{"id":302710,"date":"2013-04-04T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2013-04-04T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/confession-a-hard-step-to-freedom\/"},"modified":"2013-04-04T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2013-04-04T15:00:00","slug":"confession-a-hard-step-to-freedom","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/confession-a-hard-step-to-freedom\/","title":{"rendered":"Confession:  A Hard Step to Freedom"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>After forgiving her husband for his sexual addiction, Meg&#8217;s husband later confessed to having an affair.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-04-04.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"22.82M","filesize_raw":"23928407","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2908],"tags":[2872,4377,4874],"podcast_series":[7937],"cwp_profile":[],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302710","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-forgiveness","tag-addiction","tag-affair","tag-infidelity","podcast_series-hope-after-betrayal","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302710\/confession-a-hard-step-to-freedom","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302710\/confession-a-hard-step-to-freedom","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"uvyFeSzQe9\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/confession-a-hard-step-to-freedom\/\">Confession:  A Hard Step to Freedom<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/confession-a-hard-step-to-freedom\/embed\/#?secret=uvyFeSzQe9\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Confession:  A Hard Step to Freedom&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"uvyFeSzQe9\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"After forgiving her husband for his sexual addiction, Meg's husband later confessed to having an affair.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-04-04.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And it was back, a decade ago, when Dave came to you the first time and said, \u201cI\u2019ve got some things I need to confess.\u201d At that point, confessed to a number of sexual sin behaviors but didn\u2019t tell you the whole story; did he?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>That\u2019s right, Bob.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It was two years later when he called and said, \u201cI need to talk,\u201d and really came clean\u2014and now, confessed\u2014not only to looking at pornography\u2014but also being with another woman. The second confession\u2014was this an unprompted confession or was there\u2014had he been caught in something?\u00a0 What forced this second confession?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>I wish my husband was here, Bob, to tell that story. It\u2019s powerful. I want to encourage women because, for me, it\u2019s evidence of the power of a praying wife. He had gone away on a business trip\u2014and he fell again\u2014when he was traveling. The moment he was finished, he had this incredible weight. He felt\u2014not just conviction\u2014but he said, in that moment, he felt God turn His back on him.\u00a0 He said, \u201cYou know, you think you know what it is to be alone; but can I just show you what \u2018alone\u2019 really is?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then, later, we found the Scripture, in Isaiah, about God turning away, for a time, out of wrath\u2014because here He is watching my husband betray his wife\u2014who\u2019s home, believing that he\u2019s getting healthy, and who is praying for him in that regard. So, I call those \u201cin your faces\u201d with God. He had an \u201cin your face.\u201d He knew, in that moment, that he was going to die if he did not tell me. So, he just went to his boss and said he thinks his marriage is over. He came home early from that business trip. He said he didn\u2019t know that our marriage would stay together, but he knew that God was going to walk him through it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Do you think he expected that you might say, \u201cThat\u2019s it,\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> Oh, absolutely.\u00a0 He\u2019ll tell you he expected me to run, screaming into the night.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Why?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>Because he thought what he had done was so horrible. He\u2019s had an enemy telling him, all his life, that he\u2019s the lowest of the low and that he\u2019s outside of God\u2019s help.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Did you think about going screaming into the night when he was telling you these things?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>I didn\u2019t want to run screaming into the night, but I was <em>very<\/em> angry. After I got through the shock, and after those first few days of just tears\u2014I really didn\u2019t know I had that many tears, and I\u2019m a crier\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You were just mad? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>Well, that came later. In the beginning, I was just hurt; but then, I was like: \u201cOkay, I now have biblical grounds to divorce this guy. I think I\u2019m done. I think I\u2019ve done the faithful-wife thing.\u201d I remember just praying out to God and saying, \u201cDo I have your okay?\u201d I felt God saying: \u201cYou know what, Meg? I hear your heart, and I\u2019m not asking you to stay in this relationship and be hurt over and over again; but I am asking you to wait.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I actually was turned, and poised, and ready to run\u2014waiting for the next shoe to drop\u2014and then, I was out of there\u2014knowing that I would have the full peace of God on my behalf.\u00a0 And I waited. And in that waiting, God was at work\u2014at work in my husband and at work in me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You\u2019ve talked with hundreds of women since this has happened\u2014women who have prayed that same prayer and said, \u201cI want out.\u201d When a woman prays that prayer, do you think God sometimes says, \u201cYes\u201d?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes. I\u2019ve seen it go both ways because God hates divorce; but He doesn\u2019t hate sinners, and He doesn\u2019t hate divorced people. He\u2019s got a heart for all of His children. If He knows that a wife, staying in a relationship could put her very life and health at risk, He doesn\u2019t call a woman to do that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I tell the women\u2014when they come to a Healing Hearts group\u2014I tell them: \u201cI cannot promise you that your marriage will be saved. It takes two people\u2014100 percent committed to Christ\u2014to make that happen; but I can tell you that you can become whole and healthy in Christ, with or without your husband, regardless of what he does.