u2014I see what the Lord has done for him, and he is my daily reminder of God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I want you to share the story of Toby who had not said virtually anything; right?\u2014hadn\u2019t said anything to you? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jennifer:<\/strong> Yes. Oh, he didn\u2019t have sounds. I mean, you know, babies go, \u201cBa-ba, Goo-goo,\u201d and they get their sounds. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jennifer:<\/strong> He didn\u2019t even have sounds. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jennifer:<\/strong> Yes, he was 24 months. He had no sounds, and we started in therapy. Six weeks later, I was reading him his bedtime story. Every night, I would read him a story, and I would sing to him, and I would pray with him, and I would put him in bed. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> This was after he had some\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jennifer:<\/strong> Six weeks\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jennifer:<\/strong> \u2014six weeks of therapy. And he had no sounds. That night, I prayed with him. I said, \u201cI love you, buddy. Good night.\u201d He, out of the blue\u2014he turned around in my lap and patted me on the cheek and just, out of nowhere, he said, \u201cI love you, Mom\u201d\u2014just the whole sentence, all at once! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> First sound he\u2019d made? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jennifer:<\/strong> Well, I mean he\u2019d cried. [Laughter] He cried, but yes\u2014and it was very slurred. I mean, he didn\u2019t have any ability to articulate well, but I\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> But you heard it? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jennifer:<\/strong> \u2014I knew what he was saying. Of course, I started sobbing, which scared him to death. I thought, \u201cGreat! Now, he\u2019ll never say it again.\u201d But I mean, from that point on, he just\u2014by Christmas, he was speaking in full sentences, all the time. By that spring, if you didn\u2019t live with him, you wouldn\u2019t have known he really had any issues. He was in therapy for years; but he\u2019s been discharged from all of his therapy now for two and a half years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe\u2019s in second grade. He plays soccer! You know, my son who was terrified of grass\u2014that we might make him touch grass\u2014that he would panic and cry\u2014now, he plays soccer. You know, it\u2019s a miracle, and I see God in him every day. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> A.J.? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>A.J.:<\/strong> Yes, it\u2019s hard to know where to start. I certainly\u2014Penny has a spirit to her that helps me to see God\u2014I think similar to what you are saying. I remember when she was very little\u2014she was\u2014even at age two\u2014very enamored with Jesus. I remember we had this book. It was a wonderful book that Moody Publishers puts out. It\u2019s all about these Jesus stories, but they never show Jesus\u2019 face. You always see Him from the back. She just said over, and over, and over again, \u201cSee Jesus!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSimilarly, in that same book, there was the story of the Good Samaritan. She was appalled, as a two-year-old, that there was no one who would stop and help the man. She kept saying: \u201cMe help! Me help! Momma, help! Momma, help!\u201d It was just\u2014even to this day, if she sees an ambulance, she will say, \u201cMom, we need to pray.\u201d There\u2019s just this attentiveness to the needs of others and faith that God will respond to those needs. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, there\u2019s some sort of spiritual acuity that I think she has that allows me to see the personal nature of our God. As someone who is pretty cerebral, and went to seminary, and so knows all of these abstract ideas about God\u2014it can be easy for me to forget that God cares about us, in a personal way, and that God actually, in His being, is able to attend to the very mundane details of our lives. Penny reminds me of that day-in and day-out. And she has really thrived. We\u2019ve thrived as a family because of her presence in it\u2014not for that reason alone\u2014but certainly in part because of that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Do you think Penny knows and trusts God better than you do? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>A.J.:<\/strong> Oh, that\u2019s a great question. Certainly, trusts\u2014I think I do know more about God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right; right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>A.J.:<\/strong> In terms of an actual, personal relationship with God, probably\u2014that is probably true. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I want to thank both of you for sharing your stories. We were commenting earlier, before we came in here, \u201cI can\u2019t believe I get paid to do this\u2014to come into the studio.\u201d I really do feel like we\u2019ve had the opportunity to be able to hear a couple of stories where it feels like the Holy of Holies. It feels like God is here. You ladies are a couple of heroes\u2014and your husbands and your families. Thank you for displaying the glory of God\u2014the image of God\u2014what He\u2019s really like to our listeners because I know there are listeners facing issues, right now\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014that they\u2019re going to look at differently because they\u2019ve heard your hearts and what God has done in you. Thanks for being on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>A.J.:<\/strong> Thanks for having us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jennifer:<\/strong> Thank you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019ve been sitting here, thinking about moms I know, who are mothers of special- needs children. I\u2019ve been thinking, \u201cI want to get copies of your books so that Mary Ann and I can pass those on to those moms and let them know we\u2019re praying for them\u201d\u2014just as a way to encourage them and to let them know that we understand the challenges that they are going through. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJennifer\u2019s book is called <em>Life Not Typical<\/em>. Amy Julia Becker\u2019s book is called <em>A Good and Perfect Gift<\/em>. And we\u2019ve got copies of both books in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com. You can order copies from us, online. Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com; or call, toll-free, 1-800-358-6329. That\u2019s 1-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d. Ask about the book, <em>Life Not Typical<\/em>, and the book, <em>A Good and Perfect Gift<\/em>, when you get in touch with us. We\u2019ll get those resources out to you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, one of the great privileges that we have here at <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, is to hear stories like we\u2019ve heard from Jennifer and from Amy Julia today. We hear some remarkable stories of God\u2019s work in people\u2019s lives. And we know that goes on throughout the country, each day as this program is heard in more than a thousand cities all across America. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we have a favor we\u2019d like to ask you. If you\u2019ve been listening to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for any length of time\u2014if God\u2019s used this ministry in some way in your marriage, in your family\u2014we\u2019d love to hear your story. So, what we\u2019ve done is we\u2019ve set up a voice mailbox where you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen we answer the phone, press \u201c8\u201d. That will take you to the voice mailbox, and you can leave us a two-minute voicemail where you share with us how God has used <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> or any of our ministries in your marriage and in your family. Now, you\u2019ve only got a couple of minutes. So, you might want to write down what you are going to say before you call. We may end up using some of that on a future <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> radio program. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, let me ask you to consider making a phone call\u20141-800-FL-TODAY. Press \u201c8\u201d and leave us a voicemail message, telling us about how God has used this ministry in your life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me also ask you to consider, this month, becoming a Legacy Partner. These are the folks who pray for us each month and provide financial support each month so that we can cover the costs of producing and syndicating this radio program. Right now, what they are providing doesn\u2019t fully cover what it costs us to produce the program. That\u2019s the reason we\u2019re asking you to pitch in and help\u2014whether it is $25, $30, or $50 a month, whatever it is you can do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019d love to have you join the team and become a Legacy Partner. When you do, we\u2019ll send you a welcome kit that\u2019s got some resources for your marriage and your family. We\u2019ll keep in touch with you throughout the year, and let you know how the money you are investing is being used to help change lives. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo online at FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the button that says, \u201cI CARE\u201d. And when you get to that page, you can either leave us a one-time donation or say, \u201cI\u2019d like to become a Legacy Partner;\u201d or if it\u2019s easier, call 1-800-FL-TODAY and let us know that you are interested in joining the Legacy Partner team. We just want to say, \u201cThanks,\u201d in advance, for whatever you are able to do in support of this ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd with that we have to wrap things up for today. Thanks for being with us. Hope you and your family are able to worship together this weekend, and I hope you can join us back on Monday when we\u2019re going to talk about what the book of Nehemiah has to say to moms. Susan Merrill joins us to talk about what she learned as a mom as she read through the book of Nehemiah. Hope you can be here for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today; his name is Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back on Monday for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2013 FamilyLife. 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