{"id":302723,"date":"2013-04-25T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2013-04-25T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/embracing-the-unexpected\/"},"modified":"2013-04-25T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2013-04-25T15:00:00","slug":"embracing-the-unexpected","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/embracing-the-unexpected\/","title":{"rendered":"Embracing the Unexpected"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Jennifer Shaw and Amy Julia Becker talk about how they felt as they sought to understand their child\u2019s special needs.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-04-25.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"24.65M","filesize_raw":"25845781","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2090],"tags":[4881,5273],"podcast_series":[7941],"cwp_profile":[9297,9298],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302723","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-special-needs-child","tag-being-a-mom","tag-special-needs-kids","podcast_series-special-kids-with-special-needs","cwp_profile-amy-julia-becker","cwp_profile-jennifer-shaw","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302723\/embracing-the-unexpected","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302723\/embracing-the-unexpected","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"HbFXuc6pF7\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/embracing-the-unexpected\/\">Embracing the Unexpected<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/embracing-the-unexpected\/embed\/#?secret=HbFXuc6pF7\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Embracing the Unexpected&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"HbFXuc6pF7\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-04-25.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-04-25.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 When Jennifer Shaw\u2019s son was born with a severe sensory processing disorder, her whole world changed. Jennifer found herself wondering why God had turned her world upside down. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jennifer:<\/strong> I do remember one day, right after his diagnosis, and really feeling like \u201cI\u2019m falling! I\u2019m falling! I\u2019m falling down this pit\u201d\u2014and I was actually lying on the floor, weeping, and opened my Bible. There was a verse there that was Psalm 42. It said: \u201cWhy are you downcast my soul? Why so discouraged within me? Put your hope in God for I will yet praise Him.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, April 25<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll hear today about finding strength, grace, and peace, as the mother of a special-needs child. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. You know, when you think about parenting, the degree of difficulty in parenting is\u2014there\u2019s one notch for that. You throw in some special circumstances, and it just adds a degree of difficulty. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I think parenting is one long process of learning fresh ways of trusting God. And we\u2019re going to hear a couple of stories today that, I think, are going to encourage all of our listeners to follow Christ and to trust Him with what they are facing today; but it\u2019s also going to minister to some parents who are facing some unique challenges in their family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have a couple of ladies: Jennifer Shaw\u2014and I\u2019m going to begin with your formal name\u2014Amy Julia Becker. She likes to be called A.J. A.J. and Jennifer, welcome to the broadcast. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jennifer:<\/strong> Thanks so much for having me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>A.J.:<\/strong> Glad to be here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> A.J. is a graduate of Princeton Seminary. She is a writer for <em>Christianity Today<\/em>, and lives with her husband in west Connecticut, and a mom of three. Jennifer Shaw is also an author. She is a national recording artist, former opera. Are you still doing opera? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jennifer:<\/strong> No, now, it\u2019s Contemporary Christian. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Contemporary Christian. She is a song writer, speaker, and also a writer. She is the mom of three and lives in central Ohio. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBoth of them have written books. A.J.\u2019s is called <em>A Good and Perfect Gift<\/em>; and Jennifer\u2019s is called <em>Life Not Typical<\/em>. I think there is a lot of life that\u2019s not typical; but as yours got started with your family\u2014Jennifer, let\u2019s begin with you and how God surprised you and how that was revealed in your family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jennifer:<\/strong> Well, my husband and I have three children. We have two girls and a boy, and we were having\u2014I would have described my life, prior to the time you are referring to, as pretty perfect. You know, \u201cI have a great husband, love my kids, and love my career.\u201d Things were going really well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, we went through a very difficult time that happened all at the same time\u2014kind of like sweeping away the things that you stand on. My father, who I loved tremendously, got Lou Gehrig\u2019s disease, which is always fatal. We were trying to have another child and weren\u2019t succeeding in that. Then, finally, did get pregnant. Then, I miscarried. It was a life-threatening situation. So, all at once, I realized, \u201cYou know, we really don\u2019t know if we have tomorrow.\u201d You know, here, I\u2019m going along; and you think everything is going to be fine. Then, you\u2019re like: \u201cWait! Maybe I don\u2019t have tomorrow.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, our youngest child started\u2014Toby\u2014he started developing some really bizarre and extreme behavior. He was just a baby, but he never learned to talk the way baby\u2019s do. They start to babble. Then, they start making words, and he never did that. He just cried all the time. And he couldn\u2019t eat. He couldn\u2019t be touched. It got to the point\u2014by the time he was about two, that he\u2014he would just sit in his red chair, and he didn\u2019t move. He didn\u2019t play. He didn\u2019t talk. He didn\u2019t eat. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe didn\u2019t really know what was wrong with him. And that was right at the time when my dad was passing away. So, it was just, for me, a very dark and difficult time; but also, a time when I would say\u2014I started to question things in my faith. \u201cIs this faith true? Can you stand on it when things are really bad?