\u201d So that was our job\u2014in that moment\u2014is that, \u201cOkay, I need to make sure I\u2019m getting healthy.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Meg, in the midst of your own personal time of weighing your options, did you go to a friend\u2014a godly counselor\u2014to explain what had happened?\u2014and not just to vent your hurt, and anger, and disappointment, and to tell the story\u2014but someone you could really listen to, that you could count on, who would give you what this Book, the Bible, says about how you ought to react and respond to your husband. Did you go to a person like that?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> Well, it\u2019s interesting because I was about to start this group. So I had ten women, who were in a similar situation, and my co-leader. I went that night and shared what happened\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>The very night this happened\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> Yes.\u00a0 In fact, I called my co-leader. I told her what happened. I said, \u201cI can\u2019t go before the women.\u201d I was going to share this testimony of hope.\u00a0 She says, \u201cNo, you need to come.\u201d We went back and forth. Finally, she said, \u201cOkay. I\u2019m picking you up, and I\u2019m not going to answer my phone.\u201d So, I had to go. I went and I just\u2014I laid it on the line for the women. I think the best I could say is, \u201cIt stinks.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey cried with me, and they wept with me. Unfortunately, they\u2019re watching their leader live out their worst nightmare; but what happened next is my co-leader was able to step up. We continued the group, and I became a member. I had those women for support. You have to remember, too, that God had built a lot of supports underneath me in anticipation of what was coming, which was just an amazing gift. So I had some resources, right there, at my disposal because I was already in the process because of the first confession.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Psalm 1 talks about \u201cBlessed is the man [or the woman] who walks, not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers.\u201d It would be real easy, in a situation like that, for those other nine women in the group to become scoffers and downright wicked in wanting to punish your husband. But evidently, they didn\u2019t call you to that kind of behavior.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe rest of this passage in Psalm 1 talks about delighting in the law of the Lord and on His law\u2014the Scriptures\u2014he meditates day and night.\u00a0 It really talks about walking in the way of the righteous\u2014surrounding yourself with godly counselors. I think that\u2019s really, really important and points out the need for your support groups when a woman faces something this tragic.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>Yes. I\u2019d really like to emphasize a couple of points with regard to that point.\u00a0 It\u2019s so important. First of all is, just because you go to a Christian counselor or even a pastor, sadly, does not mean that you will get godly advice. So, overarching that\u2014always, always go back to God\u2019s Word. I think, as I\u2019ve said\u2014the decisions along the way\u2014there were godly counselors\u2014but ultimately, I needed the Spirit of God\u2014the Word of God\u2014had to line up with what the people of God were saying.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And I\u2019m glad you clarified that because I do think there are people, even within the Church, that give bad counsel.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Unfortunately. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And the godly counsel is going to line up with the Scripture.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>With that in mind, I want to just talk for a minute, if I can, about the issue of sexual sin, and the marriage covenant, and how all of that comes together because I think it\u2019s important for folks. You know, this is somewhat controversial, among Christians, about\u2014\u201cWhere is there permission or not permission to divorce in these situations?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJesus talks, in Matthew 19, about sexual sin being a cause for divorce. In First Corinthians 7, he talks about abandonment being a cause for divorce. In both cases, the implication is if a woman, primarily\u2014it can be a man\u2014but in that culture, it was a woman who needed protection from a man\u2014who was abandoning her and leaving her, without means of support\u2014or a man, who was involved in ongoing sexual sin and exposing her to shame and harm, as a result of that\u2014if that woman needed legal protection, Jesus says, because of the hardness of heart and the reality of sin in the culture, protection is available. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut it was not so, from the beginning, Jesus went on to say. God\u2019s intent for marriage was one man\/ one woman, in a covenant relationship for a lifetime.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And if there is any hope that God is doing a work\u2014in fact, I\u2019ve talked to women who say, \u201cWell, I feel like I need divorce for protection.\u201d I\u2019ve said, \u201cIf you feel like you need divorce for protection\u2014and the covenant community of believers says, \u201cWe agree, with that situation,\u201d\u2014then, get the protection\u2014but continue to pursue reconciliation, and continue to pursue the repentance and brokenness in your ex-husband, and see if the relationship can be restored\u2014even when a divorce has been granted\u2014because the heart of God is for reconciliation, for restoration, for relationships, for forgiveness to occur.\u00a0 Again, if you\u2019ve got somebody who isn\u2019t repentant, that may be a different deal. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>That\u2019s what I wanted to take you to, Meg. Your husband, Dave, had to convince you that he was repentant, as Bob was talking about; and he did want to be reconciled. How did he prove that to you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> Well, that\u2019s a good question. It\u2019s important for women to understand that it\u2019s a process. There isn\u2019t one magical proof.