{"id":302711,"date":"2013-04-05T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2013-04-05T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/a-time-to-rebuild\/"},"modified":"2013-04-05T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2013-04-05T15:00:00","slug":"a-time-to-rebuild","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/a-time-to-rebuild\/","title":{"rendered":"A Time to Rebuild"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Meg Wilson talks about the state of her marriage eight years after her husband confessed to a sexual affair.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-04-05.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"22.82M","filesize_raw":"23928415","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2908],"tags":[4377,5269],"podcast_series":[7937],"cwp_profile":[],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302711","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-forgiveness","tag-affair","tag-cheating-spouse","podcast_series-hope-after-betrayal","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302711\/a-time-to-rebuild","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302711\/a-time-to-rebuild","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"3IPfRSvJC5\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/a-time-to-rebuild\/\">A Time to Rebuild<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/a-time-to-rebuild\/embed\/#?secret=3IPfRSvJC5\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;A Time to Rebuild&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"3IPfRSvJC5\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Meg Wilson talks about the state of her marriage eight years after her husband confessed to a sexual affair.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-04-05.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Selfishness may be endemic to all of us! Meg, this is not just a men\u2019s problem, as you\u2019re investigating this\u2014there is a growing segment of the pornography industry that is aimed at women; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> Yes. <em>Today\u2019s Christian Woman<\/em>, a few months ago, had an article that and said that 34 percent of women, in the Church, admitted to struggling with various aspects, online, whether it\u2019s chat rooms or pornography.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You mention chat rooms. You\u2019re including sexual talk\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014as pornography. We may not classify that in the standard definition of pornography; but, again, it is sexual sin to be having that kind of conversation with someone you are not married to.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 We do know from your book, <em>Hope After Betrayal<\/em>\u2014as well as other people whom Bob and I have interviewed, and from data that comes at us regularly, here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014that a number of men do get exposed to pornography between the ages of 5 and 15. It triggers something within them that sets them up to step off into this snare, on a regular basis. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019d like you to just speak to parents, right now, just around the seriousness of protecting their sons and daughters from this sin. What would you advise a mom and a dad to do in terms of having conversations and what kind of guardrails to place in their families? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>First of all, awareness is key. I\u2019m so thankful for this broadcast; but I would tell Christian parents, in particular, that you can no longer assume that because you bring your children up in a Christian home and they go to a good Sunday school class that they are protected. Those kids don\u2019t have to look for it. It is looking for them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, being aware, and knowing what your kids are going to, and having controls on the computer are all important steps; but, more importantly, as Christian parents, I see parents that want to insulate and try to protect their kids. The brutal reality is we really can\u2019t do that. So, we need to give our kids tools. We need to teach them that this is out there and give them tools to battle it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe first thing we need to do is to celebrate and paint a picture of what godly relations are about and not just tell our kids, \u201cDon\u2019t do that until you get married.\u201d This is part of who we are. God created us. He created this physical representation of what should be happening spiritually and emotionally in a marriage. The enemy has taken it completely out of that context, and distorted it, and made it something awful. We need to be having those conversations in home, in church, and in youth groups. That is the greatest protection.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I like where you started\u2014which is God\u2019s design. I think it is good, Bob, that we talk about this in a wholesome way with our children; but sex education is not a one birds-and-the-bees conversation. True sex education is\u2014yes, a time when you do sit down and some things are explained\u2014but then, you spend the rest of the adolescent years asking them: \u201cWhat have you seen? What are you noticing? Have you had any, what they call, sexting on your cell phone, where they are texting and sending partially-nude or nude pictures of teenage girls or teenage guys to one another?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is pervasive in our culture. It is the wise parent who is engaging in conversations with their children\u2014not acting like: \u201cYou know\u2014I covered that with them. They\u2019re good. They\u2019ll be able to handle it.\u201d Well, it\u2019s coming at them, today, like it has never come at any generation that has ever walked the face of the earth.