{"id":302714,"date":"2013-04-12T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2013-04-12T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/a-place-to-belong\/"},"modified":"2013-04-12T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2013-04-12T15:00:00","slug":"a-place-to-belong","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/a-place-to-belong\/","title":{"rendered":"A Place to Belong"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Author Lisa Troyer spent years trying to run away from her past&#8211;sexual abuse from a former teacher.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-04-12.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"30.86M","filesize_raw":"32362557","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2093],"tags":[4374],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[3524],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302714","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-women","tag-sexual-abuse","cwp_profile-lisa-troyer","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302714\/a-place-to-belong","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302714\/a-place-to-belong","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"sr6SFpquD6\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/a-place-to-belong\/\">A Place to Belong<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/a-place-to-belong\/embed\/#?secret=sr6SFpquD6\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;A Place to Belong&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"sr6SFpquD6\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-04-12.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-04-12.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 During her high school years, Lisa Troyer remembers the inappropriate and unwanted advances she experienced from one of her teachers.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 What it really did to me was it made it very difficult for me to find healthy dating interests with boys my own age. I mean, when you are a teenager\u2014and you have somebody, who is twice your age, treating you like you are an adult\u2014then how does one of your peers even have a chance?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, April 12<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. Lisa Troyer joins us today to share her story about how she resisted and stayed away from the unwanted advances of a high school teacher, for years. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I was thinking about the story we\u2019re going to hear today. I was, actually, thinking back to a book you wrote, many years ago. You and Barbara wrote a book about marriage called <em>Building Your Mate\u2019s Self-Esteem.<\/em> One of the themes you addressed in that book had something to do with the attic. Do you remember it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes. Secrets in the attic. Yes. Bringing things out of the attic and beginning to deal with them, as a couple. I think that\u2019s very important for a marriage that is going to go deep and have the kind of intimacy that God called us to. He did say, \u201cFor this cause a man shall leave his father and mother and the two shall become one.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then, there\u2019s the promise of being naked and unashamed. That\u2019s not talking about just having no clothes on. It\u2019s talking about somebody really knowing you and the issues you\u2019ve dealt with in the past\u2014the secrets from the past\u2014those hidden things that we do bring into marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m just curious. Would you tell a couple that nothing from the past should be off-limits to one another?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Generally, yes. I think the nature of marriage is for two people to be known. If you\u2019re hiding something, it has you. You\u2019re not free. There\u2019s no other relationship on the planet, I don\u2019t think, that\u2019s as safe as one that\u2019s been established like the marriage covenant. I see our guest today, Lisa Troyer, nodding her head. You agree; right, Lisa?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yea and amen. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 She has written a book called <em>A Place to Belong.<\/em> She is a recording artist, a speaker\u2014she also leads a ministry called Circle of Friends, which is a ministry to women\u2014really, all about finding places of safety. We all have issues; right Lisa?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely. There\u2019s not one of us that has not had to walk through a valley.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And you had your own valley, from which you\u2019ve come from; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes. I look from the mountain top, and observe that valley, and thank God that I\u2019m not there anymore. But I\u2019m thankful that He\u2019s given me maybe that 30,000-foot view. That\u2019s the thing that\u2014when we do have issues, when we go through those valleys, and God delivers us out of the valley to the mountain\u2014what He teaches us through those times is not just for our benefit, but we have to be willing to step out of our comfort zone and be used as an example.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You spent a lot of years with a lot of your attic sealed off\u2014and not sharing it with anybody. I think that\u2019s the default position for many of us. We don\u2019t want to open up the musty side of life and say, \u201cHere\u2019s who I really am,\u201d because we\u2019re afraid we\u2019ll be rejected or because we\u2019re afraid we\u2019ll be too ashamed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, even in marriage. Bob, as you asked earlier\u2014that should be a safe relationship\u2014but a lot of folks bring these secrets into a marriage, and their spouse has no way of knowing what\u2019s stuck away in the attic.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And some of the dark stuff in your attic\u2014I guess, kind of the first life-defining dark moment, for you, happened when you were a freshman in high school?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes; yes. There was a teacher that I knew was one that paid inappropriate attention to other girls. When that started to happen to me, I really turned that inward to the degree that I did not want anyone to really know about anything because the girls\u2014that had been revealed to have been involved with him\u2014their reputations were ruined.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This teacher would smile at you, put his hand on your shoulder\u2014what kinds of things would he do?