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou stay in faith. We had what I call an \u201cinvisible separation\u201d because the girls were in high school; and I didn\u2019t want to traumatize them more than once if the marriage didn\u2019t work by separating and then divorcing. So, we were separated in our own home. We had boundaries; and we lived as roommates while I was in the process of discovering, \u201cIs this true repentance?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>How long did that last?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>A couple\u2014two, three months. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> So, during that process, obviously, we were reaching out for all the tools possible. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Was someone else helping you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>Yes. Actually, we were each seeing our own counselor because he had a different healing process, in that moment, in that time, than I did. So, there\u2019s work to be done that\u2019s different. I had different work to do, from a healing standpoint. He had different work, from the addiction standpoint.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe, now, see a counselor together. So, that\u2019s an important piece\u2014is to come back later.\u00a0 But in the beginning\u2014I put it this way\u2014this is the picture I use. I was just speaking to some women Monday night; and the question came up about \u201cthe two becoming one.\u201d\u00a0 She was trying to understand\u2014this whole boundaries\u2014because I talk about the need for women to have an independence\u2014a sort of a spiritual, emotional independence. She was trying to wrestle that with the Scripture about two becoming one.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said: \u201cI look at it this way. If you take two broken pieces that happen to fit together, that\u2019s not very miraculous; but when you take a completely whole person in Christ and another completely whole person in Christ, and the two become one, that\u2019s miraculous.\u00a0 That\u2019s something that only God can do.\u201d So, because we\u2019re broken individuals\u2014and that\u2019s usually how we got together\u2014there\u2019s a reason why we married sexual addicts. God kind of pulls us apart for a short time so that he can become whole in Christ, and be free from his addiction, and I can be whole in Christ, and be free of my codependency and the issues that brought me there.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, when you were seeing your counselor, your counselor was helping you see sin patterns in your own life?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Now, let\u2019s be clear because you\u2019ve already said, this week, that the woman, whose husband is involved in sexual addiction, she\u2019s not responsible for his sexual addiction.\u00a0 But there were issues in your own life that were fueling the unhealthiness of the whole situation?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s correct; that\u2019s correct\u2014because there are a lot of women who want to just focus on what their husband did. I was in that camp. I remember, early on, saying to a group, \u201cI wish I had married a sinner like me.\u201d We all laughed\u2014\u201cHa, ha, ha.\u201d It wasn\u2019t long after that\u2014just, in my quiet time with God\u2014I felt a conviction for that comment.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI felt God saying, \u201cYou know, Meg, we need to talk about that. I would like you to step up here, from My perspective. I want you to look down, and I want you to know that your \u2018pretty little sins\u2019 that you laugh at\u2014I want you to know that those took the same precious blood of My Son to cover as your husband\u2019s. So, be careful.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd it was, in that moment, I thought, \u201cOh. You\u2019re right,\u201d\u2014not that I caused my husband\u2019s addiction\u2014but it was an opportunity\u2014an opportunity for me to take a look at my own relationship, my own walk. I discovered that: \u201cYou know what? Everybody\u2019s broken.\u201d It\u2019s that level playing field\u2014that you talked about\u2014at the foot of the cross. Everyone\u2019s broken. You know, I discovered something else. I\u2019m a full-time job. I\u2019m a full-time job and I have no business trying to fix other people when I\u2019m a full-time job because I\u2019m not going to get it right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You know, listening to you tell your story about the harsh reality of this even makes my question, again, all that more important. I want to take you back to the question, \u201cHow did Dave prove to you he was repentant?\u201d because, now, he was having to prove repentance\u2014to not only you\u2014but to his own daughters, as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, and let me just say\u2014you\u2019d seen him weep about his sin before, only to continue in it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg: <\/strong>Yes. And I had more information now\u2014having walked with other women, and having gone through the other class, having more resources. He was\u2014he had to confess to his accountability group\u2014that he was already in\u2014that he had lied to them. He had to tell his counselor that. We immediately set up a spiritual care team.\u00a0 There were two couples that sat down with us. I\u2019ll never forget the first meeting. In their marriages, they had gone through similar situations; and God restored them. So, they were great resources.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe sat at the table. I remember sitting there, thinking: \u201cWow! I have this team, now, to support me.\u201d My husband got really, really angry\u2014I don\u2019t remember the specific point; but they\u2019re like, \u201cOkay, we\u2019re done.\u201d I thought, \u201cOh, great! He\u2019s angry, and we\u2019re done,\u201d because they were trying to show him something; and he didn\u2019t want to see it. We walked away, and he thought about it. He came back later; and he said, \u201cYou know what? When five people are sitting across the table and telling you something is so, at some point, you have to believe it\u2019s so.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, that was a first. There were just these little breakthroughs, along the way. And then, he began reading his Bible more often. He always went through the motions, but there\u2019s a difference when a person becomes in a relationship with God. It\u2019s living, it\u2019s active, and it looks different.