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Your husband was first exposed to pornography when he was ten years old. It was in the home, and he found the stash. Actually, he wrote the last chapter in your book. He describes what happened to him, at that point, as if there was almost a chemical reaction. I was thinking, as I read that, I was exposed to pornography about the same time. I don\u2019t know that I had the same kind of chemical reaction. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere may be some differentiator that some folks are more susceptible to this kind of a sin trap than somebody else is; but when you get that exposure at a young age, and if you are susceptible in that particular sin-pattern area, it can lead you off into the kind of behaviors that\u2014here he was\u2014a happily-married man. I don\u2019t want to pry too much, but I\u2019m assuming that your relationship was full; right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>Yes; yes; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, it wasn\u2019t like he was a starving man, who was hungry. There was just something in him that was like Romans 7\u2014things he hated that he ended up doing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> Yes, that is a really good point, on a couple of different levels. First of all, it seems logical, on some level, to think that a man would only do this if he wasn\u2019t being satisfied at home. That is a huge lie. No matter who he married, he would have brought this with him because of what you are talking about. In fact, he describes something\u2014when he found that material, he then went and showed a couple of his buddies; and they laughed. It crushed him because he thought, \u201cWow! This had such a powerful impact on me, and they were able to laugh it off.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I wonder what makes the difference. Now, after talking to so many men, I realize it is like a petri dish. If you take an empty plastic laboratory petri dish and you drop a little dab of virus in there, it will dry up and probably leave a stain; but nothing will happen. But if you take a petri dish, and it is full of fertile material\u2014a young man, isolated and alone\u2014who doesn\u2019t have a safe family environment where he can go to someone if he sees material\u2014that has this gaping hole, in his heart, of low self-esteem\u2014or 70-plus percent of men who become addicts were abused themselves, as a child\u2014so that is a big piece. Whatever that fertile material is\u2014you drop a bacteria in that, and it takes off, and it grows, and that is a significant difference.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I want to talk to you about a wife who may have heard us talk about this subject this week, and she has begun to wonder. She is curious. Maybe her husband stays up on the computer, late at night; and there are little things that perhaps occur that she is suspicious now. What should she do with her suspicions?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> Excellent question. There are a lot of women in this camp because there is a wonderful Holy Spirit at work. God gives women a really good gut, and we so often discount it or explain it away. I want to say to that woman: \u201cExplore your gut, but be careful. It\u2019s not your job to be the policeman and the detective, but get on your knees and ask God if there is something that is hidden\u2014to bring it out into the light. He will do that.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Let me ask you about that. If you were to look back to the time, prior to your husband\u2019s first confession, were there things, you see now, that if you had been alert, you would have been able to pick up on? Have you gone back and said, \u201cI should have known. There were some tell-tale signs,\u201d or was he keeping it pretty tidy?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>He was very tidy; he was very tidy. For a lot of men, when they have this dark corner of their lives, every other area is squeaky clean. There are a high percentage of pastors that struggle with this issue because, see, \u201cIf I have this dark area\u2014if I make the outside look really good, and being a pastor\u201d \u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cI\u2019ll remove all suspicion. Nobody would ever think I\u2019d be off into that.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> That\u2019s right; that\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m thinking a wife who is listening right now is going, \u201cOkay. I\u2019m thinking this wouldn\u2019t be my husband.\u201d I don\u2019t want to sow seeds in her heart of mistrust for her husband because he may be a righteous godly man, and this is not an issue. You don\u2019t want to have her, all of a sudden, suspecting something when there is no reason to suspect.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Here is the thing. As a man, if Barbara came to me and she said, \u201cI\u2019ve been in a women\u2019s group. There have been a number of those women talking about these matters. I just need to ask you a question.\u201d As a man, I have to say to her: \u201cYou need to know there is nothing off limits with you, Sweetie. Bring the question.\u201d\u00a0 I may not like the question. I may not like that it was even being asked of me; but in a healthy relationship, that kind of question ought to be able to be asked. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, the question is, at that point, if you find out something, then, you have the issue of: \u201cWhat are you going to do with it? How are you going to handle it?\u201d At that point, it might be a wise wife who is not taking this on by herself but perhaps getting her pastor or, if your husband does have a best friend in the church, perhaps allow him to come and help you present what may be a confrontation, at that point, if there has been deceit because I think lying and deceit are the seeds of destruction of a marriage relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This gets to the issue of rebuilding trust after there has been a breech. It\u2019s been eight years since your husband came to you with the second confession. You\u2019ve seen evidence of genuine repentance in his life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Do you still wonder if there is something going on?