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 Those things\u2014flirtatious conversation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Not in front of the class, I presume\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014this was private, when he\u2019s got your ear, for a moment. He\u2019d say something flirty.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes. When walking around the classroom\u2014stand very close.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 The interesting thing was\u2014the kids knew it, in school?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, his reputation preceded him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 But no one turned him in.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 He had been caught, actually, in a relationship with a student; but because of politics\u2014maybe would be the way to term it\u2014the only consequence was just having some extracurricular activities withdrawn from him, for a certain period of time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So you\u2019re a mom of a son and a daughter. Your daughter is how old?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 Jillian is 16.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 How has Mom addressed this subject or, at least, engaged your daughter to do your best job of protecting her?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 My husband, Bob, and I have been completely honest with Jillian\u2014what I encountered. It came to the point of sharing details that I didn\u2019t ever think that I would share with her because, through Circle of Friends Ministries, we had sponsored a mother\/daughter evening\u2014where we had a police officer, who was helping us instruct our daughters about internet predators.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJillian had then confessed to her dad and me that there was somebody that was trying to engage her online. That would have been when she was in the seventh grade, I believe. It really shook me. So, Bob and I sat down with Jillian; and we told her the story. All of us cried. I let my husband explain because I didn\u2019t want it to be over-emotional. My husband is a very tender-hearted man, but he\u2019s not an over-emotional man. When his daughter saw him cry, while he shared about what happened to me, then it really struck a chord with her. We didn\u2019t have to give inappropriate information to her, but her awareness was made very complete in that timeframe. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur son, Christian, is 12. He is not aware, at this point in time, of that circumstance. I don\u2019t know that it will ever be necessary that he is, but Jillian is fully aware.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 The impact of what you experienced\u2014the unwanted attention of a teacher\u2014the impact of that on your soul\u2014on your emotional makeup, as a young woman\u2014it was corrosive.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 What happened?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 The thing that comes to mind, first, is guilt and shame because I had accepted Christ when I was in second grade. I was born again, and I knew it wasn\u2019t right. But what it really did to me was it made it very difficult for me to find healthy dating interests with boys my own age. I mean, when you are a teenager\u2014and you have somebody, that\u2019s twice your age, treating you like you are an adult\u2014then how does one of your peers even have a chance?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 How long did it continue?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 Until the day that I graduated from high school.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 All the way through. I\u2019m looking at you\u2014answering these questions\u2014and even going back\u2014what? \u2014now, close to three decades\u2014you still feel the impact that that evil did to your soul.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, because it\u2019s not anything that a child should ever have to encounter.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 One of the most frequent responses that we have, as human beings, when we hear a story like this is, \u201cWhere was God when this was occurring?\u201d How have you processed that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 I never felt like God wasn\u2019t with me. For me, the way that that manifested itself is that\u2014even though I did not make good dating choices\u2014it was the presence of God and the witness of the Holy Spirit that kept me from embracing the advances that the adult was making. I wasn\u2019t a very mature Christian at the time; but I did know the truth of, \u201cYou don\u2019t commit adultery.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You did experience depression\u2014had an ulcer in high school?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thoughts of suicide?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 Frequently, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And never told anybody about what was\u2014did you connect the two? Did you realize what you were experiencing was tied to what was going on?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 I really don\u2019t think that I did to the degree that was helpful\u2014where I would address the issue\u2014especially, when I went to college. I would find the temptation to see if I could entreat somebody\u2014to get a guy interested in me. As I grew older, I realized that that was a control issue, and that I was doing to them what was being done to me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere was one situation where I just thought: \u201cWell, this guy is interested in me. Let\u2019s see if I can control the situation.\u201d I did. It got to the point where he just assumed that we were going to get married. It was like I didn\u2019t have any intention of marrying him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 The black widow\u2014seducing the male into the web\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong> Yes, yes; you\u2019re right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014and being in control. You did go on to meet Bob, who eventually became your husband. Not Bob Lepine, by the way, just in case our listeners are wondering.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, even though we do have a common interest in music, Dennis.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes. But you entered into your marriage with Bob, without him knowing this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, I had alluded a little bit because he knew who the person was. We went to the same high school, even though we didn\u2019t date each other, at that point in time, because he\u2019s two years older than me. But as we got further into our relationship, there were times when I would go through some really severe depression. I would just think to myself, \u201cI wish he would just leave because I don\u2019t know how to be different.