\u201d It was the time that the Lord showed Himself to be faithful in ways that I used to think were probably true but now I know they are. In every way, God was faithful. There was not one promise He made me that He did not keep in that time. So, it\u2019s been transformative, in terms of my own faith. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> There are really two issues that you\u2019re dealing with here. First of all is\u2014not knowing what\u2019s taking place\u2014that\u2019s one set of issues. And then, when you do find out what the diagnosis is\u2014you then have another set of circumstances that you have, going forward. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jennifer:<\/strong> Sure. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> How long did you go before you got some kind of diagnosis? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jennifer:<\/strong> Toby was diagnosed at 24 months\u2014pretty much exactly on his second birthday. When we got the diagnosis, it was, as you said, it was such a relief. His diagnosis was sensory processing disorder, which is SPD. It\u2019s related to autism in that, if you are autistic, you have it; but you can have it and not be autistic, which is the case with Toby. It\u2019s a neurological disorder, where his brain wasn\u2019t processing sensory input correctly. It looks really different in different children because it\u2019s on a spectrum. <br><br>So, you can either over-respond or under-respond to sensory input. In his case, he was completely over-responsive to touch. What that means is\u2014his brain was misinterpreting it. So, if he got water on him, he thought he was being burned. If he went outside and there was a breeze, his brain told him it was like electrical shocks going up his skin. Food felt like it was cutting his mouth, as it when down his throat. So, he couldn\u2019t eat. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Tell us about the day you went to the beach\u2014because this was right before the diagnosis; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jennifer:<\/strong> Yes. This was when I was really in despair. We had\u2014my dad had passed away, and we were very close. So, I was really depressed. And I had a number of shows in Florida. So, we had gone down anyway\u2014in hindsight, I probably shouldn\u2019t have gone, but I didn\u2019t want to disappoint them. I didn\u2019t want to cancel on a church. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, someone had given us a beach house. Usually, they\u2019ll cover our hotel; but they gave us this beach house. It was so kind. I couldn\u2019t figure out how to turn it down, but I didn\u2019t really want to go because I knew Toby wouldn\u2019t deal well. But we got down on the beach, and he started to cry. I mean, the minute we parked the car. He saw the waves. He saw the sand. I still didn\u2019t know what was wrong with him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I\u2019m talking to him. I\u2019m saying, \u201cYou know, Buddy, it is okay. It\u2019s alright.\u201d I knew he wouldn\u2019t want to touch it. I just didn\u2019t know why. So, I\u2014you know, \u201cI\u2019m not going to put you on the sand. We\u2019re not going to touch the water. I\u2019m just going to hold you, and we\u2019re going to watch your sisters play. Your sisters like the beach. We\u2019re going to go down.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>He was just screaming and panicking. I wrapped him up in a towel because I thought, \u201cWell, that will help.\u201d I knew he didn\u2019t like wind. So, I said, \u201cWe\u2019re just going to sit. We\u2019re just going to sit here on the beach. You\u2019ll be wrapped in the towel. You won\u2019t touch sand and you won\u2019t touch water.\u201d He just couldn\u2019t do it. He was sitting there, just screaming. And I just started weeping. You know? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI took him up to the car because I was so sad about my dad. It was really that moment\u2014because everyone had said to us\u2014said: \u201cOh, your son\u2014he\u2019s fine. He\u2019s just probably a really picky kid,\u201d or, \u201cHe\u2019s\u2014he\u2019s fine. He\u2019s unfriendly.\u201d I\u2019m walking up to the car going, \u201cThis isn\u2019t normal. This is not that. There\u2019s\u2014we can\u2019t explain this away. This is\u2014something is really wrong.\u201d We\u2019d already talked to the pediatrician. We\u2019d already talked to the people you think of talking to first. I thought, \u201cSomeone needs to help us because this isn\u2019t okay.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And when something like that is going on in a family, it changes the dynamic of <em>everything<\/em> about the family\u2014about how you interact with your daughters, about yours and your husband\u2019s relationship. It becomes the centerpiece; doesn\u2019t it? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jennifer:<\/strong> It does. And actually that\u2014I mean, that\u2019s such a common issue for special- needs families\u2014but it was a big issue, in our family, with the girls, especially, that there were many times that they would feel resentful of the time necessary to be given to Toby. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> They were older? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jennifer:<\/strong> Yes. So, he was already the baby. He\u2019s already, in a way, to be spoiled because he\u2019s the baby; but then, he ended up being such a high-needs person in our house that I think they felt pushed aside quite a bit. They were functional. They could go do their own thing, and everyone will pay attention to Toby. That was hard for them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I want to talk more about how a special-needs child impacts\u2014not only the family\u2014but also the marriage, too, because it can be devastating in a marriage relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I want to turn to you A.J. You had quite a different situation. Your time of not knowing only took two hours\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>A.J.:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014not two years.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>A.J.:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Share\u2014share with our listeners that story. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>A.J.:<\/strong> So, I was 28 years old, pregnant with my first child. My husband and I had been married for about six years, then, and had a pretty uneventful pregnancy\u2014went into labor two and a half weeks early, which was somewhat unexpected\u2014but it was actually a fairly easy labor and delivery\u2014gave birth to a little girl. We named her after her grandmother, which we had already planned. So, we named her Penny. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt that point, she got an eight out of ten on her Apgar score. Then, about two hours after she was born, a nurse came in and asked my husband to leave the room. When he came back, his eyes were brimming with tears. He said, \u201cThe doctors think that Penny might have Down syndrome.\u201d We knew\u2014although it took two weeks to confirm that with a blood test\u2014we knew that that was likely the case, just from some facial features and she had low muscle tone. Also, many people with Down syndrome, not all, but have what\u2019s called a simian crease, which is a line that goes from one side of the palm to the other, and she had that. That, to me, actually, was almost a helpful touchstone to say, \u201cNo, this is real; and I need to start trying to adjust to this reality.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere was the fear of not knowing much about Down syndrome. She was born on December 30<sup>th<\/sup>. So, it was a holiday weekend. Yet, they called a cardiologist to come in and do an echocardiogram of her heart that night because many babies with Down syndrome have significant heart defects. She did not, thankfully. But there was this medical-fear piece\u2014but then, there was also just the fear of not knowing\u2014having had, without even knowing it, a certain set of expectations\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Oh, yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>A.J.:<\/strong> \u2014of who my daughter would be and feeling as though they had all been completely swept away. And there really was a huge adjustment\u2014in my mind, in my heart, and in my faith\u2014to understand who my daughter was and to really\u2014instead of seeing her as a problem that needed to be solved or fixed\u2014seeing her as a baby, who needed to be loved, and really beginning to receive her, as a gift.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Let\u2019s talk about the faith component of that, both of you. I really want to know how you processed that\u2014were either one of you angry, at a point? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>A.J.:<\/strong> At\u2014yes\u2014at a point, I was. It took a couple of months to feel anger. For me, I felt some degree of guilt, again, the fear and just the\u2014I guess, the disorientation. I felt as though I had come\u2014without knowing it\u2014I was in seminary at the time. I\u2019d come into the hospital with a theological grid. I had a child who didn\u2019t fit in that grid because I thought that, \u201cOkay, Down syndrome, at that point\u201d\u2014I thought: \u201cOh, this is something that\u2019s wrong with the world. That means it\u2019s an aspect of sin.\u201d So, does that mean my daughter is wrong\u2014an example of what\u2019s wrong with the world? How do I love her? How does God love her? What does this mean?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI had her in this different theological category\u2014when what I needed was to understand the ways in which both of us had sin our lives\u2014both of us had brokenness in our lives\u2014and yet, both of us also were created in the image of God\u2014that there was far more in common, theologically, than that was different. That took a long time for me to work out\u2014not only in my brain, but also in my heart. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And it also left you\u2014if we put it in human terms\u2014your relationship with God was a little chilly for an extended period of time; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>A.J.:<\/strong> Absolutely, I am\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> As a seminary student? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>A.J.:<\/strong> As a seminary student. I guess I was interning with our church, after Penny was born; but I wasn\u2019t taking classes. I remember really feeling as though I had permission not to pray and that I was saying: \u201cOkay, You call us to carry one another burdens. I need the body of Christ to carry my burdens right now because I can\u2019t. It\u2019s too raw. It\u2019s too scary.\u201d So, that was true for awhile. Then, there came a point where I felt as though God was saying, \u201cOkay, it\u2019s time for you to come back on your own and not just to ask the faith community to be the ones who are carrying you.\u201d And there were\u2014I mean, there was just this evidence of God\u2019s care and sweetness, that didn\u2019t penetrate, but I was aware of. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, one thing that had happened before Penny was born, I was bemoaning the fact that I was pregnant and thinking: \u201cI\u2019m never going to finish seminary. My husband is a teacher. It\u2019s a terrible time of year to have a baby. This is not going to work out for us,\u201d\u2014just kind of, in my head, thinking about why it was terrible that I was pregnant. And there was just that powerful sense of God, intervening in my head and saying, \u201cBut if you weren\u2019t pregnant now, then, you never would have had this child.\u201d That was such a powerful thought\u2014that it stopped my own worry and fear. I told my husband about it. I told a friend about that moment of just thinking, \u201cYes, this child is exactly the one who we want.\u201d Of course, at that time, I had no idea that this child would also be a child with Down syndrome. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCouple weeks after Penny was born, a friend of mine called me and said: \u201cYou know, I\u2019ve been praying for you; and this passage has come to mind. I was a little hesitant to share it because you might be in a place where you don\u2019t want to think that there\u2019s a passage from Scripture that applies to your life, but I\u2019m going to share it.\u201d It was from Mark 9. It\u2019s the passage when Jesus takes the little child and says, \u201cWhoever welcomes this child in My name, welcomes Me\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>A.J.:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cand welcomes the One who sent Me.\u201d And she said, \u201cI really think that it is God\u2019s word for you;\u201d and it absolutely was. It reminded me\u2014that sense of receiving this child, welcoming this child\u2014that that would be some of God\u2019s work in my life to receive Him and to receive a bigger understanding of who God is and who God is within the human race, as we are created in His image. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Jennifer, what about you? Was there a moment when you were able to move from doubt, fear, anger, all the question marks, to a point of faith and trust in God, like A.J. just shared? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jennifer:<\/strong> Well, what was interesting, for me, is that we had already been in crisis before we went through all this with Toby. So, I actually think I experienced that, pre-Toby, because, I know, when my dad was dying\u2014when my dad passed away, when he was 58\u2014and he was my hero-kind of a guy and lived right down the street. So, we saw him every day. I do remember getting up one day, right after his diagnosis, and really feeling\u2014I mean, totally disoriented is the right word\u2014like feeling like, \u201cI\u2019m falling! I\u2019m falling! I\u2019m falling down this pit, and I don\u2019t know how deep it is. I don\u2019t know\u2014when I hit the bottom of it, will I be killed\u2014will I be able to recover? How bad is this going to hurt?\u201d You know, that wanting to protect yourself from pain and knowing, \u201cGosh! There\u2019s no way to protect myself here.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was at that time that I remember feeling like God caught me\u2014like God was the One who caught me. I was, actually, lying on the floor, weeping, and opened my Bible\u2014totally, at random. There was a verse there that was\u2014it looked like it was highlighted. It was there for <em>me<\/em>. It was Psalm 42. It said: \u201cWhy are you downcast my soul? Why so discouraged within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him.\u201d I said, \u201cGod, I have no hope. How am I supposed to put it in You?\u201d And I turned the page. Psalm 46 said, \u201cGod is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble; therefore, we will not fear though the mountains shake and fall into the sea.\u201d For me, that was such a pivotal moment in my life\u2014and in my faith\u2014like, \u201cI am here in total despair, and You showed up\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jennifer:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cand You showed up so tangibly because I think You didn\u2019t want me to miss it,\u201d-kind of a thing. So, really, Toby\u2019s diagnosis for us was more of a relief because we had two years to absolutely be head over heels in love with this kid and to watch him\u2014I think that was my biggest fear was watching him slip away from me. And the fear that I was going to lose him\u2014I\u2019m going to make myself cry\u2014but to have a diagnosis and say, \u201cOh, now, there\u2019s something we can do!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. You know, it\u2019s interesting we typically think of seeing God from a mountaintop, where you can see all the beautiful peaks, and the sky, and the clouds, and the sun, and the creation\u2014but as Barbara and I now have been married for more than four decades, and have raised our six kids, and have 19 grandkids\u2014you all don\u2019t know this\u2014but one of our granddaughters only lived seven days. It was a valley, and it\u2019s in the valley that you find God. He does show up there. He picks us up, and He is there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI don\u2019t know how anyone could receive a child like you two have done in your homes and families without believing that God is good. He really is good, and He loves us. And somehow, in a deep mystery that we\u2019ll probably never fully understand on this side of heaven, that His image and purposes are being displayed through this child\u2019s life and in your marriage and your family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You know, I\u2019m sitting here thinking about Job and the valley he found himself in. I\u2019m thinking about the companions that came and, first, just sat around him. They just sat with him. In looking in both of these books, I think, really, these are books that just kind of come and sit with you, in the middle of what you\u2019re going through, and don\u2019t try to fix anything\u2014just try to say, \u201cGod\u2019s here. I\u2019ve been here.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And I was thinking of Job, as well, Bob, and what Job said at the end of his life. He kind of\u2014and I\u2019m paraphrasing now\u2014he said, \u201cYou know, I kind of spoke of You before and thought I knew You; but <em>now<\/em>, I\u2019ve seen You. I\u2019ve experienced You.\u201d And a lot of life is made up of suffering. We don\u2019t want to\u2014we somehow\u2014we don\u2019t want to read the fine print of Scripture, but we will go through difficult days. It\u2019s in those difficult days that God does show up, and He is real. He is <em>very real<\/em>!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes, and both of you have experienced that. I think you\u2019ve captured that well in the books that you\u2019ve written. Jennifer Shaw has written a book called <em>Life Not Typical<\/em>; and Amy Julia\u2019s book is called <em>A Good and Perfect Gift<\/em>. We\u2019ve got both books in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. Go online at FamilyLifeToday.com to request a copy of the book. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you know a parent who has a special-needs child, buy a copy of these books and give them to them as gifts\u2014as a way to encourage them and to let them know you are praying for them. Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about these books; or call us, toll-free, at 1-800-FL-TODAY\u20141-800-358-6329. That\u2019s 1-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, before we wrap things up here today,we want to say a special word of thanks to a special group of people, those of you who tune in to listen to <em>FamilyLife Today,<\/em> and who from time to time will get in touch with us and help support this ministry. We\u2019re listener-supported. The cost of producing and syndicating this daily broadcast is covered by folks like you who will call in or go online and make a donation on occasion.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tToday, if you\u2019re able to do that, we\u2019d like to send you a thank you gift. It\u2019s a copy of a book by Tracey Eyster called <em>Be the Mom.<\/em> In the book Tracey offers help on how moms can avoid some of the traps that are easy for moms to fall into. The book would be a great gift for you to pass on to someone as a Mother\u2019s Day gift. All you have to do is go to FamilyLifeToday.com, click the button that says \u201cI CARE,\u201d make an online donation, and we\u2019ll send you a copy of Tracey\u2019s book.