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>Well, let me talk a little bit about trust and forgiveness. Those terms get muddy in the Church, and they are misunderstood. They are not the same thing. To your question, specifically, do I have moments, sometimes, when I call him, and he\u2019s gone, and he doesn\u2019t pick up the phone?\u2014you betcha. That is scar tissue. That will probably remain in our marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe first time he had back-to-back trips was seven years later. It brought up a lot of fear in me. He brought a journal with him. He wrote a love note to me every night he was gone. Now, he\u2019s incorporated that in\u2014every time he leaves on a trip, he comes home, and he hands me the journal, that he has written to me in every night. So, that trust continues to get built. It\u2019s a complex structure, like a bridge\u2014so, when that is destroyed, it takes a lot of time to rebuild.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere were times when I just had to say, \u201cOkay; I\u2019m going to forgive him, but I don\u2019t feel like it.\u201d It\u2019s like this is a work that God does in us and through us. Forgiveness really has nothing to do with my husband. It has to do with me. Trust is for both of us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think it is good to revisit what forgiveness is. Forgiveness is giving up the right to punish another person. You\u2019ve been hurt. You\u2019ve been wounded by their betrayal. There are feelings of having rights that have been betrayed in that relationship; but when you forgive someone, you take your hands off the scales. You say: \u201cI could continue to punish you, but I choose not to because Christ forgave me. I am commanded to forgive you just as He forgave me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I don\u2019t know if I got this from you or not but, as I have talked to groups about this, I\u2019ve said we have this expression, where we\u2019ll say, \u201cLet\u2019s bury the hatchet.\u201d\u00a0 Well, what did we have a hatchet in our hand, in the first place for?\u2014because we wanted to have a weapon and to be able to attack. Burying the hatchet is saying, \u201cI\u2019m putting away the tool of punishment.\u201d You just have to be sure that you don\u2019t bury it with the handle sticking out of the ground. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That is where I was going. Make sure you bury the whole hatchet. Don\u2019t leave it where you can grab it and pull it out. That\u2019s a good question for you. I know you\u2019ve said you have worked through your mistrust. Have you wanted to grab the handle of the hatchet and pull it out and punish him? Have you found yourself getting angry about matters\u2014now, ten years later?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>I\u2019m sure that there is some residue in that. There are women, for whom anger is a bigger piece of the puzzle. It\u2019s one of the reasons there are three stories in the book. Anger is actually a place I struggle with. I wasn\u2019t allowed to express anger\u2014that was disrespect in my home. So, I\u2019ve had to process through that. For some women, that anger comes quickly, and easily, and readily. In a lot of cases, they heal more quickly. Anger is not a bad thing; it\u2019s what we do with it. It\u2019s often a door to sin, which is why we have the warning, \u201cDo not sin in your anger.\u201d But it can also be a real impetus to move a woman forward in the healing process. So, there should be some anger in this situation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It\u2019s possible, in a situation like the one you are in, where there has been such a grievous offense on the part of a husband toward a wife\u2014or the other way around\u2014wife toward a husband\u2014where the offended party can feel like: \u201cI\u2019ve got in my hand now the ultimate trump card. And the next time you want to get mad at me for anything I\u2019ve ever done, I can go, \u2018Hey, wait a second, buster! I didn\u2019t do this\u2019\u201d\u2014\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201c\u2019I didn\u2019t do what you did!\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes\u2014and even feel a little self-righteousness. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It is interesting you say that because there was a point when my husband was on the road to healing\u2014and he began to step up, as the spiritual leader in our home. I had prayed for that for a long time; but, to be honest, as in many homes, I was kind of taking the spiritual lead with two daughters. So, he would take the lead; and he might question the way I handled something with the girls. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me tell you, that little ugly head of resentment would like: \u201cWho are you, buddy? Now, all of a sudden, you\u2019re\u2026.\u201d I had to say: \u201cWait a minute. No, you\u2019ve been praying for this!\u201d There was a point, in our relationship, when I said: \u201cYou know what? I\u2019m firing myself as spiritual head of the household.\u201d [Laughter] I needed to give that job back because, as long as I was there, I wasn\u2019t going to enable him to do that. That was part of my healing. I needed to step back and let him do it. He may not do it the way I thought, but it\u2019s been amazing to watch him step up in that position.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Tell me about the conversation you had with him when you went and said, \u201cI think I\u2019d like to write a book about our story.