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI knew it was unfair to him. Most guys would have left, but he didn\u2019t. He knew that things had happened, but I had never characterized myself to him as an abuse victim. I minimized it very much, saying, \u201cOh, well, you know, I was just one of the girls that got flirted with.\u201d I justified, in my mind, because I did not take the relationship to its ultimate conclusion\u2014that it really wasn\u2019t like what it was. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, after our son Christian was born in 2000, I had just an incredibly difficult post- partum episode. I think, at that point in time\u2014biologically, emotionally\u2014I just didn\u2019t really have anything left. I began the process of being treated for the post-partum depression with medication. Then, I put myself in counseling. My friend\u2014her name was Faith Jones\u2014she was my counselor for a short period of time. God just used her in an amazing way. She said, \u201cLisa, if a woman came to you, what would you tell her if she had shared with you what you\u2019ve just shared with me?\u201d I said, \u201cWell, I\u2019d tell her that she\u2019s been sexually-abused.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was just like, in that moment, it was like, \u201cYes, that really is what happened!\u201d That day, our daughter, Jillian, was in Park District soccer. I went to her game and sat with Bob. He said, \u201cWhat happened today?\u201d I was like, \u201cI had my appointment with Faith. I went to the office, and\u2026.\u201d He said, \u201cDid you get a haircut?\u201d I was like, \u201cNo!\u201d He said, \u201cWell, you look different.\u201d You know what? I finally admitted that I was abused. It was just like, from that point on, I <em>was<\/em> different.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 When you pull things like that out of the attic\u2014out of the closet\u2014open them up to the light\u2014like I said, it\u2019s scary. In your case, it was almost like an epiphany\u2014not like fear and trepidation\u2014but a revelation of the reality. But there is a liberation that comes with that\u2014that I don\u2019t think people understand. They don\u2019t understand the bondage they\u2019re under as they keep this stuff bottled up. They don\u2019t understand the reality of the liberation. They\u2019re afraid of what\u2019s on the other side. It\u2019s freedom; isn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 The real fear here is that, \u201cIf I share this, I\u2019m not going to be loved.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll be rejected;\u201d yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cThat if you really did know me, as my husband,\u201d in your case, \u201cyou\u2019re not going to love me, accept me, and want me as your partner in life.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes. I didn\u2019t realize how guilty I felt. I think a lot of that stems from the fact\u2014and I think if you talk to anybody who has had any level of any sexual inappropriateness\u2014whether it\u2019s full-blown abuse or even harassment at work\u2014there\u2019s an element\u2014I mean, it is spiritual\u2014that spirit of shame and condemnation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEvery opportunity the enemy has to remind you that this happened and that: \u201cThere must be something about <em>you<\/em> that caused this. There must be some vibe you\u2019re giving off that invites this,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s such a lie from the pit of hell. That\u2019s the thing, I think, that tortures people who have had abuse perpetrated upon them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, there you were\u2014sitting on the bleachers, at a soccer game, with your husband. He recognizes something new and afresh is occurring in your soul, that\u2019s showing up on your face. How afraid were you, at that point, to finally tell him?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You were ready.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes. See\u2014the thing about it is\u2014it is like he <em>knew<\/em> that there was interaction\u2014but I always characterized it as, \u201cThis guy is just a jerk, and everybody knew he was a jerk.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That creepy teacher; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes. Yes. But as far as owning any of it\u2014for me, the biggest challenge was surrendering my thought life. I\u2019m very, very thankful that, as far as intimacy issues and stuff like that, it did not impact my marriage in a negative way\u2014just because Bob\u2019s such a great guy! That\u2019s all I can say. He\u2019s just\u2014what you see is what you get. He\u2019s very honorable.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So when you told him, how did he respond? What did he say?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 He was glad that the issue was addressed. He was glad that that thing that was eating at me had been put under the microscope and identified. He was thankful. He never made me feel like I was weak. He never made me feel condemned. I never, ever felt judged by him\u2014ever. He really, truly has been Jesus, with skin on, to me. When you talk about, \u201cHusbands, love your wives as Christ loves the Church,\u201d my husband has walked in obedience to that command.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 There was a point, years later, where you got the news that this teacher had been found out\u2014that something had happened that had exposed him; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right. I remember where I was at! I was with three other dear ladies. We were sitting in the hotel room in Toronto. It was brought up, \u201cOh! Did you know that So-and-so was dismissed because of having made inappropriate advances toward another teacher?\u201d All of a sudden, I felt relieved; but then, I did kind of feel guilty because I thought, \u201cI wonder how many other people would have been spared, if a couple of decades ago, I had\u201d \u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014\u201cspoken up.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes. So, the person was dismissed from the educational system, thankfully; but it took decades.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Lisa, I have to believe that a part of the safety you had to feel\u2014at the point you were able to openly share with your husband, Bob, what had happened\u2014was tied to the event of losing a baby\u2014a miscarriage\u2014and of, ultimately, kind of turning against yourself, as a younger lady\u2014where you basically told him: \u201cI\u2019m such a mess! You just need to leave me, and get on with life, and not mess with me anymore.