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr call 1-800-FLTODAY, make a donation over the phone, and ask for a copy of the book for moms by Tracey Eyster. Again it\u2019s called <em>Be the Mom.<\/em> We\u2019re happy to send it out to you, and we are grateful for your support of this ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you\u2019ll be back with us again tomorrow when we\u2019ll talk more with Amy Julia Becker and Jennifer Shaw about the challenges of being a mom with a special-needs child. That comes up tomorrow. Hope you can be here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2013 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 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Shaw and Amy Julia Becker talk about how they felt as they sought to understand their child\u2019s special needs.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-04-25.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 When Jennifer Shaw\u2019s son was born with a severe sensory processing disorder, her whole world changed. Jennifer found herself wondering why God had turned her world upside down. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jennifer:<\/strong> I do remember one day, right after his diagnosis, and really feeling like \u201cI\u2019m falling! I\u2019m falling! I\u2019m falling down this pit\u201d\u2014and I was actually lying on the floor, weeping, and opened my Bible. There was a verse there that was Psalm 42. It said: \u201cWhy are you downcast my soul? Why so discouraged within me? Put your hope in God for I will yet praise Him.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, April 25<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll hear today about finding strength, grace, and peace, as the mother of a special-needs child. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. You know, when you think about parenting, the degree of difficulty in parenting is\u2014there\u2019s one notch for that. You throw in some special circumstances, and it just adds a degree of difficulty. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I think parenting is one long process of learning fresh ways of trusting God. And we\u2019re going to hear a couple of stories today that, I think, are going to encourage all of our listeners to follow Christ and to trust Him with what they are facing today; but it\u2019s also going to minister to some parents who are facing some unique challenges in their family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have a couple of ladies: Jennifer Shaw\u2014and I\u2019m going to begin with your formal name\u2014Amy Julia Becker. She likes to be called A.J. A.J. and Jennifer, welcome to the broadcast. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jennifer:<\/strong> Thanks so much for having me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>A.J.:<\/strong> Glad to be here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> A.J. is a graduate of Princeton Seminary. She is a writer for <em>Christianity Today<\/em>, and lives with her husband in west Connecticut, and a mom of three. Jennifer Shaw is also an author. She is a national recording artist, former opera. Are you still doing opera? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jennifer:<\/strong> No, now, it\u2019s Contemporary Christian. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Contemporary Christian. She is a song writer, speaker, and also a writer. She is the mom of three and lives in central Ohio. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBoth of them have written books. A.J.\u2019s is called <em>A Good and Perfect Gift<\/em>; and Jennifer\u2019s is called <em>Life Not Typical<\/em>. I think there is a lot of life that\u2019s not typical; but as yours got started with your family\u2014Jennifer, let\u2019s begin with you and how God surprised you and how that was revealed in your family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jennifer:<\/strong> Well, my husband and I have three children. We have two girls and a boy, and we were having\u2014I would have described my life, prior to the time you are referring to, as pretty perfect. You know, \u201cI have a great husband, love my kids, and love my career.\u201d Things were going really well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, we went through a very difficult time that happened all at the same time\u2014kind of like sweeping away the things that you stand on. My father, who I loved tremendously, got Lou Gehrig\u2019s disease, which is always fatal. We were trying to have another child and weren\u2019t succeeding in that. Then, finally, did get pregnant. Then, I miscarried. It was a life-threatening situation. So, all at once, I realized, \u201cYou know, we really don\u2019t know if we have tomorrow.\u201d You know, here, I\u2019m going along; and you think everything is going to be fine. Then, you\u2019re like: \u201cWait! Maybe I don\u2019t have tomorrow.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, our youngest child started\u2014Toby\u2014he started developing some really bizarre and extreme behavior. He was just a baby, but he never learned to talk the way baby\u2019s do. They start to babble. Then, they start making words, and he never did that. He just cried all the time. And he couldn\u2019t eat. He couldn\u2019t be touched. It got to the point\u2014by the time he was about two, that he\u2014he would just sit in his red chair, and he didn\u2019t move. He didn\u2019t play. He didn\u2019t talk. He didn\u2019t eat. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe didn\u2019t really know what was wrong with him. And that was right at the time when my dad was passing away. So, it was just, for me, a very dark and difficult time; but also, a time when I would say\u2014I started to question things in my faith. \u201cIs this faith true? Can you stand on it when things are really bad?\u201d It was the time that the Lord showed Himself to be faithful in ways that I used to think were probably true but now I know they are. In every way, God was faithful. There was not one promise He made me that He did not keep in that time. So, it\u2019s been transformative, in terms of my own faith. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> There are really two issues that you\u2019re dealing with here. First of all is\u2014not knowing what\u2019s taking place\u2014that\u2019s one set of issues. And then, when you do find out what the diagnosis is\u2014you then have another set of circumstances that you have, going forward. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jennifer:<\/strong> Sure. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> How long did you go before you got some kind of diagnosis? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jennifer:<\/strong> Toby was diagnosed at 24 months\u2014pretty much exactly on his second birthday. When we got the diagnosis, it was, as you said, it was such a relief. His diagnosis was sensory processing disorder, which is SPD. It\u2019s related to autism in that, if you are autistic, you have it; but you can have it and not be autistic, which is the case with Toby. It\u2019s a neurological disorder, where his brain wasn\u2019t processing sensory input correctly. It looks really different in different children because it\u2019s on a spectrum. <br><br>So, you can either over-respond or under-respond to sensory input. In his case, he was completely over-responsive to touch. What that means is\u2014his brain was misinterpreting it. So, if he got water on him, he thought he was being burned. If he went outside and there was a breeze, his brain told him it was like electrical shocks going up his skin. Food felt like it was cutting his mouth, as it when down his throat. So, he couldn\u2019t eat. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Tell us about the day you went to the beach\u2014because this was right before the diagnosis; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jennifer:<\/strong> Yes. This was when I was really in despair. We had\u2014my dad had passed away, and we were very close. So, I was really depressed. And I had a number of shows in Florida. So, we had gone down anyway\u2014in hindsight, I probably shouldn\u2019t have gone, but I didn\u2019t want to disappoint them. I didn\u2019t want to cancel on a church. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, someone had given us a beach house. Usually, they\u2019ll cover our hotel; but they gave us this beach house. It was so kind. I couldn\u2019t figure out how to turn it down, but I didn\u2019t really want to go because I knew Toby wouldn\u2019t deal well. But we got down on the beach, and he started to cry. I mean, the minute we parked the car. He saw the waves. He saw the sand. I still didn\u2019t know what was wrong with him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I\u2019m talking to him. I\u2019m saying, \u201cYou know, Buddy, it is okay. It\u2019s alright.\u201d I knew he wouldn\u2019t want to touch it. I just didn\u2019t know why. So, I\u2014you know, \u201cI\u2019m not going to put you on the sand. We\u2019re not going to touch the water. I\u2019m just going to hold you, and we\u2019re going to watch your sisters play. Your sisters like the beach. We\u2019re going to go down.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>He was just screaming and panicking. I wrapped him up in a towel because I thought, \u201cWell, that will help.\u201d I knew he didn\u2019t like wind. So, I said, \u201cWe\u2019re just going to sit. We\u2019re just going to sit here on the beach. You\u2019ll be wrapped in the towel. You won\u2019t touch sand and you won\u2019t touch water.\u201d He just couldn\u2019t do it. He was sitting there, just screaming. And I just started weeping. You know? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI took him up to the car because I was so sad about my dad. It was really that moment\u2014because everyone had said to us\u2014said: \u201cOh, your son\u2014he\u2019s fine. He\u2019s just probably a really picky kid,\u201d or, \u201cHe\u2019s\u2014he\u2019s fine. He\u2019s unfriendly.\u201d I\u2019m walking up to the car going, \u201cThis isn\u2019t normal. This is not that. There\u2019s\u2014we can\u2019t explain this away. This is\u2014something is really wrong.\u201d We\u2019d already talked to the pediatrician. We\u2019d already talked to the people you think of talking to first. I thought, \u201cSomeone needs to help us because this isn\u2019t okay.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And when something like that is going on in a family, it changes the dynamic of <em>everything<\/em> about the family\u2014about how you interact with your daughters, about yours and your husband\u2019s relationship. It becomes the centerpiece; doesn\u2019t it? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jennifer:<\/strong> It does. And actually that\u2014I mean, that\u2019s such a common issue for special- needs families\u2014but it was a big issue, in our family, with the girls, especially, that there were many times that they would feel resentful of the time necessary to be given to Toby. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> They were older? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jennifer:<\/strong> Yes. So, he was already the baby. He\u2019s already, in a way, to be spoiled because he\u2019s the baby; but then, he ended up being such a high-needs person in our house that I think they felt pushed aside quite a bit. They were functional. They could go do their own thing, and everyone will pay attention to Toby. That was hard for them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I want to talk more about how a special-needs child impacts\u2014not only the family\u2014but also the marriage, too, because it can be devastating in a marriage relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I want to turn to you A.J. You had quite a different situation. Your time of not knowing only took two hours\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>A.J.:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014not two years.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>A.J.:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Share\u2014share with our listeners that story. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>A.J.:<\/strong> So, I was 28 years old, pregnant with my first child. My husband and I had been married for about six years, then, and had a pretty uneventful pregnancy\u2014went into labor two and a half weeks early, which was somewhat unexpected\u2014but it was actually a fairly easy labor and delivery\u2014gave birth to a little girl. We named her after her grandmother, which we had already planned. So, we named her Penny. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt that point, she got an eight out of ten on her Apgar score. Then, about two hours after she was born, a nurse came in and asked my husband to leave the room. When he came back, his eyes were brimming with tears. He said, \u201cThe doctors think that Penny might have Down syndrome.\u201d We knew\u2014although it took two weeks to confirm that with a blood test\u2014we knew that that was likely the case, just from some facial features and she had low muscle tone. Also, many people with Down syndrome, not all, but have what\u2019s called a simian crease, which is a line that goes from one side of the palm to the other, and she had that. That, to me, actually, was almost a helpful touchstone to say, \u201cNo, this is real; and I need to start trying to adjust to this reality.