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s really, really important to not believe the <em>words <\/em>because they\u2019ll tell you lots of good words. He had told me things, but I needed to believe behaviors. It took time for the behaviors to represent the change that was occurring in his heart. So, again, it\u2019s a process, and it takes patience.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes, and I just want to underscore two things here. One, true repentance really does take time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Meg:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You made the statement, \u201cHe didn\u2019t want to see it.\u201d It took five people, at a dining room table, to ultimately force him to look in the mirror.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd here\u2019s the thing that all of us know in our heart of hearts. You know what?\u00a0 True repentance does take time. It\u2019s like peeling the layers of an onion. It may take\u2014well, I\u2019m sure, in some ways, he\u2019s still repenting\u2014ten years later\u2014from that sin.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe second thing I want to just underscore is\u2014true forgiveness takes time, too. Yes, it can be granted, at a point in time; but that time may be slow in coming. You know what?\u00a0 It\u2019s okay. It\u2019s okay to go through the process and not be\u2014and I don\u2019t want to say this wrong\u2014but not be a goody-goody two-shoe Christian\u2014who kind of whitewashes the whole deal, and uses spiritual language over it all, and says, \u201cOh yes, I forgive you,\u201d when, in reality, they\u2019re still mad, as a hornet, and they want to punish them and get even. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tUltimately, what has to happen is there has to be a coming to grips with your own sin\u2014as you described. You did that really well\u2014of talking about how you determined what you\u2019d done wrong\u2014but then, taking your hands off the scales, and forgiving him, and giving up the right to punish him.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>In the same way, that there is a difference, as you have said, between confession and repentance\u2014there is also a difference between forgiving someone and reestablishing trust. That\u2019s a theme we want to explore with you before we\u2019re done here this week.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut let me remind our listeners that we do have copies of Meg\u2019s book in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. The book is called <em>Hope After Betrayal: Healing When Sexual Addiction Invades Your Marriage<\/em>. It not only captures your story; but I think it gives folks some wise counsel from what God taught you, in the midst of the journey, that He had you on. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can go to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information on Meg\u2019s book and on other resources that we have available that we think you\u2019ll find helpful if this is an issue in your marriage. You know, the statistics are that this is an issue in more and more marriages. Couples need to be ready to engage on it, know what to do with it, know how to deal with it, and how to work their way out of the ditch and back on the road when something like this derails a marriage relationship.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, go to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about Meg\u2019s book and other resources we have available; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Someone on our team will answer any questions you have about the books that are available. Again, it\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d\u20141-800-358-6329.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, oftentimes, when we deal with issues like this on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, we\u2019re dealing with how to repair a relationship when there\u2019s been damage done; but I think every couple needs to realize that there\u2019s another side to marital health\u2014and that is to be doing the ongoing work necessary to keep a marriage strong.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA while back, our team talked with Dennis and Barbara Rainey about what they see as the key, essential ingredients for a marriage to thrive. They captured some of those thoughts and put them on a laminated card that looks a little like a bookmark\u2014something you can put inside your Bible. Actually, it\u2019s a little wider than most of the bookmarks I have, but you get the idea\u2014something you can tuck into your Bible or into another book.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are sending these out, this week, to anybody who calls to request <em>The Five Essentials for a Thriving Marriage<\/em> card. It\u2019s our way of saying, \u201cThanks for listening to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u201d We, especially, want to get it to those of you who are new listeners and may not be familiar with the resources we have at FamilyLifeToday.com or in our FamilyLife Resource Center. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019d love to get you introduced to the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>So, call and request two of these <em>Five Essentials for a Thriving Marriage<\/em> cards. We\u2019ll send them out to you\u2014one for you, one for your spouse. And, again, it\u2019s just our way of saying, \u201cThanks for tuning in each day and being a part of the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u201d The toll-free number to call is 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d. We hope to hear from you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you\u2019ll be back tomorrow. Meg Wilson is going to join us again. We\u2019re going to talk about how a marriage reestablishes trust when there has been the kind of betrayal that Meg and her husband experienced. I hope you can tune in for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2013 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/302710","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=302710"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=302710"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=302710"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=302710"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=302710"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=302710"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=302710"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}