\u201d I really found this story to be incredibly powerful\u2014especially hearing how he responded\u2014because how he responded to you, at that point, really did give you the safety, later on, to know, \u201cMy husband is for me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes; and that revelation of: \u201cI won\u2019t leave you. I won\u2019t forsake you.\u201d Now, I mean\u2014granted, he\u2019d be the first one to tell you each and every fault that he has\u2014but you know what? \u2014has come to me\u2014and other women will say this, too\u2014they are almost taken back by how loyal he is to me. He just loves me! To be so loved in this life\u2014sometimes, I feel like, \u201cLord, why can\u2019t every woman have what I have?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut that\u2019s one of the things, too, that\u2014as we minister to the women in the community through Circle of Friends\u2014if we can give them a safe place to share\u2014maybe the wall that they\u2019ve built up with their husband, that they don\u2019t even realize that they have\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 --and here\u2019s this guy, trying to figure out: \u201cWhy doesn\u2019t my wife want to talk to me? Why doesn\u2019t she want to have physical intimacy? Why does she not take my compliments?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cWhy does she shut me out?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, \u201cWhy does she shut me out?\u201d Well, if we can give that lady a place to belong, and if there are root issues that we can help her move through\u2014and we\u2019re not counselors\u2014but we do have a wonderful referral system. But if you get ladies in the Word, and we go through those steps of understanding that there is acceptance\u2014then we can be authentic, and we can affirm one another because we were built for community. We were built to find that place to belong, in a circle of friends.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 As you\u2019ve talked about, it took the safety of a relationship with a friend\u2014a counselor\u2014but nonetheless, a person who became a friend\u2014to give you that safety and, ultimately, deal with what had taken place in your past\u2014and to free you from the condemnation and the shame you felt because of four years of abuse of a high school teacher. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs you were talking, I couldn\u2019t help but think of Romans 8:1, \u201cThere is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.\u201d There are those listeners, who are hearing us right now, who may be enslaved to condemnation\u2014their own\u2014perhaps listening to the enemy\u2019s voice, who does condemn us\u2014who does speak lies into our soul. But we find that liberating love. Sometimes, we find it\u2014first, just directly with God. We experience His cleansing and forgiveness\u2014but sometimes, it takes another person to be, as you described, Lisa, somebody who was Jesus, who had skin on\u2014like your husband, Bob.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just appreciate you sharing your story and giving some hope to women\u2014who may be victims, as well\u2014and who need to let the secret out, and bring it out of the attic, and allow the light to shine on it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You read Romans 8:1. It says, \u201cThere is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.\u201d It goes on to say that, \u201cThe law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus will set you free.\u201d \u201cIt was for freedom that Christ set us free,\u201d\u2014Galatians 5 says. God wants us to not be bound up by\u2014to not be controlled by\u2014our own sin or by ways in which we\u2019ve been sinned against, in our lives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know one of the things that God has used in your life, Lisa, has been a community of women, who have gathered together, where you have fostered relationships. There has been transparency, and authenticity, and accountability. You talk about the Circle of Friends that you\u2019ve formed. In fact, you write about it in the book you\u2019ve written called <em>A Place to Belong.<\/em> We have copies of that book in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. We want to encourage our listeners\u2014go to FamilyLifeToday.com to get a copy of Lisa Troyer\u2019s book, <em>A Place to Belong.<\/em> It\u2019s all about how women can cultivate this kind of authentic relationship with other women and about how important it is for that to happen, in a woman\u2019s life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe also have resources, at FamilyLifeToday.com, for those who have experienced childhood sexual abuse\u2014whether it was the kind of abuse that Lisa experienced or something that was even more profound than that. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com for information on other resources we have available. Again, the website: FamilyLifeToday.com; or call, toll-free, at 1-800-FL-TODAY; 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, before we wrap up here today, I want to say a word of thanks to those of you who help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>,financially. We are listener-supported. It\u2019s those folks who\u2014either, regularly, get in touch with us to offer a contribution to support this ministry or those of you who will from, time to time, go to FamilyLifeToday.com and make an online donation. We appreciate that financial support. You guys make this program possible. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis week, we would like to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d for any financial support you can provide by sending you an audio CD with a conversation we had with Dr. Ed Welch. Dr. Welch is with the Christian Counseling and Education Foundation. We talked with him about the whole issue of addictions, and what it is that causes us to gravitate toward addictive behaviors in our lives, and how we can be free from those kinds of addictions. We\u2019d love to send you the CD as our way of saying, \u201cThank you for your support of the ministry,\u201d this week. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the button that says, \u201cI CARE\u201d. Make an online donation. You can request the CD. Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Make your donation over the phone and simply ask for the CD on addictions. When you do that, we\u2019re happy to send it out to you. We very much appreciate your support of the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you have a great weekend. Hope you and your family are able to worship together this weekend. I hope you can join us back on Monday. We\u2019re going to talk with Bob and Kerrie Wood about their involvement with the ministry of Celebrate Recovery. We\u2019re going to hear their own story of recovery. We\u2019re going to talk about a movie that is being released next week, called <em>Home Run<\/em>\u2014a movie that talks about alcoholism and redemption. I hope you can tune in for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next week for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2013 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["30.86M"],"filesize_raw":["32362557"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-302714.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-302714.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Lisa Troyer spent years trying to run away from her past--sexual abuse from a former teacher.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-04-12.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 During her high school years, Lisa Troyer remembers the inappropriate and unwanted advances she experienced from one of her teachers.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 What it really did to me was it made it very difficult for me to find healthy dating interests with boys my own age. I mean, when you are a teenager\u2014and you have somebody, who is twice your age, treating you like you are an adult\u2014then how does one of your peers even have a chance?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, April 12<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. Lisa Troyer joins us today to share her story about how she resisted and stayed away from the unwanted advances of a high school teacher, for years. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I was thinking about the story we\u2019re going to hear today. I was, actually, thinking back to a book you wrote, many years ago. You and Barbara wrote a book about marriage called <em>Building Your Mate\u2019s Self-Esteem.<\/em> One of the themes you addressed in that book had something to do with the attic. Do you remember it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes. Secrets in the attic. Yes. Bringing things out of the attic and beginning to deal with them, as a couple. I think that\u2019s very important for a marriage that is going to go deep and have the kind of intimacy that God called us to. He did say, \u201cFor this cause a man shall leave his father and mother and the two shall become one.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then, there\u2019s the promise of being naked and unashamed. That\u2019s not talking about just having no clothes on. It\u2019s talking about somebody really knowing you and the issues you\u2019ve dealt with in the past\u2014the secrets from the past\u2014those hidden things that we do bring into marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m just curious. Would you tell a couple that nothing from the past should be off-limits to one another?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Generally, yes. I think the nature of marriage is for two people to be known. If you\u2019re hiding something, it has you. You\u2019re not free. There\u2019s no other relationship on the planet, I don\u2019t think, that\u2019s as safe as one that\u2019s been established like the marriage covenant. I see our guest today, Lisa Troyer, nodding her head. You agree; right, Lisa?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yea and amen. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 She has written a book called <em>A Place to Belong.<\/em> She is a recording artist, a speaker\u2014she also leads a ministry called Circle of Friends, which is a ministry to women\u2014really, all about finding places of safety. We all have issues; right Lisa?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely. There\u2019s not one of us that has not had to walk through a valley.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And you had your own valley, from which you\u2019ve come from; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes. I look from the mountain top, and observe that valley, and thank God that I\u2019m not there anymore. But I\u2019m thankful that He\u2019s given me maybe that 30,000-foot view. That\u2019s the thing that\u2014when we do have issues, when we go through those valleys, and God delivers us out of the valley to the mountain\u2014what He teaches us through those times is not just for our benefit, but we have to be willing to step out of our comfort zone and be used as an example.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You spent a lot of years with a lot of your attic sealed off\u2014and not sharing it with anybody. I think that\u2019s the default position for many of us. We don\u2019t want to open up the musty side of life and say, \u201cHere\u2019s who I really am,\u201d because we\u2019re afraid we\u2019ll be rejected or because we\u2019re afraid we\u2019ll be too ashamed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, even in marriage. Bob, as you asked earlier\u2014that should be a safe relationship\u2014but a lot of folks bring these secrets into a marriage, and their spouse has no way of knowing what\u2019s stuck away in the attic.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And some of the dark stuff in your attic\u2014I guess, kind of the first life-defining dark moment, for you, happened when you were a freshman in high school?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes; yes. There was a teacher that I knew was one that paid inappropriate attention to other girls. When that started to happen to me, I really turned that inward to the degree that I did not want anyone to really know about anything because the girls\u2014that had been revealed to have been involved with him\u2014their reputations were ruined.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This teacher would smile at you, put his hand on your shoulder\u2014what kinds of things would he do?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 Those things\u2014flirtatious conversation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Not in front of the class, I presume\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014this was private, when he\u2019s got your ear, for a moment. He\u2019d say something flirty.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes. When walking around the classroom\u2014stand very close.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 The interesting thing was\u2014the kids knew it, in school?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, his reputation preceded him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 But no one turned him in.