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>[Laughter] Oh, that was many, many conversations. The wonderful thing about healing\u2014the wonderful thing about true healing\u2014is that something that seems ugly and shameful is truly transformed. As I began to write the book, we had a lot of conversations: \u201cWhat do we say?\u00a0 What do we not say?\u201d Our families had to all know. There were so many steps in the writing process that were parallel to the healing process\u2014so, the book holds a special meaning for all of us. My girls are proud of what their dad and I are doing\u2014and when we speak, it touches people. Every time I get an email from a woman who says, \u201cYour book made all the difference,\u201d\u2014it\u2019s pay day, every time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You are finishing out your covenant, even though there has been disappointment. There has been betrayal. It\u2019s been called what it is, which is sin; and you\u2019ve made good on what you promised,\u201d\u2026till death do us part,\u201d\u2014together, as a couple.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And last night, I was sending an email to a friend. I quoted two verses. One is Isaiah 61:3, which talks about beauty from ashes, and the second was Joel 2, where it talks about how God restores the years that the locusts have eaten. The Bible is a redemption story\u2014brokenness being forgiven and transformed. That is the whole message. We ought to be able to look at these situations and go, \u201cThat is a terrible thing that happened, but it\u2019s a wonderful thing that God has done with a terrible thing that has happened.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes, and I want to add one verse to the two that you shared, Bob, because this also has happened. Second Corinthians, Chapter 1, verse 3, \u201cBlessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all of our affliction so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.\u201d That is what you have done. It goes on to say, \u201cFor we share abundantly in Christ\u2019s sufferings so, through Christ, we share abundantly in comfort, too.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMeg, this had to be tough to write because you had to go back\u2014in part of it and relive it\u2014relive it with your husband and with your daughters. Undoubtedly, this is going to bring comfort to those who have faced these dark days. I want to thank you for sharing your story, here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>As you\u2019ve said, this has already been used by God with a lot of women who have been down the same path you have been down. Let me encourage our listeners\u2014if you find yourself here or if you know someone who has, go to FamilyLifeToday.com and get more information about Meg\u2019s book. It is called <em>Hope After Betrayal: Healing When Sexual Addiction Invades Your Marriage<\/em>. The author is Meg Wilson; and the book is available in our FamilyLife Resource Center, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY for more information about how to get a copy of the book. We also have additional resources that are designed to help couples in this same kind of circumstance\u2014resources to help those who find themselves snared in the web of sexual addiction\u2014and resources for couples to go through together, when there has been betrayal, like this, in a marriage. Again, more information, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call us with any questions you have at 1-800-FL-TODAY.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you were in a position where you were doing premarital counseling\u2014or just having dinner with a couple that was about to get married\u2014and they said: \u201cWhat do you think are the important things that we need to remember, after we get married? What are the essentials for our marriage to thrive?\u201d Do you know what you would tell them? Our team recently sat down with Dennis and Barbara Rainey and talked with them about these marriage essentials\u2014and put together some laminated cards\u2014that are kind of like a bookmark, only wider. They did it so that we would have something that we could pass along to listeners, just as a way to keep you focused on the important essentials for a strong, growing, thriving marriage relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019d like to get a couple of these \u201cFive Essentials for a Thriving Marriage\u201d cards\u2014one for you and one for your spouse\u2014something to keep in your Bible or tape alongside your computer monitor, so you can keep your marriage at the forefront\u2014just call us at 1-800-FL-TODAY and request the \u201cFive Essentials\u201d marriage card. We\u2019d particularly like to hear from you if you are a new listener to <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>so that we can get you introduced to the ministry, and let you know more about resources that we have available here, and how we can help strengthen your marriage and your family. Just call 1-800-FL-TODAY and ask for the \u201cFive Essentials of a Thriving Marriage\u201d cards. We\u2019ll send two of them out to you. We hope you\u2019ll find them helpful, and we hope you\u2019ll keep listening to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Check out our website at FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd with that, we\u2019ve got to wrap things up for today. Thanks for being with us. We hope you have a great weekend. Hope you and your family can worship together this weekend in church. We\u2019ll see you on Monday when we\u2019re going to talk to a wife and hear her story of how she responded when she learned that her husband was dealing with ongoing patterns of sexual sin. I hope you can join us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll see you back Monday for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2013 FamilyLife. 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