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere was the fear of not knowing much about Down syndrome. She was born on December 30<sup>th<\/sup>. So, it was a holiday weekend. Yet, they called a cardiologist to come in and do an echocardiogram of her heart that night because many babies with Down syndrome have significant heart defects. She did not, thankfully. But there was this medical-fear piece\u2014but then, there was also just the fear of not knowing\u2014having had, without even knowing it, a certain set of expectations\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Oh, yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>A.J.:<\/strong> \u2014of who my daughter would be and feeling as though they had all been completely swept away. And there really was a huge adjustment\u2014in my mind, in my heart, and in my faith\u2014to understand who my daughter was and to really\u2014instead of seeing her as a problem that needed to be solved or fixed\u2014seeing her as a baby, who needed to be loved, and really beginning to receive her, as a gift.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Let\u2019s talk about the faith component of that, both of you. I really want to know how you processed that\u2014were either one of you angry, at a point? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>A.J.:<\/strong> At\u2014yes\u2014at a point, I was. It took a couple of months to feel anger. For me, I felt some degree of guilt, again, the fear and just the\u2014I guess, the disorientation. I felt as though I had come\u2014without knowing it\u2014I was in seminary at the time. I\u2019d come into the hospital with a theological grid. I had a child who didn\u2019t fit in that grid because I thought that, \u201cOkay, Down syndrome, at that point\u201d\u2014I thought: \u201cOh, this is something that\u2019s wrong with the world. That means it\u2019s an aspect of sin.\u201d So, does that mean my daughter is wrong\u2014an example of what\u2019s wrong with the world? How do I love her? How does God love her? What does this mean?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI had her in this different theological category\u2014when what I needed was to understand the ways in which both of us had sin our lives\u2014both of us had brokenness in our lives\u2014and yet, both of us also were created in the image of God\u2014that there was far more in common, theologically, than that was different. That took a long time for me to work out\u2014not only in my brain, but also in my heart. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And it also left you\u2014if we put it in human terms\u2014your relationship with God was a little chilly for an extended period of time; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>A.J.:<\/strong> Absolutely, I am\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> As a seminary student? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>A.J.:<\/strong> As a seminary student. I guess I was interning with our church, after Penny was born; but I wasn\u2019t taking classes. I remember really feeling as though I had permission not to pray and that I was saying: \u201cOkay, You call us to carry one another burdens. I need the body of Christ to carry my burdens right now because I can\u2019t. It\u2019s too raw. It\u2019s too scary.\u201d So, that was true for awhile. Then, there came a point where I felt as though God was saying, \u201cOkay, it\u2019s time for you to come back on your own and not just to ask the faith community to be the ones who are carrying you.\u201d And there were\u2014I mean, there was just this evidence of God\u2019s care and sweetness, that didn\u2019t penetrate, but I was aware of. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, one thing that had happened before Penny was born, I was bemoaning the fact that I was pregnant and thinking: \u201cI\u2019m never going to finish seminary. My husband is a teacher. It\u2019s a terrible time of year to have a baby. This is not going to work out for us,\u201d\u2014just kind of, in my head, thinking about why it was terrible that I was pregnant. And there was just that powerful sense of God, intervening in my head and saying, \u201cBut if you weren\u2019t pregnant now, then, you never would have had this child.\u201d That was such a powerful thought\u2014that it stopped my own worry and fear. I told my husband about it. I told a friend about that moment of just thinking, \u201cYes, this child is exactly the one who we want.\u201d Of course, at that time, I had no idea that this child would also be a child with Down syndrome. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCouple weeks after Penny was born, a friend of mine called me and said: \u201cYou know, I\u2019ve been praying for you; and this passage has come to mind. I was a little hesitant to share it because you might be in a place where you don\u2019t want to think that there\u2019s a passage from Scripture that applies to your life, but I\u2019m going to share it.\u201d It was from Mark 9. It\u2019s the passage when Jesus takes the little child and says, \u201cWhoever welcomes this child in My name, welcomes Me\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>A.J.:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cand welcomes the One who sent Me.\u201d And she said, \u201cI really think that it is God\u2019s word for you;\u201d and it absolutely was. It reminded me\u2014that sense of receiving this child, welcoming this child\u2014that that would be some of God\u2019s work in my life to receive Him and to receive a bigger understanding of who God is and who God is within the human race, as we are created in His image. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Jennifer, what about you? Was there a moment when you were able to move from doubt, fear, anger, all the question marks, to a point of faith and trust in God, like A.J. just shared? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jennifer:<\/strong> Well, what was interesting, for me, is that we had already been in crisis before we went through all this with Toby. So, I actually think I experienced that, pre-Toby, because, I know, when my dad was dying\u2014when my dad passed away, when he was 58\u2014and he was my hero-kind of a guy and lived right down the street. So, we saw him every day. I do remember getting up one day, right after his diagnosis, and really feeling\u2014I mean, totally disoriented is the right word\u2014like feeling like, \u201cI\u2019m falling! I\u2019m falling! I\u2019m falling down this pit, and I don\u2019t know how deep it is. I don\u2019t know\u2014when I hit the bottom of it, will I be killed\u2014will I be able to recover? How bad is this going to hurt?