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 He had been caught, actually, in a relationship with a student; but because of politics\u2014maybe would be the way to term it\u2014the only consequence was just having some extracurricular activities withdrawn from him, for a certain period of time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So you\u2019re a mom of a son and a daughter. Your daughter is how old?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 Jillian is 16.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 How has Mom addressed this subject or, at least, engaged your daughter to do your best job of protecting her?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 My husband, Bob, and I have been completely honest with Jillian\u2014what I encountered. It came to the point of sharing details that I didn\u2019t ever think that I would share with her because, through Circle of Friends Ministries, we had sponsored a mother\/daughter evening\u2014where we had a police officer, who was helping us instruct our daughters about internet predators.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJillian had then confessed to her dad and me that there was somebody that was trying to engage her online. That would have been when she was in the seventh grade, I believe. It really shook me. So, Bob and I sat down with Jillian; and we told her the story. All of us cried. I let my husband explain because I didn\u2019t want it to be over-emotional. My husband is a very tender-hearted man, but he\u2019s not an over-emotional man. When his daughter saw him cry, while he shared about what happened to me, then it really struck a chord with her. We didn\u2019t have to give inappropriate information to her, but her awareness was made very complete in that timeframe. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur son, Christian, is 12. He is not aware, at this point in time, of that circumstance. I don\u2019t know that it will ever be necessary that he is, but Jillian is fully aware.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 The impact of what you experienced\u2014the unwanted attention of a teacher\u2014the impact of that on your soul\u2014on your emotional makeup, as a young woman\u2014it was corrosive.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 What happened?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 The thing that comes to mind, first, is guilt and shame because I had accepted Christ when I was in second grade. I was born again, and I knew it wasn\u2019t right. But what it really did to me was it made it very difficult for me to find healthy dating interests with boys my own age. I mean, when you are a teenager\u2014and you have somebody, that\u2019s twice your age, treating you like you are an adult\u2014then how does one of your peers even have a chance?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 How long did it continue?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 Until the day that I graduated from high school.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 All the way through. I\u2019m looking at you\u2014answering these questions\u2014and even going back\u2014what? \u2014now, close to three decades\u2014you still feel the impact that that evil did to your soul.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, because it\u2019s not anything that a child should ever have to encounter.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 One of the most frequent responses that we have, as human beings, when we hear a story like this is, \u201cWhere was God when this was occurring?\u201d How have you processed that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 I never felt like God wasn\u2019t with me. For me, the way that that manifested itself is that\u2014even though I did not make good dating choices\u2014it was the presence of God and the witness of the Holy Spirit that kept me from embracing the advances that the adult was making. I wasn\u2019t a very mature Christian at the time; but I did know the truth of, \u201cYou don\u2019t commit adultery.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You did experience depression\u2014had an ulcer in high school?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thoughts of suicide?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 Frequently, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And never told anybody about what was\u2014did you connect the two? Did you realize what you were experiencing was tied to what was going on?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 I really don\u2019t think that I did to the degree that was helpful\u2014where I would address the issue\u2014especially, when I went to college. I would find the temptation to see if I could entreat somebody\u2014to get a guy interested in me. As I grew older, I realized that that was a control issue, and that I was doing to them what was being done to me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere was one situation where I just thought: \u201cWell, this guy is interested in me. Let\u2019s see if I can control the situation.\u201d I did. It got to the point where he just assumed that we were going to get married. It was like I didn\u2019t have any intention of marrying him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 The black widow\u2014seducing the male into the web\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong> Yes, yes; you\u2019re right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014and being in control. You did go on to meet Bob, who eventually became your husband. Not Bob Lepine, by the way, just in case our listeners are wondering.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, even though we do have a common interest in music, Dennis.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes. But you entered into your marriage with Bob, without him knowing this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, I had alluded a little bit because he knew who the person was. We went to the same high school, even though we didn\u2019t date each other, at that point in time, because he\u2019s two years older than me. But as we got further into our relationship, there were times when I would go through some really severe depression. I would just think to myself, \u201cI wish he would just leave because I don\u2019t know how to be different.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI knew it was unfair to him. Most guys would have left, but he didn\u2019t. He knew that things had happened, but I had never characterized myself to him as an abuse victim. I minimized it very much, saying, \u201cOh, well, you know, I was just one of the girls that got flirted with.\u201d I justified, in my mind, because I did not take the relationship to its ultimate conclusion\u2014that it really wasn\u2019t like what it was. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, after our son Christian was born in 2000, I had just an incredibly difficult post- partum episode. I think, at that point in time\u2014biologically, emotionally\u2014I just didn\u2019t really have anything left. I began the process of being treated for the post-partum depression with medication. Then, I put myself in counseling. My friend\u2014her name was Faith Jones\u2014she was my counselor for a short period of time. God just used her in an amazing way. She said, \u201cLisa, if a woman came to you, what would you tell her if she had shared with you what you\u2019ve just shared with me?\u201d I said, \u201cWell, I\u2019d tell her that she\u2019s been sexually-abused.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was just like, in that moment, it was like, \u201cYes, that really is what happened!\u201d That day, our daughter, Jillian, was in Park District soccer. I went to her game and sat with Bob. He said, \u201cWhat happened today?\u201d I was like, \u201cI had my appointment with Faith. I went to the office, and\u2026.\u201d He said, \u201cDid you get a haircut?\u201d I was like, \u201cNo!\u201d He said, \u201cWell, you look different.\u201d You know what? I finally admitted that I was abused. It was just like, from that point on, I <em>was<\/em> different.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 When you pull things like that out of the attic\u2014out of the closet\u2014open them up to the light\u2014like I said, it\u2019s scary. In your case, it was almost like an epiphany\u2014not like fear and trepidation\u2014but a revelation of the reality. But there is a liberation that comes with that\u2014that I don\u2019t think people understand. They don\u2019t understand the bondage they\u2019re under as they keep this stuff bottled up. They don\u2019t understand the reality of the liberation. They\u2019re afraid of what\u2019s on the other side. It\u2019s freedom; isn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 The real fear here is that, \u201cIf I share this, I\u2019m not going to be loved.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll be rejected;\u201d yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cThat if you really did know me, as my husband,\u201d in your case, \u201cyou\u2019re not going to love me, accept me, and want me as your partner in life.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes. I didn\u2019t realize how guilty I felt. I think a lot of that stems from the fact\u2014and I think if you talk to anybody who has had any level of any sexual inappropriateness\u2014whether it\u2019s full-blown abuse or even harassment at work\u2014there\u2019s an element\u2014I mean, it is spiritual\u2014that spirit of shame and condemnation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEvery opportunity the enemy has to remind you that this happened and that: \u201cThere must be something about <em>you<\/em> that caused this. There must be some vibe you\u2019re giving off that invites this,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s such a lie from the pit of hell. That\u2019s the thing, I think, that tortures people who have had abuse perpetrated upon them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, there you were\u2014sitting on the bleachers, at a soccer game, with your husband. He recognizes something new and afresh is occurring in your soul, that\u2019s showing up on your face. How afraid were you, at that point, to finally tell him?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You were ready.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes. See\u2014the thing about it is\u2014it is like he <em>knew<\/em> that there was interaction\u2014but I always characterized it as, \u201cThis guy is just a jerk, and everybody knew he was a jerk.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That creepy teacher; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes. Yes. But as far as owning any of it\u2014for me, the biggest challenge was surrendering my thought life. I\u2019m very, very thankful that, as far as intimacy issues and stuff like that, it did not impact my marriage in a negative way\u2014just because Bob\u2019s such a great guy! That\u2019s all I can say. He\u2019s just\u2014what you see is what you get. He\u2019s very honorable.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So when you told him, how did he respond? What did he say?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 He was glad that the issue was addressed. He was glad that that thing that was eating at me had been put under the microscope and identified. He was thankful. He never made me feel like I was weak. He never made me feel condemned. I never, ever felt judged by him\u2014ever. He really, truly has been Jesus, with skin on, to me. When you talk about, \u201cHusbands, love your wives as Christ loves the Church,\u201d my husband has walked in obedience to that command.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 There was a point, years later, where you got the news that this teacher had been found out\u2014that something had happened that had exposed him; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right. I remember where I was at! I was with three other dear ladies. We were sitting in the hotel room in Toronto. It was brought up, \u201cOh! Did you know that So-and-so was dismissed because of having made inappropriate advances toward another teacher?\u201d All of a sudden, I felt relieved; but then, I did kind of feel guilty because I thought, \u201cI wonder how many other people would have been spared, if a couple of decades ago, I had\u201d \u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014\u201cspoken up.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes. So, the person was dismissed from the educational system, thankfully; but it took decades.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Lisa, I have to believe that a part of the safety you had to feel\u2014at the point you were able to openly share with your husband, Bob, what had happened\u2014was tied to the event of losing a baby\u2014a miscarriage\u2014and of, ultimately, kind of turning against yourself, as a younger lady\u2014where you basically told him: \u201cI\u2019m such a mess! You just need to leave me, and get on with life, and not mess with me anymore.\u201d I really found this story to be incredibly powerful\u2014especially hearing how he responded\u2014because how he responded to you, at that point, really did give you the safety, later on, to know, \u201cMy husband is for me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes; and that revelation of: \u201cI won\u2019t leave you. I won\u2019t forsake you.\u201d Now, I mean\u2014granted, he\u2019d be the first one to tell you each and every fault that he has\u2014but you know what? \u2014has come to me\u2014and other women will say this, too\u2014they are almost taken back by how loyal he is to me. He just loves me! To be so loved in this life\u2014sometimes, I feel like, \u201cLord, why can\u2019t every woman have what I have?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut that\u2019s one of the things, too, that\u2014as we minister to the women in the community through Circle of Friends\u2014if we can give them a safe place to share\u2014maybe the wall that they\u2019ve built up with their husband, that they don\u2019t even realize that they have\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 --and here\u2019s this guy, trying to figure out: \u201cWhy doesn\u2019t my wife want to talk to me? Why doesn\u2019t she want to have physical intimacy? Why does she not take my compliments?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cWhy does she shut me out?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, \u201cWhy does she shut me out?\u201d Well, if we can give that lady a place to belong, and if there are root issues that we can help her move through\u2014and we\u2019re not counselors\u2014but we do have a wonderful referral system. But if you get ladies in the Word, and we go through those steps of understanding that there is acceptance\u2014then we can be authentic, and we can affirm one another because we were built for community. We were built to find that place to belong, in a circle of friends.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 As you\u2019ve talked about, it took the safety of a relationship with a friend\u2014a counselor\u2014but nonetheless, a person who became a friend\u2014to give you that safety and, ultimately, deal with what had taken place in your past\u2014and to free you from the condemnation and the shame you felt because of four years of abuse of a high school teacher. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs you were talking, I couldn\u2019t help but think of Romans 8:1, \u201cThere is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.\u201d There are those listeners, who are hearing us right now, who may be enslaved to condemnation\u2014their own\u2014perhaps listening to the enemy\u2019s voice, who does condemn us\u2014who does speak lies into our soul. But we find that liberating love. Sometimes, we find it\u2014first, just directly with God. We experience His cleansing and forgiveness\u2014but sometimes, it takes another person to be, as you described, Lisa, somebody who was Jesus, who had skin on\u2014like your husband, Bob.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just appreciate you sharing your story and giving some hope to women\u2014who may be victims, as well\u2014and who need to let the secret out, and bring it out of the attic, and allow the light to shine on it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You read Romans 8:1. It says, \u201cThere is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.\u201d It goes on to say that, \u201cThe law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus will set you free.\u201d \u201cIt was for freedom that Christ set us free,\u201d\u2014Galatians 5 says. God wants us to not be bound up by\u2014to not be controlled by\u2014our own sin or by ways in which we\u2019ve been sinned against, in our lives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know one of the things that God has used in your life, Lisa, has been a community of women, who have gathered together, where you have fostered relationships. There has been transparency, and authenticity, and accountability. You talk about the Circle of Friends that you\u2019ve formed. In fact, you write about it in the book you\u2019ve written called <em>A Place to Belong.<\/em> We have copies of that book in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. We want to encourage our listeners\u2014go to FamilyLifeToday.com to get a copy of Lisa Troyer\u2019s book, <em>A Place to Belong.<\/em> It\u2019s all about how women can cultivate this kind of authentic relationship with other women and about how important it is for that to happen, in a woman\u2019s life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe also have resources, at FamilyLifeToday.com, for those who have experienced childhood sexual abuse\u2014whether it was the kind of abuse that Lisa experienced or something that was even more profound than that. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com for information on other resources we have available. Again, the website: FamilyLifeToday.com; or call, toll-free, at 1-800-FL-TODAY; 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, before we wrap up here today, I want to say a word of thanks to those of you who help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>,financially. We are listener-supported. It\u2019s those folks who\u2014either, regularly, get in touch with us to offer a contribution to support this ministry or those of you who will from, time to time, go to FamilyLifeToday.com and make an online donation. We appreciate that financial support. You guys make this program possible. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis week, we would like to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d for any financial support you can provide by sending you an audio CD with a conversation we had with Dr. Ed Welch. Dr. Welch is with the Christian Counseling and Education Foundation. We talked with him about the whole issue of addictions, and what it is that causes us to gravitate toward addictive behaviors in our lives, and how we can be free from those kinds of addictions. We\u2019d love to send you the CD as our way of saying, \u201cThank you for your support of the ministry,\u201d this week. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the button that says, \u201cI CARE\u201d. Make an online donation. You can request the CD. Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Make your donation over the phone and simply ask for the CD on addictions. When you do that, we\u2019re happy to send it out to you. We very much appreciate your support of the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you have a great weekend. Hope you and your family are able to worship together this weekend. I hope you can join us back on Monday. We\u2019re going to talk with Bob and Kerrie Wood about their involvement with the ministry of Celebrate Recovery. We\u2019re going to hear their own story of recovery. We\u2019re going to talk about a movie that is being released next week, called <em>Home Run<\/em>\u2014a movie that talks about alcoholism and redemption. I hope you can tune in for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next week for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2013 FamilyLife. 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