\u201d You know, that wanting to protect yourself from pain and knowing, \u201cGosh! There\u2019s no way to protect myself here.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was at that time that I remember feeling like God caught me\u2014like God was the One who caught me. I was, actually, lying on the floor, weeping, and opened my Bible\u2014totally, at random. There was a verse there that was\u2014it looked like it was highlighted. It was there for <em>me<\/em>. It was Psalm 42. It said: \u201cWhy are you downcast my soul? Why so discouraged within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him.\u201d I said, \u201cGod, I have no hope. How am I supposed to put it in You?\u201d And I turned the page. Psalm 46 said, \u201cGod is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble; therefore, we will not fear though the mountains shake and fall into the sea.\u201d For me, that was such a pivotal moment in my life\u2014and in my faith\u2014like, \u201cI am here in total despair, and You showed up\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jennifer:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cand You showed up so tangibly because I think You didn\u2019t want me to miss it,\u201d-kind of a thing. So, really, Toby\u2019s diagnosis for us was more of a relief because we had two years to absolutely be head over heels in love with this kid and to watch him\u2014I think that was my biggest fear was watching him slip away from me. And the fear that I was going to lose him\u2014I\u2019m going to make myself cry\u2014but to have a diagnosis and say, \u201cOh, now, there\u2019s something we can do!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. You know, it\u2019s interesting we typically think of seeing God from a mountaintop, where you can see all the beautiful peaks, and the sky, and the clouds, and the sun, and the creation\u2014but as Barbara and I now have been married for more than four decades, and have raised our six kids, and have 19 grandkids\u2014you all don\u2019t know this\u2014but one of our granddaughters only lived seven days. It was a valley, and it\u2019s in the valley that you find God. He does show up there. He picks us up, and He is there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI don\u2019t know how anyone could receive a child like you two have done in your homes and families without believing that God is good. He really is good, and He loves us. And somehow, in a deep mystery that we\u2019ll probably never fully understand on this side of heaven, that His image and purposes are being displayed through this child\u2019s life and in your marriage and your family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You know, I\u2019m sitting here thinking about Job and the valley he found himself in. I\u2019m thinking about the companions that came and, first, just sat around him. They just sat with him. In looking in both of these books, I think, really, these are books that just kind of come and sit with you, in the middle of what you\u2019re going through, and don\u2019t try to fix anything\u2014just try to say, \u201cGod\u2019s here. I\u2019ve been here.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And I was thinking of Job, as well, Bob, and what Job said at the end of his life. He kind of\u2014and I\u2019m paraphrasing now\u2014he said, \u201cYou know, I kind of spoke of You before and thought I knew You; but <em>now<\/em>, I\u2019ve seen You. I\u2019ve experienced You.\u201d And a lot of life is made up of suffering. We don\u2019t want to\u2014we somehow\u2014we don\u2019t want to read the fine print of Scripture, but we will go through difficult days. It\u2019s in those difficult days that God does show up, and He is real. He is <em>very real<\/em>!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes, and both of you have experienced that. I think you\u2019ve captured that well in the books that you\u2019ve written. Jennifer Shaw has written a book called <em>Life Not Typical<\/em>; and Amy Julia\u2019s book is called <em>A Good and Perfect Gift<\/em>. We\u2019ve got both books in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. Go online at FamilyLifeToday.com to request a copy of the book. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you know a parent who has a special-needs child, buy a copy of these books and give them to them as gifts\u2014as a way to encourage them and to let them know you are praying for them. Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about these books; or call us, toll-free, at 1-800-FL-TODAY\u20141-800-358-6329. That\u2019s 1-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, before we wrap things up here today,we want to say a special word of thanks to a special group of people, those of you who tune in to listen to <em>FamilyLife Today,<\/em> and who from time to time will get in touch with us and help support this ministry. We\u2019re listener-supported. The cost of producing and syndicating this daily broadcast is covered by folks like you who will call in or go online and make a donation on occasion.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tToday, if you\u2019re able to do that, we\u2019d like to send you a thank you gift. It\u2019s a copy of a book by Tracey Eyster called <em>Be the Mom.<\/em> In the book Tracey offers help on how moms can avoid some of the traps that are easy for moms to fall into. The book would be a great gift for you to pass on to someone as a Mother\u2019s Day gift. All you have to do is go to FamilyLifeToday.com, click the button that says \u201cI CARE,\u201d make an online donation, and we\u2019ll send you a copy of Tracey\u2019s book.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr call 1-800-FLTODAY, make a donation over the phone, and ask for a copy of the book for moms by Tracey Eyster. Again it\u2019s called <em>Be the Mom.<\/em> We\u2019re happy to send it out to you, and we are grateful for your support of this ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you\u2019ll be back with us again tomorrow when we\u2019ll talk more with Amy Julia Becker and Jennifer Shaw about the challenges of being a mom with a special-needs child. That comes up tomorrow. Hope you can be here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2013 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/302723","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=302723"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=302723"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=302723"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=302723"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=302723"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=302723"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=302723"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}